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How To Pull Your Spouse Back To The Marriage (No Manipulation Tactics)
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- Опубліковано 24 жов 2022
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I can tell you from experience, it is incredibly difficult to stay silent when you know what they are saying is absolutely ridiculous, or wrong. But you will be surprised how many times she will come back later in the day, or the next day, and say, "What I said earlier; I don't think it is a good idea." So remaining quiet allows for her to work through the problems with the idea she had. A counselor I had gave me the best quote I ever heard, "The relationship is more important than the issue." Another great quote I found somewhere else, but I don't remember where I heard it, but it is the following: "Focus on her feelings, not whether she is right or wrong."
Love those quotes! And we agree on giving your spouse enough time to process, but we also disagree with methods like NO Contact. Purposely ignoring your spouse in order to get a reaction is pure manipulation. But we love everything you said! And we definitely agree with avoiding to focus on whether or not she's right or wrong! Fighting emotion with logic almost always ends badly.
I wouldn’t be surprised at the number of times that hai. I’d be surprised if it ever happened at all. In my experience, women don’t ever realize that what they did or said may have been wrong.
@@MarriageHelper my husband did this to me for years and it pushed me away cause it felt like i wasnt loved nor important to him
@@MarriageHelper No contact could be pure manipulation. Or it could be granting the cheater a taste of what they will experience permanently if they continue on their path. No contact could be a last ditch effort to shake an adulterer out of their limerence. No contact could be a mild form of discipline to a crime that some cultures throughout history have deemed as worthy of death. No contact could be a boundary for the betrayed spouse to protect themselves from the emotional turmoil and manipulation of a deceiving spouse. No contact may just be the exact flexion of spine and boundary keeping needed to re-attract his wife. Perhaps if he had demonstrated such boundaries and spine and self-sufficiency to begin with she never would have cheated in the first place.
I can relate to the top comments but i know that its hard to remain strong and quiet while you wait for my wife to come back
Dr. Beam and Kimberly saved my marriage. I used the PIES to recover from my wife's infidelity. I am stronger and she knows. My marriage has changed dramatically. I am receiving love and respect now. She has overcome limerence. Thank you!
Please share. Id like to know more. Im going through the same issue and my husband doesnt want me back
Please let me know what happened and what worked. Trying to rebuild the love during separation.
I have started to implement the strategies of smart contact and I can tell you that it is working, it was hard at first, but allowing her to speak and just listening, allowed her to open up more and create a safe space.
Sometimes the horse has left the barn and it’s not worth chasing
Best comment 😂
Yeah, the crazy horse with the long face.
Thank you for your supportive comments, but I can only see this technique for when there is a healthy relationship with balance, mutual respect and trust in abundance. Not for when he thinks that having outside of marriage love affairs is the solution for him to go and express his feelings in intimacy with someone else that is not his spouse.
Great advice, thank you!
All this are only possible if the spouse isn't someone with high Narcissistic traits or Toxic/manipulative behavioural pattern...
I sincerely feel it's vital for us to educate ourselves on personality disorders, to make it possible for us to rule out toxic personality disorders or traits..
The risks of not knowing about this can risk severe emotional & pschological abuse... Just sharing my humble thoughts.. Much love & respect to all 🤗 God bless 🙏🏽
Thank you for your response friend! We have found that over the years and based on the empirical research that a very small percentage of the population actually has a real personality disorder like NPD. It's also something we avoid talking about sometimes because a person HAS to be diagnosed by a professional to be considered a narcissist. The worst part is that once you believe your spouse is a narcissist, you begin to treat them like one even if they truly aren't. So while we believe it's important to educate yourself on personality disorders, we advise against treating someone as if they have a personality disorder because it can only make things worse. Thank you for your comment friend! Please consider subscribing to our channel by the way for more helpful advice!
I agree. There has to be a healthy balance between giving your spouse some slack vs keeping your dignity & self-respect. Regardless of what diagnosis anyone does or does not have.
Correct. My ignored my bids for connection over many years giving me breadcrumbs. She prioritized everything and everyone else over me. She still does. And when I would tell her gently, she'd ignore me. Then it would build and then her emasculation would trigger me and I'd lash out in anger. Then that was her proof that I was the abuser. She would even admit to what she did, but she would blame me for it all, just because of my anger. Even though I jumped through countless hoops to mold myself into whatever person she felt was worthy of her respect. I was met with nothing but more demands. The lack of accountability in a person destroys relationships.
@@smokingcrab2290 Broooo.... You practically described my relationship! 😱 Hope you're managing well? I'm extremely sorry for what you're going tru, mate... The constant demands, lack of appreciation can be a form of reactive abuse... Not many will be able to see it let alone understand what's really going on... Worst is family & friends find it difficult to believe you as she has alway been humble, polite, respectful, kind & helpful to everyone 😅 Whatever happens remain authentic to the situation & yourself... don't loose yourself, bro... God bless 🙏🏽
This is so stressful at times
Wish mine would say something…anything. I’m ready to be understanding and compassionate because I know he’s hurting.
Wendy Hall, Thank you for your comment. The first thing we try to teach people is how to have healthy communication with their spouse to avoid making the situation any worse. One of the main tips is to stop PUSH Behaviors. This is anything you do (or don't do) that tends to push your spouse away from you. We teach you 4 other rules you need to follow to help with this situation in our free e-book! You can download it here if interested!
Free Ebook here:
bit.ly/3BSuzRo
We hope this helps!
He doesn't trust you because he was likely met with scorn, criticism, belittling, and emasculation. You gotta earn his trust and respect back and you gotta prove it.
I messed up and my husband started talking to me about his plans for the future without me. We are having a good divorce and he isn’t being mean or spiteful. He just wants to be alone. I reacted sadly not crying but down In spirit when he started talking about these plans and now he stopped. He doesn’t want to hurt my feelings anymore than he already is
This is doormat fodder
We are going through a marriage crisis… my husband goes to the bar after work every day monday- friday 😢 i feel so lonely but i know i have to work on myself first since hes the one that wants out😢 It hurts that he wont come straight home when theres his wife his kids and dinner ready😢 This is so hard
I don't know how this came to me, but I need this channel!
idk if i can handle that emotionally, but i know that's what it takes to at the very least have a chance that she becomes attracted to me again.
Peter Taíno, Thank you for your comment. The first thing we try to teach people is how to have healthy communication with their spouse to avoid making the situation any worse. One of the main tips is to stop PUSH Behaviors. This is anything you do (or don't do) that tends to push your spouse away from you. We teach you 4 other rules you need to follow to help with this situation in our free e-book! You can download it here if interested!
Free Ebook here:
bit.ly/3BSuzRo
We hope this helps!
Why would you want them back after hearing your spouse talk about another relationship? Would you like to be their fallback plan or runner up?
Can I pull my spouse back by being friends
but they broke up and he is still sharing everything with her..about me!
My wife is not a safe place to share much with. I keep conversations dull and boring, never going to deep because it doesn't go well to share much.
I know what you mean brother. Hang in there.
I'm sorry, that must be tough. Everyone wants their spouse to care about what's on their mind. From a woman's perspective, my advice would be to try to be very sensitive to her feelings while sharing your mind. If there's something you want her to change ,tell her the things you love about her too.. Counter your constructive criticism by giving a positive about her first then say..."I'd also really love if you did x,y z. It would make me feel respected etc." And remind her respectfully if she forgets.
If she doesn't listen to you talking about your life in general, tell her that you would love if she would be a safe place for you to share what's on your mind and it makes you value and love her even more then you already do when she is interested in your thoughts. Hope this helps. My bad habit is talking too much and talking over my husband sometimes. I get too excited and I love to talk with him lol. 😅 I'm working on keeping my mouth shut more.
This is exactly what you need to say to her. And if she can't handle the truth then tell her "you either pull your weight in this relationship and give us the communication we need, or I leave"
Ag really 🤷♀️
They are sharing it with me, but they are with another man...
What’s the guys name?
How she never yalk to its been 16 months. She's filled for divorce. She wants nothing to do with me.