Enneagram type 4 | Wings - 4w3 (four wing three)
Вставка
- Опубліковано 31 лип 2024
- 0:00 - Intro
18:11 - Go Do
27:40 - Functionally Bipolar
40:14 - Likable But Not Overly Likable
50:55 - The Pale Individual
1:01:12 - Close
Just helping the 4w3’s do their thing! I’ve worked with the Enneagram for years with my clients. I am an enneagram 4 and love helping Enneagram 4’s walk through this life with more confidence, exploration, and fun taking themselves seriously as a heart attach and not taking themselves too seriously.
DrewNewkirk.com
Drew@DrewNewkirk.com
Instagram - @thedrewdawg @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy
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I'm floored by the functional bipolar aspect of 4w3. I've noticed this pattern in myself so many times and it's so lovely to see that it's not just in my head. Thank you for the work you do and making these videos!
It’s a thing for sure. If we can use it wisely we can be quite awesome with it.
Drew
Infj 4w3 here (I think sexual type). I found that I relied on my 3 wing when I was more immersed in college and business and the world in general. I was successful, how ever as I got older, being in my 4 energy authentically with a slower life activated my overflow of artistic gifts. Like I always thought I was an overachiever but it's because I was cutting off my core self to be successful in worlds eye. Not worth it. Rather be authentic.
As a 4w3, and also a therapist in private practice, I legit felt so comforted by this. Thank you so much. You’ve made me feel seen. I legit feel like I may be the female version of you. Thank you. Your videos are invaluable. Also, your other video about the smiths blew my mind. I love his music. And when I have heard his music, I’ve always felt alive and understood. wow. My mind is blown.
@@Ohwellliferocks8 the female version of me… ugh, our burden is heavy 😂 thank you so much my friend. And thanks so much for watching! Glad it helped - music connection always helps keep us learning
If interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list
Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com
Hope all is well and thanks again for reaching out
Drew
Nailed it Drew! I’m a hard 4w3 SX and I agree with everything-spot on-presented here. I didn’t start finding my passion in life until my early 40s, although I dabbled in it for about 25 years. My emotions serve as a guide for me and as a tool to understand the people in my life. But I am me, regardless how I feel…because it will change in about an hour. 😂
Welcome my friend. Good to know we are all out here struggling and thriving together. Always good to connect with a hard 4w3 SX
Love it man! ❤️ You serve as a great and beautiful light post to humanity. Never give up!
Drew - you are amazing at giving voice to our inner experience, insecurities, awareness, impulsiveness, depth, quest for truth and bringing ourselves forth in ways that can impact and aid others. So inspired by you and feel so incredibly seen. Thank you for putting the time, effort and intentions into the healing, health and fulfillment of our 4gifts and potential! Blown away
I love all this positive reinforcement Kiki, I will not deny it or resist it soaking in 😂
It’s my joy to put this out there. Hope you keep watching and getting some fresh water from it
Drew
social 4w5 here and thank you for stating “you are going to be rejectable” .. this is my new working point as i see how my life revolves around this. Awareness is light! Thank you 🙏
That is a sobering one isn’t it. Yep, you are not neutral. People will have opinions. Keep up the mantra
Drew
I spent my young adulthood trying to get people to get me. Then it dawned on me people don't want to get each other. Maybe fours do but most people are bent on projecting their stuff on other people and are emotionally invested in perceiving others in a way that fits their internal narrative. My advice for fours is to be authentic but give up the need for the other numbers to reciprocate. They're not interested. I'm 59. This is my observation.
That is kinda grim way to put it but i kinda agree a bit
I am a 4w5 but this video actually told me more about myself than the 5 wing video! I was quite withdrawn in middle and high school, and always felt like I didn't quite belong. I wanted to bloom and be cool like my friends! I was envious of my peers for belonging to their clicks and doing cool stuff together, while I could only concentrate on one on one friendships and bounced from one group to another, never fully committing to any one group. But then in uni, I realised that going out there, being part of organizing events and getting people together helped me shed a bit of that previous image of myself and I felt ecstatic about my discovery! I could actually be an extrovert with all these new people that don't know me and they love me for being so proactive and loud! I also took on way more than I could've, and oversocialized myself to the verge of burnout. I was actually misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder because of that period of overly putting myself out there and not being able to slow down. Those years have still been a mystery to me since I am clearly an introvert, I need a lot of space to calm down and process things on my own, whether it's factual info or my own feelings. So those uni, late teenage years have been a bit of a splatter on my otherwise "cohesive" image that I have of myself. This video gave me a lot to ponder on and I believe that while I am not a healthy 4 just yet, I am on the correct path to finding balance. So thank you!
Totally! I love this processing. You are digging deep and that is pretty satisfying I’m sure, or should be 😉 Thanks for sharing and know that you are seen
Drew
Bro I went through the exact same thing😂😂😂 you telling me we lived the same life?
Same exact story here!
Thanks for sharing! This is my story too. Those strange teenage/uni years where the 3 wing was strong. But I burned myself out and was pretty off track...
That is such a similar experience and feeling i had of myself in high school and university. I was never with a ‘group’ and tend to have multiples one on one friendship from various groups. I was a part of a society in university and that also got me to be more open to people and discover my social side.
As a 4w5 having had a difficult time throughout my life to lean more on the side of the 3-wing your video helped me a lot. Also I wanted to share my observation about your great ability to define important information, in this case the realisation of 4s as being "late bloomers" (true it is!) and the way of "grief-education" (learning of negative experiences) and the importance to be free of the reactional patterns our primary wing leaves us prone to, so that there can be "transitional learning" . Valuable, thank you very much, Drew.
No doubt about it my friend, I’ve only got good at teaching this because I am constantly having to learn the lesson myself. Thanks for engaging and letting me know it worked. It’s always cool to get a bit of this affirmation. Keep at it and I will too. Hope you are following my Instagram if you’re on it, @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy
Drew
thank u for this. “You can help people get you/understand you”, wow. I watched this and called my mom straight after.
Amazing! Tell them who the hell you are and if they don’t get it try different words. Way to be proactive and get to action steps…
Drew
@@drewnewkirk all thanks to u!
INFJ 4w3 living in NYC:) It feels so nice to find your channel!
I came out as 4/5 but I can see myself here too, I appear to swing both ways... thanks for making me watch it 😂
I think I go too far five, get too trapped & the bi-polar kicks in and I do something wildly impulsive/unstable/unhealthy on the 3 side (loved your stock market story, I can really relate) - I'm definitely happier(and safer) on the five side but imma give this some overly focused obsessive thought on how to be more '3' in a balanced way after I've overthought & regretted this overshare 😂🖖
Thankyou so much. I needed this 🙌 💛
Ha! Be the best obsessive human you can be 😂 Respect for the struggle 👊🏼
So meaningful and powerful this struggle
Drew
Thank you so much for these videos. Somehow this one dropped at the exact time I needed it. I just moved to NYC and am overwhelmed by opportunity but also by rejection. This has helped a lot.
NYC is a breeding ground for rejection and I’ll tell you in the end it is so good for our ego, when we are safe in an age where we aren’t vulnerable to cognitive plasticity in the same way as childhood. It can allow us to get to the right stuff not just any stuff. Hope you get the most out of this place. It’s ruthless and lovely
Drew
Thank you, Drew, for all the hard work you‘re doing, it is much appreciated. For the first time in my life, so much finally makes sense. Also thank you, for making me watch all wing and subtypes videos. Being an introvert, I was sure that I‘m a 4w5, but after watching your videos I‘m definitely an introverted 4w3 sp. I absolutely feel like a functional bipolar person, with manic periods followed by depressed ones full of self-doubt. I haven‘t recognized a pattern yet but will try to use it to my advantage. The older I get, the more careful I am. I feel like, I sometimes attract people easily and at the same time, I am waiting for them to see my real self with all of my demons, the dysfunctional burden I can be, and I‘ll wait for them to abandon me. I am definitely open to talking to you one-on-one, but first I will work through all of your videos. Btw. in another life is amazing, so is the whole album ☺️
Love it! Keep watching and take notes just in case some day you do want to do individual work so you have notes to dig in to. But, regardless, keep at it. It’s such great work. Thanks for keeping me inspired and hungry to keep putting this stuff out. I appreciate you
Drew
Incredibly and scarily accurate, felt like crying at times. Thank you so much. I am 37, full of titles, failures, not economically abundant lol but with rich life experiences that I traded for a steady career (kept changing..still am..). I think I am on my way of finding my path...what a life! And amazing how you described that bipolar function...I always joked about how I felt I was bipolar so many times 😅and wondered why sometimes I have so much energy and focus and feel like I can with everything, then the next day I am feeling like shit. Again, thank you, will rewatch this to gain courage and overcome the shame. Greetings from Perú :)
That’s awesome. And love that Peru is being represented. Glad this hit the right nerve. And thanks for watching and rewatching, it lets me know it’s working
Drew
Thank you for being vulnerable with us and sharing your story around the stock market.
People are going to judge us no matter what we do or say.
I appreciate you sharing your wisdom and insight on the 4 wings as I am currently trying to discover my balance and path in life 🙏🏼✨
No doubt about it! I’ll have to share in a future video how I screwed myself again in the market 🤦♂️
7:03 4w3 looks at the bigger picture- not specifics
15:35 4 wings in health and unhealth
You’re the best fellow 4w3! Going to rewatch your videos as I continue on this fluctuating journey of success and failure
You just said all the right things! Consider me buzzy from the affirmation 😉
Drew
It felt like watching myself at the part you began explaining the money bit. Both the grievance of what you could have had & the want to admit it out loud. I'm enjoying your channel & finding a fellow 4w3 who can teach this the way I think.
Love it Alex. I just had some more breakthroughs with money lately that I hope to share in the future
Stay tuned and hopefully we’ll figure this shit out together
This was amazing! What a revelation for me (being quite balanced between 4w3 and 4w5) - but using more of my 3 wing for mission driven wellness entrepreneurship most of my life! Pretty much everything you said resonated with my experience so accurately… The truth will set you free! Thanks a million 💜
I know I’m getting back to these all in one day so I won’t continue to say the same things. But I do like to write back to every response even if I know you responded to others. Thank you my friend, Drew.
thank you so much for this video! it was really helpful and it made me feel better about myself, with all my extremes and contradictions :) - 4w3
Thanks for watching and for the affirmation!
If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list
Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com
Either way, I appreciate you
Drew
@1:02:00 LMAO "Four Fatigue!"
So sorry for the delay. Thanks so much for watching! I put a hard boundary on my time in the last year so I could write a book, which I just finished the first draft 🙌🏼 Know that I always appreciate every remark/response and try to get back to each and every one.
If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list
Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com
Hope all is well and thanks for reaching out
Drew
Grief education… that’s a good way to look at it. Bravo! Love the realization that the struggle and the grind is not all for naught. 🙌
Never for naught… even when it feels like it is
24:25 , this really spoke to me " i wanted this,but that wasn't right for me" , i tried to fit myself in so much with regards to my studies in psychology. Internally i always knew i should do it differently somehow with maybe adding a creative major to it or studying something directly related to arts and design, nature. But I thought i should pursue something more typical as a starting point, as others do, but now its just not working out for me as planned :D at the end I realize I need to do it differently than I have envisioned it "for my next 10 years". thank you for this video
We have to go our own way with boldness and not resentment. It was hard for me to own the way I do things as well but resisting the regular way is so empowering. Keep going! Love to hear you’re fighting the urge toward the predictable
Drew
Wow, this is so amazing to listen to. I feel seen when I listen to you talking about being a type 4
I’m here for you friend 😉
Thank you for the video! At first when doing the enneagram test and got my result 4 I was like, hmm, I am not totally sure, because even though I am maybe a bit sensitive, emotional, maybe slightly weird mix of things and I am always trying to be true to myself and in search of the most authentic way of being, I am also competitive, social, expressive and (I guess if I want to be true to myself) also wanting recognition and success. This video just perfectively described my personality and the many struggles I have. I would definitely describe myself as functionally bipolar and have these intense periods of my life I can learn something super fast due to the hyper focus or be extremely consistent on everything I do just because of that mania phase and then on the other hand just completely turning into pessimistic, lazy and giving up on things too easy. Well now at 33, I am getting better at being consistent even though I am not maniac about the subject and finally feeling like I am making real progress. But at the same time I know I need to be careful with addictions, I never had any issues with alcohol, drugs etc, but I have been addicted to behaviors, food, so I know I need to watch out for that. But what really hit me on this video was that I have been constantly struggling with my two sides; I always want to be deep, authentic, attempting to live with modesty and virtue, reading a lot, being artistic and then on the other hand I want to succeed (now training for fitness competition and also trying to set PRs for powerlifting) and I am in constant struggle between not wanting to appear superficial, but at the same time I have had a secret dream to compete in sports all my life and only now I could really admit it to others. Just because I do not want to be superficial even though that is also part of who I am. I guess there would be many other things to write here, but I will leave it to this. Thank you, this really opened my eyes!
I love this processing Lina! This is what I was hoping for, people taking a deep dive in to their way of being. I will say this at 43, I think your next 10 years till you get to 43 are gonna be filled with more reward from the hard work you’re doing now. Thanks for watching and digging so deep
Drew
Hey, welcome back. I like the center picture on the purple wall. A turbulent sea under a stormy sky. Interesting.
Mood is everything. That piece inspires me and also sinks me into being present. Thanks for noticing the good stuff
Drew
❤️ 1:04:36
THANK YOU!!!!! You are a gem 🙏💛
You’re very welcome Kerri! Hope it feeds your soul.
Drew
I did go check out Olafur Arnalds and his stuff is amazing! Thank you for the suggestion. I had it playing on Spotify while listening to the last half of this video and they paired very nicely. Added a very deep emotional impact to your words.
That’s awesome! If it wasn’t for music rights I’d use music throughout these but, alas, the publishing companies don’t play that game
Drew
@@drewnewkirk I forgot about that...it's all about the money. Sigh.
Drew Newkirk, you are exceptional and my new favorite person and fellow 4w3. Your videos are really cheering me up and energizing me. I love all the nuances. Do you agree the greatest example of a 4 wing 3 and functional bipolar is Michael Jackson - R.I.P. (controversial I know, but innocent in my opinion after hours of research, and still the greatest entertainer of all time regardless). If you really study his life and all his interviews he is a 4w3. - most spectacular.
So sorry for the delay. Have no idea on Michael Jackson, think he kinda got stuck at 8-9 years old and I’m not sure I desire to know enough 😂 But it’s fun to think about
Glad this helped and thanks so much for watching and digging deep! I put a hard boundary on my time in the last year so I could write a book, which I just finished the first draft 🙌🏼 Know that I always appreciate every remark/response and try to get back to each and every one.
If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list
Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com
Hope all is well and thanks for reaching out
Drew
My new favorite channel
Tell you friends 😂🙏🏼
that explains my drive to do everything the hard way
You commented you hope this is helpful. Yes it is. As a struggling 4w5 the thought of being bold and getting out there is horrifying. First decision is to think about trying to lean into my 4w3. Thank you.
You got it! Lean in!
This (as well as the 4w5 video) brought a tone of precious insight into my realm! I really appreciate everything that you've helped illuminate about us 4s! *Sidebar* have you sense created a mailing list and or have any further info about the retreat you mentioned? The concept sounds neat. Mahalo!!
Ha! This is my response as I’ve been MIA
I’ve been so behind on responding to UA-cam messages, my apologies 🙏🏼
I’m working on a book this year and fully immersed.
If you’re interested in being on my mailing list drop your email on instagram @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy or drew@drewnewkirk.com hopefully I’ll continue to create some cool stuff to share
SO, yes, the mailing list is growing
Good to see you back. I can tell you put a lot into these videos. Very creative. I was watching the 4w5 and it said"private" in the middle of it, so I don't see it now.
Yeah, What happened? Hope just technical as some 4w5s have abandonment triggers now. Love ya!
Ha! Sorry sorry, realized there was a glitch I had to fix. I just reposted after trouble shooting. Good to hear from you again!
Drew
@@lifewingcreativ I won’t abandon you!!! Just some technical BS I had to fix. It’s back up 🙌🏼
@@drewnewkirk can you leave links to the books, songs, artists you reference in your videos? Sometimes I can't spell them😁
@@allisona9490 this is something I’m particularly lazy about - ugh, my 3 wing. Let me know the quote or moment and I’ll let you know from memory what it was.
I’m not alone! Fellow 4w3 here, and I got a lot out of this video!
Also side note, you remind me of the comedian Anthony Jeselnik.
I am just getting back to some of these as I’m seeing what I missed over the year or two. Don’t know why this one slipped through the cracks but thank you for watching and engaging. I’m not sure who that comedian is. I hope I remind you of him for good reason. Hope you’re continuing to grow over this past year and thanks for reaching out. Sorry again for the delay. Hope you are following my Instagram if you’re on it, @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy
Drew
Excellenté
Thanks Larry 🙏🏼
Just a thought about your stock market confession...seems like making a small gain might be better long term if someone has a tendency to go all in.🤷 Seems like good progress(growth), but I'd be totally bummed as well feeling like I missed out. Thanks for sharing. A lot of this rings true for me.
The new balance is a healthy risk tolerance for a certain allocation, some moderate risk and some lower risk (hardest for me 😉) but the system must refine. Additionally, know what you’re risking and what you’re buying
Gotta love when the system refines🙄😉
Yes very enthusiastic for retreats in futures. How did I sign up for notice
Just reach out on instagram @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy or email me at drew@drewnewkirk.com
I’m trying to keep track of people for that day in the future I pull it off
Drew
Testing out the 4wing3 now after thinking i was a 2 for years then a 9 briefly. 4 wing 3 retreat still happening?
So sorry for the delay. Glad this helped and thanks so much for watching! Not sure on the retreat as I got all invested in another project - I put a hard boundary on my time in the last year so I could write a book, which I just finished the first draft 🙌🏼 Know that I always appreciate every remark/response and try to get back to each and every one.
If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list
Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com
Hope all is well and thanks for reaching out
Drew
Retreats for 4s?!? OMG yes!!!
😂 - email me as I’m making a list but it will likely be a bit before I get to it
27:40 Is it possible that some 4s can experience decompensation in the form of psychosis thanks to our active imagination? I know that imagining stuff is different than psychosis, but is it possible that they are hand in hand in 4s, sometimes?
Many people are on this line and go over, likely all numbers can but yes I think 4’s and 5’s would be particularly vulnerable
@@drewnewkirk I suffered a psychotic episode recently and Im finding a lot of wisdom and hope in family, true love and faith and self awareness. Learning about being a healthy 4 is helping me a lot through my recovery. Thanks for your content! 👍💚
@@princeofsilence6573 wow! I imagine you’re finding out so much about yourself through that experience
Happy you have great support, thanks for watching
And if you don’t follow on instagram check it out for more morsels 😉 @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy
@@drewnewkirk yes, Im already following from Portugal. 💚
Lol Dyno Might!! Cheers!
CEOs definitely give themselves all in to coke😂
It’s a hell of a thing
Has anyone ever told you that your voice is very similar to the comedian, Anthony Jeselnik? I keep waiting for the semi-shocking, sarcastic punchline. 😄
I noticed that, too!
I haven’t but I’ll take it if it’s a compliment and it makes you like me more 😂
If you don’t dig that guy and it’s a subtle jab then we aren’t friends anymore 👊🏼
Drew
@@drewnewkirk you just have a very similar voice and speaking cadence as Anthony.
As far as his humor style, it's definitely not for everyone but he really knows how to land a joke in an often shockingly hilarious way.
@@drewnewkirk We like you regardless. Not in my 4 nature to make a subtle jab...or is it? 🤣Thanks for all you do.
And I'm glad someone else agreed on the similarity.
Just curious, do 4s tend to be born more often during certain months? Has anyone ever looked at the enneagram overlaid with astrological signs? I feel th enneagram is far more valuable, but I was just curious.
Also. I am intrigued by the 4 retreat idea.
@@karennootbaar2353 reach on Instagram so I can make sure I keep you in the loop on a retreat. As for astrology, I’m sure someone has but I’ve not run in to it yet
Ahhh I love Olafur Arnold’s
He’s so damn good. Just bought tickets for Brooklyn in the spring 🙌🏼
I think I go into wing 5 after I get knocked over from overdoing the 3... After I mess up, I tend to hide out a bit to figure out how I can do things differently.
Totally relate to that!
Yes, same!!
Oh my god the obsessions 😅 I’m healthier now, but in the past phewww
Some healthy obsessions though, they’re great for a bit 🙌🏼
4w5 here , where is my 3 wing 🤣? Burried in Atlantis I guess
Gotta learn how to hold your breath and deep dive my friend. There you shall find your treasure. 😉
Drew
Are there any good forums or whatsapp groups... for 4s worldwide?
Sorry for the delay on this, did you find anything? I have no idea. I tend to get similar questions like this, and I’ve always wanted to start groups for fours but haven’t yet. If you find anything let people know, hope you’re still fighting the good fight. Again sorry for the delay. Hope you are following my Instagram if you’re on it, @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy
Drew
@@drewnewkirk I havent found any groups. Im following you from Portugal. Both on Instagram and on UA-cam. Im still fighting the good fight and winning. Im also studying for my master's degree on clinical and health psychology. 😊
@@princeofsilence6573 amazing! Keep after it. Love to meet fellow healers that are knowing what their purposes. Glad we’re on the journey together. Have a great day, also from Europe as I’m now in Switzerland for two months.
Great video , what’s your mbti ?
Would you believe me if I told you I have no idea? Took it in grad school and it just didn’t capture me. Not against it but not on my radar. But I get the question often, I’m not being passive aggressive in my not taking it just not inspired yet. Don’t hold it against me 😂
Drew
I feel like us type 4s have a hard time with intimacy, trust, giving yourself to someone or is it just me? xD I feel like we idealize a lot and when reality shows that it's not what we expected, we get melodramatic, as usual xD P.S. I'm a 4w3
Truth! But still, we have to work on it, of course. Which is the pain in the ass. But I’ll do it if you do it. Also, sorry for the delay. This one slipped through the cracks and I’m just getting back to some of the ones I’ve missed.
Drew
Mbti INFJ right?