Enneagram type 4 | Wings - 4w5 (four wing five)
Вставка
- Опубліковано 1 сер 2024
- 0:00 - Intro
18:11 - Identity Forming
28:36 - Give Me Some Space, Damnit!
35:31 - Where I Am Between 2 Thoughts
43:12 - Giving Less Fucks
53.46 - Close
Just helping the 4w5’s do their thing! I’ve worked with the Enneagram for years with my clients. I am an enneagram 4 and love helping Enneagram 4’s walk through this life with more confidence, exploration, and fun taking themselves seriously as a heart attach and not taking themselves too seriously.
DrewNewkirk.com
Drew@DrewNewkirk.com
Instagram - @thedrewdawg @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy
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I'm a 4w5. I once had a therapist tell me that I have more self-knowledge than most other people. Personally, I don't really see how we can go through life without knowing ourselves, since we are with ourselves 24/7.
For some people denial is a very strong disposition 😂 Glad it isn’t for you
For sure
Some people do anything they can to avoid themselves.
#7 comes to mind
I have tackled that idea. And asked why people do what they do.
It is because most individuals unlike us 4w5 (I'm also an isfp) isn't interested in such things. Their interest range from: peoples approval, being the king of the hill, simply winning, living a barbie doll life, being a metal head, etc you name it. Some people are interested on how their farm will grow and would do research on how to grow a crop and would even watch it day by day as it sprouts lol. Some are interested in making tools to aid their lives and make it more convient, the list goes on.
That's the exact reason why. While as 4w5 we are focusing being the better version of ourselves to lead the best life possible in all areas of our individual lives. May it be love, family, friends (the ones you would consider friends and family lol), recreating and creating a quality type life as oppose to the hustle and bustle or sell your soul to the devil to gain gold type of life (which is why most people are depressed, unsatisfied, hangry, frustrated, constantly irritated, etc).
It really all comes down to what we love in life and creating/living it. What we disagree about what other people do is simply our subjective preferrence per our own individuality. If they are happy doing it so be it even if we find it stupid 😂. For them it is meaningful and worthwhile (and I hope they are doing what they believe is worthwhile).
I had someone tell me how it’s interesting I recognize my own biases, I’m just like, how can’t you 🤨🤣
4w5 is a permanent battle between the suffering of the world and your own suffering, fighting who gets more of your attention today.
this is 9
Does anyone feel like as a 4 you overshare at times in an effort to:
1. Help people know the true you better
2. Tackle social anxiety to learn and push yourself out of your comfort zone
3. Defend an unpopular/unspoken perspective that you relate to
4. Help someone feel less alone
And as a result feel:
1. Like a fraud
2. You came on too aggressively like an impulsive, angry person
3. You sound pretentious
4. Rather than helping someone feel less alone, you did more damage than good
Feeling this tonight.
I’ve been so behind on responding to UA-cam messages, my apologies 🙏🏼
I’m working on a book this year and fully immersed.
Yes, to all of that! But, so it goes. I realize I’m doing it and then continue to be me. There’s no real other option, I don’t expect I’ll ever stop doing all of these things. That’s the trick, knowing it won’t end, and we have to keep on living anyway.
If you’re interested in being on my mailing list drop your email on instagram @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy or drew@drewnewkirk.com hopefully I’ll continue to create some cool stuff to share
I over share and found myself doing it the other day. And I thought, fuck it..I am who I am. I'm sick of worrying about. Don't like it...don't care!
Ughhh yes
@nicolafarnhill2184, so it's been 2 months. How do you feel now doing this? I'm considering it, but I don't want to be too much for those around me more than I already am.
@@jordyfrancis1264 it feels great to be honest. I love being an INFP but I think stepping away from some aspects is not a bad idea. For example I know we are idealists, but I've embraced being more realistic too. Especially around money and accepting the world the way it is. I definitely try to focus on becoming a better me. Now that I can change☺️
I could smile and i could cry
because it's beautiful and sad at the same time to be this type
I hear you. Keep fighting for growth
Also, dear 4s, do not declutter when you're in your unhealth. You can lean heavy into that manic 4w3 energy and give shit away and regret it later. Signed a 4w5 who found Marie Kondo in an heightened state after an emotional event and decided to do a bit too fucking much and is now like woah what the hell was that whirlwind and why did I donate all my spatulas and my favourite comforter and stuff? 😂. Put it in the bags and boxes but give it a while and calm down!
This sounds like 9, not 4.
@@zidesce7961 when i’m going through things i often remove things from my life that i feel like doesn’t mean anything emotionally to me but i usually sell it to use the money to buy something more meaningful/helpful
@@zidesce7961how?
I miss my little music studio lol
Omg I did this recently!! Regretted a few items I gave away😅😂
I'm 4w5 through & through- INFP
Hello, kindred spirits 💗
I love it! Thanks for watching, and hope that it made you feel seen. Kindred spirits, indeed.
Drew
Same here. :)
It's a pretty tough combination to be, isn't it? 😅
Same. Also infp.
Yup - 4w5, INFP-T, introvert and empath. And then you have to go out into the world n be not too inbolved with all but be out there.
SP 4w5 and Drew is calling me on my bullshit. Must be Thursday.
Ha! This response is everything
I’m gonna let it sit. Also, it’s Monday and here’s me poking you to continue to work on your bullshit
Drew
My dad used to call me a bohemian 😂
That's so funny!
Old school term but still fits!
I'm a 4W5 and an INTP. I'm a knowledge whore. I easily have 450+ tabs opened in my browser. I've always lived inside my head, and I love to observe people and my surroundings.
However, I retreat from the world because people drain me. At the same time, I feel a deep desire for connection and recognition. I stopped writing and creative projects for fear of judgment and recognition, but the other part of me has never cared about the opinion of others. I just think I'm deeply misunderstood. Also, after being burned by so-called friends, I don't trust many people.
I have been desperately trying to find how to channel and activate my "3," but I've been coming up empty-handed. It can be exhausting, and I don't feel like myself as much.
I appreciated your analysis of 4s, 4w3, and 4w5, especially as I continue on this adventure of self-discovery and transformation. You have given me a lot to think about in my quest to become more balanced to finally be noticed.
I’ve been so behind on responding to UA-cam messages, my apologies 🙏🏼
I’m working on a book this year and fully immersed.
No problem, my friend. Here’s the biggest thing I’ve learned, people don’t really think about us as much as we think about us. They just don’t care that much and that’s OK. That should allow us to put our work out into the world even more. Misunderstood or not, who cares if you reach just a few. That was my goal with even the UA-cam, just reach a few people who will get it, if others do also, cool, but I don’t count on it at all. Not trying to preach, but I want you to put your work into the world where it needs to be. Just saying. 😉
If you’re interested in being on my mailing list drop your email on instagram @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy or drew@drewnewkirk.com hopefully I’ll continue to create some cool stuff to share
So I'm NOT the only one, with an almost embarrassing number of tabs open at once. 😅
There are just so many interesting articles, and so little time to get to all of them. What else can I do?😄
I noticed you and you’re far more noticeable than you realize ❤ Keep working towards being the best damn 4 you can 🙏
I’m 51 and “choking on the world” more than ever-so confusing, irritating, and inspiring all at once. If i had a theme song, it’d be Morrissey’s “Lifeguard Sleeping, Girl Drowning” even though i have many beautiful people and parts to my life. I don’t want to be here, yet feel compelled to stay and do some good-totally complex, exhausting, and embarrassing!
I hope there’s a day that for long extended periods you want to stay here longer and longer. Till then know that I get it and that you’re not alone. Thanks for the vulnerability
Drew
@@drewnewkirk That is such a helpful, sincere response. Thank you for taking the time to reply. I hope you can do a 4’s Retreat someday. You have a beautiful way of making us feel seen and appreciated.
@@norac5887 no problem! We are all trying to stay in the game. I’m definitely hoping the retreat thing is in the future but just taking it as it comes these day, open to all the things 😉
Growing up, I always try to figure out why I find it hard to express my opinions and ideas to others. I came to a point where I thought maybe something is wrong with me because people doesn't seem to feel that way. People around me can express their ideas and opinions easily while me I keep everything to myself. Now, I have finally found the answer. And now it made sense. Thank you for sharing your knowledge. God bless you!!
I’ve been so behind on responding to UA-cam messages, my apologies 🙏🏼
I’m working on a book this year and fully immersed.
It’s so hard to be ourselves, and one way, I think we do it best is by letting go of it people understand it or affirm it. It’s a hard thing to let go, but when we do we can fall into who we are more. Then we can just be who we are in front of anyone, regardless of how they react. This is one of the hardest things to do in life, so good luck on the journey, and thanks for watching.
If you’re interested in being on my mailing list drop your email on instagram @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy or drew@drewnewkirk.com hopefully I’ll continue to create some cool stuff to share
Btw love your purple accent wall, and colorful furniture! ppl are afraid to use color in their rooms so it's nice to see something different!
I try to keep it eclectic. But when you go with color it requires a lot of editing as it can get out of hand 😂 That wall color is “deep merlot” - great color name
Drew
4/5 here, I can see the 3 and 5 in myself in different parts of my life. Great to have more awareness! In terms of the self, I love weaving in the transcendent understanding of self. Wonderful video, thanks
Thanks for watching and for the affirmation!
If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list
Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com
Either way, I appreciate you
Drew
The color scheme in your place the textures the couch it’s all so beautiful and does a lot for my 4w5 brain. Did you pick those?
I pick everything my friend! I don’t outsource interior design. Just bought some new pillows actually 😂 I’m in Milan right now and I’m overwhelmed by the architecture. Every time I’m in Italy it makes my heart hurt it’s so beautiful
Thanks for noticing I care about my spaces. It’s affirming
Drew
Ha, I noticed this first thing as well. Nice leather sofa - good taste in colors & pillows :)
Same!
The colours fit the enneagram 4 SO well!
@@NT-sx2bd💯
that explain why i've always been so drawn to storytelling, wiithout further ado, i'll go watch the 4w3 video to balance myself out
You may be a blurry 4 or a blurry 5 sitting right on that borderline.
Keep playing with this stuff and it’ll clear up
Drew
Thanks for the content, Drew! I see my life as a tale of two wings. The first half as a 4w3 and I came across as a 7 to a lot of folks. I can very much relate to the mania you describe. This later season I'm much more in a 4w5 posture and it feels delightful to actually be able to sit and read for a change. I'm trying to embrace your challenge though of putting myself back into the world. I'm sitting on some artistic expressions that I probably should share. Thanks for seeing me and calling me to put my best self out there!
Totally agree, really flexing my 5 wing lately. It’s special work brother. Good to hear from you again!
Drew
As a child I was always fascinated by the Romany gypsies that would come and camp on the outskirts of my home town (Cambridge, England). The women would tell fortunes and the men had long hair and were so wildly beautiful- All I wanted to do was join them. A free spirit is how I self identify primarily… and yet sometimes I get so lost inside my own mythical world that I don’t know how to come out and play with others. It just doesn’t seem as interesting (sounds horribly arrogant to say that I know.) I want to find the courage to bring my dreamy creativity out a lot more in writing and share it with others… I’m forever an internal work in progress it seems. (Though I do bring my 4w3 into my work doing my podcast and public speaking.) But still hiding… Thanks for all the tremendous insight here… so brilliant! 🙏🏻
I appreciate you Julie. Hide just a little bit less today. I’m fine just a little bit more courage today. I’m with you on this sure. I said this before. But, hope you are following my Instagram if you’re on it, @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy
Oh wait a minute! Now that you've given the music analogy, I believe I'm more 4w5--geez!!!
Best 4w5 video I have come across. Love how you tie in the sp which “I am.”
Also love the Steinbeck quotes. My favorite writer.
Did he seem like 4w5 or 5w4 to you?
I think you’re right on. 4w5 or 5w4 for Steinbeck. Check out my UA-cam videos on him. I feel it’s the best research I’ve done and I loved digging in to his life for people
Thanks for the kind words
Drew
Just discovered your channel. I ve been into Enneagram for 10 years now. I ve watched and read endless material on enneagram especially(4 and 5). I have went back and fourth between the 2 trying to figure out which is my core till.this very day . Doing endless comparisons to determine. I think what makes it even more difficult is that the 4w5/5w4. Is the only one of all types that equal part head and heart...
That equal part head and heart is a huge blessing, but sometimes feels like a curse. God bless you on your journey my fellow 4 🙏
So sorry for the delay. Thanks so much for watching and struggling through it! I put a hard boundary on my time in the last year so I could write a book, which I just finished the first draft 🙌🏼 Know that I always appreciate every remark/response and try to get back to each and every one.
If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list
Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com
Hope all is well and thanks for reaching out
Drew
@@PaperclipProphets yeah, it’s no joke
I really need to study this more, as it appears that I vacillate between wings 3 and 5. There is so much depth to understanding these concepts.
The enneagram is the gift that keeps giving with so many rabbit holes. Keep digging down
Drew
Great video. You provide the best information on Enneagram types I have ever come across.
Thank you for that. I try to be as thorough and deep and challenging as I can. I appreciate that you’re engaging the content. Keep watching and I’ll keep posting more stuff 😉
Drew
Thank you so much.
Just discovered all of this and yes my mind is totally blown.
I’ve been so behind on responding to UA-cam messages, my apologies 🙏🏼
I’m working on a book this year and fully immersed.
Let it be blown, my friend, let it be blown. Then put all the pieces back together and live out loud. 😉 thanks for watching.
If you’re interested in being on my mailing list drop your email on instagram @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy or drew@drewnewkirk.com hopefully I’ll continue to create some cool stuff to share
This was actually very helpful and informative; nice!
I am a 4 wing 3, self pres, yes, I'm home watching the 5 wing and all the types- great advice! binging on your channel, I'm so grateful for you
Thanks again for watching
nah i'm a strong 4w5 this was needlingly accurate. also i have adhd so i do literally have a dopamine deficiency lol. I definitely do need to get into a bit of 3 energy (which is rough again with the adhd bc it makes productivity pretty elusive. i tend to have a million half finished and half started projects). But wherever i can, I've gotta stop waiting to be 'complete' and 'ready' enough to front up to the starting line..
Great video:)
We never are complete enough. Just got to jump in and see where it takes you
You helped me a lot. Thank you. I'll look forward for more Enneagram 4 content.
I’m currently working on it Dayane. I won’t stop putting them out if you don’t stop watching 😉
Drew
This was very informative! I could see the enthusiasm surfacing in me when you explained different concepts in more depth, that was a nice detail so thank you! My biggest struggle has been knowing who I really am with others and alone, and coming to terms with that. Taking turns riding on wing 5 and 3 does not make that struggle any easier!
It’s a a journey my friend! Stay in the game and the puzzle pieces will start to fit. I love that you’re struggling and doing the work
Drew
Terminally special ☠️ I can’t 😅
4w5, just found your channel. Gonna binge while I’m working from home!
Delayed response, my bad. Did you binge away? I’ve put out a lot in the last month so I hope you catch up 😂
Drew
LOVE your videos! Thank you so much! ♥
It’s a labor of love but joyed I can help ya keep the journey going! Means a lot 🙌🏼
Drew
SP nerdy gypsy 4, just ruthlessly thrust into the world and having to rely on my poor w3. Helluva ride!! I've never been more chaotic. Never experienced more emotions. Never been more lost. Never more found. I love it! I hate it!
In short, I'm feeling severely 4 having to use both wings 🤦♀️
This is everything my friend and it seems you figured it out… complexity reigns supreme for us tortured 4’s. Honored to share in the journey with you.
Drew
Nice! I've been waiting on some new videos. I appreciate them!
I got your back!
Drew
Yay I am so excited!!!!
Good to hear from you again Blanche, hope you’re well on the other side of the world
Drew
Thanks for the insights Drew!
Spot on! What a lucky duck to travel so much n bring back your treasures both outwardly and inwardl! Wow!
I do similiar with AI artworks! Amazing! Huh! Great comparison!
Earlier in my life I worked in teams to win awards in the arts, now I focus on my own work and am much quieter and focused (I’m a 4w5). I do have notes everywhere lol and love travel and my home creatively aesthetic. I always say that when I’m sculpting in my mind it may appear like I’m not doing much but oh, my yes, my subconscious is, train rides in quiet carriages work well in getting into my creative spirit.
I will be studying at Uni later this year, in a whole new area, which is territory to explore, and that’s exciting and wow! I’m stretching myself and it amazes me!
I was overly energetic when I was younger, I’m disabled now, however I use the quietness to focus on my faith and share in in the ways I feel led too, and love people very much. I like my own space to conserve energy (I’m an empath too) and have loads of great ideas. Just need my space, I say I feel like I’ve turned into a Noble Gas Atom lol
(Huh I dreamt of Johnny Depp last night. Was talking about our musical past, and how we shouldn’t hide it. Was a great dream!).
Thank you for sharing this great info and your own insights too!
I appreciate your encouragement to get out there again. Makes me want to cry.
I spoke about my baptism and being born again this morning, amazing.
My ex who’s an INFJ has had a stroke and I saw him yesterday.
I felt something was wrong so intensely a few days before, my heart burned, it turns out he had been in a coma for 3 months! I felt compelled to contact him and my intuition was right. I’m glad I listened to my heart. I hope he recovers and regains his complete autonomy. Step at a time. I won’t be enmeshed however care about his well-being and happy to share some insights, so he has the opportunity to become independent again. It’s been a rough road. Great lesson in forgiveness and patience for both of us too.
I was thinking about humility and how it brings us to our child like, lamb dependent on a shepherd self, completely authentic, it helps us grow into the best versions of who we can be.
Ironically I began my podcast again this morning. And then, here, your video appears. As Jung said, there are no coincidences. And synchronicity is a wonderful thing.
Life is beauty and suffering. When we know that, it becomes easier to navigate.
Darkness is but a thin veil that may cover the light. Lift the veil off, and there the light still shines, brighter than ever.
Bruce Springsteen and Jerry Seinfeld are great examples, as are all the literary prose and your neighbour too. I hope you can press his buzzer and ask if he’s ok. OCD is a tough thing to live with, I have family and friends who suffer with it and I agree it makes me feel tense when I’m around it too, I think we pick up on their energy and it doesn’t feel nice at all. Hope that works out for you.
Take care too. What a wise and creative soul you are. Thank you from one Kookycat Boho Blades of Grass person (my Romany gypsy friends are some of my favs) to another
😸😸 🌱🌱 My full name is ‘Amberwren’, a song my Father sang about a Princess who dances away with the Gypsies and becomes a creative Bohemian. I didn’t know the words until I was older. It’s as though my Dad knew what my life would be. God bless.
All good words, my friend! Thanks for following and sharing your heart. So cool to have people engaging like this and resonating with what I’m doing, allowing it to help them reflect on what they are doing. These words go a long way today. Hope you are following my Instagram if you’re on it, @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy
Have a good one
Drew
I really like your hair style and the fact that you make that simple White T look so cool. ❤
I’m trying to look like I don’t try 😂
I find it really impressive how you describe these types in such detail and depth. I'm new to the enneagramm and currently it really helps me to navigate through difficult times in my life (hopefully to a more brighter place :-D ) I also really like your positive and ressourceful approach explaining the types...it feels really encouraging. Thank you!
So sorry for the delay. Thanks so much for watching! I put a hard boundary on my time in the last year so I could write a book, which I just finished the first draft 🙌🏼 Know that I always appreciate every remark/response and try to get back to each and every one.
If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list
Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com
Hope all is well and thanks for reaching out
Drew
I very much relate with your comments. Thanks for sharing!
Sp 4w5
Always my pleasure
Thanks for watching
Drew
Thanks for this explanation.
Always! Love doing it
Drew
Hello I'm an ISFP 4w5, but pretty much balanced with 4w3. Good to see and hear people who have a similar personality.
We are out here trying to be balanced also 😉
Wow. The distinctions that you make here and the examples you give have solidified my own 4W5 and occasional 4W3 classification. A video I already know that I will be relistening to. Thank you.
Thanks Dawn 🙏🏼 this warms my heart knowing it reached you wherever you are at both physically/location and emotionally - so cool to get a message like this
Drew
@@drewnewkirk -Is it possible to be almost a 50/50 4W5 and 4W3? I am going to listen to another of your videos today-but my more outgoing nature and tend toward enthusiasm and many of the "career possibilities" are more aligned with a 3 -so much of the time when I'm in the zone indicates that 3 wing-but I just went through an entire "dark night" year where I would say I was much more reflective and inward, curious and investigative....a lot of solitude and learning...almost like you describe the seasonal changes you experience.
@@TheRealDawniepants the goal is to get as close to 50/50 as you can. In some times one will be more dominant than others. But I believe one is a bit more dominant even slightly. Especially in your younger years
@@drewnewkirk -Perhaps crossing the 60 mark and all that comes with it has created the almost 50/50 split...thanks so much for your replies-LOVING your videos-Creating an inexplicable sense of okayness that sometimes eludes me. :)
@@TheRealDawniepants 60 = flying straight 😉
I feel sad for your loss Drew. Over the top disappointing and devastating to work so hard and struggle for a year to just lose it all. 🙏💖
Welp, you lose one thing you gain another. Just have to grieve the old and look for the next 🤦♂️
Thanks for watching Lucid
Drew
I fell in love with Iclandic culture when I was a doula for a young Icelandic couple that recently moved to Los Angeles for film school. Assisting their birth and spending time with their extended family led to my obsession with Iceland. I hope to visit in the future and possibly start a doula business in there.
My sister in law is a doula also, powerful work 🙌🏼
Go go go! It’s strange and amazing and lonely and connecting. Such a 4 description
Drew
Agreed, Olafur Arnalds creates exceptional music. I think he is a great example of a 4w5 (not sure about his subtype; I would think self pres). I think Kafka is a good example of either a 4w5 or 5w4. Your videos have really good references and analogies. Some of the best videos on UA-cam that I’ve seen of the subtypes and wings.
Thanks Andrew. As I can tell your taste and sensibilities are on point I’m gonna really value this affirmation. I just bought tickets to see Olafur in Brooklyn in May. Haven’t seen him live so excited for it
Been finding so many great 4w5/5w4 artists out there lately
Drew
Hello from Sydney Australia
I’m a 4 and think I was raised a 5 wing but now am learning the 3 wing mojo 😊
I’ve been so behind on responding to UA-cam messages, my apologies 🙏🏼
I’m working on a book this year and fully immersed.
I love me some 3 mojo when it’s operating on a true flow. Keep it up. Never know how powerful you are till it’s activated. Thanks for watching 🙌🏼
If you’re interested in being on my mailing list drop your email on instagram @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy or drew@drewnewkirk.com hopefully I’ll continue to create some cool stuff to share
Much appreciated! 🙏🏻
Thank you some of this totally explained why I reacted so sensitive, when some teachers of the past didn't like what I wrote.
There will be a day when we are healthy enough to push right past that but it’s definitely not when we are at the mercy of our teachers in our youth 🤦♂️
Thanks again for engaging
Drew
@@drewnewkirk Right after solving the worlds climate crisis we can write this on the checklist😂😁
@@jasmin1773 truth
This is sooooo helpful thank you
Always!
Sights and Sounds sometimes overwhelm,,,because we (can) take in SO much! We must often retreat in order to absorb or regurgitate.
Definitely feel you on that note!
4w5 here. Actually think a 4w5 will naturally research the other types. How can you understand yourself without understanding others in relation to you.
Agree strongly that sometimes we are overwhelmed by the pain of the world.
I’m laughing “who are they?” Yep.
I’ve been so behind on responding to UA-cam messages, my apologies 🙏🏼
I’m working on a book this year and fully immersed.
There’s definitely humor and being a four, if we can’t laugh at our self, then we’re screwed. But yes, I’m constantly looking into all the numbers to get my head around these humans around us. 😂 glad there’s some others out there doing the same.
If you’re interested in being on my mailing list drop your email on instagram @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy or drew@drewnewkirk.com hopefully I’ll continue to create some cool stuff to share
As a 4w5 I had to research all the other types too! That bohemian vibe so resonates with me😎 This was a great video! Blessings 🙏
So happy to have found your video.Thanks a lot for making such a clear overview of the different characteristics. 4w5, the most shallenging and at the same time most beautiful aspect i find is the unbelievable sensitivity. In the course of my life it got me into trouble regarding identity problems and mental healt, because i can literally feel other peoples feelings and emotions as if they ore mine, even sometimes sence there intensions and thinking, together with a traumatic childhood, i was bound to need some therapy at one point. I moved houses more then 10 times, i can write a paper front and back full of different jobs, i love travel and culture, but i NEED, lots of space, beauty, nature and art. Many years ago i thought there is something realy wrong with me(sometimes i still do), but now i saw your video i don't feel like an alien anymore because i know most of the 4w5's are in there safe environment making art and researching, just being 😂 thanks again! Love, understanding and acceptance to all 4w5's out there ❤
I’ve been so behind on responding to UA-cam messages, my apologies 🙏🏼
I’m working on a book this year and fully immersed.
This was very cool to read. As someone who has felt like an alien many times, I totally relate. The beauty of not giving a shit anymore and living as much as you can, how you want, it’s not an easy task. I commend you for trying to do it, and know that we are out there together on this journey working through our stuff. Keep it up, it’s an inspiration.
If you’re interested in being on my mailing list drop your email on instagram @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy or drew@drewnewkirk.com hopefully I’ll continue to create some cool stuff to share
Glad you liked it and thanks for the invitation. Just keep doing where your passion lies. I bet you have some significant Leo and or 5th house positions in your astrology chart 😁🦁. Good luck, enjoyment and inspiration with writing your book!
@@GeversDebbie I have no idea about the Leo part but many of my clients tell me I’ve got a lot of Lion in me 😂
You seem very sympathetic. I really enjoy your videos. Greetings from Germany;)
As sympathetic as I can be for being a very kind asshole 😂
Thanks for watching! I’m in your neck of the woods just arriving in Italy and moving on to Switzerland in a week. Love that I can finally get back to Europe
Thanks for being engaged,
Drew
I love the idea of driving around Iceland listening to olafur Arnaud 💖💖💖
It’s almost as good as driving around Iceland and listening to Sigur Rós. But they are both amazing in that space. I use both of their music as background songs from my Instagram’s. Hope you are following my Instagram if you’re on it, @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy
Anyway, keep listening to the good stuff
Drew
Howdy Drew! I'm new to your podcast and I'm also a 4w3!
Very well explained all :)
Thanks for the affirmation! It’s always my goal
Appreciate you
Drew
@@drewnewkirk :-)
I love this. 💜✨🙏 Ambient/Psybient is my ultimate favorite type of music.
I'm a 4 but not sure what my other wing is. I feel the pain of the world and my own pain so deeply. I retreat a bit too much unless I am expected to be "out there". I want to work on getting myself out there more because I have so many talents and artistic abilities I wish to share, and I know it can help people. It's helped me so much to express in these ways but I always kept it hidden. (At least mostly hidden -there are times I am able to put it out there but it's never consistent with me)
Subscribed. Even in a prerecorded video I feel so heard and understood. I want to learn more and actually apply it now lol.
Such a cool and honest message to read! Thanks for the vulnerability. Keep at it. I’ve found this is a lifetime of chipping away so sounds like you’ve already started the process actively and with intentionality. Just keep it up. Keep watching and digging in and I think when you look back you’ll see tons of growth. Thanks for writing and keeping my fire blazing
Drew
do u like bonobo?
@@drewnewkirk 4 months later lol.. My UA-cam notifications were turned off so I didn't realize you replied to my comment ha! Thanks for the response and that you appreciate my vulnerability 🙏 It's true it takes a lifetime to do and I'm definitely putting a dent in it now. I already feel so much growth since I watched this video! Can't wait to see what will happen in 5 years. Thank you also for being an inspiration and so supportive. ✨
@@devtbo I know I have that in one of my playlists on UA-cam so yes 😊
@@loveoftruth88 ha! Get your shit together and turn on those notifications! Just kidding. Of course, I’m appreciative of any one who can take this stuff and apply it. I appreciate ya!
Drew
I’m just learning about the enneagram this last month or so and it’s crazy how you say bohemian and gypsys I’ve always been soooo fascinated by them and I love them I think gypsys and bohemian vibes are so beautiful. I’m cool with being a 4w5 Haha the thing is also is that I’m always so much into learning and I envy people who are able to be a UA-camr and stuff because that’s what I want it’s like I’m desperately wanting to be a 4w3 I love being a five but I seriously want to lean into the 3. Idk if other people feel that way too. I want to put myself out there so badly and I’m just like but I don’t have the best lighting I don’t have this.. I don’t have that… I need this first, I gotta learn this next… then it’s like I’m stuck into consuming and never taking action. Then I get really upset with myself.
Go watch my episode on the 4 Overview and late blooming, I’ve felt all those things too and still do but the time and effort of working on yourself will definitely pay off in the long run
Glad you’re on board,
Drew
I have a 5 year journal where I answer a question a day each year for 5 years. I just did the Jan 26th question which is "In one word, what do you want most out of life?"
I cover the previous year's answer when writing the current year's answer. Guess what... I wrote recognition this year and success last year..... so 45:36 was like you literally read my journal o.o
I’m watching you 😂 Go get them in healthy doses! Love it
Drew
Just did my first Enneagram test. 101 insights into my best and worst bits. Didn't get the wings idea. Now I do. Thank you for this. I'm stuck in the worst aspects of 4w5. Whilst watching this video today, a butterfly came in through a window which has been shut for 13 years and was unsealed yesterday. My exact words were 'don't worry, I won't let you die in here'. Very metaphorical but also very physical as I stopped working July 2016 and have been 'isolated and locked down' since then. I have a feeling that things are going to shift rapidly.
Whilst on the exercise I’m reading this now. I too have experienced many dark nights of the soul. Keep digging friend and welcome back. Go watch the 4 overview and I think you’ll find more relief and readiness. Excited for you friend
Drew
I LOVE OLAFUR ARNALDS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
You're the first person I've ever heard even talk about Olafur Arnalds. I love Eulogy for Evolution!
I actually had tickets to see him last month but ended up going to Switzerland for the month and missed out. But we are not alone, others have said the same. People are aware
Drew
I just found Eneagrams and the test says I’m a 4 with a 5 wing But I also have strong 2 and 9 with a lesser 7.
I really don’t know myself. The search for who I really am has been a life long one. I’m 50 now and with what you talk about 4s I really connect and feel seeing.
The work I have mostly done on myself without help ( because conventional help is useless or perhaps those who lended a hand try to erase who I was with medical aides that made more harm than good) so I learn to lean on just my own. Meditation helps and something else “badly accepted “ the so called magical thinking. I got out of the victim mentality and got to be a lot more valanced and peaceful. But I noticed I became a 2 mostly as a way of finding acceptance. I don’t think it’s really me. Yes I care and I love but I constantly try to hold my horses on emotional pouring on to others as it feels like a waterfall held by a delicate membrane that will tear at once if I just open a window into my soul. Plus not everyone can handle the deep movings of my inner being. If only I found someone who could understand…. I do a kind of therapy work and have help many but never found someone to be able to hold space for me. Not saying this as a victim only accepting what is and love myself for it. I’m able to hold that space for those who others can’t and that’s how I feel my value exist. I have attenuated the jealousy in favor or the acceptance and gratefulness of the now on me.
Thank you for your work and what you share with us. You are invaluable and perfect in everything you communicate so freely from the inflection of your voice to each story, poem and song you pour on your videos. Beautiful hurts and to feel that pain is not something everyone can feel and appreciate as delight.
I’ve been so behind on responding to UA-cam messages, my apologies 🙏🏼
I’m working on a book this year and fully immersed.
Thanks for this message Lena. I know it can be hard to trust people with your pain. I do hope you find some more folks that have the gift of seeing and knowing you better. It’s the only thing that worked for me, to find those folks. Keep fighting, I trust you will find your way.
If you’re interested in being on my mailing list drop your email on instagram @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy or drew@drewnewkirk.com hopefully I’ll continue to create some cool stuff to share
Thank you!! Things have gotten better for me. Congratulations on your new book!! And thank you for your response! All the best!
@@lena1122 always Lena, I love that you are continuing to grow and use the tools at your disposal
Props 👊🏼
The contradictions in being a 4w5 can be maddening.
Ha! I hear you! But I guess we are all a contradictory mess 🤦♂️
Drew
when i did the test it didn't know whether i was 5w4 or 4w5 but i don't really feel balanced
I guess i would lean towards 5W4 because i overanalyse and rationalise everything and when i was taking art classes it felt somewhat empty ad meaningless
Hmmm, the meaninglessness of art classes doesn’t necessarily make you a 5 😂
Did you watch the episodes on 5’s yet? Wondering how you narrow down after watching. Keep me updated
Drew
Wow wouldn't a retreat be amazing. If only
In Italy right now kicking ideas together
No joke
More ppl need to see this🤔😁
From your lips to gods ears, my friend! But at least you are seeing it, which I love.
Hope you are following my Instagram if you’re on it, @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy
Thanks for watching
Drew
As a 4w5 me too!!!!. I have the SAME fear!. I want to go out with my name in lights. I don’t know how people live day to day knowing they will fizzle out into the background. I’m a sexual over social 4w5 though.
So sorry for the delay. Thanks so much for watching! I put a hard boundary on my time in the last year so I could write a book, which I just finished the first draft 🙌🏼 Know that I always appreciate every remark/response and try to get back to each and every one.
If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list
Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com
Hope all is well and thanks for reaching out
Drew
54:48 I really agree with this saying
For a while, I couldn't figure out whether I was a 5w4 or a 4w5. I just took a quiz that was given on a UA-cam video, and the results indicated 4w5. There were 19 questions. The answers to 10 of them indicated 4w5 and the answers to 9 indicated 5w4.
That’s a good blend my friend. The answer is in which unconscious motivation is loudest, to be unique and original or the need to accumulate information. I’m guessing it’ll be still pretty close 😉
Whats is the correlation between 4W5 and Mayers briggs. Im 4W5 and an ENTP.
I am a 4w5 and all I want to know is how to do my laundry without being terminally bored.
It’s impossible
Sorry
😂@@drewnewkirk
I'm an intp 4w5
One thing that has helped me is doing CBT exercises.
That would definitely appeal to your 5 wing 😉
As I learn more about enneagram, I believe I'm a 4w5. When it comes to other people, I try to interact with them as little as possible due to me having social anxiety for most of my life. I guess that makes me an unhealthy 4. Going to the 4w3 side, I'm almost never assertive, not sure if the 4w3 even makes it to the radar screen in me.
35:00 Don't even get me started on all the annoying habits/sounds my coworker makes, it drives me nuts. Given that the office is mostly quiet, I need to jam my earbuds in a lot of the time. So annoying, and ugh, gross as well.
Huh, so I really may be just a quiet guy who keeps to myself as an unhealthy 4w5. Who knew?
I'm so accustomed to not being seen, that sometimes I prefer it that way. Take when I jog for instance, I always feel like there are too many people milling around outside where I'm trying to jog. How do all these random strangers manage to insert themselves into my path, which causes me to change my course to avoid them. I'm mentally thinking, "Don't look at me!"
Um, yeah, the humans will get in the way. They will also be the most supportive and collaborative resources possible. There is that payoff. I hope you get to balance them out a bit so that you can tolerate the annoyance of the humans and also get something from them, and they from you. 😉
Drew
I am getting a lot of mixed messages as a 4w5:
“If you want people to understand you you need to help them understand you.”
“People don’t want to go that deep”
Ok so which one?
Both. Most people need your help to understand you, and even then they often don't go as deep as we'd prefer but thats ok
@@letsreadtextbook1687sounds like a vulnerable position to put oneself in 😳
@@akpenguin1859 that’s maybe the point. Complex thinking is hard of course 😂
But these things aren’t mutually exclusive
Drew, how 'bout those retreats? Anything in the works?
Ugh. I wish sooner than later but think it may be awhile
Scouting in Italy hopefully in the winter
@@drewnewkirk looking forward to it, when the stars align.
Seriously, we should all be scouting Itally right now! Going soon, too. 🌞
Digital nomad reteats in Europe may also be neat. And they're flexible throughout the year. Plus, if anyone is on the road longterm beside 7s it's 4s finding themselves. 😂
@@Elethia441 you’re speaking my language
Do you guys think these are a 4w5 thing:
1.Too much guilt for talking about or sharing my feelings or thought.
2. I feel like an impostor or an intruder when i am with my friends.
3.When i am in social events i feel that i am being judged,for being there,by other attendants of the events.
4.Following every achievement a voice in my head keeps telling that i dont deserve it.
I would love to find a 4w5 support group. It’s hard out here. I feel like I can’t really enjoy life fr😕
I wish I had one for you, down the road I may. Email me and if I ever get one going I’ll let you know
My email is in the UA-cam episode description
Hang in there
@@drewnewkirk appreciate that♥️ Since my original comment I actually connected with a few 4s on a totally unrelated chat lol I am feeling a bit better now. Thanks again for your response!
@@Raven.and.Eggs999 love it! Hope they are supporting you well
How can you be less concerned about what other people think of you and still be motivated by envy?
Is the 4 w5 the typical lone wolf?
I think there’s a high correlation there for sure
Is there an ending to our drama 😁 my wings are at odds with one another
The end to the drama is appreciating drama which will diminish it 😉
@@drewnewkirk It defeats the purpose 🙃
@@asanabahrami2735 😂🤷♂️
18:45 😅
4w5 Romani here.
INFJ
Thanks for watching Romani!
If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list
Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com
Either way, appreciate you popping in 😉
Drew
Can you do 5w4?
I probably will down the road but I’m likely going to take a break from doing number specific episodes for a bit and see how the enneagram and certain topics interact in the next few episodes
I’m going to be doing a series of topical enneagram issues coming up. So I’ll get back to number specific topics down the road but need to try out some other stuff first. But hopefully in the future I can do so 🙏🏼
Great.
Olifur Arnalds rules
He does not suck!
Drew
@@drewnewkirk "Back to the Sky" hit me so hard that I felt like time stopped. It felt like the arms of the universe wrapped around me, whispering all these intimate things about love and loss. I hope I can write a song like that some day.
@@JustinHeronMusic wow. Just listened to it again and at minute 1:22 forward it just Carrie’s so much suspense and constraint but with so much emotional juiciness
It entered my female vocals playlist 🙌🏼
@@drewnewkirk Is it a Spotify playlist? If so, can you forward it to me? A female vocalist playlist by a type 4 sounds like something I would enjoy (as a 4w5sp).
@@JustinHeronMusic see if you can find it under kirkstar8000
“She/her”
u should listen to math rock
Just took a Wikipedia dive. Interesting stuff. Are you a fan? What’s your favorite bands?
rn a picture of her, i kinda just put on random playlist when i go on long drives or want to chill id have to scroll through spotify to see the names
im really digging olafur tho watched some live stuff if u like the neo classical piano guys id also suggest ironomi, piano chillstep is nice to but can be depressing like jacoo
@@devtbo love it! Thanks for the recommendations
if i lost a whole years salary, id be in the pyschward.Which i have been many times because of my pursuit of medication to finally make me whole.
I want to find a community of 4s, to help me on my journey.Ive wasted so many years i almost left the world in oct.
Ever hear of action-faking?
this is a new term i discovered ill explain it to ya if u like.Its so toxic 4 its scary.
sorry just getting around to finishing this video in bed, ur comment olafur sent me down a rabbit hole last night.
Thanks so much for the honesty. I’m so glad you’re still with us. I’m going to get on this community of 4’s. Give me a month and I’ll hopefully have something up for us
@@devtbo I can’t listen to or think about music at night or that rabbit hole will last till the AM. Also, yes, explain action-faking please
@@drewnewkirk action faking.So i heard this term about people who read self help books they finish the book and get a good dopamine hit, just to come down off this high not implement any advice they read and find another book and repeat the process.
ive had this problem and still do as i become more occupied with the pursuit of knowledge then the application, and what u dont use you loose so i end up pissed off qnd filled with self hatred.Analysis to paralysis
Self help books are bull. Just read literary fiction and reap the benefits from the mental stimulation. Much better time investment.
🧐😯me.. 😅
Ha! Hard to hear or relieving to hear?
@@drewnewkirk I would say more relief. thanks for the video and for sharing. I've been studying the enneagram for a few years, for self-knowledge, I don't know exactly what my type is yet. But I read 2 books in 1 month kk, watched hundreds of videos and read many texts, I'm Brazilian, I don't speak English very well (using a translator now to help me) I'm in Mexico traveling right now, it can only be a 4w5 for Friday at night to be researching more watching a video that is not my language (it takes twice as long because the words you speak that I don't understand I stop the video and put it in the translator) 😂😂 I think about it and keep going.... ❤️
I really like how you say it because it's not "caricature" I already thought of being a 2, I realize that in affective relationships I become a 2. But when I hear a 4 speak I identify myself, any other type talking about a 4 is desperate. In the essence of motivations, I identify myself as 4. I've already tried using my 3 wing but I don't feel well.
Maybe I'm self-preservation too. I find it very difficult to have the 5 wing, because let's be honest, we're not in a world that honors those who don't show up and a 4 wants to be valued!! So we try to find a way out of it...
I'm 37 years old I studied history and of course I was rebellious I dropped out of university… and I went to life as it is, I dedicated myself to everything I found interesting, instead of winning money I did social and environmental activism, a lot of art, many spiritual experiences and studies with Brazilian indigenous, and a lot of self-knowledge readings and therapies. Once, a person said me maybe you are a 7, but who at 9 years old is looking at the stars wondering who is she? What is the meaning of life? Reading Egyptian mysticism and feeling the life inside her as an immense Universe of emotions that she doesn't know how to walk.
@@mairamaion111 well, if you aren’t a 4 you sure are very close to being one 😂
This is beautifully written even though translated. I can see your depth and heart coming through so vividly. Mexico is great for bringing someone closer to their heart. I’m sure you’ll find more of yourself there. Keep the hunt for your heart up and I’ll keep trying to add more words to your vocabulary.
Drew