What’s so sad is when people finally work up the courage to see a therapist and get a bad one, many never seek help again. I’ve known several people this happened to.
I had a friend who was like this about psychiatrists. He was given one medication one time that didn’t work for him, so swore off medication completely. He ended up having an episode in which he punched a brick wall so many times he shattered nearly his entire hand. He also threw me down a flight of stairs. Part of me hopes he finally got the help he needed. Another part hopes he’s suffering.
I've been in that predicament too. Smh I've had trouble talking to people and working up the Courage to express my experiences of depression, suicide attempts and accused of being a liar by my own mother.m
I didnt trust any doctors or other medical professionals for years because i was treated badly by KU Hospital Psychiatrists when i was younger and they medicated the shit out of me
@@immenseLOTUS same for me. I live in Springfield Illinois, and the hospital in my town is called "Memorial Behavioral health center" and a doctor assigned to me gave me the wrong medication and gave me a Higher Dosage that I wasn't normally use to. After taking the Medication, I felt myself become a Different person after waking up from passing out like I was Put to sleep. I didn't feel like myself, I couldn't draw, write, feel, I was numb to the other side of me and my emotions. I didn't take the medications that the Dr. Prescribed to me any more, so I threw em away in the Garbage. Told the Dr. It was a too high dose. The dr. Didn't listen to my Symptoms and never looked me in the eye. So I stopped seeing him.
My first therapist ghosted me during the pandemic, she didn't check in on me or even let me know if her office was still open. I'm pretty reluctant to find a new one after that
A red flag that is not easy to spot is when a therapist doesn’t refer you to another specialist if it’s something outside their expertise area and decides that they can do it themselves, most often motivated by money
I would add, any counselor that shames you for feeling or thinking a certain way. When I told her how my (narcissistic) mother would call and attack me on the phone, and I would hang up, she said, "but it's your mother". I was shocked by such a response from a professional, and when I came to my senses, I left the counselor for doing that, and found a terrific therapist. Thanks for a very helpful video. Cheers, Julia
lmao, this counselor has no clue what therapy is. The right response to that claim is usually something along the lines of « how did you feel at that time » leading to more analysis of the emotions at play.
I started seeing a therapist after I was sexually assaulted by my ex-boyfriend in 1997. This woman said she used the EMDR technique, but a therapist I saw later on said that what she was doing was nothing like EMDR. She would just tap on my knees while talking at me. She always told me that in order to get better, the most important thing was to find one therapist I could trust. She referred to herself as being "easy to talk to" but I found her very judgmental. One day after a visit, she said to me, "well, I'm glad to see you're doing so much better. You were a basket case when you first came here." I said "excuse me?" She said "I'm only saying you're doing better than when you first came here." I said "don't ever refer to a patient as a basket case. I was raped! How many people behave calmly and rationally after that kind of trauma?" I emailed her a few days later to say that I would not be returning as I did not care for her therapy techniques and I was deeply bothered by her use of the term 'basket case.' I apologized for ending the sessions because I was raised to be overly polite even when people are rude to me. Her response was "oh, it doesn't bother me, Dear. I'm not the one with the self-esteem problem." Horrible woman. If a therapist ever treats you the way this woman treated me during one of the worst times of my life, run!
I think the fact that you stopped in your tracks and set a boundary like that sais something about you. Whatever that is I lack it. And im glad you trusted your judgement, set a boundary and didnt let yourself be treated bad. The fact that there are people like that who become and manage to continue working as a therapist is horrible. Sounds like she has an ego like mine did, and then people who has probably spent their lives paying for other peoples egos and what not, has to pay for hers too. Just discusting.. :(
The first time I reached out to a counselor I was in my mid-20's. I was trying to work through childhood trauma. She sat quietly and just listened - without giving much feedback - for the first three or four sessions. At the end of the last session she rolled her eyes, sighed, and said, "You keep going on and on about your mother. You're over eighteen. Get over it." That set me back by decades. I'm finally now with a therapist working through my CPTSD at the age of fifty. smh
It sucks that you had that experience with a counsellor. I had a similar experience with a friend who knew about my childhood abuse (caused by multiple family members), she turned to me and said with all your conflict with your family I feel most sorry for your oldest brother (the first person who started abusing me). I think I'm still triggered by that. I don't know anything that has felt more invalidating.
@@anabellecoetzer442 To you and Chill: I hear you both. These people are fundamentally right, but they're missing the real issue. While all of us would LOVE to be able to shrug off our pasts and go on with our lives with joy, we're struggling with ingrained reflexes. Emotional and physiological responses that we cannot control. To tell us to 'just get over it' you may as well tell someone to 'just stop your heart from beating so fast.' Not an easy task. But all people hear is bitching. They don't understand that we're looking for help to STOP those reflexes. And maybe part of the problem is that we don't understand what we need. Even if we did, we turn to the wrong people for answers. They don't know any more than we do. We need the RIGHT professionals to guide us through exercises that'll free us from our personal prison. Now how to find these wizards?! lol!
Over 20 years ago, I met with a professional counselor to help me cope with the loss of my brothers. After about a month, while walking home, I met the counselor on the street and discovered that we lived in the same neighborhood. From that day on, whenever our paths crossed outside of the office, he would make eye contact, acknowledge me, without speaking and then change his path. I always respected that boundary.
Oof, couldn't do that myself bud.😬 I'd feel uncared for, unacknowledged, and unwanted, if my therapists did that. ( "therapists" as in current, and previous)
I would add to the list counselors who are repeatedly late, miss, or reschedule appointments, and counselors who forget important details from one session to the next.
Yeah I had a therapist who used to make people wait for hours while he puttered around the office doing things that a secretary should be doing. Then when he finally saw you he diagnosed you with anger issues if you were pissed. Didn't go back there.
My therapist has rescheduled or canceled on me 4 times in one month and I've only been seeing her for 2 months. The last time she rescheduled my Monday appointment to Tuesday then she canceled Tuesday because she was sick again.
I had a therapist who cancelled my appointments for like 5 weeks in a row, and then she had the audacity to call the police to do a wellness check on me (knowing I have trauma issues with male authority figures, having a huge cop with a gun wake me up at 8 am to "see if I was ok" was not great for my anxiety), because "patient has missed appointments"!! It was so infuriating. I missed them because her office called and cancelled. I actually badly wanted to have a therapy session, and the cancellations were really hard on me. It completely killed our entire therapeutic relationship.
A specialist DV psychologist told me I would go back to my ex. When I said there was no way that I would, she stood up hands on hips yelling “I'm telling you how it is, I've helped thousands of women and I know what is going to happen”. I never went back, to her, or my ex.
One bad sign I have noticed is that some therapists are not skilled in deescalating clients. They will get them into the red zone and then just end the session, leaving the client quite distressed.
THANK YOU! I had a marriage counselor who would tell us to go and write down and think about all the bad things that we've done to each other and then when we went back he didn't even remember us and said we should just move on. 😑
This has happened to me so many times. I have to have five minutes at the end to talk about something else before I can calm down and leave in an ok state of mind.
Yes! I had a novice therapist who was on a provisional license who would always leave me in the worst emotional states at the end of the session. I hated going to see her and stopped after a few months
Omg thats what everyone is saying. I had one on adderall and wow she talked. When my sister became a therapist is when i knew its all crazy. The only job is to listen act like they care.
1.: 02:49: Counselor supplies "Story" when asked if licensed instead of "yes/ no". 2.: 05:32: "Doctor" despite doctorate not in a counseling related profession. 3.: 07:19: Counselor hints at possible "friendship" or even worse "romance". 4.: 10:03: Incorrect diagnosing; making up a diagnosis; "Weaponising" a diagnosis; stacking diagnoses; describing but not naming a diagnosis; confusing diagnoses, using unprofessional specifiers. 5.: 17:24: "One hit wonder", counselor has dogmatic loyalty to one treatment modality. 6.: 19:00: Counselor suggests therapy is "more of an art than a science" and cannot provide scientific explanations for how the therapy works. - Hope, that helps a little.
there are worse than that by far. i dont even bother w/most therapists but i especially dont like to see therapists who are mothers, and if course thats hard because most women are mothers right? well one therapist was defending my narc mother when i just started talking about her, i barely said anything! i think mothers like to stick together in defense of eachother and thinking "theyre just doing the best they can" nonsense. when u have a malignant narcissist mother? they dont have good intentions towards u because of their pathology. they look to destroy their children but therapists dont understand that. therapists in general need to learn about narcissism and other cluster-b disorders in depth. why are they not learning this? instead they are invalidating and hurting people looking for help
I am a big fan and proponent of evidence based treatment but I disagree with half of your last entry. Therapy can be more art than science in skilled hands. That doesn’t mean the science isn’t important. But emotional warmth and flexibility play a big part in finding the right fit.
@@corsicanlulu I think it's possible that narc mother's are also doing the best they can, and it just happens the best they can do is still terrible. I know from my history, and my parents history, that they were doing the best they knew how, it just wasn't good enough. I'm sorry your experience was as challenging as it was, and I wish you luck and peace in your future experiences.
George k Simon has been working with cluster b's for 30 plus years. He has written 2 books on the topic. His mode of dealing with them is to isolate the behavior and correct it in the moment. He doesn't play super nice with them. If you have or have to deal with a cluster b I would highly suggest his books in sheeps clothing and character disturbance in audio or paperback
What you said about weaponizing diagnoses really struck home. I was diagnosed with manic depression as a teenager, so I've been dealing with this hell for a long time. One time, when I was about 19 or 20, I was having a really hard time, and this one therapist told me I was a narcissist. He told me I was refusing to eat because I felt superior to the people making my food. That killed me inside. I stopped going to therapy after that and suffered alone for years. The look on his face while I cried still makes me nauseated when I think about it. Thank you for making me feel that I'm not alone. I'm 50 years old and that memory still creeps up on me occasionally. That's how powerful "less than ideal" therapists are.
I know the comment is 5 months old, but im SO sorry. I cried in therapy once.. first time and the look on my therapists face while I did has really made me feel like a discusting and worthless human being many times. Its really haunting. So im so sorry that your allso carrying around one of those. 😢
@@LinnChanett I am so sorry that happened to you! He obviously got into that job to give him access to victims. His sickness is not your fault. At all.
@@kimberlycarrigan8824 thank you ❤ i dont think she was a bad person, just needed much better understanding about menthal health. Its a very long story.. really :/
I saw a counselor in my early twenties who, after a number of pointless visits which weren’t helpful, came right out and accused me of having a crush on him. It was so disgusting and shocking. Needless to say, I never went back.
@@earthmoves8116 I'm sorry to hear that : ( It goes to show us that, while I'm not by ANY means excusing their behavior, these people who are supposedly trained and educated to help us are more f***ed up than the ones they're treating 🤦♀️
oh yes. my old therapist actually talked about how the night before her coworker whom she was dating, broke up with her and didn’t want a relationship. i ended up being the one to be all “I’m so sorry that happened to you” and shit
I'm so glad I was exposed to extremely efficient/effective therapy from a young age... I've had many over the years and your comment reminded me of the time I'd been giving one therapist my background during our first session and they started sobbing. It made me question myself, "wow, am I really THAT f***d up?" I hope people keep sharing their experiences so that those seeking help can know they're not crazy, they're not alone and there is (good/great) help out there in spite of it all!
A lot of therapists have a specific type of patient they prefer and will do their best to hang on to them as a client. Also they want someone who is going to show up on time to their appointments, not cancel appointments, pay their copays, not make them feel uncomfortable, not be too difficult to talk to, not be aggressive, etc. Some therapists DO need the clients more than the clients think. People dont talk about it as often but there is a fair amount of vetting on the side of the therapist. They can choose to keep seeing you as a client or drop you if you prove to be too troublesome.
Almost 30 years ago, I was assigned a “ Christian therapist” who ended up sexually abusing me. I sued him & won; however, permanent damage was done...I don’t trust anyone, especially men. My lawyer discovered that he was not licensed even though he stated that he was pursuing a PhD in psychology. His brother-in-law, who started the agency, knew of this man’s history of abusing women, but still hired him because he needed a job. I cannot begin to express the trauma that this man caused! Plz beware!
@@AzimuthAviationno, they certainly should be allowed to give mental health help if they are qualified and able to separate their personal beliefs from helping others
The best counselor I ever had was like a very "neutral" individual who I talked to. The things that she did that were very effective in helping me was her first question and second question every visit..... "How are things going"..... and "Talk to me". She listened quietly.... asking for more information occasionally and taking notes. She was calm.... she would frequently ask for more details about something when I was finished with my experience. She never interrupted me. I felt such support and confidence in her calm and direct support. I went to her for 8 months and felt so much better. Her words and advice come back to me when I face the stress situations that I had experienced as if she is speaking to me. She also thanked me for my help in her own work. A very important person in my life.
I had (/ have) the same experience. A good therapist should talk as little as possible. My therapist will very rarely (if ever) provide advice, so as to not impose her own beliefs. She only talks either to make sure she interprets what I'm saying correctly, or to suggest working points that she sees will help me obtain what I need. She has helped me improve my life so much over the past 2 years, after a painful breakup.
@@arnaudinstalle I disagree here, it’s not the same for everyone. I went to a therapist who wouldn’t talk and it made me so uncomfortable I never went back. Another one was much more conversational and helped me open up, I’m very shy so this worked way better.
I had one TELL ME why I was brought to tears by something he said. He didnt ask me, he TOLD me. He was so sure that he knew me better than I knew myself (first session btw) that I felt too embarrassed to call him out and tell him that he was wrong. His regard for himself and his "skill level" was astounding. I felt embarrassed for him
I had a couples counselor literally tell me I was serious, and needed to be nicer like his wife. Whereas my boyfriend was chill, like him. It’s not that I don’t want to be challenged, but I felt VERY uncomfortable with that.
My first ever panic attack came directly from the hands of my therapist when i was 9. I told her about my csa and she told me i was lying, then went to my abuser and when he denied it, used that to try and convince me I just wanted attention, called me names. Luckily this was one of the few times my mom took my side, and I was taken care of properly and i never saw her (or my abuser) again
Wow. I'm sorry for your experience! I get it, though. Some therapists are so stuck in the text of their diagnoses that they can't see any variation in the way symptoms present, their prevalence, or even whether they present at all. I tried telling two different professionals (a psychiatric nurse and a therapist) what was happening for over a year, and neither of them could or would stitch together the clues to get the diagnosis right. It wasn't until I did months of my own research tracking symptoms, learning the language, and dismissing diagnoses that didn't apply that I finally felt validated in my own symptoms. Before that, I was frantic most of the time believing I was as full of shit as they must have thought (9therwise they would have beat me to the correct diagnosis) and genuinely thought I was just cripplingly lazy. But that wasn't it. Why would a chronically lazy guy suddenly be terrified by everything? Why would he suddenly fly into a panic over his own worthlessness and start having suicidal thoughts? I have a Complex variety of PTSD that is not fully manageable with medication and more than a year of therapy hasn't taught me anything about how to begin to control symptoms so I can live because my therapist has invalidated the severity of my symptoms based on descriptions of people suffer differently. I don't stay in bed all the time from the MDD symptoms, but I'll do anything to avoid going out for any reason, talking to people (which challenges my dissociative response), and barely manage the stuff I have to do to survive through hours, days, or weeks of effort building up to it. What keeps me going are posts and comments like yours that give me hope that one day I'll be normal. 😁
Another scary sign: When you tell a counselor or doctor that you are afraid of a situation with sexual predators and they accuse you of being "delusional"or a "liar" because they have no personal experience with predators or trauma. ....in other words they gaslight you based on their own ignorance of reality.
In general, a therapist that accuses you of anything is pretty much always gonna be in the wrong, unless under very, very specific circumstances (fe. a client is very clearly and intentionally lying to the therapist a lot or attempting to manipulate them).
What I've seen of therapy/counseling in the family I wouldn't ever trust thier judgement about anything. There are much smarter people on the Internet for free.
My therapist and I fell in love - it was my first time seeking therapy for a sexual assault in my 20’s. About 6 months into the therapy he told me was in love with me and asked me to his home. We continued the relationship for approx 7 months. Then one day he called me between his clients and said he wanted out - that was it - no meeting up just dropped me over the phone. I didn’t report him, because I felt at the time - I am a consenting adult and had feelings for him too. In hindsight he did me a big injustice. The more I investigate the more I realise how wrong he was to do what he did.
I really resent him now for what he did and I’ve no interest in ever going to therapy again. He just dropped me with no regard what so ever for my well being. Therapist or not I would be just as furious if any one broke up with me the way he did let alone someone who is supposed to care about well being and mental health. Sucks but you live and learn.
That is as friggin bad👿 as IT gets, I am so sorry that you had to experience that, what kind of therapist was that, not a clinical one. You sure he was certified😵😲😱
@@dortesandal4303 he had certificates coming out his ears! I can understand the human aspect of transference and erotic transference but in hindsight it’s fully my belief that he abused his position. I often think now, he didn’t even try not to let it go ahead I mean he could have nicely explained I can’t see you anymore or asked for help from a supervisor. I asked him during the time we were together did he seek any higher counsel about us abs he said no. The funny thing is he was a supervisor himself!! I know it’s all pretty sick looking back on it but honestly how he dropped me has to be the worst of it. Just called me up between his clients one day and dumped me. Didn’t even have the courage to do it face to face. From a mental health professional to do that. I know of more vulnerable, weaker personalities that could have ended their life due to that treatment but I just resent him more that any other emotion.
A psychologist once insisted I make amends with my abusive narcissistic sociopathic mother because "she is my mother, no matter what", even after several years of trying. I ended the visits there.
ck2d yes! My therapist was doing that, interrupting me, and also became focused on office politics. I told her that i like her but she talked more than I did and i don't see how her friend or paperwork that doesn't apply to my plans has anything to do with me, etc. It was an awful day.
When I first started going to therapy the woman suggested that I find the bright side of being forced into a relationship I didnt want( I was being forced into marriage and she didn't even understand it). I said I didn't want to see her anymore and will look for a new therapist. She SHOWED UP TO MY HOUSE AND TOLD MY PARENTS ABOUT MY THERAPY TO GET ME TO SEE HER AGAIN! They didn't even know I was in therapy! I didn't they them because they were against the idea and abusive! AND SHE KNEW THAT! She kept insisting that my parents weren't as bad as I said. How would she know? I was the one stuck with them for 18 years! I went to her office and demanded an explanation and she just smiled and said to schedule an appointment and we'll talk about it then! I told the receptionist I'm calling the police if she ever shows up at my house again.
I had a similar experience. I think some people become therapists because they want to dominate people. I wish I had known that I could have reported her to the state licensing board. State boards take things like this seriouslyl
What do you do when the Therapist is Crazy?!?!?? Hope to God you're Away from All of them; living solitary in a Cave 100% Alone would be Better than dealing w/ Narc Parents/Family & DR! Much Love & Protection to You🍀🌞
@@pault9544 These are the types who are 99.99% of the time unlicensed and fly far under the state's legal radar. Many fringe Christian churches sponsor some of these creeps, "ordain" them and send them on their crazy way.
I had a therapist tell me one Monday that she was so glad to be back at work because she couldn't stand being with her kids. I never answered her and I never went back. I was still suffering the loss of a child. And had concerns for another of my children's progress.
Omg waw wth!!! I'm sorry for your loss. I get that people make mistakes and need to be forgiven however, as a therapist, you have to be mindful of triggering your client. Hope you're doing well :)
I mean, I would go insane having to deal with kids all day every day. I only want children as people to get chores done and to get likes on Facebook and Instagram when i take stupid or amusing photos of them. I dont care to raise the next generation. In case you are suddenly triggered reading this, No, I dont have nor want to have children. I wish more people were more aware that they arent cut out for the job either before they make one.
7. sign: A counselor talks to your narcissistic mother secretly and takes orders from her about your therapy and gives reports to her! 8. sign: A counselor talks about other clients' personal lives, their secrets with names just for showing how much he knows.
yep. mine talked about how her “amazing indian female student client” was “brave to be studying engineering” like yes. i agree that’s wonderful. im not here to know your other clients’ info or race, but you shouldn’t talk about other clientele with me, I’m not her. and if she said this, who knows if she talked about me to other clients!
wish the therapist that my daughter visited had talked with my wife, then maybe the gaslighting and the ad hominem attacks that my daughter did would have been kept in check....instead we were just trashed for a whole year of therapy....what a waste of time and $$$
Oh boy, I met a therapist for 2 minutes and he said I had BPD. He knew nothing about me. Then I find out that all his patients have BPD. Frightening man and he is still doing heaps of damage to people. Another one I saw said I had major depression after I talked about my friend dieing 2 weeks before. I would call that grief.
Brenda Evans Kinda been there, except it was just a family doctor who right away told me, "I have a gift for diagnosing psychiatric disorders" to justify that first-five-minutes thing. I was diagnosed bipolar at 15, then undiagnosed and rediagnosed and undiagnosed and rediagnosed, and at one point I was asked, "Why is a diagnosis so important to you?", as if I was just making a fuss over nothing. By the way, I'm now magically bipolar again!
I’m a counseling intern and giving someone a personality disorder diagnosis should be the last option after ruling out other things. A therapist should start out by giving someone the slightest, least stigmatizing diagnosis. It takes a while to determine if someone has BPD. This therapist would have gotten paid the same no matter what diagnosis he gave you. It can be very damaging when talking about someone’s personality when that basically makes up who a person is. Totally unethical what this guy did to you and others! Diagnoses are a must i the counseling profession for insurance reimbursement purposes and also for the therapist to develop a treatment plan. If he was using Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), then that is actually good for really any issue you are dealing with in therapy. The diagnosis itself is quite stigmatizing and considering he didn’t meet with you very many times before giving you that diagnosis is concerning.
I had someone once tell me their uneducated opinion I had BPD and then I dated someone who actually had BPD and i learned after he had moved in and had stopping taking meds. While that was a nightmare I then realized that I think my sister has BPD. The questions i think for BPD that are the official ones in videos are too broad that people could land with an 8 or whatever it was and it be how you interpret things like Risky behavior. etc. I have OCD issues and tourettes and stuggle with depression. Although im like "we can explore the BPD line if i get a treatment that works. Although i am in an area now where just addressing my anxiety and depression is annoying.
I've gotten more out of the past few years of educating myself and doing my own self exploration and audits than I ever did in the seven years of seeing therapists. I was an open book and they didn't clue me in to the fact that I was in an abusive relationship with someone who perfectly fits a narcissistic personality disorder diagnosis. They didn't catch on to the fact that I was making myself physically extremely sick from stress, trying to cope and do everything perfect. They didn't help me in any way. Nothing. Since educating myself, I've had countless epiphanies. The clarity I've achieved and the progress as a human being in these few short years compared to the rest of my life is astounding. I understand SO MUCH about myself, my childhood, my parents, my parents' effect on me, my parenting, my marriage, etc. I still have huge, eye opening epiphanies on a regular basis. It's helped so much. But I still need guidance on developing better skills for managing my issues day to day. And the damage had been done from all that wrong-headed stress I carried around for so long because everyone in my life made me feel like I had to. I am in life destroying pain all the time. I really wish I could find a good therapist who would be insightful and offer better ways of managing things but I can't seem to find any. I was hoping for some advice that would help determine early on whether it's worth wasting months getting this person caught up on your life just to see if they have something to contribute.
I had a "therapist" actually two of them who acted contemptuously. It's something they give off, a feeling they look down on you and dislike you and feel superior to you. The profession attracts narcissists apparently. Very harmful to get one like this who makes you feel a lot worse than when you came in, every time. Notice how they make you feel.
Me dealing with a deep depression and having to hear "stop being childish, it's time to grow up, growing up is painful". Also, this person had already treated my grandmother and aunts😑
One session with someone who makes you feel badly about yourself is enough. No need to repeat! Finding a good therapist can be challenging but it is worth the search.
@@tonyabrookes9931 Minimizing, gaslighting, dismissive, invalidating and with inappropriate responses (for example: "that's really strange or huh!") to any proof or facts that you have which would easily validate "your truth and your reality" regarding the evil, illegal, unethical, and morally corrupt (dark triad) behavior/actions concerning what's been and being done to you. Another huge red flag is their silence which and only goes to show that they are birds of the same feather and enablers. EDIT: I forgot to mention that they are future fakers who don't GAF about you and that despite claiming not to know anything about something, that still doesn't stop them from always wanting to stick their nose where it doesn't belong or anything they can do about it either. There's also a lot of these toxic/narcissistic types employed by health care insurance care coordination (supervisors included) and grievance departments as well and caregiver services with these unethical behaviors and they will/do intentionally cause a lot more damage and trauma to clients.
I saw a therapist who was living in his office space. He had food, pans and groceries around, quite messy, and I got the distinct impression he was high. I felt really uncomfortable there and never went back.
I think my giant red flag is if they insist on bringing religion into it... when you specifically say "I'm not interested in religion based counseling".
@@Black.Spades I think what they're probably referring to since it's sadly common is when you're not, say, Christian (or religious at all) but the counselor WILL NOT STOP bringing up "well god says... well god is perfect and.... well jesus.... bla bla bla"
@@TreeDragon I see, thanks. I know there are counselors and therapists who work specifically with people of certain religions, but I think it's also their responsibility to make it clear on their online page (or wherever they provide information). Especially if their approach is also religion (or spiritually) based. Unfortunate happening, since it's wasting time of both the client as well as counselor.
As for a bad therapist, I had a therapist that didnt believe my story about my abuse and told me to my face and to my mom that I was lying, that what I said happen could not have happened. That same year, I started having undiagnosedable stomach pains, I missed so much school. My mom took me to so many different doctors until one said that I have severe anxiety. My mom always believed my abuse and after that therapist told us that I was lying, I stopped going. So add people that dont believe your trauma.
I'm so sorry my experience is not as extreme but I was being bullied at school to the point I couldn't eat, sleep and had anxiety depression and panic attacks. I went to a therapist at the hospital! She said that I was lying and making up the bullying for 2 years needless to say that I stopped going to her and stopped going to school but I did get my GCSES but being called a liar was more damaging to me than the bullying.
@@trinity5842 @trinity5842 a "therapist", not really a therapist.. but sort of, she works in the mental health field, told me that I was lying too. Or.. rather that I was imagining something that happened to me during my first shot at therapy, and that I was a mean person that just wanted to complain about people when i tried to say how my first T had behaved. But in general I wasnt believ by any of the mentsl health professionals I met, not even my mother. And not being believed is actually the worst trauma that I have experienced, its worse then bullying and worse then being controlled by a grown up like a robot, raged at and abused. Somehow not being believed about an experience that really cut your life in two, into before and after the life changing event.. is one of the worsed things that can happen. At least thats my experience.
Other red flags I would add: The counselor checks email, texts, or answers phone calls during sessions. The counselor minimizes or invalidates the client's experience or symptoms. The counselor doesn't actively practice coping skills, boundary setting, and/or thought-stopping techniques with you, as the client, during counseling sessions (Without practice in a safe environment, like counseling, how can the client hope to do that for him/herself in the "real" world?). And if the counselor tells you he's feeling burnt out, run. You're not going to get anything of use out of a burnt out professional except a whole lot of confusion.
I once had a counselor comment “oohh provocative girl” when going over my sexual history upon learning that have had both male & female partners...like suggesting he found my bisexuality titillating or something. It made me extremely uncomfortable.
That made you "extremely uncomfortable"? Did you tell him the comment made you uncomfortable? It seems an element of your reaction may be because you are "uncomfortable" with your own actions. Work it out, don't blame the therapist and run away.
@@hotdogwater9580 So she slept with a bunch of people. Who cares? By the way, she calls herself "Tits" McGee. Maybe she's just trying to be "provocative"?
I had a therapist who actually invalidated everything I said about the problem people in my life .. I walked out feeling like everything was my fault. I will never darken her doorstep again.
@Abu Mohandes I think the majority of people in therapy have, in fact, considered at length the idea that everything is their fault. To a pathological degree.
I had a therapist who was late (15-20 minutes) to 2 of our 4 sessions, and “forgot” about 1 completely. Then she laughed at one of my worries I told her about. I had never had a therapist that bad but one of my issues is giving people too many chances when they repeatedly show me they don’t deserve them. I almost made another appointment with her but I stopped myself, dumped her as my therapist, and also reported her to the company I found her through.
I have this issue with life too. I give people way too many chances to hurt me over and over again and its lead to nowhere good at all. I'm 34 now and somehow need to learn how to be happy alone in life.
Good. I’m in a similar situation. He skipped the last appointment without telling me. I’ve found him condescending and judgemental from the start. Keeps telling me his time is very important , seems disinterested in me and last week interrupted me and told me not to talk over him. Today I’m ringing up and putting in a complaint as well as ending any further sessions with that rude man. No therapy is better than bad therapy.
In 2013 I had a PhD-level therapist for about 6 months and almost every single session he would FALL ASLEEP in the middle of the session. Not just fall asleep, he would start snoring. Sometimes he would snore so loud he'd wake himself up. I just kept talking. I was already extremely depressed. This just kind of fit into my whole worldview.
Depression is so serious so I get that you didn't immediately quit those visits the first time it happened. A phone video of him sleeping would show he wasn't doing his job and he could lose his license over that behavior. He might even lose a lawsuit for damages since it is a seriously deadly action he took that compounded your feelings of depression. You do have the burden of proof for the lawsuit though.
@@heatherp7902 I suffer both of hipersomnia and sleep apnea. Monafinil or any stimulant I tried apart from bupropion made me psychotic. And bupropion is not perfect for it.
Dr. Grande, I so appreciated this video. I am a Masters level clinical social worker. I am the clinical director at a small treatment facility and I know that our clients deserve no less than the best we can give them, including diagnoses with supporting information, updating diagnoses as needed, and not defining the client by the diagnosis or weaponizing the diagnosis. I’ve seen that too, especially since I work in the field of addictions. Videos like yours demonstrate that although there may be practitioners to watch out for, there are many of us who care deeply about what we do and we want to do it as best we can.
I just graduated Dec. 12th 2020 with a bachelor's degree in Human Resources and Counseling. I am about to enroll into the Master's program. Any advice?
John White. How do you feel about social workers with non-clinical doctorates (e.g. education) holding themselves out as "doctor"? Do you hold Dr. Grande's position of this? Just curious.
John, I could not agree more. Although I am still a registered drug and alcohol technician that will be certified later this year, I can see how damaging that can be. It could just be the company or the center I work at, but including every diagnosis when analyzing a client’s needs and/behaviors is critical. My work tends to see things through such a tight lens of SUD, they have overlooked (benefit of the doubt there) the mental health diagnosis and how that might change once substances stop being introduced to the body. I am still unclear at to why our counselors don’t always have mental health on the back burner when working with a client. After all, every man in our center is there with a DSM diagnosis.
@@a.j.9797 go to therapy, so you can understand what clients go through...my graduate program recommended this to all grad students...it was a great lesson plus I got to work on issues I didn't realize were influencing me...also, stay humble, be open minded, remember that it's about the client and not you, but if you continue to get bothered by something the client does/says or continues to do/say, then you are being triggered and you need to deal with it yourself (talk to a collogue, go to therapy) and not during session with your client.. also, CONTINUOUSLY check your boundaries because sometimes you do feel attracted to clients or get upset/frustrated with them (it's human nature); however, remember that they are talking to you out of their pain and limited understanding of their situation
One time my therapist asked how my week had been, and when I said my anxiety had been really bad she told me to not blame everything on my anxiety. Um??? You asked me how my week was and I told you! Plus after diagnosing me she never wanted to talk about my anxiety, which isn't very helpful when you're LITERALLY SEEKING HELP ON HOW DO COPE WITH IT.
I've heard that some therapists want to be authentic with their clients, which may mean to some of them that they will show their true emotions so clients feel heard; however, this type of authenticity doesn't work with every client. If a client feels like they now have to take care of the therapist b/c the therapist is crying a lot, that therapist has probably gone too far in allowing their emotions to show through.
When I was a teen I had a therapist tell me that what I tell him is only between me and him... So I opened up, which was hard as hell. He then took the transcripts and gave them to my parents. Labeled me as having severe depression and antisocial personality disorder because I was goth.
Yup! I was just told that "Our conversations are sacred" and nothing I say leaves the room..."YOU HAVE MY WORD". Just tried to Baker act me for attempting suicide on Thanksgiving🤬
1. A therapist who retaliates in a threatening or blaming way when you bring something they said which affected you in a negative way, to their attention
The biggest problem I’ve had with every therapist I’ve been to, and that’s many, is the apparent automatic assumption that because I am the patient I am always wrong and/or sick while they are always right and/or healthy because they’re the therapist. Total imbalance in power and very biased POV.
Add in there that they are not always right. They are not God and know all the answers. They don't know and probably don't care what you been through. Overpaid in my opinion.
Oh man. My therapist doesn’t even help me make decisions. She’s just there to help me work through my own options and thoughts. She gives me homework but she never gives me suggestions on how to proceed.
They don't know what you been through. Everything they know is out of a book. Don't let them push you too far. Just do your own thing, if you don't like doing homework from them, tell them you have enough problems. Do what makes you happy. I hope I helped.
Yikes! They obviously did not learn the lesson in grad school that the client is the expert on their own lives. So sorry and I hope you keep trying until you find someone who DOESN'T act like that. They're out there!! 🙂
Thank you for this. Sadly, I've noticed over about 25 years that the worst people I have met socially have been "social workers", public school teachers and some in healthcare: truly sadistic, sociopathic personalities seem attracted to those careers. There are some very damaged people who need to be seen as altruistic and caring yet they are cruel and enjoy having incredible power over peoples' lives (often very vulnerable people, especially children). I knew one who openly shared about his patients (a famous family with tragic mental and substance abuse issues) troubles at a dinner party. Another who allowed friends to see contact info for their clients and teachers who engaged in secretly videoing people they disliked in intimate moments. Scum of the earth who hide behind altruistic titles.
My sister is a chaotic narcissistic family trouble maker. She lies 24/7 and when confronted she denies it or lies even more. She's a nasty nasty piece of work. Guess what she works as?... A Family Therapist!!! What's even worse is she used to be a social worker!!
I recently worked for a state agency where this was never more true. They would lie about the families and alienate mothers from their children. They had such an heir of superiority and acted like they knew everything. It was a sad lot and sad for those in the community who were affected by their behavior.
@@donnabarnes8954 Yes, that's the tragedy and the sadism. They torture those who are most vulnerable. Where I live, everyone just shrugs at children and people being hurt like this, too. "I got mine, pass the buck, it isn't my responsibility," all that. And they are PROUD of the corruption and behave as if they're survivors and somehow superior, instead of admitting to themselves that they're instigators and bystanders. Disgusting to their core.
I have a friend who is a Marriage and Family therapist and a professor at a major university. He told me once that he’s only interested in a person’s problems if they’re female and HOT. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and was appalled.
My ex is a doctor as are many of his friends. Believe me, these guys discuss their female patients and their physical attributes. A lot. I was present at several dinner parties where these conversations took place - they didn't name the patients but it's distressing to think that your male doctor might be not only thinking of you in a sexualised way, but discussing you with his friends/colleagues too.
@@raindrops21_9 -I was reluctant to make my original comment because I thought most people would find it hard to believe there are therapists like that out there. Thanks for confirming that these people do exist.
My last therapist "gossiped" with her coworkers about what I talked about in her office. I would find out because she would tell me about other clients that she has seen, especially an acquaintance that I knew was seeing a different therapist in the same office. She came up to me and told me that her therapist told her some things about me that were told to her therapist by my therapist. That line just confused the heck out of me. We came to the realization that our therapists were gossiping about us. I was in a bad place in my life then, just got out of a very abusive relationship. So my head wasn't in the right place, because if it was I would have maybe sued for Hipaa violation or violation of mistrust or something. It still makes me angry and embarrassed when I think back to it.
That’s definitely a violation and you should go to the licensing board on her and her coworkers! Depending on how long ago it was, the statute of limitations might not be up. Even if it is up, I would still contact the board about this so they can keep an eye on her. That’s awful! That’s like the biggest breach of therapeutic duty: confidentiality! I’m so sorry that happened to you
Depending on what kind of therapy practice this is, they have weekly or maybe even daily briefings. And during those briefings they do sometimes present current cases which perhaps give them trouble. They discuss those with practitioners who are relevant (for example superiors/overseers, or when asking colleagues to transfer the case to them if they have more experience with something). But in any case a therapist or counselor is not allowed to talk about patients/clients of the practice to anyone who has no therapeutic connection or relevance to the case. So it is a breach of ethics.
I think you missed one: Therapists, who either interprets what you say completely different than what you ment (and not checking they got it right) or simply overinterprets, so suddenly they have a very misleading view on their patient.
I had a psychiatrist in the psych ward (so it was hard to get a new one) ask me nothing but questions about my sexuality and my father. NOTHING ELSE. I’d never screamed at an adult outside my family before her or since. Those are both enormous and valid things but Jesus Christ it was a lot
@@krlee93, it sounds like that time could have been used much better. I've experienced a psychiatrist, who got the strangest things out of practically everything I said. So my clothes, hobbies and taste in music was used as excuses to label me as weird. Luckily, a competent doctor has cleaned up her mess.
Yes, I think that's a clear sign that this therapist isn't right for you. But not necessarily that they're a bad therapist. Imo. I did have that experience with a therapist that I then stopped going to for that same reason. She was fine but it was clear that she just didn't get ME.
I had a very disappointing psychiatrist who completely misinterpreted everything I said. She asked me twice if I had finished high school. I'm 42 years old, intelligent, articulate and had mentioned that I had graduated from university with a BA majoring in Psychology. Um...yes, I did indeed finish high school. She seemed to pretty much ignore most other things I said. Grrr.
@@Raztiana I met a woman in the 80s that miss d'argent that was impregnated and raped by a psychiatrist in the 70s and made to terminate it and another woman she was put up in a hotel put up in an apartment or a townhouse by her psychiatrist and got a payout of 300000 was she subsequently gamble diet but was he kept ch-r as a as an affair bedtime she was upset when she realised she wasn't the only one in there was another woman patient and the gentleman the psychiatrist probably made it hard for her to get any treatment in the South Melbourne area
One of my pet peeves is the lack of understanding of perspective. I wanted the counselor to be at least empathetic. When I was younger and stationed in Germany in the military, I was telling one counselor about my childhood trauma. She told me to "go hiking". I'm a black guy from the city and never saw mountains. I was so angry with her. She ended up getting me booted from the military. This happened back in 2003. Now, I'm a couple of years from getting my licensure in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. I will make sure counseling will be done correctly. That memory of her response to my issues has never left me.
I'm so angry to hear this, what happened to you was so wrong, and you should be so proud of yourself for studying to become a *real* counselor (unlike her). I hope you got your licence now, and are on your way to helping so many people!
@@hikikomoriarty I'm currently in my internship program, helping adolescents with high suicidal ideation while using dialectical behavior therapy. I'll be done with my program in May 2024! Thank you so much for the kind words. It has been a wild ride!
I told my therapist that my depression meds werent working and made me feel weird and I wasnt doing well, so she told me to double the dose. 3 days later I was in a hallucinating manic episode where I thought I was the only 'real' person on earth and everyone else was a government plant to make me feel real. I ended up having a 12 hour panic attack, broke my TV and went from crying to throwing-stuff mad. I had NEVER IN MY LIFE felt like that or done those things. I stopped that med completely, went back to the therapist and told them what happened and all they could say is "Oh thats not good' I told her she was the cause of it, that I could have hurt myself or someone else and she didnt even apologize. I got a new therapist who is a very nice guy and is very concerned when it comes to changing or upgrading meds. If you tell your therapist your meds arent working and they DOUBLE THE DOSE? Thats dangerous. This lady almost put me into a mental hospital or worse
@@SanctaJives Yes she was my mental health physician! I don't even go to an actual doctors office for my mental health meds, I go to the actual mental health department and speak to a mental health professional who asks me questions every few months and sees if Im feeling and doing okay with my meds. It was literally her job to ask me about how my meds were doing/how im feeling on them and make any necessary changes. She was playing with my life honestly. I believe she was an 'RNP' Registered Nurse Practitioner, so she should have known better. I know I called her a therapist but thats a whole different building, the lady who gives the prescriptions has several medical licenses to be able to do so considering a lot of mental health meds are anxiety/benzo (street drug kinda stuff) they have to be extra careful in how they prescribe things like that
Horrible, stuff like that is why I gave up psychiatric medicine. Unhelpful, feel weird, gaining weight, say it isn't helping, and they dramatically increase it with little thought. No apologies. They're lacking empathy to not even apologize. Without an apology, I think it was intentional and not a mistake, glad you have someone new. They listening to you? Being kind?
I'm surprised you didn't include the counselor that makes it all about themselves. I had one that talked about her daughter all the time, and not in a way relevant to any topic. And for example I tried to talk about my feelings about being childless she went on long rants about how hard it's her to not to have a second child. I think it's ok for a therapist to sometimes reflect on your own experiences about an issue a client is having, but when it's more about the therapist I'm guessing it was a clear sign to get out. I feel like "competing" about the therapist having it worse than the client was unethical and unprofessional. You talked about weaponixing a diagnoses, but I feel like it's also quite common to weaponize taking a diagnoses (made by someone else) away or denying even the possibility of one without examining it futher ( for example "you can't be depressed because you don't look like it" is something I've heard very often) in order to deny a patient treatment. I feel like I have a hard time undoing the damage of having countless experiences of having my symptoms not believed belittled and being accused of "just faking it for attention", made my problems with depersonalisation a lot worse, because I have a hard time trusting any of my feelings are real. Of course client isn't always right about diagnoses, but shouldn't a counselor at least be willing to go through possible symptoms and have a bit more thorough reasons than "you don't look like it"?
@Elfie_Toesonlace sorry, I know its none of my business, but can you (are you in a position when you can) adopt? im sure you'd make a great mom to someone...
@@elainelouve Public healthcare is like that here too. They seem to have, if we don't believe you anything is wrong with you we save money by not having to have to treat you-policy. So there are a lot of "you can't have depression, because you have washed your hair"-type of doctors.
Sorry you experienced a lousy therapist. Did you call her on it? I know that's hard to do because it is not done outside of a therapeutic relationship or at least it's very difficult to do.
Real sorry you had to endure that. It's not only unprofessional it's just downright ignorant. Therapists are there first and foremost to do the listening, not the talking so much. Shut mouth engage brain springs to mind. There are so many people out there desperate to tell their story...therapists can and do see other therapists for that. Maybe this therapist should have been using that channel and not you. Just awful behaviour actually.
My last therapist literally would stand up and give "Ted Talk" like speeches for the entire hour. I would get in a "Hello" and a 2 minute response to "So how was your week".... then she would literally stand and just ramble off positive affirmations and other things "depressed people like to hear". I didn't get a word in. I finally stood up in the middle of one of her tangents and told her I wasn't coming back 👋. She left a long winded voice-mail explaining that she wanted to continue because she felt we were getting somewhere lmao!
I went to a therapist who loved to gossip about other patients, including ones that I knew. He was appointed by the city that I worked for until I told a few other city employees that he was telling me their business. He got a well deserved boot.
Dr. Grande is the king of dead pan humor. & I really don't think he is even trying to be funny. It is his complete indifference to emotion that makes him so funny. I would hate to try to interrogate Dr. Grande. He would be un-phased by even the most aggressive interrogator! lol
@@mumbus272 Well since she didn't say anything hateful towards men, & you took such a personal interest in her profile picture just to tell her she must be a misandrist, makes me think that you are the one who is full of hate.
@@SugaryPhoenixxx yes but to my defense my hate is trauma related by suburu driving blue hair Hitachi using tattooed woman who constantly label men mysoginists and sociopaths and narcissists...further more..mind your own damn business she can be her own defender..she doesn't need captain co dependency to save her mean man hating ass
A counselor, who isn't a trained medical professional told me my migraine attacks were psychosomatic. Without conducting any medical tests. The sessions were spent him talking about himself, minimizing my problems, comparing his situation to mine and telling that if he can make sacrifices then why can't I. He also kept talking about how much he charges his usual clients (he was hired by the institute- he was seeing me for free). I think he did more damage to me than anything else
Thats terrible! By the way...what helped my migraines reduce dramatically was to avoid everything with vegetable oil ...low carb ...see the work of Angela Stanton...i believe thats her name...hope it helps you😀
After my bad experiences with counseling I drove hours out of my area and found 1 good one. I was struggling with alot after my brother died but I didn't have much money so sadly I had to tell my counselor I couldn't come to sessions. He gave me a great book on betrayal and grief and tons of resources to keep going!! No charge. It told me he cared about my healing and didn't want me to be without help in some way. I was a single mom, who wanted to manage my mental health so I could be there for my son. He said I was a hero. I am very grateful for him. He helped me on my journey to healing.
How about when you tell them that you feel tired, have zero energy, difficulties concentrating, studying issues, loss of appetite and difficulty gaining weight they brush it off thinking it's your excuse because you're lazy and it doesn't fit with your psychological diagnosis but they never bring up the possibility that the client may have a physical problem? It turned out I have anemia, hypotension and grew up with gastroparesis... Edit: I have GERD and occasional IBS, but the symptoms I had were very similar to gastroparesis, anyways, it still makes it harder for me to gain weight. Recently, I started taking medication and changed my diet so now my stomach issues are getting better. Thank you for the comments ❤️
In any case, at least for an Asperger, they should explain that it is the sound soul within that they want to work with, not the wounded, symptom-laden victim sufferer.That it is menat to summon the I - forces and get going constructively , and not let the illness linger and prevail onwards (excuse my clumsy English). saying that they don't mena to devalue ones suffering. It is hard since both the sick and the healthy I is withing the skin, and they could explain what they are doing. Some therapists think that the patient might use the info manipulatingly, or not be honest. As I did a neuropsychiatric examination, the psychiatrist was clearly not healthy, profound, wise, mature and knowledgeable enough to examine and assess me, and there fore I researched the specific female Asperger in order to be of help. He the claimed me to have done that to deceive and manipulate the test and him. I felt really hurt, expecting him to know the basic trait: Aspergers are truthful, we don't usually lie, + don't get why ppl lie so much. He claimed I wanted the diagnosis, while I wanted the truth about myself, and really wanted to be of help. I had heard of a Dr who specialized in the female Aspergers, and we differ, just like normies do(Male-female) Female Asps are more manly than normal women, and male Asps are more asocial, distant, stiff than norm men. Fem Asps care more for and work more to get social skills than the men counterparts, and we (can) hide/camouflage our disability more, for better and for worse.
Dangerous. And I've seen it the other way too. Some fully acknowledge the validity of your medical problems. Then they go on to insist that if you would just get your thoughts straight, you'd see a marked reduction in your physical issues. While I believe both play a factor in ones general overall health; it's just not that cut & dry.
I'd say hey doc...my parents ducked me up by ignoring me that exact same why that I am an adult paying you to help me get over. Good today I learned assertiveness, I'll expect my refund within five business days.
@@kathryncarter6143 I concur. Have heard of some saying that if the person had the right attitude then the (bad) physical treatment they were giving would work. As it is also now known that the gut microbiome affects your brain (not the other way round) and with it your emotions, sensitivity to pain, susceptibility to illness, etc, the mental health part can't really be addressed properly until the person is physically healthier. May even disappear on its own as the person gets healthier, as the OP stated.
@@wednesdaysdoll I think there is truth in there. I think a lot of therapists have problems themselves, and there is one important pattern that comes from that: power versus powerlessness. A lot of psychiatrist are people who like to exert power over vulnerable people, who feel powerless. Then you are in a pattern from which no healing can come. You really need someone who did a lot of work on themselves. I think you can ask the therapist questions about that. What kind of work did you do on yourself, what did you get out of that etcetera.
Well spoken Jeanette. Just the fact alone that receiving a “diagnosis” (from something build around theory alone) insinuates you are sick and will “need” “help” for the rest of your life offers NO true healing! You will forever now be impaired because you believe in it so! You can’t say, I have bi-polar but I’m healed now. But plenty of people have moved on from rough patches in life without “medication”. Add in a dose of fear from one of those “experts” about how bad it will go for you if you don’t -fill in the blank order....and you’ve most likely have the person committing themselves to the psych’s all wonderful all seeing all knowing will. It’s very cult like!
Some of these points were honestly surprising to me! I never would have thought that someone would use a diagnostic as a weapon against someone out of spite. I'm a mental health nurse, certified nationally in pscyh/mental health nursing. Have had lots of training in therapeutic modalities CBT/DBT particularly and while I don't call myself a counsellor and absolutely do not do structured therapy sessions, I do find it enormously helpful in my general therapeutic communication to be informed by those things, videos like this are also helpful because even when it may be more informal or not as structured; whenever you're dealing with other people's mental health and offering them advice and counsel you need to be incredibly careful. Bad mental health care is the exact same as bad physical health care, it can cause irreparable harm. Thank you for making videos like this!
I had one that watched the clock the entire session every time, jiggling his foot, like a kid waiting to get out of school at the end of the day. He also had very little to offer in the way of suggestions or thought provoking questions to help me resolve my issue. He clearly was bored with his job.
I had the same ,he acted like I was boring him.I sort of questioned what did I want from therapy? I wanted constructive suggestions on how to improve my mental health, otherwise I might as well sit in front of a recorder.Many counsellors should find another job, if you don't have people skills with listening and empathy get out of the job I don't think you can learn this with a qualification
Following a severe trauma I was put in an NHS (English healthcare system) psychotherapy group, along with around 7 or 8 others. After a few sessions several members of the group chose not to return. The therapist referred to them as ‘cowards’. He told us the missing members would be replaced, but after that there would be no more changes as this would affect the group dynamics. Fine, but in fact people dropped out at an alarming rate, and from one week to the next the group was ever changing; new people continually arriving who didn’t know the backstories of other group members which made it hard going, and confusing. There seemed to be no continuity. Alarm bells should have rung then... if they did I chose to ignore them. Anyway, further down the line he started skipping in and out of sessions, forever on his mobile. He was sometimes gone for lengthy periods of time, and we were left to talk amongst ourselves. Some people had suffered appalling abuse, including incest, and rape. To leave these people without a therapist governing what went on seemed very wrong. A few months later he complained of feeling unwell at the beginning of one session and left without dismissing the group, so some members attempted to self manage the session with no supervision. It was a disaster that should never have been allowed to happen. On numerous occasions he referred to ‘God’, and clearly had a very particular set of personal beliefs. Not appropriate. He used to threaten us by saying he was taking notes on all of us. Most of us found this very uncomfortable. He would stare at an individual until they had to speak, if they hadn’t said much. It was painful to watch. I challenged him on this, but got nowhere. The sessions became more and more couched in mistrust and hostility. He often seemed frustrated and angry. Finally, after a year, I left. I’d held on because I didn’t have enough money to go privately, and knew I needed some support. In hindsight I wish I’d left earlier. The whole thing left me perplexed - that someone could get away with so much - and demoralised that there was so little real support out there, given what I’d been through... For some weeks I pondered the whole experience, and eventually I decided to report him. I spent a long week writing a letter to the person next up the chain - his supervisor, outlining my concerns. She phoned and arranged a meeting. She saw me, but the instant I met her I realised she was covering for him. It occurred to me afterwards that she may even have appointed him, so she could be accountable further up the food chain. I never did find out what did, or didn’t go on behind closed doors as a result of what I’d flagged up, but it left me feeling in some way guilty. I know that sounds weird, but I rather felt as though I hadn’t conformed and toed the line. ‘difficult to put into words... but definitely a very unsettling experience...
A counselor once asked me what I did to encourage unwanted attentions from a guy who was very clearly a sexual predator. Needless to say she wasn't my counselor for long. She made me feel like things were my fault all over again even though I did nothing to encourage anything.
That's really horrible. I'm a sexual assault survivor too and i don't think practitioners stop to think how disgusting it is for them to suggest that when it's clearly the offenders fault for doing what they did.
This video was very informative, especially the part about misdiagnosis and weaponizing diagnoses! In a PHP program, I was misdiagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder for being "impulsive" and "attention seeking" (which was actually me being hyperactive with attention deficits). Because of the BPD diagnosis they accused me of "compulsive lying" regarding my account of childhood abuse. My mother came in and told them everything about my childhood and they seemed surprised that I wasn't lying. Confirmation bias seemed to also be problematic in this instance. I went to another clinician three years later and was diagnosed with ADHD (combination type) and they suspect Autism Spectrum Disorder comorbid (I still need further screening for this one). All in all, this was a traumatic experience and I very much appreciate this video! Thanks, Dr. Grande!
I'll also add that they only diagnosed BPD after I suggested that they consider their confirmation bias after they repeatedly described my behavior as "attention seeking." The final straw which caused me to mention confirmation bias was when they said that me wearing combat boots in the summer was "attention seeking." I think BPD was sort of their retaliation to this lol
I remember one therapist I went to who said "oh, that's good for the insurance, they love that stuff" in our introductory meeting when I told her I had panic attacks and that she didn't take people with "really serious problems". Also didn't know what CBT was. Needless to say I did not schedule another appointment
me too - my therapist kept her phone on the arm of her chair. when it rang she answered it. always trivial -- e.g. once her husband called to tell of his win in court. it got so bad that when i saw her i was always waiting for her phone to ring. it was like there were THREE people in the room and I was THIRD in importance.
Me and my husband sought counseling due to stress in our lives. We have a son with autism and my husband seemed depressed and self medicating. The counselor kept prefacing every discussion on our challenges with “I’m not an expert on autism”. Making us feel like we had some problem that could not be helped by ‘regular people therapy. ‘ she also told me to start drinking with my husband and to spank my neurotypical child. She would eat snacks, compare everything to her personal experiences and complain among her chronic medical conditions. She also never looked at her notes, never got our children a names right and repeated suggestions over and over again. I just let her go last week. It was hard to get my husband to go see someone so I’m sad we didn’t get much from it.
I am so sorry. I hope you can find someone who can help you both and that your husband will be willing to go. Perhaps, try her out a few times before integrating him????
Sadly this is more common than not. Funny enough, getting treatment when I was a kid was a lot easier than getting them to listen to me as an adult. This is bonkers to me. They're know it alls.
In a therapeutic relationship there is a set of implicit social "rules" and in a friendship there is another set of implicit "rules." When these rules conflict in a dual relationship only psychological harm can come out of this.
It _may_ be okay if a number of years have passed and you've surmounted your issues. I bumped into my ex therapist around 5 years after therapy. We chatted for a while and have remained solid friends. We don't talk about therapy at all. It's a completely normal friendship. I doubt this would work for everyone though. Maybe we just lucked out.
remember that movie where the psychiatrist and client have a relationship but ethics is not even discussed. Vulnerable needed people looking for acceptance etc. Would be easily manipulated by therapists who think it’s fine to do that. We had a really good psychologist here and he did good work with a lot of people. He was praised by his clients. I don’t know what happened but all of a sudden he was in trouble for having a relationship with a woman who went to him for help after she left an abusive relationship. She sued him after. He was disciplined etc. But I think that therapists have to be aware of their own vulnerabilities and that some patients will try to seduce them because it is part of their psychopathy.
I’m 25 and I’ve been in therapy on and off since I was 8. Here are a few standout red flag moments: -One told me that Jesus would “heal my autism” if I prayed hard enough. -A university counselor once told me that I’m a bad person for criticizing my father’s abusive behavior because he’s dead and she believes it’s wrong to “speak ill of the dead.” -One suggested that being assaulted made me gay (obviously that’s ridiculous, but dude. I’ve known I was gay since I was 13 and I was assaulted when I was 16. The math ain’t really mathing here)
Jesus christ! Or like in your case not i suppose! Its really terrible that they think you "became" gay from the assault, also to suggest that that should change, your sexuality is yours no mattwr what enyone else tells you. As somone with autism it makes me so tired whenever i hear about all that snakeoil "can cure autism" stuff. People use faith and such as a tool to manipulate people who are under pressure especially parents of people who have autism. And for a counselor to do that is just wrong! I had a counselor who i found out was communicating with my family, i can't know what they communicated about or how much but they did, i have tried this not once but twice and even though both times were somwhat helpfull i guess, its still a break in trust, and at this point im scared of seeking another one, even though i know i need it.
@@GETBENT1331 I'm not, I know not all American right wingers are like that but from what I've read about what goes on there, it's FANATICAL Republicans who are typically like that, not moderate Republicans
@@j1233191 the american capital has 2 wings. the house of reps and the senate. i really do not know where this right and left wing thing came from meaning democrats and republicans. and why are republicans looked at like the bad child? it is because the democrats paint them that way. too much adjectives come from democrats about republicans. they only insult and talk bad on them. it is finger pointing. you fell into that role by saying something bad about republicans. everyone does it.
When you said “super sad disorder” I literally laughed so hard I started drooling. I’ve had depression for as long as I can remember and I just imagined my therapist writing that in my notes. I just started watching your videos tonight and have been binging them!
I went to a therapist discussing my childhood trauma from growing up with a violent schizophrenic mother. He told me I shouldn’t keep having babies to fill a void within me. I was married and had one child at the time and was 28. I know women with 8 and 12 kids and I don’t judge them. It was so irrelevant and weird.
I am so sorry that happened to you. Too often, therapist/counselors may not have processed their personal trauma or not understand something they studied; consequently, there may be some poor application of information presented to them or projection. I went to a counselor once who told my daughter and myself about his wife. I think, he somehow projected onto me some of the negative things he had not processed with his ex-wife. Consequently, everything he heard was through that filter. Furthermore, he listened to everything my daughter said and completely dismissed everything I said as illegitimate while telling me that I had no right to disagree with the events that my daughter reported. I 'was not going to do that to her". Much of what she was saying, never happened. It was false memories that had been planted by people who repeatedly told her things that never happened. I have tried to address this with her and explain some discrepancies in her accounts with dates, places, and such. She is choosing to believe the lies told to her. This counselor told her to not have anything to do with me and she ran with it. So very sad. It was all because he had anger toward his ex-wife who had alienated him from his sons and told them that he physically abused her. To be honest, with the way he treated me, I have to wonder if he did not physically abused her and psychologically abuse her based on the way he treated me. Counselors are human too,. This is why we have a code of ethics and need to keep ourselves in check.
What that counselor said was totally unprofessional and showed no sensitivity at all. I would categorize that counselor as a nimrod and not in touch with reality.
I had a counselor who had diabetes, so the three times that happened I made a point of asking: if he was okay, did he need to get something to eat or reschedule, etc...
I went to a counselor and he would just yawn like he was bored when I was talking. Then he went on a 2 week tangent about how I needed friends to talk about my truama to... just odd imo
Sometimes points like these make me feel like some doctors/therapists are no more qualified than myself to treat me. The only difference between us is that they have the authority to prescribe drugs and I don't. Crazy stuff.
Great to know I have a good therapist! Don't let a bad therapist discourage you, you keep trying. My therapist helped me a lot and I'm really grateful.
I saw the video title and I thought, "This is quite ballsy to post. Either this is going to be very good from a humble place or its going to be very subjective." I really like how you prefaced the content and it is again, really well done. I stopped seeing a therapist recently because he works mostly with late teen, early twenty year old people and I'm 45. His approach just wasn't effective for me. But this video helps a lot in my search for a good counselor.
When you mention making up diagnoses like "Angry Person Disorder", "Talkative Personality Disorder", and "Super Sad Disorder", it reminds me of how I used to joke that my brother had Assaholic Personality Disorder.
I had a therapist that kept saying the same thing in each session. Even through in each session I talked about other things. I started to get the feeling he reads the same script to every patient for everything. I stopped going to him.
oh yes. My old one would always have the same line of “it’s not here anymore” whenever I tried working through things with her. I caught on very quickly and the lines didn’t help at all 😭
My brother has been seeking therapy on and off for nearly 40 years. At the onset, he had been diagnosed as bi-polar, which he didn't understand because he felt it didn't fit, but he did know he needed therapy because of his anger issues. All therapists wanted to focus on the bipolar. It wasn't until he was in his 60s that someone actually listened to him talk a bout this anger that terrified him because he couldn't control it and the meds he was taking offered no help. Long story short, he had been misdiagnosed. The only good therapist he had ever talked to introduced him to tools he could use to control possible anger outbursts. He is a changed man today. He shouldn't have had to go through SO MANY therapists before he found one who actually "listened" to him and asked him relevant questions. It took 40 years of seeking treatment before a therapist asked about his relationship with our mother - a very VERY mentally disturbed woman who screwed us all up while our father looked on passively while doing doing. THAT was a fixable problem!
@@chickenfdisoruhg4915 really he was masticating so intensely on that chicken parm and totally not listening to me. fell free to use it in something. it is ok. I am alright now.
One sign of a "less than ideal" therapist is they have no idea when you will no longer need therapy. I knew one woman who was seeing a therapist 2 or 3 times a week for 7 years. There were no goals set nor any criteria for being "cured". She spent tens of thousands of dollars on therapy and said she felt no better than she did in her first session. That seemed like a form of therapy addiction to me.
Cure in natural sciences only are regarded as existing when the cause for the illness is completely removed. The mind is a complex adaptative system, and many conditions regarded as illnesses don't have a single (but multiple) or any primary cause identified at all. Many people stay in therapy for decades not because the therapist is incompetent, but because the person suffers of a chronic and permanent condition. Your argument is like calling a medic or and intervention bad because it will not cure a disease like diabetes, which requires lifelong treatment. The mind in the same manner as the body can suffer lifelong distress, specially when there is genetic, fisiological and neurological co-factors. I specifically suffer of Narcolepsy without Catalepsy (ie. Hipersomnia) and my sleep is highly erratic. My erratic sleep afects my body and mind, specially to depression and anxiety. There is very little chance I will recover permanently of these problems without recovering permanently from Hipersomnia. And there is no cure for it.
@@LNVACVAC Behaviorists would disagree with you. It doesn't matter why a certain behavior was adopted or what caused it. If we can eliminate the symptoms of a distress (fear of mice for example) then when the subject no longer has symptoms of that fear (through systematic desensitization) the cause is irrelevant and the therapy is complete.
@@randseedbin9440 Behaviorism failed in it's project specifically because they disregarded problems like this. The fact some conditions can be successfuly treated trough their methods doesn't mean all people will respond to it, or all conditions. Behaviorism has no solutions for things like personality disorders.
Yeah, seeing counselor is bullshit. You pay 50% on their car and don't have a damn thing to show for it. If I'm going to pay that much for something, I need to see some results, and don't tell me some shit about, "That will come to you when you've put the appropriate time and effort into your problems."
i have seen mental health professional for 30 years. here's what i have observed. i had panic attacks and anxiety disorder for all those years because the 2 different men i lived with had narcissistic personality disorder. i am sure of it. none of the professionals figured that out and i had never heard of personality disorders. i eventually got ptsd. 30 years is a long dang time. i would like to see more professionals who know about narcissism. i figured things out on my own and studied the internet for 4 years now. when i go see a therapist, i know so much more than they do that i have to explain things they should already know. last week, my therapist said i don't have ptsd. i had to explain about complex-ptsd. i have to explain covert narcissism. i have to explain emotional abuse. etc. if it is not in the DSM, they never heard of some mental issues. the wording of the cluster b personality disorders in the DSM is lame and weak. cluster b people can be highly dangerous all without any physical abuse. i wonder about the higher suicide rates today. cluster b will drive people to that. i have had quite a few bad mental health professionals. they were narcissists. one therapist said i should be more assertive. so, i went home and got pummeled by my narc for trying to assert my already assertive self. i am not angry at what i went through. i am glad to have answers finally. i know there are good people in this field. i am thankful for dr. grande and all the helpful channels on youtube. they saved my life.
+chemtrailmary Search youtube for Lisa A Romano. Also Balance Psychologies. Excellent presentations specializing exclusively in narcissism. Good fortune to you!
I can actually relate to you here mary!!! Thanks for saying that!! Thanks for sharing about your experience with us all here. Best wishes to you always in life!!! 👍👍👍🌹🌹🌹
Thank you Dr.Grande for addressing so many complicated professional issues in such a sensitive and eloquent way.I think your videos should be transcribed published and considered for academic use. C.Mommsen D.Phil. (Psychology),M.A Clinical Psychology Clinical Psychologist (Ret.) South Africa
Had one therapist that told me "Welp you are all better now, this is our last session" While I was having a full blown panic attack, crying, shaking etc. (don't worry, I got an other therapist after this and doing much better today)
My sister is a therapist and decided after talking to me for a half hour to tell our dad not even me that She thought ’m borderline personality and my actual therapist told me how wrong and unethical that was. I agree and honestly it’s something that always bothers me whenever I see her.
@@russfloyd5089 You're not supposed to use your psych skills on your family or friends because you can't ever achieve anything resembling neutral in that situation. You have a bias and your professional opinion is gonna be warped by it. Same reason a BIG rule in business is to *never* have family and friends as business partners, you're unable to be impartial in those situations-- as much as you might believe otherwise. You'll always have a bias toward/against a relative, friend, or ex-friend.
As someone who is studying psychology (currently working through pre-req’s), I’m so glad to hear about the “one-hit wonder” because I’ve heard of several modalities I can see being affective but was worried I may have to decide one to really hone in on and strictly practice it alone. I’m a good way off from finishing so I don’t want to ever get too presumptuous, but videos from professionals like you help. Thank you
My first therapist ended up telling me he is in love with me and wants to have sex with me and second one kept making fun of people who are "middle" and "lower" class. I lost my trust in therapists and I don't want to give my trust and hope (and money) to someone only to end up being hurt
Wow, not only did he violate several rules, he is a massive red flag. Especially if it was a date instead of therapy. He should have lost his license asap.
I would add the next one: the therapist insists on continuing therapy, when you want to go away because his/her "therapy" makes you feel every day worse...
I had only one that "helped" me, where I felt better after meeting with her.. With the rest, I felt worse after a session and started to resent giving them money
I had a therapist invite me to join his religious group, which I did, so we were at a lot of the same social functions together. I had a therapist encourage me to break the law. I had a therapist tell me he wasn't interested in what I was saying and that I was wasting time by talking about my life. I had a therapist who just flat out didn't believe anything I was saying. There's a lot of bad therapists out there.
I agree with you on the ethics of pursuing relationships with clients. It should be a permanent ban. This should apply to the medical and psychology professions. A big reason for this in my opinion is due to the existence of narcissistic sociopaths. AKA psychopaths. In 1991 my mother was under hospice care due to late stage breast cancer and it took her life. Or so I thought. I discovered the details of my mother’s last day of life 3 years ago by contacting her nurse. Within 10 minutes of our conversation we both knew my father had murdered her and used the cancer as cover. Soon after her death, my father dated the nurse. I was 16 at the time and my father did a good job of keeping me unaware of this short lived relationship until I reached out to her and she spilled the beans. What’s important here is that he didn’t date her because he wanted a relationship with her. It was purely to gather information and throw the nurse off track if she voiced any suspicions. There’s a lot more of this story to tell but I will end it here by saying this is why it’s important to ban these relationships.
Very good points. I’m a licensed counsellor myself and I approve of all the red flags you mentioned. And this information is so important to spread as I often see those misregarded.
then you need to leave them and find someone more understanding because theyre putting their own personal opinions into their work and invalidating your experiences and therapy is no place for that
My psychiatrist (falsely) accused Me of simply using him to get more money from the government for disability. The medical report was sent. I was denied. And I honestly cannot work. I'm not giving up even though it will take time.
My first counselor I saw was emotionally abusive. She would frequently shame me whenever I would backslide and overtly impatient with me whenever I became emotional. I have yet to seek another counselor, but I do understand that it's probably not common practice for the client to want to curl up and die after each session.
I can add some. 1) Therapist sets up a power imbalance by : A) putting you through a number of screening phases before deciding if they will accept you as a client. And/or B) Instead of explaining what they do and asking if you feel this might help you, they ask what are you looking for (which you may not even fully know, you might just need help!) and proceed to judge you on whether or not you are appropriate for THEM. 2)Therapist puts effort into explaining boundaries upfront but fails to put effort into displaying trust and safety, making you feel distrusted and like you have to earn trust and approval. 3)You feel judged and/or feel the need to “explain yourself” to your therapist during the session. 4)When actively listening, the therapist says “you mentioned that X didn’t do Y, but why would they?” or otherwise minimises, dismisses or gaslights. 5)When actively listening, and the therapist says “it seems like you felt/are saying X” but you clarify “no,” instead of listening to your correction, they say “well that’s what I’m hearing” or similar. 6)After a session you feel any of the following: misunderstood, unheard, unseen, invalidated, confused, not good enough, the need to explain yourself more fully, ashamed, scared etc. (Even if initially you felt positively.) 7)When you express your uncertainty to your therapist their reaction is “by all means see another therapist if you’re uncomfortable” rather than listening, validating and reassuring (or even apologising). 8)Therapist engages in any other behaviour that seems passive-aggressive, manipulative, shaming (even very subtly!), otherwise controlling or bolstering a power-imbalance.
Lmao I got started for evaluation today and brought up my uncertainties and how I also considered going to another place that was recommended, and he said maybe I should go to them instead or something, also he had some intense body language like he was trying to figure me out, idk it was a little weird, I’ll have to go a few time again to make sure.
I had one therapist who made an obvious look of disapproval when I first showed anger when talking about my abuser. He then said "I'm sensing some regression". There were other issues and I wound up dumping him as a therapist. I felt like he had an idea of me being wounded and fragile, and he didn't appreciate me showing anger or aggression.
I've not had good luck with counselors. One talked about her marital problems, said that my ex and I would learn from hearing her stuff. Another sat in a high chair and gave me a very low one 15 feet away--could barely see her looking down at me. A third feel asleep during our session. As someone mentioned below, the money and time sink in test driving is prohibitive. Good books and certain youtube presenters have been much more helpful and they're free, 24/7.
Totally, have gained so much more valuable insight and compassion from you tube creators than my experiences with flesh and blood therapists. So grateful 🙏
Similar boat here. I've had some really really awful therapists/counselors to the point that therapy is basically a trigger for me now. And it seems like there aren't any therapists who are willing to be patient enough to work with me on that :( Even if they are out there, I don't have the money to keep trying until I find "the right one". So I have to find decent youtubers like this and figure out ways to help myself.
One of the worst things is when a counsellor underestimates how badly you feel - even though you've told them! When I met my counsellor for the first time, I had to fill out a questionnaire to determine how severe my depression one. I answered all the questions honestly and the result of the survey was that my depression was indeed severe, which didn't surprise me. My counsellor's response when she saw the result? She laughed. It seems like she didn't believe me.
Most of them are counselors because they have their own problems. They've done their own "work" and want to help others. I think that is weird. The other weird thing is when they tell you their own story or complain about their mother, etc.
My last councillor told me I had to fill the questionnaire in every week , when I said that seemed a bit too often. He told me I had to do it. He also insisted on zoom calls when I said I would feel more comfortable with telephone appointments. He made me feel awful.
![Lp. Сердце Вселенной #60 РОЖДЕНИЕ ЛОЛОЛОШКИ [Финал] • Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YoR0pAV9FVQ/mqdefault.jpg)
What’s so sad is when people finally work up the courage to see a therapist and get a bad one, many never seek help again. I’ve known several people this happened to.
I had a friend who was like this about psychiatrists. He was given one medication one time that didn’t work for him, so swore off medication completely. He ended up having an episode in which he punched a brick wall so many times he shattered nearly his entire hand. He also threw me down a flight of stairs.
Part of me hopes he finally got the help he needed. Another part hopes he’s suffering.
I've been in that predicament too. Smh I've had trouble talking to people and working up the Courage to express my experiences of depression, suicide attempts and accused of being a liar by my own mother.m
I didnt trust any doctors or other medical professionals for years because i was treated badly by KU Hospital Psychiatrists when i was younger and they medicated the shit out of me
@@immenseLOTUS same for me. I live in Springfield Illinois, and the hospital in my town is called "Memorial Behavioral health center" and a doctor assigned to me gave me the wrong medication and gave me a Higher Dosage that I wasn't normally use to. After taking the Medication, I felt myself become a Different person after waking up from passing out like I was Put to sleep. I didn't feel like myself, I couldn't draw, write, feel, I was numb to the other side of me and my emotions. I didn't take the medications that the Dr. Prescribed to me any more, so I threw em away in the Garbage. Told the Dr. It was a too high dose. The dr. Didn't listen to my Symptoms and never looked me in the eye. So I stopped seeing him.
My first therapist ghosted me during the pandemic, she didn't check in on me or even let me know if her office was still open. I'm pretty reluctant to find a new one after that
A red flag that is not easy to spot is when a therapist doesn’t refer you to another specialist if it’s something outside their expertise area and decides that they can do it themselves, most often motivated by money
Art S i consider that a serious flaw in the entire profession ..
Art S yup I have seen that happen before. Usually the client becomes frustrated and leaves after spending good money and not getting any help.
I'm so glad my therapist is salaried.
🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 $$$$$$
Could also be an ego issue. They are unwilling or unable to recognize their own limitations.
I would add, any counselor that shames you for feeling or thinking a certain way. When I told her how my (narcissistic) mother would call and attack me on the phone, and I would hang up, she said, "but it's your mother". I was shocked by such a response from a professional, and when I came to my senses, I left the counselor for doing that, and found a terrific therapist. Thanks for a very helpful video. Cheers, Julia
Alice Miller talks about the ubiquitous and harmful effects of the old addage, "Honor thy mother and father"....
Good for you! 😷😊
Good for you
@@mattmarkowicz i don't think honour or respect for someone constitutes letting them abuse u or someone else , so I don't see how that's rlly harmful
lmao, this counselor has no clue what therapy is. The right response to that claim is usually something along the lines of « how did you feel at that time » leading to more analysis of the emotions at play.
I started seeing a therapist after I was sexually assaulted by my ex-boyfriend in 1997. This woman said she used the EMDR technique, but a therapist I saw later on said that what she was doing was nothing like EMDR. She would just tap on my knees while talking at me. She always told me that in order to get better, the most important thing was to find one therapist I could trust. She referred to herself as being "easy to talk to" but I found her very judgmental. One day after a visit, she said to me, "well, I'm glad to see you're doing so much better. You were a basket case when you first came here."
I said "excuse me?"
She said "I'm only saying you're doing better than when you first came here."
I said "don't ever refer to a patient as a basket case. I was raped! How many people behave calmly and rationally after that kind of trauma?"
I emailed her a few days later to say that I would not be returning as I did not care for her therapy techniques and I was deeply bothered by her use of the term 'basket case.' I apologized for ending the sessions because I was raised to be overly polite even when people are rude to me. Her response was "oh, it doesn't bother me, Dear. I'm not the one with the self-esteem problem."
Horrible woman. If a therapist ever treats you the way this woman treated me during one of the worst times of my life, run!
Thanks for sharing. It's horrifying how trained professionals can be so unprofessional!
I think the fact that you stopped in your tracks and set a boundary like that sais something about you. Whatever that is I lack it. And im glad you trusted your judgement, set a boundary and didnt let yourself be treated bad. The fact that there are people like that who become and manage to continue working as a therapist is horrible. Sounds like she has an ego like mine did, and then people who has probably spent their lives paying for other peoples egos and what not, has to pay for hers too. Just discusting.. :(
Kind of sounds like she was having a self esteem problem. 😂
Wow!!!!! That is so disgusting and I’m so sorry!!!!! She needs to lose her license, immediately!
Tapping is an emdr technique as well.
The first time I reached out to a counselor I was in my mid-20's. I was trying to work through childhood trauma. She sat quietly and just listened - without giving much feedback - for the first three or four sessions. At the end of the last session she rolled her eyes, sighed, and said, "You keep going on and on about your mother. You're over eighteen. Get over it."
That set me back by decades. I'm finally now with a therapist working through my CPTSD at the age of fifty. smh
It sucks that you had that experience with a counsellor. I had a similar experience with a friend who knew about my childhood abuse (caused by multiple family members), she turned to me and said with all your conflict with your family I feel most sorry for your oldest brother (the first person who started abusing me). I think I'm still triggered by that. I don't know anything that has felt more invalidating.
I’m sorry that happened.
😱 wow that’s incredibly sad.
@@anabellecoetzer442 To you and Chill:
I hear you both. These people are fundamentally right, but they're missing the real issue.
While all of us would LOVE to be able to shrug off our pasts and go on with our lives with joy, we're struggling with ingrained reflexes. Emotional and physiological responses that we cannot control.
To tell us to 'just get over it' you may as well tell someone to 'just stop your heart from beating so fast.'
Not an easy task.
But all people hear is bitching. They don't understand that we're looking for help to STOP those reflexes.
And maybe part of the problem is that we don't understand what we need. Even if we did, we turn to the wrong people for answers. They don't know any more than we do.
We need the RIGHT professionals to guide us through exercises that'll free us from our personal prison.
Now how to find these wizards?! lol!
That's horrible! Ugh... there should be a way to report things like that.
Over 20 years ago, I met with a professional counselor to help me cope with the loss of my brothers. After about a month, while walking home, I met the counselor on the street and discovered that we lived in the same neighborhood. From that day on, whenever our paths crossed outside of the office, he would make eye contact, acknowledge me, without speaking and then change his path. I always respected that boundary.
Admirable
He just didn’t want a free session
@@Paarthurnaxdova ha!🤣
Oof, couldn't do that myself bud.😬 I'd feel uncared for, unacknowledged, and unwanted, if my therapists did that. ( "therapists" as in current, and previous)
@@davidbrienlantry8760 I suppose. And what do you mean by a standing appointment "that I kept"?
I would add to the list counselors who are repeatedly late, miss, or reschedule appointments, and counselors who forget important details from one session to the next.
Or make you sit waiting on them for like hours in their crowded, smelly waiting room. That's always fun, when you're struggling and down! 😣😣😣😣
Yeah I had a therapist who used to make people wait for hours while he puttered around the office doing things that a secretary should be doing. Then when he finally saw you he diagnosed you with anger issues if you were pissed. Didn't go back there.
My therapist has rescheduled or canceled on me 4 times in one month and I've only been seeing her for 2 months. The last time she rescheduled my Monday appointment to Tuesday then she canceled Tuesday because she was sick again.
I had a therapist who cancelled my appointments for like 5 weeks in a row, and then she had the audacity to call the police to do a wellness check on me (knowing I have trauma issues with male authority figures, having a huge cop with a gun wake me up at 8 am to "see if I was ok" was not great for my anxiety), because "patient has missed appointments"!! It was so infuriating. I missed them because her office called and cancelled. I actually badly wanted to have a therapy session, and the cancellations were really hard on me. It completely killed our entire therapeutic relationship.
@ghostgaming Thanks. I was ok, fortunately. It was just a little scary and frustrating. I got a new therapist, so all was well. :)
A specialist DV psychologist told me I would go back to my ex. When I said there was no way that I would, she stood up hands on hips yelling “I'm telling you how it is, I've helped thousands of women and I know what is going to happen”. I never went back, to her, or my ex.
She 'helped' thousands of women?? Really - I seriously doubt it!!! Good for you for rejecting both her and the ex. This person must lose her licence!
❤
Wow! Good for you! Good for you for having strong boundaries! Wow!
One bad sign I have noticed is that some therapists are not skilled in deescalating clients. They will get them into the red zone and then just end the session, leaving the client quite distressed.
THANK YOU! I had a marriage counselor who would tell us to go and write down and think about all the bad things that we've done to each other and then when we went back he didn't even remember us and said we should just move on. 😑
This has happened to me so many times. I have to have five minutes at the end to talk about something else before I can calm down and leave in an ok state of mind.
Oo yes, that’s a good one
YEP
Yes! I had a novice therapist who was on a provisional license who would always leave me in the worst emotional states at the end of the session. I hated going to see her and stopped after a few months
Another bad sign: when the therapist spends most of the session telling you HIS problems or talking about himself! lol
WindWipper it’s tough because it’s also a way to create a therapeutic relationship
Omg thats what everyone is saying. I had one on adderall and wow she talked. When my sister became a therapist is when i knew its all crazy. The only job is to listen act like they care.
OH MY GOD. That's disgusting.
Does that really happen?
@@MilosMomcilovic89 it does.
1.: 02:49: Counselor supplies "Story" when asked if licensed instead of "yes/ no".
2.: 05:32: "Doctor" despite doctorate not in a counseling related profession.
3.: 07:19: Counselor hints at possible "friendship" or even worse "romance".
4.: 10:03: Incorrect diagnosing; making up a diagnosis;
"Weaponising" a diagnosis; stacking diagnoses; describing but not naming a diagnosis; confusing diagnoses, using unprofessional specifiers.
5.: 17:24: "One hit wonder", counselor has dogmatic loyalty to one treatment modality.
6.: 19:00: Counselor suggests therapy is "more of an art than a science" and cannot provide scientific explanations for how the therapy works.
- Hope, that helps a little.
there are worse than that by far. i dont even bother w/most therapists but i especially dont like to see therapists who are mothers, and if course thats hard because most women are mothers right? well one therapist was defending my narc mother when i just started talking about her, i barely said anything! i think mothers like to stick together in defense of eachother and thinking "theyre just doing the best they can" nonsense. when u have a malignant narcissist mother? they dont have good intentions towards u because of their pathology. they look to destroy their children but therapists dont understand that. therapists in general need to learn about narcissism and other cluster-b disorders in depth. why are they not learning this? instead they are invalidating and hurting people looking for help
I am a big fan and proponent of evidence based treatment but I disagree with half of your last entry. Therapy can be more art than science in skilled hands. That doesn’t mean the science isn’t important. But emotional warmth and flexibility play a big part in finding the right fit.
Your writing doesn't calm me as much as Dr. Grande's voice.
@@corsicanlulu I think it's possible that narc mother's are also doing the best they can, and it just happens the best they can do is still terrible.
I know from my history, and my parents history, that they were doing the best they knew how, it just wasn't good enough.
I'm sorry your experience was as challenging as it was, and I wish you luck and peace in your future experiences.
George k Simon has been working with cluster b's for 30 plus years. He has written 2 books on the topic. His mode of dealing with them is to isolate the behavior and correct it in the moment. He doesn't play super nice with them. If you have or have to deal with a cluster b I would highly suggest his books in sheeps clothing and character disturbance in audio or paperback
What you said about weaponizing diagnoses really struck home. I was diagnosed with manic depression as a teenager, so I've been dealing with this hell for a long time. One time, when I was about 19 or 20, I was having a really hard time, and this one therapist told me I was a narcissist. He told me I was refusing to eat because I felt superior to the people making my food. That killed me inside. I stopped going to therapy after that and suffered alone for years. The look on his face while I cried still makes me nauseated when I think about it. Thank you for making me feel that I'm not alone. I'm 50 years old and that memory still creeps up on me occasionally. That's how powerful "less than ideal" therapists are.
@@brianzulauf2974 wow
I know the comment is 5 months old, but im SO sorry. I cried in therapy once.. first time and the look on my therapists face while I did has really made me feel like a discusting and worthless human being many times. Its really haunting. So im so sorry that your allso carrying around one of those. 😢
And its so true... less then ideal.. can be really really damaging.
@@LinnChanett I am so sorry that happened to you! He obviously got into that job to give him access to victims. His sickness is not your fault. At all.
@@kimberlycarrigan8824 thank you ❤ i dont think she was a bad person, just needed much better understanding about menthal health. Its a very long story.. really :/
I had a therapist fall asleep during a session, put that in there!
+William Hill I asked a psychiatrist friend: "How do you listen to all that negativity day after day?" He said: "Who said I'm listening?"
Sadly, I had that happen to me as well. WTF!
Richard, I agree WTF?!
That's horrible
Omg same here
I saw a counselor in my early twenties who, after a number of pointless visits which weren’t helpful, came right out and accused me of having a crush on him. It was so disgusting and shocking. Needless to say, I never went back.
Same thing happended to me.
@@earthmoves8116 I'm sorry to hear that : ( It goes to show us that, while I'm not by ANY means excusing their behavior, these people who are supposedly trained and educated to help us are more f***ed up than the ones they're treating 🤦♀️
all this was needless to say. no offense.
Wow. I work with psychiatrists and one of them accused me of “dating a patient.” I 100% don’t date at all for years now…so he was way off.
It sounds like he completely misunderstood the theory of transference and counter-transference.
The biggest red flag? When your therapist
needs you more than you need him/her.
oh yes. my old therapist actually talked about how the night before her coworker whom she was dating, broke up with her and didn’t want a relationship. i ended up being the one to be all “I’m so sorry that happened to you” and shit
I'm so glad I was exposed to extremely efficient/effective therapy from a young age... I've had many over the years and your comment reminded me of the time I'd been giving one therapist my background during our first session and they started sobbing. It made me question myself, "wow, am I really THAT f***d up?" I hope people keep sharing their experiences so that those seeking help can know they're not crazy, they're not alone and there is (good/great) help out there in spite of it all!
A lot of therapists have a specific type of patient they prefer and will do their best to hang on to them as a client. Also they want someone who is going to show up on time to their appointments, not cancel appointments, pay their copays, not make them feel uncomfortable, not be too difficult to talk to, not be aggressive, etc. Some therapists DO need the clients more than the clients think.
People dont talk about it as often but there is a fair amount of vetting on the side of the therapist. They can choose to keep seeing you as a client or drop you if you prove to be too troublesome.
What about Bob?
@cruisingscenesandtakingbea4197 Wow, that makes a lot of sense.
Almost 30 years ago, I was assigned a “ Christian therapist” who ended up sexually abusing me. I sued him & won; however, permanent damage was done...I don’t trust anyone, especially men. My lawyer discovered that he was not licensed even though he stated that he was pursuing a PhD in psychology. His brother-in-law, who started the agency, knew of this man’s history of abusing women, but still hired him because he needed a job. I cannot begin to express the trauma that this man caused! Plz beware!
Soooo sorry that happened; you deserved so much better!!
Whaaaat!!! OMG, this so-called 'Christian' therapist is going *straight to hell* ... 👿🔥🔥🔥
@@hikikomoriarty People who believe in mysticism shouldn't be giving mental health advice.
@@AzimuthAviationno, they certainly should be allowed to give mental health help if they are qualified and able to separate their personal beliefs from helping others
@@Hypothetical-Being Sorry, but when demons and angels are part of their explanations of reality, what could possibly go wrong? A lot...
The best counselor I ever had was like a very "neutral" individual who I talked to. The things that she did that were very effective in helping me was her first question and second question every visit..... "How are things going"..... and "Talk to me". She listened quietly.... asking for more information occasionally and taking notes. She was calm.... she would frequently ask for more details about something when I was finished with my experience. She never interrupted me. I felt such support and confidence in her calm and direct support. I went to her for 8 months and felt so much better. Her words and advice come back to me when I face the stress situations that I had experienced as if she is speaking to me. She also thanked me for my help in her own work. A very important person in my life.
I had (/ have) the same experience. A good therapist should talk as little as possible. My therapist will very rarely (if ever) provide advice, so as to not impose her own beliefs. She only talks either to make sure she interprets what I'm saying correctly, or to suggest working points that she sees will help me obtain what I need. She has helped me improve my life so much over the past 2 years, after a painful breakup.
That’s the approach I use when I volunteer as a listener. Some like it; some don’t.
@@jkg2088 what do the others prefer?
I’m going to therapy for my anxiety and during our video sessions, (yay Covid!) my mom says I never let her talk and I always feel bad about that.
@@arnaudinstalle I disagree here, it’s not the same for everyone. I went to a therapist who wouldn’t talk and it made me so uncomfortable I never went back. Another one was much more conversational and helped me open up, I’m very shy so this worked way better.
A counselor that projects their own feelings and thoughts onto a susceptible patient.
That’s most of them ...
My ex therapist wrote "hallucinations" on a sheet of paper and gave it to me saying : google it, it's your thing
Giving advice can be harmful...
I had one TELL ME why I was brought to tears by something he said. He didnt ask me, he TOLD me. He was so sure that he knew me better than I knew myself (first session btw) that I felt too embarrassed to call him out and tell him that he was wrong. His regard for himself and his "skill level" was astounding. I felt embarrassed for him
I had a couples counselor literally tell me I was serious, and needed to be nicer like his wife. Whereas my boyfriend was chill, like him. It’s not that I don’t want to be challenged, but I felt VERY uncomfortable with that.
My first ever panic attack came directly from the hands of my therapist when i was 9. I told her about my csa and she told me i was lying, then went to my abuser and when he denied it, used that to try and convince me I just wanted attention, called me names. Luckily this was one of the few times my mom took my side, and I was taken care of properly and i never saw her (or my abuser) again
I'm glad you're safe now. That was criminal, that person should be banned from giving therapy to anyone
@@luciaradonic5520 yeah I totally agree, she was definitely not in a space to be able to give help to others, she obviously needed it badly herself
Wow. I'm sorry for your experience! I get it, though. Some therapists are so stuck in the text of their diagnoses that they can't see any variation in the way symptoms present, their prevalence, or even whether they present at all. I tried telling two different professionals (a psychiatric nurse and a therapist) what was happening for over a year, and neither of them could or would stitch together the clues to get the diagnosis right. It wasn't until I did months of my own research tracking symptoms, learning the language, and dismissing diagnoses that didn't apply that I finally felt validated in my own symptoms. Before that, I was frantic most of the time believing I was as full of shit as they must have thought (9therwise they would have beat me to the correct diagnosis) and genuinely thought I was just cripplingly lazy. But that wasn't it. Why would a chronically lazy guy suddenly be terrified by everything? Why would he suddenly fly into a panic over his own worthlessness and start having suicidal thoughts? I have a Complex variety of PTSD that is not fully manageable with medication and more than a year of therapy hasn't taught me anything about how to begin to control symptoms so I can live because my therapist has invalidated the severity of my symptoms based on descriptions of people suffer differently. I don't stay in bed all the time from the MDD symptoms, but I'll do anything to avoid going out for any reason, talking to people (which challenges my dissociative response), and barely manage the stuff I have to do to survive through hours, days, or weeks of effort building up to it.
What keeps me going are posts and comments like yours that give me hope that one day I'll be normal. 😁
@@luciaradonic5520 a monster!!!
That’s destructive
Another scary sign: When you tell a counselor or doctor that you are afraid of a situation with sexual predators and they accuse you of being "delusional"or a "liar" because they have no personal experience with predators or trauma. ....in other words they gaslight you based on their own ignorance of reality.
Actually very common.
@@ragathnor326 then why are they still permitted to practice, and destroy lives?
In general, a therapist that accuses you of anything is pretty much always gonna be in the wrong, unless under very, very specific circumstances (fe. a client is very clearly and intentionally lying to the therapist a lot or attempting to manipulate them).
What I've seen of therapy/counseling in the family I wouldn't ever trust thier judgement about anything. There are much smarter people on the Internet for free.
Another very common one
My therapist and I fell in love - it was my first time seeking therapy for a sexual assault in my 20’s. About 6 months into the therapy he told me was in love with me and asked me to his home. We continued the relationship for approx 7 months. Then one day he called me between his clients and said he wanted out - that was it - no meeting up just dropped me over the phone. I didn’t report him, because I felt at the time - I am a consenting adult and had feelings for him too. In hindsight he did me a big injustice. The more I investigate the more I realise how wrong he was to do what he did.
Shame on him. You were vulnerable and he took advantage.
I really resent him now for what he did and I’ve no interest in ever going to therapy again. He just dropped me with no regard what so ever for my well being. Therapist or not I would be just as furious if any one broke up with me the way he did let alone someone who is supposed to care about well being and mental health. Sucks but you live and learn.
He manipulated you because you were vulnerable. He should lose his license.
That is as friggin bad👿 as IT gets, I am so sorry that you had to experience that, what kind of therapist was that, not a clinical one. You sure he was certified😵😲😱
@@dortesandal4303 he had certificates coming out his ears! I can understand the human aspect of transference and erotic transference but in hindsight it’s fully my belief that he abused his position. I often think now, he didn’t even try not to let it go ahead I mean he could have nicely explained I can’t see you anymore or asked for help from a supervisor. I asked him during the time we were together did he seek any higher counsel about us abs he said no. The funny thing is he was a supervisor himself!! I know it’s all pretty sick looking back on it but honestly how he dropped me has to be the worst of it. Just called me up between his clients one day and dumped me. Didn’t even have the courage to do it face to face. From a mental health professional to do that. I know of more vulnerable, weaker personalities that could have ended their life due to that treatment but I just resent him more that any other emotion.
A psychologist once insisted I make amends with my abusive narcissistic sociopathic mother because "she is my mother, no matter what", even after several years of trying. I ended the visits there.
Oversharing their personal life seems to be a problem. Boundary issues in general.
ck2d yes, I’ve definitely come across that one.
Dirk Jensen what’s with the list? I get the last one, but what does purple shirt mean and glasses.
Omg I said the same thing before I saw your comment
ck2d yes! My therapist was doing that, interrupting me, and also became focused on office politics. I told her that i like her but she talked more than I did and i don't see how her friend or paperwork that doesn't apply to my plans has anything to do with me, etc. It was an awful day.
yes not helpful
When I first started going to therapy the woman suggested that I find the bright side of being forced into a relationship I didnt want( I was being forced into marriage and she didn't even understand it). I said I didn't want to see her anymore and will look for a new therapist. She SHOWED UP TO MY HOUSE AND TOLD MY PARENTS ABOUT MY THERAPY TO GET ME TO SEE HER AGAIN! They didn't even know I was in therapy! I didn't they them because they were against the idea and abusive! AND SHE KNEW THAT! She kept insisting that my parents weren't as bad as I said. How would she know? I was the one stuck with them for 18 years! I went to her office and demanded an explanation and she just smiled and said to schedule an appointment and we'll talk about it then! I told the receptionist I'm calling the police if she ever shows up at my house again.
I had a similar experience. I think some people become therapists because they want to dominate people.
I wish I had known that I could have reported her to the state licensing board. State boards take things like this seriouslyl
What do you do when the Therapist is Crazy?!?!?? Hope to God you're Away from All of them; living solitary in a Cave 100% Alone would be Better than dealing w/ Narc Parents/Family & DR! Much Love & Protection to You🍀🌞
Holy cow your therapist sounded like such a wacko! Where on earth do they hire these people!?!
I doubt she was even licensed.
@@pault9544 These are the types who are 99.99% of the time unlicensed and fly far under the state's legal radar. Many fringe Christian churches sponsor some of these creeps, "ordain" them and send them on their crazy way.
I had a therapist tell me one Monday that she was so glad to be back at work because she couldn't stand being with her kids. I never answered her and I never went back. I was still suffering the loss of a child. And had concerns for another of my children's progress.
That hurt my heart. That's awful
Omg waw wth!!! I'm sorry for your loss. I get that people make mistakes and need to be forgiven however, as a therapist, you have to be mindful of triggering your client. Hope you're doing well :)
Self awareness is so important with being a therapist.
Prayers to you and family. So sorry to hear this. 🌺
I mean, I would go insane having to deal with kids all day every day. I only want children as people to get chores done and to get likes on Facebook and Instagram when i take stupid or amusing photos of them. I dont care to raise the next generation. In case you are suddenly triggered reading this, No, I dont have nor want to have children. I wish more people were more aware that they arent cut out for the job either before they make one.
7. sign: A counselor talks to your narcissistic mother secretly and takes orders from her about your therapy and gives reports to her!
8. sign: A counselor talks about other clients' personal lives, their secrets with names just for showing how much he knows.
Run!!
yep. mine talked about how her “amazing indian female student client” was “brave to be studying engineering” like yes. i agree that’s wonderful. im not here to know your other clients’ info or race, but you shouldn’t talk about other clientele with me, I’m not her. and if she said this, who knows if she talked about me to other clients!
wish the therapist that my daughter visited had talked with my wife, then maybe the gaslighting and the ad hominem attacks that my daughter did would have been kept in check....instead we were just trashed for a whole year of therapy....what a waste of time and $$$
@@johnbatson8779 hahaha who raised your daughter? Maybe you and your wife have some problems.
Do a big favor and leave her alone, puppet master.
@B O ꓭ I'll prepare a report to prove it, only for you. Wait for my report, Mr. Who Knows
Oh boy, I met a therapist for 2 minutes and he said I had BPD. He knew nothing about me. Then I find out that all his patients have BPD. Frightening man and he is still doing heaps of damage to people.
Another one I saw said I had major depression after I talked about my friend dieing 2 weeks before. I would call that grief.
Brenda Evans Kinda been there, except it was just a family doctor who right away told me, "I have a gift for diagnosing psychiatric disorders" to justify that first-five-minutes thing. I was diagnosed bipolar at 15, then undiagnosed and rediagnosed and undiagnosed and rediagnosed, and at one point I was asked, "Why is a diagnosis so important to you?", as if I was just making a fuss over nothing. By the way, I'm now magically bipolar again!
I’m a counseling intern and giving someone a personality disorder diagnosis should be the last option after ruling out other things. A therapist should start out by giving someone the slightest, least stigmatizing diagnosis. It takes a while to determine if someone has BPD. This therapist would have gotten paid the same no matter what diagnosis he gave you. It can be very damaging when talking about someone’s personality when that basically makes up who a person is. Totally unethical what this guy did to you and others! Diagnoses are a must i the counseling profession for insurance reimbursement purposes and also for the therapist to develop a treatment plan. If he was using Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), then that is actually good for really any issue you are dealing with in therapy. The diagnosis itself is quite stigmatizing and considering he didn’t meet with you very many times before giving you that diagnosis is concerning.
Probably a narcissist...
I had someone once tell me their uneducated opinion I had BPD and then I dated someone who actually had BPD and i learned after he had moved in and had stopping taking meds. While that was a nightmare I then realized that I think my sister has BPD. The questions i think for BPD that are the official ones in videos are too broad that people could land with an 8 or whatever it was and it be how you interpret things like Risky behavior. etc. I have OCD issues and tourettes and stuggle with depression. Although im like "we can explore the BPD line if i get a treatment that works. Although i am in an area now where just addressing my anxiety and depression is annoying.
Grief can be a trigger for depression
I've gotten more out of the past few years of educating myself and doing my own self exploration and audits than I ever did in the seven years of seeing therapists. I was an open book and they didn't clue me in to the fact that I was in an abusive relationship with someone who perfectly fits a narcissistic personality disorder diagnosis. They didn't catch on to the fact that I was making myself physically extremely sick from stress, trying to cope and do everything perfect. They didn't help me in any way. Nothing.
Since educating myself, I've had countless epiphanies. The clarity I've achieved and the progress as a human being in these few short years compared to the rest of my life is astounding. I understand SO MUCH about myself, my childhood, my parents, my parents' effect on me, my parenting, my marriage, etc. I still have huge, eye opening epiphanies on a regular basis. It's helped so much. But I still need guidance on developing better skills for managing my issues day to day. And the damage had been done from all that wrong-headed stress I carried around for so long because everyone in my life made me feel like I had to. I am in life destroying pain all the time. I really wish I could find a good therapist who would be insightful and offer better ways of managing things but I can't seem to find any. I was hoping for some advice that would help determine early on whether it's worth wasting months getting this person caught up on your life just to see if they have something to contribute.
I know so much more than my former trauma therapists, and they have done me SO MUCH DAMAGE. It's utterly shameful.
You have my experiences and life to a tee!!!❤
Very similar here too
I had a "therapist" actually two of them who acted contemptuously. It's something they give off, a feeling they look down on you and dislike you and feel superior to you. The profession attracts narcissists apparently. Very harmful to get one like this who makes you feel a lot worse than when you came in, every time. Notice how they make you feel.
Invalidating and judgemental...Ive experienced several of those. Its great to pay someone to make you feel like dirt when you're struggling
Me dealing with a deep depression and having to hear "stop being childish, it's time to grow up, growing up is painful". Also, this person had already treated my grandmother and aunts😑
One session with someone who makes you feel badly about yourself is enough. No need to repeat! Finding a good therapist can be challenging but it is worth the search.
@@tonyabrookes9931 Minimizing, gaslighting, dismissive, invalidating and with inappropriate responses (for example: "that's really strange or huh!") to any proof or facts that you have which would easily validate "your truth and your reality" regarding the evil, illegal, unethical, and morally corrupt (dark triad) behavior/actions concerning what's been and being done to you. Another huge red flag is their silence which and only goes to show that they are birds of the same feather and enablers. EDIT: I forgot to mention that they are future fakers who don't GAF about you and that despite claiming not to know anything about something, that still doesn't stop them from always wanting to stick their nose where it doesn't belong or anything they can do about it either. There's also a lot of these toxic/narcissistic types employed by health care insurance care coordination (supervisors included) and grievance departments as well and caregiver services with these unethical behaviors and they will/do intentionally cause a lot more damage and trauma to clients.
I saw a therapist who was living in his office space. He had food, pans and groceries around, quite messy, and I got the distinct impression he was high. I felt really uncomfortable there and never went back.
Omg!!!
I think my giant red flag is if they insist on bringing religion into it... when you specifically say "I'm not interested in religion based counseling".
You mean when they bring their religion into it? Or when they want to talk about your religion in relation to your problems?
@@Black.Spades I think what they're probably referring to since it's sadly common is when you're not, say, Christian (or religious at all) but the counselor WILL NOT STOP bringing up "well god says... well god is perfect and.... well jesus.... bla bla bla"
@@TreeDragon I see, thanks.
I know there are counselors and therapists who work specifically with people of certain religions, but I think it's also their responsibility to make it clear on their online page (or wherever they provide information). Especially if their approach is also religion (or spiritually) based.
Unfortunate happening, since it's wasting time of both the client as well as counselor.
@@Black.Spades - when they bring their religion into it.
@@demondogmom7221 I see, thanks.
As for a bad therapist, I had a therapist that didnt believe my story about my abuse and told me to my face and to my mom that I was lying, that what I said happen could not have happened. That same year, I started having undiagnosedable stomach pains, I missed so much school. My mom took me to so many different doctors until one said that I have severe anxiety. My mom always believed my abuse and after that therapist told us that I was lying, I stopped going.
So add people that dont believe your trauma.
I'm so sorry for that horrific betrayal by a therapist. Horrible, unprofessional and quite narcissitic behaviour.
that is horrible, I’m so sorry you had to go through that
I'm so sorry my experience is not as extreme but I was being bullied at school to the point I couldn't eat, sleep and had anxiety depression and panic attacks. I went to a therapist at the hospital! She said that I was lying and making up the bullying for 2 years needless to say that I stopped going to her and stopped going to school but I did get my GCSES but being called a liar was more damaging to me than the bullying.
@@trinity5842 @trinity5842 a "therapist", not really a therapist.. but sort of, she works in the mental health field, told me that I was lying too. Or.. rather that I was imagining something that happened to me during my first shot at therapy, and that I was a mean person that just wanted to complain about people when i tried to say how my first T had behaved. But in general I wasnt believ by any of the mentsl health professionals I met, not even my mother. And not being believed is actually the worst trauma that I have experienced, its worse then bullying and worse then being controlled by a grown up like a robot, raged at and abused. Somehow not being believed about an experience that really cut your life in two, into before and after the life changing event.. is one of the worsed things that can happen. At least thats my experience.
Other red flags I would add: The counselor checks email, texts, or answers phone calls during sessions. The counselor minimizes or invalidates the client's experience or symptoms. The counselor doesn't actively practice coping skills, boundary setting, and/or thought-stopping techniques with you, as the client, during counseling sessions (Without practice in a safe environment, like counseling, how can the client hope to do that for him/herself in the "real" world?). And if the counselor tells you he's feeling burnt out, run. You're not going to get anything of use out of a burnt out professional except a whole lot of confusion.
Your councillor is not a councillor....
I once had a counselor comment “oohh provocative girl” when going over my sexual history upon learning that have had both male & female partners...like suggesting he found my bisexuality titillating or something. It made me extremely uncomfortable.
What a creep. I hope you've found a competent one to help you recover.
That made you "extremely uncomfortable"? Did you tell him the comment made you uncomfortable? It seems an element of your reaction may be because you are "uncomfortable" with your own actions. Work it out, don't blame the therapist and run away.
@@danzigvssartre shut up
@@hotdogwater9580 Love that!
@@hotdogwater9580 So she slept with a bunch of people. Who cares? By the way, she calls herself "Tits" McGee. Maybe she's just trying to be "provocative"?
I had a therapist who actually invalidated everything I said about the problem people in my life .. I walked out feeling like everything was my fault. I will never darken her doorstep again.
Yes! Same. I think that is more commen than people realize. It is difficult to work on any problem when the therapist immediately invalidates it.
Are you sure that was not just The Socratic Method?
I too experienced invalidation and Blame. I truly despised her for her Rude Behavior as I was desperate for help and good health.
@@pauloperes9378 yes, Im certain.
@Abu Mohandes I think the majority of people in therapy have, in fact, considered at length the idea that everything is their fault. To a pathological degree.
I had a therapist who was late (15-20 minutes) to 2 of our 4 sessions, and “forgot” about 1 completely. Then she laughed at one of my worries I told her about. I had never had a therapist that bad but one of my issues is giving people too many chances when they repeatedly show me they don’t deserve them. I almost made another appointment with her but I stopped myself, dumped her as my therapist, and also reported her to the company I found her through.
I have this issue with life too. I give people way too many chances to hurt me over and over again and its lead to nowhere good at all. I'm 34 now and somehow need to learn how to be happy alone in life.
Good. I’m in a similar situation. He skipped the last appointment without telling me. I’ve found him condescending and judgemental from the start. Keeps telling me his time is very important , seems disinterested in me and last week interrupted me and told me not to talk over him. Today I’m ringing up and putting in a complaint as well as ending any further sessions with that rude man. No therapy is better than bad therapy.
In 2013 I had a PhD-level therapist for about 6 months and almost every single session he would FALL ASLEEP in the middle of the session. Not just fall asleep, he would start snoring. Sometimes he would snore so loud he'd wake himself up. I just kept talking. I was already extremely depressed. This just kind of fit into my whole worldview.
Wow wtf?! Did he ever even acknowledge it? What would he say when he woke himself up???
Depression is so serious so I get that you didn't immediately quit those visits the first time it happened. A phone video of him sleeping would show he wasn't doing his job and he could lose his license over that behavior. He might even lose a lawsuit for damages since it is a seriously deadly action he took that compounded your feelings of depression. You do have the burden of proof for the lawsuit though.
Perhaps he had sleep apnea. Explains the daytime sleepiness and the snoring.
@@4everyoung24 then take modafinil !!
@@heatherp7902 I suffer both of hipersomnia and sleep apnea.
Monafinil or any stimulant I tried apart from bupropion made me psychotic.
And bupropion is not perfect for it.
Dr. Grande, I so appreciated this video. I am a Masters level clinical social worker. I am the clinical director at a small treatment facility and I know that our clients deserve no less than the best we can give them, including diagnoses with supporting information, updating diagnoses as needed, and not defining the client by the diagnosis or weaponizing the diagnosis. I’ve seen that too, especially since I work in the field of addictions. Videos like yours demonstrate that although there may be practitioners to watch out for, there are many of us who care deeply about what we do and we want to do it as best we can.
John, it begs the question, when you were in graduate school, didn't your teachers tell you DON'T DO these things? Or is graduate school a "joke"?
I just graduated Dec. 12th 2020 with a bachelor's degree in Human Resources and Counseling. I am about to enroll into the Master's program. Any advice?
John White. How do you feel about social workers with non-clinical doctorates (e.g. education) holding themselves out as "doctor"? Do you hold Dr. Grande's position of this? Just curious.
John, I could not agree more. Although I am still a registered drug and alcohol technician that will be certified later this year, I can see how damaging that can be.
It could just be the company or the center I work at, but including every diagnosis when analyzing a client’s needs and/behaviors is critical. My work tends to see things through such a tight lens of SUD, they have overlooked (benefit of the doubt there) the mental health diagnosis and how that might change once substances stop being introduced to the body. I am still unclear at to why our counselors don’t always have mental health on the back burner when working with a client. After all, every man in our center is there with a DSM diagnosis.
@@a.j.9797 go to therapy, so you can understand what clients go through...my graduate program recommended this to all grad students...it was a great lesson plus I got to work on issues I didn't realize were influencing me...also, stay humble, be open minded, remember that it's about the client and not you, but if you continue to get bothered by something the client does/says or continues to do/say, then you are being triggered and you need to deal with it yourself (talk to a collogue, go to therapy) and not during session with your client.. also, CONTINUOUSLY check your boundaries because sometimes you do feel attracted to clients or get upset/frustrated with them (it's human nature); however, remember that they are talking to you out of their pain and limited understanding of their situation
One time my therapist asked how my week had been, and when I said my anxiety had been really bad she told me to not blame everything on my anxiety. Um??? You asked me how my week was and I told you! Plus after diagnosing me she never wanted to talk about my anxiety, which isn't very helpful when you're LITERALLY SEEKING HELP ON HOW DO COPE WITH IT.
I had a therapist cry when I told her why I was there. As I comforted her, I thought “This can’t be right.”
I've heard that some therapists want to be authentic with their clients, which may mean to some of them that they will show their true emotions so clients feel heard; however, this type of authenticity doesn't work with every client. If a client feels like they now have to take care of the therapist b/c the therapist is crying a lot, that therapist has probably gone too far in allowing their emotions to show through.
When I was a teen I had a therapist tell me that what I tell him is only between me and him... So I opened up, which was hard as hell. He then took the transcripts and gave them to my parents. Labeled me as having severe depression and antisocial personality disorder because I was goth.
Grrr! I am so sorry that happened to you!
Jesus christ thats illigal!
My story is somwhat the same, my councilor was communicating with people a knew.
Disgusting
Yup! I was just told that "Our conversations are sacred" and nothing I say leaves the room..."YOU HAVE MY WORD". Just tried to Baker act me for attempting suicide on Thanksgiving🤬
If you’re a minor they do this all the time. They did that to me when I was in third grade I didn’t see anybody again for nearly 20 years.
1. A therapist who retaliates in a threatening or blaming way when you bring something they said which affected you in a negative way, to their attention
The biggest problem I’ve had with every therapist I’ve been to, and that’s many, is the apparent automatic assumption that because I am the patient I am always wrong and/or sick while they are always right and/or healthy because they’re the therapist. Total imbalance in power and very biased POV.
Add in there that they are not always right. They are not God and know all the answers. They don't know and probably don't care what you been through. Overpaid in my opinion.
I fired a bad therapist before, she yelled and screamed at me. That's where I drew the line.
Oh man. My therapist doesn’t even help me make decisions. She’s just there to help me work through my own options and thoughts. She gives me homework but she never gives me suggestions on how to proceed.
They don't know what you been through. Everything they know is out of a book. Don't let them push you too far. Just do your own thing, if you don't like doing homework from them, tell them you have enough problems. Do what makes you happy. I hope I helped.
Yikes! They obviously did not learn the lesson in grad school that the client is the expert on their own lives. So sorry and I hope you keep trying until you find someone who DOESN'T act like that. They're out there!! 🙂
Thank you for this. Sadly, I've noticed over about 25 years that the worst people I have met socially have been "social workers", public school teachers and some in healthcare: truly sadistic, sociopathic personalities seem attracted to those careers. There are some very damaged people who need to be seen as altruistic and caring yet they are cruel and enjoy having incredible power over peoples' lives (often very vulnerable people, especially children). I knew one who openly shared about his patients (a famous family with tragic mental and substance abuse issues) troubles at a dinner party. Another who allowed friends to see contact info for their clients and teachers who engaged in secretly videoing people they disliked in intimate moments. Scum of the earth who hide behind altruistic titles.
My sister is a chaotic narcissistic family trouble maker. She lies 24/7 and when confronted she denies it or lies even more. She's a nasty nasty piece of work. Guess what she works as?... A Family Therapist!!! What's even worse is she used to be a social worker!!
I recently worked for a state agency where this was never more true. They would lie about the families and alienate mothers from their children. They had such an heir of superiority and acted like they knew everything. It was a sad lot and sad for those in the community who were affected by their behavior.
@@donnabarnes8954 Yes, that's the tragedy and the sadism. They torture those who are most vulnerable. Where I live, everyone just shrugs at children and people being hurt like this, too. "I got mine, pass the buck, it isn't my responsibility," all that. And they are PROUD of the corruption and behave as if they're survivors and somehow superior, instead of admitting to themselves that they're instigators and bystanders. Disgusting to their core.
I have a friend who is a Marriage and Family therapist and a professor at a major university. He told me once that he’s only interested in a person’s problems if they’re female and HOT. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and was appalled.
He was probably joking or needs a new career
@@eyekandy3000 -He was serious.
@@lee48lee68 well hopefully he’s able to feign interest and provide a useful service 🙃
My ex is a doctor as are many of his friends. Believe me, these guys discuss their female patients and their physical attributes. A lot. I was present at several dinner parties where these conversations took place - they didn't name the patients but it's distressing to think that your male doctor might be not only thinking of you in a sexualised way, but discussing you with his friends/colleagues too.
@@raindrops21_9 -I was reluctant to make my original comment because I thought most people would find it hard to believe there are therapists like that out there. Thanks for confirming that these people do exist.
My last therapist "gossiped" with her coworkers about what I talked about in her office. I would find out because she would tell me about other clients that she has seen, especially an acquaintance that I knew was seeing a different therapist in the same office. She came up to me and told me that her therapist told her some things about me that were told to her therapist by my therapist. That line just confused the heck out of me. We came to the realization that our therapists were gossiping about us. I was in a bad place in my life then, just got out of a very abusive relationship. So my head wasn't in the right place, because if it was I would have maybe sued for Hipaa violation or violation of mistrust or something. It still makes me angry and embarrassed when I think back to it.
That’s definitely a violation and you should go to the licensing board on her and her coworkers! Depending on how long ago it was, the statute of limitations might not be up. Even if it is up, I would still contact the board about this so they can keep an eye on her. That’s awful! That’s like the biggest breach of therapeutic duty: confidentiality! I’m so sorry that happened to you
Depending on what kind of therapy practice this is, they have weekly or maybe even daily briefings. And during those briefings they do sometimes present current cases which perhaps give them trouble. They discuss those with practitioners who are relevant (for example superiors/overseers, or when asking colleagues to transfer the case to them if they have more experience with something).
But in any case a therapist or counselor is not allowed to talk about patients/clients of the practice to anyone who has no therapeutic connection or relevance to the case. So it is a breach of ethics.
Wow I am so sorry that happened to you.
thats a HIPAA violation, she could get in huge trouble for doing that
Go to licensing board for sure. I am sorry that happened.
I think you missed one:
Therapists, who either interprets what you say completely different than what you ment (and not checking they got it right) or simply overinterprets, so suddenly they have a very misleading view on their patient.
I had a psychiatrist in the psych ward (so it was hard to get a new one) ask me nothing but questions about my sexuality and my father. NOTHING ELSE. I’d never screamed at an adult outside my family before her or since. Those are both enormous and valid things but Jesus Christ it was a lot
@@krlee93, it sounds like that time could have been used much better. I've experienced a psychiatrist, who got the strangest things out of practically everything I said. So my clothes, hobbies and taste in music was used as excuses to label me as weird. Luckily, a competent doctor has cleaned up her mess.
Yes, I think that's a clear sign that this therapist isn't right for you. But not necessarily that they're a bad therapist. Imo. I did have that experience with a therapist that I then stopped going to for that same reason. She was fine but it was clear that she just didn't get ME.
I had a very disappointing psychiatrist who completely misinterpreted everything I said. She asked me twice if I had finished high school. I'm 42 years old, intelligent, articulate and had mentioned that I had graduated from university with a BA majoring in Psychology. Um...yes, I did indeed finish high school. She seemed to pretty much ignore most other things I said. Grrr.
@@Raztiana I met a woman in the 80s that miss d'argent that was impregnated and raped by a psychiatrist in the 70s and made to terminate it and another woman she was put up in a hotel put up in an apartment or a townhouse by her psychiatrist and got a payout of 300000 was she subsequently gamble diet but was he kept ch-r as a as an affair bedtime she was upset when she realised she wasn't the only one in there was another woman patient and the gentleman the psychiatrist probably made it hard for her to get any treatment in the South Melbourne area
One of my pet peeves is the lack of understanding of perspective. I wanted the counselor to be at least empathetic. When I was younger and stationed in Germany in the military, I was telling one counselor about my childhood trauma. She told me to "go hiking". I'm a black guy from the city and never saw mountains. I was so angry with her. She ended up getting me booted from the military. This happened back in 2003. Now, I'm a couple of years from getting my licensure in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. I will make sure counseling will be done correctly. That memory of her response to my issues has never left me.
I'm so angry to hear this, what happened to you was so wrong, and you should be so proud of yourself for studying to become a *real* counselor (unlike her). I hope you got your licence now, and are on your way to helping so many people!
@@hikikomoriarty I'm currently in my internship program, helping adolescents with high suicidal ideation while using dialectical behavior therapy. I'll be done with my program in May 2024! Thank you so much for the kind words. It has been a wild ride!
I told my therapist that my depression meds werent working and made me feel weird and I wasnt doing well, so she told me to double the dose. 3 days later I was in a hallucinating manic episode where I thought I was the only 'real' person on earth and everyone else was a government plant to make me feel real. I ended up having a 12 hour panic attack, broke my TV and went from crying to throwing-stuff mad. I had NEVER IN MY LIFE felt like that or done those things. I stopped that med completely, went back to the therapist and told them what happened and all they could say is "Oh thats not good' I told her she was the cause of it, that I could have hurt myself or someone else and she didnt even apologize. I got a new therapist who is a very nice guy and is very concerned when it comes to changing or upgrading meds.
If you tell your therapist your meds arent working and they DOUBLE THE DOSE? Thats dangerous. This lady almost put me into a mental hospital or worse
Oh god. Was she your prescriber? Or qualified in any way to make medication suggestions?
@@SanctaJives Yes she was my mental health physician! I don't even go to an actual doctors office for my mental health meds, I go to the actual mental health department and speak to a mental health professional who asks me questions every few months and sees if Im feeling and doing okay with my meds. It was literally her job to ask me about how my meds were doing/how im feeling on them and make any necessary changes. She was playing with my life honestly. I believe she was an 'RNP' Registered Nurse Practitioner, so she should have known better. I know I called her a therapist but thats a whole different building, the lady who gives the prescriptions has several medical licenses to be able to do so considering a lot of mental health meds are anxiety/benzo (street drug kinda stuff) they have to be extra careful in how they prescribe things like that
Sounds like EFFEXOR...
Very common in my experience
Horrible, stuff like that is why I gave up psychiatric medicine. Unhelpful, feel weird, gaining weight, say it isn't helping, and they dramatically increase it with little thought. No apologies. They're lacking empathy to not even apologize. Without an apology, I think it was intentional and not a mistake, glad you have someone new. They listening to you? Being kind?
I'm surprised you didn't include the counselor that makes it all about themselves. I had one that talked about her daughter all the time, and not in a way relevant to any topic. And for example I tried to talk about my feelings about being childless she went on long rants about how hard it's her to not to have a second child. I think it's ok for a therapist to sometimes reflect on your own experiences about an issue a client is having, but when it's more about the therapist I'm guessing it was a clear sign to get out. I feel like "competing" about the therapist having it worse than the client was unethical and unprofessional. You talked about weaponixing a diagnoses, but I feel like it's also quite common to weaponize taking a diagnoses (made by someone else) away or denying even the possibility of one without examining it futher ( for example "you can't be depressed because you don't look like it" is something I've heard very often) in order to deny a patient treatment. I feel like I have a hard time undoing the damage of having countless experiences of having my symptoms not believed belittled and being accused of "just faking it for attention", made my problems with depersonalisation a lot worse, because I have a hard time trusting any of my feelings are real. Of course client isn't always right about diagnoses, but shouldn't a counselor at least be willing to go through possible symptoms and have a bit more thorough reasons than "you don't look like it"?
@Elfie_Toesonlace sorry, I know its none of my business, but can you (are you in a position when you can) adopt? im sure you'd make a great mom to someone...
@@elainelouve Public healthcare is like that here too. They seem to have, if we don't believe you anything is wrong with you we save money by not having to have to treat you-policy. So there are a lot of "you can't have depression, because you have washed your hair"-type of doctors.
I relate to so much of what you're saying, it's pretty sad how common of an experience this seems to be
Sorry you experienced a lousy therapist. Did you call her on it? I know that's hard to do because it is not done outside of a therapeutic relationship or at least it's very difficult to do.
Real sorry you had to endure that. It's not only unprofessional it's just downright ignorant. Therapists are there first and foremost to do the listening, not the talking so much. Shut mouth engage brain springs to mind.
There are so many people out there desperate to tell their story...therapists can and do see other therapists for that.
Maybe this therapist should have been using that channel and not you. Just awful behaviour actually.
My last therapist literally would stand up and give "Ted Talk" like speeches for the entire hour. I would get in a "Hello" and a 2 minute response to "So how was your week".... then she would literally stand and just ramble off positive affirmations and other things "depressed people like to hear". I didn't get a word in. I finally stood up in the middle of one of her tangents and told her I wasn't coming back 👋. She left a long winded voice-mail explaining that she wanted to continue because she felt we were getting somewhere lmao!
sounds like my father
That's awful. I'm so sorry.
LMAO. That's too much.
Did you send her a bill?
I kinda had that experience too
I went to a therapist who loved to gossip about other patients, including ones that I knew. He was appointed by the city that I worked for until I told a few other city employees that he was telling me their business. He got a well deserved boot.
I find hilarious your serious/non judgmental tone of voice when you talk about stuff that sounds quite funny to me
"Super Sad Disorder" would be a great example.
Dr. Grande is the king of dead pan humor. & I really don't think he is even trying to be funny. It is his complete indifference to emotion that makes him so funny. I would hate to try to interrogate Dr. Grande. He would be un-phased by even the most aggressive interrogator! lol
Blue haired millenial woman=misandrist
@@mumbus272 Well since she didn't say anything hateful towards men, & you took such a personal interest in her profile picture just to tell her she must be a misandrist, makes me think that you are the one who is full of hate.
@@SugaryPhoenixxx yes but to my defense my hate is trauma related by suburu driving blue hair Hitachi using tattooed woman who constantly label men mysoginists and sociopaths and narcissists...further more..mind your own damn business she can be her own defender..she doesn't need captain co dependency to save her mean man hating ass
I have an eating disorder and I had a counselor once that showed little empathy for my situation and laughed at my food diary.
Sorry to hear. I hope you did get help from someone else better.
what the fuck?
That’s horrible. I’m so sorry that happened to you.
I hope you're doing better these days. eating disorders are awful.
I am so sorry you went through that. I hope you'll report that counselor to the state licensing board.
A counselor, who isn't a trained medical professional told me my migraine attacks were psychosomatic. Without conducting any medical tests. The sessions were spent him talking about himself, minimizing my problems, comparing his situation to mine and telling that if he can make sacrifices then why can't I. He also kept talking about how much he charges his usual clients (he was hired by the institute- he was seeing me for free). I think he did more damage to me than anything else
Thats terrible! By the way...what helped my migraines reduce dramatically was to avoid everything with vegetable oil ...low carb ...see the work of Angela Stanton...i believe thats her name...hope it helps you😀
So many red flags lol
Ew. I'm so sorry. They need help. I hope you've found support since then, where therapy or not!!
After my bad experiences with counseling I drove hours out of my area and found 1 good one. I was struggling with alot after my brother died but I didn't have much money so sadly I had to tell my counselor I couldn't come to sessions. He gave me a great book on betrayal and grief and tons of resources to keep going!! No charge. It told me he cared about my healing and didn't want me to be without help in some way. I was a single mom, who wanted to manage my mental health so I could be there for my son. He said I was a hero. I am very grateful for him. He helped me on my journey to healing.
Wow this sounds amazing. Could you please share those resources? Thank you 🙏
lol Im stuck on "angry person disorder"- that describes half the internet lol
:D
It's actually contagious
@@number3stunner118 lol so true
Half ?
How would you define people on Twitter??
How about when you tell them that you feel tired, have zero energy, difficulties concentrating, studying issues, loss of appetite and difficulty gaining weight they brush it off thinking it's your excuse because you're lazy and it doesn't fit with your psychological diagnosis but they never bring up the possibility that the client may have a physical problem? It turned out I have anemia, hypotension and grew up with gastroparesis...
Edit: I have GERD and occasional IBS, but the symptoms I had were very similar to gastroparesis, anyways, it still makes it harder for me to gain weight. Recently, I started taking medication and changed my diet so now my stomach issues are getting better. Thank you for the comments ❤️
How awful really and sad!!! I can relate to you. Disappointment city!!!!! Best wishes to you always with your healing and all!! GBU 😥😥😥😥❤❤❤
In any case, at least for an Asperger, they should explain that it is the sound soul within that they want to work with, not the wounded, symptom-laden victim sufferer.That it is menat to summon the I - forces and get going constructively , and not let the illness linger and prevail onwards (excuse my clumsy English). saying that they don't mena to devalue ones suffering. It is hard since both the sick and the healthy I is withing the skin, and they could explain what they are doing. Some therapists think that the patient might use the info manipulatingly, or not be honest.
As I did a neuropsychiatric examination, the psychiatrist was clearly not healthy, profound, wise, mature and knowledgeable enough to examine and assess me, and there fore I researched the specific female Asperger in order to be of help. He the claimed me to have done that to deceive and manipulate the test and him. I felt really hurt, expecting him to know the basic trait: Aspergers are truthful, we don't usually lie, + don't get why ppl lie so much.
He claimed I wanted the diagnosis, while I wanted the truth about myself, and really wanted to be of help.
I had heard of a Dr who specialized in the female Aspergers, and we differ, just like normies do(Male-female) Female Asps are more manly than normal women, and male Asps are more asocial, distant, stiff than norm men. Fem Asps care more for and work more to get social skills than the men counterparts, and we (can) hide/camouflage our disability more, for better and for worse.
Dangerous. And I've seen it the other way too.
Some fully acknowledge the validity of your medical problems. Then they go on to insist that if you would just get your thoughts straight, you'd see a marked reduction in your physical issues.
While I believe both play a factor in ones general overall health; it's just not that cut & dry.
I'd say hey doc...my parents ducked me up by ignoring me that exact same why that I am an adult paying you to help me get over.
Good today I learned assertiveness, I'll expect my refund within five business days.
@@kathryncarter6143 I concur. Have heard of some saying that if the person had the right attitude then the (bad) physical treatment they were giving would work.
As it is also now known that the gut microbiome affects your brain (not the other way round) and with it your emotions, sensitivity to pain, susceptibility to illness, etc, the mental health part can't really be addressed properly until the person is physically healthier.
May even disappear on its own as the person gets healthier, as the OP stated.
I wish it didn't feel like bad counselors outweigh the good ones. Thank you for the video :)
You're welcome!
Ohhh, me too!!! 😢
There’s no need for body-shaming.
@@wednesdaysdoll I think there is truth in there. I think a lot of therapists have problems themselves, and there is one important pattern that comes from that: power versus powerlessness. A lot of psychiatrist are people who like to exert power over vulnerable people, who feel powerless. Then you are in a pattern from which no healing can come. You really need someone who did a lot of work on themselves. I think you can ask the therapist questions about that. What kind of work did you do on yourself, what did you get out of that etcetera.
Well spoken Jeanette. Just the fact alone that receiving a “diagnosis” (from something build around theory alone) insinuates you are sick and will “need” “help” for the rest of your life offers NO true healing! You will forever now be impaired because you believe in it so! You can’t say, I have bi-polar but I’m healed now. But plenty of people have moved on from rough patches in life without “medication”. Add in a dose of fear from one of those “experts” about how bad it will go for you if you don’t -fill in the blank order....and you’ve most likely have the person committing themselves to the psych’s all wonderful all seeing all knowing will. It’s very cult like!
Some of these points were honestly surprising to me! I never would have thought that someone would use a diagnostic as a weapon against someone out of spite. I'm a mental health nurse, certified nationally in pscyh/mental health nursing. Have had lots of training in therapeutic modalities CBT/DBT particularly and while I don't call myself a counsellor and absolutely do not do structured therapy sessions, I do find it enormously helpful in my general therapeutic communication to be informed by those things, videos like this are also helpful because even when it may be more informal or not as structured; whenever you're dealing with other people's mental health and offering them advice and counsel you need to be incredibly careful. Bad mental health care is the exact same as bad physical health care, it can cause irreparable harm. Thank you for making videos like this!
I thought you might say: they don't listen, they talk too much, they provide quick fix answers, they tell you to cheer up.
I had one that watched the clock the entire session every time, jiggling his foot, like a kid waiting to get out of school at the end of the day. He also had very little to offer in the way of suggestions or thought provoking questions to help me resolve my issue. He clearly was bored with his job.
Same happened to me
I had the same
I’m going through that now. Rude and disrespectful
I had the same ,he acted like I was boring him.I sort of questioned what did I want from therapy? I wanted constructive suggestions on how to improve my mental health, otherwise I might as well sit in front of a recorder.Many counsellors should find another job, if you don't have people skills with listening and empathy get out of the job I don't think you can learn this with a qualification
@@alonzomosley7 bingo
Following a severe trauma I was put in an NHS (English healthcare system) psychotherapy group, along with around 7 or 8 others.
After a few sessions several members of the group chose not to return. The therapist referred to them as ‘cowards’.
He told us the missing members would be replaced, but after that there would be no more changes as this would affect the group dynamics. Fine, but in fact people dropped out at an alarming rate, and from one week to the next the group was ever changing; new people continually arriving who didn’t know the backstories of other group members which made it hard going, and confusing. There seemed to be no continuity.
Alarm bells should have rung then... if they did I chose to ignore them.
Anyway, further down the line he started skipping in and out of sessions, forever on his mobile.
He was sometimes gone for lengthy periods of time, and we were left to talk amongst ourselves.
Some people had suffered appalling abuse, including incest, and rape. To leave these people without a therapist governing what went on seemed very wrong.
A few months later he complained of feeling unwell at the beginning of one session and left without dismissing the group, so some members attempted to self manage the session with no supervision. It was a disaster that should never have been allowed to happen.
On numerous occasions he referred to ‘God’, and clearly had a very particular set of personal beliefs. Not appropriate.
He used to threaten us by saying he was taking notes on all of us. Most of us found this very uncomfortable.
He would stare at an individual until they had to speak, if they hadn’t said much. It was painful to watch. I challenged him on this, but got nowhere.
The sessions became more and more couched in mistrust and hostility. He often seemed frustrated and angry.
Finally, after a year, I left.
I’d held on because I didn’t have enough money to go privately, and knew I needed some support.
In hindsight I wish I’d left earlier.
The whole thing left me perplexed - that someone could get away with so much - and demoralised that there was so little real support out there, given what I’d been through...
For some weeks I pondered the whole experience, and eventually I decided to report him.
I spent a long week writing a letter to the person next up the chain - his supervisor, outlining my concerns. She phoned and arranged a meeting.
She saw me, but the instant I met her I realised she was covering for him. It occurred to me afterwards that she may even have appointed him, so she could be accountable further up the food chain.
I never did find out what did, or didn’t go on behind closed doors as a result of what I’d flagged up, but it left me feeling in some way guilty. I know that sounds weird, but I rather felt as though I hadn’t conformed and toed the line. ‘difficult to put into words... but definitely a very unsettling experience...
A counselor once asked me what I did to encourage unwanted attentions from a guy who was very clearly a sexual predator. Needless to say she wasn't my counselor for long. She made me feel like things were my fault all over again even though I did nothing to encourage anything.
That's really horrible. I'm a sexual assault survivor too and i don't think practitioners stop to think how disgusting it is for them to suggest that when it's clearly the offenders fault for doing what they did.
This video was very informative, especially the part about misdiagnosis and weaponizing diagnoses! In a PHP program, I was misdiagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder for being "impulsive" and "attention seeking" (which was actually me being hyperactive with attention deficits). Because of the BPD diagnosis they accused me of "compulsive lying" regarding my account of childhood abuse. My mother came in and told them everything about my childhood and they seemed surprised that I wasn't lying. Confirmation bias seemed to also be problematic in this instance. I went to another clinician three years later and was diagnosed with ADHD (combination type) and they suspect Autism Spectrum Disorder comorbid (I still need further screening for this one). All in all, this was a traumatic experience and I very much appreciate this video! Thanks, Dr. Grande!
I'll also add that they only diagnosed BPD after I suggested that they consider their confirmation bias after they repeatedly described my behavior as "attention seeking." The final straw which caused me to mention confirmation bias was when they said that me wearing combat boots in the summer was "attention seeking." I think BPD was sort of their retaliation to this lol
I remember one therapist I went to who said "oh, that's good for the insurance, they love that stuff" in our introductory meeting when I told her I had panic attacks and that she didn't take people with "really serious problems". Also didn't know what CBT was. Needless to say I did not schedule another appointment
My boyfriend's uncle was a therapist. He told me he only treated "creative normals" .
I once had a counselor take a personal call to discuss dinner plans during my session.
me too - my therapist kept her phone on the arm of her chair. when it rang she answered it. always trivial -- e.g. once her husband called to tell of his win in court. it got so bad that when i saw her i was always waiting for her phone to ring. it was like there were THREE people in the room and I was THIRD in importance.
@@SuperGuanine How rude was she!
And they charged you for their time,right?
I had one leave to go make coffee and didn't return for half an hour. My session was nearly over by the time she got back
@@sophierutkowski How disgusting is that.
Me and my husband sought counseling due to stress in our lives. We have a son with autism and my husband seemed depressed and self medicating. The counselor kept prefacing every discussion on our challenges with “I’m not an expert on autism”. Making us feel like we had some problem that could not be helped by ‘regular people therapy. ‘ she also told me to start drinking with my husband and to spank my neurotypical child. She would eat snacks, compare everything to her personal experiences and complain among her chronic medical conditions. She also never looked at her notes, never got our children a names right and repeated suggestions over and over again. I just let her go last week. It was hard to get my husband to go see someone so I’m sad we didn’t get much from it.
I am so sorry. I hope you can find someone who can help you both and that your husband will be willing to go. Perhaps, try her out a few times before integrating him????
Horrifying
Sadly this is more common than not. Funny enough, getting treatment when I was a kid was a lot easier than getting them to listen to me as an adult. This is bonkers to me. They're know it alls.
I agree no friendship after therapeutic relationship. Its emotionslly dangerous and puts client vulnerable with role confusion. NO.
In a therapeutic relationship there is a set of implicit social "rules" and in a friendship there is another set of implicit "rules." When these rules conflict in a dual relationship only psychological harm can come out of this.
It _may_ be okay if a number of years have passed and you've surmounted your issues.
I bumped into my ex therapist around 5 years after therapy. We chatted for a while and have remained solid friends. We don't talk about therapy at all. It's a completely normal friendship.
I doubt this would work for everyone though. Maybe we just lucked out.
remember that movie where the psychiatrist and client have a relationship but ethics is not even discussed. Vulnerable needed people looking for acceptance etc. Would be easily manipulated by therapists who think it’s fine to do that. We had a really good psychologist here and he did good work with a lot of people. He was praised by his clients. I don’t know what happened but all of a sudden he was in trouble for having a relationship with a woman who went to him for help after she left an abusive relationship. She sued him after. He was disciplined etc. But I think that therapists have to be aware of their own vulnerabilities and that some patients will try to seduce them because it is part of their psychopathy.
Who the heck would want a lover who knows their darkest seccrets and deepest vulnerabilities?
Stella M yup
I’m 25 and I’ve been in therapy on and off since I was 8. Here are a few standout red flag moments:
-One told me that Jesus would “heal my autism” if I prayed hard enough.
-A university counselor once told me that I’m a bad person for criticizing my father’s abusive behavior because he’s dead and she believes it’s wrong to “speak ill of the dead.”
-One suggested that being assaulted made me gay (obviously that’s ridiculous, but dude. I’ve known I was gay since I was 13 and I was assaulted when I was 16. The math ain’t really mathing here)
Sounds almost like you were in a hardline Republican place in the USA.
.
Jesus christ! Or like in your case not i suppose!
Its really terrible that they think you "became" gay from the assault, also to suggest that that should change, your sexuality is yours no mattwr what enyone else tells you.
As somone with autism it makes me so tired whenever i hear about all that snakeoil "can cure autism" stuff. People use faith and such as a tool to manipulate people who are under pressure especially parents of people who have autism. And for a counselor to do that is just wrong!
I had a counselor who i found out was communicating with my family, i can't know what they communicated about or how much but they did, i have tried this not once but twice and even though both times were somwhat helpfull i guess, its still a break in trust, and at this point im scared of seeking another one, even though i know i need it.
@@j1233191 sounds like politics dictate your life. why do you judge people based on their political affiliation?
@@GETBENT1331 I'm not, I know not all American right wingers are like that but from what I've read about what goes on there, it's FANATICAL Republicans who are typically like that, not moderate Republicans
@@j1233191 the american capital has 2 wings. the house of reps and the senate. i really do not know where this right and left wing thing came from meaning democrats and republicans. and why are republicans looked at like the bad child? it is because the democrats paint them that way. too much adjectives come from democrats about republicans. they only insult and talk bad on them. it is finger pointing. you fell into that role by saying something bad about republicans. everyone does it.
When you said “super sad disorder” I literally laughed so hard I started drooling. I’ve had depression for as long as I can remember and I just imagined my therapist writing that in my notes. I just started watching your videos tonight and have been binging them!
Thank you!
Laughter is the best medicine, sorry I know it's a cliche.
I went to a therapist discussing my childhood trauma from growing up with a violent schizophrenic mother. He told me I shouldn’t keep having babies to fill a void within me. I was married and had one child at the time and was 28. I know women with 8 and 12 kids and I don’t judge them. It was so irrelevant and weird.
I am so sorry that happened to you. Too often, therapist/counselors may not have processed their personal trauma or not understand something they studied; consequently, there may be some poor application of information presented to them or projection. I went to a counselor once who told my daughter and myself about his wife. I think, he somehow projected onto me some of the negative things he had not processed with his ex-wife. Consequently, everything he heard was through that filter. Furthermore, he listened to everything my daughter said and completely dismissed everything I said as illegitimate while telling me that I had no right to disagree with the events that my daughter reported. I 'was not going to do that to her". Much of what she was saying, never happened. It was false memories that had been planted by people who repeatedly told her things that never happened. I have tried to address this with her and explain some discrepancies in her accounts with dates, places, and such. She is choosing to believe the lies told to her. This counselor told her to not have anything to do with me and she ran with it. So very sad. It was all because he had anger toward his ex-wife who had alienated him from his sons and told them that he physically abused her. To be honest, with the way he treated me, I have to wonder if he did not physically abused her and psychologically abuse her based on the way he treated me. Counselors are human too,. This is why we have a code of ethics and need to keep ourselves in check.
What that counselor said was totally unprofessional and showed no sensitivity at all. I would categorize that counselor as a nimrod and not in touch with reality.
Wtf? 8 and 12 kids? Lol
@@luigiprovencher or more,what’s wrong with that? My dad is the oldest one of 21,mum oldest of 16
@@silverlining6259 It's excessive.
I would add "falling asleep during session" is a sign of a bad counselor.
Unless they have some sort of disorder absolutely!
I had a counselor who had diabetes, so the three times that happened I made a point of asking: if he was okay, did he need to get something to eat or reschedule, etc...
SAME! With a PhD even. I'm not paying if you fall asleep. That's me setting good boundaries with an overbooked therapist.
@@motherbear327 My counselor wasn't overbooked, or inconsiderate, he just had the occasional blood sugar issue...
I went to a counselor and he would just yawn like he was bored when I was talking. Then he went on a 2 week tangent about how I needed friends to talk about my truama to... just odd imo
Sometimes points like these make me feel like some doctors/therapists are no more qualified than myself to treat me. The only difference between us is that they have the authority to prescribe drugs and I don't. Crazy stuff.
Great to know I have a good therapist! Don't let a bad therapist discourage you, you keep trying. My therapist helped me a lot and I'm really grateful.
Yes I'm a strong believer in keep going until you find someone who you're comfortable with.
I saw the video title and I thought, "This is quite ballsy to post. Either this is going to be very good from a humble place or its going to be very subjective."
I really like how you prefaced the content and it is again, really well done. I stopped seeing a therapist recently because he works mostly with late teen, early twenty year old people and I'm 45. His approach just wasn't effective for me. But this video helps a lot in my search for a good counselor.
When you mention making up diagnoses like "Angry Person Disorder", "Talkative Personality Disorder", and "Super Sad Disorder", it reminds me of how I used to joke that my brother had Assaholic Personality Disorder.
Omg!!! My husband says assholic. 😂😂
I had a therapist that kept saying the same thing in each session. Even through in each session I talked about other things. I started to get the feeling he reads the same script to every patient for everything. I stopped going to him.
oh yes. My old one would always have the same line of “it’s not here anymore” whenever I tried working through things with her. I caught on very quickly and the lines didn’t help at all 😭
My brother has been seeking therapy on and off for nearly 40 years. At the onset, he had been diagnosed as bi-polar, which he didn't understand because he felt it didn't fit, but he did know he needed therapy because of his anger issues. All therapists wanted to focus on the bipolar. It wasn't until he was in his 60s that someone actually listened to him talk a bout this anger that terrified him because he couldn't control it and the meds he was taking offered no help. Long story short, he had been misdiagnosed. The only good therapist he had ever talked to introduced him to tools he could use to control possible anger outbursts. He is a changed man today. He shouldn't have had to go through SO MANY therapists before he found one who actually "listened" to him and asked him relevant questions. It took 40 years of seeking treatment before a therapist asked about his relationship with our mother - a very VERY mentally disturbed woman who screwed us all up while our father looked on passively while doing doing. THAT was a fixable problem!
What was the diagnosis then? I have this issue and want to know what could it be I was diagnosed bipolar but I don’t fit the symptoms I read for it
I believe that a counselor who lacks empathy is not a “good” counselor….otherwise this was very detailed and well done
I had one therapist who chowed down on a chicken Parmesan hero, while I was speaking of my uncles brutal homicide. 😩😩 That was very odd and awful.
I'm sorry, that is horrific. That would be a scene from a comedy if it wasn't so terrible! What the heck is wrong with them
@@DarthFurie Gee, as an aspiring comedy writer, I wish I came up with this scenario. Sounds like something out of a Monty Python sketch.
@@chickenfdisoruhg4915 really he was masticating so intensely on that chicken parm and totally not listening to me. fell free to use it in something. it is ok. I am alright now.
@@desiderata333 Thanks pal. In retrospect, that’s as macabre as it would be hilarious. Keep keeping on man.
@@chickenfdisoruhg4915 truth!
One sign of a "less than ideal" therapist is they have no idea when you will no longer need therapy. I knew one woman who was seeing a therapist 2 or 3 times a week for 7 years. There were no goals set nor any criteria for being "cured". She spent tens of thousands of dollars on therapy and said she felt no better than she did in her first session. That seemed like a form of therapy addiction to me.
Her therapist was addicted to her money.
Cure in natural sciences only are regarded as existing when the cause for the illness is completely removed.
The mind is a complex adaptative system, and many conditions regarded as illnesses don't have a single (but multiple) or any primary cause identified at all.
Many people stay in therapy for decades not because the therapist is incompetent, but because the person suffers of a chronic and permanent condition.
Your argument is like calling a medic or and intervention bad because it will not cure a disease like diabetes, which requires lifelong treatment.
The mind in the same manner as the body can suffer lifelong distress, specially when there is genetic, fisiological and neurological co-factors.
I specifically suffer of Narcolepsy without Catalepsy (ie. Hipersomnia) and my sleep is highly erratic. My erratic sleep afects my body and mind, specially to depression and anxiety. There is very little chance I will recover permanently of these problems without recovering permanently from Hipersomnia. And there is no cure for it.
@@LNVACVAC
Behaviorists would disagree with you. It doesn't matter why a certain behavior was adopted or what caused it. If we can eliminate the symptoms of a distress (fear of mice for example) then when the subject no longer has symptoms of that fear (through systematic desensitization) the cause is irrelevant and the therapy is complete.
@@randseedbin9440 Behaviorism failed in it's project specifically because they disregarded problems like this. The fact some conditions can be successfuly treated trough their methods doesn't mean all people will respond to it, or all conditions.
Behaviorism has no solutions for things like personality disorders.
Yeah, seeing counselor is bullshit. You pay 50% on their car and don't have a damn thing to show for it. If I'm going to pay that much for something, I need to see some results, and don't tell me some shit about, "That will come to you when you've put the appropriate time and effort into your problems."
i have seen mental health professional for 30 years. here's what i have observed. i had panic attacks and anxiety disorder for all those years because the 2 different men i lived with had narcissistic personality disorder. i am sure of it. none of the professionals figured that out and i had never heard of personality disorders. i eventually got ptsd. 30 years is a long dang time.
i would like to see more professionals who know about narcissism.
i figured things out on my own and studied the internet for 4 years now. when i go see a therapist, i know so much more than they do that i have to explain things they should already know. last week, my therapist said i don't have ptsd. i had to explain about complex-ptsd. i have to explain covert narcissism. i have to explain emotional abuse. etc.
if it is not in the DSM, they never heard of some mental issues. the wording of the cluster b personality disorders in the DSM is lame and weak. cluster b people can be highly dangerous all without any physical abuse. i wonder about the higher suicide rates today. cluster b will drive people to that.
i have had quite a few bad mental health professionals. they were narcissists. one therapist said i should be more assertive. so, i went home and got pummeled by my narc for trying to assert my already assertive self.
i am not angry at what i went through. i am glad to have answers finally. i know there are good people in this field. i am thankful for dr. grande and all the helpful channels on youtube. they saved my life.
+chemtrailmary Search youtube for Lisa A Romano. Also Balance Psychologies. Excellent presentations specializing exclusively in narcissism. Good fortune to you!
gm c Lisa’s lovely 💕
Oh dear, don’t thing you are alone! I have horrible experiences with 2 of my therapist!
I can actually relate to you here mary!!! Thanks for saying that!! Thanks for sharing about your experience with us all here. Best wishes to you always in life!!! 👍👍👍🌹🌹🌹
@Psychopathy Today 👍👍👍👍👍👍😢😢
Thank you Dr.Grande for addressing so many complicated professional issues in such a sensitive and eloquent way.I think your videos should be transcribed published and considered for academic use. C.Mommsen D.Phil. (Psychology),M.A Clinical Psychology Clinical Psychologist (Ret.) South Africa
Had one therapist that told me "Welp you are all better now, this is our last session"
While I was having a full blown panic attack, crying, shaking etc.
(don't worry, I got an other therapist after this and doing much better today)
I had a therapist ask me if I was sure everything I told her wasn't all in my head. Worked well for my issues with not feeling validated
My sister is a therapist and decided after talking to me for a half hour to tell our dad not even me that She thought ’m borderline personality and my actual therapist told me how wrong and unethical that was. I agree and honestly it’s something that always bothers me whenever I see her.
My older brother tried to convince me that we have autism. I dont get why someone would do that except to mess with someone else
@@russfloyd5089 You're not supposed to use your psych skills on your family or friends because you can't ever achieve anything resembling neutral in that situation. You have a bias and your professional opinion is gonna be warped by it.
Same reason a BIG rule in business is to *never* have family and friends as business partners, you're unable to be impartial in those situations-- as much as you might believe otherwise. You'll always have a bias toward/against a relative, friend, or ex-friend.
I know this video isn't meant to be funny but outstanding warrant disorder gave me a good laugh. I really enjoyed this whole video .
As someone who is studying psychology (currently working through pre-req’s), I’m so glad to hear about the “one-hit wonder” because I’ve heard of several modalities I can see being affective but was worried I may have to decide one to really hone in on and strictly practice it alone. I’m a good way off from finishing so I don’t want to ever get too presumptuous, but videos from professionals like you help. Thank you
My first therapist ended up telling me he is in love with me and wants to have sex with me and second one kept making fun of people who are "middle" and "lower" class. I lost my trust in therapists and I don't want to give my trust and hope (and money) to someone only to end up being hurt
This is so wrong what the fuck
I'm so sorry wtf :(
Wow, not only did he violate several rules, he is a massive red flag. Especially if it was a date instead of therapy.
He should have lost his license asap.
I would add the next one: the therapist insists on continuing therapy, when you want to go away because his/her "therapy" makes you feel every day worse...
Or when their therapy isn't going anywhere and you can't afford to keep going through with it.
I had only one that "helped" me, where I felt better after meeting with her.. With the rest, I felt worse after a session and started to resent giving them money
I had a therapist invite me to join his religious group, which I did, so we were at a lot of the same social functions together. I had a therapist encourage me to break the law. I had a therapist tell me he wasn't interested in what I was saying and that I was wasting time by talking about my life. I had a therapist who just flat out didn't believe anything I was saying. There's a lot of bad therapists out there.
I agree with you on the ethics of pursuing relationships with clients. It should be a permanent ban. This should apply to the medical and psychology professions. A big reason for this in my opinion is due to the existence of narcissistic sociopaths. AKA psychopaths. In 1991 my mother was under hospice care due to late stage breast cancer and it took her life. Or so I thought. I discovered the details of my mother’s last day of life 3 years ago by contacting her nurse. Within 10 minutes of our conversation we both knew my father had murdered her and used the cancer as cover. Soon after her death, my father dated the nurse. I was 16 at the time and my father did a good job of keeping me unaware of this short lived relationship until I reached out to her and she spilled the beans. What’s important here is that he didn’t date her because he wanted a relationship with her. It was purely to gather information and throw the nurse off track if she voiced any suspicions. There’s a lot more of this story to tell but I will end it here by saying this is why it’s important to ban these relationships.
What absolutely devastating, horrifying things to discover about your father, and what really had happened to your mother! I'm so sorry.
When they break confidentiality for no emergency, when nobody is in any sort of danger.
Very good points. I’m a licensed counsellor myself and I approve of all the red flags you mentioned. And this information is so important to spread as I often see those misregarded.
What about the therapist that thinks you're faking when you're not? I have had an encounter with that myself, and it is extremely frustrating.
then you need to leave them and find someone more understanding because theyre putting their own personal opinions into their work and invalidating your experiences and therapy is no place for that
My psychiatrist (falsely) accused Me of simply using him to get more money from the government for disability. The medical report was sent. I was denied. And I honestly cannot work. I'm not giving up even though it will take time.
Hang in there. dude
@@wc8-administration687 what the hell dude thats messed up :/ sorry you have to go through that
I can relate!!!! I don't know why we would be "faking it????? Do you??? Just wanted HELP!!!! 😣😣😥😥
My first counselor I saw was emotionally abusive. She would frequently shame me whenever I would backslide and overtly impatient with me whenever I became emotional. I have yet to seek another counselor, but I do understand that it's probably not common practice for the client to want to curl up and die after each session.
That's horrible!!! I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hope you found someone much better, who actually helps you.
"Weaponizing a diagnosis"....thank you for pointing out how unethical that is! It can ruin a life.
I just had this done to me and it has thrown my life upside down, after making the diagnosis she disappeared. Totally weaponised a diagnosis.
It can affect your ability to get proper and timely medical care. I needed emergency surgery because one doctor attributed my pain to "anxiety".
That could start a human rights issue as it did with a certain singer.
I'll add another. Anyone who was ever a therapist for Britney Spears while she was in conservatorship.
I can add some.
1) Therapist sets up a power imbalance by :
A) putting you through a number of screening phases before deciding if they will accept you as a client.
And/or
B) Instead of explaining what they do and asking if you feel this might help you, they ask what are you looking for (which you may not even fully know, you might just need help!) and proceed to judge you on whether or not you are appropriate for THEM.
2)Therapist puts effort into explaining boundaries upfront but fails to put effort into displaying trust and safety, making you feel distrusted and like you have to earn trust and approval.
3)You feel judged and/or feel the need to “explain yourself” to your therapist during the session.
4)When actively listening, the therapist says “you mentioned that X didn’t do Y, but why would they?” or otherwise minimises, dismisses or gaslights.
5)When actively listening, and the therapist says “it seems like you felt/are saying X” but you clarify “no,” instead of listening to your correction, they say “well that’s what I’m hearing” or similar.
6)After a session you feel any of the following: misunderstood, unheard, unseen, invalidated, confused, not good enough, the need to explain yourself more fully, ashamed, scared etc. (Even if initially you felt positively.)
7)When you express your uncertainty to your therapist their reaction is “by all means see another therapist if you’re uncomfortable” rather than listening, validating and reassuring (or even apologising).
8)Therapist engages in any other behaviour that seems passive-aggressive, manipulative, shaming (even very subtly!), otherwise controlling or bolstering a power-imbalance.
These people do so much harm! There are people who don't get what they need out of therapy because they are scared of the therapist's judgement.
Excelent description 🤟
Lmao I got started for evaluation today and brought up my uncertainties and how I also considered going to another place that was recommended, and he said maybe I should go to them instead or something, also he had some intense body language like he was trying to figure me out, idk it was a little weird, I’ll have to go a few time again to make sure.
I had one therapist who made an obvious look of disapproval when I first showed anger when talking about my abuser. He then said "I'm sensing some regression". There were other issues and I wound up dumping him as a therapist. I felt like he had an idea of me being wounded and fragile, and he didn't appreciate me showing anger or aggression.
Sounds like a detective who studied Gestalt, NLP and MMPI
I've not had good luck with counselors. One talked about her marital problems, said that my ex and I would learn from hearing her stuff. Another sat in a high chair and gave me a very low one 15 feet away--could barely see her looking down at me. A third feel asleep during our session. As someone mentioned below, the money and time sink in test driving is prohibitive. Good books and certain youtube presenters have been much more helpful and they're free, 24/7.
I hear ya rh!!! 👍👍👍👍👍👍❤💙💛💚💜 ---- sad but true, it seems. What gives??
Totally
Totally, have gained so much more valuable insight and compassion from you tube creators than my experiences with flesh and blood therapists. So grateful 🙏
A Williams that’s shocking. Did you report them?
Similar boat here. I've had some really really awful therapists/counselors to the point that therapy is basically a trigger for me now. And it seems like there aren't any therapists who are willing to be patient enough to work with me on that :( Even if they are out there, I don't have the money to keep trying until I find "the right one". So I have to find decent youtubers like this and figure out ways to help myself.
One of the worst things is when a counsellor underestimates how badly you feel - even though you've told them! When I met my counsellor for the first time, I had to fill out a questionnaire to determine how severe my depression one. I answered all the questions honestly and the result of the survey was that my depression was indeed severe, which didn't surprise me. My counsellor's response when she saw the result? She laughed. It seems like she didn't believe me.
OMGee, that is ridiculous!! Therapists need to be more respectful than that.
@@tkenglander6226 Indeed. She was very silly.
She shouldn't have laughed at you, stupid lady
Most of them are counselors because they have their own problems. They've done their own "work" and want to help others. I think that is weird. The other weird thing is when they tell you their own story or complain about their mother, etc.
My last councillor told me I had to fill the questionnaire in every week , when I said that seemed a bit too often. He told me I had to do it. He also insisted on zoom calls when I said I would feel more comfortable with telephone appointments. He made me feel awful.