Can a Narcissist Love Others? | Love Bombing & Triangular Theory of Love

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  • Опубліковано 9 тра 2024
  • This video answers the questions: Can a narcissist love somebody romantically or non-romantically? Can a narcissist truly love themselves? What is love bombing? What is the triangulation theory of love?
    Madey, S. F., & Rodgers, L. (2009). The effect of attachment and Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love on relationship satisfaction. Individual Differences Research, 7(2), 76-84.
    Sternberg, R. J. (1986). A triangular theory of love. Psychological Review, 93, 119-135.
    Sternberg, R. J. (1988). The Triangle of Love: Intimacy passion and commitment. New York: Basic Books.
    Sternberg, R. J. (1997). Construct validation of a triangular love scale. European Journal of Social Psychology, 27, 313-335.
    Sternberg, R. J. (2006) A duplex theory of love. In R. J. Sternberg & K. Weis (Eds.), The new psychology of love (pp. 184-199). New Haven: Yale University Press.
    Support Dr. Grande on Patreon:
    / drgrande

КОМЕНТАРІ • 691

  • @MonaLisaFace
    @MonaLisaFace 4 роки тому +706

    From my experience... if a narcissist truly loves you, they will punish you for it.

    • @johnpaul5474
      @johnpaul5474 4 роки тому +72

      That's an interesting point, "R Z." I've read that envy is an essential part of a narcissist's kit bag or tool kit. And envy is probably their deformed version of love.

    • @johnpaul5474
      @johnpaul5474 4 роки тому +77

      @Ben Hackett
      Yeah, they seem to be, as far as I can tell, mostly about power and control, domination and subordination. They're full of self-destructive energy that they turn outwards in order to save themselves from themselves. "They don't know what love is." Without empathy, what love is possible?

    • @virginiafonacier8795
      @virginiafonacier8795 4 роки тому +47

      Everything here is so true.I've been there.Nothing inside them only evil intentions. Liars!Pretenders etc.

    • @johnpaul5474
      @johnpaul5474 4 роки тому +78

      @@virginiafonacier8795
      They repress their worst feelings about themselves and, unconsciously, try to make you feel those feelings instead.

    • @mintberrycrunch4333
      @mintberrycrunch4333 4 роки тому +12

      @@johnpaul5474 is there a difference between the way an overt and covert narcissist treat their partner? Is there hope if they have low trait psychopathy?

  • @zarah2856
    @zarah2856 4 роки тому +241

    "at least when you're talking to your coffee table, it's not thinking about how it's going to run off to Hollywood with your neighbours spouse and star in it's own sitcom" 😂⭐

    • @karenrobargemacon68
      @karenrobargemacon68 3 роки тому +15

      That's why I appreciate my coffee table so much!!!! 😆

    • @Victoriousniki
      @Victoriousniki 3 роки тому +4

      😂😂😂😂😂

    • @peccantis
      @peccantis 3 роки тому +7

      Absolutely true. A reclining chair would be far more likely to have fantasies about starring in its own... sitcom.

    • @magusvega5682
      @magusvega5682 2 роки тому +1

      😂😂

    • @sherriflemming3218
      @sherriflemming3218 8 місяців тому

      😂

  • @mimikim2112
    @mimikim2112 4 роки тому +342

    narcissists consider people as objects, so that’s how far they can “love”. like a sports car they really wanted but eventually got bored in few months.

    • @lovesdogs8616
      @lovesdogs8616 4 роки тому +5

      Did you know that a narc can actually feel love for an object though, conversely? Like a car a TV....

    • @nd8610
      @nd8610 4 роки тому +1

      Mimi:
      I believe you.

    • @nd8610
      @nd8610 4 роки тому +7

      @@RN-gx7wt
      Who knows when you are taken for a fool and you are already committed. I for one hate that feeling. They can probably commit crimes behinď our backs, skipping work but doing heinous things to women especially. They say they are close to being psychopaths

    • @nd8610
      @nd8610 4 роки тому +7

      Mimi:
      Think about this though: if they get bored it's good for us only if they LEAVE; we can get over being duped. But some will not leave. When we (i am guilty of that) keep giving them so many chances that's when it truelly sucks for us. I see that they gain entitlement that makes them think we are going to forgive all the time and we have a hard time getting rid of them.

    • @nd8610
      @nd8610 4 роки тому +3

      @@RN-gx7wt
      That's the whole truth and nothing BUT the truth! Great to read your input RN !

  • @misse7154
    @misse7154 4 роки тому +180

    As the great Haddaway once said "What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more..."

  • @dannandaeterra
    @dannandaeterra 4 роки тому +25

    My coffee table did run off with my neighbor's spouse. It's starring in a soap opera. "As the Table Turns."

  • @honoryourself2098
    @honoryourself2098 4 роки тому +229

    And the prize for dead pan delivery of hilarious jokes goes Dr Grande haha

    • @deak1deak1
      @deak1deak1 4 роки тому +4

      😂😂😂😂

    • @andreasleonlandgren3092
      @andreasleonlandgren3092 4 роки тому +2

      Love it 2!

    • @nd8610
      @nd8610 4 роки тому

      Honor yourself:
      I just don't get it. Feel free to elaborate .

    • @valerieh.708
      @valerieh.708 3 роки тому +7

      @@nd8610 When he demonstrated how you might get more intimacy from talking to furniture than the Narc.

    • @SHEDEVILWASHERE
      @SHEDEVILWASHERE 3 роки тому +2

      I love Dr. Grande. And, im pretty sure I'm not a narcissist. Will you marry me? Wait two weeks and then answer so we won't be rushing in. **steals a cheek kiss and runs really fast in the opposite direction**

  • @cubanelly
    @cubanelly 4 роки тому +217

    We need to be carefull because furniture may be offended by the comparison😄😄

    • @kerensegevnoy
      @kerensegevnoy 4 роки тому +7

      LOL!!!!!!!!!

    • @sibelsavas6741
      @sibelsavas6741 4 роки тому +3

      😅

    • @aroojaziz
      @aroojaziz 3 роки тому +3

      During my marriage of 18 years with a narcissist, I used to feel like a doormat, because he used to treat me like one.

    • @hildesolstraleaksnes8390
      @hildesolstraleaksnes8390 3 роки тому +1

      The best I have heard this year 😂 That's why I have said it feels like talking to a picture.

    • @nd612
      @nd612 3 роки тому +2

      The furniture will be jealous of you because the Narcissist thinks of you as as an object and the furniture does have a status name. You and I are not considered as human beings by the Narcissist because they are monsters and there is nothing good inside of them and their brain is full of sick perpetrator ways and they have bad intentions and cannot stop. We have to laugh at the Narcissist because they are not worthy of our spite. Just don't piss us off and they will be alright. I speak for myself.

  • @truthteller8872
    @truthteller8872 4 роки тому +166

    From my experience, they don't respect if you do love them, don't respect you if you don't love them. Extremely tiresome.
    Thank you Dr. Grande.

    • @britegrl03
      @britegrl03 3 роки тому +4

      This is the perfect summary of my marriage.

    • @GrumpyMeow-Meow
      @GrumpyMeow-Meow Рік тому +4

      As Woody Allen said, “I wouldn’t belong to any club that would have me for a member.”

    • @jenma9377
      @jenma9377 Рік тому

      😨

    • @lala1119
      @lala1119 Рік тому +1

      This is exactly my experience. From the very beginning I had the feeling that if I slept with him, he would.lose any respect(in case of narc it's not respect but rather fear) for me. So I stepped back even though I was infatuated after the love bombing phase. It's a sad feeling, when you have no idea what is wrong with the person, though their facade is fine and it takes time to realize that it wasn't a "special connection " that you shared, just a targeted manipulation

    • @tobsternater
      @tobsternater 11 місяців тому

      absolutely

  • @iamlight1
    @iamlight1 4 роки тому +168

    A narcissist says: "I love you" in the same way they say: "i love my car".

    • @GR-gq1us
      @GR-gq1us 3 роки тому +20

      Not true, they will say it in a more "loving and enthusiastic way" when referring to their cars

    • @alizaaksheikh
      @alizaaksheikh 2 роки тому +2

      My narcs loved his car more, he discarded me in 2 months and its been years and he didnt discarded his car yer

    • @BeckBeckGo
      @BeckBeckGo 2 роки тому

      Unless you are that guy who fell in love with, and was sexually attracted to his car.

    • @BeckBeckGo
      @BeckBeckGo 2 роки тому +1

      @@alizaaksheikh you mean he drives an old car? Not a new car?
      Omg…. Somebody tell him!

    • @iamlight1
      @iamlight1 2 роки тому

      @@BeckBeckGo are you putting love with sexual attraction together as the same?

  • @eyeamme1917
    @eyeamme1917 4 роки тому +43

    Talking to a narcissist = talking to a piece of furniture... Spot on 💙.

    • @captaint1180
      @captaint1180 Рік тому +3

      Or a brick wall…

    • @eweksi
      @eweksi 11 місяців тому

      Yes. One sign something is not right is when you attempt to have face to face conversation and it goes nowhere. It was so weird for me. Like my words were echoing in empty void space. 😮

    • @sherriflemming3218
      @sherriflemming3218 8 місяців тому +3

      The brick wall fits as well.

  • @chillywilly4126
    @chillywilly4126 2 роки тому +21

    They fall in love with their projection of who they need/want you to be. You are never allowed to change/grow as a person from the narcissist projection. If you do, they get rid of you. They can’t love the real you.

    • @IsabellaPiesch
      @IsabellaPiesch 3 місяці тому

      They don´t even want to get to know the real you. They use your abilities (what you can do for them)... And they even underestimate you a lot...

  • @tuck-brainwks-eutent-hidva1098
    @tuck-brainwks-eutent-hidva1098 4 роки тому +115

    If they're NOT loving everyone within a 10-ft. radius, but choosing a target and violating a boundary, maybe they are more love-snipers than love bombers...? ☻

    • @iaindcosta
      @iaindcosta 3 роки тому +6

      You got it! I have never been comfortable with that phrase (love bombing) Love Sniping it is!

    • @ThangNguyen-kk1wh
      @ThangNguyen-kk1wh 3 роки тому

      When a Sniper hit you after you fell down and emptying the magazine of 24 bullets....it's Love Bombing !!!😂😭

    • @healthclub6610
      @healthclub6610 2 роки тому +1

      TUCK- has the most underrated comment ever, 100% insightful.

    • @BeckBeckGo
      @BeckBeckGo 2 роки тому

      I love-snipe this comment!

    • @BeckBeckGo
      @BeckBeckGo 2 роки тому

      @@SailorSabol yeah this was really clever!

  • @youtubeKathy
    @youtubeKathy 4 роки тому +57

    9:00 is a piece of furniture a good listener? absolutely.

    • @BeckBeckGo
      @BeckBeckGo 2 роки тому +1

      You know the best listeners in the world? Dogs. They sit there with you. You know they’re listening. They may not understand what you’re really saying, but they know you need an ear. And they’re just like “well… I can’t do much right now. But I’m here with you. I’ll lean against you and try to make you feel like we’re in this together. I’m not going anywhere.”
      Dogs are amazing. When someone needs me, I’ve learned to try to be like dog. Just be there. It means so much.

  • @uselogic117
    @uselogic117 4 роки тому +65

    more triangle theory! this should've been taught in school so people could avoid dangerous relationships and wasting precious time.

    • @johnschlottman619
      @johnschlottman619 Рік тому +1

      Well... as Dr. Grande points out, it is a rather flawed theory... he didn't feel completely comfortable using it, but pretty much had to for lack of a better alternative framework. That is the feeling I got.

    • @Lenastar23
      @Lenastar23 Рік тому

      i actually did learn it in school. (it did not help me lol)

  • @twiggy1415
    @twiggy1415 4 роки тому +79

    Narcs can appear to love if the victim is useful! They are too self absorbed for love. Class video Dr Grande. You explain things clearly, iam just cynical when it comes to narcissists. They have nearly destroyed my life!

  • @if-not-now
    @if-not-now 4 роки тому +56

    “It’s a lot like talking to a piece of furniture” he says

    • @nd8610
      @nd8610 4 роки тому +3

      Zachary:
      I liked that comment from Dr. Grande. What a good saying about "these difficult that pay no mind what they do to others missing a whole lot of required fundamentals to have feelings for others reactions to their abuse or even how to bring any joy to anyone cause they're only in for them selves 100%..

    • @aroojaziz
      @aroojaziz 3 роки тому +1

      Trust me that’s exactly how it is. They don’t have feelings.

  • @stars_for_night_lights
    @stars_for_night_lights 4 роки тому +18

    They are incapable of true love and of unconditional love. Their form of love is contingent upon what you can do for them, or what you can offer them, including being a whipping board - something you unwittingly become. If you don't have anything to offer, and don't stand for their abuse, they have zero use for you. Save yourself and go no contact ASAP. It's the only way you can reclaim your life and the only chance you'll have of freedom and true happiness Don't walk....RUN! 💜🙏

  • @Rahel8811
    @Rahel8811 4 роки тому +123

    The love bombing felt icky and not real, there was always a bad underlying bad feeling resonating.

    • @kerensegevnoy
      @kerensegevnoy 4 роки тому +7

      Rahel T Rocca and still we stay till the bitter end. How crazy of us

    • @nd8610
      @nd8610 4 роки тому +9

      Rachel,
      it's hard but I will tell you and others this; Eventually we don't fall for it.
      Eventually it doesn't make us angry how they act.
      Eventually it just won't bother us anymore what they say.
      Believe what I tell you. We can't live for how others treat us. And for it has no concern or barring on us. We begin to know. The hardest part is not knowing who we were dealing with in the first place.

    • @nd8610
      @nd8610 4 роки тому +2

      Rachel:
      You are so right. We feel these things. And we know the gifts or overly doing it is not sincere. It's a lie. Not that we don't deserve but we know when something is not right and we pinpoint the fact that It is their "intentions." Their intentions are untrue

    • @really5453
      @really5453 4 роки тому +1

      @@kerensegevnoy It's real easy to do when they give you what you're missing.

    • @ladybluelotus
      @ladybluelotus 3 роки тому

      Yes, indeed. It felt very icky 😷, uncomfortable and disingenuous. I also noticed that he made a big display of his gift-giving, and always public. As if it was more for the audience than me. The whole situation made public displays of affection very uncomfortable for me.

  • @joycemarie5495
    @joycemarie5495 4 роки тому +116

    I wish I had access to your videos when I was being “love bombed”. I understand now what was happening, but at the time it was overwhelming and confusing. I was always uncomfortable with the never ending gifts and was made to feel as if I was being ungrateful because I would ask him to stop....I am happy that you are able to help offer your wisdom and guidance so that others can avoid be a victim of “love bombing” and hopefully avoid getting into a relationship with a Narcissist. Thanks again for an informative video.

    • @DrGrande
      @DrGrande  4 роки тому +12

      You are quite welcome!

    • @nd8610
      @nd8610 4 роки тому +3

      I agree and that info wasn't easily attainable to us in the past to be able to look for the signs of Narcissistic behavior in partners, etc. And I am also thankful for
      Dr. Grande '

    • @valerieh.708
      @valerieh.708 3 роки тому +1

      This is a topic that could use more videos. People explain the love bombing but rarely help us navigate the complex feelings we get, as you explained. You feel ungrateful for gifts, which seems wrong to feel, even though your inner voice is correct. It's quite the mind-F, and too many times the videos deal with this issue from the narc perspective rather than the victim perspective.

    • @victoriousjoy9338
      @victoriousjoy9338 Рік тому

      Me too!

    • @carolnahigian9518
      @carolnahigian9518 Рік тому

      Me too ! the gift that keeps on giving-4 adult children taught to dislike me ( ouch!). Ongoing Grief

  • @keyo3316
    @keyo3316 4 роки тому +18

    I dodged a Narcissist recently. No matter how many times I told him I was not looking for a relationship he kept trying to persuade me.
    He'd call 3 times a day, Ignore things that I said were important to me, and even told me I "needed" a boyfriend.
    He'd get angry every time I turned down his advances or wouldn't divulge personal information to him. He'd play passive-aggressive to try to make me jealous. All of this in the span of a week of meeting him.
    I finally told him one last time I was not interested and blocked him.
    If it were not for these videos I would have not known what to look for. Thanks Dr. Grande.

    • @egrace3738
      @egrace3738 4 роки тому +1

      Yes! Another person saved !

    • @keyo3316
      @keyo3316 4 роки тому

      @@Mike-ss1sc somebody tried to call you 30 times in one day?! That's obsessive. Yeah, I got kind of lucky.

    • @ecasey91
      @ecasey91 4 роки тому

      Oh thank God 🙏🏻 saving lives Dr. Grande

  • @lisaaburumman7088
    @lisaaburumman7088 4 роки тому +64

    The statement that you made about narcissism and self love was quite elegant. Self love without self reflection is truly empty love.

  • @larrytruelove7112
    @larrytruelove7112 4 роки тому +31

    The trouble is that I see these tendencies in everyone I know, including myself. Seeking intimacy, connection and commitment but having difficulty in establishing it.
    Finally, the other person decides there was never sincerity in the first place and they walk away. Really, there’s a need to work on the relationship and to become less selfish. Selfishness is something that we try to cleanse from ourselves but never quite achieving it.

    • @BeckBeckGo
      @BeckBeckGo 2 роки тому +4

      Don’t be too hard on yourself and others. We’re all kind of selfish to an extent. And I think when it comes to love we’re all at least a little idealistic too. It’s ok to fall into a boring routine of just being together, even if it’s not as exciting as the more stressful stuff. I love the boring routine stuff. That feels so special to me. Like “now we’re family.”

  • @jenniferwills3095
    @jenniferwills3095 4 роки тому +56

    I have always wondered why my ex narc doesnt love his own daughters. They are in their twenties and have declared complete independence from him because of his cruelty. I cannot imagine how he diesnt ache to see them and miss them. This explains a lot. Thank you so much for your guidance and putting this informatio. out there. It is super helpful!!

    • @amanitamuscaria7500
      @amanitamuscaria7500 4 роки тому +4

      My dad left 3 lots of children, without a backward glance.

    • @toweypat
      @toweypat 3 роки тому +2

      What a shame. Your ex is missing out on so much!

    • @aroojaziz
      @aroojaziz 3 роки тому +5

      You are lucky, he didn’t love them. Because their love comes with pain. My husband was sexually abusing my daughters for 10 years. They don’t have any sense and respect of any relationship. They are just self centred.

    • @PrivateAckbar
      @PrivateAckbar 2 роки тому

      This is why I find Tony Sopranos anxiety hard to believe. I don't think a narcissist would empathise with the effect criminality is having on their kids development. If they did process the fact that they're losing their family they would feel insulted and angry, not anxious or guilty.

    • @aroojaziz
      @aroojaziz 2 роки тому

      @Welcome's House I tried dear. He was in remand for a week then he bribed $30,000 to the police & police closed the case. I went to anti corruption. The officer told me clearly that my husband used a big fish to bribe so I can bring a bigger fish then they can catch him. All the medical reports, social welfare reports were in my favour but I lost from the police. Then I went to domestic violence special branch, they asked me to file for public prosecution. I didn’t proceed because if he could buy the police then he could buy government lawyers as well.
      Anyway I won the temporary custody & now fighting for permanent custody for past 4 years.

  • @octoberskye1049
    @octoberskye1049 4 роки тому +61

    IME, the 'love' of a Narcissist is ultimately a form of objectification. You are an acquisition. Oh yes, they *adore* infatuation. Liking you? As long as you're perceived as 'useful'. Not that it's YOU they like. They'll ask you to marry them -- there is a 'because'. They'll say: 'Because I love you.' Don't give an answer, other than: 'Give me time to consider this.' They won't like it, but distance yourself emotionally and think about the situation. REALLY think about it. Narcissists depend on *your* loyalty and trust. Passion fades quickly and you'll cease to be the amazing novelty in their lives. You'll become the Caretaker. The cook. The property manager. The third wheel. 🙄😬🙁

  • @ghanamother6139
    @ghanamother6139 4 роки тому +57

    Good video Dr. G.... Narcs are the Great Pretenders of our time.

    • @DrGrande
      @DrGrande  4 роки тому +6

      Thank you

    • @divinekate
      @divinekate 4 роки тому +2

      Someone should round them up for Hollywood, they need actors anyways ..

  • @davidthomspson9771
    @davidthomspson9771 4 роки тому +52

    In my experience yes she can love very well.While I was sleeping she was 'loving' her ex boyfriend down by the lakeside.🤪

    • @davidthomspson9771
      @davidthomspson9771 4 роки тому +8

      I can laugh about it now....never hold in anger or resentment.Let it go.

    • @andreasleonlandgren3092
      @andreasleonlandgren3092 4 роки тому +3

      Haha thats great that you have let it go.

    • @tuck-brainwks-eutent-hidva1098
      @tuck-brainwks-eutent-hidva1098 4 роки тому +4

      So sorry -- that's awful! But your approach to it, with some distance, is healthy -- and funny! 😉

    • @eagleeye2300
      @eagleeye2300 4 роки тому +2

      They are truly pigs, (sorry, to actual pigs of the animal variety...)

    • @burntblonde2925
      @burntblonde2925 4 роки тому +1

      Well said!

  • @joywebster2678
    @joywebster2678 4 роки тому +35

    Empty love is a perfect description. The narc in my life keeps re iterating how committed he is to helping me and being there for me. Yet he is abusive and absent and all things narc. Any love bombing is horrid attempts for sexual favor, and that doesn't happen. Plus he can't wait to list all that is wrong with me. I pray for a way out of this stuck situation.

    • @sugadiamond
      @sugadiamond 2 роки тому +3

      Did you make it out? How are you?

    • @johnschlottman619
      @johnschlottman619 Рік тому

      You are their objectified toy

    • @dahliafiend
      @dahliafiend Рік тому

      I will ALWAYS be there for you. Two weeks later she was with another man. I went through cancer shortly after and never saw her once.

  • @Vixinaful
    @Vixinaful 3 роки тому +6

    Ohohoho "Is it better to talk to the furniture? In a sense, yes!" lol Gotta LOVE Grande.

  • @sarahangeleski2027
    @sarahangeleski2027 4 роки тому +20

    What I find strangely missing in these definitions of love is the element of caring.
    While, in my experience, narcissists may occasionally care for their partner or child, they're either incapable of sustained caring or are unwilling to engage in caring.

    • @johnschlottman619
      @johnschlottman619 Рік тому +1

      Yes, what you mention goes right to the core of love; this current 'triangulation' framing seems to me to accent tangiental things... ostensibly 'measurable' things, but off.

    • @jenilynneful
      @jenilynneful 10 місяців тому

      Yep

    • @sherriflemming3218
      @sherriflemming3218 8 місяців тому

      Exactly

  • @jeanetteyork2582
    @jeanetteyork2582 4 роки тому +10

    Answer to the question: no. Under no circumstances, happy or sad, good or bad times, rich or poor, no.
    My source: experience.

  • @mountainmermaid8
    @mountainmermaid8 4 роки тому +53

    Could you do a video on the narcissist as a friend, maybe including both types, grandiose and vulnerable? I may have asked this before. Thank you and I love your work.

    • @DrGrande
      @DrGrande  4 роки тому +24

      Excellent idea- I will add it to the production list- thank you!

    • @debsabatino311
      @debsabatino311 4 роки тому +8

      Add co worker!

    • @notagain779
      @notagain779 4 роки тому +3

      @Nikki Dee , I understand your situation, very much like mine. I have been called accommodating and conciliatory. Part of it is how I was raised. To be agreeable and not rock the boat. I'm not sure it has anything to do with self esteem, though. I think my esteem for myself is somewhere in the middle. A "friend" who love bombed me, was a real motormouth. Most people avoided her, but I thought she was funny, and I enjoyed the attention. Part of it was that, as an introvert myself, I didn't ever have to worry about there being any silences. She took care of that every time! It took about a year for me to start to wonder about her. I knew she wasn't all what she appeared to be, and the attention she gave me was there to get an expected payoff.

    • @LuciaInman
      @LuciaInman 4 роки тому +4

      @@DrGrande I'd love to see that one

    • @meera2531
      @meera2531 4 роки тому +2

      Also ASPD friends and colleagues. Though I can recognize them now but they can pass under the radar for years if you don't know the signs.

  • @elenigros
    @elenigros 4 роки тому +8

    “Interestingly the feeling of being special or unique is one of the symptoms of NPD”...subtle!

  • @Clueless2019
    @Clueless2019 2 роки тому +4

    Yes! "Let's be careful when comparing furniture to narcissists" As always, i appreciate your dose of humor. 😂

  • @NarcissisticAbuseRehab
    @NarcissisticAbuseRehab 4 роки тому +57

    As soon as the notification came, I poured a cup of tea and started watching this video. The coffee table analogy is gold 🏆
    Thank you, Dr. Grande, for adding nuance to this topic. I’m going to share this on Twitter ♻️

    • @DrGrande
      @DrGrande  4 роки тому +8

      Thank you so much!

    • @maryfisher6569
      @maryfisher6569 4 роки тому +1

      Great analogogy, I agree. A coffee table.🤔

    • @NarcissisticAbuseRehab
      @NarcissisticAbuseRehab 4 роки тому +2

      Kathleen Smith I love how Dr. Grande’s humor sneaks up on you 😆 NPD is a heavy topic so it’s always a nice surprise.

    • @maryfisher6569
      @maryfisher6569 4 роки тому +2

      Yes, it is a breath of fresh air and we see his little sweet smirk. 😉

    • @sherriflemming3218
      @sherriflemming3218 8 місяців тому

      Love the coffee table analogy

  • @user-gy7bg1rv6o
    @user-gy7bg1rv6o 4 роки тому +27

    I know where the idea of unconditional love came from.
    It is a wish!
    The child that has been immensely criticized wishes someone love them just the way they are.
    Because they didn't have that sense of acceptance growing up.
    I sense people put too much emphasis on feelings nowadays.
    It takes much more than feelings to make a partnership work, don't you agree??

    • @IsabellaPiesch
      @IsabellaPiesch 3 місяці тому

      It take emotional empathy and narcissists don´t have that. So if you don´t understand and feel the other person you can´t love him/her. There is simple no chance at all.

  • @Catssandra13
    @Catssandra13 4 роки тому +29

    Thanks Dr. Grande. Just wish that you and your videos had been around a while back, definitely might have changed the choices I made, and saved me (and my family) lots of pain. Knowledge is power, thanks for sharing yours with us.

  • @carolb3869
    @carolb3869 4 роки тому +28

    Omg the coffee table won’t run off with your neighbour, thus preferable 😂
    This may be analogy perfection - it sure gets my vote!!!
    Still laughing ...

    • @LuciaInman
      @LuciaInman 4 роки тому +3

      haha I think I'll take the table, thanks

    • @carolb3869
      @carolb3869 4 роки тому +2

      Lucia
      NONE of us are thinking twice👏

  • @serendipitous_synchronicity
    @serendipitous_synchronicity 4 роки тому +29

    😘 Thank you Dr Grande! Incredibly interesting vlog, to say the least!
    A snapshot of something I've experienced; A person with high trait narcissism, will fool you into believing that their lustful passion is both intimacy & passion... Fooled, due to our own desires for connectivity & our faith in beautiful hearts!!
    Learning ourselves, our weaknesses... is our greatest defense!

    • @nd8610
      @nd8610 4 роки тому +2

      Donna,
      I totally think they are con people. I haven't heard that yet from these videos but I've come to that conclusion with this man.

    • @serendipitous_synchronicity
      @serendipitous_synchronicity 4 роки тому

      @@nd8610 Sadly, I feel some are con people too! They know they have a deficit in areas yet they continue to weave their way into people... never willing to get therapy on what they know isn't normal.
      Some are even worse than this.. they believe their own bs.
      But these are my drawn opinions, from life... Dr Grande is wonderful at teaching the in's & outs.
      😊

    • @nd8610
      @nd8610 4 роки тому +1

      @@serendipitous_synchronicity
      Thank you for your reply and your insight. And I'm glad to see you understand . It's hard to explain these difficult people. And some people just won't understand. Especially if they have not dealt with this kind of person

  • @Rachaelshaw7
    @Rachaelshaw7 Місяць тому

    Is a piece of furniture a good listener?
    Absolutely.
    {In a lot of ways it's a lot better than talking to a narcissist especially if you're seeking intimacy}
    GOLD 🥇

  • @freya4929
    @freya4929 4 роки тому +19

    🧐🤔🤔🤔🤔🤭🤨🤣🤣🤣
    Just here to argue that my coffee table is way better in all 3 categories you’ve just explained then any narcissist (that I’ve have had the misfortune to cross paths with), will ever be at loving me, or anyone actually.
    Awesome video though!
    Thank you 🙏

  • @alibre4484
    @alibre4484 4 роки тому +21

    I believe we fall out of love mainly because of the poor choices in partners we choose. TY for your videos.

    • @BeckBeckGo
      @BeckBeckGo 2 роки тому +2

      Yeah maybe. I think a lot of people settle though. Like neither person is bad or toxic or abusive or anything. But you just get into the routine of relying on each other. Which isn’t always terrible.

    • @oxxy6678
      @oxxy6678 Рік тому

      @@BeckBeckGo idk if this is common but I think I almost seek out toxic behavior because I like the push back, I find it exciting. In my current relationship i am bouta leave because my partner is so agreeable. I never fight with a girl but I love when girls have a shit ton of personality and flair because it's interesting since I have a very socially dominany personality. Might be because my 2nd relationship when I was 14 was with a super toxic girl who I still talk to years later, we would have this amazing chemistry but we would go through periods of totally disliking eachother and trying to make eachother jealous with other partners, and then breaking up with the partners and getting back together. It was honestly an intoxicating cycle, think I am maybe somewhat toxic myself.

  • @jessemusliu1738
    @jessemusliu1738 4 роки тому +12

    I wish I watched this video over thirty years ago when I married a narcissist . I knew she was self centered and narcissist but I thought she will get over because I loved her so much.
    We raised 4 kids and I worked seven days a week to give her all the things she wanted.
    She could never hold a job.
    While I worked she turned my kids against me.
    One day After my youngest daughters wedding she ended our marriage and threw me out the house like we never existed as a couple .
    She did this via texting .

    • @yugaprs
      @yugaprs 3 роки тому +1

      i'm sorry to hear that buddy

    • @CBRRR-eh3ky
      @CBRRR-eh3ky 3 роки тому

      Horrible horrible horrible.
      But I am glad you were able to write this which means you are still alive. Believe it or not, you are strong & eventually you will be better. Karma is a B & narcissists are not an exception to that. I know you are not a vengeful person but watch ans see the boomerang effect.

  • @user-gy7bg1rv6o
    @user-gy7bg1rv6o 4 роки тому +29

    Oh my God!
    This is the best analysis of love, I have heard so far.
    You have certainly overdone yourself Dr. Grande!
    I got so many questions answered.
    I did so much research on love.
    Never found such clear understanding of it.
    I suggest you call this video, in addition to it's original title.
    "The definition of love"
    I really enjoyed this video
    👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

    • @nd8610
      @nd8610 4 роки тому +1

      To: 'Oh my GOD' comment of the mysterious one's name with your not so not wanted to be known hand writing. But to FLOWER BOUQUET in the pot:
      This is just the beginning of the knowledge we need to know. Yes Grande knows how to relate to us to make this education he is giving us, easy to comprehend. Thanks
      Dr. Grande !

    • @user-gy7bg1rv6o
      @user-gy7bg1rv6o 4 роки тому +1

      N D
      A lot noticed by a simple comment.
      You read people well

  • @ClaLu
    @ClaLu Місяць тому +1

    😂😂 Furniture rocks!! ❤ So true, that coffee table can be better company that a narcissist any day 😅

  • @amanda2488
    @amanda2488 4 роки тому +4

    Wow, I was just thinking about requesting this video! Thank you again for great content (like always).

  • @Clueless2019
    @Clueless2019 2 роки тому

    The best description of the various types of LOVE! Really enjoyed it! THANK YOU ☺

  • @thebestmarcela
    @thebestmarcela 4 роки тому +3

    That was one of my favorite videos! So interesting!

  • @AndreeaPrisacariu
    @AndreeaPrisacariu 4 роки тому +2

    Good one, Dr. Grande!

  • @maryfisher6569
    @maryfisher6569 4 роки тому +3

    Great video! once again you have astounded us. Thank you.

  • @meggallucci5300
    @meggallucci5300 3 роки тому

    This is a really good video. The word love is often used but not defined. Dr. Grande defines love very well.

  • @kathrinjohnson2582
    @kathrinjohnson2582 4 роки тому +5

    Great video again! I love how you described this. Especially the bit with the coffee table 😂😂🤣

  • @stefanydower1350
    @stefanydower1350 4 роки тому +2

    Dr Grande. that's an excellent explanation. Thank you!

  • @patriciajoseph3035
    @patriciajoseph3035 Рік тому

    Great video as usual Doc.

  • @roxannahellgren3126
    @roxannahellgren3126 2 роки тому

    Thank you dr Grande for this video. It gives so much insight and comfort when freeing oneself from a longterm narcisstistic relationship.

  • @rejaneoliveira5019
    @rejaneoliveira5019 4 роки тому +3

    The coffee table analogy was the best:))
    I like your sense of humor!
    Very interesting definition of love.
    Thank you again Dr. Grande for another lovely video!

  • @reeshot
    @reeshot 4 роки тому +8

    The furniture analogy was really humorous. Nice! Good work, Dr. Grande.

  • @DeadRedLipBombshellHutto
    @DeadRedLipBombshellHutto 4 роки тому +2

    I love your videos. Always on my feed but i do miss a few and go to your channel to see a couple.Very interesting topic Dr. Great work👍👍👍👍👌👌👌👌

  • @Keekonuts
    @Keekonuts 4 роки тому +7

    You are an incredible thinker....

  • @rejaneoliveira5019
    @rejaneoliveira5019 Рік тому

    Excellent review, Dr. Grande.❤

  • @elzahraeelmasry381
    @elzahraeelmasry381 3 роки тому +1

    Great video, thank you for the explanation it helped me a lot reflecting on my own relationships

  • @AnimalsMatterMorally
    @AnimalsMatterMorally 4 роки тому +1

    Wow, this is "What is Love 101." Useful in all contexts !

  • @emilyphillips2497
    @emilyphillips2497 3 роки тому

    Great video- actually awesome video!!Thank you

  • @user-bb8vf3tq6l
    @user-bb8vf3tq6l 4 роки тому +5

    Thanks a million, doc. What a deep and thoughtful investigation of the problem! You gave the best description of all kinds of love I ever heard on UA-cam. Would you, please, make a video about the people with SPD in this context?

  • @ichdu7310
    @ichdu7310 Рік тому +1

    Wonderful humor in this talk, thanks a lot not only for the content but for the humor as well !

  • @justalissaful
    @justalissaful 2 роки тому +1

    Thank you Dr. Grande. Youre delivery helps me continue to walk the path of understanding what transpired in my relationship. While teying to understand bit not get too caught in the extensive grief that still surfaces with the clearer undersranding of the deep pain that I experienced while in it and still as memories come to light through this lens. Ugg

  • @lunarmystic9896
    @lunarmystic9896 4 роки тому +6

    Hey Todd this is fairly complex & is well thougjt out . Will study it 👏

  • @BeKazzled77
    @BeKazzled77 4 роки тому +9

    ''...if you disagree with me, put a comment below...'' Nope, yet again another brilliant video. Agree with you on all points. Thank you again for producing such great, helpful content. And big love from Australia!

  • @paulflint6254
    @paulflint6254 4 роки тому +1

    Thanks for all your videos Todd 😀 im learning a lot from you.

  • @JenniferSmith-is8mt
    @JenniferSmith-is8mt 4 роки тому +3

    LOVE the joke. I already listen to pretty much every video and learn so much! Now I also get to laugh. Thank you for educating us

  • @aroojaziz
    @aroojaziz 3 роки тому +1

    Very good explanation. Thanks Dr.

  • @closetpsychologist4027
    @closetpsychologist4027 4 роки тому +12

    I think its great you have gotten so popular, Dr. G. You do a great job on all of the subjects you cover. My dad is an INTP and retired attorney. Psychology was sort of a hobby of his. You remind me of a young version of him. Thanks for the useful information that help people sift through relationships and find the good ones.

  • @ixarutorres8011
    @ixarutorres8011 4 роки тому +1

    Great topic and explanation.

  • @trishg8852
    @trishg8852 4 роки тому +3

    Excellent explanation! This is the reality of it! Xo

  • @lisad1590
    @lisad1590 4 роки тому +2

    Once again Dr Grande gives such awesome insight into the greatest mind f-- of all time. You’ve helped me more than you’ll ever know!

  • @williamhoward77wh
    @williamhoward77wh 4 роки тому +2

    I have seen dozens of Dr. Grandes' videos and have enjoyed each one. THIS one contained both the most profound statement I have heard in a long time (science and philosophy) and the funniest (intimacy and your coffee table). VERY nice and made me laugh. Not sure how Dr. Grande kept a straight face on that one. ;)

  • @jodis3783
    @jodis3783 4 роки тому +4

    I really enjoyed this video and would like to see more videos about the triangular theory of love and how it affects normal relationships when one or more components are missing. Fascinating topic! Thank you, Dr. Grande, for making such interesting videos!

  • @traceyg2703
    @traceyg2703 3 роки тому +4

    I can't describe the revelation and relief I felt when I learned that love bombing was a thing that someone else besides my self had fallen for! It still amazes me that this bizarre behavior works on so many people, ( even though I consider myself savvy enough, I still somehow let this happen ). It was a combination of lies and inappropriate adoration from the person that sucked me in, but thankfully I withdrew from the relationship and blocked him before more emotional damage could occur. Videos like this one are crucial to the education and self preservation of the gullible ones like me who might not be fully aware of these kind of manipulation tactics.

  • @emmanewton1482
    @emmanewton1482 4 роки тому +2

    High quality information I can rely on and am obsessed with watching and you can even add humour to these dry topics.

  • @michellemiliti3720
    @michellemiliti3720 4 роки тому +1

    '...an empty love for themselves.' Excellent connection, Dr. Grande!

  • @KoolT
    @KoolT 2 роки тому

    This is not only informative but would be a GOOD REPLAY TO DISCUSS.

  • @miminekevots7002
    @miminekevots7002 4 роки тому +3

    Such a smart doctor. Thanks again Dr. Grande!

  • @katarinatibai8396
    @katarinatibai8396 4 роки тому +19

    Talk to a piece of furniture would be better - the funiture give you equal feeling back as the narcissist bat not gona hurt you and mess you up.
    Is a piece of furniture a good lisener - 😂😂😂😉

  • @kathleenreardon7531
    @kathleenreardon7531 3 роки тому +1

    Good job Dr. Grande. You are right on the mark. I definitely have received deeper love and commitment from my recliner than i ever did from my husband. My recliner and I have comfortably grown old together.

  • @pocoeagle2
    @pocoeagle2 4 роки тому +7

    Excellent video and well explained about the types of love there are.
    Thank you Dr. Grande 😃🇳🇱

  • @sophiebergerondesign
    @sophiebergerondesign 3 роки тому

    I love your videos.
    The furniture reference was delicious 😊

  • @Ronnie86753
    @Ronnie86753 4 роки тому +1

    Wow 🤯 you’re verbiage and breakdown degree is exceptional

  • @philporter3045
    @philporter3045 4 роки тому +3

    Hey doctor you have described my past relationship scarily when it comes to narcissism. It has helped me deconstuct and analise emotionally what happened in that crazy short relationship thank you very much i now have understanding and closure. Many people have been hurt by this person and that was my passing shot at them via messenger to which I got no reply because of guilt and maybe delusions of grandeur. Great stuff mate still watching 👍

  • @mariarivero9567
    @mariarivero9567 4 роки тому +11

    Brilliant analysis that provides a solid framework for assessing the health of intimate relationships. Your depiction how it feels to not have intimacy is amusing and at the same time remarkably accurate. With my covert narcissist ex, it often felt exactly like I was talking to a piece of furniture. It got to the point where he had walled off so many topics of discussion related to anything real about our relationship, that the only thing left for me to do was to let him mentally masturbate about his petty intellectual preoccupations. Death to intimacy. Death to love.
    I find your ability to conceptualize highly subjective emotional topics with significant subconscious aspects quite remarkable. Its a gift! Keep up the great work Dr. Grande!

  • @dominiquemclaughlin565
    @dominiquemclaughlin565 2 роки тому

    My couch......DEFINITELY a better listener than my Narcissist was. LOL! You're the BEST Dr. Grande!

  • @pommie5093
    @pommie5093 4 роки тому +3

    I think Hallmark needs to start a new line of cards-the coffee table relationship! Sorry, lol, loved that analogy. Thank you for another awesome video, Dr. Grande!!

  • @CynthiaSchoenbauer
    @CynthiaSchoenbauer 4 роки тому +4

    Thank you for this . It was very enlightening. I could not figure out my father's love, that fell way short for me. But now I understand. As a result I have not been intimate with myself. I am not aware of how to look with care to what I need. I look for the intimacy outward first. This is an important awareness for me. Thank you as well for your open mind to what others have to say.

  • @tobsternater
    @tobsternater 11 місяців тому

    🎉 Dr Grande...this is the BEST description of love and its capabilities from a love aspect I have ever heard. As you said....Psychology is a form of Philosophy...(science) that I didn't know....yet completely understood after this video. As well as this...the detail you you bring to talking about love and its components I've never EVER heard of from ANYWHERE else to date...and that has been a complete eye opener!! Your videos are always interesting....but this one regarding love and narcissism was outstanding in its complex completeness. The most detailed of ideas and content as I said as I've seen to date. Thankyou!!!! ❤🎉

  • @pwyman5540
    @pwyman5540 Рік тому

    Thank you Dr G. I never knew there were so many types of love.

  • @jessicafrancoeur9655
    @jessicafrancoeur9655 4 роки тому +6

    The coffe table part made me laugh so hard ahahahah

  • @julhowechannel203
    @julhowechannel203 4 роки тому +2

    Great furniture analogy! I don't care what they say. Dr. Grande has a good sense of humor.

  • @navneetpahwa2000
    @navneetpahwa2000 4 роки тому

    Awesome Dr. 👏👏👏

  • @ruebenbrown2409
    @ruebenbrown2409 4 роки тому +2

    Thanks for posting educational and helpful information here. Please listen to, comprehend, and like this quality, educational video!

  • @andreasleonlandgren3092
    @andreasleonlandgren3092 4 роки тому +2

    Great question that I have pondered lately!
    A Chair shure is a better listener and it will not turn your weakness/strength against you.

  • @2kruimels
    @2kruimels 4 роки тому +3

    Dr Todd! Thank you again. Having had a N mother, the word "love," has always been a mystery to me, leaving me with countless questions. What is love....how does it feel...does it exist...am I able to love...is it my fault my son is N........etc....etc.????????? I searched in hundreds of self help books but never felt answered until now. Your simple explanation makes complete sense. It is not only the one wondrous fairy tale we are led to believe, but a multifaceted form of caring for and liking someone else, being either "complete" or " incomple,te". I will watch this video again to let it sink in even deeper as for me it is a life changer, both in the understanding of my own feelings as well as those of others. It would be interesting to also understand hate broken down in the same way! God bless you for sharing your knowlegde.

  • @MagdaleneDivine
    @MagdaleneDivine 4 роки тому +2

    This really was helpful in determining and easing the pain of breaking up with one. Its a common dynamic seen in the "twin flame" or "soulmate" and it hurts but thid heloed