Case Study - Origin of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
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- Опубліковано 3 сер 2019
- This video answers the question: Can I review a case study regarding the origins of narcissistic personality disorder? This case study highlights the damaging effects of poor parenting and looks at the consequences of having a mother who is narcissistic has on a son.
Narcissism:
There are two types of narcissism: With grandiose narcissism we see characteristics like being extroverted, socially bold, self-confident, having a superficial charm, being resistant to criticism, and being callous and unemotional. Vulnerable narcissism is characterized by shame, anger, aggression, hypersensitivity, a tendency to be introverted, defensive, avoidant, anxious, depressed, socially awkward, and shy.
Narcissistic personality disorder:
This is a Cluster B personality disorder listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM). The definition for this disorder contains nine symptom criteria, five of which are required for diagnosis.
1. A grandiose sense of self-importance
2. preoccupation with exaggerated fantasies of success, power, and beauty
3. believing oneself to be special or unique
4. requiring excessive admiration
5. having a sense of entitlement
6. manipulating others interpersonally
7. lacking empathy
8. being envious of others
9. being arrogant, pretentious, or supercilious
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Jesus Christ, how can someone not turn out incredibly emotionally damaged from that childhood, always denied empathy, treated like a slave and even as an adult just seen as a problem to others instead of someone that needs help.
Seriously. It's just so sad.
Yes so sad.Family upbringing played so much when kids grew up with narcs parents.Unfortunately I married one and he passed it to us his family.No positive traits but extremely nothing inside him but hatred, envy,revenge,etc.Soooooo depressing.
I managed to turn out emotional healthy and balanced for a long time and for some of us it hits us later in life. I had cut all the toxic people out. So many are on the side of the parent/s and then you go on in life and all the predators come for you , as 'friends' as 'romantic partners', as a 'boss' because once you are abused the cycle repeats. It's like you meet the same people over and over with different faces. You learn to get smarter the hard way but there is a lot of anger and distrust as you learn the dark side of most people. So a lot of us remain as loners because most people are trouble. End up with CPTSD, BPD at best, otherwise other diagnosis which can make your life more challenging.
When your life starts as shit, if on top of that you're attractive, have great qualities that make others jealous and female, people will try to ruin you, especially if you're a kind person. Evil people are better off all around because they run this society. It's constructed on guilting, shaming, harshly judging others, without really listening, seeing the bigger picture, using people as tools and worshiping objects. Even 'normal' people are way more fucked up than they think. Many people have traits of personality disorders to fit in with society (think the people who created Hunger Games as they sat back and watched everyone kill each other to survive), they do things because authority says it's okay, even if that means at the demise of someone else, physical, spiritual, emotional. Hell isn't a thing of fiction, it's right here, on this planet. I know, I lived there and I walked through it. People who survive it had their scars.
Woodlice worm, It’s been awhile since I studied Dev. Psych but i’m pretty sure there is a cognitive “resilience factor” involved in development. Dont know the % of occurrence. My guess for those that have “great parents” you can get it from too much misappropriated attention as well. Also, i’m not sure but I think trauma and trauma-bonds that can lead to NPD can occur from other peers or relationships.
I found it odd that he was viewed as being physically dangerous in a situation where he whipped her with the belt because she had tried to whip him with the belt because his parents had told her she could physically abuse him in the name of discipline. Give me one person who would allow anyone to whip them with a belt (without consent). And then add the humiliation of being 15 years old and be babysat by someone who is ONE year *younger* , and the frustration of being babysat due to having so many restrictions in your own home (that frankly didn’t sound like much of a home due to how vile they treated him). For anyone to diagnose him with anti social disorder because of one incident without looking into what that incident detailed is horrible. Because anyone in their right mind can understand what made him whip her and shouldn’t the parents or the babysitter have faced some consequence for acting like it was ok to physically assault him? This is so odd.
Wow. Some people hardly have a chance with the upbringing they had
Yeah, because they're destroyed by this trauma, I'm one of them and is still treated like a child by my narc parents.
My dad is a covert narc. Wasn’t fun
I’ve got a channel about psychology and mental health too! From a first person perspective, check it out if ya want!
Wake Up thanks so much for checking it out! Pretty awesome of you
I see so much of that in the work world and makes me sad why have kids then?
Man, I've never heard before of such crazy parents. I'm surprised that he didn't turn into a serial killer. NPD just sounds healthy for this poor guy. Todd, please keep posting real life cases, especially about narcissism. The general public needs to know what really goes on in families, schools, etc
I have these parents too. You realise that there is something wrong with your parents growing up, but not how. And when you're a child you're scared of leaving your parents for fosterparents, because you're afraid they might be even worse.
But I think maybe this mass shooter in Texas might have NPD parents or parents with cluster B dissorders.
Victor Beardma wow. Did you read something to that effect?
@@k.ambriz9789 Yeah, I think so narcisissmen seems to increase.
I found this very helpful because I've had horrible experience with NPD sufferers. This helped me have empathy.
Good lord, what a sad story. Mental health problems and abuse so often cycle through generations.
This.
My mom had a similar upbringing (with physical violence added), became narcissistic, did the same thing her parents did, my sister became narcissistic, I've got borderline traits, and now my niece and nephew are at risk.
I never had kids - despite therapy, decreased severity of symptoms and some insight, I don't know if I could've broken the cycle either. It's hard to be a parent in the healthiest of settings - it's Herculean when you're not even sure what healthy looks like.
I'm glad Dr. Grande focuses on empathy for people with Cluster B disorders. Despite the harm people not recovering from these disorders cause, it all started somewhere. It's very rare for someone to be born with Cluster B's and never had any childhood trauma. I feel a lot of compassion for the childhood my mom had. I can't have her in my life right now, but still, she was a victim too.
I have finally heard a story almost as insane as my childhood
we as children, put up with that narcissism for the simple reason that it was "just another day".
it's a sad thing when a women that can not produce love puts that shit on to a child, don't ask me how I know, I will be typing for a week.
good luck people! I know and understand!, so I feel for you!
Cynically Hopeful well put.
Lee Dunn You even can't emagine I come from that hell .And it's soft what I been heard .....
I find the therapeutic community more frightening than the client in this case. The client clearly needed counseling for depression and life skills since it soun d's like he never experienced a loving supportive environment in his whole life by the time he sought help. His ability to be truthful to potential employers is shamebased. I've never seen a narcissist admit to anything. Slapping diagnosis's on folks before some action centered therapy is dangerous and so so much playing God. Many people change given the healthy tools to practice and be immersed in for healing. If this guy is hypersensitive to his environment it makes sense. He should NOT be shamed again by therapists lacking in life experience or empathy for the client. Thanks for sharing.
I agree. Of course, there are many interactions between the counselor and client that made her come to that conclusion that I guess we will never know. But yes the counselor seemed kind of non-empathetic and maybe out of her league. I like the case studies. Interesting.
True. But therapists are real people too and not perfect. They have their own weak spots as well.
That therapist sounds like a misandric psychopath!
I guess therapist or whatever was probably offended at how he criticized their office clothes etc. and they partly diagnosed him according to that.
It’s helpful to understand the childhood trauma in a patient and how it leads to adult disorders. More videos like this please. I am estranged from my two adult daughters and am trying to understand what I did to contribute to this. I spent a lifetime seeking therapy for depression thinking I was breaking the chain of family abuse so I put a high priority on having an open, honest relationship with my girls giving them unconditional love and encouragement while doing my best as a single mother to discipline them when necessary. As they became almost cruel adults keeping me from my grandkids I spent 7 yrs asking them what I was doing wrong. Why wouldn’t they talk to me or visit. I finally realized it’s not me it’s them but don’t understand how they got this way. I thought I had at least instilled good family values in them but it seems none of what I taught them took. The only value they see in me is to have someone to giggle and gossip about while telling me that’s not happening. As far as I know they have not suffered trauma in their childhood and only one smokes pot. Can I fix this or is it out of my hands and time to let it go?
When I hear case studies like these, I am reminded to be more patient and sympathetic to other people. I would not have wanted to walk even a yard in these people's shoes. Thanks, Dr. Grande, for shedding light on what others are dealing with and have dealt with.
I hear what your saying but I've had too many of these people in my life cause me great grief and almost destroy me. I've had them in my family of origin, school bully, married one and have had several bosses and coworkers who were narcissists or sociopaths. I'm a codependent so it really was very difficult to deal with all of these people who were poison to me but it also help me to get help for my unresolved childhood issues and get healthy. So I'm in the process of letting it go for my own health. Not there yet.
“Emotional damage is real damage” Heartbreaking case study.
I agree. I never would have diagnosed him with ASPD, not that I'm qualified. His father was a whimp and his mother shouldn't have been allowed to keep him. Poor guy. He's got a long, hard road. I wonder how it turned out for him. Yes, this is a great format. It was hard to take hearing how he was raised.
This poor guy was abused and emotionally neglected as a child and adult. How else is he supposed to turn out
Case study. Brilliant format. Would love to see more :-) Thank you!
This video worked well, and more of them would be good.
Great video.
I agree, more like this would be good. Then maybe just maybe people could see how they shouldn't treat there kids. And maybe at the end you could add something along the lines of what different could be done for a better outcome in life.
Second that .
Absolutely agree!
Yikes, this sounds like my childhood. Glad I ran away and got help when I did.....🤢🤢🤮
Thank you for this educational content. Very informative
Sounds a bit like mine but not so extreme. I thought all English families were like this
I ran away at 19 but I still struggle with jobs
So heatbreaking. Cannot imagine the loneliness that boy felt. What a great format to shine a light on the roots of personality disorders and show how necessary compassion is.
EVIL
So glad My brother and I were not raised like Thomas! Wow what an empty, unempathic childhood.
When the narcissist is a social worker that abused her authority by criminalizing me without provocation. I was snatched away from my family, lost my home, most of my possessions, my dogs, and was temporarily stripped of my freedom and threatened with the potential of jail/ prison time... Based on slanderous accusations from a social worker that first posed as an ally. I reported fraudulent activity in billing and I believe this was my punishment, she didn’t push those reports through! The only thing that saved me was the fact that I recorded the vast majority of our conversations. I don’t understand why, and I’m struggling to rebuild my life... and my ability to trust has been shattered.
Sounds like you were a victim of crazy. So sorry. I had a boss that was a narcissistic bully for the 17 years I was under her. Very sneaky. After 17 years she was berating me while I had patients right in front of me so I would have to act like I was having a professional conversation. That time and after 17 years of this, I went in a back room and vented to a friend co worker, "why does she have to act like such a bitch". A religious narc co worker over heard and told her. After that she spent a relentless 1 1/2 years in a smear campaign until I was fired. You were so much stronger than me ....recording! I did nothing, just let it happen. I admire you! Stay strong!
@@debsabatino311 I'm sorry a supposedly CHRISTIAN person didn't just speak with you as they should have, privately. They will answer for that.
@@brusselsprout5851 yes, she always manages to stay on top even though it is common knowledge within the department staff that she is a bully and sneaky in berating her staff which she doesn't deserve to have under her. They are the best! Btw she is a "minister ".
Why is it so hard to defend oneself (within the system) from a narcissist, and s/he always seems to escape repercussions for attacks while the victim/s feel the impact? I'm noticing it seems to be mostly ladies on here at the moment...? But there are probably a few fans of contact sports, no? The ref always sees the second punch. It sounds goofy, but narcissists use this basic principle to their advantage -- like pros.
My god that's horrible 😢 .You poor thing .It true you can not trust ppl in "positions of authority " . Most of them are the worst of the monsters.
"...we see Thomas came in and complained that her office was dirty... she was dressed in clothes that were from the 60's... he indicated her staff was rude to him while he was in the waiting room, and he also said that all mental health professionals were loosers... so Thomas was really off to a good start, right?" LMAO
Is anyone else concerned about how a mental health professional would make questionable diagnoses plus say the patient shouldn't have kids and STILL be so confident that she puts it forward as a case study. Also, we shouldn't forget that seeing someone for mental health is one of the WEIRDEST experiences anyone could have and we should expect that peculiar judgements and personal remarks are likely to come from the patient
Call it transference if you like but this psychologist reminds me of my mother
Yes
Therapist had a grandiosity complex, playing God deciding who should have kids and who shouldn't. I would look into suing the therapist. Thomas doesn't even need to worry about evidence gathering - she put the case out there herself.
It's a gross violation of boundaries by the therapist to say he shouldn't have kids.
His mother sounds like a horrible person
FRED WAS A DEVIL 😈🔥👿 AS WELL.
Lisa Smith yes very true. I replied before I head the end of the tragic tale
Lisa Smith
Why do you say that? There's very little mentioned about him. So I'm just curious what leads you to believe that
Narc Begone he agreed to the young babysitter being allowed to physically abuse Thomas. And then add all the torture from the mother, which wouldn’t be able to take place had his father not been so passive. It went on right under his nose and he did not take action, and the fact he ran off with the babysitter who was so much younger shows you even more how twisted he was. Their son did not really stand a chance to be a whole person with an upbringing like that. So yes, enough is known about the father to know he wasn’t there for his son or healthy.
We don't really know that he agreed to anything. He may have had no clue that the mother instructed the babysitter to use the belt. Same with the rest of mother's torture. Unless I'm forgetting something. He could have been never home, and told all kinds of lies by the mother. She could have told the father that Thomas wanted to stay in his room all the time, for all i know. Pathological liars make up all kinds of stories. We don't know what the father was told. All we know is that he didn't care to find out for himself, or to bond with his son.
I found this very interesting and I didn't go into it expecting to like it...but I did.
I think my ex-wife had a childhood even more bizarre, callous, unjust, humiliating, unpredictably terrifying, dehumanizing, etc. as the person from the case study.
Like many people, I too have experienced the surreal, slow-morion, bewildering torture that being attached to a narc can become.
I admit... after all the pain, heartache, lost time and a million other things, I have a hard time giving a shit about the WHY she was so toxic or what had happened in her life to create a person like that.
We are all responsible for our choices and how we treat others.
Many of us have deep wounds from our association with narcs.
I have a hard time feeling sympathy for an abuser who could always seem to reign it in or act kindly when it served them... or when an authority figure was around...because it shows she always did know right from wrong and is in control of what she does.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that, bad childhood or not...nobody can use that to excuse someone's voluntary choice to act with cruelty.
Having said all that...
Getting a more filled-in backstory does add a layer of understanding and, yes, COMPASSION....Not much...but maybe enough to remind myself that a narc is a broken soul who was once a child...who had to adapt to madness or else.
I'm not getting soft.
I think WE ALL have a responsibility to track down and root out anything within ourselves that causes us to excuse or justify being a cruel abuser.
Wow. No wonder they block it out and never really reveal what happened to them. Anyone else notice that? It’s like you never know what exactly occurred in childhood? Ugh and thanks to mommy dearest, society has to pay. Great video Doc!
April TEE-ZEE true .
Yes my husband does not have many memories of childhood, he has narcissistic personality disorder and I’m pretty sure his mother has NPD as well and they are the coldest, most unempathetic people I’ve ever met.
👍🏻 Dr. Grande. It Seems as though something was definitely wrong with Thomas’s mother since she made a huge deal out of a small thing, and put him down regularly. I’ve noticed that some children end up with traits of Narcissism if they had a parent with it, while other children in same household may not have those traits however they always seem to have some emotional problems due to that type of upbringing. 💗
The whole story was disturbing. However, the part that caught me off guard was the babysitter being moved into the home as a new child of sorts.
I just have so many questions
and I am very creeped out too🤔
@JD Jones She was also there as a replacement or additional source of supply to the son.
The dad ran off with her, which is probably why he wanted her there to begin with.
@@maryskelton2562 , no i don't think so, i think the mom wanted her there to begin with. the mom ran the show. but mom did not have the foresight to see that the babysitter would usurp her in the end.
That part shows the struggle the mother was in with her husband, that in turn was metted out on the son. I am not excusing her behaviour but it looks like that mother also had issues and she only felt validated when oppressing Thomas
More videos on narcissism would be excellent.. thanks Doc..
What a horrible story. That poor kid....
Good grief, 😣 poor family. That whole family has been abused. Someone might say the mother is terrible, but someone helped "make" her, who she is as well.
@@ninavandenabbeele9667 Like a bad diet habits in a family triggering health conditions is perpetrated over generations, so can coping skills and defense mechanisms. The latter usually isn't blamed on family genetics as the former often is.
The case study format brings life to the theories and the research - in this case, a sad life, but, it also helps me understand how (good) therapists can at least hope to maintain compassion for their clients.
You do have one of the more difficult jobs on the planet, imho (which is part of why I never completed Psych grad school...). :-)
I learned that self compassion leads to compassion for the narcs I have known. When you are not interested in what they did nor having to worry much about what they will do, you feel sad for what must have made them into how they are and that, unless they change, their closest connection will be controlling someone and taking their resources, and not real friendship nor love. They can look cool, but their lives are sad, were sad, and will be sad. Anger melts seeing that. Just don't go back; they will hurt and provoke you. They can't help it.
When hearing about this case, I remember a little girl that was at the time 10 years old. This was about 30 years ago. A co-worker (this was not when I worked as a counselor, I might add - sure, there are som deeply disturbed counselors, but anyway) ... well, a co-worker had invited me and others to an early dinner. We were about fifteen people, all adults except for this 10 year old girl. She didn't sit at the table with us, she sat on a stool about six feet away. I smiled at her and waved and she approached me. She asked me "What do you like?" "I like the sun", I answered "What do you like?" She answered "ice-cream". I told her that she could sit on my lap if she wanted to. She quickly did so. Then suddenly, I hear her mother say with a sigh "Oh! she's found a new favorite!", rolling her eyes. I didn't know what to say, so I just said - "And so have I". After a while I went out for a smoke (yes, I did smoke!), I found a chair and sat there. Soon after the girl came and joined me, carrying a blanket that she put over my shoulders. I wonder what became of her.
Jesus Christ! What the hell is wrong with people! I have a hard time feeling bad for narcissists, I was raised by one and it's taken my whole adult life to figure out why I am the way I am. I made the decision to not have children because I didn't trust that I wouldn't screw them up. They leave a trail of damage everywhere they go. Just because someone shit on you when you were young doesn't give you the right to shit on your kids.
That's quite a sacrifice -- sounds like you have made your way to some serious self-awareness. Hope you find ways to pass it along. (As someone else who chose not to have bio kids, for somewhat different reasons, I think there are lots of ways to pass on your heart and your lessons!) 🙏😊
This was very interesting. I'd love to see a case study about avoidant personality disorder. It's hard to find much information about that condition. Thank you!
Sensitively put, Dr Grande. What a sad, sad, story. And yes! I would say that both of his parents were incredibly selfish and self focused at the very least. What a horrible life for Thomas.
Strange how some abused kids grow up and overcome enormous hurdles to make their life into something better while others, like Thomas, are left to flounder in the mental health system.
That's just tragic.
Thank you for your gentle manner with this account. 🌹👍
Thomas’s story causes me so much pain, I can not bear to think of it again. This video is a breakthrough in teaching the vast audience of “Narcissistic “ videos of all types on YT. Although most of my family suffer from this personality trait, from the age of 11 or so, I felt deep compassion for both of my parents.When at an older age, I came to know my mom’s mother, my compassion grew for both of them.
In high school I made it my goal to break the chain of the abuse my family members had suffered for generations. (No, I did not become a mental health professional). In many ways I succeeded. But, I was always seen as an outsider or odd family member by all of my family. A very lonely place to be.
Dr. Grande, this is a beautiful show. And very well put together and presented. Your education, work and experience and empathy are the unique ingredients that made this video shine. Thank you 🙏.
This really makes me appreciate my own parents....
I appreciate the format and would like to see more of the same!
It was such a sad story to hear about this kid. I think this child just needed love and didn't get any.
Well explained in an accurate and clear way. Hopefully, we all learn something from this: Love your children as much as you can. Nothing else matters.
If you ask Thomas's parents, they will swear up and down that they loved him and he was a spoiled ungrateful brat. Abusers don't know what love is, but will use the word and confuse you.
This is so close to my life it brought tears to my eyes. The only difference is add a very strict Pentecostal mother and a alcoholic father who we found dead when I was 12 he was 32. I have been diagnosed as having bipolar 2 and BPD. I am also a man. I never had friends still don't. I couldn't have any friends over. I had to stay in my room if I was home. I used to get whipped and had to read the bible out loud while it happened.
So sad Grimm 333.
Same with me, my mother got angry and disturbed my father too when friends came over. I wasn't allowed to have sleepovers with my friends either.
I HOPE YOU ARE HEALED.
@@lisasmith516 Yeah, I don't know, but some of my siblings have become narcisisstic too. Atleast I'm aware of how they behave.
@@brusselsprout5851 Yes, I've realised this as a grown up when I look back on my childhood. The thing is I always knew that there was something wrong with my parents and that they didn't treat me or my siblings in a good way. But I didn't know what kind of dissorder it was. And as a child I had other peers in my class that were friends with me that also were acting in a narcisisstic way, their parents too. So, I was surronded by narcisissts without realising it. I kind of thought that I was the problem because I was "the minority". My parents even shamed me some years after when I had a hard time making friends. They said that I was antisocial and that it was my own fault. It's hard for a person to understand that a parent or a partner or relative want's to hurt you on purpose because of this dissorder.
The described behavior of the mother made me seriously cringe.
I'm the least bit surprised that the father ran away with the baby sitter. probably that was the best choice for him, too
Love case studies! This one is rly great-gives some empathetic understanding of narcissistic individuals
Most people just think we're pricks.
Empathize yes, tolerate no.
It's not impossible to control it. Some people simply don't want to make the effort.
ruebensfilms that’s why i used the word empathize and not tolerate
Just stressing the point not correcting. I hear you.
>:( This makes me so angry. Poor Thomas :( .
Honestly.. I can see how this type of disorder would have a high chance of being passed on. It's like Thomas was filed away by his parents, totally neglected, given absolutely no voice as a child, and stripped of his agency.
It's no surprise to me that he grew up feeling deeply unrequited and thinking that he was special/different even if no one knew. :( . I imagine the anxiety came from feeling totally out of control -- since he literally could say nothing or do nothing to be heard as a kid. He was utterly at the mercy of his parents who seemed very, very unhappy to have him around.
The patient's upbringing sounds like a real horror story. His mother sounds like a textbook narcissist. I've read about many stories like these consisting of insane parents and threats 24/7.
6 min in and it’s too much for me to listen to the rest. My heart hurts for Thomas. I will try again later. Thank you, Dr. Grande...what a great format, the case study.
Thank you for making this video. It makes me want to cry, it’s such a terrible childhood. There were a few things I could relate to, being an only child and having had parents that were at the same time absent and hovering, exclusive, dismissive, and not empathetic. It really makes me wonder how my mother grew up. Unfortunately she’s practically impossible to talk to. I’d love to know more about the origins of narcissism, especially the covert type.
had to cheer for thomas when he took the belt away
The belt was a set up by narc mother who WANTED him to have a record. Even wanted to put him in prison! What a way to make sure he never becomes an independent adult. She gets to play victim in public because her son is in jail, AND she gets to control him forever because he is now unemployable and stuck living with her. And can't find an apartment with a record, either.
Of course she understood that a 15 year old boy is not going to take a belt beating from a 14 year old girl! That's insane. The one who should have been arrested that day was the mother, because she set the whole thing up! She gave authorization to a "babysitter" to hit her son with a belt?! If that cop had half a brain and used it, he'd call child protection services on the mother. Instead of arresting a teenage boy for not just standing still while someone is trying to hit him. That c*nt belongs in prison.better yet, in a straight jacket.
This made me laugh 😆: “Maybe they were fans of Star Trek or Star Wars, I don’t know...”
Another informative, thought-provoking video👌 I believe NPD is learned from childhood role model(s). There are other contributing factors but there is almost always a template Narcissist in the home.
100% agree.
I like the idea of presenting case studies.
So painful to hear this story! Poor boy! But very interesting to hear about this case study. Would love to hear more case studies. Especially about covert narcissism!!! Super great video, Dr. Grande!!! Thank you for making highly interesting videos!
I felt this was very informative. Pathology always has a root cause, either emotional or physical abuse, or brain malformation due to genetics or trauma. Any way you look at it, dysfunctional people are victims as well as victimizers. Hurting people do hurtful things.
In a world where narcissism is becoming the status quo..... these videos help us take a look at our own actions even! I respect you for sharing this knowledge and helping many of us! Our little impacts in our own behaviour can create mini influences on others in society. Thank you
I had strictly enforced early bedtimes, too. They are embarrassing and way more isolating than most folks realize.
My mom's ex boyfriend's mother moved down the street from us when I was young, she was from East Germany, yup, that one, and had escaped. She got custody of a nephew with ADD. The poor kid had to go to bed at 6 every night, and it was advertised to everyone in the neighborhood. The kid chose to move back in with his drug addict mother a few years later, it was that bad. I often think about the trauma she experienced, enough to escape at the risk of death and how that trauma was transferred to a small child with ADD and nobody was around to teach him coping skills. The humiliation of such an early bedtime was well understood by all the kids.
@@lindsey9728 ya i used to wish either of my parents had an addiction or something so i wouldn't look like i deserved/needed to be under such tight control.
@@pebblebrookbooks4852 I'm so sorry.
well, I can relate with that. Thanks for this video doctor grande, people seem to think if you weren't sexually abused or beaten it cant have been that bad but boy are they wrong.
Stripping someone of an authentic identity by consistent negation of their personal preferences. Only responding to them when acting arrogant will slowly mold them into an arrogant person. Yet the ability to not see these people as any extension of oneself but ill and should probably never had children is the way to recovery? He still identifies with these parents as extensions so behaves in the set programmed way, narcissism. Acting arrogant or carrying the black sheep role into adulthood. Either way it's not being appreciated and affecting his work. The intelligence has to be stronger than all the influence of a toxic family life.
OOOOH this seems interesting! I’ve always wondered where it came from.. maybe the narc’s own mother/father abuse!
Thank you for this video! Thank you for your hard work!
Cat
I think NPD is a learned behavior. I also think it’s role modeled for them in their childhood.
@@NarcissisticAbuseRehab
I think its compensatory after hearing this.
@@NarcissisticAbuseRehab You should really read some of Otto Kernberg's work.
I always feel compassion for narcissists because I've hardly ever known one that I didn't have a really traumatic backstory. But compassion alone can sometimes not be very healing. Hence the whole concept about "all mental health providers are losers". A lack of comprehension of the difference between kindness and weakness. You really have to have your "don't take it personally" glasses on to be any kind of help 2 people with narcissistic personality characteristics. it's not impossible and can be rewarding to see a person with some of those personality characteristics begin to develop some authentic self esteem that reduces the need for the narcissistic defense mechanisms. There is a big difference though between having a narcissistic person as a client and having such a person in your personal life and just putting it out there for people who have a tendency to become attached to people with this personality type you already know that over time your love your caring will become threatening in at that moment it will be rejected. So yes feel compassion for the other person and also for yourself in such a situation but don't let that guide your decision-making in being in relationship with certain people. My unsolicited advice on that.
I really appreciated this format. It would have been cool to add a little of how you might work with this person.
Looking at this case... My gosh.. I wish I could give the protagonist a hug. What a life..
@@brusselsprout5851 You're right. Not that I would mind him doing either of those things, but man... How does one even help that? Despite everything?
@@brusselsprout5851 I wish I knew enough to have the competence to help, to be honest.
@JD Jones You think so? If I have to consider a moment's worth of validation for a whole life of dysfunction... It wouldn't really help much at all. Like: im validated, now what? Maybe I'm overthinking it lol
Ankida, it's not really just a moment. It takes longer to hear someone out. Over multiple conversations. Hearing someone out is an act of kindness. Telling their story is a little step in a long healing process for abuse victims.
@@narcbegone1507 I am aware of this, but I'm also in no position to help abuse victims. My momentary good intentions are the best I can do, mutually, right now.
Dr Grande, These case studies are very interesting. Rarely do people talk about these things in public. It's really eye opening what happens behind closed doors in many families.
I would love to see more case studies. This just shows that people have a reason for the way they are. I forget that sometimes!
This really is a great case study breakdown. Thanks for a lot for this. It's actually strikingly similar to my childhood. However, while i was emotionally and psychically neglected i didn't get the overbearing strictness of my NPD parents at the same time. (yes, both of them are/were NPD'd one is dead). For half of my childhood i was considered the "golden child". While my foster brothers got my fathers true ...Narcissistic/ Antisocial wraith. I got my mothers (and fathers) complete and total emotional , and in some cases physical neglect/ abandonment. Which of course led to life problems one of which will most likely be life destroying.
The guys Baby sitter was the golden child in this situation, and it speaks to what i've known for years. Narcissistic parents don't care anything at all about blood relation when it comes to selecting sources of narcissistic supply, and targets. As i said i was the golden child, but when i started to reject my parents behavior i was quickly, even more so than before, emotionally abandoned to be replaced by one of my foster brothers. Not much different than this Narc mom wanting her son locked up to be replaced by the daughter she always wanted(The baby sitter). We all know that Narcissists can go from being completely and totally controlling to caring nothing for your existence or well being at all in the blink of an eye and THIS is a great example of how it manifests with parents and their "children".
Thank you, Dr Grande. This case study helped me to understand much better my own history, (similar, but not as extreme as Thomas’), and to get to the root of my NPD, for which I take the responsibility of recovery. Please make a video about healing the traumas that are the root cause of NPD.
Hello! How would you say your progress is going to take responsibility? I'm in the same boat and am looking for more reassurances that change is possible if one has the desire to do so. Thank you in advance.
I do feel compassion... for Thomas.
This is a wonderful format Dr. Grande, because you explain how parents with untreated mental disorders can severely affect a child causing a new generation of dysfunctional parents. I think the world needs to hear more case studies like this to give us all a better sense of compassion and empathy for those with a mental health diagnosis, particularly the difficult ones like NPD. It's so easy to demonize destructive people without having a bit of the insight that your case studies provide. Thank you!
It feels to me like this is a really interesting development in this person's mental state. Somehow it would sound more likely to get extremely depressed, have ptsd etc. The mind of a human is evidently amazing.
Dr. Grande, I’d personally love to hear you do a video on when depression and anxiety become disabling. That is, when the person is so badly afflicted with these disorders and pertinent personality disorders that they can no longer function in society and an adjudicator or judge awards social security disability benefits. How do you treat that? What is the prognosis? What would such a person come to expect as they grew older and their older caretakers grew too infirm to care for said person. I know such an individual and wonder sometimes how he will simply “survive” in the future.
WOW! Thomas has a tragic story. Karma got Mary when Fred ran off with Betty. I’d like to know Stacey’s story. She obviously got the heck out as soon as she could.
Yeah, well, Betty had better "check her 6" for the rest of her life....
How sad for that kid. My heart breaks as I listen to his background. 💔.
Some families really are circus act even though they appear normal to the outside world! 😔
This is so tragic and reminds me of why I extended empathy towards the narc in the first place. They came from an unusually troubled upbringing similar to mine and won everyone’s heart, including my own.
It is so difficult to negotiate the line between empathy and enabling these people.
This was an interesting case history. i would enjoy more videos done in this format. Really felt that Thomas has a very rough start.
Dr, Grande, it was great.
My experience was having a narcististic mother and ex-huband.
I had a great loving father that in a way I.am.saved as being an empathic person.
My struggle with narcistic people continued at work as well
.
Just recently i discovered all.
Your videos help.a lot
Surely I would like to hear more case studies.
Regards & Greetings from Europe
My mother was a narcissist and I'm always looking for answers that will help me understand her. I used to say she was a malignant narcissist but she apologized on her death bed for being a bad mother. I'd forgiven her, but will never forget. I have C-PTSD (have had some BPD traits off and on but never enough to accept that diagnosis.) It was such a blessing when I found C-PTSD in the ICD, it describes me exactly! And I'm ADHD., only recently realizing how much that fits, too, now that I'm quite elderly. I struggle to keep a roof over my head , these days. You've got more videos that I haven't seen, don't know how I missed them.
Comment 758: 33,663 views.
Watched this again at this time since Dec 13 where previously on Dec 13 were 31,836 views.
So 1827 views in 1,5 months...
I’m glad to rewatch it as I’m able to analyze my childhood and start to recollect things when I was 9 or so...
Thanks Dr. Grande 👍👍👍😀😀😀
PLEASE analyze Joan Crawford and the Mommy Dearest material. I see it so differently now that I’ve learned about NPD and attachment disordered adopted kids.
I've been on holiday and the internet was quite bad where I was so I couldn't watch your videos for a week - I'm going to binge watch the ones I've missed now though!
I can't tell you how impressed I am with the clinical analysis that Dr Grande gives to these case studies! Inherent in this analysis by Dr Grande was compassion for this poor wounded soul who was raised by unkind, cruel and unloving parents. Not only did he suffer abuse but also got a diagnosis for acting out what he learned... So sad and such a great statement on what this unfortunate person suffered.
I've just seen this video for the first time. That was a classic upbringing for a serial killer. How did he stay even partially sane? This poor guy couldn't get a break at all. Imagine the mother insisting he get a criminal record and trying to get him put into prison at fourteen or fifteen till he was eighteen. Giving away his toys struck a cord with me, as my parents used to give away the books I got for Christmas to my cousins. They did explain why, but it still hurt. Even this poor guy's therapist seems to have had it in for him if I may use such an unprofessional phrase. I'm not surprised he needed therapy, and even there, with respect to the professionals he seems not to have had any luck.
What an interesting case study, narrated in your usual fair and balanced way.
I really enjoy this case study video format! I would love to see more of this type of video. :)
Dr. Grande, This video was amazing. Thank you.
This video helps me feel more compassion for people who irritate me.
Truly appreciate this channel. Thanks Dr. G
Very sad, but at the same time interesting. You can see the behavior patterns and the cause of them.
They are trully creatures born from abuse.
Thank you Dr. Grande.
I like hearing about these case studies. It's interesting to get to know how important a childhood is for understanding someone's personality disorder. I felt really sorry for Thomas. It would be very helpful and interesting to hear more case studies about children , who developed other personality disorders from all the ten there are in the DSM, so to understand better where these PD's are coming from.
Definitely enjoy this format thrown in the mix 👍
Love the case study format! really hope we can have more!
Very interesting and informative. Love love love. More videos like this would be great. Thank you 🙏🏽
I do enjoy this format and would like to see more.
I love this format. Great information, thanks a million Dr. Grande.
I enjoy your videos so much! I really liked this format as well. So interesting!
Very good format!! Continue, dr Grande!
Really interesting! There's a thin line between excusing someone's actions and figuring out what led to them, and I think case studies like this are really useful for non-professionals as well. Would love to see more!
This was a fascinating video. I hope you will do more of these case studies!
Thanks!
I love the case study format and would appreciate more videos like this.
Yes !
More case studies, Please
Enjoying the case studies! Thank you!💜😀🕊
Hi Dr. Grande - I enjoy this format of video and would love for you to do more in the future!
Who else binge watches? Even though I've seen them before you're always kept something different every time you watch him I love this man's Channel
Yes we need more real life stories so the Layman can understand this and maybe be on the lookout. I love this new idea and you are the best present of all this
Sadly, this has some parallels with my (ex)-Brother-in-Law. Rich parents, but very superficial. Father made $ in Sales, but very Trump-like personality. And clearly, not very proud of his Son. Called him a "Lose" and told "Get a Life" right in front me during my second visit to my future Wife's Family home. It gets much worse.
Anyway, seemed clear to both my Wife (his younger Sister) and me that he fit the criteria for what was then called Asperger's Syndrome (now Autism Spectrum Disorder).
I wonder if the fellow ("Thomas") in the instant Case Study had been screened for ASD. Might be worth a look.
Great Stuff, Doctor. Thx!
Mary and Fred broke that boys head.I wonder who broke theirs thus leaving their parenting impaired. Is there freewill in the emotional overkill? Philosophical rhyme to pass for a meaningful sign,when in truth a strange ugly old youth merely ponders life refusing renewal.
Cool and insightful video
I LOVE this video format. Very interesting, so, yes please do more
I reaaally enjoyed this, would love to see more of this format!! Fascinating.
Loved this one! Saw a smile, too - on Thomas's "loser" comment!
Such a tragic story!! Food for thought!! Thanks Doc!
Thank you, Dr. Grande. This video was very helpful. I would love to see more videos like this one
Thanks for this video. The case study format is tremendously helpful; hope there will be more in the future!