"Don't Learn It Too Late!" - Best Way To Outsmart A Narcissist Without Arguing | Dr. Ramani

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  • Опубліковано 23 вер 2024
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    Dr Ramani Durvasula is a clinical psychologist and Professor of Psychology at California State University, and a world-renowned expert on narcissistic personality disorder. She’s written two books on the subject, Should I Stay or Should I Go and Don’t You Know Who I Am. She hosts the podcast Navigating Narcissism, and posts regularly on her UA-cam channel, which has over 1 million subscribers.
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 181

  • @carolinlovelifecoach
    @carolinlovelifecoach Місяць тому +105

    Be aware of your own value.. some people are not worthy your time!

  • @Milestonemonger
    @Milestonemonger Місяць тому +82

    I'm 59. It took me over 30 years to come to the realization that both my sisters were taking advantage of my empathic nature generosity. They used guilt, shame, and blame to constantly manipulate me. I couldn't see it at the time because I was deep in it. Major, life-altering event in my life, never registered with them. They never remembered or followed up. They are incredibly selfish and self-obsorbed. When I finally mustered up the courage to push back a little bit, I was met with RAGE, shame, blame, and gaslighting.
    I knew that staying away was my only option. I vowed to myself that once our parents were gone, I was going to make my escape.
    My parents have passed, and I made my escape. It's been 5 years, and although, the guilt is still there, I'm now happy and free.

    • @ThisIsMe155
      @ThisIsMe155 Місяць тому +13

      Well Done!! Delighted for you!! 🎉
      My experience is not dissimilar - the whole family was involved, causing my sanity to be in jeopardy and resulting in my departure to live in another country for 23 years.
      Wishing you Love, Companionship, Protection and Freedom. ❤🎉❤🙏

    • @Barbara-li5yb
      @Barbara-li5yb Місяць тому +12

      A therapist encouraged me to stop regular monthly calls and wait until my brother called me before I called again. That was around 2007, and I am still waiting. We had no disagreement; apparently he just never cared and my keeping in touch was a waste of my effort. Now I email once a year or so. They all live a few thousand miles away but it’s like I became an orphan in ‘07. Wishing you better days!

    • @rjpoetry3319
      @rjpoetry3319 29 днів тому +2

      I know. I did. But after I had a massive, multi-million stroke and her psychopathic doctor daughters and two psychopathic sisters led her to die!

    • @patriciaalbertson5183
      @patriciaalbertson5183 29 днів тому +4

      Me too... Sisters...

    • @pamelaf8713
      @pamelaf8713 28 днів тому +4

      @@Barbara-li5ybI know that hurts although moving forward for you was and continues to be the best decision you could have made. Congratulations for loving and caring for yourself ❤

  • @rosebeard2866
    @rosebeard2866 25 днів тому +40

    And this is why Dr. RAMANI is so RESPECTED not just for all her work but for the REAL PERSON she is❤❤❤ we LOVE HER🤗🥰🤗❤

  • @shellshelly5552
    @shellshelly5552 26 днів тому +32

    I learned to be a perfectionist as a very young child. If you were “perfect” then my abusive parents would not have an issue with me. I also stayed as quiet as I could possibly be. I realize, I rarely spoke as a child. However, I was AWARE of everything and everyone around me, and have a sixth sense with everything ; still. And with my narcissistic husband of 46 years, my quietness for the most part continued, at least situational. I divorced him, I found my voice. But it took time with therapy. The perfectionism never left me, and I like me just the way I am. I’ve been through hell and back. I’m proud to have created the love and life I have now.

  • @seattlegrrlie
    @seattlegrrlie Місяць тому +73

    I wanted my mom to be happy for me. She never was. I did finally accept that and move on.

    • @rosykatzCATS
      @rosykatzCATS 29 днів тому +13

      Same, mine would say, "I didn't get to do that or have that, why should you?" Because she was jealous

    • @Belevaqua
      @Belevaqua 28 днів тому +4

      Amen.

    • @lauraashley1
      @lauraashley1 27 днів тому +1

    • @ONLYinANTARCTICA
      @ONLYinANTARCTICA 25 днів тому +2

      Same. My grandeur narcissistic mother never gave any confidence to me when I was a child or adult. Life has treated me well after I became independent (moved away from my mom) and my wife and I are quite successful. However, I could never share my good fortunes with my mom as she would find a manipulative way to get me to help her financially if she knew how successfully I am. My mother doesn’t need the money as she has an amazing pension as a senior. But it is never enough money to her.

    • @nikkinavarro6094
      @nikkinavarro6094 16 днів тому +2

      And we bless them from afar family dynamics are just that, we pray 🙏🙏🙏 always but high high boundaries eventually they may seek God . Live happy acceptance of who we are and our faith and fortitude let go let God. Be happy live joyfully. We can heal slowly one day.

  • @mhlorenzo
    @mhlorenzo Місяць тому +31

    I love that she accepts the wounds it left in her, because they are visible. It's refreshing to see someone who is not putting up a show or acting the persona the presumes being above it all and fully healed.

  • @Mermare
    @Mermare 11 днів тому +9

    It's so hard to get out, especially because they work so hard to make you feel insecure and weak. But being free is so amazing. Your life completely changes. If you're scared to get away, I promise it's worth it once you find your footing.

  • @emilysnyder4857
    @emilysnyder4857 Місяць тому +38

    I love this woman. I thank God for the healers of our time. We didn't have a language for this decades ago... We had no map. It's hard to navigate with this kind of abuse. ❤

  • @questionasker1749
    @questionasker1749 Місяць тому +120

    EVERY relationship with a Narcissist, whether family, love or marriage is toxic. You can't chose your family, but you CAN choose limited contact.🙏🤦‍♀️🪻💜🙏

    • @rjpoetry3319
      @rjpoetry3319 29 днів тому +3

      I know. I did. But after I had a massive, multi-million stroke and her psychopathic doctor daughters and two psychopathic sisters led her to die!

    • @questionasker1749
      @questionasker1749 29 днів тому

      @@rjpoetry3319 I'm so very sorry. You will be in my prayers.

    • @questionasker1749
      @questionasker1749 29 днів тому

      @rjpoetry3319 I'm so very sorry and you will be in my prayers. 🙏🙏🙏🙏💜🪻🪻💜🤦‍♀️🪻💜💜🪻😔

    • @questionasker1749
      @questionasker1749 29 днів тому

      @@rjpoetry3319 I'm so very sorry. You will be in my prayers. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️💜🪻💜🪻🪻💜🪻💜🪻💜🪻🙏🙏🙏🙏💜🪻💜

    • @VestalNumbre
      @VestalNumbre 29 днів тому

      Okay I have this thought I want to share with you !!
      The Second of Chronicles
      11 When Re·ho·boʹam arrived in Jerusalem, he immediately congregated the house of Judah and Benjamin,+ 180,000 trained* warriors, to fight against Israel in order to restore the kingdom to Re·ho·boʹam.+ 2

  • @Katyklb
    @Katyklb Місяць тому +56

    I'm thriving with help from amazing people!!. I disengage quickly from anyone showing any of these signs.
    I felt like my wings had been clipped. Being alone is allowing me to be me. The grief is real.
    I am very careful who gets to be with me in my personal space.

    • @questionasker1749
      @questionasker1749 29 днів тому +3

      @@Katyklb Ditto, Sweetheart. It's the ONLY way.🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️💜🪻💜🪻🪻🪻💜💜💜🪻💜🪻💜🪻💜🪻

    • @carolejackson8357
      @carolejackson8357 29 днів тому +2

      Sweet progress.

  • @annai3394
    @annai3394 Місяць тому +26

    I love how Dr Ramani is supportive to us, survivors. She doesn’t judge those who can’t instantly leave. She’s giving amazing support. She also explains us what has happened to us and what is happening to us after realizing that we were under the narc abuse.
    I didn’t know I’m going through grieve , until I heard her speaking about it. It’s so true.
    She’s so compassionate and empathic and everything we, survivors, are longing for.
    Her advises are always the best ❤
    Dr Ramani you are one of those people who have saved my life and helped me to get out of depression, anxiety and low self esteem… which I thought I was the reason of. Until I realized I was the only sane person in the story…

    • @lorihoop3831
      @lorihoop3831 Місяць тому +4

      I'm the only one who has gotten real help, yet I am the unstable one. No, I'm seeing the truth and that's the worst thing that could happen. Not my problem anymore. The Lord knows I have tried, they are emotionally crippled and present brick walls every time you try to address ANY issue. I'm DONE

  • @brendadavis7322
    @brendadavis7322 Місяць тому +42

    I’ve known for a long time that I am a perfectionist, but when Dr Ramani made the connection between perfectionism and the byproduct of abuse at the hands of a narcissist, a lightbulb 💡 went on!!

    • @evbemma33
      @evbemma33 Місяць тому +2

      Why perfectionism is byproduct of abuse?

    • @lorihoop3831
      @lorihoop3831 Місяць тому +10

      Because you felt you had to be perfect to avoid criticism and yelling at

  • @bridgetbanwell3582
    @bridgetbanwell3582 28 днів тому +19

    Im chuckling as i listen.
    I have survived a 2 year situationship. Ive been to hell and back. Deleted. He returned after a year last month as if nothing had happened, charming, and playful. in the meantime i have had the training. i picked up on the mind fuckery straight away and red flags .
    I see-sawed, i began to feel sorry for him . Seeing his vunerable side, only to be discarded again.
    Im surprised how quickly ive bounced back and truely feeling happy again. So now i see the funny side as it has played out to the script.
    i feel sorry for the next woman

  • @AngelO-t9f
    @AngelO-t9f Місяць тому +26

    Once you see you can’t unsee! I never looked at it as grief however that’s so true, you go through all the stages of grief! When you decide to exit & set boundaries the defamation of character begins! Real Narcissistic abuse is awful! Bruises heal yet emotional abuse is damaging to the core! Takes years to heal and the scars are deep

    • @Milestonemonger
      @Milestonemonger Місяць тому +3

      Exactly 💯

    • @ThisIsMe155
      @ThisIsMe155 Місяць тому +4

      They sure are!!
      What's more, the abuse, entitlement, superiority and one-upmanship never stop. 😥💯💔😪🙏

  • @Simonious_Monk
    @Simonious_Monk 29 днів тому +17

    This is like 5 years of high quality therapy concentrated into one talk

  • @sukayna7026
    @sukayna7026 Місяць тому +58

    Very hard and conflicting feeling. To love someone who hurts you. 😢

    • @Katyklb
      @Katyklb Місяць тому +9

      you will stop loving them eventually.

    • @questionasker1749
      @questionasker1749 29 днів тому +7

      @sukayna7026 you can love from a very far distance. So sorry and many prayers.🙏🙏🙏🤦‍♀️🪻💜🪻🪻💜🙏🙏💜🪻🪻

    • @serenityhill5695
      @serenityhill5695 28 днів тому +4

      That’s not love it’s fear. To try w/all you heart to please someone who do not deserve your kindness and good energy and they’re ungrateful. Detached and for your mental and physical health remove yourself.🙏🏾💕😊

    • @mim.r4499
      @mim.r4499 2 дні тому

      Yes, indeed, I have experienced it most of my life. But dear human, you deserve "a healthy life." The only solution to me is to love yourself ❤

  • @Shukra9665
    @Shukra9665 18 днів тому +11

    Narcissism is verbal brutality and violence that has no law against it, unfortunately. The victims are left battered and bruised and worse, blamed for whatever happened. Narcissists dig the soul out of a person, piece by piece, until the victim is left hollow and powerless.

  • @ursuladraeger3773
    @ursuladraeger3773 14 днів тому +3

    excactly what i went through.for over 50 years i hoped forgave !!!!he left always staying out in bars drinking.tell my fault.i was devasteded.for all those years grieving not understanding that uncaring behavior.fights children involved too!!!no emphaty when i cried.laughing enven!!!i was always a happy person,singing in the house happy with my children
    later in a different cou try i had a 2nd friendship (accidental)never looked for that.a good listening friend.we stayed together (i still wanted my husband )he never changed!!!drinking staying out.his rights is his opinion.he was always right.!!!!now he is 90 years old meaner than before.lying about all.!!!!i have been abused for so long need to be on my own at piece..if i am able i will leave with my dog!hopeful i can get some help to leave.85 and taking this emotional pain is killing me.he is sooo friendly to everybody shows his fake character.he worked hard does many good things to show off!!!
    but what i experience is hell for too long!!!

  • @JulesBeehive
    @JulesBeehive Місяць тому +14

    She talks so eloquently. Great interview

  • @OliveD-Martini
    @OliveD-Martini Місяць тому +8

    Nearly 14 years and I feel like I will never be the same. He has been gone as many years as I was with him and I just can't seem to be me again!!

  • @tc3894
    @tc3894 Місяць тому +18

    It’s 2 years after I walked out from a 15 years marriage! Just took a small suitcase and walked out from the apartment we were renting! If I’m honest at that point I got to the stage I didn’t care where I’m going to as I was so…. Broken in every way! And I thought I’m very strong mentally but NO! He was pushing me away every time I would enter after my long working days with sarcasm and lies! Looking for a smallest thing that I’m going or saying wrong. Nothing ever ever was good enough for him. We’re together but I felt alone all the time. I still recovering after 2 years . I’m much better now and can see what I couldn’t then. I learn how to identify the damaging narcissist person… and that’s the best school of my life by now.

    • @rosieE121
      @rosieE121 Місяць тому +9

      They also cause you and others to be confused by blaming you for doing all those things to them that they are doing to you.

  • @kimberlyf4888
    @kimberlyf4888 Місяць тому +23

    I never blamed myself as a kid for my parent's behavior - so her assertion that kid's do this is not always true. I knew that I had nothing to do with their behavior. I wanted it to be different and did not understand it, of course.

    • @agatakjoy
      @agatakjoy Місяць тому +9

      To be able to do that a kid usually needs another significant adult in their life who is healthy. Did you have someone like that? Also, with kids age matters. You can figure out things as a teenager, even preadolescent, but not a three of four year old. There are children (and adults) who are the so-called truth seeers. They get it earlier than most.

    • @ThisIsMe155
      @ThisIsMe155 Місяць тому +6

      She is correct in the 'vast' majority of cases. You are an 'outlier'. Lucky You!! 🎉

    • @carolejackson8357
      @carolejackson8357 29 днів тому +1

      Most things are always true. You're blessed to have some part of you that rose above the circumstances refusing to absorb their craziness.
      I'm with you on that. Somehow, a few of us can see threads of truth insulating us for the full force of the family trauma that would take others further down the state of despair.
      Even so, it like walking through ankle deep mud and crud. At the very least, it robs us of energy that could be better spent elsewhere. And yet we can become more than imaginable with God's help.
      Though I had little to no concept of God as a child in a secular humanistic home, certain adults in my life discerned enough to pray for me as God led them.
      I remember some of them asking me questions in an attempt to uncover what burden I carried. My response to strangers' attempts at understanding was to strengthen my smoke-screens keeping others out.
      In my adult life, I crossed paths with some of those discerning people of prayer. God wad there even when I didn't recognize him.

  • @avagrejon0413
    @avagrejon0413 29 днів тому +7

    My future fakeing was that I would heal from my mental and physical disabilities so then I would be able to leave. I always knew deep down I wanted to leave but my health trapped me in the relationship for far too many years. Narcissistic relationships make you sick , have no doubt in that whatsoever. People need to wake up to this before they get too sick that then keeps them trapped in a very dark prison. I'm free now but , wow what a journey I now have in front of me ! It starts with building the relationship you have with yourself, because if you treat yourself with no respect then you cannot see when someone else is doing the same to you, and you need therapy to help you get on the road to self love 🙏

    • @CollectivelyCraig
      @CollectivelyCraig 16 днів тому

      Theres only the I am
      I dont change.u all dp and get it 😂

  • @keariewashburn4680
    @keariewashburn4680 29 днів тому +5

    Thank you for this! ❤ the grief of the loss of so many things. Dr Ramani is so spot on with everything! Thank you

  • @MARIPILIPM
    @MARIPILIPM Місяць тому +7

    BRAVO for this excellent piece of psychological knowledge about the narcissistic plague that burdens millions of lives today👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

  • @fabbi9548
    @fabbi9548 Місяць тому +11

    14:27 this is how I was raised to feel 😢

  • @rosieE121
    @rosieE121 Місяць тому +8

    Grief and feeling betrayal and unloved besides confused.

  • @elizabetheliuk9373
    @elizabetheliuk9373 6 днів тому +1

    Dr Ramani you’ve seen my comments I’m sure. If you have you know I’m stuck at 70. Poor health bad finances I can’t leave. But here’s the thing. When i realized, thanks to you all that narcissism is about I went into shock. I realized that after 32 years I started to mirror a lot of the stuff he was doing. Call it reactive abuse call it whatever you want but I had to wake up. And so I did. The grief was so confusing so devastating I became suicidal. I’m still stuck yes but I can feel myself regaining a sense of myself. I’m starting to lose the hysteria the fear the loss of so many years of my life. I don’t know if I’ll ever be in a position to leave. Just found out some more stuff affecting my health making me realize even more I can not support myself financially. But it’s not as traumatic as it was a year ago. I am healing. Don’t know where this will end. You’re so right when you say one will never be the same. I’m hoping despite that I’m a much better person. I have you to thank. Thank you for your book. Thank you for all you do; thank you for my life. I know I’ll still go thru some bad spots but not with the same attitude. Thank you.

  • @selvijohn3896
    @selvijohn3896 26 днів тому +8

    Love the person in the mirror first..that's God's image🙏👑

  • @katja6332
    @katja6332 28 днів тому +3

    Best explanation of radical acceptance including the grief ❤

  • @jaceksulek
    @jaceksulek 21 день тому +1

    Dr Ramani keeps astonish me with her knowledge keep being served in such a relatable way! This is MUST WATCH for everyone!

  • @larad406
    @larad406 20 днів тому

    I used to watch Dr Ramani a lot and found her videos very helpful. After a year I have come back to this and realised how much of it applied to the relationship I was in when I first discovered her. It is very validating, but there is grief for past me. Thank you so much for this interview.

  • @diamantinaguerra6805
    @diamantinaguerra6805 7 днів тому

    I had a narcissist dangerous person who destroyed me completely. i separate from him 25 years ago and i got a huge depression that manifested years later. now i married another narcissist and i only realized it months ago, i have been creating an defensive attitude, but it still is difficult to get him out of my mind and heart. he has all the traits described, and we are both musicians so there’s a lot of competition. i struggle to keep my grounds. and he hits me with LDS religion all the time. he has actually intoxicated with the “christian” that he claims to be. i am trying to follow my own ideas and beliefs, but i am not at that stage of letting things go. i have to own my life and work on my own and detached from this person. unfortunately my mother is a covert narcissist but i am able now to deal with her, without damaging my own self . thanks for all the advises !

  • @Ratgirl2
    @Ratgirl2 20 днів тому +1

    My friend is in so deep and the partner is in denial won't bend an inch. She stepped out emotionally.and her hurt changed her to being cynical about this person. There are times where he is good and she isn't buying it and he tells her you don't appreciate what I do for you. He changed her no doubt. 8:05

  • @adamisaac4685
    @adamisaac4685 28 днів тому +6

    I have a neighbor downstairs from me that has unresolved psychological issues. Yells at the top of her lungs at her boyfriend. I mean yelling like someone is getting hurt and dying.
    To where I awoke at 2:30 am last week to her yelling bloody murder. I was so pissed. It has been going on for literally a year. I have recorded her psychotic freak outs and played it for the land lord.
    They told me others in the neighborhood have also complained and it hasn’t fallen on deaf ears.
    But she also has a 5 year old daughter and an infant. She yells at them and speaks to them like a piece of trash, using profanity at the children.
    I want to call child protective services and tell them what is happening.
    Anyways…she is a narcissist.

    • @sonias9722
      @sonias9722 26 днів тому +4

      then call cps. The children are obviously being harmed

    • @forgiven5919
      @forgiven5919 26 днів тому +4

      Poor children please call CPS

    • @JohannaVanDreumel
      @JohannaVanDreumel 23 дні тому +2

      Those poor children, someone needs to put there welbeing 1st.
      Please speak up for them, CALL CHILD PROTECTION.

    • @msc8245
      @msc8245 17 днів тому +2

      Please call CPS asap!

  • @Golgibaby
    @Golgibaby Місяць тому +1

    Mahalo for this conversation and the legacy of your life-saving eye-opening work, Dr. Ramani. Appreciative of the work of you both!

  • @luckyangel8888
    @luckyangel8888 12 днів тому

    I seem to be in the same place emotionally as Dr. Ramani, and I felt really emotional around 8:00. It was incredibly hard, and I truly don’t want anyone else to feel this way. A non-judgmental society where parents can raise children happily, alongside education that teaches a genuine sense of love, care, empathy, and compassion, is the way to prevent the rise of narcissism. Thank you, Dr. Ramani. Let’s work together to create a world where happy people continue to smile and bring joy to others.

  • @rosieE121
    @rosieE121 Місяць тому +4

    PTSD is a recurring problem.

  • @ThisIsMe155
    @ThisIsMe155 Місяць тому +2

    Love, love, love this woman ❤❤❤.
    Thank You for your kindness, compassion, your brilliance and your story, Dr. Ramani. 👍
    I do hope to meet you one day. 💯
    A wonderful podcast!!
    Thoughts, Love, Companionship, Best Wishes and Protection go out to you today and every day. May God Bless You (and your loved ones) abundantly. 🎉❤❤❤❤🙏🙏

  • @louisewhiley3573
    @louisewhiley3573 26 днів тому +1

    I just love your podcasts look forward to hearing them

  • @jacobshrimpton
    @jacobshrimpton Місяць тому +4

    So I love all of your videos & wanted to thank you for your time. You seems to focus all of your help towards the middle class though & being someone who suffers daily with severe mental health problems at the bottom of the bread line can you tailor some videos towards people like me please?

  • @pegagonza3784
    @pegagonza3784 29 днів тому +1

    When you describe knowing about new relationships I feel the need to give them advice to know well each other so they can choose well .

  • @BeaRonna
    @BeaRonna Місяць тому +2

    More crusial seems to be the aftermath!
    Actually realizing afterwards the patters-
    It wasn't accidental 😢
    And -- yet still it happened. For real.
    ( Even though hearing probably "- no , no it wasn't the case- your perspective was wrong. Crazy. Etc.")
    With healing process continue living with hope.❤

  • @Tiger-dg3cz
    @Tiger-dg3cz 6 днів тому

    Yes overwhelming grief like no other.

  • @steadypace1262
    @steadypace1262 6 днів тому

    I also need to sit on the end seat of an aisle, I do feel faint at times due to health issues but I think it also may be a desire to feel less trapped. Narcissist's do like to trap their victim's in some way and that is probably why I feel the need to be more free.🦅

  • @thurston4mor
    @thurston4mor 25 днів тому +1

    I learned after growing up in narc sociopath family
    To narc spath spouse
    That I was brainwashed to it being normal
    I had explained to myself I’m to nice why abuse?
    But it came to ‘ that gut feeling things are wrong’
    It’s not selfish to leave
    And no contact
    When things start to feel better
    You don’t feel weighted with gut misery

  • @seven789100
    @seven789100 29 днів тому +7

    Unfortunately there's the flying monkeys and triangulation situations they use to drag people back in

  • @psychologicalprojectionist
    @psychologicalprojectionist Місяць тому +6

    The problem, of course, is that "Narcissist" is a label.
    Labels can be fairly or unfairly applied.
    And (see username) to a Narcissist, everyone else but him, is a Narcissist.

  • @linalesia5188
    @linalesia5188 9 днів тому +1

    The important question is, what makes one become a narcissist? Everything else is nothing but judgement from someone who probably has some narcissistic tendencies that are disguised as expertise in the area. You know what they say - it takes one to know one.

  • @purely7762
    @purely7762 26 днів тому

    Yes “people who’ve been affected by these people are woefully underserved “

  • @AngelaSantiago-v5v
    @AngelaSantiago-v5v 17 днів тому +1

    You have opened my eyes 👀 😢

  • @rachelduckett3408
    @rachelduckett3408 24 дні тому +2

    Thank you beautiful soul. 🫶🏼I am healing slowwwwly from 20 years of a narcissistic abusive relationship 👁️✨👁️Pain § suffering everyday in my entirety. Mind. Body. Spirit. 😞😫😌

    • @rachelduckett3408
      @rachelduckett3408 24 дні тому

      You my divine queen healer are helping me heal NOW!!! Blessings upon your every step. 🙏🏼🦋☀️🌳🪬

    • @rachelduckett3408
      @rachelduckett3408 24 дні тому

      We MUST take our power back slowly. It is OK for us to change over the years because we die to ourselves hopefully often as we live this one life. Let us live in the grace that we have an embrace, all the splendor of love that we have to hold in our hearts and feel sorrowful for those that cannot hold that space in their hearts as well.

  • @mangoproduction5993
    @mangoproduction5993 27 днів тому +2

    Thank you.

  • @Tiger-dg3cz
    @Tiger-dg3cz 6 днів тому

    I was nothing more than a burden. Now my parents are very ill. My life is crumbling now. I have such deep anger and so much rage inside.

  • @andreatocknell593
    @andreatocknell593 26 днів тому +1

    Best advice yet
    Still hurts so much

  • @rosieE121
    @rosieE121 Місяць тому +1

    Caution by others who are witnesses too. I can't risk a repeat of the abuse from someone else. So I am extremely careful.

  • @jesusgirljohnson3914
    @jesusgirljohnson3914 2 дні тому

    ❤ People Should not get involved with Angry people. It Hurts to much! Some of these people are Evil. It is Harmful.

  • @Nadiaandherchildren
    @Nadiaandherchildren 6 днів тому

    I am really going through a situation 😢 but your video gives me hope.

  • @Tiger-dg3cz
    @Tiger-dg3cz 6 днів тому +1

    I was never like this before.

  • @susangoodman2598
    @susangoodman2598 Місяць тому +6

    Yes l relate to everything you say but in Canada there is no place affordable housing woman all over l have talked to know many of systems are failing woman in Canada unhealthy relationships with no housing affordable by corruption in governments.

  • @agimezei
    @agimezei 5 днів тому

    Someday never comes… My Son was in this toxic relationship, I have been telling him over couple of years . Finally after 5 years he kicked her out or actually she walked out and she already had 2-3 guys lined up :)
    I’m very sorry for my grand daughter who is 4 years old . She is a victim as well ! 🙏🙏 thank God my Son never married to that psycho !!!

  • @xanadu6802
    @xanadu6802 Місяць тому

    Thank you so much for posting this and perfect timing for what I need to heal! Thank you guys!

  • @jennifers5778
    @jennifers5778 20 днів тому +2

    She said it....The narcisstic blocks the sun and for me blocked my relationship by vbocking the Son of God....deep hurt. Took 20 years and still aware but I made it to peace and freedom and my own life. Thank you Dr. Ramani!!!!❤

  • @Tiger-dg3cz
    @Tiger-dg3cz 6 днів тому +1

    Everything I worked. For to top it off

  • @lwontherez7927
    @lwontherez7927 10 днів тому

    Narcissistic ex was OVERLY responsible (-until he wasn’t). He had an iron-fisted grip on control. Not immature; but “TOO MATURE”…(If that’s possible; yet, emotionally immature and needy (for others approval and women’s attention and validation). Narcissists can have islands of stability in ONE area (such as their career) and totally flop on OTHER areas, such as relationships. The relationship/marriage He cheated on me with has now lasted over 27 years!! But he’s retired; so no more island of stability at work; now he’s switched it over to an island of responsibility in his relationship. Likely, BOTH are narcissists, somatic and grandiose!

  • @EvelynSierra-q3i
    @EvelynSierra-q3i 28 днів тому +2

    There’s a thin line between hate and hate

  • @KarenCrouch-d3k
    @KarenCrouch-d3k День тому

    Dr Ramani is awesome ❤

  • @DENISEASTUNO-ow1qz
    @DENISEASTUNO-ow1qz 8 днів тому

    ❤Thank you this helps immensely ❤

  • @95425
    @95425 22 дні тому

    Could you please create a discussion about self boundaries?
    Thank you for all your work ❤

  • @danielamiottotrainer
    @danielamiottotrainer 9 годин тому

    Coercion and control is a criminal offence in the UK, keep records. Understand the definition of domestic abuse, know the line. Know your rights.

  • @scottohare8355
    @scottohare8355 Місяць тому +4

    My narcissistic relationship has made me have a very negative opinion of women in general I know this is irrational but I can't help it .

    • @treelover1050
      @treelover1050 13 днів тому

      SAME THING IS TRUE WHEN I AS A WOMAN WAS ABUSED BY A MALE NARCISSIST. TAKES TIME TO HEAL AND BE CAREFUL WHENEVER WE MEET ANY NEW MEN. NO SANE PERSON WANTS TO BE LIED TO AND USED AGAIN BY TOXIC PEOPLE.

  • @Tiger-dg3cz
    @Tiger-dg3cz 6 днів тому

    Everything for resources I have been forced to compete for and have lost

  • @miriamhernandez8716
    @miriamhernandez8716 9 днів тому

    She puts a name to it…grieving, now you know…

  • @keariewashburn4680
    @keariewashburn4680 29 днів тому

    I was thinking about how on time and predictable the patterns are and instinctively knowing when someone is going to do that behavior. It starts to confirm the patterns come out and shown through certain situations that are not pleasant but can be experienced and gone through with a reasonable healthier way of processing and coming through it. But, if the unstable patterns keep coming in a timely matter when circumstances change or not, its still the same pattern. Over and over

  • @mikejarrells431
    @mikejarrells431 8 днів тому

    So. If narcissism is adaptive and authenticity is maladaptive (punished) then shouldn't one internalize narcissism to survive & thrive? How can you heal (be authentic) in a toxic society (that rewards narcissism)? Is narcissism a mental illness if it's adaptive? Is authenticity a mental illness (maladaptive)? Is psychology making it worse (by pushing authenticity)?

  • @SallyNegus
    @SallyNegus 7 днів тому

    I love alot of Dr Ramani's work...but the one aspect that I just can't agree with is her belief that narsissists are made....I've listened to her say it in many ways. From personal experience with my first relationship..with whom I was hooked in...I had two children with said person. He was a hard core Narcissist with likely Anti social personality disorder. I've read everything on this...listened to as many experts as possible...and my conclusion is that it's WAAAAAY more genetic than it is something that is created...BOTH my children inherited this from their father. He abandoned the family and never looked back...lied about his past and I found out he had been married TWICE before..the first marriage producing 4 other children...He did the same thing to them...I'm not claiming to be perfect , BUT I gave my children a stable loving home...unconditional love..boundaries and structure and discipline when appropriate...the schism ism as I call it kicked in starting in puberty for my son, and daughter early teens...they also inherited his looks, temperament and talents.....with basically no association from the ages of 3 and 18 months, their ages when he left...Anyway, I like alot of Dr Ramani's work...but in this aspect I think she just hasn't seemed to be able to accept this piece....sorry for the length..But I've met too many people who suffer immeasurably (especially wonderful adoptive parents) and blame themselves~~when it has absolutely nothing to do with their parenting ...

  • @mac-ju5ot
    @mac-ju5ot Місяць тому +1

    It was such a tiny issue. But they said i shoo for too much fiid i dibt , i try ti eat healthy.

  • @katja6332
    @katja6332 28 днів тому

    20:58 (explanation who is more vulnerable of getting stuck)

  • @merin797
    @merin797 Місяць тому +1

    What if you just say to your Nex, “I release you.” ???

  • @DaddysGrl463
    @DaddysGrl463 10 днів тому

    A friend of is getting married this year after dating for a short while. I am terrified.

  • @AngelaSantiago-v5v
    @AngelaSantiago-v5v 17 днів тому

    You are great ❤

  • @southernbelladonna78
    @southernbelladonna78 Місяць тому +1

    What does it mean when sometimes you do have it all together fairly well and sometimes you don't at all, lol? Thats been the story of my life my whole life. 🤷

    • @wisdomdantecourt8179
      @wisdomdantecourt8179 29 днів тому

      It’s called being human. You’re not allowed to do that under the thumb of a narcissist.

  • @LeahWalker-z9l
    @LeahWalker-z9l 28 днів тому +1

    Love is not self seeking. (Bible)

  • @lindafouriehoniball3150
    @lindafouriehoniball3150 Місяць тому +2

    How do U recognize a Narsist???⁉️⁉️⁉️

  • @Shirley-c7s
    @Shirley-c7s 26 днів тому

    3 nars all my long term bf ..just messed up.. I am ext empathetic and thought it showed my human kindness I dont want or trust at all now. What happened to old ideals?

  • @TiegraHansen
    @TiegraHansen 2 дні тому

    I wish I could have tried harder for the last two 2️⃣ months and it still wouldn’t have happened to my body I just feel bad 😢 I’m sorry

  • @naturelover1284
    @naturelover1284 Місяць тому +1

    Why when they're about to die they think at 89 is all the sudden get it permission to have a relationship and grow up

  • @atirliag2833
    @atirliag2833 29 днів тому

    The healthier family, in my case was maternal side, the relationship with the maternal parent brother was so authentic I believe this allowed for me tap into values. While I still suffered I had values I could tap into and pass onto my own children.

  • @Tiger-dg3cz
    @Tiger-dg3cz 6 днів тому

    Dear God

  • @barbarajennings3283
    @barbarajennings3283 Місяць тому

    Where does she cite the research or is there none that informs her practice? Maybe I missed it.

  • @Tiger-dg3cz
    @Tiger-dg3cz 6 днів тому

    I can’t do this I can’t

  • @beverleyhusbands2544
    @beverleyhusbands2544 Місяць тому +3

    What's the differrnce between a narcissist and a liar?

  • @dianearrington6666
    @dianearrington6666 26 днів тому

    My sister is not my sister of the same womb. 3:10

  • @proudindian0910
    @proudindian0910 Місяць тому

    Anupamaa show ki wajah se yeh 'narcissist' term bahot famous ho gaya hain....😮

  • @sarahkennedy1481
    @sarahkennedy1481 Місяць тому +3

    He had a beautiful fab body and face and knew it. He was v clever. Would be v loving and kind and sexy then would blow and be v angry and verbally nasty to change relationship.to his terms. He was charming to others. He was in politics and lots of voluntary work snd spent a lot of his time helping people. Was unsure what he thought about me but was very self_assured, charming and successful. All.v subtle. He seemed to be worse towards women in a relationship for some reason. Really he wanted to.dangle women on.a string but actually he fears not having total freedom...

  • @rachelduckett3408
    @rachelduckett3408 24 дні тому +1

    So wouldn’t everybody agree and tell me if I am wrong please? I’d like to start a conversation here as she is speaking about and they are speaking about conversing about the dynamics of the narcissistic parent child relationship dynamics I believe there are so many in Asia specially in China that have a lot of narcissism going on and I think it is genetically predisposed And has been been some type of fear based thought process embedded in them for so many hundreds of years indoctrinated people continuously die, especially in Asia because they work themselves to the bone without allowing themselves to feel anything true emotions they are confused at what’s really going on they push out feelings that are going on. There’s not they’re not sure what’s the truth of their own reality of their internal, spiritual self survival mode is on for the child and the parent is constantly abusing them letting them know as a very small child. This is what you’ll do. This is how you’ll feel this is how you’ll act this is when you’ll speak. Your senses belong to me you belong to me and you will do and say as I tell you it complete dictatorship. Does anyone have to say anything about this? I’m curious.💧

  • @CollectivelyCraig
    @CollectivelyCraig 16 днів тому +1

    I got salvation. Im luck7 no it 😂😂 feela grate

  • @lynnpayne328
    @lynnpayne328 Місяць тому +2

    How do you tell if your N mother’s brain is making up stories or if she really is a liar?All this time we thought she really believed the terrible stories she tells about her grown son. Is she knowingly making up things to make him look bad or is her brain kind of in crazy paranoid mode and believes things that aren’t true? There is nothing you can say to change her mind. She is the ultimate authority in life. She says she has never lied to me. And that I should believe her.

  • @naturelover1284
    @naturelover1284 Місяць тому

    Why if my brothers would get a cat it's wonderful but if I did it'd be A burden Do they make the daughter the venting board

  • @dianearrington6666
    @dianearrington6666 26 днів тому

    Sadly. 6:34