Am I moving forward in my healing journey? 3 SIGNS YOU ARE
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- Опубліковано 17 вер 2024
- NORTH CAROLINA RETREAT
November 1-3, 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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You know you're healing when you stop wasting time thinking about the past and feel more optimistic about the future and believe what is coming is better than what is gone and should be left behind.
I would add a caveat to this - when you can speak objectively about the past and not feel triggered by it. Recently I was attempted to be hoovered by a bunch of FM the head puppet master behind it. The hash tag is “ the hell with the past” .
My immediate response was I tried the hell with the past too many times and the Venus fly trap made my life a living hell.
The let’s forget about it while narcissists secretly dwell in the past is a tactic to slide into re offending ( & this happened to me while in NC and right after the recent last stunt - )
The problem is by forgetting about the past when dealing with narcissists who want to act like nothing happened is to avoid accountability for the hidden abuse . So to your face the say forget the past ( while behind your back a plan is in play to find new opportunities to use you or smear your name )
I know this game all too well. Been there survived it a few times.
To forgive too much & without fully accepting it all - this can leave you susceptible to allowing a worm hole for predators to crawl back inside. They can pretend to change or have a “ come to J moment” - it is all BS.
This happened to me repeatedly and it was how I got conned out of more money or they literally stole more from me. While they acted like a victim ( behind my back) while they spread a smear campaign that I did not do anything for them. While they she showed. up uninvited and. driving new cars.
Narcissists keep a score pad
to use everything against you for black mail ( they lie even when there is nothing to black mail you with) and they do not grow or change or grow up.
They do. play lets pretend that never happened- to hook you in to repeat offend. Narcissists entire personality is based on pretence so they will never be held accountable for their actions.
We repeat what we don’t repair.
To live free of NA is Devine.
All said I agree with you that the healthiest thing you can do is grieve the losses , accept & move forward and carve out a new happier life . 🥂
@@youngblood8540 so true
So hard to do, when you have small children and you have to legally coparent and literally have links with them for the rest of your life. I sometimes feel like this is my ultimate failure having kids with a soulless individual like a narcissist.
Be careful who you marry, especially who you have children with.
No contact made my healing 1000% easier.
The journey is unique to each individual.
I know my future is bright, bountiful, and most importantly-
Remember you are doing the very best considering the situation.
Leave the past just where it is, learn from it and live in the present and know the future is the journey of self-preservation.
❤
Just accept that they hate your authenticity and they're out to dismantle you. Maintaining distance is the beginning of healing.
Thank you
When I realized my worst fear was having a stroke or heart attack and being left in the care of my narcissistic spouse, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I had to get out. Big surprise, as painful as leaving him was, my health improved immensely. Thank you Dr Ramani for sharing all you do! ❤️
I was just like you,my worst nightmare came true,I had a stroke & a heart attack @ 59 yrs old,last November & when I tell you the worst part was actually seeing the coldness & distance it was unreal,I had no idea about Dr ramani & what narcissism was but I quickly learned. Thank God I began to heal & I got the strength to leave in April,I'm living with my mom now , I went no contact,all my belongings are in my mom's garage ,I hv no car, money but I hv something far more,I am free of the hell I was living,that almost took my life & I'm thankful everyday,I escaped and I'm healing.
I am so glad to hear your health improved and hope that you continue to thrive. I am still stuck in here hoping that radical acceptance is the place I can survive. Please continue your comment they have helped me.
This is true for me too.
Good for you❤❤❤❤ happy healing
I'm so pleased for you! Well done! ❤️
With radical acceptance, it’s an incredibly lonely and isolating feeling. That’s the hardest part. Knowing that you are painted as the villain or difficult one for cutting off that narcissist. Trying to cultivate relationships with other healthy people is also hard because you wonder if you’re overthinking things or wondering why you are feeling anxious. My body has been in flight or fight mode for most of my life because of trauma. I hate what my narcissistic family has done to me, but I refuse to let it define me. Empathy and authenticity is the black sheep’s greatest gift.
Thank you for sharing. Everything you said resonated with me, and it really helps to know that I may feel alone & isolated but sadly many others feel the same. So lovely that you left an uplifting sentiment towards the end. Thank you, from somebody who's been in fawn and flight mode since they were 7 -8 years old, 66 years old now and almost free. Always the black sheep apparently, now I see my black sheep empathy as a gift too. Still searching for my full authenticity, it's a slow progressive thing with me. No, it doesn't define us does it! We won't let it! Thanks again yael, peace, light and freedom to you from the UK.
@@beekinder6953 You’re welcome! Glad my words encouraged you. Black sheep are the strongest people on this earth. We keep the faith in humanity. I wish you well on your healing journey 🙏
I get that 100%! I've spent a lifetime with narcissists, starting with my Dad. Many narc partners later, I was discarded by the last one & have been single, by choice, for the 12 yrs since, with zero interest in romance or dating (I'm 62).
It took decades of on again-off again therapy & self-help stuff, but over the past 3 yrs I've really become better & better at trusting my intuition & honouring my authentic self. It is so freeing & empowering, and yes, isolating at times. Abandonment issues & self-doubt still creep in and I've discovered a lot of social anxiety within that I'd not been aware of before. That said, I've got the awareness & tools now to navigate such times without drowning in it. Setting & maintaining healthy boundaries has become a whole lot easier. I sleep much better. The only drama in my life these days comes at the hands of my now terminally ill father & my narc sister. Despite family & many outsiders not understanding, even judging me for it, I have largely blocked both dad & sis & wow, life is so much better to have almost no contact with them at all.
For those occasional days when I still do feel isolated or like an outcast, there are many more when I feel relaxed, content & even happy.
It's a journey, but well worth the effort!
Thank you
I relate to this.
There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at digitalinvestigate@gmail . com where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
Recognize your intuition. That means relearning to trust your assessment of a person, place or thing. People will show you who they are the FIRST TIME. Be stoic in your resolve. By creating a shift in your perspective. It is what it is. Move forward with your life.
Yessirreee, that twisting up and around of our guts, that sinking feeling in the solar plexus is def giving the hint something's off!
My intuition isn’t always right on the first meeting. It takes me a bit to figure out who is a full blown narcissist to who has learned narcissism behaviors. Granted our society is a narcissistic society. Some narcs I agree you can feel them on your first interaction with them.
@SherryTomlinson-r2y One's clarity has always been present. But we choose to see in others what we value in ourselves. This is a form of idealization or mirroring. Essentially,it is people pleasing. Because we are looking for acceptance from another person instead of acceptance for ourselves. True acceptance must come from within.
Excellent advice 👏🏼
Thank you for your comment. I know you're right...I really needed to read this today. 🙏❤️🩹
My radical acceptance can be summed up in the following:
Congratulations. You win. You win a game and a prize that doesn't even matter to the people that really matter.
In your eyes I maybe a loser but at least I'm not YOU.
"C'ya! Wouldn't wanna be ya!" is a favorite of mine 😂
I know I love the phrase I WOULDN’t wanna be like you. I Robot album 77 or 78
Love this
Nah I cut off my mother and nan into homelessness. My cousin tragically died and my aunt tried expressing to my mother her grief and my mother said so what my daughter won't ever talk to me again. Now she's a compulsive liar but on rare occasions she says the truth and that was the truth. She would rather me permanently deleted then her only child rejecting her every second of her perfect existence that can't be perfect of she's being rejected. Best way to hurt a narc is cold cutting and arm length flying monkeys they may try to use and make it clear it over forever they're dead to you. Remember they're perfect but how can they be perfect if their child has flat out rejected them forever.
Fr. I think about the healthy people that meet the narc. I'm sure a lot of then hear those stories about us and think, " this is a crazy narcissistic mother. Who would villanize their child like that. And wait, you haven't seen your daughter in 20 years? And you're still badmouthing her and trying to get pity? Yeah. Creep. "
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.porassss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this
Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is dr.porassss
loyal friends and family are priceless. treat good people well.
Radical acceptance was a GAME CHANGER. I’ll never get to the highest level of indifference though. I’ve seen the narcissist do some inhuman stuff. If I ever see him I’m running in the opposite direction. Not because I’m not “indifferent”. It’s because he’s CREEPY and NOT HUMAN.
Thank you. So much of this stuff has the implication they have humanity. They do not. There is no reason to be indifferent to danger.
With parental narcissism it’s almost impossible to not care what their lies did to you.
you crapped out in the parent department but that trauma created many good things about you.
❤ yes
Many people find that going No Contact helps them to heal.
I started about 16 years ago , searching what is a psychopath (narc) I found Dr Ramani during shut down. I was like wow this doctor knows the narcissist! And knows how narcissist try to destroy and do destroy others. Ty Dr Ramani- ❤
The ground rules are; you can't change other people, your only in control how you react to other peoples behavior. Don't fool yourself into believing they want to change either no matter what they tell you to hook you in. It's not your job to try and save anyone else. You learn to shut off your feelings when seeing and dealing with certain people.
It is shocking to realize that the malignant narcissist had been horrible all along. Gloating at my upsets and pissed with my good news while pretending to be a nice partner.
Ewwwwe Gross you described my Ex Lover who Never Loved me.
Not just any kind of acceptance, but RADICAL acceptance.
Yesssssss
Your book ushered me squarely into radical acceptance…
I wasn't sure it would help much since I have been watching your videos for years, but the way you build knowledge and weave through the process made it all crystal clear. Thank you Dr. Ramani!
Same here. Have been watching every single video of Dr Ramani - but the book is indispensable..I start and end by day with it - already read it cover to cover twice
Thank you so much for your work, this is so important. "Don't share good news with a narcissist" -- this is where I always go wrong. I always think she will be excited and happy for me, but she cuts me down, diminishes and even laughs and mocks me. She is not even aware of it. The hardest part is she isn't always like this. Sometimes she IS supportive, at least it seems like it, but that's probably part of the narcissistic game. Thank you for sharing your story ❤
a narcissist NEVER wants to see you happy and succeed in life, they get a kick out of your downfalls. they’ll kick you when you’re down and cut you when you’re up.
Thanks for the reminder, because I always go wrong here!!!
Not if you're spending most of your waking hours hunting, spotting and labeling narccists... the education comes with a fine balance of not becoming the monster you were fighting
It's been 10 years for me, and I still am not in a place where I feel I can trust a man to come into my life and not be another destructive soul killing source of misery.
10 yrs is a Long time….
But, I totally feel like I’m heading your same Direction.
So do you live your life on your terms and treat yourself well? Dont rely on someone to come in and make you feel special because that may be more gas lighting or even artificial? I was alone for many years and when this person came along I thought ,"Well Im going through something and I am busy, maybe let this be the silver lining in my mess of a life". Nope, he just derailed me. Im getting too old to consider wasting my time on people like that. I need to do better about living for me. Sadly, I didnt learn my value much earlier in life.
I’ve drawn in two narcissistic relationships after divorcing a malignant. It gets better but that’s not saying much. It’s been five years and I’m at the point where I can’t imagine trusting a man anymore at this point. And that’s a very accurate description - “soul killing source of misery”. Spot-on.
Wow, Dr. Ramani. I have been watching your videos for years and this might be the most powerful work you've brought to UA-cam yet. Thank you, thank you, thank you 🙇♀️
❤❤❤♥️♥️ Awesome lady ❤❤❤❤❤ Thank you ♾️
They will never take away my humanity. I am powerful now.
Thank you for constantly revisiting your conclusions as your insights evolve! Indifference isn't quite the right word for someone who wrecked your family, with every holiday and birthday part of a cycle of grief, though it changes over the years. As you discussed with Patrick Teahan, we must give up on trying to get difficult people to be good to us. It is not retroactive, but realizing that survival strategies (clinging, fawning, earning love, overachieving) for an abused child will not work as an competent adult. Fear of being alone makes sense in a toddler, but not for healthy adults. Chosen solitude has been a revelation in my life and a great relief. It has its ups and downs, but that's just life, not chosen abuse.
I woke up today thinking I have to accept people as they are even if I can see there horrible people !!!! It’s more freeing to see the truth.
These videos are so helpful and beautiful. Thank you so much, Dr. Ramani!
Respect to those heroes who saved that woman.
Great talk. Got the book. You're an angel.
When the narc and her flying monkeys start threatening you , you have to leave , and move far away
I'm not sure we have to acquiesce to bullies but i agree that no one should have to put up with it. They cannot stop us living our life's! No matter whats said or done, they cannot take from us our authenticity! So long as we appreciate that it is what it is, cold, invalidating, deceitful, manipulation then we can choose at anytime to either engage with it or do something more fruitful. When its people whom you rely on its more difficult but never impossible. The choice is ours. Patience, understanding and authenticity my friend.
"What do you want me to do?" Oh, Lord, how much I used to hate that question!
Amazing how they make it seem like a statement instead of a question
Wow!? The exact same phrase!
It got to the point where I couldn’t even discuss the weather with him. Even the weather would create disagreement and result in his demeaning, devaluing and condescension of me.
"This person has no ability to hurt me the same way now."
That has a huge effect.
Radical acceptance hit me like a train. I was full of anger when I saw him for exactly who he is!
I truly feel that I have radically accepted my 2 narcissist sisters.
But when I am under stress, I feel the mourning that I don't have a healthy supportive family.
I, also feel an anxiety knowing that my Vulnerable Narcissist sister will at some point, once again try to hoover me, when her supply runs out. She is currently ghosting me. I am afraid that I won't be able to Gray Rock her.
I am the oldest, and I have been working so hard on not feeling guilty, and radically accepting what she is. For over 50 years, as the oldest, I have felt responsibility for our relationship.
I, now, realize that I have no responsibility for our relationship, because "It is NOT me".
I am still mourning the dream of what I wanted our relationship to be, but I am truly aware that we never had that relationship, because narcissists aren't capable of healthy two way relationships.
♥ stay strong friend
Thank you for all of your research, time, and advice. You have changed my life forever.
It's interesting what years of forfeiting can cause just to maintain a relationship (?) When I learned that this isn't, nor was it ever a relationship, that's when I distanced myself. I still wish things were different. I still care about them, but my shift came when I didn't want to feel blamed for everything.
Good morning, thank you Dr. Ramani for you words of encouragement. Power Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150🇯🇲🙌🙏👑❤️🤲
I cannot thank this Dr enough, never even meeting her in person and she’s helped my life in so many ways possible.
Dr R, can you address addiction and how they use it to manipulate...
Thank you so much! It's been a year and one day I think I'm over it and then the next day I'm sick about it. I think I'm between level 1 and 2.. I won't lose hope!
Oh my goodness again you are so spot on. I cried through this podcast because you affirmed all my feelings and validated everything I have been going through. May God bless you abundantly for the work you do. I know it didn’t come without cost to you, but out of your sorrows, have helped many.❤
Spot on Doc, thank you for helping me end the cycle of doubt. I now accept and can protect myself as we are old, and due to financial reasons, after 44 yrs. must live together ... I do not feel the guilt anymore... still a lonely life, but no longer a guilty life ... Thank you !! 👍🥲🤗
Dr Ramani he acted super excited for the good news, but my life would cave in on me after and an example would be I got accepted to a course and all of the sudden there would be no money to pay for it. However he would loudly congratulate me and smile. It felt so awful, because I guess I sensed the aftermath. He also loves taking me to all dr appointments, I finally noticed he uses it to make himself the hero. It was not truly about me. People would worry about him especially his mom while I was giving birth. 😢
This is all so true!! Thank you for all you do!!
Am at this point right now!❤🎉❤ It’s a shift in awareness and understanding for certain! It’s less painful,in some ways.My Narc. Has no ability to share my depth of living .Cant wait to get the book!😊Perfect-timing.🎉❤😊
It was upon radical acceptance when I realized that they weren’t going to change and definitely not in the direction I would like. To clarify, they were changing but it was in the opposite direction and becoming much more malignant. I attributed that to the final and total discard, after multiple attempts previously. It made me feel like I was nothing more than gum on the bottom of his shoe. Initially I tried to stay upon radical acceptance but it’s like he sensed that I wasn’t invested anymore and I no longer had any hope.
I left my narcissistic 3 months ago and waiting for the days that I completely don’t care about him. Your video’s and yes I bought the book and you are a god send in my healing. Bless you.
Love you
I think once you've gone 'no contact' AND you don't need to see hear from them ever again, you've already passed the stage of radical acceptance. My only problem now is I have very limited trust of people but I think that's normal, considering.
me too friend, but i'm sure at some point we'll meet people who earn that trust and we'll still be able to identify the fake ones. Stay strong.
Attachment THROUGH detachment. Healing through the SAME. Being with ALL your feelings throughout ALL the separation, however the separation manifests, whether through no contact or you changing and becoming your own person more and more and more and more.
Thank you so much for all your insight and wisdom. I watch and learn daily to keep myself strong ❤
Thank you Dr. R for helping so many of us know we are not alone in this.
Hearing that level two is honestly the most typical has relieved me. I felt like I was failing, like I was holding on. I don’t have any contact, I don’t stalk their socials, I usually don’t have to put effort into not thinking of them. And yet I dream of them now and again. Every time it feels like failure. This has really helped me.
Thank you Dr. Ramani! All things I am working on!
I really appreciate this scale. Thank You!!
You stop hurting when you stop caring!
Tysm Dr Ramani for being who you are and sharing your gift and knowledge and vulnerability to help us understand and heal.❤
I think I’m level 1 with my daughter. I cried thru the first part. I’ve leant so much from you. Thank you
I like using the analogy of boxing when dealing with narcicistic abuse and radical acceptance. Even if you're going to a boxing match as a boxer, you know those punches are coming, and you can't stop them from coming. Those punches will make you bleed some. You're gonna bleed even if you're the one choosing to get in the ring. R.A to me, is that bleeding and knowing that that happens after harm psychologically too. It's psychological blood. It will stop, and it will even stop sooner if you know how to treat that bleeding with understanding and R.A. You accept that it will bleed and know it will bleed again. You can even bandage it up before it comes.
Reiki Sessions help a lot. I am also doing art therapy. Illustrating imagery helps a lot.
I still reading your Book. Very interesting and informative. Thanks Another Good Lesson.
I am indifferent to the point where I don’t feel anything except the time lost, that I’ll never get back and that, I wouldn’t piss on my sister, if she were on fire. It’s just the understanding that she’d treat me the same and not the empathetic, “Oh, but I know she must have some good in her.” She doesn’t. At least not towards me. Never has.
Where my deceased mother is concerned, when I went no contact, yes, my major concern for her was, “What ever are you going to do, with the choices you’re making?” Answer? She was going to die. She may have died of natural causes and wouldn’t have otherwise lived longer. But, the dumpster quality of life she lived, during her last years, as opposed to the earlier life she led, where completely polarized. The major difference, too, is that she wants taking me with her, which is a large part of the reason my sister is enraged because some hidden part of her might understand that mom DID take her with her, to an extent. And she’s mad AF, I didn’t make the same choice, to be taken out, by our mother.
I understand, if the relationship is meant to be, it will happen and if it is not meant to be, it will not happen. I love the saying, what the person eats does not make me SHIT and vice versa! Love you Dr. Ramani 🙏☺
Doctor Ramani...your information is really valuable! Thank you for sharing your deep knowledge.
God bless you❤
If I shared my good news with my mother, her response was that happened because she prayed for me; if I shared my bad news with her, her answer was either that happened because I made her mad and God punished me for it or that it was because I screwed up (even if it was just a bad luck). The sad thing is that I believed it until recently. Mother would never lie or manipulate her child, right?
Narcissists say that their victims are deserving of blame ALWAYS and deserving of credit NEVER.
It is part of their dehumanizing of their victims.
It hurts a lot, I am going through this process right now. In the end, it finally gets better after years of suffering and pain. I can say I would do it again because I am worth it.
Thank you for noting the difference between "radical acceptance" and a damaging or self-destructive form of apathy, for lack of better words...
Speaking of apathy, would be interested to hear you speak on what I'm calling atm, just brainstorming, "narcissistic apathy" or "Apathetic resignation" (by the Narc, sometimes outright admitting that they can do no better than to treat you as bad as they do)
This idea summed up in the response I get from my local Nar...err, "Tiny Tyrant" when they say or do something obtuse or damaging and Everyone knows it:
" Oh well."
brilliant. i get it and have seen this in others many times. imo this flaw in character is the reason the world is going down a dark path. perhaps the empathy has been erased from certain people. it's clinically possible.
Radical acceptance can bring a new kind of hope: hope for a different life with the head games.
Your happy ending is my great hope🙏🍀❤️💯
I've already told you I won't be healed of grief until my children are restored to me from the religious abuse.
How to teach 34:09 your child how to unlearn narcissism. I understand 😢
Churches are how the bros appropriate for themselves what are actually the properties of women. God is most narcissist.
if they are adult children, you can heal today. i understand if they are little ones but grown people will do as they please. don't you? choose to be, do, feel, think whatever you like.
Jehovah witness cult?
Sorry just realised. I hope you find healing.
The day after my cancer surgery I asked my husband if he could make me tea and toast. This resulted in a meltdown where he ended up yelling at me " I don't know what to make!" What does my husband do for a living? He's a chef! 😂 You gotta laugh or you'll cry.
The moment i knew he was immature- "i need some emotional support from you"
Thats when he ignored what i said, dropped whatever he was doing...and then went to the bed, layed down in fetal position with the blankets over his head.
A grown 50+-year-old man didnt know how to simply respond to a plea for emotional support.
No words of encouragement, no hug, nothing.
Yes, I AM going to watch this a second time. Exactly what I need to hear, Dr. Ramani.
I'm 10 years out of a 30 year relationship and I'm still going to conceding and trying to heal the damage is unreal you know if I had brushes I guess I would have known I was being abused
I needed to hear this today. It was a gentle kick in the bum. Thank You
This is rich. Thank you 🙏🏾
I once got into serious trouble, snarled at and was met with so much contempt and disdain. Why? Because I got oil on a dish cloth. Isn't that what dish cloths are supposed to do? Clean up oil? I now wipe my own benches and find myself smiling and blessing the simple dish cloth. I'm free !! Yay
🌹thank you for sharing your experience and knowledgeable insight about this matter ☮️
I'm currently working through this process and it's so hard!!!
I appreciate the emotion of anger and extreme anger I would feel at a few times, because this emotion helps me solidify the healthy decision for myself and my well being, because this emotion strongly push me to work hard and get out of any bad situations those narcissistic people and toxic people try to trap others in as tools and punching bags. Feeling is healing. Books, articles, videos, and information can truly save lives for the good decent people to live happy and be healthy. Cultures and societies have long been notorious for being the least compassionate and the least understanding, if people actually look at facts about the human history, from kings to slavery to dictators to wars, the recorded timeline of cultures and societies from ancient time to today holds the truth about humanity. No, I am not saying everyone is a narcissist, I am not. People need to educate themselves about the differences between narcissistic traits versus a clinically diagnosed narcissist and their variants. Btw, today is September 11 in the USA, what happened in NYC is still a mystery, things just don't add up and don't make any sense, why can't people just get along and be less greedy.
well, in my case, she was a hateful, punitive, condemning, critical, rude, touchy, angry, jealous, mocking, mean girl c word so hasta la vista baby! it hurt for a while for various reasons but i don't do social media and never have so maybe it's easier. fb etc have destroyed the world. throw away your phones if you want humanity to survive!! xo
I really wish you could speak about complex trauma, like going along through a 12 year long legal custody process.
Yeah but, when one starts accepting a medical community that makes a call to action, Dr. Ramini was the only one who heard me, so she wrote her own book, thank you for believing in radical acceptance, it's the soul talking to you to be radical, and to encourage others to be radical. They didn't have Narcissism as a word until recently. We can't wait till they " die off" we have to act as if life unfolds for all of us in a better way, so things can improve.
The ultimate goal is to stop caring! Really from your heart stop caring
40:00 “These relationships cannot be deep or meaningful or collaborative or growth oriented or even safe. They’re shallow, hollow, transactional and unfulfilling..” 40:15 “But the sports, news, weather of it all can sometimes give you enough filler conversation to work with, toss in a few movies and you’re fine” 😂 “This exercise not only brings radical acceptance into 20/20 focus, but it also becomes a way to set a boundary internally, one that allows for realistic expectations, disengagement…” 👍
I've started thinking of my narc, who is my husband, as a roommate. I stopped sharing any news with him, good or bad. I don't really respond to his news either. Maybe just a "uh huh" or "that's nice". I feel more empowered now which is a welcomed surprise.
This video came on the perfect day for me 😮
Please tell us how our country is going to heal from what we’ve been through and are going through? I’m so appreciative I found you . Youve helped me understand how to navigate toxic individuals in my life and this knowledge has given me an understanding of what’s happening in our government -but not sure how our country is going to gain strength again * What is it going to take to do that?
59th, 11 September 2024
I don’t dare hope and my narc knows it. So I get breadcrumbed, and he’s so happy/sad about the things he “finally understands” … and the next day, he can’t even do a few practical things and I have to gear up to do them, feeling angry and betrayed and lashing out, even though I knew it would happen. At least I feel more like an neutral observer.
He left me in the wake of my dad being diagnosed with cancer and I didn’t know how to process it. If that wasn’t bad enough my dad is a narcissistic man himself and is milking his illness for attention and manipulating. I’m such an emotional mess. I have a tremendous amount of guilt from distancing myself from my family (my mom is an absolute enabler and right by my dad’s side). The further I get away from these dynamics, the more alone I feel. I realize I’m the only family member actively dealing with this. And to be abandoned by a partner when you are trying to figure out how to mentally and emotionally deal with a family illness is just cruel. Well, it was a favor ultimately. He was stressing me out so badly with his reactions and unsolicited advice that I just lost it on him. The whole thing is just awful, if I’m honest. When you’re the only one in your family who is aware and actively doing something, it’s just heartbreaking to watch everyone from a distance, going along with the whole situation, playing their roles. My brother almost divorced his narcissistic wife (or is he the narcissistic one? Now I’m not even sure) but he’s staying. My mind and heart are just a wreck.
I have radical acceptance that my father and s a grandiose narcissist and I wear some emotional armor now when interacting with him. However with my mother who is co-dependent with some vulnerable narasitic traits there I have no armor and keep getting drawn in. I can’t seem to let go of her even though the relationship is toxic and I was parented by her at a very early age.
Reading your book now🫶🏼✨
I have just watched a video about a theory of dual mother ship it sounds insane! I don't agree with it but your many many videos are excellent ❤️
1:50-2:09 🎶No Church In The Wild by Jay-Z and Kanye West
At first, things made no sense. Once you see their behavior clearly, you can often predict their behavior. It can still trigger things, but it isn’t a complete surprise. And the behavior often isn’t really about you. For one individual, I found I have some empathy for the heartbreaking and tragic childhood that may have lead to their issues. Work on things that get triggered in you. Build a healthy support network. All of the other things the Dr. talks about.
Ugh, I was thinking/hoping I was above/beyond Level 1 Indifference … 😏 … but I have no ill-will towards them, despite the things they said and did to me … I see those things now for the ego-defense mechanisms etc that they were … but what boy doesn’t want a relationship with their father; especially when you grew up without one … The saddest thing is that the most honest/candid thing my father ever said to me, in the years he was around, were, “You’d have been better-off if I’d died years ago …”. 😶. 😞
I'm struggling to stay in acceptance. It's lonely because I became isolated, and am not feeling supported, and that makes me want to reach out to the narc.. but then I remember what is real. I am not crazy, I have been abused and manipulated. He is not the fantasy he sold me; he is a narcissist. He will never ever "get better"; he will only ever get better at lying, controlling, and manipulating. I can never be "good enough" that he will stop hurting me. I can never "love" him enough to be okay with how he treats me and I will always speak up against it. In no way will we ever work.
It's so painful and heartbreaking to remember the truth, and grieving alone makes it hurt even more, but I have a small sliver of hope that I will someday be okay again.
1:30-1:45 🎶 Selfish by Slum Village ❤️
Great! I'm not even at level 1 😅
keep pushing forwards friend, stay strong. It'll get better. peace love and light to you from the UK,
@beekinder6953 💪❤️🩹 thank you 😊 🇨🇦