Self isolation solved all my problems. I sleep like a baby knowing nobody can stab me in the back again. I physically moved away from those who betrayed me, i went from being homless and penniless after being discarded by my mother as a teenage girl, raped, abused, to living in my dream home that ive turned into a self-love sanctuary. I used to think i was worthless, now i love myself, something i thought was impossible. This is my safe space. God saved me. It was terrifying at first, being totally alone, no family, no one to call in an emergency etc i cried for months on end. I thought about ending it all many times. But keep putting one foot in front of the other.. and suddenly you will be running. Over time ive empowered myself more and more that i dont need anyone anymore. Still working on the trust issues, its a journey. But embrace the struggle, believe in yourself, you will come out the other side an even better person than you thought possible. Create your own safe space if you dont have one already. And remember, things dont happen to you, they happen for you. Welcome the challenges and learn from them. Turn your lessons into blessings.
AMEN!! 👏. Jesus saved me in my darkest times and is the ONLY one who never let me down. Stay close to Him - He loves you more than you know. The life after death videos prove this - especially Ian McCormicks testimony. He died after being stung by jellyfish and was on the other side talking to God for a LONG time. Also, I’m so glad YOU have become your own best friend. You can have your OWN back and Jesus can help you stay strong!!! There ARE trustworthy people in the world - I know because I am one of them. I’m not perfect by any means but I have integrity and I’m proud of the content of my character. I’ve been abused so badly throughout my life so maybe the pain has caused me to be more empathetic. I can not imagine doing the things to others that were done to me in childhood AND adulthood! You are very smart and on the right track - keep going but I hope you don’t lose faith in people. I have 2 friends who are Christian and they pray with me and after 20 years they have never hurt me. It’s possible to find love out there because Christ put the light inside each of us. But it’s not easy to trust after being burned so badly - I get it but if we don’t risk opening the door to our heart a little then love can’t get in. God bless you on your journey. 💕 💕💕
I am in exactly the same situation as you but I am older and in the beginning of my journey. PTSD makes this journey much harder but I know deep down I will be okay it will just take time…. Thank you 🙏
@JoannaDel-Saints you will be okay. I kept making terrible choices because I didn't love myself, until I realised, I would never love myself as long as I lived at the mercy of others. I couldn't heal until I detached. I couldn't detach without having somewhere to go of my own. As you say, it is a journey, and all that matters is that you've started the journey. The rest will fall into place. Sending you love and prayers 🙏 listen to the voice inside and believe in yourself!
I have a similar story except that I would express that YAHUAH (God) doesn’t want us to isolate ourselves forever, I used to be agoraphobic dealing with mental issues and sever CPTSD, I also have mild autism. According to the scriptures we are supposed to be a light, we aren’t to be hidden. He’s showed me that of course he wants to heal and restore my life which he is doing, however he doesn’t want the trauma to make me a recluse in fear of betrayal or abuse again. Yahusha Ha’machiach (Jesus) wants to strengthen us through these things and give us a testimony so we can help others through similar situations. We will stand again and we can’t be afraid against people with evil intentions because our Father has the final say ❤ greater is he that is in us, than that is of the world. (forgiveness is key)
I was severely betrayed by my immediate and extended family over a life time. After intensive professional therapy and 100s of CODA Meetings I completely disengaged from ALL of them - at the age of 52. I am 55 now and and thankful that i finally let them all go and stopped waiting for good relationships with toxic vacant people.
I was betrayed in childhood and again in partnership. I have been struggling with the pain i feel and forgiveness. I just got to this réalisation: the betray hurt me and i feel sad and angry about it. I can forgive them and still experience and process my genuine sadness and anger. Jesus hurt and forgave. I used to think i had to feel good inorder to forgive. No i don't. I can forgive précisely because i am hurt not inspite of my hurt!!!!
Forgiveness is the process of releasing all negative feelings (rage, resentment, revenge) about the person. It doesn't mean you need to keep them in your life. If someone who abused you is pushing for "forgiveness" they don't mean actual forgiveness. they want you to forget and get a free pass to keep abusing without consequences.
I was severely abused in secret by my mother and my father did not stop her when I told him about the abuse. This went on from ages 5-14. However, my romantic partners and husband of 25 years never betrayed me; instead, he healed me with love and made me feel safe.
I'm 64 and from my earliest memories, no adults around me kept their promises or word. Like many adults, they thought "Oh, he's just a kid. He'll get over it. No big deal. So what. " Yes, it was a BIG DEAL! Adults didn't care about my disappointments or hurts. They totally discounted that a child could have real feelings.
Yeah i personally didn't notice that until I noticed as an adult babysitter how some parents would just break promises to their kids and how deeply that affected me, I hated it when a parent would try to make me break a promise to a kid and just ignore the consequences - fortunately that didn't happen *too* often, but it did happen.
I’ve been watching Tim’s videos for a couple of months now. They are addicting because of their effectiveness. The delivery of his message is spot on. His education is the best I’ve ever seen. He was created for this. These videos are a long-awaited gift I’ve been seeking. I have a strong dislike for writing comments but I know this is how you spread the word.
Wow. This explains everything. I was raised in a family where betrayal was non stop. Then of course, this became my life. Going to have a good cry now.❤
I have been going to a counselor. One day we did a chart. Me and a line from me to all the important people in my childhood. When the chart was done I had no solid lines to anyone in my childhood. A few dotted lines to people who helped a little. The chart shocked me that I went home sick to my stomach. No one I could depend on. Little girl alone. 😢😢😢😢
And, it is the little girl who faces cruelty at its finest, that is ULTRA STRONG in life. You are loved. Period. Now onto feeling loved and feeling safe in life.
I was physically ill to the point it was almost disabled. However, drawing close to God and finding the other blessings in my life and diverting my attention from obsessive thought. It’s helping and I’m healing. Just wanted to share that it can get better. 😊
My mother, the strongest person I’ve ever known, died young from effects of having to internalize every feeling that resulted from repeated betrayal from those she trusted and needed.
I was diagnosed with cptsd at 19 following being raped and molested as a little girl from 4 until 9, then manipulated/groomed at 12 by my 40 year old bil. After that I worked very hard to repair myself. I tried therapy but it did not help and in fact one of the therapists was actually inappropriate and that ended my attempts at therapy. At 21 I married my husband and for the first few years I thought everything had finally fallen into place. Then he cheated and proceeded to lie for the following 15 years. I learned about it a month before our 22nd anniversary. It’s been a year since and I am only now beginning to even come out of this absolute nightmare of thoughts. I am so tired of “working” at everything.
I understand. Felt exhausted yet unable to rest because of my fear. I finally turned to the fear and walked into it. But I essentially had no other options by the time I did so.
So sorry to hear your experience. It is indeed very tiring. I hope you can stick to your recovery process, you’ll come out way stronger on the other side. Wish you the best.
I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through and are still going through. I get it, totally. We get abused, neglected, abandoned, and betrayed then have to do all the arduous work to try and make a semblance of a decent life for ourselves in the aftermath! It’s so difficult. Thank God for people like Tim who point out exactly what the issues are. Good luck on your journey. I hope you stick with it and come out better on the other side. ❤
Wow, you’re quite the warrior for making it this far!! No wonder you’re exhausted. Take all the time you need to rest. God must have your back if you’re still sane. I didn’t go through near as much and I literally went insane for 2 1/2 years, so you’re stronger than most.
May I suggest (found on yt): Anneke Lucas (Europe) Mary Knight (usa) & my favourite Gloria Masters (New Zealand) as her audio book is good from Spotify Australia. All have books on csa cptsd etc ❤😊we are getting stronger & louder edit: only read the one book; so can't comment on others
Not being believed is a serious betrayal, with intense consequences throughout life. We need to validate beliefs before we challenge them, deny them, reason with them, or mis-interpret them.
Rebecca C. Mandeville calls that "traumatic invalidation." When you are telling the truth--and we Scapegoats are the family Truth Tellers--yet told constantly that you are lying / making things up / telling stories / embellishing for effect, etc. that becomes a trauma - you start to second-guess yourself, and your sense of reality. It's an evil thing to do to a child.
Being told you're lying is such a black hole of despair. What are you supposed to do? They already won't believe what you say, because they're convinced you're a liar. In fact, anything else you do or say only gets you deeper in trouble. So the only thing you can do is bow your head.
I like the format! You talk about the issue without dramatic music or visual illustrations. If you listen to this, you're likely traumatised and need no extra stuff. Your calm, knowledgeable, and empathis reasoning and explaining are very helpful contributions to this research field and a beautiful gift to all of us suffering. Thank you🙏❤️🔥 from a Swedish listener👋
I relate with everything in this video. It really is a lifelong quest to heal from betrayal trauma when it comes from your parents. I wish I had a therapist like you. You get it.
Thank you once again. I have suffered betrayal trauma many times at the hands of many different people. The pain dulls a little but never goes away. I have a strong need to be around other humans but only on a casual basis, so basically chatting with people I don't know. I can't see myself EVER in an intimate relationship again, too many skeletons in the closet. Too much for someone else to deal with.
So today I decide to start being gentle with myself. I check almost all the boxes of different betrayals, both as child and adult. The last betrayal got me into a spin of anxiety, swetting, insomnia, confusion etc. And I have been judging myself for not being able to pull myself up. Thank you, this is so validating, that I'm not overreacting ❤
Thank you for naming the issue of betrayal and for calling it out, I'm so grateful for your bringing awareness and helping me to understand the effects in my life
I went through every single trauma of it, every single one. Some of them several times or over years. I can't really understand why I'm still alive, but I'm alive and that's a good thing - life can be different, it can be beautiful. ❤❤❤
This was very enlightening. I have a variety of symptoms from many different types of betrayal. I didn't know why I had isolated myself. I wasn't conscious that I quit taking care of myself in my diet or hygiene. I hadn't recognized that I felt like I didn't trust anybody. I didn't label not wanting to be hugged. It makes sense now. Thank you for being so thorough
I'm so happy to hear you benefitted from the video. We all have so many needs that need to be met in our childhood, and then a transitional time in our teenage and early adult years where we learn to meet these needs ourselves in healthy ways. So many of us never received this. I produced a list of these 12 Basic Needs that you might find helpful: Physical Needs 1. Food + Water 2. Pleasure 3. Sex/ Intimacy Emotional Needs 4. Acceptance 5. Relationships + Belonging 6. Safety/ Security/ Fairness 7. Purpose 8. Rest 9. Beauty Spiritual Needs 10. Awe 11. Higher Power, Meditation, Connectedness, Humility 12. Content, Happy, Fulfilled
So true. When you are raised in a family filled with toxic people you cannot trust, you seek out people you can trust. The problem is, we are taught lessons that are totally wrong, so that we learn to (/ are programmed to) trust the wrong people, who will only pile on with more betrayal, causing additional trauma
I was betrayed by my sister who is 10 years older. She was was 24 at the time I was 14. She coaxed a deep secret out of me promising it was just between us. I was writhing in shame and desperate to talk. I confided in her thinking I and my secret were safe. She turned around and blabbed it to everyone, people in the family, people outside the family. I found out they put her up to it because they knew I would tell her. I was utterly and totally devastated and humiliated to the core. I am about to turn 64 now and my heart is still racing as I write this. I’ve never really truly gotten over it.
There are some things we never get over. They scar us and change us forever. The person we were before the event and after the event are totally different. Nor should you want to go back to the person you were before, the brain protects you by never letting you forget it. It armours you with the lesson of the experience, so you never go through it again. Practice radical acceptance, forgive yourself for confiding in her, because you did not know then what you know now. You have no reason to feel shame. Shame belongs to her and the family for treating you the way they did.
@@margostrader yes and then we reconnected for a while but it didn’t work out and now we don’t see each other or speak at all anymore.. She’s in her 70’s now and I’m in my 60’s and our relationship is just over.
Very thorough & thoughtful Tim. I’m 4 years out of a 20 year marriage that was one betrayal after another. I’m often shocked how long it’s taking me to find normalcy again.
Me too .47 . 17 year marriage = betrayed.?.. now its a year no contact. Still love my ex gf. She is my 1rst truevlove, first real gf . I think i need therapist. 7 years i know her adnd inthnk of her everday, we met it was like we were two moons that fell out of orbit with our respective planets and fell intomeach others magnetic force and we circled eachmwitth ease ans freedom , we were ourselves .. making love and having sex was nomshame. It felt pure and natural. She aint gonna find it any3 caz im here
It is unbelievably painful. Thank you so much for helping me better understand why I was so devastated when my toxic ex found someone else while I was pregnant. I was hurt beyond what pain I believed I could tolerate. :(
Who would not feel devastated? I am so sorry! My husband drove me and our one month old newborn to my mother's place and dumped us off. A week later he changed his mind and still in shock, I agreed to get back together. Seven years later he suddenly deserted me. Ten years later, I remarried. I thought I had met the man of my dreams, but he made my first husband look like a saint! Turns out, I had married a sociopath. (now called anti-social personality disorder). He was actually diagnosed with this twenty years later. I was always 'walking on eggshells' with him. So much heartache, lies, betrayal. He passed away four years ago. I am better, but still am haunted by memories. Even this video has got me tearing up. Betrayal from your husband is so horrible. I was cheated on, too. It literally hurts physically. When I found out it did feel like a punch in the gut. Emotionally, horrible pain. Again, I am sorry that happened to you. 😢
Experienced all traumas - ultimately, you trust no one. The only reason I survived childhood, adolescence, adulthood is God’s Love for me. **Thank you for bringing this to the forefront - lately, I’ve been kind of lost in transition from being painfully out of touch with life & self - to indifference. This may be the missing piece in my healing path. I know that I’m not the only person to experience trauma but, let me tell you, several times it nearly ended me. I survived sometimes minute by minute.. when there is literally no one that has your best interest at heart, no one who cares, they want to destroy you, you are Alone!! ..but you get past it - you have to.
I have experienced similar betrayal and struggle to survive minute by minute. I admire your strength and faith to keep healing. I wish you healing. Knowledge and understanding certainly helps lift the fog of lies. ❤
@@pamj7823 Thank you!! Those were dark days. I just didn’t know what was wrong with me, and I had no idea why. All I knew was out of the blue something would trigger it, self loathing and shame. I read many self help book on dysfunctional systems, codependency, addiction, alanon ..etc. It was only until I began to treat myself with kindness & forgiveness did I begin to heal and see others as imperfect people & their true nature. That is when trouble began in my family - my sisters joined forces with my now ex husband.
Yup, sadly you can't really trust in people. I am also not religious, but ardently believe in a God that is absolutely real. This faith is what sustains me moment by moment; people may have failed me, but I was promised that God never will. Keep on keepin' on!
I was horribly betrayed that has affected me. And it hurts because they act as if they did nothing wrong and my family pretends all is normal. I am secretly hurt and feel equally betrayed by them too.
Same here with my sister. We were so close and I trusted her more than anyone. When I ended up with severe PTSD from surgical trauma, she shut me out of her life and decided she was done with me. No explanation, no empathy, just coldness and contempt for my vulnerability and brokenness. It has broken my heart, my family don't want to 'get involved' and expect me to go along pretending nothing happened. It's been going on for 2 years now, none of them have done anything to have my back or at least validate my experience. Their lack of any intervention or acknowledgement of the suffering I've endured, has been just as bad as the way my sister has behaved. They are complicit by doing nothing, and it's crushed my spirit. The worst thing is, I took full responsibility for creating a wedge in my family, when I've done nothing wrong. All I have done is to get seriously ill, and not have the strength to pretend I'm ok. I'm so sorry to hear that you might have gone through something similar.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporessss I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Thank you ! Work at school where 70% of child’s live with divorced parent. It’s so painful to see their behavior. Your video just helps me understand kids more. Subscribe
The way this man has opened my mind and overall understanding is so encouraging. He is so wise and I love how he incorporates God and the Bible in all of these as well. Thank you Mr. Fletcher!
God is my best friend at 37 he doesn't want me to live in my trauma and I put up a lot of boundaries at this point and choosing myself to heal hopefully some day I will have the strength to help others I believe that is why I'm still here.
@@MetaPhysStore0770that's some betrayel from spiritual abuse trauma you got there so go get yourself together instead of shifting the shame over people who have healthy bound with God.
I unded stand. Face the betrayal. It took me 50 years. I am now free. It's not easy. However - if i can do it so can you. I pray for you special one ❤❤❤
I’ve recently been working on this with my therapist. It’s important to tell your therapist everything even if you think it’s insignificant. Or if you’ve been made to believe it was insignificant. Like your father, holding you hostage at gunpoint in the bathroom, and the police had to break the door down and take him away in front of you and you were all alone and your mother pretended like it never happened.
The juxtaposition is almost comical how you put that... but it really is like that.. sometimes I find myself never bringing up really fucked up things that happened to me, to my therapist because I avoid thinking and talking about that memory so much.
I detached from my birth family many years ago. It was extremely painful but, I have at last begun to heal. Unfortunately, my own children picked up a lot of dysfunctional messages from them so I’m now dealing with that. It’s much easier to deal with because I don’t need them to love me… I need them to understand the dynamics that have affected them, and that I love them, no matter what.
What was really hard about the partner betrayal trauma, isn't just their betrayal, but if that they knew also about all the other forms of previous betrayal trauma: parental, sibling, government, church, previous partners, friends... AND WITH THAT KNOWLEDGE, they still betray.
That is heartbreaking. After all that previous trauma, I don’t think I would trust my ability to choose healthy relationships until the previous trauma is worked through. My choice is to be alone. I have my kids, a few close friends, good colleagues and some nice acquaintances…..but never a partner. I need to learn to love myself first.
You hit the nail on the head, my friend ! I've just realised my wife is the cause of my trauma ! and guess what she left me 2 days ago, and I'm beginning to understand it's probably for the best , probably the best thing she ever did for me !
@ericamoritz5940 I now realise I've been going through this for 30 years because of my wife ! She left me 2 days ago ! I'm beginning to understand! and she knew all about my childhood, all about my family ! And she still betrayed me ! She said some really horrible things , so horrible. I was having flashbacks of what she said when I was at work ! I thought I was loosing my mind !
I swear that God guided me to your video series on complex trauma and codependency just when I needed it most. I don’t think I’ve felt words so deeply as how you’ve described my whole life. I thought I had worked through my self worth and relational traumas, but I have married for a second time and find a pattern repeating. These videos are confirming that I have a lot of recovery work to do. Thank you for the blessing of your work.
What breaks my heart is that I was 3 years into my second marriage before I realized, "I can break up with anyone I want to, anytime I want to, for any reason I want to." That My life and my body should have been "By Invitation ONLY." It sounds completely insane that a person would feel the need for a third-party's approval to NOT date / sleep with someone...but that was my experience. I was forced into relationships, forced out of relationships, forced to have no one supportive of me, right down to destroying my ability to bond with a pet, then forcing me to take one in to get euthanized, then manipulating a boy who she forced me into a relationship with, to sh00t my next one, still a puppy. My 'mother' hated me that much.
I really appreciate the lists that you showed in the picture. So I can screenshot. It makes it possible to first just listen to what you say and then work with the lists after.super good!👍
My mother was kind enough to speak to my future wife, before we were married and tell her that I was a dreadful person and she was making a big mistake marrying me. My mother didn't want someone as bright, confident and well spoken as my wife, she wanted someone who she could push around. Fortunately, my wife didn't tell me this for a very long time, otherwise I would be serving a life sentence in prison, right now.
@@moscowcowboy_13 That's terrible. I'm sorry to hear that. With the help of the various content creators here, I was able to identify what was wrong with my mother and understand what she was trying to do. This was the first time that it became clear to me that her actions weren't random, stupid or mentally ill acts but were in fact part of a larger issue. My mother was an over the top narcissist and everything that she did (apparently) was driven by her need to control how she looked in, how she profited from any situation. She could never love and support me, that wasn't in her makeup. If I was doing well and that reflected well on her, she was happy. If I was just living a normal life and not causing any problems, she said nothing. If I was doing something that affected her image in the community or at her church, then she would lash out physically and emotionally. I barely made it through high school with any sanity left and basically left town with a plan to never go back. My adult interactions with her were impossible and I had to eventually cut off all contact.
@DavoZed Wow! My mom was not that bad but she did search through the caller ID ( early 2000s) to contact my boyfriend to see if " he really proposed to me"...or if I had made it up. She sounded slightly disappointed when he told her that he had in fact proposed.
I think this is important, as many abusers pretend to be Christian / devout / spiritual people who are loving and kind to the whole world...except behind closed doors when nobody, except their Higher Power, can see or hear them.
That’s the deepest betrayal I feel. Tried so hard to be a good girl, felt abandoned and betrayed anyway. So never feel good enough after that. Makes sense!
'God Betrayal' maybe it should be given another description. Betrayal and God could never be seen together. You may have religious followers who are human and thus faulty and prone to evil, that's not God Betrayal that human evil.
Sexual abuse age 3 to 7. Raped at age 15. Then married at 17. 2 kids and divorced at 21 remarried and thought in love ❤️. He cheated with my younger sister. He was also extremely abusive. Divorced again. Returned to college married another alcoholic abuser now with 3 kids. Then married last alcoholic discovered him with his sister. Extreme abuse, Im done, and had 2 years of intense therapy. Im broken 💔 I dont miss it at all 18 years single and finally healthy.
Please remember to show yourself compassion. Most times these people don't show their true colors until they have their claws in you. There's no excuse for anyone to ever physically or verbally assault you because they can't handle their big emotions. You will prosper, you will flourish, you are capable and deserving. The people around you who love you know and believe this 💕 Parts of your soul/heart will need tending to sometimes, but it will get better. You seem to have already made leaps and bounds :)
Very good. As I listened I have faced almost all of the big ones but the current trauma is a friend that was there for me as a single person and a sister in my church, I trusted my whole heart. I put all my friendship into her instead of the many other friends I had. She ghosted me. I was shocked. She didn’t share what was bothering her she just ghosted me. Then our other close friend who saw this happening to me she died. I feel more abandoned by the friend that ghosted me than the grief I feel from my dear friend who passed. I am disregulated emotionally.
OMG I have been going trough all of it! Thank you for shining the light! I do not feel as helpless victim, in fact I feel , its time to face it and understand it and change.....
Wow, I just found this video, and it's amazing. I got nearly 100% of the examples correct. This actually read like a road map of my life. I am now an "orphan". I am in counseling and EMDR. I'm starting to find my way out of this pit of anguish. Does anyone ever recover from this, and become content? I'm over with these feelings being nonstop.
Finally a name for 50 years of hell, relapses, abusive relationships, sabotage over and over again, my children, I was at the point of hopelessness trying to figure out what’s wrong with me.
Scapegoating happens so often, I finally stopped trying to defend myself from second hand lies & half truths, working on boundaries - Not reacting & to disengage. Focus on staying calm & collected - refuse to be a party to their disrespect!
WOW! I have no words to thank you ! Left a Psychopath / narcissist relationship 8 years ago and this has been the answers that I needed. Been to some therapy and done so many healing techniques, yet so many things unanswered , not even brought up by therapist . Thank you from my heart for the clarity and the vast information you have provided. Bless you!❤️🙏
I don't think I'll ever heal, because people just can't be honest, especially my family. My family is full of liars. Liars and betrayers on so many levels it is pathetic.
Thank you for doing these videos. I learned so much about myself. Once I have the self awareness of what happened then I can heal it. Tim, You helped me to gain clarity.
I am so so grateful I found your channel. Your insight and ways of simplifying such painful traumas helps me change my perspective and actually not only understand my parents' traumas and behaviours, but mostly my own. The more understanding I gain, the easier it feels to heal. I have tried to get tothis point for so many years, and finally I have stopped feeling like a victim. You also give advice and tools to help manage difficult emotions, and the awareness that has come from following you and Dr. Peter Walker, and Dr. Bessel Van der Kolk... Amazing. I honestly believed I would never get this far. Thank you so much for doing this.💯❤🙏🏼🙌🏼
After almost (8 days shy) 18 years, the diagnosed (I only found that out AFTER I found myself in the hospital - "broken heart syndrome"... cardiac episodes) psychopathic covert narcissist blew out the front door, trying to steal my retirement fund & gaslighting police!!! My Dr diagnosed me with CPTSD with deep shock...I was borderline catatonic for the following 8 months...listless...cried constantly, even in what sleep I got... I lost 30# the first month, my hair & nails all broke... I stopped talking... eating... I really didn't want to be here anymore... Then my Dr sat me down... She explained that she had watched my steady decline over the previous decade, persistently pleading with me to "get away from them"...saw what was happening, but couldn't actually tell me, because she'd treated them too, & up until the narc left, was bound to silence because of Dr/patient confidentiality... Only now that didn't matter, because she'd booted the narc from her practice... I remember being stunned, yet sobbing uncontrollably...she put me on mild sedatives that day.... insisted that I had to survive this, or the narc wins... That last "ultimatum" {you have to survive this, or the narc wins} JOLTED ME TO MY CORE... I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A FORCE.... A trained biochemist... federal security clearance... licensed wildlife rehabilitator, running a 24/7 wildlife hospital (501c3)...a property & business owner... Suma Cum Laude all through college...there was NEVER a situation I couldn't solve!!! ... until now... I didn't recognize myself. I HAD TO FIND ME AGAIN.... aaaaaannnddd that's when things CHANGED....A COMPLETE 180° TURN AROUND... I called my lawyers & got to work..."You wanna play in court narco??? NOW I'M GONNA SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE!!!" I went through my files, put together 5 claims, handed the files to my lawyers... & The INSTANT I GOT THE DOCIT NUMBER IN STATE SUPREME, I sent the Process Service for the lawsuit, & the United States Marshalls to REPOSSESS THE COLORADO (that I WAS LEGALLY LIABLE FOR)... The lawyers also THREATENED THE POLICE WITH CLASS ACTION IF THEIR UNFOUNDED PROFILING DIDN'T CEASE IMMEDIATELY (I'm Mohawk - Iroquois Confederacy). It took from 8/12/2015, when the narc blew out the door, until 1/30/17, to completely play out in court...I WON ACROSS THE BOARD...I KEPT WHAT WAS MINE...AND STRIPPED EVERY BENEFIT THE NARC EVER GOT FROM ME!!! But all those wins only enraged the narc, & in spite of a stay-away order, I'm STILL stalked & gaslit... So prepare yourself... because winning against a psychopath only ratchets them deeper into revenge mode. My extensive surveillance systems keep the nut job at bay, but they're like a circling shark, waiting for any opportunity... I don't think ANYONE can heal under that constant pressure.....🖤
I could sue as well , still may, it would require moving out of state though. Fearing this mess follows me . A lawsuit may ruin future plans . Money not worth the hassle. I'm so fed up though considering Canada , and dumping USA.
@@Me-fs5mi I didn't leave...I stayed & STAND MY GROUND TO THIS DAY... Even though I have a Stay Away Order, that doesn't stop 3rd party abuse from the chimps....so I have to go after them legally... separately.... aaaaaannnddd I AM!!! Go make some friends with police officers... Mine are Sheriff Mounted Patrol Division... Yeah... I bought a HORSE....much better EVERYTHING. No more human relationships for me... I'd much rather spend my free time with my animals!!!😻🐎💥🎯💥🏁❣️
I think ur stuff is good. I love how kind and respectful u guys are to the spirits even when u could and should yell and tell them what you think of of them. Thanks for showing us that there is more out there.
Wow! I have been through all of those. With institutional trauma, happened with several different entities. No wonder I felt like I lived in the Twilight Zone for so long.
Yes i have been through betrayal trauma. Looking back I realized that the betrayal started a long time ago. There is so much more to betrayal than cheating in a sexual affair. In fact betrayal/cheating comes in many forms. Having an affair is just the icing on the betrayal cake the narcissist feeds you.
I have my own issues around bettayal but just feel so so so very sad for my mum right now. This is very interesting and further help me understand why she s the way she was and is. I am 10K km from her and wish I could give her a big hugs.😢
Thank you for these videos. I need to say this, because the term "letting down" was repeated so much in the context of betrayals. The two concepts AND related damaging actions are not congruent. That's like saying 1 is the same as 10, ignore the zero, because it's insignificant, and that's not gaslighting. Betrayal is violently stripping away the security and safety of another, while letting them down is not being perfect, as if anyone else is, either.
Agree. Once you have been betrayed, you no longer sweat the small stuff. People let you down all the time because mostly they do not live up to your expectation... but betrayal..... it's deep and not trivial.
What a relief after a 35-year trauma to finally have a vocabulary for this incredible injury to myself and my children: Betrayal trauma Complex trauma Cognitive dissonance & Blocking emotions. I can now understand that I am not alone in feeling these emotions. 🙏🙏
I went threw this as a child and as and adult,went threw allot of counselling,what I needed to do was look at my part my marriage and why I wanted it and what I was willing to settle for,there were red flags but I wanted what I wanted,so in order to heal I needed to look at my part and go threw allot of emotions in order to get to the place of acceptance,divorce 5 years ago and I am happy now but I needed this time to heal❤
I love that you validate me and treat me with care while also revealing hard truths about me. Please keep posting. Please don't get sick. Please live a long life.
Forgiveness is NOT necessary to heal. But radical acceptance is. If you were betrayed, you will need to accept totally that that person was capable of that much harm.
Thank you for all the perspectives. This really helps gauge the severity of my situation. Which helps me have more compassion on myself while I challenge my old belief system and rewrite a new one with functioning, self regulating emotions. This is just a huge task, and no small feat. I have been in therapy for 5 years now and only just feeling like I'm touching the surface of recovery. There is resentment in that also. The time which the trauma still steals from me. But the plus side is that I'm learning a lot, I'm becoming human again. I'm breaking barriers people fear to take a glimpse into. And my admiration goes to anyone also whom have taking a look through the key hole, to find purpose, love and worth. Despite the darkest shades of grey, that absorb your light..
Yes, many times, which us why I rarely trust anymore, but life goes on and it makes me more determined to be self sufficient and like my solitude ..I can trust me! Note alone is not lonely .. but the trauma is there, deep inside....boxed away so I can move fwd.
I have experienced all 5 types of betrayal trauma and trying to find a therapist I can afford and trust to work with is exceptionally difficult. So you end up stuck in it.
@@LisaValentine1 I’d like the interaction and real life connection with someone, that cannot be replaced by you tube for me and we need to realise how important that is. It’s important to recognise when actual real healing and life changes happen and that has happened for me yet from just watching UA-cam videos. I have learned a lot for sure and am grateful that these are being shared for free.
Tim Fletcher has developed a program called LIFT that addresses these issues. It’s relatively affordable. You can also access individual therapists that are trained in his methods at a reasonable cost
@@mib9647 I am aware of his programs as I have contacted them to find out. Yes i comparison to the cost of other therapists and programs I would describe them as reasonable. I am however I single mother, home educating my three children and putting their health and well being first, aswell as my own, I am not working and on minimal income. So as reasonable as the costs are, there is still a demographic who are unable to touch this kind of support and help! It’s basically not available to people like me, which doesn’t much help with the complex trauma. I thank God I have Him and I maybe able to afford joining to have access to all the content.
Betrayal Trauma is it for me. The professional help I've received has been enormously helpful. But I am the first to say there is a long road ahead and am just getting my "sea-legs" in this dizziness. Have great anger still at the betrayal of those who watch. Don't believe at all that it's all legitimate. Very angry at this, but am looking to use my painting to focus away and toward truth and what is trustworthy. Thank you, Dr. Fletcher. You hit closer to home than most. I will continue with the Friday night's sessions.
Betrayed by just about everyone all my life. Now 75 and just had huge betrayal last year by mother ( yes, she’s still alive) and sister. Left the area, left the country. Came back and now trying to start over. Very, very painful, but now I see I needed to see them for who they are, it is teaching me my own worth. I will rise again, I know I am very powerful. I now see my journey as spiritual. I see the difference between myself and the betrayers, I never willingly hurt anyone in this life…….so why did I feel unworthy? As you go through this list, I realize I was betrayed by every category! I am leaving it all behind!❤❤❤
i hope u can. i'm 64, only now coming to terms with the extensive psychological damage both my parents inflicted upon me for as long as i can remember. i've lived alone the last 30 years on disability for depression/anxiety, FINALLY connected with an excellent therapist and re-diagnosed with cptsd. i doubt i will fully recover because i don't believe i can ever forgive them for making me wear the scars of their twisted relationship. i'd love to known who i would have been raised in a healthy, happy home.
@@jude8132 You know dear, try starting to see that under all the pain and heartache, their negative energy didn’t alter you. It made you develop defenses, yes, and you are learning to let those go. As they lessen, you start to see and feel who you really are, underneath it all. I am rooting for you❣️🙌🏻🙏🏻
I have watched many videos from Tim Fletcher and other psychologists/psychiatrists but I never found one that covers all aspect and in details exactly what is betrayal trauma and this type betrayal trauma can destroy us. The cause, the symptoms, the intensity of the pain, sensorial, behavioral Symptoms/consequences, like this video! This is exactly the pain/symptoms of the betrayal I went through. I can defititely say the pain can be unbearable even with a therapist support, but it is lethal if we cant hold on to our faith in God.
Amazing presentation. I was massively betrayed in multiple ways over the last weekend, and this is the first video that has given me some substantive and intelligent guidelines to start patching myself back together with. Thank you!
Still trying to keep my head on straight after continuing to be betrayed, lied to and gaslighted for over 30 years. He totally deceived me and used my love for God and being a good Christian against me. I always forgave him believing he would change. These videos have been amazing. I no longer let anyone abuse me or use me and I am learning to love myself. I still don’t know where my life is going but still have faith knowing God’s Word is true and He loves me. God bless each of you who have suffered betrayal. I will pray for you today and ask you to call out my name, Shelia in prayers.
Woow!!!, in high school the guidance counselors would build a relationship with myself and fellow classmates get us to trust them, tell us to come to them with any problems we didn't feel we could discuss with our parents, when we did come to the counselors with these issues the counselor would tell our parents what we felt we couldn't talk about with our parents often getting the students in trouble with their parents is this an example of betrayal trauma
I self-diagnosed with C-PTSD along with a number of accompanying symptoms this past year and a half, when years' worth or traumatic repressed memories from my youth resurfaced. Then, I happen upon this video, which seems to fill in all the 'blanks.' I felt betrayal trauma from a very bad beating when I was 9 or 10; but I somehow had resiliency afterwards, until age 15 or so, which is when, through a series of my mother's treachery and my beloved's parents' lack of knowledge (or rather misinformation they were fed by said mother, a malignant narcissist disguising herself as a loving Christian woman), I felt severe betrayal trauma - based on a lie. That I never knew was a lie, until almost 4 decades later. It caused very strong dissociative amnesia, dissociation, depersonalization and derealization disorder. I stopped engaging in hygiene. I distrusted everyone. I hated being touched, and I hated being told I was loved. I hated s*x and only engaged in it out of a sense of obligation. I never felt safe enough to love anyone too much, including my own children (even now), for fear of them suddenly disappearing or dying. He was the ONE person I had who made me feel safe, made me feel sane, loved, valued, worthy and beautiful. He edified me. Through a series of unfortunate events (including his own mental health disturbances due to severe abuse and betrayal trauma of his own), lies, manipulation, gaslighting and threats to our lives from said malignant evil person, he and I ended up distrusting one another. I 'lost' my memories of him...I believe, to keep me from feeling the guilt, shame, rage and hate towards him. The only memories I retained were those of being 'just friends' with him, with zero memory of anything remotely romantic (which I guess psychologically speaking, would keep me from feeling betrayed - it was okay for him to be engaged to someone else if he and I were only friends). His engagement to said 'other' person was not real. When he reconnected with me in 2009, he tried in his own way to help me remember, but because of his Avoidant Personality Disorder (i believe), he would not allow me to meet up with him without knowing for certain that I would recall him, and not despise him due to his past. So, he let me go yet again, which I suppose was another betrayal. He was the only man I have every truly loved. What I 'loved' in others were only those things that reminded me of him on a subconscious level. He has gone home to God (2017). So we could never reconnect again after my memories of our love have come back to me. It feels some days like Evil Won. But I have to remember that I am not tethered to this world; that God has my back, that He will make all things new again soon, and I will be back in my beloved's arms again. He and I were both victims of evil, wicked pretend-Christians who were actually aligned with Satan himself. In God's home, my beloved knows the truth now. And I will believe that he has helped me get my memories back, and lovingly has guided me through them all, so that I would know the WHOLE TRUTH.
So it’s believed that the universe gives you what you need when you need it. This video is exactly what I needed because it explains so accurately the feeling that I had in many situations in my life I have never been a believer in therapy. This was the therapy that I needed
It breaks my heart that my three boys have had to go through this too. They’ve done all that you’ve explained. My youngest bless him talks regularly and has a fascination with being the hero, saving people. He even connects with Jesus in this way that he wants to help Jesus save everybody!!😪😢 how on earth do I help my boys heal when I’m so far off healing myself? It’s any wonder some of the most attractive films for people to watch are based on all of this, with super heroes. Glorifying these relationships and behaviours. 😪 but that’s a whole other betrayal conversation that I am well aware of.
I married an abused boy narcissist I am so mad at myself for bringing into the world 2 children... Who have had to go through this shit too. 7 yr marriage and sudden div. then custody battle. ..
@@carolsaia7401 i never married the abused narcissist, we were meant to but that’s part of our story and I feel a sense of protection really. I am so sorry we have to share such a similar experience. The brokenness of the world is such of human creation and my biggest source of strength, relearning and healing has been coming to know the creator and His purpose and plan for me. Not leaning on my own understanding, as I’ve proven my judgement in character and my own abuse and how that has impacted me and my flaws in giving the narcissist an opportunity. Hoping they can be good.
Betrayal trauma by a ptsd trained therapist who was supposed to help me getting over sexual trauma. Resentment faded out partially but the pain is still here, time can heal a lot
I know you talk about parental/friends/ partners etc. but you could even be betrayed by other family members too. This I can relate to because I've been betrayed many times by not just my parents but other family members too and I'm just tired of it. I can't go on like this because it's having an effect on my mental health and something has to give.
Around 40:00 mins you talk about forgiveness. I strongly agree on this. The only good thing I learned from the catholic church was the power of forgiveness, providing, and only providing you realise that the main beneficiary of the forgiveness is you and NOT the aggressor. Forgiveness helps you and is powerful because it puts you in control, gives you the moral high ground and makes you the stronger, better person. But you can't forgive until you accept all the other changes you have to make to the relationship. Heck, you don't even have to tell the aggressor, it still makes you a better person, if you just do it in your head or ritualize it.
I agree, too. I will forgive, someday, in my own time, but first need to learn, need to understand, need to know the truth, need to heal myself and also forgive myself. Plus, even when you forgive, something else resurfaces, so then you have to forgive an abuser for THAT thing, then another reality hits and you have to forgive for yet another betrayal, etc. Take your time, forgive as you can and are able to. God understands.
I’m getting so much from this content. When it started and you were listing all the different types of betrayal I was having multiple memories for each example. I thought “well this video isn’t over, I can’t have experienced all of the examples you about to give”, ya I was wrong about that. I have definitely experienced all of those, multiple times in my life. This subject has never been directly addressed by any of the therapists or coaches I’ve hired over the past 20years. I’ve been stuck in a loop of betrayal with every relationship I get into with the exception of my wife and son. Everyday I fight the notion I have that”everyone leaves, and when they do they take and destroy everything I have built and no matter how I evolve, I cannot stop it” and as strong as that feeling is, I also feel strongly and fight for that “this cannot be forever, nothing is forever, if things have been so bad, they can be equally in intensity in good”
Self isolation solved all my problems. I sleep like a baby knowing nobody can stab me in the back again. I physically moved away from those who betrayed me, i went from being homless and penniless after being discarded by my mother as a teenage girl, raped, abused, to living in my dream home that ive turned into a self-love sanctuary. I used to think i was worthless, now i love myself, something i thought was impossible. This is my safe space. God saved me. It was terrifying at first, being totally alone, no family, no one to call in an emergency etc i cried for months on end. I thought about ending it all many times. But keep putting one foot in front of the other.. and suddenly you will be running. Over time ive empowered myself more and more that i dont need anyone anymore. Still working on the trust issues, its a journey. But embrace the struggle, believe in yourself, you will come out the other side an even better person than you thought possible. Create your own safe space if you dont have one already. And remember, things dont happen to you, they happen for you. Welcome the challenges and learn from them. Turn your lessons into blessings.
AMEN!! 👏. Jesus saved me in my darkest times and is the ONLY one who never let me down. Stay close to Him - He loves you more than you know. The life after death videos prove this - especially Ian McCormicks testimony. He died after being stung by jellyfish and was on the other side talking to God for a LONG time. Also, I’m so glad YOU have become your own best friend. You can have your OWN back and Jesus can help you stay strong!!!
There ARE trustworthy people in the world - I know because I am one of them. I’m not perfect by any means but I have integrity and I’m proud of the content of my character. I’ve been abused so badly throughout my life so maybe the pain has caused me to be more empathetic. I can not imagine doing the things to others that were done to me in childhood AND adulthood!
You are very smart and on the right track - keep going but I hope you don’t lose faith in people. I have 2 friends who are Christian and they pray with me and after 20 years they have never hurt me. It’s possible to find love out there because Christ put the light inside each of us. But it’s not easy to trust after being burned so badly - I get it but if we don’t risk opening the door to our heart a little then love can’t get in.
God bless you on your journey.
💕 💕💕
I am in exactly the same situation as you but I am older and in the beginning of my journey. PTSD makes this journey much harder but I know deep down I will be okay it will just take time…. Thank you 🙏
@JoannaDel-Saints you will be okay. I kept making terrible choices because I didn't love myself, until I realised, I would never love myself as long as I lived at the mercy of others. I couldn't heal until I detached. I couldn't detach without having somewhere to go of my own. As you say, it is a journey, and all that matters is that you've started the journey. The rest will fall into place. Sending you love and prayers 🙏 listen to the voice inside and believe in yourself!
I have a similar story except that I would express that YAHUAH (God) doesn’t want us to isolate ourselves forever, I used to be agoraphobic dealing with mental issues and sever CPTSD, I also have mild autism.
According to the scriptures we are supposed to be a light, we aren’t to be hidden. He’s showed me that of course he wants to heal and restore my life which he is doing, however he doesn’t want the trauma to make me a recluse in fear of betrayal or abuse again. Yahusha Ha’machiach (Jesus) wants to strengthen us through these things and give us a testimony so we can help others through similar situations. We will stand again and we can’t be afraid against people with evil intentions because our Father has the final say ❤ greater is he that is in us, than that is of the world.
(forgiveness is key)
Turtle life might be a great idea. 🐢
I’m coming to terms with how disappointing people can be. I keep to myself most of the time.
Same here AND I trust no one with money, objects, or information. Like nobody.
Me, too. I trust no one but God.
This is actually impossible on the long run, every human deserves at least one relationship to rely on, to feel seen, being supported...
@@masterculturedunkerque7918 that’s what got us into this mess. An aversion to finding the opposite of that promised.
❤ God Bless ❤❤
I was severely betrayed by my immediate and extended family over a life time. After intensive professional therapy and 100s of CODA Meetings I completely disengaged from ALL of them - at the age of 52. I am 55 now and and thankful that i finally let them all go and stopped waiting for good relationships with toxic vacant people.
Was it hard to let go? I'm trying to but it's hard. Painful. Was it difficult?
@@WENDYBANTAM It wasnt that hard as the separation feels great. Much less stress in my life now.
Don't underestimate their ability to draw you back in. Always have the money ready for a good lawyer.
oh my goodness. I'm 51. and my story is the same
I did the same about 5 plus years ago…betrayed by my family.
trusted people that push you to forgive reinforce the feeling of betrayal because they invalidate your experience
Yes, and forgiveness does not mean taking/accepting abuse!
Thank you for that thought. It was a light bulb moment for me ❤xx
I was betrayed in childhood and again in partnership. I have been struggling with the pain i feel and forgiveness. I just got to this réalisation: the betray hurt me and i feel sad and angry about it. I can forgive them and still experience and process my genuine sadness and anger. Jesus hurt and forgave. I used to think i had to feel good inorder to forgive. No i don't. I can forgive précisely because i am hurt not inspite of my hurt!!!!
Forgiveness is the process of releasing all negative feelings (rage, resentment, revenge) about the person. It doesn't mean you need to keep them in your life. If someone who abused you is pushing for "forgiveness" they don't mean actual forgiveness. they want you to forget and get a free pass to keep abusing without consequences.
Yes! Exactly!
I was severely abused in secret by my mother and my father did not stop her when I told him about the abuse. This went on from ages 5-14. However, my romantic partners and husband of 25 years never betrayed me; instead, he healed me with love and made me feel safe.
I'm 64 and from my earliest memories, no adults around me kept their promises or word. Like many adults, they thought "Oh, he's just a kid. He'll get over it. No big deal. So what. " Yes, it was a BIG DEAL! Adults didn't care about my disappointments or hurts. They totally discounted that a child could have real feelings.
I'm relating to you...
The western myth that childhood extends past adolescents is very harmful
Yeah i personally didn't notice that until I noticed as an adult babysitter how some parents would just break promises to their kids and how deeply that affected me, I hated it when a parent would try to make me break a promise to a kid and just ignore the consequences - fortunately that didn't happen *too* often, but it did happen.
It’s big damage. It’s probably the root of limerence.
But they hurt us once, why do we keep hurting ourselves over and over?
I’ve been watching Tim’s videos for a couple of months now. They are addicting because of their effectiveness. The delivery of his message is spot on. His education is the best I’ve ever seen. He was created for this. These videos are a long-awaited gift I’ve been seeking. I have a strong dislike for writing comments but I know this is how you spread the word.
Wow. This explains everything. I was raised in a family where betrayal was non stop. Then of course, this became my life. Going to have a good cry now.❤
I have been going to a counselor. One day we did a chart. Me and a line from me to all the important people in my childhood. When the chart was done I had no solid lines to anyone in my childhood. A few dotted lines to people who helped a little. The chart shocked me that I went home sick to my stomach. No one I could depend on. Little girl alone. 😢😢😢😢
When my husband died I realized I had been married to a stranger for 50 years.
I'm in the same boat.
And, it is the little girl who faces cruelty at its finest, that is ULTRA STRONG in life. You are loved. Period. Now onto feeling loved and feeling safe in life.
Me too. Thinking of you.
Betrayal is the deadliest pain in this planet...im literally igoing through all these symptoms...feels like I died multiple times before my death
I was physically ill to the point it was almost disabled. However, drawing close to God and finding the other blessings in my life and diverting my attention from obsessive thought. It’s helping and I’m healing. Just wanted to share that it can get better. 😊
I agree
@@KimHart-sg4tl May you please expand on how you overcame the obsessive thoughts? It’s been almost a year for me and I feel like giving up
These people didn't let me down, they flat out screwed me over.
Sorry to hear that.
@@Thatsbannanas-d8c Thanks, it's information like what Tim provides that is helping me to understand and that is vital to healing and moving forward.
The world is full of people who just don’t give a shit. I’m sorry. Stay strong.
@@nancychandler768 So true, Thanks you stay strong to.
❤ God Bless ❤❤
My mother, the strongest person I’ve ever known, died young from effects of having to internalize every feeling that resulted from repeated betrayal from those she trusted and needed.
❤ I’m sorry for your loss. In The Myth of Normal Gabor Mate wrires about repression of trauma resentment and illness
I believe my grandmother died of the same thing in the form of ALS.
She sounds like me 💔 God rest her soul 🙏
@@angelamossucco2190Love him! ✌️
In addition to these kinds of talk therapy, please listen to the poems of Persian Hafiz
and Turkish/ Anatolian
Rumi
Mevlana
Jalaleddin Rumi
I was diagnosed with cptsd at 19 following being raped and molested as a little girl from 4 until 9, then manipulated/groomed at 12 by my 40 year old bil. After that I worked very hard to repair myself. I tried therapy but it did not help and in fact one of the therapists was actually inappropriate and that ended my attempts at therapy. At 21 I married my husband and for the first few years I thought everything had finally fallen into place. Then he cheated and proceeded to lie for the following 15 years. I learned about it a month before our 22nd anniversary. It’s been a year since and I am only now beginning to even come out of this absolute nightmare of thoughts. I am so tired of “working” at everything.
I understand. Felt exhausted yet unable to rest because of my fear. I finally turned to the fear and walked into it. But I essentially had no other options by the time I did so.
So sorry to hear your experience. It is indeed very tiring. I hope you can stick to your recovery process, you’ll come out way stronger on the other side. Wish you the best.
I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through and are still going through. I get it, totally. We get abused, neglected, abandoned, and betrayed then have to do all the arduous work to try and make a semblance of a decent life for ourselves in the aftermath! It’s so difficult. Thank God for people like Tim who point out exactly what the issues are. Good luck on your journey. I hope you stick with it and come out better on the other side. ❤
Wow, you’re quite the warrior for making it this far!! No wonder you’re exhausted. Take all the time you need to rest. God must have your back if you’re still sane.
I didn’t go through near as much and I literally went insane for 2 1/2 years, so you’re stronger than most.
May I suggest (found on yt):
Anneke Lucas (Europe)
Mary Knight (usa) & my favourite
Gloria Masters (New Zealand) as her audio book is good from Spotify Australia. All have books on csa cptsd etc ❤😊we are getting stronger & louder edit: only read the one book; so can't comment on others
Not being believed is a serious betrayal, with intense consequences throughout life. We need to validate beliefs before we challenge them, deny them, reason with them, or mis-interpret them.
Rebecca C. Mandeville calls that "traumatic invalidation." When you are telling the truth--and we Scapegoats are the family Truth Tellers--yet told constantly that you are lying / making things up / telling stories / embellishing for effect, etc. that becomes a trauma - you start to second-guess yourself, and your sense of reality. It's an evil thing to do to a child.
Agreed. Good wisdom here.
Being told you're lying is such a black hole of despair. What are you supposed to do? They already won't believe what you say, because they're convinced you're a liar. In fact, anything else you do or say only gets you deeper in trouble. So the only thing you can do is bow your head.
I like the format! You talk about the issue without dramatic music or visual illustrations. If you listen to this, you're likely traumatised and need no extra stuff. Your calm, knowledgeable, and empathis reasoning and explaining are very helpful contributions to this research field and a beautiful gift to all of us suffering. Thank you🙏❤️🔥 from a Swedish listener👋
I relate with everything in this video. It really is a lifelong quest to heal from betrayal trauma when it comes from your parents. I wish I had a therapist like you. You get it.
Thank you once again. I have suffered betrayal trauma many times at the hands of many different people. The pain dulls a little but never goes away. I have a strong need to be around other humans but only on a casual basis, so basically chatting with people I don't know. I can't see myself EVER in an intimate relationship again, too many skeletons in the closet. Too much for someone else to deal with.
I know what you mean, I feel the same: romantic love used to be everything for me, but now it's in the realm of a miracle
I’m also fading into space.. more and more lately.
Intimacy is the farthest thought for me. I gave my whole self to whom I thought loved me. Never again…
@@2037_EoT 💝
So today I decide to start being gentle with myself. I check almost all the boxes of different betrayals, both as child and adult. The last betrayal got me into a spin of anxiety, swetting, insomnia, confusion etc. And I have been judging myself for not being able to pull myself up. Thank you, this is so validating, that I'm not overreacting ❤
I went through all those things as well but somehow managed to climb out of the hole
Thank you for naming the issue of betrayal and for calling it out, I'm so grateful for your bringing awareness and helping me to understand the effects in my life
I went through every single trauma of it, every single one. Some of them several times or over years. I can't really understand why I'm still alive, but I'm alive and that's a good thing - life can be different, it can be beautiful. ❤❤❤
It is a good thing.
This was very enlightening. I have a variety of symptoms from many different types of betrayal. I didn't know why I had isolated myself. I wasn't conscious that I quit taking care of myself in my diet or hygiene. I hadn't recognized that I felt like I didn't trust anybody. I didn't label not wanting to be hugged. It makes sense now. Thank you for being so thorough
I'm so happy to hear you benefitted from the video. We all have so many needs that need to be met in our childhood, and then a transitional time in our teenage and early adult years where we learn to meet these needs ourselves in healthy ways. So many of us never received this. I produced a list of these 12 Basic Needs that you might find helpful:
Physical Needs
1. Food + Water
2. Pleasure
3. Sex/ Intimacy
Emotional Needs
4. Acceptance
5. Relationships + Belonging
6. Safety/ Security/ Fairness
7. Purpose
8. Rest
9. Beauty
Spiritual Needs
10. Awe
11. Higher Power, Meditation, Connectedness, Humility
12. Content, Happy, Fulfilled
@@TimFletcher Thanks for this list of needs. I need to point them out to my self when I get mad and see what need was violated.
Betrayal trauma leads to most mental illnesses and disturbances in my opinion
Yes
100%
I agree
So true. When you are raised in a family filled with toxic people you cannot trust, you seek out people you can trust. The problem is, we are taught lessons that are totally wrong, so that we learn to (/ are programmed to) trust the wrong people, who will only pile on with more betrayal, causing additional trauma
I agree!
I experienced every physical symptom plus shingles. Betrayal trauma really shakes every thing in you and breaks you down to rubbles.
It totally nailed what I’ve been trying to understand my whole life. Thank you
I was betrayed by my sister who is 10 years older. She was was 24 at the time I was 14. She coaxed a deep secret out of me promising it was just between us. I was writhing in shame and desperate to talk. I confided in her thinking I and my secret were safe. She turned around and blabbed it to everyone, people in the family, people outside the family. I found out they put her up to it because they knew I would tell her. I was utterly and totally devastated and humiliated to the core. I am about to turn 64 now and my heart is still racing as I write this. I’ve never really truly gotten over it.
I’m so sorry you experienced this - I don’t even have words to describe those involved in your life and coaxed this to happen
Thank you, that means a lot
There are some things we never get over. They scar us and change us forever. The person we were before the event and after the event are totally different. Nor should you want to go back to the person you were before, the brain protects you by never letting you forget it. It armours you with the lesson of the experience, so you never go through it again. Practice radical acceptance, forgive yourself for confiding in her, because you did not know then what you know now. You have no reason to feel shame. Shame belongs to her and the family for treating you the way they did.
Did you go no contact with your sister who betrayed you?
@@margostrader yes and then we reconnected for a while but it didn’t work out and now we don’t see each other or speak at all anymore.. She’s in her 70’s now and I’m in my 60’s and our relationship is just over.
Very thorough & thoughtful Tim. I’m 4 years out of a 20 year marriage that was one betrayal after another. I’m often shocked how long it’s taking me to find normalcy again.
Me too .47 . 17 year marriage = betrayed.?.. now its a year no contact. Still love my ex gf. She is my 1rst truevlove, first real gf . I think i need therapist. 7 years i know her adnd inthnk of her everday, we met it was like we were two moons that fell out of orbit with our respective planets and fell intomeach others magnetic force and we circled eachmwitth ease ans freedom , we were ourselves .. making love and having sex was nomshame. It felt pure and natural. She aint gonna find it any3 caz im here
This was amazing information. Thank you.
It is unbelievably painful. Thank you so much for helping me better understand why I was so devastated when my toxic ex found someone else while I was pregnant. I was hurt beyond what pain I believed I could tolerate. :(
Who would not feel devastated? I am so sorry! My husband drove me and our one month old newborn to my mother's place and dumped us off. A week later he changed his mind and still in shock, I agreed to get back together. Seven years later he suddenly deserted me. Ten years later, I remarried. I thought I had met the man of my dreams, but he made my first husband look like a saint! Turns out, I had married a sociopath. (now called anti-social personality disorder). He was actually diagnosed with this twenty years later. I was always 'walking on eggshells' with him. So much heartache, lies, betrayal. He passed away four years ago. I am better, but still am haunted by memories. Even this video has got me tearing up. Betrayal from your husband is so horrible. I was cheated on, too. It literally hurts physically. When I found out it did feel like a punch in the gut. Emotionally, horrible pain. Again, I am sorry that happened to you. 😢
Experienced all traumas - ultimately, you trust no one. The only reason I survived childhood, adolescence, adulthood is God’s Love for me.
**Thank you for bringing this to the forefront - lately, I’ve been kind of lost in transition from being painfully out of touch with life & self - to indifference. This may be the missing piece in my healing path. I know that I’m not the only person to experience trauma but, let me tell you, several times it nearly ended me. I survived sometimes minute by minute.. when there is literally no one that has your best interest at heart, no one who cares, they want to destroy you, you are Alone!! ..but you get past it - you have to.
I have experienced similar betrayal and struggle to survive minute by minute. I admire your strength and faith to keep healing. I wish you healing. Knowledge and understanding certainly helps lift the fog of lies. ❤
@@pamj7823 Thank you!! Those were dark days. I just didn’t know what was wrong with me, and I had no idea why. All I knew was out of the blue something would trigger it, self loathing and shame. I read many self help book on dysfunctional systems, codependency, addiction, alanon ..etc. It was only until I began to treat myself with kindness & forgiveness did I begin to heal and see others as imperfect people & their true nature. That is when trouble began in my family - my sisters joined forces with my now ex husband.
Yup, sadly you can't really trust in people. I am also not religious, but ardently believe in a God that is absolutely real. This faith is what sustains me moment by moment; people may have failed me, but I was promised that God never will. Keep on keepin' on!
Experience all trauma? You too! I feel less alone 😊
❤ God Bless ❤❤
I was horribly betrayed that has affected me. And it hurts because they act as if they did nothing wrong and my family pretends all is normal.
I am secretly hurt and feel equally betrayed by them too.
Same here with my sister. We were so close and I trusted her more than anyone. When I ended up with severe PTSD from surgical trauma, she shut me out of her life and decided she was done with me. No explanation, no empathy, just coldness and contempt for my vulnerability and brokenness. It has broken my heart, my family don't want to 'get involved' and expect me to go along pretending nothing happened. It's been going on for 2 years now, none of them have done anything to have my back or at least validate my experience. Their lack of any intervention or acknowledgement of the suffering I've endured, has been just as bad as the way my sister has behaved. They are complicit by doing nothing, and it's crushed my spirit. The worst thing is, I took full responsibility for creating a wedge in my family, when I've done nothing wrong. All I have done is to get seriously ill, and not have the strength to pretend I'm ok. I'm so sorry to hear that you might have gone through something similar.
By the time he covered bullet a. In relationship symptoms, i couldnt see for the flood of tears pouring from my eyes. I have no words. Subscribed.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporessss I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporessss
Thank you ! Work at school where 70% of child’s live with divorced parent. It’s so painful to see their behavior. Your video just helps me understand kids more. Subscribe
The way this man has opened my mind and overall understanding is so encouraging. He is so wise and I love how he incorporates God and the Bible in all of these as well. Thank you Mr. Fletcher!
yes and here talks about the Creator & Church & feelings of betrayal
Agree
Tim, it is sincere people like you and Daniel Mackler who give me hope that there are people out there who really understand and care about orhers. 🎉
God is my best friend at 37 he doesn't want me to live in my trauma and I put up a lot of boundaries at this point and choosing myself to heal hopefully some day I will have the strength to help others I believe that is why I'm still here.
👏👏👏
Exactly that! Keep going, greater is he that is in you than that of the world ❤
Wow, personification of an imaginary entity , that can never imaginarily betray, thats innovative!
@@MetaPhysStore0770would it hurt you to be kind? You don’t need to share their beliefs
@@MetaPhysStore0770that's some betrayel from spiritual abuse trauma you got there so go get yourself together instead of shifting the shame over people who have healthy bound with God.
I unded stand.
Face the betrayal. It took me 50 years.
I am now free.
It's not easy. However - if i can do it so can you.
I pray for you special one ❤❤❤
I’ve recently been working on this with my therapist. It’s important to tell your therapist everything even if you think it’s insignificant. Or if you’ve been made to believe it was insignificant.
Like your father, holding you hostage at gunpoint in the bathroom, and the police had to break the door down and take him away in front of you and you were all alone and your mother pretended like it never happened.
The juxtaposition is almost comical how you put that... but it really is like that.. sometimes I find myself never bringing up really fucked up things that happened to me, to my therapist because I avoid thinking and talking about that memory so much.
I detached from my birth family many years ago. It was extremely painful but, I have at last begun to heal. Unfortunately, my own children picked up a lot of dysfunctional messages from them so I’m now dealing with that. It’s much easier to deal with because I don’t need them to love me… I need them to understand the dynamics that have affected them, and that I love them, no matter what.
I relate to that - the adult children in my betrayal situation has been devastating!
What was really hard about the partner betrayal trauma, isn't just their betrayal, but if that they knew also about all the other forms of previous betrayal trauma: parental, sibling, government, church, previous partners, friends... AND WITH THAT KNOWLEDGE, they still betray.
That is heartbreaking. After all that previous trauma, I don’t think I would trust my ability to choose healthy relationships until the previous trauma is worked through. My choice is to be alone. I have my kids, a few close friends, good colleagues and some nice acquaintances…..but never a partner. I need to learn to love myself first.
Yes I'm going through this now
THIS. Exactly what I’ve been dealing with. 😢
You hit the nail on the head, my friend !
I've just realised my wife is the cause of my trauma !
and guess what she left me 2 days ago, and I'm beginning to understand it's probably for the best , probably the best thing she ever did for me !
@ericamoritz5940
I now realise I've been going through this for 30 years because of my wife !
She left me 2 days ago !
I'm beginning to understand!
and she knew all about my childhood, all about my family !
And she still betrayed me !
She said some really horrible things , so horrible. I was having flashbacks of what she said when I was at work !
I thought I was loosing my mind !
I swear that God guided me to your video series on complex trauma and codependency just when I needed it most. I don’t think I’ve felt words so deeply as how you’ve described my whole life. I thought I had worked through my self worth and relational traumas, but I have married for a second time and find a pattern repeating. These videos are confirming that I have a lot of recovery work to do. Thank you for the blessing of your work.
What breaks my heart is that I was 3 years into my second marriage before I realized, "I can break up with anyone I want to, anytime I want to, for any reason I want to." That My life and my body should have been "By Invitation ONLY."
It sounds completely insane that a person would feel the need for a third-party's approval to NOT date / sleep with someone...but that was my experience. I was forced into relationships, forced out of relationships, forced to have no one supportive of me, right down to destroying my ability to bond with a pet, then forcing me to take one in to get euthanized, then manipulating a boy who she forced me into a relationship with, to sh00t my next one, still a puppy. My 'mother' hated me that much.
@@Hawaiiansky11❤
Oh man Im on the same boat. Where do you start? I dont even know where to start with healing this trauma 😢
I really appreciate the lists that you showed in the picture. So I can screenshot. It makes it possible to first just listen to what you say and then work with the lists after.super good!👍
My mother was kind enough to speak to my future wife, before we were married and tell her that I was a dreadful person and she was making a big mistake marrying me. My mother didn't want someone as bright, confident and well spoken as my wife, she wanted someone who she could push around. Fortunately, my wife didn't tell me this for a very long time, otherwise I would be serving a life sentence in prison, right now.
My mom did similar stuff with me. It is awful.
@@moscowcowboy_13 That's terrible. I'm sorry to hear that. With the help of the various content creators here, I was able to identify what was wrong with my mother and understand what she was trying to do. This was the first time that it became clear to me that her actions weren't random, stupid or mentally ill acts but were in fact part of a larger issue. My mother was an over the top narcissist and everything that she did (apparently) was driven by her need to control how she looked in, how she profited from any situation. She could never love and support me, that wasn't in her makeup. If I was doing well and that reflected well on her, she was happy. If I was just living a normal life and not causing any problems, she said nothing. If I was doing something that affected her image in the community or at her church, then she would lash out physically and emotionally. I barely made it through high school with any sanity left and basically left town with a plan to never go back. My adult interactions with her were impossible and I had to eventually cut off all contact.
@DavoZed Wow! My mom was not that bad but she did search through the caller ID ( early 2000s) to contact my boyfriend to see if " he really proposed to me"...or if I had made it up. She sounded slightly disappointed when he told her that he had in fact proposed.
@@kameshiam1674 Sad that our parents couldn't have been on our side, eh?
@@MythsScamsLies Yes. Blessings to you.
Im sooo glad you mentioned God betrayal trauma. This is so important to healing.
Yes, I agree.
I think this is important, as many abusers pretend to be Christian / devout / spiritual people who are loving and kind to the whole world...except behind closed doors when nobody, except their Higher Power, can see or hear them.
It's called spiritual abuse
That’s the deepest betrayal I feel. Tried so hard to be a good girl, felt abandoned and betrayed anyway. So never feel good enough after that. Makes sense!
'God Betrayal' maybe it should be given another description. Betrayal and God could never be seen together. You may have religious followers who are human and thus faulty and prone to evil, that's not God Betrayal that human evil.
You are amazing at explaining. Thank u. I have been through all of it and i am still working on myself and i am experiencing rage and anger.
Thank you Tim
You have a gift of making all this complicated stuff make sense for me during my recovery!
Another excellent presentation Tim, invaluable for victims of betrayl, thank you so much! 🙏
Sexual abuse age 3 to 7. Raped at age 15. Then married at 17. 2 kids and divorced at 21 remarried and thought in love ❤️. He cheated with my younger sister. He was also extremely abusive. Divorced again. Returned to college married another alcoholic abuser now with 3 kids. Then married last alcoholic discovered him with his sister. Extreme abuse, Im done, and had 2 years of intense therapy. Im broken 💔 I dont miss it at all 18 years single and finally healthy.
You beautiful soul. Much love
Wow. Now that is courage and growth. What an inspiration you are!
Boy, I'm really sorry. Horrific journey 😢
Please remember to show yourself compassion. Most times these people don't show their true colors until they have their claws in you. There's no excuse for anyone to ever physically or verbally assault you because they can't handle their big emotions. You will prosper, you will flourish, you are capable and deserving. The people around you who love you know and believe this 💕 Parts of your soul/heart will need tending to sometimes, but it will get better. You seem to have already made leaps and bounds :)
Hugs ♥️♥️♥️
Very good. As I listened I have faced almost all of the big ones but the current trauma is a friend that was there for me as a single person and a sister in my church, I trusted my whole heart. I put all my friendship into her instead of the many other friends I had.
She ghosted me. I was shocked. She didn’t share what was bothering her she just ghosted me.
Then our other close friend who saw this happening to me she died. I feel more abandoned by the friend that ghosted me than the grief I feel from my dear friend who passed. I am disregulated emotionally.
OMG I have been going trough all of it! Thank you for shining the light! I do not feel as helpless victim, in fact I feel , its time to face it and understand it and change.....
Wow, I just found this video, and it's amazing. I got nearly 100% of the examples correct. This actually read like a road map of my life. I am now an "orphan". I am in counseling and EMDR. I'm starting to find my way out of this pit of anguish.
Does anyone ever recover from this, and become content?
I'm over with these feelings being nonstop.
Finally a name for 50 years of hell, relapses, abusive relationships, sabotage over and over again, my children, I was at the point of hopelessness trying to figure out what’s wrong with me.
Scapegoating happens so often, I finally stopped trying to defend myself from second hand lies & half truths, working on boundaries - Not reacting & to disengage. Focus on staying calm & collected - refuse to be a party to their disrespect!
First of all, there’s nothing wrong with you. Be kind to yourself. Lesson #1 💕
I made it out, my mom didn't! Don't give up! You deserve happiness!
Amen! I’m hearing you. Betrayal trauma! Now we can get somewhere with healing
WOW! I have no words to thank you ! Left a Psychopath / narcissist relationship 8 years ago and this has been the answers that I needed. Been to some therapy and done so many healing techniques, yet so many things unanswered , not even brought up by therapist .
Thank you from my heart for the clarity and the vast information you have provided. Bless you!❤️🙏
Tim your such a blessing. Thank you for all your time and effort. You are a blessing.
I don't think I'll ever heal, because people just can't be honest, especially my family. My family is full of liars. Liars and betrayers on so many levels it is pathetic.
Maybe you can heal with other people that aren’t your family.
Thank you for doing these videos. I learned so much about myself. Once I have the self awareness of what happened then I can heal it. Tim, You helped me to gain clarity.
The things you say express me. It is sooo nice when someone puts words on and makes sense of these feelings! Thank you.😘
This is truly valuable information. Thank you.
I always find your videos extremely valuable ..thanks you for the generosity of your spirit and sharing
Much grattitude ❤
This talk has made so many things make sense to me that I have been struggling with for long time. Thank you Tim!
Wonderful! So much lifesaving wisdom packed in 50 minutes. Thank you once again, Tim 🙏
I am so so grateful I found your channel.
Your insight and ways of simplifying such painful traumas helps me change my perspective and actually not only understand my parents' traumas and behaviours, but mostly my own.
The more understanding I gain, the easier it feels to heal.
I have tried to get tothis point for so many years, and finally I have stopped feeling like a victim.
You also give advice and tools to help manage difficult emotions, and the awareness that has come from following you and Dr. Peter Walker, and Dr. Bessel Van der Kolk...
Amazing.
I honestly believed I would never get this far.
Thank you so much for doing this.💯❤🙏🏼🙌🏼
This this, in so many arenas I’m affected.
I’m learning how to not react to triggers, just allow them & take space.
It’s so slick.
After almost (8 days shy) 18 years, the diagnosed (I only found that out AFTER I found myself in the hospital - "broken heart syndrome"... cardiac episodes) psychopathic covert narcissist blew out the front door, trying to steal my retirement fund & gaslighting police!!!
My Dr diagnosed me with CPTSD with deep shock...I was borderline catatonic for the following 8 months...listless...cried constantly, even in what sleep I got... I lost 30# the first month, my hair & nails all broke... I stopped talking... eating... I really didn't want to be here anymore...
Then my Dr sat me down... She explained that she had watched my steady decline over the previous decade, persistently pleading with me to "get away from them"...saw what was happening, but couldn't actually tell me, because she'd treated them too, & up until the narc left, was bound to silence because of Dr/patient confidentiality... Only now that didn't matter, because she'd booted the narc from her practice... I remember being stunned, yet sobbing uncontrollably...she put me on mild sedatives that day.... insisted that I had to survive this, or the narc wins...
That last "ultimatum" {you have to survive this, or the narc wins} JOLTED ME TO MY CORE... I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A FORCE.... A trained biochemist... federal security clearance... licensed wildlife rehabilitator, running a 24/7 wildlife hospital (501c3)...a property & business owner... Suma Cum Laude all through college...there was NEVER a situation I couldn't solve!!! ... until now... I didn't recognize myself. I HAD TO FIND ME AGAIN.... aaaaaannnddd that's when things CHANGED....A COMPLETE 180° TURN AROUND...
I called my lawyers & got to work..."You wanna play in court narco??? NOW I'M GONNA SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE!!!" I went through my files, put together 5 claims, handed the files to my lawyers... & The INSTANT I GOT THE DOCIT NUMBER IN STATE SUPREME, I sent the Process Service for the lawsuit, & the United States Marshalls to REPOSSESS THE COLORADO (that I WAS LEGALLY LIABLE FOR)... The lawyers also THREATENED THE POLICE WITH CLASS ACTION IF THEIR UNFOUNDED PROFILING DIDN'T CEASE IMMEDIATELY (I'm Mohawk - Iroquois Confederacy).
It took from 8/12/2015, when the narc blew out the door, until 1/30/17, to completely play out in court...I WON ACROSS THE BOARD...I KEPT WHAT WAS MINE...AND STRIPPED EVERY BENEFIT THE NARC EVER GOT FROM ME!!!
But all those wins only enraged the narc, & in spite of a stay-away order, I'm STILL stalked & gaslit... So prepare yourself... because winning against a psychopath only ratchets them deeper into revenge mode. My extensive surveillance systems keep the nut job at bay, but they're like a circling shark, waiting for any opportunity... I don't think ANYONE can heal under that constant pressure.....🖤
I could sue as well , still may, it would require moving out of state though. Fearing this mess follows me . A lawsuit may ruin future plans . Money not worth the hassle. I'm so fed up though considering Canada , and dumping USA.
@@Me-fs5mi I didn't leave...I stayed & STAND MY GROUND TO THIS DAY...
Even though I have a Stay Away Order, that doesn't stop 3rd party abuse from the chimps....so I have to go after them legally... separately.... aaaaaannnddd I AM!!! Go make some friends with police officers... Mine are Sheriff Mounted Patrol Division...
Yeah... I bought a HORSE....much better EVERYTHING. No more human relationships for me... I'd much rather spend my free time with my animals!!!😻🐎💥🎯💥🏁❣️
The day I met Tim and his ❤️❤️❤️♥️(staff) he un cracked my planet, ! Thank you. More good news.
I think ur stuff is good. I love how kind and respectful u guys are to the spirits even when u could and should yell and tell them what you think of of them. Thanks for showing us that there is more out there.
Hang in with the organization Tim leads. I'm a graduate and can't imagine my life without the help I've received here.
Tim, you are spot on about giving Forgiveness! Many people that alone is the answer.
Wow! I have been through all of those. With institutional trauma, happened with several different entities. No wonder I felt like I lived in the Twilight Zone for so long.
I can't even watch this in one sitting. So much wisdom here.
Yes i have been through betrayal trauma. Looking back I realized that the betrayal started a long time ago. There is so much more to betrayal than cheating in a sexual affair. In fact betrayal/cheating comes in many forms. Having an affair is just the icing on the betrayal cake the narcissist feeds you.
I have my own issues around bettayal but just feel so so so very sad for my mum right now. This is very interesting and further help me understand why she s the way she was and is. I am 10K km from her and wish I could give her a big hugs.😢
Thank you for these videos. I need to say this, because the term "letting down" was repeated so much in the context of betrayals. The two concepts AND related damaging actions are not congruent. That's like saying 1 is the same as 10, ignore the zero, because it's insignificant, and that's not gaslighting. Betrayal is violently stripping away the security and safety of another, while letting them down is not being perfect, as if anyone else is, either.
Agree. Once you have been betrayed, you no longer sweat the small stuff. People let you down all the time because mostly they do not live up to your expectation... but betrayal..... it's deep and not trivial.
"Betrayal is violently stripping away the security and safety of another," - 100%
What a relief after a 35-year trauma to finally have a vocabulary for this incredible injury to myself and my children:
Betrayal trauma
Complex trauma
Cognitive dissonance
& Blocking emotions.
I can now understand that I am not alone in feeling these emotions. 🙏🙏
No, fam, we got you. We may be going through similar or different traumas and pain, but we’ll get through it.
I went threw this as a child and as and adult,went threw allot of counselling,what I needed to do was look at my part my marriage and why I wanted it and what I was willing to settle for,there were red flags but I wanted what I wanted,so in order to heal I needed to look at my part and go threw allot of emotions in order to get to the place of acceptance,divorce 5 years ago and I am happy now but I needed this time to heal❤
I love that you validate me and treat me with care while also revealing hard truths about me. Please keep posting. Please don't get sick. Please live a long life.
Forgiveness is NOT necessary to heal. But radical acceptance is. If you were betrayed, you will need to accept totally that that person was capable of that much harm.
Forgiveness is essential. It sets YOU FREE. It doesn’t mean you trust them
Thank you for all the perspectives.
This really helps gauge the severity of my situation. Which helps me have more compassion on myself while I challenge my old belief system and rewrite a new one with functioning, self regulating emotions.
This is just a huge task, and no small feat.
I have been in therapy for 5 years now and only just feeling like I'm touching the surface of recovery. There is resentment in that also. The time which the trauma still steals from me. But the plus side is that I'm learning a lot, I'm becoming human again. I'm breaking barriers people fear to take a glimpse into.
And my admiration goes to anyone also whom have taking a look through the key hole, to find purpose, love and worth. Despite the darkest shades of grey, that absorb your light..
Yes, many times, which us why I rarely trust anymore, but life goes on and it makes me more determined to be self sufficient and like my solitude ..I can trust me! Note alone is not lonely .. but the trauma is there, deep inside....boxed away so I can move fwd.
I have experienced all 5 types of betrayal trauma and trying to find a therapist I can afford and trust to work with is exceptionally difficult. So you end up stuck in it.
Same here. Wish you the best!
I’ve found the best therapists are here for free on UA-cam.
God bless them all, they are saving so many lives and minds.❤
@@LisaValentine1 I’d like the interaction and real life connection with someone, that cannot be replaced by you tube for me and we need to realise how important that is. It’s important to recognise when actual real healing and life changes happen and that has happened for me yet from just watching UA-cam videos. I have learned a lot for sure and am grateful that these are being shared for free.
Tim Fletcher has developed a program called LIFT that addresses these issues. It’s relatively affordable. You can also access individual therapists that are trained in his methods at a reasonable cost
@@mib9647 I am aware of his programs as I have contacted them to find out. Yes i comparison to the cost of other therapists and programs I would describe them as reasonable. I am however I single mother, home educating my three children and putting their health and well being first, aswell as my own, I am not working and on minimal income. So as reasonable as the costs are, there is still a demographic who are unable to touch this kind of support and help! It’s basically not available to people like me, which doesn’t much help with the complex trauma. I thank God I have Him and I maybe able to afford joining to have access to all the content.
Having a safe place = helpful.
Betrayal Trauma is it for me. The professional help I've received has been enormously helpful. But I am the first to say there is a long road ahead and am just getting my "sea-legs" in this dizziness.
Have great anger still at the betrayal of those who watch. Don't believe at all that it's all legitimate. Very angry at this, but am looking to use my painting to focus away and toward truth and what is trustworthy.
Thank you, Dr. Fletcher. You hit closer to home than most. I will continue with the Friday night's sessions.
Betrayed by just about everyone all my life. Now 75 and just had huge betrayal last year by mother ( yes, she’s still alive) and sister. Left the area, left the country. Came back and now trying to start over. Very, very painful, but now I see I needed to see them for who they are, it is teaching me my own worth.
I will rise again, I know I am very powerful. I now see my journey as spiritual. I see the difference between myself and the betrayers, I never willingly hurt anyone in this life…….so why did I feel unworthy?
As you go through this list, I realize I was betrayed by every category! I am leaving it all behind!❤❤❤
i hope u can. i'm 64, only now coming to terms with the extensive psychological damage both my parents inflicted upon me for as long as i can remember. i've lived alone the last 30 years on disability for depression/anxiety, FINALLY connected with an excellent therapist and re-diagnosed with cptsd. i doubt i will fully recover because i don't believe i can ever forgive them for making me wear the scars of their twisted relationship. i'd love to known who i would have been raised in a healthy, happy home.
@@jude8132 You know dear, try starting to see that under all the pain and heartache, their negative energy didn’t alter you. It made you develop defenses, yes, and you are learning to let those go. As they lessen, you start to see and feel who you really are, underneath it all. I am rooting for you❣️🙌🏻🙏🏻
thank u! i am wishing u the very best ❤
I have watched many videos from Tim Fletcher and other psychologists/psychiatrists but I never found one that covers all aspect and in details exactly what is betrayal trauma and this type betrayal trauma can destroy us. The cause, the symptoms, the intensity of the pain, sensorial, behavioral Symptoms/consequences, like this video!
This is exactly the pain/symptoms of the betrayal I went through. I can defititely say the pain can be unbearable even with a therapist support, but it is lethal if we cant hold on to our faith in God.
❤❤❤❤❤
Such wisdom and truth.
Where does it come from you have real understanding of so many things
Thank you
I'm very glad to have found your channel
Amazing presentation. I was massively betrayed in multiple ways over the last weekend, and this is the first video that has given me some substantive and intelligent guidelines to start patching myself back together with. Thank you!
Still trying to keep my head on straight after continuing to be betrayed, lied to and gaslighted for over 30 years. He totally deceived me and used my love for God and being a good Christian against me. I always forgave him believing he would change. These videos have been amazing. I no longer let anyone abuse me or use me and I am learning to love myself. I still don’t know where my life is going but still have faith knowing God’s Word is true and He loves me. God bless each of you who have suffered betrayal. I will pray for you today and ask you to call out my name, Shelia in prayers.
But did you leave him?
You present your topics with clarity and compassion.
Very easy to follow your teachings. With appreciation.
Thanks, Tim so much
This is exactly the teaching I needed. Thank you, God. Thank you, Tim.❤
Woow!!!, in high school the guidance counselors would build a relationship with myself and fellow classmates get us to trust them, tell us to come to them with any problems we didn't feel we could discuss with our parents, when we did come to the counselors with these issues the counselor would tell our parents what we felt we couldn't talk about with our parents often getting the students in trouble with their parents is this an example of betrayal trauma
I experienced all of this. Betrayal blindness and disassociating with a narcissist
I self-diagnosed with C-PTSD along with a number of accompanying symptoms this past year and a half, when years' worth or traumatic repressed memories from my youth resurfaced.
Then, I happen upon this video, which seems to fill in all the 'blanks.'
I felt betrayal trauma from a very bad beating when I was 9 or 10; but I somehow had resiliency afterwards, until age 15 or so, which is when, through a series of my mother's treachery and my beloved's parents' lack of knowledge (or rather misinformation they were fed by said mother, a malignant narcissist disguising herself as a loving Christian woman), I felt severe betrayal trauma - based on a lie. That I never knew was a lie, until almost 4 decades later. It caused very strong dissociative amnesia, dissociation, depersonalization and derealization disorder. I stopped engaging in hygiene. I distrusted everyone. I hated being touched, and I hated being told I was loved. I hated s*x and only engaged in it out of a sense of obligation. I never felt safe enough to love anyone too much, including my own children (even now), for fear of them suddenly disappearing or dying.
He was the ONE person I had who made me feel safe, made me feel sane, loved, valued, worthy and beautiful. He edified me. Through a series of unfortunate events (including his own mental health disturbances due to severe abuse and betrayal trauma of his own), lies, manipulation, gaslighting and threats to our lives from said malignant evil person, he and I ended up distrusting one another.
I 'lost' my memories of him...I believe, to keep me from feeling the guilt, shame, rage and hate towards him. The only memories I retained were those of being 'just friends' with him, with zero memory of anything remotely romantic (which I guess psychologically speaking, would keep me from feeling betrayed - it was okay for him to be engaged to someone else if he and I were only friends). His engagement to said 'other' person was not real.
When he reconnected with me in 2009, he tried in his own way to help me remember, but because of his Avoidant Personality Disorder (i believe), he would not allow me to meet up with him without knowing for certain that I would recall him, and not despise him due to his past. So, he let me go yet again, which I suppose was another betrayal. He was the only man I have every truly loved. What I 'loved' in others were only those things that reminded me of him on a subconscious level.
He has gone home to God (2017). So we could never reconnect again after my memories of our love have come back to me. It feels some days like Evil Won.
But I have to remember that I am not tethered to this world; that God has my back, that He will make all things new again soon, and I will be back in my beloved's arms again. He and I were both victims of evil, wicked pretend-Christians who were actually aligned with Satan himself. In God's home, my beloved knows the truth now. And I will believe that he has helped me get my memories back, and lovingly has guided me through them all, so that I would know the WHOLE TRUTH.
So it’s believed that the universe gives you what you need when you need it. This video is exactly what I needed because it explains so accurately the feeling that I had in many situations in my life I have never been a believer in therapy. This was the therapy that I needed
It breaks my heart that my three boys have had to go through this too. They’ve done all that you’ve explained. My youngest bless him talks regularly and has a fascination with being the hero, saving people. He even connects with Jesus in this way that he wants to help Jesus save everybody!!😪😢 how on earth do I help my boys heal when I’m so far off healing myself? It’s any wonder some of the most attractive films for people to watch are based on all of this, with super heroes. Glorifying these relationships and behaviours. 😪 but that’s a whole other betrayal conversation that I am well aware of.
Take the oxygen first. That's how you help them. By teaching them that you are a fallible human being, in need of healing, and then you do it.
I married an abused boy narcissist
I am so mad at myself for bringing into the world 2 children... Who have had to go through this shit too. 7 yr marriage and sudden div. then custody battle.
..
@@carolsaia7401 i never married the abused narcissist, we were meant to but that’s part of our story and I feel a sense of protection really. I am so sorry we have to share such a similar experience. The brokenness of the world is such of human creation and my biggest source of strength, relearning and healing has been coming to know the creator and His purpose and plan for me. Not leaning on my own understanding, as I’ve proven my judgement in character and my own abuse and how that has impacted me and my flaws in giving the narcissist an opportunity. Hoping they can be good.
Betrayal trauma by a ptsd trained therapist who was supposed to help me getting over sexual trauma. Resentment faded out partially but the pain is still here, time can heal a lot
I know you talk about parental/friends/ partners etc. but you could even be betrayed by other family members too. This I can relate to because I've been betrayed many times by not just my parents but other family members too and I'm just tired of it. I can't go on like this because it's having an effect on my mental health and something has to give.
You are describing my life. Thank you for putting words to my experience. I’m so grateful to find you today. ❤
Around 40:00 mins you talk about forgiveness. I strongly agree on this. The only good thing I learned from the catholic church was the power of forgiveness, providing, and only providing you realise that the main beneficiary of the forgiveness is you and NOT the aggressor. Forgiveness helps you and is powerful because it puts you in control, gives you the moral high ground and makes you the stronger, better person. But you can't forgive until you accept all the other changes you have to make to the relationship. Heck, you don't even have to tell the aggressor, it still makes you a better person, if you just do it in your head or ritualize it.
I agree, too. I will forgive, someday, in my own time, but first need to learn, need to understand, need to know the truth, need to heal myself and also forgive myself. Plus, even when you forgive, something else resurfaces, so then you have to forgive an abuser for THAT thing, then another reality hits and you have to forgive for yet another betrayal, etc. Take your time, forgive as you can and are able to. God understands.
I’m getting so much from this content. When it started and you were listing all the different types of betrayal I was having multiple memories for each example. I thought “well this video isn’t over, I can’t have experienced all of the examples you about to give”, ya I was wrong about that. I have definitely experienced all of those, multiple times in my life. This subject has never been directly addressed by any of the therapists or coaches I’ve hired over the past 20years. I’ve been stuck in a loop of betrayal with every relationship I get into with the exception of my wife and son. Everyday I fight the notion I have that”everyone leaves, and when they do they take and destroy everything I have built and no matter how I evolve, I cannot stop it” and as strong as that feeling is, I also feel strongly and fight for that “this cannot be forever, nothing is forever, if things have been so bad, they can be equally in intensity in good”