What Betrayal Trauma Does to the Brain | The Impacts of Partner Betrayal Trauma
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- Опубліковано 14 тра 2023
- To get connected with a Partner Betrayal Trauma Therapist, call Heart to Heart Counseling Center at 719-278-3708.
You can balance your brain after betrayal trauma! Learn more about brain balancing by calling 719-644-5778.
Did you know that partner betrayal trauma can have a devastating impact? Research shows that approximately 70% of individuals who experience infidelity or similar forms of betrayal report symptoms consistent with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The betrayal triggers a cascade of emotions, affecting the amygdala and prefrontal cortex, two key areas responsible for emotional regulation and decision-making, resulting in difficulties with trust, intimacy, and self-esteem.
Join Dr. Doug Weiss as he explores the impact of partner betrayal trauma on the brain, offering insights backed by scientific studies and real-life case examples. Gain a deeper understanding of how the brain responds to partner betrayal and discover strategies for healing and recovery.
If you like this video, check out these similar videos as well:
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Subscribe to Dr. Doug Weiss’ channel and hit the notification bell to stay updated on future videos that explore the complexities of betrayal trauma, infidelity, relationships, healing, and personal growth.
Order the Partner Betrayal Trauma book that has more statistics on Partner Betrayal Trauma here: partnerbetrayaltrauma.org/par...
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The most difficult part for me, is NOT the loss of trust in others, but in MYSELF. You can no longer trust your ability to see people as they really are.. like you can’t trust yourself to make good decisions or judgements, and it pervades everything.
Word
🦋🦋🦋@@everybodyyogastudio212
Couldn't of said it better. Healed for 6 years being celebat from an abusive husband. Opened up to a man who I met at church. Need type in the quior. Reads bible everyday and active in the church. I asked him before we even got intimate if he had a porn problem he said no. In the beginning of the year I found out he was. He said he was hacked. I decided to believe him and or try to. Fast forward s year later, found it again. He threw his phone and got mad tried to lie about it. I told him I'm walking out if he dosnt get honest. Still lies. Now he says he's delivered from it and God changes him. Not only am I weary of trusting anyone now, I think Christians are fake too
Same.. and That is the WORST part... not trusting ytoursel... and being angry at yourself...
Yes, @@TheFarmacySeedsNetwork
Family betrayal hurts to the bone.
My sisters robbed both parents estates.. I told mom before she passed, I was going Zero contact.. My son hates me (Ghost) So more Zero contact.. My coping skills are on overdrive..lol
@@randpherigo9724 I’m so sorry. It’s good to despite it all, you’ve kept your sense of humor. Don’t lose that! They can take a lot but don’t give them your joy.🫶🏻🙏🏻🥴
Yes going through it now I would have died for these people and they betrayed me over money I would have shared with them.
@@Moonshine-N-MiraclesI'm going through it too. Be strong and get rid of toxic in your life as much as possible. They are not worth your joy and well being
I'm know it's all to well. Specially women and your bro. Find out years later I been played........ and I still married her....... .............. kids are what's important. Break that's curse by any means.
Betrayal is basically: The death of your heart.... 💔
YES it's EXACTLY like mourning a death
Yea I’ve been with my gf for 10 years, she’s had an affair or affairs for at least 8 of them. The time before last that I caught her, all I could say is something died inside of me on that one. I’ll never feel or look at things the same way.
@@millhouse313
Sorry to hear. Hope things are better. You’re not alone but we can learn from the past or let it hurt us. Hope you’re in a better place.
Exactly 💯
@@millhouse313
Actually what happens when a loved one betrays you.. the closer the love of that person the deeper the hole is ripped in your soul... It's soul sickness.. not that your soulless or cruel or have no soul... It's the hole in the soul that leaves you so devastated. You lose trust in your own ability to trust others.. it takes a long time to heal that kind of soul pain.. sometimes the pain is so deep you want to die. It's a finality to that pain.. your heart becomes sick also.. to the point you may become numb. To feelings of closeness or love. Numb to close contact with others
This is the best description of what I’m going through. My wife (ex-wife) cheated on me almost 10 years ago. I thought we got past it, but I never really did. Then she cheated on me again with one of my closest friends. We’ve been divorced for 6 months, and it feels like I’m stuck in a loop. No only can I not trust them, but I’m afraid to trust anyone. The 2 closest people to me lied to me for so long, I can’t help but question everyone else’s intentions. I’m always on guard and always waiting for the next betrayal.
So sorry 😢💔
Your pain and trauma from these betrayal are real. I'm sad to hear that you have endured this all by yourself.
You don't have to continue to go through this alone though. Here at Heart To Heart Counseling Center, we have therapists available to help you work through this and find healing. Call 719-278-3708 to get scheduled with one and get started.
I feel your pain. My husband of 37 yrs had an affair with my sister who lived with us 17 yrs. We raised our kids together, did everything.. when I got sick, it got worse. When I called them out I got beat to the point I have a csf leak on my brain. I've had brain surgery 4 months ago... never would've believed it... still can't.. double betrayal is torture to the soul
Repeated time has my husband cheated on me,it hurts to the core and nothing like trust exist in me,,,,it just can't happen
@@LilB.Dear God..Im very sorry ❤❤❤ dreadful
The shutting down is very real. Lack of hope for a better future is also very real. Being hyper vigilant, not trusting others and feeling over whelmed also very real. You become so isolated you are in a nearly vegetative state. The analogy of being in a car wreak, but there is no blood or broken bones, is spot on, you have been emotionally wrecked and emotionally altered.
You described it exactly 💯
I've said this...To the betrayer, even, as they tried to make amends...that it was as if they'd taken an aluminum baseball bat to my legs and shattered every bone. No one would expect you to walk after that. But people laughed at the absurdity of my betrayal story, for how it all played out, and minimized the impact on me.
Trauma can cause PTSD or complex PTSD if many Traumas
And we die and it’s over. Living but died a long time ago. I came back to life to realize it’s still just as messed up out there!
Yes!
This is the best description of betrayal in a relationship, that I have ever heard. Society seems to think that you are to brush yourself off and keep moving, and even when you do, you feel like a shell of a person. All trust is gone. He really understands this.
Thank you. I'm glad this video was helpful for you.
That word shell hit me. I tell people all the time I am no longer a man, this is just the shell of one.
Yes, emptiness...a shell where there's no trust no security, there's emptiness...like always getting the empty icecream cone when everyone else is enjoying the full cone of real icecream😢
@@gloriarangott8803 But understand, Gloria, we are not alone....this situation is all too common and I know people all over, all the time, dealing with the same thing.
Betrayal is when people confuse friend and foe.
But some others just plain hate us.
Parental betrayal trauma is the worst. It sets you up to continue the trauma in your relationships.
Yes, it can. Working on healing from the trauma with a Partner Betrayal Trauma Therapist can help your other relationships be less impacted by this.
Ohh yes!!!
@@DrDougWeiss so what would be the recommendation for a wife with parental betrayal that is causing issues with the marriage? Because the parents are "siding" with the husband despite them dismissing what they've done to the wife.
I was the only one of my mothers
children or grandchildren or great grandchildren that took care of her the last three years of her life. A few months before she died she told me she was leaving all of her money to one of her great grandchildren who she had not seen in over five years.
Now, my father, who I have taken care of for the past four years, who had told me he was leaving half of his money to me I just found out he leaving $0 to me and is now preparing to go to an assisted living home. What makes it so bad is he has a total of 15 children and great grandchildren majority of which are in their 20s 30s 40s 50s 60s .
All fully capable. He has over 200,000 in the bank. He’s leaving me his $8000 car better than nothing. Also we bought a house together and now I am responsible to pay the full payment as he was paying his half. I guess I’m getting used to. It This doesn’t really bother me much anymore, but I’m not real eager to take care of people.
When both parents betray you one at a time. Their death is much less painful if any .
We all feel betrayed by our government, our mortgage & insurance companies, our legacy media lies. Betrayal is running deep and ruining our lives in these times.
Unfortunately they're working together to destroy the system, so they can usher in one that's much worse later on
Who can you trust? Just God.
Sophia= wisdom (Greek)Maya= Heaven (Aramaic) I MANU EL, HE UNDERSTANDS BETRAYAL.
@@coral4874
Everybody trust
Some people trust that’s GOD - exists
Another - trust that god is not exist
@@alexgrozn123 That's their personal choice. We have the right to choose what to believe. We all have path experiences that leads us to our beliefs.
7 months pregnant and I find out that not only has my husband betrayed me, but infected me with an STD. Pain, humiliation, and anger stayed with me for a long time. Thankfully my son was healthy.
I'm so sorry. Keep going, you and your child are worth it. God loves you and your child, lean into him. 💗
Same here and we found out that he impregnated the girl he slept with also!! So despicable 🥺 and I can relate to the shame, guilt, humiliation and my son and hers were both healthy! 🙏❤
😢 im sorry you had to experience this pain. 😔
Nowadays we have to be thankful to be safe and not harmed by men, that is flabbergasting, it is unbelievable what's is happening of course we're grateful to be healthy, but the fact that sometimes I consider myself lucky cause I have not been through a different kind of pain, is crazy.
I went through a betrayal as well. I was in shock. The Doctor I went me told to not have sex with my philandering husband. That is advice for any woman in this world of sundry STDs. Some of those diseases are quite dangerous.
As a 100% disabled gulf war veteran, the betrayal of the US GOVT to experiment on 200k troops left a huge hole in my heart under pain of COURT MARTIAL, but I love my Republic to the core.
I agree!!!! 🙏😢. I’m not in the military but went thru deep betrayal trauma
May God meet you where you are and completely heal you. May he restore all that was taken from you. And make you whole.
Mnra was used in gulf war
God bless.
The way we treat our veterans makes me furious. We have no problem coming up with billions for war and destruction...but our most vulnerable, many of them vets, are dying in the streets. We don't have the money to house our citizens? Then stop sending them to war. Until you can guarantee that you you'll take care of them when they come home. God bless you and thank you, so much. 🌹👍🏽
5 years ago I found out my wife of 15 years and three children was having an affair with her Taekwondo Instructor. He was also married with kids. It will never leave your mind. It’s always there. You often “feel” like your were never enough. If not for my children I’d be gone! It sucks.
I feel this totally.
How are you coping now?
Betrayal trauma changed my life. Since my divorce I haven’t been able to enter into another relationship, in the process I became celibate. My spiritual awareness makes it difficult to trust or bond with the opposite sex.
Same here
I thought I was the only one in this situation
OMG! Since my divorce almost 6 years ago I haven't been able to go out on a date. I have been living like a hermit. Thank God I have 2 dogs who are my best friends. I don't know if I would have kept going at all. Just wanted you to know you're not alone and I will keep you in my thoughts. You're a strong person.
@@juliecozzaglio944 it has been 10 years . Did try a long distance relationship, turned out it was more of a love bombing phase ! 🤦♀️🤦♀️
Same here, totally relate and agree.
If u reading this. U r loved never give up. Stay strong and day by day get through. It will get better. Going through it for half my life
@drebenjamin9564 So sorry about your agony. May you find [that somehow] there are brighter days ahead [even in this crazy life the way life is so close to [W-W-3].
@@wendyhughes2234 thank u for your encouraging words. We all need them. It gave my soul joy to see this.
Everyone is hurting and I know pain is pain no matter the situation. What we lack is a real community. Not social apps. Communities back in our neighborhoods.
There has been two random shootings this week here. One shot an old lady I go to Church with.
Bullets don't have brains .
Another elderly man got beat to death in the middle of town.
I pray for all my sisters and brothers right now to stand strong in our faith and let's continue to be a beacon of light for others. We must stay positive and looking upward. I pray wherever u are God keeps you and your family safe. You never know. So I'm thanking God for every breath and every sunrise.
Jesus is still the healer and an ever present help in trouble.
I pray that you find the beauty in the chaos . Focus on what is pure,good, and stay thankful...that's what I am working on and focusing on a bright future no matter what.
"No weapon formed against me shall prosper"💛💛💛💛
Check on your friends and get off the phones . I listen to music and sermons. I am far from perfect but I'm watching a society all addicted to phones. Making us prey...so we must pray.
Thank you again.
@@drebenjamin9564 So sorry about the trouble that is happening in your community. We [are] living in trying times. I was raised in a family who is spiritual [Christian] and if it were not for this [I do believe I would have lost my mind [much worse than I am doing now]. I am doing my best to trust God [YAH] through thick and thin, but life [is] easier for some people than others. YAH [God] bless you and yours.
Ya sure
Me too, 26yrs and I am done. If I don't get out I believe I will die
Yes, pornography destroys a relationship in several ways & desensitization of intimacy. Another betrayal trauma is not being there for someone who needed you at a hard time.
You might be a very unpleasant person to be with, and instead of playing victim, Ask why someone who was with you preferred a screen? Sometimes the hard answer is the needed truth.
HOW EVER PORNOGRAPHY BETRAYAL TRAUMA COULD BE LIGHTENED WITH THE REALIZATION THAT NOT ONE OF US CAN SAY THAT A COMPUTER HAS EVER GIVEN US AN STD ***
🙃
@@jay-by1se Just as apt NOT TO BE AN UNPLEASANT PERSON...Dodging behind a computer to meet your needs is NOT NORMAL...
@@jay-by1seWhy do you look at women and pretend to have sex with them if you're not interested in having sex with women? And how does it help you have sex with them if that IS what you really want?
@@jay-by1seOr they just aren’t there when you need them. Like right now for a death I am experiencing I am getting nothing. Not something I did.
I definitely had this for years and still struggle at times, especially if i don't stay busy. My former husband just got up an abandoned me after 26 years. Till this day i don't even know why!. Still single 6 years later. The betrayal has been unbearable. Than the loss of my sister and friends gave me trauma. All the grief about ruined me. If it wasn't for God.. i would have never made it.
I really feel for you
My Husband Just done the same thing to me. I can Honestly say I haven't been half of who I was before he left.
.....BUT GOD!! 🙏
I'm sorry that you went through this. I'm working on a teaching series for women trying to find a man of integrity. It should be coming out in the next couple months.
@@DrDougWeissthat’s great!! Need to find that
When you are betrayed by your own mother you kind of shut down and know you are on your own. That feeling is still pretty much imbedded, at 70
Betrayal by mother. Betrayal by my husband for 27 years. Betrayal by my daughter. I'm a mess. Being alone is my only safe place. Sleep aid medication with anxiety medication is my only rest.
I can't enjoy anything I loved to do before. I miss doctor appointments, hair appt, not leaving my room is all I want to do. I can not have TV on for long, it interrupts the quiet with noise. I startle with any movement. So much in these 14 years after divorce. My daughter is gone.
I would call the number, but then I'm afraid to.
Why?😢
Yeah it’s a soul crushing feeling at 26 I know I have long way ahead. Hopefully something puts me out of my misery before 70. I’m sorry I’m just being very honest. I’m sorry you’ve been carrying that pain for that long. Virtual tight hugs* 🫂
@@ingodwetrust5363I can relate. There are better days ahead. One day at a time 💜💜💜
It's been 5.5 years, but it still feels like yesterday. 20 years wasted. Trust = Faith. Never making that mistake again.
I'm so sorry that you went through this. The trauma from betrayal is real. If you need help moving forward, a Partner Betrayal Trauma Therapist could be incredibly helpful.
If there isn't one in your area, Heart to Heart Counseling Center has virtual sessions available with a Partner Betrayal Trauma Therapist. Their phone number is 719-278-3708.
I hear you
I was married for 27 years and she threw me away like trash, took me eight months to get on the other side of the hill
Wow only 8 months?!?! Lucky!!!
Whoever falls in loved first loose. Take care of yourself out there.
How do you cope? I'm getting tired of living like this and don't know how much more of this pain I can take.
Edit: After almost 5 years together, and years of constantly being lied to, breadcrumbed, gaslit, and given empty promises to change, I finally left. To anyone who sees my comment, sometimes staying when nothing changes does more damage to your mental than anything else
Neither can I
I am in the married and alone category It's been 22 years of his anger, ignoring me, .Me feeling so depressed. I actually went to a Divorce lawyer on Thursday.. Today is Sunday. Are we suppose to keep trying to fix this? These people that do this to others do not have any empathy and will never change. Am I suppose to stay here at age 66 and continue in misery until I die???
@@BedfordFalls7same here, married 42 years. My husbands been looking at porn most of those years. I can't afford to live on my own or i would have left many years ago.
@@robynmarsh1358..in exact same. 16 yrs, switch day after wedding day! Confused and disoriented, then counsel says be good wife, keep mouth shut...PRAY.
Well I'm praying.. still😢
@@juneo7my husband changed on our honeymoon. He is a senior pastor of a large church. If he can betray me……..who can be trusted?
So painful. I feel for you, too.
I went through 2 long term relationships which both ended in emotional betrayal, e.g. they were both lying, cheating and leading double lives. It took me a long time to come to terms with the trauma and cognition dissonance. Today, I prefer to be by myself as I feel I can't trust myself to pick another partner! Therefore, I am happy to be by myself.
Ditto. I'm actually having a wonderful life single.
I'm there. Can't trust myself to choose another partner. I'm finally happy alone with no one yelling at me, but I need help & can't afford to pay for it on small soc. security budget
Same. Although I struggle to find myself and to feel joy again.
@@sheri4987 The passage of more time could change that. You could feel happy again.
I'm sorry that you experienced this and what you have struggled through. As you move forward, it is best to have support and encouragement for yourself, you don't have to be alone in this. At Heart To Heart Counseling Center, we have partner betrayal trauma therapists that we can get you set up with to help you on your journey. Call us at 719-278-3708 and we can get you started and inform you about our helpful materials too.
We also have a Partners Facebook group you can join as well.
facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/
It is utterly exhausting to be in a relationship where you always have to wonder who/ what you're competing with, if your partner is being honest, faithful or if he's interested. Always Wondering when it's okay to feel safe again , and if you actually are, or when it will happen again. It's like a darkness that hangs over your shoulder, waiting to reappear & making you question your own self worth all along. Never know if it's me he's thinking about, or someone else, wishing for something/ someone different. The trauma and pain just don't end, especially when they don't admit what happened was wrong.
I'm sorry to hear to you have been through this. You might find the DVDs "Unstuck" and "I Need To Feel Safe" helpful regarding this matter. You can also call us at 719-278-3708 and we can get you with a partner betrayal trauma therapist.
www.drdougweiss.com/product/unstuck-dvd/
www.drdougweiss.com/product/i-need-to-feel-safe-dvd/
It's very interesting how simply changing the "he's" to "she's" in your comment makes a completely new, yet relatable experience from a males perspective. I agree...it is very exhausting.
So comforting to know someone else is thinking just like I am. Turn to Jesus is my only answer.
Or worse than them NOT admitting fault, is blaming you/me, for
E-V-E-R-Y thing.
I would be interested in connecting with your team for therapy. I was not familiar with betrayal trauma but I definitely believe that’s what I’ve experienced.
The paranoia is the worse part. I always tell my friends and family that if my wife cut me physically that everyone would understand because they can see the wound. But, I because internal, no one can see how bruised or emotionally cut that I am.
I'm sorry that you've been going through all of this. If there's anything my team can do for you, please give my office a call at 719-278-3708
Be thankful that you learned a lesson. It was one you NEEDED to learn. If not than you wouldn't have allowed yourself in a situation with a person that you subconsciously knew was untrustworthy. The courageous adult inside of you made sure that the naive child was forced to wake up! Too many men are going through this in their 30',s, 40's 50's.. when it is something we should have discovered, absorbed and dealt with in teens and early 20's. Going much later into life still stuck in a form of fantasy about how relationships between people are. Then when suddenly jolted into realism it feels universe shattering. That's because it is! Your whole life was structured around a fairytale. It takes time and you will never be the same again. But you will recover. And if you educate yourself and put real energy into it you can become a complete master over people. The ones who are still asleep and unseeing. You become a mind reader. And can advance your status easily. It is sorta fun! To learn and practice different strategies interacting with people. The part about it all I am most uncomfortable about is the feeling of lost goodness I had. I used to feel like a more pure at heart good person. But I have to keep reminding myself. Ignorance can never be mistaken for goodness. Goodness was there before and it will stay now. As long as I do not let my pain and newly aquired insights to let me ever get greedy or selfish.
@@debra1109The not knowing is the hardest thing to deal with, mine cheated twice I put the ist one down to a mistake the second was a habit!!!
get a man.
I say this about my mother..
May god help us heal.
Really hits home. I experienced all of this. The trauma occurred in 1998 and in 2023 it's still with me.
Please get help, you don't deserve to live with this. I know that kind of devastation, and I know that the people that usually get hit like that are the ones who least deserve it.
Same here! 1998 my whole existence changed forever. I'm not the same human being that I was.
I'm sorry that you've experienced this. The brain balancing discussed in this video and/or therapy with a partner betrayal trauma therapist could help jumpstart your healing in this area.
It never leaves. Lots of triggers. Nevs mom.
I experienced extreme trauma when I found out my husband at the time was molesting my two daughters. The year was 1986 and I also am still impacted tremendously in 2024.
I went through all of that over and over. Been alone for 18 yrs and love it. It caused me diseases, and trust issues. I'm happy living alone, enjoying friends and family.
That's where I'm at. Alone but not lonely😁
When I first went to therapy he said he was afraid I would never get involved with another man. He was right for the most part. I did get engaged at one point after years of not dating. I am now alone, but not lonely and couldn't be happier.
Feels good doesn't it?
Actually I am happy being by myself 😊….not lonely. No expectations of anyone. I think that’s as light as a feather 😁😁😁that’s me
Cheaper to keep her is why I stayed when I caught my wife cheating. We never reconciled & with the youngest soon graduating college she is getting divorce papers.
If we haven’t experienced betrayal before we certainly all are since 2020. This is the biggest wake up call for us all. We’ve had personal betrayal but also learning our governments have betrayed us all too. I still feel like I’m in an abusive relationship everyday I step out my door !
You were protected by your gov but you’re free to carry on with your fact free existence.
Boom 💯
Haha the fact someone even wrote your gov loves you and protects you is the saddest display of delusion I’ve ever witnessed. No time In history (facts) have those words been uttered and been true. Keep being betrayed and deluded.
Whats marketed as personal betrayal? Do you think and act like humans are the humans from fiction? Often?
Facts
Over fifty years I've lived in trauma - from childhood to marriage. I've never been safe.
I feel for you. Stay strong
Same here
I"m so sorry that you've been through this. I too have experienced childhood trauma. It is possible to overcome. Therapeutic intervention can be helpful. If my office can be of any help, please call at 719-278-3708.
@Hebrews111 So very sorry about your life's experiences. 💔💔
Safety comes living alone with a good security system...new locks...a camera on the gate.. and window locks. Safety brings a feeling of security.
I think the worst part is when your husband falls in love with someone else and you know it. This has happened to me twice and in between was all the porn. It’s devestating when you lay in bed all alone knowing your husband is in the other room jacking off to porn. I’ll never trust him again. Our relationship is destroyed and I don’t care anymore. We’ve been married over 40 years and I’d say that over 35 of them shouldn’t have been lived together.
I'm sorry that you are going through this. Your pain and trauma from this betrayal is real. If he is willing, we do offer sex addiction counseling and a lot of our resources can be found on sexaddict.com. However, I would suggest focusing on getting healing and support for yourself. You can call us at 719-278-3708 and we can get you booked with one of our partner betrayal trauma therapists for individual counseling. We also have a Partners Facebook group you can join for support as well. You are not alone in this.
facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/
😢❤
Receive my hug 🫂 and blessings from God.
You need to understand and embrace that it's not about you. With some people one pair of hands clapping is never enough.
My bf lied about not having kids, found out he has 3. He said "it's my past, get over it" I felt betrayed by his lies. He said he didn't watch porn..lied.."I'll never do it again".. Lies. Did it again. Lies about calling his old boss. Dude it's in your phone I feel so betrayed n don't trust him at all..He Randomly called a girl and said "don't ever ignore me, and then what's up babygirl" he says he didn't know the person. He said he was bored. I constantly feel anxious n depressed near him thinking of it. On top of it he hit me before, pushed me to the ground, threatened to throw me down the stairs, insults me. I'm so broken. But I choose to stay.
I was betrayed by my partner back in 1989 and have not had a serious relationship since then. I'm now 63 and am still not willing to let myself be vulnerable ever again. I am totally alone and probably always will be.
I'm sorry you've had to experience this. I do have a video about moving forward. You can watch it here: www.drdougweiss.com/product/moving-forward-video-download/
I do want to encourage you that there are men who are worthy of your trust. I'm working on a series about finding a man of integrity because many women in your situation need guidance on this.
Why punish urself over him? Do u not love urself enough to notice u deserve to not be angry and be loved and careeses by another man? WOW wat a waste of life
God can still give you someone good
I am still married but only friends. Better that way. Been alone all my life should be used to it. Not.
@@lilsamantha1easier said then done. I can relate. My husband left me for a family
Member. We were together for 23 years, had a home two daughters… I’ve never recovered. I’ve worked hard to, and I’m better, and I’ve tried to love again, I just physically can’t do it that part of me died.
Omg. 25 years married and now divorced. You are saying 1000% exactly spot on. It's the most awful state to be left in.
Same situation for me! 25 years!
Big hugs sister and may your life from now on be filled with love and happiness 🍁
Divorced after 35 yrs and during CoVid. Took 3 years but with a lot of coaching, and grief work and Personality disorder as in Narcissistic abuse… thanks to Dr. Ramani, her healing group changed my life.
13 months later I struck a friendship with a lady in a similar situation. We became friends, then best friends & one day I realized I love this woman. We were married in 2017 & I love her as much or more today as I did in 2017. I love just hanging out & being with her. I have a good relationship with my children & Angela's children. Life has never been so good. Dont ever give-up. There is a person for you out there. While no one is perfect, find someone who allows you to be 100% yourself & loves you in spite of it lol! We have an amazing sex life. We share 100% and never lie to each other as we have no reason to. We dont judge & love unconditionally.
@katinadraper3506
So sorry to hear. Don't give-up.
👍
❤️ ❤
Until she bangs your friend…. Or hers lol
@@Rileyedhes giving you hope, it’s not bragging hes saying there’s someone out there for you! You need to believe :)
Your description is exactly how I described it to people. I was walking in a beautiful meadow: the birds are singing, everything is fine, it’s a sunny day. I’m enjoying all the sensations of this beautiful world around me, then a Mack-truck comes out of nowhere and hits me.
Exactly!!
Same here.
Within seconds, my “rose colored glasses” were ripped off my face and smashed into the ground.
Seconds.
😂
I'm just seeing this a few months after definitely finding out my husband committed adultery. I have gone thru ALL of these emotions and actions. Husband is denying he was unfaithful but I look at actions and I already knew he would lie. To tell the truth, I was given dreams several years ago that he has been doing this. Most High, help me and all partners that have dealt and going thru partner betrayal👐
how did you find out
I'm sorry you're going through this. I have a video for men and women in your situation called "after infidelity" it's a therapeutic teaching on the subject of infidelity: www.drdougweiss.com/product/after-infidelity-video-download/
Whoa! Going through all of this only with my family. As a single mom I got a diagnosis of cancer and moved in with my parents because of invasive treatments only to find out in the process that my family really doesn't care if I live or die and doesn't care about my son. This type of abandonment and betrayal in a severe situation like that really hits you in a million different ways.
Keep faith. Jesus Christ really does love and care about you and your son. You don’t need phony people around you. You will find a new family who really cares. There are plenty of good people left in the world! Always remember 🙏🏼🙂🙏🏼
@@jamianjacobs5898 Thank you dear for the sweet words, means a lot ♥️♥️
Your pain and trauma from this betrayal is real. If you'd like, you contact call our office at 719-278-3708 and get booked with one of our therapists.
@TheHelenhunter So sorry about your illness and the carelessness of your family in relation to the needs of you and your son. May YAH [God] find compassion and mercy on you- and help you- in your health and for you and your son. So sorry. 💔💔
That sounds very, very sad.
I was 'raised' by a narcissistic mother who to this day deliberately tries to hurt me though no longer has the power (I am 68). This is another huge form of betrayal - not being able to trust someone you instinctively should trust. Now, unfortunately, when I see it in any other family member (and it does live on), inside I shut down toward them and genuinely don't like being around them. If I see any of the patterns that I know so well, I am simply unable to FEEL compassion (though I easily feel it for genuine people) even when compassion is the normal response to something horrible in their life like cancer if they are exhibiting narcissism at the same time. I seem to shut down to all but people that I perceive as authentic. I don't like it, but I am really repulsed.
Thank you for this added aspect!! I kept wondering what's wrong with me when I don't feel empathy for some people but feel it very strongly with others! You helped me see why! ❤
Oh, I get it! It is just an awful game. Demonic, in fact.
Me too with replaced with fake people!
I never breathed easy in my entire life until my narcissist mother died at age 74. I was always holding my breath for the next time she'd get into a "mood" (even though I lived 1,000 miles away) & trigger some catastrophe - like the time she wasn't satisfied with the box of presents I sent her for Xmas (not realizing that the fat check I also sent got delayed until after Xmas). When I called her to wish her Merry Xmas, she called out every single present I'd sent to disparage it as "insulting" or "pathetic," then went on a diatribe of how she'd never been able to love me because I was lacking (in unspecified ways). I had been the perfect child, with straight As, totally obedient, no rebellion, married a great & successful guy, etc. The scars live forever, though.
Awe man, I’m with you on the whole radar aspect, like I can smell crazy/dysfunctional/narcissistic/toxic a mile away. The warning lights and sirens go off in my head, and I will take major steps to avoid contact with the prospective “offender.” I have serious boundaries now.
Demonic - yup, 100%, no joke. And with that in mind, I try to make my adverse experiences meaningful, because now I know from whom to distance myself. I jokingly call it my “Spidey Sense,” but for real it’s a spiritual thing, serious good vs demonic. Humans are just pawns in this game that goes back to pre-Adam.
HOLY CRAP....THIS IS EVERYTHING I'M DEALING WITH. I feel like I'm going crazy. I don't know what is a lie or truth anymore. I can't sleep, going through mania, shaking....everything in this video is my life. I don't even know who I am anymore
God got me through the betrayal honey many times in long ," meaningful" relationships.. God is a firm foundation he will make you secure so that it won't wreck you. But you'd have to talk to mature Godly people!
Your trauma from this neglect is real. You would do well to start your healing from this trauma. You can call us at 719-278-3708 to get scheduled with a coach/counselor.
We also have a Married & Alone phone group and Facebook group you can join for support. You are not alone in this.
www.drdougweiss.com/married-and-alone-group/
facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/
@@omarflores1yup the one who suffers they knw the actual hurt n pain 😢😢😢😢
Same here, the video described me 😢😢, any help on how to heal will be appreciated 🙏
It’s the lies that do the most damage in my opinion
Just come clean and be honest and a gray deal of healing can come from that place of honesty.
It’s like some powerful force has a hold of their soul and will not allow them to be fully transparent. Ugh
This is one of the most destructive experiences a person can have emotionally and mentally, and it often creates a life long insecurity and battle to overcome the effects. It's a wonder this isn't spoken about more often considering how common and how destructive it is.
I fixed my future by never trusting anyone again. Single and I wouldn't have it any other way. It's great getting a good night's rest.
I am 43 and I have had betrayal trauma my entire life from the toddler years from almost all my family members and significant other.I don't know if there is one person I truly trust in my life. Maybe the little ones because we all know how honest they can be❤.
Yea 2 days ago a kid told me I got fatter since last time I saw him
Wait no that was his grandfather he just agreed lol 😂
I only weight 135 lbs but yea I guess I put on 20 lbs 😒
I’m 43 too that fat don’t burn itself anymore now does it
True
@jaclyngreen416 So sorry that you were so abused by your own family [parent/s] and a significant other. Please accept my words of [the empathy/sympathy I am trying to convey] of which very few are coming to mind right now. Please don't allow this pain- agony- and torture to cause you to reject the love that God [YAH has for you. So [very] sorry about your loss.
I wonder how many people feel like this ....
Here's the thing...
He provided me with what I needed, so desperately.
When he abandoned and betrayed me,
he raped my soul. He left me, and replaced me for another.
In exactly three days, it'll be exactly seven months since he did so...
And I still can't cope. Can't heal. Can't breathe.
My soul is raped. Rage and grief rape and consume me.
He was my "best friend". We spoke every day.
He was the only friend I had. What he did, was soul rape.
I am tortured and tormented and bereaved, inside.
My heart is in so much pain, it physically hurts.
You can get through this! YOU CAN! I know it hurts. I know you're lost and alone, in the dark. But you can get through this, and you will! Do me a favor: PRAY. Pray like you've never prayed before! Get on your knees and pray to The Most High! Tell him everything that happened, everything you feel, all of your fears. Let it out! Do this as many times as you want and need. Ask for guidance, ask for deliverance, ask for blessings, ask for restoration, ask for triumph, ask for abundance!
Between prayers, write it out! Journal! Take a piece of paper, a napkin, an email to yourself, whatever works and write it out! You have to get it all out!
Then, start to take care of yourself! Stop eating junk food. Try and drink more water. Eat as many fruits and veggies as possible. Drink herbal teas with raw honey.
Then, start to move! Start by stretching and yoga poses. Walk more. Then start to exercise.
Treat yourself to a home facial mask. Start to take care of your hair. If you can, buy yourself some new everyday clothes.
Next, purge your space. Throw away things that you don't need. Clear and cleanse. Continually.
All the while, keep praying and seeking guidance
If you do these things over the next 6 months or so, you will be on your way to healing. You have to purge all of the sorrow, broken promises, betrayals, lies, soul ties ... everything. So you can make room for you and God.
You will be well. Just remember this is your life lesson: place your trust in God, not man (or woman).
Be well, Sis 🙏🏿❤️
I'm so sorry you've been through this. If there's anything my team can do to support you, please give my office a call at 719-278-3708.
I feel as if mine is shattering my soul he won't won't allow me to stop hoping he'll ever want me. I am just too freaking wak and exhausted after this sorta of trauma being literally the only affection I've known from anyone in.my entire m life. God when will someone love Me not the idea., or my potential.... me want me and not try to fix me. For I also have asbergers. I've always been different give so much of my self that my very being is indebted and never found anyone but my children to love me. My biggest blessings and the reason I wa ok e up but this still so many gouges waged in my soul you van never make out who I am.
Why?
I am just over 1 week no contact. She was my best friend of 17 years. It is incomprehensible the deceit I've lived through. Ii'm stuck replaying it over, and over, and over.
I AGREE WITH SOME OF WHAT YOU ARE SAYING
ONCE THE PERSON WHO HAS BEEN BETRAYED ACCEPT WHAT HAS HAPPENED AND SLOWLY START LOOKING AT THEMSELF AND LIFE IN A DIFFERENT MANNER
AND IF THEY HAVE AN RELATIONSHIP WITH "GOD"
THEY LEAN AND DEPEND ON "HIM" TO LEAD AND GUIDE THEM THROUGH THIS MESS!!!
This is so accurate... Words cannot describe how bad betrayal trauma is
I was betrayed and abused by a boyfriend 35ys ago and have suffered from PTSD every sense. 😔
You forgot parental betrayal. When they promise if you help them financially, they won't allow the abuser to come back....but then they do and now you're stuck supporting the abuser and it's all made to seem normal because "you're helping out the family."
Get a book on setting boundaries. One with a work book.
"Your fear center hijacks your normal functioning" - absolutely accurate! Thanks for helping me recognize what's been going on. I've been working to recover from family betrayal for several years and I'm functioning much better now but it's still a challenge. Mindfulness work has been a big help, remembering my life is much different and counting the many blessings in my present life situation on a daily basis has brought me a long way on the road to healing.
I'm glad that you found some of the information from the video helpful. If you need support in dealing with your family betrayal, you can contact our office at 719-278-3708, and my team can book you with one of our therapists to help expedite the healing process.
After being in a romantic relationship with a narcissistic psychopath, these videos on UA-cam are right. Too bad help isn’t financially feasible for everyone. I’ve been stuck in the numb, isolating, no energy and definitely not myself for about 3 years. No trauma specialists nearby, no insurance and due to fatigue and depression- able to work just enough to survive.
I'm sorry to hear of the financial difficulties that you have and the partner betrayal trauma that you're facing. Even with limited finances, it is still possible to get help and healing for yourself.
You can check and see if there is a support group in your community to join to receive encouragement and support from or consider joining one of the Partners Facebook groups that Heart To Heart Counseling Center offers for free:
facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/
facebook.com/groups/divorcedpartnersofsa
You can check out more of our videos on Partner Betrayal Trauma that have some excellent tips that you can utilize: ua-cam.com/play/PLoQAJVqvxAfjgl9SSfc4M6JBr97Nfx8yV.html
We can also get you booked to do a session with a partner betrayal trauma therapist to assist you if you're interested by calling us at 719-278-3708.
Lastly, the Partner Betrayal Trauma book and workbook are good resources that help to validate what you have gone through and provide a path towards healing:
www.drdougweiss.com/product/partner-betrayal-trauma-workbook-ebook/
www.drdougweiss.com/product/partner-betrayal-trauma-workbook-ebook/
I was on a 20 year marriage to a woman whom did not love me. She acted as if she did until our children were born, then no sex and she just got more & more distant. I never changed. I still havent, other than maturing & slowing down some. She filed for divorce and she did me the best favor anyone ever has. I wanted to be close to my children, but they were almost grown. I was heartbroken, as I gave my family all I could & worked like a dog to provide.
Your a good man! Jehova God sees this. He sees all and all will be revealed on the day of his kingdom
It's heartbreaking to experience this type of betrayal trauma within a relationship. If you interested, you can call us at 719-278-3708 and we can get you booked with one of our partner betrayal trauma therapists to help you process this and find healing in moving forward.
@DrDougWeiss
Thank you very much. Time heals all I suppose. I can honestly say I was miserable for 10 months or a little more.I felt betrayed & lost.
I met my current wife in March 2016. We became best friends, fell in love, & were married in Nov 2017. Life is amazing. I did not realize how bad a situation I was in until I was shown love & respect from Angela. My children & Grand kids are great & doing very well. My ex was remarried, but that dissolved a few years later as they divorced. I just would like her to find her own happiness, not that I don't still have some resentment buried because I do. But Angie & I have so much fun just living our lives I do not think of it often anymore & have forgiven her in my heart. I just will never forget & learned much about what I will & will not accept.
Thank you again.
Mine swears he loves me but I keel trying to say that he not "IN" love with me. If he was why would the weight I put on during pregnancy matterhe says he's just not turned on hybthe extra flab. He said the same thing before I got pregnant. I'm not a tooth pic but he always has an excuse for the lack of intimacy let's slipp while tpay that he doesn't still want to love his ex and also when there is sex he always as ys initiates its always doggy and ohnuesh he thanks me sfter words everything sometimes also explaining that he didn't want just get off sorry he was so quick I just gave birth to his son in Jan this year ŕim feel like I'm disintegrating from the inside out
This is how I shut down with my ex narcissistic partner. I hope you find your way out. I see 5yrs together 5 years healing.
What about being betrayed by your parent(s) in childhood when your brain is still developing? How do you ever make up for that later in life?
Exactly! I'd also like to know.
Trauma permently affects us and changes us but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a good and healthy relationships!!! First you must do the work to look at your past and what to see as unhealthy and not want to be with those types of people. It takes so much time!
Ex mother is a toxic narcissist and doesn't even know what that means when one brings it to her attention. Notice that I said "ex" Yeah, no contact is best
@@Lexis001 no contact
Inner child work
I caught my husband in a motel room with a woman. The hardest part was the feeling of death, that he died but was still alive and walking. he tried to hand money to me at one point and as I looked at him I thought in my mind I will say... and when I opened my mouth all I could do was scream. this was 35 years ago. I have gotten over it and have a good marriage, to the same man. Prayer saved me. Thank God!!
Prayer just gets you outta anything huh? Good to know
Yes! The feeling of death. He will never be the person I believed him once to be. Not to say I can’t love this new version. But he’ll never be the same in my eyes. That man is dead
This terrifies me. I'm lucky to have seen my betrayals unfold over the course of years in my family; a sudden betrayal would turn me into either Batman or Joker. I can already feel them lurking beneath my social mask, almost as if they are one and the same warlike entity.
The betrayal of being married to an addict/alcoholic/liar...explains it to the "T" - trauma. The physical pain is literally unbearable...but THEY are the one who has been betrayed, right? You didnt respond correctly to their lie exposed, etc. Thank you for this! ❤
Its though you took the words out of my mouth.
Its ALWAYS my fault😢
I've ALWAYS responded to the confessions of his lies with as much grace as I could... thinking that I don't want to add to HIS trauma. Has anything ever changed for good, despite him promising change? Nope.
Don’t forget the parents who are alienated. The many times that betrayal happens goes on for years and years, with each person in your life.
Yes. My spouse, my kids and even siblings betrayed me. Every lawyer and judge too. Been 10 years
It's too big for any person. We were broken in relationships. And need to heal in relationships with safe people. I have no one.
@@recoveringsoul755 , you still have the only person who was ever true; you still have YOU! YOU ARE ENOUGH! ✨💖✨🕊🌻
@recoveringsoul755 ❤ from my heart to yours.
@@blue_moon6490 In My case that's not true. I find motivation in serving other people. Turns out I'm not too good at taking care of myself. I need to be in community. Even if they're not related. Solitary confinement sucks after awhile, even if I am an introvert
@@recoveringsoul755 , we all find motivation in serving others. I did not say to be a hermit. However, you must be discerning. Humans must socialize, that is a fact. My statement was more about who you can depend on, who to put total trust in, until you heal enough to be able to understand what attracts the types of people you do not want (abusers) in your life. I wish you the best. 🕊🙏🌻
Im 67yrs old and the betryal started in early childhood. It has affected me all my life. I only became aware of what my life was all about 4 yrs. Ago. I thought i was normal all those years, and now its like a freight train has finally run me over. The golden years of retirement was started red. Good news, i understand me and now am getting help. Don't give up on yourself. Life is still full of blessings. .
I am 75 been thru a lot. God told me today to look to Him.❤️
❤❤
i took care of my mom while she was sick and dying, left my kids for a couple of months and lost my job, moved back home to do so, my brother was useless as he is very much an active alcoholic, my mother kept saying “please stay in touch with your brother, and “i need to call my lawyer and make changes, and “you’re going to be mad” at the time i really didn’t think about what she was saying at all, i just told her, “don’t worry about any of that, you need to get well”. i found out after she’d died she left everything to my brother in the will. i’m broke at 57 and working a shit job while he inherited everything, like he’s set for life. i’ve gotten a college degree, raised five kids, became a widow and not drank since 1997, he’s done nothing, kid from a one night stand who we “had to” keep a secret for years and lived off my parent’s handouts, that whole time while my mom was so ill, he’d sit on the patio and drink into a babbling stupor and smoke nonstop, the last thing i heard my mother say to him was “you smell disgusting”, she told me she loved me so much, she died the next day. i’m so so hurt.
Thank you. I've been dealing with different forms of trauma since childhood. My dad was a narcissist, I figured this out by watching multiple videos about narcissism, and my ex wife. It's always good to find more information about what's going on with myself. I do not wish this upon anyone. No one should ever have to experience it.
Agreed!
Same here. My childhood was a collection of horrors...we moved constantly because they were one step ahead of children's services. I had no stability, no friends...I had to become autodidactic, because I attended eight schools in nine years in three different states. All the time being beaten, tortured and molested. Complex trauma, complex ptsd...my sadistic father threw me out into the streets at 15. I've been on my own since 15...and yes, it was rough. Brutal.
It’s interesting. I had a narcissist mother and then my 1st husband was also a narcissist. I don’t learn about it just recently but both of them literally fit the full criteria 😢😂 I have to constantly check myself that I’m not being people pleasing and that I’m not being clingy or co dependent because that was the impact it had on me but I’m trying to heal. Good luck to you too on your healing journey from your own personal trauma
All praise to Jesus Who's unfailing love has healed all the broken places in my soul after years of toxic relationships and deep betrayal.
Betrayed at 19 by the only person i ever loved. I was just getting our life started, full of hope and actually happy, then she left me for some guy she was cheating with. She told me "you're the best boyfriend I've ever had, but i need to be with more guys to make sure you're the one" 💔 never bounced back, and I'm 32 now. So much has happened, but long story short... I hate myself, my life, people, the world... pretty much everything but kids, animals, and God. I'm angry at myself and don't trust myself either. I've done drugs, achohol, porn, etc. Which I never thought I'd do. I tried to kill myself but failed because I was too afraid. All started from Betrayal... if only I listened to God and waited till marriage
What you have experienced is indeed a significant betrayal. I'm sad to hear that you have struggled with these things in your life. The pain and trauma you are experiencing are valid. It would be best not to isolate yourself but to get healing and support. If you need to, you can get with a therapist locally or you can call Heart To Heart Counseling Center at 719-278-3708 and we can book you with one of our therapists who can help you deal with the trauma and work through other issues. You are not alone in this.
Damn bud-I had a very similar girlfriend and that’s a very familiar story. People are very flawed and incapable of the more perfect you have sought. I’m married with kids and fully aware that my wife could drop me in a minute’s thought. The sooner you come to accept this, the sooner you can move on. Only God can love you unconditionally.
Yeah I know if only we listened to God!! 😭 He's so wise. Slowly little by little I was led astray only for him to betray in the worst way. Please don't hurt yourself more your already hurt. I'm sorry 😞 It's beautiful your love was so strong it carried on all this time none of that's gonna help. Bible prayer fasting find a good church volunteer draw near to God in these ways forgive her and forgive yourself and know how perfect you are in Christ. I know it sucks but we gotta keep going your not alone.
I am exactly into this mode because of Narc Abuse & Betrayal. And it's been 6 years, I don't want to be in a relationship ever again!!! That's how bad it hit me. I even isolated from the world.
I feel you
Same, it’s been two years
@@danbaker7640 Its so sad, cause I learned that this is the Narc's whole mission (or one of it) for you to never be in a a Relationship again, so they win if we withdraw, but I am soooo broken, I don't care. I won by leaving him without a trace, after 6 yrs he stil don't have a clue where I am.
Mine left me for someone else and is getting married, she knows exactly what she is doing and acts like she can't distinguish between what is right and what is wrong. It is a cold thing to do to someone, especially after you explain your pain to them and they continue the terrible behavior and never taking accountability. Is a "sorry I hurt you so much" that hard to say ? But there's something about those tables, they always turn and karma does not discriminate. I just told her that that there will be a day where that fails and she will wish I still cared, the unfortunate thing is......I will.@@lindiebez1
@@lindiebez1They don't completely win because they don't have you around as narcissistic supply anymore.
I have dealt with homelessness in youth, drug addiction, and losing friends to self harm. Nothing destroyed me like what my wife did. Having two children with me, only to cheat on me and abandon us all and moved 1500 miles away. Here we are all now in therapy and she was with her new one true love in a week, maybe before she left, who knows, all I know is I have to be strong for these kids. They are only 5 and 7. I am 32, I can take a hit, these kids got the Mack truck too though, and now I have to figure out how to put their pieces together while I’m still picking up my own, whose piece is which, wait no that’s not your piece that’s my piece, okay this piece belongs to my son here ya go, okay this piece is my daughters. It’s the biggest challenge I have ever faced, but I can face it. I have to.
Yes, you can, Brian. Trust me, the love for your children will keep you afloat and you will overcome this pain. For 2 years, I was a wreck, only having energy for my children. Hugging them reminded me of my purpose. It took me a few more years to fully recover. So, hang in there, my friend. Seek help when you need. You will be rewarded.
I have a similar story. My wife left me after 20 yr marriage n 3 children. She told me she didnt love me anymore and I spent to much time with the children
WTF? It crushed the me ! It almost ruined me. My heart was shattered. I went thru hell but in the end it really was a catalyst for me living my best life. All the misery I went thru looking back was because of my lack of acceptance. Truth is we really dont know people AND we dont know ourselves like we think we do. But when we do the inner work a whole new world emerges ! Its living in a new and better reality. I kno it's hard work brother but if u start that healing journey when u get to the other side u will be a new man stronger and wiser. I will tell u 2 truths I learned. 1. All the suffering I have been thru was at my own hand. and 2. Nothing and I mean Nothing happens in this life to you, it all happens for you ! U can become the best version of yourself thru this, better than u could have ever imagined. These events happen to WAKE us up ! I used to think I knew who I was lol I had no idea. Untill I embraced life as it is, without my constant approval or disagreement. I became free in a way I never thought possible. I send u Strength, Blessings, Peace and Love brother. ( ps that relationship with ur ex and her new love, it wont last) just focus on you and ur children. U will get thru this and be so much better for it
❤
You will all laugh again one day
Bless you on your journey, you’ve got this 🙏🏻🌻 sending strength & love, may you find all support needed xx
My very own closest Family... betrayed me in the past and literally threw me to the wolves.. As a result .. today I trust no one however good & noble their intentions may seem, it's really sad, as now this attitude is hurting me a lot 😮😮
Thank you for doing this work. I was betrayed 18 years ago and we went to couples counseling and the counselor blamed me for my spouse actions. I felt re-traumatized Finding the right help is so important. I am no longer in victim mentality and have done a lot of work to get healthy but my systems were overwhelmed and I was a parent to 4 children
Yes, I've found that the blame shifting can be totally retraumatizing! To be real no human is perfect enough to avoid betrayal including those who blame the betrayed. As a Christian, I note that even Christ was betrayed, despised and rejected. It wasn't his fault those people couldn't be faithful and He really didn't worry about appeasing them.
I completely shut down. I go right to bed after work, in the guest room, and do everything I can to stop thinking about it. I’m empty and worn out. I don’t have energy to leave, or get out of that guest room. I was using sleep as a way to cope but now I have nightmares. There’s no escape from this feeling. This is my life now, and I hate it so much. I don’t live, I exist and can’t wait until it’s all over. I’m not worth anything.
Your pain and trauma from what you have experienced are valid. However, you don't have to continue to live like this. You don't have to go through this alone. Now would be the best time to get healing, support, and encouragement for yourself. You can consider local counseling or you can call Heart To Heart Counseling Center at 719-278-3708 and get booked with one of our therapists to help you process what's going on and help you move forward.
You can also ask about our brain balancing technology which has been known to help people struggling with trauma, depression, anxiety, and other issues.
Is the counseling free ?
@@aaliyahxxll While we do not have any free counseling services, we do offer Facebook support groups that are free. For questions regarding our counseling services prices, please call Heart To Heart Counseling Center at 719-278-3708.
🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Boy, this guy knows what he’s talking about. I had every symptom he is talking about, two and a half years on , it gets better. You can get through.
Thank you for sharing, Jason.
All of this is true!
The good news is we can heal. I have healed! And I am living a fulfilling life.
Thank you for sharing, Sasha! This is such a great encouragement for others going through this.
That's exactly what my 25 year marriage was like. He was traumatized also so I kept thinking if I showed him I was worthy of his love he would come around. Just the opposite. He got tired of me asking for more of him than he was able to give. I got really sick and fell and was unable to barely walk. That did it. My Dr. told him he would need to step up for me. Nope, we divorced.
You are so helpful in validating all of us thank you. I was betrayed by my ex husband he cheated on me with my sister we were married 20 yrs I've been divorced 20 yrs done therapy and this still messes with my ability to trust
It destroys from the inside out. Constant uneasiness and stress is what you feel every day. Everything that the Doctor mentioned in this video,as an effect, is absolute fact.
Thank you ,absolutely true. Being raised by a narcisstic mother and married for decades with a narcissist ,cptsd and so sick for years. Working still on my healing.
Yep, crushed and shutdown. I'd rather be by myself than live through that again.
Thank you for explaining how it feels to have a loved one betray you! My usually sweet and understanding doctor scolded me recently for continuing to feel upset 20 years after the incident. She was the only one I felt I could still trust to talk about it. "Get over it", she said. I felt betrayed once more by her and I told her I felt like I had PTSD. That was the only way I could explain it. My sons have resentment toward me now for my depression and tears at the time the event occurred. I believe they feel I was a bad mother. I am 68 now (my ex-husband left me in my 40's), and I will always be scarred. It is a very misunderstood phenomena. The point is I don't have any romantic feelings for my ex-husband, but I will always be devastated by how he ruined our "perfect" family and emotionally and financially ruined us.
Betrayal trauma is known by therapists. It's the type of trauma that sticks around for years or even decades. Telling you to get over it doesn't help.If you could have you surely would have. Try looking into different therapy modalities such as EMDR to try to get to a better state of mind.
🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
I know what your talking about. While focused on one hurt the next one starts off of it without you even realizing it. You literally get behind on coping with everything that started with one thing. It's like falling dominoes. It's how the devil operates and many people succumb to it.
I believe this is why Jesus preached the power of forgiveness. Holding on to it is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
What I have done is to read my Bible. I listen to bott radio network. Or afm. Started going to a Bible preaching church. Not a feel good church. The devil works there too. It's a whole new game now. I highly recommend absorbing the word of God. No one loves you like He does!!
I'm sorry that you've been through all of this. If there's anything my team can do for you, please give my office a call at 719-278-3708
This is what I'm going through😢
This describes me even 15 years later.
I notuce that I can not seem to pull my life together.
And when one does not have the money for counseling, well....... we stay where we are.
Everyone that is struggling need to learn what narcissistic abuse is. Great place to start and you will learn what to do to get in a better place.
Yes. Understanding narcissist abuse intellectually was a game changer for me. “Look at that, that person is gaslighting! That one’s a love bomber! They never apologize!”
I just dont want to think about her no more. I dont want my mind to romanticize this situation. I just want to forget her
I'm so sorry you've been through this, Kevin. If there's anything my team can do to support you, please give my office a call at 719-278-3708.
Everything I experienced that made me believe my mom betrayed me was seemingly supporting everyone except me, especially supporting siblings in similar situations…Additionally, it’s as if she supported those that acted against me…Over and over…Ive always felt alone and unprotected yet I’ve protect the one that should’ve acted similarly with me over and over…Which is why I went no contact
Thank you for pointing out all the ways someone can experience betrayal trauma.People usually only associate this with being cheated on.Withholding proper love from your partner can be just as traumatic as being cheated on.
My ex fiance had a sceret life. A whole secret life. I was raising his children while he was supposed ro be "working away" as welder he was actually working at a strip club. Had a secrey apartment and eveything to hide his life.. He was hiding everything and pretending ro be another person entirely. Cheated on me with so many people so many times ill never know. My current long term partner ...i thought he was sooo safe. No red flags. Two years in i found out it was all lies too. Major porn use. Was a different perosn entirely then he pretended ro be. All my hard work healing from my first trauma unraveled 😭😭
I’m so sorry. 😢
I'm so sorry 😢
I'm in a similar situation....husband of 30 yes had a secret life for 8 years behind my back .he worked out of town alot and it ended up he was with a mutual female we knew. A female I'd helped many times over never thinking the two of them would do this. He left. Came back wanted to fix the marriage.....we did good for a bit but he refuses to do anything more to work on us . The female died of an overdose and bam I found out he had also dabbled in drugs and slept with a lot of her friends. I feel utterly hopeless to ever trust anyone else. We aren't together now but this sadly has effects that will forever change my life.
Yeesh
Intimacy anorexia from my husband. You described it perfectly.
It's almost all consuming
I have been in counseling since 2001 when my wife betrayed me, after 20 years of marriage. It literally destroyed me. I made very terrible choices, such as leaving my job and moving to another state. Many years later, I learned that I had a Nervous Breakdown.
I've suffered two nervous breakdowns that I'm aware of. With the help of my gifted trauma therapist I am trying to understand and work through the trauma of my childhood. When I was about five or six years old my father began "spanking" me harshly. My little body would have deep bruising from my lower back and down to the back of my upper legs after he was finished. My mom and I had been very close prior to the beatings. I screamed from her to come and save me from this monster, which she had done at once, but she did not rescue me. When my father started beating me, he and my mom started adopting children. I remember watching my mom get out of her car, as relatives rushed up to her to see my new baby brother. I knew something was changing, but I could not understand because I was a six year old.
i can go on and on. I'm wondering about how my mom's betrayal would have affected me.
Without FORGIVENESS there can be no healing.
Some things you shouldn’t forgive.
I can forgive, but, never trust them again. Boundaries.
@@emmarae4322One thing which helps is UTTER CONTEMPT
You NEVER EVER trust them again, and Mebe NO ONE ever again!!!!
@@Kathy-qu8zj No. Most people are normal. Most people are trustworthy. Just tread carefully, or you'll throw the baby out with the bathwater.
Listening to this brought tears to my eyes in the last minute, because your words are the words I have tried to explain to my husband. These same words came from me without the influence of hearing them from anyone else. My husband has been repeatedly betraying me, but he’s one heck of a liar. My weight has plummeted. Lord bless you and your work and ministry. 🙏✝
Recerch Narcissist cause that's what you are dealing with , it is a epidemic now everywhere with these CREATURES..
Betrayal is just one of the multiple evils these DEMON'S bring !! 🙏🪷
No contact ever again with narcassists
After 58 years still married. Regret it. Nevs mom
Not just partner betrayal but family betrayal.
Yes
Absolutely...
I suffer PTSD. And all shit that come along with it. Anxiety, panic attacks, insomnia. I learned how to cope, how to be strong and achieving woman. Result of domestic violence and childhood abuse. Till a piont.... All you are talking about is so true... I became I frigher, constantly surviving.. Till my mind and body broke. I'm in therapy now. Was the best thing happened to me. Because I was so stuck on surviving not on healing.
Thank you Dr Weiss for this awesome podcast which travels to the centre scars of betrayal! Few people who have not experienced betrayal are able to understand the after effects of these callous dishonorable deeds when sacred wedding vows are thrown, with gusto, into refuse bins! 🙏🏻
My husband left our faith and tore our family in half. He told me last night he took me off of his life insurance. I feel unable to cope currently. I have been strong all my life and am even surprised myself how poorly I am coping. I don't know where to get help or where to go from here. My husband has Multiple Sclerosis. I think he is so consumed with himself I am an afterthought if thought about at all. It took him four years before he realized how him leaving the church has impacted me and our fractured family. He betrayed me early in our marriage which should have been a red flag for me. The hardest part of his continuous betrayals is how alone I feel in my heartaches as others experience him so differently. I feel trapped and in desperate need of hope. I have never felt so emotionally fragile.
hang in there amiga
Not every wound is the one that bleeds. Hello ... life is learning, growing and changing if we wish to practice this. Easier said than done yet it's possible. Hang tight people. Much assistance available . Seek and you shall find. You all got this.🙂❤️✌️
When you get betrayed by your loved ones it is the most painful thing ever
Me and my spouse had grown apart . Then they filled for a devorace , I was removed from the ranch by law enforcement. I had a complete mental breakdown.
I lost all . My horse my dog ,everything , was homeless , yes i was totally betrayed by everthing I believed in . I have never felt so much betrayal. It almost completely destroyed me .
I have PTSD !
how are you today?
Satan is like a roaring lion seeing whom he may devour, God's people. However, we have authority over his power's, Luke 10:19. There's power in prayer. Prayers for all who are going through difficulties 🙏🏻 There's power in the name that is above all name, JESUS, he's the same yesterday,,today and forever.
Hallelujah 🙌
Halleluja means "praise Jah". Jah is short for Jehovah. That's the truth! Somewhere in history religion has made Jehovah Gods son Jesus as almighty God. This is false.
"May people know that you, whose name is Jehovah, You alone are the Most High over all the earth" Psalm 83:18. If your bible replaces God's name with "Lord" you have to know that the religious leaders removed Gods name over 7,000 times to hide the truth from you. If that doesn't have Satan's backing i don't know what has.
Rebuke the Jezebel spirit
That's what I was also thinking when I was watching the video everything he said it's how I felt and feel sometimes and I was thinking wow he's kind of making it seem like we'll be happy and they can fix it but really only God can and he knows us and what we feel we don't even have to say a word he knows. I know I definitely have ALOT of trauma. Maybe it's not bad to talk to someone?
I'm not saying you said that but I'm just confused because at first I thought also he was going to turn it into some scientology stuff which I know isn't right.
Amen
It happened to me in 2000; it caused a drug addiction to start in my late 30’s, when I would never have taken drugs before.
Thank you, this is such helpful confirmation. It's taken me over ten years to recover enough to be able to imagine meeting and trusting someone new - and believe it's possible. I think what made the experience so devastating was that my trust had been devastated in early childhood.
I would like people close to me to be able to see the damage that was done to me. The problem is that they only saw the consequences of that, and ended up feeling offended.
I wanted to die every day, and I didn't even have the energy to do it. I was paralyzed, an icy statue, a hunk of flesh without feelings, without hope.
These people turned me into the worst version of myself.
I get scared when someone tries to be kind to me, when they simply want to do me good, without ulterior motives. Because of my fear of people, I never sought help. A year and a half ago, I spoke to a psychologist, and the truth is that it helped me a little, but it was only at that moment.
I don't know what the world is like without traumas, because of everything I've experienced, there are few things that haven't become a trauma.
Honestly, I started to see the world in a peculiar way, very far from everything we associate with the common and unusual standards of society.
And that left me alone.
I recently discovered that I had some psychological conditions, probably having had them since I was a child. nothing to help therefore.
I would like if one person hurt another, that they would feel the same pain but instantly. Maybe they would think twice before taking any action, maybe the world would be a much better place, maybe there would be no pain. Or else we would respect pain, as we respect God or the devil.
I hope that each one of you who battles trauma or any other problem can find the path to happiness and fulfillment. the path where they can have the future they always wanted.
A kiss and a hug to everyone.
Yes if only they could feel the pain they give others like if they could have a panic attack worsen as they come closer to an affair all the stress we would feel if we knew what they where going to do on them before they did it. I wonder if they would stop? Probably not maybe some blaaa whatever it's not gonna happen. I'm sorry for your suffering. It sucks being alone sometimes but then it's aLoT safer 😊 I'm glad you sought therapy. Thanks for the blessing to you as well ❤️🩹 I'll take all the blessings I can get! In the name of the Lord. Peace and Love to you.
He is describing CPTSD 💜🕊
Thank you, Dr. Weiss, you're explaining what I'm going through so well. My husband cheated on me, I caught him and his AP (Affair Partner) going on a trip behind my back. It completely crushed me. This was in the end of April this year. I think I'm in a state between numbness, hurt, pain and rage. We are trying to mend our marriage because I've decided to stay after so many years with kids, but the trauma it gave me... I feel so lost and actually abandoned even though I'm still with my husband. Bur that's the feeling I'm having. I've had PTSD before so I unfortunately recognised it immediately. It threw my down the dark abyss. Again. Since I'm Swedish living in Sweden, I'll follow your channel. Thanks again 💗
Yeh it’s hard to move on more suspicious we ll b if u r cheated
Please seek support for yourself to make sure you heal. I had this happen with a fiancé years ago. So many people knew he was a mess and didn’t say anything and allowed me to move away with him. It all crashed down as soon as I was isolated. Please build yourself back up mentally. It’s draining. No one deserves to have this happen to them. Partners should speak up before it getting to that point. Your husband should get help too. I heard it can help to do it separately then do couples therapy.
Best wishes to you!
Look after yourself. You are no. 1 Best wishes
@@Regina.Clarke Thanks for your kindness 💗 I'm better, not great, but better. Got support and help. Yes, you're right, I told my husband that he should've talked to me instead of running off hiding behind an affair. He acknowledged what he did was wrong and agree with me. Communication must have been lacking, although I couldn't see it. We always talk, but clearly not enough. It'll take time before I trust him again. Right now, I don't trust him at all. But I don't watch him like a hawk, but he had to do some changes in his hobbies since I freak out when he för example goes to a concert. When he forget himself and says something dumb, I do remind him that he made the bed filled with thorns so he gotta live with that. What makes me still angry is that his AP will never understand what she did to me, fully knowingly got in an affair with a married man with kids. She doesn't suffer, she doesn't pay anything for the consequences. To me, that's completely unfair. No, I haven't contacted her in any way. I do know who she is and she did use my husband. I mean, he paid for everything they did. Restaurants and also a trip behind my back. What do you call a woman who gets paid in every way and having sex with married man with kids? I have many words. Yes, I'm still angry, but I'm okay. Nowadays, my husband does everything to mend our marriage. We work together. And communicating a lot. Love from Sweden 🌹
@@marthabergin9023 🌹
I’m dealing with so much anxiety and so much pain and PTSD on top of dealing with a rare, autoimmune life-threatening disease and raising five children being a single mother on top of it all father God help me. I already been through this once with my ex husband. This person came into life and took full blown advantage of me. 😢😢😢
I'm sorry to hear that you are dealing with so many things in your life. Your betrayal trauma, as well as the other feelings that you are experiencing are real.
Regarding the betrayal trauma you have experienced from your ex husband, you might find the Partner Betrayal Trauma book and workbook helpful:
www.drdougweiss.com/product/partner-betrayal-trauma-ebook/
www.drdougweiss.com/product/partner-betrayal-trauma-workbook-ebook/
I would suggest getting encouragement and support for yourself during this time and heal. You can do this locally or contact Heart To Heart Counseling Center at 719-278-3708 to get scheduled with a partner betrayal trauma therapist. You can also ask about our neuromodulation process by contacting 719-644-5778.
You are not alone in this.
This type of abuse can definitely cause many serious health issues. Especially Autoimmune illnesses. Even to a point that if you don't leave and your body is continually bombarded with this trauma it may possibly cause the worst event. Your life. I hope you can find some help someday. Please take care of yourself.
Very true,the trauma is real and the pain,trust,faith and confidence,are shuttered down completely 😢
💯
Once you have trust issues it’s there and it doesn’t go away sometimes you don’t even have to know the reason you’re like this but your subconscious probably from a long time ago knows the reason
Thank you for making this video to reach out to those who are utterly shattered by betrayal. Everything you described is just so true and so spot on. It's an emotion that I was never ever able to put into concrete words. The scar and hurt will forever remain but it is possible for life to move on.
Thank you for your feedback, Elaine. You are so right.
My mother,brothers ,husband and children have betrayed me.
I truely could never have survived without my Faith ,Trust and surrender in Jesus Christ my Lord.
I gave the trauma over to Him.
I chose to forgive and let my Lord piece me together His way.
Yes, the fear center in the brain makes it so difficult to make decisions, shut down, feel frozen, new things are difficult to learn. It’s taken about 5 years to start feeling like myself again. Betrayal financially, was cheated on, and spouse had porn addiction.
I’m married to my childhood sweetheart for 46 years with 5 children. I lost my first child to abortion at 17. My current husband was the father but we had zero support. We had parental threats. In the last 15 or so years, my husband won’t touch me intimately. I have never been so lonely. He refuses to talk about it. He will kiss me goodbye and sometimes good night but nothing closer. I feel like I don’t know who he is and I’m persecuting myself making up reasons for him. 😢. HELP. Just waiting for God to take me home sometimes😢
Hello; I think it's time for you to see your own perspective instead of everyone else's as a priority now. You've been together so long that your children must be grown; you have suffered for their well-being I am sure. I believe from the tone of your post that you still love your husband a lot and that he loves you too. However, the issue to be resolved for you isn't about love--it's about the fullness of life, and about you being cut off from that. Your depression is entirely understandable. It is a bitter sentence for a spouse to be shut out of fundamental intimacy. It is even grounds for both annulment and divorce. YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG!! Please see a counselor, a marital therapist perhaps, or begin with a close friend....but please realize that you can claim the reality of your circumstances and make decisions to take care of your own needs now. It's natural and right. Take it at your pace, but please don't keep this bottled up inside any more, blaming yourself. You have experienced abandonment on a catastrophic level. The experience of abandonment tends to make people feel guilty, as if they had done something to deserve a complete shunning-- from the most important person in life in many ways. Your confidence has been eroded, although you have clearly done very well, you don't have to live with your husband's decision to do what he is doing. You are a good person, take care of yourself. You do not need to keep living like this any more. I wish you peace and increased fullness of life. I'll be praying for you.
I don't understand why there are lines through the text above, I sure didn't put them there
@jayneshannon please stop thinking. It will not help you. Please focus in learning something new that captures your attention. If you are a believer, talk to God more frequently and ask him to transform you to a new person. Let the past behind. There is no Time Machine that transport you to fix the past.
You need to leave. Why do you want to be miserable for the rest of your life while he's probably out cheating
I’m praying 🙏🏼 for you right now. I’m praying 🙏🏼 that God will heal you, transform you and guide you on the way you should go. I know God doesn’t want His people to live in an empty relationship. Remember the only sin for which God allows you out of your marriage commitment is for infidelity. When your bond of love under God is broken by infidelity, He allows you to leave your spouse and releases you from the burden. Amen 🙏🏼
Mine was with my husband, boyfriend, but then the biggest betrayal I ever experienced was from my cousin. We grow up next door to each other. I felt we were more like sisters. My brother was 4 years older as she was and they were great friends. He was a narcissist and a sociopath. He put her on a pedestal and I felt if I wasn't totally accepted by her something was wrong with me.
Years passed.
I had a great secret that somehow got out. I never knew how much of the facts were told, just that people did know.
When I divorced and she was poor and working hard, I thought it great to take her on trips and to give her money.
When I mentioned my secret being told, she always pointed to someone else time and time again.
We went on a Baltic cruise, many Caribbean cruises, Mexico, different parts of the States, just many places, Las Vegas to boot. This went on for 20 years.
Then in 2009, one night she said, in her very superior way, that my boyfriend of long ago called her and told her everything. I sat for a moment - she was in my home in the States, and I felt like telling her to pack and I would take her to the airport. But I didn't.
It bothered me so much, this total betrayal as she took and took from me, was unforgivable. Finally, I wrote her a scathing letter and was finished. Should have known that she would tell everyone everything and add more to my letter and to my reputation. I still wonder whether I should have sent this letter - but when I did, I felt a huge weight lighted from me. She was never my friend, and, most certainly, never on my side for anything. She just took everything she could from me and never gave anything back, such as loyalty or kindness.
I no longer even leave my house. I have been out two times in the past five years. I do not associate with anyone, only with my two sons. I have lost trust in anyone and do feel very lonely. However, I could never trust again.
That is really sad
Why give her so much control over you? Forgive and move on. You have given up on the beautiful people that can be in your life. You have given up on LIFE! Joyce Meyer would say, Get Over It. As an incest survivor, she has a right to say that.
Please get out and find new people. Try meetup. Plenty of hiking and walks, etc
I feel you just described a relationship I had with my cousin…. I loved her. Still do just not as I once did. Idk she hated and had planned to kill me. Yeah. Kind of burnt my cookies there a little bit. But uh……. The fact that I am fearful at times of my own judgment about people. Because I was wrong many times in the past…. I stay alone. And I know this is no way to live my life. But this world out here doesn’t have a lot to offer someone who is truly genuine. So I stay home.
🙏🙏🙏
I remember sitting in a chair and thinking I can't do this anymore. I was so paranoid I told said Narcissist to leave immediately. It was awful in the following weeks I was so unwell. My antidote was being out with regular people all the time. I'm still full of rage but I yell ,lift weights,exercise,talk it out. I snap easily, its terrible but I'm determined and I'm definitely getting better everyday. I say fuck it alot. My whole ethos now is I will come back stronger.
Something else to keep in mind is the damage you yourself can do to another person when youre suffering from a betrayal from a previous relationship. Its truly a terrible thing to put a good person with no intentions of betraying you through the damaging effects of a person who cannot trust another individual. I can tell you from experience that it absolutely destroyed my life trying to help someone who had been betrayed before i knew them. In the end i succeeded in helping her learn to trust again but the relationship sadly was too torn apart to survive all of the distrust and betrayal that she brought into it in the form of self defense.