How Narcissists Sabotage Their Lives
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- Опубліковано 24 тра 2024
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How Narcissists Sabotage Their Lives//Do you know someone who is a narcissist? Narcissists can be very difficult to live with, and even more difficult to understand. In this video, Rebecca Zung, lawyer, author, and narcissist negotiation expert, offers some tips for understanding how narcissists sabotage their own lives - and what you can do about it.
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🎓Rebecca Zung is an attorney who has been recognized as one of the Top 1% of attorneys in the country having recognized as a Best Lawyer by U.S. News and is AV rated by Martindale Hubbell. She is also the bestselling author of 2 books, Negotiate Like You MATTER (foreword by Robert Shapiro) and Breaking Free: A Step by Step Divorce Guide.
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Rebecca. Do you. Like. Me. Then. Hun. 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋
Not my problem
Nor my problem.
Not my problem!!!!!
1.Rude to people.
2.Self sabotage
3.Put their own needs first
4.Incapable of forming real connections
5.Act only for self gratification
6.Act outrageously
7.Go too far
8.Manipulate just for sake of manipulation
Sounds like Trish Foster
Once you see the pattern, you can’t unsee it.
Truth!
@@RebeccaZungEsq seeing is believing
Yep that's what happened to me January 2022 I kept the journal A documented everything the cycle love bomb devalue discard over and over again I couldn't believe my eyes when I read what I wrote...
I’m glad your eyes are open!
@@KelliBar trying hard...
The depths of a narcissis’s evil is bottomless. And yet they are so shallow.
🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯
I just hate that when they sabotage their lives, they drag others along with it.
NOT MY PROBLEM
Whenever I get tempted to try to reason with them, I just remember that no matter what I say they just twist it around and barf it right back on me. Let them mess up their lives, so people will see them for what they are.
Not my problem!
I realised the same. You are merely providing them with ammo to help create more drama, and boy do they get off on it too. Pathetic.
I really believe less is more. Only say "l don't trust you." then walk away, for ever.
DON'T - repeat - DON'T say another word. "Goodbye", maybe, but watch them eat themselves alive.
@@rolandoscar1696 ... yep. I see my dad and stepmom eating themselves alive, and some relatives have been noticing something off with them.
YES, they are experts at turning reason and truth into barf and then vomiting all over us. We know reason w a jezibel is impossible, yet the temptation is always present...."Lead us not into temptation, but DELIVER US FROM EVIL". Amen.
@luckie d went through this temptation today. woman worker kept slinging plastic containers, interrupting my work, and I sensed this person is rude getting my attention.
I thought, "well let me remind Monica I'm a full in today. I'm going to misstep
im not going to do what she THINKS is the routine. and this reasoning will help Monica leave me be."
Why do they get the good people??? Why can't we find each other??? It's insane!!!
Good question, maybe if we found each other it would be heaven. This world is not heaven, it's only a test. We get tested for what we desire the most. The devil will come in any form to ruin us as he promised.
@@smohammed2821 Facts!!!
I wonder if it's because we believe in God, or a higher being of truth, and they don't, They ARE God, devouring our gullibility- our ( naive) desire to believe. The fact that they will never see it like that is why they will never change.
I used to think I never needed to go through what I did with my amber turd. In all fairness I’m still in court and have to deal with her, but as time goes on, I realize that I knew nothing about the dark triad/tetrad before and without this knowledge I wouldn’t know how to handle life or covid or deal with people as a result of starting a business. Sometimes we have to face the absolute tragedy in the world to make sure we learn how to make it through the rest of our lives safe.
@@smohammed2821 in many ways the devil never really ruins us,he makes us think he ruined us but if we let it life can get better for us and rebuke the devil.
They punish you even when you cover their problems. They deny everything and punish you if you help them.
Narcissists are absolutely rude, they make fools of themselves. When I left the narcissist people would come up to me and ask how I put up with his horrendous behavior. It is true that we want to help them. We have compassion for these idiots. But it’s better to get rid of them. They will just drain you.
Oh, yes, the covert narcissist is much more challenging to detect. Call them out on anything, & they get sarcastic, blame shift, mock, become rude, condescend, lie, deceive, change the subject, pretend they don't understand what you're talking about, pretend like you are blowing things out of proportion, & should just let it go. It's how they respond to the calling them out that exposes them when, otherwise, they operate very much under cover.
Omg..yes..its ao insane .😵😵
So true and if you get frustrated, then they call you the crazy one.
They immediately get nasty. Their true colors come out when you confront them.
This is my dad!
Sounds like my husband
Well said! " Interrupt people", " Not self aware", " They are selfish,ie putting own needs first", "their problems trump everyone's ", " relationships are transactional".
Narcissists are harassers! You absolutely can not trust them.
Another great video!
not my problem
Narcissists are excellent at acting. They get people by their charm and performance. It can leave you feeling confused because they are so innocent in playing victim and pointing you as the abuser. Don't fall for it!💙UA-camr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
Initially that is true. But as they age and they have a long history of the same horrible behavior toward others, their masks crack and it's easy for all to see. They get tired physically so they spend less time in the love bombing phase and move right along to devaluing and blaming others. My relative is now at the place where she sues a lot of people because she feels so wronged and is looking for a way to make some serious money. She sued a previous employer and got a substantial settlement just because they didn't want to bother going to court. So that got her excited. But now most of that money has gone to lawyers fees on a slew of frivolous law suits since. Point #8 : Trying to exact serious revenge to her own financial detriment!
They may be good actors, but they resent having to do it, and it wears them down. They despise themselves for acting, and they hate their audience because "they make me do this."
I have never been happier to have a breakup, in my life! Thank God this madness is over.
Not my problem! I’m done strategizing to save people who could care less about me.
Good for you!
Good
I had EVERY conversation documented. Every voicemail locked on my phone. Every piece of correspondence copied and envelope copied with date stamp. Every picture saved. Every witness willing to testify. I still do even though I finally got what I wanted after asking for over 3 yrs in writing. Then 2 letter's from an attorney got him to comply. He finally realized I WAS NOT BLUFFING. Thank God it was just a business transaction/relationship. I had been reading about him over those three year's also. Now it is NO CONTACT and goodbye to his flying monkey's also. God bless all of you who may have it worse. It was an experience that changed me forever. It has been almost 2 month's and I will be healing for a lifetime.
Documentation is a very important part in winning negotiations against the narcissist. Good for you! Stay strong!
Currently going through a custody battle with a narcissist. Hes my ex fiance. Nothing hes doing is in the best interest of our child. He doesnt pay child support bail on him on his 1 weekend the every 42 days he begged for..... I have everything documented and submitted into the courts. We go in on the 24th im scared as hell. I know the judge might tell me to stop responding and fighting back but i super hope she sees whats going on.... its been a hard 2 years....
I played my dad at his own game, arguing, but not insulting him, and boy did he fall flat on his face. All of his own doing.
I got to say l had the advantage of communicating to him by email. That way he could not interrupt me all the time, and change the subject. He did always try changing the subject, but by email, it just looked ridiculous. And l know he knows the game's up.
Now for the healing process, which would never have happened, had l not discovered these types of videos a few weeks back. Thanks to these videos, a light is rekindling in my heart.
@@ashleybellerose7104 I had to get back to together with mine so he would pay if you act like there’s a chance maybe he will pay?
Imagine growing up with a malignant narc mother. Only daughter. Dad and brothers flying monkeys. 2 of brothers Golden. I than my Father in heaven that I got out at the age of 18.
Thank you!! I am an empath who is always trying serve and help others. Unfortunately, I am now having the life sucked out of me by a malignant narcissist that I got involved with. This person also suffers from psychosis and I had no idea how cruel, rude, and self serving they can be. They are so quick to deflect, gaslight, and twist the narrative against you. Is is horrible. Only recenty have gone No Contact as I can't take it anymore.
I was married to a narcissist for 10 years. And had to give him everything just to be able to escape. Ive been married to a different man for the past 17 years and learned that there are different types of narcissists. I've been managing him well. But its exhausting.
Is there a noticeable pattern ?
I moved quickly into the next relationship, away from the narcissist, so that I wouldn't go back for the 20th time
The self sabotage is beyond me. I’ve witnessed them blow through all their money not knowing how they’ll pay their bills, turn down lucrative business collaborations, and be so self-serving to the point where they have no one left to hang out with. So sad I pray for these broken people
😳 That's exactly what happened to me! He raged at me and I snapped! I told him I was done with THAT and I was done with HIM. I've never felt so empowered in my life. Of course now he's making the divorce miserable...still trying to control everything. 😑
What I’m going through right now, I’ve had enough! But now the divorce 😬
When you're far enough away from these people and have gotten over the hurt, when you think about the machinations you get a good belly laugh out of it.
I REALLY love your comment "I think we're done here." Cause WE said just that to the guy. His response? "I'm uncomfortable."
Hi Rebecca. Yes I have seen it time and time again how people especially narcissistic people can sabotage themselves. It's called karma.
There was always an excuse, eventuality they run out.
I have seen the impact on people's lives.Ive seen and interviewed many people who were devastated .I was fortunate to be able to help them.Ive I've seen it for decades.The suffering people endure is able to be turned around.You can learn to accept yourself as being important. Don't let people interfere with your goals.
Good call!!
This describes a few members of my family. I had no idea they were this bad. They are professional victims who sapped my love,energy and eventually my money ( I moved to be with them and was harassed for getting jobs). I will now barely escape because of exhaustion and lack of funds. Believe these signs when you see them. It is hard to prove what they do behind closed doors.
Not my problem, and will never be my problem again! I went through a traumatic divorce with my narcissistic ex-husband, and always felt like crap!! NO MORE!! Thank you so much gor all your videos, Rebecca!! God bless you!!
Thanks Rebecca that's great advice I need right now!
That's right Donna .good for you I'm proud of you girly 👧 💓
My narcissistic said to me give me money then I will call you. He’s lost his mind. I’m not giving him anything. He’s very rude and disrespectful to me.
So rude!
So entitled. Like you were actually going to give him.
I'm tempted to say now, years later, so does that mean you promise you won't call me if I don't give you any money?
Of all my lawyers and judges 1 judge saw through him!
6:10 2. They're not self-aware
Not my problem! My ex-friend doesn't understand why he divorced twice and why his first spouse ran away from home. So he didn't learn anything from the past. I realized he was a narcissist when he invaded my boundaries with his charming smile, so I went no contact with him completely.
It is truly sad! Don't believe you can help them don't even try. Time wasted!
No, they can't be helped unless they take help themselves. And, usually, they don't.
@@RebeccaZungEsq Yes
Very true! Thank you for all your help. Better days ahead for sure loving myself again and friends have been a great support.
@@RebeccaZungEsq Talk about how you have lied about strangers for years, preyed on them, exploited, stolen personal information from them, and have enslaved them Rebecca. Talk about how you get into stranger's lives to promote yourself, call them narcissists, and don't stop.
I think they never think that another Narc will knock them down. Seen it!
They sabotage a relationship by laying traps or digging a hole for their partner and hoping they fall in their trap but in the long run they fall in it themselves. They're not far sighted.
I just cant deal with it anymore. Just fed up understanding there is nothing I can say or do to change them. Walking away is the only reasonable solution to my peace!
GO! You can do it! Dont look back either.
Love em from a distance! Love self more.
It's sad, I told mine, I'm swimming out to save you, but if your going to drown both of us I'm letting you go.
A few weeks before breaking up with gf, I asked, "Do you realize we have never made love?" she said yeah went on with whatever she was doing. I was telling her there is no love. Not only a narcissist has tricks. She did listen. I told her she doesn't cry. She then spent a couple of weeks trying to convince me she cries, thinking by saying the words it makes it true. I told her she hasn't even apologized for situations she created. The next couple of weeks she would apologize for older issues that will never resolve again and again. The apologies were so mechanical I didn't even hear them.. It may have well been a robot talking. She knew the end was near. I felt she hated me but kept it secret. She needed me around so she could hate a partner and have partner service her.
Rebecca simply put you are a national treasure. Thank you so much for explaining and exposing a narcissist to the rest of us and coaching on how to deal with them. They are destructive individuals who leave emotional wreckage wherever they go.
When I was a service officer for a veterans' service organization, one of my clients had a narcissistic (clinically-diagnosed and cited in case record) ex-wife, who was a legal secretary and she used the court system to abuse my client to the point he had no time to work on his VA disability claim. His claims made over the phone regarding her behavior seemed outrageous, but he had some pleadings from other cases to back what he said. Then I did some docket history research on her and found she involved herself in over a hundred cases, under her various names, mostly as either the defendant or respondent. When I presented that information to my client, who was dealing with her pro se, it cleared up so many mysteries in their marriage, as to why they never seemed to have any money and why they had gotten evicted so many times. She'd also isolate him by harassing anyone she knew was helping him, including me. The fact that I made declarations was instrumental in demonstrating her harassing nature and helping him get an anti-harassment protection order. Sometimes, you need to confer with other victims.
Once the spreadsheet of her court case history starting going before other parties she'd try to sue for various reasons, their gloves came off and she started losing big time.
This is excellent. Research the abuser, other counties other states usually in area, find other cases. Need ss# due to constant change of names. Case closed with this documentation. Good job. 🤝🇺🇲🩵
Not my problem…anymore. I used to clean up his many messes. When I finally had enough of his abuse and left, I got more rage. No thanks for everything I did for him and all the times I bailed him out. Geez
I work with the ex narc and point 8 is so true. The narc is showing her true colors to coworkers and I was stunned. She’s not making friend and allies for sure. Plus “she’s not my problem”.
Same. In entire place n literally ran into me twice when never happened with anyone else. Got NC order immediately with cam footage. Stay safe 🕯️👍
Wow, I was just thinking that today......"Not my problem"........I finally came to that conclusion after just not knowing what else to do.
Not my problem.. anymore. Just came across these videos a week ago. My life is also forever changed. It's a forever healing road journey for. Been single, alone 8 years now. Would love a meaningful relationship but I over analyze everything now. Trust issues. Now I'm content to live alone, I'm at peace
My Narc who I have been NO CONTACT FOR 7 MONTHS. Embarrassed me in a hospital when he was admitted for a heartattack and had the nerve to scream at the nurse because she wasn't fast enough for him. I knew then, I was in serious trouble. So far so good, he hasn't tried to contact me. Everyone BEWARE AND STAY SAFE 😳
I’m living this scenario in my marriage. You are definitely describing my husband. Recognize the stages of the relationship between us. Your advise is appreciated. Sad but true.
My soon to be ex son in law fits this bill on his dealing with child protective services cps they saw right through him and his bs. He got such a bad report. We ate tickled.
Not my problem. And you're right number seven they try to push your buttons and see how far they can push you. And I don't want to do it no more
My narc wrote in his discovery documents during our divorce that every question was “none of my business!!!” Seriously!!
What a complete 🐎's a**. Wonder how well that worked out 😂
Not my problem
My X left me for a rebound guy after a few years together. I finally found my peace of mind.
Just dealt with a narc a few years back. Well, my roomie has but he lived with us both. SO bad that I now take SSRIs because of it. Thank you for your videos. I share them with her to help counsel her on understanding that HE was in the wrong. So helpful.
SSRIs can be terrible, read, Your drug may be your problem, Dr. Peter Bregin. History of these 'meds'.
DEFINITELY, NOT MY PROBLEM. IM SO GLAD I FOUND YOUR CHANNEL ON YOU TUBE THEY'RE ALL VERY INFORMATIVE AND ENLIGHTENING. THANKS KEEP UP THE MARVELOUS WORK YOU ARE DOING
No longer my problem!
Good for you!
Too many of these brought back unpleasant memories.
Very well explained..I never knew covert narcissist was a thing
Lisa I was FLOORED when I learned about it
Needed this RZ 🙏🏾☮️⚖️ Win or lose the view is better when u take the high road! “They only win when u give in.” Magic 🙌🏾💫
And, they are not above THREATS when they feel someone will challenge them. Loved this vid, Rebecca! Spot on! And, no...IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM!
Not my problem…….Thank you for all your help…….I’m trying to overcome my narcissism, and you’ve helped me see myself more realistically…….Uuuuuuugh
I can relate this to bully's, there are mild bully's and extreme bully's
Not my problem!
Not my problem
very powerful message; absolutely not mea problemo; how RZ reads the N script down to a tee is just amazing and masterful; one of the best presentations i can remember she has given;
Not my problem! That was a big corner to turn for me. I'd spend all my time trying to solve the narcissists problem (which never end) and they still weren't happy. When I could finally separate from taking ownership in their happiness, I could see the pattern. I had seen the red flags, but it took me a LONG time to learn...decades. Now, it's the opposite. I recognize the narcissist right away. It actually makes me sick, and I don't even engage with them to confirm it. I distance myself and don't try to explain to anyone...being an introvert has it's benefits.
Oh my gosh Rebecca you hit it on the head that’s exactly what I am going through still five years and going trying to get divorce from this narcissist keeps changing things he’s purposely trying to drain me from my money , and that’s exactly what it seems that is happening. God I wish you were my lawyer!
Not my problem!!
No, it's not!
Admire you so much. Your inputs have helped me a lot. Pray for your good health and happiness.
Me too! She's helping a lot of people here wjth thjs. Myself included l.
NOT MY PROBLEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I like to load up my "verbal quiver" with counter statements to the narc's verbal assault. That way they DON'T wanna be around me. GOOD.
I hope you are our mediator in our divorce. His "charm" wins everyone over.
Not my problem! Thank you Rebecca! You motivate me to keep educating myself to increase my awareness of these types to keep them out of my life and if possible my loved ones.
Check this out!! Redefine the way you view challenges in high-conflict negotiations. Our training will show you how to turn trials into triumphs >> www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop 💪
Wow, just googled how to confront a narcissist and stumbled on your page. First off, your amazing for providing this content in efforts to aid and assist people.
My girlfriend has been divorced for 2 years and her ex, who is an attorney is the highest level narcissist I've heard of. They have 2 children together and joint custody so there has to be a level of correspondence from her, but he tries to manipulate and threaten her on the daily. Your videos brought light, guidance and new direction for me as I struggle to be emotionally supportive while also trying to protect. Stay awesome.
I'm just finding you via sidebar over the last few days, and let me tell you, you're spot on! New sub 100%! This is the type of assertive advice I need to fight back against the narcs in my life. THANK YOU so much for these vids!
the person in need is also focused on 'transaction' because of the difficult position - lookalike or even dangerously so (not all people are narcs) still the mere fact that we discuss this is a very good thing - thanxx a lot.
Not my problem, i just won a trail against a narcissist , i feel amazing
Not my problem!!!
This is one of the most enlightening videos I have watched on this subject so far! Thank you!
Thank you..hope you could join me in my FREE webinar 😊
>>> www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop
Omg this especially #8 was my husband's ex! She did that in court and keeps doing it! She even basically told a judge and my husband's lawyer to be quiet because she was talking and SHE felt the info was important. Narcissists are frustrating yet at some point become comical with their self destruction.
Yep! Make sure your laughter is NICE N LOUD!! Shame them and dont be shy about it
EVERY NARC Crusher
Your mind set is everything
Not my problem anymore! I'm done.
You have a new environment. All of it looks good.
Thank you for all of this Rebecca. You are a doll.
They are so intelligent, and ultimately so stupid. A year ago i wouldn't have really believed this, but now I do. It gets better.
Hello Becca how r you.U R SLAYING.of course. Salutes..Becca. great content. 👍that was a great movie...👸💃💅💞
NOT MY PROBLEM!
(They certainly will try to manipulatively make it your problem by twisting, turning and pulling though. Just gotta stay strong)
I’m in urgent need to know how to get over the narc
Flipping their script. They want you to feel helpless. Dig deep within yourself and look back at the red flags. Blow the bridge up or go gray Rock with them. Your silence is their defeat
NO NO NO CONTACT...NOT UR PROBLEM..GO OUT DANCING.
Does it help you to know that the narcissist actually hates you and wants to destroy you??
I'm in the same situation. I know she used an treated me badly. I still think about her every day. I know in my heart it will never be. But it hurts a lot still after 6 months of no contact
@@maxpayne6466 same here my friend, couple of days in after 4 years of her games and after all she's done and after thesame day acting like we never existed online started seeling her out for new guys...im broken to pieces because i love her and seeing this and still thinking about her...
That is exactly what my husband did. Deep down, he was punishing himself for the evil he knew he had inflicted on people and animals. I watched him chop down an alley of young trees he had planted and tended for years, for absolutely no reason. It was frightening, and symbolic. When he would get very, very drunk, he talked about divorce as if he was expecting me to divorce him any moment. It was clear that he despised me for not doing so! Eventually it became a self-fulfilling prophecy.
not my problem
Definitely “not my problem.”
For sure!
😊❤️
Not my problem, found this out
NOT MY PROBLEM
NOT MY PROBLEM!
I had one narc female narcissist friend with BPD and Histrionic combo. She attempted to get my husband and I to fake being someone we were not and threaten her lawyer to “ do his job”. Offered money. Harassment was there for a good week. She was fighting her brother for the entire inheritance from there mother. I called out and basically called her a sociopath. No contact now for a good 4 years.
Not my problem 🙌🏼💯
Definitely!
Sounds like the guy I was just dating, told him we can’t even be friends. Correct they make you not want to be around them at all!❤
Redefine the way you view challenges in high-conflict negotiations. Our training will show you how to turn trials into triumphs. Learn more www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop 💪
#4. Wow.
Very sad.
I think social media has created much of this.
Especially, those raised on it...
! Not My Problem !
Not my problem!! Thank you, this was so educational and helps.
In my case, my Covert Narc Husband of 30 yrs, (sadly still) sabotaged MY relationship with my 5 children. I’m not going to write a paragraph because I know there’s others out there going through the same thing. There aren’t enough words or tears to even attempt to write about it.
Same here! 2 children.....
Not my problem and it never will be. I am the work in progress every day. I so appreciate your videos.🤔❤🇺🇸
You have excellent insight here.
Thanks!
I did believe I could win. My lawyer screwed me over. Folded all my winning hands and my ex squeezed every dime out of me. Even though he make twice as much and I’ve been out of work for the last year because of a hip replacement with complications… didn’t matter. He always wins. Good people finish last!
I believe it, I stressed this to my lawyer. Also I had a lot of evidence and my case strung out long. Allowing my lawyer what a first class ass she is.
I am sorry!
Here are eight from my own experience.
1) lie when they don't need to.
2) have no ability to think long-term.
3) unaware when things are falling apart all around them.
4) unnecessarily sabotage relationships with flying monkeys (this always eventually happens).
5) can't keep a story straight
6) never take accountability.
7) can't learn from their mistakes.
Best way to think of a narcissist's weaknesses , is someone who is looking through a tunnel but can only see the other side of the tunnel but doesn't bother to check what's going on around the tunnel.
We are always standing behind the narcissists🤬 >>don’t think so…SLAY!!
I'm so glad I found you! Thank you!!!
It’s the urge kn their evil soul:
My ex fiancé and I were together for 7 years. Engaged 2 years. Home, money, families, friends: all of it was like a beautiful ground for the future.
Then, out of a sudden, few months after my mom died, he decided to breakup. It’s only logical he said, bcs of age gap. But he’ll be there for me when I need sth(omg no way!).
Lives with friends now, can’t find a flat, works in a bar surrounded with flying monkeys he gossiped about earlier & dating cheap women/guests from the bar, he also gossiped about.
He gaslighted & silent treated me even after moms death…
Soooooo: good luck 🤞🏼
Hope he stands far away from me.
Tried to Hoover twice, i didn’t fall for it.