@@RebeccaZungEsq I've just discovered your channel and I'm watching one video after the other. I've had to deal with several types of narcissists or at least types that have some of these traits all my life in all circles, from family to work to romance to friends. I've developed ways to "sort of" manage them over the years but your videos are golden and I subscribed already. Too many of these mean creatures make others' lives hell. Thanks for the help.
@@nolagal11 he won’t leave, he will keep you there with their tactics and manipulation. best is to leave and move far away.. not easy but that what I eventually had to do to save myself. It worked!
The covert narcissist are the most disguised predators ever imaginable. I thought I knew all kinds of personalities until I met one of these people. I'm never easily fooled my anyone but this person knocked me for 6 when I discovered they were not the kind of person I thought they were. A lovely friendly, kind, respectful person as I thought for several years turned out to be a total fake. Not only fake but borderline evil and so manipulative and a thief aswell. I haven't got over the shock almost 3 years later.
It took me 3days of moving in with a cov.narv only because of me being an empath,I caused an narc.injury and that was all I wrote. That Devil came out full force at me.I had to flee for my life leaving my things behind after 3 freekin days. He was jealous bof some of my items like my big 70 inch TV I had moved into his place,he was like a little child who was jealous of my toy,he tried to throw me out for no reason and he could not hide behind this fakeness and when he showed me the real him,he started raging, I knew I had to flee no matter what,I thought he was going too harm me.
They remind me of that cute cartoon character who is smiling looking at you while they are holding a big wooden hammer behind their back just waiting to whomp you with it.
Spot on! Lol! I have been praying for my ex covert narc’s new husband, that he would wake up and get out while he can! I am sure he is a good person...no one deserves the wicked abuse these demons dish out
@@freeindeed5393 you are rught about dishing out punishment! I was a punching bag last year. It was so confusing in the times I've run into her at my gym this spring at while nasty at first when she realized I wasn't going to engage her she turned super nice, in fact the nicest every to me that long. She vanished a several weeks ago and since then I left the gym so hopefully I'm a memory in the past. Best of luck to the person you know getting through their experiences.
Because they're good at playing the victim, appearing innocent, keeping up appearances while they mess with your mind. They don't seem like a narcissist at first because of their fake friendliness and sweetness. They often present themselves as altruistic when they're not. And another I overlooked is that they're indeed good at hiding their manipulation.
They are also very good at manipulating each person in a different way. They learn what buttons to push with each individual person, so that they always get what they want.
@@amymason6234 they are very good at ingratiating themselves with your friends, but are so insecure and they try to make you insecure, that's where your strong will comes in to keep saying to yourself " they have THE problem " it works for me ..
They hide their true predator self disguised as a happy-go-lucky charismatic person. They act like a toddler when you call them out on their lies or disrespect. Narcs are PURE EVIL; especially the covert narcissist. Karma will find ‘em one day! They have no empathy, no conscience… just FAKE 🖤 emotions.
Exactly. And the "shocking" thing about this "sweet" person is when you hear the toxic vitriol that can come out of their mouth when they rant constantly about people (behind their backs of course) whom they perceive have "hurt" them. They will repeat an endless litany of accusations against someone else and somehow they themselves are always saintly and long-suffering. They continue to be "nice" to their faces. Two-faced!
Absolutely 100% so true. Living and dealing with this type of personality is so damaging. By the time you realize what's happened, you're shattered in a million pieces. AND NOT 1 PERSON SEES OR BELIEVES YOU! AMEN, sister!
And when you leave they’ll call up your family and cry to them about how sad they are and miss you and love you and want you back so bad. This is after spending years treating you like an incompetent child
Sooo true about being in a million pieces by the time you realize them for what they truly are. I described it just this morning with what I felt was an epiphany as having to dig myself out from all of the rubble that their earthquake behavior caused me to be at the rock bottom of my destroyed life that was no house of cards before the abusive trauma struck.
And that lack of understanding and belief from others adds significantly to the abuse you already experienced. It is a lonely hell until you find someone who understands.
So true! My husband comes off as this nice demure guy and he is so not that. He is emotionally abusive and neglectful! He will spend hours on end at church with friends and leaves me at home in a run down home at that. We have 3 different cabinets, floor linoleum as a backsplash. 1 light that is not good by any stretch of the imagination. We have industrial type wall covering for our shower walls. The list is endless. He told me to go get a lawyer for a divorce and was mad when I had to put a retainer down. I can’t win! I can’t wait to leave.
I know bro I was living with one she put me out every 2 weeks until her rent or light bill was due then again very manipulative and always nothing wasn't good enough glad not be dealing with her a covert narcissist
Two years after marrying a narcissist, I contracted an autoimmune disorder. The past thirty years have been and continue to be a nightmare. All those years, I kept thinking, if I just tried harder, our relationship would be good, again. Not. He has destroyed my health (stratospheric cortisol levels), while my distress seems to feed him and make him stronger. It has been three years, since someone told me about narcissists and, in that one blinding moment, the scales fell away from my eyes - I finally understood everything.
That's exactly where I'm at right now. I blocked her on phone messages and calls social media. 2 days later she was roller skating with another man I walked right past.
@@patrickcenkush519 yes , Write down a love note freeing yourself from that soul tie. Then read it and then burn it. If it is short read it 3x then burn it. Choose your words in the positive light. Bless it and burn it. 💯✨✨✨
I met my ex narc at my last job and we were friends first. I told him alot about what I had been through and reason why my last relationship ended..etc. He ended up doing the same shit to me. He took my past and threw it in my face. He wouldn't defend me(which my dad didnt do much when i was younger), he would abandon me when I needed him most(my mom left us when i was young) he put me down( knew I had low esteem from gaining weight)and he started going online to meet woman to hookup with and not sleeping with me(which is why my relationship before him ended. The guy had a web cam addiction and we barely slept together and I felt like crap like I wasnt attractive or wanted) and then the narc started doing it also and telling me he wasnt they just pooped up when he goes on pornhub. Everything I told him about that I was scared of going through again. He put me through.
My favorite parts of this entire video - “look forward not back” “do not let them see you be upset by their behavior! Bcuz then they know that they have you.” - Direct your energies elsewhere then that vibrational energy of connection that you still have with that person will eventually teeter off and it WILL die! My thoughts to those who are trying to get out… “just follow the light!”
Don’t engage. Don’t get into an argument with them. Don’t react. Be polite and to the point if you have to speak to them. Ignore their attempts to push your buttons. You are a transaction to them, treat them the same, like you are speaking to a clerk in a store. Polite, but not invested in the relationship.
@@carpathianken im a covert narcissist and it possible to change just dont hurt People. I dont feel any good feeling or Superior when i accudentally hurt somebody. I dont minipulate People i could People like this are dangerous and intelligent and evil watch out my dad was one.
Omg yes!! The little tiny "coincidences" that make you feel like you are losing your mind! So many "misunderstandings"!!! If you feel like there are constant, little, tiny misunderstandings and confusions you're not crazy !! Those little things are very much on purpose!
Yes!! They are gaslighting you and it is intentional to make you feel insignificant, break your self-esteem, and make you go crazy. These people are straight up evil. And once you get out of the relationship, you'll soon realize that stuff doesn't happen in your life with ANYONE but the narcissist.
The words "not worthy" really hit home for me. The abuse is soooo subtle, and if you try to bring it to light to others, you end up sounding quite crazy. It is isolating and you end up having to go be on a sort of learning curve as the abuser throws new things at you. In court it is definitely a case of choosing your battles wisely, and letting the narcissistexpose themselves. It takes a sort of savvy that no one should have to learn to have. I managed to get away from the relationship, but I have to co-parent with this person. The amount of mental and emotional strength it takes is exhausting. Thank you for this video because it helps to get through these cycles of abuse! I fear for my daughter, but your videos help me to be strong and to help my 3yo daughter build her own strength agsinst this behavior. I really can't thank you enough for the tools you give us survivors🙏
I'm currently dealing with a whole family narcissistic. They all think I'm crazy because I want nothing to do with any of them. Please pray for me and my son 🙏🏽🙏🏽💜❤️🙏🏽🙏🏽 1luv everyone
I mean I could write a book or make a movie because it's some off the wall stuff and the people who are supposed to help treat me like am crazy. I'm just praying and keeping the faith. So every night before you guy's sleep just pray for us 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽💜❤️💜
Perfectly describes my ex CN! Always the victim, always misunderstood, never accountable, extremely sensitive, intentionally vague, and always lying by omission.
Yes! They are masterful liars, they lie by omission or cherry picking facts and information. They also craft lies based on a kernel of truth. Their aim is plausible deniability in case they get caught. They only have two modes, feeling extremely sorry for themselves or feeling contemptuous towards others. They are also sneaky and secretive. Living with a covert narcissist is a devastating and traumatizing experience.
Wow... Wow... EXACTLY!! DD H., You described in a few words most of my 49 yrs, 9 mos marriage with my covert narc husband! Like Rebecca Zung said, if I’d try to describe something, it would seem petty to others.. no one understood.
@@amelia583 oh my gawd yes!!! ALL-OF-THIS!! Deny, deflect, disregard, then discard. It’s a horribly traumatic cycle. I’m 8 months post break up and still suffering from PTSD.
After experiencing and having two kids with a Malignant Narcissist, a BPD, and a Covert Narcissist all consecutively as an INFJ person, I stayed in Solitude for a whole 9 months and went into deep introspection while obsessed with bossing up in all other areas, I took all the love, money and attention that I gave to them and applied it to myself, which made me realize they never deserved me in the first place. Now I am super highly selective, not everyone deserves access to you, I vet dafuk out of someone I'm interested in and am not afraid to walk away from ANYONE I'm interested in, and best of all I can spot the hideous, repugnant demons I spoke of in my first sentence and know how to repel them.
Yes I feel they are actually Demonic, Possessed as if it's a generational curse. But for general purposes I usually refer to my mother and relatives as being narcasistic or psychopathic. As most people don't seem to believe in demons. My family has made me think by they are real. God bless you and your family.
Get out carefully! My mother put up with it for 20 years it got worse they are fake in front of others outside the family my father threatened his 4 children lives and my mom with a thirty odd six !
@Liz Lauri what are you doing about the abuse now that you became AWARE of the toxic behaviour. Trust me I NEVER knew for 30 years and I'm suffering Mentally today after I was convinced to divorce him to get rid of him COMPLETELY. Fortunately in my case my kids are adults so I don't have to deal with him directly.
This was the best description of a covert I’ve ever heard. People get bits And pieces of it right. But unless she dealt with one of these (God knows what they are) You can’t fully grasp how suttle and sneaky their evil is…
The covert narc I knew would pay for other people's items in the grocery store and get thanked by tearful customers who praised him for being such a "good" man. Minutes later, he would get in the car with me, start a stupid argument, and shout at the top of his lungs, all the way home!
I am now so scared of being a concert naecissist i dont want to be this... I am not materialistic, i can take critics, i want to work on myself. i have had an teeeible childhood and married to a malignant narcissitst, i have ptsd and trails of bpd... I dont like being a victim but swe myself as a wattior rather... Ia m an exteovert... But i always want sympat, 6ji
Yes, Narcissists do that. Constantly on the prowl for fuel and supply. Even a smile from someone that is a complete stranger can fuel supply to a narcissist.
@Good Gracious My one supported his family Financially and made it clear I will not stop him. He promoted the tea lady/office cleaner to a Receptionist position. Encourages an employee in his office who is in an Abusive marriage and comes to work with blue eyes. He spoils his team with special treats. He is just the man, but I'm so" glad his kids are old enough to see him for Who he truly is. True character is what you do when no one is around. Be sure your sins WILL find you out 👍
You can spend a whole lifetime thinking you have a certain relationship with this person only to find out when the mask finally falls, your relationship you thought you had was only YOUR perception. When you find out and then look back as to why you were always so confused, it all falls into place. They were never loyal, they never gave you support or help. And when they kicked you when you were down, you always made excuses that they didnt know they were hurting you...WHEN THEY REALLY DID KNOW THEY WERE HURTING YOU...THEY JUST DIDNT CARE! HEED the warning. When you realize what is going on, and you start to stick up for yourself...you will go down! You will lose! Your family will dote over that poor nice man and blame you! It is quite amazing. When a person tells you something but does another... Focus on the actions, not the words. I wished I understood that. It all makes sense now, but its too late. I am stuck in a neck hold, I feel so ill. I cant make a move, I cant fix it, I cant go away. These people wouldnt hesitate to poison you or kill you if they knew they could get away with it. Pay attention when they talk about guns or poison !!! :(
You should find a way to make him and his family scared of you. Be shameless and have no conscience in your tactics. They are a bit like dogs, it's all a matter of dominance. Good luck and enjoy your dominance over the pack.
Totally! Any time I've asked my husband to either pick something up for me, drop something off he always forgets? After 25+ years I now know who he is. Ironically, after I had a head injury I saw him as he is. Thank you for all the enlightenment. It's all helping me drive my life in the correct direction!💖
When they can't win an argument, silent treatment.You've exposed there evil and the want to punish you for there sins.No need for silence unless your a liar.
Tommy Witte YES Silence, is what he does when I tell him he is lying or a selfish non-empathic jerk, he doesn't like me putting a mirror to his behavior. He has never had a woman stand up to him like me, I do not know how his wife put up with him for 20+ years
This is what mine did when I told him i didnt want him hitting my dog in the face as disciplining. He ignored me for days then asked if I was done argueing when I said I wasnt argueing I was just explaining to you he said I was chastising him and he was going to continue to stay away if he could not discipline his way.
My husband knew that flowers were never my love language but started getting me flowers every month on the 27th because that was the date we got married. But the flowers were always the $3-$5 cheapo ones from the grocery store that half of them were dead. It wasn’t that it was a money issue, he is a corporate CEO. It was just a way of “giving” me something I didn’t want or value and making sure that the quality of the gift spoke volumes to me about my worth to him. And if I didn’t make a big deal out of his half dead small bouquet he would be “hurt”! Ugh!
OMG I literally told my narc boyfriend not to buy me flowers, it’s not my thing, at the beginning of our relationship. What did he buy me for Valentine’s Day every time??? FLOWERS!!!! They do not ever, ever give a shit about you at all!!!
Covert narcissists really are the worst and the gaslighting is such a horrible tactic and it's crazy making. They enjoy doing this to people and in a personal relationship it's devastating.
The gaslighting is appalling, to make someone feel like they can't trust their own judgment is cruel. I have finally learned to trust my own brain and if I genuinely have gotten something wrong then I figure out how that happened and grow from it. I am done with having narcs try to control me and to not want to me to think for myself.
When assisting our aging parents and my brother had completely different takeaways with various situations, and how often can you think, "Huh, that's not how I remember it." I began to document as much as I could. Not easy, but technology helped. Know the recording laws in your state. He still disputes my documentation and attempts to smear and attack me. However, he can't support his any of his accusations (because they are delusions) and I have enough documentation to expose his lies, delusions, and gaslighting through email, texts, and audio recordings. I would rather avoid him but I if he ever harms me or a member of my family, it will become public.
They are so SLY. So many times passing an evening with them and the next day the SUBTEXT of what they said comes back. Hey that wasn't nice. That was a backhanded compliment. What did that mean? That was weird. But they are my good friend? It's your intuition that senses the passive aggressiveness of their words and behaviour ,their true intention and how they cowardly hide their real sentiments. The pit of your stomach will tell you. Trust it and not them.
I'm terrified of my 70 yo brother who is so humble and sweet in front of others esp in church I'm 64 and have nowhere else to go. He loves to terrify me on our two hr trips to town, he tailgates other motorists to within a meter at 140 km per hour, sometimes up to 4x per trip and am terrified to tell him I can't go shopping with him, too afraid to tell him. I cant close my eyes to go to sleep and lay in bed shaking my head to get rid of the flashbacks. We live on the farm where he works and know his boss will put him off the farm immediately and am so afraid to ask for help. All I do is cry
Holy shit, you must know my ex friend! It took me years and years, because like you said your Braintree your gut tells you it isn’t right, then you think about what they said or did later and realize it really wasn’t right, but then you tell yourself that you are wrong because this person is your friend. Luckily I have a good memory that goes back decades. When I finally realized what was happening I went searching my memory or the “weird” incidents that just emend weird or unrelated to other instances, and when I put them all together I felt like I had been hit by a brick wall. They were related! If I had just tied them all together years sooner, I would not feel like I had wasted years being friends with that person.
Yes, your classic, malignant narcissist can at times be very covert and your covert narcissist can sometimes be very overt. They are such damaged souls.
It took me about the same bud, 22-23 years. When I found out, I was crushed to realize the depth & darkness of that illness. Same cycles just different excuses to be down around me yet functioning as normal on the job or social engagements. I'm know on the path to healing as I thanks be to God, truly don't care anymore allowing me to actually experience clear thoughts & direction, real life feels so good, fuckem, mines can stay in the dark pit I found her in. Find yourself again & begin to taste the sweetness of just being alive my friend.
“Look! I made you a gourmet breakfast. Bet you’ve never tried bananas in your scrambled eggs. You’re throwing it away? Well, there ya go; your highness has to have things perfect and just her way, huh? What a brat.” 🤦♀️
The worst is a parent like this. He’s an HR manager. HR ppl have access to medical information, background checks, and employment history. He tried to have me arrested after a physical confrontation that he started. A narcissistic parent that can no longer control their kid and their kid tells them off they will go in a full on rage and that’s what happened. I don’t talk or share things with many ppl he associates with because they probably believe a false narrative. He went to so many ppl to try and get them on his side it’s unbelievable. I went to a funeral visitation recently and he was there. He even tried to tell lies to the family of the deceased. One of them tried to hint at me that I need to bury the hatchet. Disgusting ppl. They get worse as they age too. I think sometimes it’s because they can’t control themselves as well and they’ve burned so many bridges.
You described my 42 years with this c narc. I finally left due to my health. I did file for divorce . Left two years ago. You are spot on with how hurtful and phony and manipulative they are. I can cry thinking about the cruelty and abuse that took place. And no one knew😤😢
I don’t think even we really know until we are out and look back. The only hope for them is all their enablers leave and they uptake therapy with people who understand the spiritual.
My ex is a covert narcissist, he physically, mentally, and emotionally abused me for a year, then when I left he filed a false police report saying I basically did everything he did, convinced his friend to lie for him, and then turned around saying he loved me.....really sick people these narcissists are!
@@lesliel.6260 apparently, I am going to court this upcoming monday. He got a restraining order by lying about me and now he is making police reports that I am breaking the order. He got the restraining order after I left him and now I think he is mad that I am not coming back so he is taking me to court. CRAZINESS. He just wants ATTENTION. So desperate
@@heatherodonnell7901 Well it's crazy behavior from people who are actually crazy but pretend to be sane. If you have evidence against this guy now would be the time, I'd break out text messages, emails ect, and start demanding proof, the reason they do this come to find out is most of them have abandonment issues and leaving them causes a bad narcissistic injury, which is weird considering their behavior is what's usually behind that. But you know how they are - nothing is ever their fault! Of course most survivors don't know that or we all would have left differently.
@@lesliel.6260 My lawyer is on it. I grew up with a grandiose narc father. But I didnt recognize it with my husband because he is a covert. I didnt realize theyre different types or else I wouldve got out sooner. No contact has been a lifesaver. We are so better off without them. I hope you have the resources to defend yourself from your ex. This is no fun place to be. Thats for sure.
I quit most social media because I'm just so tired of the crap on there and what kind of bs is posted about me or anyone else....less drama, the better life is.
I wish I'd known about this 12 years ago...it would have saved me 12 years of hell!! But, I woke up and I'm free. Just leave, take the chance, it's beautiful on the other side. Trust in yourself, you're stronger than you realise.
Wish both of you the best. I'm still working on getting out and hoping she doesn't show up to my door once I leave the situation. She shouldn't cuz she has other responsibilities but ya never know
TOTALLY!!!!!!!! I love you for opening my eyes!!!! I couldn’t figure out my girlfriend of six months until I listened to your videos. Now I completely understand her!!!! Even single thing that you mentioned is exactly what I’m currently experiencing. The more I learn about her and her lies the crazier things get. Whenever I’ve had enough and decide to leave she flips and becomes super nice for awhile to win me back. You’re completely correct I need to turn and run!!!!!
I have spent 10 months of my life with a covert narcissist and watching these videos has made me see the light. She has very nearly caused me to have a full on breakdown. She has feigned crying, illness, reporting me to the police etc etc. Watching these videos has now made me strong enough to reject her when she comes back in the hoovering stage. I can only sum up my time her as hell, not anymore. Thanks for your advice and strength to never all Fiona Walker from Bewdley back into my life again.
I’m legit sitting next to him watching these with my headphones in and he’s just playing a game on his phone. Laughing and giddy. I’m still learning about all of this but everything accurately explains him to the tee.
I ended up marrying one, and living in Colombia with her and her family and it turned out to be a nightmare. All these things your talking about was greatly amplified because she felt she was in complete control. I won’t put up with that kind of behavior on any level ever again.
Have you considered bpd? When I first realized something was up with mine I thought narcissistic but I compared the list of traits and realized it's most definitely bpd his mother however is a covert narc.
At age 75 I finally figured out that my sister is a covid narcissist with thrill seeking personality disorder. I have been trying to help her and "fix" things for her my entire life. Went "no contact" last month. I now have peace and sleeping so much better. Thank you to u-tube. All these years I just thought she had an "anxiety problem." Wow. How much time, tears and money did I waste. I feel sorry for her children. Who all have traits.
“Masters of Manipulation” describes my experience 100% and I could relate when you talk about the hairs on your neck standing up and feeling paralyzed. I have a child with a narc who was/is a master manipulator... and it is exhausting. While we lived together i wanted to put up Christmas decorations but he wouldn’t allow them... I moved out the first week of December (years ago) and he immediately had his floor to ceiling glass window, corner penthouse condo decorated with the largest Christmas tree possible and Christmas lights on all the balconies. Mind you we had met as neighbors living in the same building, I had moved in with him and rented my condo out... when he broke up with me, I had been on an unpaid maternity leave, had no money and a newborn so my renter moved out and I moved back into the condo I owned that was in the same building as his... not ideal but my only option at the time. Every time I would come and go from the building I could see the very impressive Christmas tree and decorations. This was prior to knowing what I know now and was baited by my ex when he told me his new female companion had done the decorating for him and how life in his condo was so much better without me there... pushed all my buttons... I fell for the bait and in a subsequent email I told him he could “shove his Christmas tree up his A!$” that quote has been used against me for 6 years in court over custody of our son. They said it showed I was angry, hostile and bitter over our break up. Knowing what I know now and being aware, educated and empowered I would never have given him that response. I now have to laugh at it because what else can I do... but it’s an example of stealth manipulation that to the outside world looks totally normal... “so what he decorated his condo for Christmas” but it’s really about the manipulation for years of not being allowed to decorate and him knowing it was important to me and then waiting to do it AFTER I had moved out, knowing I would see it every day as a reminder. On our sons first birthday he placed a ridiculous number of large birthday balloons and decorations in the same floor to ceiling glass window wall corner penthouse and even put the curtains down at night leaving the balloons between the windows and the curtains for the world to see.... he left them up for weeks... again they were placed there strategically for me to see everyday and not something he would do by his own nature pull it just to stick it to me... (mind you there was never even a nursery in his condo or any baby toys or items because the didn’t go with the ultra modern bachelor pad corner penthouse decor) by that time was starting to grow and learn and did not give him a response or reaction and I have since moved out of the building and now when he does these manipulative things I just laugh at knowing how insecure he really is. Until you have experience the full weight of a passive aggressive narcissist a person who has never experienced cannot understand what could be so bad about a Christmas tree or birthday decorations left up for weeks. It’s the intention not the action... and now I see that his actions are a sign of his insecurities and weaknesses. I’m human and it still gets under my skin sometime but instead of letting him know I call my girlfriends and we laugh! Thank you for your videos and sharing your knowledge. I have been working on bettering myself and better understanding narcissistic behaviors because I will forever be linked to one. It’s great to know I’m not alone, I’m not crazy and to hear you put into words the things I can’t.
Dear Rashell You are not crazy. Their abuse is real even though a lot of people cannot understand it and think you overreact. The christmas tree and the balloon shows that he is not worthy of your respect
Rachell mia farrow went thru hell in her divorce fromWoody the Pedo, she sent him a paper heart valentine with a real knife thru it..and much much more...but her judge understood the situation and didnt hold it against her... she named one of her kids after that judge, i think. Ps that is kind of rare for a judge.
My ex would bait the hell out of me, pushing buttons (that’s 25 years of knowledge) and he recorded my screaming and yelling and he worked the sound system at our church and dubbed out what he said making me out to be a freaking lunatic. After he married a narc worse than him 45 days after our divorce was final, I thought I was losing my damn mind. Then i figured out he really didn’t want our young son or custody. It was the torturing me and threatening to take my son from me that got him off. Finally I called his bluff, after years of trying to figure out what the hell was happening to me. I said ok, take him. You win. You feel sorry that he has me for a mother? OK. You handle it. All of it. I’ll enjoy the fun times on the weekends as you have, if you saw him at all. My son is autistic and they refuse to acknowledge it to this day. He totally backed out of that threat but trying to get child support out of him when he makes $125,000 plus salary, has been my downfall. He threatens me over and over. In court. Whispering that I “better not pull anything or I’ll be sorry” and I’m looking at the judges face. He became violent after our son was born. I believe it messed with his plan or time with the little Twinky from church. Yeah. It would look bad if he left us right away. So he tortured me. I finally told him to just leave. That was in 2011. They are still saying I’m crazy. The smear those two did to me when I made him leave was so bad, I rarely left my house. There’s hope for you on the custody thing. They really don’t want the kids. They really don’t want to pay for the kids either. You received knowledge and I wish I had sooner to understand their sick game. The forever link will end for me. It’s starting. He doesn’t love my son. Sadly, I’ve lied for that sack of monkey crap but my son is older. He may have a disability but is very bright. He sees things now. I hurt for him. He wants his dad to just like him let alone love him. They do so much damage and offer no apologies or gratitude.
Maybe I am crazy. I don’t know how to get money from him. It’s been $925 since he was four. Before his diagnosis and before he started school. I struggle and will never recover financially. I’m 54, had to pull my 401k to feed and keep a roof over our heads. We just went round and round a couple of days ago about money. Why can’t I hold him accountable for his responsibilities?
Totally 😣 The covert one hides behind mummy and/or daddy issues, covertly playing victim, faking to be innocent. Horrible. Oh hell, the passive aggression is so dangerous for the target's health. Drip, drip, drip.
Where were you when I was going through hell with my ex, clueless therapists and the difficult court system? I will say that at this point in my life - after the court battles and pointless joint therapy - now my daughter and I finally have peace - I can vouch that all you say is totally true. I just wish I had you around when the therapists were dupped by him and my lawyer kept saying I couldn't do anything about it. At 2+ years of this, I finally got through to him that I would NEVER stop fighting until he let her go. Documentation and one amazing Parenting Coordinator who saw right through him saved my daughter.
That’s my ex husband... he’s a doctor and seems so sweet and nice. All the “nice” things he did would be in the guise as for me but they were all things that he wanted and were things that were important to him not me!
My ex husband is a doctor too. Lost his medical license for abusing me and blames me!! It's impossible to lose your medical license. He's like my mom, trying to re-write their narrative! 😂
Yep, mine does not really know what I want and Gives presents to make him look good to my kids and family, then when I don’t praise him I look bad. After knowing for the past 3 yrs that he is a covert narcissist, and telling him what I really want, why is he getting in debt for presents I don’t want when we have not paid for real counseling? I know why, he keeps thinking “ I will forgive him and move on” ......like that will happen! I can forgive him if I leave him, the abusive mind games don’t stop.
TOTALLY! I spent 30 years with one and could never figure out what was going on until now. This is him! I am in a quagmire of a divorce now. He has stalked me and the one close to me...get out! Do not wait 30 years and allow them to ruin your life.
@@jerryp1776 Thank you for your good advice Jerry P. Unfortunately Alaska has a limited pool of attorneys but I am looking for one with such experience. Regarding the telephone, unfortunately He controls all the money since I had to medically retire. I will however be looking into other options. My youngest son who is more tech savvy than I will be up her for a visit starting this weekend and has offered his help. The trick is to do all of these changes without “Him” noticing. Considering he monitors everything several times a day and sets up scenarios where he will ask me questions when he already knows the answer to check if I’m telling him the truth, monitors our shared back account twice a day to see what money I’ve spent and where and has his sister “report” to him, it’s a bit slow going as I’m trying not to make too much “noise” on my exit. I already tried to leave him in the past and I was immediately and I do mean immediate cut off from access to vehicles and all monies. He wouldn’t even give me cab money to get to a friend’s house or for a ride to a hotel. He will try to convince my daughter that I’m being selfish and destroying “our family”, etc. Basically what I’m saying is that I have to take slow and careful steps. Hopefully the one attorney I found that understands narcs can help either by taking me on or by recommending another attorney with similar knowledge but so far I’m having trouble getting a call back. I’m currently down with a lupus flare so I’m sleeping a lot but once I’m up again I’ll be once again on the hunt. If anyone knows of an Alaskan attorney that specializes in dealing with narcissists please let me know. My husband will have wealth and no conscience on his side and I will be at a huge disadvantage.
Totally true. That is my husband who I have been separated from for four months. I am so traumatized by him and his abuse I haven't filed for a divorce yet. He beat me up so much I can't deal with hardly anything. He abused me in every way imaginable. I am losing weight because I keep thinking he is poisoning all my food and he doesn't even know where I am. Thank you for your incredible videos.
I fill your pain and am so sorry my mother went through it and she was 5 feet 6 and was under 100 pounds from the stress! Get out no contact and live the life you truly deserve!
Victoria Levy I lost weight to below 100, was separated for 7 years (!) before I filed for divorce. I went totally no contact after two years. He “respected” it (“no contact” ) for the last 2 years before I filed. Don’t knock yourself for 4-months without filing; you MUST heal some before your divorce so you can have enough self-respect to think clearly through the divorce. It’s not easy, but it’s doable!
Victoria Levy They will do anything. I noticed a family member who doesn’t drive buy antifreeze And when questioned replied, “you never know when you might need it. “ After moving out of that house my “fibromyalgia” let up and then went away. They do leave you wondering when the next shoe will drop.
If I had to choose between a covert or overt, I would choose the overt, at least, I will know what to expect. Also, I believe covert narcissists are flying monkeys for overt narcissists.
That's true, but sometimes you see that narcissistic people also have narcissistic friends. In my situation, my covert narc has a grandiose narc for a best friend. (Who was also our neighbor.... nightmare!!) I offended the grandiose narc when I laughed at him. (He had just told me that "there were two types of people in the world; those who want to be entertained by me and those who want to be me." It was so repellent, that I told him that not everyone is entertained by him and I couldn't imagine anyone wanting to be him. Satisfying, sure, but I paid for it. He hates me.) Anyway....my covert narc and his best friend teamed up against me, and when I realized what was going on, I took my opportunity and got the hell out of there. That was 3 weeks ago. I still have to get a lot of my things and my pets out of there because I'm being sheltered someplace safe, but I have a lot to get done, and it's difficult because of issues caused by the Coronavirus. But I WILL win this, I'm getting stronger every day, I'm armed with as much knowledge as I can possibly get, and life is going to be good again, if it takes every breath I've got left in me to make it my reality!!!! Stay strong, everyone!!! Recovery is not only possible, it's GUARANTEED-- if you make yourself the priority!! ❤️
@@Sekouguru I think in most cases coverts are flying monkeys for overts. Overts are very outspoken and want to lord over others, and coverts are not and go along with things easier
Great content Rebecca. One of the most insidious aspects of being in a relationship with a covert narcissist is that they will convince you (and your friends and family) that *you* are the problem -which of course is terribly damaging and toxic. Sometimes you have to break off all contact.
So glad I found your channel. I have been through and I have heard everything you’re saying from the ex narc. I suffered in silence for 8 years because no one would’ve believed me. He’s so nice outside to everyone but a tormentor to me. Real sick, evil 🦹♀️ people. Discarded and Blocked him and I feel so peaceful and happy now😀 I am a survivor and I’m thriving beautifully 👍
You've described my wife to tee. 27 years of emotional, spiritual and physical abuse. I've quit trying to figure out why I stayed so long. Ive been gone about a year. Life gets better everyday. I'm becoming myself again. I'm a recovering alcoholic/addict bipolar II. Life is a challenge anyway. Much better without a 5 years old child with excellent manipulation skills, a beautiful facade and character construct. I'd told my friends she's got 3 personalities but now understand she may have an infinite number. I wasn't crazy about the :violent bitch" but pardon me she's a girl and she hits like one. It's the carving life to the throat that got my attention. Her eyes so full of total animal rage I'd seen many times. I obviously survived and it took another year before she discarded me for the last time. A man who was really just a customer literally threw my stuff in his car and took me home. It was dead of winter. I was in a black hole of suicidal depression. I lay in bed for 4 weeks, getting up to pee and dump. I tried to eat what he brought me. Smoothies, little cereal and milk. After 4 weeks my funk was unbearable to me with lights out, shades drawn and head under blankets. I got up showered and that began a slow but steady rise into, I don't know what normal feels like so my imagined normal. After another month I was 0n a 1-10 scale 1 being suicidal I was 5ish. It was the worst depressive episode I can remember and I've had hundreds I'm now up to a strong 7 on a.good day and a 5 on a bad one. I keep a journal and try to record a value each week or more if life is in turmoil. Gives me a written record of my emotional state I sometimes look back on many 3 days and always resulting from my wife doing what she did. Let's say I've never seen a term I couldn't pin on her. Maybe I've convinced her to stay away. I'm going no contact for last 3 months. It's been bloody wonderful. I don't care if she boffing some guy in the back of the Camry I bought het. I actually feel empathy for the next fool. Maybe he won't be as pussy whipped as I was.. Thanks for reading. Had to get it off my chest. Much love the eggman
Wow! Brother its jan 4 2021 in 10 days it will have been 2years since i started the long road back. Your story is so eeryly paralel to mine its uncanty. It took well over a year to just be able to lift my head without wanting to commit suicide. I wont get into specifics but ipromise you would be floored at the similarities my friend. I wish you and all that do endure this type of thing the very best. As far as understanding much less helping a true narcisist i hate to ever say it cant be done but its surely a tuff tuff thing to undertake. It just laid waste to my mental emotional and physical health.
@@frankweatherford6848 Wow,thanks for sharing your experience. I've been there to, driven to the despair. So glad you made it.In the horror of your story ,you escaped. That gives me hope that I can make it out of The death trap I'm in. God bless you your story gives me hope. I'm preparing to leave this hell on earth.
Thank you Rebecca, you are truly an angel shedding light on such darkness. I love your bold, tough stand you've taken against them, sharing that insight and courage with us. You cannot be weak and wishy washy with these kinds, you really do have to possess enormous strength, knowledge and power when standing up to one. They can be hard to get rid of and if you stuck like me with a mother and co parent being one, there's no room for any weakness. Going no contact is best but if you have to have some contact you can do it but you need to be STRONG and know their GAME!
One should never ever feel compassion or remorse over a narcissist! That attitude can actually keep you in the relationship and, ultimately, kill your joy in life and, you.
@Nicolette Haketi I assumed I was The ONLY married person going through this and the rollercoaster BEHAVIOUR became the norm for me. He ended up referring to the relationship as rollercoaster after he admitted to being in an affair. In All his affairs he became the sugar daddy.
I’ve been with mine for twelve years. I always knew something was wrong, but never even heard of a narcissist. I finally figured out that he would never change about three years ago. He is truly mentally ill. I call him Zombie, because he is the living dead!
You are spot on. I've been dealing with my now ex wife for nearly 4 years. She goes to church and teaches Sunday school, and teaches in a christian school - on the surface looks to be a perfect person (all a lie). I've been separated from my kids now for nearly a year, and everything is my fault - I'm such a bad person. It's very tough being in this position.
You are describing my ex friend to a T! She seems to think that as long as she “needs” something any method to get it is ok, including manipulating and lying, using etc... and then turns around and preaches about what God would want, and that really she is a good Christian lady who does no wrong.
I dont believe you are the problem. Admitting it shows who the guilty party really is. Also covert narcs hide behind religion often they are cowards in pretty much all ways smh.
Rob, been there. That's parental alienation. She will wreak those children. You need a good lawyer and shrink. Lived it. Don't have a relationship with my kid because I'm a terrible person. However, 16 years post divorce I'm in a peaceful 15 year relationship. Got all my ducks in a row.
Very accurate! I’ve been in divorce proceedings for almost 3 years - after a 50 year marriage. I wish I had known all of this a long time ago. Now, I need to figure out how to recover.
Nancy, I totally understand. It was 47 mostly miserable years of marriage for me. They never change for the better, ever! I am now married to the man of my dreams. I never thought I would experience what a loving marriage was like. Thoughtful, kind, unselfish, generous and so much more. Keep watching videos like this and you will heal. Hugs!
I'm so sorry that you're going through this after 50 years of marriage I think about the 25 years that I wasted with mine and I too wish I had known this stuff 30-40 years ago. And even just a few years ago before I left him would've been so helpful
When I met my ex, her daughter was 4 years old. Years after we were married, I heard my ex tell my step-daughter, “You ruined my life. I had to drop out of college because you were born.” I felt so bad for my step-daughter. My ex always blamed someone for her failures. Totally!
Appear to be victims.. : While having an argument with me about how I should load the dish washer, we get interrupted by our 28 year old daughter who comes to visit. Her father doesn't even lift his head to greet her. Instead he remains seated (like a statue), with his head drooped and a sulky face (like a puppy that has been spanked). Our daughter immediately says : "Mom what did you do to daddy?" (Like daddy is a toddler in need of an adult there to stand up for him). Of course, her father doesn't respond but carries on with with passive aggressiveness. Feels like Mum is the bad character, and Daddy is the damsel in distress. (Notice the difference in referring to parents as Mom - Daddy). Seems like there have been a lot of flying monkeys in our home... Sad, but finding information on narcissistic traits have been so much help. Thank you for your advice.
READ, WAY MORE~IF, YOU DEEM FIT, LOTS, OF MY "TAKER,TYPE OLE PALS, ARE, PART, OF THE 16%, THATS, GOOD TO KNOW, THE 1970s WERE, ULTIMATELY, A NARCISSISTIC DECADE~FOR ME~SCARED, FOR A LADYPAL, A NARCISSIST, WITH SUICIDAL INCLINATIONS, I, CARE FOR VERY MUCH, BUT, I GOT TO THE BOTTOM OF HER DIAGNOSIS~I, SUPPOSE, I'VE EARNED A MINOR DEGREE, ON SUBJECT~BE WELL, INFORM, ONES SELF, DON'T BURN UP, 20 YRS, "OH, THATS, JUST HOW SHE IS"~?
TOTALLY!!! Of all the people who I have heard describe this, your descriptions are the most detailed and accurate from my perspective!!! I am just recently divorced after 24 years from a covert narcissist and I have hundreds of examples of "little" things that were done to me that were so insidious ... You are amazing with your insight and the way you explain things- this is the first time in many years that I feel better about myself and really feel like I understand what was going on... I did feel crazy and I was going crazy trying to figure out what the heck was happening to me... I really feel your videos are helping me heal... Thank you !!
TOTALLY! I am planning my escape at the moment, it's hard as I have such low self esteem at the moment, but am starting to thins positive and move forward.
Learn yourself and the process will be easy. Google and UA-cam “ The Clairs” and discover your inner self. Once you learn thoroughly who you are and what you are you will then be at the point of no return! Good luck my friend 😘
Good ....I was , until I gave up recently haha and decided to try fighting them in court instead, due to lacking others support on both matters , which isn't a secret anymore I wouldn't think.
Yes, the passive-aggressive abuse of covert narcissists often plays out in tiny ways, and your taking offense at them can easily be gaslighted into "You're making a big deal about nothing." It can be as simple as body language. I was walking on a sidewalk with my covert narcissist wife when I noticed that she'd drifted over into my half of the sidewalk, and that I'd have to start walking on the grass if I was to stay side-by-side with her. The message was "Oh, are YOU here?"
My narc used to make sure he always walked on the side of the sidewalk furthest from the street. So subtle until I finally noticed it. After that I intentionally tried to walk on the far side a couple of times but he would find a way to get back over there. It really shouldn't matter when you're just walking down the sidewalk but it did to him.
@@annakurts9381 Yeah, mine would walk ahead of me too. Once we went on a trip to NYC and he took off while we were in Grand Central Station. I started to follow him then I thought, no, if I do, he'll keep it up this whole vacation week. So I just sat down in a slightly different place, took off my coat and hat so he'd have to hunt for me and did some people watching. He came back a few minutes later - "where did you go? I thought you were following me!" I told him it was a big city and we needed to walk Together for safety - he was always going on about how he cared so much about my safety so I basically made him prove it. The joke was on him because I had been to NYC for work many times and it was his first time there.
My narcissist would always run me off of the sidewalk when we went for a walk too! I would say he is a malignant narcissist, very intense, extremely extroverted, sadistic and aggressive.
@@whyohwhy9679 Good manners dictate that a gentleman should always walk on the outside, closer to the road. Been a long tradition since horse & buggy days. My parents were big on correct manners.
My sisters and mothers! So it made sense that I dated men like that! Took years of connecting the dots, therapy, reading books, and listening to good, smart people like you, to finally open my eyes to these terrible people with these nasty behaviors. Thank you!
You are right. I have 52 years by now, living near a covert narcissist,,and even if I knew he was not normal , I did not know he was a covert narcissist. I thought about him being a narcissist , but I had no idea there are quite a few kinds of narcissists, I learned about from the internet..I am very grateful for people like you , who are doing so much to unmask the narcissists, also you help in legal matters , the victims of the narcissists. Thank you.
The only time I got a reaction that showed humanity in my ex is when I looked at him and told him "I hate your guts". 30 years later and I still can't spend any time with him at all. They never change.
Recovering from a covert narcissist that i changed my whole life for everything you have said resonated 100%, deactivated fb after last discard felt like she dropped off the edge of the world, rebuilding my life after nearly a year 🙏
Totally. Spent 13 years in drama and frustration before I figured it out and left for good. No one believes you because they've already targeted you as the one with the problem. Here's the rub: You believe it because you DO become depressed and anxious in that state of constant confusion. They program you into believing the world is unfair and filled with enemies. They're your only hope, your only friend. It's infectious, hard to face within yourself, and ugly as hell when you do. No one wants to hear about the abuse but they certainly know the difference between what I was and what I became. We may not be dealing with blood and bandages, but the wound is deep. A very deep spiritual infection.Thank you, Rebecca Zung. I've watched a lot of vids since I left and I'm grateful for you deep wisdom and willingness to let us know you were also manipulated like this.
Omg. Absolutely my ex. Appealed State Supreme court. Passive aggressive, hot my family to think I'm crazy. I keep winning. He looks nuts but, he keeps gonally motions. He absolutely thinks he's right. 5 judges, parent evaluator, realtor... I have ptsd. 17 years in a marriage and left with 3 boys. Do they stop? He's such a victim Brilliant idiot. Used to make 600,000. Hasnt worked in almost 2 years. Measly job. Somehow he's living in 4 bedroom house. He just filed another motion. YES. GOOD AT HIDING. YES!!!
Wow fucked up who are they I need to know its important that is know if you don't mind answering you can inbox me if you don't want anyone to know thanks
The Message!!! On Point - the little things when you Intuition & gut feeling tells you that something goes wrong but you can’t prove it because it’s tactical perfect „covered“!
Thank you for making these videos. They offer a brief period of sanity for those of us who deal with toxic people. Just left a 20 year marriage to a covert narcissist. Being able to understand what actually happened helps me heal from the abuse.
One of the hardest things for me was leaving the person you love,, thank you for your blessings, this has pretty much crushed me , but you explaining this helps me souch to understand that I have made the proper choice ,it still hurts bad, and what's sad is I'll always love her , and maybe never have another like I had with her,,
“If I’m thinking about them, I’m not in creation mode, I’m not helping other people” ( who probably deserve your help more!) This was a big lesson in my life; a manager who was nickel and dining me, expecting lots of extra hours and so on; and really playing on my guilt and sense of responsibility. A friend said; “Every minute you work for her, is time you’re not spending on your own dreams” 💡!!! ( total epiphany!) That really helped me change my priorities
“Totally” master manipulators. I am in the process of leaving mine of 30 years and it has been a massive step. He didn’t even try to fight for our relationship but rather placed “100%” yes that’s right total blame on me and he is the victim. Ha, what a laugh right? If you ID with these people, RUN for your life sooner than later like me because they DO NOT change. It is a sick and life sucking cycle. Good luck and God Bless.
Reading these comments is like joining virtual support group during this pandemic and listening to people's story I can relate to 99 percent. It is kinda healing.
Totally baffled, I used to fall for his, "I said what I meant and I meant what I said." So I'd ask if he would use different words so that I might understand what he meant. Then I'd hear that same line again. So then I'd say, "My name is Polly. Feed me a cracker. And I'll say it back to you." I didn't understand then that I was giving him his "supply."
I'm in this situation now, I worked for a bigot narcissist for 5 years. When he started to harm my family, I filed a EEO case. He has made lots of people think we are the bad people. Thank you for your insight.
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Amen
@@RebeccaZungEsq I've just discovered your channel and I'm watching one video after the other. I've had to deal with several types of narcissists or at least types that have some of these traits all my life in all circles, from family to work to romance to friends. I've developed ways to "sort of" manage them over the years but your videos are golden and I subscribed already. Too many of these mean creatures make others' lives hell. Thanks for the help.
@@nolagal11 i don't know...
@@nolagal11 he won’t leave, he will keep you there with their tactics and manipulation. best is to leave and move far away.. not easy but that what I eventually had to do to save myself. It worked!
They are the definition of wolves in sheep's clothing
Well you got to be that blade that wolf loves to lick and watch them bleed a lake👑
Devil in disguise
So true
You should read that book. It is a good one. www.drgeorgesimon.com/books/in-sheeps-clothing/
Yes: I lived married & deceived by one for 22 yrs. Left him 2+ yrs ago & have been divorced for 1 yr.
The covert narcissist are the most disguised predators ever imaginable. I thought I knew all kinds of personalities until I met one of these people. I'm never easily fooled my anyone but this person knocked me for 6 when I discovered they were not the kind of person I thought they were. A lovely friendly, kind, respectful person as I thought for several years turned out to be a total fake. Not only fake but borderline evil and so manipulative and a thief aswell. I haven't got over the shock almost 3 years later.
I get that. It’s shocking.
Me either! I’m “co parenting” with him or I’d be no contact in a heartbeat!
It took me 3days of moving in with a cov.narv only because of me being an empath,I caused an narc.injury and that was all I wrote. That Devil came out full force at me.I had to flee for my life leaving my things behind after 3 freekin days. He was jealous bof some of my items like my big 70 inch TV I had moved into his place,he was like a little child who was jealous of my toy,he tried to throw me out for no reason and he could not hide behind this fakeness and when he showed me the real him,he started raging, I knew I had to flee no matter what,I thought he was going too harm me.
musicseamus1231 you just described my ex wife
I'm really shocked as well. But I'm a Christian so I believe God will take care of this entire situation.
There's a huge need for Support groups for survivors of narcissistic abuse.
They remind me of that cute cartoon character who is smiling looking at you while they are holding a big wooden hammer behind their back just waiting to whomp you with it.
Truth
Great analogy 👏
Omg I actually get that, it was funny as a kid, I dont think it's funny anymore though.
Spot on! Lol! I have been praying for my ex covert narc’s new husband, that he would wake up and get out while he can! I am sure he is a good person...no one deserves the wicked abuse these demons dish out
@@freeindeed5393 you are rught about dishing out punishment! I was a punching bag last year. It was so confusing in the times I've run into her at my gym this spring at while nasty at first when she realized I wasn't going to engage her she turned super nice, in fact the nicest every to me that long. She vanished a several weeks ago and since then I left the gym so hopefully I'm a memory in the past. Best of luck to the person you know getting through their experiences.
Because they're good at playing the victim, appearing innocent, keeping up appearances while they mess with your mind. They don't seem like a narcissist at first because of their fake friendliness and sweetness. They often present themselves as altruistic when they're not. And another I overlooked is that they're indeed good at hiding their manipulation.
They are also very good at manipulating each person in a different way. They learn what buttons to push with each individual person, so that they always get what they want.
@@amymason6234 they are very good at ingratiating themselves with your friends, but are so insecure and they try to make you insecure, that's where your strong will comes in to keep saying to yourself " they have THE problem " it works for me ..
spot on
They hide their true predator self disguised as a happy-go-lucky charismatic person. They act like a toddler when you call them out on their lies or disrespect. Narcs are PURE EVIL; especially the covert narcissist. Karma will find ‘em one day! They have no empathy, no conscience… just FAKE 🖤 emotions.
Exactly. And the "shocking" thing about this "sweet" person is when you hear the toxic vitriol that can come out of their mouth when they rant constantly about people (behind their backs of course) whom they perceive have "hurt" them. They will repeat an endless litany of accusations against someone else and somehow they themselves are always saintly and long-suffering. They continue to be "nice" to their faces. Two-faced!
Absolutely 100% so true. Living and dealing with this type of personality is so damaging. By the time you realize what's happened, you're shattered in a million pieces. AND NOT 1 PERSON SEES OR BELIEVES YOU! AMEN, sister!
And when you leave they’ll call up your family and cry to them about how sad they are and miss you and love you and want you back so bad. This is after spending years treating you like an incompetent child
Sooo true about being in a million pieces by the time you realize them for what they truly are. I described it just this morning with what I felt was an epiphany as having to dig myself out from all of the rubble that their earthquake behavior caused me to be at the rock bottom of my destroyed life that was no house of cards before the abusive trauma struck.
And that lack of understanding and belief from others adds significantly to the abuse you already experienced. It is a lonely hell until you find someone who understands.
So true! My husband comes off as this nice demure guy and he is so not that. He is emotionally abusive and neglectful! He will spend hours on end at church with friends and leaves me at home in a run down home at that. We have 3 different cabinets, floor linoleum as a backsplash. 1 light that is not good by any stretch of the imagination. We have industrial type wall covering for our shower walls. The list is endless.
He told me to go get a lawyer for a divorce and was mad when I had to put a retainer down. I can’t win! I can’t wait to leave.
I wish I had seen these years ago. Living with one can be devastating to your mental and physical health.
Crazy how many of them there are enabled by other narcissistic enablers
I know bro I was living with one she put me out every 2 weeks until her rent or light bill was due then again very manipulative and always nothing wasn't good enough glad not be dealing with her a covert narcissist
Exactly there is a high incidence of autoimmune disease in victims of narcissist abuse
Two years after marrying a narcissist, I contracted an autoimmune disorder. The past thirty years have been and continue to be a nightmare. All those years, I kept thinking, if I just tried harder, our relationship would be good, again. Not. He has destroyed my health (stratospheric cortisol levels), while my distress seems to feed him and make him stronger. It has been three years, since someone told me about narcissists and, in that one blinding moment, the scales fell away from my eyes - I finally understood everything.
@@sweorfan6844 I am going no contact as soon as my divorce comes through. Moving states and never looking back.
The best tip I ever got was to ignore them forever.
That's exactly where I'm at right now. I blocked her on phone messages and calls social media. 2 days later she was roller skating with another man I walked right past.
@@patrickcenkush519 stay strong. I'm trying to just let it go and did a ceremony last night to help the energy move forward.
@@patrickcenkush519 yes , Write down a love note freeing yourself from that soul tie. Then read it and then burn it. If it is short read it 3x then burn it. Choose your words in the positive light. Bless it and burn it. 💯✨✨✨
@@uriellevelupriley684 Thank you!!
I’ve blocked them today, I should have done it ages ago, thanks Rebecca, I appreciate your help, thank you xxx
Going through a divorce with a covert narcissist. Total nightmare!
They will also used your past against you. Anything you did or said in the past will be brought up to guilt you.
Everyone does that!! What are you talking about?? Gezzz!!
Yes
I met my ex narc at my last job and we were friends first. I told him alot about what I had been through and reason why my last relationship ended..etc. He ended up doing the same shit to me. He took my past and threw it in my face. He wouldn't defend me(which my dad didnt do much when i was younger), he would abandon me when I needed him most(my mom left us when i was young) he put me down( knew I had low esteem from gaining weight)and he started going online to meet woman to hookup with and not sleeping with me(which is why my relationship before him ended. The guy had a web cam addiction and we barely slept together and I felt like crap like I wasnt attractive or wanted) and then the narc started doing it also and telling me he wasnt they just pooped up when he goes on pornhub. Everything I told him about that I was scared of going through again. He put me through.
Yep, forever
@@acemany1126 they do? No they don’t. I don’t. I know know one person who does that
Did you know that "narcissist" spelled backwards is "douchebag"?
Hey, if they can make crap up then so can we.
Thanks for the laugh!
Just funny?
I love it!
You’re awesome my friend! You’re awesome
Haha i needed this
My favorite parts of this entire video - “look forward not back” “do not let them see you be upset by their behavior! Bcuz then they know that they have you.” - Direct your energies elsewhere then that vibrational energy of connection that you still have with that person will eventually teeter off and it WILL die! My thoughts to those who are trying to get out… “just follow the light!”
Don’t engage. Don’t get into an argument with them. Don’t react. Be polite and to the point if you have to speak to them. Ignore their attempts to push your buttons. You are a transaction to them, treat them the same, like you are speaking to a clerk in a store. Polite, but not invested in the relationship.
This comment is genius, safe & practical
Excellently worded 🏆 Great to diligently practice in all situations and with all persons/personalities in my personal opinion ✔️
😂😂😂 Good tip but it's just a lot of work 😩
Totally
@@carpathianken im a covert narcissist and it possible to change just dont hurt People.
I dont feel any good feeling or Superior when i accudentally hurt somebody.
I dont minipulate People i could People like this are dangerous and intelligent and evil watch out my dad was one.
Omg yes!! The little tiny "coincidences" that make you feel like you are losing your mind! So many "misunderstandings"!!! If you feel like there are constant, little, tiny misunderstandings and confusions you're not crazy !! Those little things are very much on purpose!
What you said is so on point!
They're absolutely deliberate with 20/20 hindsight
Yes!! They are gaslighting you and it is intentional to make you feel insignificant, break your self-esteem, and make you go crazy. These people are straight up evil. And once you get out of the relationship, you'll soon realize that stuff doesn't happen in your life with ANYONE but the narcissist.
And then get called crazy.
Yes, I found this out.
The words "not worthy" really hit home for me. The abuse is soooo subtle, and if you try to bring it to light to others, you end up sounding quite crazy. It is isolating and you end up having to go be on a sort of learning curve as the abuser throws new things at you. In court it is definitely a case of choosing your battles wisely, and letting the narcissistexpose themselves. It takes a sort of savvy that no one should have to learn to have. I managed to get away from the relationship, but I have to co-parent with this person. The amount of mental and emotional strength it takes is exhausting. Thank you for this video because it helps to get through these cycles of abuse! I fear for my daughter, but your videos help me to be strong and to help my 3yo daughter build her own strength agsinst this behavior. I really can't thank you enough for the tools you give us survivors🙏
Did she abuse you with finances also?
I'm currently dealing with a whole family narcissistic. They all think I'm crazy because I want nothing to do with any of them. Please pray for me and my son 🙏🏽🙏🏽💜❤️🙏🏽🙏🏽 1luv everyone
Praying for you & your son 💜
Bless you sweetie!
I mean I could write a book or make a movie because it's some off the wall stuff and the people who are supposed to help treat me like am crazy. I'm just praying and keeping the faith. So every night before you guy's sleep just pray for us 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽💜❤️💜
Prayers ascending❤️
I am also dealing with that also. I refuse to be part of the system and I don’t enjoy their freaking web of inmeshment
Perfectly describes my ex CN! Always the victim, always misunderstood, never accountable, extremely sensitive, intentionally vague, and always lying by omission.
Yes! They are masterful liars, they lie by omission or cherry picking facts and information. They also craft lies based on a kernel of truth. Their aim is plausible deniability in case they get caught. They only have two modes, feeling extremely sorry for themselves or feeling contemptuous towards others. They are also sneaky and secretive. Living with a covert narcissist is a devastating and traumatizing experience.
@@amelia583 Great description of my soon to be ex
exactly! 15 years married to that. left 10 years ago, now he is back to destroy my relationship with my daughter.
Wow... Wow... EXACTLY!! DD H., You described in a few words most of my 49 yrs, 9 mos marriage with my covert narc husband! Like Rebecca Zung said, if I’d try to describe something, it would seem petty to others.. no one understood.
@@amelia583 oh my gawd yes!!! ALL-OF-THIS!! Deny, deflect, disregard, then discard. It’s a horribly traumatic cycle. I’m 8 months post break up and still suffering from PTSD.
After experiencing and having two kids with a Malignant Narcissist, a BPD, and a Covert Narcissist all consecutively as an INFJ person, I stayed in Solitude for a whole 9 months and went into deep introspection while obsessed with bossing up in all other areas, I took all the love, money and attention that I gave to them and applied it to myself, which made me realize they never deserved me in the first place.
Now I am super highly selective, not everyone deserves access to you, I vet dafuk out of someone I'm interested in and am not afraid to walk away from ANYONE I'm interested in, and best of all I can spot the hideous, repugnant demons I spoke of in my first sentence and know how to repel them.
INFJ too. I think they can spot us from a mile away!
It was like being trapped with a Satanist and being a scapegoat for their sacrifice!
Right
Literally the God's honest truth friend
They're tough to recognize especially when they are your parents
Hope you are feeling better now. God bless you.
Yes I feel they are actually Demonic, Possessed as if it's a generational curse.
But for general purposes I usually refer to my mother and relatives as being narcasistic or psychopathic. As most people don't seem to believe in demons.
My family has made me think by they are real.
God bless you and your family.
I’m married to a covert narcissist! He prides himself on his good reputation but destroys myself and my children’s character when he’s angry. 😢
Get out carefully! My mother put up with it for 20 years it got worse they are fake in front of others outside the family my father threatened his 4 children lives and my mom with a thirty odd six !
@Liz Lauri what are you doing about the abuse now that you became AWARE of the toxic behaviour. Trust me I NEVER knew for 30 years and I'm suffering Mentally today after I was convinced to divorce him to get rid of him COMPLETELY. Fortunately in my case my kids are adults so I don't have to deal with him directly.
Liz Lauro, if you're way is clear or can be made clear with logistical changes you MUST get you and your children away from them pronto!
Same situation but no children.He’s a beast with me and an angel in front of others
They can become
Murders of their wives went on a vacation n the wife n kids went missing ....
This was the best description of a covert I’ve ever heard. People get bits And pieces of it right. But unless she dealt with one of these (God knows what they are) You can’t fully grasp how suttle and sneaky their evil is…
The covert narc I knew would pay for other people's items in the grocery store and get thanked by tearful customers who praised him for being such a "good" man. Minutes later, he would get in the car with me, start a stupid argument, and shout at the top of his lungs, all the way home!
I am now so scared of being a concert naecissist i dont want to be this... I am not materialistic, i can take critics, i want to work on myself. i have had an teeeible childhood and married to a malignant narcissitst, i have ptsd and trails of bpd... I dont like being a victim but swe myself as a wattior rather... Ia m an exteovert... But i always want sympat, 6ji
Yes, Narcissists do that. Constantly on the prowl for fuel and supply. Even a smile from someone that is a complete stranger can fuel supply to a narcissist.
@Good Gracious My one supported his family Financially and made it clear I will not stop him. He promoted the tea lady/office cleaner to a Receptionist position. Encourages an employee in his office who is in an Abusive marriage and comes to work with blue eyes. He spoils his team with special treats. He is just the man, but I'm so" glad his kids are old enough to see him for Who he truly is. True character is what you do when no one is around. Be sure your sins WILL find you out 👍
@@janemuller2066 Yes. They get away with putting on a good samaritan persona and no one suspects the fakeness.
My Narc is similar. Someone said to me, “he has a good heart”. He cleaned her gutters. Then caos in my home.
You can spend a whole lifetime thinking you have a certain relationship with this person only to find out when the mask finally falls, your relationship you thought you had was only YOUR perception. When you find out and then look back as to why you were always so confused, it all falls into place. They were never loyal, they never gave you support or help. And when they kicked you when you were down, you always made excuses that they didnt know they were hurting you...WHEN THEY REALLY DID KNOW THEY WERE HURTING YOU...THEY JUST DIDNT CARE! HEED the warning. When you realize what is going on, and you start to stick up for yourself...you will go down! You will lose! Your family will dote over that poor nice man and blame you! It is quite amazing.
When a person tells you something but does another... Focus on the actions, not the words. I wished I understood that. It all makes sense now, but its too late. I am stuck in a neck hold, I feel so ill. I cant make a move, I cant fix it, I cant go away. These people wouldnt hesitate to poison you or kill you if they knew they could get away with it. Pay attention when they talk about guns or poison !!! :(
You should find a way to make him and his family scared of you. Be shameless and have no conscience in your tactics. They are a bit like dogs, it's all a matter of dominance. Good luck and enjoy your dominance over the pack.
Yes, Colleen, many poison those close to them or make it look like an “accident” and harm others.
So true the one I was dealing with bought a riffle and working for MILWAUKEE POLICE & SHE'S A DISPATCHER CRAZY
@@tamarathejudeochristianmedium Gladly I got outta there when I did I blocked all contact through her even blocked her son
Everything you wrote is exactly what I have learned about my (now) ex-husband! I wish I knew about these con-artists years ago!
Totally! Any time I've asked my husband to either pick something up for me, drop something off he always forgets? After 25+ years I now know who he is. Ironically, after I had a head injury I saw him as he is. Thank you for all the enlightenment. It's all helping me drive my life in the correct direction!💖
Annie Munn,You look cute 🌷🌹,Hope you are not with a narcissist!
The tell tail sign is extreme selfishness, self centered, egocentric, insecure. Basically just a taker
while they´re describing themselves as a giver
My guy is a giver but still a covert narcissist.
@@thecatebeling they only give to get they are Disgusting demons 🤬👹✍🏼
@@uknowmestalker4446 no I don't know u , and know I've never actually stalked anyone before lol!
I wonder ? If a person can be the opposite for a while ? and then go the other direction ? After being fed up ?
When they can't win an argument, silent treatment.You've exposed there evil and the want to punish you for there sins.No need for silence unless your a liar.
Tommy Witte
YES
Silence, is what he does when I tell him he is lying or a selfish non-empathic jerk, he doesn't like me putting a mirror to his behavior.
He has never had a woman stand up to him like me, I do not know how his wife put up with him for 20+ years
When I aas planning my exit, their silent treatments were golden!
Agree
This is what mine did when I told him i didnt want him hitting my dog in the face as disciplining. He ignored me for days then asked if I was done argueing when I said I wasnt argueing I was just explaining to you he said I was chastising him and he was going to continue to stay away if he could not discipline his way.
@@nt4590 a man that is abusive to an Animal is dangerous to humans too, get out of there. .
My husband knew that flowers were never my love language but started getting me flowers every month on the 27th because that was the date we got married. But the flowers were always the $3-$5 cheapo ones from the grocery store that half of them were dead. It wasn’t that it was a money issue, he is a corporate CEO. It was just a way of “giving” me something I didn’t want or value and making sure that the quality of the gift spoke volumes to me about my worth to him. And if I didn’t make a big deal out of his half dead small bouquet he would be “hurt”! Ugh!
Yep! I look back and the only thing my ex gave me in over a year was a cheap card and the $3 flowers. Just shows that I was not worth a thing to him.
OMG I literally told my narc boyfriend not to buy me flowers, it’s not my thing, at the beginning of our relationship. What did he buy me for Valentine’s Day every time??? FLOWERS!!!! They do not ever, ever give a shit about you at all!!!
Covert narcissists really are the worst and the gaslighting is such a horrible tactic and it's crazy making. They enjoy doing this to people and in a personal relationship it's devastating.
The gaslighting is appalling, to make someone feel like they can't trust their own judgment is cruel. I have finally learned to trust my own brain and if I genuinely have gotten something wrong then I figure out how that happened and grow from it. I am done with having narcs try to control me and to not want to me to think for myself.
after being with one for 9 years I feel like I constantly forget things
When assisting our aging parents and my brother had completely different takeaways with various situations, and how often can you think, "Huh, that's not how I remember it." I began to document as much as I could. Not easy, but technology helped. Know the recording laws in your state. He still disputes my documentation and attempts to smear and attack me. However, he can't support his any of his accusations (because they are delusions) and I have enough documentation to expose his lies, delusions, and gaslighting through email, texts, and audio recordings. I would rather avoid him but I if he ever harms me or a member of my family, it will become public.
The proof they are toxic is I feel so relaxed without them around
I don’t want their energy in my space!
The sounds that are popping up suit the subject perfectly!! This is how dangerous they are!!! Monsters and you don’t even know it!!
They are so SLY. So many times passing an evening with them and the next day the SUBTEXT of what they said comes back. Hey that wasn't nice. That was a backhanded compliment. What did that mean? That was weird. But they are my good friend? It's your intuition that senses the passive aggressiveness of their words and behaviour ,their true intention and how they cowardly hide their real sentiments. The pit of your stomach will tell you. Trust it and not them.
YES! that hot,sick feeling in your stomach.Feel it,and listen to it and DON'T give a second or third or fourth chance.
I'm terrified of my 70 yo brother who is so humble and sweet in front of others esp in church I'm 64 and have nowhere else to go. He loves to terrify me on our two hr trips to town, he tailgates other motorists to within a meter at 140 km per hour, sometimes up to 4x per trip and am terrified to tell him I can't go shopping with him, too afraid to tell him. I cant close my eyes to go to sleep and lay in bed shaking my head to get rid of the flashbacks. We live on the farm where he works and know his boss will put him off the farm immediately and am so afraid to ask for help. All I do is cry
omg.... so True
Holy shit, you must know my ex friend! It took me years and years, because like you said your Braintree your gut tells you it isn’t right, then you think about what they said or did later and realize it really wasn’t right, but then you tell yourself that you are wrong because this person is your friend. Luckily I have a good memory that goes back decades. When I finally realized what was happening I went searching my memory or the “weird” incidents that just emend weird or unrelated to other instances, and when I put them all together I felt like I had been hit by a brick wall. They were related! If I had just tied them all together years sooner, I would not feel like I had wasted years being friends with that person.
10000%
Yes, your classic, malignant narcissist can at times be very covert and your covert narcissist can sometimes be very overt. They are such damaged souls.
these people will make you hurt them they will attack you for no reason
It took me 22 years to realize my wife is a narc. You just made me realize what type she is
It took me about the same bud, 22-23 years. When I found out, I was crushed to realize the depth & darkness of that illness. Same cycles just different excuses to be down around me yet functioning as normal on the job or social engagements. I'm know on the path to healing as I thanks be to God, truly don't care anymore allowing me to actually experience clear thoughts & direction, real life feels so good, fuckem, mines can stay in the dark pit I found her in. Find yourself again & begin to taste the sweetness of just being alive my friend.
They'll say, "I was just trying to help"!
"Look I cooked your favourite meal." In the Lenten Season.
“Look! I made you a gourmet breakfast. Bet you’ve never tried bananas in your scrambled eggs. You’re throwing it away? Well, there ya go; your highness has to have things perfect and just her way, huh? What a brat.” 🤦♀️
Very true they pretend they're helping you by covering their evil plans.
The worst is a parent like this. He’s an HR manager. HR ppl have access to medical information, background checks, and employment history. He tried to have me arrested after a physical confrontation that he started. A narcissistic parent that can no longer control their kid and their kid tells them off they will go in a full on rage and that’s what happened. I don’t talk or share things with many ppl he associates with because they probably believe a false narrative. He went to so many ppl to try and get them on his side it’s unbelievable. I went to a funeral visitation recently and he was there. He even tried to tell lies to the family of the deceased. One of them tried to hint at me that I need to bury the hatchet. Disgusting ppl. They get worse as they age too. I think sometimes it’s because they can’t control themselves as well and they’ve burned so many bridges.
You described my 42 years with this c narc. I finally left due to my health. I did file for divorce . Left two years ago. You are spot on with how hurtful and phony and manipulative they are. I can cry thinking about the cruelty and abuse that took place. And no one knew😤😢
I don’t think even we really know until we are out and look back. The only hope for them is all their enablers leave and they uptake therapy with people who understand the spiritual.
Gosh 42 years 😳
My ex is a covert narcissist, he physically, mentally, and emotionally abused me for a year, then when I left he filed a false police report saying I basically did everything he did, convinced his friend to lie for him, and then turned around saying he loved me.....really sick people these narcissists are!
girl same
@@heatherodonnell7901 I have been hearing that fake police reports are common for these cowards
@@lesliel.6260 apparently, I am going to court this upcoming monday. He got a restraining order by lying about me and now he is making police reports that I am breaking the order. He got the restraining order after I left him and now I think he is mad that I am not coming back so he is taking me to court. CRAZINESS. He just wants ATTENTION. So desperate
@@heatherodonnell7901 Well it's crazy behavior from people who are actually crazy but pretend to be sane. If you have evidence against this guy now would be the time, I'd break out text messages, emails ect, and start demanding proof, the reason they do this come to find out is most of them have abandonment issues and leaving them causes a bad narcissistic injury, which is weird considering their behavior is what's usually behind that. But you know how they are - nothing is ever their fault! Of course most survivors don't know that or we all would have left differently.
@@lesliel.6260 My lawyer is on it. I grew up with a grandiose narc father. But I didnt recognize it with my husband because he is a covert. I didnt realize theyre different types or else I wouldve got out sooner. No contact has been a lifesaver. We are so better off without them. I hope you have the resources to defend yourself from your ex. This is no fun place to be. Thats for sure.
I quit most social media because I'm just so tired of the crap on there and what kind of bs is posted about me or anyone else....less drama, the better life is.
I wish I'd known about this 12 years ago...it would have saved me 12 years of hell!! But, I woke up and I'm free. Just leave, take the chance, it's beautiful on the other side. Trust in yourself, you're stronger than you realise.
Yes, it took me 11.5 years. I feel so broken down but I know I will get through this. Thanks for your inspiration.
You're so welcome ☺ I wish you happiness and healing 💖
Wish both of you the best. I'm still working on getting out and hoping she doesn't show up to my door once I leave the situation. She shouldn't cuz she has other responsibilities but ya never know
@@Respect2theFallen you did the right thing. Look after yourself first. Sending supportive hugs! You got this.
@@Respect2theFallen Hide and use a PO box for an address.
It’s so hard to counter them when everyone thinks they’re the victim. I was also confused by the passive aggressive games. I get it now. 🤦🏻♀️
Or everyone thinks they are a reasonable, rational, generous, caring, concerned, compassionate person!!!!
@@mst2628 let them think that and leave all of them. The narc will treat them the way he treated you and they'll eventually understand
Yep. I thought the previous friends who walked away feeling uncomfortable and anxious were weird - until I felt the same.
I owe them an apology!
TOTALLY! Thank you for the info. It’s reassuring knowing I’m not losing my mind. Describes my situation to a T!
TOTALLY!!!!!!!!
I love you for opening my eyes!!!!
I couldn’t figure out my girlfriend of six months until I listened to your videos.
Now I completely understand her!!!!
Even single thing that you mentioned is exactly what I’m currently experiencing.
The more I learn about her and her lies the crazier things get.
Whenever I’ve had enough and decide to leave she flips and becomes super nice for awhile to win me back.
You’re completely correct I need to turn and run!!!!!
Happy to hear that! Good luck with a good life
U forgot to list the mostest danger-est of all covert narcs: the parental one.
People gratulated me for having such a wonderfull mother. Little they knew... Years of therapy couldn't fix it all.
I have spent 10 months of my life with a covert narcissist and watching these videos has made me see the light. She has very nearly caused me to have a full on breakdown. She has feigned crying, illness, reporting me to the police etc etc.
Watching these videos has now made me strong enough to reject her when she comes back in the hoovering stage.
I can only sum up my time her as hell, not anymore. Thanks for your advice and strength to never all Fiona Walker from Bewdley back into my life again.
"they get supply by building themselves up and cutting you down"
Yes yes and yes girl you nailed it
Devaluing by breadcrumbing.
I agree
I’m legit sitting next to him watching these with my headphones in and he’s just playing a game on his phone. Laughing and giddy. I’m still learning about all of this but everything accurately explains him to the tee.
I ended up marrying one, and living in Colombia with her and her family and it turned out to be a nightmare. All these things your talking about was greatly amplified because she felt she was in complete control. I won’t put up with that kind of behavior on any level ever again.
Same. I'm learning so much about him. Knowledge is power. His antics are predictable now
Have you considered bpd?
When I first realized something was up with mine I thought narcissistic but I compared the list of traits and realized it's most definitely bpd his mother however is a covert narc.
@@patrickcurtis11 Yikes! It sounds like you got out of that relationship (and country?) I truly wish you all the best.
Literally doing the same with my AirPods on 😂😂😂
Your empathy and wisdom are amazing, Rebecca. Thank you!
Glad I could help. You got this! ❤
I have an expresion they feed you with empty spoon.
My favorite is; When the *devil* can't reach you, he sends a narcissist.
My expression is smiling assassin.
Very very true...
"Feed you with an empty spoon." This is so accurate.
Yes. I like to say, induce you to drink from an empty cup.
Hence all those around you act like you are so lucky, “He just adores you”. WHAT? Hahahah, not!
That's funny
Totally
Yep.. 🤮
Yep, this insanity has been my existence. Almost over!
Oh yes, they don’t see behind closed doors
At age 75 I finally figured out that my sister is a covid narcissist with thrill seeking personality disorder. I have been trying to help her and "fix" things for her my entire life. Went "no contact" last month. I now have peace and sleeping so much better. Thank you to u-tube. All these years I just thought she had an "anxiety problem." Wow. How much time, tears and money did I waste. I feel sorry for her children. Who all have traits.
“Masters of Manipulation” describes my experience 100% and I could relate when you talk about the hairs on your neck standing up and feeling paralyzed. I have a child with a narc who was/is a master manipulator... and it is exhausting. While we lived together i wanted to put up Christmas decorations but he wouldn’t allow them... I moved out the first week of December (years ago) and he immediately had his floor to ceiling glass window, corner penthouse condo decorated with the largest Christmas tree possible and Christmas lights on all the balconies. Mind you we had met as neighbors living in the same building, I had moved in with him and rented my condo out... when he broke up with me, I had been on an unpaid maternity leave, had no money and a newborn so my renter moved out and I moved back into the condo I owned that was in the same building as his... not ideal but my only option at the time. Every time I would come and go from the building I could see the very impressive Christmas tree and decorations. This was prior to knowing what I know now and was baited by my ex when he told me his new female companion had done the decorating for him and how life in his condo was so much better without me there... pushed all my buttons... I fell for the bait and in a subsequent email I told him he could “shove his Christmas tree up his A!$” that quote has been used against me for 6 years in court over custody of our son. They said it showed I was angry, hostile and bitter over our break up. Knowing what I know now and being aware, educated and empowered I would never have given him that response. I now have to laugh at it because what else can I do... but it’s an example of stealth manipulation that to the outside world looks totally normal... “so what he decorated his condo for Christmas” but it’s really about the manipulation for years of not being allowed to decorate and him knowing it was important to me and then waiting to do it AFTER I had moved out, knowing I would see it every day as a reminder.
On our sons first birthday he placed a ridiculous number of large birthday balloons and decorations in the same floor to ceiling glass window wall corner penthouse and even put the curtains down at night leaving the balloons between the windows and the curtains for the world to see.... he left them up for weeks... again they were placed there strategically for me to see everyday and not something he would do by his own nature pull it just to stick it to me... (mind you there was never even a nursery in his condo or any baby toys or items because the didn’t go with the ultra modern bachelor pad corner penthouse decor) by that time was starting to grow and learn and did not give him a response or reaction and I have since moved out of the building and now when he does these manipulative things I just laugh at knowing how insecure he really is.
Until you have experience the full weight of a passive aggressive narcissist a person who has never experienced cannot understand what could be so bad about a Christmas tree or birthday decorations left up for weeks. It’s the intention not the action... and now I see that his actions are a sign of his insecurities and weaknesses. I’m human and it still gets under my skin sometime but instead of letting him know I call my girlfriends and we laugh!
Thank you for your videos and sharing your knowledge. I have been working on bettering myself and better understanding narcissistic behaviors because I will forever be linked to one. It’s great to know I’m not alone, I’m not crazy and to hear you put into words the things I can’t.
Dear Rashell
You are not crazy. Their abuse is real even though a lot of people cannot understand it and think you overreact. The christmas tree and the balloon shows that he is not worthy of your respect
Exactly
Rachell mia farrow went thru hell in her divorce fromWoody the Pedo, she sent him a paper heart valentine with a real knife thru it..and much much more...but her judge understood the situation and didnt hold it against her... she named one of her kids after that judge, i think. Ps that is kind of rare for a judge.
My ex would bait the hell out of me, pushing buttons (that’s 25 years of knowledge) and he recorded my screaming and yelling and he worked the sound system at our church and dubbed out what he said making me out to be a freaking lunatic. After he married a narc worse than him 45 days after our divorce was final, I thought I was losing my damn mind. Then i figured out he really didn’t want our young son or custody. It was the torturing me and threatening to take my son from me that got him off. Finally I called his bluff, after years of trying to figure out what the hell was happening to me. I said ok, take him. You win. You feel sorry that he has me for a mother? OK. You handle it. All of it. I’ll enjoy the fun times on the weekends as you have, if you saw him at all. My son is autistic and they refuse to acknowledge it to this day. He totally backed out of that threat but trying to get child support out of him when he makes $125,000 plus salary, has been my downfall. He threatens me over and over. In court. Whispering that I “better not pull anything or I’ll be sorry” and I’m looking at the judges face. He became violent after our son was born. I believe it messed with his plan or time with the little Twinky from church. Yeah. It would look bad if he left us right away. So he tortured me. I finally told him to just leave. That was in 2011. They are still saying I’m crazy. The smear those two did to me when I made him leave was so bad, I rarely left my house. There’s hope for you on the custody thing. They really don’t want the kids. They really don’t want to pay for the kids either. You received knowledge and I wish I had sooner to understand their sick game. The forever link will end for me. It’s starting. He doesn’t love my son. Sadly, I’ve lied for that sack of monkey crap but my son is older. He may have a disability but is very bright. He sees things now. I hurt for him. He wants his dad to just like him let alone love him. They do so much damage and offer no apologies or gratitude.
Maybe I am crazy. I don’t know how to get money from him. It’s been $925 since he was four. Before his diagnosis and before he started school. I struggle and will never recover financially. I’m 54, had to pull my 401k to feed and keep a roof over our heads. We just went round and round a couple of days ago about money. Why can’t I hold him accountable for his responsibilities?
Totally 😣 The covert one hides behind mummy and/or daddy issues, covertly playing victim, faking to be innocent. Horrible. Oh hell, the passive aggression is so dangerous for the target's health. Drip, drip, drip.
Johnny Depp
Where were you when I was going through hell with my ex, clueless therapists and the difficult court system? I will say that at this point in my life - after the court battles and pointless joint therapy - now my daughter and I finally have peace - I can vouch that all you say is totally true. I just wish I had you around when the therapists were dupped by him and my lawyer kept saying I couldn't do anything about it. At 2+ years of this, I finally got through to him that I would NEVER stop fighting until he let her go. Documentation and one amazing Parenting Coordinator who saw right through him saved my daughter.
That’s my ex husband... he’s a doctor and seems so sweet and nice. All the “nice” things he did would be in the guise as for me but they were all things that he wanted and were things that were important to him not me!
My ex husband is a doctor too. Lost his medical license for abusing me and blames me!! It's impossible to lose your medical license. He's like my mom, trying to re-write their narrative! 😂
I love your second word "ex".
Yep, mine does not really know what I want and Gives presents to make him look good to my kids and family, then when I don’t praise him I look bad. After knowing for the past 3 yrs that he is a covert narcissist, and telling him what I really want, why is he getting in debt for presents I don’t want when we have not paid for real counseling? I know why, he keeps thinking “ I will forgive him and move on” ......like that will happen! I can forgive him if I leave him, the abusive mind games don’t stop.
They all have multiple personalities. All of them!
TOTALLY! I spent 30 years with one and could never figure out what was going on until now.
This is him! I am in a quagmire of a divorce now. He has stalked me and the one close to me...get out! Do not wait 30 years and allow them to ruin your life.
I’m just lining things up to get out of being with one for 18 years. My biggest problem is I have a 16 yr old with him.
@@jerryp1776 God bless you. Next step is to find a good attorney and look for hidden money.
@@jerryp1776 Thank you for your good advice Jerry P. Unfortunately Alaska has a limited pool of attorneys but I am looking for one with such experience. Regarding the telephone, unfortunately He controls all the money since I had to medically retire. I will however be looking into other options. My youngest son who is more tech savvy than I will be up her for a visit starting this weekend and has offered his help. The trick is to do all of these changes without “Him” noticing. Considering he monitors everything several times a day and sets up scenarios where he will ask me questions when he already knows the answer to check if I’m telling him the truth, monitors our shared back account twice a day to see what money I’ve spent and where and has his sister “report” to him, it’s a bit slow going as I’m trying not to make too much “noise” on my exit. I already tried to leave him in the past and I was immediately and I do mean immediate cut off from access to vehicles and all monies. He wouldn’t even give me cab money to get to a friend’s house or for a ride to a hotel. He will try to convince my daughter that I’m being selfish and destroying “our family”, etc. Basically what I’m saying is that I have to take slow and careful steps. Hopefully the one attorney I found that understands narcs can help either by taking me on or by recommending another attorney with similar knowledge but so far I’m having trouble getting a call back. I’m currently down with a lupus flare so I’m sleeping a lot but once I’m up again I’ll be once again on the hunt. If anyone knows of an Alaskan attorney that specializes in dealing with narcissists please let me know. My husband will have wealth and no conscience on his side and I will be at a huge disadvantage.
@@jerryp1776 I will look into Forensic Accountants as well. Thank you for that recommendation!
@@jerryp1776 I will. Probably pick one up tonight or tomorrow.
Thanks for the info it is saving somebody's sanity and maybe their life. God bless you!
Totally true. That is my husband who I have been separated from for four months. I am so traumatized by him and his abuse I haven't filed for a divorce yet. He beat me up so much I can't deal with hardly anything. He abused me in every way imaginable. I am losing weight because I keep thinking he is poisoning all my food and he doesn't even know where I am. Thank you for your incredible videos.
Victoria Levy : it’s true l start thinking the same thing
Thank you ladies for your replies. I appreciate your concern and understanding.
I fill your pain and am so sorry my mother went through it and she was 5 feet 6 and was under 100 pounds from the stress! Get out no contact and live the life you truly deserve!
Victoria Levy I lost weight to below 100, was separated for 7 years (!) before I filed for divorce. I went totally no contact after two years. He “respected” it (“no contact” ) for the last 2 years before I filed. Don’t knock yourself for 4-months without filing; you MUST heal some before your divorce so you can have enough self-respect to think clearly through the divorce. It’s not easy, but it’s doable!
Victoria Levy They will do anything. I noticed a family member who doesn’t drive buy antifreeze And when questioned replied, “you never know when you might need it. “ After moving out of that house my “fibromyalgia” let up and then went away. They do leave you wondering when the next shoe will drop.
If I had to choose between a covert or overt, I would choose the overt, at least, I will know what to expect. Also, I believe covert narcissists are flying monkeys for overt narcissists.
Yup, mom's covert, the ring leader of both overt older siblings, sucks to be them! Still I smile 😃, I think it's because I got away!
Wow thats a great insight. ive never thought about it like that. (Flying monkeys of overt)
That's true, but sometimes you see that narcissistic people also have narcissistic friends. In my situation, my covert narc has a grandiose narc for a best friend. (Who was also our neighbor.... nightmare!!) I offended the grandiose narc when I laughed at him. (He had just told me that "there were two types of people in the world; those who want to be entertained by me and those who want to be me." It was so repellent, that I told him that not everyone is entertained by him and I couldn't imagine anyone wanting to be him. Satisfying, sure, but I paid for it. He hates me.)
Anyway....my covert narc and his best friend teamed up against me, and when I realized what was going on, I took my opportunity and got the hell out of there. That was 3 weeks ago. I still have to get a lot of my things and my pets out of there because I'm being sheltered someplace safe, but I have a lot to get done, and it's difficult because of issues caused by the Coronavirus.
But I WILL win this, I'm getting stronger every day, I'm armed with as much knowledge as I can possibly get, and life is going to be good again, if it takes every breath I've got left in me to make it my reality!!!!
Stay strong, everyone!!!
Recovery is not only possible, it's GUARANTEED-- if you make yourself the priority!! ❤️
@@Sekouguru I think in most cases coverts are flying monkeys for overts. Overts are very outspoken and want to lord over others, and coverts are not and go along with things easier
@@scooterpatooter9484 narcs are notorious for recruiting members to form an espionage team to gang up on their victims.
TOTALLY! Thank you for being you, your path and your service. And, beautiful on the outside too!
Great content Rebecca. One of the most insidious aspects of being in a relationship with a covert narcissist is that they will convince you (and your friends and family) that *you* are the problem -which of course is terribly damaging and toxic. Sometimes you have to break off all contact.
Always break off contact.
So glad I found your channel. I have been through and I have heard everything you’re saying from the ex narc.
I suffered in silence for 8 years because no one would’ve believed me. He’s so nice outside to everyone but a tormentor to me. Real sick, evil 🦹♀️ people. Discarded and Blocked him and I feel so peaceful and happy now😀
I am a survivor and I’m thriving beautifully 👍
Totally. There it is. I've been confirmed for my feelings. Thank you
Outwardly charming inwardly venomous. Deadley.
You've described my wife to tee. 27 years of emotional, spiritual and physical abuse.
I've quit trying to figure out why I stayed so long. Ive been gone about a year. Life gets better everyday. I'm becoming myself again. I'm a recovering alcoholic/addict bipolar II. Life is a challenge anyway. Much better without a 5 years old child with excellent manipulation skills, a beautiful facade and character construct.
I'd told my friends she's got 3 personalities but now understand she may have an infinite number. I wasn't crazy about the :violent bitch" but pardon me she's a girl and she hits like one. It's the carving life to the throat that got my attention. Her eyes so full of total animal rage I'd seen many times. I obviously survived and it took another year before she discarded me for the last time. A man who was really just a customer literally threw my stuff in his car and took me home. It was dead of winter. I was in a black hole of suicidal depression. I lay in bed for 4 weeks, getting up to pee and dump. I tried to eat what he brought me. Smoothies, little cereal and milk. After 4 weeks my funk was unbearable to me with lights out, shades drawn and head under blankets. I got up showered and that began a slow but steady rise into, I don't know what normal feels like so my imagined normal. After another month I was 0n a 1-10 scale 1 being suicidal I was 5ish. It was the worst depressive episode I can remember and I've had hundreds
I'm now up to a strong 7 on a.good day and a 5 on a bad one. I keep a journal and try to record a value each week or more if life is in turmoil. Gives me a written record of my emotional state I sometimes look back on many 3 days and always resulting from my wife doing what she did. Let's say I've never seen a term I couldn't pin on her.
Maybe I've convinced her to stay away. I'm going no contact for last 3 months. It's been bloody wonderful. I don't care if she boffing some guy in the back of the Camry I bought het. I actually feel empathy for the next fool. Maybe he won't be as pussy whipped as I was..
Thanks for reading. Had to get it off my chest. Much love
the eggman
Wow! Brother its jan 4 2021 in 10 days it will have been 2years since i started the long road back. Your story is so eeryly paralel to mine its uncanty. It took well over a year to just be able to lift my head without wanting to commit suicide. I wont get into specifics but ipromise you would be floored at the similarities my friend. I wish you and all that do endure this type of thing the very best. As far as understanding much less helping a true narcisist i hate to ever say it cant be done but its surely a tuff tuff thing to undertake. It just laid waste to my mental emotional and physical health.
@@frankweatherford6848 Wow,thanks for sharing your experience. I've been there to, driven to the despair.
So glad you made it.In the horror of
your story ,you escaped. That gives
me hope that I can make it out of
The death trap I'm in. God bless you
your story gives me hope. I'm preparing to leave this hell on earth.
Thank you Rebecca, you are truly an angel shedding light on such darkness. I love your bold, tough stand you've taken against them, sharing that insight and courage with us. You cannot be weak and wishy washy with these kinds, you really do have to possess enormous strength, knowledge and power when standing up to one. They can be hard to get rid of and if you stuck like me with a mother and co parent being one, there's no room for any weakness. Going no contact is best but if you have to have some contact you can do it but you need to be STRONG and know their GAME!
One should never ever feel compassion or remorse over a narcissist! That attitude can actually keep you in the relationship and, ultimately, kill your joy in life and, you.
So true !!!
But we’re human too, we’re just misunderstood.
@@ifyoudontworkyoudonteat7644hey so painful , unexplainable...loose up on urself...
@@ireneneosingo3546 Im loose as a goose don’t get me started
No one can keep you in a relationship. Take personal responsibility because if you don’t then you are a covert narcissist too lol do you see it???
Totally!! 9 yrs with a covert narc and just recently realized what I had been experiencing. I thought I was crazy..
@@RebeccaZungEsq I appreciate you and all your information. Keep making these great video & keeping us all informed.. Thank you!
They are great at that they are completely illogical! Your not crazy they are !
@Nicolette Haketi I assumed I was The ONLY married person going through this and the rollercoaster BEHAVIOUR became the norm for me. He ended up referring to the relationship as rollercoaster after he admitted to being in an affair. In All his affairs he became the sugar daddy.
Girl same here!! I’m in shock and paralysis still, where are you at?? 😔
I’ve been with mine for twelve years. I always knew something was wrong, but never even heard of a narcissist. I finally figured out that he would never change about three years ago. He is truly mentally ill. I call him Zombie, because he is the living dead!
Totally! Narcissist's are master manipulaters' and they never stop harassing you. It's amazing in a disturbing way. Thank you Ms. zung.
You are spot on. I've been dealing with my now ex wife for nearly 4 years. She goes to church and teaches Sunday school, and teaches in a christian school - on the surface looks to be a perfect person (all a lie). I've been separated from my kids now for nearly a year, and everything is my fault - I'm such a bad person. It's very tough being in this position.
You are describing my ex friend to a T! She seems to think that as long as she “needs” something any method to get it is ok, including manipulating and lying, using etc... and then turns around and preaches about what God would want, and that really she is a good Christian lady who does no wrong.
I dont believe you are the problem. Admitting it shows who the guilty party really is. Also covert narcs hide behind religion often they are cowards in pretty much all ways smh.
My ex used the Bible to be manipulative to me. It’s crazy to say this, but it almost felt like I was in a mild cult.
Rob, been there. That's parental alienation. She will wreak those children. You need a good lawyer and shrink. Lived it. Don't have a relationship with my kid because I'm a terrible person. However, 16 years post divorce I'm in a peaceful 15 year relationship. Got all my ducks in a row.
Hope things worked out for you.... I think Christian covert narcissists are the absolute worst.....I speak from experience....
Very accurate! I’ve been in divorce proceedings for almost 3 years - after a 50 year marriage. I wish I had known all of this a long time ago. Now, I need to figure out how to recover.
Nancy, I totally understand. It was 47 mostly miserable years of marriage for me. They never change for the better, ever! I am now married to the man of my dreams. I never thought I would experience what a loving marriage was like. Thoughtful, kind, unselfish, generous and so much more. Keep watching videos like this and you will heal. Hugs!
I'm so sorry that you're going through this after 50 years of marriage I think about the 25 years that I wasted with mine and I too wish I had known this stuff 30-40 years ago. And even just a few years ago before I left him would've been so helpful
Totally! I thought I was losing my mind but felt I could never explain it to someone else.
When I met my ex, her daughter was 4 years old. Years after we were married, I heard my ex tell my step-daughter, “You ruined my life. I had to drop out of college because you were born.” I felt so bad for my step-daughter. My ex always blamed someone for her failures.
Totally!
Appear to be victims.. : While having an argument with me about how I should load the dish washer, we get interrupted by our 28 year old daughter who comes to visit. Her father doesn't even lift his head to greet her. Instead he remains seated (like a statue), with his head drooped and a sulky face (like a puppy that has been spanked). Our daughter immediately says : "Mom what did you do to daddy?" (Like daddy is a toddler in need of an adult there to stand up for him). Of course, her father doesn't respond but carries on with with passive aggressiveness. Feels like Mum is the bad character, and Daddy is the damsel in distress. (Notice the difference in referring to parents as Mom - Daddy). Seems like there have been a lot of flying monkeys in our home... Sad, but finding information on narcissistic traits have been so much help. Thank you for your advice.
READ, WAY MORE~IF, YOU DEEM FIT, LOTS, OF MY "TAKER,TYPE OLE PALS, ARE, PART, OF THE 16%, THATS, GOOD TO KNOW, THE 1970s WERE, ULTIMATELY, A NARCISSISTIC DECADE~FOR ME~SCARED, FOR A LADYPAL, A NARCISSIST, WITH SUICIDAL INCLINATIONS, I, CARE FOR VERY MUCH, BUT, I GOT TO THE BOTTOM OF HER DIAGNOSIS~I, SUPPOSE, I'VE EARNED A MINOR DEGREE, ON SUBJECT~BE WELL, INFORM, ONES SELF, DON'T BURN UP, 20 YRS, "OH, THATS, JUST HOW SHE IS"~?
TOTALLY!!! Of all the people who I have heard describe this, your descriptions are the most detailed and accurate from my perspective!!! I am just recently divorced after 24 years from a covert narcissist and I have hundreds of examples of "little" things that were done to me that were so insidious ... You are amazing with your insight and the way you explain things- this is the first time in many years that I feel better about myself and really feel like I understand what was going on... I did feel crazy and I was going crazy trying to figure out what the heck was happening to me... I really feel your videos are helping me heal... Thank you !!
TOTALLY! I am planning my escape at the moment, it's hard as I have such low self esteem at the moment, but am starting to thins positive and move forward.
Learn yourself and the process will be easy. Google and UA-cam “ The Clairs” and discover your inner self. Once you learn thoroughly who you are and what you are you will then be at the point of no return!
Good luck my friend 😘
Good ....I was , until I gave up recently haha and decided to try fighting them in court instead, due to lacking others support on both matters , which isn't a secret anymore I wouldn't think.
Yes, the passive-aggressive abuse of covert narcissists often plays out in tiny ways, and your taking offense at them can easily be gaslighted into "You're making a big deal about nothing." It can be as simple as body language. I was walking on a sidewalk with my covert narcissist wife when I noticed that she'd drifted over into my half of the sidewalk, and that I'd have to start walking on the grass if I was to stay side-by-side with her. The message was "Oh, are YOU here?"
My narc used to make sure he always walked on the side of the sidewalk furthest from the street. So subtle until I finally noticed it. After that I intentionally tried to walk on the far side a couple of times but he would find a way to get back over there. It really shouldn't matter when you're just walking down the sidewalk but it did to him.
You too?! She's an ex for a reason for me
@@annakurts9381 Yeah, mine would walk ahead of me too. Once we went on a trip to NYC and he took off while we were in Grand Central Station. I started to follow him then I thought, no, if I do, he'll keep it up this whole vacation week. So I just sat down in a slightly different place, took off my coat and hat so he'd have to hunt for me and did some people watching. He came back a few minutes later - "where did you go? I thought you were following me!" I told him it was a big city and we needed to walk Together for safety - he was always going on about how he cared so much about my safety so I basically made him prove it.
The joke was on him because I had been to NYC for work many times and it was his first time there.
My narcissist would always run me off of the sidewalk when we went for a walk too! I would say he is a malignant narcissist, very intense, extremely extroverted, sadistic and aggressive.
@@whyohwhy9679
Good manners dictate that a gentleman should always walk on the outside, closer to the road. Been a long tradition since horse & buggy days.
My parents were big on correct manners.
My sisters and mothers! So it made sense that I dated men like that! Took years of connecting the dots, therapy, reading books, and listening to good, smart people like you, to finally open my eyes to these terrible people with these nasty behaviors. Thank you!
This is my most distained type as well. That "play nice" "lie lie lie lie lie"
This type hates exposure THE MOST
Robin,You got a lovely smile 😊
You are right. I have 52 years by now, living near a covert narcissist,,and even if I knew he was not normal , I did not know he was a covert narcissist. I thought about him being a narcissist , but I had no idea there are quite a few kinds of narcissists, I learned about from the internet..I am very grateful for people like you , who are doing so much to unmask the narcissists, also you help in legal matters , the victims of the narcissists. Thank you.
Everything you said is true. Thank you.
The only time I got a reaction that showed humanity in my ex
is when I looked at him and told him "I hate your guts". 30 years
later and I still can't spend any time with him at all. They never change.
Recovering from a covert narcissist that i changed my whole life for everything you have said resonated 100%, deactivated fb after last discard felt like she dropped off the edge of the world, rebuilding my life after nearly a year 🙏
Totally. Spent 13 years in drama and frustration before I figured it out and left for good. No one believes you because they've already targeted you as the one with the problem. Here's the rub: You believe it because you DO become depressed and anxious in that state of constant confusion. They program you into believing the world is unfair and filled with enemies. They're your only hope, your only friend. It's infectious, hard to face within yourself, and ugly as hell when you do. No one wants to hear about the abuse but they certainly know the difference between what I was and what I became. We may not be dealing with blood and bandages, but the wound is deep. A very deep spiritual infection.Thank you, Rebecca Zung. I've watched a lot of vids since I left and I'm grateful for you deep wisdom and willingness to let us know you were also manipulated like this.
Dealing with them is like playing whack a mole
Omg. Absolutely my ex. Appealed State Supreme court. Passive aggressive, hot my family to think I'm crazy.
I keep winning. He looks nuts but, he keeps gonally motions.
He absolutely thinks he's right. 5 judges, parent evaluator, realtor...
I have ptsd.
17 years in a marriage and left with 3 boys.
Do they stop? He's such a victim
Brilliant idiot. Used to make 600,000. Hasnt worked in almost 2 years. Measly job.
Somehow he's living in 4 bedroom house.
He just filed another motion.
YES. GOOD AT HIDING. YES!!!
I just found about these people I was in a marriage for 26 years the whole family are narcissistic
Married to one and his whole family are narcissists except for two of them, and this two were hated. They’ve passed now.
Sabotage them in some way so they fail,depression because of the failure in business,play the victim to get sympathy❌
Thank u
Wow fucked up who are they I need to know its important that is know if you don't mind answering you can inbox me if you don't want anyone to know thanks
@@kaykillian4334 😢🙏
Totally!!!! "You are going to hold me to that" A promised walk the next morning
Maeve0969,You look beautiful 🌷🌹,Hope you are not with a narcissist!
The Message!!! On Point - the little things when you Intuition & gut feeling tells you that something goes wrong but you can’t prove it because it’s tactical perfect „covered“!
Thank you for making these videos. They offer a brief period of sanity for those of us who deal with toxic people. Just left a 20 year marriage to a covert narcissist. Being able to understand what actually happened helps me heal from the abuse.
One of the hardest things for me was leaving the person you love,, thank you for your blessings, this has pretty much crushed me , but you explaining this helps me souch to understand that I have made the proper choice ,it still hurts bad, and what's sad is I'll always love her , and maybe never have another like I had with her,,
“If I’m thinking about them, I’m not in creation mode, I’m not helping other people” ( who probably deserve your help more!)
This was a big lesson in my life; a manager who was nickel and dining me, expecting lots of extra hours and so on; and really playing on my guilt and sense of responsibility. A friend said; “Every minute you work for her, is time you’re not spending on your own dreams” 💡!!! ( total epiphany!) That really helped me change my priorities
“Totally” master manipulators. I am in the process of leaving mine of 30 years and it has been a massive step. He didn’t even try to fight for our relationship but rather placed “100%” yes that’s right total blame on me and he is the victim. Ha, what a laugh right? If you ID with these people, RUN for your life sooner than later like me because they DO NOT change. It is a sick and life sucking cycle. Good luck and God Bless.
Yep, got one of these creatures for 17 yrs. Sooo spot on and thank you for your help and advice.
Beautiful women.
It's all about Not validating you. Validating you takes away from them.
Reading these comments is like joining virtual support group during this pandemic and listening to people's story I can relate to 99 percent. It is kinda healing.
Thanks Rebecca for helping us learn about NPD! Knowledge is Power! I finally set boundaries & said NO & actually stuck to it & he asked for a divorce!
Definitely my husband. He's always saying we talked about that when we didn't
Mine also
Totally baffled, I used to fall for his, "I said what I meant and I meant what I said." So I'd ask if he would use different words so that I might understand what he meant. Then I'd hear that same line again. So then I'd say, "My name is Polly. Feed me a cracker. And I'll say it back to you." I didn't understand then that I was giving him his "supply."
I'm in this situation now, I worked for a bigot narcissist for 5 years. When he started to harm my family, I filed a EEO case. He has made lots of people think we are the bad people. Thank you for your insight.
Thank you for the work you do! It's very helpful.