4 Ways to Disarm the Narcissist
Вставка
- Опубліковано 5 лис 2019
- This video answers the question: How can someone disarm a narcissist in the workplace? Is it a good idea to attempt to disarm a narcissistic coworker?
Narcissism:
There are two types of narcissism: With grandiose narcissism we see characteristics like being extroverted, socially bold, self-confident, having a superficial charm, being resistant to criticism, and being callous and unemotional. Vulnerable narcissism is characterized by shame, anger, aggression, hypersensitivity, a tendency to be introverted, defensive, avoidant, anxious, depressed, socially awkward, and shy.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder criteria
1. Grandiose sense of self-importance
2. Fantasies of success, power, fame
3. Special or unique
4. Requires excessive admiration
5. Sense of entitlement
6. Manipulative
7. Lacks empathy for others
8. Envious and believing others envy you
9. Arrogant attitudes or behaviors
Support Dr. Grande on Patreon:
/ drgrande
The best way to deal with a narcisist is discard them.
@Mark Kenny Get other job
Only narcissists discard.
How are you going to do that when it's usually a boss, co-worker, or family member with power over OTHER family members or members of your group???
@Spicy Artisan Hipster Salami You sound like a narcissist.
I had a coworker attempt to do this with our res narc. Would not talk to him, would avoid and flat out ignore him. It only served to enrage the narc all the more and eventually got him fired, the narc would watch him like a hawk looking for every opportunity to report him to supervision.
Lived in a family full of narcissistis... And I assure you that I spent the whole time learning about narcissism, I have tested all what you said over the years... But it was just exhausting... You can diminish their power and outsmart them... But what's the point of living this life focusing on dealing with these kind of creatures ?
So one day I decided to leave with no contact... And now I'm having a good life...
Trust me ... As a person with empathy... You can of course learn more about narcissism and use disarming methods... But life is more precious than spending it this way... So always put on your mind that your gotta leave 'em alone... And move to a new life...
Sebastian Jeremy it’s truly the only way that assures peace of mind
Well said!!!
AMEN.
I agree! It did take a loooong time for me. But it was worth it! I pretty much live a life of peace now after I divorced him! Amen to that! Thank you God 🙏♥️ for seeing me through YEARS of abuse off ALL kinds from him AND his family of origin! Praise U God for keeping me alive! Amen!
It sounds like my own experience.
What I got from this video in a nut shell, at the end of the day you're still pretty much screwed having a Narcissist in your life.
like being cursed with demons
@@vettemuziekjes Yep, ..pretty much.
You cant get rid of them even if you want to lol. They will interfere in everything that is you or your life. They will ruin everything for you. And there is nothing you can do about it. Sadly.
Yes.
No peace with a narcissist.
True, but I hate that people are so afraid . With no consequences, they just move on to the next victim. They need to be made to pay, preferably by the judicial system, so you don't get your hands dirty. Had a narc GF steal a large chunch of money from me. Her defense was " he can afford it. He is only out some money, but I get arrested? why should I be punished?Its so unfair!" The judge couldnt keep from laughing when he said"You realize we are here because you took money that wasnt yours. That makes you a criminal. None of us would be here if it werent for your actions". Her face went red and she cried. I LOVED IT. She only got some fines and community service. But she left me alone after that. And I had some satisfaction.
Dr. Grande, every workplace should have narcissistic awareness posters with a link to your youtube channel.
😁😁😁
And every home.
YES!!!!! I'm completely agree and just said so in my own if lengthy comment. .. I worked for years in health care, and last career arc was managing Human Resources- Why not make it: Employee comes in and says, X is acting this way, commence workplace situation description. Once an investigation is underway, it should become appararent is the accussed is capable of change, or insight,.. Wait!! Yes,, Incorporate Narcissism Awareness and Prevention into Employment Liability Practices guidelines with anti-harassment and "diversity management" (Is there a better term yet? I've been out of it a few years.) It is so INANE how good people get so wrecked disproving lies and wierdnesses, having to keep so much documentation-- the narcissist is doing doing pain because it is, you / one can't get away from it even in off hours, because need to document and stay organized and keep a plan. UGH.
But.. maybe with so many narcissitic and psychopathic people "in charge" of everything, I'm being a bit idealistic. Great idea!!!
@@rhobot75 The only people who will complain about health and safety infographic posters in the workplace highlighting narcissistic behavior will likely be narcissists. For that reason, anyone with narcissistic traits may not complain about posters for fear of exposing themselves.
AP: Seriously - a great, pragmatic idea.
When I detached from my mom, she noticed. And it has not gone well since. She wanted to know why I’d become distant and would not let up. In the end she became the victim.
But I’m free. 👍
Bz Mama As if she'd do something about her abusive behavior, if only she knew! LOL
My mom was so angry when I left actually her saying "if you dont make me happy then I won't sign your college paperwork to go into college little girl"
That was the breaking point I packed up and left that night. It was very hard standing on my feet I've been homeless many times but homelessness is better than living under the foot of a narcissist
@@gordongecko8912 Congratulations on being a greedy asshole.
Gordon Gecko
Respect is a two way street my friend.
Since l have gone no contact with my evil smother....when l come across her she just smirks, and tells me to stop holding a grudge she enjoys it. No witch it's a boundary.
1- Detachment of emotions.
2- Give them admiration and praise.
3- Hold them accountable. Call them out on their bullshit. (Risky).
4- Create distance between you and the Narcissist.
I have gone no contact, it's much easier and less exhausting to my life. Its time I moved forward. Self preservation really. To live my best life.
The problem with the third method is that you'll be met with complete denial and attempts at gaslighting. At least that's my experience. Maybe it would work if you had a recording of what they've said, or some other kind of evidence.
@@mr.s.7081 Even with evidence - they pay NO MIND AT ALL. it's almost as if it is not there, whether in writing, or recording, or memory. this is true of severe narcs. less severe, i don't know. #1 works the best if contact has to happen. i find that #2 - - although both severe narcs i know CRAVE admiration continually, they only seem to accept it from themselves. when i think they are soliciting my admiration and respond to that . . . they appear not to hear it & continue to offer their own praises to themselves. i find i can stand like a cardboard cut-out w/no emotions, no affect, no response & they're just as content with their monologues. it may matter that i'm a woman & they are men (brother & 'friend' [former boyfriend]).
I take 1 and 4 blend them together. Although the Narc tries to start things with me, I just ignore them.
@@mr.s.7081 I’m just learning my facts first. #1 done, #2 can’t/won’t, #3 I’m doing fair and getting better all the time.
"With narcissism, everyone is sufferig. " ... this made my day. Thank you Dr. Grande!
"You are bullying me by using my own actions and words _against mEEEEE!!"_ ~ crying narc
Sadly, many are not self aware enough to recognize this. They live in their own cultivated illusion.
It's the age old story where they look in the mirror and fall apart like dust
It works. Just roll with it. And don't take rages personally. Remember: inside every adult screaming out, is a frightened child crying inside. Maintain a mature perspective, but also appropriate boundaries. Someone always has to be the adult. Don't rely on the Narc for that. Do it yourself.
Great stuff, Doctor.
TD, Esq. I chose to not be an adult to an adult toddler...no contact is the only thing that works for me.
@@katbrinson9989 If that's what works. Depends on the relationship, and whether terminating it altogether is necessary or desired.
Best to You.
TD, Esq. your comment, to “just roll with it”, illustrates that the narc in your life must be at the milder end of the spectrum. My mother is Narcissistic Personality Disordered, and set me up as the scapegoat...I married two narcs and had a live in relationship with a malignant NPD. I assure you, there is no rolling with it! I am lucky to be out alive. I keep my mother at arms length and do not react to her digs. All other narcs in my life have been cut out. I am not allowing my life to be manipulated any longer. After much counselling and education on the topic, No Contact is what works for most of us. Especially those of us suffering from PTSD from a lifetime of narcissistic abuse. The rages are personal when they are directed at you, especially as a child. And who wants to live with a raging maniac? I know I don’t. Any of the narcs I terminated ties with are not missed in the least, and my sense of peace is wonderful. I would agree that it is possible to be friendly with a mild barcode...but a marriage or relationship would still be hell.
TD, Esq. I meant a mild narcissist not a mild barcode...gotta love autocorrect, lol
Kat Brinson
Hi Kat, I’m here like many of you trying to understand this NPD phenomenon.
My sister who’s in her 50s suffers from it and it has been all her life, the last 20 years the symptoms increased tremendously and now after what her narcissism caused in her life, from seeking power and success, terrible divorce, terrible social relationships, terrible university experience with teachers, students, terrible relationships with her kids that want to flee but not independent enough to do so at this point, she’s so so toxic to herself and others. I’m afraid that part of the reason my niece is getting married is to run away from this toxic environment. I am very close with her and I do what I can to make sure that her decision to get married is not to escape her narcissistic mother ( my sister) she said that she loves her fiancé and he loves her back and this is really what she wants, but of course she wants out and far away as possible from her abusif mom. My sister is so jealous of the relationship I have with her daughter, something she could never build with her and at the same time blame her for not showing her love. I believe as parents, we are supposed to love our children and build a bond with them, not wait until they’re young adults then claim love and respect from them.
I’ve followed my sister journey in life closely since our childhood, all her misery was caused by her narcissistic behavior, I’ve seen the grandiose narcissism at times and avoidant at times and the vulnerable behavior at times. Without knowing what I know today, I used all the disarming methods Dr Grande spoke about throughout our life. I’m not a psychologist but I’m facilitated by this science, sadly there is nothing I can do to help her, this disorder really resist professional help or the help from someone who cares like me. Years and years we speak over the phone to discuss her and only her, she tells me about her troubles and I could see exactly how terribly her jugement is and how her manipulation and her lies are so obvious, of course I always use prudence not to hurt her feelings while trying to unveil the truth. Despite that, I get accused of overly blaming her and accusing her of things she’s non guilty of.
I thank God for the videos and the peoples comments that help others.
May God help everyone including those who suffer from any king of PD especially NPD which I find so hard to deal with. At least that’s what I’m dealing personally with a family member.
Zero tolerance. ZERO. I liberated myself after months of going through hell.
Beta male alert ☝️
@@daryljonesfoster4102 hahaha! You're oh so funny!
@@GeorgeGiann are you being sarcastic bro ?
@@daryljonesfoster4102 unless I'm wrong, I was called a beta male when I'm a alpha with a capital D.
That person thinks you are a loser.
For those pressed for time...
1). Detach from the narcissist. Don't take their attacks personally. They don't understand why they are the way they are. Mentally and emotionally detach from them. (This method is most recommended)
2). Admiration/praise. Helps to prevent the narcissist from attacking. However, detachment has to be in place first. The praise has to seem genuine.
3). Deterrent method. Hold the narcissist accountable. No nonsense, 0 tolerance approach. Any attack from the narcissist - call them out on it. Document everything. Have 0 tolerance for their antics and attacks.
4). Distance. Do not react to their negative behavior at all. Only respond to their postive actions.
thanks! copied saved and pasted!!!!!
You rock!!
"Only respond to their positive actions" is a good way to use No. 2 genuinely.
Thank you. 👏
Won't work. The narcissist will interpret said detachment as a personal challenge that they should win at all costs. They will keep escalating until YOUR mental health ends up worse than theirs. And that won't stop further attacks. Like wrestling with a pig, you don't ask yourself if you could win or not, since the pig will enjoy the fight to no end, meanwhile you just got excrement smeared all over you. Not worth it. Ever.
“You represent a value or a truth that is unacceptable to the narcissist.” This seems to be a trigger that gets under their skin and makes most sense. That’s why they attack and try to devalue you. Best strategy is to keep on being yourself.
This is so true!
They ,"toy" with you as long as you are available .
He told me he liked to taunt people and then sit back and watch.....
@@debrabostwick2250 yep I'm surprised he told you! Mine did tell me his weird antics, but when I was a teen i just passed over it as weird and mean and thoughtless.
I can’t live like that.. detached. I want love! I want to live love, feel love, give love. So, I left.
And that's a form of detachment. The final form
He's saying detach from the coldness of a narcissist; not from honest, stable, caring people.
Kathryn Carter : that is what I meant
Me too! I had to try to do this while raising children ... but I’m free now!
Yes 👍..so do I that's why I left him..I refused to be treated that way..by anyone..
Honestly this has helped me so much.I grew up sexually,physically,emotionally,verbally abused,I had no boundaries and now at 50 I’m finally learning,one day at a time.
God bless your struggles through life.
It’s never too late! Your still young! God bless!
You are a narcissist your lying for attention.
Brave heart! May God help you Paul and that you will become fully healed and whole!
Good for you. I'm no contact for 2 years at 48. Trust me, you'll do great 💜💜
1. NO CONTACT.
2. If there must be contact GREY ROCK.
Then and only then after these fail....perhaps a rather gentle option of the offer of a red hot poker inserted in the rectum....actually, this COULD take place BEFORE NO CONTACT and/or GREY ROCK.
Ohhhh dammit...no i sound like a psychopath....take out the psycho part, insert, reverse and replace the letters M and E....and they make EMPATH...even empaths have to kill snakes....i divorced mine after her discard of me....had zero choice but living that dream. Anybody who has lived the same dream might recognise the RED HOT POKER as a delightful way of showing narcs the door....or at least gifting them the general idea of showing them just how much all of their bull-crap games and violence disturbed and affected you....over long periods of your life.
Sorry Dr.Grande...but until you have been thrown up against a door by your throat by one of these monsters.....might wanna consider listening to those who have...for the record, i talked that narcky one out of it...then the stupid fool told everyone i attacked HIM....he forgot to leave one mark though...which tends to happen.
....love your channel Doc.
What does GREY ROCK mean?
@MK Real Thanks. Looks like I`ve been grey rocking with someone for a while and didn`t know it! It generally seems like the smallest amount of emotional reaction to anything they say or dramatize has been what finally solved a lot of problems.
How do you do that if you have kids with them? He doesn't care about the kids but want to show up unannounced just to see the kids butreally just wants to invade your space and get a chance to talk to you??
Although disarming a narcissist is not recommended, it's good to know how to at least administer some damage control. We need to equip ourselves. Thanks, Dr. Grande.
If mine were cheating it'd probably be with another man....
@@joshuafalade4754 So basically you're a spam advertiser.
@@norepetitivebeats I have seen this post on the Surviving Narcissism channel dozens of time. It is spam. They frequently change their handle too. Report it and heads up to Dr. Grande's moderator: your channel has a spammer.
@@norepetitivebeats , yeah I reported him. He shows up all over these channels. Just keep reporting him. Looks like his name is now @James Cole.
Damage Control. Love that.
Good stuff!🔥🔥
For me the deterrent strategy is my favorite. It is standing up for yourself, it is calling out bad behavior, it is putting the narcissist on the defensive. Most of all it improves your own selfworth by showing to yourself that you won't tolerate being abused.
It's too exhausting and keeps you from living your best life, your essentially Baby sitting.
didnt help at all it seems like a waste of energy n time.. u feel like ur precious time is being stolen calling them out n they have no memory of any of it.. like u never called them out, they act as if everything is picture-perfect after 5 mins .. its mind tripping.. makes u go crazy !!! n tires the fuck out of u.. its talking to a customer service person with a script no matter what concerns u raise they say the same thing over n over again making u frustrated
It’s also a better example to the kids than enabling.
Unfortunately, it taught him that he could goad me, get under my skin enough to respond - cause he didn't care what I said - maybe if it were in public
It doesnt work that well if you are 3 y old belive me. If you have a narcissist as a "parent" yo're basicly screwed if you go you're raw they are soo devius, controling and manipulative you'll likely end up in jail. As in general, if you grow up withouth malignant narcissisam in your primary caregivers that is the best strategy for life. But sometimes in later life you can't avoid them either (in the form of a authority figure, boss, co-worker) and as much as I admire your honesty it is sometimes detrimental to yout self to reason with or call in order or criticise a "wall". It just doesnt get threw and sometimes you had your "had smashed". In the ideal world that would ALWAYS be the best - honest responce and that tells a lot of good things abouth your own mental helth and honisty but not about your maturity as we do not live in the perfect world.
Showing them admiration means Enabling ! it's worse, they will come back even harder for the supply. Don't do it. Just ignore, detach and/or push back each time they do or say crazy shit.
Just detatch because they'll enjoy the negative attention from the pushing too.
Georgi Fran,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🥀,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
@Georgi Fran Enabling for a minute or two works to help the victim get away. Narcissists won’t give up…in order to save ourselves it’s best to disarm, then run like hell.
Extreme narcissism is tough to deal with in family relationships. The best advice is to avoid confrontation and limit your dealings for self preservation. Never try to confront or explain to the narcissist why you are doing this. There belief systems will not tolerate someone who is onto their games. They want victims and people that adore them. Trying to reason with them is wasting your time. You will never get any type of understanding so avoid putting yourself out.
Ed530 I agree. Was married to one for 20 years. I don’t argue. I remain calm. I don’t react. Because he’s looking for a reaction. That’s how you disarm them.
Very true. They just want confrontation.. and it winds then up when we don't give them what they want. Don't care if 'we are rude' if we shut the door on them. They are not worth our time.
To this day I have no idea who is (are) the narcissist(s) in my family and what my other siblings are--enablers, flying monkeys, etc. All I know is that my relationship with all of them got so bad that I became concerned about how far they would go.
The reason why they have acted the way they did is irrelevant. I had to make a decision that was in my (and my parents') best interest.
I disagree with the method of adoration. The biggest danger is that once you are on record of making any statement that is not true, you are doomed. If you have to stand up at any time in the future, your credibility is lost.
After trying every other tactic that I could think of, I ended contact. It meant that I had done to end contact with all of my siblings.
My life has been much better. The few times that I had to deal with my siblings, I have done it by email.
In dealing with narcissists at work, I found that the deterrent method worked well. Even though the narcissist was my supervisor, it worked.
The trick was never to accuse or get into petty exchanges. A couple of times, he tried to play the victim. It didn't work. I would explain that I documented everything to avoid any misunderstandings.
So, when he complained, I responded that this was an example of why documentation works.
Yeah but what if they are making awful comments about someone who died dear to you while visiting that person's grave? I am just sick of this that I can't even be with my grandma even though she is dead because my other grandmother narcissist ruins everything. Today I just backed off completely and went to the car because I couldn't handle it. I was crying I just wanted to be with her. I wanna go to the grave with her because there is no point anymore.
DETACHMENT......ahhhhhhhh, my favourite word.
Any other empaths agree?...sign below please.
Although DISTANCE sounds like a much more appropriate choice.
I'll take DISTANCE please.
I agree. Otherwise too draining.
100%. I know so well this entire phenomenon. It has nearly destroyed me...
I do agree. I was supposed to be learning that (detatchment) as a spiritual skill anyway...so the ante was upped.
In retrospect of 17 years I'd say I have to be grateful, even though it has been so frightening, gutwrenching, and wasteful of joys and freedoms..... detatchment was necessary for my spiritual developement and now understanding my relationships with abusers and narcicists is bringing the world viewinto greater focus. I dont know that i can heal ny narcicistic loved one, but loving them with detatchment can help heal the hurts of my past i never understood. Blessings from the teruniverse!
I'm pretty sure the karmatic reason for this relationship was to finally learn detachment!
“A narcissist paints a picture of themselves as being the victim or innocent in all aspects. They will be offended by the truth. But what is done in the dark will come to light. Time has a way of showing people’s true colors.”
- Karla Grimes
It feels like it will never come to light because they are so charming and good at making people believe they are a wonderful person. When you tell someone what they are doing to you nobody believes you. It’s scary.
@@kuriouskat444 i know & understnd what you me@n & how you feel completely God bless you 😔🍀🙏Yes they're such convincing li@rs, they t@rnish our n@mes & it's unforgivable Bec@use we can then have to spend an extremely long time undoing the d@m@ge & destruction they've c@used
But undo it we must, bec@use it's unjust & they must not get away with it & their sme@r c@mp@igns Ple@se keep going & don't let them beat you You deserve the best
Not always does what's done in dark come to light
@@kuriouskat444 you are sooo right n correct no one believes any of us when we tell truth then real truth about who what narc person in our lives really is. This is what I hate don't like the most about the whole dealing w a Narc ordeal
I agree that the detachment method works the best to protect yourself. By changing your expectations for a relationship with a narcissist, a lot of pain and disappointment can be avoided.
This is brilliant. You clearly and logically break down the disorder in such a way that allows me to get a picture of what is actually going on inside the Narcissist, which in turn gives me the ability to disengage, as well as engage, appropriately while saving my sanity. It is very difficult when married to a Narcissist to avoid discouragement, depression and so on...Thank you for your clarity. Thank you for the time you give of yourself to teach us the skills needed to improve our selves, our lives.
two years later did you manage to get away and get him out of your life ?
@@matiasvalor01 Wow, I cannot believe it’s been that long.
Thank you for your inquiry.
I was finally able to file a Restraining Order last year. Due to circumstances, it was a horrible waiting game for almost a year, with the local Sheriff’s Dept. keeping watch.
He is still doing everything he can to destroy me financially and otherwise. A Court hearing next month. They never seem to stop, these Narcissists - until there is nothing left of a person physically spiritually mentally emotionally relationally financially. An uphill battle with cancer and other health issues.
Prepare in whatever way possible, PROTECT YOURSELF - physically mentally emotionally relationally financially
@@GodsSparrowSpeaks Glad to hear you got the restraining order, cheers ! I would also ad to you to celebrate victories ! I got all my valuables that where going to be stolen (already in his control, not mine) sooner or later. Now it's gone for him, never saw it coming, it's all thanks to this info. Lets keep it spreading !
Narcs may know but they don't care how their behavior affects others.
Of course they know they like to do maximum damage.
Absolutely, they seriously don't care about anyone or anybody but themselves.
@@QoraxAudio Exactly. Like he said, they are sadistic.
100 % true
They are childish. The narcissist I know is using smear campaign, isolation and projection, but no longer reacting just record it. Too many years
"You're being modest, you're much greater than that" -Dr. Grande aka Castiel from Supernatural
Ha ha ha ha
Hilarious 😂
I married into a family that excelled in the “Excessive Admiration” method. Unfortunately, this only works if everyone is willing to compromise their integrity and participate, which I wasn’t. For years I was the target of the entire family until I learned to set boundaries. Unfortunately, they turned to attack members of the next generation, who also refused to play along. One of them eventually took his life. My approach now is to model how to confront and set boundaries with the narcissists every family gathering. It is exhausting and is a test of my skills and sanity but it must be done for the sake of the children. My experience is that narcissists must always have a victim and their victim can only stay sane by knowing that the gaslighting isn’t true. Having an ally is priceless for the victim.
@dahrun - just curious here - what are the behaviors you employ “for the sake of the children?” If I read your reply check (I might have misunderstood that’s why I’m reaching out here) I guess I’d be concerned of knowingly exposing children to narcissistic behavior. Do you explain to your children what the toxic behaviors are? It might be helpful to them to be taught what is toxic and what is not with real life examples. Thank you for your answer. I’m in a similar situation and I’m looking for answers for it. Thanks again.
@@marcelastacey890 Yes, I was able to teach my own children and that proved very helpful. They all read George Simon’s book Character Disturbance and are all fairly savvy at recognizing manipulation now. The children I was speaking of were the narcissist’s and I had very little contact with them. I just tried to model setting and enforcement boundaries when I could with their parents in front of them.
Dr. Grande, this is Excellent Advice on the subject. As empaths we do feel sad and guilty for letting go, but ppl- save yourself from pain and suffering- will be the best! Peace to all.
I needed this. I had an emergency hearing with my narcissistic ex.
Luckily, the judge wasn't having any of his bs.
Holly K thats awesome.
My daughter is in court with her cruel estranged narc husband tomorrow.
God be with her and let the judge have wisdom.
Un a i Will chant for her sucess being a buddhist. Sending strength!
GOOD LUCK...(BE SAFE)
I still can't believe, this is my husband 🤯 i realized it a few days ago. He's always the victim, i need to do no contact to my all of my toxic friends. Of course he never understands me and made me feel stupid and crazy. I'm so done, thank you Dr Grande, you have no idea you helped me through all of this. I pray for you every day🙏💚
Try on UA-cam channel - knowing the narcissist- he is a narcissist that educates us ..
@@stoneyvowell1239 why don't you value Dr. Carter's information?
@@stoneyvowell1239 while your opinion is valid in its own place, there are many many people in relationships with Narcissistic people, people who can be diagnosed on the scale but never are. There's a lot of information on BPD out there also and the lady in question can do her research. But at some point if the shoe fits, and fits really well, then the matter becomes undeniable. But your caution is well meaning. It would seem Dr. Carter's channel is not for you and no he's not biased in the least. He has a new channel of his own now btw. He's in fact very reasonable in his message and methods to people who have suffered Narcissistic abuse for years if not decades. There are many teen and adult children of Narcissists, many spouses and many siblings and other family members who decades later keep suffering or being cheated etc. It can take a very big toll on others when living with a highly malignant narcissist whether overt, covert or a mix. The person in question could also be a BPD-NPD mix. Regarding narcs changing that happens extremely rarely and usually in their younger years. BPDs have a much better chance of recovery. Surely with time the OP will realise where things stand and what's true and what's not for her situation.
@Stoney Vowell “....he is diagnosed severe NPD”- what’s your basis for this statement?
@@stoneyvowell1239 there's nothing such as a covert grandoise Narcissist. There's covert and overt/ grandoise Narcissism and then these two types can be co-morbid. Saying covert grandoise is like saying he's a tall short chap. Doesn't make sense. Plus he is as per diagnosis a sociopathic narcissist. You might be confused between the two terms. Covert Narcissism is also called vulnerable narcissism and Sociopathy is a term for Anti Social personality disorder. Other than that you're right, his channel is excellent in terms of understanding Narcissistic personality disorder. However other channels like Angie Atkinson, Michele Lee Nieves and Dr. Carter etc help people in more specific situations, after they've realised that there is something called NPD and ASPD etc, then they can learn ways and methods of managing, detaching from and/ or leaving these people, as per their choice. I don't really think there's too much of a labelling everything as Narcissism going on especially not on these channels. Maybe there are others which you've come across. But each of these channels helps 100s and 1000s of people, and subscribers themselves comment and help other subscribers. BPD is its own story and eventually anyone dealing with a BPD person would realise that the person has some empathy at the end of the day and is willing and capable of changing etc. We should not assume that people cannot make out the differences given that they've probably known the disordered person for at least a few years.
Dealing with my kid's mom, I've learned to use the gray rock method, to not get emotional, just calmly stand my ground. I've noticed her swings between pretending to be nice and then trying to manipulate me in some way have become less pronounced but they're still there, I hope eventually trying to mess with me will just bore her, and our interaction, which I keep to a minimum, will basically flat line
lee comstock that’s the best way. Grey rock. And don’t react. It’s the best. My ex narc. Doesn’t go there with me anymore. It doesn’t work.
I lived with a narcissist for a while and I found that ending the conversation and going back to my room whenever they showed signs of narcissism, and since I was living with a couple, refusing to engage at all sometimes, was quite an effective strategy. No emotions showed, no criticizing, nothing, just stopped listening to what the person would say, and eventually got up and left without a word. Then when the person would call me out on it, I would just say sometimes they just become impossie to talk to so I prefered to end the conversation.
Doing that now with my husband and his family. Just going to bedroom. I'm paying for it now big time 😢 showing his true feelings, more abuse to me
"It's fun, it's funny, and it feels good." - My Malignant Covert Narc sister's response to being asked, "Why do you bully your sister so much?"
A Narcissist is not interested in understanding their own underlying motivations for their behavior. If it makes them feel good, that's all the matters to them.
They are addicted to shitty behavior do not let them in your home
Really useful video. The real issue though is that our culture (Western culture in general) cultivates narcissism on a very fundamental level. Our "me first" attitude is learned at a very young age and reinforced in advertising, movies, and even in our new age spirituality. Turns my stomach. As I turn 52 years old my sole ambition is to buy a little house on a little island and "detach" from the madness.
After 30 years of my narcissistic husband I would rather walk through hot coals than praise him for anything.
Wow!
Thank you for such a graphic look into your life.
I, too, am in a relationship with a narcissist so I can relate 100%
Oh my..can you LEAVE?????
Testify! My dad was a narcissistic/sociopathic wife/kid beater who I haven't seen in years and I'd take the same deal without hesitation.
I’m so there 🤨
43 years for me ....I’m out and free...
I have been heavily criticised by my narcissistic partner for being neutral with him. He felt that I'm detached. I explained to him that that is the only way I can protect myself and I will behave that way every time his behaviour is narcissistic. I think he finally understood a lot of things about himself and how his behaviour hurts others. We may or may not stay together but some changes are happening for the better at the moment
@oddizzee he may not be a pathological narcissist, yes. But many people suffer from highly narcissistic behaviour without being able to say that the person has NPD (which is the grandiose type)
Run 🏃♀️ ya can’t fix these devil 😈 in sheep skin 🙏🏽💯🙏🏽💯🙏🏽💯❤️🩹
I'm living with an extreme narcissist currently. I'm working on getting out of the relationship but it's a financial issue right now. I have tried to leave before but he has called the cops on me and had ME arrested saying I abused HIM. I am aware of his game so I have a plan.
Ms Winters can you share tips on your plan?
After 27yrs married to a narcissistic person, the police finally removed him I still wasn't strong enough to!
Six years later, I'm getting there everyday is a blessing 😁
I'm on house arrest for a yr.
I was in a relationship with an extreme narcissist. One morning o tried to leave ...to go the gym early... As I walked out the door.. she called the police and made up a bunch of shit....
The police no her...they no how she ....none the less...
I would up in legal trouble.
She still tries to get ahold of me ...tried to show up
The abuse by such individuals is unprecedented..
I lost everything the time I've known this individual
Really enjoyed this discussion about how to deal with a narcissist, Dr. Grande. My dad was one such character and our family came up with the idea of calling him on everything he did to put one of us down. It was exhausting and yup, he played the victim. I often felt as though I was being too mean to him, so I would back off for a while. My mom and brother and I would hide around the property not to avoid his fists, but his terrible sadistic way of interacting with us. Finally I left home and never looked back, but at 70 yrs. old I'm still dealing with anxiety and p.t.s.d. I haven't seen him for 2 decades and still hear his voice in my head telling me what an idiot I am. Putting distance between yourself and your narcissistic parent is fantastic, but his/her voice lives on inside you. He's dead now but my soul doesn't seem to know that fact. Thanks again for great overview of options.
What a terrible story. You have my sympathy. I feel similarly about my wife. I am 73 and am suffering from depression an lack of sleep. Every day I know there will be a battle, an argument which will scar me and keep me down. i am amazed that I have survived for so long. I am interested in psychology, so it may have helped me somewhat. Have you tried telling yourself positive things. It is a powerful tool to enable recovery. It will take time, but you have nothing to lose. Your father indoctrinated you, but you can undo that if you try hard enough. Try saying, 'I am fine. There is nothing wrong with me'. Look at your thoughts and you r reactions to what happens to you in your daily life. Are things really so bad?
Thank you Dr. Grande. Detachment is going to be key for me to get through this. It’s very difficult to not take it personally but it simply isn’t. Your explanations of how narcissists think are also helpful. I have to understand that they see the world very differently. For the longest time I was just shocked by the behavior. The deterrent method is exhausting and time consuming. I’m at a point where I feel like I’m wasting time that could be spent doing something more productive and positive. I feel like no matter what I do, he will never be different and will just keep hurting me. If I can detach, maybe he can’t hurt me anymore.
Thank you very much for this breakdown of strategies for responding to narcissists. As a survivor of parental narcissistic abuse, I would I would be very interested to see you do a video or series of videos specifically about the effects of narcissistic abuse from parent to child, as well as methods for effectively responding to and recovering from it.
Yes please. I would also love that.
Me too as have survived same (parental/family abuse)
Over the years I tried these strategies but I wasn’t dealing with a sub clinical level of narcissism in the person who antagonized me. No Contact is the only thing that’s worked.
Thank you for this message Dr. Grande. Looking forward to your next upload.
Narcissistic Abuse Rehab I feel for you as I've been there too.
Trying detachment as Dr. Grande speaks of in the video. It just makes more sense, to protect myself. 💕
Trish G thanks for your comment, Trish. Detachment is helpful on both sides of No Contact 👌
Correct!
Mrs T, truly I tried to understand their fucked up head for a very long time, and finally I've come to a conclusion.. Yes, this is a IT we're talking about. You so damn right about being happier than IT is.
I used that forth one at a former work place, & it turned a situation around after I found myself standing up for this person's favorite victim. At the time, I didn't realize that the person I was dealing with was a narcissist, but I figured that she had some sort of personality disorder.
It took two or three weeks of my responding to her only when she did something appropriate, & not at all when I felt that her behavior was disruptive or manipulative. I also was refusing to let other co-workers "dis" her in my presence, just to be gossipy. After all, we all had to work with her.
This is fascinating. You speak about counselors not being offended by an angry person that lashes out towards the counselor that counselor typically doesn't get offended because they know there is something else going on. The significance we attach to an offense is the thing that makes one feel offended. But when a spouse lashes out at another spouse it is difficult to dismiss it due to something else going on. That is what I try to do. Just a thought. Thanks for another great video doc.
Wow. I've never heard any other Doctor or therapist discuss this. The fact that it's not "personal" really makes that shame and guilt feel non existent. Makes me feel a helluva lot better.
If people were told just this one sentence when dealing with a narcissist they could let go so much faster and easier.
This is a life changing phrase Dr Grande. You really grasp things from a perspective that many people don't get. You're so calm and unbiased. You have no angry or snarky undertones or personal jabs at narcissists, you really make it known that this is a DISORDER, not a choice.
I'm glad I found your channel
Great teaching method. You break down the mumbo jumbo. Love it
Everyone knows right from wrong. There are NO excuses for their behaviour. I dont care if mummy didn't love them or thought the sun shone out their bums.They are well aware of the harm they cause, they just dont care,and they do it to get what they want , every time.
"Please repeat that so I can record it. You know, I take what you say very seriously." [hold cell phone in record mode up to the narc]
It does not change their behavior, here's the response I got from my Narc Husband." I'm entitled to change my mind."
You see to him he is the King and I am just a mear peasant.
hmm carzy funny n nuts !!! it can be for ur own fun before they mess that up too
Yea you could let them know before they come into your space that this conversation may be monitored for educational purposes. Bob and weave baby, if they come in the room where you are, leave that room, say you've got a migraine coming on and you have to lie down for awhile, say you're stomach is upset and stay in the bathroom a long time. If they're on the phone act like you can't hear them and keep saying hello over and over, then hang up. Never sit if they're standing , you don't want them in a dominate position. Ask them tons of generic questions , they'll tire of it and avoid you. Never defend yourself to them, it gives them fuel, just say nothing, and laugh on the inside knowing you're driving them crazy. Change your phone number. If they mail a letter to you, have it returned to sender. And on and on it goes ...
@@sweetea7035 you’re a pro! Sounds like you’ve had practice…
👏👏👏
Supersharp analysis.
#Nocontact is the only strategy that works long term.
Yes, And once they figure out that you will no longer be a source for their supply, they then claim they dismissed you from their life. They have to win! it's in their mind that if they lose control over you, they made it happen not you.
The sense of justice... I have been abused by a narcissist and this is my biggest struggle. Thanks for nailing it, Dr. Grande. Narcissists get away with it all the time.
reeshot,You got a lovely smile 😊!!
This was very informative. It helped me understand my almost boyfriend and his responses during our conversations when I accused him of being a liar; months later this was still on his mind. When I tried explaining that I felt hurt when he lied about another woman he continually interrupted my sentences (almost word-for-word) so I could not finish. It was like mental gymnastics. Now I understand he probably reacted that way to block out feeling criticized when I use t be his biggest fan. So he felt victimized especially when I left him. I'm just at a lost for words over this entire situation. When we met, I would never have imagined he would turn out to have a personality disorder. It saddens me to know he probably felt abandoned even though he's the one who pushed me away.
My exact experience
Probably your feeling that he will feel abandoned is part of the guilt he instilled in you. By now he is probably over you (you were his conflict energy well narcisists feed on) and you dried it out) and looking for the next victim.
@@joaon4444 You're right, believe me, he has moved on because she serves no purpose now. He's not feeling anything but ice because narcs don't have empathy like that.
Don’t feel sad, feel lucky you got away.
I think it’s also important to remember that if any of these tactics are used after a bond has been formed this has to be done progressively. They can sense that a person is backing away and this triggers them intensely. Thanks for another great video on this topic Dr. Grande.
J. Mig intense is right. When I stopped responding my x narcissist went ballistic! He did everything under the sun to get a response, finally throwing me LITERALLY out on the streets!
I believe that is in many case, this works best for all involved.
Yes, and because you don’t offer them an “explanation” it can keep them guessing.
Because they will!
Remember they've been traumatised.. I'm not defending just reminding people.. They're like children they don't understand the emotional side of others not all the emotional stages are developed in npd.. Sam Vaknin
This is the most accurate and intelligent account of narcissistic behavior I have ever heard. I am a top performer in a medium sized national sales oriented company. Detached admiration has worked well for me, it seems to be the biggest need of the N-ist in my life. . A co worker of mine managed to work his way to National VP in a very short time. He is a self-professed narcissist- he sometimes confesses this and is always exhibiting some kind of self deprecating speech in front of the entire national staff. He reels from the consequences he gets from customers who don't give a shit who is is or what his title is, and when he shows his ass, the company loses the account. After these things happen, he goes on a "nice" campaign, being really cool, friendly, supportive, then..after some time passes, when he finds something he can zero in on to fortify his existence, he attacks. I have been stuck with this jerk for 12 years now, and no end in sight (I have no idea why the owner of this company- a truly wonderful human being-allows these assholes to get so high in the organization. "Eddie Haskells:" is what my wife calls them.) I can't discard him. The most effective way I have found to deal with him is to align my goals with his, accept his "coaching" publicity campaigns, and CC email everyone when I have success stories related to his suggestions. He actually has some pretty good damn ideas sometimes. But good god, every email or conversation with him leaves me in an exhausted, anxious heap. It's ridiculous how intensely this guy affects me, I'm an otherwise pretty tough dude.
Narcissists are the people who get to be CEOs.
Very true words ...dealing with a narcissist always result in a cost. There is no easy solution to protect against the damage they do.
Best advice ever! after almost 50 I've learnt that detachment is the only way I am able to look after myself without loosing myself. It's much harder since I retired & have no real outlet if self expression but I'm working on creating more time with supportive others.
Retired here too 🎉🎉🎉❤❤❤
I thought this was one of your best-precisely to the point and very actionable.
I can't tell you how much your videos have helped me!! My adopted daughter is usually a very pleasant person, but if she is hurt by anything, she becomes a victim narcissist. Somehow she has figured out all my childhood triggers and can hurt me with her words so deeply. After awhile she recovers and sincerely apologizes. I love her and want her to succeed in life, so I needed a way to deal with her outbreaks. Your videos helped me to disengage myself and my feelings during her rages. I don't react to her texts and I don't answer the phone. Sometimes I just text her that I love her and think she is a great mom. She eventually gets over it. If it were not for my grandchildren, I probably would move away. Thank you for helping me to recognize her personality problem and how to deal with it!
Separation anxiety my lil brother he was given up for adoption this caused extreme separation anxiety 😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮
not being manipulated will stop the manipulative behaviour, it works sometimes instantly. the statement "creating pain creates pleasure for the narcissist" is very accurate
I think that the most important takeaway for me was to document everything, both good and bad, that they do. Asserting your documentation to a narcissist is risky because it can cause them to panic and go on the defensive by playing the victim in a convincing way, even to the point of making you question your own integrity. However, by having concrete evidence that you're being mistreated by your own standards (or that you genuinely find their behavior disgusting), you can minimize or possibly eliminate all effects of their gaslighting and attempts of draining your mental/emotional energy.
Thanks for making this video, bc there are times I need to de-escalate a situation with a narcissist.
Thank you. Everyone seems to be at such a loss with how to cope & deal with such situations.
Telling people "Don't take it personally. They are the person with an issue not you." is something I've said more times than I can count.
"Hey when you act like a narcissist I'm not going to talk to you" love this I will be using it! Many thanks!
What's helped me not react is understanding it's not about me and also thinking "react" instead of thinking "don't react". Because I've found that often thinking the opposite works. Like you may think "don't be nervous" & just end up feeling more nervous.
Abdul Reflectt this methog has helped me as well
But again its the hardest thing to do.
I like how you stated how one can be affected by unknowingly being in close proximity to narcissistic people. How one can become a target of their behaviors. It drives home how one can be victimized by them without having been or being an acquaintance, friend, and/ or a family member. Most information on this topic focuses on people having been is relationships with them. Placing even more emphasis on romantic relationships. I am happy that you have set the record straight and discuss how they will attack anyone in close proximity to them. Thanks again good Doctor.
Giving admiration just brings them back for more
It was satisfying for me to take stock and send a slew of text messages pointing out their screw-ups and faults, including the firm accusation that they "have major narcissist issues that need to be checked out." Tell them they talk too much and no-one wants to hear their crap. Tell them "you just run your mouth cuz you love to hear yourself talk." Say it loudly with conviction. Any response they give, just talk over them like they did to you so often.
It was very damning to them and very satisfying to me to slam them with hard truth. Then they get the cold shoulder. If you are in the right situation, never speak to them again. Just give them a disgusted look as you pass by, or totally ignore them. They are dead to you.
It's all just me, me, me
flick24,you are beautiful 🌹🌷🌷,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
Thanks for this. I've finally begun to acknowledge my former best friend was a narcissist. We've been no contact for a while for my own sanity. They hurt a lot of people, several of whom also have cut my former friend out of their lives. It's hard to realize I missed and minimized so many signs, but at least so many of their actions now start to make sense.
Just say, "OK", and don't give them anything else. The blank look on their face, is priceless. :-)
YES! Gray rock is my go to.
Around 4:30 you said that victims may "represent a value or truth that is unacceptable to the narcissist - by attacking other people the narcissist is attacking a part of themselves that they do not like." This is very insightful, but I don't think it's limited to narcissists. I have often thought this about myself and the people I can't stand, including narcissists. It seems to me that all hate stems at some level from a hatred of ourselves. I guess, maybe all of our perceptions of others derive from our understanding of ourselves.
Anyway, veering into sophistry at this point (hope I'm not using that word wrong, the narcissists will attack me!). Thanks for the great video.
I only wish I could find a Doctor as good as you locally. I’m perplexed to find it’s difficult .
Your videos are doing so much good in my ability to understand this personality , how to deal with it , and protect myself.
If you have any tips on how viewers can find a doctor as good , and as well informed as you are , on this cluster B personality - please let us know.
I’m sure many would appreciate it.
As info - I’ve gone to 4 places searching for someone like you - and all have failed me to provide me with what I’m looking for thus far - which is what you are explaining. I’m not a weak person - I just wanted to understand this personality I was dealing with . I found myself saying “I didn’t know this type of person existed” more times than I can count.
What most therapy service offices I found attempt to do - is give you a counselor who gives you stress reducing techniques. Or superficially tells me “I understand. Anyone would feel impacted dealing with that.”
THAT is not going to solve the problem.
I want to UNDERSTAND it and learn how to protect myself better - as unfortunately - we share a son together.
Everything was perfect for 3 years. Then some of the controlling crazy came out.
When I filed for divorce - it went pathological. I was in shock, panic , fear, gaslit, he stole my car , he stole thousands from my fathers credit card. He brilliantly maneuvers any system - from benefits to the courts to police.
Humiliation is a great part of it - as you cautiously explained as perhaps semi or quasi abusive. . I know we’re your coming from with that as a professional saying it publicly, but make no mistake - the humiliation made it terror over time. Like you said - upping the temperature 5 degrees at a time without noticing at first. To me, even mentioning police or family court was humiliatingly “low life” - as I had lived my life full of achievements, manners, and class.
It’s astonishing to me to learn that someone can achieve such destruction upon another, without so much as “placing a finger” on the victim.
I realized this could not have happened to me if I was simply dating. But having a child together meant it made our child something I never foresaw in my life.
It’s difficult to explain to others - and yet my mind recalls 200,000 instances of unconscionable acts - as if it doesn’t even know which one to choose from to explain it .
It goes over the heads of most professional counselors, in my 2 plus years experience escaping and healing from this thus far.
The fact it takes so much effort to find a good doctor - not someone who suggests a squishy ball - THATS what makes this epidemic even more mind boggling.
So with great sincerity , again I say thank you, for all you share.
So True!!! It took me Yrs to see this angle... to view the attacking as something he needs to do to survive.
And to remove myself from the equation.
It has been 6 yrs and he has continued. The police are aware but I will not allow him to come back into my family’s lives and take center stage!
I view the hate and anguish that he has as a self destructive life force that will destroy him from the inside out!! A slow death of implosion.
Better we stay far away from the dark energy.
And carry on walking towards the light.
To All!
“Nurture strength of spirit it will shield you in sudden misfortune “
He introduced
me to this line in a book.... and it has proven that hope ...peace... joy are Restored 💕😉
Blessings on your recovery 🙏💕
5. Introduction of Dr. Grande’s channel in your workplace.
"By attacking other people, narcissists are attacking a part of themselves that they do not like." This brings up the topic (and phenomenon) of projection, a topic I would love for you to cover, though it's possible you may have already addressed it in one of your previous videos. But with your having produced some eleventy billion of them already, it may have slipped by me, IDK. Also, I wanted to say that this video is a particularly good one, Dr. Grande; you hit this one out of the ballpark, IMO. Lastly, wouldn't it be ironic, what with so many of your videos centered on narcissism, if your last name wasn't Grande, but Grandiose? Thank you for all your great ideas and insights on this and all the other matters you speak to. You are an EXCELLENT counselor, Dr. Grande, and we are all grateful for your empowering good work.
Frank that's exactly my feeling that my now estranged young adult daughter is attacking her self.
I am very worried about how she will raise her 6 months old baby with her idiot boyfriend and his evil mother.
This is catastrophic for me.
@@monikazajacova5741 Yikes. Well, Dr. Grande has quite a few helpful videos - well, all of them are helpful - so I guess all I can say for now is look at as many of them as you can. They all shed light and I bet that more than a few of them will have some choice advice for you and your situation. Good luck!
I really appreciate your work! Very interesting and rewarding. Thanks! 🙂
Me too it's the best I've seen.
Excellent. I am 74 my daughter age 53 is a covert narcissist. I have only realized this about 5 yrs ago. Long been a struggle with her. I was a single parent. Luckily she lives in England and I Iive in western Canada. She tries to force me to use FB wants all praise to her, her family to be in public. I prefer private email.
But listening to this and other utube have helped me lots to understand what is going on. I have to chose detachment. No praise is enough for her.she is very high finctioning, a super achiever, very successful
Also very controlling. Yes she likes to cause mental pain.
Thanks for the help.
Be what the narcissist hates. One word "personhood". A person who knows and accepts themselves fully. Let every action, thought and word emanate self confidence and self assurance outwardly and inwardly. Making the prey so undesirable to the predator, that it becomes the narcissists choice to exit. That's the best method that I have found..
I've tried push back on the narcissist in the workplace to no avail. Radical detachment brought justice to the whole situation. I had to leave that job for my own sanity and health. A good decision.
Very helpful and interesting as always. Detachment is now my goal.
It's uncanny just how accurate the steps are, I've been through each one unknowingly, just by instinct, and it happened exactly the way you described. I think in my case I must have had a fairly good "emotional immunological system", because I can see there are people who don't want to fight at all. It costs too much.
5. Be consistent! Most people do not seem to know how to follow these steps consistently. If you sometimes reinforce negative behavior while also sometimes failing to reinforce positive behavior, you're just going to send the narcissist mixed signals and get nowhere.
Dr. Grande. Thank you for your videos. At first I had a little difficulty understanding. This video was A + in answering a question I had about narcissism for a long time and you answered it today. It's wonderful to know I am a nobody to a narcissist!
I really appreciated the information that you gave. The sad part for me is that I have many health issues and am married to a person that I have never been able to understand or know about even after going to counseling for many years. I did everything for my spouse and that is how I seen the relationship of my parents, never thought I was doing anything wrong, but I see that was a bad decision. The person has really drained me and in being with them it has occurred in phases in regards to their reactions and a lot of being an adulterous continuously, which I never found out until over 20 years plus. I really feel so hurt that I gave up 46 years of my life and now I must put an end to this situation and i do have a handicap as well. That is just life, but i never knew earlier in life, that is what makes me so disappointed in myself.
Thank you what a profound way to view that their attack's can't be personal 👍
What i''m finding in my narcissistic dealings is - DISTANCE is the key to dealing with them. I made it a point of never contacting the narc for anything. I only respond in short answers when he reaches out to me. It took me a long time to get to this level of living without him. Now I never call initiate communication with him. I only respond to him in a minimal way. It's literally driving him crazy because this behavior was not expected. he thought that i couldn't live without him. actually i'm so much happier and peaceful without him.
I am a counselor in training and I truly appreciate you breaking down these topics in a way that is conducive to building understanding and compassion with Personality Disorders rather than a witch hunt. The realization that the narcissistic abuse is not personal is so important for healthy detachment…discernment+ healthy boundaries + kindness + self love = all you need to be safe, remain safe (vengeance unnecessary because the world truly does not guarantee justice)
Sensible advice. Choose the strategy that works to your own strengths and the specific context. Use your head, stay in your own integrity, be honest, determine a way through that protects you. Thanks Dr. G.
Dr.Grande, don’t you think that the tales of vampires are most likely based on narcissists and sociopaths? A vampire drains the blood of his victim and turns them into a vampire the same way a narcissist hurts his/her victim and turns the victim into another narcissist. The vampire cannot see himself in a mirror the same way a narcissist finds it difficult to look at himself in a mirror due to low self-esteem. A vampire hunts in the dark the same way a narcissist uses covert methods to hunt and hurt their victims. A vampire can transform into a bat, a creature of the night the same way a narcissist is a creature of the dark and functions comfortably in the confines of their darkness. A vampire dies when exposed to sunlight the same way a narcissist feels when they’re exposed. A vampire can be defeated with a cross, wooden stake, holy water etc leading people to believe that they can get rid of their narcissist abuser if they joined the church. Comments?
I definitely agree with you. The narcissist has 3 tactics that they use under the radar, like a predator waiting for some inspecting victim to devour and suck them into their evil plans. No 1 love bombing stage, flowers dinners sweet nothings in your ears. Find out as much information about you then they imitate whatever you want to hear you think you've bagged this wonderful Eros.. Love god, not knowing you have just been caught in a preying mantis evil web of falsity lies deceipt and lies, you are so foolishly enraptured by this joker wearing a fake false mask of deceit and the worst type of mental - emotional hell you could never,imagine unless you've been in this evil creatures clutches. I will write the 2nd and third part if anyone would like to know. My motive is to expose these NPD creatures. I never would have known about narcissistic behaviour until I lived with one who fooled me 20years. I wouldn't wish narcosissist abuse on my worst enemy which I don't have any. 3 years on I'm still broken and hurt and trying to heal from this most insidious pain. Drs make excuses for them liable them blah blah. They know exactly what they are doing, telling you they love you then they get fed up with you then they are off looking for some other poor unsuspecting victim and start all over again... that's the way they are they don't want help they fool everyone but you eventually start to see them in a different light. The devastation they cause is devastating, emotionally and mentally debilitating. It's worse than physical torture it's unbelievable unless you've been in the clutches and suffered horrendous emotional pain confusion and betrayal of the worst kind. Hope someone maybe involved with narcosissist abuse sees what it is and get away from them go no contact get healed and start and live again thank God you escaped a fate worse than hell. God bless you and thanks for reading my reply. Sorry it's a bit long would take a month to tell my story... Helen
Church is full of them, especially in higher up positions. They are "emotional vampires" I actually witnessed first hand the stealing of a soul over the course of years, this person was so robbed of his beautiful personality by this creature from hell, he is now an empty shell. When you get to the point where you just do what they want because it's easier than facing the scorched earth of disagreeing with them, then you have just been bitten and drained of your soul, and he just kept going back for more, making excuse after excuse for this vampire. They become "Stepford" people. So sad
Wow, that makes sense
Beware when fighting monsters we don’t become one ☝️
@@hugmc No, I didn’t turn into my abusers. I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and unable to get away from my abusers. I don’t know how and can’t find anyone to help with my situation.
Detachment and distancing worked best for me. Praising, or at least appeasing, the narcissist is what a lot of people do. That just makes the narcissist more and more of a bully. Deterrence does not seem to work either, because usually there are other people praising or appeasing the narcissist. The narcissist gets backup from their group against you. So for people who don't have to be in my life, extreme distancing (i.e. no contact) works best. I take my power back because the narcissist is no longer part of my life. I can use my valuable time on this planet with people who are not abusive to me instead.
They we'll wear you out. Literally. If you don't have to deal with them don't. Good and balanced view of the pros and cons of trying to deal with these seriously evil people. Thanks Dr.Grande
Kathleen Reardon,You look stunning 🌹🌷🌺,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
Once again Thank you for much needed info. ''It`s not targeted'' . . . gave me peace through a greater understanding
"There is no law against telling people they're great when they're not.... maybe there ought to be..." 😂😂😂 SO funny! The rest of the video, great information per usual. 👋👋👋
That's why I do my best to be impeccable with my word. Not taking anything personally. Never make assumptions. And always doing my best.
Employers, especially HR depts, need to wise up to the fact that narcissists engage in behavior that's characterized as unlawful workplace harassment. The bullying, manipulation, gas-lighting, and low agreeableness have external costs that hurt employees' mental health and productivity, and the bottom line. It's a smart business decision to let go of the person many/most people can identify as the source of toxicity.
Method 2 seems like the kissing-up that happens in work situations.
I do that one with a twist, on how they totally didn't do the thing I'm praising about, subtle joking in front of the team always destroys them
I’ve found myself naturally trying these over the years. My ex friend had very strong narcissistic traits, and my mom seems to have traits of vulnerable narcissism but not to the degree of it being a personality disorder (I wouldn’t have a way of knowing anyway). The last ones are far too exhausting. The best solution for me was detachment to some extent. I still get drawn in from time to time but I’m more capable of realising when a line is being crossed and detaching. Luckily my mom doesn’t have an aggressive streak and if somethings not getting her the attention she wants, she’ll drop it and try something else. If I’m on top of things I’ll praise her by giving lots of attention for moving on to something constructive and positive. But I don’t hold myself to it too much because I have a chronic illness I’ll only make worse if I micromanage every interaction. Thanks for the video, it’s a really great summary. For anyone considering using these, I’d say only use them temporarily while you figure something else out.
It’s crazy how I’ve tried these methods before seeing this. I watched this to find out what to do. Your explanation helped me put words/thought process to my behaviors. Currently the last one worked best. In combination with the 3rd one
I love the fact that you get straight to the point
Brilliant, just what I needed to hear today. Good advice and so well explained
Topic everyone needs to understand. Thanks Doc 💫👏👏
what an interesting viewpoint on narcissists
your information is amazing Dr Grande
you clearly expose the core issues we all need to understand
You sound so calm Dr. Todd. Thanks for sharing all the info. Love your channel.