How To Handle A Narcissist - Dr. Phil
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- Опубліковано 9 лис 2021
- Are you living with a Narcissist? Find out all about Narcissistic Personality Disorder on Dr. Phil’s new mental health podcast series, “Phil in the Blanks: Toxic Personalities in the Real World.” Listeners will learn about Narcissistic Personality Disorder; how to recognize it, establish boundaries, and how to co-exist with those in your life who may have it with tools and guidelines that can help minimize damage to oneself and loved ones. Then, stay tuned for additional episodes when Dr. Phil addresses other types of Cluster B personalities, like Borderline Personality Disorder, Schizoaffective Personality Disorder, and more!
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No one gets more upset than a Narcissist being accused of something they said/did.
Never challenge them.
@@kimcissell1905 Yes U can't win with them. 1 Narc said to me when I said something different from something they might say would say to me almost every time we talked. He would say,"so in other words U R saying this!"
Always trying to make me defend my position till I just say.,"You R right all the time." He would answer ,"Right, you should know I am always right."
He actually believes I believe he is right when I don't.
Nobody falls in love faster than a narcissist that needs a place to live 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
Not me
You can say that again! So glad i found this video.
I've never known a narcissist that wasn't also a coward. They are too weak and fearful to look at themselves for what they really are. Treating others as peons so you can feel better about yourself is evil, and it's a choice.
Very well said.
@@Michael-en3yl Thank you.
Best post here. They are weak and ugly. I have been through unimaginable hell and I’m not a narcissist. They take the easy way out and choose to drag good people down to feed their pathetic little egos. I’ve known so many and they absolutely disgust me.🤮 NO CONTACT is the only way to deal with the situation.
Oh and yes.... they are evil!
@@christar9527 Amen to that! I'm old now but I wish I knew the truth when I was younger. Would have saved me from their venom. Finally figured them out and now I have intact shields and boundaries
Who's watching this in April 2024?
Congratulations to Dr. Phil on the beginning of the new channel Merit Street Media. God bless all
God bless you too
I'm watching it
Me...😂
Me
me
A narcissist is one of the most INSECURE persons. The best option is LEAVE AND NEVER RETURN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES
So true they don't change and they get worst with age. You also have to cut contact with anyone they know because they will use that person to keep tabs on you, pretending to be worried about you, but they only want to re-connect so they can abuse you some more!
Absolutely 💯percent! Only way to save yourself!!
@@P55999spot on. That’s exactly described my ex . He still and does hurt me psychologically and emotionally together with our children.
I agree, my sister is a narcissist, she's always been jealous,and very insecure, after an altercation with her when my husband died, i called her out and said that you are insecure, offered to go to therapy with her, she said they can't tell me anything. Its taken me years to realise she won't change as there's nothing wrong g with her. So I finished with her. Friends says, but its your sister, but for my sanity ive had to do this. In my eighties I want a bit of peace.
@@sylviaparker9010 I have come to realize that people who say,"it's family" either have never been to therapy or are in denial about their own families dysfunction. Sadly, I don't even think therapy would help these people. I too offered to go to therapy with my ex for his ,lying, cheating ways but it was easier for him to jump into a bed of a dead man (hooked up with someone from his past- her partner died and they waited a whole 2 months to hook up on what was our ten anniversary - they deserve one another). I have been to therapy a few times because of abuse from family and I am done. My doctor has advised me to limit contact with my mother. I told him I have gone no contact with her and have changed my number, email and deleted my face book page. She had the nerve to tell me that I have been black listed from her family because I spoke out about SA. They don't change. Don't let other people make you feel guilty just because someone is family doesn't mean you have to put up with a life time of abuse. The bible say's family is someone that does the will of God.
5 red flags NPD is likely:
1: Pathological liar (repetitive)
2: No Empathy
3: Uncontrollable anger
4: Superiority, entitlement
5: zero accountability
: REPEAT.
Trump description. Lol
@@pinkyrose6307 oh so handsy, grabby Joe is Mr. Normal!
@@pinkyrose6307 you mean Biden
EXACTLY!!!
And for those of you who think this is a political statement, it’s not. It’s based on Trumps behavior.
@@SK-dy2ie trump has a right to be himself. All he has ever done was HELP the American people. You Fools voted for Biden and look at the mess he has made! Border crisis, high fuel, high energy, shut down 3 pipelines with no replacement of energy, high taxes for the working class at 40%, covid vaccine mandates when the cov19 vaccine does not cure cov19!high inflation in cost of living, job losses, took benefits from seniors, higher insurance and he just got 2.3 trillion for an infrastructure plan that makes no sense....and u voted for him to destroy our lives? Fools....
Being with a narc is like doing time for a crime you didn't commit be your own judge and jury and set yourself free
Ha! This is the perfect analogy! Ty!
This is the Best expression for what it’s like to be with a Narc that I have ever read!! 17 yrs married with Narc… I finally set myself free!!!
Very well put
26 years and I had no clue this was a thing until " I abandoned " him. Wasn't his fault he butt dialed my teen age daughter while with his 1 of many mistresses. This time I had proof! Been 7 years and I'm still trying to get back the old me.
Soooo true!
Ignore them,have nothing to do with them.
Life gets so much better and so much more relaxed.
And never ever make the mistake of giving them "one more chance". They will that one more chance and stick it to you - guaranteed.
Sometimes they are the parent of our child and we literally can’t ignore them…feeling stuck.
@@Fartfordazeor they are a daughter and mother of our grandkids .
That’s difficult when she keeps your grandchild away from you. I have to keep trying to see my only grandchild.
@@user-mo6tz6oh9i A terrible,tragic situation which I've experienced.
All I can say is follow your heart,but even that can be used against you.
Take care.
Ignoring them seems to drive them up the wall. It's hilarious.
THIS ⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️Dealing with this currently…it backfires because ignoring them isn’t what they want…they want the battle that they came looking for!!! 🤬🤬🤬
ya, I refused to answer and my tv went flying
Lol this guy is dealing with a level 1 narc. If you ignore a real narcissist you're going out the window..
@@clydebarrow2.023mine stopped talking with her 35 boyfriends and about 20 of them + the girl tries to get me back with her or something (?) exhausting as hell
That's when they bait you into a response
The only way to deal with a narcissist is to avoid them and keep distance from them.
It is my own mother.
This sets them into high gear. I have proof.
That’s hard to do when your own child is like this.
Spot on. They are so nice you think how could they have done that…then without warning so nasty the nice seems a lifetime ago.
Sad when your president is one. How come so many in the repub party have allowed him to remain in control. Is this an indication of their mental illness, immaturity, or greed?
I was 6 hours away from marrying this person. Calling it off - however late - was the best thing I've ever done. I had finally felt like myself again.
Wow that took a lot of courage
Awesome!!
That's strength right there Yess bless you ❤️🙏🏻
Good for you 👍
Glad you did that.
“I don’t have a problem; you have a problem.” So True…how often did I hear this?!
Often
ALMOST DAILY 😮
Once I said I think U R a Naracissit because U failed a narc test & it concluded U were a narc. He yelled back at me, "no you R the narcissist!"
This I understand is typical as to what narcs say when U call them on being a narc. I yelled back,"no am your source. I am an Empath." I doubt he even knows what that means.. But I now see how he can B a narc. Likes to B stage center, doing all the talking & entertaining everyone, always being right & once I heard him say his wife was the most beautiful woman in the whole world! Yikes! That was a bit off the charts. She is o.k. pretty, but no knock out for sure even when she was younger.She was slightly above average in the looks department, but no drop dead hot. Well to him she is the hottest & that is a good thing so he won't wonder off to other woman. He is very nice looking, but over weight & lacking tenderness & empathy I believe.. So not to many woman would go for him I doubt.. He also is overweight, very religious & a Trump guy I think or at least very high winged & living in Florida! He is funny & entertaining, but seems to think he knows it all when it comes to religion & politics..
@@bondjane007i dont need to go to therapy, there is nothing wrong with me! Its everyone else.
Ya. They stalk u and say we have a problem for reacting to their abuse. He knew he was gonna hurt. That's why he was saying I think I might gonna hurt u. I wanted to block u so that u will be happy with someone else. Now that I m allowing him to live his life without bothering him, he can't stand that. He wants to sit in my devices like a parasite and obsess abt me because I m his prey
I was a hardcore narcissist in my 20s from childhood abuse. I had to hit rock bottom to crack my shell. Now I feel so bad for them. The constant ENERGY that goes into carrying such a burden of insecurity and a veil of perfection is so taxing. Now, just being able to say, “hey, I guess I’m wrong about that, thank you for helping me see that” is like taking off a 100 pound backpack.
Loool NPD is not cureable.
This is like me. I am 16 currently, but when I was 14 I was definitely a narcissist, or atleast has symptoms.. at 15 I decided to learn love and true happiness and make my character better and I'm finally truly proud of who I've become. The only thing that I still have is the ability to read people, which is good for making sure I say the right words so I don't make people feel worse
@@enfpgirl Stop it. Get some help. You spouting total nonsense.
Thanks for sharing your story. I wish more people were like you
You should be very proud of yourself for acknowledging this and wanting to change the behavior.
I married one. Didn’t realize at the time he was a narcissist. They are very convincing. It ended in him cheating and lying with zero remorse. My son gave me the best advice “mom, when are you going to stop blaming yourself for his bad behavior?”
Smart kid you got there.
Same here and when he did the discard he tried to totally destroy me. They are very scary people.
Smart kid you raised. Good job
Ah, I see you are a nurse. High incidence of misplaced empathy in that profession, known firsthand. I got out of my narc wasteland and helplessly watched many in the nursing field jumping through all manner of hoops to satisfy their narcs. And they don't listen to reason "because it's not his fault and I love him", had to just turn the other way. You're blessed to have such a wise son and that you had the presence of mind to listen to him. All the best to you in the years to come.
@@helenhighwater5313 thank you for your kindness. Yes, we nurses are born empaths/nurtures.
To quote a wise person:
Relationship with a narcissist in a nutshell: You will go from being the perfect love of their life to nothing you do is ever good enough.
You will give everything and they will take it all and give you less and less in return.
You will end up depleted - emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and probably financially and then you’ll get blamed for it.
Wow 😮 nailed it!
Absolutely perfectly said! This was my life and am so glad I changed it for the better. To think of all the time I’ve wasted with that person makes me so angry.
Don't forget the gaslighting and the false illegal accusations.
9a
100% correct! I lived it. Thank God I escaped that years ago & have never looked back.
100% true, my mother was (key word), the narc in my life, kicked her to the curb for good, now i’m in peace. Blessings and love to all the people who have to deal with narcissists, especially people in my situation who had a parents they couldn’t get away from.
I wish I could make that leap. For now, I Grey Rock - I give zero information, no reactions, show no emotions. They weaponize all personal information and anything against you.
They’re completely untrustworthy. Even if inclined to share something during the good cycles in their behavior, there will become a point where they’ll exploit that information against you. They will not change.
My mom was also a narc😒
My mother is an extreme narcissist and has recruited all the family around her. My siblings and father are relieved they are not the focus of her attention and are happy for me to take the rap. As a result, my family has ostracised me. This cycle of behaviour has been ongoing for over 40 years. It is hard to believe in oneself when the whole family is against you.
Same. Both my parents. No contact with them and boundaries.
Same here,felt like I betrayed them at first ( saying enough and good bye) the results though speak for themselves.
I have been the brunt of a narcissist all my life. I didn’t realize this until I looked up what a narcissist does and thinks. When I met with them recently I was ready for the gaslighting . I recognized every ploy that was being used on me. They tried everything from screaming in my face to crying about how they have lost me as the person they once knew. It was very upsetting but I stood my ground and didn’t let them affect me. Boy was that an eye opener! Their reaction was like that of a 9 year old who couldn’t get their way. I left but the old me had to fight off the urge to apologize for not being who they wanted me to be . I now know that their anger was not of losing me but losing a life long punching bag.
Ignore them. Whenever they try to push your buttons, don't react, don't get mad, yell, scream, throw things, slam doors, etc., just IGNORE them, they can't stand it because they realize they have lost their control over you.
tried it, my sister is one and if i dont answer her she will say out loud 'are you ok' 'im worried about you, are you ok!!?' it affected her so much she told her daughter i was hitting her...she is now banned from the house, i have not spoken to her in about a year and if i see her i will cross the street.
But you then get into trouble for ignoring them, to get them off your back you have to agree with them even if they are wrong.
Yeah, go "gray rock " on them. Show no emotion at all if you can't go no contact. They absolutely hate it!
My problem is that the possible narcissist is a 12 year old child in a family for whom I do a lot of childcare. Sort of a grandmother role. Can't ignore him. When you don't let him have his way or try to get him to do something he doesn't want to do, there are tantrums. Arguing and screaming, and if you insist on boundaries or behavior he escalates to destroying things and hurting his siblings. I once tried to shut him in his room and he climbed out the second story window to prove I could not control him. If you and everyone else leave the house to stop the confrontation, he considers it a win - he has forced you out and then acts like nothing happened when you come back. He loves to annoy, provoke and make others miserable, but explodes if you look at him cross-eyed by accident. Never takes responsibility, never apologizes. Keeps you engaged with periods of calm and cooperation that give you hope that there can be improvement. He is very smart, very original and I really enjoy him at times. Tantrums happen only at home. Seems to have self- control in public. Some asperger-ish behaviors. Hard to tell struggles with over stimulation from manipulation. No clue how to respond in the moment or help him in the long run. Is he doomed? Is there any way to get through to him?
@@ferrisdonoso4556 sounds like he may also be bipolar?
Q: Why did the narcissist cross the road?
A: They thought it was a boundary!
👉🏼Narcissists don’t respect boundaries👈🏼
😂
Allison Novak .... How many Narissists does it take to change a light bulb? None they all use gasslighting!!
@@sparklypoet1454 hahahaha
@@sparklypoet1454 That’s a fantastic joke! I love it. 👍🏽
@@allisonnovak500 😁😁😁😁
Don't hang around or stay with a narcissist.........it's futile and a road of heartache and deception if you do. It's dumb to try to change them or accommodate them. And it could be dangerous to confront or scheme against them. Leave and don't look back. DO NOT DEAL WITH THEM!!!
It is my neighbor he and relatives will not stop burglarizing and using my property and all I own. He says untill I have nothing. We had words over a truck 25 years ago. I made him have to back down from bulling me in front of a meter maid. He has told the police I'm crazy. A single old now ,woman alone in property twice size of his . With basement and attic. Why shouldn't his homeless relatives live at my house? It's been 2 yrs I'd never seen any of these people before. The police did tell me to buy a gun and shoot them. I did not. Could not. Now I have no $,credit cards,cash, jewelry,tools,they cut up my antique furniture.omg sorry I'm in hell.
Well my narc mum wants me to inherit the house and getting new houses is beyond affordable in Australia
So for a house/wealth, you sell out & become a "waiter"( family member waiting for someone to die for material gain) Boy, Thats a whole other side of being u messed up! U need to talk to a therapist! See what a narc does! I feel sorry for you!😢
I grew up with a narcissistic mother with an enabler father. My dad worships every thing about her, and never mad or told her that she is emotionally abuse with harsh words, silence treatment and guilt trip to me and him. In the end I couldn’t take it anymore, so I told him that what she said and did hurt my feelings. He said I was not hurt and I was overthinking, and I should just let it go. In that moment, I know that nobody is going to protect me and I need to protect myself. Left home since then, and a lot happier physically and emotionally.
Now it’s been 6 years that I no longer live with them and I am still recovering from my childhood trauma, and keep learning about narcissistic relationships.
There was one time I was so hurt by my mom’s words. I cried so much. She just stared at me and told me that she didn’t know that her words were hurtful. There is no single tear from her, not even a word sorry, and she just changed to another subject. This made me really understand that narcissistic people really have no empathy. And they care about themselves more than anything.
I’m so proud of you. I’m sorry you’ve had to live this harsh experience. I’m glad to hear you’re rebuilding. Take your time and stay kind to yourself. 💛 Sending Love. 💕
What did she say that made you cry?
Zero empathy so true!
@Sexyhamster249,
First...I love the name!
What hamster isn't "sexy"?
Lol.
Second...BRAVO!!!
I learned, after spending most of my twenties in and out of therapy to rework my childhood trauma (it's like layers of an onion...one needs to keep excavating); that I developed coping skills/boundaries that have served me well the last 45 years of my life.
I'm 66.
Here's two older books that I found valuable working thru a Narcissistic parent:
1) "Trapped in the Mirror, for Adult children of Narcissists" and
2) M. Scott Peck's book "People of the Lie". (He also wrote the best seller "The Road Less Traveled", not about Narcissism, but does discuss personal choices).
I also found 12 step meetings like "Adult Children of Alcoholics, Coda, or Al-Anon" very helpful - the only criteria to attend is you have an alcoholic via friend/family/co-worker, etc. somewhere?!?
Just listening to others describe their pain AND coping skills breaks the Narcissistic spell "you deserve this abusive treatment".
Best wishes!!!
I’m very sorry about your childhood and growing up around that. I had the same experience. My mother tried to ignore my father’s awful behavior and wanted me and my sister to do the same.I was very much alone growing up since my mother didn’t really wanna see the extent of his behavior. My mother sees it now bc he’s older and his behavior has gotten way worse. People who have suffered bc of a narcissist have my complete sympathy. It’s a kind of abuse no one can understand unless you’ve been through it yourself. Bless you. And may your future be better and full of good, kind people.
Don’t handle them, RUN ! Life’s too short and challenging enough.
When you know, you go. As quickly and quietly as possible.
What if it's your own child?
it's hard to run when you're in love, or when the narcs are your parents or siblings
It is impossible when your mother is a narcisist. Before u learn anything about narcisists, like when u are 15 oraz 20, they will destroy u and make u their little toy... By the time u grow up, u will be sucked all in in their game and groomed by a narc mother... So if u are raized by a nar mother, u will never have self worth your whole life... u will have guilt to have it, u will be acared to have it... So... ya, good advice fot narcs at work, but real arcs in the family = u are screwed for life.
@@kimberleeberry2039 believe me.....it's hard but a person, mother son or whaterver, suffering from NPD will abuse you, hurt you over and over again. It's a disorder!!
Go no contact and run.Don’t ever go back. You cannot win.
If you can afford to !!
I have been on no contact with my narcissist husband. I separated from him after 5 months of marriage. He was verbally, emotionally and physically abusive. I couldn't take it anymore.
@@rue258 so glad you saw it early you were spared so much pain. I was in for 22 years before I understood I was not the crazy one
@@jengable4888 can you afford not to? What's your sanity and peace worth?
You win by leaving, you win at rock bottom. You win when you feel like you lost. Because you lost nothing, you gained everything. I’m financially at rock bottom, I’m emotionally at rock bottom, I’m mentally at rock bottom… I can gain it all back without continuously being kicked when I’m down. I have reality I have freedom, I can change, I can rebuild, I have power over myself. No contact = no control .
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
They do this on purpose
Spammer
Wow WOW 😮😳 what a horrible creep.
@@anastaciaparker9956it's fun😢
Spam. The pitch comes at the end. The story has nothing to do with narcissism at all.
I walked away from one of them . I haven’t had any contact with them in seven years . This person still keeps trying to contact but I ignore them . This person came close to destroying my life . This person has had every family member and every relative cut them off . They did this to themselves .
The best thing to deal with a narcissistic person is to walk away and cut them out completely 🙌🏾
EXACTLY!
..and NEVER let them back in..NEVER!
@@d.benders2413 NEVER 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾🔥
@@mscharita EVER !
Had to do that with my Dad.
@@joanklein6463 I had to do it with my Mom and Sisters.I got tired of it after years and years of it. Good for you.
It's especially shocking how easily and often a narcissist will call someone else a narcissist
I agree, I've noticed that.
And EVERYTHING bad they do, they accuse YOU of, and convince everyone else THEY are the victim.
Usually narcissists dont even know the meaning of it
Yes. Indeed! It came out of his mouth! This called Projection. They will project everything they are on you, to make you confuse.
Omiiiigod! Yesss. So true.😂😂😂 💯💯💯
Being with my ex narc for the past 10 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
Onn ig
Well lucky for you you are aware and made some decisions to get away from the situation. I on the other hand and not involved in an intimate or romantic or any relationship of that nature with the narcissists that are in my life. One is my landlord. Another is a inventor friend of mine. Another is a relative who lives far away. But he has said to me when I told him that I thought he was a narcissist after he told me that he had taken a test and made a mistake on the test and it came up that he was a narcissist. He denied that test. Bang he called me the narcissist!
So none of these narcissistic people there’s another one who’s a homeless person who helps me do things now and then. But none of them are people that are in my life on a regular basis or daily basis. However when they are around they are difficult. But it’s only once in a blue moon that I see any of them. I only have one covert narcissist that’s the homeless person but he’s also a psychopath in my opinion. I have been considering getting a detective look for other reasons. I would think you would get a tech person if you wanted Information on their phone.
I don’t quite understand why you want that. I’m sure you have your reasons. But doesn’t that kind of appear like you might be going after them if you’ve already left them? Not sure of your motivation or reason. Maybe curiosity. Anyhow I guess because U have a child Maybe that makes it more important to know his every move?
Maybe you could tell me why you did that?
Going through something similar friend
So you hired a PI and started stalking his cellphone so you can see what he's doing on his devices without his consent....but he's the crazy one?
Mkay..
That is exactly my ex-boyfriend he was a convert narcissist found out talking to all different kinds of women on WhatsApp got rid of him once and for all
Being born to someone like this has taught me a lot about toxicity and how to deal with it. It is NOT my responsibility to change, heal, or save anyone else. That is THEIR OWN responsibility ( major life lesson ). No matter how big my heart is, I MUST see others for who they ARE, NOT who I WANT them to be based on their potential to choose right and be good people ( it can be very easy to fall into this trap ). The more time you spend around someone like this, the more DAMAGE will be done to you ( some people will truly NEVER change, so it is up to YOU to decide for yourself how you want to respond ). These kinds of people live in FEAR, DELUSION, and DENIAL ( a very dangerous combination )
The scary part is that narcissists refuse to get help. This illness has destroyed families and even countries.
@@killadjango6995 I’m my narc uses Jesus. He is right because he tells my daughter she has to follow what Jesus says about marriage. Of course he is not a Christian but no one will say anything. 🐒
Help🐒
Yes, this illness has put my family apart and the more we deal with her the worse it get.
You mean like, Canada, US, Brazil, UK, France, the Netherlands, Germany... etc?
I'm going through this right now. I'm the target, always. Don't engage is my answer.
100 percent accurate. Don’t feel sorry for someone who is unable to acknowledge their disorder. They will try and break you. Over and over.
I’ve just left a 13 year relationship, 2 weeks ago. I’ve done all that I could do! Your right, Dr. Phil. I could never do enough! Was there times where things between us were good? Of course there was! She was like a “normal” person for weeks, months, even years! She seemed to have respect for me, empathy for me, and I did believe that she Loved me. Then, suddenly, out of the blue, for no apparent reason, it seemed, she became evil ! The critical remarks, the entitled behavior, the expectations that I do everything for her, and the world revolved around her!! Nothing about ME mattered, it was all about her! One day, the switch would flip, and she would be back to the gentle, concerning, woman, I fell in love with! It was so confusing to me! When I brought up how she had hurt me, in many ways, when she was ‘evil’, she would profusely apologize, and say, she “didn’t know why she said or did the things she did”, she “Loved me, and would never treat me like that again!”.. Except, eventually, She would! I didn’t, and, still don’t understand that behavior 😢! I lived like that for 13 years with her!! I couldn’t take it anymore! I had to leave to save my sanity, and what little respect I had left for myself!!
Dated one - and he also as I described had anti social disorder which is a sociopath - I worked for a psychiatrist and when I described him that’s the disorder and I bought a book the sociopath next door and it described this person to a T!
@@jackiecurtis8588 who said that was a trait of narcissism and not something else?
@@jackiecurtis8588 8
Agree with Dr. Phil on this one.
Narcissists, frauds, scams, pathological liars - they hide behind different front personalities.
They swing from being a victim & blame you for everything.
Acknowledge them & avoid them - even if they are your family members.
I went into a relationship with a narcissist and oh my God! What a ride. As he spent all my money, constantly blamed me for every problem, never took responsibility, threatened violence, cut me off from family and friends. Perfect description: I’m going to fly above the ground so I don’t get hurt! Get out. It is hopeless.
🙏❤️🕯️
Im happy to be Here 💎🕊️🌱
The best way to handle a narcissist is to keep away from them or they'll suck your soul. Even if you're related to them, keep away.
What if they hold financial sway on you?
@@realhet I'm well aware that self sufficiency resolves all but it's a work in progress. Choosing between hunger with peace of mind and needs met with surrounding toxicity. How do you make a choice there?
@@seetsamolapo5600You start taking steps to become financially independent. If you’re hurting enough that’s what you’ll do.
@@Gemmarose9012 of course that goes without saying. It's the only solution (I can think of) but like all valuable things it takes time meanwhile one's situation is barely bearable
@@realhet I'm glad you got out. I think I should find out more about this grey rocking thing I've only heard about it recently because it seems it's the only solution when coexistence with a narcissist has to happen
I lived the nightmare for 22 years.
Dr Phil nailed it.
Avoid them at all costs. RUN
That’s a long time. I’m glad you found peace.
Glad you walked away alive after living with a narcissist for so long. You must have a very strong personality.
Oh Doris - you loved it and you know it! Best years of your life!
@@johnholmes6741why would you expose your evil self publicly like this ? Genuinely curious about how tortured one has to be to type such a despicable comment towards a npd survivor.
It's to late for me.. I've lived with one 48 year's....Now he stays downstairs and I upstairs so it works out fine....
You have perfectly described the dynamics between my sister and me. I'm the empath. No contact is the only way.
Same here
The argument itself is their reward.
Tell them no and have boundaries, they will go crazy.
They murder your spirit,they murder you inside and gives you an inner wound forever.Run away!
Amen to that
They are already crazy
They will also punish you
Lord have mercy..I’m learning stuff I wish I would’ve learned 2 years ago…this girl has broken me..financially..spiritually…and physically
The problem is when they turn other people against you, people you actually care about.
Your words is very very true100%. I through this so much in my whole life for 42years. Until i damage enough. I wish i can escape from it😭😭
🙏🏽❤️
My Dad , my brother is isolating him
Remember, if a person minds, then they don’t matter. If they matter, then they won’t mind.
I lost a 28 year friendship because of my ex.
I will never forget my final words. "Leave Now!" and even after all begging that was it.
My wife has a couple of narcissistic sisters. Let’s just say they now play a very minimal role in our lives. Ain’t nobody got time for that!
Ten years ago, my daughter marrried a man and over time it became obvious he was a narcissist. Two kids later and one physical abuse episode, she finally left him. He threw her across the room and slammed her head into the wall. The police officer did what my husband and I weren’t able to do, he talked her into leaving. Going on three months and I’m so proud of her.
She should never look back, because he will not change. No matter what he says.
Continue talking with your daughter and encouraging her to stay strong, many narcs will try to pull them back into the relationship, whether it’s 6 months or 6 years… proud of your daughter for getting out, and proud of you for being there for her
Why is he still alive or mashed up, I tried to kill a man who touched my son, he ended up in hospital for 3 weeks, if it had been my daughter I would have taken him away and chopped his body up and sunk him out to sea
My daughter, I fear is in the same situation. After 12 years and not seeing my grandkids because of her husband I pray she gets out. I see all these comments and now I know I'm not the only one experiencing this. This was so spot on and he's right you can't win. When I figured that out my blood pressure went way down.
Praise God for that awesome police officer and she listened 🥰
Don't "deal" with them, LEAVE them alone. Best thing you can do, no matter who it is in your life.
You are 100% correct, there is no safe way to coexist with a narcissist. They are manipulative and dangerous. Often times they know how to put up a front, fake being sincere and caring, but have no illusions, they only care for themselves. It's very difficult to see things clearly when you are on the inside, but giving yourself distance, cut the other people off, seek multiple professional opinions, and then come to realize the danger in the situation you left. People who spend time around narcissists will discover that their lives were stolen from them.
I agree. Distance.
@@suburbankaren5137 a lot of distance .. broke up with my ex went nc on her , and three years later she's married , and still texting me insulting me and telling me how much better her new husband is then I was .. I just don't respond.. Married and still thinking about the ex because he told her no and went nc .. smh..
@@gumshoe7237 Best you can do is get a quickie from crazy then leave her again LOL
Even if it's your mother? That's so tough for me.
Oh my gosh!! It's her Favorite saying after she starts a fight and pushes buttons.... "What's wrong with you?" Fits her to a perfect T and everything else you said Dr Phil. Her need for constant validation and praise from others on FB etc is relentless and never ending. Thank God I'm finally detached!! I gave 100% but couldn't make her happy. I don't miss the gaslighting and ghosting either. Phewwww moving on 😊
When you meet someone that has everyone else to blame and not themself , that’s is your first clue.
I was married to one for too many years! He so cleverly love bombed and manipulated me so gradually that after a few years I was his puppet! As he aged his behaviour worsened to the point where I had to leave, go no contact and divorce him.
Me too Margaret. I managed till he began to fall apart. I divorced him to save my own life.
You are absolutely spot on. Their life is a delusion and they cleverly use people to fast track their own goals. When you wise up, they could care less. It has cost me financially, emotionally and psychologically to learn that these people are destructive soulless meat suits walking the earth. I have wasted years in a marriage that was only transactional. His life is dismal without “supply” there is zero self-awareness on his part. There is no fixing these people. And getting rid of them is like dirty chewing gum that sticks to your shoes....
@@Lisabug2659 you are so right, and they poison the people dearest to you with their lies and manipulations. He has caused me to lose the relationship with my son and my grandchildren. These people are pure evil!
My story exactly! God bless you. I am now married to the man of my dreams, a complete 180 degrees from my ex. I never knew marriage could be so wonderful. 🥰
I wish it was that simple for me 😥
Thank you so much for this. I'm looking for a way out of this mess. It's a roller coaster in the eye of the storm inside of a maze.
Remembering myself and being secure in myself is the key 🔑
Thank you Dr Phil for posting these. They have been greatly helpful
Also, don't feel obligated to have a relationship with a narcissist. They are abusing you and they literally are incapable of loving you. You shouldn't have to live with abuse. You are not trash. You are worth more then that.
You're The Best!!! Hope you're okay, and doing well.👍💯🌟💚✨
Feeling like a piece of trash is exactly how they make you feel. So glad I walked away from it.
Unfortunately, I learned that when I started to try to get my self-confidence back and started to read up on narcissism in relationships. Coming from one that felt obligated to support my mother, despite her marriage, I should have left but felt an overwhelming need to help my older sister because she had nothing. So I stayed until I turned 28 years old and moved out and never came back to my mother's dismay. If I had stayed I had already bad depression worse than anyone and thought about suicide. That's why I left after 12 years living with my mother's family. I had enough.
@@homegown1234 Well at least you finally got out. Now you are free and can recover and hopefully know that you are not this terrible person you were made out to be.
@@kittiescorner222 - I did get away but not far enough - since whenever money was needed she would come to my apartment or my job. I had to tell her to stop this because I was living independently and had bills to pay. She would never give up but hounded me. Unfortunately, after I got married too and was raising my children. She seems to be the type of person that felt she deserved every possible free hand in life but never wanted to work for what she was given. That makes my situation bad - since her husband refused to work and the only dependence was our father's Social Security of $300 per month plus - whatever my sister would provide from her income too. It was such a difficult situation when she died, I paid for her funeral but also my sister's because she gave so much. As a sister I was devoted to her for all she did for our mother. What I learned children should not be leaned on by selfish parents to their children throughout their entire life to pay bills that our parents acquired. I learned valuable lessons not to repeat my parents irresponsibility ways. I thank God for his gifts to become an adult and work hard to provide for myself and those I was responsible to be as a parent.
After graduation I got a job working for a narcissist. At the time, I had never heard of the term. I just thought it was odd that above her desk there was a shelf with no less than 5 framed photos of herself in various poses. But lets get to the boundary setting worst day there: I had been working my ass off for her and she was in the middle of telling me that I was incompetent. It was intense because I was feeling it. As hard as I tried to hold it back... a tear fell down my face. And at that very moment I saw the edges of her mouth lift up to a smile. It was demonic. She knew she had me, but I knew then I had to go. I excused myself, walked over to the next pc and typed up in one paragraph a two weeks notice. I handed it to her and we never spoke again. Happy ending: I found a job supervising a department twice the size, making twice the money (even more than she was making) and a state pension plan. Gaslight me b****. Looks like she was the one incompetent and I ain't crying no mo.
Congratulations
You’re profile pic on your channel is creepy 😖
@@RachelSemeson your the creep. Save it Narc
I love it ! You are a strong person. Good for you! I’ve done the same thing myself. We are nobody’s doormat!
@@djdoolittle1315 have you not clicked on her channel?! The freaks are out tonight
Thankyou Dr. I have lost my identity. My spirit. My self worth.
I live with a narcissist daily. He doesn’t have a to do list. He takes it on the fly. I have been pulled down below low. He has even said that my name isn’t written in the Book of Life. And that is only the skim of it, Dr. Phil.
Let me just say it because it helps hearing the TRUTH.
If you love God, you're saved.
No one else gets to make that decision, only God. Your partner doesn't get a say, and has no right to judge.
They can end up making us very mixed up and not knowing what to think, so I hope you don't mind me being so blunt. I've found bouncing things off an outsider who is sane is so helpful to see things in the correct perspective again. All the best, I'm praying for you ❤
In my humble opinion, to deal
With a narcissist is to build robust self esteem. Be like a shield that cannot be cut down no matter how many times a sword hits it. Learn fighting sports such as MMA, BJJ, Muay Thai, Karate, wrestling. And no matter what, don’t get angry and lose your temper in front of the narcissist. They enjoy seeing you getting mad, because they know that they’ve got you. Stay calm, collected and composed and speak in a very candid but low voice. Maintain eye contact and keep your composure.
These things may very well intimidate the narcissist and send the sign that you are the wrong target.
It’s especially difficult when the narcissist is your mother.
Or your sperm donor.
Or father (not my own experience, a friend of mine’s)...
Or your son 😐
Or both parents. Only possible after you grow up.
You poor thing. My heart goes out to you.
I was married to a narcissist for 13 years and I finally found the strength to escape. During those 13 years I thought I was losing my mind. After being free from it all I am able to be myself again.
I married the queen of narcissist . All the redflags were there and I still took a chance . After five months after the love bombing she totally devalued me . She’s still in love with her narcissist ex who she told me he’s in the past . She went away and got a separation agreement and told her she’s not back in the house . She went crazy and told me she will ruin my life . She blames me and says I abused her and did this and that lol . I have her on video going crazy , hitting me and bribing me . First thing she did was text her ex and he got her a lawyer
So glad for you!
That's exactly right, the narcissistic wants you to believe you're nuts so they can control you.
13 must be magic number and I've been gone for 8 years with the kids. Still today I deal with abuse
Yup that’s exactly it
The problem with staying and they have lost their power, they can become dangerous. I thought I would die, I sent emails to myself and told everyone if I disappeared, he did it. Leaving them is extraordinarily hard
Ah, a light shines on the issue. This explains clearly what I’m currently going through with toxic family members, both born into and through relationships. It’s been going on hard for the last 5 years, I’m sure longer, this has just been when it was most obvious to me. these toxic family dynamics nearly did me in. Almost. I’ve attempted to maintain my boundaries (no contact) for this time but jeesh their efforts to break through has been a relentless onslaught of flying monkeys that comes in like waves and is liken to the battle of pelennor fields! However the light shining through at dawn eventually wins. Orcs can’t tolerate light. Thank you for some hope.
I'm currently married to a narcissist, I've been aware of this for the most part of our 5yrs together, and it's as bad as Phil has described. I'm losing in every way possible, and I'm not very proud of myself. I need some help. I'm not writing this as a desperate plea to have anyone come to rescue me, I'm simply making a step by writing it down, which as I'm doin at this moment, actually helps.
Curious to know if you have gotten any help by now. The first step could be to start speaking to a therapist if you don't want to take drastical steps right away.
You have to rescue yourself 🙏 .. the only way to win with a narcissist is to stop playing the game!
@@missmiraink The best thing to do is to leave and get out as fast as possible.
I pray God will set you free and protect you 🙏 😢
Leave. Life is too short to put up with the toxicity. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
They are everywhere. Stay calm. Create boundaries. Blow them off. Don't react.
👌
👍❤😊
Exactly. Your reaction is their fuel for existence. Be stoic and inaccessible to them.
Easy to decide to do. Hard to pull off, though. Especially if they are a close family member and they ‘know’ their power and our buttons. Their needs are important and everyone else’s needs are not necessary or acknowledged. Sigh. Actually, I’m rebellious where demonic influence is concerned. Jesus died for all of us, so there IS a way to pull them out. We just have to move out of the way, I’m guessing. We’re too weak. Is narcissism pride?
Don’t date them an definitely do not marry them. They have no worth to keep around.
I love your podcast every day. I’m dealing with2 Narrsists. You are helping me emencly. Yes ,no empathy whatsoever. Your podcast helps me emotionally and mentally to get thru. Exactly These two are a challenge. Your advice helps me immensely! Thank you Doctor Phil for all you do! Danny in Jacksonville Florida.
Thank you so much for this conversation, Dr. Phil.
Being a narcissist should be against the law! They damage people so badly it should be on the same level as attempted murder! My ex narc got me to the point of attempting suicide.
I agree
I am really glad you didn’t!!
Lmao
I totally agree with you because they suck the life out of people and pretend to be normal human beings, they need to be locked up and put away in their own narcissistic planet!
So true!!! Narcissists and sociopaths do unspeakable damage!!! We should be able to sue them for pain and suffering as well as damages.
Don't take them seriously. Tell them "I don't care what you think"; it worked for me with my sister. Then I never talked to her again, and life's been great. A narcissist's power lies in the fact that you put value in what they say.
EXACTLY
Well said
Excellent advice.
Absolutely
100%!!!
Awesome!!!. Thank you Dr Phil. I have a narcissist squatting in my house and am forced to evict him. I can't wait to get him out of my life forever. This is a real eye opener. I couldn't figure out what the problem was with him but now my eyes are opened.
Thank you Dr Phil. You are so right on. I have a narcissist in my family. It's so frustrating to deal with him sometimes.
My grandmother was a Narcissist. My father spent 50 years trying to change her. She died recently and it's the first time I've ever seen my dad at peace.
So happy for him . Fuck the narcissists
My mom is one, she's 83 and I don't think she has that much longer to live. I really love her, I realize that's only by God's grace, but I sometimes wonder if after she passes if I will have peace and relief from her, or....if I will miss her just because she's my mother.
@@DA-jw4lx I guarantee you won’t miss her, but you’ll remember ver with a tinge of sadness bec she could never stop being a narcissist
It's horrifying how they ruin lives. I am 60 years old and I have four narcisissts in my family, two not blood relatives, only related by marriage. I'm hoping I can finally be free of the control one of them has had over my entire life, I hope I get to enjoy a life free of it, if I live long enough.
@@DA-jw4lx you will probably feel both.
Don’t deal with narcissist …… run for your life! Love yourself and respect yourself more.
Run is right. Implementing a N🚫 CONTACT method is using good logic and self-respect.
This is the absolute BEST explanation I’ve ever listened to …and I have listened to A LOT! My advice to anyone that has a way out- don’t walk away… RUN ……and NEVER, EVER LOOK BACK! !! Just as sure as you do- they will be standing right there ready to drag you back into the game again and you will ALWAYS BE THE LOSER!
The two Narsissists I’m dealing with Gaslight me every day through Social Media, and phone hacking. I wish they would stop this and leave me alone. Thank you for this great video to shed some light on this horrible topic Dr. Phil.
Dr Phil has this completely nailed.
The biggest mistake I made was thinking that their cup could ever be filled. There is no such thing as "enough" for a narcissit. They are fundamentally incapable of being satisfied. The key to surviving an encounter with a narcissit is to not even try with them in the first place.
Thank You
Thank You
I can understand why people would wanna stay away from us lol, it’s probably good advice but I just can’t help myself 🤷🏾
I want my friend to listen to you Dr.Phil because she lives with a lady that is definitely a narcissist .She has a very hard time trying to live with her .but cares alot for this woman .and I think she thinks she will help some change her .thank you Dr.Phil very interesting
💯💯🤣 I promise you to stay away 🙅🏾♀️ they are sick
Michael...
When I read your comment, I remembered a passage in Proverbs (in the Bible) that talks about 4 things that never say "It is enough". Since I've been learning about narcissists, I have added them to the list!! (The passage is Proverbs 30:15-16, for the enquiring minds.)
Update:
Looking at the passage again, I wonder...
I don't think I need to add anything, because they are ALREADY there in the passage!!
You see that word - "horseleach"??
What is that, you ask?
It is a blood-sucking leech that lives in the nasal passages of horses. What do you think happens to horses once a horse leech takes up residence in their nasal passages??
You follow my drift?
I once heard a comment about how to leave a narcissist....and it made me feel better because I realized I did exactly that when I left. At least I did one thing right for myself. That quote goes as follows:
When leaving a narcissist....RUN AWAY rather than walk away, BUT do it quietly.
S
Appsoulutly
💯
Tell Harry
RUN AWAY rather than walk away, BUT do it quietly.
I just quit my dream job after 3 weeks because my supervisor was a narcissist. I had never experienced ANYTHING like this... he told blatant lies, spread rumors and tried to make me feel sad. But God told me I could should not tolerate this and am happy I am free
Dr. Phil, thank you for this series, just catching up.
Being in a relationship with a covert narcissist is like carrying a fragile glass bottle of poison in your pocket
Good analogy!
Great description
Toxic for sure. And not healthy!
Nailed it!
I’m ready to leave my narc, and he says to me tonight. “Please give me one more chance. I don’t see a problem with me or my behaviour. But I’ll change for you. If that’s what you want. I’ll change for you.” REALLY??? Of course he doesn’t see a problem with himself. I told him that’s completely illogical. You don’t think that you have a problem, but you’re willing to change for me? That doesn’t even make sense! And I’m not falling for that crap ever again. He’s emotionally and verbally abusive, and a chronic gaslighter. I’m so done with this crap. I deserve better. Thanks for your insight Dr. Phil. 🙏
Tammy they don't change.. for yr own sake and sanity run for the hills go no contact
@@petermarshall9708 Thank you Peter. You’re so right! I realize that now. It’s all just a sick and twisted game to them. I don’t understand their demented way of thinking, and I hope I never do. Take good care! 🙏
I’m so sorry that he has such a lack of insight. The fact that he’s even saying that he will change even though he sees no problem with his current behavior means he will literally not change. My mother is a narcissist and I spent 23 years living in her house being manipulated by her, being gaslit by her etc. You need to do what’s best for you! These people don’t change.
@@nftbandit9645 I’m sorry that you had to go through that as well with your mother. It’s heartbreaking and exhausting to be continuously caught in this cycle of push and pull with them. Please take good care. 🙏
Yes, they never change. You are probably aware of all the YT videos on narcissism (including H.G. Tudor - pseudonym) which show the evil the narcissist is. Great to see yet another survivor of narcissistic abuse going no contact.
Touché Dr. Phil, you nailed it! Thank you for setting it straight!
this is exactly it! one of the best videos about it...Thank you Dr. Phil
My ex Narc was 12 years old when he witnessed his 3 year old brother’s horrific death, that was 47 years ago and he never received support, his family never spoke about it. I suffered 18 years of craziness and abuse with this man and I always accepted his behaviour was because of his childhood trauma but it should not be an excuse to treat the people he should love so badly. When I woke up and finally left he was shocked, he put me and our son through a year of hell before we sold our house. He’s still causing hurt to people around him, destroying every relationship. If I stayed any longer he would of driven me insane, I saved myself.
Good for you!
Staying that long you were enabling with his behaviour......when you get stronger they get weaker.....you need to go NO CONTACT with that PARASITE.....
I totally understand! I was married to a narcissist for 20 years! He was very abusive physically and mentally. Once he completely broke me and made me weak, he had complete control. I could not go to the bathroom by myself, i could not leave the house by myself. Ive been shot at, had my bones broken. The evil words that he would say. I raised 5 children with this man. All of them have phobias and have gone through hell. It has been 10 years since i divorced him. My children and i were left with PTSD and trauma. He would of killed me if i didn't have the strength to leave. The dear lord was by my side and gave me the strength!
@@melbel1990, It sounds like you were married to a Malignant Narcissist. They are the worst as they are capeable of murder.
I can relate Joanne, I was married 33yrs to a man who I realized was the golden child in his Family, even in our teens when we met. His Mother seemed a pain in his ass, but we were teens so .....Anyway he went Military. 24 yrs. I loved him very much, but around his retirement time he started having problem with alcohol. If he wasn’t Malignant before, he certainly became that. I endured another 7 yrs, but divorced. He drud our divorce out for two yrs, and literally was absent from it. His Mother is whom I was divorcing.
Shortly after it was final, he took part in a class action against the Catholic Church. Absolutely no one knew, not even his parents.
But the creepiest part? He had allowed the same monster who had raped him as a child to baptize our 8yr old son.
The first 30 seconds are golden!!! "Don't try to change a narcissist....I tried to do it.... it's above your pay grade...". Thanks Dr. Phil!😁
DON'T TRY TO CHANGE ANYONE, not just a narcissist ! That should be a golden rule !! Hard for people to think, that's why most people judge ! So many people criticize, but very few support & nurture their partner. 🤪
Same here ! For 13 years , I almost lost my life . He abused me in every way and made sure I filed for bankruptcy. It didn’t stop me from leaving as I knew I would always get myself together again . Best thing that happened to me was leaving , these people are demons . They never want to see you succeed and everything you do to help them is always used against you . For anyone still hanging on, please take that move and don’t look back . ❤️
Yep you’re lose yourself trying to change them type ppl.
@@chynadoll77cyn59
LOL !! I was Lost in Lust in Love with a Libra narcissist. 🥰🥴🤪
For some reason we don't believe when told, or we just don't see it going in, and have to learn the hard way. But. At least we can learn 🙈
Listening to you Phil gives me the strength!! ❤
I have noticed they often harbor unforgiveness toward someone else
Great quote on changing a narc: "It's above your pay grade." When the narc would pity trip me by proxy to get me to save them from themselves, I said "That's a job for Jesus."
Borrowing
😂 😂 😂 😂 Thank you for putting a smile on my face with that last line 🙌
Oh my god… I am stealing for this. My narc will be back around and I am done. I have never felt more free, but he always comes back. I am staying strong and this will be my phrase!
I just said that today. But here I am feeling guilty for not helping. 😔
@@TeresaO82 You are way more worth than a being punching bag.. You are a beautiful, loving human being that deserves the same love that you give to others. The only way to make the narc feel better about himself is to let him beat you down. And it will never be enough.. Give yourself the love and the boundaries you deserve! Don't give your life trying to save people who can't be saved. Your life is too valuable. It's not easy, but you are not alone. Stay strong and be true to yourself ❤️
You are right, I can't change my husband who is a narcissist. After 10 years, I agree, it is above my paygrade. The psycho dynamics are so complicated that I have concluded the only way to set boundries with the narcissist is to leave. He can't love bcs he thinks people are tools to give him what he wants in life "to be used." It is a psychopathic mantra. You are right, he has been tearing me down in an artisan way. Publicly he shows the opposite persona. Behind closed doors he tramples all over my personal morals. I have made the decision to leave for self preservation.
Leaving him and going N🚫 CONTACT is a super power💥 to freedom and peace.
You deserve happiness
Congratulations- you are brave. All the best 💕
I could have told your story, I lived it as well. My simple version is also in the comments. Sending you strength, determination, finding yourself after so many yrs is a whole new chapter. One day at a time and don't be afraid. Soon you will start to feel AMAZING ! 💪🤍
You can do this :)
For my children, I put up with EXACTLY this for 38 years. It's unbelievable how they do this. They make the image of how good and holy they are. And happy when I lost my son in an accident. Because he wouldn't put up with it. And when I confronted her twice over years about it, she didn't disagree or deny it. After the kids were gone. So was I.
Thanks Dr Phil! I sooo needed that!
Thank you! I was married to a narcissist for 20 years. I felt about a half inch tall when he left for another woman. I had a mission that saved me. I had my two sons to raise. I did that, and I fought to get myself back. Now, 25+ years later, I have recovered my 'self' and he is still blaming me for everything. I find that notion amusing. My being happy just eats him alive. And I couldn't care less.
Sarahwallace me too! 24 yrs married to one and 2 sons. It wasn’t until a year after we separated that I realized (from stumbling upon info on the internet) that he was a narcissist (I didn’t know what narcissism was before). Since then I’ve educated myself and it sure helps in the healing process. Wishing you and your sons the best 🙏
Happiness is the best revenge... it makes narcissists crazy. Never think of them except to appreciate the blessing of not having them in your life.
The extremely narcissistic ex husband of a friend of mine has a new girlfriend since 4 years. She seems happy with him. Just wonder how long it took you to see the first signs? Was your husband also very sweet and caring the first years?
Luv this story
22years
Being in a relationship with a narcissist has forever changed my life.
Leave.
A negative life or a positive life? Love wins every time. Love for yourself and who you are, you are strong enough to live, to be alive in this moment. Only you can change your perception of what your reality is.
the faster you leave the faster you'd change this "forever" to "heal"
Yes it Mosr certainly does…the narcissist is actually here to teach us about us. It’s much deeper than this however, understand YOU CAN HEAL, you can become a Warrior and I so hope your heart today is not in pain❤️
@@FEARISLIAR444 just sensed the blessed Warrior in your reply , May god bless you and always keep you happy
Wow, you nailed it. I've been trying to put my finger on why my two specific family members can't survive without "punching down" listening to this puzzle so much easier to solve. 👍🙏
thanks for the advice, dr. phil.
Exactly! The narcissist love to stamp out your happiness! If you're feeling good about yourself, they will try to destroy your sense of self-worth.These people are destructive! Stay away from them!!
Omg yes! I can feel so happy and in my own power and self! I don’t need ego boosts from anyone! Then, a narc comes along and tries to shame and belittle me and snuff my light out😂 epic fail😂😂 I don’t even care! I see u lol
What if you have to work with a coworker who is one???
They are cowards. They will draw you into an argument and then try to provoke your anger, gaslight, etc and then claim they are the victim. Once you see it play out a few times their pattern emerges.
yes... but staying away from them is not always possible...
Absolutely..my mum fitted that glove....stamp out my happiness...even to the nth on my wedding day...she didnt win that one though!
I was with a narcissist boyfriend for a few years. You can never fix them. Let them go. Don't let them come back.
You can not fix them demons.
@@barbaraannhenderson9049 so true. they don't want to be fixed.
Exactly that. Walk away and don’t look back. You will never get back what you hoped was once real. Leave and live.
They're always on defense mode. Omg yesss your description just put words to what i couldn't describe to people. They taught i was crazy.
Thanks Doctor Phil , this advice is very helpful!!
That is very true . They can not handle the person who is at peace with himself or spiritually connected but they will hurt you wherever they see an opportunity especially in the workplace
You are so right, my boss punished me for nothing other than talking to a staff member but he can talk to him not me.
Dr Phil THIS was an excellent video...I've been reading about them for YEARS...it was great listening to you...I delt with a covert narcissist...not an easy one to detect...but the light FINALLY went on thank you 😀
The sad part about it..is that it was a FIVE year off and on process..
Hence no contact.
I've experienced workplace narc abuse repeatedly, not to mention familial narc abuse.
Going on 17 years. It took me a very long time to realize that I was dealing with a narcissist. Started standing up for myself finally.
I'm in the same boat it took my father's passing to realise 😢
I'm realizing that just this year after 12 good year 😢, and he feels so sad that I'm no longer giving in to his reckless treatment towards me
Same, took me a long time to connect the dots. With my covert narc mom, I knew she was moody, stubborn, gossipy, controlling, superficial (e.g., obsession with money and people's finances), and missing something upstairs by making sweeping assumptions and being a know-it-all. It wasn't until she manipulatively lied to my face and made hideous accusations that I realized that there's something very wrong with her. Now I completely Grey Rock so she can't weaponize any personal information.
Good job
My sister’s husband is also a sociopathic narc. They’ve been married for almost 20 years. He’s completely turned my sister against her own parents and family. I am holding onto hope that one day she will see the truth and have the courage to stand up for herself and walk away.
I will remember this conversation! Thank you.
Great video. Narcissists don’t change (in my opinion as a person with a narcissistic father), because their attitude is not open to learn and change. And also because their behavior gets them yo fulfill their dominant human needs at a very high level. Even if that is achieved through negative vehicles
This is one of the most accurate descriptions of what a Narcissist is. I was married to one for 8 1/2 years. We had 5 children together. It was the most horrific, mentally and emotionally draining experience of my entire life. Unfortunately for me, we have 5 children together that love him very much. It has been a nightmare and a twilight zone. It wasn't until I started doing research in 2017 on his personality and behaviors that I came across this disorder that gave me light on everything I had been through with this individual the entire marriage. Through understanding, in 2018 I mustered enough courage to walk away 3 1/2 years ago and never looked back. Rest assure, he put up a fight. It took me a bit of a sacrifice, he took my children from me for 13 months while I lived in a womans shelter for 1 year and he spread rumors to everyone we knew of how I abandoned my children. But with the support of therapists, case managers and attorneys, i was able to make it through that devastating time in my life. I was reunited with my children in 2019 and realized, had I not made this painful sacrifice, I would have stayed depending on him the way he wanted me to. Best decision I ever made in my entire life.
I will say, Co parenting with these individuals is almost impossible. Be prepared to go through some ups and downs and the children will face a lot of disappointment.
** One key of advice** Master the behavior of NOT reacting. This will help beyond measure in dealing with them if you are like myself who is forced to deal with them due to a family dynamic.
Sorry for being a little long winded, I may be a little bit of hope for someone who is contemplating an escape from a Narcissistic partner.
God Bless you FreeSpirit! Same!
Thank you! You are so right. Go no contact when possible, set boundaries, and don’t react. Keep working on you. BTW, God bless you! You are awesome!
Congratulations Queen! Keep growing!
You should write a book or make videos.
@@ChildrenofthelivingGod Thank you so much, I appreciate that.
With a Narc for 14 yrs. I remember bumping into a friend who said “how are you?” I honestly did not know what to say as my Narc wasn’t back from work so I didn’t know how I felt until he decided what kind of evening I was going to have. I went home and made a list of everything I needed to do in order to get out. Nearly 10 years out now it’s heaven
@@Umbrella1968 I couldn’t tell you, haven’t thought about how he is doing in 10 beautiful years 🤣
@Corrieann Fletcher Excellent.
Agreed I'm 17 years in
2 kids
And I've had it
Congratulations!! I completely understand the response you would give when people would ask how you are. I think I wore the irritation & anxiety on my face.
@@amwil4980 While you are deciding when & how, remember this: It's sort of like waiting too long for a joint replacement surgery because it's scary & inconvenient. You are right that it is, but afterward, you will wonder why you put it off because you feel amazingly better.
“It is not your job to fix them; and you couldn’t fix them if it WAS your job.” Thank you Dr. Phil
I swear, he nailed it !! When I was a young Lion into Middle age, Lord know I tried and tired this, to very little if any avail. Im done with their bullshit now and have grown by leaps and bounds. Live your Life, inspire yourself, your LIFE IS YOURS it FITS YOU LIKE YOU SKIN!!
I don’t care what anyone says, Dr Phil is a good man. He’s also very knowledgeable and I might add, quite sexy. I wish he was gay, I mean jeez… hubba hubba
Thank you. I’m 51 years old. My sister is 4 years older. We grew up with our father fostering my sister to believe that she is so much better, and always right, that I should always defer to her (or him) for the answers. They will never admit to doing wrong. I refer to her as a puppet master. When she wants people to do what she wants, she starts to pull strings to make me dance the way she wants. She, in a way, has out mastered my father. When she wants him to do her bidding she softly whispers bugs into his ears, thusly making him believe they are his ideas. She has done that with me too, on many occasions. I mention my age because it has taken me this long to figure it out. I’m happy I have. It is a struggle to not get pulled back in. I keep reminding myself boundaries.
Spot on, thank you Dr. Phil
The best way to deal with a Narcissist is to NOT deal with them. Run away as fast as you can. I grew up with a sociopathic Narcissist, so I'm speaking from experience. The minute I got away from him, the freer I feel and happier I am.
NO.
DEAL.
with it like a
MAN.
@@saintfreezy6914 hah that sounds kinda like my neighbor lol