Table News: John Oliver, Santa Claus, and Florida
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- Опубліковано 21 кві 2022
- John Oliver blackmails the government, Russia sanctions the house, Santa Claus runs for election, FL passes a 15-week abortion ban, FL rejects math books, TX spoils fruit, John Hinckley Jr. plays music.
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“Santa Claus is running against Sarah Palin”
That is the greatest sentence I have ever heard.
Ikr
i agree. that is just so perfect
I'm kinda curious how a person who took a vow of poverty would do in govt...
The fact that he lost continues to be the greatest sign yet to come that there is no hope left for our country.
I really hope Santa Claus wins, he has meme power and a pretty good platform.
This is like Deez Nutz ran that one time lol
Santa Claus is a Democratic Socialist.
He’d never survive the general election just on that alone.
I used to live in North Pole, Alaska and I agree that he should win.
He should win but he won't
He has his work cut out for him. Santa embodies the surveillance state. He’s been spying on all of us. He knows when we’re sleeping and he knows when we’re awake. He also been accused of being socialist for his “every child gets a present” policy. /s
I love the detail that the states passing the worse education bills are the ones struggling to do basic math. 🤣
"You the reason why we still gotta do word problems in math" lmao
As someone who is originally from the town Santa Claus comes from. He’s genuinely a really good guy, who wants to help people.
For those who didnt figure it out from the context, pauvre ti bete is French and basically means “you poor thing”
Thank you
Normally, it's "pauvre ptite bête" xD
@@Belsie421 yea ik lol
@@Belsie421 I like that even better.
So basically French ‘bless your heart’
"You're the reason we still have to do word problems."
Florida is comedy gold.
If Santa Claus win he'll have to go to DC. They'll be like "Santa Claus takes the floor" this will make C-SPAN more interesting 😂
You know that the only math books being allowed in FL are from one company linked to Glen Youngkin (VA Governor) right?
I haven't heard that!
That's not just a Florida thing though. Most States just take whoever pays them more over the quality of the textbooks.
The ones being rejected give to DMC or Nevertrump candidates.
there's only a handful of companies that actually produce textbooks, and most of them actually have ties
Unsurprising (non-red VA just sits in corner sobbing)
I need to see Alaska and Texas "argue" more often for sure
All of LA's "Pauvre ti bete" were necessary for this entire episode
I'm always quite wary of comedic representations of Texas -- the criticisms are often very trite and outdated stereotypes that are also blanketly harmful to not just those meant to lampoon but also the innocent bystanders -- so please take it with the appropriate seriousness when I say that I generally quite enjoy your Texas.
Ur point?
They had us in the first half, not gonna lie
Texas is a shit hole of hate.
@@GoTELuckyCharms what had you in the first half?
@@JohnGramer06 I think his point was the comedic representation of Texas is slightly outdated in some ways.
“Have you tried pouring a crumpet or making a tea?” 🤣😂🤣 I have not!
Wow I'm a fan of John Oliver and can't believe one of my other favorite UA-cam Comedians mentioned him.
100% agreed. All hail the Crown Prince of Late Night.
The fact that all of them feel like legit different people
"...and Florida" is an ominous way to end a title
Loved it I loved the part where Alaska talked about Santa Claus I just love Alaska ❤ also 2nd time asking are you considering doing country's at the table if so I recommend Britain and France as they are our parents
Believe it or not there's actually a comedian sketch artist that does other countries and the United States. They're called Scandinavia and the world a lot of their sketches are hilarious but they don't do what Ben Bernard does at leat I don't think they do
@@shalkonon013 ya France has moved on to Germany but I still think it would be cool
@@gaminginferior7936 Name?
I mean, for a lot of the states, Spain might be considered our “parent”. Or Mexico? Or any of dozens of Native American nations.
It seems like opening a can of worms.
@@Annie_Annie__ ya Spain is Florida's dad and and Mexico is dad to loads of the west/ south area and then Alaskas dad would be Russia but overall British and France would be like the main parents
I must confess. I couldn’t do the math before White Claws appeared and then it magically became so obvious.
Omg it's florida
Florida get out of the comments.
Oh wow, I haven’t laughed this hard at a table news in weeks! 😂 Keep up the good work man
Wait, is the Ted Cruz fanfic funny or just terrifying? Hang on, lemme check.
EDIT 1: It's described as erotic fanfiction, so it's not looking good.
EDIT 2: "Oliver doesn't say whether the ad took people to erotic fan fiction about Ted Cruz." Okay, guess we gotta go search on ao3 or whatever. Cannot bother right now.
Sounds terrifying
Look up the Last Week Tonight episode "Data Brokers." It's on UA-cam. For context, watch the whole episode. If you only want this part, start about 20 minutes in.
It's all fun and games until you realize this is actually happening *hysterical sobbing*
This is literally one of my only source of news
If Santa Claus beats Sarah Palin, the GOP might literally try to cancel Christmas! 😆
Honestly as a Texan, I never even heard about this until now but even if Alaska flip (which i highly doubt sence it's the most rural state in America) we honestly won't care because it low poplation mean no big impact on the house or senate.
He is a democratic socialist so they may try to
@@demokeyan9601 i though that was vermont or maine that is the most rural
@@herisuryadi6885 Alaska has the 4th smallest population. Considering it's so big, that makes it the lowest population density. Wyoming, Vermont, and DC have lower populations.
@@MargaritaOnTheRox Well i was thinking as rural
As how many people as a percentage of the population that lives outside the urban and suburban areas
Always look forward to these videos
Florida is my spirit animal
First, all hail H‑E‑B. Second, I like that this skit covered so many current topics and such a funny way. Brilliant
"One people with two first names" already fucking got me. The rest was just icing in the cake😂
Ah abortion bans. Nothing says "individual liberty" quite like a state mandate to become a human incubator.
I am from Oklahoma. Say you kill a life to make yours better. This is not 1922. You have education; you have a plethora of free and affordable birth control. You can't use the excuse to kill it because it may be unwanted and suffer in life. The streets, prisons, and nursing homes are full of "suffering" unwanted folk, but we are not killing them out of mercy. Kill it because it may suffer is an excuse to make yourself feel better about murdering the innocent.
@@oldluke7653 Put simply, woman's body, woman's choice. Full stop.
@@AndrewDeLong No, she is killing a human, the most innocent of humans, who can not defend themselves or speak for themselves. Full send!
@@oldluke7653 it is a clump of cells they abort before it develop
@@AndrewDeLong don't have sex. Or use protection. Otherwise own up to consequence of your action. Yes the father should either pay child support or help take of the child.
Didn't know about you until the youtube shorts. Now you are my favorite comedian. Keep it up
Brilliant, Gave me a good chuckle
I think every single character needs help in some way, shape, or form-
Alaska, I rest my case.
Nothing wrong with them.
@@lostindustries4961 ok yea. Only exception though 😂
@@vlogsbyneely They so remote they have no issues
@@calls7989 ya true
Santa Claus going against Palin? Hahahah 🤣
Fun fact John Hinkly Junior was sent to live with his Mother at Kingsmill Resort in Virginia, where i worked as a banquet attendant after getting out of the navy. I Met him (wasnt allowed to speak to him, but i served him breakfast). Very quiet guy
santa clause running is the least upsetting news
I'm sad we couldn't hear your head safely thud on the table at the end. 😂
"the Britain place"
love this so much
I told my sister that Santa Claus was running against Sarah Palin in a special election and she just asked if I was high
Louis reacrion to florida’s bad math and also “you the reason we still gotta do word problems in math” comedy gold
Best news station out there
honestly, ben, i will never get enough of these videos - i hope you don't burn yourself out, because we need more.
1:23 I just realized after watching this two other times that Texas is smiling here because he realized he was making finger guns
I had to watch that part like 3 times cause of how ridiculous it was. 🤣
Oh New York 🤦
I would love to see Congressman Claus in DC.
I laughed SO HARD at finding out through this vid about Hinckley's show. Call me Ed cause I laughed like a Hyena at that realization. (and yeah for a moment I forgot about why that name was familiar.)
Civilization has grown SO infatuated with its criminals, that the FAILED ONES can put on sold-out shows. (Not like they're going to the show because it's good music, {Idk if it is}, they're going cause it's Reagan's would-be assassin playing XD )
Brilliant as always!
That was... a lot! O_O
Also, the burp took me off guard and I´m not mad about it XD
This is the best week for table news.
The run of the past 3 table news uploads is genuinely the best run since you started you're on fire rn
I’d say half of Texas is pretty much your character, the other half watches on in horror as they give the rest of us a bad rep…
Yes I’m Texan and yes I’m sorry for our idiocy
Same here
Ex-Floridian with family still there and Texas. We feel that pain.
As a Texan in a deeply purple county, I feel this.
Ngl I thought it was *literally* just Austin that was decent
@@shardtheduraludon Austin being decent? I'd say Dallas is better tbh
These always make my day! 🤣
Love the content
Holy hell, I just realized that this started 2 years ago, and I am happy to say that I have been following it the whole time
The table lives on! Can Florida vote for santa? LOL
U know he would but I worry that he might try and take Santa's work force as fresh guinea pigs LMAO
Louisiana simultaneously being best friends with and being completely just done with Florida is the best 😂😂
Santa sounds a lot like the Ancient Greek philosopher Diogenes the cynic.
You do some great funny work brother. Keep it up. GO FLORIDA! Can’t wait to see ya perform in Tampa Bay someday.
Oh! The Cajun is hilarious!
rewatching this after having seen that segment on last week tonight has made the first bit 100x funnier, and Louisiana at 1:27 was a whole mood
Yay new video
"you da reason we still gotta do word problems in math" Thanks Florida
xD the John Oliver bit is so soooo good, because I watched that episode of Last Week Tonight, and it's just amazing.
I like how cali knows what gets his brother's focus.
This has made my day
For anyone who watches these using purely the subtitles: 0.75x speed seems to work almost perfectly.
I also said out loud why do I know that name? And then he said that and I'm like screaming 😱
Way to go, John.
From now on, I only want to get my news from this man
Good video
Favorite State: Louisiana!
From "a Britain Place" with a "Beatles Accent" is more right than it sounds.
Alaskas drop in, staring at his nails. Classic
Reason 109 to NEVER pause Ben. Pause your video, and go to 0:24 . You won't be dissapointed
White claw math helps 😂
The ending killed me 😆. That is the most NY shit ever
Does anyone else think New York sounded slightly impressed by the John Hinckley guy?
He did. I rewatched it and noticed that
Every time Texas shows up I’m like, “We’re not like that.” Then he continues talking or I see something on the news or something and I’m like, “Oh. Oh no.”
'Sure, [New Hampshire] present[s] themselves as charming, but deep down they are basically just Florida with foliage.'
--John Oliver
Can we get more of Massachusetts please
Loui always the best character
Please tell me why a Dailywire ad was on before this. Telling me that letting kids talk about 2 moms leads to pedophilia.
He doesn't control what ads you get. The ads you see come from your internet activity
Algorithms are weird. I keep getting Matt Walsh and Four..something ads on a progressive talk show I like.
Do NJ next!!!!
I love john
I'm so happy when I sit to take a shit and there is a exactly 3 min video
"At least it can't get worse"
Why would someone say that?!
Florida saw the CRCT and panicked
Math*
This dude is funny
That ending was very Biden like
Ahhh Billy Joel. Good times. Good Times.
I have a request can you please make more content with Louisiana please
I love Al the content you do it is just that I would love to see what Louisiana would want to do with what is going on
Please I want Alaska to vote for Santa
How long until the comet, asteroid, or death star shows up? Asking for a friend.
Ooh! What if Florida and Louie set up a blind date for California & Me, but it's the super bowl
Santa Claus was losing the last time I checked. People don't like memes in Alaska.
I'm learning illegal math right now because Florida banned the textbook my professor uses.
Can I say Alaskas voice really fits the state
Florida did one thing right: Getting rid of common core math
Just realized that Texas did finger guns when he was counting
Day 2 of asking Ben to do something with AZ
Based New York
Hey, do you think since he plays music NY he can finally get with Jodie Foster? lol
What episode is the John Oliver thing from??
The one he did two weeks ago.Here it is ua-cam.com/video/wqn3gR1WTcA/v-deo.html