Table News: Jeff, Savior of the Universe
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- Опубліковано 3 бер 2023
- Alligators, crocodiles, snow, power, lent, toxic soil, aerial hunting, misspelled words, KA-KAW! All this and more, in the news!
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3/15 - Dallas, TX - Improv
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When you coming to Aurora, IL Ben? I'd buy tickets quick. Please come visit us. We will introduce you to a Da Bears burger at Papa G's.
Dallas!!!!
COME TO BOSTON MASSACHUSETTSSSSSS
Ben, you do know there's a scam bot pretending to be you, right?
Dang wish I could come see you in Columbus, but I won't be there at that time :(
I love how the government points out that ninth and twelfth are misspelled. Like that's the _only_ issue with the approved reading list.
I think they've pretty much given up on Florida at this point.
I think it's a great showing of what the government does: Point out things that are sad but don't really matter so no one notices the truly destructive part of the legislation.
I actually figured it was going to consist of the bible and that's all.
@@itwasagoodideaatthetime7980 I agree … except I’m an English teacher inMA and FL and TX are such big school programs that each of them can independently affect publication decisions (both educational publishing and just flat-out kids books!) for the entire country. What FL is doing suuuuuucks, and remember: I am carefully choosing that word as an English teacher.
I think its the principle of the thing.
Like when you get annoyed at someone for a broken taillight while uninsured.
Texas’ pure excitement at the mention of a civil war oh my g o s h -
It caught me off guard 😂😭✨
Seriously this surprises you. It's Texas, after Florida they're the best known state for hatching dumbass ideas.
This is the comment I was going to make 😂
Well Texas has been threatening to suceed for decades, MTG telling them to would just make them more vocal about it.
We've been wanting to leave for awhile now.
I love how York’s asking for help for once and Loui’s just kinda like, "Nope. Not ma circus, not ma monkeys." Loui might get the crap beat outta him soon 😂😭
To be fair, Florida is the one to ask when it comes to crocs, as that’s the only place crocs are found wild in the US, everywhere else it’s just gators
@@emberandfriendsanimations2454 Nah those aren't crocodiles, they're alligators on steroids. If you want to see some *REAL* crocodiles come to the Northern Territory in Australia. We've got crocodiles that swim in the ocean & take on Great Whites.
🐊vs🦈
@@emberandfriendsanimations2454 True.
That would be an interesting fight
@@itwasagoodideaatthetime7980 ok BUT would you rather fight a crocodile from Australia or a roided up alligator, like they got the roid rage too
“That’s what we have the Numphabet for.” I died at that. Wow!
Numphabet is just as good of a word as saying “alphanumeric ordinal numbers”
@@kyscco24 or just "numbers".
My new fave word.
As a person from SoCal but in the LA county area it’s honestly insane to hear everyone is getting snow. I have some friends up in big bear that are just stuck there too. The snow is INSANE! I hope everyone stays warm. For me atleast we’ve gotten a LOT of hail. And it’s extremely cold.
To Those Who Are About To Shovel We Salute You. ❄ 🤣
Love From Sunny Australia ☀️🇦🇺
The fact that it is snowing in SoCal released was is kind of ridiculous I live in Washington and it doesn't snow super it really weird that it snowing down there
@@borttorbbq2556 oh yeah for sure! Problem with all of this is that snow plows aren’t working quick enough and people are just stuck in the mountains and everywhere. It’s honestly terrifying. SoCal was never built for this.
@@itwasagoodideaatthetime7980 haha! Thank you ! We’ll need it
Meanwhile up here in New England: only a foot? tis but an inconvenience. grab the skis gang!
This episode was so chaotic 🤣
Aren't they all.
@@itwasagoodideaatthetime7980 I was thinking the same thing.
It was. It was beautiful. Usually the chaos has a point. Today it was just pure and complete chaos.
The blackout was a brilliant touch. Dialogue without seeing the characters is one of my favorite comedic tropes.
Also, from Wyoming to California: Oh you sweet summer child.
Give them a break. They go into a state of emergency whenever it rains there. Do you seriously think they have *ANY* idea about how to handle it when it snows? The last time LA probably saw snow there was an ice age going on.
The amazing thing is that when the lights go out, it feels like multiple characters speaking. Very good charecter acting
- I don't think California gets very sweet summers, I'm going to be honest.
- Out of my 13.5 years of living in SoCal, it snowed once.
Being from Canada, this spoke to me
As a Californian living in the state above you, you have no idea how little people in CA understand winter weather.
I-5 shuts down if it snows in the mountains south of the Central Valley. That’s right. Not the Montana or Wyoming standard of “if it snows 18+ inches”. Just if it snows at all. They’re willing to shut down one of the most vital interstates in the nation over less than 2 inches of snow on a highway where it will never pile up or freeze over.
I get everyone makes typos, but it is both really sad and very concerning when a state’s Department of EDUCATION misspells relatively simple words- especially when the same department is in charge of determining which books are appropriate for kids. It makes me wonder if these people have even READ books.
Their Dept of Education can't read, or write, or do math, that's why they're PERFECT for telling everyone else how to do it.... /s
I kinda get the feeling that the government in Florida is morally opposed to reading.
As a Floridiot who grew up in its education system, I can tell you they most certainly fucking do not.
Floreda departmint of edjukation
In Georgia. My mom sent back the school's official docs marked up in red pen at least once a week. She wasn't a teacher, just a literate mom... It is frightening.
NJ: A woman in Roosevelt didn't want to be evicted so she blew up the whole house.
Gov: EXCUSE ME?
NJ: and apparently she had over a dozen house cats in there too.
GOV: *stares in shock*
NJ: And it wasn't even her house.
GOV: Alright we're done here.
What county?
@@ela7682 Monmouth
Makes perfect sense
@BenBrainard501 (Speaks Chicago) off you bot.
And the fact the snow California was questioning about in the skit is just now hitting us in New England is the weirdest part. I'm here at my home, watching UA-cam while glancing out at the accumulation from time to time. Gotta love Earth.
To Those Who Are About To Shovel We Salute You. ❄ 🤣
Love From Sunny Australia ☀️🇦🇺
Climate change is one of hell of a thing. We'll be entertained before we die.
Ive LOVE the winter we're having here in new England... in boston; we've had like 3 "snow days" and rarely went below 0.. its amazing
It’s weird to me that so much of the country is still getting snow when it’s been in the 80°s and 90°s in my neck of the woods for a couple weeks now.
Today is only supposed to get up to 78° and it’s a nice reprieve from the heat.
@@Annie_Annie__Hell, two days ago in AZ, Tucson got snow in the city... That like, stuck around until afternoon.
Missouri coming in making bird sounds is hilarious
That's your reminder that THE KAW IS THE LAW
GO BATTLEHAWKS
Could someone explain that part to me? It was the only one I was confused by
@@yourlittleinsomniac5369 It's our Battle Cry for our XFL Team The Battlehawks
I must say that the new MO shirt is much better than the old one that didn't make sense.
@@yourlittleinsomniac5369 a ties in to the Flash Gordon reference with the Hawkmen
I’m from STL and Missouri showing up for like the third time ever just to go “Ka-kaw” and then leave was great.
the fact that these bots have the audacity to imitate Ben 💀
As a Floridian....I don't know if our Department of Education really misspelled their bullshit approved reading list, or if that was a joke, but at this point I'm willing to believe it without further confirmation. That seems on brand.
I grew up in the foothills in Northern California and we used to get snow when I was a kid, but only maybe a few inches at a time. I don't think I've ever seen more than a foot when I lived there. My old neighbor reported FIVE FEET of snow last week, and it was still snowing! Said neighbor has lived there for almost 45 years and this is the first time she's ever been truly snowed in.
Numphabet? That's some Shakespeare level word invention. Brilliant!
I'm from LA but I live in Tucson right now, and we both got hit with snow on the same day. At 38 I had never been in the snow and decided to try it out. It looks less than 15 seconds to decide that I hate it and I want it Out of my state!
It can stay on the mountains. Mount Lemmon looks nice with snow on it.
My favorites squaring off! Love it! Louie is still my Number One, but I have to put my money on New York here.
Ben is smitten with Minnesota these days. The kids in my life approve. 😁
You should have included that AZ got snow at the same time. Just CA and AZ arguing and then... blizzard. Arizona saying something like "this goes against my entire identity!"
Yeah, and in March! We’re having a severe identity crisis at the moment. Tucson survived the snow though. It was over two inches!
Yes, az isn't even supposed to know what snow is
@@chandranelson2772 two inches! Oh my God you poor things we have to help you
As a Michigander I always love to see your inclusion of Vernors. And yes I do hate Ohio.
Ay Michigan gang
Well Ohio probably hates you too. Simply for being from That State Up North
Ohio... That place that's always between where I am and where I need to go.
Is that what you call someone from Michigan? I always thought it was something like michiganian. Thats weird. But then again, I'm a Washingtonian seattlite, so who am I to judge?
@@humairahkazi2459 i’m from michigan and i’ve always called us Michigander
Loved the SoCal snowing at the beginning. Everyone at my school was going insane over it.
As a resident of the 314 HELL YEAH KA-KAW!!! THE BATTLEHAWKS ARE BACK AND 2-0 BABY!!!
ITS THE LAW SIR!
KA KAW
As someone from Missouri, yes I don't want to deal with is either!
Well that was hilarious
Also, I agree with Texas on the feral cattle thing (edit: would also be a good idea to do something like that to hunt down feral hogs)
Also, what is a croc doing in New York? The only part of the US where crocs are found in the wild is a tiny bit of Florida, so it must have escaped from captivity, but zoos normally can keep animals like that contained
It could be a illegal pet that escaped. 🐊🚔
"Normally" We're way past normal.
There's been reports of people trying to keep tigers in NY apartments before. Crocs aren't that odd.
@@itwasagoodideaatthetime7980 maybe, though it’s really hard to get a croc as a pet, as adults are usually much more aggressive than gators, and the mom does protect the hatchlings and nest
Certain places, People actually do use Helicopters and AR’s to hunt down Feral Hogs. I can’t remember where, But I remember seeing a video and thinking “Okay that looks pretty fun”
The one time I'll be thankful for winter storms here in Michigan. The winds are blowing west to east, so all that poison gas Ohio shot into the sky is going right over Ontario. All we have to deal with is roads so icy even the salt trucks couldn't clear it by morning!
Louie giving up responsibility for lent was a nice touch xD
So much chaos packed in 3 minutes.
Your videos always make my day
The hail is SoCal is what really matters. My friend lives in the Valley and he sent me a picture. I love seeing snow on the mountains here, but that happens every year. You really can go surfing and skiing on the same day here.
Missouri saying kak kaw is hilarious
Agreed
Glad to see Missouri is happy to have a pro football team again
What do you mean "again", the Kansas City Chiefs is based in Missouri and is a pro football team. As for the Battlehawks, this is the 1st I have heard of them, so nothing big in Missouri yet.
@@juleagerhard3762
I know
But I refuse to acknowledge Kansas City
I’d let Florida sniff my drugs first. He sounds trustworthy enough
Just one question how would you be able to tell if Florida was high or not? I mean they're pretty out of it as it is.
This is how Florida Man stories start
as a child when i learned that you could spell out numbers i thought you could spell out letters too 😭
You can. There's just a really limited call for it.
THE KAW IS THE LAW BAYBAY BEN CLEARLY KNOWS WHATS UP WITH THE BATTLEHAWKS
I'm just impressed that it sounds like there's more to the approved reading list than Bible.
It's Florida. It's probably the Bible and Hustler.
you think any of the godless charlatan's of the Floridian gop have read the scripture?
So let's look at the bullet points
Florida thinking snow means coke
Ohio and Michigan being at each other's throats
Texas getting excited about the possibility of guns
California being both confused and concerned about anything other than 86° weather in SoCal
Louisiana knowing everything to do with alligators
Yep, business as usual
You forgot about New Mexico.
@@itwasagoodideaatthetime7980 oh yea, "all sick"
Minnesota being nice enough to be concerned about the unemployment rate of dogs
I love cali’s questioning of the snow. That’s exactly how I felt as someone who lives in socal
love the brady bunch style shot with the 3 states. I'm so happy to see missouri again
I dunno, Florida. Television cop shows have taught me that tasting "snow" is a good way to tell how pure it is.
My co-worker, who lives near Anaheim, called it “Chick-fil-A ice”, because he couldn’t remember the name for “sleet”.
The amount of people who are surprised that California gets snow is laughable. Yes California gets snow and sometimes a lot, especially in the mountains.
The lights went out in this video thanks to Minnechaug Regional high school in Wilbraham Massachusetts... never thought my old high school would be mentioned here.. ❤️ thanks!
I think we all need to see the outcome of that Loui vs. New York fight
Add somebody from St. Louis I really did appreciate the KA-KAW at the end
America you just keep getting weirder & weirder as time goes on. Thanks for the on going entertainment. Looking at how bad things are there. Makes us feel like our own problems aren't all that bad. Love Australia 🇦🇺
Eh it's a living really
America is like your local drug addict who is somehow still a pretty functional person.
Like we have issues, big issues, but somehow are able to maneuver around those issues to get everything else done. I mean how has the government not collapsed or a second civil occurred with the amount of bad blood in us politics.
It's not fun being in the middle of this nonsense and I live in the only part of Ohio that isn't full of idiots (by that I mean that I live in Columbus) and this place is chaos./g /lh
@@Year_of_the_DellYah a living nightmare. 🤣
I mean, I think y’all have enough work cut out with y’all’s Jurassic Park type animal 😅😭
The collective excitement from some of the states about the sharpshooters on helicopters is great
Goddamn it! My “curse” hit again. Lol!
For background, I was in Georgia and it snowed. I was in Louisiana and the amount of rain that usually fell was less than usual. I was getting ready to move to Texas and the whole state got covered in snow. I decided to try in California, it snowed.
"Flash Gordon" "His name is Jeff"
Goddammit, you broke me.
As someone from SoCal, I had that exact same look of confusion at the snow
I love the frustration in the dark
Definitely can't wait to see your video talking about how Florida Republicans, in a roundabout way, introduced a bill to abolish the Florida Democratic Party
where can i find that? top 10 most florid thing ever.
@@SimpleGunner if memory serves correctly it's called "the ultimate cancel act" and is a measure to disband any political party that previously advocated from r slavery.
It sounds all well and good, but there is so many problems with it logistically. That's nothing to say of the fact that while, yes, the Dixiecrats of the South or a party that advocated for slavery the political parties had a major shift in ideology around the mid-nineteenth century
@@Jackie_XIII Ah yes, the great party switch. That's why no one's been able to produce an unedited clip where a republican uses a racial slur, while black conservatives are often called racial slurs for opposing the democrat party.
@@TennoWolf are you familiar with how far away the 19th century is? We have tons of historical precedent that showed where the "great party switch" began. And I'm not talking about people using racial slurs, im referring to a shifting political ideology that was present during the mid-nineteenth century. Please don't muddy the waters
Not to mention the bill is likely unconstitutional. To give someone the power to nullify and opposing political party. It would in turn disenfranchise millions of Florida voters and strip them of the right to partake in certain elections. If the bill passed it would make anybody who is a registered member of the Florida Democratic party into an unregistered third-party voter which in the State of Florida means you're not allowed to vote in primary or presidential elections.
@@TennoWolf it isn’t even JUST the slavery point, dude. Their entire platforms were swapped. Democrats used to be the small federal government party, and Republicans used to be big federal government party.
You know, as their names would imply.
I have video from yesterday in Colorado. 47 degrees and snowing. Heavily.
Love the subtle reference to the Toledo war
"all alcohol is poison" california finally said something that makes sense
Being yo' boot to da boot den, I'll learn ya how to fais-do-do is about the most Louisiana thing I've heard outta Louie, and I am all here for it!
As a Missourian and battlehawks fan I love MO coming in at the end with KAKAW😂😂 KAW is the law
👋 Ben...and the states.
SoCAL IS GETTING SNOW!! WE'RE A HAILSTONES IN TOKYO AWAY FROM DAY AFTER TOMORROW!!
On Monday we're going to reach 40°C here in Sydney Australia. With a it feels like factor bring it to 42°C. In the CBD which is kinda unheard o for us cause it's right by the water. So it's normally cooler from the ocean.
Oh my he's going total NY with the Timbs! Croc gator either or they're about to be boots.
That's okay Ohio...Michigan will always be above you.
Love the chaos in this script!
I'd like to point out that that is a misuse of "umbers." Umbers is used more to indicate someone is in trouble. "Ooh, Government is going to find out about shooting fetal cattle. Uuuumberrrrrs....." I do appreciate trying to get so many New Mexicanisms in, though. 😁
Gawdamn, I love you just a bit more with each new upload.
Florida never change
We also got snow here in southern Arizona, like real snow. It lasted until around midday before it finally melted.
If there wasn't a media blackout when this happened, the EPA may have stepped up a bit sooner.
But they didn't WANT public scrutiny
I watched this three different times before I got the "snow" joke that Florida was making
Loved this one I laughed out loud so many times lol
You need to do an arkansas joins the table
Join his Patreon and you can vote on which state he does next!
Arkansas has been at the table.
It's not my favorite character, but there isn't that much to make fun of. I love visiting. I find it super relaxing. I do find it curious that there always seems to be a vehicle on fire on I-40.
@@JasonFightsCrime arkansas has been at the table but there hasn't been an episode where they join the table
@@nekochats854 thanks!
The accuracy on the outfit for louie is soooo on point. Apart from the beads (unless parade season) that’s literally how so many ppl dress.
I now gotta hankering to watch 80’s B sci-fi with Queen in the soundtrack.
Great skit Ben, entertaining as always! In regards to the west coast getting tons of snow; some east coast Native American word of mouth.
I live on the Delmarva Peninsula and the Native American tribes with descendants of the Lenape natives had word of mouth stories detailing how their great great great (etc) ancestors “came from the far west” and they spoke of heading east to escape the storms.
Everything on earth happens in cycles, perhaps the next wet/stormy period for the west coast has begun? In the last 25 years, it’s unusual for California to get a huge storm, and normally results in flooding, nonetheless FEET of snow in an environment that rarely reaches freezing temps during winter.
As a person from SoCal, the snow was absolutely WILD, never seen that much before in my life, tbf im young but it was REALLY COOL
New Mexico really was jealous of Texas Pork Chopping so they're making Beef Chopping lol
As a Minnesotan transplant in the South, I’m gonna recommend that SoCal start hoarding milk and bread. Oh…and beer. Don’t forget the generators and bottled water!!!
Why these things? I dunno. The locals seem to think that seeing more than one snowflake stick to the ground means that it’s basically at the Day After Tomorrow level of snowstorms… only to have it all melt in a day or two. I’ve lived here the better part of 25 years and still can’t figure it out.
I appreciate you, thank you for making content.
Florida and Louie stay winning
Such a strong episode. The intro was super with two of my favs arguing and then Texas' reaction to civil war was such a great joke in of itself, i burst out laughing. Loved it!
Oklahoma is also voting on recreational weed this Tuesday.
Ben, you did an amazing job with the flow of the vid. I had to watch it 3 times to catch everything everybody was saying. But NY and Louisiana were my favorite. Keep doing the awesome job. 🥰
Always good to see more michigan
Is there a big feral cattle problem in NM or are they just board & said you know what might be fun😂
It’s a localized problem in the Gila National Forest and the adjoining State Forest.
Back in the 1970s a rancher went out of business, so he just released his cattle.
The state has tried to take out the cattle, but there’s still an estimated 150 of them in the forest.
You can imagine the damage that many cows can do, plus the threat they pose to visitors and rangers.
They shot 60 of them just last year, but there’s still so many left and the state and the Forest service are determined to get rid of all of them this time before someone gets hurt or they become a massive problem like feral hogs.
@@Annie_Annie__ Would the feral cows and the feral hogs fight?
@@Annie_Annie__ Cows get one or two calves a year, pigs can get 10-15 piglets twice a year. don't think the number of cows will grow as fast as the pigproblem.
I'd definitely consider shooting feral cows on an attack helicopter to be the most fun thing in New Mexico (NM,) aside from the Balloon Fiesta and our Green Chili
We also had an oryx problem a while back, they brought them in from Africa for hunting, but no natural predators. 😂. The meat is amazing though.
Hahahahaha that was the best description of most Cali people who haven't seen snow befor
Ha! I went to Minnechaug for High School. Funny it actually made the news.
I couldn’t stop laughing this whole episode 😂 the ending! 👏👏
As a Michigander I can say I am totally prepared to die in a war of annihilation against Ohio for really any reason
I've lived in so cal my whole life and I've only ever seen it snow for a minute or two, not for 5 WHOLE HOURS like it did last Saturday!
The Nipmuc referred to this area as "Minnechaug" which means Berry land. It's the high school in Wilbraham, MA. I went to school at the middle school there and currently live 40mins away. Beautiful town. It doesn't surprise me it took so long for them to do anything about it. Lol. By the way Ben you misprounced it but it's OK, happens all the time with places in Massachusetts
New Mexico went from Breaking Bad to Breaking Beef
One of the best episodes in a while! I laughed so much!
KAW IS THE LAW
I feel like ny could turn a lot more than gators into timbs
I'm really happy you brought up the snow just wish you would have brought up a little more about what happened to the different parts of Cali, still cool to see my states news get some love
Jeff 👑
It snowed it the Bay too!
Yayyy more Minnesota
Maybe if we legalize pot we can finally stop having two separate legalize weed political parties. Why haven’t they just combined. They each have a platform of one thing.
I live in MN and didn't know about the legalizing thing O>O
If I had to play devil's advocate, I would guess the second was actually created by anti-marijuana advocates to act as a spoiler for the first party, thus splitting the ballot and preventing either from enacting their policies.
@@Larper64 that’s a lot of work when that party doesn’t even get many votes anyway. But it’s possible.
Kinda want to do a fan art of several of the southern states going sky hunting together ❤️
Kentucky got huge amounts of wind and power was out all over kentucky, my house just got power back last night. I only had power through the wind because of my generator, but now i have full power back
Michigan: "Flash Gordon."
Florida: "His name is Jeff.
Me: "Hell yeah, that's a four time Winston Cup Champion and three time Daytona 500 winner. Best put some respect on his name, you flyover state."
My husband is from that town in New Mexico where they're shooting the feral cattle, lol.