you have no idea how much this resonates with me. I always end up feeling like im the problem even when i know i'm not. It sucks a lot. Our mothers often want whats best for us. Other times they just have a undying urge to be right. As for family, i like to live by the phrase "Family is more than blood". It'll be okay, just hang in there alright? So many people understand and we are here for you. Soldier on.
About the law school / school stuff: You could take a year off of school (if you're done with high school or college) it could help a lot, after a year or two off you will feel refreshed and more motivated. You don't need to instantly go to law school, you spent 90% of your life in school, it's ok to take a break.
I grew up with a toxic, narcissistic dad. He would always manipulate me, hit me, argue with me for no reason ect. I hope you know you're not the only one, you are an amazing person 💕
I grew up in a household full of narcissistic abuse from my parents, one covert and one overt, and I am worried that you have been experiencing the same thing (note: I am not a doctor) If they/she wont take responsibility [she said you are the reason for her stress disorder, which is NOT TRUE), continues to do the same things you say are harming you, its all about family when its on you but not when its on them, wont listen, attacks/yells at you and then blames you for your reaction (reactive abuse), goes from crazy one moment to acting normal the next, if you feel like you are walking on eggshells in order to avoid another emotional outburst, it also sounds like your parents are trying to live through you (pushing you to be a lawyer instead of considering your strengths and passions and supporting them) completely invalidating your feelings ... Punishing you for being depressed.... These are all BAD BAD signs. Both my parents were like this, my dad was also physically abusive (I hope you dont experience that, but the mental trauma is just as damaging if not MORE) Im once again, not a doctor, I only have my experience to compare to. Regardless, I also felt like I wanted to go home, while I was home. I lost home at a young age and never really found it again, and you are not alone holmes. What youre going through is WHACK!! Thanks for sharing, thanks for being strong enough to share. And its okay to squiggle, you are taking steps towards health and those are steps some people never take. You will see life entirely differently when youre in a different environment, big promise. Keep your head up. Also btdubs your cave is cool and now I kinda want a cave base 😂
I'm sorry but it's SO twisted and evil for a parent to tell their child that they can't take anti-depressants. It's almost like they don't care at that rate. But.. I feel you.. my parents are unaware of my feelings too, as if they don't care. Made worse by the fact that I'm a trans-girl.. it's a struggle.
I can relate. I grew up in a toxic household and my mom is a narcissist. It’s hard for me to see that my little brother (who’s 17 not so little anymore) has to deal with her.
From what you've said you have really great parents that really care for you, once you become an adult you are truely free to do what ever you want. Paving your own path is difficult and scary and since your parents are imigrants they are probaby very well aquanted with how hard life can be and how hard it is to pave a new path and don't want you face the same difficulties they did. This isn't to say they are right about everything, you at the end of the day are the one that lives your life and you need to make decisions that push you in a direction you think will lead you to happiness. Would you be more happy working as a lawyer making good money, have a good non leaky roof over your head and not having to worry about about that extra item you got in your coffee at starbucks, but not enjoy the job you do and have less free time to do content or creative stuff on the side? Lawyers work 60 hour weeks you know. Or would you be more happy working as a teacher, likely unable to do too much content stuff on the side (Many teachers work 70 hour weeks! But they also don't work during vacation which is pretty awesome plus side, most adults don't get anywhere near that much paid time off) but have a fulfilling job you enjoy and are passionate about? You probably won't get that extra item at starbucks and fixing a leaky roof may take you a while but at least you will be happy and content. If neither of these options sound right to you, you can forge your own path to find something that fits, just know carving your own path is hard and turning back is even harder, so if you decide something totally different just give it 120% percent of your effort and you will succeed. Something people don't often admit about the world of adults is most people half arse everything or just don't care that much about what they do, doing better than them is pretty easy if you give it 120% percent effort, you will be seen. Sorry to hear your mum has an Auto Immunue problem, my mum does too and it's pretty rough. Although she has never said it was my or the rest of my family's fault, that's gotta be rough to hear. Hoping the best for you!
you have no idea how much this resonates with me. I always end up feeling like im the problem even when i know i'm not. It sucks a lot. Our mothers often want whats best for us. Other times they just have a undying urge to be right. As for family, i like to live by the phrase "Family is more than blood". It'll be okay, just hang in there alright? So many people understand and we are here for you. Soldier on.
About the law school / school stuff: You could take a year off of school (if you're done with high school or college) it could help a lot, after a year or two off you will feel refreshed and more motivated. You don't need to instantly go to law school, you spent 90% of your life in school, it's ok to take a break.
I grew up with a toxic, narcissistic dad. He would always manipulate me, hit me, argue with me for no reason ect. I hope you know you're not the only one, you are an amazing person 💕
I grew up in a household full of narcissistic abuse from my parents, one covert and one overt, and I am worried that you have been experiencing the same thing (note: I am not a doctor)
If they/she wont take responsibility [she said you are the reason for her stress disorder, which is NOT TRUE), continues to do the same things you say are harming you, its all about family when its on you but not when its on them, wont listen, attacks/yells at you and then blames you for your reaction (reactive abuse), goes from crazy one moment to acting normal the next, if you feel like you are walking on eggshells in order to avoid another emotional outburst, it also sounds like your parents are trying to live through you (pushing you to be a lawyer instead of considering your strengths and passions and supporting them) completely invalidating your feelings ... Punishing you for being depressed.... These are all BAD BAD signs. Both my parents were like this, my dad was also physically abusive (I hope you dont experience that, but the mental trauma is just as damaging if not MORE)
Im once again, not a doctor, I only have my experience to compare to.
Regardless, I also felt like I wanted to go home, while I was home. I lost home at a young age and never really found it again, and you are not alone holmes. What youre going through is WHACK!!
Thanks for sharing, thanks for being strong enough to share. And its okay to squiggle, you are taking steps towards health and those are steps some people never take. You will see life entirely differently when youre in a different environment, big promise. Keep your head up.
Also btdubs your cave is cool and now I kinda want a cave base 😂
I feel the same way, my parents aren't immigrants or anything but they always made me feel like i needed to earn everything.
I'm sorry but it's SO twisted and evil for a parent to tell their child that they can't take anti-depressants. It's almost like they don't care at that rate.
But.. I feel you.. my parents are unaware of my feelings too, as if they don't care. Made worse by the fact that I'm a trans-girl.. it's a struggle.
I can’t really relate with this kind of stuff but I’ve had and have friends who go through this and I get where your coming from
I can relate. I grew up in a toxic household and my mom is a narcissist. It’s hard for me to see that my little brother (who’s 17 not so little anymore) has to deal with her.
I dont know how this video found me but be always true to your feelings during these situations. from someome who has felt the same.
From what you've said you have really great parents that really care for you, once you become an adult you are truely free to do what ever you want. Paving your own path is difficult and scary and since your parents are imigrants they are probaby very well aquanted with how hard life can be and how hard it is to pave a new path and don't want you face the same difficulties they did.
This isn't to say they are right about everything, you at the end of the day are the one that lives your life and you need to make decisions that push you in a direction you think will lead you to happiness. Would you be more happy working as a lawyer making good money, have a good non leaky roof over your head and not having to worry about about that extra item you got in your coffee at starbucks, but not enjoy the job you do and have less free time to do content or creative stuff on the side? Lawyers work 60 hour weeks you know.
Or would you be more happy working as a teacher, likely unable to do too much content stuff on the side (Many teachers work 70 hour weeks! But they also don't work during vacation which is pretty awesome plus side, most adults don't get anywhere near that much paid time off) but have a fulfilling job you enjoy and are passionate about? You probably won't get that extra item at starbucks and fixing a leaky roof may take you a while but at least you will be happy and content.
If neither of these options sound right to you, you can forge your own path to find something that fits, just know carving your own path is hard and turning back is even harder, so if you decide something totally different just give it 120% percent of your effort and you will succeed. Something people don't often admit about the world of adults is most people half arse everything or just don't care that much about what they do, doing better than them is pretty easy if you give it 120% percent effort, you will be seen.
Sorry to hear your mum has an Auto Immunue problem, my mum does too and it's pretty rough. Although she has never said it was my or the rest of my family's fault, that's gotta be rough to hear. Hoping the best for you!
Have you tried making some new friends online? Online friends can be comforting or making a small server with some good people to hang with will help
Thank you :) I have a discord server and try to chat there, it can be tough to feel like you’re not alone