Why You Will Never Get Anywhere With 'Should' or 'Shouldn't'
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- Опубліковано 9 жов 2024
- In this episode,This Episode: Why You Will Never Get Anywhere With Should or Shouldn't, Teal Swan explains why, when you think in terms of should or shouldn't, you wont make any change or experience any progress.
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Beginning and Ending Song:
Teal Swan Intro by Christian De Raco
Teal Swan is a New Thought Leader, Bestselling Author and Speaker. She was born with a range of extrasensory abilities and is a survivor of severe childhood abuse. Today she uses her gifts as well as her own harrowing life experience to inspire millions of people towards authenticity, freedom and joy and teaching people how to transform their emotional, mental, physical and spiritual pain.
The result when people are restored to wholeness is that the world will be restored to wholeness. Teal Swan's teachings invite people to step fully into their authenticity, knowing that this will bring about the positive change that we want to see in the world.
Follow Teal Swan:
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My summation of what Teal says is: stop listening to the messages of the world and listen to yourself. No matter what it means... being alone, being in relationship, being with multiple people, pursuing money, traveling, meditation, or not meditating.... just listen to yourself.
Consider any negative self talk coming from our super ego which takes on our internal parental role ... whether alone or with others, we only free ourselves of those 'shoulds' by making the effort to change our thoughts within our own minds.
Light and darkness, life and death, and right and left are conjoined twins. Therefore the good are not good, the bad are not bad, life is not life, and death is not death. Each disintegrates into that from which it came. But that which is superior to the world does not disintegrate, for it is eternal.
I've never had any shoulds or should nots until I got intangled in law of attraction. It teaches all kinds of rules of creating the life of your dreams and hence it bombards with endless should be positive, shouldn't stay in low vibe for long, should think this way and shouldn't think that way, and so on. I used to have zero control over my life and just went with life's flow, but never shoulded all over myself. I'm unlearning all of it still and it's taking years to unlearn.
I see your point, but it doesn't have to take years, you decide how long is gonna take.
The work of Byron Katie is the foundation of this and appropriately is called the Work. Accepting Reality is the path to freedom and peace. Took me 50 years to be finally ready for this.
Hey, fellow Worker 👋🏽
@@eusoqueroficarok4580 Hello! So glad you found it too! It was my final answer to release all the garbage. I thought if I finally could accept Really, I would then be on the arduous path of learning to love reality but what happened was I just loved it inherently. The peace comes naturally. You start just being responsible for yourself. So freeing! Interestingly I tried to introduce it to many and never found any traction. However when I just started Living it, the people just kept coming to me for advice about things. “ I can talk to you because you don’t judge me” For me, life dramatically changed.
I love her, too. 🌟🎉
Fantastic mirror " work" insights i had, by writing letters " is it true?" Quite shocking, at times to see in black and white, by one's own hand😆
I think Teal brings mirror work / being our selves ...to life from lots of angles 😁🌟🎄🌟🎄🌟🎄🌟
Teal has spoke on Byron Katie’s “ the work” . She is probably using that knowledge to help understand all of this topic better .
I have read Loving What is and attended a few of Byron Katie zoom calls. The softness in which she delivers hard truths to help arrive at self forgiveness and freedom makes me thankful for the pain she experienced to get to her framework. Thank you Teal for your video and expert insights. ❤
Stop shoulding on yourself !! ✨
"should" and "could've" are one of my biggest problems 😔 it seems I will die with regrets.
Same here
THANK YOU for addressing this ! Should have ruled my life...even enjoyable and creative things got ruined by that mindset. It's an outer expectation instead of feeling my free will.
SHAZAM!!!! Teal is spot on in what she's saying! Living in the land of should and should not takes us right into the land of inauthenticity. This is so huge and applies to SO MANY areas of life in general. Religion, beliefs, ism's, etc. Our DIVINE Free Will and Desire cannot flourish into authenticity while living in the land of inauthenticity.
"You will get nowhere with your personal growth or shadow work or life improvement when you are doing it to get rid of what you think you shouldn’t be or to stop doing what you think you should not do. It’s also why you will get nowhere when you are trying to force yourself to be what you think you should be or to do what you think you should do. When it comes to life, the shoulds and should nots do not matter. And once you realize this and are brave enough to look at what IS instead, you will be that much closer to finding freedom, intrinsic motivation, self-esteem, integration, awareness, authenticity, personal power and the life you really want". Teal. Thank you Teal 🌎
It’s hard to stop shoulding all over the place but it’s possible.
I had failed in my opinion to model my core values in certain situations. I took a detour in my life by allowing myself to be influenced by people I met, I’ve now realized my core values are worth more than anything else that anyone can ever tell me I should or shouldn’t be. I am self aware now, that I just desire to start fresh. I do not like who I saw 👀 in myself in certain moments. Now I just focus on what is. Who I am in this present moment. I am humbled by this mirror. And I see myself in a different light. Thank you for this reminder @Teal . It’s reassurance that breaking away from this dynamic was the best choice for me. Letting go of who I thought I should be rather than just being me. Humbling, strong message here every time. Love your videos. Thank you again for what you do and share with the world 🌎
See things for what they are and you will be happier. Even if you do not like them, otherwise you are not living in reality. You may not be happier the moment you realize the way something is but once you come to terms and accept it you will be happier.
Your words always help to free me from the bondage of my unconsciousness, and allow the light in with a gentle chuckle. Thank you
I've always said, "Don't should on someone, even yourself."
Brilliant, Teal. There's nobody like you. You're my latest hero.
Your wonderful examples of two cultures at the beginning, made me think that once you've decided on your own personal values and that they are true to you, it might be best to find a subculture where you fit best.
Aye, learned a while ago that 'shoulds' and 'shouldn'ts' just cause more damage in me so I ditched them, it's been much easier since then. Also, thank you Teal, I love how you are able to put some of my own thoughts into words🤗
do be do be do , a great philosophy we should all aspire to
I totally agree, do be do be is the great Yin yang that works when conscious ✨👍🏻
Love it!. So true. I am surrounded by SHOULDDERS and SHOULDNOTTERS. So much time gets wasted on empty speech.
''Why You Will Never Get Anywhere With 'Should' or 'Shouldn't''
it's so great experience to full watching your video share..
i was satisfied and enjoyed it..
thanks so much..
have a good time..
💯👍
Teal, keep going and keep strong! You are targeted because you are strong and don’t fit the mold.❤
👏👏👏40 years of getting "should" on drove me crazy. At 52...I'll do what I want🤷♀️ Shoulders can wallow in their own should😄 They "could" learn to stop shoulding on themselves and others w/out me.
Let's make a list of suggestions of how to break the cycles of Should's:
1. Observe your parents and family's patterns around shoulds and note if you either copied them or if you are under their expectations.
Ex my mother wasn't expecting a university degree, but was VERY worried if I didn't get properly educated. She had high expectations to herself, subconsciously.
Ex2 My family pattern is illness. Almost everyone are ill, so they subconsciously expect misery.
2. Explore contact and healing with the solar plexus Chakra.
3. Explore whether you adopted ideas that becoming an artist (or whatever you want)is deemed impossible by your family or culture. Actually, everything changed with internet, anybody can post art, music and songs online, even self-publish books. it wasn't like that when I grew up.
Any other ideas? Post in comments:)
For me it helps to practice non attachment, radical acceptance, radical honesty, and allowing. Psychedelics help me with this but also journaling and meditation. What a great comment btw 💗 thank you!
Shoulds that come from your family is a great thing to look into for awareness!
I would like to add the SHOULDS that I’ve been dealing with our societies expectations of what a woman SHOULD be doing ….relationship wise health wise and otherwise, and how those compared to what I actually feel is right for me. I’ve been single for over three years now and the amount of peace I have felt in my life is amazing ✨💖 but then I realize that I am 31 and living back with my mother and my only true love right now is my cat lol and I think of how society would say I’m turning into an old cat woman who is going to die alone in my eggs are going to dry up and blah blah blah… 🫠I don’t even like kids but somehow I pressure myself into thinking I SHOULD have one! 😂 It’s very interesting if you think about it… Let’s keep the list going!
@@Heyjennydee Seems like internal conflict going on. Parts work helps me a lot when I am going thru something like this.
Shoulds are shame and control based directives, limited to past or future expectations and stifle rather than inspire decision-making capacity in the present moment.
Sincerity is useful because we’re not great judges of our own authenticity. Research suggests that leaders who rate themselves as authentic don’t have more creative teams. But leaders who are perceived by their teams as sincere do.
This is so 🔥🙌 thank you so much for your ability to articulate this concept !!! 🙏
Been trying to Break free of the statue like self-esteem crushing should's and shouldn'ts all my life, but i just make the rookie error of doing the opposite which makes me still in the orbit of what I'm trying to be free of. An authentic new start/new life eludes me still.
I know this stuff but I legit wanted to hear your voice for a bit to feel calmer. Your voice is soothing.
Incase You'd Rather Read About It Instead: tealswan.com/resources/articles/you-will-get-nowhere-with-%E2%80%9Cshould-or-%E2%80%9Cshouldn%E2%80%99t%E2%80%9D-r535/
Thanks Teal
Hi Teal Swan. Could you one day make a video about shyness and social anxiety?
She has lots of videos related to shyness and social anxiety, for example " How to Get Rid of Anxiety (A Natural Cure for Anxiety)", "Do You Need Space? If So, You Are Being Inauthentic", "Personal Boundaries vs. Oneness (How to Develop Healthy Boundaries)", " How To Say No", " How To Overcome Shame", " THIS Is The Most Important Human Need", " The Root of Mental Illness is Unsafety", " Introverts and Extroverts - Teal Swan"
Thank you for the clarity and the discernement applied.
Teal, I have reason to believe a malicious A.I. has been causation of local chaos. Peace & QiGood.
Should have, could have, would have, but, maybe, if, probably, oughta, never got me anywhere!
This is the first time I feel like commenting on your video because it struck a chord in me with both the stories resembling mine in some way.
I'm constantly feeling like I shouldn't need someone because it's a spiritual truth that says you shouldn't need anyone.
On some level I can feel that. But then not long after, I realize that's not how I'm really feeling at all.
I'm really feeling intense loneliness and the shame is constantly driving me away from feeling that for long.
That's why I recognize that self help tends to fail or becomes like an addiction because it gets us away from how we feel unwittingly and under our nose. That's why it fails to make any changes for us because it's not an organic process that unfolds from our genuine desire.
Problem is, I'm afraid that these feelings won't go away so I still run from them.
So much of self help doesn't jive with me because they all seem intent on selling the idea that you don't need anyone and that you shouldn't feel like a victim. Never mind that we do actually need others and the people that are successful in a way that is more harmonious, do it with others - not alone.
But at the same time there are parts within me that resist others as well. Without recognizing that, there's no way to make lasting changes. It's just something that will constantly rebound.
My main area of should and shouldn't seems to be around love. Loving people when I "shouldn't" and not loving people when I "should". Beating myself up for both.
This is the most important video of you I've ever watched
Thank you for this very insightful video. I feel like I have come to a lot of your conclusions on my own, intuituvely, but this video brought me a lot of clarity. I used to think a lot in terms of "should" and "should not", and it just brought me a lot of guilt and low self-esteem. And as you mention in the video, it led me to say hurtful things to others. I still fall into the trap of thinking in this way sometimes, unfortunately. It has a lot to do with my upbringing. But I'm doing everyhing I can to heal and thank you for your help with that.
Good reminder! We can also break this down in perhaps a simpler way so that it is clarified from both a logical view and a spiritual one. Duality is the form (boundary) that you can never move out of (a.k.a black and white, should and should not) Non-duality is the SPACE (freedom) that you can ALWAYS move IN to (a.k.a grey area, choice). The spiritual path is about the exploring the vibration (a.k.a movement) of the SPACE to the IN by understanding the "FORM" from the OUT. 🌞
Dear Teal, I hope you know how much I appreciate you from Nice France and how proud and amazed I am at your happy glowing beautiful evolution.
You are the strongest person I know overcoming so bravely all you have, and a model for me.
Thank you for answering all my questions when I say them in my prayers in less than a day!!!! I never took any drugs but I'm learning cognitive auto induce transe soon and I hope I'll be even more aware of our connection. I believe it could be a positive tool to help in mental illness as I am a doctor.
You are always with me as a role model, a pleasure to watch, to listen too and I send you always all the love gratitude and encouragements I could.
Mayah
It is crazy how these concepts complete the work of Freud and Le Bon on collective soul and the psychology of masses
This diagnosis fits into place.. I grew up in an Arab culture where they are fixated about how life is to perceived according to their rule invalidating human needs and rights to feel let alone to choose.. bumping heads was the theme of my relationship with every aspect in my life until I physically relocated myself be detached.
Look at the unvarnished reality, regardless of preconceptions. Then you can make the right decisions.
Teal, please make a video that follows on this theme about LEARNED HELPLESSNESS, because I’m a bit tangled up between the two. Hope you or your people see this.
Thankyou the video came online the moment i needed to hear that explanation. Im gonna work on letting go of should etc and listen more to what i and other want.
The teacher appears when the student is ready.
Teal, I would love to hear you talk about the consequences of patriarchy within male and female and also of a solution to navigate these consequences. Thank u!
I have stopped watching teals videos everyday because she added commercials to her videos and I will not watch videos that are commercialized and I made an exception and I am glad I did.⚖️
Teal, I am enjoying your videos and very much relate and resonate with your messages. Thank you for posting!
Do what you love 💕,Love what you do..
Hello, I want to share that this mantra in the beginning of the previous videos of Teal is amazingly powerfull :)
Make it make sense or leave me alone. PERIOD.
Cough four agreements cough power of the word power of beliefs cough (girl is great at giving it straight… gotta love it)
Tbh I don't even know how to perceive this world with anyone or anything anymore. This is a very individualistic society, and it's a royal shame that things have gotten the way they have. So to me, there is no should or shouldn't. Things, people, places, ideas, and events are the way they are. And it is what it is.
Learning so much ! Thank you
I appreciate you so much Teal
Since ive consciously removed the words should and shouldn't out of my vocabulary, I've been more confident in myself. It makes you less rigid, more free in your mind. If you're still saying should or shouldn't, just ask yourself according to who?
Hi Teal. Any chance you could do a video on the menopause and the metaphysical meaning of hot flushes etc? TIA and thank you for all your insights
Thank you so so much 🙏🏻⭐
I wanna thank for all of this!
Thank you for your help
I'd say that it's not always so easy to decide what is authentic, like for ex. if you decide to leave a relationship when you were really engaged but you didn't like the way you were treated you can either stay and fight for it or go, both of the ways may be authentic like love towards another person but also being fed up and tired with treatment you get, one is not more authentic than another, which one is more authentic we know only when we look back - it became the reality, that's why it's so hard to judge and decide, somehow should and shouldn't are also part of our reality as compass we adopted, I agree it's better to do it consciously and check on it every once in a while but these should and shouldn't can help us stay on a path we chose in times when we're very messed up emotionally too I think
Love you Teal, just love you seasons greetings to you and your family stay well ❤
We can apply this to parenting, some women might say that « a man should have responsabilities and NOT abandon his kids », so dont take precautions and live in denial.
Sometimes SHOULD AND SHOULD NOT are the things that save us from mistakes, from giving in to lust, for example. Because that's how we act alligned to our principles, and refrain to giving in to your instincts. For example, you're in a relationship and you can't help but feel physcially attracted to some other person. Raw attraction. If you do what you WANT and not what you SHOULD you will make a stupid mistake you'll bitterly regret. If you followed what your body wanted. HERE COMES THE SHOULD. But if you knew you shouldn't because that's not gonna be worth it, then in the long run you would be satisfied.
I needed this thank you
15:19 Ugh... that was me. How I was so miserable it's unpleasant to remember 😩 yeah that happened those dark days...
Aaaaahh this is such a good video!!
This lesson seems to be a paradox. If you resume it to it's core.
We should not say "should not" ...
We should say something else then "should" .
When we say that something is not fair, is it the same as saying that it should be fair? Thank you for the video. It's amazing what you do.
I think it's the same as saying it shouldn't be this way.
@@OllieSmiless Thanks! :)
I love Teal she’s the best
thx for the message.
I love you teal ... See so much of myself in you 🙏
Needed this today
Well it never occurred to me that fantasizing about stepping into traffic was a ‘crazy obtrusive thought’ and not just an simple trick to make it through the day. When she mentioned that example it just dawned on me that it’s not normal and now I’m just sitting in disbelief that I never realized how irrational it is and that no alarm bells went off whenever I’d think it.
Listen to teal's positive soothing meditation after this to ground in the concepts in this video - It helps you let go of should and should nots
Thank you Teal hunny. I needed this today.
A lot asian aunty and uncle have this mindset, really hard to get along....
Good stuff!
You Are Amazing💙
I feel heard 🙈🙉🙊
Do not do
Words can be tools or weapons
Antidote is "I will" and "I won't"
"Should" and "shouldn't" drain my energy and "I will" and "I won't" feeds my Soul.
"should" is a euphemism for:
it's already been decided for me.
Thank you!
Why I had this talk before 2 months with my ex than we broke up I quit the job that I hated and I said honestly to my Chef and I had that experience " I can't do anymore what doesn't feel right just for the sake of should". And now my life is falling apart can't find new job...but I feel somehow peace and I feel much better but still can't figure out what should I do with my life anymore do we all get this update for transformation? And how to choose what u want if long time u were just following what u should 🙄...I need some mentor who survived this or just to hear experiences to wake up my imagination
I've been in this position a few years ago, I know what it's like to see your life falling apart in almost every possible way all at once. To be honest, I still don't have the stability I was hoping for, but I guess the current lesson is the same as presented in the video - acceptance of what is and moving forward despite everything else.
It's a bumpy ride of seeing the situation for what it is, trying to make the best of it according to your own concience, hoping for the best while prepairing for the worst, looking for new opportunities, dealing with oppositional forces both internal and external, succeeding at one thing while failing at another, falling down and picking yourself up again, trying to learn from your mistakes and repeating this cycle over until you gained all the clarity and ability you need to get on a different path. I still havent found that lane to connect my narrow bumpy road with that wide and clear highway of abundance, although I told myself each time while making another major change "this must be it, it has to be, things are finally turning around".
I guess I restricted myself too much by even holding on too tight to that very thought and got myself in trouble again after a while, becoming disillusioned and resentful once more and having to deal with my internal state while also struggling to make ends meet practically thus repeating the cycle and having to do the lesson of acceptance and listening to my intuition, over.
Be careful about your wish for a mentor, it can potentially lead you to a state of stagnation and learned helplessness, I don't mean to suggest that it will, I only wish you to be aware of that possibillity so you can take it into account and know what lesson you have to get back to, should you find yourself in such place by any chance. I still think everybody needs some kind of support and we're not meant to "make it completely on our own" but it's a matter of adjusting our expectations and definitions around the concept of "support".
Whenever I hear someone uttering a phrase like "I made it completely on my own" and "I don't need anyone, I can only help myself" I wonder if that person might be just taking too much for granted. My ex was like that and that's percisely why the relationship couldn't last. I was dedicated to find solutions for any problem we came across, oftentimes ignoring most of my own needs and aspirations, draining myself completely to build my partner up, just to see them bragging to others that "they made it completely on their own" after getting through that previous rough patch or hearing frends and family congratulating for that level of "self-reliance" or asking "how were you able to make it on your own? that's so admirable!" and I would just be there, sidelined completely bewildered by the responses failing to mention anything I did to help with the issue or even ackonledge my existance while also seeing all of the judgemental looks thrown at me suggesting I must be a complete failure of a partner, not worthy of the attention of such a magnificent person who does everything on their own.
I don't wish such treatment on anybody, so I try to stay concious of every bit of help I receive and express my gratitude immediately for everything I find helpful, although I know it's not necessarily possible be grateful and concious of all the gifts in our experience. It's not possible to list everything every day of our life, if we had to list everything to be grateful for, like being able to move each part of our body, being grateful for each sense and sensibility we are equipped with, being grateful for every breath and the light of the sun and all the values of nature we get to experience and so on, we wouldn't be able to function properly. We have to take some things for granted most of the time to just be able to get on with our lives, but the least we can do is saying "thank you" whenever someone is kind to us, even if we harbor some resentments toward a particular person, we still have to aknowledge that one time when they are kind and be grateful for that, because even if we think something is the bare minimum and just "should be this way" as a default setting, it may suddenly dissapear at some point just to show us we didn't appreciate what we had enough before. On the other hand, sometimes we can also come across people who demand appreciation and grattitude for something that wasn't helpful to us at all, they may even be completely unaware by their actions making things much worse for us. This often happens when someone just assumes what sould be helpful to us without actually asking what we need in a situation and then pushing their own agenda to feel righteous, like unsolicited advice or sudden interventions. In that case it's better to make clear what would actually be helpfull in that particular situation if possible and pull back if our needs get dismissed, if someone is still convinced of knowing better and determined to undermine our needs and efforts by their own ideas, it may be necessary to break of contact completely until the situation gets resolved in a way that is more alligned with our own heart.
I hope you can find anything here that could help you answer your own questions, confirm your beliefs, sooth your suspicions or help with making your next decision. If it's completely unhelpful, that's fine too, I'm sure you'll be able to find your way eventually, we all have to deal with our uncertainty one way or another.
Good luck ;)
Yeah.
I can fairly relate
to this Bow guy.
He sees
something.
@ish 10:10 Can lead to being force fed carrots or use of what now can be considered old English-English.
you shouldn't abuse people or the planet, you should be out to achieve your best version or your life purpose,
you should resist the temptations of evil and you shouldn't feel bad for thinking or doing so, instead your should be empowered by the rules and laws that govern the higher state of reality which so many people are blind to because of the illusionary conditionings put onto us by..... (and these are where the real subconscious effects come into it) Movies, News, Tv< the edication system and the world power dynamic, boarders, countries, cultures, races anything that can be used to divide us.
Anyone who's interested needs to watch the documentary 'Out of the shadows' free on UA-cam, its a must see
Actually when you Audit Reconcile Audit you have what is and what should be. What should be is the correction or adjustment.
I think I’ve fallen in love with teal
She is talking that we should just neglect this norms or rules from within completely. But for instance, if being raised in a Buddhist community, you realize if you don't operate from what you should or shouldn't you won't progress or be a better person, therefore you CHOOSE to do what you should or shouldn't. And that's different. If you choose not to conform to all the rules, you get kicked out from the community and that takes COURAGE. And not many people have it. And it's really hard to exit from that loop.
I can relate to this. Interesting thing is even if my intrinsic motivation matches the pressure from the external motivation I often choose not to do that thing as an act of rebellion to feeling manipulated. Perhaps I SHOULD do a CP around this, >.< lol
Still looks great
It is Do or Do Not.
Thank you
I am just glad my 🍀 lucky charm colors❤ are celebrated, a healthy degree of Heart Chakra as well as Root Chakra are necessary to gauge the level of awareness achieve in applying the wisdom received in this type of focus needed tutorials. I am also glad I have never watched a single video of the spiritual teacher mentioned in Louise’s ✅ case. Now in the matter of should versus shouldn’t, I usually set the intention to the highest and greatest possible outcome on any regular task or thoughts or desire and set it free like those Asian paper lanterns to soar up in the limitless vastness and to elevate out of its own consciousness, i always think of my astrological sign august is fire 🔥 with which i infuse all my doings as mentioned and to set my flame free with trust is to allow air to tame it or Supra support it in its journey.
Happiness is being on the same page with your teachings 💞💖You should know everything about science,if not how dare you , I unfortunately have been dealing with that self inflicted guilt & shame. Even though I know quite a lot . Yesterday I slipped into you should have known that lol . Thank you. Right on time
I really gotta take a should.
I am loving it when I have a video from you that is the very thing that I am needing to hear when I am starting my day. I am hoping that I will have a chance of being able to meet you at the time the universe is in alignment with your schedule and I am able to be in the same place where you are going to be, I am very sure that I am very grateful for the opportunity I have had to have been able to meet you in the past and the way that you are giving me the opportunity to work on my own self as I am able to get into the videos that I have been trying to find that is the best way for me to understand what I have to be able to do to help me out with this project as we are going through this process of ascending and how to do it in a way that is the best way for me to be able to get it done and I have to say thank you so much for being in the present now moments and for your help and the insights you have given me to be able to open up my mind to be able to expand my knowledge and experience in this universe as a part of the project as a way to get into the process of creating a new beginning in the present now moments with the highest good for all of us.
I was just thinking about this..Teal what you think of the idea of being Unique? I think a lot of people hold onto pain because they think their pain is unique and special
Obviously I'm not her. But I'd say that while people are unique, most experiences are common. Your uniqueness comes from the specific common experiences you have. You may have the same experiences as someone else, but they're still unique to you.
I don't think that's why someone would hold onto pain.. I think we've been conditioned to not release pain by abusive parents
@@TJDious Eckert Tolle often talks about the ego and it's story..I use to think my story was too complicated and unique to let go..I thought people had to understand my story before I could release it
@@TJDious Love your response :)
Also, I don't believe we hold on to pain because we are just too unique or special. That's such a dismissive statement.
Although we are unique and special, but if everybody is unique and special then nobody is - what a paradox, both points are true at the same time! We have to learn how to deal with dichotomies, I guess.
I think we all want to feel seen, understood and treated with care and respect. There's nothing wrong about that, it's not just some egoic illusion, it's a basic human need. It's not even particularly human, it's true for other social creatures as well. Especially for mammals is the aspect of care and respect important, because evolution layed out the biological ground rules for becoming a healthy and functional grown social mammal as one being cared for and attended by adults, forming an emotional attachment in their first phase of life, then having to be respectful towards other members of their species during their adolescence, when they are still weaker and less capable than the fully grown adults and finally having to understand eachother in the adult phase of life in order to form connections, parebond, procreate and work together to care for infants.
We hold on to pain when we don't feel seen, understood and treated with care and respect while being convinced we are powerless to change those circumstances. It goes against our basic biology to feel deprived and helpless at the same time. If we feel deprived in our basic needs, we should be able to go on searching for ways to meet our needs until we meet them or die if we can't. If most of our needs are met, but some are not, we can also accept the situation by focusing on what what is there rather than what isn't and on what we stil can do instead of what we can't. It's not natural to prolong suffering by feeling some painful lack without being able to solve it or cope with it.
I would say that it's not our pain or our needs that are illusory, it's our helplessness in most cases.
Should's aren't only should's. Even the things we think we should do stem from a deep want. For example a want to be a part of a group, a want to please, a want to be viewed in a positive light, a want to be someone people would be willing to have interactions with. I doubt that people would engage in pure should's without anything they want from that. If the claim is that things that others want or expect from you are should's that you are exempt from then what about the wants that were driving you to say you should do them on the first place. Many should's are things that are required by laws of the country, or society, or relationships, and if you do them it just means you probably don't want to get in trouble with them. Sometimes you do go against should's, but in my opinion, this happens depending on what you want (or what you want more).
How do you tell if you truly want to be a certain way or if you just wanna be it because you should be like it in your environment
Excellent use of Proto-sapiens.
Congratulations now Teal Swan can flip ASD [lack of preposition] a matter of seconds