Exposing the Double Life of The Covert Narcissist
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- Опубліковано 4 лип 2024
- In today's video we take a deep dive into the double life of a covert narcissist, and we unveil their public persona vs the private reality. If you have a covert narcissist in your life, then today's video is a must see. #covertnarcissist #narcissist #npd #narcissisticrelationship #covertnarcissism #covertnarcissist #emotionalabuse #lifecoach #theenlightenedtarget #jillwise #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #cptsd #gaslighting #traumabonding #vulnerablenarcissist
Jill Wise, otherwise known as The Enlightened Target is a life long survivor of narcissistic abuse. She was raised by a malignant narcissist and married to a malignant narcissist, she has endured years of parental alienation, has repeatedly been targeted by narcissists throughout her life. She has an intimate understanding of all aspects of narcissistic abuse and Cptsd. She uses her experience and what she has learned to help educate others and bring awareness to narcissistic abuse. She is also a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach and works with clients all over the world heal from the trauma of narcissistic abuse, parental alienation and Complex Ptsd.
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I nearly lost my life. 5 months ago I walked out from 42 year of narcissistic abuse. I am finally free.
Hallelujah for that ! You are NOT alone ❤️❤️❤️
That's a really long time. I'm glad u finally got out of there. Wohoo! Wish I could speak the same :( almost 18 still here
Sorry he did that to you
@@rocky76dude7 thank you. That means so much.♥️♥️♥️
@@user-zd3ox1fl7h thank you. Leave now if you can. Don’t waste any more time. You love yourself and deserve love, respect and kindness. The Narc doesn’t deserve you.♥️♥️
Covert narc.....street angel.....house devil.....secret life.
Few words say it all
In all forms of narcissism, they are literally 100% convinced of their own integrity and masterful at feigning sanity. A plague on humanity on earth.
Acting nice ,freindly,and a decent person in front of most,but really they like to devalue,ridicule others to feel better
Yeah, if people only knew how they speak about them behind their backs!
@christymckee8133 You know everyone says things,talks has opinions about others,it's better to not saying anything negative at all really, especially if your getting baited by a narcissist, they'll bait you ,start talking trash,then ask your opinion, and if you say anything they'll go to that person, even if they were the ones starting the whole conversation!They love this triangulation,but honestly people do talk,but it's never ok to smear people, try to take there livelihood away,or smear in there community to hurt someone, Apples,and Oranges, more like Apples,and green beans
@@targetedtyranny4661 no not everybody always has negative things to say about people. Ive been married to a narcopath for 20 years. I know more about it than I ever wanted to.
My two older sisters. I never knew until I guess I fell out of order having my own opinion. Its been at least 40 years, and yet today my heart is racing with disturbed sleep, and none stop thought of how to ignore it another decade. They are pure hate. Now I've been abandoned due to their years of manipulative back stabbing while being loving for all to see. I've been accused of so much that i understand the dirty looks coming from their circus clowns. Some of which dont even know me.🤷♀️I'm tired and dont deserve this.
Yes, I got caught up in this myself. I allowed this narc to negatively influence me about people I have known a lot longer than she has! I feel awful about it!
Having been on the receiving end of narcissistic abuse for 47 yrs now, thank you for this…you are 100% correct and I hope this helps people realize how dangerous and destructive these people can be
47 years. Wow I salute you
So do I.
My narcissistic husband died of brain cancer after 31 years of marriage two years ago.
Understood.
me too
It's been almost 45 years for me. Years of torment. But I'm learning how to overcome and handle him. It causes me to be constantly on edge and vigilant. Difficult to heal when you're in the environment that made you ill to begin with.
This is my Golden Child older sister. She was a competitive figure skater and the center of our entire familial world (aside from my Dad's drinking.)
She started skating when I was 4 and after that, I was her unwilling, unhappy audience member.
And an Ice Rink is a viper's den. The kids are awful and so are their parents. The coaches are awful, too.
My sister believed then and still believes that everyone is just there as an extension of her. The world is her audience or her competitor. She competes with everyone. For what prize? I'm not sure that she knows. She just has to win.
Even now, in our 50's, she rages if she isn't the center of attention.
She is exceptionally charming to strangers and superficial acquaintances. But, to those she "loves," she is a monster. She demands total obedience. You are not allowed to tell her "No."
She has weaponized every single confidence that I have stupidly shared with her.
Mom did both of you dirty. 😢
Sad story. Sorry.
My mom sounds like your sister... Needed to be the star or else abused you
They're real pure EVIL.
It took me 36 years, therapy and drugs, but I'm glad I escaped my narcissistic parents. They wanted their scapegoat to stay home to beat down on....forever. My older brother was the scapegoat until they contributed to his death, and then they turned their attention to me. I opted out. Been aware and working on healing ever since.
👏 👏👏 I’m the scapegoat too.
The father finally gave up trying to get me back under his control about a month ago.
He did this to my Mother .. after she was gone one month he was trying to get me to fill her spot.
He tried for 5 years. 😆
The fact that he thought I would do that after how he treated me my whole life is amazing.
No I will not take care of him. No I will not allow him to abuse me.
He can talk about me but I will never be around for him to suck my energy.
So I know how hard it is.
I love to see people make it out of abusive relationships because your life matters too.
These Narcissist need to experience their Dharma and it doesn’t happen as long as we are there taking the beatings.
Get away stay away 🙌
I have been totally isolated for years. ...the family is so broken down by the narcissist who only wants power money and control.
Jekyll and Hyde 💥
Joykill & Hide ?
@@randybrinkman-do4xf House devil. Street angel.
Close did have a devil living in my house ,and I spent alot of time on the highway @@sandrathomas2893
Perfect explanation, They know what they are doing, many coaches say they don’t, they are sick and sadistic leaches, nothing is ever good enough for them, yet the bring nothing but drama lies pain and misery. Sadistic evil cruel creatures,,
So so so so so TRUE
YES!!! I agree totally
They hack your cell phone constantly.
YES, THIS OLD COVERT NARCISSIST HIJACK MY CELLPHONE AND WIFI AND I DON'T EVEN WATCH TV! HARRASSED AND THE FUCKED UP POLICE DON'T EVEN CARE! I PUT IT ALL IN GOD'S HANDS! THE BATTLE IS NOT MINE! PRAISE GOD!
How do they do that?
They lack discretion. They behave much like the Con-Artist who keeps trying to work their scam on different people in the same area not realizing their trick has been exposed already 😳 and they should move on.
Con-artists they are. This is crazy accurate.
The Church going “ Covert Narcissist “ also known as “ Wolf in Sheep clothing”
🐺 looks like my ex
My mother 😐
Oh yes.
My future X spouse 😢
Hi Mom! 👋
Hiding behind the cross. Do people still say this one?
My sister is a narc and I stayed for 60 years in the cycle of devaluation and her bs, i'm so glad i'm free i'm 1.5 years no contact
I have been abused by a narcissistic woman and she stole all of my money and I reported her to the police and I got my money back
Good for you !!!!
You just described my covert narcissist almost X-husband. I should be free of him this month. This December will be a year since I filed for divorce. It took me 26 years to finally figure out why our marriage was so difficult. Now I know it was toxic. He practically sucked the life out of me. Things got even clearer after I left. It was like coming out of a nightmarish fog.
Blessings Friend xo
Same for me after 26 years finalize my divorce last month. But in papers u are divorced, in reality their dramas never end
❤
Same for me 30 years nearly out blessings for peace 🙏
I got comment on this and when I read what you stated thought I wrote it!
I was married to two different overt narcissists, gave up on relationships and then I met this new person and after three years of gaslighting and silent treatment, constant hyper criticism and complaints, stonewalling, and physical and emotional aloofness, I finally figured out what I’m dealing with. Just as bad as the other two, but harder to see it. People knew something was up with my previous ones but nobody has a clue about this and nobody would believe me.
Yes, that's another layer of torment when we are trying to explain what they are and people are rejecting what we say, then turning on us for telling the truth.
Is there an emoji for I am sorry that happened to you??? And it is not your fault/doing? Be strong, get your self esteem going--It was not you. Now you know, grow, forget them they're sick, run and build your new life--don't think of them. Be good to yourself==it wasn't your fault. Don't become a victim of them...not worth it. Please grow and theive--your gift to yourself....xo
I got over the nobody believing me stuff. I know what Ive experienced and nobody can tell me I havent. Know that once you bring awareness to nay sayers they are either narcholes their self or they will be shown soon enough...
Same! Covert narcissists are the most dangerous because you can’t see them coming
You've got a nose for CNs.. whatever you're doing, stoppit!
My sister used all these tactics to gain custody of my 12 year old daughter.
She faked being concerned about my mental health and manipulated my daughter into making false allegations against me.
This was all premeditated as she had already brought a new house interstate ready to relocate with her husband and my daughter.I have never seen my daughter again and 10 years have passed.
My sister used my daughter to fill the void for her unhappy marriage and tells everyone she saved her from a bad home life.I now realise she had been slowly alienating my daughter from me and she tells everyone she is her mum.
She is evil and cruel and my daughter will probably never escape her control.
Thank you. You’re free now my friend.
I'm truly sorry for what's happened to you, I can't imagine the pain 😢
@@danieraye30 Thank you for your kind words
@@JS1325 thank you for your kind words
How awful. As a mother of a daughter myself I feel for you.
This is my elderly malignant covert narc MIL. A very cruel, vindictive, hypocrite who should NEVER and I repeat NEVER have become a mother.
I hear you.
Mine, too.
I’d say that she never did become a mother. Biologically birthing a baby doesn’t make a mother. I’ve got biological and spiritual children. I hope you will find your spiritual mother. She is out there !
My narcissistic MIL says she wishes she never had children. I would agree except that my husband somehow turned out wonderful!
@@charming-witsassy-sarcasm5621My husband also had a narc mom. He's amazing.
But we've had to cut her off because of her hurtful ways.
Its so sad. Even his dad (who was his primary parent after she left when the kids were young) died of cancer when my husband was only 14. (probably due to stress of dealing with her).
Goes to show how we respond to trauma is a choice. We can either become a narc or empathetic the rest of our lives.
He took 12 years of my life before i realized fully of the monster he is. The divorce has been a nightmare too
Good luck love
@@ThunderHead3i ty so much
15 years of my life but 12 married! Praying for you!
Hear you sister! 27 years and divorce took 2 years of struggle and expense for no good reason.
@summawriters106 ugh sorry 😞
My covert sister in law checks every box. She's especially one of the types who sits in church every Sunday but manages to treat her family like crap behind closed doors. Excellent video as always. Thank you Jill ❤
Sounds like my alcoholic/raging mother.
I also deal with an eating disorder/raging father & my cocaine addicted domestically violent brother…
Sounds like my "holier than thou" mother too.
I’m the target for my sister in law. I cannot even tell you the depth of pain she has caused me, as I’m sure you know. I heard a sentence the other day though that has helped me to possibly use in the future if I have to…. “Don’t take YOUR pain out on ME!”
My self righteous covert MIL likes to tell me which parts of the Bible I need to read and it’s funny because it always about how to be a good mother and wife. Meanwhile she’s slamming back the boos everyday and throwing the dinners in the trash she just made, locking herself in her room and not speaking to anyone for days, not letting her spouse out of the house by himself, sending all kinds of nasty messages to anyone who asserts a boundary. Yet I need to read the Bible.
Well of course it's you Silly....WHO else could it possibly be???!
Had the misfortune of running into individuals like this. It takes some time to figure them out... But when you do.. You can't unsee how diabolical and sinister these types of people are. 😮
It must be spiritual because it is so diabolical and pure evil. 👿
@dawnsites4232 YESSS!!! I'm so glad I stumbled upon your comment ty for posting that bc it just made my day! I 100% wholeheartedly believe this to be true...
Ha ha ha i love it, just gives me reinforcement of what i already figured out. I love the fact that I'm over it and yet I'll always be kind and compassionate. No psychopath is going to darken my days again😋😋😁😁😁🏹🏹🏹🏹👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼💚💚💚
they definitely have a double life, and usually two phones to juggle all their different supply people. Unbelievable what I saw she had me hooked in pretty quick, but fortunately I ended the relationship early on after catching her in numerous lies and narcissist behavior
My ex was just like this. She presented the sweet demure facade externally and was always seeking out new people to validate her, always posting photos to social media (none with me, so, always looked single), and treated me horrifically while living in my house... Rent free. Very jealous and controlling, would rage over tiny things then disappear and go silent. Worst year of my life. Then she moved just down the road and continues to be friends with my neighbor, who has no idea what she's really like. Haven't had a hoover for three months as I bumped into her after she was out with some other sucker, less than a week after being at my place..and i said 'new boyfriend'? To which she replied oh I don't know... And I chuckled and said 'good luck!' and walked away. Evil little creature.
Mine hasn’t moved on to my knowledge. But oh yeah, phony little church girl outside, demon from hell at home.
Praise God it was only one year for you!
i’m soo happy u got away
@@MeloBurgers thanks... it wasn't easy. Still have that cursed rumination at times... But the anxiety has mainly lifted.
Sounds like typical succubus
I've been a target all my life for Narcissist. I have one now that moved in with me. She goes to court for theft in 2 months. I pray they lock her up. After this happens. No more women or relationships. Im cursed. I cant trust no one anymore.
No, you're not cursed, and don't curse yourself by saying that! Just start seeking the Lord about everything, pray every day and ask the Lord to open your eyes and give you discernment to recognize good from evil; because these people definitely are indwelled with evil spirits. And pray that He sends the right person (Christian) to you.
1 Cor. 15:1-4❤
4 months later.... how ya doin?
I’m married to a covert narcissist and I didn’t even realize I was being abused for 20 of the 24 yrs we have been together. I knew there were unusual things about him that made me uncomfortable but I wasn’t sure what it was and I would make excuses for his behavior. After our son was born 4 years ago is when the abuse became unavoidable and downright scary. He actually had me thinking my anxiety was bc of postpartum. We started couples therapy and I started realizing he was gaslighting, controlling me, manipulating me and spying on my every move. He started reading my diary and when I caught him he blamed me. Said it was my fault because I left it in a place where he could find it. That seem to be the name of the game where anytime I would confront him about something and instead of taking accountability he would then turn it around and blame me or just deny that it happened and make me feel like I was going crazy. Things have escalated so far now. I realized that he does not care about my feelings and has conditioned me to not bring things up and if I do, then I will get mocked and yelled at and screamed at and sworn at. I’m in my own individual therapy and also group therapy for narcissistic abuse, and I am learning many many things and the more I learn and understand the better I feel, but but it’s still very scary. I just want peace in my home and to be a happy mom.
Sister, if you want peace, and a happy home, the best thing you can do is divorce your narcissist husband, before his toxic behaviour traumatizes your son.
Sounds like my Dad. Wow.
The only way to Heal~ & Get Healthy is to Get out.
Leave him. These people never get better they only get worse. You will never have peace while living with this person as peace is not what they're interested in.
You may think if you learn to just ignore their unpleasant behaviour and not react to it, they'll leave you in peace. They won't. They get their narcissistic supply by goading you into a reaction and keeping your attention on them. If you shut yourself away in another oart of the house, they will seek you out to start a fight, even if their previous behaviour was to completely ignore you. You can not win with these people, they are incredibly sick in the head. The worst thing is when they manage to convince their family and friends and even your family and friends that *you are the problem, and you discover that they have been telling the most outrageous lies about you behind your back. If you get sick, they will not only not look after you, they may completely desert you and leave the house for days, or even just go away on a little vacation somewhere leaving you to fend for yourself. They won't let anyone know you are sick either ( unless it's to tell them that you're fine and just pretending to be sick to get attention...which is projection, as pretending to be ill to get attention is something they do) so you will not get help from elsewhere either. If you are grieving the death of a loved one and crying, you will be snarled at and told you are 'crying crocodile tears'. They will find a million ways to undermine your self-confidence and humiliate you in public or in front of their family and friends. If you stay with them, you will eventually feel like a hollow shell of your former self and not even know who you are anymore. All your talents will go to waste because you will spend every waking minute involved in trying to make them happy and have no life of your own anymore.
I could go on, but all there is to understand is that you can not ever change the narcissist or ' salvage' the relationship. You can only leave, and the sooner, the better.
I have you beat at 28 years until I put it together. If it wasn't for these videos and trying to diagnose myself I'd never known. Not once has she ever apologized to me.
@@user-mx6ct4lo7d27 years and he’s never apologized to me and I’ve never seen him cry. They are empty inside. They are energy vampires.
One thing I find interesting is their 'apologies' don't really consist of 'im sorry for my behaviour' and instead me me me 'im devastated you think I don't respect you' or 'IF I hurt you, I didn't mean to'
The revenge side scares me honestly
Never heard sorry. Only ‘ it seemed right to send you to bed at 5yrs old after falling out of a tree without a first look. Had to take me to ER when I had to ask her for help because I couldn’t lift arm over head because my arm and collarbone were broken. THATS when she finally hung up the phone
@paisleyjane14 I’m so sorry that happened when you were little needing love, that’s awful, heartbreaking, and evil and you deserved so much more.
I never got an I’m sorry either… from my ex. Literally everything was turned around on me and he would basically tell me I wasn’t worthy of his love. Whenever I’d get upset about some heinous act of his, he would make it about my emotions and my reaction instead of what he did. A Master Manipulator. Fortunately I left after 2 years but I wasted a lot of my own hard earned money on him. It’s been about 8 months and I don’t even want to go near another relationship… really focused on my healing and cleaning up the ruins of my life since I let him in it.
The revenge side scares me too. I’m 6 feet 245 lbs bodybuilder but something about her scares me to no end.
It should: I didn’t understand that I was with CN for 27 years, after left my phone number distributed; IRS had an anonymous tip and underwent IRS audit…and these are just what I know CN did…which means tip of iveberg.
Words that come out of my husband’s mouth every time. IF I hurt you I didn’t mean to
Whew Chile! My mother hated me, but adored her sons! I was the one who stayed behind to care for her, they moved as far away from her as possible! Eventually I woke up to the fact that I will NEVER receive love from her and cut all ties.
So sorry tht I got treated badly. I'm sure by now u have looked up narcissistic mom's and their daughters on YT.
She treated you worse as a daughter. My sister existed under crushing meanness and control but only when no one else could see it.
Wow!
The expression on the womans face, on the title of this video, looks like the unbridled fury and insanity on the face of my malignant narc ex wife, which occurred often.
So peaceful to live alone.
Thank you for reminding me of how wicked and evel these people can be.
I had to listen to this TWICE because I was GLAD to hear that everything you named here was NOT all in my head and that I was CRAZY THINKING!!!! You hit every point right on target ESPECIALLY describing the malignant narc I'm currently, unfortunately, still in a legal MIRAGE with....I can't WAIT for the day of the disassociation!!!! Freedom is just around the corner❤
Thank you Jill😌
Don't celebrate too soon,was married 8 years,14 years divorced.These last 14 years have been worse than the 8 years of marriage.Hope for your there are no kids involved.All the best for your future.
Me too
@ifsixwasnine1000 hey did she abuse the kids and make false allegations against you to keep you away from kids and punish you all?
My ex-husband spent the day screaming at me or I actually had to go into the basement so the neighbors wouldn't hear. We were supposed to meet friends for dinner and I refuse to go. Somehow he convinced me to go. We were an hour and 45 minutes late and he acted like the most kind person. Doting loving. It was ridiculous
That sounds like my ex wife, she would scream with the window open and when you ask why are you yelling? She would say I'm not yelling while yelling? What a clown and piece of shit Ashia Grayson of Chicago!
Yes... they're sooo sickening!!
I’m sorry, I remember those days… I’ve been out for years and its an emotional roller coaster. You deserve better.
Yes indeed! Truth! All of it 100%! So when you notice a narchole in your life all the sudden start acting the opposite of who they are, know without a doubt they are mirroring the newest object of their "affection". They do tell on theirselves constantly!
Mum said I wanted to reorganize your drawers and get your laundry. I was in my 50’s taking care of her to keep her from dying. She’s not ignoring my boundary’s ; she negating their existence entirely. I almost wish I thought she did x to make herself feel better, but it was far more shallow than that. It was just whatever was convenient for her at that moment. I’m just now realizing I can’t recall her ever expressing any strong emotion other than feigned shame used solely to guilt trip me. Struggled to identify the emotional state of the CN when they guilt trip someone.
YES, my "father" was a covert narc, he appreciated NOBODY, never listened what I was saying at home, but was expecting the highest Goods possible from life and other people...For me it was with him a very very sad story. Thank You, Jill!!👍💖🌷
I'm so sorry about that. I hope you adopted fathers that took his place.
You have 100% described my mother and my ex husband. All. Of. It.
Thank you for the validation, Jill.
She perfectly describes my FATHER and my ex girlfriend. All of it, So sorry, Spacegirl. Peace to you.
Space Girl is a WAY COOL name. Signing off, a 50-yr old dude remembering "Space Boy" from Smashing Pumpkins in 1995
Jill describes my mother and an ex-girlfriend here too, completely, by the way! (My Dad is a covert NARC, not just an "enabler" like I used to hope. But I've lived 2300 miles away for TWO DECADES now. So that's his or her problem, not quite mine anymore😁)
My dad's evil wife acts quiet and nice, but then makes petty insults, gossips, slanders and tells lies trying to hurt me and my family. 😒
Yes when nobody is watching, they are different behind close door.
My ex was a Covert Narcissist, but I didn't know until the discard. This was so him. We were married for 12 years. Never having experienced one before, I absolutely had no clue. Thank God I discovered what I had gone through in counseling. I honestly thought I was losing my mind. I felt addicted and obsessed when I knew it was best not to be with him.
I completely identify. Your words "felt addicted and obsessed when I knew it was best not to be with him" really hit home with me. Thank you for turning the lightbulb on in me!
@gregoryritchie7852 I'm so glad it did. Whatever childhood trauma that addiction is/was feeding, please find a way to heal from it. Otherwise, you'll keep attracting them. I attempted to date about 1 1/2 years afterward, thinking I was healed and ran right into another one. The good thing about it, though, was that I recognized the red flags and didn't ignore them and quickly got away from his ass. You can't love them through their mess. Leave them at it and save yourself. Last thing, you're gonna think about this person a lot because of the trauma bond. It's called cognitive dissonance because you're torn between two truths. Our trauma isn't our fault, but it is our responsibility to heal from it. Give yourself the time you need to show yourself the love you want and know you deserve so that when the next person come around because they will, you'll know. Please dont rush into another relationship. It could be to your demise. Take care of yourself❤️
This really lets me know that this happened to me and before I got out, it consumed me. I am not this. This is what I was raised around, and that's why I attracted it into my life.
Hmmm, how many narcs do I know......
My mother
My sister
My sister
My sister
My niece
My friend
My coworker
My ex
The fun never ends....
They are everywhere today, like a port hole to hell was opened up and many got out
This is my mother to a T (she a hoarder too)
the manipulation got so bad at one point, when I called her out for stealing she flat out ignored me until I got so angry I was just yelling at her.. then called the cops to have me taken away.
I got a restraining order on file over it.. and I'm 99.99% sure she just loved how that played out; but after wondering for a solid few months why my phone bill was so high - eventually I realised she put an Apple Watch on my phone bill that i wasn't aware of. It felt like she pulle some emotional judo move on me when I'm getting taken to a fkn police station for a report and interview; then dropped at a hospital.
That exact moment was when it all started to click together like puzzle pieces; and that my brothers / mother are terrible people.
I come from a Cluster-B family; and it genuinely has crippled me up til this point.
You are in good company here! Stay true to yourself. You are blessed to survive these demons!
This helped me enormously. I think this is the real pandemic.
I always call it a mental disease and nearly always "terminal" in the sense that it is highly unlikely they will ever change. They may present as changed...but just give them one situation that "sends" them and they will be right back to weaving their disgusting spiderweb.
The problem is even now, so many people do not understand the behaviors, get sucked in by the Narcissistic appeal, beauty etc and before you know it, they have you all spun up in their web.
I was married to a gorgeous woman, a gift of sales and very socially appealing...trust me - walking with her was quite revealing what a beautiful woman deals with every single day. And yes, women stared at her easily as much as men.
Regardless, only to learn the hard way who she truly is, including physical hits to the head. Not to mention the verbal game.
By all accounts, I got out lucky, not free, but lucky because it could have been insanely worse. I had to plan the divorce for a year.
She was every word this lady is saying in this video, and more.
Five years after the divorce, I have not touched a woman. THAT is part of the impact these diseased ones can inflict.
Not sympathy seeking, just hoping someone can read these tidbits and give more time and thought to the people they entertain as a mate for life.
And many of these people are in politics, upper management and administrative positions. It was bad enough to have greedy men in high places. Now we have envious people doing even more harm to our system. This isn't merely going on in our homes or in our dating lives.
Thank you. This runs rampant in public schools. People are obviously elevated because of who they know over what they know and the interviews are rigged. Once and only once I was asked to be on the panel. Personnel commission came in and told how to rate according to the rules. They left and a manager came in and told us who we needed to be hired. I couldn't comply. After our initial submission "the panel" was told to discuss the ratings due to outliers in the rating and "bring them to more conclusive" rating.
I was never invited to be on a panel again.
@@msigg2656 Bless you for hanging in there and seeing what's really going on. We might not be able to right this ship, and we might be seen by them as losers, but we know the truth and it always sets us free. Someday, hopefully, our children will come to us in gratitude.
YOU gave one of the best descriptions I've Ever heard, and I've been listening to lots of expert views on this.thankyou for helping people who have gone through this abuse.
This woman tells it how it is with a narcissist!😢
I definitely got isolated for years, and did not realize it until years later.
I figured this out when every one left my life when she left me in 2018.
This nearly crushed me; realizing I had no emotional support network at all.
I thought our friends were her friends and my friends. They all shut me out when she left the marriage. She took everyone away, including our adult children and other family members by way of triangulation and a horrible smear campaign.
Debilitating in every way. Its taken me 5 years to recover to just an “Okay” state. 😢
I had a covert narcissist stalker after me. I took my life, 2014, but I survived, but then the stalking continued. She has not stopped yet. A sick woman who has been stalking me for 50 years now. She comes up with fantasystories about how she's been smeard by others and that gives her the right to revenge! Well, they are so sick and everything you say is right!
God Bless and Protect all victims of all Evil Forces Against Us All.🙏💜🙏❤️
First time here...I recently realised my mother was a narcissist, I have picked several narcissists for partner's as well, so even though I broke free from her, it was all I knew. She seemed soooo perfect in public; people loved her. I even asked her why, as a child, she acted one way in front of her good friends and another at home. She was vicious and controlling about other's behaviour, but never her own. When I was 14. she left my dad, and he was heartbroken...her solution was to come back and expect to be supported, but never sleep with him again...the outbursts were always ridiculous. I was the golden child, so for the most part I didn't notice, but when I got to be 18/19 I started to grow up and that wasn't allowed. One day, she had gone though my drawers [it never dawned on me she did that] and found a greeting card I bought because I thought it had a lovely sentiment; I wasn't dating anyone [she had chased boys away then], and got explosively mad about the card, because it had what I thought was a true love poem...I told her it was the kind of love I hope to find someday. After that, things changed, and I knew I had to get out, so married the first random guy old enough, which was the dumbest thing I could have done but I realized she was never going to let me go away to college as promised my whole life, so no way out. She proceeded to stalk me, steal my car, talk bad about me...for the next 40 years!! I was a high achiever child, talented and beautiful, had an audition to work on a resort and slated to be in Miss Universe...my mother made sure to take that away. You can't fly higher than a narcissist! Soooo judgemental, yet I wondered why...she didn't have the goods.
These are disgustingly true.
It baffled me why the hell all these evils have the same characteristic/pattern?! I'm so grateful that I'm survived, even though until this day she's still brainwashing my family and relatives with her lies and I don't hang around with my relatives anymore, now I'm just focusing on myself.
Anyway, thanks for all the videos you made, you're certainly helping a lot of people's life.
How my cousin treats me. She is so competitive and envious. The hardest part is, when I tell other family members, nobody believes me! 🙄
I think all narcs are both covert and overt, depending on the particular situation they find themselves in. They flip-flop between both.
Agreed! They are chameleons and will be or do whatever they need to be or do to get what theyre after. And are very good at it. Theres no end the lengths they will go. They dont care who they hurt. Leaving destruction all around them while they sit with their narchole smirk acting like the greatest person in the world.
As soon as they get what they want they change immediately, so charming and friendly then poof, they are back to being an aholes . It’s sad and makes you want to bust them in their shhhh, now you’re the crazy one.
Facts 💯
Yup
I married a Covert Narcissist who NEVER consummated the marriage because I was “too fat.” ( I was 5’8” and weighed 123. Miss America was the same height and weighed 126.) I had to pay room and board. I was a slave who worked by teaching at a university and walked to the grocery store (driving was not allowed) before cooking all meals. I did all housework.
Sorry babe, at very least you deserve a husband who provides and splits meals and cleaning with you.
Oh dear God....too fat!!?! if you haven't already GET OUT...
He was probably down low gay and was probably using you as a cover.
@@vanessamadrid2330 THIS
@@vanessamadrid2330 , my now husband ( a true angel) thinks the same as you. Thank you.
I worry about my granddaughters. They are adopted. This woman is horrible.
This video describes exactly how the "government" operates!
Yes. you described it well. I have seen it all. Coverts are the worst.
Hacking and stalking. 3:52
I’m fairly certain you’ve met my mother 😅. Nobody outside the immediate family would EVER believe how abusive she is behind closed doors and how she gossips and tears down others when she has just been sweet as pie to their face.
@heyitsme5469, Wait, do we have the same mother??😅 This and SO much more described my 91 year old mother. She got even worse after my Daddy (my hero) passed 15 years ago. 😢 I'm so sorry you went through the same abuse 😔 I went through. 100% no contact with her for almost 3 peaceful years now! My sister is the overt narcissist! They almost crushed my soul! God bless 🙌 🙏 ❤️ YOU, be happy!😊
@@StarOfBethlehem707 thank you and you be happy too! Congratulations on the no contact! I am no contact with my sister, and low contact with my mother. If I cut her out of my life completely, then I will lose my father too. Who knows what the future holds though, I may have no choice but to go no contact with her. She's awful.
I had such a business partner for 15 years. He always acted as the humble eminence and competence bearer. But these were all just masks and hardly anything could be attributed to him in terms of content. He shamelessly adorned himself with my achievements, cheated on successes that would have made him appear small, drove away workers who could have done his job, was passive aggressive, stealthy, even copied my private files from my laptop via the company network, managed to get many customers to see me as the show-off he could do without and was sometimes treated with corresponding disrespect by them, blamed me for all mistakes, etc. Always very concerned about his façade, as a modest, capable genius, but basically lazy and unimaginative. A terrible time with wasted time and lost successes. I wish I had known all this much earlier. This type of personality is dangerous.
I thought it was normal for your mom to act different in public.
I adapted as a child by shutting my eyes to the double standards- and grew up with a mental block to this behavior.
This manifested later in life when my long term girlfriend used the police; and violence to end my budding career as a corporate pilot. I was a carpenter, you can’t do that forever, and is limiting as far as opportunity.
My house of cards eventually fell when another narcissist, one with a phd in psychology, ran through everything. A real pro…
❤️🩹
I can relate. My education goals were sabotaged no end. Turned up side down before I could even get started, took three decades to learn what the hell it was all about. I hope you are doing ok now.
@@caroleminke6116 -TY
@@muma6559 - I can say I’m still alive.
I am trying to get things back together. The world moves forward and I got knocked back to the Stone Age.
I never heard the word narcissist before.
I have a patent that I am trying to license. This may rescue me. But there isn’t anything in this world that can compensate the damage.
Good luck to you.
My ex did all these behaviours. Cheating, manipulation,abusing his own family whilst appearing to be 'Mr Wonderful' to the outside world,thought he was perfect, everything had to be done his way or not at all as he was always right, he isolated us covertly too, instead of saying something horrible about my friends/ family he would plant doubts to make you question their integrity or say 'theres just something about them, I can't put my finger on it' Unfortunately I didn't learn about narcissm until after we broke up, I wish I had been aware sooner to prevent some of the heartache & abuse that he bestowed on my children and myself.After the break up I had to go through more abuse, smear campaigns, phone hacking etc etc.
Wonderfully put together and presented. As reprehensible as the overt narcissist is, it's never been difficult for me to zero in on them and protect myself accordingly. It's just too obvious. I bet this presentation is horrible for kids though. After some time, I understand the covert style. What an utterly supreme form of gaslighting. How can such a great person publicly be so cruel behind closed doors? Maybe that's why Stevenson wrote "Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde." It's an archetype for this. I can't think of anything more toxic and destructive than being in a relationship with them. It can even become like Stockholm Syndrome, when brainwashing occurs. I bet some covert types make great cult leaders. And politicians and lawyers and CEO's and...
So true , at the age os 47 years , being Tortured , abused , manipulated and controlling and taking medicines for my mental health health for last year now I understood what my mother done to all family . She didn’t spared not a single member . I am on my way to heal 🙏🏻🙏🏻thank you so much 🙏🏻🙏🏻
This is one of the best informational videos ,that I have heard ,on you tube about the covert narcissist.
You nailed it!
I've just rewatched 'The Vow' on HBO and Keith Raniere demonstrated all of these qualities so clearly.
Yes, they use intrusive control abuse and betrayal. Its despicable when they are senior pastors.
Can't figure out if my ex was as a covert or overt narc, because he was a bit of both! He showed his grandiose side in some settings at public events by starting fights with strangers or his "enemies." But when he worked at his store, he maintained an image of someone who is a a shaman/guru/medicine man/healer community leader who loves children and women. He thought himself to be ABOVE all of his students he was "helping" though. He looked down on everyone and talked bad about everyone behind their backs (in front of me)...but to most people, he was gentle, humble, vulnerable and altruistic and generous.
Hmm I feel you, I dated someone like that too, and it was very confusing. In the end I concluded that he really sucked either way 😂
Great video.. exact with so many things . Thank goodness people are learning about the Depths of destruction they can cause
My last partner was a covert narc who insisted he had to know everything that was going on inside my head.
He was open about his "insecurities" and i mistook that for self-awareness. He would say he wanted to heal and i took that as genuine desire. He would do and say so many things that i now know to be all the plays from a narcissists playbook: breadcrumbing; gaslighting; stonewalling; futire faking; using flying monkeys... the list goes on!!
Covert narcissists are by far the most dangerous type of narcissists. I have been with mpre than one type and learned this the hard way.
As soon as you realise, run. Don't wait and see or give them the benefit of the dount - that's how you can get stuck with them! Just leave and never look back.
I am the selective target of my deceased brothers widow. He shot and killed her boyfriend then took his own life at 42.
That is sad.
I had to stop 5 min in due to the intense triggering ..
I still want to comment on how validating it is to know Im not going crazy . Ive just been surrounded by these Soul suckers my entire life.
My inability to to set boundaries
was a huge flashing sign for the covert Narc’s . Magnetic attraction
at first. The crazy crazy stories they come up with!
I could write a book.
Here’s what works for me..
Number one. Self care and i just dont mean mani/pedi !!
Boundaries and self care!!!
And on a tell tale signs for these soul suckers is there words dont back up there actions!
Every word out of mouth lies! Mix ed with the truth as needed.
They project the b.s non stop
the constant victim
They will do whatever it takes to brutally beat you so they dont have to face there emptiness and decide to just destroy innocent empaths.
Stay safe and Happy New Year!
Yes. It reallly is one of the cruelest forms of mental abuse - the cycle heading towards discard. I wish to god I had known about these types before I met my ex. I only knew of grandiose narcs and assumed that’s how they all were and very pushy and alpha and more obvious. Mine made me think I was his everything, only to discard me as if I was dirt. I am left so broken and sick. Wish there was a cure. :(. I did so much for him too. Lost it all.
Have learned so much from this channel over the years and am still learning. Many thanks for calling out the narcissist on the double life they live and of course couldn’t care less about the people they hurt along the way.
You have described my ex-narc, police captain completely. He destroyed police careers, and city council lives. I was trapped in the relationship for 27 years. I remember the day when my therapist said, "You have been living in an abusive relationship". It was such a shock to me, but then everything began to make sense. The scars remain, but I now have clarity. He is a dangerous man who decided his lifestyle and his friend's wife were more important than me and our three children. During the discard phase, he was unbelievably cruel, raging, discounting, and showed contempt toward me. In the end, two years after our divorce was final, ...he sold my family burial plot I had reserved for myself so I couldn't be buried with my family and loved ones. A well-known author on verbal and psychological abuse said, "He wants to erase your existence." She is right.
"they live a living hell", was the ending statement of the man who made the first ever narc vid i watched. will never forget that.
WOW! I MEAN WOW.
I’m living (existing) in a narcissistic relationship and have finally “put my foot down” about 6 months ago. I’ve been listening & reading many “sources” regarding the narcissist to understand this crazy, dark world I live in. (sources, get it) (had too)…This video has been the absolute best, most accurate description of what I’ve been dealing with. Hands down. I mean literally every point you make is exactly the behavior I’ve been dealing with. It was chilling and simultaneously grounding for me. My narcissists exhibites EVERY action you discuss here. People who have never dealt with a narcissist would never understand. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve been doubting my own sanity. EVERYTHING you say in this is applicable to the situation Im in now. The online dating sites, pornography and addiction issues, on & offline cheating, lying, stealing, gas lighting, reaching out to family to lie about me, the cruelty and her “public image”, all of it. Wow! Her mother is the same way. Your upload was so spot on I had to write to thank you and to let you know how much I appreciate your work here. I subbed & added this video to favorites. Thank you…
Im trying to get away from her but with little resources it’s so hard. Any ideas on how those of us in the same situation can effectively get out alive?
I was shocked to see what my closest family can do to me. I feel so stupid because I trusted them. They drained me physically, mentally, spiritually and financially. I'm still living with them. Now, I have to find a job and try to run away from them. Before I wanted to save them and help them. I am aware that I am the only one to blame and that I am my own savior. This is my lesson in life. I can do this. I can save myself.
Yes you can!!!
You are speaking the absolute truth! The narc husband is EVERYTHING you speak about in your video. I am so disgusted. Lord, please help me leave safely.
I did it and u can 2 after years of marriage and our children he turned our grown children against me cause I knew a woman had stepped into our marriage and it was our sons mother in law how descuting and so hurt I felt especially when I confronted him she was also married and her husband a wonderful man was on his death bed he past away this past march he discarted me like a piece of trash and much more I want u please stay safe I understand what u are going trough I’ll be praying for u 🙏🙏🙏🙏please leave for your own good these narcs are nothing but 👿👹❤️💔🖤🤥🤥🤥🤥🤥🏦🏦🏦🏦🏦💵💵💵💵💵💵stay safe and be extra careful I wish u all the best and God help u and bless u 💯💯💯💯🙏🙏🙏🙏😢😢😢😢💖
@@user-fj6zf4bg2p From the bottom of my heart, thank you sooooooooo much! God bless you and keep you. 🙏❤
I lost a friendship almost a year ago and it took me ten months to realize she was a covert female narcissist. She had so many of the signs and I had no idea! "Happily" married but would have emotional affairs whenever a better catch would show any interest in her, she would cut me down in private but around people (specifically my family) she would turn into the ideal bff, never help me truly better myself and only wanted to hear my sob stories (likely so she could tell everyone else) and she only supported me when I was worse off than her. When I was 21 or 22, she would go on about how strong I was for being single at my old age. I didn't really have interest in casual dating and sex but was going through some serious family issues that likely had an impact on that. Looking back, that's not how friends act but I had such low self esteem, I just dealt with it.
Emotional affairs can be as devastating as physical my divorce was finalized in may our legal system has to change whets justice for us that deal with spouses like that narcs will eventually destroy u mine almost did especially with my health and our money he had 17 accounts behind my back in his name only that’s what I get for loving him and trusting him I married him when I was 14 and he was 24 how I regret it we had six children together and discarted me like a piece of trash and more…..I wish u all the best I can feel your pain God bless🙏🙏🙏💖💯
They have Double, Triple, Quadruple and Quintuple Lives…
Thank you. Excellent video. I am a survivor.
Spot on. I have lived surrounded by Covert narcisists from day one and can agree with everything you said. I have also met many people who absolutely do not live what they preach! Thank you. God bless you❤
Thank you for this video. Thought I may have already responded about this one. Or I was ready to deal with this about the monsters who raised me. 😢
My husband's narcissist "adult" kids loved to show up in our backyard and randomly would let themselves inside, including his "adult" son, who walked in on my partially dressed more than once and of course had the audacity to act upset with me for being there, when I had been his father's live in girl friend for months. My husband was a doormat for them and they have been controlling his life for years. They live to guilt trip him and never are grateful. They feel entitled to hate me and hurt our marriage. Love does not delight in evil and hate! I asked the oldest one why she hates me so much. She says I'm mentally ill for being with an older man, so she has the right to hate me and abuse me. I'm her father's WIFE. Very sad, and her "mother" is a very bitter sad person too
I'm enjoying your videos, thank you. I've only watched 4 but I'll keep watching:) After being scapegoated by my family, I was ritually scapegoated by a cult called the modern mystery school. This cult uses all the methods you describe to scapegoat their victims but since they use additional mental and psychic technologies commonly understood by the "uninitiated" as "magick", they claim to work on the "archetypal" level. So the leaders of the school facilitated and crafted my scapegoating by another school member they designated as "archangel michael", who is really just a narcissist. I suppose I am expected to come to terms with all this on an understanding that the archangel requires all this power in order to defeat satan. In the meantime, Julia Tiffin, who believes she is archangel michael, rakes in a fortune for the cult leader in what is a vast pyramid scheme across the world. It transpires they are also a sex cult, which means they also harvest the sexual energy of the young women who pass through the "gates", which I suppose is a heady combination of real energetic power and the pathetic need for control we understand so well. I know the scapegoat ritual happens all the time to unwitting new members, who are at least spared seduction, but after 20 years I am still the only person who has spoken about about it publicly, which is very sad for the others. For me, I have started referring to myself as zombie roadkill. I wish I could just die but of course I keep getting up. I have found the works of Rene Girard very interesting. His early work like Violence and the Sacred and The Scapegoat, particularly. But what I wanted to write here is that at the times I reengaged my narcissistic mother, I discovered that I only escaped her through gaslighting her. I discovered that I am better at her than this because how else would I have escaped? However, I dislike gaslighting her or anyone else, it is horrible to experience myself this way, so it is for this reason I refuse to engage ever again. Thanks again ET.
The narcissist i knew grew watermelons on our neighbors property. When he said we are gonna have watermelons this summer i was excited until he showed me where he planted the seeds. Although no one lived at the property at that time it shiowed me the he had no boundaries. Also he also was financially abusive towards me.i became so independent he became critical of my employment.
Such a critical video. Thank you.
Huh,exactly the word I used “Rollercoaster” to describe our relationship.🀄️
This have been the most comprehensive and informative video on youtube regarding this topic to date, absolutely GRATEFUL - Thank you.🙏
💯 14:00 You nailed it about social isolation. My NStepmother badmouthed me to my dad. He has to conceal when he does talk to me, which is so rare, as she searches all his history. I have seen my dad's self-image plummet, as ge seems incapable of knowing fact from fiction, or any decision making. It's incredibly sad to see such a grown man. My father is now an object of pity. But he won't listen to me. No, they're "married until death do they part."
After the accident he said we should go to church, then never brought it up again and I started being confused by what i now know as silent treatment and flying monkeys and stonewalling. I had no idea he was a covert narcissist, I thought he was just depressed. He slept a lot around me after the accident, but I do not think he did that when he stayed at his grandmas house. We never lived together. Not everyone with NPD has ASPD, but everyone that has ASPD, has NPD. My ex was a covert narcissist sociopath also known as a narcopath. They can change their behavior. I believe he is now a malignant. He never like fancy anything. I liked that down to earth behavior. It was all a false narrative.
She explained each and everything in a great way exactly same to same like my spouse
Well dear you just described my wife to T !. And I do mean exactly! I follow a few others on UA-cam and Instagram as well as Facebook. But I like what you said you seemed to really know a lot about narcissism.
I'm going through alllll of this is a nightmareeee right now so scary
One of the most accurate descriptions I’ve seen to date! I’ve seen thousands!
Thank you, Jill
Excellent Job Mrs. Wise! You leave no stones unturned. I really enjoy watching your videos. So much insight and wisdom.Thank you for your time.
You are so welcome
My ex-wife a covert Narcissist.You describe her perfectly.I'm glad I found you Jill.I thought I was going insane.
When I filed For divorce , that's when the true nightmare begins It is truly earth shattering I feel Like my soul was touched by evil
The unattainable expectatations placed on me, backfired when i met them all! This just made her angry and she followed that up by grooming a new supply and ultimately jumped into a relationship with him thereby running away from me. I knew who she was with the mask off and she hated that she could no longer pretend with me. I called her out many times on the lies and cheating and when she knew that I knew who she truly is, her only option was to run.
Thank you for sharing this video. You turned on the light.
Glad it was helpful!