When narcissists know YOU know...
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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Simple. No contact. My life has never been better.
True....unfortunately they turn into stalkers. Be careful my friends.
It’s the best option.
@kiran menon it's TRAUMA bonding and cognitive dissonance...it does get better but you have to know what your up against...my soon to be ex swears I'm the narcasist..yet I didn't abuse, cheat, lie or neglect him. Progress not perfection...I'm working on new beginnings and being a better person...he never will!
@kiran menon i understand...its the trauma bonding and cognitive dissidence that leaves us connected...its a recovering process that worse than any drug....they nave memories but when you look back all they remember is what mattered to them...mine can't remember or see anything good about me although I supported him financially, emotionally and physically.....just the fact you are researching all of this means you are healing...I bounce from different levels of recovery from day to day...some days anger, some days forgiveness, but the key is to keep moving forward...everything happens is from god or is meant to happen....I choice to let all the abuse not bring me down but to encourage me to be a better person...progress not perfection...hang in there....it was from god that I was financially able to get out.....god was doing for me what I couldn't do for myself....hang in there my friend
@kiran menon sorry I was responding to another post....im not a professional only a survivor of two narcissistic marriages...your counselor probably has better answers than I do, but sexual abuse is a common trait that they use against us to keep us connected...mine was/is addicted to sex,porn, sexting and cheating....its something that he has to work on....marraiges are far more than sex, yes it important and if your needs are not getting met mutually then only you can move on, you are not responsible for her reactions to you....
“They know they are lying. We know they are lying. They know we know they are lying. We know that they know that we know that they are lying. And yet they continue to lie.”
Utter craziness but so true.
It's like: chill, let's just pretend things are like this. I'll pretend my lies are reality and you just do the same. Do not insist.
There are known knowns. There are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns. That is to say we know there are some things we
do not know. But there are also unkown unknowns. The ones we don't know, we don't know. - Donald Rumsfield
Like permanent 5 year olds.
@@KO-lq1yo looking forward to it.
I love the "You changed" tactic. Yes I changed! The old me would've let you disrespect me.
They'll also say "You haven't changed" if you tell them "I was stupid for thinking you'd changed" because there's no logic for what's used to hurt the victim, just whatever sounds snappy and painful.
@dGuy "I'm not changing for you" or "If you knew me, you would notice"
“When you were normal” I was told this by a narcissistic sibling after a loved one found a childhood photo of me she called me and said this when you were normal I miss when you were normal.” Me being normal was being open to any treatment.
I've heard the "why are you like this" when I didn't answer a baited question before
Hear this all the time ftom my mother..and a lot worse
I literally told my narcissist to stop manipulating in gaslighting me. He stepped out of the car in the middle of traffic, and I haven't heard from him since.
💪💪🌞🌞
Consider yourself lucky AND Blessed!!
🎉👏🏽🥳🎊
Did he die?
@@serenaann1711 no
Wooooooww!!😮
My dad is the narcissist in my life… He recently realized “I know”.. He asked me have I ever considered talking to a therapist then proceeded to make me an appt with one he knew personally.. He paid for it so I agreed and went… Within 5 min of the session I said “I really don’t need to be here, my dad should be in this chair..” and the therapist said, “I know.”….
😂😂That clever on your part.
LOOOL. I needed this. Thank you
I think your dad may be watching this. 😅
@@PS-nv2qpRiiiiigggghhhht. So its definitely not YOU.....
@@velveetaslingshot that's the point - it could be me, could be you
When a narcissist says you’re being cold when you ignore their bullying 😂
So true,
That made me lol 🤣😂 oh my gosh that's true.
Or when they tell you that you're lying because you always look at them when you're talking and they are talking 😂😂😂
OMG, that happened to me and I even apologized for having been "cold".. bcuz back then I didn't know narcissim exists. So glad I dropped her now.
Yeah I know
"They'll pathologize you for understanding them"
Bingo!
I couldn’t quite put my finger on what I thought he was. Until he went to a therapist and she told him during the session that he was “rigid”. That’s another word for control freak, inflexible and self centered. I didn’t know anything about Narcissism. Towards the end he became very argumentative, nasty and ornery. He would drink at night and I told him you need to stop drinking. I also told him there you go, creating problems where none exist. Then I would leave the room. Two places I’m not going with anyone, is back and forth. He would try to raise his voice in the grocery store I never allowed him to trigger me just ignored him. I now see why his exes left him, he was an a hole and a cheater. He’s now enjoying the block party. 🎉 🎊 🎈 😊
“They may leave and run away because your presence is too shame inducing for them” hit me right in the stomach.
Same😢
No they run because they know they're caught and they can't compell bad behavior from you that makes you look bad and them look like a victim
He now hides his face most of the time when I come in contact with him. Sad beings they are.
Yes! I looked at my bf's phone and found out he went to another state at 4am and never mentioned. Once I questioned him about it he moved out and started living at a hotel. He refused to discuss it. He ran and hid like a little "B".
This women is doing the Lords work
Is he too busy to do it himself?
Does he not use people as vessels?
@@dferg6339 Why? He could do much better. In fact he could stop narcissistic people from even being there.
There are a lot of things the Lord can do to protect people, but bad things still happen to people all the time, also why would he not use people to do his work? How do you know he is strategically using other human beings to help one another? 🤷♀️
@@dferg6339 Maybe he’s not doing anything, maybe he’s not really there. Who would notice the difference?
The key to removing a narcissist from your life is making them think it was their idea.
Sadly doesn't work in every case...
Until they figure out what you did there...then no contact is very crucial coz they will be coming with hell fire behind them to "win" it's saddening. Let's just hope they never find out.
I just did that. He (a guy that I've had NO contact with for 40+ years!) sent me a 'friend request.' Short story shorter: he sent a message that I'm a moron, a fool, and I should "...go get polio...bye bye." I think he was drunk from the # of incomplete or misspelled words. My reply: "lovely" That was easy. I only wish I had included the # of the local AA house.
Lol
wow, so true. that's what happened to me, and it seemed to work.
Run away from the Evil, Shut all the contact....Surprise them with your Silence.
Abondon them as soon as possible for your own Health!!
I had a lodger like this. She constantly lied to me and the other lodger. She would do sneaky things out of retaliation to me behind my back. So I would be thinking it was her but I couldn’t prove it was because it was always when I was out, not in the home.
She would constantly tell me her sob story expecting me to just feel sorry for her. And then pretend to be nice to me other times. She thought she was buying her immunity to not get kicked out and that she was more self entitled now to act how she wants and disrespect me and all the house rules.
Then when caught out on anything she would lie, deflect and eventually blamed me.
The day she blamed me, insulted me and shouted at me in my own home in front of my family member, I told her to leave immediately.
Of course consequences to this. She came back with rage to collect her stuff by getting her angry spiteful friend to shout in my face. They left rubbish and didn’t clear up and ruined an important meeting I was having on my phone before that.
Truly disgusting and self entitled people.
I’m so glad I spotted this fake and toxic piece of slime before getting into deep and letting her stay longer.
She banged on door after to ask for the rest of the terns money back. Even though she had damaged property on purpose and I hadn’t asked for a deposit in the beginning.
So I told her ‘I don’t owe you anything! If you come near my house I’ll call someone’ And haven’t spoken to her since.
I’m so glad that she will be without a home for the next few months while she is trying to find a place to live.
I wouldn’t usually if it was anyone else. But she really was something else! 😅
In all honesty, I hope she learns something from this experience so that she doesn’t do this to someone else again.
Good God yes
That part
I felt I was dying with her at the end I had to disappear for good to save myself
Once they know you know… be very aware and careful! It can be a dangerous time.
the narc at that time was in a work situation outside the US. I told my sister in a phone call that if something happened to me, it probably was not an accident. Not that I thought the narc herself would do anything -- she wouldn't get her hands dirty and was good at getting others to do her dirty work - but she had money to easily buy someone to do it and make it look like an accident. She was completely capable of it. And she used her piety as a mask. She was evil.
Yes!!! It was scary 😨
Very true!! 😢
Yeah....for THEM
It is.
Yep, and if they can't control you, they'll try to control how other people see you.
This explains what my child’s teacher is doing, thank you
日本人ですか？🙂
... That is why they listen!
so true like jerry wise did to me when I reached out to this person for help
facts
When they say “I never said that”😂 yes you did
“That didn’t happen the way you’re saying it!” Yes, it did
Or they make up a lie about something they claim you did but you really didn't, and when you ask them for an example, they can't even give an answer to their own lies cuz they KNOW they're lying 🙄
💣💣💣 YESSSSS! the one I knew said she'd never work at my place of employment because it didn't pay enough. Month's later she was working there. I mentioned to her that she said she'd never work here ,she said " I never said that" I let her know that she absolutely said that.
Or the opposite "I've already told you that" - no you didn't. That's why they don't like it when you take notes or diarize something. Because then you know for a fact if and what they've already told you.
Addition: And when you get your notes out and say: See it was that, they say "it doesn't matter now ... [changing the topic]", even though they made a big fuss about it some seconds ago. Then you know, you caught them in a lie.
oh gosh,I KNOW!!!
Took me 60 years to “ get it”! The relief is real. The hurt is real. The ugliness was insufferable. I am thankful to finally learn what the hell happened! My remaining years will be spent healing and living well. ☮️❤️
Amen took me 58 years. But thank God I did.
@@marywyrick4520 wow! That's encouraging.
How was it ugly? What happened?
Same here. I can't unknow what I know and they know that I know it and I can't make myself play the game anymore
☮️ 💙
A Narcissist losing their supply is like an addict in withdrawal. They will retaliate cause their drug source is gone.
Wow 😮
One of the many drug sources are gone. Me.
Yup
Best description for this serious mental illness
The narcissist not noticing your needs, but noticing a shift in narcissistic supply is a revelation. It's so true.
OMG YES!!!!
@@chriswyma145 Yep. Going through this RIGHT NOW. Step one was to stop trying to argue or defend... it became more and more apparent that the arguments had absolutely nothing to do with what she attacks me about, but were just to start a conflict. When I stopped arguing the attacks became more frequent and hostile. And more ridiculously petty, sometimes even comical. Yesterday it was over me opening a window to let beautiful clean spring air into the house. How could I possibly be so stupid and insensitive? 🙂
Now when she gets in my face with some inane complaint rather than defending myself - which is exactly what she wants - I wait till she gets close (she always closes in as she spins herself up) and concentrate on looking right into her eyes to see how large her pupils become. I have noticed that the more enraged she becomes, the larger they get. I use that distraction to maintain my own detachment, then either formulate a brief disengagement statement to create a pause in her attack and walk away, or if I have to, just walk away without saying anything. Lately I have made a game of creating my own 'word salad' to feed her to disrupt her for a second and leave. It's a lot like yelling at an aggressive dog to stop him in his tracks. It works briefly.
For a long time I thought not defending myself and walking away was 'letting her win'. In fact just the opposite is true, as borne out by her increasing irritation since I learned how to do this. There really is no winning, not for her or me. Only surviving and distancing. Maybe she'll accept help one day but I really doubt it. I gave up on trying to convince her.
when i started stonewalling my narcissist he would complain to other people that i operated on "attention currency." like what. way to project.
@@bunz6268 Way. To. Project. For them, I mean. Wow.
It was for me too 🤦♀️
A narcissist will lie even when they don’t need to; as though they are just practicing their craft.
Yes! ....that's what they do and its Pathetic
Or they've just come to the point where they can't tell the truth.
I felt that…
Whether they lie, tell the truth or give an excuse,, they’re practicing their craft.
They’re always practicing their craft .,, they feel good at it,, or better yet they feel the best at it
Yessss…Lying for random inconsequential things ….made zero sense. Obsessive habit of lying and hiding any and everything. Like keys and papers and virtually anything. I’m think they are scared insecure morons actually. I almost went insane
So true and funny 😅
As long as you give them worship, they love you, or pretend to. The moment we stop, they become angry but pass it off with silence and bouts of pouting, or talking nasty about us to others. No more. I have firewalls that are NEVER coming down. The moment we set boundaries- we HEAL. ❤
SO ABSOLUTELY TRUE. Suddenly teh day I decided not to endlessly ruminate on how to fix the relationship was the same day I felt so much happier about myself and my life.
Once the narcissist knows that you know it is all downhill and can be dangerous.
1000% true. Heavy emphasis on the dangerous part. Downright horrifying.
Yes, dangerous.
ABSOLUTELY. Narcisstic relative legit complained about me so much so they ruined my relationship with other relatives. They will tear after you. Until now I still wasn't clear on what was going on oe why things had got so much worse.
Yes they’ll even put things in your drink
@@user-qc2qx2kw5bOr food or anything else you indulge in.
I don't think a lot of people truly understand what a Narcissist actually is nor have they experienced it. So many people now days just call people they don't like or some ex they broke up with a narcissist to tarnish their name. true narcissism is incredibly mind blowing, not just some small personality quirk that you don't like. Their logic and mental games will leave you so confused and in awe that a person could be like that, it will leave you speechless.
You will have absolutely no response to what you’ve witnessed. Utter shock at how they can spin anything and everything.
You will feel so confused that you will question your own reality and whether you are able to discern what’s happening in front of you. I was in a daze for months.
Amen to that! They're incredibly smart - always a step ahead, ready to cover their tracks, manipulate you into thinking they care so that they can get information to use against you for leverage and cleverly nit pick at EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING just to annoy and degrade you. My husband has been starting arguments and then when I blow up, he records at the core of my hurt as I am losing my mind of frustration in the heated argument. He never says sorry, has a weird stare and always shows insecurity after we have been around anyone but then when I tell him he is insecure, he tells me it's me .I'm the narcissist right? Yeah Yeah, blah blah blah. I hope to grow stronger in the time I have to endure with him for financial reasons and then, well ... leave.
Really really upsets me more than anything is that I told myself to leave the first week I did he came back and love bombs me and I had no idea what the hell that meant I just knew it felt good my children told me I asked for I deserve the way couldn't tell reality I was so dazed and confused for weeks I ended up laying in bed I couldn't even get up it wasn't till I realized it was 25 years later and I walked away he replaced me that night I couldn't tell reality from until now the kids told me I was not in 1995 that we were in 2016
Narcissists are pathological liars, they don’t feel uncomfortable lying and therefore it’s really hard to catch them while they are lying. Remember: Whenever their lips moves it’s a lie popping out. Narcissists are charming, good looking smooth talkers. The person you see in front of you is a character made up with lies to charm you. And you need to listen very carefully to the words he says and if you start to feel confused during your chat it’s a big red flag!
The narcissist will inject themselves into your life and slowly take control of you by using gaslight, word salad, deflection blaming, victimization, testing your boundaries, and they end up with their famous narcissists rage. Every step makes perfect storm and works like charm, and if you understand how it works you will see how evil this kind of weaponry is.
They will hurt you by slowly grinding you down and they will suck you dry in every possible way! Walk away or yet better run! They are flat out evil demonic monsters!!
Lesson learned the hard way ❤️🩹
“In a way you’re kind of screwed once the narcissist knows that you know…..they will try to destroy you with their rage” Yep, just when I thought the Narc couldn’t get any lower, they proved me wrong. Stay Strong my friends!
The devil is the "most low", narcissistic folk are varying levels of lowness
Same... They can always go lower, that is unbelievable!
Let him bring it....I'll never back down from a punk narc...!
Sending you all the hugs. I hope you get through this with some semblance of yourself intact.
@@ccdm515 I have always said to myself like narcissistic evil sister is devil in real life the evilness of this people is just scary they go lower to do more evil it's so disturbing
There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com, where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
I just went through what you described with my wife of 40 years. I knew when she was having an affair 15 years ago.
When I was recovering from major surgery.
Every time I would confront her about it she would explode.
Finally I couldn't take the denial anymore and confronted her I refused to back down.
Sure she used that rage response but I called her out and she broke.
I never let myself see it for all those years. Your comment has allowed me to understand that I was made a fool of all those years. Now I will call her on her BS and finally things have changed. I didn't divorce her but now she knows I will never tolerate that behavior ever again. So thanks you hit the nail on the head.
You hit the nail in the coffin with this comment
@@stephenlandry9343you need to leave bro
@@stephenlandry9343once a cheater always a cheater
Nailed it!!!!
7:10 “the narcissistic relationship is all about control.” 💯
Going no contact and accepting full responsibility for my life was the best thing I ever did for myself.
I have a granddaughter with her. So not that simple
It was the best thing I could've done as well.. my daughter's dad and I spent years butting heads because I started refusing to tolerate his manipulation anymore.. she's almost 18 now and I have completely went no contact with him.. I spent the first half of my life trying to please everyone, to my own detriment, and I finally made the choice to break that pattern and start putting my own well being first.. I refuse to live the rest of my life tryna live up to other people's expectations and standards, because I realized that no matter how much I do for others, I'd never be able to do enough to satisfy them
That responsibility part was key for me.
The trouble is they keep on.... & rarely does a protective order work, especially in the beginning....& sadly, some use the children, even into adulthood. Thankfully, one can start anew & God Almighty gives many Blessings if walking in His ways.
I've been none contact for 3yrs she has 3 arrest warrents out she's hooked on drugs and I win
Yes! When the narcissist knows, they run!...Its not fun anymore when the rabbit got the gun.😉
I love that! Thanks
😂😂😂👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Hahahaha dude
Lol, perfect! I got my narc MIL where it hurts when she sent voice recordings to my husband threatening me (as well as my father in law?!) and claiming I was cheating on him. I told her I would send all the recordings to the police, the local newspapers, and the city politicians if she said another word about me. She's a politician and I knew her ego was the only way to stop her because no contact did not help. Rabbit with a gun indeed 🤣!!
Facts. Once you turn the double barrel to them they high tail it out of there.
One of the ways I know my abuse was real is that, when I watch your videos, I hear you say what narcissists say... and all these things were said to me. Five years out of that horrible marriage, sometimes I forget how bad it was. In a strange way, it's good to remember. He didn't win.
I actually tried to change who I was. Just to please my best friend who I live with. He recently noticed that "I know". I'm not renewing the lease at the end of this year. He doesn't know that yet. That's my winning deal. I'm done. You're on your own, buddy. Done walking on egg shells and feel like it's all my fault.
“They need you to take the bait and behave in an unhinged way, so they can feel better about themselves”
So relatable. He drives me to my breaking point and then I explode, looking like the crazy one.
Same here. She got what she wanted in that regard.
I hope you get to use the past tense soon. I wish you the best!!
Just like that 😱 OMG.My kids father.
It sucks when they have flying monkeys to antagonize you and make you blow up or change tone or use words like "Whatever." Had that happen to me and I just walked away then they said, "just walk away like everyone else has how rude"
Yep! Talk about ‘bait’ my narcissistic sister wanted me to blow up at our large family reunion.. I never took the bait… her final push was to give my 14 y/o son a low alcohol BEER! When he said look what Aunt R** gave me.. I looked past him to see her grinning & smirking.
I just smiled (it was hard) and said let’s show this to dad.
We met with Dad, and I told son to smile as I did.., hubby says “ok what’s with the crazy smiles?” I said “smoke hunny”
I asked if he could see my sister over my shoulder, he could , and then we explained what just happened. He calmly (amazing, considering how ticked he was) and told son that my sister just wanted mom to blow up!
He said ‘let’s walk over there and watch the ball game and you will just drop it in the trash can’. As we walked with our arms around each other.
She also had a relative convinced that she gave a SODA to my son!
The freedom I feel after understanding what a narcissist is, then walking away and never looking back is fabulous!
Must be nice…some of us with children involved have no choice but tolerate their BS. The court system seems to ALWAYS side with the narcissist and even if you do everything you can to let them show their narcissistic sociopathic behavior the court will still favor the narcissist. It is insane.
@@MacJank7 I was the child in a family of narcissists, not spouse and took years to heal and then find my own identity.
Yes, that puts me (as an adult) in a fortunate position which I am grateful for everyday.
I wish the spouses and the children of... all the best in finding a way out.
@@missbilbybadinage1199 my wife and I were both married to narcissists but her ex is at the sociopath level and my step children are in the middle. It’s an insane way to live constantly in court with him for all sorts of things. We could write a book!
@@MacJank7sorry your dealing with this
@@shanel4294 the kids are the ones that I feel for, their own father is abusing them and the court system is so corrupt it feels like nothing will ever happen…justice needs to be served.
I am going through this right now. It's kind of scary at how smart they are and how they use their tool box.
For sureee!!! Much strength to you 💪
Now that you notice it... You can laugh and turn it around
Me too! I am from Chicago too!❤sending you Strength!
Yes, as a child suffering in silence then becoming an adult, depressed, developmentally and physically stunted due to stressing and with physical ailments, that the recession occurred in 2008 which left me not have a job at 18 but still going to college was their main tool in the tool box. I am still living the consequences of this.
I've just gone through the discard which was brutal.
This is so accurate and once u see it u can never unsee it.
I've heard the "you've changed" You don't love me anymore crap...and it was enlightening. The stronger I became, the weaker he became
Fuck, that was very well put. I always knew my ex had an issue with my growth, and realised how all that time I spent feeling like I was tip toeing around more and more egg shells of her emotions wasn't because of all the 'abuse' I supposedly put her through, therefore susceptible to breaking down/being triggered much easier. And therefore it's my fault, and in the most timely fashion this sort of repenting for my past behaviours is to be accounted for "now" when I'm at my peakest.
The truth was that everytime we were on the offs and I was sad and alone, I also thrived and developed as a man. At the time the motivation of doing so was so when/if we returned to eachother I'd be excited to be able to tell her all the things I did for myself to be a better man FOR her, to make her happier, be the man whose life is worth inviting somebody elses into.
And each and every time, the more I grew and we got together, we seemingly just got further away. I've 'changed'. She never wanted to know anything about my new achievements, interests, skills or god forbid relationships I've developed that she wasnt there to oversee or take credit for. I fucking thought she was responsible for all my strengths, and I owed it to her. And I owe her more besides for the past abuse that turns out wasnt even close to being the case. Classic manipulation, feeling that I am everything I loathe in the world an abuser. I guess your feelings cant be devoid of reality forever though, to her misfortune that senselessness of it all dawned on me slowly but surely.
Sadly for her, I wasn't too stupid for too long, and can see a pattern emerge where there is one. The more power and agency I took of my own abilities, the strength that I built - the more fragile and strange her behaviour became. She lost her control. I took back my control and in the process became a lot more mentally sharp and resilient than I wouldve been otherwise.
The stronger I became, the weaker she became.
And still my heart breaks a little thinking about how happy life would have been to see her happy as we grew stronger together, building one another up, admiring our successes, lifting one another up from a fall, watch someone you admire thrive against the adversities, like a role model who so happens to love you as much you love them. I spent 4 years with her feeling stuck in the same place. And now almost two years of zero contact and a sworn commitment that she best to look the other way should we ever walk across eachother. I built a business, turned it into a company, I have all the money I need to buy her all the things that we'd fantasise being. I networked a strong circle of very great people, threw off anybody that was toxic, took control over all the situations that I couldn't otherwise remove entirely. I'm 23, and just two years ago I couldn't even lift myself up from the bed, distraught, ashamed, guilt ridden, broke too lol. I suppose I always did have the ability to be the man worth another womans love and commitment, except that I had to take her out of the goddamn equation to get there.
I appreciate that I am much more happier and mentally healthier now than I ever was with her, and that I should appreciate the fact that the only demons that I'm now facing is the inability to trust someone back again into my life like I had with her. I feel lonely 'at the top' and at the same time built a huge fort around me anyway, protecting everything that I built because I earnt it. I laid every brick and felt every scar that I own, if you're even thinking of coming close then good luck because I got up here alone and can damn well stay up here alone. It's a shitty, self-defeating mindset that I find myself battling against from time to time. Really though I should be glad that's as far as it goes in terms of irreperable damage and life could be a lot worse. But I'm alone anyway, I feel alone a lot. I guess that''s the price paid, maybe not. Fuck it, it is whatever tf it is.
Anyway I'm rambling now. I suppose thats why your last sentence struck a chord with me, it puts together in one sentence feelings I verbalise over many pages.
All the best.
@@Jupa You just have to realize that you ran into a nut and there are more out there, but now you know what they do and can spot the behavior before you become emotionally invested or have children. We had a daughter and that was a large reason I tolerated it. I ended up with full custody of my daughter.
It enrages me. Cuz then they just start using others against you to hurt you
Yeep, "my" narc just hit me with that one. She is a family member who has been giving me sh×t about my wedding (and her lack of presence at it cuz like, covid?) and my in-laws. The moment I stood up for myself she did the silent treatment. Seeing how that got no reaction from me, she flew off the handle a couple of days ago claiming I changed, then "disowned" me as a relative. Dramatic much?
Narcissists gauge love by how much control you allow them to have.
‘They leave and run away because your presence is too shame inducing’ ding ding ding ding
100%
but i don’t even wanna shame her.. i’m still nice i just want her to be honest, be happy
@@808stateofmind2 they are not capable. they are wired differently.
@Evan Domingo they’ll feel the shame because of who they really are regardless of whether or not you shame them. If you want her to be honest and happy, you’ll be wanting for the rest of your life, because she’s incapable of both.
@@laurawalker4195 100%
My Narcissistic mother used to say regularly "what you see is what you get", which was supposed to mean she was really just a simple, straightforward person who should be admired. What she didn't realize is that everyone who actually knew her understood that what she was saying was the literal truth - everyone could see very clearly exactly what she really was- a selfish and manipulative Narcissist.
Yeah they all seem to have their little catchphrases… Red flag 🚩
Wow this is SO accurate. A long ago exGF, she was a narc, and when I had had enough of her manipulation and abuse and withdrew, and she resorted to constantly berating me and verbal abuse and insults were remarkable, and when she realized that they didnt have any real impact on me and that I was pulling away regardless, all of a sudden she became the sweetest and most supportive and encouraging person I ever knew. But I was gone. Dodged a bullet with that one.
That explains why every Christmas/holiday my narc husband was miserable and ruined our holidays.
We were separated for a few months and i decided to give our marriage one more try. He was fine for a maybe 6 weeks and then reverted back to his old self. Thats when i decided our marriage is over but i didn't want any drama so decided to wait until a few months after Christmas to move out of the state to be near family/support. I guess he figured out something was coming as he was great during Christmas holiday. He was generous and actually bought me and our kids nice gifts (which he never does) and he put up lights and was just so happy. He still layed in bed all day and got up to go outside and 'puff' medical mj, but was so different. After Christmas, he tried to be intimate and i just couldn't pretend. I had to tell him our marriage is over. He turned to Mr. Hyde! Gaslighting, attacking me verbally then the silent treatment until he packed up and left.
yes, they would suddenly change tune and become suddenly sweet to avoid losing us. It happened to me. but too late. Scales have already fell from my eyes.
bjg3474 my current gf act exactly like your ex, except this one stays with me and doesn't do anything no sex, cooking, cleaning, pays no bills, she sneak to see her guy friends and not put that energy towards me.. well what she don't know is, im filling an eviction on her and getting her out my house. noone is ever that pretty to lose my peace and feel used just for comfort and resources
@@shadowfox_117 since she has so many guy friends, she can go bunk with any of them. she won't be sleeping in the streets.
@@user-hi9gj2vz3m that what I told her, "better start making arrangements with one of your "friends", either way; your getting outta here".
One of the following will happen:
1. The Narc will tell you, you need him/her
2. Will gaslight you
3. Silent treatment
4. Character assasination
5. Flying monkeys
6. Rage
7. Discard you before you discard them
Don’t forget discard!
@@justdeuxit820 Oh yeah, Discard. Added it to the list.
7. All of the above.
Yep or a you tube couple acc for their next supply so they can rub it in your face. But he’s only getting karmic backlash now 😂😂
Unfortunately I seem to get #4 a bunch
In my experience when the narcissist figures out that you have them figured out, they rather not be around you anymore because they no longer have the control over you that crave.
Exactly Eli.
@Genevieve Giles good for you. They did you a favor.
They’ll comeback later if they thought you forgot. That’s when you get the hoover.
@@CC-pu6qn in my experience, they rarely come back. Because they know that you can see through them and it makes them very uncomfortable.
@@Tiberon674 Yes, they don’t really come back. They do hoover, which I said prior, which is dependent on multiple factors. When they hoover, they are still underestimating that you’ve figured them out because they are grandiose. Yes, when the narc finally gets it, then they don’t return, but they aren’t that easy to get rid of if you have something they want. All narcissistic abuse is not the exact same. However, we know narcs were never there to begin with, it’s just an act. They pretend to comeback to destroy you for fun.
The Docs thesis should be taken as an avoidance plan. The key to getting a narcissist out is never letting them in
Absolutely... Diagnose quickly and nip them in the bud.
I m 32 and recently discovered my mom suffers from covert narcisism...i wish I had realized it earlier in my life as she really destroyed my life. When I was a teen I was so angry at her but couldn't understand why and I left home for 3 years of university which however I failed because I was still in contact with her... Then I went back home and I started going to a therapist who I discovered was a overt narcissist who was putting me against my mother and brother. At 26 I discovered about narcisism and just recognized it in this "therapist" and moved away. I also thought that maybe I was the narcissist and starting learning about the subject. But only until recently I connected all the strange things I had noticed about my mother: her being completely identified with the mother role, the holding grudges against my father for more than 30 years, her obsession with a spotless house, her disregard of my boundaries in the house and many many other things including weird sexual stuff. When I discovered it about her I grieved for her soul because I saw her pain. Now Im in a stage where I kind of feel indifferent... I'm not sure how to feel about her honestly, it's like I never really met her.
everything you said is exactly what im going through right now with my mom, like word for word. A couple weeks ago i ignored her when she asked me a question and went to bed early, a couple minutes later i heard a loud thump from the kitchen. I knew in the back of my mind it was my mom looking for attention, i was right. My dad knocked on my door and told me she fell and had to go to the hospital. She never went to the hospital and spent the morning walking around with a walking stick... i saw her grab it when i came out of my room. I feel like she wasted a good chunk of my life. I still love her when shes in a good mood but when i move out i dont think i want to talk to her anymore.
OMG….. This comment just made me realize something . As I have been dealing with a covert narcissist (My mother) and narcissist (Father) He did something that made me terribly uncomfortable and I said something and was blamed by my family for his bad behavior. The next day he was walking with a Cain. I said nothing about it and ignored it. Cuz I just had a feeling. Eww what an icky thing to do to get attention.
@@I2oyali31ueyes😂😂😂😂😂they are weirdos
Covert narcissistic moms are very common in Indian culture
Hubby said he wasn’t in love with me anymore and was saving money to move out and i said ok…..he said he wasn’t happy and i said well I haven’t been happy for the last 8 years…..i didnt even try to get him to change his mind he was quite thrown off by that lol
Omg similar conversation I had with my ex. He said he had been unhappy for a year....and I said I had been unhappy for 6yrs. LOL. Insanity. They were like WELP. GOOD RIDDANCE.
Going through the same thing! Now that I know the games, I'm so indifferent to his tactics 😂
@@christy7997 that's awesome!!! Stay strong, stay safe! ✨✌️🦋🌼
Exact same! I firewalled my ex for several years before we finally divorced. And I heard how I never talk to him anymore, blah blah blah. He finally left and I just told him how happy it was making me. Now even after the divorce he misses his supply and someone to bully so he continues to contact me. I want to go no contact but worried what he’d do if he couldn’t email me his lies so I let him and just don’t react.
@@TheClarkstonmom just screenshot everything he sends you and send it to the cops they might possibly put a restraining order on him
I calmly told my ex he seemed like a narcissist and he sat down in front of me and dropped his head and 2 seconds later leaped forward and put me in a choke hold. Stay safe!
Yeah be careful. I didn't do it like that, I sent him narc videos so I wouldn't be in the same room as him to tell him I know who you are.
Mate this literally made me jump.........
I can see this happening :0
Edit,
This has really shook me :o
I would be wary of overtly calling them out. Like she said in this video they are in tune, of a sorts, to their environment and can tell when a person knows. Gaslighting is generally bad but is a good defense against a narcissist. I see it as much like learning a martial art. I don't do it to go out and hurt people but rather to develop discipline and to be able to defend myself should I need to. My suggestion would be to attempt to simply observe and let any anger you feel go and to simply ask them questions which do not allow them to brag or feed that need to be better than.
thats all it took lol
@@lodenco691 Ask questions or make statements which do not let them feel better than. An example could be from a workplace where they completed some project or whatever and are trying to get us to bow to how awesome they are for finishing it. An example could be something like: "That was a good project" vs "You did a really good job", "That kind of project is what we really needed to get done" vs something like "We couldn't have done it without you", etc. In this really simple example this narcissist actually did something useful but since they are a narcissist they only did that to gain the praise of others. We can recognize that the completion of the project was useful, important, etc but not *them* and if possible we should suggest that anyone could have done it just as well as they did.
Another example, and one I actually use/have used, relates to what I call "enlightened narcissists" that are pretty easy to find in many spiritual circles is what I call "paradoxing". This is much like a zen cohen and for basically everyone, except a narcissist, it will cause us to question our reality and our perception of it. An example I use is something like "I find myself contemplating how real the unreal is to some people. Isn't it amazing how real delusion is to the sick mind?". I use this in response to what I call "yous". Which are people in spiritual circles who use the word "you" a lot when getting obnoxiously preachy.
Like I said these shouldn't be used against "normal people" except in the case of paradoxing and someone specifically looking for it(like wanting to practice zen). Outside of that I see it a lot like punching someone in the face. We shouldn't do that, like ever, unless we are being forced to defend ourselves.
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
Ever thought he may be a closet gay man...they do get married even have children...just a thought as this would explain much of what you wrote...best wishes.
I was just wondering "When did I write this ?"
Absolutely. Same. Story.
No sex at all. Once a month 3 minutes and I am "the perv who wants too much"
I understand this feeling when you suddenly start thinking "what if I got some extra kilos? I must be ugly. What if I smell bad? Maybe my skin is not smooth enough?"
And you keep trying and trying, but he doesn't even want to cuddle in bed or hold my hand. It's always "I'm not comfy this way, I am too tired, if you had worked as hard as I do your wouldn't have wanted sex either etc"
Now I understand that I just should leave.
he prefers porn now and says he’s asexual. before that excuse, it was sexually assault by relative. Really? never bothered him for years previously. so, it’s one excuse after another.
Indifference is where I'm at, there's something so unappealing about 'evil' people. How far is to far, I'm glad I found out quickly. Detaching isn't a problem for me once there's no hope, like I'm too autistic for this .... beginning to consider changing email and going full no contact. I only believed in the good in said person come to find out they have none left. It's sad I pray they find their way just not at my expense.
To whomever in narcissistic relationship, from tonight, I will pray for your peace and freedom. It is tough but not impossible for you to heal. Don't give up on yourself. You are an amazing being. Lots of hugs and love to all of you!
Thank you ♥️
Thank you
Education on narcissists is a must. People to be aware of this personality disorder. Unfortunately, we all found out after we were knee-deep in their abuse. The cart keeps coming before the horse.
Amen. Thanks
Thanks mil is the narcasisst in my life
"They really don't mean it." Yes, they do mean every single mean, hateful, and cruel word they say. I follow the statement by the acclaimed author and beautiful lady and person, Ms. Maya Angelo. She says, "when a person shows you who they really are believe them." When a person is downright mean, hateful, cruel and enjoys seeing you stunned and shocked by their remarks, actions, and outrageous rage explosions. Or you are emotional, sobbing, and cry your eyes out narcs. mean every single thing they do. This is all intentional. Don't be fooled.
Absolutely intentional. I'll never forget that nasty, smug, smarmy, cocky ass smirk and air about herself when she felt like she *had* me on something. ESPECIALLY if it was turning the tables because I had HER on some lie. She'd go from completely defeated body language and demeanor, to cocky, super-confident, taunting, and almost grandstanding body language at the flip of a switch as soon as she felt like she suddenly had an upper hand and could get the focus off of HER wrongdoing.
And then she'd SWEAR she didn't remember doing it or acting like that when I brought it up later. 🙄
It's ALL intentional. They know EXACTLY what the hell they're doing to you when they do it...they THRIVE on it. And like Dr. Ramani said in the video...they go so long having that control, that once you figure out what's been happening all along and start backing away...they HATE it.
yes they sure do mean it
They mean it but it's also worth understanding that what they say is a reflection/projection of ideas and beliefs they hold about themselves.
And they always have a deep lack of self worth even if they do everything in their power to make themselves and others think overwise.
@@Jdizzlefreeone yes they do mean every single mean word. I use to say best find a god because they dont care who they hurt.gone way too far.
But isnt any medication for IT?
The easiest way to leave a narcissist I've found is to just make them look like the good guy. Like they'll accept the end if you tell them they're right. Whatever the last insult was. Something like, " you know I've been thinking and you're right. I must be completely useless (or whatever the insult). and I am completely incapable of being in a relationship because I'm so (the insult). so I need to leave to work on myself and get help and not subject you to my (the insult) anymore" it works because they don't actually care about you and need to be the good guy
This is what's known as "calling their bluff." They usual become absolutely baffled and fearful the supply will leave. Idk maybe that tactic might work on some of them though since they need to be viewed as faultless and perfect. It gives them a clean out.
Exactly what I did and it worked. He was shocked and tried to get me back but I insisted of focussing on my alleged issue and wishing him good luck for his next relationship. No futher hoover attempt for 3 months now.
Omg I did that finally with the narcissistic girl I've been dating for 3 months. Started to notice narcissistic patterns earlier, but always used that tactics like "You're right". And you know what? She started to blame on me that I'm always agreeing with her :D Like it's my fault, she always searched for the way to start a conflict and to blame me.
@@i.l.9546😂😂 got em ❤
Well put. Thank you. The games they play is just endless and crazy. Yes for the narcissist it's all about the baiting and deliberate button pushing and abuse.
I was raised by a narcissist mother, when I finally left home and she could no longer control me she would twist my words so she could find a reason to be angry, when that wouldn’t work she started inventing stories that never happened to become toxic about, when that failed she cut off all communication with me. That backfired on her because I find I am quite happy without her in my life.
It’s hard when your mate doesn’t see the narcissist in his family. I have to monitor every word about them to him. It may come down to leaving him to be happy.
Same here
@@jforquick834 Ditto @!
I feel like these are the ONLY groups that completely understand my horrible world with narcissist in it. Especially, people who were raised by narcissist. My adopted mother was very similar to yours.
She Was…
A liar
Manipulative
Deceiving
Revengeful
Prideful
Easily agitated
Fake cries
Selfish
Hypocrite
Verbally abusive
Neglectful
Petty
Controlling
Entitled
Highly immature
Zero self awareness
Prideful/unapologetic
She has natural kids that she screwed up. One is her son who is a male version of her.
Her daughter is similar as well, but with some different type of demons/traits
Her other son is awful as well.
I can’t believe I survived that.
I’m so glad that I’m not part of their blood lines.
Far out, my brother does the exact same thing, it's absurd.
The second the “veil” lifted and I checked out emotionally, is the day I was able to stop my antidepressants. Cold turkey. Made me realise my depression was completely situational.
Right 😮! I've literally had the same experience.. I got so much relief from realising I'm not the source of the problem.! Now to face the "punishment of seeing it as it is"
This is so real
Thank you for sharing that ! It opened my eyes...never thought that depression can be situational... and it makes sense. Only in my life my grandma is very toxic. She is old and weak so she doesn't have the strength to play these games anymore but sometimes she still likes to surprise me ;(
Yup! I was diagnosed at 13 with bpd and for years I thought I just overreacted to situations or things he said because of how sensitive borderline people are, I was on medication and using weed heavily to cope (when he was home). Literally the moment the “veil” lifted ( trauma bond broke) I started to realize I had changed as a person. He wasn’t getting a reaction from me. He started getting meaner and meaner and became more abusive. I stayed steady and called the popo on him. He is facing 5 felony charges that he confessed to.
I think he could sense I hated him towards the end.
I haven’t had one day since leaving that I have felt like I had bpd. Not one day where I felt every emotion at 100%. I’ve been scared and anxiety riddled because of everything going on, but I don’t feel crazy. My therapist said it’s been so long that I was even diagnosed that I’d have to be tested again. I’m going to wait until his court dates are over and he is officially charged before I go for that test, but I’m confident without someone pushing my buttons 24/7 just so that they can turn around just to call me the crazy one, that I probably don’t qualify for it anymore.
Anyone would react if they heard daily who they’d sleep with and listen to how he’d love to sleep with the female relatives in my family. I could go on and on. He’d deliberately cheat then run home and tell me not to get mad, then when I finally did he’d turn around and be like “I tell you everything, at least I told you, wow I’ll never tell you anything again, you’re just crazy”. 😒
Edit 2: I also feel really happy. I feel calm. I don’t even feel like the same person I was with him.
Me realizing that my lifelong ADHD which doesn't respond to meds might actually be a symptom of CPTSD from being raised by a narc. My therapist said it's possible. The more work I do since realizing my mother is a narcissist and limiting contact, my psych numbers are improving across the board. They test me every couple weeks and they just keep getting better.
Narcissists DO NOT feel shame. That would require a conscience. Getting out of a narcissistic relationship is the ONLY answer.
No they feel shame ALOT ! That's why they act the way they do!
@@nicholecornes1915They absolutely don't feel shame. That's WHY they are able to continue their behavior.
@@nicholecornes1915 Nonsense. It's not "shame" they feel, it's anger at being caught out
@@tammy5926 we don't feel shame until it is public. We dont have shame over oursleves but only when other people see it.
We need to teach our children to recognize these personalities. Narcissism is part of the national discussion or at least it needs to be.
It’s a great relief to hear someone put this all into words .
to smart people narcissists give a great life lesson. The best one. God knows what created on this planet. Everybody is useful.
I know. There's full blown adults and even elders who have no idea what to think or do about a person like this.
My mom is a narcissist. She ruined my childhood. I'm 42, but I didn't realize she was a narcissist until a few years ago. A few years ago I cut off contact with her and stopped playing her game. She tried to turn other people against me. It worked for a while, but she eventually failed. She gave up. She knew her game wouldn't work on me anymore. I maintain minimal contact with her now. It is relatively pleasant now because she doesn't try her tricks on me anymore. If you have a narcissist in your life, get away from them. They are broken, toxic monsters who will poison your life and they'll never get better.
Working on the very same.... nothing could be more painful not even a boxing match!!!
Id like to add my personal opinion in that there is some small silver linings to being slightly introverted and having misanthropic tendencies, its sometimes difficult for even the best of people to get close to me let alone narcassists. Im not even entirely sure I've ever met one. Definitely don't think I've ever dated one and now at 41 would be near impossible I'd let myself get that close to one. I have very little patience for people in general let alone a narcissist.
it's strange how your own mother can bring you into this world but be envious/jealous/toxic towards their own offspring.. its strange, just remember they brought you into this world.. thats the only job they had to do.. the rest is up to you.. have you ever thought she might have mental health issues and not be as toxic as you think? keep her sweet, but keep your distance.. today and tomorrow is not promised for anybody, its better keeping cool with her if you can help it and keep distance, but don't cut her off entirely, its your mother and in the future you might regret it.
I'm really sorry about your mum and I can't imagine what you have gone through to get this glorious perspective xxxx you must be pretty smart as well, even with the horrible realisation. Maybe you may have a role in the future showing people how to navigate the dangerous waters of parental narcissism ❤
@@chucklakeridge7944 I was just thinking about how different it would be to have a narcissistic parent as opposed to a partner. I think it might force you to at least try and make sense of it with some kind of love because you couldn't get away when you were a child xxx
"They'll pathologize YOU for understanding THEM." THAT is EXACTLY what happens!
So very true. They pathologize US for figuring them out.
Oh my gosh so true! She tells everyone I'm paranoid and negative and dark because she shat in the punch bowl and ruined our family. I was paranoid because she was lying and cheating, negative because she was abusing me, and dark because I felt trap, but it's all my fault according to her because I wouldn't play along anymore.
"I feel like no one ever gets me"
Yeah, we get you, you just don't like that we get you.
Yes. They spend all their time accusing YOU of being who they in fact are and accusing YOU of doing what they in fact are doing.
@@tiddlywinks8299 yep, if they are cheating, best believe you are a cheater. When he started saying he was scared I would kill him in his sleep, that was the end for me. I’d never even intimated I wanted to hurt him. All this crap came out of left field. No way was I staying to see if this is how he felt, and at this point we’d only been dating for two months!!! Insane!
This is so true, feels good knowing other people know what this feels like.
She made me act like a narcissist myself. At some point, if you stick with them, you'll became toxic yourself.
When my ex girlfriend tried all the tricks in the book, this time I didn't react. She reached the extent to say that some guy gifted her flowers to make me dislike a person. When I confronted her, I told her that I don't believe her bullshit and I know why she's acting that way, she vanished into thin air.
I told her that I wish for her to face her problems, wished all the best. When at first I was angered, now all I feel is pity.
I am in real tears knowing that I’m not crazy . Thank you so much for this
My mother used to tell me I was “ crazy” and needed psychiatric help. I said your the one lying in the bed trying to blame me for your bad behavior. I’m out here functioning like a normal adult even though you have broken my heart. To the day she died she knew I knew the truth she would not apologize or offer any regrets. I’ve been so free since her passing although 2 sisters have taken up where she left off. I put them out of my life. I refuse to live in misery. I’m very happy and free now.
You’re NOT crazy. You are not alone!!
@@bf6048 Sounds like you have a healthy respect for yourself and your right to wellbeing, love and respect. Good for you for breaking free from your ex predator!
I was saved by videos like this and thought the same thing. I'm really not crazy.
Hang in there and keep trying and keep learning. There can be hope.
I remember my narcissistic mother would poke at me and torture me for hours with yelling and fighting until I was in a fetal position on my bed covering my ear. She would say "what's wrong with you? why are you acting crazy?" like she hadn't put me in a prison of her yelling and abuse for hours.
I feel for you
yes- that is why it is so important to practice self validating techniques but, I know what they say can easily break anyone down. Stay strong. My father did the same. My mother did for a time but, I suspect she suffered with CPTSD doesn't excuse her behavior (she also has never apologized for this), but I know she is not as sick as my father - I have seen goodness in her. I am sorry friend . Keep in contact with people - even if it doesn't seem possible because you are so tired and broken. Pray over your spirit and mediate and remember your worth. Fuck them.
Yep! Same!
And causing reactive abuse at times, ohhhhh they love that. Call the cops!
smh
When the narcissist knows you know.. and you start calling them on it, they get really ferocious, very mentally cruel, start gaslighting you and pretty much do all they can to destroy your life and silence you. Another one of their goals will be to do their best to make sure no one listens to what you have to say. I am referring to the malignant narcissist, of course.
The amount of rage and shame that came out of me while watching this video speaks volumes. Thank you.
Do you mean YOU are the narcissist?
@@constructenglish1 Exactly what I meant
Purposely denying the narcissist their supply is immensely rewarding. I highly recommend it.
Just a problem when he has a knife.
@@fredericusrex9397
That's why I carry a gun.
Yup, ive done it. Drived her crazy
No risk, no fun bro?
@@melissamissy5129 ignore them like sub-humans that i think they are bc they cant feel like a human being. And if they put their hands on you leave the house and call the Police. Thats what i did. I know it is hard but you have to do it. These people is just blah blah with their victims. Once the police showed up she turn into a mess. Even called her mom and sister playing the victim saying she didn't know why I called the police on her. Her mom and I spoke after and she told me that she couldn't even write down her statement for how scared she was. Most NPDs are barking dogs, but when someone else that they dont know confronts them they panic and dont know what to do. Remember it is an illusion that they create in your mind to gain control over you. I invite you to grab your arms and be brave for your own sake. No matter what the price is. The final product is worth it!!! They could look smart in front of their victims, but in reality they are stupid and once you are no longer under their spell and you think about all they said in the past will sound like nonsense and youll laugh.
This needs to be taught in the educational system. It's tremendously helpful.
🙌
helpful to who exactly? teach this and the would-be narcissist is fore-warned and better armed. it just gives them 'ideas'.
It would be great. That system is run at different levels by narcissists that want to keep you and I on the hamster wheel, so this will not be taught.
I 100% agree. I feel a lot of psychology should be taught in a class in HS or even Middle School.
@@bikerfirefarter7280 Not really. It is well proven that a well-armed society is a stable and functional society because everyone knows they cant get away with bad behavior.
Wow! Ty! I needed to see this. I’m being pathologized right now! I’ve slowly been piecing together the sick manipulation, gaslighting and games. I don’t feel like I’m going crazy now. This video really helped
Hell no! You are NOT crazy they are TOXIC! Run!
They become way more defensive and avoidant, they don't want to face the problem.
My mom is a big time narcissist. My father couldn't abandon her so he developed a disease that eventually ended his life with her. Narcissists can make you want to die. Please be brave and fight your way out of their influence.
My dad is still with my narcissistic mom, she has a firm, almost hypnotic hold on him. At 73 he is a husk of a man, deeply resentful of her but unable to leave. He always enabled her when she abused us, probably out of relief that it wasn't him. They are both retired and cut off from 2 out of 3 of their children.
I almost lost my life being with my ex-boyfriend, because a part of me felt trapped and like I’d never escape him. I started hoarding prescription meds and was planning to end it all.
Thankfully my family and friends felt something was wrong and helped me run. He began to get physical as well towards the end, so who knows if he would have ended my life in that way. I’m so sorry to hear about your father 😢
@@studiostyx7075😢
My mom is too. She ruines lives. She only acts it out towards my dad or me (the oldest). She babies my siblings. It’s all confusing. It’s been bad since I was 9. I’m now 33 and she’s the same way towards me all this time. It’s hard... you have to walk away and cut off communication.
@@PathologicallyIncurious I'm so sorry you've had to endure such torment. Feeling the only way to escape your abuser is to die is such a toxic situation to be in. Easily my worst experience ever. People who don't know have no idea
"They don't believe they're ever showed the respect they believe they deserve..." Boom, Dr. Ramani! My ex used to work himself up into a screaming rage over this once I started laying down boundaries and stopped appeasing him at every turn. He was a retired military officer, and one thing that made retirement very difficult for him was that he couldn't simply order people around any more. So he tried doing that at home. "You'd better respect my authority...!" At the kids. At me. At the dog, even. (That sounds funny, but trust me, it wasn't.) No matter how we responded to him, the rages escalated. It wasn't really about obedience. It was about him wanting our family to be a "safe space" for him to release his rage without consequence. The "respect" he wanted was the privilege to be abusive.
I cannot imagine how hard that would be to put up with. He said that to me once. I decided if he ever said it again, I was very calmly going to ask, "Why?" I won't push him into it, but I'm actually sort of looking forward to it happening one day. (Ah, the perks of developing some strength!)
That’s their overinflated ego.
@Geneva Lawrence, yep, same here. Same scenario down to the dog (dogs and cats) in my case need to obey his every word and command. The kids are older now, it's just me and the pets, so he will rage for what seems like hours, terrifying the animals and then ask why THEY act out!?! He rages at the neighbors, people on he street, in the stores you name it. Some days it would be nice to not have him around .... at all!!
I've worked with normal humanely behaved enlisted and officers. I never understood the few rageaholics who believed themselves authoritarians in many aspects of everyday life.
@@mgb7140 Well done!
I love your last sentence.
I wish my daughter would stand up and respect herself.
She is quite a mess after 13 years with the control freak who thinks he is perfect. He even says he's perfect.
after dealing with a narcissist for 20 years this video couldnt be more true
There's nothing better than confronting a narc and hearing them say "shut up"....
They cannot hear what they've done
When I cried and when I shared my hurt there was nothing from him, just blatant contempt. But as my knowledge grew and I began to observe his narcissist traits; the more I grey-rocked. The less emotional my actions were the more reaction I got from my exhusband. That’s when I knew he was textbook. That’s when I knew I wasn’t in a safe, healthy, loving marriage. That’s when I knew it was time for me to leave.
I cried many times explaining him what I wanted and he would feel nothing just pretending didn’t understand what I want
@ Clarissa I hope you don’t have kids . Glad your out of your toxic relationship
Yes! That final rage did it for me. I vowed I’d never risk another sleepless night-shaking, nauseated-wondering if I might be harmed by my spouse. Bye. So long. I was gone a week later...never returned.
So glad you're out.🙏
Similar story here.
"the most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.
These persons have appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern.
Beautiful people do not just happen." Elizabeth K-Ross
Than-you for this, Beth. It is so beautifully said.
❤️
so beautiful and true, thanks for sharing
RS...
💯💪
Beautiful. Thank you,
I wish I had found you 16 years ago when I met the world’s most hard core narcissist. I’d never encountered one b4 so I’ve been on a long & painful journey to understand what happened & begin healing. At least I know now & I’m sure your wonderful work is helping so many people. Thank you with love & gratitude ❤❤❤
This is sooooo true, once I realized how my husband was thinking, I moved my son and myself out and I started to experience peace. I am bracing myself for the rage and pray he will move on
Ahhhhhhhh... Ending a relationship with a narcissist is like getting in a hot tub that's just the right temperature, with some cool jazz playing, with a slight buzz. It's a great feeling.
😂
Have been there before, TS hot, I thank God i over came
I'm scared hes going to expose explicit pictures of myself to my family members or even hurt one of them..
Not always…💔💔💔💔
😂
When you think your still in love with the narc only to realize what you were in love with was the fake narc the lovebombing.
Regina woess: met my narc in 1992 2 grown up kids , shes had my repalcement and divorced again. Finally realised the love story was in my head. It was the lovebombing that got me addicted. Narcissists wsste peoples lives , they are horrible.
@@feisalchaudry8820 you are 100%right
too soon, too soon.
YES!
I have that image in my head . That cute 17 cute innocent year old girl, i remember 1st day we met , exactly what she was wearing , the emotions, everything and the lovebombing soon after. All these yeaars laters and a new grand daughter every memory has come back to haunt me mainly bad m3moried. We have been divorced many years but i remember when it all went wrong , was when i acknowledged i loved her. Thats where the discard and narcissism came into play like a textbook. Watch out people narcissism is real and very damaging
I literally had to purchase sound proof headphones to drown out the screaming. Hours and hours she would scream and i would ignore it. Shes gone now but i still suffer from lasting effects. Its truly insane how someone can treat you
Narcissist always care about themselves and how they appear in the outside world and disregard the responsibility they have towards their family like wife and kids. Eventually life catches up to them when their family leaves them because of their emotional and physical abuse. My father catered more to his friends and siblings instead of me and my mother. He treated her like dirt and this time around did that to me too. I tried to leave when I finally got the chance to because I was tired of his torture and would adjust with him for the sake of it.
Honestly I think narcissists are actually extortionists. That’s what they’re doing. They’re bullies. After they’ve cornered someone, the behavior just gets worse and they become abusive.
Yes! This is correct, the narcissists in my life had me cornered after I gave birth and their behaviour became more and more abusive. I still 3 years later have anxiety about what I experienced. Never again.
Yeah my ex was into loan-sharking stripclubs pornography gambling alcoholism they must go through life is bullying people and getting their way
Exactly, it is about power.
Sounds like Trump.
🎯
It's a done deal for me. I thought I was going crazy. Now that I have my eyes open up to Narcissism I'm relieved and much calmer.
Me too
👍❤️
Yes. It’s as though you can’t unsee it.
Same. I’m not as anxious or scared.
It's an eye opener
"Its my personality...its who i am"
I met a person and within 5 minutes of their first monologue, they gave me narcissist vibes. I found it very interesting that I could detect it that early and decided to do the grey rock method right from the beginning to protect myself. I had to spend 4 weeks with this person and some other people. My plan was: as long as this person doesn't hurt me or others, he can do whatever he wants. It worked well, until the third last day. This person started to bully me and said things like "I don't know what to think about you" to degrade and make fun of me in front of others. He realised that he couldn't control me, so he decided to control what others think of me
When youve started figuring things out youre labeled "abusive". If you get mad at a narcissist for being shitty, you are NOT being abusive. Please remember this ❤
He labeled me manipulative 😆 and I asked the people he had told, how was I manipulative? None could explain, then they realised he didn't break it down for them, when one called him up and inquired he quickly hang up giving an excuse of his lawyer was calling him he would call back almost a month he hasn't called back. 😂
Thankyou
Thank you! To the comments here, exactly what he did to me. He told me I’m narcissistic and manipulative. I calmly, instead of giving him the high energy I usually do, just said okay, I agreed with him he got more rageful and the relationship ended. So bizarre. Now to heal and protect myself from this happening again.
Youre welcome everyone. My mom has munchausen by proxy and diagnosed me with "high functioning" aspbergers to get social security. She never gave me a cent and stuck me in a bunch of terrible living situations after i started questioning things when i was around 25 just to prove her point; she even knowingly let me live in a foreclosed home for 50 bucks a month while keeping the rest. After I finally figured things out i eventually became my own payee then got rediagnosed as neurotypical. My symptoms i displayed as a kid were due to emotional abuse and neglect. I no longer have social security at this point. Ive encountered a bunch of narcissists since and its always the same pattern of behavior, but i cant help but feel sorry for them because they grew up in similar situations. It sucks how instead of learning and growing they use their past pain to their advantage and to manipulate others because they feel sorry for them. My mom is no different. Im no contact and way better because of it. I hope everyone gets out and gets help. Also, people who are autistic or aspies are beautiful humans who dont deserve the stigmas i witnessed. My so called "therapy groups" i went to were intended to cure them instead of work with them. Autism does not need to be cured ❤
So true. They push you to your limits and take great delight when u finally snap, as if its your fault then they make out u are the nasty one. So sad but so true
In my experience when a narc knows you know, he takes off his mask completely when he's around you and the abuse is at an all time high. He doesn't even try to pretend anymore. He may even start a smear campaign to get him ahead of possibly being exposed.
That’s EXACTLY what happened (*it was a she tho)
Yep.
Smeared.
I'm the bad guy.
But eh
I'll see him in hell.
So true!
There's a whole Facebook page to smear my name. The propaganda was started covertly when I was still there, but she kept saying"you're not a bad person" " I want to make this work" but she was also doing nasty things and taunting me with little bits of evidence.
Happened to me today ..I didn't say anything but the behaviour of my partner went through the roof even though I was supporting of everything
I thank God for u, Lady. These therapy sessions are slowly opening my eyes.
I’ve tried therapy before but it always feels as though that individual is making up stories just to relate to me. It’s nerve wrecking.
You’ve never met me, yet u bring up examples that I -- me personally- can relate to.
It redefines my sanity. Anyone who was not raised in an unstable home does not realize the impact.
I was a people pleaser who feared everything. I allowed others to take advantage of me for validation.
The cycle never worked.
No more❤🎉
Thank you 😊 ❤️🙏🏼
Just for the record, not all therapists are the same. Some will try to empathize that way, but you can find a different type or therapy, or just let them know from the start that you don't like them empathizing in that way.
True Narssasists never admit they are wrong...or make people uncomfortable...they believe they are justified because they are always right and you are a lesser being than them.
This is CRAZY that I’m seeing this now. Because I remember when I started going to therapy and became less emotionally vulnerable to her, she panicked and said that she felt like she was losing me. I said that I was trying to set up some positive boundaries and work on myself more. After that, she would push and push and push until she got the outburst out of me. The moment it would happen, she would hit me with the “wow I guess your therapy isn’t working”. Part of me wants to unblock her just to send this and then reblock her. But I don’t want her to have the satisfaction of my attention
Good. Do NOT contact her, if even to just send her this video. The engagement will open all those painful wounds all over again. Be strong. Be well.
when I started setting boundaries with communication level and when I told them that their conduct was unacceptable they went "wow I don't see why this is such a big deal you're just getting so mad at me over it" but then later said my boundary was "unattainably high and so stressful and triggering". Just infuriating
GOOD, It is NOT WORTH IT. They crave attention, and that would only prove you were thinking of them.
@@katieharmount158 I have shown off against narcissists and while they crave attention, they HATE negative attention, specially against others once you show their shit off
Yeah also that's kinda harassment :P
They always notice when they aren't getting the energy they want from you. They feed on you, they feed on the pain they cause you, and they know when you're starving them out.
Very well put. Haven't talked with youngest daughter for a year after she said she'd have my husband and my picture at the entrance of her wedding and we would be escorted out. No explanation. Here it is Christmas time and she reached out with a "happy holiday." text. I responded, after hesitation admittedly, "You as well." Well, we are currently off to the drama races with her crying to her sister that I'm a terrible mother, she can never reach out again, and she just can't believe I didn't text back more. What in the world was I supposed to say? I'm still sticking with grey rock, but it's going to test me once again on fortitude.
Like real life demons!!!
you could be a doormat all your life but grey rock for even a moment and there's hell to pay.
parasitic!
That's what I did now she knows I know. And we only talk about the weather
i put my foot down with my own mother. it’s one of the hardest things i’v ever done. your descriptions in this video are so on point, it blows my mind. thank you for all you do.
same...
The grief I went through when understanding what I've been fighting and wishing for all my life (a normal relationship with my mom and her family) had never been within reach, and never will be, that grief was bottomless. The calm thereafter, associated with ending contact, is instead priceless. Even though she's still on the hunt, trying to get to me.
I'm in this stage. Told him that I believed him to be a narcissist a couple of weeks ago. I have finally started the eviction process. He has been unhinged and worse than ever!
Going through an eviction with one as well. Stay strong, facts, and legal. They will be removed from our homes!!
So accurate. When I realized everything I did change subtly and am constantly told “you’re cold” “you’re so mean” but what they really mean is “you found me out and I see you protecting yourself and I don’t like it”
My narc left 4 months ago...he said I was angry...yes I was....I am not now
Everyone sees him as the victim in this.....I am slowly thinking I'm going to be ok
@@savewaterdrinkwine3802 you will be okay. Sometimes I think I won’t ever be okay but then I remember the times when I was free and doing fine. I’ll return to that place again and so will you :)
@@vballcupcake127 I will see you there 😘❤
I was old that I was being…”nasty”…..one example…😅
@@amyc6491 Yep, me too...I am so nasty????
Let's take a moment and give this woman an applause. It might sound simple but this woman saved my life and sanity. I'm living a new life because of u Dr ramani. Thank u so so so much.
May I ask how ?
You remove yourself from the narcissist. You trust your own intuition. You accept defeat. You will not win this. Thinking you’re going to fix this is narcissistic behavior in its own. You have to break the cycle. Let it all go. Move on. Figure it out. Think your own solutions through and do it for you. Not for the chance that they’ll change. Again, narcissistic stuff. A narcissist will infect you with narcissistic behavior. Don’t assume you’re in the clear from being a narcissist yourself. I’ve heard myself over the years get pretty narcissistic. Im able to recognize I don’t like that person in me though they end up with me isolated. You’ve got this fellow person!
❤
I can’t wait to be free
yes! finally validated and know we r not just crazy. thank you sincerely.
They know I know and don't care.
They hide the care they feel for not being able to abuse you anymore, might be why they act so dull.
You can get caught up in this stuff so much that you eventually will go crazy!! Instead when a person starts going to far then its time for the visit from the police!!
I needed you 23 years ago. I thought I was going crazy.
I’m with you
You not alone 😒😒😒
I understand how you feel. my teens, preteens, 20s, 30s were all difficult thanks to narc parents and friends.. i was a magnet. Doc. Ramani has made me a narc repellant now
Same
Exactly. 35 years ago for me - my family!
I understand now why one of the last things I said to him before he disappeared was "I'm not going to defend myself for things you make up in your head"! I was done playing the game.
Crikey, I have screen shot your comment Pam. It’s perfection! Thank you.
@@ThePatchwork68 Thank you!! He didn't have much to say after that. No wonder he ghosted me! It's been 2 months now.
Awesome! Great response
Classic
Confrontation is also exposing the narc at the same time! Like let me make you feel weak af for a change. I guess you couldn't handle that for few sec cause you're just a sorry as* coward punk!
Dr. Ramani there is a saying, "When the student is ready, the teacher arrives", your students must be really lucky to have you as their teacher, many thanks🙏🌷🕊💝🤗🥳🎊
Thank you so much Dr. Ramani. I didn't realize that it was the source of my vomiting. 85 pounds later, I was bowled over by the realization of what had been happening my whole life! Since I realized, I haven't thrown up. I am working hard on getting stronger so I can face and endure it so I can at least move on.
Get out!
The only thing I regret was not leaving sooner, so if you are on the fence about leaving this person do not stay any longer. It all turns out to be smoke and mirrors in the end anyway.
Taylor Thomas. You are so right! You can go back all you want and in the end it turns out to be all smoke and mirrors in the end. I used my life up running in and out of my narcissistic marriage. I truly him found out. And left him with no contact and didn’t look back. I must have been so naive. I can’t believe I didn’t see him for what he was. God allowed me to see him for what he was and that my marriage wasn’t going to get any better. Thank God ! Whew!!!
The longer you wait, the worse it will be when it does end. It will either end, or you will live out the rest of your days in misery. Your choice my friend.
Don't you think that if intervened the person can improve themself?
@@vulc1 Mine would tell me "If I'm wrong, I want people to tell me so I can fix it!". However, I am always vilified when I try to point out her errors. If someone speaks against her, they become the enemy. I have seen her shun long time friends and mentors from her life because they dared to challenge her unacceptable behavior.
I have the same regret
It’s so powerful once you “get it”. Just remember - everything negative the narcissist has to say about you speaks volumes about them!
True. Like their thinking out loud their feelings about themselves. One finger pointed at you. The rest pointed at them.
When ppl you know try to make themselves always look good and criticizing others...
That's it!!! I'm done this describes the 3 people living in my home they have to go. Its esp hard when they all join against you
@@barbarastrayhorn4667 iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiij9i
@@barbarastrayhorn4667 iiiiiiiiiiiiiii
My first year of university I lived off campus in a share house with 7 other students. One girl seemed off to me immediately. For one thing her friendliness seemed like an over-the-top act -- I kept open the possiblity it was just nervousness over meeting people she'd be living with for the next year, but my instincts were right and she turned out to be an absolute narcissist. She was always trying to position herself into the role of 'popular leader' without doing anything to earn it -- essentially wanting everyone to bow down to her. It took the others some time to catch on, but she obviously knew I was wary of her early on and very rapidly became openly hostile towards just me. I forget what set me off (possibly one of the times she told me off for refusing to wash her dishes for her because she finished her meal a few seconds before me -- when she didn't finish first she instead applied the rule that people are responsible for their own), but at some point she said something that was meant to be shaming (like calling me lazy for not doing her washing for her) and I calmly said to her that I don't care what she thinks of me because I don't need the approval of people I don't like. If looks could kill -- but she stopped trying to manipulate me at all and focussed more on others. At any rate, a couple of the other girls found out that as part of her bid to be every girl's one and only best friend in the house that she was lying to both of them about what the other supposedly said behind their backs, which helped others start to catch on. I think when the others started coming around I even read them a description of someone with 'antisocial personality disorder'. But realization helped immunize the others in the house. We went about business as usual, maintained civility (while calmly standing up for ourselves), and, when she wasn't around, would trade stories and laugh about things she'd done that day. It was a way to turn the aggravation of living with her into a source of humour, uncover her attempts at manipulation (e.g. self-contradictions and lies), as well as support each other. I've got some really shocking but funny anecdotes about things she did, including about the time her boyfriend still in highschool felt pressured into embezzling money to keep her happy, and what she did in response when he was caught.
This, among other things, is likely why my mother has cranked up her passive aggression since I went to a therapy program.
I got my power back after getting my divorce. I went into hermit mode for 2 years to fix myself from the vampire troll . I am very happy now.
#mystory as well
Congrats!
Same!