Top 7 STRANGE Behaviors of the Covert Narcissistic Mother
Вставка
- Опубліковано 7 січ 2023
- In today's video Jill talks about some of the most strange and bizarre behaviors of the Covert Narcissistic Mother. If you have a Narcissistic mother, step mother, mother in law, grandmother, etc, then today's video is for you. The behaviors covered in this video are not usually talked about or even really known about. So be sure to watch, like and share.
Jill Wise, otherwise known as The Enlightened Target, is a life long survivor of narcissistic abuse. She was raised by a malignant narcissist and married to a malignant narcissist, she has endured years of parental alienation, has repeatedly been targeted by narcissists throughout her life. She has an intimate understanding of all aspects of narcissistic abuse and Cptsd. She uses her experience and what she has learned to help educate others and bring awareness to narcissistic abuse. She is also a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach and works with clients all over the world heal from the trauma of narcissistic abuse, parental alienation and Complex Ptsd.
Visit Jill’s Linktree for all website and social media links:
linktr.ee/jill_wise
Visit Jill’s “Hey Daily” platform to sign up for daily educational and healing text messages sent directly to your phone from Jill, gain access to one group coaching per month, receive a free copy of Jill’s ebook, gain access to Jill’s secret Facebook support group where you can become part of our community, and much much more:
hdly.me/jill,
If you are interested in private Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching with Jill , please visit her website
payhip.com/TheEnlightenedTarget
or send her an email at theenlightenedtarget@gmail.com. She conducts face to face meetings on the computer using zoom or over the phone. Many times getting the help and support from a professional who has lived through this is a necessary step to healing.
Purchase a copy of Jill's Ebook: What are the specific personality and character traits narcissists look for in a target and how they are able to exploit and manipulate these traits.
payhip.com/b/nwID
To connect with an online licensed therapist, the link below will direct you to BetterHelp where you can find a qualified therapist and receive therapy from the comfort of your home.
Please click on this link to get connected:
www.betterhelp.com/theenlight...
Jill is sponsored by BetterHelp and receives a small commission on referrals. She only recommends services that she trusts.
CHECK OUT MY MERCHANDISE UNDER THE “STORE” TAB ON THIS CHANNEL
Follow my Amazon Influencer Page and view products that helped my healing journey the most. Here’s the link.
www.amazon.com/shop/theenlightenedtarget
Donations are very much appreciated.
paypal.me/TheEnlightenedTarge...
Follow me on Facebook:
/ jillwisenarcissisticab...
Follow me on Instagram
/ the_enlightened_target
Follow me on Tic Tok
vm.tiktok.com/TTPdaJwcFx/
This channel is for educational purposes ONLY.
They will also always defend someone who has hurt you or wronged you in some way but NEVER defend you in that way
Yes, my Malignant Narcissist Ex Wife. OMGosh they my Mom hated her! She gave me $15,000 on my first house, she had to be involved in the decision and told me, her and my Dad were buying this house under my name, so when my marriage failed (wasn't married yet) I would have a house. Then when I got divorced, my Ex remarried wealthy and they became best friends. I begged her to stop supporting her, but she wouldn't. They took over my two children too!
OMFG YES!!! THIS!!!
My mother to an absolute T.
Yes your 100 💯 percent correct about that I had a overt female narcissist women I was going out with..her mother that is a covert narcissist that my ex use to worship the ground she walks on..and every time her daughter did me wrong her evil covert narcissist mother took her daughters side...
That’s what my “mother” did with my extremely cover narcissistic ex. He was always so great even if he broke me down into considering suicide over “nothing.” 😂
Another thing she might do is reject help then claim the marter because she has to slave all day to take care of everyone. I mean angrily refuse any help. It's crazy.
Justified dysfunction. 😔
Wait, there’s more! Hold it against her children that they have friends who care and want to help but she has no friends at all.
Have we got the same mother???
WOW YOU MET MY MOTHER
My mom, she even does it with problems in her back she refuses medical help and ends in bed in pain for couple of days, it’s a loop that never ends but she makes sure everyone knows about it.
I just want to say thank you. This is a lonely life. I have a non-existent father and a narcissist mother. It is lonely.
Same here... my mother chased off my father and then beat me as a young child, telling me it was my fault he left her. Because I was born.
Stacie, you are not alone in this. Remember none of it is your fault. Don't internalize any of it.
My father abandoned me. And my mother gave me a Psicopata narcissist like a stepfather 👹. And she is a narcissist herself
Same boat lady
I completely understand. We walk this road together. Even if we never meet. We're all in this together.
My mother is such a great actress, hides behind God like a good model Christian, but I see how she takes pleasure hurting me. She never accepts that she used to beat me. She’s a fraud!
Ditto. My entire family's harmony is derived from their common need to love the harm of me by each other...
I felt like I was reading my own comment. This is eerily my mother 💯. Thank you for helping me not feel so alone.
@Aditi Kumari Same.
Too bad her denial doesn't change reality, and we all know she is a child abuser. I believe you!
As soon as I was out of the crib the beatings began- she can’t understand why I hate her now 🧐
She’s so right. It’s all about control for them. My mother is a total nutcase. She’ll never apologize. She’ll never admit to doing anything wrong. She’s an evil person who has pretty much tried to destroy my life cause she’s got too much Satan in her. Period.
My narcissistic mother apologized to me once before she passed for saying something truly vile. I was in shock.
Mother knows best ?!
My mother at least 2wice said, "do you know how many times your father and I had to go without food to feed you kids?" Here's an idea, don't reproduce! What a doorknob (Canadian) for stupid
Their both dead now. ...yeh!
My daughter exactly. What she is doing to my grandchildren 😢. She is covert, malignant and psychopathic and that’s not an exaggeration in the least!!!!
Yes, I do believe these people are totally possessed.
After a years period of no contact with my mom and step dad, I slowly started to talk to her again and I was invited to open presents at Christmas with my younger siblings. I was 19. I was so excited I got presents for everyone (with almost no money to spend) and when the day came, my mom sat everyone down and gave presents to my siblings and my step dad etc.... oops! She must have forgotten to get me anything. She tossed me a present that was supposed to be for my sister. I think chocolates. Said I'm sorry it totally slipped my mind to get you anything! I felt so humiliated - it's hard to explain when you feel like you should have known what she'd do and you still "fell for it" and I knew I couldn't act upset or be angry or sad bc that would mean I was ungrateful for even being invited - or it would sound like I was "begging" for a present.
I have 3 kids now ... I couldn't imagine in a million years doing anything she's done to me to them.
It is mind bending. I feel your hurt and had a mom much like what you describe. I, too, would not think of treating my children like this.
When asked what I wanted for Christmas, her response was "No, you're not getting that" to absolutely everything. On Christmas day I watched as her narc son opened present after present but there weren't any for me. When I asked where my presents were, she went into her dresser drawer and handed me a box of XL women's underwear! I was 6 years old at the time. Pure evil! A few years later I wrapped that same box of undies up and gave them right back to her!
@@MrWileyPantsHow cruel😢
I am so sorry she did that to you. What a cruel woman. However, I think it is BRILLIANT that you gave those underwear right back to her! BRAVO to you!!! Sending you a virtual hug.
@@MrWileyPants
So very sorry for you this happened and I could feel your pain reading your comment but then rejoiced when you said you could never treat one of your three children in this way. Keep being you and allow yourself to abound in love with "the family you've created".
They throw in your face all they do in effort to get you to feel guilty or “owe” them.
Don't fall for the guilt trip!! Lol
As if you asked to be put into her womb.
Always!
Been there now have PTSD
I receive 2 years of breast milk, I have to find a way to pay back. 😂
I disappeared.
The behavior ramps up 100% when they're elderly. Question is, how do you know when dementia sets in too?
If I understood your question - I have seen several people aging - my grandmother, (from mothers side) my Dad and now - my mother who turned out to be the Covert narcissist.
not speaking of numerous other people who are not close relatives
So.. old people all change, lets say become again children and obviously get touching and show what lays inside them.
Mothers mother had dementia. Dady just aged. But noone of them presented anything like my mother.
Just the opposite - they became more touching, childish, lovely, unprotected. Dad got extremely loving - he was a tough person in life.
And only mother is becoming a shocking ugly crazy, evil, envious, manipulative. Just evil. ONLY her.
So if a person becomes evil aging - its her true nature. True nature discovers then. And dad was just like a sun. Everybody thinks he is the bad one, because he was the dictator and mother was the eternal victim. But it turned out to be just the oposite.
My narcissistic mother was good with me but horrible to my brother. Are they able to be different with their different children?
I am sure she thinks she was a great mother
I did not notice how bad she was to my brother growing up and emigrated when I was young . My mother then kicked my brother out with no where to go at 17. Thankfully he managed somehow and is a great guy and dad. I resent my step dad for not standing up to her but he’d never disagree for fear of retribution. Now he has passed away and my bother is left to help her in her eighties , he has great anxiety every time he has to go there . I talk to her each week and one min I think she isn’t that bad, maybe she does care, maybe she is kind and then I know how awful she can be if you dare cross her. It’s very difficult to help . So many mixed emotions.
@@debbiechrysler3461 my mom coddled and protected my brother. Me, I got the yelling and cussing. My dad enabled her behavior because he just wanted her to shut up. He's gone now and her behavior intensified because he was no longer there to fix things. So I guess he was supply too. My brother is a drunk who lost his marriage, job, child etc so he lives off her. Both are narcs. I walked away. I cannot save either one. But I can save myself.
@@debbiechrysler3461 Sounds not good. Thank you so much for sharing. Study your mothers family.
@@zandatee my mothers parents were wonderful caring people and we were blessed to have had them . We stayed a lot at their house growing up and I believe if it hadn’t been for them ore lives would have been much harder . My mother did have a lobotomy and electric shock treatments in her late twenties . Everyone stepped on egg shells not to upset her, maybe this contributed to the way she is
I have a narcissist mother who I recently have cut contact with, when I was a teen, she would get weirdly jealous if I use to wear makeup and would deliberately say things to make me cry so my makeup would be ruined. She’s a very strange woman. I’m glad narcissism is becoming more noticeable
That's what I had to suffer and endure. I have always loved fashion and beauty, and she would verbally and viciously attack me for wanting to wear makeup and pretty myself up. It was hard for me to believe she was actually jealous, but I soon realize she was jealous of me and my sister. What I find extremely sick is she looks at all females as competition, no matter what age.
Mine didnt even let me wear any , or make my hair pretty , i used to sneak wigs on school , when i tried doing my brows for the first time , i messed up instead of teaching me , she shaved them off and. Sent me to high school no brows
@@Briadanailtechoh honey that is sickening. I’m so sorry. I had a friend in high school whose mother would not let her take showers, do her hair or wear makeup before school. It was unbelievable and these things are very abusive. Sorry you went through that. ❤
Sounds like every narcissistic mother they are pure evil
Sounds like she also knows how to do witchcraft
Worst part for me children of abusive parents end up with abusive partners. Gaslight till you are totally broken.
And then you can get up and heal. It happened to me. Over again and again I ended up in stupid relationships with narcissistic people and at some point I got enough and when I grieved the loss of my childhood and unconditional love I never got, things shifted. Also what helped me was realising that I slowly but surely go into a similar victim role like my mother and that was a wake up call. I realised I've been a huge victim myself, pretty toxic and that's when I changed. And still working on myself but things don't trigger me like they used to. Change and healing are amazing.
@@clairv.74 Same here, narc mom and then narc wife. But heres the weird part. Mother was mild narc but became ultra narc when i married. Wife was covert narc, and became open narc after mother went NC.
Happened to me too. She seen me beaten with broken bones, but sided with him to get him to steal my children. It's destroyed my life.bout to start overhauling my life cause I'm a mess
Ah so because my partner has an abusive parent, i must be abusive too. Interesting to know😂
This was my experience
I've had so many things sabotaged by narcissistic people, it's unreal.
I don't want or need a narcissist as a mother.
Start earning and leave the house
I thought I was crazy most of my life. To the point of daily suicidal thoughts for over a decade. Being able to identify behaviors was the first step in my healing. Then, I noticed my behaviors reflecting what I hate. Understanding trauma responses and reprogramming hurts at first, and I was very confused. "Have I become a narcissist as well" was my only thought. Accepting narcissistic behaviors exist on spectrum was key. This is painful shit. And I have the utmost respect for anyone that has the courage to go through this. Your my brother, your my sister.
Sending you a big hug.
Wasn't suicidal as such but had a serious death wish when I left home at 17. Didn't know about Cluster Bs till I was well into my 30s though I learned my family were dysfunctional but not in the usual sitcom/TV kind of way. I don't have to tell you the rest of the back story, you lived it. What finally got the weight off my shoulders was harsh too but if it gives you or any other person who went through this even a small insight I will consider myself blessed. Being a child of a Narcissist makes you into a kind of detective. As a child you want to know what you did wrong and why you can never do right. It moves on to finding your negative programming and trying to change it. After that you have memory gaps through the trauma and gaslighting. As you deprogram and heal these gaps start to come back though seldom when it's convenient. Your last case as a detective is to try to make sense of these memories. I solved the case and it was much worse than I'd ever imagined. (I also had a talk with an old family friend who was never a flying monkey who knew enough to confirm my conclusions). I went into a sort of mourning state and was a little busted up then I had a conversation with myself as a child, clear as day. He had tears in his eyes and he said to me "I don't love them anymore". He smiled, he was free then he walked away and died. I was reborn and the huge weight was gone from my shoulders. I see those people as someone I used to unfortunately know now, no familial titles, nothing. Find the hurt, betrayed child inside you. When you have solved your own case it will be too much for him and his love will stop and he will be free.
@jelkel25 That was a hard but accurate read. Thank you for sharing this. It helped me recalibrate. Much love and respect to you.
@@R0M4N313 You're welcome and more power to you.
@@jelkel25 Wow - I had a similar inner child experience where she died in my arms because she was so exhausted from trying to survive with her sanity intact. I have never heard of anyone else who had an inner child die - this was comforting in a very sad way. Congratulations on your freedom, it was hard earned by you and that little boy. On to better days.
My mother forgets my birthday every year. I called her out on it once after 5 consecutive years and she just laughed like she found it funny which clearly indicated to me she does it on purpose. Christmas? Forget it. I can't remember the last time I got a call. I truly don't. I've just learned to deal with the whole situation. Mainly by moving to another country as soon as I finished highschool and saved the money to leave. That took 12 months, I got a plane ticket and I never went back. If you have toxic parents they will try to kill you indirectly to serve their personal needs even if it takes decades of chipping away at you, so I recommend self preservation which means removing yourself from the environment, treat it like a life and death situation because it is.
When I was little I always asked my mom if she wanted to watch a movie with me or do something and she always said no. When I got older I quit asking and just stayed away from her in my room. Then she always said something was wrong with me to always be alone in my room and even had me drug tested. 🙄
"Top 7 STRANGE Behaviors of the Covert Narcissistic Mother":
1. She will sabotage herself along with others.
2. She is beyond committed to being seen by the outside world as this wonderful, kind, and loving mother.
3. She will hurt herself if it hurts you.
4. She hates and resents the fact that she has to give to her children and other people.
5. She "forgets" deliberately.
6. She will devalue and put herself down in front of other people.
7. She is incredibly effective at getting people to compliment her.
My mother is already doing number 1, 2, 4, 5, and 7. I will be on the lookout for when starts humiliating me on public. For now, I leave this list I created for everyone else to read.
Spot on indeed!
Thank you for taking the time to do this!
🕊❤️
I didn't put it together until she was dying, she'd been humiliating me in public for years, just not in my presence.
Thank-you for this list. 😊
Bless you.
What is the driving force that makes a person so manipulative and evil? Some call it a personlity disorder but that's like calling a serial killer an anti life person..... Narcs are a flavor of evil.
Truly believe it’s demonic possession
It's often a generational thing, with people continuing to fail at being human, just like the generation before, one traumatized childhood after the next. At least, that's how my family has always been. There's a narcissist creating more little future narcissists, until someone finally has had enough and cuts ties. They don't have much of a family to point to, but they get to keep their sanity. 😢
This is how my mom is. She definitely hates being a mother and grandmother. She's never wanted to participate in any family event and always ruined the holidays. I'm so happy I moved away.
My mother ruined holidays as well.
Same here ...I moved away because of her maltreatment of me, she still does it 30 years on....via my sisters now...
I always got the feeling that my parents hated children. They didn't let me have childhood friends over. We very rarely got together with other family members.
NAILED IT
I’m stuck living with the two narcissist demon parents after losing everything from the last two narcissist relationships.
It is so toxic here… you are right - their ability to make me feel unwelcome without saying a word is astonishing - and you cannot describe it to anyone that hasn’t experienced it - they think you are the crazy one.
It’s so f*cked up.
Everything you touched on is 💯 accurate and I’ve experienced all of your talking points.
Really? I thought they dote on their children and spoil them rotten. Are they also making a golden child feel unwelcome?
@@emiliagalotti4779 Really,? are you trolling people on here who have lived through and are still experiencing Trauma from the ongoing cruel and sadistic abuse from their parents…wtf?
The best goal for you is to figure out how to move away from them. Blessings for you in 2023.
@@WinsomeWinslet Thank you. I've been trying.
@@Spaceman-jo5mz You've got this. And I promise you that eventually...and when you least expect it...they will have no power over you anymore and you will be free.
Has anyone ever had their narcissistic parent act robotic, low class, bland, ,low IQ, uncultured or like they were created in a lab as a humiliation tactic to make it look like the "apple doesn't fall far from the tree" so to speak, but when they are in the presence of someone they like or are trying to impress, turn on the charm and become vibrant? This is a clever technique that I notice my narc parent doing often so that no one can call her out on publicly trying to humiliate me. Sometimes, I ask myself where does this person come from, who is this? We just have to be comfortable with looking cold or non-empathetic since it's our empathy that drives them to want to attack.
I think some do this for pity or to be looked at as harmless in situations where there may be new people who haven't yet or won't fall for their usual bs.
Yes my mom! You nailed it with low class and low iq
YES YES YES - I have a family member like this who is absolutely a narcissist but it is this SUPER weird variety I never see mentioned in videos about narcissists - and I often have wondered what “type” this is because it’s a whole other level of bizarre on top of how bizarre narcissists already are. Incidentally, this same person does sort of the opposite of most narcissistic people who like to have a lot of money to use as power and control and this person purposely has very little money all the time and uses THAT as a control tactic. But glad I’m not the only one who has seen a robot narcissist like this @truecrimes1435
Low iq is a thing I've noticed with some narcs. I feel its bcuz they don't change or grow mentally n that can be damaging for growth. The one who perceives as smart is just good at simulation 😂
Omg yes! Holy crap. It's disturbing. I often find myself describing my mother as unsophisticated because of her behavior. I never really thought of it that way though.
When I was young, my narcissistic mother locked herself in her room, refusing to do any household chores, including preparing meals for her children. I used to think she had depression so as an oldest, I tried to be on my best behavior so I don’t become her burden. However, when I was going through crisis, she seemed really pleased and that’s when I knew something was very wrong. Constant criticism and anger towards me, verbal and physical abuse, and gossiping about me to people around her, I realized she was getting a pleasure from my suffering. She is old and sick now and I have absolutely no sympathy for her whatsoever.
They will leave you hanging and say she forgot or laugh when you you seem disappointed
All of it was absolutely correct! Just want to add one more thing: they constantly switch sides. You're just confused. You dont know if they agree with you or are against you. Just one of the most abusive types of mothers. The most important type of info I want to share is that they make you extremely guilty if you leave them.
Sounds maybe a bit borderline as well?
@@h.a.s.42 Narcissism is a feature of all the cluster B personality disorders. That's why it can be difficult to tell the difference between NPD, BPD, and ASPD.
That is so true! My mom definitely has NPD and BPD.
Yessss I relate. So strange how there is a similar pattern with them
My mother damaged me. She has very strong narcissistic traits but I see her wounds (yes, she made me an empath so I could attend to her needs) and underneath I can see some good but it's so hard with her.
An image is everything to her.
She thinks she is the best mother but she was neglectful, emotionally and physically abusive and nasty, selfish and lier but often she was also generous and tried to give us as much as she could (but also take it away from us if we didn't comply) and she has got a good sense of humour and taught me good morals. It's kind of weird how confusing it is. I used to love her as a child and then when she hurt me again and again it broke me. I hated her. Now I am neutral because I have healed for the last 20+ years but still from time to time it feels good to hear those videos as they are so validating. Our childhood can really fuc* us up.
Empathic daughter of a narcissistic mother here. It was hell.
I feel the same way. Almost to a T.
People with healthy parents don’t understand this, they cannot wrap their heads around how a mother can be so evil to her child.
My mother is a lying scumbag and cries while beating her chest if you call her out, absolutely psycho
My mom's an emotionally immature psycho as well. The crying is always and has always been a show of manipulation.
@@EMILYHERRERA protect your energy and heart space. I always place my over heart to comfort myself when she has a tantrum, its like soothing the inner child. These people will take chunks of your soul if you are not looking out for yourself..
THIS!!
Mine plays the sanity card but is clearly a loon! I cud say so MENY truthes regardn her n her insidious past but wot with her masonic protection via her old man n me being a non bio victim of abuse wots the point? Wen they depart this bio realm they will be in a perpetual nothingness! Make the phantom zone out of the superman movies look like paradise in comparison! 😊
My mother is malignant/covert and not even she would behave like that 🙄🙄🙄 I can already imagine what she would say if she saw someone behave like that 😂😂😂
My narc wife always threatened to call the police on me if I raised my voice at her, and always changed stories to make herself look good.
Leave her when you get the chance and save your life
Omg. This literally happens to me weekly.
Yup, the whole, "you're abusing me crying victim, when actually I'm the abuser",act. I was raised by one. Evil doers.-River
😅 or they I push buttons and wonder why you react
Not sure where you live but it shouldn't be illegal to yell or raise your voice unless you're threatening or in some stupid states calling someone names can be a crime. I know the game she's playing on you and it happens to a lot of good people unfortunately. Sorry you're going through it but check out Dr. Christian Conte he'll help with the anger. Gas lighting is the worst!
Sadly, my “mother” has done EVERY one of these! And, oh so, so much more!!
Im sure she will not be happy
Mine did too. I may have to put a restraining order on her. She blames me because she's homeless. It isn't because she throws her money away to online scammers and didn't pay her rent. . Tells everyone I stole her money. I haven't been around her... She's trying to get back into my house. I don't want her.
Same. My gosh. Sending love to you ❤
My mom is even more evil at 81. I am cutting off contact with her. I cannot live this life anymore. So tired of trying to help her.
I'm 71. I went no contact with my 95 yr old mother 7 months ago. I hit the wall. I'm better than a pin cushion.
Ah but who is worse? The Covert Narcissist Mother or her adult family member enablers? Most responsible being my father. It took me years to admit this to myself and begin healing of being abandoned and neglected by him and even double teamed by him parroting her nonsense in my teens.
Many of the enablers don't know what is happening.
My mother was a covert narc. I didn't discover it until I was past 50 and she was in her 80s ... although the pain and suffering she caused was clear way before then. I cut her off a few years before she died. She effectively slandered me to the entire family, some of whom still vilify, condemn and come against me long after her death. The kicker is, my father was grandiose narcissist. His flamboyant abuse provided the perfect cover for her playing the victim. She flew under the radar as a narc for decades until he died. The relationship between them was sick and twisted. They gaslighted the crap out of each other and me. When he died, she needed a new bad guy to play the victim. That was me. Years after both their deaths, I am still trying to deconstruct things to separate fact from fiction. There are very few facts. To say I despise both of them is an understatement.
I am in the same situation. Both parents total narcs. Dad is just more outwardly narcissist. Mother is a huge narc too, but has been playing the victim of my outwardly narc father for the last 45 years. The only reason why I recently realised that my mother was a covert narc was because she insisted on playing a victim role for raising 5 kids alone, even though all us five kids arguably had a worse life and childhood than she has at this point. Yet when this is brought up she gets into a rage. And goes into manipulation mode. I told her that alot of my siblings were depressed and some contemplated committing suicide. And she said that she doesn’t care about our depression because she needs to be strong for herself. This is when I knew.🙏🏾
This is exactly what I am going through. I have called my CN mom out on things. I tried setting limits and she always crossed them. She is 88 I didn't realize she was a CN until I was 64. I know the truth and I now understand the reason she lies. She has turned all my siblings against me telling her lies.
Same! Totally same situation
Yes, they force you into a role. They know what they’re doing.
Josiah … you described my life ❤to the tee…
Sounds like my mum ,she had a go at me last time i saw her ,then blamed me for upsetting her and always causing trouble,she completely drains me and gaslights me, i am in my 40's and still struggle to get on with her ,thank you for your insightful videos. X
My twin sister and I communicate with our mother who is also a narcissist as little as humanly possible. The minute she starts to get narcy on us we end the conversation and stop seeing her or speaking to her for a few months.
@@sylviaking8866 sending love , healing and strength your way .X
@@BethCara thank you. Same to you.
Same. Just went no contact. I'm 50 years old and completely emotionally exhausted and I'm now getting sick and my blood pressure kept climbing. I choose me.
I’m sorry. You’re not alone though it feels that way every day.
You are so right. My mother loved to make us/ me feel like we were such a sacrifice and a burden. But, in public she presented herself as mother of the year. She was a witch.
My mom told everyone in the family that I was a difficult child, and had a bad temper. She told me that she would have gone places and/or divorced my dad/her terrible husband if it was not for me, and I was such a undesired child but she loved me none the less. I had sacrificed everything in my life for her.
I guess my mom is just more covert than the woman you were talking about here. She uses being religious and a martyr and a victim to control and manipulate everyone. She complains to whoever will listen about how her children aren’t helping her like we should be. She spreads gossip and reinforces black sheep in the family. She treats some of her children like she’s not even their mother.
That's my mother too Teresa.
" helping like we should be". I call my mother a slave driver. She can't do nothing with her hands like mow her 3 acre yard she fenced off. Shes always on the phone looking for attention gossiping. She says " he did s good job today" " he did alot of work". Like I am a employee and work is expected of me. She reported me to APS thinking I can't leave if on probation like her exhusband. APS asked if I hurt my mother when she fell down fighting a fire. Sheriff, paramedics, firemen, were all here when she fell, so how was it my fault? She injures herself and is 73, and would be in the ER if I hit her once. I call her Satan, Demon Piss.
Yes, add a good dose of Catholic guilt in, just to add to the fun! Mines the same 🙄
@@sleepwalker29 I hope you find peace after she passes away.
Thank you for your comment, it helps me to not feel totally alone in this. That is definitely my mother too- using and hiding behind religion and being the ultimate martyr and victim. And people fall for it all the time.
I've seen it first hand with my ex, the amount of times that my ex did things to make life more difficult for herself just so she could try and illicit sympathy because here life was "so difficult" was ridiculous.
There’s family myth-making too. We had different lives in the same family. My addict mother strongly favoured my brother and sister. If you asked them today, as adults, they would claim life was fairytale perfect and marred only by my existence. I was excluded from my sister’s wedding photos. With my mother at her side, she said “you were never really part of this family”. By the way, I tried very hard to be good and never did alcohol or drugs like them. Good in school too and they hated it.
Olivia, you just reminded me. On my wedding day she felt the uncontrollable need to pull me aside after the ceremony and say "I give him (my new husband) six months before he throws you out". Gee, thanks, Mom. Your faith in me is underwhelming. We're still married, 38 years later.
They hate the good one. Because the good one will always be better than them.
My mother is nice to the ones who drink and do drugs. The ones with tattoos on their face. The ones with anger problems who can't hold a job. They can't compete with that. So they sabotage and try to bring them down. Put them in their place so to say.
Yet is hateful to those who have good jobs, nice houses, good marriages, have excelled in life. Are kind people.
They hate everything good in the world and wallow in all that's bad because it makes them feel better about themselves. Makes it to where they don't have to try so hard to be the martyr.
I tested this theory. For a while I didn't share any of the good things. Just the bad things. This made them overjoyed. The worse they thought I was they nicer they were. I knew I couldn't keep it up because I worked hard and my life was actually really good. So I cut all contact.
Yes, mine never acknowledged my good grades in school or praised me that I remember.
Resentment & martyrdom was the theme of my childhood & teen years. She was too busy getting ready for my HS graduation party to attend the actual graduation. It was outdoors, 3 houses down from where we lived. 1 minute walk.
😳😱 I hope it went well regardless. You deserve to be happy. 🥰 Been there and it’s awful.
Same here! That was only one of many times when my mother made certain that all attention was directed at her.
You poor thing.
Oh my gosh. Mine pretended she was sick that afternoon so she missed my graduation and party. . . . Which was at my house 😔 so many signs. Ugh.
I’m so pleased this is becoming more and more spoken about. My mum is a covert narc. I never recognised it or even knew what narcissism was until an ex partner started to behave in the same ways and after sharing amongst my friends… one said to look at narcissism.
My mum has always sabotaged my life and using my mental health to control me
She even attempts to pit my own kids off against each other and me.
She does anything to look like a victim and she behaves very stupid when she isn’t stupid.. it’s complete manipulation
The effects on my mental health over the years has been awful and I finally realised why I feel the way I do.
My mum is so clever she will do all these things this lady speaks about.
I always heard the term but never look into it and it wasn't till 2020 is when I finally look up the meaning. My mom is a narc. I always know that my mom loves to start drama and play victim but in 2020 during LOCKDOWN mom was ALL OVER THE PLACE. So one day around 2020..I decided to google it,"Why does my mom start argument and play victim?". The results went from one to another and the term "narcissism" came up. I was like.."I heard this word before. Wtf is this?". I look up the word, it lead me to finally knowing the meaning of narcissism and know what my mom is.
Also yes. The lady aka the OP of the video is 100% right. My mom does ALL OF THINGS the OP talked in the video.
Oh man, same...same.😒 It is all such torture some times.
After our wedding I wrote her a letter, explaining that, after a lifetime of emotional abuse, if and when I become pregnant, she will not receive an announcement (we live 3k mi. away). After I give birth, she will not be invited to visit and meet the baby. If we go back east, she will not be invited to visit. She have no role in his/her/their upbringing whatsoever. I want no further communication with her. One one hand it seemed somewhat childish. On the other, though, it brought me *such a sense of release*!
cheriem432, it is not childish at all. It is you setting firm boundaries to protect your own new family and that is commendable
The stupid act is a crowd pleaser. I bought my mother a lamp with a touch button. It wasn't exactly like the other one she had. She would slap at the buttons like they didn't work so I'd have to return it
I recently had an emergency come up that required me to have multiple surgeries to prevent me from going blind. My narcissistic mother pulled all kinds of nonsense related to this incident. She got mad and demanded that the doctor tell her if they would be releasing me from my initial ER visit because she bought tickets to a show that was supposed to be that same day and my hospitalization was preventing her from getting ready. When I called her out and told her that she could just leave even though I was losing my eyesight and needed someone to drive me, she tried to make herself sound like she wasn't being self-centered by saying that she had no problem being there, but she had other people relying on her to get to the show. Fast forward to my diagnosis and surgeries, she told every single one of her friends and my family members within hours of finding out that I would be needing emergency surgery without even allowing me to tell the people I wanted to know first. She sat in the hospital announcing to the world, where everyone could hear her, that I had a retinal detachment. She also made a comment that she was glad that I was going through this because it meant that I would have to come see her more often because I was visiting from out of state when all of this happened and now I'm having to make trips back to get treated by the doctor who saved my eyesight. During my second surgery, while I was being operated on, my fiance confided in her that I have been stressed out about making sure that I can afford my bills with all of this happening, but I have found ways to make it work. She told him that she really didn't want to help me, but she would if she had to. She was just bragging about how much she makes a year and how big her bonus is going to be so she will never have to worry about money. She also gives my brother insane amounts of money without any questions because she favortises him. When I came back to after my surgery, they asked who would want to come back and see me and she told them that my fiance could because she didn't feel like getting up and because she feels like she no longer feels like she comes first in my life since I have been engaged.
Very typical behavior. My mother is the same. No matter how much I ever hurt, she turned it into her pain. Always about her.
I had the great pleasure of being raised by one of these creatures. Every single one of these traits was spot on. Nothing but negativity. One of her favorite lines "BECAUSE I SAID SO!"
My mom always said that too
I’ve heard that a million times.
💯💯💯
YEP!!! So annoying and frustrating.
My mother's opening salvo was usually "It's all your fault that" and then blame me for something else that I had had nothing to do with, like "It's all your fault that you were born a sick baby, so your older brother didn't get the attention he deserved." Or, "It's all your fault that I hemorrhaged when I was carrying you and had to be hospitalized. In the hospital the doctor gave me drugs that made you infertile. So, why don't you have children"? Ummmm ok, whatever insanity you say, mom.
When a friend and I were moving from Boston to SF for a new job, her parting salvo just before we left was "So, why are you moving to California, anyway? It was the one time I snapped and said "Because there is no land bridge for us to be able to drive to Hawaii." I don't think she was even able to process the insult.
My mom is by far the most narcissistic and sociopathic person I have ever met. She has convinced those that aren't close family that she is an absolute angel of a woman. She is so manipulative that she openly trashes each of her children to these people and they don't even question her. She was diagnosed with cancer 5 years ago and milks it daily. I mean literally every single day she is on the phone talking about herself. She thrives on the pity, sympathy and attention.
I have that type of mother......😔
I am so glad that you’re touching on this topic. I think family and “Friends” narcissists are just as important to bring up just the same as the romantic narcissist relationships.
My step mother always made us feel unwelcomed and unworthy. Especially, in a group of people. But, no one else seemed to be aware of her hostility. After many years, she continues to leave the house when we visit. She is just as sweet about it as ever. This gives me clarity on this type of behavior. I always found it to be baffling. Thank You.
I wish that witch goes through a horrible life and you will be lucky to watch it soon..please don't help her at any cause
I did a lot of things that kids of narcissistic mothers do, up to and including trying to 'buy' her love. As a kid I thought that if I was a good girl, never got into trouble, got good grades and such that she might change and maybe even begin to love me, a little. I even replaced the center stone she lost from her engagement ring, trying to buy her love. Before I understood what was happening, I didn't know what else to do. It never worked. And my father was also emotionally unavailable. It was very lonely, growing up.
There were times when I desperately needed her love and comfort, but I never received them, but I comforted myself in the belief that, by basically "raising" myself, I knew I would be able to stand on my own, because I had had to, all my life. Sadly, I am correct.
Mom just stopped telling me a story because she didn’t like my tone and the fact that I was trying to find the button on my headphones to stop what I was watching; tidied up her food LOUDLY, and removed herself from the room, banging doors. I’m glad she left me alone, but dang.
I learned to ignore you puberteers wandering around 24/7 with earplugs in your ears, not available for any socially needed conversation. I let you feel the consequences of stone walling the society immediately. As my grandma said already 'If you don't want to listen, you need to feel'. No, this is not narcissistic.😄
Yes appearence is everything to them.
I wish they taught this in school. I wish I knew what my life meant and why before my life almost passed me by.
Even in a matter of life and death, they will put themselves in harm’s way just to take YOU down. For the longest time, I wondered if this was just my own observation, so, thank you for mentioning it right at the beginning of the video!! It has often crossed my mind whether or not my covert narcissistic mother was mentally deranged (truly insane). If anyone has any information on this topic, it would be greatly appreciated.
Yes they are Mentally Insane !!! My Mother had Electric Shock Therapy and went into a Mental Hospital !!!! Living with her was Absolute Hell !!!! Finally she attacked me with a Carving Knife, so I slammed the Door in her Face !!!! The next day she had a Stroke and Died !!!! Now I have lived with my Dogs for years !!! I never got married so I have been Happy ever since !!!! I never wanted to marry a Monster like my Mother so I stayed single !!!! I'm 68 yrs old now, and there is no cure for a Narcissist, and these Evil people are everywhere !!!!
My mom throws tantrums like she's a toddler. She can be extremely erratic and often tries to bait other people in the situation to harm her. Things like standing screaming an inch from your face and then flinching and threatening to call the police on YOU. My mom has done this several times to me, and I have never so much as touched her or harmed her, even when I was most triggered by her. She desperately wants people to hurt her physically so she can have something against them. It's bizarre behavior. I've learned after 32 years of life with her to not react at all to anything she does in any way and insist she gives me space. They don't know how to be reactive or how to spin the situation if you don't participate.
@@kellyb12345 They are emotionally unwell and hence behave in that way. I’m sorry you have had similar experiences with your mother. I’m trying to use meditation to overpower the negativity, so that when I see people around me behaving in bizarre ways, I can remind myself - They are emotionally unwell.
@@kellyb12345Id wear a go pro or put a camera on room to prove evidence
My mom: that isn't what I said!
Me:*screen shots the conversation and sent it to her*
Mom: well. I can see how YOU misunderstood, but that is not what I meant.
Me: ✋️🙄
Be carefull she can make people believe you are crazy and try to convice them you crazy.
@@NicolyKarenSilva-kv7uo she has. The people who believe her aren't worth my time, anyway.
This is my “mother” to a T !!!!!! Crazy making gaslighter !
I agree w the "facade maintenance." My mother absolutely HATED spending money on me. Absolutely HATED it. Outside of food and doctor's visits/medicine, she DID NOT want to spend money on me and when she did, let me know every. step. of. the. way. that she DID NOT want to be spending her money and didn't have the money to spend. My father was the exact same. I never went to any school events, parties or dances when I was in high school because of the hell I would get having to ask for money, and I never had any coming of age experiences like getting a car when I turned 18 because my parents did not want to spend any money on me at all outside of what was necessary. And even with things that were necessary, my mother would still say no. I had to have a tooth pulled because she didn't want to pay for my dental care... this is life.
My mom's a Narcissist. She's the kind that played favorites with her children. I was designated as The Scapegoat because I was born with Epilepsy. One thing she would always say is "If you don't look good, I don't look good.". I got all the verbal, physical, and emotional abuse, while my sister "The Golden Child" received all of the praise, love, and admiration of my mother. I'm in Therapy for CPTSD and Religious Trauma Syndrome, as well as actually seeing a professional Neurologist and getting the seizures under control the right way instead of her quack way of thinking an exorcism was the cure.
I am disabled and the target of 2 Narcissistic parents
I g0t very sick and had to move home as an adult. I couldn't get out of bed for many years and it saddens me to remember how much pain I was in and how my mother literally watched me suffer year after year. After studying narcissism for years I realize she probably enjoyed it. My dad just died unexpectedly and she is not even hiding her over the top favoritism of my sister. I always thought she was embarrassed of me and favoured my sister bc she was a veterinarian and she could brag about her. My mother tells everyone I'm crazy and even tried to get me committed with a bunch of lies. She cut me out of everything to do with my dad and even lied about having a memorial. Narc moms are truly scary and evil.
You perfectly described my mother in law. She’s done all of the things you described continually for the 30 years I’ve had to deal with her.
You just described my mother down to the core. I remember when we lived in California , away from they family she didnt get me anything for Christmas . I was only 10 yrs old and when I asked she beat the crap out of me . She got happiness from sadness .
Mom why u do this on my tablet
I’ve been labeled the worst things u can imagine, I’m not hurt.. I’m just deeply disappointed. I fully understand her spirit is broken, and all I can do is just pray for her from afar. 🙏🏾
I admire your strength. However when a narcissist has a child who is an empath, the emotional pain is that much stronger and deeper. I've forgiven both parents and I love them, but I pray to God I don't choose them as my parents in a future life. It would be wonderful to have normal parents.
Wow! Such good information! My sister-in-law has had a relationship with my mother for 18 years. She wants told me your mother is the sweetest, kindest, loving mother you’re so lucky! That’s how good my mom, a covert narcissist, is! She also says something incredibly mean, and then says, I never said that. Just like you were saying. And she gas like to me makes me feel crazy because I could’ve sworn she did something or said something. She gaslights me!
I refused to travel in a car that she was driving. My brothers supported me in my excuse to her. But I firmly believed she wanted (maybe unconsciously) that she wanted to murder me and would happily drive us both into a wall. She had threatened such things.
Sally, you've reminded me of yet another of her abuses. I was diagnosed with asthma at 13. She knew I was allergic to cigarette smoke. One day I was driving my car and she whips out a cigarette. I told her she was not going to smoke inside my smoke-free car. She started to light up anyway. I pulled over and told her to get out. We were only two blocks from home, so I guess she walked home.
Yeah some of them are sadistic. They wish bad things on you. And want you to suffer once you catch on to them.
When my brother and I were little, she would say that she would beat us until the blood ran down our legs. We went to Catholic school, and she would tell us regularly to go to hell. Scared me.
Pretty much described mine. The exception is the hatred of her children only extended to me but she keeps track of what we owe her. Christmas gifts are a source of support towards us so she can use this saying we owe her.
My mother was a wonderful, beautiful woman. Like everyone, she had her issues, but she always handled them with grace. On the other hand, I hear A WHOLE LOT of my father and ex-husband in this list. Two of the most covertly evil men I know.
Your wonderful beautiful mother chose to pair up with and reproduce with your covertly evil father. Why would such a wonderful beautiful woman choose to do this?
I don’t understand why my mom is so narcissistic when I’m so loving towards her? She literally convinces other family members like mainly her sister that I am such a horrible person daughter and mother then she comes in to save the day from her own narcissistic damage just to continue playing the martyr like she obviously gains so much power when she’s playing martyr & she finds so much enjoyment in this! It’s so frustrating to watch this cycle occur repeatedly! Why can’t everyone see through her martyr image, like I clearly do
My mother literally totaled my car when I was I college because she never wanted me to have it or any independence. She even insisted I take her car instead because she was worried about the safety. But it was all about control. 😢
Did your family know she was a covert narcissist or did she fool everyone? My mother had everyone else fooled!
My parents never taught me how to drive when I was a teen, and I had trouble getting rides to work. Yes, control.
Same here, my mother never taught me how to drive, driving lessons for me weren't an option either but she happily paid for my sister's driving lessons.
I am 60 years old now and just realizing the absolute horror I had to live with all my life. Everything you said in this video hit straight home. I tried running away from it by getting married at 15 just to realize my mother in law was even worse. My own mother took 5 overdoses in her life and blamed me every time. The first one when I was 4 years old. She hated any attention anyone gave me. At 6 years old she locked me in the kitchen and forced me to cook dinner. My uncle found me standing on a chair at the stove crying and trying to cook. My mother in law succeeded in taking all my children away from me, even though she never had any time for them. Please help me get this all out of my head before I go crazy
Try meditating, calm your brain and emotions. Focus on nature the sunshine. When the voices in your head start, say out loud , they are gone now , live today
Lucky me (being ironic) I have a covert narc Grandmother, Mother and now golden Sister. It drove me crazy.
I’m sorry. Yeah, I have a covert narc mom and sister, and a bully golden overt narc brother (and my deceased dad was my mom’s brainwashed enabler). IT SUCKS.
@@LittleLulubee I'm sorry for you too. How do you handle it all?
@@bumblebee_mrs Sometimes it’s way harder than others, and I feel so hopeless and powerless ☹ But I try to do things to nurture myself, like sleep and eat well, meditate, journaling, do enjoyable activities. I try to remind myself that I am innocent and worthy, that I deserve the best in life 💗 That THEY are to blame, and THEY are WRONG 😡😡 I try to not fuel the flames of rage or sorrow, when I feel overwhelmed by them, by shifting my thoughts to something more positive and doing deep breathing. Saying positive affirmations out loud. But the most important thing, if you can do it, is GO NO CONTACT.!! It’s impossible to heal and survive with those demons in your life. I hope that helps. Take care! 🌸
@@LittleLulubee Yes, absolutely what you say helps. I have only one narc left in my life and he is making my life miserable. Thanks again!!
I relate to this. Even if I am now completely drained in all possible ways. I feel so lucky, because considering the dangers of these folks, I am still OK. And now I have to work on myself and make a plan to escape from here. I pray God to give me the strength to go back to the work world and restart building my life again.
Fourth hubby, super miserable and has behaved in the most disgusting of ways towards me because Im the empath 🎯 target. Her hubby tried to stick up for me one time and told her how nice I am, and she completely lost it. Like it was a possession of the devil. She hated me for the longest time. I took it for years. She decided I was her enemy because of that. She has always put her dysfunctional men above us. Has always brought her problems to us and has never been remotely protective of us. Doesn’t matter the amount of forgiving or loyalty I’ve shown, she always disrespects me. I’m in my mid 40s now and blatantly tell her to back off because Im not her punching bag anymore. My happiness, my peace, my success and happy marriage are everything she hates. I’ve put myself first. ❤
Better get away from her. Your body keeps score for years after the trauma of the abuse they inflict. Narcs are the cause of most chronic illness. See The Royal We channel and listen to his latest videos about this subject. It is mind blowing.
I got pregnant at 17....my mother was always in control of raising me and my daughter. It was horrible. My mother used to beat me everytime I figured out when she was lying. She hated that I was aware of her husband's drug problems and she hated that I called her out about her parenting. Everytime I tried to get out, she would figure out a way to sabotage my relationships and attack my self worth. When I finally broke away from her and got married... She told my daughter I would never love her as much as I would love the new child (I was having another baby). She effectively stole my daughter away from me and turned me into the "monster".... She drove a giant wedge between my husband and my daughter and told my daughter that he would never fully accept her as his. My daughter believed these things and ran away and became a meth addict (addiction runs in her dad's side, he became a heroin addict)....I found her after years of searching. She's currently in a detention center....my mother figured out how to visit and has already told me I can't visit my daughter without her because she "refuses to break the promise of visiting every weekend"....my mother has broken millions of promises. It has nothing to do with that, it's that she wants to control the visits with me and my daughter. We will never be able to heal because of the harm my mother has done. This is just a brief summary....I have so many stories. My mom held a gun to the back of my head once and told me, "I brought you into this world, I can take you out..." To this day she denies it... But my sister was also there. If it weren't for my sisters.... I would think I was completely crazy.
I am *so* sorry you were beaten. My mother tried to make me feel guilty by announcing that I turned out to be such a disappointing daughter because she didn't beat me when I was small.
Oh my god....
Been married 35 + years and my mother-in-law is a covert narcissist, for sure!! Her latest stunt for attention is telling everyone that she "wants to die on the operating table like her late husband" ...which was her second husband (my husband's step-dad). Everyone in the family KNOWS about her desire to die on the operating table, and good luck finding a doctor who will operate on her heart--knowing how she'd like to end up. I find it so pathetic, but my husband sympathizes with his mom. And I think he sympathizes with her because she's been brainwashing him ALL of his life so he's managed to normalize her state of mind (that's another story). But last month she also fell down and bruised hersefl, a whole bunch of times, and now she wants to die via heart surgery (eyes roll). I have zero sympathy because she's been talkng about wanting to "die" for more than 8 years now. So NOW the entire family is in a panic everyone wants to fly out to see her and pay her the attention she craves. She is an emotinal vampire and in constant need of attention. If my husband doesn't call her at least twice a week she goes into a panic. And on Sunday mornings he'll typically turn off his phone because he doesn't want to receive any calls, but then he'll turn his phone on early afternoon. And wouldn't you know, this is precisely the time, Sunday morning, when his mother goes into a tailspin frantically trying to reach my husband; and lately she calls my husband's sister claiming she's "worried" about my husband and that's she keeps trying to call and can't reach him, when it's only on Sundays that he'll turn his phone off. So when he turns his phone on, there's a frantic text from his sister. The woman (my MIL) has to be front & center 24/7 it is SO irritating and I see right through her narcissistic games and abuse. And I finally went no contact with her last March because of narcissistic abuse, and boy did SHE try everything to pull me back in through my husband. She did not respect my boundary of no contact and made our lives miserable for months whining and complaining to other family members that I won't talk to her and that I "hate her" etc. So 2 months ago I actually asked to talk to her briefly while my husband was talking to her and simply said, "I do not hate you and I wish you well" ...and left it at that. I said just enough to her to let her know that I was on to her smear campaign and I said it as calmly and nicely as possible, because I didn't want to give her any narcissistic supply. Now I just ignore her and I don't respond to her antics. So, like I said, her latest stunt of wanting to "die" is for the attention she craves, and to pull me back into her headgames. Two days ago she asked my husband if I wanted to fly out with him to see her before her operation, and he said no, that I would be staying home. I'm sure that made her lose her mind--again. I am so sick of her need for attention. It is absulutely draining. Plus, I can totally picture her setting a trap for me to humiliate me in front of the entire family, while everyone is saying their final goodbyes, she might single me out and say some Shitty-and-Hurtful-Thing like she always does. Goodbye and good riddance. When she's gone I will not shed a tear. But I will hug my grieving husband.
Years ago, there was an incident where MIL had a "cancer scare". She became weepy & made her final wishes known to her son.😳 I still have to remind him, it was a routine screening & was (yet another) attempt at cementing his loyalty to her..😡
yeah they do that, like you said health scares and dying wishes that go on for years...gloating at the attention and when we stop taking them seriously they get mad
Sounds like my mil😂😫😩
And if you say anything people think you are the one who is crazy!
Bingo!
Especially the enabler mother
After years of dealing with this, I have come to the shocking revelation that this is my mother. Most definitely 5 out out the 7 things you noted.
My son was not picked up from aftercare one day because she agreed and then did not do it. The school called me 2 hours later asking what happened. When I confronted her and asked her if she forgot ( because that's what I thought) she calmly responded that I never asked her to do it...WTF?...It would have made more sense if I thought she forgot because she was rarely asked. But the fact that she refused to admit we even had a conversation about it was unbelievable. Now I know why...I stay away as much as possible in order to preserve my mental health. It took me 64 years to figure this out.
I am your age and understand what you are saying. The word,
NARCISSIST, was not in our vocabulary growing up. Don't be ashamed that you didn't learn about it earlier; you are not alone. ☮️🙏
Ugh I hate this for you. Sending love. I hope your healing and supported ♥
Im so sorry you went thru that.
My mom always somehow turns everything around to herself. She will mention my citizenship award & then the fact I thanked the person for it, she says “the way you thanked so in so they called me to say that type of thank you is due to the home training I gave you.” 😢
She LOVES to embarrass me in public. Loudly. Over anything.
I went over to clean her house because she’s older needing help & she encouraged my brother to mess up my cleaning & scream insulting commentary behind me the whole time. Then she says “I never asked you to clean that, I asked you to…”
then says the opposite of what she’d originally asked me for help with.
She invites the drug addict thief my brother knows to stay at the house who steals from her so she can be the “hero.”
As a kid, people would ask “why does your mother hate you?” I thought they didn’t know what they were talking about. Until my husband said the same thing. Then the memories of hundreds of friends since I was little asking me over time that flowed back.
She said uninvited to holiday dinner because she says she doesn’t like my voice tone. Except I barely talk. I just listen.
She brings up my failures constantly. She even said “I’m going to call your husband & tell him all your secrets then he won’t love you anymore.” My husband heard it and said “I already know her secrets and love her anyway. Your daughter respects you and is trying to help you. You might want to think about that.”
Oh, MY DEAR LORD this is SPOT ON!
And even after my brother & mother have passed on now, the emotional shit that is left over inside of me is beyond words!
Almost EVERYTHING you described here, I went through + more grueling stuff.
But does anyone understand that? No! Living a life with narcissistic people around you is very lonely & even after they've left... It's emotionally debilitating. NO-ONE truly understands!
Wow this is a total description of my mother. It makes me so sick to my stomach….I wish I would have learned about this earlier in my life
Me too. I need help dealing with the effects of it all.
Same I spent decades in therapy and I think none of my primary therapists ever caught on to the prolonged abuse I was enduring, or pointed it out to me. The mental health professionals need to learn more about this, and thank goodness I started watching Dr Ramani, and videos like this, and learned about "yellow rock, grey rock". Reducing my interactions with her has saved my sanity.
I am a single mother, 43, past relationships with narcissists. I work like a dog but am in a mess due to having to accept financial help from my narcissist parents. My parents act like this gives them license to control me in all areas. First day of setting boundaries and she has already begun insulting me. I love myself after years of working in therapy and I am not going to settle for being merely tolerated by the people who were supposed to love, nurture and believe in me. She can have as many tantrums as she wants, Im not living like this anymore.
To all us here who have a narc mother. I'm sending You/ us hugs and strong. Feels lonley
This is the most accurate description of my mother I have ever heard. I Need help. People do not understand the dynamic and how she can absolutely destroy every relationship in my life. Stop any opportunity that comes my way. She has cut me off from all of my family. This is unreal how on point this is. They are dangerous. Ever since I’ve been here I’ve felt so sick. And mysteriously she has the “same” symptoms that I have. Which is sus because it seems like everytime I get sick she’s out of town or knows exactly what my symptoms are before I say anything.
That could be witch craft
That made me think of Whitney Webb. She has a podcast called Unlimited Hangout, episode “the false self” the last hour of it she discusses terrible things her mother did to her. Also I am very sorry you had to go through this. You deserve love and care!
I LOVE this video! ❤ I feel so seen and understood. You just described my evil, fake, soft-spoken in public and presenting as an innocent little lamb, psycho narc mother perfectly!! Knowing everyone adores her is SO infuriating!! And the older she gets, the more precious she appears! I wish I could tell all the relatives the truth about her and my bully, golden brother, but I know they would NEVER believe me!! It’s maddening! Thank you so much for representing wise, intelligent, loving women- for showing me they really exist. I wish I had someone like you as my mother, rather than that crazy, unevolved person!! Looking forward to more videos ❤
I’m so very sorry. My Mom is the same way.
@@lisabowden402 Thanks! I’m sorry for you, too 🌸
Completely understand....sounds like my Mother!
@@fayemahoney1481 Sorry 🌸
Hang in there. I was once the bully brother to my younger sister, our mum was like this. Your dad is probably a bully to your brother and that's why he's a bully to you, that's what it was for me anyway.
Im 35 and alot of those "babyboomer" parents that come from families of like 8 plus siblings. You notice a lot of those babyboomers siblings dont get along. Think about how alot of "babyboomers" weird loners that dont like their children and always angry. They are on the spectrum and dont know it.
I stopped right in the middle of this video. Some hurtful truths are still too hard to stomach. Everything you said is true with my covert narcissist mother.
They are pure evil and usually they have children for the wrong reasons
Yep. 😔
You forget that THEY CANNOT TOLERATE CRITICISM AT ALL
Spot on again. Thanks so much for helping us realise we aren't crazy... have a wonderful week Jill.
This is my late narc mother 100%. She did all these things to my sister and me.
Many grateful thanks.
Peace and All Good.
did you feel relief when the evil NM was no longer alive?
How did u get away
@@oppressednolonger1497 Relieved and pity for her.
My sister and I were talking about her last night. It's over ten months since she died. We don't miss her at all.
She left all her hoarding for us to sort through, though. All I want to do is throw it all in a skip and have done; my sister has other plans. We need to meet half way.
@@aena5995 I couldn't. I'm on the Autism Spectrum (which my mother never found out about at all while she was alive). I found myself isolated and suffering from chronic anxiety. It's a reason, not an excuse.
I got involved with someone a long time ago now. Who woke up from a bad dream and started hitting me in my sleep. She was completely convinced I'd done something bad to her. Her housemate witnessed her assaulting me. Next thing she screams "ow, why did you hit me?" And punched herself in the face. Then sent photos to all our friends, showing this black eye! It's taken me nearly 7 years to get over the trauma of that "relationship". It really put me off trusting people but also really made me reflect on why on earth i was attracted to someone abusive like that. NEVER AGAIN
My wife’s narcissistic mother asked me what I thought her daughter would do when she “grew-up” - after just having a baby at age 33. Seriously.
Yes! My car was broken into and the would be thieves destroyed it so I had to arrange for people to come take it away. I told my mum about this and she said "I'm so proud of you for taking care of this all by yourself". I thought it was a really odd thing to say to an adult as I'm 37yrs old and had 3 kids of my own.
So very true! Good video! I have the misfortune to have escaped from a covert narcissit but have a baby daughter with her and have to "co-parent" (rather it's counter-parenting). I need to protect my daughter and will do all I can. The female covert narcissist is the most evil creature you can imagine. Pure evil, no empathy, no conscience, always a facade out but a monster when nobody else watches, and always a martyr or victim. She sees her children only as instruments and has no love for them. It is quite disgusting! Unfortunately there is still so much bias that people believe the women and that narcissists are mostly men, which is not true. And yes Amber Heard.., how I recognise it now. Johnny Depp has done a great service to all men who have been trapped by a female narcissist, and helped expose the issue. Beware, this is a very very serious personality disorder but can be really hard to detect until it's too late.
Everything very right what you are writing here. My mother is a Covert narcissist. You have to protect also yourself. Maybe you can go no contact while the daughter is on baby age.. Covert Narc mothers get much worse when children start to grow up. They feed of that attachment and dependency small child has - it gives them narcissistic resource. At least I noticed it in my case. And just later starts to show unlove and how she dont actually want to do all what mothers usually do.
So also your ex wife enjoys the feeling that you will fly around all her life or at least until your daughter grows up.
@@zandatee Thank you for your answer and sorry to hear your mother is a covert narc. Yes I am in 'hybrid no contact' only meet her during hand overs of our daughter. Otherwise I keep strict no contact. We are in custody trial and luckily the custody evaluator wrote in my favour. At what age did you notice your mother getting worse? My daughter is soon 2 years so still a toddler. What age does the narc mother start getting worse? I want to create a safe home for my daughter where she can always feel secure and loved, but it will most likely be a part-time with the narcissist. I want to be prepared.
@@jans724 Read about Parental Alienation and be prepared for it when she gets older. This is something pretty much all narcs do, especially female narcs.
@@reesedaniel5835 Thanks, yes I have read about it and it is disgusting! It really worries me. My daughter deserves none of this and is such a joyful curious little girl.
By far one of the most insightful comments on this video. Would you mind if I quote it (namehandle omitted) when I post the video on my personal FB account?
Am sorry that you & YOUR daughter have to endure one of these poor excuses of human beings. 💜
So grateful you’re getting this information out there, Jill! I grew up in a “nest” of these women! Two stepmothers, my own mother, a grandmother & a half sister have/had **many** of these behaviors! All of them were telling lies about me & playing victim. It’s just plain evil. Keep up the great videos. You’re helping so many spot these vicious phonies and the extreme harm they can cause.
Dear fifi, growing up with *one* of these women is hard enough. I cannot *imagine* what it was like for you.
Their dangerous to the bone !!
So true! My mother told me that I never succeeded at anything I ever tried!
My mom told me I’m incompetent, and treats me like a child.
My Mother never said it directly, but indirectly. For example - I'm proud you just got into Law school, even if you don't finish it. You just need to get on with your own life and make yourself proud.
Thankfully I had my grandmother 💚
Narcissist have all the different card that they can pull out the victim card the martry card the goody goody card humiliate card guilty tripping card masquerading card etc! K
Mom was an exceptional player of cards. She loved the competition. She was also fond of Scrabble which explained her skilled word play. Amazing to see her mind games unfold without much effort. She's a tortured soul who has fun at the expense of others.
Yup, full deck of manipulation cards! And always pulling a winner!
Thank you for posting such a cohesive summary of growing up with a covert narcissistic mother. I appreciate your bravery in sharing your experiences with covert narcissistic mothers. The potential backlash and gaslighting from the narcissist’s fan club could deter many people from going public, I thank you so much. A lot of them can feel so alone. Your video helps validate so many of our lives. ❤
These are so incredibly true.
It reminded me of the first time that my mom said she would babysit our son. She hardly ever went out of the house, but she committed to a night, we got all ready for our date and brought our son over. She was not there. We did not hear back from her for many hours, I think I may have even been the next day when we finally heard back from her if I remember right. She had decided to go to prison ministry for the first time and "forgot," she was going to watch a baby of I believe 6 months, for the first time.
I would have been so excited to watch my grandson, there is no way I would have done any of that.
I recognize my mother had a very violent and chaotic upbringing. I feel very sorry for her, and hope she can find some healing within herself before she’s unable to do so. Learning about the behavior, untangling my real self from the version she made me out to be has been so liberating, and as a escapegoat I hope other escapegoats can do the same because you deserve it❤. Sending love and healing to those who have had to deal with this.
Is it just me or do you worry you’re just like her
Sending love and healing to you too.
The term is scapegoat but I love escapegoat cuz I got away from my abuser and I’m also a capricorn 🐐
. . . and to you, dear.
@oliviamaher2333 their online name is evil Mindy. Nuff said
We need a support group for adult children trying to heal, reading the comments tells me there are so many of us.
This is so true. There are so many of us who are so heartbroken.
I know of 2 occasions that my ex malignant narc mother-in-law slashed my ex's tires when she raged at him and did not want him to get away.
My mum would enjoy to tell people how I run away from school .and from the home at young age ,not knowing that I was running away from her beatings .Her story aganst mine
Why would you be running away during school to get away from her abuse? That's the place you STAY at when she isn't there!
You cannot stay at school all the time. Rebels can be manufactured by narcissists.
@@lorireed8046 running away from school meaning running away from home totally and when I came back home then she said ,my daughter run away from school .
This was my ex wife who passed away this year leaving nothing but an utter mess I am still dealing with but now children who themselves are compulsive in manipulating and using anyone they can.
My children have huge swaths of lost memories. They do not remember anything good that I have done for them.
My ex would wreck our finances, the interests of the children, planned vacations were always satotaged. On and on.
The part about them staying in horrible relationships and making the lives of everyone a living hell is so true... My mother is with a man she can't stand so I MUST serve the role of emotional caregiver and therapist otherwise I am a terrible daughter... I hit a breaking point the other day and set my boundary that if the doesn't get a therapist for herself she can forget about having a relationship with me. I'm so exhausted...
I thought that I was crazy all my life. My mother would give me permission to do something then when the time came she would say I never agreed. This makes me confused. I walked on eggshells my whole life until she passed.
I been married for 4 yrs now and I’m feed up with this lady. My husband doesn’t see it and gets upset with me then I tell him. I’m at the point that I want to divorce my husband so I can live in peace.
Jill,
I wanted to post this letter to simulate what all of us that have suffered from this abuse want to hear from our former NARC. We all know we will never get this letter, but it demonstrates what a closure would feel like if we did. At least I could bring some type of ending to this madness.
Dear Victim, (Insert your name)
I have lied to you about nearly everything. I am not sorry for this behavior because I cannot empathize with you. I chose narcissism so early in my life that I never had the chance to develop a conscience or the capacity to feel remorse or empathy for the way I hurt you. Still, I know it’s wrong on an intellectual level. I just cannot feel your pain. Sometimes I wish I could, but I can’t. I became a narcissist because as a child I felt too vulnerable. I was sensitive. I felt too much and most of it was painful. I was made to feel like I was nothing, a nobody. I was hurt, betrayed, abused, just like you. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t loved, or why I was treated with contempt and like I didn’t matter. I was also never given a good example of how to become a good person. I never had anyone to model in a positive way. Life was so painful for me I had to do something about it. Something drastic. I had to become strong and never show weakness again, because my weakness was killing me. I was trained that being a sensitive person who feels compassion and remorse, a person who can love others, is a weak person. I know that isn’t really the case, but it was how I was trained. I was so young that I couldn’t see how wrong that might have been. I reached a point where I had to make a choice. In order to survive, I had to sacrifice my humanity. I didn’t want to do it, but I felt like I had to. I didn’t want to be hurt anymore. I had to sell my soul. In order to sell my soul, I had to shut you and everyone else out. I couldn’t allow myself to feel too much. I couldn’t allow myself to be sensitive anymore, and that meant I could no longer allow myself to love anyone, feel anyone else’s pain or joy, or feel sorry if I did something wrong. I had to don this mask that I wear, which is a lie. In order to keep that lie intact, I had to treat others badly. I had to diminish you to prop my false self up. I had to hate you in order to “love” the mask that I show the world, because if I didn’t continually prop myself up by making you feel bad, my mask of lies might fall off and expose the real me, a powerless and vulnerable child which I had to protect at all costs, even if it meant destroying everyone else around me. I am a bully but inside I know I am nothing. I act like I love myself, but I really hate myself. I only love the mask I wear. I abuse you to protect that mask. You can never get through to my true self because the lies I tell are nearly impenetrable. I have lied so often and for so long that I have come to believe my own lies. I am a walking lie. That is the truth. I will never let you get close to what I really feel. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. Most of the time I feel nothing because a lie has no feelings. But try to destroy my protective armor, and I will try to destroy you. If I must go down in flames, I am going to take you with me. I will rage and abuse you. I will gaslight you and tell you the most horrific lies about yourself. I may seem nice at first or when I feel like the supply you give me is threatened or you may leave. I know how to get others to trust me-by acting like a nice person. I am good at acting like a nice person, but I can’t feel a nice person’s emotions. It’s hard work to act nice because that’s a lie too. When you begin to trust me, I will start abusing you, because I must keep you at arm’s length and keep my mask of lies intact at all costs. Both the niceness I show you and the asshole I become are both lies. I cannot even access who I really am. I have forgotten. I just know that my true self is there, somewhere, and I can never, ever, let you meet them. If you mirror back to me too much of the truth about me-if I become aware that you KNOW this mask that I always wear is a fake-I will attempt to destroy you or cut you out of my life. I cannot afford to have the truth about myself revealed to me. Nothing terrifies me more than facing the truth about myself, so I have dissociated myself from it. It scares me so much to realize how evil I have become. It hurts me so much that I had to choose this fake self because of what was done to me. I hate being evil. I really don’t want to be this way, but I will never, ever admit that. I cannot ever show you or anyone in the world how weak and vulnerable I really am. But deep inside, I know I am. I am still an infant. I never grew up. My emotional and moral development was arrested when I was just a very young child, so I only have the emotional maturity of a child that age. That’s why I can’t care about you. It’s why I must always have my way. Can a two- or three-year-old care about YOUR feelings? Of course, they can’t, and like a toddler, I can’t either. I am like a mentally challenged person, only my disability isn’t mental, it’s emotional and moral. I’m emotionally retarded. It’s hard work keeping up my false self. I am paranoid and defensive all the time that I will be discovered and exposed. It’s enormously stressful to be a narcissist. It’s stressful and often painful, and I know I have sacrificed the ability to ever feel real happiness to never be hurt again. But still, I hurt all the time. You can hurt me very easily. The only way I dare show my hurt is by projecting it back onto you through my abuse and through my rages. I’m a bully because I always hurt so much. But I can’t hurt FOR you, only for myself. I cannot afford to hurt for you. I’m too busy always licking my own wounds and trying to keep the lie going. I will hurt YOU if I must to keep the lie intact. As I age, I may soften a little but most likely I won’t. I could even become worse. Don’t wait for me to change because I most likely never will. Once I chose this life, there was no going back. I chose darkness and once that’s done, there is no going back to the light. I sold my soul and there’s no way to buy it back, but through the grace of God himself. If you care about yourself (because I can never care about you), you must leave now. Don’t play my games. Ignore me and act like I don’t exist. Being treated like I don’t exist is the worst thing I can imagine, but if you care about your own survival it’s what you must do. I will destroy you if you don’t. Heed my warning. There’s even a small-a very small-chance that your abandoning me and taking away the supply I get from you could make me take a look in the mirror for the first time at the lost child I left behind so long ago. If that happens, I will be in so much pain I may seek the help I need. Don’t count on it though. Even if I ever seek help, once I start feeling too much pain, I will probably leave counseling. Feeling that pain is too terrifying. It’s easier to abuse my own mind (and yours) by keeping up the masks and lies… Don’t wait for me to change. I won’t. Don’t play my games. Even if I rage, hold your ground. You’re stronger than I am. I will never let you know I know this. Don’t fall for my lies. Better yet, leave now. Keep your soul intact. Don’t allow me to turn you into a shell of what you used to be or worse, a person like me, even though it’s what I want. Do not ever consider taking me back. NEVER.
Sincerely, Your Narcissist
I AM floored by what I just heard. Floored and validated at the same time. My covert narcissistic mother lived with us in our home for 5 years before we knew she was a narcissist. She has Multiple Sclerosis (or claims to have MS) and would fall at least once a week or more, and would often cause injury to herself. It was incredibly concerning and of course, there so much more wrapped up in this whole story. But what I want to focus on is her falls, because it happened so often.
I eventually found her an apartment in an independent living situation because I couldn’t take her living in our home anymore. The lies, the manipulation, the guilt tripping, the narcissistic rage, etc…
emotionally and mentally I felt I was going insane. We were concerned about her falling, but set up a first alert system so she wore a lanyard with a button she could push to get help if she fell. Let me just say, It never happened. Suddenly, bafflingly, she stopped having falls after we moved her out. My brother and I were in touch with her for a year after she moved into her own place. NO FALLS.
After watching your video, I finally get it. I have never heard anyone before describe this behavior of my covert narc mother. Wow! Thank you so much for putting this content out there. People like me need to see this to understand what’s going on and to feel validated. My brother and I have always thought that her history of falls was part of the narcissism, but just couldn’t understand how it was related. One more piece of the puzzle from you, and I can see it all so much more clearly than ever before. Thank you!
I am so sorry to hear about your treatment from your step mother.
Unfortunately, this treatment is common from step parents.