My ex believed two things about the solution to a problem - ANY type of problem. 1) His solution was the only one available and 2) anything else was wrong or wouldn't work. One of the most powerful statements my psychiatrist ever said to me was that the person I thought I was in love with doesn't exist. You just perfectly described my own father's and my ex's strategies. As people often point out, once you see it, you can't unsee it.
Cognitive dissonance results as we try to reconcile the fiction with the facts & it’s a very deliberate strategy on the part of the narcissist who knows from the start that he’s just putting one over on you. Mine bragged about fooling me & then complained that he couldn’t get me to take the bait anymore. I went gray rock & he finally disappeared for the last time a year ago
My Narc father LOVED to gripe at me about being social but when I tried he immediately resorted to word salad or bringing up every fault I have. I hope there is a special hell for Narcissists where all their methods land on their unprotected selves for all eternity.
Simply put, it’s the set of character traits that belong to the disorder which results in similar/equal behaviors. Just like any other kind of disease or disorder would show similar or equal symptoms in that group of patients.
@@danuwintersong22That's exactly right and I've mentioned on other videos that they could say that about all the people labelled as codependents, or people pleasers etc, because the behaviour is similar too. Of course, many of latter groups believe that they're the normal and healthy individuals, yet it seems be a case of not loving the self enough with both for understandable reasons. 🙁
I don't expect an apology for anyone's actions if an apology is necessary they are already shut out of my life. 22yrs of abuse taught me give them an inch they will drag you for miles apologizing is a method of control and leads to more blame shifting
They are full of 'insincere' apologies, and thats about it. 'Im sorry you feel that way', Today i got, a very angry, "I ALREADY APOLOGIZED TWICE !!!- ISNT THAT ENOUGH?!?!?!" I RESPONDED....no...its not sincere. And she went and sulked for two hours. Im not letting it bother me anymore. I cant believe i was SO ignorant for all these years. And what Jill said about why they argue...not to solve a problem, but to win the debate, ( more or less, Jill said 'Competition' , i think, but debate is pretty close.) Its exhausting...she is very impulsive, and dramatic, and emotion driven. And i think youre right...'apoliogy is another method of control.
Same here. My ex would rage, blame me for everything, re-invent the past & then hours later or the next day apologize. It's a big game for dominance & control. He always wanted to be right & couldn't accept that others have their own opinions.
The narc definition of compromise = you acquiesce to their demands, without condition or question. What do you mean you have wants/needs of your own? How could you be so SELFISH?!! Great content as always Jill - 2024 off to an enlightened start...
Oddly enough my partner always accused me of wanting "to win" or "to have the last word" simply because I question things he says or where I'm thinking we are just having a conversation (and not an argument)
I can completely relate. I’d get so many different versions of this from her. “See! You never work as a team. You always need to be right.” “Why am I always in the wrong?” “Why am I always to blame?” I’d see through it and even if I managed to wrestle through every other tactic she’d try to “level” every time. “We did this” “this is OUR dynamic”. My ex was an absolute master. Her mother taught her well. I’m currently in my, “they’re probably a narc” stage whenever I think I might like someone.
Yes, mine too. I would say each person can have their own opinion, not everyone is 100% right, we can learn from each other, but he would quickly say that he was right & that it was me who couldn't accept HIS reality.
Mine uses an interesting tactic. She rages, silent treatment, and moves to another bedroom for a week. Then one day, she'll come out and act like nothing happened. If that doesn't work, she'll cry and say how sorry she is for hurting me and she just can't deal with knowing she's hurt me all those heads and she's working on it, etc. 3 days later, back to the same ol demon. I just let her think it's working until I can arrange things in a couple of months. It's all BS, I heard it all for decades.
My husband blows up over something minor then acts like it never happened the next day. He acts amazed when I remind him of his abhorrent behavior. Every damn weekend plays out the same way like clockwork for decades.
Wow, same here with my ex. He also would rage at the slightest perceived insult & then give me the silent treatment. Next day acts like nothing happened, apologizes and the pattern repeats with the next outbursts.
Living in a mixed household with my girlfriend's nephew (a shining example of an N) has been a nightmare. No rent paid, no household help, victim mentality about everything, no respect for the others in the house, NO END IN SIGHT. They create gigantic messes, destroy personal items, steal and wantonly TAKE, and are the cause for arguments and negative emotions between the other house-members because we simply don't know how to go about either kicking this person out or getting them to SIMPLY contribute. It's our own personally curated hell and it makes me angry and, i'll admit hesitantly, vengeful and spiteful.
That is awful. Sounds like someone with narcissistic traits for sure. Conscience-less, entitled, victim mentality. The only language these people understand is force or power, just something to bear in mind. My sister is one and so is my father and my mother has traits. It truly is Hell.
The lie's are also as natural as breathing for them and they won't admit the truth even if it fell from the sky and danced the cancan in front of them. 🤦
It's all part of the classical observed SMEAR CAMPAIGN they do. Except the evilly strategically do it way before there is evidently problem TO GET OVER ON YOU. (by the time your siblings start discarding or make you basically discard them after their false portrayal, UNTRUTHS, etc... While it might be too late to get the turncoats back who were too good for anyways, it's never too late to walk away with pride from a bad situation! I love smear campaigns at me... AT LEAST TO GET EXPOSES MY SECRET ENEMIES who crawl out of the woodwork of their nonsense!)
our daughter lied about an argument that I had with her & added such horrible untruths to her side of the story about what truly happened. She actually turned my immediate family against me & my husband. She keeps me very limitedly informed about her life & our granddaughters life, who is a toddler & has kept our grandchild from us due to her own lies. She is playing the victim to her own game that she caused. I don’t have anymore “olive branches” to extend out to my family members for taking her side over ours. My family states, “There is your story, her story & the truth” all while disowning me and my husband and believing everything that our child said happened, going on three years this year. I have no more energy to continue these toxic relationships of all the involved family members that need to mind their own business.
My ex would physically abusive me and he would say that I was anger because he “ love me” and I wanted to leave him for others . He never apologized because on he’s head I deserve it. No contact since Dec 24 and I see how abusive and manipulative he was.
You described my brother in law and his wife completely. Every single one. It’s so sad. These type of people are evil and it’s best to just stay away. I’m so glad they live on the other side of the country. My husband is a sweet pure soul and for him having to have a brother like that is very sad to witness. Thanks for your video. Looking into this narcissistic abuse I now have the knowledge to handle them if I need to in a conversation/argument they want to win. Sick people. I recently took a psychology class and it mention people with this psycho disorder more likely doesn’t seek help therefore never heals because they think nothing is wrong with them.😢
Yes, unfortunately that's right. They're completely deluded a lot of the time. The sad thing is, some of them become aware of what they are and then they harness that for greater power and success. Whether winning arguments, escaping accountability, or getting ahead in the world. I believe my sister is now aware of what she is, and that allows her to just lie pathologically with zero care in the world. Gaslights myself and my mother and my mother falls for it, because the truth is too much for her to bear, that her daughter could be so callous.
Arguments were always "discussions" about her issues. To which those issues were resolved only if they were to her satisfaction. Even then that was not enough. I felt trapped in a locked never ending revolving door. Three months + no contact. My Peace is better now yet still fragile.
Is it just my narcissistic or do others also rewrite history featuring their victim as having done horrible, morally reprehensible things? The way my narcissist tells it I am responsible for the Hindenburg disaster, I sunk the Titanic and caused both World Wars.
You are so spot on with this information. I wish hearing this would be validating enough to allow me to be at peace, but as you know, living in a dynamic where one or more people are distorting the truth for their own benefit is really a tough place to be... And often on-going, as in my case. I am just fantasizing about changing my name and running away. 3 against one... Ive had enough. But im building myself back after poor health so i don't have that luxury unfortunately.... Not yet anyway. Thank you for putting this information out there.
A UA-cam expert said people describe the accusations against themselves and ask if they could be the guilty ones and the real narcissists. He said not likely because narcissists never ask themselves that question.
I do NOT apologize to someone for what THEY did to me. Did it so many times thinking it was all my fault. Never again. Repeat it to yourself. Do not say sorry for what someone else did to you!
Amazing how many times I apologized to my ex for the abuse he dealt out to me. If I even mentioned that his public put downs of me hurt my feelings, I’d be met with rage that he was sick of having to apologize to me…which he never did, other than to say, “I’m sorry you feel that way, but you’re over reacting” or “you’re too sensitive, get over it.” And I believed him. He’s doing this to my adult son who is struggling emotionally. I don’t know how to protect my son from this abuse , and now I’m feeling myself drawn back into the horror and confusion of my marriage. It never seems to end.
I want to comment about reactive abuse: The last time I saw a psychiatrist, my answers to all his questions got him so hopped up that all he could do was to shout abuses 'till he ran away screaming. Seriously. Though I may have exaggerated the volume a little. We had been friends in high school, and this was the first get together a few of us had after we finished college and established our careers. I studied fine arts, worked as an artist for the archaeology department, began a master's program in archaeology, but later decided that teaching and publishing anthropology was not the life I wanted. I left school and got a much less glamorous job. The first question of the night, of course, was "What's your job?" He then told me that he had already lied to his kid about my job and pressured me to "Just go along with it" when I met his family. I knew right then that he had no intention of ever seeing me again, but I decided to just enjoy the evening for what I expected it to be, and to neither lie nor offer the truth about my job when I met the kid. After that, everything went OK until the guy with the MBA (whom I had last seen when I was an usher in his wedding) asked "You guys still liberal?" I gave the wrong answer. Then, of course, it was "Why?" Then "Wow! That's crazy!" And that was the mantra they repeated in response to every question I was allowed to actually answer. Neither of them made any assertions or counter arguments. They just threw questions in the most rapid interrogation possible, and never intentionally paused for any answers. And when they ran out of questions, it was "OK, let's talk about something else." I said "No. It's my turn." To minimize antagonism, I didn't say "You say I'm crazy? Now prove it." I knew all along that I was being baited, and the only way I could win the argument was to outdo their aggression and be the bad guy. But I wouldn't take that bait. Now I had to choose between accepting their "crazy" verdict or risk vilification for being too persistent. I chose the latter because one of these guys had been a groomsman type of friend, and that friendship would have to end unless the "crazy" accusation got rescinded. So I became the "persistent" bad guy for which I deserved to be dumped by my friends. Or so I thought for about a day. My first "wait a minute" was: this guy's a professional counselor. Everyone knows better than to negotiate using personal attacks. Then I thought: What's the best topic for starting a fight? And What's the best way to escalate a conflict to maximum proportions? It was an ambush. My working class high school friends grew up to be a doctor and a corporate exec. Snobs.
I remember bringing up a valid concern and at the end of the convo, crying and feeling guilt and confusion. It was wild! Glad to say it’s in the past but I’m still healing and your videos are so helpful.
I am 38 years old, and it took me until two years ago to realize this beast I've been dealing with all these years. My sister is now acting identical to my toxic mother. I was close, or at least i thought i was close to my sister, and that has all changed. It has been heartbreaking and confusing.
I think its funny when confronted about an issue and they say something along the lines of "I dont know what you are talking about" then they keep talking and know exactly what you are talking about...
I finally walked away after 40 years from my entire family because of narcissistic mother. The last time we were togther she created this big argument just to get my reaction cause I was in therapy and realize what she was and started healing and she hated that cause I was the codependent blacksheep screw up of the family. But after she tries everything in the book to get my reaction she said something that she knew would hurt me mor then anything and when she saw that it did hurt me I could see the smirk cone across her face and she was calm now. That’s when I lost all respect for her and knew I didn’t have a mother and I didn’t know this person . It was the most freeing yet heartbreaking moment of my life
Thanks especially for 13:08. I'm still in therapy over the breakup I insisted on after her doing something that gave me such a huge blow to "core identity" that I couldn't take it any more. We ended up reconnecting (voluntary Hoover?) but I was and still hold myself accountable for not having the skills to have been less reactive, despite my apologizing and asking for a re-try with some counseling. She made sure I never forgot it by constantly bringing it up. Then, when the time was ripe, she discarded me and was careful to use some of the same things I had said. 13:08 was a fabulous pep talk for someone in my situation.
This was really an amazing informative video I experience every single thing you spoke about and even worse to the fact that there are just are no words to explain it to people who wouldn't believe the mental abuse that I have endured the past. Year and a 1/2 with my best friend and business partner of 27 years. accommodated in a physical attack and him trying to kill me, which I'm still baffled over. I'm very sad and heartbroken. But I'm moving on the best I can. I know it may be difficult to answer. On here because there could be many factors. But what would cause a narcissistic physically try to kill you and attack you, because that's what happened to me
.. the violence ? My guess would be because they feel that they have lost control of you. and that if you are dead … they regain control… my best guess …
My problem with these videos is this: 1. my ex would make up things I never said or did, then when I said "that never happened" or they failed to bring up proof, they accused ME of gaslighting THEM. 2. My ex would blow something insanely out of proportion like "you answered a text while we were cuddling on the couch so you don't care about me and don't prioritize me." But if I said "that's not it at all, it was just a quick text" I would be told that I was minimizing THEIR distress. 3. Any time I would try to defend myself about something I was being told I thought or felt, or any time I asked for an apology for ANYTHING, I was told I was blame shifting. I was told I need to apologize for gaslighting or blame shifting. 4. Generally everything that I brought to their attention about their behavior was kept in a bag and pulled out to use back against me for the rest of our relationship. Watching stuff like this always makes it difficult to remind myself that I'm not the narcissist because I hear their accusations about me being the one.
I had just give her a baby boy she came in the living room and said she was selling sex 3 months after our son i though i was going to drop dead i had to get out the house i went to the hospital the doctor said i was lucky i came today my God almighty
My ex believed two things about the solution to a problem - ANY type of problem. 1) His solution was the only one available and 2) anything else was wrong or wouldn't work. One of the most powerful statements my psychiatrist ever said to me was that the person I thought I was in love with doesn't exist. You just perfectly described my own father's and my ex's strategies. As people often point out, once you see it, you can't unsee it.
Mine has the added annoyance of adding, "You are questioning me!" {I can't roll my eyes hard enough when I hear that}
@@f.frederickskitty2910yes I know that one to. Very often🙄
Mine is my mother and ex husband….it’s surprising they’re not mother and son
TRUTH
Cognitive dissonance results as we try to reconcile the fiction with the facts & it’s a very deliberate strategy on the part of the narcissist who knows from the start that he’s just putting one over on you. Mine bragged about fooling me & then complained that he couldn’t get me to take the bait anymore. I went gray rock & he finally disappeared for the last time a year ago
My Narc father LOVED to gripe at me about being social but when I tried he immediately resorted to word salad or bringing up every fault I have. I hope there is a special hell for Narcissists where all their methods land on their unprotected selves for all eternity.
Only way to live with them is to give up your identity and self respect.
And I did just that…focused everything on my children and their lives until the night before I left….
Seems to be about it, and they will work overtime to burn any bridge of escape!
after 35 years. enough was enough.
My husband has done all of these things. How do they all do the same things?! Do they have weekly meetings on tuesdays? Like damn
Same playbook for sure!👍
Simply put, it’s the set of character traits that belong to the disorder which results in similar/equal behaviors. Just like any other kind of disease or disorder would show similar or equal symptoms in that group of patients.
@@danuwintersong22That's exactly right and I've mentioned on other videos that they could say that about all the people labelled as codependents, or people pleasers etc, because the behaviour is similar too.
Of course, many of latter groups believe that they're the normal and healthy individuals, yet it seems be a case of not loving the self enough with both for understandable reasons. 🙁
Evil has the same lame playbook.
meetings are on wednesday “ demons are us : the language, the behavior, key points “
This one resonated with me. Bottom line, these types of people are just bad, bad seeds, point blank, period.
Thank you Jill!
I don't expect an apology for anyone's actions if an apology is necessary they are already shut out of my life. 22yrs of abuse taught me give them an inch they will drag you for miles apologizing is a method of control and leads to more blame shifting
Very insightful and useful comment. Stay strong Manuel 😊
Yep! DARVO happens, then they pretend to be the "victim."
They are full of 'insincere' apologies, and thats about it.
'Im sorry you feel that way',
Today i got, a very angry, "I ALREADY APOLOGIZED TWICE !!!- ISNT THAT ENOUGH?!?!?!"
I RESPONDED....no...its not sincere.
And she went and sulked for two hours.
Im not letting it bother me anymore.
I cant believe i was SO ignorant for all these years.
And what Jill said about why they argue...not to solve a problem, but to win the debate, ( more or less, Jill said 'Competition' , i think, but debate is pretty close.)
Its exhausting...she is very impulsive, and dramatic, and emotion driven.
And i think youre right...'apoliogy is another method of control.
@@edwhite7475 There's only two options by THAT point.
1. GTFO of there
2. Grey-rock it until you can get to Option 1 eventually
Same here. My ex would rage, blame me for everything, re-invent the past & then hours later or the next day apologize. It's a big game for dominance & control. He always wanted to be right & couldn't accept that others have their own opinions.
The narc definition of compromise = you acquiesce to their demands, without condition or question.
What do you mean you have wants/needs of your own? How could you be so SELFISH?!!
Great content as always Jill - 2024 off to an enlightened start...
Oddly enough my partner always accused me of wanting "to win" or "to have the last word" simply because I question things he says or where I'm thinking we are just having a conversation (and not an argument)
I can completely relate. I’d get so many different versions of this from her. “See! You never work as a team. You always need to be right.” “Why am I always in the wrong?” “Why am I always to blame?”
I’d see through it and even if I managed to wrestle through every other tactic she’d try to “level” every time. “We did this” “this is OUR dynamic”.
My ex was an absolute master. Her mother taught her well.
I’m currently in my, “they’re probably a narc” stage whenever I think I might like someone.
Mine says, "You are questioning me!". 🤦
If you interrogate them back, they will start stumbling. Try letting them have the Last word.
Yes, mine too. I would say each person can have their own opinion, not everyone is 100% right, we can learn from each other, but he would quickly say that he was right & that it was me who couldn't accept HIS reality.
@@melaniag.7877 literally my ex too! same exact thing and he legit thinks he's a nice person who never argues
Mine uses an interesting tactic. She rages, silent treatment, and moves to another bedroom for a week. Then one day, she'll come out and act like nothing happened. If that doesn't work, she'll cry and say how sorry she is for hurting me and she just can't deal with knowing she's hurt me all those heads and she's working on it, etc. 3 days later, back to the same ol demon. I just let her think it's working until I can arrange things in a couple of months. It's all BS, I heard it all for decades.
My husband blows up over something minor then acts like it never happened the next day. He acts amazed when I remind him of his abhorrent behavior. Every damn weekend plays out the same way like clockwork for decades.
Wow, same here with my ex. He also would rage at the slightest perceived insult & then give me the silent treatment. Next day acts like nothing happened, apologizes and the pattern repeats with the next outbursts.
Living in a mixed household with my girlfriend's nephew (a shining example of an N) has been a nightmare. No rent paid, no household help, victim mentality about everything, no respect for the others in the house, NO END IN SIGHT. They create gigantic messes, destroy personal items, steal and wantonly TAKE, and are the cause for arguments and negative emotions between the other house-members because we simply don't know how to go about either kicking this person out or getting them to SIMPLY contribute. It's our own personally curated hell and it makes me angry and, i'll admit hesitantly, vengeful and spiteful.
That is awful. Sounds like someone with narcissistic traits for sure. Conscience-less, entitled, victim mentality. The only language these people understand is force or power, just something to bear in mind. My sister is one and so is my father and my mother has traits. It truly is Hell.
The lie's are also as natural as breathing for them and they won't admit the truth even if it fell from the sky and danced the cancan in front of them. 🤦
"No End In Sight" reminds me of a song title from the virtual opener of a Mudhoney CD: ua-cam.com/video/PBoTys-Vvzc/v-deo.htmlsi=Z_8DAe5nIsvBUx8b
Don't beat yourself up! You nor I are meant to be a machine GREY-ROCKING our whole fucking lives
is this nephew an adult? if so… make a plan/ find a way.. to either throw him out ? or YOU move out ?ESCAPE !!
And when they BLAME SHIFT they do it discreetly behind your back … they say not one good thing about you to their circle of friends, ex’s, and parents
It's all part of the classical observed SMEAR CAMPAIGN they do. Except the evilly strategically do it way before there is evidently problem TO GET OVER ON YOU. (by the time your siblings start discarding or make you basically discard them after their false portrayal, UNTRUTHS, etc... While it might be too late to get the turncoats back who were too good for anyways, it's never too late to walk away with pride from a bad situation! I love smear campaigns at me... AT LEAST TO GET EXPOSES MY SECRET ENEMIES who crawl out of the woodwork of their nonsense!)
our daughter lied about an argument that I had with her & added such horrible untruths to her side of the story about what truly happened. She actually turned my immediate family against me & my husband. She keeps me very limitedly informed about her life & our granddaughters life, who is a toddler & has kept our grandchild from us due to her own lies. She is playing the victim to her own game that she caused. I don’t have anymore “olive branches” to extend out to my family members for taking her side over ours. My family states, “There is your story, her story & the truth” all while disowning me and my husband and believing everything that our child said happened, going on three years this year. I have no more energy to continue these toxic relationships of all the involved family members that need to mind their own business.
My ex would physically abusive me and he would say that I was anger because he “ love me” and I wanted to leave him for others . He never apologized because on he’s head I deserve it. No contact since Dec 24 and I see how abusive and manipulative he was.
The healing begins. ❤
Protect yourself, stay no contact, stay strong❤ you are in my prayers
Take this chance to shut him out of your life completely you will be happier once you learn what a normal relationship is about. 💪🙏💛
I always get blamed for things she has done to herself or the decisions she has made.
You described my brother in law and his wife completely. Every single one. It’s so sad. These type of people are evil and it’s best to just stay away. I’m so glad they live on the other side of the country. My husband is a sweet pure soul and for him having to have a brother like that is very sad to witness. Thanks for your video. Looking into this narcissistic abuse I now have the knowledge to handle them if I need to in a conversation/argument they want to win. Sick people. I recently took a psychology class and it mention people with this psycho disorder more likely doesn’t seek help therefore never heals because they think nothing is wrong with them.😢
Yes, unfortunately that's right. They're completely deluded a lot of the time. The sad thing is, some of them become aware of what they are and then they harness that for greater power and success. Whether winning arguments, escaping accountability, or getting ahead in the world. I believe my sister is now aware of what she is, and that allows her to just lie pathologically with zero care in the world. Gaslights myself and my mother and my mother falls for it, because the truth is too much for her to bear, that her daughter could be so callous.
Arguments were always "discussions" about her issues. To which those issues were resolved only if they were to her satisfaction. Even then that was not enough. I felt trapped in a locked never ending revolving door. Three months + no contact. My Peace is better now yet still fragile.
used to hear this a lot.... "I take responsibility but it wasn't may fault". Blame shifting at it's best....
Is it just my narcissistic or do others also rewrite history featuring their victim as having done horrible, morally reprehensible things? The way my narcissist tells it I am responsible for the Hindenburg disaster, I sunk the Titanic and caused both World Wars.
Yeap!!! Rewrites history to things he vaguely knows about before we even met!!
You are so spot on with this information. I wish hearing this would be validating enough to allow me to be at peace, but as you know, living in a dynamic where one or more people are distorting the truth for their own benefit is really a tough place to be... And often on-going, as in my case. I am just fantasizing about changing my name and running away. 3 against one... Ive had enough. But im building myself back after poor health so i don't have that luxury unfortunately.... Not yet anyway. Thank you for putting this information out there.
keep up with you tube videos .. keep mentally getting stronger… make a careful plan… you can do it … you deserve peace and respect..
@@lucyt-c8092 Thanks, I'm making progress. And learning not to let it rob me of my peace.
A UA-cam expert said people describe the accusations against themselves and ask if they could be the guilty ones and the real narcissists.
He said not likely because narcissists never ask themselves that question.
I have learnt this..!
When you end up apologising for something that so was Not your fault..! ❣️🚩
I do NOT apologize to someone for what THEY did to me. Did it so many times thinking it was all my fault. Never again. Repeat it to yourself. Do not say sorry for what someone else did to you!
Amazing how many times I apologized to my ex for the abuse he dealt out to me. If I even mentioned that his public put downs of me hurt my feelings, I’d be met with rage that he was sick of having to apologize to me…which he never did, other than to say, “I’m sorry you feel that way, but you’re over reacting” or “you’re too sensitive, get over it.” And I believed him. He’s doing this to my adult son who is struggling emotionally. I don’t know how to protect my son from this abuse , and now I’m feeling myself drawn back into the horror and confusion of my marriage. It never seems to end.
I want to comment about reactive abuse:
The last time I saw a psychiatrist, my answers to all his questions got him so hopped up that all he could do was to shout abuses 'till he ran away screaming. Seriously. Though I may have exaggerated the volume a little. We had been friends in high school, and this was the first get together a few of us had after we finished college and established our careers. I studied fine arts, worked as an artist for the archaeology department, began a master's program in archaeology, but later decided that teaching and publishing anthropology was not the life I wanted. I left school and got a much less glamorous job. The first question of the night, of course, was "What's your job?" He then told me that he had already lied to his kid about my job and pressured me to "Just go along with it" when I met his family. I knew right then that he had no intention of ever seeing me again, but I decided to just enjoy the evening for what I expected it to be, and to neither lie nor offer the truth about my job when I met the kid. After that, everything went OK until the guy with the MBA (whom I had last seen when I was an usher in his wedding) asked "You guys still liberal?" I gave the wrong answer. Then, of course, it was "Why?" Then "Wow! That's crazy!" And that was the mantra they repeated in response to every question I was allowed to actually answer. Neither of them made any assertions or counter arguments. They just threw questions in the most rapid interrogation possible, and never intentionally paused for any answers. And when they ran out of questions, it was "OK, let's talk about something else." I said "No. It's my turn." To minimize antagonism, I didn't say "You say I'm crazy? Now prove it." I knew all along that I was being baited, and the only way I could win the argument was to outdo their aggression and be the bad guy. But I wouldn't take that bait. Now I had to choose between accepting their "crazy" verdict or risk vilification for being too persistent. I chose the latter because one of these guys had been a groomsman type of friend, and that friendship would have to end unless the "crazy" accusation got rescinded. So I became the "persistent" bad guy for which I deserved to be dumped by my friends. Or so I thought for about a day.
My first "wait a minute" was: this guy's a professional counselor. Everyone knows better than to negotiate using personal attacks. Then I thought: What's the best topic for starting a fight? And What's the best way to escalate a conflict to maximum proportions? It was an ambush. My working class high school friends grew up to be a doctor and a corporate exec. Snobs.
How could we possibly love someone that behave like this with us.. It really makes me sick
Your trust is a joke to them 😢
With this chanel we thrive
God bless you sister your channel has helped shine alot of light on many parts of my life. Thank you
I remember bringing up a valid concern and at the end of the convo, crying and feeling guilt and confusion. It was wild! Glad to say it’s in the past but I’m still healing and your videos are so helpful.
Your content is Gold!
Perfect, well stated explanation of "N" tactics, Thank you! It's amazing how clever they are at working them😢😮
Thank you for brilliant advice. Exactly the case. God bless you❤
Thank you for your video. It is very reassuring to hear your take. I hope I become stronger soon 🙏
14:18 - She saved the best for last. Agreed!
I am 38 years old, and it took me until two years ago to realize this beast I've been dealing with all these years. My sister is now acting identical to my toxic mother. I was close, or at least i thought i was close to my sister, and that has all changed. It has been heartbreaking and confusing.
I think its funny when confronted about an issue and they say something along the lines of "I dont know what you are talking about" then they keep talking and know exactly what you are talking about...
They call that reframing. I'm sorry that you're going through this too
If the narc sibling loses an argument, is the next step smearing? 🤔
❤🫶🙏Thank You!
I finally walked away after 40 years from my entire family because of narcissistic mother. The last time we were togther she created this big argument just to get my reaction cause I was in therapy and realize what she was and started healing and she hated that cause I was the codependent blacksheep screw up of the family. But after she tries everything in the book to get my reaction she said something that she knew would hurt me mor then anything and when she saw that it did hurt me I could see the smirk cone across her face and she was calm now. That’s when I lost all respect for her and knew I didn’t have a mother and I didn’t know this person . It was the most freeing yet heartbreaking moment of my life
Definitely not the same I have empathy unlike my narc dad.
You're the Best.
Thank you
Thanks especially for 13:08. I'm still in therapy over the breakup I insisted on after her doing something that gave me such a huge blow to "core identity" that I couldn't take it any more. We ended up reconnecting (voluntary Hoover?) but I was and still hold myself accountable for not having the skills to have been less reactive, despite my apologizing and asking for a re-try with some counseling. She made sure I never forgot it by constantly bringing it up. Then, when the time was ripe, she discarded me and was careful to use some of the same things I had said. 13:08 was a fabulous pep talk for someone in my situation.
Rings too true!
This was really an amazing informative video I experience every single thing you spoke about and even worse to the fact that there are just are no words to explain it to people who wouldn't believe the mental abuse that I have endured the past. Year and a 1/2 with my best friend and business partner of 27 years. accommodated in a physical attack and him trying to kill me, which I'm still baffled over. I'm very sad and heartbroken. But I'm moving on the best I can.
I know it may be difficult to answer. On here because there could be many factors. But what would cause a narcissistic physically try to kill you and attack you, because that's what happened to me
.. the violence ? My guess would be because they feel that they have lost control of you. and that if you are dead … they regain control… my best guess …
Their acting skills are second to none. If you listen to them they will convince you the blue sky is grey.
Thank you
My problem with these videos is this:
1. my ex would make up things I never said or did, then when I said "that never happened" or they failed to bring up proof, they accused ME of gaslighting THEM.
2. My ex would blow something insanely out of proportion like "you answered a text while we were cuddling on the couch so you don't care about me and don't prioritize me." But if I said "that's not it at all, it was just a quick text" I would be told that I was minimizing THEIR distress.
3. Any time I would try to defend myself about something I was being told I thought or felt, or any time I asked for an apology for ANYTHING, I was told I was blame shifting. I was told I need to apologize for gaslighting or blame shifting.
4. Generally everything that I brought to their attention about their behavior was kept in a bag and pulled out to use back against me for the rest of our relationship.
Watching stuff like this always makes it difficult to remind myself that I'm not the narcissist because I hear their accusations about me being the one.
Unfortunately mom got me trained. I found out to late.
What is the difference between
NPD and BPD?
Can you talk about how a narsissistic male will use his illness against you in a relashionship?
Wanna hear a joke? Two narcissists walk into a bar: Rest of it is a comedy.
YEA WELL YOU CAN FOOL SOME PEOPLE SOMETIMES BUT YOU CAN’T FOOL ALL THE PEOPLE ALL THE TIME “BOB MARLEY “‼️❤️ 7:19
Errrrr.....This is not our policy.
The word salad is one of the worst. In 30 seconds you are talking about 5 different things. They are all horrible. I know I am a far superior person.
I had just give her a baby boy she came in the living room and said she was selling sex 3 months after our son i though i was going to drop dead i had to get out the house i went to the hospital the doctor said i was lucky i came today my God almighty
Word salad ....brings Donald J Trump to mind.
Your advertisers are psychopaths_jyst saying great advise but turn off the advertisements or don't bite in their nonsense_ to hat