5 Questions Narcissists Can't Answer
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- Опубліковано 19 чер 2024
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5 Questions Narcissists Can't Answer//
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Have you found yourself in this situation, wondering why anytime you ask a narcissist a question, you don’t get a straight answer? It's mainly because they simply can't answer those questions by themselves. In this video, I'm going to expose five of those questions that narcissists simply can't answer. These questions will help you know more clearly who you are and who the narcissist is.
🎓What you’ll learn in the webinar:
The 3 empowering secrets you need to take back control when communicating with narcissists.
How to develop a winning, foolproof strategy to drive the outcome you want out of negotiations with narcissists.
How to be more powerful, persuasive and confident when negotiating with narcs.
What to say in negotiation and how to say it so that you can beat narcs at their own game!
How to anticipate what the narcissist will do and be two steps ahead of them at all times.
About Rebecca Zung:
✅Rebecca Zung is one of the Top 1% of attorneys in the nation, having been recognized by U.S. News & World Report as a “Best Lawyer in America”, as “Legal Elite” by Trend Magazine, and recognized by her peers and the judiciary as AV(c), preeminent rated in family law, the highest possible rating for an attorney by Martindale Hubbell.
✅But her journey wasn’t always easy. She got married at 19, had 3 children and divorced at the age of 23. She was a divorced single mom when she decided to go back to law school. She went from being a single mom, college dropout, to becoming one the most powerful lawyers in the country at the helm of a multi-million dollar practice. She is now committed to sharing her secrets and empowering others to live their lives at their optimum level of success, professionally and personally.
✅She is the author of the bestselling books, Negotiate Like You M.A.T.T.E.R.: The Sure Fire Method to Step Up and Win and Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide for Achieving Emotional, Physical, and Spiritual Freedom, and is a sought after major media contributor.
✅She has been featured in Extra, Forbes, Huffington Post, Newsweek, Time, Dr. Drew, NPR Talk Radio, Good Day New York and CBS Los Angeles among others. She is the host of the popular show Negotiate Your Best Life™ which is available on UA-cam and as a Top Podcast. She is also a frequent keynote speaker.
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🎓FREE WEBINAR: 🎓FREE WEBINAR: DISCOVER HOW TO TURN THE TABLES ON A NARCISSIST HERE:👉 slay.rebeccazung.com/
#narcissistquestions #naricissism #rebeccazung
Disclaimer: The commentary and opinions are for informational purposes only and not for the purpose of providing legal advice. You should contact an attorney in your state to obtain legal advice with respect to any particular issue or problem. - Розваги
✅Remember to join me in this FREE webinar where I’ll teach you the 3 secrets to outsmarting a narcissist and answer your questions. Click here now: 👉 www.rebeccazung.com/live
The process of identifying a disease, condition, or injury from its signs and symptoms. A health history, physical exam, and tests, such as blood tests, imaging tests, and biopsies, may be used to help make a diagnosis
thats the definition of what a diagnosis is sooooo i been looking around youtube and i cant find anything like that about mental psych disorders what ever u want to call them. i have seen some evidence of like psycho killers and special needs children with abnormalities in the brain that can help explain that but narsisism what exactly causes that ? is there any medically proven explanations for the origin of its cause in a person ?? or are you saying by just the behavior of a person such as choice of words choice of choices and how those are decided by a narcissist pretty much your visual examination of a person with no medical evidence i dont mean to disregard your profession. i just cant find any thing explaining that beyond observations and no real medical issue in reality i find it difficult to find truth in the mental disorders without evidence theres meany and few that do.
No.1 Rebecca....still laughing three days later at "anything that involves the truth".
Brevity here. Had "ACTUAL" visual evidence of my daughter tampering with my emails and up popped three or four unreleased song demo's of mine. So, went to gently warn the narcissist away from allowing theft in our daughter's life. Police advice.
Knew the narcky shark would lie about everything so was not going to give her long(two and a half years since any contact)...eleven minutes later after being greeted by a shape-shifting smile/smirk(remarkably easy for me to spot now, despite the speed of it), I left after counting 22 lies.......YES..22!!!!!!!...in 11 minutes.
ME(in my mind): "That's a lie...lie..lie...LIE!!...and another lie...and another...lie, lie...and another...blah. blah, blah, lie, lie, lie".
Guessing that is why the LIE thing got number 1 position with these cretins.
Hope you are well...glad to see you and your channel thriving. Have passed your name on to many folk.
Stay strong,
Sonic Foxx.
P.S. For my own safety I had my escape route worked out with the narcky shark, so not to make it too drawn out. Mountain Bike...cycle track ten yards away...foot on the pedal awaiting the ultimate lie...and it arrived spot on, on time with her comment to mine about my honesty, with hers bieng....... "Of course we're honest too...my family".
This, with me having 100%(Solicitor proof) proof of her dishonesty, theft attempts, lies, manipulation...then onto Parental Alienation......you just couldn't make this up...yet she finds a way on doing just that.
I love your videos, Rebecca. So powerful. Working towards the escape. I just don't want to hurt my three kids and sometimes I fear for their safety. Wish I knew what my best options are, but still learning. Thanks for all your advice.
A question please.
I've left my narc , because he hasn't followed through with marriage, 16yrs in the making. I've told him that the holy spirit has warned me because we are living in sin after years of mental abuse and manipulation, I had no choice but use the only true reason I should leave, is we aren't married so thats a big sin under Gods eyes.
Now week's, of leaving he's trying to become a godly man, so he says, by saying he's participating in our church blah blah blah.my question is I'm scared I could be falling for his tricks by counter acting like he's going to change.but watching everyone's video on narcissistic partner's and learning heaps.
Have you come across any body who changed after separation and got married and lived happy ever after or did it all turn to sour??? Please 🥺 help me as I'm trying the no contact because I'm tired of his justifying everything to prove to me he's gonna marry me when he saves enough money blah blah blah 🙄
Agreed
How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb?
None, you are crazy for imagining its broken. if it is broken ITS YOUR FAULT!!!
Followed by a month of silence.
🤗
Wish the x would shut up! Slight variation.
True. Well done. :)
So on point !
The lightbulb going out has violated boundaries. Unspecified boundaries, but boundaries just the same.
I recently called my ex-husband out on not calling and maintaining a relationship with our son, his response "he has my number and knows he can call me anytime".... My son is 10!!! It is not his responsibility to keep and maintain a relationship 🤦
Sara. That’s so sad it’s humerus. Best wishes to you🙏
@@annmarie2732 update it was his Dad's weekend, my son stayed Friday night then spent the night at a friend's house and came back here Sunday morning. He told his Dad he didn't want to go to his place after the sleepover
Sorry for your son, keep him in prayer and always let him know that he has an everlasting father in heaven.
Even if your son was 10 months, the response would be the same. The narcs are a figment of their own imagination based on delusions of grandeur.
Sad. Your son deserves better.
God Bless you.
It’s so validating to know that I’m not crazy, everything is not my fault, I deserve better and deserve love. Thank you
It's a lot I'm learning more Narcissist and I'm going a tough situation one of my brother who is Narcissist but I'm letting get the upper hand right now he is taking me caught saying I don't maintain the property where we live it's lies over lies
They trick us into believing that we are crazy.
@@paulgooding2109 the convincing lies come so easy to them! Very premeditated and deviant. Be careful and try to have as little contact as possible. This helps a lot
But are you also willing to admit your role?
@@Hewett142 She is not. She believes she "deserves" love. As a Christian, I know that I "deserve" nothing.
"they want you to be unstable" that pretty much sums up their motivation for gaslighting when they feel they may be under fire.
1. Anything that involves the truth/calling them out on their behavior.
2. Anything that involves giving credit to someone else.
3. Anything involving them failing or losing.
4. Anything involving shame or vulnerability.
5. Anything involving how well they interact with others.
Truth
@@giftedvision_thepodcast second the motion! Too true!
The ego, that!
Thank you for paraphrasing me this. It really helps.
@@rosepyatt638 The difference between good and evil, is becoming so obviously visible, for all to see.
This pandemic, is either a curse for some, or a true blessing, for others.
Different priorities! words, actions reactions, across the board. People in masks, are finally dropping the mask they wore from within.
Best of times! Best of times! We have free choice so, let us make the best one. The road less travelled, is the one leading to the real and everlasting and perfect and painless life. Ahmein
I didn't know about narcissism, and narcissistic abuse until 2016. Now I understand: "If your emotions go from normal, to crazy, to normal; you're not crazy. You're being provoked." - Jackson McKenzie
👍🏻
Sums up my 21 year marriage.
Normal crazy normal is also splitting in borderline personality disorder.
That quote actually sounds a lot like it’s referring to someone who is bipolar or schizophrenic
@@jaycbattle Or not.
Years ago I asked my narcissist mother what was her issue . She knew what was wrong with everyone else. I received the blankest stare ever . It was as if she couldn’t process my question.
Yes! The lying is ridiculous. My narcissist ex tried to convince me he's an undercover bomb tracker for Homeland security, knowing that my brother is a cop, his wife works for the fbi, and my best friend works for Homeland security. When confronted, he continued to stand by his lie! Even his best friend sent me screenshots of him texting him to "go along with the DHS story if Monica calls you". When I confronted him, you'd think he would feel embarrassed and apologize but instead he started screaming horrible things at me that I'm fat and ugly (I only weigh 105 lbs lol). I just ignored him, so he changed his tactic to lovey dovey crap, which I continued to ignore, so he switched back to insults. I'm so glad he's gone
In talking to a guy online I asked him what he learned about his past relationships. He stated all the women he dated were crazy including the mother of his children. Big red flag.
Run!
@@melanies9010 I did. Especially when he wouldn't tell my daughters his address
Girl!!! Sprint like Jackie Joyner-Kersee! Take it from someone that missed this red flag & protect yourself. He’ll be the kind that’s always the ‘victim’ and needs ‘saving.’ RUN!!!
But on the flip side, us who had the awfulness of Narc abusive relationships we in turn would have to disclose they weren't kind and every bit cruel. It has to be a delicate form of communicating a past narcissistic person.
YES, so true! They NEVER take blame for ANYTHING!
Hahahahaha agree 100%. Just divorced a narcissist after 20 years and I feel complete and total relief
Congratulations I am to be soon divorced from onesob
I bet you do!
i got out also--i could write a Book on what she did to me .
We got out of a toxic negative environment, we win. Its unfortunate but I don't regret leaving 1 bit! You carry on with any good you can reflect on and let the bad sift through the cracks! Well wishes to everyone & it was women like these that helped me so much mentally going through this, thankful
Me too! 15 years and finally free.
Agreed. I have seen too many times the tantrum and all the rage when such person was asked about truth.
From my experience calling out a narcissist for ANY bad behavior results in them trying to beat u into confessing their reality
That is why people who value authenticity, and honesty get crazy when dealing with narcs.. so so glad I'm outta that craziness.
The Narcissist told me,
"You don't play well with others!
I didn't follow his rules, views, dictates and opinions!
He didn't like that!
Terri Caldwell Perfect example of projecting thier bad onto you !
If they claim to be religious, they believe once you see through their BS and don't comply with what they want, you are rebellious and God punishes rebellious people. Not recognizing that God meant those who rebel against Him. But then again, narcissists think they are God or God's chosen people.
David Hinkson
True!
They are "self-serving"!
Lol. Good for you!!
So true!!!
My husband is diagnosed with NPD. He is great with friends but its superficial. Everything you said is so true.
Agreed! I'm 57 and I've been studying NPD for the past few weeks and I feel like a veil has been lifted. I have several people in my life (work, friends, etc) that meet some or all of these. Now to set boundaries, break out of these relationships, etc. and move on. Thanks Rebecca!
It's harder for them to live with the truth about themselves than the lies they say about others.
Actually the lie transitions into "their truth" the moment the lie leaves the lips. Essentially, no lie.
@@godizself1 Very well said. We know it is really like that.
So true
@@godizself1 yep
Yep. They ultimately gaslight themselves more then anyone else.
So true!! They lie at the drop of a hat, even if you have proof right in front of them!! 🤦🏽♀️
My ex always said she would lie until she’s dead about this or that.. even with the truth in plain sight, she would never give up on her lies. This is kinda amazing to watch. And scary 😂
Thank you. Your videos are intelligent and informative. The difference between a narcissist and a good person from my point of view is this. We all get angry and sometimes say nasty toxic things that we end up regretting came out of our mouths(as I have done). The narcissist only has regrets later as to how it made them look; but the person who isn't the narcissist will think of the person they were toxic to and how it hurt them. They will also genuinely apologize and not repeat the behavior.
Agreed. I've been married to a narcissist for 30 years, now. My mother was a narcissist as well, so I've basically spent my whole life with them. I reclaimed my power by entirely cutting my mother off 17 years ago (no contact with her at all) and by applying other strategies with my husband. I couldn't go no contact with him because of the kids and shared assets and because he could become dangerous in case he had nothing to lose. At the time, I knew nothing about narcissism, I only followed my survival instincts.
Everything you said in this video applies to them and to some of my "friends" who happen(ed) to be narcissists as well.
To me, the breaking point was when I finally realised that they weren't normal people and that everything they were saying about me were actually projections of their own traits, that they have no empathy, no remorse, that everything is a power game to them and that I am not a human being but an asset to them. That's when I started breaking free. I stopped giving them an emotional response, became a "grey rock". My response was basically "whatever". That paralyses them.
I'm still healing and learning to identify them. I've managed to build a few healthy relationships (friendships) with both males and females, over the last 15 years. My true friends are my rocks. They help me filter my thoughts, especially when I'm being gaslighted. I'm so grateful for them and for the fact I'm still alive. I recognised myself in poor Gabby Petito in that police body cam video (I was only 19 when I got married) and I immediately knew what was going on. May she rest in peace. 🙏🏻💔
@NatashaFirebird ... This post was honest and loving. I, too, saw myself in Gabriela and instantly wanted to hug her. Thanks for your honesty in your post and much love to you and your healing. : D
This is a wonderful comment. I can feel your aura and your love. You are a good person in spite of all the horror and I think thats heroic.
@@PunkMartyr Thank you.
AGREED THEY CANT MAINTAIN ANY SOLID RELATIONSHIP WITH LITERALLY ANYONE NOT EVEN THEYRE OWN KIDS AND PARENTS
My husband hasn't spoken to his parents in 15 years, his three daughters, brothers and recently his cousin who he had a working relationship with BUT it was all their faults not his. He says his ex's were all psychos. I'll be the next one on that list no doubt.
My mother has been living in an endless spiral of abuse inflicted on family members. She had been a victim in her childhood and I guess that she decided to never be a victim again, but be the perpetrator at all cost.
Yup. Speaking as the kid in said scenario.
When I'd call her out, my lovely ex wife would ALWAYS say: "I don't know what you're talking about"
This.
One trick I just learned for a religious narc was to wish him good luck! Even tho he had already shown himself to be passive aggressive, dishonest and completely narky he insisted he didn't need luck because he had God... LOL.. I told him I didn't see any spiritual fruit from him, which he clearly did not bear, he completely lost it and started lashing out at me with blatant projections and false accusations. The mask really came off! I was like "be gone you agent of darkness!". I swear he was only sent to collect information and/or to find out how I was feeling. We only talked a few times and he kept telling me how I feel, when I wasn't even talking about myself, which he was wrong every time, and seemingly trying to trigger me. Didn't work! Learning to dodge these fiery arrows!!
AGREED that narcissists have difficulty with close personal relationships (work and romantic). They have loyal co-workers, who become the flying monkeys, but the relationships are superficial. I have found that a narcissist's children have highly developed defense mechanisms.
I’ll never forget when I discarded the narc, she was insistent on finding out “who helped me” as if I didn’t know wtf was going on.
I HELPED ME !
She had an army helping her cover everything up that she did.
She even tried to take credit for the discard away from me. Then to punish me- used the silent treatment and withheld our children from me. I put up with this for 4 years out of the 13 we were together but she was cheating the entire time I knew her. These narcs need to live on a remote island where they can have each other.
My ex blames my daughter constantly..."You must have been listening to her again!" Same deal!
They want to know who helped you because they want to know who they can braiwash into not believing you and therefore isolate you even more. And also,in their sick world, they really convince them selves that their victims are so blind to the truth, that they most likely Go crazy when they realize that their victim is not brainwashed/stupid as they thought they were.
Yes no all this now my ex narc left saying he didnt love me no more I thought thank god for that after he d left I found some ones else after 3 months he asked how did u meet him u never go out his face was a picture I told him it was none of his business. Was with him 17 years all was cheating from the start .he still walks around likes hes better than any one else but I no hes fake and his family are all fake
Yeah I remember this
You couldn’t have done this all on your own
Who helped you
I remember that feeling they try to make me feel of being inadequate and helpless and incapable without their help or others. It is an attempt to make you feel unworthy and like you wouldn’t make it on your own without them and also to invalidate you and discredit your abilities and so you start to doubt yourself again.
Mine was the same way. He thought my alleged ‘boyfriend’ was the reason I wanted to leave, and not his narcissistic alcoholism and cheating 🙄🤔 He arrogantly thought that I was only staying because my ‘boyfriend’ didn’t want me and was only using me 🤦🏻♀️ His logic didn’t even make sense most of the time!
And they don't want no professional help for their problem either.
Cause they don't have problems. The people who care about them do.
@@liz.217 Was just going to say that.. They are not the problem according to them. My ex always was the victim. Everyone else was the problem. Including me, according to him. He is/was never the problem.
I'm not allowed to watch any psychology when I'm at his house. Maybe I'll put exorcism sites on instead.
Every counselor I went to, my mom wanted to go to too and she told me "I'm going to tell them the truth about you" or she'd say many of my counselors were quacks. Bahahahahaha
They discredit anything or anyone who calls them on their lies. Psychologists are full of psychobabble; lawyers are pit bulls, judges are biased, etc. . .
This makes me happy because I know I am not a narcissist. I’ve been going to therapy and were doing digging and i just struggle at expressing my emotions and feelings.
OMG! I figured him out. I called him out. I held the mirror up to face him. He ended up destroying me publicly and I was 4 days from being homeless when my brother stepped in to help. We are now divorced but he left me destitute and unable to support myself. I still have to ask him for financial support which he gives at a very high cost. I am still under his thumb and can't see my way out. But with your help I am learning how to navigate my situation. 11 years with my husband...I lost myself. I've never been one to be self-doubtful until now. At 54 years of age, I feel like that 18 year old starting life away from my narcissistic mother. Confused, desperate, lost and so very sad. These people cause such a level if destruction. Yet we still try to love them.
Alana Gladden,You deserve better 🙏
I believe wholeheartedly this is 100% true.
I stayed with my narcissist for 34 years I didn’t realize what A narcissist was.
I thought she just had low self-esteem?
However she just Stripped me of my soul🥶
Thank God God gave it back to me 🤗
It has been God throughout my whole life, even my existence. My parents were bad people and I told God at three that I didnt want to be like them. He replied, " I have a plan for your life". I heard His voice. A three yr old is simple. So, to be healed Ive had to endure many experiences to learn . I walk by faith , not by sight. 🦅
You made it a bit longer than I did. 30 years of marriage and he left yesterday! 🥳 Now here comes THE REVENGE🤣😬
@@janycebrown4071 Congratulations on peace and no more mind games.
@@sheriwetzels1726 Thank you Sheri❣️ 🤗 It's so peaceful in my home now 🙂 I am grateful and happy for the first time in a LONG TIME 🙏 Be well and stay safe 💕
I am going through this right now and he will be removed from my life soon I hope because I have been praying to God to give me back all that has been lost and I've been asking God to remove him from my life!
Agreed! My mother has never had any friends ever. Not because people did not try initially but because to have a friend, one needs to be a friend.
So,so true,my mother and husband
Sick!
That is truly a great point. In order to have a friend you need to be a friend. This is an excellent point because narcissists never actually have real true friends. Because the narcissistic person lives in a state of constant discontentment, they cannot bear the thought of anyone knowing them for who they truly are. Exposure is with a narcissist always fears. This is literally the reason why the narcissistic person can never have a real true genuine friendship.
This is a really accurate description of narcissism.. I admire your ability to demystify narcissists using clear examples.
I am going through a wacky situation like this currently.
A few years (different situation but history does repeat itself) I had tp deal with an unhinged tenant who badly damaged our hardwood floors, walls, and stole some big items. She was even confused as to her last day of the lease and secured another apartment overlapped her lease.
She begged me not to deduct the damages from the deposit.
I negotiated an option to help. Let her find skilled laborers that she or her boyfriend knew who could fix it. Long story short.... the damages were still extremely evident as though she did it herself.
I expressed my disappointment and she became completely certifiably unhinged and threatened to send someone after me.
I should have said no to helping her.
Note to self ..... being kind and a softie in business does not work. .... especially with narcissists.
My Mom used to say...they would lie even if the truth sounds better.
wow hilarious 😂
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Also, everything is a competition, EVERYTHING!!! He must win, period!
Hahaha exactly the person I am with for 5 months now.. he wants to win Everytime. I just let him
EXACTLY
@@rhodamakena6379 are you still with him?
Oh yeah.
Or she, but narcisstic behavior is not based on gender though.
Yes, Rebecca, I've noticed the lack of ability to maintain friendships. This guy, the narcissist I'm associated with and trying to jettison, would not leave me alone. He comes up with all kinds of excuses not to associate with people in his age bracket. He is so convinced that he got me wrapped around his little finger, little does he know that I got him figured out. Thanks to you and other experts, I'm prying him out of my life. Much gratitude to you all.
They can’t face the truth. Spot on. Even when confronted with the facts of their gaslighting and misbehavior, they will deny, deny, deny.
Divorced 5 years from a narcissist. She didn't show for the divorce hearing or the custody hearing. I have full custody of our two boys - and it is the little guys that have put my life in focus and purpose. My oldest has been encouraging me to date, but the relationship I had with her has ruined my trust in others. I am happy, content and motivated. It has taken me a long time to reconstruct our lives and I do not want to destroy the peace we have built. Thank you for your information. For years I thought I was crazy...
Never dateba single mother
@1:15
"... they will lie about anything!"
*If they think they can
"stick it to you" and it serves their purpose, they're going to lie!
They DO stick it to you and with pleasure.
"Integrity is my love language": ❤️ beautiful.
I’m in the process of leaving a narcissist and going no contact is becoming very hard for both of them for me and him but you are straight on everyone of these five things he has done all of them plus more kudos to you young lady you just help a lot of people have a great one
kane debbie,You don't need a narcissist in your life.....
If they do give credit to another person, they do it in a mocking way, dismissive, minimize their efforts as in anyone can do it so what's the big deal but if they were to have done it, the narcissist would make sure everyone knows she/he did it and no one can do it the way, the best way that they did it.
Another way they give credit is as a pronouncement from their throne, that they deem it acceptable that that person gets credit and that it's their idea to give credit...so they are taking credit for giving credit.
This is so. I gave my brother a very nice car b/c he was on foot in the dead of winter and trying to go to the grocery store two miles away. He was talking to a neighbor and didn't say, "My sister gave me a car." He said, "I'm having a car sent up from Florida." I thought that was a weird way of putting it. Typical, but weird.
UGH, so true!!!
@@Peter-dl4ey Lmao, it would be funny, if it wasn't true!!!
@@Brembelia that could be a combination of not wanting to give credit due to narcissism.. and also having his pride hurt. I know some people who are not narcissists but have a difficult time admitting that they get help from others.
@6:38
".....and on the outside, they want you to believe that they're strong, powerful or confident...!"
I left my covert narcissist, you described him perfectly. He still calls and still tries to act like a victim and I am so painfully honest with him that the calls have slowly decreased. I don't hate him cause that gives him power. I am indifferent to him. I know it drives him crazy that I am happy and doing what I want. I moved to another state and life is the best it's been since before I was with him. One thing I notice is that he tells me he wants me to be happy then quickly talks about how my leaving has ruined his life. and I say, sucks to be you. Thank you for the video.
Agreed.
I've studied narcissism for several years. It surprises me how no one seems to really understand. You do! Watching your videos is beautiful. Thank you!
They also don't know (or use) basic etiquette such as 'please', 'thank you' , 'I'm sorry' or any other variations of apologizing.
If you're having an argument with a person who you suspect of being a covert narcissist, ask them this question... "Yes or no, have you ever been wrong?" Now stand back. If the person is a covert narcissist, you are about to see a freakout/meltdown the likes you have never seen before.
My ex es eyes would get weird and his face would contort .
True
Hahaha my ex would flip over that for sure!
@@mustafahashem6648
SO, SO SORRY!!
You sound silly
I never understood that no matter what I did, a close relative went out of their way to hurt me. They would suck me in every time with what I now know, was fake frienship and then, bam, sucker punch to the stomach. Now I've stood up to her, she is going out of her way to discredit me and make herself out to be the one wronged. Thank you for the videos. They have given me the strength to keep the distance I need and not let her hurt me and the rest of my family.
Thank you, Rebecca. After proving to my sibling by documentation that I was innocent to an accusation that was involved with our father, to date, I never have received an apology from my sibling as it was a complete shock to discover where my sibling was in the wrong all the time. Very true.
I couldn’t agree more. I am dealing with a malignant narcissist who even turned my children against me.
Same here and the narc was my girls' step-dad to top it off! This too shall pass my siSTAR
I know what you mean. The narc that is no longer a part of our family has alienated our grandson from us, and she is only his ex aunt! If the Purge were only true, it would be so tempting!
They Literally Bank on the ability to cast illusions…. My child has seen enough, and literally told me our divorce was ultimately a gift to her. She is learning to not care that everyone approves of her, I am grateful though I know my x’s family attacked my character, they forget, I also raised her. She knows me, pretty well! Our kids, while they age, if one parent is committed to the Truth, will come around! Trust in the truth. It’s the only thing that sets us free!🌸
Mine has an ongoing campaign to do the same with our children. She actually admitted that she is bothered by the fact that they obviously seem to like me more. My response was that maybe she should join in on the things I was doing with them instead of trying to do things that shine brighter and look bigger. She never changed. She would blast and dismiss my ideas of things to do with the family... which discouraged me from doing so at the time. As soon as I was occupied doing something else not involving them she'd go and do the thing I'd suggested. She had the kids believing she came up with and wanted to do those things with them. When I'd confront the obvious BS, she always called and said "The kids wanted to do whatever it was." She is such a piece of work and ther efforts only increased over the years...
Obviously competing with me, for no sane reason at all!
We all build the unique level of the relationships we have/share with another or we don't, in my mind. None of them are the same with someone else, everyone is different. You get out, what you put in. Duhhh!!!! 😐
I have that too.
He is on at least his third relationship now..when the opportunity arises, I am likely to say "Oh, how many step mums have you had now?"
They don't think of me as Mum any more.
On this Christmad I am going to announce
"this is the last Christmas I am doing presents. It's just grand-children from this point forward, because of the expense."
I am a pensioner, so it isnt easy. It's high time they learned.
Step daddy lavishes ££ on them - to look good.
After 30 years, I finally got rid of ONE!
Same here…33 years in my case.
Me too, after 29 years. I am much jovial and free now
Woow 30 years! Respect👌. I was with a narc for 5 months
New employee is a narcissist. I am subscribed to your Utube Channel. This so helpful. I was the one to blame after my managers spoke to him. Even after numerous complaints by other staff and customer's. Wow. I'm so glad I found you.
Hi Rebecca, thanks for this wonderful video. I met someone like 16 month ago and like 2 month ago I thought I was going crazy or a cloud of fog over my head. I was deeply hurting, till I came across your video and a video of another lady. I want to say
WOW WOW word for word you have described her actions in the last like 9 weeks. Everything you said word for word describes her actions and responses towards all my comments. Thanks for letting me put my finger on what is truly happening.
Explains why she doesn't have any friends, she never talks good or positive about anyone, she never gives compliments, or initiates any romantic. She just follows through when I say something She has gaslighted me in a couple of touchy points like 4 times. And recently questioning my time away from talking to her, just at the time when she has been disappearing for long lengths of time. I am pretty sure from your video she either is narcissists or something very close to it.
Its amazing how I see this....the truth is impossible for a narcissistic person . The truth will set you free....they don't understand that.
Or do they? They want us not to discover the truth so we have to stay with them.
If you ever want a narcissist to be completely silent for several minutes ...
ask them to describe their greatest personal shortcoming.
Hahahahaha yep
I asked mine what he would do alone in a room. After trying "TV" and "read a book" I clarified the terms of alone in a room to alone in a padded room with no windows. LOL his face started to turn bright red like it does when he's angry, and he turned around and just walked away from me. It just did NOT compute for him.
This is true. I have done this and he couldn’t tell me.
Ooo. Nothin but net on that one.
🤣
AGREE. My narc sister lies to cover up a lie. She thinks she's being sneaky and as you said lies about things that don't need to be lied about. It's ridiculous. Lying about things, then getting called out, and saying, "It's none of your business". Uh, you just made it my business when you lied. Quick way out of my life.
I really like and appreciate that you made it a point to say that "there is a spectrum" and its not a matter of it is or is not, then you threw in the all important, "we are all guilty of poor behavior and choices" aww so refreshing to see some humility and not falling victim to "its this or that, black or white never grey" egocentric perspective. May God Bless you and yours
They also don't know you as a person they only know of you.what you tell them or the surface stuff.
Yep...they have NO clue.
True. I often wondered how my mother checks my skin, teeth, clothing and mimics, but never seems to care for feelings in any way. But, when it comes to neighbours and other people, she completely cares for their feelings and does everything to please them, as long she can profit in any way from them. I know that she put me at such a disantvantage to literall fraud and gaslighting, the same is true for other family members, that she sees no need to comfort us in any way. As she made us dependent in every possible.
Just dont talk to the narcissist. I am leaving one as I write this and the most important understanding I have is that I will never get understanding and a reasonable resolution to conflict. I stopped talking, she didnt notice because she is stuck on herself, made myself a plan and started packing. No drama, no last try to meet in the middle, no wistfulness over what we could do if we got it right. Loved her immensely for 35yrs and its time to stop taking the hits... the lies, the cheating, the daily fits of rage and verbal abuse, the projection, the humiliation, the inability to plan, or budget, or just f*cking relax... mgtow... men going their own way...
I'm sorry for you. I'm trying to bounce back but I have legal issues because of my wife. She told them that I threatened to kill her and burn the house down.
@@allennorman1628
And did you ??
So sorry this happened to you. I cut ties with my narcissistic mother and you are right - there is no way to reason with narcissists.
Amen
The narcissist who was in my life - (a friend of mine) always gave shout outs to people on her timeline - giving credit for the money she manipulated off them - used it as a cover to continue her behaviors. Yet it definitely had/has to always be about those who were helping her financially or sending her gifts for always being the victim to life. Therefore it was always just another level of manipulation.
Agreed. All of them. Seen it in action. Cannot complement, congratulate or celebrate another person. Lying, denying, blame-shifting, projecting.. and very shallow or unstable friendships... Lots of gossip about so-called "friends"
My mother doesn't realise she's lying. Her belief is that I have NO RIGHT to tell her that she said something hurtful. Or if she did something I asked her twice not to do, she feels so entitled to have done that, that is the truth to her. But a question she could not answer was ''how did you think I would *feel* when you put me next to two women I'd asked her not to put me beside''. She started going on about seating plans and people who knew each other and I said ''no, how did you think I would FEEL when you went ahead and put me sitting next to those two women I'd asked you twice not to put me beside'', she could not answer. She looked at me angry and confused at the trick question.
She left me then when she asked me do I I know how long its been since I held her. I said, ever since you left me . When she trying to sell our home which I owned for 16 years before I married het 5 years ago. She says that I made her do it.
Ive been giving her what she has ask $1,000 a month to not keep trying to sell. She is still trying. The title compaany in LasVegas wanted a affidavit signed by me to verify my quit claim deed to her done before we were married and I wouldn't sign.
@Susan
She knows that it will bother you!
Narcissist always do the "opposite" of what you want!
@@teal1010 She accomplished that for sure!!
Ask her to tell you how she feels, overall, about her lifestyle or situation. Is there anything she wants to reflect on and think about options for dealing? Is she happy with how she is treated by her partner? Is she satisfied with her home? You are just trying to connect, get to know her, what she thinks and feels. Maybe you would get to share too. But, her reaction can be painfully dismissive. It is painful for her. You may want to avoid actually trying this, but just think what would happen, you know her. She typically keeps you down and confused for her strength by comparison. Now she is asked to reflect on her own stuff, she will implode. My own shame, guilt, and confusion followed for me, I didn't know the dynamics I lived with. I was severely punished. She will be far more miserly with any displays of coercive affection after this, the only type you ever recieved. My case; I tried harder and wasted a few extra decades.
Well now that you know your mother does the opposite maybe you should say great things (with your fingers crossed where she can’t see them) about the people you don’t really want to sit near, because likely if she thinks you want to sit by them, she will purposely put you somewhere else just to spite you. Then you win because you did not have to sit with them.
rule no 1- NEVER ask them"why"....will not end well
This video has so much truth in it and defines the narcissist's personality trait's.. They make excuses and justify Everything they do....
Sadly this is right. That you speak correctly about people you don't interact with that we do is amazing that you're telling our story. Your speaking what we live. And it's 100% correct
When our daughter was 15 we needed his consent to get her an ID (we don't live in the States). At social services he gave a statement that he refuses to give his consent and signed it. Two months later he said in court that he hadn't refused to give his consent. This is just one example of many.
I've been surrounded by Narcissists all my life. I had to learn and discover the world myself the hard way.
It's refreshing to hear you verbalize exactly what I've come to realize after all these years.
I’m living that life right now. I hope it ends soon.
@@artscraftsgaming7169 I can imagine. My turning point was when things went really bad, I came to the point gettting so angry, I told myself: "I will not give these people the satisfaction of my reaction."
I lost all hope of things ending. I had to end it myself.
I wish you get to begin to live the life you deserve soon. We all deserve better.
@@rufomendoza4220 end it yourself? Did you mean suicide or like deal with the problem yourself?
I'm there too, Rufo. All my life too, there are many of us
I wanted to write the same thing! It’s so nice not to feel alone & isolated anymore.
All I can say is I wish I had this knowledge thirty five years ago.
Just want to add that I do appreciate what you are saying.
Thank you 😊
Thank you for not calling the narcissist narcs. That is a completely different thing.
It feels so freeing to recognise what's happening and to just let them go and not take notice of them any more...
Agreed. Total red flag early on but I dismissed it because I felt sorry for this “poor friendless person”.
I just ended it with my fiance 3 days ago. Watching your videos I have really opened my eyes and my mind. He has lied to me so many times the past year. It's like pulling teeth you can't get nothing out of him. He tells lies on top of the lies that he told it's terrible. He has sucked all my energy out of me I'm just finally getting to the point where I can get out of bed when I'm home. There's still some controlling going on still cuz I have no other choice I have no other place I can go. I'm trying my hardest to ignore him.
Agreed. Trouble interacting with others and gross exaggeration about what everyone else thinks about them
My friend asked her narcissist man, why are you standing in the rain?” He replied “I’m not!” I was standing right next to him as his glasses got covered in rain drops. Then he denied he said he wasn’t.
In the weeks before I left and went no contact with my narcissist mother, the fridge broke down. So, I told her the fridge had stopped working. She denied it, angrily, as if I was just trying to ruin her day.
I stopped using the fridge. She persevered for two whole weeks, and it was only when her milk was too lumpy to go in her tea that she came to me and said: the fridge isn't working. Like she had noticed it and I had never said anything.
@@nenasadie this is both sad and hilarious in a dark way. Sometimes you gotta wonder if it's only narcissism or partly dementia too with older folks.
@@Iquey Maybe, but not with her. She's early sixties. Watching a quiz show with her she does the same thing, but on a smaller scale. If there's a question and you say the answer, she'll say the answer a moment or two later, and she will swear you never said anything.
It sounds funny, but living that way for forty odd years of my life has left me with a load of issues to work through and heal. It's very harmful to be consistently ignored, invalidated and belittled. One of the final straws was when she came up to me one morning to say: "You need to get a job." I was getting ready for work.
I swear by “emotionally immature parents” by dr Lindsay Gibson. My life on every page.
typical
My daughter's birthday was recent, and I got her a pretty blue tool set with a USB
mini drill. When we were ordering it, I had to say "It's my money and I'll choose
what I'll choose". Well, she liked her gift and said that I was psychic, and He who
kept at me to not buy it, said it was a great idea he had, and happy she likes it.
RUN!
Get an exit strategy, and tell NO OTHER PERSON . Multiple Grocery prepaid cards, multiple prepaid cellphones and minutes cards. Prepaid visa or MasterCard, stash away from home. Get cash at grocery checkout, lose all receipts. A little at a time...Bank, or credit company will not have a detailed report. Even your dad or closest family and friends may be flying monkeys. If you can, get an old used car and use. Remember that tracking devices are small now. Leave your personal items, purse, even phone, etc. behind before visiting your stash points. If It catches you, it will Destroy You!
Delete this comment ASAP!
@@io5246 if her narc finds this string, she will PAY... perhaps you do not realize.... Lucky You.
@@io5246 I didn’t mean to offend you. As a man who could NOT walk into court and tell the judge that I, a 200 lb. Man was being physically and emotionally abused by a 100 lb. female.... I have a more pragmatic approach. She has kids, he WILL BE BACK! The court is not interested in this personality trait. They’re going to give him visitation rights and he will continue to do what narcissistic people do. I wish you all the best, but I find your approach/attitude, though admirable, to be shortsighted and unwise. I could be wrong, God knows that I have been wrong before. Good luck and Godspeed. The kids will figure out what is what by the time they are 12 to 15 in most cases.
This describes my husband!!! My life is a complete nightmare!!! He does no wrong...he blames everybody and everthing for why he is mean and crazy😬
So many psychologists preach that nacs are often shameless, that hearing that they have a big sense of shame about themselves really interests me. Could you please clarify, Rebecca? Thank you ❤️
Great video by the way 👍
He’s told me and I quote I KNOW everything in those words
Or, ‘I know how, you don’t know anything.’
Absolutely Agreed!
And that doesn't mean that he's a narcissist, he could have been playful with his words
Playful? I know in my case, I could definitely tell the difference between manipulated truth twisting and our once playful banter. In my case.
That is The Donald to a T!! When caught, DEFLECT DEFLECT DEFLECT!!
Tammie Hanenburg,You look stunning,hope you are not with a narcissist....
I have a narcissistic friendship that I am ending. I’m getting hurt and that’s a red flag to me.lying, always using late behavior as manipulation
Love your combination of intelligence, compassion, deep thinking, and you share your knowledge and experience on this topic generously: beautiful inside and out.
This lady is a foremost expert on the mind and personality of narcissists. Everything she says is over 100 percent correct about narcissists.
Check Sam Vaknin when talking foremost.
From a broad perspective I can agree with the 5 main points. But when she goes into details there’s a lot that does not apply to me. I am way too chill of a person to be all those things she describes.
My soon to be ex really has no close friends. Your videos have helped immensely.
Same with mine.
Mines have no friends and all his family stop talking to him
That doesn't mean they're a narcissist lol but ok
OH MY Goodness, reading these comments and it's just jaw-dropping. I even asked my ex to name one friend he has that is not related to him........ he just looked at me and said " what does that have to do with anything" Oh my goodness....
Same here
I have asked narcissists what make them happy,they all give me the same answer which is usually vague...EVERYTHING.But if I ask them what make them unhappy or angry,oh my gosh that list is so long,and they are able to elaborate every single detail on what make them unhappy.They are capable of explaining the negative emotions so easily it's mind boggling.
I appreciate your content and expertise in the field of narcissist and their inability to regulate their affect. I’ve been a licensed therapist for over 25 years and the clients with NPD are some of the most difficult to help navigate positive change. It doesn’t happen often but some do gain insight into how their response to their external world is self defeating. Thank you for always sharing accurate information.
They are more extreme then the average person!
Yep!
[Extremely] awful.
[Extremely] obnoxious.
[Extremely] annoying.
[Extremely] ridiculous.
[Extremely] raggedy.
Oh yea!
@@TLW369 🤣🤣🤣
@@beemonique8466
*Wink* ;)
AGREE. 100% Spot On.
When my narc is asked a question that he is not about to answer, his favorite go-to phrase is...
"I don't know." (spoken very fast and dismissively)
That's it. Thats all I can get out of him. That's also when I know he's guilty of exactly what I suspected him of.
Or their deny their feelings despite displaying them outward. Actions and words don't line up.
Children don’t usually use subterfuge when reacting or engaging. An N will become instantly sulky if the child doesn’t appear charmed by them. Yes, even sleepy three year old grandchildren.
I get, "I didn't hear you" or "what"
@@arleneshanley9889 omg... I've been dealing with this "actions and words/alleged feelings" not being in sync at all! When I try to tell him that this makes no sense... He says "I don't know what to say..i just know how I feel." We were happy together for 25 years and then the last couple years I've been dealing with this behavior. It's very frustrating because he tells me hes so sorry and he loves me so much.
So frustrating !
I have sought out people like this to confront them, after they call me names, I have encouraged them to continue to call me names, and suggest that profanity is good too, all while remaining in a calm discussion and laughing and thanking them helping me. They do not want to talk to me much anymore. You can discuss narcissist behaviour without accusing them of it. When I leave they are fuming and I am smiling. You can find narcissists on youtube to practice with
Wow, I was married to one now divorced. Once a strong business woman he little by little broke me down. Made me doubt myself question everything. He was a bully, I felt paralysed to leave. But I did and it was such a relief. 11 years ago now he owed me a lot of money to date still have not got it. At the time he bullied me not to get a lawyer. I was the one with the money and property. Now I rent where he was off travelling round the world. To this day he would still want a relationship. He is toxic I get anxiety just thinking about him. I learned to ignore his texts that would shut him down. I know I will never get the money back I loaned him. I didn't realise who I was marrying. I wish I knew this things before and during my exit would have been quicker. Thanks so much for this xx
Agreed 😔 says the sad super empath that is finally coming out of the darkness of covert narcissistic relationship that is her marriage... the fog just started to lift in December 2020, after 8 years of fog and not knowing how in the heck I got here...
This is some weird sh..!Im finally free! Woohoo!
Completely understand . Right there too
It takes time. You will need to almost completely rebuild yourself from the inside out...narcs a fabulous destroyers. Take your time. Kim saeed is good to help recovery 🙏
I too just came out of the fog in December 2020 after 30 years of marriage.
I understand completely... 25 years he kept me trapped. I'm still in the fog after being divorced from him for 7 years now. He even shot my horse. And yesterday I was accused of playing the victim card by my own mother. Do you ever have that happen because you can't crawl out of the well?
Thank you for this helpful video. I just realized my father is a Narcissist. He manipulated me for years and when I asked for the truth, he could never give me straight honest answers by the time I saw what was going on and what he was doing,he came at me guns blazing and threw me out on the streets to fend for myself at the age of 17.. Keep in mind surviving here in Africa is so difficult for a full grown adult.. now imagine a 17yr old girl child....#abandoned#neglected#wounded#strong#surviver
Yes I agree with you. It's a big punch in the gut when you realize there is a name for him or her and he is not the only one. And he will never change.
Agreec. The weirdest one is when I offered to make radical changes they said they wanted and I asked what change they were prepared to make. No response, no gaslight, no projection etc. It's as if it was never even said. Also in 2 relationships I already changed go what they said they wanted before asking that question and they did not change their behaviour towards me at all. Get out and go no contact, however painful it is. Get therapy, commit to that therapy and allow yourself time to heal - trust me, it is possible and worthwhile.
That’s why they remain silent in the court room sometimes because they’re guilty af and they couldn’t answer the questions. Because they know they’re liars and they would be exposed. That’s my opinion and exprience with my ex narc sociopath who won’t open his mouth kn the court because he is guilty for harrassing me. He let his attourney to do his dirty job.
Haha.
The quiet shame of truth exposure.
I had the opposite lies that you would believe because he was so good at it. That’s how he got me to date him, marry him, forgive him, take him back etc etc. Until I realized it was a cycle. I had to show my children that you don’t treat people like that. It’s unacceptable!!!
Oh I always got an answer to every why question, even while crying, “because I can”
They never fail, they are never at fault, “If there’s a problem it’s you, I don’t have any problems, I’m perfect”
Same here. From one Gloria to another.
I mean what was the situation, lay out some framework for this story so we can actually understand, because at the end of the day maybe you were the entire problem. Maybe you're just crazy
How dare you question her like that? If you don't like what you're reading find something else.
Well if you are the one who has a problem with them then technically that is you being the one who has a problem.
Became a fan today! Only 3 videos in and you’re already one of my favorites! I’ll be in the archives, healing and whatnot
This is so true: I encountered this once in 2019. I was beside myself with how this person acts. Now, I ignore him like the plague; don't acknowledge him at all/ever.
The trouble with dealing with a narcissistic spouse, is that most of us have never dealt with a person like this before.
Mine trapped me three months into our marriage when I was about to leave; she lied to me and told me that she was pregnant. I believed her of course, that is the normal reaction when your spouse tells you something. Then the projected birth date got pushed out two months.... lol. It took me ten years to do the math, an eleven month pregnancy.....hmmmm.
My nickname before I got married to this crazy woman was "Smiley". I learned not to smile, it made her angry and she would start screaming at me. So even though I might be happy, I learned to keep a neutral face.
I stayed for twenty years, until my precious baby daughter graduated high school. My baby is now, a 40 year-old very successful, happily married, mother of two, lawyer in California. The two step-siblings are narcissistic messes. My ex-wife is married three times now.
Anyone can get controlled by a narcissist if they have power over you. Mine had the custody of my precious baby.
I am a C.P.A. with an IQ of 145, former heavyweight college wrestler, an an extremely competent person.
I hear you
You sound awesome! I'm from Cali, Bay Area. Smart, talented dad.
I was trained early on by my sister. Am I lucky or what? At least I can spot these motherfuckers a mile away.
So true I have never been in this type of relationship ever and it took me years to figure out
I just started learning about this over a year ago my life has been a nightmare ever cents my company has suffered my daughters used as a pawn it’s about money and about and how I can’t see my daughter and had a tracker on my truck for three months and I look like the bad guy I’m lawyering up I don’t see any into this. And I’m going to court for child support because she wants more money than 18k a year is coming to an agreement is impossible. I hope somebody can tell me I’m wrong and this behavior for first 1year
Definitely Agree. My favorite is the first anecdote. So typical. AND the Courts LET THEM GET AWAY WITH IT! 😡😡 Too bad that the law does not recognize the horrible emotional and psychological damage that these people inflict on everyone around them. The reason why they don’t hold onto friends is that they turn on people pretty often and cannot maintain relationships with folks who are not either hoodwinked, or psychopaths themselves. There are many thousands of people out there who will probably never have another relationship because they have no ability to trust anyone again and willingly remain alone. It’s better than being a damned slave to a petty, cruel, inhuman creature.
On point!!!!! Love listening to you! I have learned so much about myself, and why I continue to get into relationships with narcissists. Thank you so much!!! God bless you