I have found my narc husband silenced when I say, “You are entitled to think what you want”. Complete silence. Staying calm ALL the time is quite challenging.
I was unable to think of anything this one time recently when responding to an intense moment and it worked better than anything I could ever have imagined working....so I can say nothing got the job done... In this one odd and peculiar moment..
Married 50 years to a narcissist, and it has taken me many years to understand what the hell I was dealing with. Drove me away, drove me to question my worth, drove me to heavy drinking. I stopped drinking, figured things out, and learned to respect and love myself. Made me stronger.
I'm so sorry. I'm 50 years in too.. Lifetime of deepest sadness, I'm hopefully leaving, door is open..when I can..I'm gone..wishing peace to all who have known life, living with a narcissist.❤.
@@RideWithTheWolf if somebody has laid out emotional eggshells but walking on them isn't helping you, go ahead and kick them out of your way then walk freely. My roommate wants me to feel the same way constantly condescending and belittling, she's never happy and eanra me to think it's my fault when she actively does everything she can to not change. She's miserable and wants me to walk on eggshells so I don't "make it worse" lol it's always already bad she just wants me to give her an excuse
how to respond with comebacks to narcissists when they disrespect you 1-i agree with you in that's what you think. 2-i can see that you are upset. 3-your approach is not working for me. you'll have to find a different one. you are the one who's upset. 4-ok. (don't take their bait) 5-if you want to engage in conversation, you will need to remain calm, factual and non-emotional 6-i know that you're upset, but that's not a valid reason to be disrespectful. 7-i'm choosing not to respond to that. 8-i'm going to have to ask you to respect my boundaries. 9-i hear you. 10-if we are going to communicate, i'm going to have to ask you to do so in a way that is respectful. cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
My response to number 6 is 'there is NEVER a valid reason to be disrespectful!'. Otherwise, all the other responses listed are very simple, effective and proven.
Good luck to you. The narcissist I unfortunately married won't be impressed by any of these answers, he will just rage and yell on. Foaming at the mouth, spittle flyin.g. The only thing to do: Do not engage. Like Dr. Ramani says.
*"I can see that you're upset, but that is no reason to disrespect me."* OMG...best line ever! I'll be using it Monday at a meeting I'm dreading with a psycho narcissist. ❤Thank you❤
I've actually seen the "okay" tactic used in another UA-camr's short vids: just saying "Okay" over and over until they ask why you're saying that, and then retorting with "I'm not agreeing with you; I just don't care." 😉
Been there. Suffered terrible verbal and psychological abuse, extortion, manipulation, financial exploitation from devious elder sister and husband. She was a sadist basking in others' suffering, treating her siblings and colleagues like trash. She uses foul and coarse language, jealous of every girl and woman down her street or in her acquaintance.Threw them out of our life. Now enjoying so much peace and happiness.
What can you do about it though? It’s so frustrating and especially when you don’t even know they’ve been doing it and with whom until the other person starts acting differently toward you in a negative way?
@11:02: "We are in Earth school as a Soul...if you don't learn this lesson the lesson will continue to present itself to you..." This is exactly it. We're being educated. I aim to learn it now with all its difficulty so I don't have to learn it again.
Correct! In the beginning, heaven said, "Let us make man in your image. We are being educated through the fire of life. Every soul is being enlightened...
Yes! I have court in 2 hrs for alimony from a 31 yr marriage. I’ve been up all night. He’s begging for another chance and I’m not doing it. I’ve been deathly ill for a decade, even bedridden on a piic line. I’m regaining my health and losing my marriage and can’t be happier 😊
One question about the first "agreement" is that this person doesn't treat everyone the same way. Sometimes entire groups won't. You may well see someone being singled out. The quiet guy, the nice guy who doesn't retaliate. They'll pile on. It becomes socially acceptable to have a target. That guy probably has a hard time thinking it's not personal. Quandary of the scapegoats, the person with lower social value. It's very toxic, cowardly, etc.
@@Greenwings701 yep, I'm that person in the street narc's game. He's been going around saying that I'm 'not right in the head' and when that didn't work, he moved on to 'she's dirty, her garden lowers the tone of the street' (I have a vegetable garden that's not on view from the street). Sad little man.
God I pray you heal every lost soul that they be comforted and transformed under your wings the way you created us to be in Lord Jesus Christ mighty name God, God we thank you and we love you for who you are and for being our first love amen 🙏🏻
Love it!!! I'm dealing with an older, emotionally immature, low-level Mother. And I can't go grey/black rock on her because I'm her caretaker. Thank you.
I've been married to one for over 40 yrs, it was so gradual I woke up one day and realized she was one. all that time I was being conditioned to think that my ideas about things were just a suggestion for her to sit on her throne and hand down her judgments yay or nay. I have great kids and grandkids now and just decided it was worth it to have them , maybe on judgment day it will count for something, and they have suffered as well to a lesser degree, they are adults with their own kids and just maybe they have learned what not to do by growing up in that atmosphere
1. Boundaries without consequences are not boundaries. 2. Say calmly, “I cannot talk to you right now.” Then leave the room, house, etc. 3. When you cannot leave, the best response is no response. 4. Telling him he is the one who is upset always backfires. 5. Saying, “I understand, but I disagree,” is ok if you can leave immediately. No further engagement. 6. Stating how their behavior makes you feel only gives them weapons to do it again. Hide your feelings. Then talk with a trusted counsellor.
In the South, we stop a lot of nonsense with a kindly, "Bless your heart." Most people know that means "end of conversation," and those that don't know are still left speechless and confused.
Rebecca, this may be my favorite video of yours to date. Especially the words and way you ended it. I needed those words and that encouragement. I have never felt more alone, ticked off, misunderstood and your words made me realize how I need to arm myself and how to battle, I CAN do this, even with The flying monkeys. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!! THANK YOU!!
@@territimestransitions5947 youtube teaches us. There r great teachers on it. Learn learn learn it will take a long time but you will be amazed how knowledgable and strong you get to take care of yourself in these situations. You will become a warrior. It feels right some how.
I had a peace order granted in County Court. He took it to State Court and had it dismissed. He wasn't happy staying away or no contact. I'm bewildered
Only YOU can save yourself!!! Get the hell out of there or it’s on you!!!! I was willing to go homeless to finally free myself after a lifetime of being raised by my deplorable malignant covert narcissist mother! It saved my life and soul…walking out on her at a most propitious time….I truly thank God 💯%
Jesus, Almighty God 🙏 loves ❤ you more than you could possibly comprehend! He died for your sins, my sins and the sins of the world. Jesus stands with His arms opened wide, hoping and willing to heal, forgive, cleanse, strengthen and purify us. He is waiting to receive you with all love! He deeply desires a personal relationship with each and every one of us! RELATIONSHIP NOT RELIGION! Draw near to God and He will draw near to you, there is no repentance in the grave: There is no conversion after the last breath is drawn. Now is the time to believe in Christ and to lay hold of eternal life (J C Ryle). God has revealed Himself to us in the glory of creation, in the perfection of the written word and in personal experience of all who seek Him. Prayer 🙏 is giving our attention to God in a two-way Spiritual relationship where we talk to God and also listen to Him, you can pray 🙏 to God, through Jesus in the privacy of your own home (pray from your heart). God speaks to your heart because He loves you and wants to interact with you. So often we don't wait for God to speak after we've finished laying down our requests. Sadly, we don't watch for God to act in our lives. Did you know that God speaks to us through the Bible? The Holy scriptures Old and New Testaments, are the written Word of God, given by divine inspiration through holy men of God who spoke and wrote as they were moved by the Holy Spirit. The gift of the Holy Spirit is one of God's greatest gifts to us. Through the Holy Spirit we may know that God lives and that Jesus is the Christ! Scripture is always the voice of God in the general sense that God inspired the words of Scripture (2 Tim 3:16). God can also speak specifically to us through the Bible, by drawing a particular passage to our attention because the Word of God is living and active (Heb 4:12). We can say that it is God's primary way of speaking to us. Any other communication must be based and tested by what is taught in Scripture. The Holy Bible is God's guide for us, so we can reach Him, the only true living God and hear back from Him! Jesus is returning in the not so distant future!
My narcissist landlord, after pressing him for rent receipts that I'd needed for the Iowa Renters Rebate 2022. I meet all the criteria for the rebate being disabled. He'd sent me text messages stating, "...you're not disabled, you're an able bodied man, you need to be working!!." and "you're just looking for a gov't handout." . I did tell him that he had, in fact violated my protected civil rights, and 7+ doctors have all said contrary. Then, more text messages, stating that, "Most people on SSI get like $2500 per mo., why do you only get $***.**?," ..even putting figures into brackets etc. I found these, and many more comments he'd texted, to be extremely offensive, mean spirited, and downright hurtful. I truly believe that anyone at his intelligence level and with a college degree in behavior disorders, would've and should've certainly known better than to do that.
It’s interesting that severe Narc’s avoid counseling or therapy like the plague. It usually takes an arrest where they a psych evaluation is mandated and they get this diagnosis. This happened with an adopted cousin and another time with a friend. Both had severe NPD.
Yes! I completely understand. Have grown up with a covert narcissistic father, I have used a number of the tactics you described. About 4 years ago, he did the discard but is still hoovering in various ways. All completely empty gestures. Now complete no contact...my choice. As with all victims of childhood narcissistic abuse, there is a Tonto work through. Please remember...it was them, not you! My support and love to all on this recovery road.❤
❣️❣️❣️🥰YES❣️❣️❣️❣️🙏✌️💥😇Theres something severely wrong with them. Know that. They purposely manipulated you into feeling sorry for them and played you. Cut the energy ties a d view them like the crazy malevolent being they are. Observing them as a detached uninvolved third party is the best head space. This is great advice. YES❣️❣️❣️
EXCELLENT EXCELLENT. Here’s a good one that discombobulates them, and spoken with calmness in your voice: “I am a respecter of persons, and we can see that you are not a respecter of persons, so get back into your cage.” Then excuse yourself from their presence even if it only means turning away towards someone you were talking with previously. [The last part is for when they have gone over the top a bit more than usual and in the public setting.]
YES. I just also came to the realisation that the 2 narcs in my life also use each other as flying monkeys. I notice the attempts for the narcs to disrespect me but they will always do it so underhandedly. These are all very useful phrases if I need to use them. The narcs I know are too underhanded for me to do anything except just do the most minimal words possible like ''Oh okay'' or ''I hear you''. Because I'm used to having blank expressions even if I am feeling emotions I have sought to use that to help me against narcs. Being Autistic as well I feel a more magnified vulnerability in some odd way to narcs disrespect. I love your work in helping people deal with narcissists. For 25 years plus I've dealt with them but not until recent years I knew what the problem is so now I have something to work towards a solution.
Such incredible advice - my interior design team and I have been trying to find solutions to navigate working with difficult clients. The solutions in this video are invaluable. Thank you so much!
I’ll share a few. First, My best one that gets the very best result with my ex narc and other narcs in public; “Ok, and what brings you to that conclusion “? 😎💀 “Sure I am, and you are entitled to your faulty beliefs” “That’s fine, but I’ve made MY mind up”. “I’m sorry, what was that ? “ “Uh huh, you’re right”. (Grey Rock) Also, remember if you are aware and can help it, never ask a narcissist “why are you doing this to me”? They will NEVER pull back with empathy It gives them the ultimate rush.
Yes, I understand so far. It’s all about emotional self control, and NOT taking the bait. And, it’s how I shift the Power imbalance, and it’s also how I maintain credibility and integrity in the public eye. I refuse to be a part of the problem /conflict that she is deliberately baiting me into through the proven bait of disrespectful behavior.
This helped me so much! There was this one person who constantly disrespected me when I was alone with them and also when we were in group settings. I felt stuck when dealing with them because I refused to let that interaction change me for the worse. Now I have the tools to respond honestly without being malicious like them! Thank you for this!
My latest when I was being ranted at where the Narcissist said I was accusing them( I had asked at work if my stuff had been moved) I replied,I did not use those words, your interpretation is not my responsibility, that's on you! I'm not arguing I'm leaving and I walked away. Came back ,they still ranted,I said I'm not having this conversation. BOTH TIMES,they stood there stunned.
Yessss! Between an ex and a young adult - (who knows she has narcissistic tendencies) I've been seriously learning how to shut down my emotional responses. Long way to go, still learning how to keep up my boundaries!
It’s was amazing how people trusted for what narcissis said.. or spread the words out to made someone is look bad, sometimes I wonder those people don’t have a brain to think or they just have attitude to that person then play along with them. 😊
@@RebeccaZungEsq Yes, when I got to the realization that I needed to set some boundaries, and did so, I was surprised how this was ignored. The pushback at not respecting the boundaries made the decision to walk away easier. I’m talking about decades of disrespect from a family member. Realizing that this was never going to change and I don’t have to do this, your channel helped me so much. I only wish I had realized and understood years ago. But for me it was like putting pieces of a puzzle together. Yes you never have to put up with disrespect , the gaslighting and arrogance. It will never change. Let go, move forward life is too short.
I say I hear you. He then says so you have no response? You’re not going to talk to me? He’s not being nice and is digging for a fight. I walk away and hide in my room.
Hi Rebecca I admire your work. I don't know if you are aware but of this but when in the UK divorcing a nasty exhusband and my own mother think that any sort of counselling or help from a GP etc is to them a sign of weakness and I must be at fault. I was married for 30 years and have now left them. Take care keep up the good work !
From my experience, if I remain, calm, factual but do not follow their wishes which are in fact veiled orders, they start blackmailing me And apply the blackmail, it is very brutal, at the same time they tell others that it is your fault. They TOTALLY change the facts.
On one occasion when a narc was doing their best to insult me I'm an effort to get a reaction, I stood there smiling and let them go ahead. When finnished I said . 'OK cheers, I'll remember that'. Tbh I didnt get the reaction I expected. It just kinda stopped. 😅
❤ everysingle word this blessing in our lives. Is......😇 doing God's work... You thi k you have lost all of your berian . Your soul. Your creativity. Your goodness. No.... try these words. . I knew these words all my life.. you can use this same sort of concept to control your DISRESPECT
The most painful thing is also when you are in a debate session, the narc attacks you in an open war and the bystanders don't take your side, don't engage, don't put the narc into his place, just watch the show cruelly. Not only is the narc humiliating me, but also changes the perception of the audience about me, like I am a loser, worthless, stupid, ridiculous person, invalidating me and sucking out my power, putting me on the defensive and the others believe the narc due to his despicable manipulation, so they are siding with me and against me.
Yes, remain indifferent. Don't engage and don't defend that's what they want. Some of these statements though, they will spin on you I guarantee it. I've had it done to me.
Because iv listened and learned years now . Dear lady. How do we thank you personally. I wish you did visits to the places. Where You have worked along side of God. saved from immense constant sadness. So .. idk. But.... 8v learned soo much. And I seen it Immediately . I just moved 8n I was still this happy. Inlove young looking 45 year old. Not new in my faith by the way... Anyhow. I'm thamkfull. And seeing this first hand . Only a year into this. It's been 7-8 years 😮
Redefine the way you view challenges in high-conflict negotiations. Our training will show you how to turn trials into triumphs. Learn more www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop 💪 🚀
You really should get the narc to trade punches with you with consent. Full contact MMA. You will find that the narc is a coward and will fear you. Respect will be earned.
Thank you so much, YES I do understand your advise. - Eventually you would have time to do a video about these hardcore-narcs, who actively slander around about someones's quality of work, neglecting even that work has been done at all,-- leading a dog to bark and charge against someone !!, -- destroying material things of someone or steal little things from someone - telling rightout lies, etc.... Bringing his "helper" in position (flying monkey do some people call these) , avoiding responsibility for narc's own actions, etc (the someone is me and my familymember) , doing exacltly opposite of what would be helpful, doing harm whenever possible . - My consequnce here is by now: I was cutting consequently all conversation with this narc, - and doing work under witness from 3.side, finally someone laid work down because narc "can now do it better" he will now financially benefit from his slander; -- Makes me feel "on flight" like a refugee - in my own neighborship, in my own house. Can we do better ?
Thanks for the practice in staying calm while my blood is boiling haha just had a bad interaction and I was so anxious to get to the information, I had to purposely choose to calm myself.
I myself don't engage with them when they are in a rage i go to other room sometimes they follow you into other room i still remain calm they run out of steam if you don't respond to them i have learned this from experience and listening to videos on dealing with a narcissist sign Cynthia Smith i am black and a lot of words on this video i don't use
IDK if you're going to read this 😳 Yet my situation is crazy and I NEED your advice..! My GF of 9 yr w/a child-8- exiled me for A stranger she found online . Like moved him right into my spot like I'm trash 🗑.. I'm nothing but LOYAL and DEDICATED to my family!!! Now I'm lost, REALLY LOST living in my car with a SHATTERED ❤️ heart. .. I want to die - nothing can replace them... IDK what to do or where I'm going...............! HELP?
I have found my narc husband silenced when I say, “You are entitled to think what you want”. Complete silence. Staying calm ALL the time is quite challenging.
Yes, i have gotten better but it is hard to stay calm around the demons.
It really is! I have to acknowledge and quell the indignation that arises in me when I see/endure the narc manipulation. It's a work in progress.
Proud of you! You got this ❤
I was unable to think of anything this one time recently when responding to an intense moment and it worked better than anything I could ever have imagined working....so I can say nothing got the job done...
In this one odd and peculiar moment..
For some reason the quoted sentence seems like what I thought is a narc comment.. correct me if I am wrong and why
Negotiating with a narrissts is like nogiatiting with a school of piranhas while swimming in water with them.
"I'm not going to dignify that with a response."
Married 50 years to a narcissist, and it has taken me many years to understand what the hell I was dealing with. Drove me away, drove me to question my worth, drove me to heavy drinking. I stopped drinking, figured things out, and learned to respect and love myself. Made me stronger.
I'm so sorry.
I'm 50 years in too..
Lifetime of deepest sadness, I'm hopefully leaving, door is open..when I can..I'm gone..wishing peace to all who have known life, living with a narcissist.❤.
@@kat71580 Hey Kat, I really do wish you the best getting out. It's Never to late. Sending Love and Strength from London England ❤️❤️❤️💕💕💕
@@kevinhaney293 proud of you,
Can I get input how you broke away. I have had 3 mini strokes. I can't take it Help me
I'm tired of walking on eggshells around the narcissist.
@@RideWithTheWolf if somebody has laid out emotional eggshells but walking on them isn't helping you, go ahead and kick them out of your way then walk freely. My roommate wants me to feel the same way constantly condescending and belittling, she's never happy and eanra me to think it's my fault when she actively does everything she can to not change. She's miserable and wants me to walk on eggshells so I don't "make it worse" lol it's always already bad she just wants me to give her an excuse
They will drive you mentaly crazy.
Yes he sure did! Until I gave him a pink slip
how to respond with comebacks to narcissists when they disrespect you
1-i agree with you in that's what you think.
2-i can see that you are upset.
3-your approach is not working for me. you'll have to find a different one. you are the one who's upset.
4-ok. (don't take their bait)
5-if you want to engage in conversation, you will need to remain calm, factual and non-emotional
6-i know that you're upset, but that's not a valid reason to be disrespectful.
7-i'm choosing not to respond to that.
8-i'm going to have to ask you to respect my boundaries.
9-i hear you.
10-if we are going to communicate, i'm going to have to ask you to do so in a way that is respectful.
cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
You're Awesome Thanks for this.
@@carparthero no emptymag
My response to number 6 is 'there is NEVER a valid reason to be disrespectful!'. Otherwise, all the other responses listed are very simple, effective and proven.
@@carparthero no stand firm no leeway
Good luck to you. The narcissist I unfortunately married won't be impressed by any of these answers, he will just rage and yell on. Foaming at the mouth, spittle flyin.g. The only thing to do: Do not engage. Like Dr. Ramani says.
Just realized that there are SO MANY narcissists out there
Its true in thousands
You’re right. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to avoid them because they are everywhere.
Right!!!! People enjoy these empty superficial people until they get to close that venom is nasty!
Sooooo many! And, if you’re a kind, empathetic person you “draw” them like Winnie the Pooh is drawn to honey 🍯- whether you want them or not!
Yes I've got 2 for neighbours that are teaming up to combine their Narcings. I could write a book.
*"I can see that you're upset, but that is no reason to disrespect me."*
OMG...best line ever!
I'll be using it Monday at a meeting I'm dreading with a psycho narcissist. ❤Thank you❤
Yes
Just repeat it over and over when they continue to disrespect you. Because they will continue after you say that.
Proud of you! You got this ❤
Good luck!
How did that meeting go?
"Your approach is not working for me.". Even if I never communicate this thought to her, it relieves the stress, and I can laugh.
YES! Walk away and leave them having a tantrum on the floor.
Thank you! What part did you like the most?
@jessicaj9743 Nobody here is advocating "taking vengeance" on these wicked creatures as far as I can tell.
@@reesedaniel5835 I think it's more of a metaphor than anything.
They rarely rage in the workplace. They are a master of the cool cucumber as they insult and blame shift.
They have no control they show themselves eventually.
I've said those exact things and fallen on deaf ears, so I removed myself from the situation.
I've actually seen the "okay" tactic used in another UA-camr's short vids: just saying "Okay" over and over until they ask why you're saying that, and then retorting with "I'm not agreeing with you; I just don't care." 😉
Been there. Suffered terrible verbal and psychological abuse, extortion, manipulation, financial exploitation from devious elder sister and husband. She was a sadist basking in others' suffering, treating her siblings and colleagues like trash. She uses foul and coarse language, jealous of every girl and woman down her street or in her acquaintance.Threw them out of our life. Now enjoying so much peace and happiness.
I will not stand for "Triangulation" game's played by an Narcissist.
Louder!
What can you do about it though? It’s so frustrating and especially when you don’t even know they’ve been doing it and with whom until the other person starts acting differently toward you in a negative way?
Oh I agree, it's nasty
@11:02: "We are in Earth school as a Soul...if you don't learn this lesson the lesson will continue to present itself to you..." This is exactly it. We're being educated. I aim to learn it now with all its difficulty so I don't have to learn it again.
What is this verse from?
@wayneelliott1180 - I have come to really believe this.
Correct! In the beginning, heaven said, "Let us make man in your image. We are being educated through the fire of life.
Every soul is being enlightened...
Yes! I have court in 2 hrs for alimony from a 31 yr marriage. I’ve been up all night. He’s begging for another chance and I’m not doing it. I’ve been deathly ill for a decade, even bedridden on a piic line. I’m regaining my health and losing my marriage and can’t be happier 😊
@@sandraleehurst7350 enjoy freedom, enjoy being happy with yourself. As a victim of a narcistic mother and ex-wife i know how you feel.
One question about the first "agreement" is that this person doesn't treat everyone the same way. Sometimes entire groups won't. You may well see someone being singled out. The quiet guy, the nice guy who doesn't retaliate. They'll pile on. It becomes socially acceptable to have a target. That guy probably has a hard time thinking it's not personal. Quandary of the scapegoats, the person with lower social value. It's very toxic, cowardly, etc.
Yes
@@debratyler7549 👺
@@Greenwings701 yep, I'm that person in the street narc's game. He's been going around saying that I'm 'not right in the head' and when that didn't work, he moved on to 'she's dirty, her garden lowers the tone of the street' (I have a vegetable garden that's not on view from the street). Sad little man.
I'm not going to give her the satisfaction for disrespectful me. So, I made my mind to leave.
God I pray you heal every lost soul that they be comforted and transformed under your wings the way you created us to be in Lord Jesus Christ mighty name God, God we thank you and we love you for who you are and for being our first love amen 🙏🏻
My response is: I'm not responsible for your faulty perception of me"
Love it!!! I'm dealing with an older, emotionally immature, low-level Mother. And I can't go grey/black rock on her because I'm her caretaker. Thank you.
@@liztaylor85139 I told him that I refuse to feel guilty for things I am not guilty of.
I've been married to one for over 40 yrs, it was so gradual I woke up one day and realized she was one. all that time I was being conditioned to think that my ideas about things were just a suggestion for her to sit on her throne and hand down her judgments yay or nay. I have great kids and grandkids now and just decided it was worth it to have them , maybe on judgment day it will count for something, and they have suffered as well to a lesser degree, they are adults with their own kids and just maybe they have learned what not to do by growing up in that atmosphere
1. Boundaries without consequences are not boundaries.
2. Say calmly, “I cannot talk to you right now.” Then leave the room, house, etc.
3. When you cannot leave, the best response is no response.
4. Telling him he is the one who is upset always backfires.
5. Saying, “I understand, but I disagree,” is ok if you can leave immediately. No further engagement.
6. Stating how their behavior makes you feel only gives them weapons to do it again. Hide your feelings. Then talk with a trusted counsellor.
How about when they are trying to disrespect you in front of their flying monkeys at a meeting?
They love an audience
RUN🏃♀
Say "you guys are enjoying to make me feel bad" and smile.
That is tough. They catch you off guard. The best thing when you dont know how to respond is to act dumb and unbothered.
Document, document. Write down names of witnesses who were there. Let them know you’re documenting. You can thank me later.
In the South, we stop a lot of nonsense with a kindly, "Bless your heart." Most people know that means "end of conversation," and those that don't know are still left speechless and confused.
They act like
There is no boundaries ,
Boundaries for them + you must respect them! Yours aren't even listened to, of course 🙄😅
Everything they say to you is a confession about them.🪞
Rebecca, this may be my favorite video of yours to date. Especially the words and way you ended it. I needed those words and that encouragement. I have never felt more alone, ticked off, misunderstood and your words made me realize how I need to arm myself and how to battle, I CAN do this, even with The flying monkeys. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!! THANK YOU!!
@@territimestransitions5947 youtube teaches us. There r great teachers on it. Learn learn learn it will take a long time but you will be amazed how knowledgable and strong you get to take care of yourself in these situations. You will become a warrior. It feels right some how.
I just follow and agree what they say save you from arguing and when they are gone do the complete opposite. 😄
I remain quiet and I’ve filed violation charges of my injunction against him. Let him tell a judge!
Today Justice was served! His gf is in jail!
This might help - www.breakingfreefromdivorce.com/ ❤
I had a peace order granted in County Court.
He took it to State Court and had it dismissed.
He wasn't happy staying away or no contact.
I'm bewildered
Been in a relationship of narcissistic for 30 years . I run so fast after . And I said hallelujah to the Lord
I wish someone can save me from my narcissistic bully husband… I am giving up
Give up, run❤
You can save you. It won't be easy and it will take some planning and time. And you can do it.
Spoken from experience.
I'm with you, Shayma. It's hard. Life as a non-person is hard.
Only YOU can save yourself!!! Get the hell out of there or it’s on you!!!! I was willing to go homeless to finally free myself after a lifetime of being raised by my deplorable malignant covert narcissist mother! It saved my life and soul…walking out on her at a most propitious time….I truly thank God 💯%
Jesus, Almighty God 🙏 loves ❤ you more than you could possibly comprehend!
He died for your sins, my sins and the sins of the world.
Jesus stands with His arms opened wide, hoping and willing to heal, forgive, cleanse, strengthen and purify us. He is waiting to receive you with all love! He deeply desires a personal relationship with each and every one of us!
RELATIONSHIP NOT RELIGION!
Draw near to God and He will draw near to you, there is no repentance in the grave: There is no conversion after the last breath is drawn.
Now is the time to believe in Christ and to lay hold of eternal life (J C Ryle).
God has revealed Himself to us in the glory of creation, in the perfection of the written word and in personal experience of all who seek Him.
Prayer 🙏 is giving our attention to God in a two-way Spiritual relationship where we talk to God and also listen to Him, you can pray 🙏 to God, through Jesus in the privacy of your own home (pray from your heart).
God speaks to your heart because He loves you and wants to interact with you.
So often we don't wait for God to speak after we've finished laying down our requests. Sadly, we don't watch for God to act in our lives.
Did you know that God speaks to us through the Bible?
The Holy scriptures Old and New Testaments, are the written Word of God, given by divine inspiration through holy men of God who spoke and wrote as they were moved by the Holy Spirit.
The gift of the Holy Spirit is one of God's greatest gifts to us. Through the Holy Spirit we may know that God lives and that Jesus is the Christ!
Scripture is always the voice of God in the general sense that God inspired the words of Scripture (2 Tim 3:16).
God can also speak specifically to us through the Bible, by drawing a particular passage to our attention because the Word of God is living and active (Heb 4:12).
We can say that it is God's primary way of speaking to us. Any other communication must be based and tested by what is taught in Scripture.
The Holy Bible is God's guide for us, so we can reach Him, the only true living God and hear back from Him!
Jesus is returning in the not so distant future!
My husband was driving me and my two children crazy.Thanks to your practical advice,helps alot
My narcissist landlord, after pressing him for rent receipts that I'd needed for the Iowa Renters Rebate 2022. I meet all the criteria for the rebate being disabled. He'd sent me text messages stating, "...you're not disabled, you're an able bodied man, you need to be working!!." and "you're just looking for a gov't handout." . I did tell him that he had, in fact violated my protected civil rights, and 7+ doctors have all said contrary. Then, more text messages, stating that, "Most people on SSI get like $2500 per mo., why do you only get $***.**?," ..even putting figures into brackets etc. I found these, and many more comments he'd texted, to be extremely offensive, mean spirited, and downright hurtful. I truly believe that anyone at his intelligence level and with a college degree in behavior disorders, would've and should've certainly known better than to do that.
I need to stop reacting ... I’ve got a man who says something and hits the emotional button and I react and then embarrass myself
Stay strong! ❤
The Four Agreements is awesome. And the size of the book makes it easy to tuck into a purse or day pack.
He's making me feel like I'm going crazy!
It’s interesting that severe Narc’s avoid counseling or therapy like the plague. It usually takes an arrest where they a psych evaluation is mandated and they get this diagnosis. This happened with an adopted cousin and another time with a friend. Both had severe NPD.
Do you know if they made any progress what so ever afterwards?
Yes!
I completely understand. Have grown up with a covert narcissistic father, I have used a number of the tactics you described. About 4 years ago, he did the discard but is still hoovering in various ways. All completely empty gestures.
Now complete no contact...my choice.
As with all victims of childhood narcissistic abuse, there is a Tonto work through.
Please remember...it was them, not you!
My support and love to all on this recovery road.❤
❣️❣️❣️🥰YES❣️❣️❣️❣️🙏✌️💥😇Theres something severely wrong with them. Know that. They purposely manipulated you into feeling sorry for them and played you. Cut the energy ties a d view them like the crazy malevolent being they are. Observing them as a detached uninvolved third party is the best head space. This is great advice. YES❣️❣️❣️
Thank you! What part did you like the most?
EXCELLENT EXCELLENT.
Here’s a good one that discombobulates them, and spoken with calmness in your voice:
“I am a respecter of persons, and we can see that you are not a respecter of persons, so get back into your cage.” Then excuse yourself from their presence even if it only means turning away towards someone you were talking with previously.
[The last part is for when they have gone over the top a bit more than usual and in the public setting.]
YES.
I just also came to the realisation that the 2 narcs in my life also use each other as flying monkeys. I notice the attempts for the narcs to disrespect me but they will always do it so underhandedly. These are all very useful phrases if I need to use them. The narcs I know are too underhanded for me to do anything except just do the most minimal words possible like ''Oh okay'' or ''I hear you''. Because I'm used to having blank expressions even if I am feeling emotions I have sought to use that to help me against narcs. Being Autistic as well I feel a more magnified vulnerability in some odd way to narcs disrespect.
I love your work in helping people deal with narcissists. For 25 years plus I've dealt with them but not until recent years I knew what the problem is so now I have something to work towards a solution.
What uses up Gb's on my cell?
Such incredible advice - my interior design team and I have been trying to find solutions to navigate working with difficult clients. The solutions in this video are invaluable. Thank you so much!
I have seen friends with a narcissist partner that learn to deal with it because they truly love them and wouldn’t leave them
I’ll share a few. First, My best one that gets the very best result with my ex narc and other narcs in public;
“Ok, and what brings you to that conclusion “? 😎💀
“Sure I am, and you are entitled to your faulty beliefs”
“That’s fine, but I’ve made MY mind up”.
“I’m sorry, what was that ? “
“Uh huh, you’re right”. (Grey Rock)
Also, remember if you are aware and can help it, never ask a narcissist “why are you doing this to me”? They will NEVER pull back with empathy It gives them the ultimate rush.
Yes for 45 years. Only recently have I distanced myself.
Thank you! ❤ Care to share what you like the most?
Yes, I understand so far. It’s all about emotional self control, and NOT taking the bait. And, it’s how I shift the Power imbalance, and it’s also how I maintain credibility and integrity in the public eye. I refuse to be a part of the problem /conflict that she is deliberately baiting me into through the proven bait of disrespectful behavior.
This helped me so much! There was this one person who constantly disrespected me when I was alone with them and also when we were in group settings. I felt stuck when dealing with them because I refused to let that interaction change me for the worse. Now I have the tools to respond honestly without being malicious like them! Thank you for this!
Verbal Judo ❤
This takes everything some of us have learned to a whole next level.
Thank you! ❤ Care to share what you like the most?
YES! Rebecca, thank you for this. Especially for the message at the end. I can do hard things and I need to learn these lessons!🙏
This is 100 percent fact! Spouse is narcissistic but the statements work well in shutting down that person
My latest when I was being ranted at where the Narcissist said I was accusing them( I had asked at work if my stuff had been moved) I replied,I did not use those words, your interpretation is not my responsibility, that's on you! I'm not arguing I'm leaving and I walked away. Came back ,they still ranted,I said I'm not having this conversation. BOTH TIMES,they stood there stunned.
Yessss! Between an ex and a young adult - (who knows she has narcissistic tendencies) I've been seriously learning how to shut down my emotional responses. Long way to go, still learning how to keep up my boundaries!
Yes Rebecca 💕I have learned to remain calm and and observe it’s exhausting! 🙏❤️❤️❤️
Stay strong! ❤ Join me in my free webinar - www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop
It’s was amazing how people trusted for what narcissis said.. or spread the words out to made someone is look bad, sometimes I wonder those people don’t have a brain to think or they just have attitude to that person then play along with them. 😊
Almost any sentence that starts with “You”.
You are
You shoul
you always
You seem
You didn’t
Etc.
Yes! Thank you Rebecca, you are a gem.
Thank you! ❤ Care to share what you like the most?
@@RebeccaZungEsq Yes, when I got to the realization that I needed to set some boundaries, and did so, I was surprised how this was ignored. The pushback at not respecting the boundaries made the decision to walk away easier. I’m talking about decades of disrespect from a family member. Realizing that this was never going to change and I don’t have to do this, your channel helped me so much. I only wish I had realized and understood years ago. But for me it was like putting pieces of a puzzle together. Yes you never have to put up with disrespect , the gaslighting and arrogance. It will never change. Let go, move forward life is too short.
I say I hear you. He then says so you have no response? You’re not going to talk to me? He’s not being nice and is digging for a fight. I walk away and hide in my room.
Then say no. I just don't care what you think.
No response is his/ their nightmare, no fuel for the narcissist .
Walk away.
Hi Rebecca I admire your work. I don't know if you are aware but of this but when in the UK divorcing a nasty exhusband and my own mother think that any sort of counselling or help from a GP etc is to them a sign of weakness and I must be at fault. I was married for 30 years and have now left them. Take care keep up the good work !
Why do they like to humiliate you in front of ppl mine is the worst
Yes! Great video. Thank you for sharing scripts which are strikingly similar to those parents and caregivers use with children.
Stay strong! ❤
Join me in my free webinar - icanslay.com
Thank you! I needed to hear this. Love it❤
I believe you are the best lawyer in America good for you
I learned that just by nodding the head they think you're actually listening to their crap, lol
From my experience, if I remain, calm, factual but do not follow their wishes which are in fact veiled orders, they start blackmailing me And apply the blackmail, it is very brutal, at the same time they tell others that it is your fault. They TOTALLY change the facts.
Staying calm rattles them. I especially like no 8 I believe it was regarding respecting personal space.
On one occasion when a narc was doing their best to insult me I'm an effort to get a reaction, I stood there smiling and let them go ahead. When finnished I said . 'OK cheers, I'll remember that'. Tbh I didnt get the reaction I expected. It just kinda stopped. 😅
Yes! Thank you for this information.
#4 Okay - he hated that word with a vengeance. He was enraged when I would say this to him.
Why respond at all? Just don't be offended by words period. Right?
Yes it makes them angrier when you don’t respond or show emotion it’s makes them feel ignored which is what they hate
Yes
❤ everysingle word this blessing in our lives. Is......😇 doing God's work...
You thi k you have lost all of your berian . Your soul. Your creativity. Your goodness. No.... try these words. . I knew these words all my life.. you can use this same sort of concept to control your DISRESPECT
Yes I do understand and appreciate your support for us TQ soo much,🌹💖🎊
this might help you better as well slay.rebeccazung.com/home
The most painful thing is also when you are in a debate session, the narc attacks you in an open war and the bystanders don't take your side, don't engage, don't put the narc into his place, just watch the show cruelly. Not only is the narc humiliating me, but also changes the perception of the audience about me, like I am a loser, worthless, stupid, ridiculous person, invalidating me and sucking out my power, putting me on the defensive and the others believe the narc due to his despicable manipulation, so they are siding with me and against me.
I will ignore the narcissist's ranting and walk away without saying anything. My victory!
Stay strong! ❤ Join me in my free webinar - www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop
@@RebeccaZungEsq Thanks!
I am here for this
Thank you! ❤
Yes, remain indifferent. Don't engage and don't defend that's what they want. Some of these statements though, they will spin on you I guarantee it. I've had it done to me.
You’re brilliant, so glad I stumbled across your channel!
Because iv listened and learned years now
. Dear lady.
How do we thank you personally. I wish you did visits to the places. Where You have worked along side of God. saved from immense constant sadness. So .. idk. But.... 8v learned soo much. And I seen it Immediately . I just moved 8n I was still this happy. Inlove young looking 45 year old.
Not new in my faith by the way...
Anyhow. I'm thamkfull. And seeing this first hand . Only a year into this. It's been 7-8 years 😮
What a clear speaking teacher :)
Thanks Rebecca for these 10 ways / words to use. I’m writing them down! Love your free videos!
Me too..thank you.
Yes! Thanks for sharing! Great responses. Using them today
Redefine the way you view challenges in high-conflict negotiations. Our training will show you how to turn trials into triumphs. Learn more www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop 💪 🚀
I've also read how they feel even more disrespect for you when you agree with them 😳. You just can't win.
Tell them “ what an interesting way to be wrong
This is my weak spot, I'm working on it.
YES!! THE WHOLE NINE YARDS 🤝🌹Thank you 💎
People often seem to treat me like wrap & it's suffocating.
THANK YOU FOR BEING SO INFORMATIVE AND AWESOME
Love Miguel Ruiz...The Mastery of Love....
Got to see him in Los Angeles! !
You really should get the narc to trade punches with you with consent. Full contact MMA. You will find that the narc is a coward and will fear you. Respect will be earned.
Thank you so much, YES I do understand your advise. - Eventually you would have time to do a video about these hardcore-narcs, who actively slander around about someones's quality of work, neglecting even that work has been done at all,-- leading a dog to bark and charge against someone !!, -- destroying material things of someone or steal little things from someone - telling rightout lies, etc.... Bringing his "helper" in position (flying monkey do some people call these) , avoiding responsibility for narc's own actions, etc (the someone is me and my familymember) , doing exacltly opposite of what would be helpful, doing harm whenever possible . - My consequnce here is by now: I was cutting consequently all conversation with this narc, - and doing work under witness from 3.side, finally someone laid work down because narc "can now do it better" he will now financially benefit from his slander; -- Makes me feel "on flight" like a refugee - in my own neighborship, in my own house. Can we do better ?
Mine is always angry and he likes to throw adult size fits and break my things
You got this! ❤ Join me in my free webinar - www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop
Thanks for the practice in staying calm while my blood is boiling haha just had a bad interaction and I was so anxious to get to the information, I had to purposely choose to calm myself.
“Best Attorney in America?” That is a very narcissistic statement to make 😅
If that was the case, Trump could have used her help.
She was voted this and she's trying to prove that she knows what shed talking about, that's bragging baby (well deserved) not Narcissism
Bragging is a form of narcissism
I myself don't engage with them when they are in a rage i go to other room sometimes they follow you into other room i still remain calm they run out of steam if you don't respond to them i have learned this from experience and listening to videos on dealing with a narcissist sign Cynthia Smith i am black and a lot of words on this video i don't use
YES! These are so good! Thank you for the excellent insight and tips! Stay strong you guys. You got this!
IDK if you're going to read this 😳
Yet my situation is crazy and I NEED your advice..!
My GF of 9 yr w/a child-8- exiled me for A stranger she found online .
Like moved him right into my spot like I'm trash 🗑..
I'm nothing but LOYAL and DEDICATED to my family!!!
Now I'm lost, REALLY LOST living in my car with a SHATTERED ❤️ heart. ..
I want to die - nothing can replace them... IDK what to do or where I'm going...............!
HELP?
I'm an unpublished writer lost in the VOID
Thank you for being such a good human being 🤗
Check this out - www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop Keep slaying!
Yes, I already use those and they work