Haha: “Taking space helps me to connect to you”. Makes sense when it’s for a short time. But it’s ridiculous when a DA ‘takes space’ for weeks, months, or even suddenly disappears completely. I’ve been very patient and understanding with my DA, with the final result she ran away after 1,5 years with no explanation at all. Only realizing I’ve wasted my time and energy on a self-centered woman who (which became more and more clear to me over time) projected a lot of her own character on me, including accusations of cheating.
Hmm, my avoidant ex said I love you via text out of nowhere within 2 months. My avoidance made me think it was a trap/trick so I asked him if he was talking to me. His response was he meant that to be sent to his mom. I said whew, you’re scared me. I didn’t love him yet, but I regret that response. I suspect that’s what pushed him into his avoidance. Cue the ensuing hot and cold dance that threw me into complete confusion. Unknowing anything about attachment, I just assumed I was being played with so I mirrored, pulled back when he did, and attempted to leave the relationship multiple times. He kept convincing me to stay, but would keep me at arm’s distance. We’re in another no contact period(attempting friendship, but his atrocious communication patterning is so triggering) a simple conversation would fix all but he’s so slippery and unwilling to see me in person and I refuse to beg him. I have quite literally given up on having any type of relationship with him. You can’t have a conversation by yourself. 🤷🏾♀️
My insecurity, fragile boundaries, inability to identify unsettling feelings/emotions and my need for autonomy/freedom/independence makes me exclude you from important decision making processes ... esp regarding "us". If there is even the _slightest_ possibility that your input moved the needle, i'm gonna doubt any decision made right away and it's almost certain that i'm gonna end up backpedalling, cancelling said agreements. That's why i will rather be breaking up with you out of the blue than having a talk discussing relevant issues prior.
They fear abandonment but they always abandon everybody! WTF
Haha: “Taking space helps me to connect to you”.
Makes sense when it’s for a short time. But it’s ridiculous when a DA ‘takes space’ for weeks, months, or even suddenly disappears completely.
I’ve been very patient and understanding with my DA, with the final result she ran away after 1,5 years with no explanation at all.
Only realizing I’ve wasted my time and energy on a self-centered woman who (which became more and more clear to me over time) projected a lot of her own character on me, including accusations of cheating.
Totally know what you're talking about.
No. They have an actual fear of commitment!
Hmm, my avoidant ex said I love you via text out of nowhere within 2 months. My avoidance made me think it was a trap/trick so I asked him if he was talking to me. His response was he meant that to be sent to his mom. I said whew, you’re scared me. I didn’t love him yet, but I regret that response. I suspect that’s what pushed him into his avoidance. Cue the ensuing hot and cold dance that threw me into complete confusion. Unknowing anything about attachment, I just assumed I was being played with so I mirrored, pulled back when he did, and attempted to leave the relationship multiple times. He kept convincing me to stay, but would keep me at arm’s distance. We’re in another no contact period(attempting friendship, but his atrocious communication patterning is so triggering) a simple conversation would fix all but he’s so slippery and unwilling to see me in person and I refuse to beg him. I have quite literally given up on having any type of relationship with him. You can’t have a conversation by yourself. 🤷🏾♀️
This is exactly my situation
Great video demonstrating independence and avoidant types.
Thank you so much for the advice! ❤
True
but are they communicating boundaries and concerns in a healthy way?
What would you add to this list? Let me know! 👇
My insecurity, fragile boundaries, inability to identify unsettling feelings/emotions and my need for autonomy/freedom/independence makes me exclude you from important decision making processes ... esp regarding "us".
If there is even the _slightest_ possibility that your input moved the needle, i'm gonna doubt any decision made right away and it's almost certain that i'm gonna end up backpedalling, cancelling said agreements. That's why i will rather be breaking up with you out of the blue than having a talk discussing relevant issues prior.
what two items did you put in your glass of water, lemon and?
Well, the sudden change of energy is frustrating, leading to confusion on my end. I'm so annoyed and now he's not even affectionate anymore.
I was cut to the core by my son's mother. Haven't dated since thats was over a decade ago.
Get a cat. It’s not worth the trouble. Survive alone
Please … always say whether you’re referring to FA or DA. In my case however, I believe he is FA with DA lean.
Liar!