Agents of the Narcissist How they Recruit Flying Monkeys
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- Опубліковано 9 тра 2022
- In this video Darren Magee discusses agents of the narcissists, how they recruit Flying Monkeys. The different tactics used to recruit and train different types of people to perpetuate the narcissistic abuse on their behalf through gaslighting, smear campaign and stalking roles.
Contacting family members, friends, work colleagues to undermine and erode victims support network
1 - The Willing - They manipulate and use the energy and excitement some toxic peopl eget out of perpetuating the abuse.
2 - The Naive - they lie and gaslight to discredit the witness/victim
3 - The Unwilling - use bullying tactics or play on guilt and shame to manipulate this agent.
'Better to be on the wrong side than on the wrong end of the abuse'
4 - Are you a Flying Monkey?
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#narcissisticabuse #flyingmonkeys #narcissism
This is another older video I've tried to improve the sound on. Hopefully it has improved a little but if not I've also added subtitles.
BTW, great video and sound quality on my end. Am using iOS 📲
Excellent Subject s. Better than anyone to explain it n simple language and to explain so can people that are all confused can understand what's really going on
Sounds great to me as well. Thank you for taking the time to help others
It's excellent!
Great ! Thank you
It makes you not want to talk to any of your mutual acquaintances. It enforces isolation.
I cut everyone off, deleted social media and started over with new acquaintances. It took a couple years but it is worth it!
You become non-trusting of EVERYONE! My own sister (borderline and narcissist) was my ex’s flying monkey and my mother ;also highly narcissistic) was my sister’s flying monkey. It was a whole network. I had to cut my sister out of my life and wound up blocking other family members on social media, and friends of my sister’s. Anyone and everyone who had a connection to these people, hog blocked. It’s a sick game all the way around! It’s extremely sad that people will go to the lengths they do, to destroy other people! Family members can be the worst!
Where I'm at right now
@@Jess-kn8vl what I'm doing rn
I would love so much for people to see this in action,what regular people will do,it's like a circus of directed conversations, and innuendo, noise campaigns it's very surreal!The fact that it is so hidden, and people act so cruel,it's seems like your on another planet.I know people look at the holocaust and wonder,how could that ever happen? How could a whole country,or at least millions of people get behind such a thing,they say, that could never happen today!If those people saw this,what targets go through, how whole communities can torment someone to the point the target doesn't want to be on earth anymore, they would understand how the holocaust happened, and how with enough time attacking a group, or culture, it could possibly happen again, that's what this community harassment is,just on a smaller scale,and they don't physically harm,they psychologically harm,which honestly, I'm not sure that being physically harmed is worse,I believe some would rather be attacked than slow d*ath of having your whole life taken.
They stalk their victim. They get to the victim's employer, work colleagues. Rebecca mandeville talks about 'the look' that people give you when they've been told evil stories about you. You get to know that look. The victim needs to be aware of a creeping paranoia, everybody in their immediate circle can be in on it. It's truly awful. So we just sit at home and become Avoidant. But at least we don't lie and slander others, so we're better people.
Yes I know and remember "the look" very well. My narc mother's side of the family would give me a sort of side eyed look like I was a stranger walking around with mustard on my chin.
It sounds like you've been targeted by the mafia or an "intelligence" operation (one and the same, really). Maybe you cut off the wrong person in traffic. Or maybe they just needed an arbitrary target to keep the links of their network intact.
That look ...yes, the look. Ugh.
Ignore the look. Continue to be yourself. Eventually people realize you're not what the narcissist told them. Spend more time with people who don't believe the first thing they hear about some one.
To avoid being recruited is very simple. Don't engage in or listen to gossip.
If I find somebody come to me and start telling me all sorts of things about another person, things I never asked for or showed any interest in, the first thing I ask myself is, "why is this person so keen on me knowing all this stuff about this other person?".
It's not rocket science.
That may seem simple but you must remember that these things are often told to people as if they're just venting. If someone is having a difficult time most normal friends will hear them out. If the trouble they're having is relationship issues then naturally they're going to have to convey information about the other person. Its easy to ignore gossip when it's at work, but when it comes to family and friends most "gossip" is just checking in with people and seeing if they're okay, what's good that happened, what's bad that happened. It's natural to "gossip" without it being malicious, that's why it's so easy for narcissists to turn people against each other. If people in the group are usually on good terms and people don't lie, then one liar can absolutely dominate the group.
The narcissist often wins because they begin the lying in such a way that the victim is discredited completely. Humans tend to view things through cognitive biases like the anchoring effect. Because the narcissist gets their story in first it becomes the anchor and it's hard for the rest of the group to completely reframe the situation. Narcissists are subtle and will almost never just turn up to tell you tonnes of stuff about someone. They'll drip feed it with one off comments over multiple conversations. They can be far harder to spot than you're letting on.
This is more nuanced than what you are saying. Sometimes people are trying to warn you about someone. Are they telling you information that is gratuitous, a personal, and are they making fun of said human being? Being? Does it feel spiteful or vengeful? Are you seeing signs of jealousy? Being discerning really helps with this stuff in my opinion.
This unfortunately means victims can't speak up though. Otherwise they are seen as the bad guy. Why are victims ignored just because of some people who play the victim?
Yup! Quit jobs bc of this crap with shit talking coworkers and I just wanted to sit in peace & quiet not forced to listen when you’re stuck scheduled to work with them or get taken into their drama 🎭
@@IshtarNike true, Narcs are very dishonest and lack moral scruples, as well as being very clever in an almost demonic way.
Flying monkeys love the drama and gossip. They need to mind their own business. I am no longer afraid of the flying monkeys. I pity them.
How did you pull yourself away from the flying monkeys?
@@1Gibson I realized they were also narcs. In my case it was my mom who sent people to torment me. I know in my heart who I am and that I was innocent. When speaking to the flying monkeys, I held my head up high and would not let their words affect me. Another thing that helped me emotionally was this. I actually got evidence that the narc was lying on a recording. There was no way my mom could deny it and I call that my insurance policy just in case I would ever need it. Frankly, I had to walk away and not care what anyone thought. That is how you are truly free.
@@1Gibson just always remember this, No matter how many flying monkeys there are, there is only one who will have the last say, ITS GOD.
It feels like we've been in an age of "the rise of the narcissists" for many years now - but hopefully the dawn of a new age is upon us: "the exposure & downfall of the narcissists".
I pray this is so. Narcissism is more deadly than the recent pandemic.
Ahh that would be so wonderful. Maybe there's hope for that yet. All of these educational videos on UA-cam really does help people understand. I'm dealing with my 4th narcissist in my life right now. The first was a relationship. The last 3 have been coworkers. With each experience my family have understood more and more. I think these videos really help.
Too many vampires....
It does!
I agree Jessica. If we look at how history repeats itself, abusive narcissism peaks and then it self destructs. Thank God.
Mutual acquaintances are corrupted. Once they see the light they may feel bad and apologize for the treatment you received. As long as they're pretending it's not happening, they're part of the abuse machine.
Some do know what’s happening but it’s kinda like in high school where if a rumor is being spread about someone you don’t like anyway you’d probably enjoy it so if anybody joins the narcissist people in your family or friend group especially most likely they never had your best interests trust me so it suits them to do this.
It's a system indeed! Some siblings and some friends were discarded by me at some point. They went through hacking of my computer's, etc, just to punish me and make me feel like I had no privacy. When I see the first red flag of certain people pulling 180°s on certain things I disagreed with the narcissist (that they supposedly went to the same allegations of like drinking too much or whatever) on or claiming the same life history in some area-- I might tolerate the 1st red flag, but for sure am not letting it get to number 3 any longer
@@trentthompson8590 I'm assuming you didn't realize that your comment kind of rubs salt in the wounds for anyone who's been ostracized by a narc using flying monkeys. In my experience it's actually NOT true that enablers didn't like the person even before the narc came along. That's part of why narcs are so sinister. They're like a poison that spreads, turning even morally neutral bystanders into agents of evil.
The smirk
It’s nauseating how easy people are manipulated
I am sorry! We are all Manipulated all the time.
There’s a saying, “believe none of what you hear & half of what you see.”
I always apply this to people & group dynamics.
Education of narcissism should be mandatory. These are among the worse as far as personalities and most likely highly destructive.
Understanding of narcissism is on the increase as are narcissists!
Fairytales tell of these evil creatures.
I call them ACCOMPLICES much more fitting
These people HAPPILY serve the Narcissist, ignore the narcism because they're getting something from the Narcissist
Its that simple!
SPREADING RUMORS AMD TELL LIES TO ISOLATE THE PERSON
Don't engage with gossips and people who bad mouth others. It's not always easy but it's necessary.
And that is biblical, too, the Scripture soundly condemns malicious gossip and slander. The Scripture also says every fact must be established by two or more [impartial, unbiased] witnesses. A person is innocent until proven guilty, but the gossiper tries to make the victim guilty until proven innocent.
My mother is fortunate as we have a large and extended family, flying monkeys built in. People I’ve never met hate me.
Never ever forget how much the narcissist hates you, loathes you and so do every single person family or no that get involved with your narc(s). Sibling sent her neighbor over to say "we are worried about you, we know you don't have any friends" I've met this guy and his wife 2 times. This couple and my sister and her husband along with the rest of my "family" are repulsive. I had to move away from all of them. On the way to my new home transferred money to a bank in between states to throw her off that is where I resided, also set up a postal annex box there too. Do EVERYTHING it takes to go NO CONTACT and stick to it, they, all of them hate YOU.
Flying monkeys often become intel agents for the narc. The narc will bring up the target in casual conversation, "I wonder what they are up to?!" This is code (a subtle demand) for the FM to bring back intel on the target. I was in a large friend group for over 10 years and distanced myself greatly from the malignant narc who focused on abusing me and when I stepped back she upped her game. I stepped back but kept in touch with a mutual friend (FM). It is difficult to have an authentic relationship with someone when you can't divulge any personal information for your own safety. I left the entire group because I was inadvertently feeding the narc information. The sad part was the FM was once a good friend who over time became eerily similar to the narc. The pattern of treating someone well, then badly, then nice, then badly brainwashes them to perform at a high level for the narc and they also begin to emulate them.
Spot on !👍
If I had the slightest suspicion that someone was betraying me or might betray me they went on the sh*t list. Eventually it became impossible & I had to move far away. Never look back, change your phone number., change your name if you need to.
THIS !!!!
I'm sorry that you went through this. Your supposedly good friend wasn't.
They don't need to befriend or know you. They can be jealous of you from a distance and go all in to discredit you to make themselves look good, even to the point of copying you. Sad pathetic nasty people.
My horrific ordeal has gotten so restlessness and malicious that I'm afraid for my life!
How are you these days?
You describe the stalking narcissistic extremely well.
I had a coworker who used to tell anyone who would listen how Crazy his wife was. Daily reports about her,
One day she showed up at work and started making inferences about us, his coworkers.
It was then that I realized that he was working both sides against the middle. He was abusive to us at work, and abusive to her at home.
She is haggard because of the chronic abuse.
Expert Triangulators
@@kathleenbarker7701 You are probably a damn good woman. Idiots ruin everything
Poor woman.
It sucks that these narcissists are everywhere is dangerous world
Thank you, I really appreciate your videos! 💗My mother was the malignant narc. She brainwashed my dad and brother, (and eventually sister), to turn against me. They would sit around the kitchen table talking 💩about me, while I was upstairs within earshot!! My stupid, enabling dad and brain-dead brother believed every damn bad word she said about me!! She would twist the truth! And then they would come attack me, at her bidding. Totally MINDLESS. Even though the real me was right in front of their eyes, they were blind to reality. All they could see was the false image created by her LIES.
Sounds familiar. It’s mind boggling. I’ve been there and I’m still living it. Evil permeates their every cell!
If your mom did that to you imagine how Society is f***** up
Yep. The narc makes an "effigy" of you and then projects all her unwanted crap onto it and that's how everyone sees you from then on. Meanwhile she mimics your good qualities to onlookers, essentially stealing your true identity and placing her true identity onto you. Afterwards, there is literally NOTHING you can do to make them see that you are not a bad person. And the narc or the golden child could run down the street with a machete murdering people and would still be seen as the "poor victim" of YOUR evil and it would all be YOUR FAULT.
Going through my 2nd or 3rd smear campaign. They stop at nothing to destroy people, meaning death.
Mine's been decades-long. Have you had people be friendly enough to make you notice and then have those people stare daggers through you the next time they see you to get you to register the fact, if not the content, of the smear campaign?
The thing is the narc’ didn’t see it coming when going through the smearing phase. He’s been blocked from that circle and that’s all I needed. I’m blessed that I have a strong knit family and they all saw through the narc’. With friends I keep it to a bare minimum
Intelligent people have fewer friends.
It's well known and can be validated on the internet. It's not something to be ashamed of. Be proud 👏 🥲
My ex boyfriend tried alienate my best friend from me and my family. My family and I saw right through him. Then he dumped me because I wouldn't believe him about my best friend. 😂
@@jasminmenzies9759 Your friend is very fortunate to have a true friend like you
My narcissist mother was so masterful at recruiting flying monkeys that many of them are still doing her bidding years after her death, continuing to spread her abuse by proxy. I moved 1000 miles away from the extended family just to escape them all. I am very thankful she had no access to my work.
EXACTLY the same in my life. I was astonished that my mother even got access to my work through a man I got on very well with who became a Legacy worker. He soon treated me as if he had learned a lot of dark, evil secrets about me.
Sorry :((
Unfortunately,it seems they like to make sure the torch is passed.
What a coincidence to find your comment. I'd liked one aunt,... my Mother's sister. But she became a flying monkey for my Mother. Now, although my Mother is gone, I'm still aprehensive of calling that Aunt on the phone.
And you almost never find out what was said about you. They just swallow the lies like candy and never ask you whether or not it is true....
I was a flying monkey for my mother as young as 5 6 7 years old, she gave me her version of people even in our family who she hated and got me on her side which isolated me I thought I was a daughter but wow I was a flying monkey 🐒
They are so good at manipulating others. There was a female narc bullying me and spreading rumours at my work then bcos she couldnt control me she started to stalk me and come at me in an aggressive way. I didnt bother trying to get my floor manager to believe me what I did was just asked him to hang back and watch her. She was so driven by her own hate she couldnt help but come at me. The management tried moving her elsewhere but of course she refused. She came at me in an aisle and tried to assault me and was promptly fired. ✅️ I say use their own hate against them. 😊 Thank-u this is very insightful 👏
My mother's family members are just that, "HER" flying monkeys. She lives for drama and thrives on it. I went no contact Jan 1st. What her flying monkeys don't know is that she gossips and talks all kinds of trash behind their backs. If she has an issue with anybody, she cannot have a discussion with the person/persons. She runs right to her phone to go call someone else in the family to blame/shame the other person. What's also disgusting is that she also ommits facts about the other person and about what truly happened. If only her family knew what she does. She plays the savior and the victim. She plays games, gaslights, blameshifts, minimizes the other person and is passive-aggressive. I don't understand how anyone has the energy to keep up with the evil, wicked behavior.
Are you my sister? 😉
This describes my mother exactly, yet her relatives thinks she is this poor sickly som ndividual yet she feigns it.
The narc does not do self depreciating humor. They can't laugh at themselves. No one can laugh at them, or they'll be gone.
You said it in a nutshell…”they are accomplished actors” 💯
Could it be they also get angry when you disagree with them after they badmouth someone?
You have no idea how much you have helped me to understand this behavior. Thank you so very much.
I know I feel the same way, is hard to overcome all this narc abuse all these years by myself.
100% on the money. ALL points are accurate.
I finally got to the point where I do not care what is said about me.
They MUST Triangulate because they are insecure on their own.
Omg this is spot on!! I had to block him and all the flying monkeys.
If you marry into the family, you already have a whole bunch of monkeys! I lived with him, mom, dad, sister, aunts, they're all narcs and monkeys for each other.
I found only lots of time in said family could show who he really was, and who I was
I've just learned the same thing through his family. His father actually txtd me and said he's my son, I have hope he will change. They totally disregarded the abuse done by him to his children and I while married and even now while we are divorced. It hurts.
My narc tried to recruit his mother. She told me I didn't need the anti depressants, it was just my hormones. I told her it wasnt. I tried to tell her what he was like but was interrupted and everything I did say, she said his dad was the same and I just had to let go of everything. So I wrote her a letter and told her everything. She didnt give a response but the last time I saw her, her behaviour towards me changed to coldness. I think she knew what he was like, but they all think its OK... Its right, the family is a cult and I feel they had colluded all the time. It really is quite twisted.
Holy shit I read my first comment just from the intro but when you started getting into talking about how it’s almost like a cult are there in a working as agents for the person to keep their hands clean oh my god that is so precisely perfect for the situation that I have, and hearing it put into words by someone else just made my day
This is just so insightful. I feel much less at-risk, being able to identify certain people for the role they play in a situation.
you know as I watched this video, I had a thought. if a flying monkey comes at you, maybe it could be fought off by asking it if the Narcissist is "off his Meds again"
@@sideswiped6874 I think there is power in being in being able to identify when someone ELSE is not behaving in a respectful or life-giving manner to me, whatever the cause (meds or otherwise). My worst response would be to let that other person continue to hold the power in the situation by convincing myself that I must correct or conform my behavior to fit their narrative.
@@b.garland1826 I had a flying monkey come out of a shop and walk up to me, I said hi and it leaned over and started yelling at me Infront of people. it blew me away because it was the first flying monkey I ever saw. I was not ready. I didn't know what to say, I called to my wife to come over as the monkey was yelling. it ended quickly like a hit and run. as the person walked away all I could think about what happen was "so much for this person going to church every week for 50 years".
Sept îles Québec Canada
The term "flying monkey" was new to me, so I Googled it. One word: enlightening. Thank you.
I thought I'm just so stupid not getting what it meant. Now I get it, thanks to this video👍 why didn't I Google it... normally I Google a lot of things. Weird. Thank you Jeffrey for sharing !👍💖
This is a reference to the flying monkeys that partner with the evil witch in the Wizard of Oz movie.
THESE PEOPLE ARE LITERALLY CRAZY AND EXHAUSTING GOSH . 🙄
Thanks for your educational experience and resources and support. GOD-BLESS.
You are the best resource for this on UA-cam. Hands down.
This happened to me! My sister turned her children into flying monkeys and they ganged up on me took 3/4 of my inheritance
I'm sorry, I'm going through the exact same thing now with my step sister how did you get rid of them!??
Thank you! God bless!
Great descriptions of the different types of flying monkeys. I love your line “It’s better to be on the wrong side than the wrong end” - very common, and cowardly.
I believe. at the outset during the lovebomb phase, the narcissist recruits his new supply to be a flying monkey for his past relationships. I believed his stories of every ex being mentally ill, an abuser, a drug addict, an alcoholic, a betrayer. This pulled me into the "he needs my help and support" role, whereas, looking back, I was just another flying monkey. I so regret that, to the point that, in his delusion and pulling me into the shared fantasy, I was also convinced that witchcraft was being used against him. I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. Now I know what that was and two flying monkeys eventually contacted me a year post-escape to apologise after he slipped up and boasted about how he had planned my demise meticulously. So flying monkeys can turn if they have it in them to finally overcome the lovebombing and understand the malicious intent of these individuals. That gives me a small glimmer of hope, for sure.
yes I have heard of a flying monkey coming back and apologized, of course this was after the Narcissist turned against the flying monkey
You described me! Exactly how I fell for my soon to be ex
""I was also convinced that witchcraft was being used against him""
while I sure don't believe in witchcraft, at times I have felt that just maybe my life was "rewritten" with the way things happen to me. I mean how is it that someone could take 15 years to trick me and be successful in doing so. yes. that long !
The narcissistic mom in the family that I lived with for a year as a nanny had her seventh husband at that time telling heartbreaking stories about the way her bad exes had treated her. It makes you wonder - it’s not quite normal having had so many husbands -, but you might think: Maybe she’s just not good in relationships and likes to marry… ;)
I had no idea how quickly I would become one of her victims myself, she even told her daughter’s psychologist and my agency that I traumatized her daughter. They didn’t believe her since she wanted to keep me - they said that no one would keep a nanny who traumatizes your kids, so it couldn’t be true! - and she even wanted me to stay when I made clear that I didn’t want a new contract which brought me into an even worse situation with her and her husband whom she had fed with all kind of stories.
Funny story: Her sixth husband (father of her youngest children) believed the stories she told about me and I believed the stories she told about him, until we found out about how we were both victims of her. Her 7th husband who also believed all her lies isn’t her husband anymore, her boyfriend after that neither and I guess that there are more to come!
By the way: She didn’t love her daughter at all, only her beloved son, and always described her in the worst terms. Then she started treating me even worse than before after her daughter‘s psychologist had shown her a picture on which her daughter had drawn me as her mother. The real mom was only drawn as a little figure somewhere far away...
Dude I would of burned those "bridges" to the ground🤨😑.
EXACTLY HOW THE DO IT
TO GET OTHERS ON THEIR SIDE
REASON. IS TO MAKE TO THE LIES THE TRUTH ...
Well, flying monkeys is a great description for these people, I have witnessed this but again didn’t catch on that they were working so to speak for the narcissist..god these people have the worst harmful twisted minds.
I always see what the narcissist does as" ash in the wind, that has no longevity and will be forgotton in time." Only kindnesses and strength and love will stand the test of time. But we have to learn to discern/ be careful on who we give our compassion to. I know if I live my best life that I am having a great effect on the world. If you blow out of proportion all you think the narcissist is doing you will become helpless. So live your life as though the flying monkeys are ash in the wind.
Wonderfully helpful, thank you very much.
To Be able to look in the mirror and not have accountability.
Just like their father Cain, the first murderer who hated his brother without a cause.
Validation and vindication in these videos. This is the truth of my story. Thank you for breaking down narcissistic traits and what they do.
The (narcissist) doesn't let you speak, they don't respect other people's turns to speak, even if they're wrong and you're trying to point them for the wrong behavior, they still won't let you speak.
Yes, once they know you figured out their game, they avoid deep conversations. They try to avoid one on one conversations, lunch, dinner etc. mine, always invite others every time I come to visit, or meet for a coffee. They become uncomfortable to be alone with you. Especially parents, they don’t want to answer any of your questions or concerns so they avoid it through different tactics. They live in denial, they don’t want to believe they did wrong, instead they choose to ignore or deny.
This is so on point! My (blocked) narc ex immediately targeted the female friend I’d talked to him about in our social group. Not just any female, but that one! He turned his flirty charm on her, and I suddenly started getting surprise messages from her talking about him and social photos of them both (posted by him) popping up on public groups we were members of. I’m not sure if they dated too (he’s a lot older) or if he was simply using her to unnerve me - but it worked for a while. I felt not only confused by his bizarre and horrid behaviors in our relationship, but then suddenly isolated from, and anxious of, others in my social group - crucially my girl-pal I thought I could trust. Very classic narc manipulation, I now know! Really difficult to handle though. And so few people understand narcissism, and so many are attracted to ‘charisma’ it seems flying monkeys fall for it all too easily.
It’s a lesson to be mindful and NOT be someone else’s flying monkey. I think it’s also a lesson to keep some friends separate from the narc during a r’ship, if you think your partner is tricky. Then when it ends, there’s a section of your life which is still healthy & ‘safe’ and can help you heal, rather than undermining healing.
Am so glad for channels like this which help us know the patterns of these toxic people!
Darren, 😂 you had me at the WILLING and how they don’t even need to be recruited! Another fantastic delivery and excellent description of the flying monkeys. Absolute pure gold!!! SPOT ON every level!
Totally appreciate the added humor! You really have to have a sense of humor when dealing with FM’s!
I have 1 sister who managed to pull everything off you just mentioned. From family across the nation to basically any gossip thriving ear WILLING to listen and join in the charade of tormenting others … she conned them all. It’s fascinating, perhaps disturbing to many, to see how ignorant people really are when it comes to being able to differentiate between a truth vs a lie.
But, on the other hand you’re 💯 spot on about the N being great performers.
At the end of the day, victims really do get to have the last laugh when it comes to seeing how foolish these people make themselves out to be. Oh what tale’s they’ll tell when trying to deceive others.
I think only until one realizes exactly what they’re dealing with … will they be able to laugh at the madness of it all. More importantly…they’ll know how to (or not to) respond to the N, it’s A’s & FM’s.
Looking forward to your next video.
That’s my story. My sister and mother have been a tag team against me for years. I have family members and my mother’s church friends who think I’m the devil incarnate. It has nearly destroyed me, especially because I deal with serious health issues and I’m not as strong anymore. It’s so disturbing, sick and evil. They could put me in my grave and not think twice about it! God give us strength, who deal with such evil! 🙏🙏
Oh @@Langolin1998, I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this. There are times I make light of it because i’ve moved beyond that painful place that kept me limited from being joyful in this world. However, I do realize how painful it is to be a prisoner of their psychological and emotional torment. I was 18 years old when I fled far away from them. I got into counseling for several years and I never turned back. I surely do hope that you have someone to turn to and someone who can help you realize the bigger picture. You see, the narcissist always wants to keep you as their prisoner, and as Darren has explained, they never want to see you happy. But that’s just it, as much as the N and it’s Flying Monkey want to keep you in hell and unhappy -we all have the power to choose our happiness in this world and being around those who add value to us vs devaluing us. We OWN US! Nobody else in the world does for us better than what we are capable of doing for ourselves. Nobody can take better care of your self and your happiness than YOU. I mean that in a good way.
I know a lot of people don’t believe that you can literally push a button and choose happy over sad or anger. But, as a personal development life coach, I can attest that we have the ability to change our attitude about circumstances and toward people in this world.
My attitude changed decades ago when someone like Darren came to me and showed me the bigger picture. They added value to me and became positive mentors. When I came to a crossroads and realized that I needed to create boundaries… it was painful. But, like anyone else who has done the same, it was liberating! I was FREE TO BE ME! After some time passed, I realized that they made personal choices that made relationships impossible by choosing to be hateful. You see? And, just like yours, they were my own family. However, I chose happiness and good over bad and depression. I knew, at least that much, I had the power and ability to cut the cords and flee from those toxic people. I believe you have that ability to, you just have to believe in yourself and get as far away from them as possible. Once you realize how much power you really do have in making a personal decision to detach yourself from the NP’s & Flying Monkey’s, you will never want to go back to the hell they try to keep you in.
Something that helped me along the way-a list of negative/positive people places and things and hung it up on my refrigerator. Back in the days, we didn’t have cell phones. 🤷🏻♀️ Every day that I looked at that list I took note of all the negatives … and I embraced the positives. I reflected and meditated and eventually created another list with ONLY the positive. It felt so much better to not only SEE that list but to actually LIVE that list. It made me feel happy, and I surely do wish the same for you. God bless.
@@moniqueschmucker7712 thank you so much! It’s an every day struggle as I am trapped right now, having to live with her due to the circumstances. I plan to find a way out.
I appreciate your very kind and thoughtful response. Your words helped immensely ❤️
@@Langolin1998
I was also ill when I made my escape. My feet were swollen (among other things) so even my cashier job was difficult. Best wishes on your escape.
Covert Narcissistic People are nothing without their Flying Monkeys so I have learned to go gray rock with them as well. Sometimes it's hard to not buy into when they are seeking intel or are relaying the Covert's abuse by proxy. I want to "win them over" but I have learned that when it comes to anyone who sees a Covert Narc as 'normal' we can't have a conversation related to anything the narc does or says.
I think there's blatant pranks that fall under the FM category too. I've had a lot of calls from sales people and telemarketers over the years that I swear my covert narcissist mother has lined up. Things like entering my details into draws and lists to receive phone calls about solar panels, vacuum cleaners, holiday home investments, or those damn cruise ship holiday offers. I used to get a lot random offers about things when they have my specific contact details and think I've expressed interest in whatever they are selling.
It has happened way too often to think this is random, I do believe my narcissistic mother does this as a side opportunity whenever she sees something like this.
Oh how they love to make phone calls to dob you in and to try and get you into trouble.
@@sarahwagland1559 Yes I had a BPD/narc neighbor who I thought was my friend do that to me. She was having an argument with her husband and texted me to badmouth him then left the text screen open on the counter so he could read it. Then suddenly I was the "bad guy"....
Looking forward to HOW to deal with the flying monkeys!
Thank you for such a constructive video!
Good video and very clear explanation. Before knowing about narcissists, I was in a relationship with one and she did the silent treatment for a month straight, which eventually ended in her releasing her rage in a huge blowout. I was in a state of shock and just wanted to get out of the situation, but she made it worse and called her parents and close family and told them that I had started an argument with her and that she was scared. They all turned up at our house and nobody said a word to me, meanwhile she had crocodile tears and making herself look like the victim. It was incredibly awkward, and they decided to all go together to a restaurant and cheer her up. I packed all of my things and left for good, although a couple of weeks later she turned up at my new place (about 2 hours drive) and told me to my face at the door that she was the one who decided to end the relationship.
In hindsight there were many red flags and I shouldn't have put up with her silent treatment for so long, but this was many years ago and there wasn't nearly as much information available about these people and how they work.
I’ve experienced the narc and his flying monkeys(that never met me) degrading me publically on social media .
This is so true and I have been watching your videos as well as others to help me understand and stay away from him.
Thank You
Same here 💯💯💯 they are bullies & they recruit other bullies!
Yes the ones that never met me were also hilarious .Grown up people with. nothing better to do.
Yes your so Very RIGHT, they love to DEGRADE YOU ON SOCIAL MEDIA FOR YEARS AND IT OFTEN FEELS LIKE IT’S STILL HAPPENING BY OTHERS THAT KNOW HIM AND/OR THEY JUST JUMPED ON THE BANDWAGON!!!!!!!🤮
I am learning about and getting healing from Narcissistic abuse. In my ignorance he merely appeared unhappy, blaming everyone; a bully. To hear you talk about the symptoms and actions is like de javu. People at the local volunteer department I serve on are/were flying monkeys. I see that now. It affected two jobs and some relationships in a small town - that I know of. Thank you for the insight.
That's right they work in communities, church communities, the local police dpt, the neighbor watch communities, and that's the smear campaign. the bigger the better the more people the better because they need everybody to see you as the black sheep. I'm glad that you see it now for what it is.
You've hit the nail on the head! Smart man.
The funniest thing about this is that growing up, my mom LOVED the Wicked Witch of the West, and could do a perfect imitation of her, and used to screech, "I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!" then cackle hysterically, until I was so scared I screamed and cried - which she thought was the most fun thing of her life. hahaha! She did it from time to time when she was bored. It would make her feel real powerful and cool if you told her everyone was just her flying monkey. She'd love this video. It would also line up with her core belief that everyone but her is very stupid and deserves what they get. Maybe that's the difference when there's that "Dark Triad" thing going on - is that in some ways this person gets a thrill from being a horrible person, whereas I think a lot of narcissists would sincerely be mortified to learn they aren't nice.
Great video, thank you! I'm binging your channel because I recently made a hard decision to end a relationship with a man who is in denial about his NPD mother. Watching this channel is a bit of intellectual support that reminds me why I have boundaries. Bless you, sir!
Also, my two cents about dealing with Narcissists and their agents - 1) avoid confrontation if you can. 2) don't give in to the temptation to resent the agent, but be your best self, 3) set boundaries and stick to them, 4) be willing to lose - ie: be willing to pay the price for not giving in, just count all as loss so they have nothing to manipulate you with, 5) forgive, and resist the urge to become bitter.
Thank you for sharing 👍
They like to get a kick out of it's an EGO BUST.
The vicious, destructive nature of these people has to be experienced to be believed. Both my mother (who was a sadistic abuser all her life) and my now-dry alcoholic brother are malignant narcissists. What the most shocking thing is though is how willingly the flying monkeys join in and believe the worst. I recently met with the only brother who was not his flying monkey only to discover that he had been converted and he treated me like absolute dirt, he was SO nasty, at the same time telling me how wonderful and worthy my narcissist brother is. I realised at some level there was something in him that WANTED to believe the bad stuff. It was SO blatantly abusive and unfair. Why? But I finally saw him for what he also is. No one who is sane and genuinely cares for you can be converted by a narcissist; people who attack you WANT to attack you. It has taken my whole life to come to grips with how vicious and undermining they have been. Everything you have said about completely destroying all support, relationships and good belief people have of you; the narcissist will actually target these people specifically in order to destroy you. It is extraordinary. No wonder it takes so long to see it though because what human being would do this to someone who has only done them good? Who would target an innocent person and viciously try to destroy them? It's so insane and evil. My brother has disturbingly always kept tabs on me too, he is actually obsessed with me. My mother, who was a sadistic abuser herself, told me she was frightened of him. I am frightened of him. His ex wife said to me when I saw her a few years after they split up "You realise he's mad don't you". I still didn't see it at that time. His lying front, his mask is very convincing but I can no longer deny that under the mask is black and scary and dangerous.
G A N G S T A k L I N G
ive been putting up stickers about it around the city, bus stops, drive through, traffick lights. they keep blocking online awareness. GET going guys it ruins their sick game, u will be horrified how many are in on it, wake the others
Yes this is true. It's the equivalent of Zersetzung that was being done during the time of Nazi Germany. It is psychological warfare being done by a large groups of usually bribed and duped individuals who believe the lie or smear campaign against a given target (usually a truth teller or whistle blower who threatens the corrupt government). They offer them cars, money, houses, pay off on mortgages etc in exchange for harrassing these individuals. It is pure evil.
It's probably where much of the dark money that governments can't account for goes. When a narcissist's gangstalking network becomes powerful enough in a community, they get recruited by the intelligence apparatus. The program's formal purpose is probably to prevent ideologies that might threaten the oligarchy from gaining purchase on society, but it's essentially just about control. It doesn't need to be viewed at the macro-level. It's a collection of individuals following the incentives presented to them, and it is an Orwellian disaster. An early version of it was done in East Germany. It was called Zersetzung. All they needed to bring it into the modern age was to have a more subtle way of communicating incentives, which has been achieved. Western 'democracies' made the most of Nazi medical experiments. They're not above exploiting other evil programs to achieve the goals of their elite.
Wow! I understand this topic so much better after your great explanation and examples. I never quite knew what Flying Monkeys were before. Thanks for shedding light on this important subject!
I had to deal with this in school for 10 years.
I thought that it was the damage done to me by the bullying that lead me to think like "this and that person manipulate the others as to what to think about me, isolating me, while also attacking me and then acting like the victim if I fight back, beeing all like "I just wanted to help him".......especially cause my narcissistic parents told me this non stop each time I went crazy.
But now here, those are all the terms and words as to describe everything:
Narcissists and Flying Monkeys.
And yeah, not just towards myself, but generally speaking, it was always like "the one who is beeing bullied deserved it" and none seemed to think otherwise, they come with justifications like "Yeah, he/she acts like a freak and wears this and that weird clothes, probably just wants attention" or "I heard that he is watching childrens porn and that he wanted to have....with his own parent"....and you just sit there, have no idea about if that stuff is actualy true or not, but you are missing the counter side of the story. And if you go talk to that guy or girl, then you are targeted for that as well as for example "a freak that has fallen in love with a freak". And my parents, especially my mother...each time I spoke at home about those stuff, she was always showing understanding for the abusers and no understanding for the victim, she blamed the victim and shared the arguments of the abusers. Especially if that victim is starting to behave strange for real at some point, probably as a result of the constant bullying and isolation, then those people are all like "You see? Thats why we are doing it. She/he is a freak!"....teachers beeing also on the side of the abusers more often than vice versa, beeing like "Well, why are you wearing those strange clothes? Its your own fault to be bullied".....or if the victim comes for help then its like "Well, what have YOU done to them, as to why they are bullying you? None is beeing bullied or verbally/physically attacked out of no reason, so where is your part in it?".....
The answer is actualy: I have no part in it, it is not my fault, those people are just beeing extreme narcissists that recruited a whole school of flying monkeys to their service and that search nothing but destruction to some randoom people that they chose to be their victims in order to feel better about themselves. Thats it.
There is absolutely nothing that justifies bullying. Nothing. You don't have to like a person or to be interested into that person, but that does not give you the right as to manipulate the surrounding people in order to mock and isolate that person or to be directly rude and manipulative towards that person yourself just cause you don't like that person.
My mother says like "If you don't finish study till 30 years old, then don't be surprised if people will ridicule you, cause you deserved it and none wants to be with such a loser thats even starting to lose his hair....you are also responsible for this!"(no, I'm not. I am not responsible for my genetics. I don't drink alc, never had, never smoked, never drank coffee, so I don't see where its my fault? Genetics is not my fault).....
No. If I do not finish my study before 30 years old, its my own problem that I have to deal with, but that does not grant anyone the right as to mock me for that or as to psychologically or physically torment me for that. Neither do I have to tolerate such disgusting behaviour towards myself.
The most disgusting thing about all this is that the abuser has the sympathy, he is surrounded by people, he has an active social life while their victim is beeing isolated, beeing tormented, beeing presented as "the evil guy" that "deserves everything" that they are doing towards him or her. And no or barely any support, none understands, everyone just stares in total disbelieve, giving the victim the fault for beeing threated bad by "this angel of a person" and "you are just envious"...or some dumb comment like "Just do your school stuff more properly and people will threat you better"....."Why are you laying in bed? Why are you not siting at your table doing your homework? Stop with those "they bully me"-excuses! I had it also not easy in life, and yet I do not complain unlike you!"....
Or if people come and are like "Bullying is no war, no poverty, you have it good, don't complain!"....I think like "Dude, just shut up", if they come with those crap. All they manage to do with such comments is like to make you feel beeing a horrible, whiny, spoiled person that deserves "this little bit of problems" and has "no right to feel bad or angry or whatever" cause of that. While those very same people, regardless if they experienced war and such for real or just have some family member that experienced it or not at all, that come with such comments regulary complain about real bullshit like "That bus driver needed 1 whole minute as to give me the ticket! 1 whole minute! And he did not even smiled when he greeted me! He needs to be expelled from job for threating me that bad, what does he think?".....
You've got all of this spot on correct. I'm so sorry that you have endured this endless abuse from far too many people. That's one wonderful thing about chatting here, people believe you. Totally. Sending you a huge hug ❤️
I as a women find bold men very attractive. Do not ever accept any criticism form stupid narcs expecially about your body. Your mother is just a narc. I have always had beautiful hair - but since childhood she was constantly telling me how terrible they are - I was always ashamed of my beautiful hair - she as a malignant narc could not stand my beauty. You are righ there is no any justification for the abuse - stupid narcs just search for something that we feel we should do or have and exploit that.
God Bless You .
@@yamlwoz Thanks.
@@user-zy8gk2nn7d Yes, and they try to kinda push you in that sorta state where you can't even trust yourself and your own judgement anymore and are all dependent on them.
Like with my mother: whatever ya do, whatever ya say, however ya look everything is bad, everything has some sorta deficit, everything was "not meant that way", and "poor her"....and "how selfish I am", not realizing how hard of a life she had and thats her excuse as to behave towards me and anyone else the way she does and I should be gratefull to have a mother at all....
Or her constant tries to convince me of "how insane and imature" I am cause I do 3 times a week a 12.5Km run in order to burn some calories as well as cause it makes fun to run. And thats "insane" in her oppinion cause I live in the city center and need to run 1.5km until I reach a forest-like place with several parks where I do 9.5km and then the 1.5km back home.
The problem beeing that I run in the city...as if I am the only one that does so? You know, or that I wanna get to know new people, trying to defeat my fear and social anxiety, and each time I have a success, she does her best as to make me doubt my psyche and my actions just to make me again the "I am quiet all the time"-guy, which I most certainly don't want to be.
And, cause I am still a student, and even though I have a job next to my studies in order to finance myself, its not enough as to be completely independent and thats the thing: she will always use that as an argument about how "good" they(my father and her) are towards me and how "ungrateful" of a "stupid brat" I am for beeing not fine with her behaving bad towards me.
And really, should I find a girlfriend or so..actualy I am afraid of that scenario: cause my mother will critizise her behind her back and critizise myself for having "made a bad decision", regardless of who my girlfriend would be...with the exception of course where my girlfriend would just fullfill my mothers narcisstic expectations, but I don't want to have that as a girlfriend. She could be just that one person that fits well with my character and therefore myself, but I just see it coming: my mother making me insane, my girlfriend beeing either recruited as a Flying Monkey or leaving me for beeing all lost in mind...same with friends: should I get to know some, I would not wanna expose them to my mother. Its easier with friends than with a girlfriend...in my current situation, both is kinda difficult to hide from my mother, but friends are sorta more distanced contacts...so easier to hide. But a girlfriend...especially if she would start to wonder why I hide her from my parents?
Such a relief to hear this. 🙏
This has been very helpful and brings an added sense of clarity thank you so much!
This is totally totally true. I am questioned and attacked for anything I spend (I earn more than my partner) but she manipulated me into buying an “investment property” I then renovated in the belief it would be an income for “us”. 4 days after I finished the renovation she moved into it so called “protecting” me.
Sadly my wife has recruited my kids as her flying monkeys. Anything I have done that was a bad reaction was replayed relentlessly in front of the kids. She even enlisted them as her foot soldiers. When she is not around my relationship is good with the joys but as soon as she gets there they change. I truly swear that I own any bad reaction I had but the context and abuse that led up to anything I did was pretty much relentless and unbearable. I was driven once to almost committing suicide. She wanted money out of me and then proceeded to spend it the next day after my lowest point. I x cracked that night and in this state she wrote a document she got me to sign to say I relinquish my right to live in my own house. She then started to take me to “hospital” to commitment. I begged not to go she only stopped when I gave her the name of my psychiatrist. She called him the next day and “explained” things to him. I finally found out what she said it was stuff from a decade ago she played out as recent.
This is known as "reactive abuse"....you need to get far away from that sub human monster.
Darren's spittin' Truth!! thanks so much Regan
So accurate, I have an older sister that does this. My ex. Husband paid for his monkeys. But I'm so used to this from childhood. I live with an isolated existence.
I don’t have this exact experience but somehow feel your pain, I feel alone too and invalidated all the time when I speak up..I feel shut up and pushed away and feel guilty on top of it too :/
@@musicandpoetry_8 sorry for your bad experiences. When everything we do is criticized or mocked. My older sister would not quit so I told her no contact of me or any of my family. She slithered in and destroyed my own contacts. I told her anymore I will make it a legal matter.
This is a topic I didn’t even have a name for. Thank you now I know more and have terms to look more into with!
Thank you, your videos are always very helpful.
This hands down is a perfect assessment of what I grew up with and what I experienced from someone that I married.
They’re evil Jennifer sending 🌹
@@Bhappi137 Thank you sending love back. It's all a part of spiritual warfare.
It absolutely breaks my heart (for me and my children) that my ex husband is using our children as flying monkeys and I don’t know what I can do about it. He’s trying to turn them against the person who loves them most in the world 😢
Additionally, I think we need to remember that oftentimes it's not even necessary for the NARC to "recruit", as it were.
Empaths will swarm to a NARC like moths to light. It THEN becomes the work of the NARC to do some organizing; pigeonholing if you like.
Not every NARC is your garden-variety NARC. Some, are luckier and far more advanced.
No, not empaths, apaths or other lesser narcs. Empaths are emotionally in tact, too much so to fall for this type of BS for very long. The rest are emotionally retarded toddlers in adult bodies, easy prey for the main narc to manipulate and bribe. Your comment sounds like more subtle victim blaming to me.
Spot on. Thank you Darren.
"Flying monkeys" is a way of thinking about the problem that I didn't know before. I belong to a leisure sporting community, and a small number of narcissistic personalities have established themselves prominently. I know some of the members of this extended group grumble about the behavior of these few self-serving characters, and the majority are probably silently bothered. But because politeness and non-confrontation are the norm, the group is exceptionally permissive of certain toxic behaviors that undermine the strength of the group. A small number of influential people in the group encourage and enable the narcissists. It's a puzzle, and I wonder how to deprogram the flying monkeys who shelter these narcissists.
Staying on their script and twisted abuse doesn’t help anyone
That's really interesting. I didn't know that happen when people play sports. Is this seen while playing sports or just with the mingling before and after?
Applies to Borderlines too, particularly if you divorce (abandon) them.
My neighbor is doing this using other neighbors. Its just constant harassent but at least the police have caught on when she keeps filing false police reports. Its not just ex's doing this. I still say this is what is gang stalking that mental health professionals keep denying exists.
It's a sociological problem, and psychologists aren't equipped to handle it. They have a hammer, and they're going to treat you like a nail no matter how rational it is to do so.
But some mental health professionals can be in on such things. They're people too. They're not monks, either. They don't live isolated from the pressures of the world. They can be got to as readily as most.
When you tell people about it, I think an approach that's more likely to be effective is to have them imagine being a perpetrator and have them think through some possibilities. As a crude example: Can you and four friends follow a person through a mall and explicitly threaten them by having each of the five of you stand in front of them at different times during their trek through the mall and conspicuously say the words "We're!"..."Going!"..."To!"..."Kill!"..."You!" over the course of a few minutes, looking just past them each time? Would it be certain to give them the intended message? Would you be certain to get away with it? If I can think up this basic idea, is it highly likely that some psychopaths out there have thought it up, too? Yes, Yes, and Yes.
Most people who deny the possibility at that point have a sense of just how saturated the world is by this industry, and they don't want to become a target of it.
@@jumpinjohnnyruss On psychiatrist wrote a book about stalking behaviors after she was stalked by a former patient for years. She said some people have a propensity to stalk. The internet has a llowed these types to connect undercover so to speak. But when they connect with local cops and such theres so price so its just escalates. Which is what is happening here. Its slowed down due to a couple of guys coming forward on youtube showing whats going on and they are getting arrested under bogus blown up charges for it too. Its going on all over the place. Humanity is doomed I fear.
@@sissykim3975 Can you tell me about the psychologist and the two UA-cam creators?
Ty for this video
Im going through this, Its driving me nuts. Thanks for the info it was educational. Its exactly whats going on.
Subscribed! God bless you Sir.
Thank you for this insightful information!
NAILED IT
Great summary. Thank you for this Video.
Your videos are very helpful! Thank you! ❤️
Some, excellent, content, here!💯
Brilliant examples and your analysis perfect...!
I think i have been at points and not realised. Wanted to see best in people
AMEN ON THIS STATEMENT!!!!
Great video+ shared!
I was married to a male covert narcissist for 22 years and I work for a female covert narcissist and her whole crazy family today. Both use flying monkeys all the time. They have an arsenal of flying monkeys ready at will. My mother was an alcoholic abusive narcissist and she did not have a team of flying monkeys. However she used any tool she could find to turn the whole family against me who was her chosen scapegoat for some reason I have been around narcissist my whole life and I can tell you that they are similar in their evil and character defect but they each have different tools.
complete madness
thank you
Isn’t it?
Thank you.
Yup 👍 so true
The narcissist and his despicable flyin monkies are silliness.
Hello so gratefull i found your channel so helpfull im desperate and grateful
Thank you!
It’s really hard bc if you were to say this to someone in the system they will attribute all these intentions and behaviours to you- that you are the problem. I’m struggling right now with if my brother is a person I can salvage a relationship or not. He’s a not a toxic person but he has struggles and not a consistent stance with the nightmare that is my family.
When the narcissist injects their poison everyone around them suffers. Remove yourself from the situation, distance yourself from all those infected, it really is the only way.
My brother was beaten down for years in this way, maybe decades. I suspect that they set him up with his high-school sweetheart who became his wife (if someone's entire family is extremely arrogant but they don't seem to have much going for them, you should suspect underworld ties). They used to send vehicles past him at conspicuous times and presumably all other manner of gangstalking activity. He told me about some of it and that a certain relative of ours was a higher-up in an underworld organization, and I didn't believe him. Now they do the same to me and he's in on it with them, pretending he never told me a word of it. I wonder whether it brought him peace to become a slave.