I can tell this is happening to me because people are automatically taking the narcissist's side without having a single conversation with me about why I ended the relationship. If that's what they do without seeing the other's side, they can go, too.
Sounds alot what I experienced from my mother. When I was a teenager she would punish me for no reason, and then when I would stand up for myself in protest, she would always threaten to kick me out or show me the door. There was two times I took her up on her offer and I left. The first aunt I stayed with, I remember my mother telling her to make sure she made my life as miserable as possible during my stay, she wanted to make sure I knew how "good" I had it at home. The first aunt was happy to comply, and I couldn't wait to go home. The second aunt I stayed with, didn't listen to my mother. She told me we would have fun together and it would be our secret. When my mother found out that she bought me nail polish, she lost her ever loving mind. She flipped out on my aunt yelling at her saying, you are trying to turn my daughter against me, how could you betray me like that? You know, the typical covert narcissistic reaction to somebody showing loving kindness to the scapegoated child. All over the gift of a little bottle of nail polish. I wasn't ever allowed to have any allies or support from anybody on the outside. If ever anybody tried to sympathize with me in any way or try to reason with her on her treatment of me, they endured her wrath and made them regret it, and somehow with her mind tricks and master manipulation techniques, always managed to keep them believing that she was an innocent victim and winderful person worthy of everyone's pity, and that I was the evil child who was the cause of all her troubles and sorrows. It's been something like 15 years now since I made the decision to walk away from them all once and for all. And though it was painful at first, it was truly for the best. I have no regrets at all. And even though they think I am such a horrible person because of my decision, I don't let them guilt trip me anymore. I have nothing to feel sorry about. I wish it never had to come to that, but unfortunately in my case I felt I had no other choice. To those who have to separate or are on the fence about it, the only advice I can give you is this: Take control of your own life. You are not responsible for them or their happiness. Don't let people continue to hurt you or try to manipulate you or control you with threats or emotional mind games. Take care of you, do what you know what's right and best for you. Don't let anybody make you feel guilty for that. As much as it is up to you, pursue peace. For me, walking away was the only way to obtain it. And I needed it in order to heal and be healthy. Take charge of your own life. Peace.
You are describing my mother too, who is an aggressive overt narcissist. However my two aunts were her flying monkeys and didn't help me much at all. Still I remember all the incidents she bullied me and used my father, who's a little covert narcissist on the mild side of narcissism, as for triangulation manipulation.
.... i cut my narc mother and other family 'off' .... 25 .. 30 years ago.... i reconciled with my father about 15 yrs ago.... my father.. died ... 2 yrs ago.... and these monsters from my childhood have come crawling out from under their rocks .... ... they 'blind sided' me... they knew i was emotionally vulnerable .. and use.. historical grudge to justify their insidious behavior.... ....... i guess im trying to say.... just be careful, you may have 'left them behind'... [in the past ya].... but they may still be watching you... or have flying monkeys watching u..... waiting for a chance to 'make u pay'... 'teach u a lesson'... 'get revenge' ... narc's dont mellow over time, they usually get worse as they age. ... on the bright side.. u sound .. happy, content and confident ... loving life.... and i truly hope you never have to deal with those ppl again.... just be aware [not alarmed] .... they have not forgotten about you.. sending you all best vibes ... from Australia... x
Thank you so much for sharing. I came here, again, for comments, and I can see myself in your story. I left my narcissistic family 10 years ago, minimum contact but still contact, then I felt so great and balanced I thought I could deal with them no matter what, so I approached them again six months ago in a naive attempt to make peace with them, especially my covert narc father, because it seemed he was about to pass away. He didn't but I lost all my joy and motivation, and here I am again, about to do the unthinkable, to leave forever. I needed to hear your story and sense your peace so I can remind myself why I'd left in the first place. Thank you so much again, what a beautiful community we have here, which only reminds me that life is good and people are awesome, and that's the thing that always kept me going. I'm sending you love and gratitude and blessings ❤️🌻
@@mzliberty7647 I'm taking your words as message from my spirit guides. Kinda same. My father is still alive but he was the reason I wanted to reconcile, I always thought he was one of my mother's victims, he's a good hearted but scared af person. Huge fkng mistake. Now both of them are ganging up on me and it's the second time around I'll need to cut them off, this time for good. Every word you say is so true it hurts but it's all for the best. If I didn't trust myself... well, there's come your testimony. And I know you can't make this shit up. So thank you for sharing. For what it's worth, I just recently made and agreement with myself to be at peace with whatever happens to my dad, as he was the only one who ever "tried". I will always love them. But from far far away. Thank you for sharing, all my love goes to you and the non-narcissistic part of your family 🙏❤️
@@asmichi8516 ... yes, i hear you .... and the tears sting my eyes, knowing that im not the only one .... im sorry, for watt u going thru.. the loss... the little spark of hope... and then.. the realization, ....... yes it hurts.. i used to get jealous of others that had a mother that 'love' them.... [that good ol maternal instinct] ... and sometimes i still have a wistful yerning ... for a mother ..... the feelings of 'love' .. i have for my mother... they arnt real... its.. almost like an instinct... mixed with watt society portrays 'all mothers' ... have maternal instinct or unconditional love for their children.... hmmm ... maybe im starting to ramble on a bit...... your reply really touch my heart and sending love and good vibes right back at you..... stay strong.. x
My mother and sister are masters at this game! I am the one triangulated….my mother is my sister’s flying monkey. Unfortunately I am stuck living with my disabled mother, and although I cut my sister out of my life, it’s as if she’s right here with me, due to my mother being unable to keep her mouth shut! They lie, confabulate, exaggerate, blameshift, project, and gossip like no two other people I know!
This topic deserves a much longer video. It’s a core tactic narcissists employ and is often the first sign of abuse when they isolate you from family and friends by putting you and your family and friends in conflict with each other. Please I would like to hear more of your perspective.
one hundred times YES ! So much untangling. I don't expect narcissists to wake up at all, but I do hope FM's open their eyes to see clearly and get the guts to stop contributing.
@@DarrenFMagee Depth would be great. Understanding of the depth of suffering experienced by the victims. I'm sure there are plenty of people in the comment section that can enlighten you.
@@shaunhunterit342 I’m interested in why you want to focus on the pain narcissistic people cause. I think if someone has searched and found this video, they’re probably well aware of the pain and disconnection bred by narcissistic abuse. Sometimes it’s helpful to understand it’s natural to experience pain when you incur damage. It might be helpful to identify what types of pain NA commonly causes and what parts of your Self were damaged, so you know where to focus when trying to heal. I get concerned that when we dwell on pain without a purpose in mind, it will find a purpose that may be unhealthy, or simply serve to freeze people in pain. I imagine this creator has heard more stories of narcissistic abuse than we will offer in these comments, already. I don’t envy his position as the receptacle of all the pain his clients tell him about. It seems like reading stories of narcissistic abuse here puts viewers in a similar position, but with less responsibility. I would like to know how one copes in a healthy way with knowing all of this horror exists and is real.
If the good doctor wants more in depth testimonies of what this topic looks like in a mother-daughter relationship where the mother is the narcissist, I'd happily oblige. When the abuse was at its peek I said to myself out loud one time then that nobody would ever believe me if I told them what I was going through. The layers of triangulation that I suffered were only revealed to me sometime as long up to 20-30 year later as people who were used to triangulate against me came to me and admitted what they had witnessed and been told-all but my brother. He's still stuck in a 180°, isosceles triange and can't seem to find his way out. Each person or entity was told a different lie at the time which had been taylored specifically for maximum damage. She got away with every single action against me and even so I love her although I suspect she still triangulates my brother and his wife against me. I've begun to practice boundaries with my brother ever since I have recently figured out that his dynamic and triangular relationship with our mother and subsequent scolding of me is the source of my reoccurring *(________) [*whatever it's called when one's past emotional pain comes suddenly as if in real time and for no clear reason].
It took me 30 years to come out of my naivety to recognize my family was doing this to me. They seem to delight in trying to make me " crazy". Fortunately i slowly backed away over time. All laughing behind my back at what a fool i am to them. So, I've missed career, having another relationship with a man, and friends . Its a high price to pay pleasing these folks!
Don't worry. Waking up and understanding is the greatest power you can have. You are not a fool. You may have missed some things but you will feel better and brighter as time goes and will make up in ways you never thought possible.
I had to confront 8 different people to work out who was in and who was out of the game. It's also taken 30+ years, so I can totally relate. Never worry. Power to you.
What I don't understand is that "How is the narcissist able to come up with these kinds of "evil" complex psychological manipulation tactics such as triangulation, crazy-making, haughty behavior, entitlement, image of superiority, gaslighting, flying monkeys, pathological lying..... due to the shame they have experienced? Unless the shame was based in/on severe emotional / mental trauma and the narcissist sub-consciously developed a coping mechanism to deal with any or all perceived emotional / mental / psychological attacks it is truly incomprehensible that a person could be this EVIL and corrupt and still be able to pass themselves off as "normal" in front of most people.
... its their 'lifes work' .. its .. all they know.... unless they seek out help.... and most dont, they remain emotionally stunted.. and 'hone' those.. bullying and manipulation traits... to almost perfection..... its a façade they show to other ppl... its an act.... its all smoke n mirrors bb..... [try and stay strong.... sending all best vibes ur way]
I, personally, think my manipulative triangulation puppeteer is not intelligent enough to have schemed it all in her little brain. No insult intended, I say this to answer your question. I've come to the conclusion in the case of this person I've been victimized by, that it is an evil influence & she is unaware of what a tool she is in the hands of evil. Hopefully I haven't offended you because that wasn't my intention. Anyway, in answer to your question , I think some people are pawns in the hands of an evil force. I've had basically a life-long relationahip with her and she's had her problem since way, way back. Usually very young children aren't inherently filled with evil in their dealings with others.
That is the nature of an EVIL person. They spend a lifetime victimizing people. They are predators and they practice hurting people every waking moment
I had to listen to this twice because I was distracted by all the sci-fi coolness in the background. I see the command module of that Space:1999 Eagle behind you Darren! Thanks, great video!
Being ahead (being aware) of narcissistic triangulation definitely helps. Narcissists destroy all avenues to any good outcome it seems. No contact is about the only way to stop it, but unfortunately that isn’t always an option.
While you talk, memory’s come into my mind of different incidents in my life and I start to see what these twisted people were up to, I was just asking myself how did I not see..I could have saved myself a lot of anguish..I can go on from here a lot wiser and with the certainty that no one will play games with my mind again.. Thank You for your help.
I agree. I find my mind wanders to past memories to finally understand what happened. I always listen to Darren's videos at least twice to take it all in.
I have experienced it all! Terribly stressful and draining. All it causes is pain and misery. Pure evil at work! This description of triangulation is spot on. Thank you for your expert observations. Exactly the case. It is criminal behaviour leading to the destruction of all kinds of bonds and relationships. It wipes out whole communities and is often done by one , but influential, person.
How you spot triangulation: You realize that the person you've been connecting so well suddenly changes and gets more distant towards you. You got no idea what happened. Imagine experiencing this in numerous circumstances (work, your child's school, acquaintances). Then you realize that you should stop talking about your private/work life to certain people because they use that information to destroy your friendships and work relations. What if this is a member of your own family (because he's under the influence of a manipulative woman) ? Too bad right?
@melonpan88, I understand this all too well. My brother and I were always close until he came under the influence of a manipulative and domineering woman. Within weeks, he was allowing himself to be brainwashed by her to see me as a threat. She didn't even know me yet. It's my belief that anyone in his life but her had to be gotten rid of. There isn't anything I can do if he isn't willing to be more discerning, and pay closer attention to how he's letting himself be putty in her hands. One of his longtime friends, who was also dismissed by her, said to me, "Your brother is like a remote controlled toy, and she operates the remote." I found that very sad and embarrassing for all of us affected. It reminds me of the Prince Harry/Meghan Markle show.
Literally same thing… but I realized they want to be manipulated if they choose to listen without concern for communication with target. At the end of the day it comes to to likable versus less likable if someone likes you more then another they won’t listen to what they have to say about the person they like. Once you accept that and just look for what makes people like you then you can bend the bullet sent your way that’s if you care about the perception of the people supposedly targeting you. At the end of the day these are techniques used by people who are more CONNECTED then you. That’s the truth. Going forward this world will be the CONNECTED versus the EXILED or the afraid versus the unafraid. If you care about doing the RIGHT thing and caring about people be prepared to be exiled. If you are ready for a a game where you are willing to sacrifice your own child in order to save yourself then go with the connections… have fun.
@@notagain779 I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I feel with you because, as you, I've been always on good terms with my brother. However, since she's with his domineering woman he has changed. He tries to keep the mask on, but there's a quite suffering deep inside him. We used to meet but now it's impossible. It's very likely due to her jealousy. Since my brother isn't enough for her, she's tried to get control over my family. Due to my strong intuition I've sensed her evil tactics and so I am wary when around her. However, she's laid an eye on my 8-yearl old. It's so obvious that she's trying to force my kid to become a playmate for her daughter who's clearly got conduct disorder. In the past her daughter has treated my daughter in a sadistic and rude way. Throwing underwear at her, not allowing her to use the toilet, accusing her of things my kid hadn't done. Nevertheless, my brother and her insist that both need to play more which is ridiculous. They're even spreading the false claim that I'm the controlling evil mother which is completely horrible. My daughter feels stressed by that kid and you can't force her to interact with her only because the narc mother wants her to. It's terrible. The last incident happened on Christmas at their place. After the kids had opened their presents her daughter shouted in a horrendously shrill voice at my daughter accusing her of stealing her toys. I didn't expect this to happen. Really, she ruined the atmosphere and my daughter still talks about it. It's really sad. But what's even worse is that my daughter is expected to forgive and forget that little brat until the next incident. I really want this to stop, because my brother and his girlfriend are clearly ignoring my daughters boundaries which is emotional abuse.
@@melonpan88 , Oh, my. How well I understand this ridiculous dynamic. Your daughter is your priority, naturally. It's perfectly fine for you to be the "controlling evil" mother. If that's what will protect your daughter, it's for the best - in fact, I'd be much worse in your situation! I almost said to my brother, "If you love that woman so much, better keep her away from me before she ends up dead!" But thought better of saying that, in case her brakes failed or something! It would take hours to explain all the damage she's done to other people's relationships. It's the divide and conquer thing they do, and enjoy spinning others around in circles. Actually, for your daughter, she's getting the chance to learn this early, which can help her become very discerning. Plus, she's lucky to have a mother with great intuition! I don't see any reason for these two children to "have to" have anything to do with each other. When the issue of forgiveness comes up, I'd just say something like, "they're not compatible personalities." And they don't have to play more - that's just nuts! It's all to suit their needs, and you know the girlfriend is behind it all. Her kid probably can't keep a friend for long. As an aside, my niece has a bratty little girl that they've spoiled silly. No one wants to play with her, and adults can't stand her. My niece tries to recruit neighborhood children for her, but they all avoid her. Listening to Darren is so soothing, and he's so on target with a lot of these crazy making situations. I'm sending you all of my best wishes and support. You're going to have to hang tough with this one. Also, you really can't afford to care what they think. Hopefully your brother will come out of the "spell' he's under. My brother is similarly sad inside, as his wife has brainwashed him into believing he's a loser. (So she can control him better.) He's not at all a loser; in fact, she'd be lost without him. No amount of my trying to build him up seems to work, yet he keeps contact with me only when she goes out and doesn't know he calls me. She told him he had to make a choice between us, and he has to prove his loyalty to her and her only. Then on the phone, he'll say to me, "Uh, here she comes, I gotta go." Can you believe it? Talk about SAD!
Triangulation story. My Ex-business partner is a Narcissistic Sociopath and uses triangulation all the time. In his 13 year (yes 13 year) divorce proceeding, I was made to testify numerous times. FINALLY during a Traverse (garnishment) hearing, all sides (him, her + the lawyers) were trying to get ME to clean up the mess. I turned to the judge and said "This is NOT my problem. These guys are TRIANGULATING ME. It is NOT my divorce and I am not going to clean up this mess!" Guess what? The judge sided with me and gave me complete control of the residual business assets.
sometimes one is lucky enough to find a decent person in a position of power. but, congratulations on standing firm and complain about what they were trying to do.
The more I listen to these videos, the more I realize what a screwed up family I came from! It was often thrown in my face that I wasn’t being beaten or dealing with an alcoholic so I had no right to complain, as I didn’t know what abuse was!
I begun dating my (now former) friend's housemate over a year ago and since then she (former friend) has been superficially friendly to me but with distant, hostile and passive aggressive vibes and triangulation attemps with jealousy, exclusion, etc. My gf senses my discomfort but since this person acts fairly normal with her and is superficially friendly with me, my gf tends to blame me -_- I recently tried to explain to her that one person can treat two different people in wildly different ways and the "reality" that she experiences with this person is not the whole truth. I saw the narcissistic traits (immaturity, cruel sense of humour, self-centeredness, future-faking) before and they were okay in small doses, especially since this person can be fun to be around, but being on the receiving end of her passive aggressive wrath is terrifying. I think I stole her supply/flying monkey by becoming an item with her housemate lol..
I got triangulated about being triangulated. I told him how I felt about his lack of bounds with his exes, comments posting photos on FB. He asked his female work colleagues, they all agree, you are insecure.
Insecure/ jealous/ crazy etc …Always a firm fave comeback with the Narc and the flying monkeys (that they are triangulating you with) when they are rumbled.
@@dubliner1303 Yep that too, I discovered that he had secretly met up with an ex and actually phoned her to speak to me, she was very condescending and I hung up & broke up with him. He then phoned another ex I thought bugger this & got my sister on the phone, to ask if I’m being too insecure? NO was the answer he is being deceitful. Bam
Don’t stress out about being triangulated. What I realized is the triangulator is actually doing you favour. Anyone simple enough or judgemental enough to believe the lies is not a friend worth having anyway.
My mother was never nicer to me (when I was a child) than when she was triangulating me against my father. As soon as she patched things up with my father, I was emotionally blanked and pushed out of her newly fluffed up nest. It was so unbelievably confusing. I could never figure out what I'd done to be rejected and treated so coldly all of a sudden 😔
Ooo!! Much Love Darren!! I may or may not be binge watching or been watching your videos… I really do feel this video can go so Much deeper, thanks so much for a very well simplified explained versions of this and how it can cause issues and how others would feel on it. I find myself lacking a way to explain things, very well said. Thanks for sharing your kindness and knowledge. I don’t comment a lot but thought I’d say hi considering I been looking at what other videos you have made. You’re a very dedicated man, that’s a lot of years of study and work (Bio) Thanks again!
THAAAAAAANK YOUUUUUUU. I’ve never heard a clearer description of a sometimes, all the times, very confusing behavior. This popped up in a thread researching accents, but the content was 100% for me personally. 🎉👏👏👏🎉
You described it perfectly. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was brought into a company to be used to triangulate the people there. I enjoyed being the favorite employee for a while. It didn’t take me long to realize what was happening. Eventually I became a victim myself. After I left the people who were brought in to victimize me became victims. Of course everyone quits and the company with 4 stores is in complete chaos all the time. The owners of the company always believe the perpetrator of this insanity when he blames the victims/employees for the company’s turmoil.
Wow, that story just made what I'd thought was a bad career choice on my part (going into management) make more sense. I was being used to triangulate other managers at my level, and I was getting pulled into the boss's office en route to important coordination meetings (I was running Operations) in order to validate his "concerns" about those other managers. I was so stressed about agreeing with him on any little thing because it felt like he was always building a case to fire another of his management team. I was burned out after a year and decided to pursue a more technical path, but that was the first in a string of very bad experiences with managers.
@@jkasiron2275 I’m okay now. It took almost a year to fully recover. That’s how I ended up here on this channel and it has really helped. I hope you can move on from your experience too.
I would like a video on group triangulation. I've experienced a situation where a group of disordered individuals got together to smear campaign someone online and they came at the target with a slew of false accusations of lying, cheating, and manipulation. Conveniently, this toxic group of poeple were all of the same friend group and were friends (more like false friends) with the target.... until the target got more sucessful and popular while these particular people in the group did not. I've not heard much talk on the dynamics of heard mentality and triangulating a group of people against a target. I never understood how a few people could hate someone so much to destroy their reputation with lies just because of petty jeleousy.
Thank you for the education you share. As a victim of narc abuse, it is so important to address the flying monkey element. It is amazing to me how others are unable to see. I am never able to get validation from the flying group about the narc's awful and evil behavior. To me it seems such a deep level of insanity. I think the professionals are not as firm as they could be in helping others see this behavior.
My ex keep telling me how her sisters thinks lm wrong,insecure and controlling..she knows how she messed up relationship with lies gaslighting and betrayal.
So useful, thank you! My soon to be ex after a 50-year marriage has told mutual friends and relatives that I have joined a cult and am being manipulated, and that’s the reason why I abandoned him. Hé has even involved a former girlfriend (yes, from 55 years ago!) to email my children about how dysfunctional our family is because I am so evil. What on earth did he tell her? She travelled 5000 km to visit and support him recently, and it ended badly, so perhaps she saw the light. I had never heard the term triangulation before, so it’s good to know that it is recognized.
... yeah... i notice the shorter 'running time'.... but u know watt they say..? . always leave em wanting more... lol.... ive been binge watching a lot of Dr Magee's [awesum] vids...... cheers.. x
@@DarrenFMagee No the video was very good. I was attempting to give an example of triangulation to be funny. I don't even have a friend that goes by Hypotension. Thanks for all that you do.
@@DarrenFMagee ... yes please... ur fans learn so much from you... its like an .. information bomb... lol ... and some vids i watch over 3 or 4 times.... or keep going back to them.. just to make sure i dont miss summin.... and ur delivery ... no beating around the bush, but same time.. you are so kind .. compassionate.. non judgmental... ... thats real 'role model' material my friend.. very impressive .. x
I am the “black sheep” of a dysfunctional family system. After becoming a mother and realizing how I could never gang up on any of my children & get my other children to help me, like my own mother could do, I realized how I had been abused all my life. Thank Heavens for therapists & support groups for “black sheep”, because our whole lives growing up are lives of being triangulated against in every relationship in the family & in the relationships that would be brought into the unhealthy dysfunctional family that would be allowed to stay, because they would also let the abuse happen without standing up for the “black sheep” too. The abusers get others to join them in abusing the “black sheep” & if those people they seek to get to help abuse their victim stands up for the victim, the abusers will create problems to push out anyone who would actually protect the “black sheep” of the dysfunctional family system. Triangulation is a huge part of how abusers confuse and manipulate their victims. It’s terrible. So grateful to be free. Thank Heavens.
Whew. When my sister attacked me and I shared concerns with my brother, I thought I was triangulating, but I see from your explanation I was looking for support and clarity after being attacked. Her, a parent & another sibling have managed to make me the scapegoat anyway, so at this point, cutting my losses and running (going no contact) feels like the most logical action to take. 🤷 *Edit* Wow. 1:21 that's what she was doing. Drawing attention away from HER bad behavior by attacking me, (for coincidentally pointing out that bad behavior at our baby sister's funeral) 😳
In a romantic relationship like my marriage my wife would come home from work or going out with friends and say to me “the delivery guy at work was flirting with me today” or “the dealer at the casino asked me for my number even though I said I was married” or when she uses her affair partner to make you do the pick me dance while simultaneously smearing you to him while telling you she loves you and wants to be with you and that guy is out of the picture. It’s insidious disrespectful and if it’s happening to you nip that shit in the ass immediately and if they don’t stop boot there ass out.
@@endorn3234 I honestly didnt know those comments were called triangulation the word is some what new to me in the context. But knowledge is power and I will NEVER tolerate that treatment from anyone ever again
My ex used to do the same: all women, and men, at his workplace were all after him apparently He also constantly talked about one female co-worker, who he called "his best friend", and when I found a photograph of said "best friend" on social media, which was clearly taken at his flat, he said "yes, she slept over at mine, we shared the bed, but nothing happened. We've done that a few times now. What's the big deal?" That's when I dumped his sorry arse once and for all.
I left my mum (second time). I love my sister who i never hurt her or her children. But after she met with mum, she isolated my child from hers. She accused me of being a narc and toxic. After reading so much about narcissism, that was ok, i expected it. But even though i don't want a relationship with her atm, i never expected her to come between our children. I don't think reconciliation with my mother alive will ever work. Heartbreaking!
My sisters do this with me interchangeably. Each with their own, but similar, goal and agenda. One loves chaos and the other wants attention. The prior sister has a diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder. The other has never sought mental heath care. They would call me every day at all hours night or day in spite of my telling them not to call every day and to pick a time during normal waking hours. Three years ago I decided to get of the hamster wheel and my life started to improve within a month.
My narcissistic mother triangulated constantly using her flying monkey friend. Together, they were abusing everyone, including my disabled brother. The flying monkey had been hiding income from the IRS for decades. I turned him into the IRS and told my mother I was going to the police about their abuse of my brother. The flying monkey lost all his money and my mother was terrified anout the police. Unfortunately she died before I could trigger many consequences for her. Everyone was just waiting for her to die--no one liked her. She was ninety friggin' six when she finally died. It took forever.
I think there might be a Narcissist in our newly formed friend group. I’ve noticed that this person is displaying flirting behavior with different individuals and constantly trying to get every one’s attention. There’s already some kind of triangulation that this person is trying to do, even manipulative behavior. I’ve noticed that there’s been some sabotaging in the friend group as this person tries to exclude certain people from the friend group and causing a little bit of drama and seems to enjoy being in control or in power in a subtle way. The only reason I am saying this was because I recognized it from a relationship I was in with an exgf. A lot of the same traits are showing up and it’s starting to concern me, I’m slowly distancing myself from the friend group and giving this person less and less attention. Hopefully this person doesn’t notice, because I already had enough with being in a relationship with one.
My mother always complains to me about my siblings but I try to calm the situation or tell her to ignore somethings to deescalate and when I try to address the problem she will deny it or be silent
Is it possible to eventually become "immune" (so-to-speak) to narcissistic abuse. I have this fantasy that I will be able to shield all abuse tactics and let them roll off my back unscathed. We are in a situation where we cannot go no contact with our narcissistic family member.
In such a situation develop your writing skills perhaps daily, one page only, distill your highlights of observation, giving chosen original names to them. One page limits you to choose best words wisely and your notebook may become a gem. A treasure trove down the line when things open up for you down the track. Use clever wording styles, set it up like a novel or a play in Portugal or the 1400's with Lords and Ladies, infidels and travelling cart drivers incase it gets read by you know who, they won't think it's anything but gibberish or your strange new hobby nobody cares about, but it's really your secret map.
Not possible. The narc will start doing things behind a veil to blindside you. They will do insidious things that will catch you by surprise to punish and hurt you if you even win one round against them. THEY ARE CHEATERS, COWARDS AND ABUSERS. THEY WILL BACKSTAB YOU WITH A SMIRK OF SATISFACTION. TO YOUR FACE AS PUNISHMENT. LOSERS PURE EVIL LOSERS
I like this video, every thing mentioned is what a neighbor is doing because she want me to move out of my home so her family member can move in next to her now she slander me to the whole neighbours for support or so I don’t have anyone to turn to her family’s who are on alert when I’m in the back yard or the from shouting at the kids a disguise as noise Nusiance to take away my peace especially during covid decorating my garden. when I stand up to her she gets scared get her family running to her which I notice gives her confidence to start again. My next step is legal support because they becoming very vicious and stalking because I’m a challenge. As a Christian who are taught from bible love your neighbor love your anemy can make you seem easy target.
Thank you for the thorough, thoughtful video. I have a question around an interesting, painful experience that I once went through (and that I'm still processing). In hindsight I believe my then-partner was narcissistic, as she practiced a couple of tactics on me (devaluation, triangulation) while we were splitting up. What made my experience so weird, however, was that the "other" person had many further, deeper expressions of narcissism (many of which I've been able to identify based on your videos - thank you!). In hindsight, I feel he recognized very what his role was, and felt no shame (even pride) about his new place in her life/their community "over" me, even covertly gloating about it (for lack of a better word). My question is - if the other person, contrary to your video, knows what's going on and what role they're serving, is that still triangulation? Is there a different/more precise word for it (it was definitely "Cheating," although perhaps only "Emotional Cheating"?). Many other points from this video - like your other videos - resonate very strongly with my experience. Thank you for your insight!
Thank you for another great and informative video. I found it very helpful. My ex is doing this now. He's doing parental alienation against me with my son by telling him lies about. I pray one day soon my son realizes what is going on. PS. I love the T.A.R.D.I.S in the background!
You should wear a lapel mic or head worn mic to make the audio a lot better / clearer. There’s a lot of room reverb / it’s not particularly clear audio. Moving the mic closer will help or putting up soundproofing will also help.
@@manillascissor Wearing a lapel mic would make a fairly dramatic difference for the least amount of effort & money… that’s why I wanted to suggest it. What’s being said is audible but it’s maybe half as clear as it could be.
@@manillascissor the echo from the talking reflecting off the walls and other hard surfaces is picked up easily by the microphone and is partially masking the talking. I find it distracting and I need to turn the volume up to hear all the words. You might not notice it depending on your audio setup and the room you are in. If you could A/B listen between a lapel mic and a mic a few meters away in a room like in the video, talking sitting next to a hard wall, I’d expect you to hear a dramatic difference on headphones.
It brings 'pain , misery', the sheriff, the lawyer, the eviction, the judge, and the protection order...immediately upon triangulation. You have to act fast at the first sign of triangulation or someone else may end up living in your home.
Indeed the manipulation causes chaos. The manipulated gaslit person, traumatized by said betrayal, tells others to get validation that their experience was real. This I hope is not being confused with Triangulation.
It's not, Darlene. Seeking validation is healthy for anyone who's been the recipient victim of triangulation. It's important though to get that validation from people/ a person you trust and respect, otherwise you can feel even worse when, after disclosing it all, the person fails to get it.
Dr. Les Carter is also excellent on YT for topics on narcissism. He always mentions how to get help online. I believe he has a team of therapists that he works with. Click on the presenters name, that is above the comment section, u should find more info..
I was triangulate with his ex girl friend .irritates me because he show me they are texting each other and said that his soul mate. I got hurt because I thought for 37years married I'm his soul mate. Now I realized when I was awaken he makes me upset.but I m finish already .I know that he is a bad person .I don't know about narcs yet. Now I know bye and don't come back .I pack my things don't bother me I will not bother him . I realized that he has helped from his relative who were all narcs too. It's a cult. "WOW TOO SCARY LIKE WALKING DEAD .THE SAME BRAIN .
My mom and I was argue all the time because she wants this control with me but it doesn’t work. But she won’t do this to any of my brothers. But you best believe if my brother & I argue, either she’ll come running to help or he’s manipulating the conversation to our past argument so she can come fight w him
My covert narcissist mother (the "long suffering martyr") managed to make all her little chicks despise their dad, he didn't help his case any either, but she managed to be evil to us too, cleverly, cruelly and still come out smelling like a rose. Her evil, her type of abuse, somehow feels worse. Took me years to solve that puzzle 🤔
Thank you for your informative video on triangulation. What if person A in the family has intractable blind spots: lacks self-awareness and reflection, is unable to adjust what they are doing and saying to avoid harm to others in the family? If Person B and Person C in the family talk about the harm that this person is doing to relieve some pressure of the hurt, this is a form of triangulation. But what is a healthier alternative?
1 more is, certain people whom you never get to know and whom you never gave a chance to get to know you suddenly just keep on insinuating and scoffing at you that you are somehow that someone like the triangulator keeps gaslighting you about. It’s insane! You wonder what is he trying to do really like what in the world is going on.
yeah.. those narcist's, they can hold a historical grudge .... my cuz, [she is bully] is trying to justify .. fraud and other crimes of dishonesty .... by using this ... 'hurt feelings' or 'slight' that 'i caused' her, from nearly 30 years ago. if it wasnt such a serious matter, it would be quite comical..... Thanks Dr Magee.. x
Something just happened this afternoon that I don’t know if I am to blame or what. I feel I am but I am also so very confused. We have fifty fifty visitation with our daughter. It’s my time now and I am okay with her seeing her dad when it’s my time. However, I’d like to have it communicated with me that it’s going to happen. For example, our daughter was at her friends house this afternoon and her dad showed up to give her a swimsuit and a towel in case she goes swimming with her church friends this evening. I was on pick her up at her friends house. I pull up and he starts to drive off. I get out and yell for him to stop so I can ask him what is going on. And he stops. And our daughter comes out to the front porch and starts screaming at me because I was on the phone with her. She is 13 and I asked her if she had asked him for the swimsuit and she said no. So I asked him what was happening and she didn’t know. She was not able to hear or see completely what was happening on the street between me and her dad. And she just assumes that I’m causing a fuss. Yet all I’m trying to do is understand what is going on. I told him that I have a swimsuit for her and a towel and that he should have told me that he was going to bring her those while she was at her friends house. If she hadn’t have been at her friends house he wouldn’t have stopped by or he would have asked if he could bring them by. I text him this morning that she told me she didn’t know if she was going to go swimming this evening or not. I told him out of respect for him in case he was going to go In Hopes to see her at the pool. their church had rented the pool so it was a huge group thing. So I was being respectful this morning to give him a heads up on what to expect. That she may not be there. And he said “she can change her mind”. Yes that’s true. But I know the look on his face when he drove off and our daughter was crying that he looked proud of himself. He had a look of glee. So again I am at fault for wanting communication. I never have said my time is my time only. I don’t want to be that kind of mom. I am not so controlling that she can’t see him when she wants. But I do want to be informed. To have a heads up. To know what to expect. Am I asking too much? He Arrived out of the blue. Out of nowhere. And he didn’t need to. That’s the thing. We both have swimsuits for her. And towels. He comes off like I am not prepared. And i make mistakes and I don’t expect him to be perfect. I am not by any means. I just would like to be informed of what to expect. Okay. I am trying to see what I did wrong and not do that anymore.
It happened to me someone put me into a third party situation without my knowledge. The other woman gave everything this narc wanted and still not enough
Sounds like my ex. Therapist even wrote about the triangulation, how he was aligning himself with our kids as if he were a kid too. So glad I'm away from that.
Great explanation of the problem but what is the SOLUTION? Especially in a situation where you get 15+ flying monkeys sent to you... Explaining yourself and retelling the same long traumatic tale 15+ times over and over gets draining. I desperately need to hear solutions for this triangulation problem. What happens after you get tired of explaining yourself again & again to innumerable strangers/rescuers/family members, many of which already perceive you as guilty anyway? Does anyone have a solution?
I have been a victim of triangulation, when I supported Nigel Farage that disturbed some person that very person brought a woman in to back up his position and to moraly shame me out of my position and into affirming his position and to moraly punish me for asserting my position that challenged his
Narcissist triangulates golden child and scapegoat where the narcissist projects and belittles the scapegoat hence uplifting the golden child which in turn uplifts the narcissist who is happy the golden child feels good or can pit the scapegoat and golden child against each other in a competitive manner helping the Golden child to 'win' and thus narcissist and golden child both feel good. Poor old 'loser' scapegoat who apparently doesn't have feelings!
In case you wondered if someone out there recognizes all those nerdy collectibles you have back there, oh yes, I know exactly what the hell I see. Those Kenner items down below, that Dinky Toys Enterprise up there that shoots the discs, and that Eagle in the middle... you have earned my respect. 😏😆
I was good at recognising triangulation until someone started to spread rumours that I don't know what it means and encouraging people to argue with me about it. 😁
You might listen to some on these thing by 4 the that day I won't click knowing I'm going to get very bad speaking . You wNt to stay away for a whe stranglehold yes it's weird caution
"A narcissist likes someone who will argue in good faith, someone who believes in truth and integrity and wants to see it in them and finds it hard to accept that it's not there." I made this comment on one your previous videos and it got 769 upvotes but my message doesn't seem to have got through to you. You continue to speak as if the narcissist is trying to achieve something good or reasonable but just going about it the wrong way. You can't seem to understand or accept that this is a COUNTERFEIT human, a parasite feeding off the humanity of others. The only resolution they want is to see their victims suffer.
The suffering they cause is them projecting onto another their own inner torment. They manipulate externally to attempt to gain an emotional relief of their own suffering like an expiation or surrogate to feel what they are themselves feeling and unable or unwilling to face & deal with, internally where their true problem exists. Murderers sometimes do this - the kill some one to try and slay their own inner demon for a temporary fix, the whole tableau an externalisation/counterfeit rather than die to their own inner self ie face themselves and then leave that crippled self to die off and gradually by a lot of hard work (internally) out grow the old pain, let go of it, let it die and gradually become a fully alive more mature human being, determined to be honest with self and towards others. Cold Case Murder Mysteries podcast, especially earlier ones, goes into great depth on this topic.
@@7hilladelphia narcissistic abuse is psychological murder and can sometimes lead to suicide. They may even commit actual murder. This can be the end result of triangulation. They will keep you apart from those you love by any means necessary.
"They can't keep up with their own lies. They can't remember what version they told what to". What are you basing this on? If this were true, they wouldn't be very effective and wouldn't cause such misery to others. Portraying narcissists as careless or inept is really not accurate and understates the threat they pose. Narcissists act will confused, ditzy, and even a little bit mad to deceive you about how cleverly they are calculating every single moment.
While what you say is true, they do get lost in their lies. My mother trips herself up all the time with her lies. I call her out on so many of them these days and she’s always screwing herself over by forgetting who she told what. If you’re telling the truth, you don’t have to remember. When you lie….and especially so much, even masters will fail at their own games!
@@shaunhunterit342 I believe it’s a combination. She’s elderly and she’s not as sharp as she used to be. I can usually see the game playing and I can usually tell when she’s forgotten due to cognitive issues. But there’s been so much lying and narcissistic amnesia games through the years, that I sometimes have a hard time, at times, distinguishing which is her disorder and which part is old age problems. If she’d been an upstanding honest person my whole life, I’d be able to say….she’s developing dementia now. But I can’t. There’s still a ton of narcissistic gaming going on!!!
I can tell this is happening to me because people are automatically taking the narcissist's side without having a single conversation with me about why I ended the relationship. If that's what they do without seeing the other's side, they can go, too.
That’s exactly how I feel now. Anyone who would listen to them is not someone I want in my life.
Sounds alot what I experienced from my mother. When I was a teenager she would punish me for no reason, and then when I would stand up for myself in protest, she would always threaten to kick me out or show me the door. There was two times I took her up on her offer and I left. The first aunt I stayed with, I remember my mother telling her to make sure she made my life as miserable as possible during my stay, she wanted to make sure I knew how "good" I had it at home. The first aunt was happy to comply, and I couldn't wait to go home. The second aunt I stayed with, didn't listen to my mother. She told me we would have fun together and it would be our secret. When my mother found out that she bought me nail polish, she lost her ever loving mind. She flipped out on my aunt yelling at her saying, you are trying to turn my daughter against me, how could you betray me like that? You know, the typical covert narcissistic reaction to somebody showing loving kindness to the scapegoated child. All over the gift of a little bottle of nail polish. I wasn't ever allowed to have any allies or support from anybody on the outside. If ever anybody tried to sympathize with me in any way or try to reason with her on her treatment of me, they endured her wrath and made them regret it, and somehow with her mind tricks and master manipulation techniques, always managed to keep them believing that she was an innocent victim and winderful person worthy of everyone's pity, and that I was the evil child who was the cause of all her troubles and sorrows. It's been something like 15 years now since I made the decision to walk away from them all once and for all. And though it was painful at first, it was truly for the best. I have no regrets at all. And even though they think I am such a horrible person because of my decision, I don't let them guilt trip me anymore. I have nothing to feel sorry about. I wish it never had to come to that, but unfortunately in my case I felt I had no other choice. To those who have to separate or are on the fence about it, the only advice I can give you is this: Take control of your own life. You are not responsible for them or their happiness. Don't let people continue to hurt you or try to manipulate you or control you with threats or emotional mind games. Take care of you, do what you know what's right and best for you. Don't let anybody make you feel guilty for that. As much as it is up to you, pursue peace. For me, walking away was the only way to obtain it. And I needed it in order to heal and be healthy. Take charge of your own life. Peace.
You are describing my mother too, who is an aggressive overt narcissist. However my two aunts were her flying monkeys and didn't help me much at all. Still I remember all the incidents she bullied me and used my father, who's a little covert narcissist on the mild side of narcissism, as for triangulation manipulation.
.... i cut my narc mother and other family 'off' .... 25 .. 30 years ago.... i reconciled with my father about 15 yrs ago....
my father.. died ... 2 yrs ago.... and these monsters from my childhood have come crawling out from under their rocks ....
... they 'blind sided' me... they knew i was emotionally vulnerable .. and use.. historical grudge to justify their insidious behavior.... .......
i guess im trying to say.... just be careful, you may have 'left them behind'... [in the past ya].... but they may still be watching you... or
have flying monkeys watching u..... waiting for a chance to 'make u pay'... 'teach u a lesson'... 'get revenge' ... narc's dont mellow over time, they usually get worse as they age.
... on the bright side.. u sound .. happy, content and confident ... loving life.... and i truly hope you never have to deal with those ppl again....
just be aware [not alarmed] .... they have not forgotten about you.. sending you all best vibes ... from Australia... x
Thank you so much for sharing. I came here, again, for comments, and I can see myself in your story. I left my narcissistic family 10 years ago, minimum contact but still contact, then I felt so great and balanced I thought I could deal with them no matter what, so I approached them again six months ago in a naive attempt to make peace with them, especially my covert narc father, because it seemed he was about to pass away. He didn't but I lost all my joy and motivation, and here I am again, about to do the unthinkable, to leave forever. I needed to hear your story and sense your peace so I can remind myself why I'd left in the first place. Thank you so much again, what a beautiful community we have here, which only reminds me that life is good and people are awesome, and that's the thing that always kept me going. I'm sending you love and gratitude and blessings ❤️🌻
@@mzliberty7647 I'm taking your words as message from my spirit guides. Kinda same. My father is still alive but he was the reason I wanted to reconcile, I always thought he was one of my mother's victims, he's a good hearted but scared af person. Huge fkng mistake. Now both of them are ganging up on me and it's the second time around I'll need to cut them off, this time for good. Every word you say is so true it hurts but it's all for the best. If I didn't trust myself... well, there's come your testimony. And I know you can't make this shit up. So thank you for sharing. For what it's worth, I just recently made and agreement with myself to be at peace with whatever happens to my dad, as he was the only one who ever "tried". I will always love them. But from far far away. Thank you for sharing, all my love goes to you and the non-narcissistic part of your family 🙏❤️
@@asmichi8516 ... yes, i hear you .... and the tears sting my eyes, knowing that im not the only one .... im sorry, for watt u going thru.. the loss... the little spark of hope... and then.. the realization, ....... yes it hurts.. i used to get jealous of others that had a mother that 'love' them.... [that good ol maternal instinct] ... and sometimes i still have a wistful yerning ... for a mother ..... the feelings of 'love' .. i have for my mother... they arnt real... its.. almost like an instinct... mixed with watt society portrays 'all mothers' ... have maternal instinct or unconditional love for their children.... hmmm ... maybe im starting to ramble on a bit...... your reply really touch my heart and sending love and good vibes right back at you..... stay strong.. x
There is no way to “safely” interact with a person who triangulates.
Ask them who's idea was this? Yours or someone else's ?
My mother and sister are masters at this game! I am the one triangulated….my mother is my sister’s flying monkey. Unfortunately I am stuck living with my disabled mother, and although I cut my sister out of my life, it’s as if she’s right here with me, due to my mother being unable to keep her mouth shut! They lie, confabulate, exaggerate, blameshift, project, and gossip like no two other people I know!
Another form, I believe is "filibustering". There is a "whole" bag of tricks at their disposal.
it is abuse
Sure there is. Don't take it personally. Be aware of it. Understand it. And don't allow it. Remove yourself and it stops abruptly.
This topic deserves a much longer video. It’s a core tactic narcissists employ and is often the first sign of abuse when they isolate you from family and friends by putting you and your family and friends in conflict with each other. Please I would like to hear more of your perspective.
I’d be happy to do a longer video in more depth thank you for suggesting it
one hundred times YES ! So much untangling. I don't expect narcissists to wake up at all, but I do hope FM's open their eyes to see clearly and get the guts to stop contributing.
@@DarrenFMagee Depth would be great. Understanding of the depth of suffering experienced by the victims. I'm sure there are plenty of people in the comment section that can enlighten you.
@@shaunhunterit342 I’m interested in why you want to focus on the pain narcissistic people cause. I think if someone has searched and found this video, they’re probably well aware of the pain and disconnection bred by narcissistic abuse.
Sometimes it’s helpful to understand it’s natural to experience pain when you incur damage. It might be helpful to identify what types of pain NA commonly causes and what parts of your Self were damaged, so you know where to focus when trying to heal.
I get concerned that when we dwell on pain without a purpose in mind, it will find a purpose that may be unhealthy, or simply serve to freeze people in pain.
I imagine this creator has heard more stories of narcissistic abuse than we will offer in these comments, already. I don’t envy his position as the receptacle of all the pain his clients tell him about. It seems like reading stories of narcissistic abuse here puts viewers in a similar position, but with less responsibility.
I would like to know how one copes in a healthy way with knowing all of this horror exists and is real.
If the good doctor wants more in depth testimonies of what this topic looks like in a mother-daughter relationship where the mother is the narcissist, I'd happily oblige. When the abuse was at its peek I said to myself out loud one time then that nobody would ever believe me if I told them what I was going through. The layers of triangulation that I suffered were only revealed to me sometime as long up to 20-30 year later as people who were used to triangulate against me came to me and admitted what they had witnessed and been told-all but my brother. He's still stuck in a 180°, isosceles triange and can't seem to find his way out. Each person or entity was told a different lie at the time which had been taylored specifically for maximum damage. She got away with every single action against me and even so I love her although I suspect she still triangulates my brother and his wife against me. I've begun to practice boundaries with my brother ever since I have recently figured out that his dynamic and triangular relationship with our mother and subsequent scolding of me is the source of my reoccurring *(________) [*whatever it's called when one's past emotional pain comes suddenly as if in real time and for no clear reason].
When the victim speaks out, from a place of trauma fear or anxiety, and they are triggered from not being believed or understood.
It took me 30 years to come out of my naivety to recognize my family was doing this to me. They seem to delight in trying to make me " crazy".
Fortunately i slowly backed away over time. All laughing behind my back at what a fool i am to them.
So, I've missed career, having another relationship with a man, and friends . Its a high price to pay pleasing these folks!
Don't worry. Waking up and understanding is the greatest power you can have. You are not a fool. You may have missed some things but you will feel better and brighter as time goes and will make up in ways you never thought possible.
I had to confront 8 different people to work out who was in and who was out of the game. It's also taken 30+ years, so I can totally relate. Never worry. Power to you.
@@matilda4406 Thank you so much, All the best to you!
What I don't understand is that "How is the narcissist able to come up with these kinds of "evil" complex psychological manipulation tactics such as triangulation, crazy-making, haughty behavior, entitlement, image of superiority, gaslighting, flying monkeys, pathological lying..... due to the shame they have experienced? Unless the shame was based in/on severe emotional / mental trauma and the narcissist sub-consciously developed a coping mechanism to deal with any or all perceived emotional / mental / psychological attacks it is truly incomprehensible that a person could be this EVIL and corrupt and still be able to pass themselves off as "normal" in front of most people.
... its their 'lifes work' .. its .. all they know.... unless they seek out help.... and most dont, they remain emotionally stunted.. and 'hone' those.. bullying and manipulation traits... to almost perfection..... its a façade they show to other ppl... its an act.... its all smoke n mirrors bb..... [try and stay strong.... sending all best vibes ur way]
I, personally, think my manipulative triangulation puppeteer is not intelligent enough to have schemed it all in her little brain. No insult intended, I say this to answer your question. I've come to the conclusion in the case of this person I've been victimized by, that it is an evil influence & she is unaware of what a tool she is in the hands of evil.
Hopefully I haven't offended you because that wasn't my intention.
Anyway, in answer to your question , I think some people are pawns in the hands of an evil force. I've had basically a life-long relationahip with her and she's had her problem since way, way back. Usually very young children aren't inherently filled with evil in their dealings with others.
They're demonic, Jezebel spirit.
@@4NG3L1QU3 really "angel black"??? Hmmmm....🤔😂🙏✝️🙌🕎🗡️🔥
That is the nature of an EVIL person. They spend a lifetime victimizing people. They are predators and they practice hurting people every waking moment
Narcissist do this all the time, awful
It broke me. It always felt
Like I was being attacked.
I had to listen to this twice because I was distracted by all the sci-fi coolness in the background. I see the command module of that Space:1999 Eagle behind you Darren! Thanks, great video!
... LoL.. i hear ya bruther....
Being ahead (being aware) of narcissistic triangulation definitely helps. Narcissists destroy all avenues to any good outcome it seems. No contact is about the only way to stop it, but unfortunately that isn’t always an option.
While you talk, memory’s come into my mind of different incidents in my life and I start to see what these twisted people were up to, I was just asking myself how did I not see..I could have saved myself a lot of anguish..I can go on from here a lot wiser and with the certainty that no one will play games with my mind again.. Thank You for your help.
I agree. I find my mind wanders to past memories to finally understand what happened. I always listen to Darren's videos at least twice to take it all in.
@@yamlwoz Yes, I think we were too unassuming and trusting of people..I watch them like a fox today.
I have experienced it all! Terribly stressful and draining. All it causes is pain and misery. Pure evil at work! This description of triangulation is spot on. Thank you for your expert observations. Exactly the case. It is criminal behaviour leading to the destruction of all kinds of bonds and relationships. It wipes out whole communities and is often done by one , but influential, person.
You just described cancer 💯 Malignant narcs are a blight on society
How you spot triangulation: You realize that the person you've been connecting so well suddenly changes and gets more distant towards you. You got no idea what happened. Imagine experiencing this in numerous circumstances (work, your child's school, acquaintances). Then you realize that you should stop talking about your private/work life to certain people because they use that information to destroy your friendships and work relations. What if this is a member of your own family (because he's under the influence of a manipulative woman) ? Too bad right?
@melonpan88, I understand this all too well. My brother and I were always close until he came under the influence of a manipulative and domineering woman. Within weeks, he was allowing himself to be brainwashed by her to see me as a threat. She didn't even know me yet. It's my belief that anyone in his life but her had to be gotten rid of. There isn't anything I can do if he isn't willing to be more discerning, and pay closer attention to how he's letting himself be putty in her hands. One of his longtime friends, who was also dismissed by her, said to me, "Your brother is like a remote controlled toy, and she operates the remote." I found that very sad and embarrassing for all of us affected. It reminds me of the Prince Harry/Meghan Markle show.
Literally same thing… but I realized they want to be manipulated if they choose to listen without concern for communication with target. At the end of the day it comes to to likable versus less likable if someone likes you more then another they won’t listen to what they have to say about the person they like. Once you accept that and just look for what makes people like you then you can bend the bullet sent your way that’s if you care about the perception of the people supposedly targeting you. At the end of the day these are techniques used by people who are more CONNECTED then you. That’s the truth. Going forward this world will be the CONNECTED versus the EXILED or the afraid versus the unafraid. If you care about doing the RIGHT thing and caring about people be prepared to be exiled. If you are ready for a a game where you are willing to sacrifice your own child in order to save yourself then go with the connections… have fun.
@@notagain779 I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I feel with you because, as you, I've been always on good terms with my brother. However, since she's with his domineering woman he has changed. He tries to keep the mask on, but there's a quite suffering deep inside him. We used to meet but now it's impossible. It's very likely due to her jealousy. Since my brother isn't enough for her, she's tried to get control over my family. Due to my strong intuition I've sensed her evil tactics and so I am wary when around her. However, she's laid an eye on my 8-yearl old. It's so obvious that she's trying to force my kid to become a playmate for her daughter who's clearly got conduct disorder. In the past her daughter has treated my daughter in a sadistic and rude way. Throwing underwear at her, not allowing her to use the toilet, accusing her of things my kid hadn't done. Nevertheless, my brother and her insist that both need to play more which is ridiculous. They're even spreading the false claim that I'm the controlling evil mother which is completely horrible. My daughter feels stressed by that kid and you can't force her to interact with her only because the narc mother wants her to. It's terrible. The last incident happened on Christmas at their place. After the kids had opened their presents her daughter shouted in a horrendously shrill voice at my daughter accusing her of stealing her toys. I didn't expect this to happen. Really, she ruined the atmosphere and my daughter still talks about it. It's really sad. But what's even worse is that my daughter is expected to forgive and forget that little brat until the next incident. I really want this to stop, because my brother and his girlfriend are clearly ignoring my daughters boundaries which is emotional abuse.
@@melonpan88 , Oh, my. How well I understand this ridiculous dynamic. Your daughter is your priority, naturally.
It's perfectly fine for you to be the "controlling evil" mother. If that's what will protect your daughter, it's for the best - in fact, I'd be much worse in your situation! I almost said to my brother, "If you love that woman so much, better keep her away from me before she ends up dead!" But thought better of saying that, in case her brakes failed or something! It would take hours to explain all the damage she's done to other people's relationships. It's the divide and conquer thing they do, and enjoy spinning others around in circles.
Actually, for your daughter, she's getting the chance to learn this early, which can help her become very discerning. Plus, she's lucky to have a mother with great intuition! I don't see any reason for these two children to "have to" have anything to do with each other. When the issue of forgiveness comes up, I'd just say something like, "they're not compatible personalities." And they don't have to play more - that's just nuts! It's all to suit their needs, and you know the girlfriend is behind it all. Her kid probably can't keep a friend for long. As an aside, my niece has a bratty little girl that they've spoiled silly. No one wants to play with her, and adults can't stand her. My niece tries to recruit neighborhood children for her, but they all avoid her.
Listening to Darren is so soothing, and he's so on target with a lot of these crazy making situations. I'm sending you all of my best wishes and support. You're going to have to hang tough with this one. Also, you really can't afford to care what they think. Hopefully your brother will come out of the "spell' he's under. My brother is similarly sad inside, as his wife has brainwashed him into believing he's a loser. (So she can control him better.) He's not at all a loser; in fact, she'd be lost without him. No amount of my trying to build him up seems to work, yet he keeps contact with me only when she goes out and doesn't know he calls me. She told him he had to make a choice between us, and he has to prove his loyalty to her and her only. Then on the phone, he'll say to me, "Uh, here she comes, I gotta go." Can you believe it? Talk about SAD!
@@notagain779 Thank you so much.
Triangulation story.
My Ex-business partner is a Narcissistic Sociopath and uses triangulation all the time. In his 13 year (yes 13 year) divorce proceeding, I was made to testify numerous times. FINALLY during a Traverse (garnishment) hearing, all sides (him, her + the lawyers) were trying to get ME to clean up the mess.
I turned to the judge and said "This is NOT my problem. These guys are TRIANGULATING ME. It is NOT my divorce and I am not going to clean up this mess!"
Guess what? The judge sided with me and gave me complete control of the residual business assets.
Fantastic, congratulations!
sometimes one is lucky enough to find a decent person in a position of power. but, congratulations on standing firm and complain about what they were trying to do.
This is why I won't have business partners.
The more I listen to these videos, the more I realize what a screwed up family I came from! It was often thrown in my face that I wasn’t being beaten or dealing with an alcoholic so I had no right to complain, as I didn’t know what abuse was!
I begun dating my (now former) friend's housemate over a year ago and since then she (former friend) has been superficially friendly to me but with distant, hostile and passive aggressive vibes and triangulation attemps with jealousy, exclusion, etc. My gf senses my discomfort but since this person acts fairly normal with her and is superficially friendly with me, my gf tends to blame me -_- I recently tried to explain to her that one person can treat two different people in wildly different ways and the "reality" that she experiences with this person is not the whole truth. I saw the narcissistic traits (immaturity, cruel sense of humour, self-centeredness, future-faking) before and they were okay in small doses, especially since this person can be fun to be around, but being on the receiving end of her passive aggressive wrath is terrifying. I think I stole her supply/flying monkey by becoming an item with her housemate lol..
3:53, jealous is fiercely protective and vigilant over people's rights and possessions
I got triangulated about being triangulated.
I told him how I felt about his lack of bounds with his exes, comments posting photos on FB.
He asked his female work colleagues, they all agree, you are insecure.
Far out but that is a superb concise example
Insecure/ jealous/ crazy etc …Always a firm fave comeback with the Narc and the flying monkeys (that they are triangulating you with) when they are rumbled.
@@dubliner1303 Yep that too, I discovered that he had secretly met up with an ex and actually phoned her to speak to me, she was very condescending and I hung up & broke up with him.
He then phoned another ex
I thought bugger this & got my sister on the phone, to ask if I’m being too insecure? NO was the answer he is being deceitful. Bam
I got that too. "You are crazy, insecure and are jealous." They are so transparent to read.
Don’t stress out about being triangulated. What I realized is the triangulator is actually doing you favour. Anyone simple enough or judgemental enough to believe the lies is not a friend worth having anyway.
My mother was never nicer to me (when I was a child) than when she was triangulating me against my father. As soon as she patched things up with my father, I was emotionally blanked and pushed out of her newly fluffed up nest. It was so unbelievably confusing. I could never figure out what I'd done to be rejected and treated so coldly all of a sudden 😔
Ooo!!
Much Love Darren!!
I may or may not be binge watching or been watching your videos…
I really do feel this video can go so
Much deeper, thanks so much for a very well simplified explained versions of this and how it can cause issues and how others would feel on it. I find myself lacking a way to explain things, very well said.
Thanks for sharing your kindness and knowledge.
I don’t comment a lot but thought I’d say hi considering I been looking at what other videos you have made.
You’re a very dedicated man, that’s a lot of years of study and work (Bio)
Thanks again!
THAAAAAAANK YOUUUUUUU. I’ve never heard a clearer description of a sometimes, all the times, very confusing behavior. This popped up in a thread researching accents, but the content was 100% for me personally.
🎉👏👏👏🎉
Yes, many different stories to many different people bringing such chaos and confusion to all. They are always the center of the drama/storm.
Drama is often the hallmark of a narcissist. They love triangulation 🎭
You described it perfectly. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was brought into a company to be used to triangulate the people there. I enjoyed being the favorite employee for a while. It didn’t take me long to realize what was happening. Eventually I became a victim myself. After I left the people who were brought in to victimize me became victims. Of course everyone quits and the company with 4 stores is in complete chaos all the time. The owners of the company always believe the perpetrator of this insanity when he blames the victims/employees for the company’s turmoil.
I just left a company like that.
@@katherinehartman4770 It’s a horrible experience.
Wow, that story just made what I'd thought was a bad career choice on my part (going into management) make more sense. I was being used to triangulate other managers at my level, and I was getting pulled into the boss's office en route to important coordination meetings (I was running Operations) in order to validate his "concerns" about those other managers. I was so stressed about agreeing with him on any little thing because it felt like he was always building a case to fire another of his management team. I was burned out after a year and decided to pursue a more technical path, but that was the first in a string of very bad experiences with managers.
@@katherinehartman4770 You are wiser and stronger than I was. Hope you're doing okay.
@@jkasiron2275 I’m okay now. It took almost a year to fully recover. That’s how I ended up here on this channel and it has really helped. I hope you can move on from your experience too.
I would like a video on group triangulation. I've experienced a situation where a group of disordered individuals got together to smear campaign someone online and they came at the target with a slew of false accusations of lying, cheating, and manipulation. Conveniently, this toxic group of poeple were all of the same friend group and were friends (more like false friends) with the target.... until the target got more sucessful and popular while these particular people in the group did not. I've not heard much talk on the dynamics of heard mentality and triangulating a group of people against a target. I never understood how a few people could hate someone so much to destroy their reputation with lies just because of petty jeleousy.
It’s real and it’s shocking when you realize how morally weak many people are.
Thank you for the education you share. As a victim of narc abuse, it is so important to address the flying monkey element. It is amazing to me how others are unable to see. I am never able to get validation from the flying group about the narc's awful and evil behavior. To me it seems such a deep level of insanity. I think the professionals are not as firm as they could be in helping others see this behavior.
My ex keep telling me how her sisters thinks lm wrong,insecure and controlling..she knows how she messed up relationship with lies gaslighting and betrayal.
So useful, thank you! My soon to be ex after a 50-year marriage has told mutual friends and relatives that I have joined a cult and am being manipulated, and that’s the reason why I abandoned him. Hé has even involved a former girlfriend (yes, from 55 years ago!) to email my children about how dysfunctional our family is because I am so evil. What on earth did he tell her? She travelled 5000 km to visit and support him recently, and it ended badly, so perhaps she saw the light. I had never heard the term triangulation before, so it’s good to know that it is recognized.
Have you ever had to quickly leave the room to allow yourself to have a good laugh ? Sometimes it's the other way around. In order to have a good cry.
My friend, Hypotension, said that you could have gone into more detail and that the video was too brief, but I told them you produced a great video.
... yeah... i notice the shorter 'running time'.... but u know watt they say..? . always leave em wanting more... lol.... ive been binge watching a lot of Dr Magee's [awesum] vids...... cheers.. x
I’d be happy to go into more detail in a future video if you think it would be helpful
@@DarrenFMagee No the video was very good. I was attempting to give an example of triangulation to be funny. I don't even have a friend that goes by Hypotension. Thanks for all that you do.
You got us! 😻
@@DarrenFMagee ... yes please... ur fans learn so much from you... its like an .. information bomb... lol ... and some vids i watch over 3 or 4 times.... or keep going back to them.. just to make sure i dont miss summin.... and ur delivery ... no beating around the bush, but same time.. you are so kind .. compassionate.. non judgmental... ... thats real 'role model' material my friend.. very impressive .. x
I am the “black sheep” of a dysfunctional family system. After becoming a mother and realizing how I could never gang up on any of my children & get my other children to help me, like my own mother could do, I realized how I had been abused all my life. Thank Heavens for therapists & support groups for “black sheep”, because our whole lives growing up are lives of being triangulated against in every relationship in the family & in the relationships that would be brought into the unhealthy dysfunctional family that would be allowed to stay, because they would also let the abuse happen without standing up for the “black sheep” too. The abusers get others to join them in abusing the “black sheep” & if those people they seek to get to help abuse their victim stands up for the victim, the abusers will create problems to push out anyone who would actually protect the “black sheep” of the dysfunctional family system. Triangulation is a huge part of how abusers confuse and manipulate their victims. It’s terrible. So grateful to be free. Thank Heavens.
Whew. When my sister attacked me and I shared concerns with my brother, I thought I was triangulating, but I see from your explanation I was looking for support and clarity after being attacked. Her, a parent & another sibling have managed to make me the scapegoat anyway, so at this point, cutting my losses and running (going no contact) feels like the most logical action to take. 🤷
*Edit*
Wow. 1:21 that's what she was doing. Drawing attention away from HER bad behavior by attacking me, (for coincidentally pointing out that bad behavior at our baby sister's funeral) 😳
In a romantic relationship like my marriage my wife would come home from work or going out with friends and say to me “the delivery guy at work was flirting with me today” or “the dealer at the casino asked me for my number even though I said I was married” or when she uses her affair partner to make you do the pick me dance while simultaneously smearing you to him while telling you she loves you and wants to be with you and that guy is out of the picture. It’s insidious disrespectful and if it’s happening to you nip that shit in the ass immediately and if they don’t stop boot there ass out.
It never occurred to me that my husband’s comments about women staring at him, flirting with him…was anything but a joke-yes! A joke on me.
@@endorn3234 I honestly didnt know those comments were called triangulation the word is some what new to me in the context. But knowledge is power and I will NEVER tolerate that treatment from anyone ever again
Your lucky me ex girlfriend wouldn’t even tell men that i was her boyfriend right in front of me.
My ex used to do the same: all women, and men, at his workplace were all after him apparently He also constantly talked about one female co-worker, who he called "his best friend", and when I found a photograph of said "best friend" on social media, which was clearly taken at his flat, he said "yes, she slept over at mine, we shared the bed, but nothing happened. We've done that a few times now. What's the big deal?" That's when I dumped his sorry arse once and for all.
My ex always told me people were flirting with him. Ugh.
I left my mum (second time). I love my sister who i never hurt her or her children. But after she met with mum, she isolated my child from hers. She accused me of being a narc and toxic. After reading so much about narcissism, that was ok, i expected it. But even though i don't want a relationship with her atm, i never expected her to come between our children. I don't think reconciliation with my mother alive will ever work. Heartbreaking!
My sisters do this with me interchangeably. Each with their own, but similar, goal and agenda. One loves chaos and the other wants attention. The prior sister has a diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder. The other has never sought mental heath care. They would call me every day at all hours night or day in spite of my telling them not to call every day and to pick a time during normal waking hours.
Three years ago I decided to get of the hamster wheel and my life started to improve within a month.
My narcissistic mother triangulated constantly using her flying monkey friend. Together, they were abusing everyone, including my disabled brother. The flying monkey had been hiding income from the IRS for decades. I turned him into the IRS and told my mother I was going to the police about their abuse of my brother. The flying monkey lost all his money and my mother was terrified anout the police. Unfortunately she died before I could trigger many consequences for her. Everyone was just waiting for her to die--no one liked her. She was ninety friggin' six when she finally died. It took forever.
I think there might be a Narcissist in our newly formed friend group. I’ve noticed that this person is displaying flirting behavior with different individuals and constantly trying to get every one’s attention. There’s already some kind of triangulation that this person is trying to do, even manipulative behavior. I’ve noticed that there’s been some sabotaging in the friend group as this person tries to exclude certain people from the friend group and causing a little bit of drama and seems to enjoy being in control or in power in a subtle way. The only reason I am saying this was because I recognized it from a relationship I was in with an exgf. A lot of the same traits are showing up and it’s starting to concern me, I’m slowly distancing myself from the friend group and giving this person less and less attention. Hopefully this person doesn’t notice, because I already had enough with being in a relationship with one.
My mother always complains to me about my siblings but I try to calm the situation or tell her to ignore somethings to deescalate and when I try to address the problem she will deny it or be silent
Thank you so much for sharing. The real about trianglelated
Thank
You
This is so easy to fall into as a therapist. It’s so nice to have couples therapy when possible so that you can hear both sides completely.
Is it possible to eventually become "immune" (so-to-speak) to narcissistic abuse. I have this fantasy that I will be able to shield all abuse tactics and let them roll off my back unscathed. We are in a situation where we cannot go no contact with our narcissistic family member.
In such a situation develop your writing skills perhaps daily, one page only, distill your highlights of observation, giving chosen original names to them. One page limits you to choose best words wisely and your notebook may become a gem. A treasure trove down the line when things open up for you down the track. Use clever wording styles, set it up like a novel or a play in Portugal or the 1400's with Lords and Ladies, infidels and travelling cart drivers incase it gets read by you know who, they won't think it's anything but gibberish or your strange new hobby nobody cares about, but it's really your secret map.
Not possible. The narc will start doing things behind a veil to blindside you. They will do insidious things that will catch you by surprise to punish and hurt you if you even win one round against them. THEY ARE CHEATERS, COWARDS AND ABUSERS. THEY WILL BACKSTAB YOU WITH A SMIRK OF SATISFACTION. TO YOUR FACE AS PUNISHMENT. LOSERS PURE EVIL LOSERS
I like this video, every thing mentioned is what a neighbor is doing because she want me to move out of my home so her family member can move in next to her now she slander me to the whole neighbours for support or so I don’t have anyone to turn to her family’s who are on alert when I’m in the back yard or the from shouting at the kids a disguise as noise Nusiance to take away my peace especially during covid decorating my garden. when I stand up to her she gets scared get her family running to her which I notice gives her confidence to start again. My next step is legal support because they becoming very vicious and stalking because I’m a challenge. As a Christian who are taught from bible love your neighbor love your anemy can make you seem easy target.
My elderly Mother uses triangulation between my brother and me. I am trying to figure out how to deal with it.
Thank you for the thorough, thoughtful video. I have a question around an interesting, painful experience that I once went through (and that I'm still processing). In hindsight I believe my then-partner was narcissistic, as she practiced a couple of tactics on me (devaluation, triangulation) while we were splitting up. What made my experience so weird, however, was that the "other" person had many further, deeper expressions of narcissism (many of which I've been able to identify based on your videos - thank you!). In hindsight, I feel he recognized very what his role was, and felt no shame (even pride) about his new place in her life/their community "over" me, even covertly gloating about it (for lack of a better word). My question is - if the other person, contrary to your video, knows what's going on and what role they're serving, is that still triangulation? Is there a different/more precise word for it (it was definitely "Cheating," although perhaps only "Emotional Cheating"?). Many other points from this video - like your other videos - resonate very strongly with my experience. Thank you for your insight!
I believe there’s never a one size fits all answer but some people may know what they’re doing yes.
Thank you for another great and informative video. I found it very helpful. My ex is doing this now. He's doing parental alienation against me with my son by telling him lies about. I pray one day soon my son realizes what is going on.
PS. I love the T.A.R.D.I.S in the background!
6:54, that is how I am wining my case.
You should wear a lapel mic or head worn mic to make the audio a lot better / clearer. There’s a lot of room reverb / it’s not particularly clear audio.
Moving the mic closer will help or putting up soundproofing will also help.
Sounds perfectly fine to me
@@manillascissor Wearing a lapel mic would make a fairly dramatic difference for the least amount of effort & money… that’s why I wanted to suggest it.
What’s being said is audible but it’s maybe half as clear as it could be.
@@davadoff sounds perfectly fine to me
@@manillascissor the echo from the talking reflecting off the walls and other hard surfaces is picked up easily by the microphone and is partially masking the talking. I find it distracting and I need to turn the volume up to hear all the words.
You might not notice it depending on your audio setup and the room you are in. If you could A/B listen between a lapel mic and a mic a few meters away in a room like in the video, talking sitting next to a hard wall, I’d expect you to hear a dramatic difference on headphones.
Absolutely stupendous, Thank you Darren, Peace, love to you and everyone, Thank you universe 💞😃😁🛸🌌👽🥰🤘🧝♀️💫😀😍🧿🧿🎸🦄😀😍
Thank you.
It brings 'pain , misery', the sheriff, the lawyer, the eviction, the judge, and the protection order...immediately upon triangulation. You have to act fast at the first sign of triangulation or someone else may end up living in your home.
Indeed the manipulation causes chaos. The manipulated gaslit person, traumatized by said betrayal, tells others to get validation that their experience was real. This I hope is not being confused with Triangulation.
It's not, Darlene. Seeking validation is healthy for anyone who's been the recipient victim of triangulation. It's important though to get that validation from people/ a person you trust and respect, otherwise you can feel even worse when, after disclosing it all, the person fails to get it.
Where can i get help on online?
What kind of help? In regards to what subject?
@@1LookingUp they will never get to their point. Energy Vampire.
Dr. Les Carter is also excellent on YT for topics on narcissism. He always mentions how to get help online. I believe he has a team of therapists that he works with. Click on the presenters name, that is above the comment section, u should find more info..
Fabulous content 🎉
Triangulation I don't play that game, it's the most disgusting. Thank you for video.
I was triangulate with his ex girl friend .irritates me because he show me they are texting each other and said that his soul mate. I got hurt because I thought for 37years married I'm his soul mate. Now I realized when I was awaken he makes me upset.but I m finish already .I know that he is a bad person .I don't know about narcs yet. Now I know bye and don't come back .I pack my things don't bother me I will not bother him .
I realized that he has helped from his relative who were all narcs too. It's a cult. "WOW TOO SCARY LIKE WALKING DEAD .THE SAME BRAIN .
can we have a video where you talk about how you came to the decision to place the enterprise above the millenium falcon, or tie fighter? \o/
It’s my favourite. Had it since I was eight. Not much of a video in that lol
This guy is good right here and down to earth advice
My mom and I was argue all the time because she wants this control with me but it doesn’t work. But she won’t do this to any of my brothers. But you best believe if my brother & I argue, either she’ll come running to help or he’s manipulating the conversation to our past argument so she can come fight w him
My covert narcissist mother (the "long suffering martyr") managed to make all her little chicks despise their dad, he didn't help his case any either, but she managed to be evil to us too, cleverly, cruelly and still come out smelling like a rose. Her evil, her type of abuse, somehow feels worse. Took me years to solve that puzzle 🤔
Hello Darren Magee from down under.
Thank you for your informative video on triangulation. What if person A in the family has intractable blind spots: lacks self-awareness and reflection, is unable to adjust what they are doing and saying to avoid harm to others in the family? If Person B and Person C in the family talk about the harm that this person is doing to relieve some pressure of the hurt, this is a form of triangulation. But what is a healthier alternative?
Thanks so much for this video
1 more is, certain people whom you never get to know and whom you never gave a chance to get to know you suddenly just keep on insinuating and scoffing at you that you are somehow that someone like the triangulator keeps gaslighting you about. It’s insane! You wonder what is he trying to do really like what in the world is going on.
My Nex used one of his sisters to "stalk" me on line. The day before my birthday. All done deliberately. He denied it, of course.
It’s a devastating tactic used to gain power:(
yeah.. those narcist's, they can hold a historical grudge .... my cuz, [she is bully] is trying to justify .. fraud and other crimes of dishonesty .... by using this ... 'hurt feelings' or 'slight' that 'i caused' her, from nearly 30 years ago. if it wasnt such a serious matter, it would be quite comical..... Thanks Dr Magee.. x
Something just happened this afternoon that I don’t know if I am to blame or what. I feel I am but I am also so very confused.
We have fifty fifty visitation with our daughter. It’s my time now and I am okay with her seeing her dad when it’s my time. However, I’d like to have it communicated with me that it’s going to happen. For example, our daughter was at her friends house this afternoon and her dad showed up to give her a swimsuit and a towel in case she goes swimming with her church friends this evening. I was on pick her up at her friends house. I pull up and he starts to drive off. I get out and yell for him to stop so I can ask him what is going on.
And he stops. And our daughter comes out to the front porch and starts screaming at me because I was on the phone with her. She is 13 and I asked her if she had asked him for the swimsuit and she said no. So I asked him what was happening and she didn’t know. She was not able to hear or see completely what was happening on the street between me and her dad. And she just assumes that I’m causing a fuss. Yet all I’m trying to do is understand what is going on. I told him that I have a swimsuit for her and a towel and that he should have told me that he was going to bring her those while she was at her friends house.
If she hadn’t have been at her friends house he wouldn’t have stopped by or he would have asked if he could bring them by.
I text him this morning that she told me she didn’t know if she was going to go swimming this evening or not. I told him out of respect for him in case he was going to go In Hopes to see her at the pool. their church had rented the pool so it was a huge group thing. So I was being respectful this morning to give him a heads up on what to expect. That she may not be there. And he said “she can change her mind”. Yes that’s true. But I know the look on his face when he drove off and our daughter was crying that he looked proud of himself. He had a look of glee.
So again I am at fault for wanting communication. I never have said my time is my time only. I don’t want to be that kind of mom. I am not so controlling that she can’t see him when she wants. But I do want to be informed. To have a heads up. To know what to expect. Am I asking too much?
He
Arrived out of the blue. Out of nowhere. And he didn’t need to. That’s the thing. We both have swimsuits for her. And towels. He comes off like I am not prepared. And i make mistakes and I don’t expect him to be perfect. I am not by any means. I just would like to be informed of what to expect.
Okay. I am trying to see what I did wrong and not do that anymore.
Great 👍😍🤩
It happened to me someone put me into a third party situation without my knowledge. The other woman gave everything this narc wanted and still not enough
Sounds like my ex. Therapist even wrote about the triangulation, how he was aligning himself with our kids as if he were a kid too. So glad I'm away from that.
This sounds like my old manager
Great explanation of the problem but what is the SOLUTION? Especially in a situation where you get 15+ flying monkeys sent to you... Explaining yourself and retelling the same long traumatic tale 15+ times over and over gets draining. I desperately need to hear solutions for this triangulation problem. What happens after you get tired of explaining yourself again & again to innumerable strangers/rescuers/family members, many of which already perceive you as guilty anyway? Does anyone have a solution?
Walk away pull your heart out dont play
Me and my ex wife were triangulated by her narcissistic mother. She destroyed our marriage .
informative as heck
Triangulation ruined my relationship because I knew absolutely he was cheating on me.
Very good video thanks
Not knowing triangulation is dangerous for victims. Now I knew it. I am not for them anymore. Make them more jealous.
It was horrible being married to somebody like this!! That guy was horribly insane and narcissistic. Hell bet to flaunt his flirtations in front of me
I was searching for video about triangulation in navigation, but found this...
Pathological Telemetry
I spy a TARDIS & Enterprise in the background. 🤭🖤
The more I watched these videos the more I realize that my childhood was really mess up.
I have been a victim of triangulation, when I supported Nigel Farage that disturbed some person that very person brought a woman in to back up his position and to moraly shame me out of my position and into affirming his position and to moraly punish me for asserting my position that challenged his
Brilliant, BPD ex Hoovered me in to let me know they are serious. I’ve blocked on all fronts to shut that down. Thanks
❤️
Narcissist triangulates golden child and scapegoat where the narcissist projects and belittles the scapegoat hence uplifting the golden child which in turn uplifts the narcissist who is happy the golden child feels good or can pit the scapegoat and golden child against each other in a competitive manner helping the Golden child to 'win' and thus narcissist and golden child both feel good. Poor old 'loser' scapegoat who apparently doesn't have feelings!
In case you wondered if someone out there recognizes all those nerdy collectibles you have back there, oh yes, I know exactly what the hell I see. Those Kenner items down below, that Dinky Toys Enterprise up there that shoots the discs, and that Eagle in the middle... you have earned my respect. 😏😆
✨
Diverted at moment, I have the same Dr. Who Tardis 😀
Its confusing until you just look at the facts.
Correct.
I was good at recognising triangulation until someone started to spread rumours that I don't know what it means and encouraging people to argue with me about it. 😁
My mother-in-law used triangulation to pit her grown children against each other.
Quickly look down a marvel gaze
You might listen to some on these thing by 4 the that day I won't click knowing I'm going to get very bad speaking . You wNt to stay away for a whe stranglehold yes it's weird caution
Why do they use kids to triangulate and turn into flying monkeys?! Leave the kids out of the drama/trauma!
'Cause they have little kid brains themselves.
Two tardises... or tardi?
It's the same one, they can be in two places at once... :-)
@@jkasiron2275 ... Ha.. ha ha...... Killa
I’m not sure what the plural is lol
"A narcissist likes someone who will argue in good faith, someone who believes in truth and integrity and wants to see it in them and finds it hard to accept that it's not there."
I made this comment on one your previous videos and it got 769 upvotes but my message doesn't seem to have got through to you. You continue to speak as if the narcissist is trying to achieve something good or reasonable but just going about it the wrong way. You can't seem to understand or accept that this is a COUNTERFEIT human, a parasite feeding off the humanity of others. The only resolution they want is to see their victims suffer.
Shaun.... you NAILED it. You hit it out of the park - score !
The suffering they cause is them projecting onto another their own inner torment. They manipulate externally to attempt to gain an emotional relief of their own suffering like an expiation or surrogate to feel what they are themselves feeling and unable or unwilling to face & deal with, internally where their true problem exists. Murderers sometimes do this - the kill some one to try and slay their own inner demon for a temporary fix, the whole tableau an externalisation/counterfeit rather than die to their own inner self ie face themselves and then leave that crippled self to die off and gradually by a lot of hard work (internally) out grow the old pain, let go of it, let it die and gradually become a fully alive more mature human being, determined to be honest with self and towards others. Cold Case Murder Mysteries podcast, especially earlier ones, goes into great depth on this topic.
@@7hilladelphia narcissistic abuse is psychological murder and can sometimes lead to suicide. They may even commit actual murder. This can be the end result of triangulation. They will keep you apart from those you love by any means necessary.
100% agree❤
@@7hilladelphia❤❤
"They can't keep up with their own lies. They can't remember what version they told what to".
What are you basing this on? If this were true, they wouldn't be very effective and wouldn't cause such misery to others. Portraying narcissists as careless or inept is really not accurate and understates the threat they pose. Narcissists act will confused, ditzy, and even a little bit mad to deceive you about how cleverly they are calculating every single moment.
While what you say is true, they do get lost in their lies. My mother trips herself up all the time with her lies. I call her out on so many of them these days and she’s always screwing herself over by forgetting who she told what. If you’re telling the truth, you don’t have to remember. When you lie….and especially so much, even masters will fail at their own games!
@@Langolin1998 You may be right, or she may be playing a more complex game than you realise. Assuming she's not senile.
@@shaunhunterit342 I believe it’s a combination. She’s elderly and she’s not as sharp as she used to be. I can usually see the game playing and I can usually tell when she’s forgotten due to cognitive issues. But there’s been so much lying and narcissistic amnesia games through the years, that I sometimes have a hard time, at times, distinguishing which is her disorder and which part is old age problems. If she’d been an upstanding honest person my whole life, I’d be able to say….she’s developing dementia now. But I can’t. There’s still a ton of narcissistic gaming going on!!!