Don’t change the way you guys speak! Your authenticity and natural cadence are a crucial part of what makes you both so relatable and refreshing. There is no need to be more professional. You both are wonderful just the way you are.
I absolutely love what Caroline said about simply not wanting to face the consequences of setting a boundary sometimes. Because that's exactly what it is: you have a choice, and often it's less painful to betray yourself than to deal with someone else's anger, and the time may come when you choose to stand up for yourself instead, but it will be difficult every time, and sometimes you won't want to do it. And that's fine as long as you're aware of it and are ok with the shitty situation. I am also working on this. It's fucking hard, man
It's a good point but in my opinion it's not really self love. I'll tell you why. A person for no reason lacks respect for me, I know I did nothing wrong, I know myself, I know what's wrong or good in this life because I've learned my lessons. I do not want to invest my time, my energy and freely give my expertise teaching someone how to decently live his/her life. If that person is at a lower level whatever I do will not change them. They will likely change when someone they trust and admire will disregard them. To invest in someone I must have very good reasons. Of course in the short term yes we have to stand up for ourselves but I think it's a huge waste of energies. I give away my energy to people that will not appreciate it.
this is the first time i'm consuming this podcast as a video instead of on spotify because i wanted some comfort while being horizontal on my couch, so you being also horizontal is giving me so much peace
I feel SO seen from the "don't ask me how my day was" in text conversation🤯🤯🤯 it is such a strong pet peeve of mine that I strongly advised dating app matches to not text me because of just this. In fact, I've always thought I was so mean and unreasonable to hate this. "how r u" kind of texting, so I feel so validated to know it's not just me!
A boyfriend once asked me if it hurts to pull off your period pad. He had no idea that it sticks to the underwear, not the v area. That was so revealing, and endearing 😆
Completely related to the outputs and worth discussion. When I started healing I would backslide and critique myself for having lost my grit, and not continuing to only sleep 4 hours a night, work multiple jobs, never take a break etc. and my therapist rocked my world with a simple question, she said ok but were you happy and were you the person you wanted to be during that time, and I absolutely wasn’t. Now I allow myself to choose happiness and remind myself I’ve gone farther and met my goals more readily being healthy than ever placing being impressive (which I originally confused with productivity) over my wellbeing. I also shifted after becoming a parent. We are taught to praise effort not outputs, and I’ve applied that to myself. It’s not the output of marriage but instead checking in on the building blocks that make me a good partner and deriving worth from being a listener, compassionate, vulnerable etc.
Hey girls! I wanted to ask you if you could do an episode about body image, weight loss/gain etc. I'm trying to lose a couple of pounds so I can feel and move better. But my problem is that if I pay attention to what I eat, to my progress at the gym and how my body changes I inevitably start to think negatively about how I look. It's so difficult not to judge myself and my progress 😓 and I wanted to know if you had any tips or advice. Obviously love you and your podcast 💕 kisses till you die hehe
No bare a$$ for me, I always "iron" my skirt with my hands and hold it to my legs when sitting down; so my skin doesn't touch the place where I'm sitting. However, I have noticed a lot of women just don't care and literally sit with their bare a$$es 😂😂😂 It changes your life, please try it ❤
When Caroline started talking skirts, and sitting down, and no matter the length, I thought she was going to say how you always leave a shape of sweat in the seat.
Oh yeah, that nice little gift for the next person to sit in 😬 I was thinking about how the back of your thighs get burned when you sit on a chair that's been in the sun, or even worse, the leather seat of a car! Ouch! 😖
As someone who wears only skirts and never pants -- I guess I have just trained myself to fold the skirt under, every time I take a seat. At worst, I am bare knee or bare upper thigh to the bench. I've been in skirt land so long that I didn't realize we ladies were experiencing this!
Same but I’m a midi and maxi girl in spring & summer. I like shorter skirts in winter with tights. Only because height at 5’0 some skirt lengths do me no service 😂❤
I started reading the book A.C.T (acceptance, commitment therapy) and it talks about how metaphors are a important way yo help us break out a little bit from the prison of words and language in society relating to our problems... couldn't finish reading the book because it is very academic. Just wanted to give a pointer if anyone wants to go deeper into why metaphors are so good 👍
I had a breast reduction age 21 and I’m 38 now. One of the best decisions I made for myself in my early adult life. My right breast was bigger. And it did improve my posture I believe. ❤ but could always improve it, now that I work at a desk and I’m not nursing.
I listened to this episode on Spotify but came here just to give you guys a like and to share a thought on self worth. I think in our current society productivity is seen as important and does feel good. However, in terms of inherent self worth it helps me to think of it in the sense that we are expressions of life just like plants and other animals and when you think of a little baby it's worthy just by being so in a healthy family you love it just because it exists. So we are worthy of life as beings in life. Of course in society we also have responsibilities and goals and etc. so it seems a sense of development, progress, or expression helps us feel worth as well because as babies we are sponges soaking in everything to learn and grow. So to me, just being and nurturing this self to be its best and love it is an expression of self worth.
I love these women so much! I learn so much from you and listening to your podcast makes me feel like i have 2 big sisters. PS: this new format of looking up makes me feel comfortable too for some reason. I started checking my posture all the time now 😂
I had to look up the opposite of surplus in economics because it was driving me crazy not remembering it too, lol. It’s surplus vs deficit. Hope you guys have an awesome 4th! I’ll be melting in the 102 temps 🥵. Also, I’m laughing at the “you know” part. I sent my friend an audio message last night & I cringed at how many times I said it. If we took a shot every time I said it, we would’ve been wasted 😂much love 💕
The sitting down in a skirt thing has made me question whether it could spread some kind of infection to my lady-parts. Like to to the point that I will not wear a knee-length (or shorter) skirt without full on shorts underneath. Like not little bike shorts that no one sees. Full on regular shorts that I assume will be seen, and that they will be seen as a clear fashion choice. That is how strongly I feel about this issue, especially after experiencing this phenomenon on NYC subway seats which are possibly the dirtiest thing you can sit on. Except for the upholstered seats on an airplane. I mean, at least the subway seats get hosed down once in a while.
Yes! But not even just the lady parts but like... Skin infections like ringworm or staph. It's always given me the ick for this reason, and I have considered using wet wipes on my upper thighs/ass after sitting on public toilets for this reason too... People have gotten herpes from public toilets 🤷🏻♀️ haven't worn skirts/shorts since I was in primary school for this reason.
On value and productivity: I believe it has to do with fear of death. Let me explain a little bit. We all feel like we have to accomplish/leave something behind, otherwise our lives will pass without a trace. Hence this crazy strive to being productive, social, leaving marks on people (both individuals and groups). This is a social construct that we hardly really question, but feel compelled to fulfil as an obligation, so that we live on in the deeds we've done and people's memories and their gratitude to our work. In reality, though, hardly anyone is remembered (as a person, which is the only kind of memory we crave as humans) beyond the generation of actual personal witnesses. It's feels sort of self-defeating to accept the fact that we won't have any significant impact. But once you accept the futility of trying to "make a difference" for generations and have the humility to rejoice at making someone a little happier by simply doing what you do best (both Jess and Caroline have done a huge amount of good in this world by this podcast and in their personal relationships) this pressure to be accomplished, effective, productive will dissipate
Caroline you remind me so much of a really dear friend I used to have before she became really really strung out on drugs and bad choices. It is uncanny how similar your personalities and things you say are, since she is so unique and beautiful of a person. It is just bittersweet. I miss her.
Whenever I have a long conversation on the phone, I’m usually horizontal too because it’s the most comfortable position for a lengthy conversation. It seems natural.
Lady Snapple Fact: 1) The whole entire world of skincare science, the vast knowledge we've acquired on the topic, and the COPIOUS products we cultivate (if you're a true skincare nerd, that is) that men have NO FATHOMABLE MODICUM OF AN IDEA ABOUT. And don't get me started on contrasting this with the all-in-one shampoo/conditioner that they also use on their face, body and ball sack. 🙄😵💫 2) The fact that we have chunks of time of the month where we're legit lining our underwear with toilet paper, not quite tampon-worthy/haven't quite reached full free-vag status. Men. Don't. Even. Know.
It's so good to be reminded that not reacting can be a choice. I had to repeatedly overlook innapropriate comments from a colleague recently because they're aggressive, and I knew calling them out would be futile. And it's okay to protect myself, and acknowledge that I was too emotionally burnt out to stand up for my values. And its okay to protect myself in that way, and not feel like I've let myself down. It reminds me of a Keanu quote, which im going to butcher, but its something like "I'm at a point in my life where I stay out of debates. Even if you say 1+1 = 5 my reaction is: ok cool, you're right. Have fun."
I definitely had an easier time with dating on the apps when I internalized the fact that you're never going to instantly have a connection with someone and that it takes time. I actually did feel a connection pretty quickly with this guy that I'm seeing, but I think it had more to do with the fact that we're already very similar people and it wasn't because of a "spark." It also helps that he's respectful of me outside of the actual dates as well. He makes a concerted effort to set up dates with me and plan ahead etc. I actually think that should be the prerequisite to connection. Are they committed enough to the dating process and are they respectful?
A few ums, ya know's etc. is refreshing and relatable. You don't want to do it to the point that it is distracting to your audience which granted is always subjective, but yeah....lol....I hate the Toastmasters approach to speaking. EVERYONE pauses, and we all use a few filler words. If you're giving a presidential speech, great but if you have a YT audience that seeks you partially because of connection which is built on being relatable, y'all are doing great. Don't make your speech patterns clinical and fake sounding which IMO is what happens when we go the Toastmasters route. Cheers ladies. Keep up the great work.
@Caroline: The word could be lack, shortage, shortcoming, scarcity, privation or absence. 😅 Felt that so much, I too have to look up things like that! Love you. ❤
Jess, I wonder if what you're struggling with is questioning whether you are as worthy of approval at work as another person? Maybe it's that instead of being afraid of not being productive enough? Perhaps that's obvious, but I wanted to throw it out there just in case it might help? Love the pod, ya'll. Thanks!
The no eye contact is oddly comforting
aww i love that. it helps me! but i was unsure if viewers would miss having the eye contact so im glad to hear this!
I’m crying at the balloons going across the screen 😂
Same!! Google video call 😂 When you do certain movements with your hands certain objects appear on screen 😂
i was so bewildered
Don’t change the way you guys speak! Your authenticity and natural cadence are a crucial part of what makes you both so relatable and refreshing. There is no need to be more professional. You both are wonderful just the way you are.
I absolutely love what Caroline said about simply not wanting to face the consequences of setting a boundary sometimes. Because that's exactly what it is: you have a choice, and often it's less painful to betray yourself than to deal with someone else's anger, and the time may come when you choose to stand up for yourself instead, but it will be difficult every time, and sometimes you won't want to do it. And that's fine as long as you're aware of it and are ok with the shitty situation. I am also working on this. It's fucking hard, man
It's a good point but in my opinion it's not really self love. I'll tell you why. A person for no reason lacks respect for me, I know I did nothing wrong, I know myself, I know what's wrong or good in this life because I've learned my lessons. I do not want to invest my time, my energy and freely give my expertise teaching someone how to decently live his/her life. If that person is at a lower level whatever I do will not change them. They will likely change when someone they trust and admire will disregard them. To invest in someone I must have very good reasons. Of course in the short term yes we have to stand up for ourselves but I think it's a huge waste of energies. I give away my energy to people that will not appreciate it.
it was a big revelatory moment in therapy for me! im glad it resonated
this is the first time i'm consuming this podcast as a video instead of on spotify because i wanted some comfort while being horizontal on my couch, so you being also horizontal is giving me so much peace
I feel SO seen from the "don't ask me how my day was" in text conversation🤯🤯🤯 it is such a strong pet peeve of mine that I strongly advised dating app matches to not text me because of just this. In fact, I've always thought I was so mean and unreasonable to hate this. "how r u" kind of texting, so I feel so validated to know it's not just me!
A boyfriend once asked me if it hurts to pull off your period pad. He had no idea that it sticks to the underwear, not the v area. That was so revealing, and endearing 😆
hahah such a sweet question in some way
Completely related to the outputs and worth discussion. When I started healing I would backslide and critique myself for having lost my grit, and not continuing to only sleep 4 hours a night, work multiple jobs, never take a break etc. and my therapist rocked my world with a simple question, she said ok but were you happy and were you the person you wanted to be during that time, and I absolutely wasn’t. Now I allow myself to choose happiness and remind myself I’ve gone farther and met my goals more readily being healthy than ever placing being impressive (which I originally confused with productivity) over my wellbeing. I also shifted after becoming a parent. We are taught to praise effort not outputs, and I’ve applied that to myself. It’s not the output of marriage but instead checking in on the building blocks that make me a good partner and deriving worth from being a listener, compassionate, vulnerable etc.
Hey girls! I wanted to ask you if you could do an episode about body image, weight loss/gain etc. I'm trying to lose a couple of pounds so I can feel and move better. But my problem is that if I pay attention to what I eat, to my progress at the gym and how my body changes I inevitably start to think negatively about how I look. It's so difficult not to judge myself and my progress 😓 and I wanted to know if you had any tips or advice. Obviously love you and your podcast 💕 kisses till you die hehe
No bare a$$ for me, I always "iron" my skirt with my hands and hold it to my legs when sitting down; so my skin doesn't touch the place where I'm sitting.
However, I have noticed a lot of women just don't care and literally sit with their bare a$$es 😂😂😂
It changes your life, please try it ❤
I thought all women did this too and I was as dumbfounded as the men hearing Caroline’s story 😂
This was both informative and cozy as hell
When Caroline started talking skirts, and sitting down, and no matter the length, I thought she was going to say how you always leave a shape of sweat in the seat.
haha 2 things can be true
Oh yeah, that nice little gift for the next person to sit in 😬
I was thinking about how the back of your thighs get burned when you sit on a chair that's been in the sun, or even worse, the leather seat of a car! Ouch! 😖
As someone who wears only skirts and never pants -- I guess I have just trained myself to fold the skirt under, every time I take a seat. At worst, I am bare knee or bare upper thigh to the bench. I've been in skirt land so long that I didn't realize we ladies were experiencing this!
Same but I’m a midi and maxi girl in spring & summer. I like shorter skirts in winter with tights. Only because height at 5’0 some skirt lengths do me no service 😂❤
I started reading the book A.C.T (acceptance, commitment therapy) and it talks about how metaphors are a important way yo help us break out a little bit from the prison of words and language in society relating to our problems... couldn't finish reading the book because it is very academic. Just wanted to give a pointer if anyone wants to go deeper into why metaphors are so good 👍
I had a breast reduction age 21 and I’m 38 now. One of the best decisions I made for myself in my early adult life. My right breast was bigger. And it did improve my posture I believe. ❤ but could always improve it, now that I work at a desk and I’m not nursing.
😂😂Jess and her airplane seat situation and the little man . Loving this podcast plus more balloons !
I listened to this episode on Spotify but came here just to give you guys a like and to share a thought on self worth. I think in our current society productivity is seen as important and does feel good. However, in terms of inherent self worth it helps me to think of it in the sense that we are expressions of life just like plants and other animals and when you think of a little baby it's worthy just by being so in a healthy family you love it just because it exists. So we are worthy of life as beings in life. Of course in society we also have responsibilities and goals and etc. so it seems a sense of development, progress, or expression helps us feel worth as well because as babies we are sponges soaking in everything to learn and grow. So to me, just being and nurturing this self to be its best and love it is an expression of self worth.
So glad you guys went with the podcast whilst lying in bed. ❤🎉
1st second in and already so highly can agree! "They might feel hurt, but that doesn't mean I hurt them!" Yes!
Now I can enjoy you two queens. 😊❤
I think Caroline was looking for the word « deficit » as an opposit for « surplus » 😅
I love these women so much! I learn so much from you and listening to your podcast makes me feel like i have 2 big sisters.
PS: this new format of looking up makes me feel comfortable too for some reason. I started checking my posture all the time now 😂
I had to look up the opposite of surplus in economics because it was driving me crazy not remembering it too, lol. It’s surplus vs deficit. Hope you guys have an awesome 4th! I’ll be melting in the 102 temps 🥵. Also, I’m laughing at the “you know” part. I sent my friend an audio message last night & I cringed at how many times I said it. If we took a shot every time I said it, we would’ve been wasted 😂much love 💕
Deficit!! It was driving me nuts as well, thank you for looking it up for us scientists 😂
@@irenegrijalvotarres😂
ok bless. other scientists in the audience here
@@Not4EveryonePod we don’t know much & research nothing, but we are definitely scientists 😂
The sitting down in a skirt thing has made me question whether it could spread some kind of infection to my lady-parts. Like to to the point that I will not wear a knee-length (or shorter) skirt without full on shorts underneath. Like not little bike shorts that no one sees. Full on regular shorts that I assume will be seen, and that they will be seen as a clear fashion choice. That is how strongly I feel about this issue, especially after experiencing this phenomenon on NYC subway seats which are possibly the dirtiest thing you can sit on. Except for the upholstered seats on an airplane. I mean, at least the subway seats get hosed down once in a while.
Yes! But not even just the lady parts but like... Skin infections like ringworm or staph. It's always given me the ick for this reason, and I have considered using wet wipes on my upper thighs/ass after sitting on public toilets for this reason too... People have gotten herpes from public toilets 🤷🏻♀️ haven't worn skirts/shorts since I was in primary school for this reason.
On value and productivity: I believe it has to do with fear of death. Let me explain a little bit. We all feel like we have to accomplish/leave something behind, otherwise our lives will pass without a trace. Hence this crazy strive to being productive, social, leaving marks on people (both individuals and groups). This is a social construct that we hardly really question, but feel compelled to fulfil as an obligation, so that we live on in the deeds we've done and people's memories and their gratitude to our work. In reality, though, hardly anyone is remembered (as a person, which is the only kind of memory we crave as humans) beyond the generation of actual personal witnesses.
It's feels sort of self-defeating to accept the fact that we won't have any significant impact. But once you accept the futility of trying to "make a difference" for generations and have the humility to rejoice at making someone a little happier by simply doing what you do best (both Jess and Caroline have done a huge amount of good in this world by this podcast and in their personal relationships) this pressure to be accomplished, effective, productive will dissipate
Sorry Caroline if my comment about you looking down on your phone on an episode made you worry about it. You do you boo. I'm a fan either way.
Caroline you remind me so much of a really dear friend I used to have before she became really really strung out on drugs and bad choices. It is uncanny how similar your personalities and things you say are, since she is so unique and beautiful of a person. It is just bittersweet. I miss her.
Honestly, you both deserve the most balloons! The biggest, most colourful, shiny ballons at the fair!
I really enjoy listening to you ♡
Whenever I have a long conversation on the phone, I’m usually horizontal too because it’s the most comfortable position for a lengthy conversation. It seems natural.
Ahh i love your thumbnail pictures theyre always so cute
aw ty! i have so much fun putting them together each week
Lady Snapple Fact:
1) The whole entire world of skincare science, the vast knowledge we've acquired on the topic, and the COPIOUS products we cultivate (if you're a true skincare nerd, that is) that men have NO FATHOMABLE MODICUM OF AN IDEA ABOUT. And don't get me started on contrasting this with the all-in-one shampoo/conditioner that they also use on their face, body and ball sack. 🙄😵💫
2) The fact that we have chunks of time of the month where we're legit lining our underwear with toilet paper, not quite tampon-worthy/haven't quite reached full free-vag status.
Men. Don't. Even. Know.
yes and yesssss
the word is "scarcity"
It's so good to be reminded that not reacting can be a choice. I had to repeatedly overlook innapropriate comments from a colleague recently because they're aggressive, and I knew calling them out would be futile. And it's okay to protect myself, and acknowledge that I was too emotionally burnt out to stand up for my values. And its okay to protect myself in that way, and not feel like I've let myself down.
It reminds me of a Keanu quote, which im going to butcher, but its something like "I'm at a point in my life where I stay out of debates. Even if you say 1+1 = 5 my reaction is: ok cool, you're right. Have fun."
The posture convo / ass and boobs equations is making me laugh out loud 🤣🤣
just science here
@@Not4EveryonePod science and metaphors
I definitely had an easier time with dating on the apps when I internalized the fact that you're never going to instantly have a connection with someone and that it takes time. I actually did feel a connection pretty quickly with this guy that I'm seeing, but I think it had more to do with the fact that we're already very similar people and it wasn't because of a "spark." It also helps that he's respectful of me outside of the actual dates as well. He makes a concerted effort to set up dates with me and plan ahead etc. I actually think that should be the prerequisite to connection. Are they committed enough to the dating process and are they respectful?
A few ums, ya know's etc. is refreshing and relatable. You don't want to do it to the point that it is distracting to your audience which granted is always subjective, but yeah....lol....I hate the Toastmasters approach to speaking. EVERYONE pauses, and we all use a few filler words. If you're giving a presidential speech, great but if you have a YT audience that seeks you partially because of connection which is built on being relatable, y'all are doing great. Don't make your speech patterns clinical and fake sounding which IMO is what happens when we go the Toastmasters route. Cheers ladies. Keep up the great work.
Blight!!!
Edit: Oh no wait- I just looked it up and blight’s what kills the crops. Famine’s better. You nailed it 😂
@Caroline: The word could be lack, shortage, shortcoming, scarcity, privation or absence. 😅
Felt that so much, I too have to look up things like that!
Love you.
❤
Caroline & Jess = ICONIC.
Productivity=value is the air we all breathe waters we swim in in comtemporary american culture its hard to not be awash in it
27:20 It’s why the pods kind of work on Love is Blind!!!!
Jess, I wonder if what you're struggling with is questioning whether you are as worthy of approval at work as another person? Maybe it's that instead of being afraid of not being productive enough? Perhaps that's obvious, but I wanted to throw it out there just in case it might help? Love the pod, ya'll. Thanks!
Cass Elliot sang the official anthem for "The Slow Burn" relationship: ua-cam.com/video/5i8Lir_ysis/v-deo.html
"in deficit" is the opposite of "in surplus" 😅
Super resonated with what Jess shared about productivity. Thank you!
Surplus and deficit?
I’m liking the no contact but staring into the whites of y’all’s eyes is scary lollll
As an autistic girlie, I am very much here for the no eye contact 😆
What the heck?