I was actually surprised that wasn't brought up because to me that sounded somewhat stalkerish? Single white female vibes... there were probably more details we don't know it was said, maybe she got a job there or something who knows. But that's the first thing that I thought of when she moved to Paris after she said she basically sabotaged her career. it's weird. And I'm with Caroline on if you are the type of person to single-handedly do that to somebody no way am I even going to listen to anything you have to say after. Period. That's evil..
also think its a bit weird her boyfriend wants her to go talk to this person... like did she not tell you what she's been through with this person? a lot of times people with questionable ethics themselves will brush it off and be like yeah go talk to them... give them another chance...
Someone who wants to become your friend, showers you with compliments, love-bombs you, tells you negative things about other people to gauge your response, puts you down under the guise of a joke, drains your energy, tells you things about themselves to get personal info from you that they can use against you later, manipulates you to try and get you to do things outside your values... At some point, we all meet someone who behaves like this. You live and learn and it gets easier to recognize them. You're much better off without them.
I think everything you're saying is legit and real, but I honestly believe these types of destructive people are not rare. I really do think we are seeing a rise in this behavior due to people not processing their emotions in healthy ways, or even at all. We have a deficit of inner work, integrity, and empathy in society, but stories like these can help others be aware of those who are causing issues like this.
I loved hearing all these stories of manipulative people who triangulate. These people cause major mind trips and I think it’s really helpful to process what’s happened to myself when I hear other people’s stories of how it’s happened to them.
Caroline, you are the epitome of wisdom! Seriously, girl, your advice and insight is a treasure trove! Thank you for this episode! Much love from Ukraine!
The wrecking-ball trying to get back into the first person's life already wants attention, is already pushing boundaries and is already proving a disruptive presence. They have the person questioning themselves and are implicitly interfering in their daily life by causing them to rationally discuss what to do about an irrational set of actions. The ex "friend" is making themselves important. They are not. What they did is. Their agenda has already *proven* to be hurtful beyond imagining - do not even give them a sniff of a second chance.
Can I just add to that first what to do (feeling fiery myself) I feel the person trying to reconnect does not sound remorseful in their request at all. Like the heart emoji and the short apology. They definitely do not appreciate the gravity of what they did and there's the possibility that she never will understand fully, even if you try to explain it. Trust your gut, you owe her nothing. ❤
Your insights are life saving, I hope that some very young people listen to this and get affirmation for what is happening to them if they have Jaloupa in their lives, but they don't trust themselves yet...because I had my sister ruining my friendships and self-esteem for a long long time and I was gaslit by society with that "she is your sister" and thought that I have no human right to exist in a healthy environment, that I'm born in that chaos and that there is no way out... This "haters hour" will help so many people.
i cant wait to watch the video you shared. and im so glad this video feels helpful to people. honestly i was nervous to share these stories because i dont like how it sounds to report so negatively on someone in this way. i am always wary of the people out there who don't know this kind of person exists and won't understand. but at the end of the day, i wanted to share what i learned and hopefully it helps someone!
@@Not4EveryonePod Actually @ningyding shared the video, it's a good video. That is exactly why it is so hard to deal with it, because you are the bad person if you say something about it, if you see it through and almost never the perpetrator, because they always have the fake nice persona for others. Jaloupas are often concentrated on ruining one person. It is helping!
@@Not4EveryonePod Having been through many of these types of situations I would say that you tread very lightly. You're very measured and linear and the way you sing it girl- it all seems fair and balanced, kind and logical. I listen while I work and many pods are unfortunately mumbly or poorly scripted. "Let me start again", or" I'm getting ahead of myself". I love your stuff Caroline, keep it up or I smack you. 😂
@@santisanti8386yes omg people like this will create “immunity” by being super charming to everyone else and then plant seeds about you with those people when you aren’t around
The unsafe old friend who is now in Paris is going to be on her best behavior if you meet her and she’ll convince you she changed. I would never agree to see her in person. If you want to tell her you’re not interested in reconnecting and to never contact you again, great - do it via text. She deserves nothing from you and she is not safe. It’s telling that she had no friends when you met her. There is a good reason for that, though it’s not the reason she gave.
I would not give her the "satisfaction" to know that she ruined your life. Just send her off into the sunset... She does not need to know This podcast is wonderful ❣
You are amazing. I had a toxic friend I parted with a couple years ago because he was abusive over text to me repeatedly when he did his weekly alcohol binge, and he is still writing all my friends (not his friends, because he doesn't have any) when he gets trashed, and even wrote my wife, to talk trash and tell them I'm a convert narcissist. And every time he gets drunk and does that, after YEARS, it just justifies my decision to drop out. Life is too short for toxic people. I'm 55 years old, and I've known the guy since 8th grade, but that doesn't mean I have to accept abuse.
Thank you for sharing your stories, Caroline! So important to know that kind of person is out there. For me, it's so very rare to see that kind of behavior from adults, if at all. I had my fair share of insecure, jealous and immature moments when I was a kid. I know how it felt to be that kid who wasn't a good friend at times because of my own inner fear and anxiety. As an adult, I've learned to not act on those feelings and I don't want to be the reason anyone hurts. It's good to know some people out there never learn that, just don't care enough or maybe even get their rocks off from it.
Oh, my goodness my mom is being Jalupa 😮 I've been having more and more conflicts with my grandma after mom complaints about me. Family chat it is! Thank you Caroline
yes this same toxic friendship and also some similar traits but less so in another relationship and it wasn't until so many people I trusted came to me directly and told me what she was saying that I started to realize it was lies and manipulation, it was my first big experience with this and I'm still figuring out how to get this person fully out of my life without them tainting mutual friends.... anyways so nice to hear your experience and perspective and for me to see that there's just these types of people out there and definitely I agree with what you said about creating more boundaries, something ive struggled with for a long time..anyways thank you for sharing, this one really hit home
I had a super narcissist BFF about twenty years ago. I was pretty sure she'd be violent if I confronted her and if someone is this nutters, just cut your losses and make NO contact.
This podcast always makes my day and makes me feel so much better T___T I'm glad I found you guys! Also for the last What-A-Do, I'm in a very similar situation with a guy... I've been going out with him for a couple months and every time we go out it just keeps getting better and better. He's very sweet, caring, affectionate. He's also not a *great* conversationalist (but neither am I). There's usually some amount of silence between us every time we go out, but it's like a peaceful silence. We're both quiet people, so there's nothing "wrong", it's just that we're both really chill and introverted. I know that doesn't work for everyone, but I've decided that I'm totally OK with us being a quiet couple. We still share the things and learn things about each other, and we still get closer after every date. Sitting quietly and holding hands / cuddling with him is one of the most blissful experiences I've ever had. That being said I'm sure there's more to him, and I can't wait to see how our relationship will evolve.
I grew up with my mother repeating a variety of one-line sayings on how to react or behave. Never gave them any credence but, decades later, yeah, they're not so bad. For example: If you have a complaint, go to the top! Explain but use as few words as possible! Two feet in one shoe and you won't get in trouble (ah ha)! Don't say anything, walk away! As God closes one door, he opens another (and you thought your mother made that one up I suppose; nope, it was mine) Don't let it get the best of you, move on. Eat anything you want but not after dinner and you won't gain weight (now I don't know about that one....didn't work for me) The thing is, find our truth, make peace with yourself, move on, forget about her, etc., etc., etc., just be sure to use as few words as possible.
This happened with me with 2 women in my area. Hindsight is soooooo 20/20. I am disappointed in myself for falling into their traps because I thought people could not truly be this evil. But they sure are. Both are social climbers and will do anything in this area to get ahead in business. I believe one is absolutely capable of anything, anyyyythingggg. And the other is connected to our city govt now and her business is being propped up by them. Its all insane. I really appreciate this episode and hope other young ladies really hear this message and watch for these warning signs, these people can destroy someone's life in all the ways. They are wired differently and its best to get far away.
I would be seriously concerned as well. This person pretended to be an authentic and trustworthy friend to you , yourself a person in a foreign country and not speaking the language. You were by default a vulnerable person. They sabotaged you to such an extent that you dropped out of school and went back to your home country. Then 6 YEARS LATER they reach out saying that they will be in your country and would like to meet up. HELL NO. Protect yourself , your relationships and everything from this person. Don't feel the need to reciprocate helping them in a foreign country. This is exactly what they are counting on and it sounds like it is already pulling at your heartstrings. I agree with Caroline's Boyf - Restate the events that led to the falling out and say that is why you are no longer interested in a friendship. Period. Not to get serious but from a legal standpoint if this person did try to stalk you , you would have proof showing that you were explicitly clear on boundaries. No contact.
solid great episode, and definitely being swung to the hater side lol but jokes aside thank you for sharing your personal experiences and seriously same for whether or not someone is xyz it’s really a matter of now figuring out what I’m going to do about my new found danger alarming epiphany
That’s how my friendship ended, her insecurity about me contacting our mutual friend and not her (before WatsApp days so no group messaging). It broke.
Caroline, I have been going through this in my life. The first time I encountered someone dangerous like this was my ex, and I was so confused and so devoted to fixing our relationship that I stayed with him for 4.5 years. However! The lessons that I learned in that relationship were life-changing. Now I am facing the machinations of my stepmother after my father’s death and I see it all so clearly and set immediate boundaries. This video that I found the other day summed up my experience so beautifully and sounds like what you are describing: ua-cam.com/video/gkFLj1ns4lc/v-deo.htmlsi=iYk_Z1if1PYrX1AB. Empathy learning to harness their gifts while protecting themselves from those who would prey on them.
One more thing Caroline. I don't think anyone ruined your life. You are amazing - personable, charming, funny, likeable, and pretty too. I think your friend was just jealous and wanted to ruin you but she didn't succeed. Now she wants to come back and try again. Personally, I would either dismiss her from your life with as few words as possible, no long narrative but short and sweet. I'm not against ghosting if the situation calls for it and this sounds like it does. Sometimes things can never be the same but maybe that my own negativity but just sayin' is all....
THIS PERSON ADMITTED TO ACTIVELY TRYING TO RUIN YOUR LIFE AND NOW THEY MOVED TO YOUR COUNTRY??!!??!! DO NOT ENGAGE.
I was actually surprised that wasn't brought up because to me that sounded somewhat stalkerish? Single white female vibes... there were probably more details we don't know it was said, maybe she got a job there or something who knows. But that's the first thing that I thought of when she moved to Paris after she said she basically sabotaged her career. it's weird. And I'm with Caroline on if you are the type of person to single-handedly do that to somebody no way am I even going to listen to anything you have to say after. Period. That's evil..
also think its a bit weird her boyfriend wants her to go talk to this person... like did she not tell you what she's been through with this person? a lot of times people with questionable ethics themselves will brush it off and be like yeah go talk to them... give them another chance...
Someone who wants to become your friend, showers you with compliments, love-bombs you, tells you negative things about other people to gauge your response, puts you down under the guise of a joke, drains your energy, tells you things about themselves to get personal info from you that they can use against you later, manipulates you to try and get you to do things outside your values... At some point, we all meet someone who behaves like this. You live and learn and it gets easier to recognize them. You're much better off without them.
I think everything you're saying is legit and real, but I honestly believe these types of destructive people are not rare. I really do think we are seeing a rise in this behavior due to people not processing their emotions in healthy ways, or even at all. We have a deficit of inner work, integrity, and empathy in society, but stories like these can help others be aware of those who are causing issues like this.
I loved hearing all these stories of manipulative people who triangulate. These people cause major mind trips and I think it’s really helpful to process what’s happened to myself when I hear other people’s stories of how it’s happened to them.
Caroline, you are the epitome of wisdom! Seriously, girl, your advice and insight is a treasure trove! Thank you for this episode! Much love from Ukraine!
The wrecking-ball trying to get back into the first person's life already wants attention, is already pushing boundaries and is already proving a disruptive presence. They have the person questioning themselves and are implicitly interfering in their daily life by causing them to rationally discuss what to do about an irrational set of actions. The ex "friend" is making themselves important. They are not. What they did is. Their agenda has already *proven* to be hurtful beyond imagining - do not even give them a sniff of a second chance.
Can I just add to that first what to do (feeling fiery myself) I feel the person trying to reconnect does not sound remorseful in their request at all. Like the heart emoji and the short apology. They definitely do not appreciate the gravity of what they did and there's the possibility that she never will understand fully, even if you try to explain it. Trust your gut, you owe her nothing. ❤
Your insights are life saving, I hope that some very young people listen to this and get affirmation for what is happening to them if they have Jaloupa in their lives, but they don't trust themselves yet...because I had my sister ruining my friendships and self-esteem for a long long time and I was gaslit by society with that "she is your sister" and thought that I have no human right to exist in a healthy environment, that I'm born in that chaos and that there is no way out... This "haters hour" will help so many people.
i cant wait to watch the video you shared. and im so glad this video feels helpful to people. honestly i was nervous to share these stories because i dont like how it sounds to report so negatively on someone in this way. i am always wary of the people out there who don't know this kind of person exists and won't understand. but at the end of the day, i wanted to share what i learned and hopefully it helps someone!
@@Not4EveryonePod Actually @ningyding shared the video, it's a good video.
That is exactly why it is so hard to deal with it, because you are the bad person if you say something about it, if you see it through and almost never the perpetrator, because they always have the fake nice persona for others. Jaloupas are often concentrated on ruining one person. It is helping!
@@Not4EveryonePod Having been through many of these types of situations I would say that you tread very lightly. You're very measured and linear and the way you sing it girl- it all seems fair and balanced, kind and logical. I listen while I work and many pods are unfortunately mumbly or poorly scripted. "Let me start again", or" I'm getting ahead of myself". I love your stuff Caroline, keep it up or I smack you. 😂
@@santisanti8386yes omg people like this will create “immunity” by being super charming to everyone else and then plant seeds about you with those people when you aren’t around
The unsafe old friend who is now in Paris is going to be on her best behavior if you meet her and she’ll convince you she changed. I would never agree to see her in person. If you want to tell her you’re not interested in reconnecting and to never contact you again, great - do it via text. She deserves nothing from you and she is not safe. It’s telling that she had no friends when you met her. There is a good reason for that, though it’s not the reason she gave.
I would not give her the "satisfaction" to know that she ruined your life. Just send her off into the sunset... She does not need to know
This podcast is wonderful ❣
HATER HOUR HOSTAGES
You are amazing. I had a toxic friend I parted with a couple years ago because he was abusive over text to me repeatedly when he did his weekly alcohol binge, and he is still writing all my friends (not his friends, because he doesn't have any) when he gets trashed, and even wrote my wife, to talk trash and tell them I'm a convert narcissist. And every time he gets drunk and does that, after YEARS, it just justifies my decision to drop out. Life is too short for toxic people. I'm 55 years old, and I've known the guy since 8th grade, but that doesn't mean I have to accept abuse.
Thank you for sharing your stories, Caroline! So important to know that kind of person is out there. For me, it's so very rare to see that kind of behavior from adults, if at all. I had my fair share of insecure, jealous and immature moments when I was a kid. I know how it felt to be that kid who wasn't a good friend at times because of my own inner fear and anxiety. As an adult, I've learned to not act on those feelings and I don't want to be the reason anyone hurts. It's good to know some people out there never learn that, just don't care enough or maybe even get their rocks off from it.
Oh, my goodness my mom is being Jalupa 😮
I've been having more and more conflicts with my grandma after mom complaints about me. Family chat it is! Thank you Caroline
yes this same toxic friendship and also some similar traits but less so in another relationship and it wasn't until so many people I trusted came to me directly and told me what she was saying that I started to realize it was lies and manipulation, it was my first big experience with this and I'm still figuring out how to get this person fully out of my life without them tainting mutual friends.... anyways so nice to hear your experience and perspective and for me to see that there's just these types of people out there and definitely I agree with what you said about creating more boundaries, something ive struggled with for a long time..anyways thank you for sharing, this one really hit home
I had a super narcissist BFF about twenty years ago. I was pretty sure she'd be violent if I confronted her and if someone is this nutters, just cut your losses and make NO contact.
This podcast always makes my day and makes me feel so much better T___T I'm glad I found you guys!
Also for the last What-A-Do, I'm in a very similar situation with a guy... I've been going out with him for a couple months and every time we go out it just keeps getting better and better. He's very sweet, caring, affectionate. He's also not a *great* conversationalist (but neither am I). There's usually some amount of silence between us every time we go out, but it's like a peaceful silence. We're both quiet people, so there's nothing "wrong", it's just that we're both really chill and introverted. I know that doesn't work for everyone, but I've decided that I'm totally OK with us being a quiet couple. We still share the things and learn things about each other, and we still get closer after every date. Sitting quietly and holding hands / cuddling with him is one of the most blissful experiences I've ever had. That being said I'm sure there's more to him, and I can't wait to see how our relationship will evolve.
Absofuckinglutely loved it! Thank you Caroline !
I think this has been the most entertaining hater episode everrrrr !! ❤
I grew up with my mother repeating a variety of one-line sayings on how to react or behave. Never gave them any credence but, decades later, yeah, they're not so bad. For example:
If you have a complaint, go to the top!
Explain but use as few words as possible!
Two feet in one shoe and you won't get in trouble (ah ha)!
Don't say anything, walk away!
As God closes one door, he opens another (and you thought your mother made that one up I suppose; nope, it was mine)
Don't let it get the best of you, move on.
Eat anything you want but not after dinner and you won't gain weight (now I don't know about that one....didn't work for me)
The thing is, find our truth, make peace with yourself, move on, forget about her, etc., etc., etc., just be sure to use as few words as possible.
This happened with me with 2 women in my area. Hindsight is soooooo 20/20. I am disappointed in myself for falling into their traps because I thought people could not truly be this evil. But they sure are. Both are social climbers and will do anything in this area to get ahead in business. I believe one is absolutely capable of anything, anyyyythingggg. And the other is connected to our city govt now and her business is being propped up by them. Its all insane. I really appreciate this episode and hope other young ladies really hear this message and watch for these warning signs, these people can destroy someone's life in all the ways. They are wired differently and its best to get far away.
This was interesting I like the Q&A w Caroline !!
I think you're seriously in danger. Even if you might meet her by chance, pretend you are not who she says and disappear.
I would be seriously concerned as well. This person pretended to be an authentic and trustworthy friend to you , yourself a person in a foreign country and not speaking the language. You were by default a vulnerable person. They sabotaged you to such an extent that you dropped out of school and went back to your home country.
Then 6 YEARS LATER they reach out saying that they will be in your country and would like to meet up.
HELL NO. Protect yourself , your relationships and everything from this person.
Don't feel the need to reciprocate helping them in a foreign country.
This is exactly what they are counting on and it sounds like it is already pulling at your heartstrings.
I agree with Caroline's Boyf - Restate the events that led to the falling out and say that is why you are no longer interested in a friendship. Period.
Not to get serious but from a legal standpoint if this person did try to stalk you , you would have proof showing that you were explicitly clear on boundaries.
No contact.
@@ag5415 great great points
I am so spooked by this. I hope she doesn't engage 😟
OMG. Jaloupa is my sister!
🫣😭
Protecttttt yourself
solid great episode, and definitely being swung to the hater side lol but jokes aside thank you for sharing your personal experiences and seriously same for whether or not someone is xyz it’s really a matter of now figuring out what I’m going to do about my new found danger alarming epiphany
That’s how my friendship ended, her insecurity about me contacting our mutual friend and not her (before WatsApp days so no group messaging). It broke.
Such a great podcast!!!! Thanks for the fantastic advice Caroline
Loved this podcast. So insightful. Thanks Caroline.
"DJ turntables or leggings that scrunch your butt" 😂 Yes, I'm quoting something you said in an ad. 🤣
Oof.."Jalupa"??😂 The SHADE🤣 I love it
The zocdoc add was amazing lmao
😂😢❤
Edit: oh jeez, that just came off as a sign from Homegoods that says, “Laugh, cry, love.” Suddenly questioning my depth as a person.
i loved this so much, probably my fav episode, you should be a therapist
Hater Hour is my fave! ❤😜😍
Caroliiiiiiiiiiiiiine ❤
Caroline, I have been going through this in my life. The first time I encountered someone dangerous like this was my ex, and I was so confused and so devoted to fixing our relationship that I stayed with him for 4.5 years. However! The lessons that I learned in that relationship were life-changing. Now I am facing the machinations of my stepmother after my father’s death and I see it all so clearly and set immediate boundaries. This video that I found the other day summed up my experience so beautifully and sounds like what you are describing: ua-cam.com/video/gkFLj1ns4lc/v-deo.htmlsi=iYk_Z1if1PYrX1AB. Empathy learning to harness their gifts while protecting themselves from those who would prey on them.
One more thing Caroline. I don't think anyone ruined your life. You are amazing - personable, charming, funny, likeable, and pretty too. I think your friend was just jealous and wanted to ruin you but she didn't succeed. Now she wants to come back and try again. Personally, I would either dismiss her from your life with as few words as possible, no long narrative but short and sweet. I'm not against ghosting if the situation calls for it and this sounds like it does. Sometimes things can never be the same but maybe that my own negativity but just sayin' is all....
stop believing the mind, the mind is not your friend.
Omfg, now she's followed you to Paris. She will do it again, don't engage, don't reply, nothing. Express your feelings to a therapist
what kind of pipeweed do you smoke? 😁