Yeah, so is women physically beating you, filing for divorce, abusing children, and random women engaging in physical, verbal, and sexual harassment at work, at school, at church, etc.
Statistically speaking, women cheat way more often. They also initiate the majority of divorces. Reading all of these comments has been a trip. -a woman, in case that matters to anyone.
The thing is you wouldn’t know if they are cheating because they will behave as a normal person and you wouldn’t know.. some people are very good at it.. and they do it like nothing happened.. 😂and that is crazy..
@@Rozie32 That's true in some cases. I've heard of men living double lives and their wives had no clue. The wives even said their husbands had a schedule and was always present and always on time. They normally snuck the truth around during work hours or times when they went out for whatever reason. It happens.
Amen!!! Women can change this narrative! We need to stick together. If you know that a man is involved with someone, they’re off limits! Some lie about their attachments, but if you know or suspect it, walk away.
Been there done that since day 1. I’ve even had men be shocked that I rejected them and I simply had to explain to them that the human population is 7 Billion I am No where near that desperate and they are No where near Gods gift to women. For women like me it is an insult to my character and intelligence that a man would think I was so pathetic where I would want him rather than a single man in a highly populated world.
Thank you for that. Women do not need to be fighting over a man screw him and that's exactly what I did. I became friends with the woman he had the affair with she she told me she said you saved me and I told her I said no. I said I don't know what happened between you two but he's always been kind. This was the first time he ever hurt my heart and this kind of thing and she said she's crazy. But she kept talking to him. I found that out later. I'm done women that fight over a man that's just disgusting trash. Men that fight over a cheating woman is just as freaking bad. Read everything you can and I promise you, you will get better and your sadness and confusion will turn into by God. I got this s***!
He seem to have an unresolved childhood wound. Seggs addiction plus abandonment issues and more. You should tell him to refer into childhood attachment styles and to heal his wounds if you can. 👀
She’s sooooo right. If a man is being flirty with other women, even waitress and stuff in front of you that’s a big red flag. If it makes you uncomfortable, listen to that. You deserve more. ❤❤❤
Well me and you both my husband left Xmas day his girlfriend bought my present leaving the receipt for me to find subsequently another girl he has on standby regularly meeting in car parks 25 years now I'm lost
Divorced one. Went through this and he had the nerve to hide it but TMH exposed it through my intuition, running into divine meetings with strangers who have run into my ex-husband at places he shouldn't be while I am at home or something or dreams. He couldn't get away with it. He's reaping bad karma due to it or been going through it for decades until he self destruct.
Yes. My ex narcissist cheated on me at a festival… told me straight away that he lied to the girl and said we were in an open relationship. I then took a week to process and decide what I wanted, and after seeming upset at how he hurt me, and saying he loves me so much, he cheated again during that week with someone else. He then told me if I had gone to the festival maybe the outcome would have been different…
I’ve been cheated on many times. I’ve learned the best way to keep myself open to love and trust (not shutting ourselves up like the analogy of the boarded up windows) is to trust, not others, but MYSELF. The idea that “if this person does betray me, I’ll be ok. I can handle it in a healthy way” 💪 so building self trust has been my saving grace.
but who needs the emotional disruption?? One can trust oneself to be able to get over it, but I simply cannot afford to risk experiencing the chaos and upheaval that comes with cheating. The only way to be sure is to stay out of intimate relationships.😂
Being cheated on is being used. You’re being used for your emotional energy, attention, your time, domestic work, cooking, as well as sex, money, status, or a place for them to live. Learn to live alone and learn to use your energy to make your world a better place instead.
With hard evidence and proof of such a crime, a person could be legally punished/imprisoned. Getting someone sick intentionally is literally playing with their life. It's not just disrespectful - it is a serious crime.
My ex accused me of cheating because I was finishing work late. I sent him a picture of myself at work. He accused me again and I answered how would I even cheat at work? He replied it’s so easy to cheat at work. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 He cheated on me with a coworker.
Biggest thing behind cheating is the lies. If lies are happening in this area, it’s happening all over the place. How can someone trust a Liar? That’s why we don’t feel safe with these people.
Love bombing does not equal a healthy relationship. The doctor is spot on. Showering someone with attention, compliments and gifts on its own does not equal healthy.
It's very hard to understand when your parents did the same thing. It consists of very huge high's and low's. What are the real values really.. how can we feel those properly, even with the theory in mind. The feeling is not in the healthy place. it's really complicated to figure all this out.
Literally every man I've known long term and personally has cheated on their partners. It's awful and I always try to help them find another way. Most seem to take pride in their flandering and said it's normal. I've been in a toxic marriage myself and am kicking myself for not taking the obvious red flags seriously. I will heal myself, reject his control and rage, set intention and set my soul free.
@bigdeal1892 yet, according to alot of comments online that I come across from men write just how terrible women are because they all cheat. It's hilarious.
I live with a narc/cheater. I’m secretly planning to leave him for good. Aug 13th UPDATE: It’s been 7 mo since I posted and a lot had transpired. Your notifications come into my phone often but I’ll share how I escape soon. I’ll be leaving this house, this man once and for all! It’s been crazy and I hope my story can strengthen and encourage someone out there.
Please, do it. There’s no point in trying to have a conversation. It won’t work. To the contrary, you will give him validation through your pain. Just show the evidence, leave, block him from everything.
Good girl! I secretly escaped 9 months ago after an 11 years of unbelievable chaos and moved 200 miles away and although I grieved and am still learning to live with out the abuse, which is totally loving myself again, and to testify that it's doable. Hard but doable. I applaud you and attest to the victory within. 🎉
I think of cheaters as cowards. They want to maintain the status quo, so they just can’t come clean with the person they made a vow to. Tell the truth so the other person can move on with their life, too.
Yes. My husband will not admit to anything. Accepts no responsibility for all he has done. He's been cheating now for awhile. I'm old now, and he's into the young woman. I told him to go for it! I'll find someone else, and I will.
Well, they don’t wNt the other person to move on, that’s the reason they don’t come clean. They want their cake and eat it too, but don’t want the partner to do the same.
If someone believes their relationship/marriage is over and they want to give up on that for whatever reason, they should just break up, cheating and then blaming the other person is so self-centered, immature and downright disgusting.
Agree, I haven't watched the video yet but most cheaters are selfish and self centered and they stay because they don't want to be alone and they want to have a back up before deciding to leave. It's pathetic but sadly it doesn't matter if the cheater believes the relationship is over, they only care about how they feel and it's what they want, they want. I hope people learn to heal and not hurt others. You can hurt but there's no need to put that on an innocent human being. Just cruel..
That's not that easy. Our laws put the guy wanting to end a relationship in between a rock and hard place. Law favors the woman. Custody favors the woman. So they have a wife who is nothing more roommate. Ending isn't that easy. I think it should be easier for men and women to end a relationship. This death till us part just leads abusive relationships. I know a couple and they hate each other. They both cheat on each other. She know he does but he think she isn't and that he's pulled the wool over her eyes. They don't spit up because they can't afford to.
I truly never even considered that my husband would be a cheater. I thought he was a totally honest and faithful person. Yet he cheated three times before I had had enough and divorced him after almost 30 years.
As a follow up, in further listening to this, I now remember both my personal physician (male) and my pastor (male) tried to tell me that my husband was having affairs. Yet, they were not totally "blunt" (or maybe they were and I just didn't want to accept it)so in my naivety I didn't fully "catch on" to what they were trying to delicately tell me. They were both correct, unfortunately. And yes, in the end, I was blamed by my husband's family that "well, if she had been doing what she should have at home, this wouldn't have happened"..... however, we were still having sex while he was having his affairs, he lied of course to his lady friends that we weren't - but we were. so there. Like Dr. Ramani said, I didn't want to see it because then I would have to do something about it.
@@jenne8180I would like to add that another possible rwason you didn't " catch on" is because you were an honest person and simply did not think in a " get one over " or decietful way so it was not on your radar. Maybe it is being naive but I experienced something similar. I had never been exposed to the twisted decieful way some people think and did not catch on as quickly as I would now. I am glad you are free of that toxicity. Took courage to face such painful facts and leave. Kuddos!
When dealing with narcissism, you should know that it’s not personal. “It isn’t personal” is one of those cliches used to cushion all kinds of bad actions taken by people who need an out for being immoral, but in this case it actually gets near the truth. Narcissists don’t know how to love or be a friend; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissist value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection. Moreover, People wonder why they end up hurt, seriously hurt, and even killed for their own actions. Cheating is a choice and there’s simply a lot of ignorance in the process.... Thank you so much for helping me out Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Your advice and services helped me so much. You are a lifesaver !!! The information you gave me about my cheating partner when you gave me access to his phone was everything I needed to get,.. thank you very much..
I'm not sure how he knew that without being a cheater himself. His wife was loyal and above reproach, even though he was exiled from her for most of their marriage. Just sayin'...
@@cherylmarcuri5506 he spoke of betrayal, which is not just cheating. He said that trust was the foundation of any loving relationship, and without it, everything falls apart. You can be betrayed in business, in friendship or by family, by an institution, as well as by your partner.
This is EXACTLY what happened to me. I was gaslighted so bad and the cheating was minimized. I panicked to “save” our relationship. I ended up taking him on a vacation to get away. Basically rewarded him. So disgusted in hindsight. This happened in 2021. Got him out of my house a month ago. Only on day 5 no contact. This has been TORTURE. I am finally feeling better going no contact. The addiction feeling is passing.
I too am going through this right now, I've had suspicions from almost day 1 but I didn't trust my intuition. Recently I found more identifiable signs and I couldn't ignore my gut instincts anymore. I've also just gone no contact but know he will try and hoover once his secret new source of supply becomes boring. My boundaries are high, but it hurts like hell inside.
I totally feel you. This connection or addiction breakup feels like a small death. Almost hard to breathe and you just pull through. It was like that for me in any breakup. Stay strong and know your not alone
... and it'll get better and better the more distance you get mentally and emotionally ❤ rainy days will come, but as you work through the pain, those days become memories, and eventually, peace with the situation. you got this. keep going ❤
I worked mostly with men at my old job. 11 of them. 6 had cheated. One of those six (the richest one)ALWAYS had some sort of a side chick. I also worked at a hotel for 2 years as a young girl and witnessed many affairs. Men should not be trusted. Be wise - buy a property, keep it even after you marry, get a prenup with cheating clause. A men’s most vulnerable place is his wallet, if he knows he loses his money if he steps aside, he might think twice.
Right! Being exposed to cheating at your work place such as a hotel is a real life lesson! I know people in the hotel industry who told me many stories, the cctv’s don’t lie! Spouses also come to the hotel snooping around to find out. It’s a mess! But, you are smart to observe what’s happening and taking steps to protect yourself.
Cheaters may ACT like they feel insulted - but they are likely just getting up on their hind legs & getting defensive because they feel threatened. I heard one cheater say, “I lie to get what I want.” They use our trust to manipulate us. We must question what they say & do and stop giving them blind trust because they are proven liars. Giving a potential cheater the benefit of the doubt is a sure way we can shoot ourselves in the foot and end up hurting ourselves even MORE. It’s hard to face the reality of our situation but living in the truth will help us in the end. 💕
When I asked my now-ex if he was cheating, his answer was “I would never do that to you!” It was as though he was offended by the question, and yet he was indeed cheating on me at that time.
I've always said that men who flirt with others are a ticking time bomb for cheating. Theres no such thing as "innocent" flirting or banter. Its him testing the waters. I also frequently see husbands walking behind their wives so she cant see who he's checking out or trying to make eye contact with. So many fake marriages and relationships out here where he's not with who he wants just with the one who'll have him lol
11k views in 7 hours. A lot of us are trying to figure this out. May you all heal and find the love inside, that you truly deserve. Peace Love and Light
I dated a guy years ago who probably cheated on me. If he didn't cheat, he was going to. I realized this while breaking up with him and at that point I no longer cared. In retrospect, it should have been obvious. He was a liar and a thief, he was dismissive of my opinions and interests and he was selfish. He didn't respect me. I think the essence of infidelity is selfishness and disrespect.
@@user-nv5wi8op8k The ONLY cheater who is not a narcissist is one that does it once and never does it again after seeing the devastation it brought to their partner. If someone is able to cheat again after seeing the damage that it does then you can rest assured they are a full blown narcissist.
@@user-nv5wi8op8kreally? If you can betray someone on that level you are narcissistic. That is not something normal people are capable of because they have a sense of right and wrong.
@@user-nv5wi8op8kNoone who cheats deserves a person who is loyal. Cheaters ( whether they are a narcissist or not) should be with cheaters. Cheating is a character flaw which never goes away. Staying with a cheater tells them you will accept it, so they know they can do it again- and often do.
My ex cheated then blamed me for it. He would flirt with women in front of me. Then told me I was paranoid & said I was crazy. Then after we split, he did a whole turn around then admitted cheating on me. Total narcissist. He would never take the blame for what he did. Till it was over, then he begged to have me back with him. I've been single for years. We're brain washed into believing we have to be with someone in life. The only person that is loyal & makes you happy is yourself. I'm more or less a hermit. Which I prefer, no stressful relationship along with the lies. While I watch people around me argue like mad. Thankfully I saved myself from all that. Folks will learn, eventually. Why live a life of unhappiness just to say your with someone.
It's what he wanted all along, that's why all the manipulation, hostility, lovebombing etc. He wanted to do whatever he wanted to do, to have everyone else committed to him, no commitment for him to care for anyone else. No real attachments. Easy life, but no rewards of any kind in the long run. I suspected he was messing around, but I think that's what all the unexpected hostility was from him. It was to keep me confused and distracted.
@@HateBear-real this is how he made me feel, he made me feel as if I was not good enough, it's all part of the abuse, I never felt this way before I met him.
Oh man... the "energy shift" is real. Intuition is a wonderful thing, I just wish we were taught how to listen to it. That's exactly what happened to me - I didn't have the smoking gun, and was always gaslit - but for me, the night I had a though of driving by his work to see if he was having an affair, that in IN ITSELF was my sign. I then said "this isn't working for me anymore". I still loved him - 17 years and I walked away. I had suspicions of his "work wife" aka his boss - long story short, he was having an affair. Trust your gut ladies. The greatest gift you can give yourself is to do your inner work to the point where you trust yourself to make it through anything, no matter what. Once the pain of staying is greater than the fear of leaving /the unknown, take your lessons and go live your best life
These ppl act like they know Everyone 😂 where did they get there numbers from ? The good ones don’t come out so they base it on the ones that come to therapy ?
I thought about cheating on my ex because I was mad at him. However, I communicated my frustration and we broke up a few months later. It made the rebound s3x so much better 😅
I agree, I stopped dating all together, I did a few times and I just can’t seam to find genuine people so I ratter not waste my time and energy. I have dogs who gives me the oxytocin I need and hey if I do meet a decent man who’s ok with taking slow I may give it a go but I’m cautious with my mental health and my heart now, it not worth it to jeopardize my good life.
Betrayal blindness worked as a survival mechanism for me. Gotta get up and take care of the kids and go to work... can't blow up my life on a Tuesday, kinda thing. Once I started gaining knowledge, thanks to Ramani, I couldn't look away again. Once you know you can't un-know.
How true. Knowing or being strongly convinced in your gut bc of so many "off" things and other dysfunctional aspects of the relationship is just the first step. In life, family, and responsibilities, the "how to move forward" can be pragmatically very difficult or nearly impossible depending on each person's scenario. That's on top of the emotional devastation of everything one faces in the steps of change after the devastation of the initial blow. After divorcing a narc from 14 yrs of marriage, being in court with him constantly for the next 6-7 yrs (so far) and now being married to another narc...it feels like a lose-lose situation. I'm damaged if I stay in and have to go through all the damage and trauma of leaving. What's even worse is knowing how either way affects the children. It, too, feels like a lose-lose scenario. I have four children from my 1st marriage and 1 from my 2nd. It breaks my heart to see the harm caused to them in their past and for their future. All things to consider when planning... to minimize harms. We cannot control a lot, but some things we can. Though it is exhausting, I still say it is better to leave once it's physically possible. Someone has got to be educated, live the difference, teach the difference, and break the cycles. I, too, relate to an overwhelming amount of what Dr. Ramani addressed...the accuracy breaks my heart and validates me at the same time. Praying for wisdom and strength in moving forward and for the next long haul. My prayers go out to everyone affected by these things.😢😪🙏
I have been gaslighted and micro cheated on for decades. I'm only coming to grips with it now. I have been ignoring it for so long it became a habit of just forgiving and moving on. Till the next time. It's a vicious cycle. And I'm stuck in it.
@@mardi7346 I just discovered my husband was cheating on me ( AGAIN) after 26 years of marriage. I forgave because we have a son, almost finishing HS, he was so very remorseful . So, I forgave him, it was so very hard for me, but I wanted to save our marriage, well, 5 yrs later, he’s done it again, I have the proof also. It hurts, and im angry, I can’t take him and the lies no longer.
@@bethanyham5204, 26 years of marriage, and after one affair of forgiving, he’s done it again 4 years later, he’s definitely a narc and I’m gonna leave, but using my poker face until I let him know.
Had my ex narc dead to rights with screenshots and detective work and his DARVO was so strong I literally started to believe I was indeed what he was screaming at me- “sick” and “mentally ill.” I fled to a motel, and moved out shortly after. Boom. He tells his poor new supply I’m insane and had her block me to keep me from telling her any truths, should I ever break my firm no contact these days. I couldn’t care less what he tells people, or what he tells her. He was violent and berserk prior to my realizing his infidelity and I lost that line in the sand two years earlier; the cheating was my last line. I’m so glad I got away from him that I’ll wear the loony hat no problem. I’ll even put bells on it.
Wow …I had a similar experience. He raged at me when his manipulation wasn’t working that I was really sick, more sick than he thought and needed to see a doctor.
Unfortunately, infidelity tends to go hand in hand with narcissism. Especially, somatic narcissism. Narcissists believe EVERYTHING they need is external, including self-worth, self-esteem, validation, etc. Those things are what make up our inner world and we are supposed to develop and cultivate them within/on our own. Narcissists DEPEND on people to supply those things for them. Because we cannot (nor, are we supposed to) supply every want/need of a partner, narcissists are always on the lookout for "better supply". They will always gravitate toward anyone they feel can meet the needs/wants their spouse isn't (and can't). Narcissists are unstable and they cannot soothe themselves. They cannot meet their own needs and their needs/wants are constantly changing. Narcissists are black holes. They are human abyss' of unmet needs/wants. Even if you gave them everything, they'd still want MORE... All while giving NOTHING in return. Narcissists are also pathologically bored. They do not experience boredom the way normal adults do. They're like children. Once they become bored, they tend to throw their toys (people) in a corner to collect dust. Then, they search for new ones... Untilllll, they realize that their newest toy isn't as fun. Or, it doesn't function as well as the old toy did. Then, they'll go digging in the corner to find that old toy (the reason their relationships tend to be off and on). People are objects meant to keep them occupied and entertained. The newer the toy, the better/more exciting it is. However, EVERYONE will inevitably lose their shine with the narcissist. You must accept their reality and realize that it's NOT ABOUT YOU and it never was. This is also the point when it becomes crucial to sit your ego on the curb. Your ego will want to fight to be seen. Your ego will want to fight to prove you're enough. Your ego will feel it's "worthy" of the narcissist and fight to "keep" them... But, again: IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. Most narcissists are extremely irresponsible. Many of them marry to secure stability. Or, to have someone they can count on to help with bills to free up their resources. It also ensures they'll have somewhere safe to land when they fall - because they always f*** up... Do yourself a favor and pull that rug of security out from under them and save YOURSELF. Narcissists do not have a moral compass. They do not respect the union of marriage. It'll always be a one-sided arrangement with you being the giver that's making their life easier and them being the taker that's making your life harder. We deserve the same love, attention, support and understanding that we give our spouses. You will never get it from someone suffering with NPD. Moreover, if you feel sure that your husband might never cheat on you, you might have to rethink. Most wives in marriages are shocked when they find out their husband cheating, and it happens more with people who never thought they would cheat. This is why you have to take the tiniest suspicion carefully. If your husband is cheating on you, the best and probably the only guaranteed way to catch him is to spy on their phones. However, spying on a phone is not something you can do without any external help unless you have the James bond level of spy skills. In such case you will need an expert phone spyier Metaspyhub@gmail. com for the purpose,,,
My husband was the kindest, most respectful man for 35 years. I figured out, that’s why he was so kind all these years . He was cheating the whole time.He was guilty so he treated me like a queen. Blindsided me.
I got cheated on about 4 years into a serous relationship. It was awful and almost broke me. It was a very toxic relationship, but the betrayal was something I can’t describe. It was a total mind f$&@!
I'm genuinely curious because I am rethinking my relationship - what made you continue the relationship for 4 years before the cheating if it was toxic?
@@Ira.1 Well, toxic people are my favorite drug of choice. I had no idea until he cheated on me and I took a long hard look at myself and that relationship. It was red flags from the beginning and just got worse and everything moved way too fast in the beginning. I’m 5 years out, I always found normal relationships boring. I guess after being raised by an overt narcissist father, I have been easy prey for covert narcissists. I’ve really worked hard to try and change my mindset as to not end up with any more relationships like that, I’ve gone no contact with a few friends as well over the last few years.
@@Ira.1Just left a 1+ toxic relationship. It was my first toxic relationship, my gut knew he was full of red flags but I kept making excuses. Eventually I got drained. I was constantly anxious (I’m usually a secure person), stressed, my performance dropped at work. Until I couldn’t have the strength to bear more emotional abuse. I realized it was affecting my mental health and job that was my TRUE red line so I left. If your gut tells you something is wrong but your mind is “intoxicated” and you can’t see clearly how the relationship is toxic, do this: every time they make you feel bad record it on your calendar. In 1-2 months, look at your calendar to see how many crappy days you’ve had due to this relationship.
Cheating is sneaky and some women live in complete denial. My girl friend swears her man is "a good man" because he does the bare minimum like, making her a coffee for her or massaging her shoulders, buying her flowers for her birthday. Yet this same man has flirted with women from his workplace and talks to them outside of work, a boundary that upset my girl friend which she has communicated to him it upsets her when he does this. He's talked to her many times now in 3 years to open up their relationship to become a poly relationship, and me watching her be upset and confused by this. She is happy just with him and no one else, meanwhile he wants a third woman in his relationship. The moment a monogamous relationship becomes open, and more people involved, that's when your relationship dies. Some women seriously live in denial and them don't see they can do better and deserve better.
It's a rejection of your entire being by someone you value above all others. Once you get over it, you realise that they were just incredibly selfish to themselves, as they deprived themselves of you. If it doesn't tell you how stupid they are, nothing will.
“Those who are looking for the excitement, the fantasy. There is some immaturity moments. Half the excitement is planning it and where we are going to meet”
At the 24:30 mark I just started bawlin because Dr. Ramani has described almost verbatim what happened to me with my narcissistic ex husband. That was 4 years ago and it still hurts. Everything this woman has said in this video is completely accurate and I'm so grateful that she makes videos to help us heal and to bring awareness to others about what is happening to them. Dr. Ramani is a Godsend. Thank you! 🙏🏽
25:35 got me!! he would stay out all night long come home we would fight and at the end of the fight I was begging him to stay! How messed up is that?? when she talks about having concrete evidence about something! Oh, my God it’s like she’s been living in my home!
@@user-uu9yi7hj9g Isn't it crazy how different people have similar experiences with narcissists? I'm just grateful for people like Dr. Ramani who validate what we've gone thru and also help us heal from it. Good luck to you on your healing journey. 🙏🏽
Betrayal is very hurtful after been married to a narcissist for 28 years I’ve been through everything. It was very hard for me to give it up but now I kick him out our home and filing divorce. He wants me to pay him out our homes so he can eat more fufu and get oils rub down . After everything is taken away from him I will not ever take him back . He’s gone for three years now and it still hurts but my peace is worth more . I’m in healing and the divorce will hit when i sign next year but I can’t have another woman in my marriage and still be the wife . He didn’t want the divorce but yet want to keep her also in hiding. He’s in the projects and hating it . I’m done ! Peace out !
I heard the saying, "Never cry for someone who wouldn't cry for you." To release the pain, you need to understand that it had nothing to do with you. Take on a mindset of "F*ck them," and move on.
Dr Ramani nails it over and over again…. She’s even been through it herself, twice… My question is this… where does the average person whose been broken to bits really locate a therapist able, educated enough, street smart enough, on and on… to come close to being able to know how to tap into the twisted pain, let alone have a clue as to what to do with that pain????
I was terribly abused by a narcissist and now I’m grateful to open up about it and leave it. Thank you Lisa and Dr for helping people to get rid of their hells🙏
Good for you!! It takes strength and courage to change your life, but you are changing it so much to the better!!! Good luck in your new beautiful journey 🎉
Dr. Romani is spot on. I was the other woman. He was a narc, he lied his ASS off to me about his wife, had I known the truth and that he never planned on leaving, I would have NEVER gone there with him. He did eventually leave her for me but It was a 5 year MESS that ended with him having an affair with my sister. I guess I got mine
I remember so clearly saying to my partner that he needs to call me and break it off before he cheats. That's all I ask. He mocked me and said there was no way that was going to happen. My ask was ridiculous. Narcissistic people are the absolute best at mind games!
@@windysmith7367 mine said that to someone else on the phone in front of me. I was none the wiser as to why he said it, but it seemed like either complete BS or some secret signal between them. Little did I know it would precede a huge hoover. I will forget this guy once I feel safe and that he'll never have anything to do with me, but I don't think he will ever lose the guilt for his crimes. I don't think he will ever sincerely be sorry.
I was cheated on multiple times by my ex-narc-husband. I struggle to not blame myself for being "submissive " during my marriage... thinking that would please him. I'm happily divorced and I am not a submissive person, I truly was following my mothers submissive behavior with my verbally abusive/controlling father.
Many women are trying to force themselves to be feminine and become submissive when it’s not who they are. Some women are more in touch with their masculine side and nothing is wrong with that.
You truly are not to blame at all. It’s a betrayal of the relationship you had. I am a survivor too and I love hearing all these others who also took the leap to get away.
I have the exact same story as you, I thought that being a loving person and submissive will keep him happy but I was cheated on. Now I'm not submissive anymore.
I am amazed: when Dr. Ramani showed how a narc would answer the question about 'what is love?' and the response to the confrontation about texts in the phone (gaslighting, attacking, etc.), those are EXACTLY my husband's reactions and words - vocabulary, body language, voice tone 😮
You are so right about the social media liking of pictures, people who flirt with waitresses, people who have to be the center of attention, that are always posting their life on the media, lying and trying to make people believe that they have a very successful life, making it look like if they’re 💯 financial stable when they have nothing they advertise having. This was my life recently with a Narcissist.
When I found out about his affair and confronted him with it - he said absolutely nothing! The crickets were louder than him. She sent me pics of their time together and all he had to say was "I can't believe she did "that". To this day he hasn't said anything about what he did.
Cheating, whether Emotional and/or Physical, changes EVERYTHING. Absolutely horrible betrayal to the other person. Anything to crack or bust the Trust with your person is Cheating. For the Cheater...Turn the tables around and think about how YOU would feel if your person did the very same thing to You. Maybe then you will truly understand what you did to your person. There has to be boundaries with Ex's. Valuable discussion - enjoy these two ladies. ❤
Although I agree with you with turning the table , most times these people have no soul.I rember asking my ex , to put his self in my shoes.He’s response was I can’t put myself in your shoes.
@@kyrianjoseph1403 Maybe he is a narcissist - they have no emotional empathy and therefore they can´t put themselves in your shoes. (Once you understand and accept that you will have the answer why...).
56:50 Betrayal hurts, cheating is at the end of the day a personal choice and it's about the person who is cheating not the other person. Healing from narcissistic abuse is about living for yourself not defining yourself through accommodating others at the expense of self. It's about being your true self and honouring that through acts of self love and self-respect and not self abandonment.
@@ichiban6004most of the people commenting here are Dr Ramani followers. She has a dedicated channel to talk about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Hence so many people here mentioning their experience with narcissistic partners
I will add to that that woman can request whatever they want, but you have to be careful about pricing yourself out of a market and be realistic (so don't demand a lot when you can't give a lot). Most women don't want exclusivity for the same reason they don't have d*cks LOL. It's funny to me that a lot of women nowadays are so confused about what matters--that's the #1 problem nowadays in relationships. I would pay fair and square for what I want, but I have never in the whole world found one single woman that will actually mean what she says or do what she says. I don't think it exists. I think they deliberately sabotage relationships.
Prof. Ramani is right, there will always be a sign that your partner will cheat in my case I cant imagine seeing him in a working environment where there are women. It means, my instinct cant trust him fully
One of my favourite things about Dr Ramani is that she brings the *nuance* like nobody's business... But never without the moral clarity, and never forgetting the survivors in a given scenario. I love how firmly she holds onto both. I'm so glad the term "betrayal trauma" was coined, because it really does wreak havoc on a person's psyche. I've experienced both parental betrayal and romantic betrayal. Both were legitimately devastating, but in some very different ways. I wouldn't say one was worse than the other, just different. When I was in the very acute stage of the romantic betrayal trauma, I saw a video by a life coach who essentially laid most of the blame on the person getting cheated on. I can't emphasise enough what a spiral that sent me down. I'm so glad Dr Ramani spoke out against that kind of rhetoric.
Betrayal blindness: Very well explained, thank you. For me, it's like a long-term "survival instinct" if all other possible reactions won't work in the current situation (in your example having a little baby). It's cutting off all emotions to keep "functioning"...because you can't fight in tears, you can't flight if you're loosing solid ground under your feet and you can't mimikry dead if you're screaming and shaking. Keeping the feelings for later is the way to stay strong until you got rid of the cheater and are safe. 🙂
This is all making me sick to my stomach. Def want to stay single and abstinent. Dating is becoming scarier and scarier. If you aren’t happy….just leave. People who are honest….are respected.
@@carolkami.671 yes, this is definitely the best attitude to embrace. It just took me a long time to wake up to the idea that I had to protect myself from the bad ones. I didn’t see it, over and and over and over again. There should have been a set of things I was looking for to eliminate someone right away, but I didn’t. So m figuring that out... can’t just go it in to the world and expect that people have the same empathy, morals and conduct as myself... have to watch out for the wolf in sheep’s clothing.
@@cygnelle1232 I will be very VERY cautious in my next attempts with dating and meeting people. These videos where Dr. Ramani gives very practical advice about what questions to ask and what exactly to look out for are EXTREMELY helpful for someone like me (who was groomed from childhood to accept and accommodate bad behavior).
You don’t have to wait until the other person gives you a show down in order to break up. If you don’t feel comfortable if you suspect they are cheating if you don’t not want to continue the relationship in general you don’t need a reason you end the relationship. Life can be whatever you make it.
This is wildly accurate. I asked my ex-fiancé why he loved me and wanted to marry me shortly after he proposed. He got extremely defensive and asked me why I would ask him such a stupid question and that it didn’t matter because out of all the women he could have, he chose me 😂. Needless to say after I broke up with him he went right to the girl he claimed was just a “friend” our entire relationship that he made me feel insecure about and text me he slept with her to get back at me for leaving. Also found out he was a serial cheater in all of past his relationships. Really dodged a bullet with that one 😅
Dr. Ramani I felt like you were remembering the pain you experienced in your past relationships. I felt you were remembering this pain ,I felt hurt for you. You have helped us so much getting thru Toxic Relationships. I want to wish you peace and happiness in your future. 😊😊
Thank you . I'm so sick of hearing men say its the woman's fault. Any post or video I've seen on social media about relationships and cheating , there's always a woman asking why men cheat on good women . Then you see several men chiming in blaming women . Its that's mans issue not the woman. If a man has an issue in the relationship, talk to your woman about what the issue is. Tell her what you're feeling and why. Cheating isn't going to solve what's going on in a man's mind . It's only going to cause more problems
The problem with discussing what is considered cheating with a potential partner is that a narcissist will LIE about everything and tell you what you want to hear. I made it abundantly clear what my views were on a certain subject, and he agreed at the time. Well, lets just say it took a while to come out, but he certainly did NOT agree. So, now im hurt because of what occurred but also because he lied.
Same. We both agreed to terms of our relationship. He was difficult, I was accommodating by being empathetic. He made little changes, don't even think he realized and maybe he did. In the end the changes he made while saying he wasn't going to change is what keep me in the relationship and then he betrayed me by cheating. I can't even be his friend now.
First thing that raises red flags is behavior changes. You don't even have to look for it. You start to notice pattern changes, simply for the fact that something has changed. Also you will start to notice the over explaining of unusual absences. Then you will start notice new behavior patterns. Usually men are sloppy AF when they are trying to cover up their bullshit. For example, their excuse for being gone always changes, but it'll be the same time and days every week. When it gets to the point, to where you can predict the excuse before it he even gives it, you pretty much have your answer. My favorite way to get them to tell on themselves is by making an ambiguous statement that only a guilty person would take as an accusation. You never come out and accuse them of anything, but they will deny doing the exact thing you never actually accused them of. When they get all defensive, its like "dude, i was talking about something completely different, who said anything about cheating? Why did you even go there? I was refering to how you are always trying to get out of doing you chores before leaving the house.". An innocent person wouldn't even think you were talking about them.
Women are so much more stealthier. I think it's because we had to be in the past. Hyphen, but I know we can get away with it. The whole entire time usually. If the human male wasn't so damn naive , And a Half wit To think that sex is only for him. He'd understand and know that cookies are missing from the cookie jar. Because she likes cookies too, dumb a**
With my ex wife…. She suddenly started staying late at work, and then started going into work early. On the weekend she was going to her bosses rodeo that he is part of - she always hated rodeos and thought it was animal abuse. Then she was trying to “go for a sleepover at her friends house”. I called out the behaviour and received the DARVO. She blamed me for being insecure, and then it was that I was controlling etc. Just walk away and live your best life…
They are! I was with one , where is pattern of cheating was the same.Im the type that don’t like having to do spy on people becasue I feel you don to have to do for me why so I do it for you.The only time I can do this is if I’m getting g paid for it.Thats why he got away with a lot.Fast forward into 2023 and he’s has a baby on the way.Six months into the relationship with rebound she got pregnant.
True. The behaviour changes was the first thing I noticed with my ex, also the continual and excess phone use. Smiling at the phone, texting. And when you confront them about it you are met with defensiveness
Infidelity runs in families Cultural influence can be another factor. Never Forgive Infidelity - Sam Vaknin podcast Cheating Triangulation In Sick Relationships ---Sam Vaknin podcast
12 years married & then the devastating realization he was cheating at work. The trash took itself out and he moved in with the "dump" she is. Im on my healing journey, still not divorced 8 months later because hes a covert Narcissist who is not transparent 😈
I love how Dr. Romani pointed out that ''I love you'' can mean a lot of different things to people. It took me a really long time for me to tell my boyfriend that I love him. And when I said it I knew exactly what it meant when I said it. My boyfriend was a little hurt at the beginning because I didn't say it back, but eventually he understood why it took me so long because I wanted it to be from a deep place within my heart.
Sometimes it's the best feeling when you never have to say I love you because both people feel it so tremendously and mutually that it is needless to say and saying it almost minimizes the feeling because the words seem so disproportionate to the overwhelming feeling at the degree that the love is felt.
I definitely think ppl need to understand that ppl fall in love at different times. I’m more reserved with that, so I’m not looking to hear it quickly myself. I had an ex have a problem with how I moved, but later understood.
I personally can't stand the L-word because people only say that kind of stuff to manipulate others. If they meant something real then they would say that. I've also noticed that women avoid real discussion and favor ephemeral "feelings" and no accountability for behavior.
I think my ex narcissist is a serial cheater. In high school he was afraid of girls and never dated. He married a woman he met in a bar shortly after being discharged from the Air Force. But, he cheated on her throughout their marriage. He did the same with me. He flirts constantly, does online hook-ups, etc. If a woman so much as greets him with a friendly "hello" he can somehow turn that into an hour long conversation. Oftentimes I'd be standing there waiting. It was embarrassing, frustrating, and humiliating. I had to cut him loose. You can't live like that.
59:10 Thank you for saying this. I’m a 52 year old Psychotherapist and have been secretly beating myself up for years, for not being able to completely trust again, and seeing the potential of betrayal in everyone. I put it down to having a more realistic boundary about letting someone close to my heart. How sad the younger open hearted, honest, loving me, is now more controlled. It’s comforting to know you also feel this way Dr Ramani.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
Five years is a long time with a long time. I was in my relationship for a little over five years. I have been out of that relationship for over a year and a half, I still think about that person everyday, but it wasn't a healthy relationship. I'm sure it's probably even harder for someone who didn't want the relationship to end. But just remember you don't want to try to make someone come back to you that doesn't want that. Take time to heal, find other things that bring happiness to your life, you will meet other people when you least expect it. Trust your instincts and use discernment.
When a man tells a woman he loves her but turns around and disrespects and betray her over and over again, thats not love, its a form of abuse
Just once. No one should be given a second chance after that first betrayal.
Yeah, so is women physically beating you, filing for divorce, abusing children, and random women engaging in physical, verbal, and sexual harassment at work, at school, at church, etc.
Piss off!@@vaska1999
That's because they are selfish and don't have the nerve to admit who they really are to themselves and to their partner.
Statistically speaking, women cheat way more often. They also initiate the majority of divorces. Reading all of these comments has been a trip.
-a woman, in case that matters to anyone.
Bottom line: if you see cheating behavior you leave. And if you can’t trust you leave. Healthy people don’t make you question your worth or sanity.
The thing is you wouldn’t know if they are cheating because they will behave as a normal person and you wouldn’t know.. some people are very good at it.. and they do it like nothing happened.. 😂and that is crazy..
@@Rozie32 That's true in some cases. I've heard of men living double lives and their wives had no clue. The wives even said their husbands had a schedule and was always present and always on time. They normally snuck the truth around during work hours or times when they went out for whatever reason. It happens.
@@saltycat662 yeah unfortunately that’s what they are doing
Yes, and the way to get over one, is to meet someone else. Someone that will respect and love you.
That's not true. Every relationship coach says don't get under someone to get over someone, because you'll just think about your ex
I think that women should support each other by refusing to be with another women’s husband.
Amen!!! Women can change this narrative! We need to stick together. If you know that a man is involved with someone, they’re off limits! Some lie about their attachments, but if you know or suspect it, walk away.
Been there done that since day 1. I’ve even had men be shocked that I rejected them and I simply had to explain to them that the human population is 7 Billion I am No where near that desperate and they are No where near Gods gift to women. For women like me it is an insult to my character and intelligence that a man would think I was so pathetic where I would want him rather than a single man in a highly populated world.
This.💛
@@elettramia6380 Beautifully said.
Thank you for that. Women do not need to be fighting over a man screw him and that's exactly what I did. I became friends with the woman he had the affair with she she told me she said you saved me and I told her I said no. I said I don't know what happened between you two but he's always been kind. This was the first time he ever hurt my heart and this kind of thing and she said she's crazy. But she kept talking to him. I found that out later. I'm done women that fight over a man that's just disgusting trash. Men that fight over a cheating woman is just as freaking bad. Read everything you can and I promise you, you will get better and your sadness and confusion will turn into by God. I got this s***!
My father was crying to my mom not to divorce him but guess what he cheats again and again, it never stops. Don't believe a cheater.
He seem to have an unresolved childhood wound. Seggs addiction plus abandonment issues and more. You should tell him to refer into childhood attachment styles and to heal his wounds if you can. 👀
In my experience, insecure men cheat. So, I always look for signs of ego, pride, vanity, etc.
Divorced one. I will now.
VERY TRUE I LEARNED!!
💯
I've been cheated on by the guys who is confident too...men are best avoided, they will hurt you.
Naah!
The fact that nobody talks about the book Women’s Magic Truths on Borlest speaks volumes about how people are stuck in a trance.
She’s sooooo right. If a man is being flirty with other women, even waitress and stuff in front of you that’s a big red flag. If it makes you uncomfortable, listen to that. You deserve more. ❤❤❤
It's a banner! This requires a conversation. Setting boundaries and consequences. If there's no behavioral change, leave. He's not trustworthy.
Yep! My husband of 22 years did this with my younger sister. I completely missed it because I allowed myself to feel too safe. Never again.
Flirty to everyone is a huge sign! So is secret pornography
yep! And you know what I was told? I was just insecure because I didn’t like either of those things. The ultimate gas lighting.
@@sarahalderman3126what!!! So sorry! ❤
I'm a man and I've never cheated...not all men have the urges of stray dogs!
This video is about a specific type of man. It wasn't a general statement about all men!!!!!
Are you single?🦹🏼
Good for you. Have you looked the other way or covered for other individuals who have cheated? The Bro Code is alive & well.
Which is why we should not settle, we KNOW you’re out there!!!
Well me and you both my husband left Xmas day his girlfriend bought my present leaving the receipt for me to find subsequently another girl he has on standby regularly meeting in car parks 25 years now I'm lost
A narcissist always cheats then they gaslight their partner to justify their cheating .
ALWAYS!!!
hmm
Indeed.
Divorced one. Went through this and he had the nerve to hide it but TMH exposed it through my intuition, running into divine meetings with strangers who have run into my ex-husband at places he shouldn't be while I am at home or something or dreams. He couldn't get away with it. He's reaping bad karma due to it or been going through it for decades until he self destruct.
Yes. My ex narcissist cheated on me at a festival… told me straight away that he lied to the girl and said we were in an open relationship. I then took a week to process and decide what I wanted, and after seeming upset at how he hurt me, and saying he loves me so much, he cheated again during that week with someone else. He then told me if I had gone to the festival maybe the outcome would have been different…
I’ve been cheated on many times. I’ve learned the best way to keep myself open to love and trust (not shutting ourselves up like the analogy of the boarded up windows) is to trust, not others, but MYSELF. The idea that “if this person does betray me, I’ll be ok. I can handle it in a healthy way” 💪 so building self trust has been my saving grace.
The problem is they’re’s not yours. It’s their character flaw.
This is a powerful way of thinking! Thank you.
but who needs the emotional disruption?? One can trust oneself to be able to get over it, but I simply cannot afford to risk experiencing the chaos and upheaval that comes with cheating. The only way to be sure is to stay out of intimate relationships.😂
Amen
Well said, that was great
Dr Ramani should seriously get a Nobel prize for the work she is doing. And saving lives.
Being cheated on is being used. You’re being used for your emotional energy, attention, your time, domestic work, cooking, as well as sex, money, status, or a place for them to live. Learn to live alone and learn to use your energy to make your world a better place instead.
Poor Terri Ann magana
And putting your partner at risk for std’s is so disrespectful
If it's a girl in the relationship it's 100%
its abusive. should be a chargable offense
With hard evidence and proof of such a crime, a person could be legally punished/imprisoned. Getting someone sick intentionally is literally playing with their life. It's not just disrespectful - it is a serious crime.
@@user-ee5om8wy7unot as much anymore, since most things aren’t life threatening anymore which is cool
Disrespectful and not love at all.
My ex accused me of cheating because I was finishing work late. I sent him a picture of myself at work. He accused me again and I answered how would I even cheat at work? He replied it’s so easy to cheat at work.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
He cheated on me with a coworker.
Same. even though I even carpooled to and from work with a female co-worker! Guess what? He was the one that was cheating!!!
"Those who distrust most--should be trusted least".
This sounds like projection. It's like some men who say women will end up lonely and single when they're the ones who are actually single and lonely.
@@dragonfly9209 I didn't know that then but I do now!
Narcs love to project: they accuse others of what they are in fact doing.
Biggest thing behind cheating is the lies. If lies are happening in this area, it’s happening all over the place. How can someone trust a Liar? That’s why we don’t feel safe with these people.
And not given the choice of leaving .. just keep making you look dumb & crazy to family & friends , when they know the truth
My narcissist would say, "I wouldn't be here if I didn't love you."
Typical cheater language.
Love bombing does not equal a healthy relationship. The doctor is spot on. Showering someone with attention, compliments and gifts on its own does not equal healthy.
It's very hard to understand when your parents did the same thing. It consists of very huge high's and low's. What are the real values really.. how can we feel those properly, even with the theory in mind. The feeling is not in the healthy place. it's really complicated to figure all this out.
They do it because they know THEY WILL GET SEX IN RETURN ….
Literally every man I've known long term and personally has cheated on their partners. It's awful and I always try to help them find another way. Most seem to take pride in their flandering and said it's normal. I've been in a toxic marriage myself and am kicking myself for not taking the obvious red flags seriously.
I will heal myself, reject his control and rage, set intention and set my soul free.
@bigdeal1892 yet, according to alot of comments online that I come across from men write just how terrible women are because they all cheat. It's hilarious.
Infidelity is a deal-breaker.
Lovebombing and future faking is manipulation- coercion.
I live with a narc/cheater. I’m secretly planning to leave him for good.
Aug 13th UPDATE: It’s been 7 mo since I posted and a lot had transpired. Your notifications come into my phone often but I’ll share how I escape soon. I’ll be leaving this house, this man once and for all! It’s been crazy and I hope my story can strengthen and encourage someone out there.
Please, do it. There’s no point in trying to have a conversation. It won’t work. To the contrary, you will give him validation through your pain. Just show the evidence, leave, block him from everything.
So good for you! You've got it! I left mine two years ago and I am better than ever ❤️
Best wishes with your escape plan. I hope life improves for you very soon.
Good. The relationship was dead from the start with a narc
Good girl! I secretly escaped 9 months ago after an 11 years of unbelievable chaos and moved 200 miles away and although I grieved and am still learning to live with out the abuse, which is totally loving myself again, and to testify that it's doable. Hard but doable. I applaud you and attest to the victory within. 🎉
She is spot on. Narcissists once confronted with proof of their cheating will actually become angry and blame the person they cheated on!
So true…it’s ridiculous
I think of cheaters as cowards. They want to maintain the status quo, so they just can’t come clean with the person they made a vow to. Tell the truth so the other person can move on with their life, too.
Yes. My husband will not admit to anything. Accepts no responsibility for all he has done. He's been cheating now for awhile. I'm old now, and he's into the young woman. I told him to go for it! I'll find someone else, and I will.
Well, they don’t wNt the other person to move on, that’s the reason they don’t come clean. They want their cake and eat it too, but don’t want the partner to do the same.
@@Vrin137 cowards.
If someone believes their relationship/marriage is over and they want to give up on that for whatever reason, they should just break up, cheating and then blaming the other person is so self-centered, immature and downright disgusting.
Agree, I haven't watched the video yet but most cheaters are selfish and self centered and they stay because they don't want to be alone and they want to have a back up before deciding to leave. It's pathetic but sadly it doesn't matter if the cheater believes the relationship is over, they only care about how they feel and it's what they want, they want. I hope people learn to heal and not hurt others. You can hurt but there's no need to put that on an innocent human being. Just cruel..
Amen to that !!! Exactly. If if "ain't working" talk about it. and if you can't talk about it and work it out then let's move on.
FACTS
18:10 sounds like Justin Bieber
That's not that easy. Our laws put the guy wanting to end a relationship in between a rock and hard place. Law favors the woman. Custody favors the woman. So they have a wife who is nothing more roommate. Ending isn't that easy. I think it should be easier for men and women to end a relationship. This death till us part just leads abusive relationships. I know a couple and they hate each other. They both cheat on each other. She know he does but he think she isn't and that he's pulled the wool over her eyes. They don't spit up because they can't afford to.
I truly never even considered that my husband would be a cheater. I thought he was a totally honest and faithful person. Yet he cheated three times before I had had enough and divorced him after almost 30 years.
As a follow up, in further listening to this, I now remember both my personal physician (male) and my pastor (male) tried to tell me that my husband was having affairs. Yet, they were not totally "blunt" (or maybe they were and I just didn't want to accept it)so in my naivety I didn't fully "catch on" to what they were trying to delicately tell me. They were both correct, unfortunately. And yes, in the end, I was blamed by my husband's family that "well, if she had been doing what she should have at home, this wouldn't have happened"..... however, we were still having sex while he was having his affairs, he lied of course to his lady friends that we weren't - but we were. so there. Like Dr. Ramani said, I didn't want to see it because then I would have to do something about it.
Sounds similar to my story. Ours was 23 years before I left. After I left , found out he had cheated other times.
@jenne8180 - what did they say exactly to try to tell you your husband was cheating...how did they know?
That’s always crazy when you really trust him and give him the benefit of the doubt.
@@jenne8180I would like to add that another possible rwason you didn't " catch on" is because you were an honest person and simply did not think in a " get one over " or decietful way so it was not on your radar. Maybe it is being naive but I experienced something similar. I had never been exposed to the twisted decieful way some people think and did not catch on as quickly as I would now. I am glad you are free of that toxicity. Took courage to face such painful facts and leave. Kuddos!
They feel entitled to other people's bodies while in a relationship, but they can't even handle one!!!
When dealing with narcissism, you should know that it’s not personal. “It isn’t personal” is one of those cliches used to cushion all kinds of bad actions taken by people who need an out for being immoral, but in this case it actually gets near the truth. Narcissists don’t know how to love or be a friend; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissist value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection. Moreover, People wonder why they end up hurt, seriously hurt, and even killed for their own actions. Cheating is a choice and there’s simply a lot of ignorance in the process.... Thank you so much for helping me out Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Your advice and services helped me so much. You are a lifesaver !!! The information you gave me about my cheating partner when you gave me access to his phone was everything I needed to get,.. thank you very much..
Dante labeled cheaters as among the lowest in Hell, and I definitely agree with that.
I'm not sure how he knew that without being a cheater himself. His wife was loyal and above reproach, even though he was exiled from her for most of their marriage. Just sayin'...
@@cherylmarcuri5506 he spoke of betrayal, which is not just cheating. He said that trust was the foundation of any loving relationship, and without it, everything falls apart. You can be betrayed in business, in friendship or by family, by an institution, as well as by your partner.
It was betrayers not adulterers
@@Abr022575 They're the same thing, bud. You're splitting hairs.
@@Areutherehelloall cheating is betrayal but not all betrayals are cheating. Not splitting hairs, important distinction
This is EXACTLY what happened to me. I was gaslighted so bad and the cheating was minimized. I panicked to “save” our relationship. I ended up taking him on a vacation to get away. Basically rewarded him. So disgusted in hindsight. This happened in 2021. Got him out of my house a month ago. Only on day 5 no contact. This has been TORTURE. I am finally feeling better going no contact. The addiction feeling is passing.
Stay STRONG keep the door closed these people are EVIL
I too am going through this right now, I've had suspicions from almost day 1 but I didn't trust my intuition. Recently I found more identifiable signs and I couldn't ignore my gut instincts anymore. I've also just gone no contact but know he will try and hoover once his secret new source of supply becomes boring. My boundaries are high, but it hurts like hell inside.
I totally feel you. This connection or addiction breakup feels like a small death. Almost hard to breathe and you just pull through. It was like that for me in any breakup. Stay strong and know your not alone
Stay strong. ITS Worth it
... and it'll get better and better the more distance you get mentally and emotionally ❤ rainy days will come, but as you work through the pain, those days become memories, and eventually, peace with the situation. you got this. keep going ❤
I worked mostly with men at my old job. 11 of them. 6 had cheated. One of those six (the richest one)ALWAYS had some sort of a side chick. I also worked at a hotel for 2 years as a young girl and witnessed many affairs. Men should not be trusted. Be wise - buy a property, keep it even after you marry, get a prenup with cheating clause. A men’s most vulnerable place is his wallet, if he knows he loses his money if he steps aside, he might think twice.
Extremely true and valid !!! Great advice
Where was it fords,indicon corp?
Right! Being exposed to cheating at your work place such as a hotel is a real life lesson! I know people in the hotel industry who told me many stories, the cctv’s don’t lie! Spouses also come to the hotel snooping around to find out. It’s a mess! But, you are smart to observe what’s happening and taking steps to protect yourself.
23 years of being devalued and cheated on. The trauma bond is deep and I’m seeing a therapist
Don’t do anything to your partner that you wouldn’t want being done to you.
The golden way "treat ppl how you wanna be treated", a rule I've always lived by, platonically as well as romantically.
***golden rule
That golden rule is a large part of the shock involved in getting involved with a narcissist or sociopath
Sounds logicall but 1 in 4 people cheat. Heartbreaking
Just because your lover passionately denies cheating on you doesn’t mean she/he isn’t having an affair just because they feel insulted!
Cheaters may ACT like they feel insulted - but they are likely just getting up on their hind legs & getting defensive because they feel threatened.
I heard one cheater say,
“I lie to get what I want.”
They use our trust to manipulate us.
We must question what they say & do and stop giving them blind trust because they are proven liars.
Giving a potential cheater the benefit of the doubt is a sure way we can shoot ourselves in the foot and end up hurting ourselves even MORE.
It’s hard to face the reality of our situation but living in the truth will help us in the end.
💕
In my last relationship, i was accused of cheating. I absolutely denied it. I didnt do anything... he was tho, the whole time. 😂
No matter how much they deny …. it’s still called LYING.
When I asked my now-ex if he was cheating, his answer was “I would never do that to you!” It was as though he was offended by the question, and yet he was indeed cheating on me at that time.
I've always said that men who flirt with others are a ticking time bomb for cheating. Theres no such thing as "innocent" flirting or banter. Its him testing the waters. I also frequently see husbands walking behind their wives so she cant see who he's checking out or trying to make eye contact with. So many fake marriages and relationships out here where he's not with who he wants just with the one who'll have him lol
1 in 4 cheat and the other 3 are lying
probably accurate 100% :)
11k views in 7 hours. A lot of us are trying to figure this out. May you all heal and find the love inside, that you truly deserve. Peace Love and Light
"Things weren't going well between us and I was bored" was the narcissist's excuse for cheating.
That is the explanation I got from all the women I met through dating apps when their husband/boyfriend got mentioned.
@@NowioFelwhat are you doing messing with women in relationships/ marriages?🤔 It tells me smth about you
I dated a guy years ago who probably cheated on me. If he didn't cheat, he was going to. I realized this while breaking up with him and at that point I no longer cared. In retrospect, it should have been obvious. He was a liar and a thief, he was dismissive of my opinions and interests and he was selfish. He didn't respect me. I think the essence of infidelity is selfishness and disrespect.
Narcissists always have someone else in the wings, or back pocket, they make sure of it.
All true comments. They are fragile and terribly insecure on the inside.
Cheating is narcissistic.
So find a narcissist and you will find a cheater.
@@user-nv5wi8op8k The ONLY cheater who is not a narcissist is one that does it once and never does it again after seeing the devastation it brought to their partner. If someone is able to cheat again after seeing the damage that it does then you can rest assured they are a full blown narcissist.
@@user-nv5wi8op8k I agree that not everyone who cheats is a narcissist but don't be surprised if a narcissist DOES cheat.
@@user-nv5wi8op8kreally? If you can betray someone on that level you are narcissistic. That is not something normal people are capable of because they have a sense of right and wrong.
@@user-nv5wi8op8k …but it’s still narcissistic to cheat!
@@user-nv5wi8op8kNoone who cheats deserves a person who is loyal. Cheaters ( whether they are a narcissist or not) should be with cheaters. Cheating is a character flaw which never goes away. Staying with a cheater tells them you will accept it, so they know they can do it again- and often do.
If you want to cheat just leave if you don’t want to leave the relationship then do not cheat
No, they want to cheat and stay at the same time
My ex cheated then blamed me for it. He would flirt with women in front of me. Then told me I was paranoid & said I was crazy. Then after we split, he did a whole turn around then admitted cheating on me. Total narcissist. He would never take the blame for what he did. Till it was over, then he begged to have me back with him. I've been single for years. We're brain washed into believing we have to be with someone in life. The only person that is loyal & makes you happy is yourself. I'm more or less a hermit. Which I prefer, no stressful relationship along with the lies. While I watch people around me argue like mad. Thankfully I saved myself from all that. Folks will learn, eventually. Why live a life of unhappiness just to say your with someone.
Not me. I was alone and had no issue with it (17 years). No time for nonsense in my life. Celibate and HAPPY.
It's rejection, when you are cheated on, just how I feel ❤
Totally agree!
Weird and totally out of balance that you project your own feelings onto someone else--definitely more worthy of a diagnosis.
It's what he wanted all along, that's why all the manipulation, hostility, lovebombing etc. He wanted to do whatever he wanted to do, to have everyone else committed to him, no commitment for him to care for anyone else.
No real attachments. Easy life, but no rewards of any kind in the long run. I suspected he was messing around, but I think that's what all the unexpected hostility was from him. It was to keep me confused and distracted.
@@HateBear-real this is how he made me feel, he made me feel as if I was not good enough, it's all part of the abuse, I never felt this way before I met him.
It really is.💔
Oh man... the "energy shift" is real. Intuition is a wonderful thing, I just wish we were taught how to listen to it. That's exactly what happened to me - I didn't have the smoking gun, and was always gaslit - but for me, the night I had a though of driving by his work to see if he was having an affair, that in IN ITSELF was my sign. I then said "this isn't working for me anymore". I still loved him - 17 years and I walked away. I had suspicions of his "work wife" aka his boss - long story short, he was having an affair. Trust your gut ladies. The greatest gift you can give yourself is to do your inner work to the point where you trust yourself to make it through anything, no matter what. Once the pain of staying is greater than the fear of leaving /the unknown, take your lessons and go live your best life
😂
narcissist lee, unfortunately the romantic dreamer...period... its so true the 'relationship' words for sanity😂
Truth yet even your space is an opportunity home work etc....
I would go farther and say cheating is happening in over 50% of relationships.
Yes especially with social media in the mix now.
Yeah and id say for young people it's probably closer to 75% which is why I just decided to give up completely
These ppl act like they know Everyone 😂 where did they get there numbers from ? The good ones don’t come out so they base it on the ones that come to therapy ?
I thought about cheating on my ex because I was mad at him. However, I communicated my frustration and we broke up a few months later. It made the rebound s3x so much better 😅
More I reckon
I won't have anything to do with a man ever again. With those odds why bother?
I agree, I stopped dating all together, I did a few times and I just can’t seam to find genuine people so I ratter not waste my time and energy. I have dogs who gives me the oxytocin I need and hey if I do meet a decent man who’s ok with taking slow I may give it a go but I’m cautious with my mental health and my heart now, it not worth it to jeopardize my good life.
Betrayal blindness worked as a survival mechanism for me. Gotta get up and take care of the kids and go to work... can't blow up my life on a Tuesday, kinda thing. Once I started gaining knowledge, thanks to Ramani, I couldn't look away again. Once you know you can't un-know.
How true. Knowing or being strongly convinced in your gut bc of so many "off" things and other dysfunctional aspects of the relationship is just the first step. In life, family, and responsibilities, the "how to move forward" can be pragmatically very difficult or nearly impossible depending on each person's scenario. That's on top of the emotional devastation of everything one faces in the steps of change after the devastation of the initial blow. After divorcing a narc from 14 yrs of marriage, being in court with him constantly for the next 6-7 yrs (so far) and now being married to another narc...it feels like a lose-lose situation. I'm damaged if I stay in and have to go through all the damage and trauma of leaving. What's even worse is knowing how either way affects the children. It, too, feels like a lose-lose scenario. I have four children from my 1st marriage and 1 from my 2nd. It breaks my heart to see the harm caused to them in their past and for their future. All things to consider when planning... to minimize harms. We cannot control a lot, but some things we can. Though it is exhausting, I still say it is better to leave once it's physically possible. Someone has got to be educated, live the difference, teach the difference, and break the cycles. I, too, relate to an overwhelming amount of what Dr. Ramani addressed...the accuracy breaks my heart and validates me at the same time. Praying for wisdom and strength in moving forward and for the next long haul. My prayers go out to everyone affected by these things.😢😪🙏
I have been gaslighted and micro cheated on for decades. I'm only coming to grips with it now. I have been ignoring it for so long it became a habit of just forgiving and moving on. Till the next time. It's a vicious cycle. And I'm stuck in it.
@@mardi7346 I just discovered my husband was cheating on me ( AGAIN) after 26 years of marriage. I forgave because we have a son, almost finishing HS, he was so very remorseful . So, I forgave him, it was so very hard for me, but I wanted to save our marriage, well, 5 yrs later, he’s done it again, I have the proof also. It hurts, and im angry, I can’t take him and the lies no longer.
@@bethanyham5204, 26 years of marriage, and after one affair of forgiving, he’s done it again 4 years later, he’s definitely a narc and I’m gonna leave, but using my poker face until I let him know.
My second husband accused me of cheating even though I had no inclination to cheat, and it was definitely projection because he was the one cheating.
Exactly.
Basically, in the beginning only, if a man do something which makes you uncomfortable and you tell him and he don't change.. he is absolute no-no.
Had my ex narc dead to rights with screenshots and detective work and his DARVO was so strong I literally started to believe I was indeed what he was screaming at me- “sick” and “mentally ill.” I fled to a motel, and moved out shortly after. Boom. He tells his poor new supply I’m insane and had her block me to keep me from telling her any truths, should I ever break my firm no contact these days. I couldn’t care less what he tells people, or what he tells her. He was violent and berserk prior to my realizing his infidelity and I lost that line in the sand two years earlier; the cheating was my last line. I’m so glad I got away from him that I’ll wear the loony hat no problem. I’ll even put bells on it.
Wow …I had a similar experience. He raged at me when his manipulation wasn’t working that I was really sick, more sick than he thought and needed to see a doctor.
Unfortunately, infidelity tends to go hand in hand with narcissism. Especially, somatic narcissism. Narcissists believe EVERYTHING they need is external, including self-worth, self-esteem, validation, etc. Those things are what make up our inner world and we are supposed to develop and cultivate them within/on our own. Narcissists DEPEND on people to supply those things for them. Because we cannot (nor, are we supposed to) supply every want/need of a partner, narcissists are always on the lookout for "better supply". They will always gravitate toward anyone they feel can meet the needs/wants their spouse isn't (and can't). Narcissists are unstable and they cannot soothe themselves. They cannot meet their own needs and their needs/wants are constantly changing. Narcissists are black holes. They are human abyss' of unmet needs/wants. Even if you gave them everything, they'd still want MORE... All while giving NOTHING in return. Narcissists are also pathologically bored. They do not experience boredom the way normal adults do. They're like children. Once they become bored, they tend to throw their toys (people) in a corner to collect dust. Then, they search for new ones... Untilllll, they realize that their newest toy isn't as fun. Or, it doesn't function as well as the old toy did. Then, they'll go digging in the corner to find that old toy (the reason their relationships tend to be off and on). People are objects meant to keep them occupied and entertained. The newer the toy, the better/more exciting it is. However, EVERYONE will inevitably lose their shine with the narcissist. You must accept their reality and realize that it's NOT ABOUT YOU and it never was. This is also the point when it becomes crucial to sit your ego on the curb. Your ego will want to fight to be seen. Your ego will want to fight to prove you're enough. Your ego will feel it's "worthy" of the narcissist and fight to "keep" them... But, again: IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. Most narcissists are extremely irresponsible. Many of them marry to secure stability. Or, to have someone they can count on to help with bills to free up their resources. It also ensures they'll have somewhere safe to land when they fall - because they always f*** up... Do yourself a favor and pull that rug of security out from under them and save YOURSELF. Narcissists do not have a moral compass. They do not respect the union of marriage. It'll always be a one-sided arrangement with you being the giver that's making their life easier and them being the taker that's making your life harder. We deserve the same love, attention, support and understanding that we give our spouses. You will never get it from someone suffering with NPD. Moreover, if you feel sure that your husband might never cheat on you, you might have to rethink. Most wives in marriages are shocked when they find out their husband cheating, and it happens more with people who never thought they would cheat. This is why you have to take the tiniest suspicion carefully. If your husband is cheating on you, the best and probably the only guaranteed way to catch him is to spy on their phones. However, spying on a phone is not something you can do without any external help unless you have the James bond level of spy skills. In such case you will need an expert phone spyier Metaspyhub@gmail. com for the purpose,,,
This was so informative...the'black hole' reference is a perfect description!!!
I didn’t need to spy on his phone. I found a condom wrap in his pocket
Your comment gave me strength, thank you
FACTS, FACTS, FACTS!!!!!!
💯 ❤
I think this is Dr Ramani's best video yet :) She even opened up about her own wounds. She is such a blessing for us all :)
She is realist without being jaded. Scars last a lifetime, but eventually stop actively bleeding.
Wholeheartedly agree x
I agree !!!
My husband was the kindest, most respectful man for 35 years. I figured out, that’s why he was so kind all these years . He was cheating the whole time.He was guilty so he treated me like a queen. Blindsided me.
😢
I’m sorry that’s horrible
Sorry, you are going through this but know that you are still a Queen, he wasn't a King.
I got cheated on about 4 years into a serous relationship. It was awful and almost broke me. It was a very toxic relationship, but the betrayal was something I can’t describe. It was a total mind f$&@!
I'm genuinely curious because I am rethinking my relationship - what made you continue the relationship for 4 years before the cheating if it was toxic?
@@Ira.1 Well, toxic people are my favorite drug of choice. I had no idea until he cheated on me and I took a long hard look at myself and that relationship. It was red flags from the beginning and just got worse and everything moved way too fast in the beginning. I’m 5 years out, I always found normal relationships boring. I guess after being raised by an overt narcissist father, I have been easy prey for covert narcissists. I’ve really worked hard to try and change my mindset as to not end up with any more relationships like that, I’ve gone no contact with a few friends as well over the last few years.
@@Ira.1Just left a 1+ toxic relationship. It was my first toxic relationship, my gut knew he was full of red flags but I kept making excuses. Eventually I got drained. I was constantly anxious (I’m usually a secure person), stressed, my performance dropped at work. Until I couldn’t have the strength to bear more emotional abuse. I realized it was affecting my mental health and job that was my TRUE red line so I left.
If your gut tells you something is wrong but your mind is “intoxicated” and you can’t see clearly how the relationship is toxic, do this: every time they make you feel bad record it on your calendar. In 1-2 months, look at your calendar to see how many crappy days you’ve had due to this relationship.
I admire Dr. Ramani, she's intelligent and knows what she's talking about. I learned a lot from her.
True if you don’t feel safe and your body is telling you to leave listen to your body then go and find happiness somewhere else! You deserve it!!!
Cheating is sneaky and some women live in complete denial. My girl friend swears her man is "a good man" because he does the bare minimum like, making her a coffee for her or massaging her shoulders, buying her flowers for her birthday. Yet this same man has flirted with women from his workplace and talks to them outside of work, a boundary that upset my girl friend which she has communicated to him it upsets her when he does this. He's talked to her many times now in 3 years to open up their relationship to become a poly relationship, and me watching her be upset and confused by this. She is happy just with him and no one else, meanwhile he wants a third woman in his relationship. The moment a monogamous relationship becomes open, and more people involved, that's when your relationship dies. Some women seriously live in denial and them don't see they can do better and deserve better.
Wonder how he would like it if she wished to have an additional male partner
@@camellia8625 she asked him that, and he said no. He did say yes to a trans woman or a feminine guy. 🤷🏼♀️
It's a rejection of your entire being by someone you value above all others. Once you get over it, you realise that they were just incredibly selfish to themselves, as they deprived themselves of you. If it doesn't tell you how stupid they are, nothing will.
“Those who are looking for the excitement, the fantasy. There is some immaturity moments. Half the excitement is planning it and where we are going to meet”
And then, they cheat on their affair partner! The affair partner is such a fool.
At the 24:30 mark I just started bawlin because Dr. Ramani has described almost verbatim what happened to me with my narcissistic ex husband. That was 4 years ago and it still hurts. Everything this woman has said in this video is completely accurate and I'm so grateful that she makes videos to help us heal and to bring awareness to others about what is happening to them. Dr. Ramani is a Godsend. Thank you! 🙏🏽
25:35 got me!! he would stay out all night long come home we would fight and at the end of the fight I was begging him to stay! How messed up is that?? when she talks about having concrete evidence about something! Oh, my God it’s like she’s been living in my home!
@@user-uu9yi7hj9g Isn't it crazy how different people have similar experiences with narcissists? I'm just grateful for people like Dr. Ramani who validate what we've gone thru and also help us heal from it. Good luck to you on your healing journey. 🙏🏽
Betrayal is very hurtful after been married to a narcissist for 28 years I’ve been through everything. It was very hard for me to give it up but now I kick him out our home and filing divorce. He wants me to pay him out our homes so he can eat more fufu and get oils rub down . After everything is taken away from him I will not ever take him back . He’s gone for three years now and it still hurts but my peace is worth more . I’m in healing and the divorce will hit when i sign next year but I can’t have another woman in my marriage and still be the wife . He didn’t want the divorce but yet want to keep her also in hiding. He’s in the projects and hating it . I’m done ! Peace out !
I heard the saying, "Never cry for someone who wouldn't cry for you." To release the pain, you need to understand that it had nothing to do with you. Take on a mindset of "F*ck them," and move on.
Dr Ramani nails it over and over again…. She’s even been through it herself, twice… My question is this… where does the average person whose been broken to bits really locate a therapist able, educated enough, street smart enough, on and on… to come close to being able to know how to tap into the twisted pain, let alone have a clue as to what to do with that pain????
You can’t contract or regulate a relationship. If the connection, values and love isn’t there…IT AIN’T there! Be real!
You have to pay attention to the energy. Energy does not lie.
Let alone getting cheated on and gaining an incurable disease. I truly had a dark night of the soul experience.
Yep, those women sleeping around and then bringing in STDs to their faithful husbands is horrible... men do not deserve such devils.
😢😢😢
I hate hearing that. I hope you get the support you need. Hugs.
I was terribly abused by a narcissist and now I’m grateful to open up about it and leave it. Thank you Lisa and Dr for helping people to get rid of their hells🙏
Good for you!! It takes strength and courage to change your life, but you are changing it so much to the better!!! Good luck in your new beautiful journey 🎉
I think a high majority of men are narcissistic.
Be careful! If you catch your narcissist doing something in bad taste, they will never be able to trust you again...
So? Sounds like a blessing to me.
Very true. But it’s a good thing.
Dr. Romani is spot on. I was the other woman. He was a narc, he lied his ASS off to me about his wife, had I known the truth and that he never planned on leaving, I would have NEVER gone there with him. He did eventually leave her for me but It was a 5 year MESS that ended with him having an affair with my sister. I guess I got mine
Yes, they either lie about it or try to hide it completely
I remember so clearly saying to my partner that he needs to call me and break it off before he cheats. That's all I ask. He mocked me and said there was no way that was going to happen. My ask was ridiculous. Narcissistic people are the absolute best at mind games!
@@snn2913 walked in on him with a woman old enough to be his mother. This was long after I asked him to break things off before cheating.
They can't be honest, we don't realize that. They *can't* be good.
@@lizh1988 true and it’s scary when they tell you that you are a good person. They know who they are.
@@windysmith7367 mine said that to someone else on the phone in front of me. I was none the wiser as to why he said it, but it seemed like either complete BS or some secret signal between them. Little did I know it would precede a huge hoover. I will forget this guy once I feel safe and that he'll never have anything to do with me, but I don't think he will ever lose the guilt for his crimes. I don't think he will ever sincerely be sorry.
I was cheated on multiple times by my ex-narc-husband. I struggle to not blame myself for being "submissive " during my marriage... thinking that would please him. I'm happily divorced and I am not a submissive person, I truly was following my mothers submissive behavior with my verbally abusive/controlling father.
Many women are trying to force themselves to be feminine and become submissive when it’s not who they are. Some women are more in touch with their masculine side and nothing is wrong with that.
You truly are not to blame at all. It’s a betrayal of the relationship you had. I am a survivor too and I love hearing all these others who also took the leap to get away.
I have the exact same story as you, I thought that being a loving person and submissive will keep him happy but I was cheated on.
Now I'm not submissive anymore.
I am amazed: when Dr. Ramani showed how a narc would answer the question about 'what is love?' and the response to the confrontation about texts in the phone (gaslighting, attacking, etc.), those are EXACTLY my husband's reactions and words - vocabulary, body language, voice tone 😮
Same
You are so right about the social media liking of pictures, people who flirt with waitresses, people who have to be the center of attention, that are always posting their life on the media, lying and trying to make people believe that they have a very successful life, making it look like if they’re 💯 financial stable when they have nothing they advertise having.
This was my life recently with a Narcissist.
When the narcissist admits to betrayal at one point, and the next point they act like they never said that!
Betrayal betrayal betrayal!😌
I can't stand social media
I could listen to Dr. Ramani all day the way she articulates her thoughts in a organized clear and meaningful manner❤️
We walk around with blinkers on because we dont want to believe it
"When Men heal, the World changes."
Wow, profound!
#BlessedBeThee🐦
When I found out about his affair and confronted him with it - he said absolutely nothing! The crickets were louder than him. She sent me pics of their time together and all he had to say was "I can't believe she did "that". To this day he hasn't said anything about what he did.
😮
Cheating, whether Emotional and/or Physical, changes EVERYTHING.
Absolutely horrible betrayal to the other person.
Anything to crack or bust the Trust with your person is Cheating.
For the Cheater...Turn the tables around and think about how YOU would feel if your person did the very same thing to You. Maybe then you will truly understand what you did to your person.
There has to be boundaries with Ex's.
Valuable discussion - enjoy these two ladies. ❤
Although I agree with you with turning the table , most times these people have no soul.I rember asking my ex , to put his self in my shoes.He’s response was I can’t put myself in your shoes.
Narcissists won´t ever see what they have done do the other person they cheated on (sure multiple times)....
@@kyrianjoseph1403 Maybe he is a narcissist - they have no emotional empathy and therefore they can´t put themselves in your shoes. (Once you understand and accept that you will have the answer why...).
@@IsabellaPiesch You maybe right! Looking back at a lot of the things this guy did and I’m like, mmm.
Yeah for real!! I can't stand when a lot of people,mostly men,claim it isn't cheating if you haven't physically done anything yet, like WOW
56:50 Betrayal hurts, cheating is at the end of the day a personal choice and it's about the person who is cheating not the other person.
Healing from narcissistic abuse is about living for yourself not defining yourself through accommodating others at the expense of self. It's about being your true self and honouring that through acts of self love and self-respect and not self abandonment.
Omg take a shot everytime someone says narcissist in the comments 😂 be dead by the end of it. Yall overuse the sht out of that word
@@ichiban6004most of the people commenting here are Dr Ramani followers. She has a dedicated channel to talk about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Hence so many people here mentioning their experience with narcissistic partners
After years of begging for intimacy i left i didnt cheat. So there is no excuse
Cheating is any secret you keep from your partner that you wouldn’t want them to know about
healthy relationships empathy, respect, balance, compassion, passion, equity in the relationship
This prompted me to have the “what is love to you?” Conversation.. and my goodness was it eye opening and productive. Thank you ☺️
I will add to that that woman can request whatever they want, but you have to be careful about pricing yourself out of a market and be realistic (so don't demand a lot when you can't give a lot). Most women don't want exclusivity for the same reason they don't have d*cks LOL. It's funny to me that a lot of women nowadays are so confused about what matters--that's the #1 problem nowadays in relationships. I would pay fair and square for what I want, but I have never in the whole world found one single woman that will actually mean what she says or do what she says. I don't think it exists. I think they deliberately sabotage relationships.
Prof. Ramani is right, there will always be a sign that your partner will cheat in my case I cant imagine seeing him in a working environment where there are women. It means, my instinct cant trust him fully
It’s not enough to think someone is cheating when people say “he don’t beat you”🙄
One of my favourite things about Dr Ramani is that she brings the *nuance* like nobody's business... But never without the moral clarity, and never forgetting the survivors in a given scenario. I love how firmly she holds onto both.
I'm so glad the term "betrayal trauma" was coined, because it really does wreak havoc on a person's psyche. I've experienced both parental betrayal and romantic betrayal. Both were legitimately devastating, but in some very different ways. I wouldn't say one was worse than the other, just different.
When I was in the very acute stage of the romantic betrayal trauma, I saw a video by a life coach who essentially laid most of the blame on the person getting cheated on. I can't emphasise enough what a spiral that sent me down. I'm so glad Dr Ramani spoke out against that kind of rhetoric.
Betrayal blindness: Very well explained, thank you. For me, it's like a long-term "survival instinct" if all other possible reactions won't work in the current situation (in your example having a little baby). It's cutting off all emotions to keep "functioning"...because you can't fight in tears, you can't flight if you're loosing solid ground under your feet and you can't mimikry dead if you're screaming and shaking. Keeping the feelings for later is the way to stay strong until you got rid of the cheater and are safe. 🙂
This is all making me sick to my stomach. Def want to stay single and abstinent. Dating is becoming scarier and scarier. If you aren’t happy….just leave. People who are honest….are respected.
The dating pool is quite small if after eliminating toxic people, we then have to eliminate cheaters out of the not obviously toxic pool. 😬
If you're not toxic and not a cheater, then surely there are others like you out there..the pool doesn't have to be big, it just needs to be clean.
@@carolkami.671cheaters arent born...theyre made. So any one of you "non cheaters" can easily become one, under the right circumstances.
Right!? It's a jungle out there. No wonder us survivors walk with so much caution through the world.
@@carolkami.671 yes, this is definitely the best attitude to embrace. It just took me a long time to wake up to the idea that I had to protect myself from the bad ones. I didn’t see it, over and and over and over again. There should have been a set of things I was looking for to eliminate someone right away, but I didn’t. So m figuring that out... can’t just go it in to the world and expect that people have the same empathy, morals and conduct as myself... have to watch out for the wolf in sheep’s clothing.
@@cygnelle1232 I will be very VERY cautious in my next attempts with dating and meeting people. These videos where Dr. Ramani gives very practical advice about what questions to ask and what exactly to look out for are EXTREMELY helpful for someone like me (who was groomed from childhood to accept and accommodate bad behavior).
You don’t have to wait until the other person gives you a show down in order to break up. If you don’t feel comfortable if you suspect they are cheating if you don’t not want to continue the relationship in general you don’t need a reason you end the relationship. Life can be whatever you make it.
Sometimes that is easier said than done :(
@@tundeterezespecially when children are involved, homes, pets, finances, jobs, school, extended family, friendships etc…
@@staceystrukel1917 Precisely.
@@tundeterez True, but it's still very well worth keeping in mind.
It is not that easy.
I seen the red flags but I chose to ignore them. It almost costed me my life. Never again honestly..
This is wildly accurate. I asked my ex-fiancé why he loved me and wanted to marry me shortly after he proposed. He got extremely defensive and asked me why I would ask him such a stupid question and that it didn’t matter because out of all the women he could have, he chose me 😂. Needless to say after I broke up with him he went right to the girl he claimed was just a “friend” our entire relationship that he made me feel insecure about and text me he slept with her to get back at me for leaving. Also found out he was a serial cheater in all of past his relationships. Really dodged a bullet with that one 😅
I love seeing women having a conversation about something not talked about often in an authentic way.
This💛
Dr. Ramani I felt like you were remembering the pain you experienced in your past relationships. I felt you were remembering this pain ,I felt hurt for you. You have helped us so much getting thru Toxic Relationships. I want to wish you peace and happiness in your future. 😊😊
true. I noticed it
@@TabassumZee Thank you for noticing this, I knew I wasn't the only one. I am so grateful for Dr. Ramani.
I agree. It seemed like a very authentic Dr. Ramani presentation when she shared her story. Thx Dr. Ramani. Thanks for sharing all that you did.
Well said.💛😍
Thank you . I'm so sick of hearing men say its the woman's fault. Any post or video I've seen on social media about relationships and cheating , there's always a woman asking why men cheat on good women . Then you see several men chiming in blaming women . Its that's mans issue not the woman. If a man has an issue in the relationship, talk to your woman about what the issue is. Tell her what you're feeling and why. Cheating isn't going to solve what's going on in a man's mind . It's only going to cause more problems
This.
The problem with discussing what is considered cheating with a potential partner is that a narcissist will LIE about everything and tell you what you want to hear. I made it abundantly clear what my views were on a certain subject, and he agreed at the time. Well, lets just say it took a while to come out, but he certainly did NOT agree. So, now im hurt because of what occurred but also because he lied.
Exactly. They pay no attention, agree to everything and continue doing whatever they like.
Same. We both agreed to terms of our relationship. He was difficult, I was accommodating by being empathetic. He made little changes, don't even think he realized and maybe he did. In the end the changes he made while saying he wasn't going to change is what keep me in the relationship and then he betrayed me by cheating. I can't even be his friend now.
Their actions tell the truth
First thing that raises red flags is behavior changes. You don't even have to look for it. You start to notice pattern changes, simply for the fact that something has changed. Also you will start to notice the over explaining of unusual absences. Then you will start notice new behavior patterns. Usually men are sloppy AF when they are trying to cover up their bullshit. For example, their excuse for being gone always changes, but it'll be the same time and days every week. When it gets to the point, to where you can predict the excuse before it he even gives it, you pretty much have your answer. My favorite way to get them to tell on themselves is by making an ambiguous statement that only a guilty person would take as an accusation. You never come out and accuse them of anything, but they will deny doing the exact thing you never actually accused them of. When they get all defensive, its like "dude, i was talking about something completely different, who said anything about cheating? Why did you even go there? I was refering to how you are always trying to get out of doing you chores before leaving the house.". An innocent person wouldn't even think you were talking about them.
Women are so much more stealthier. I think it's because we had to be in the past. Hyphen, but I know we can get away with it. The whole entire time usually. If the human male wasn't so damn naive , And a Half wit
To think that sex is only for him. He'd understand and know that cookies are missing from the cookie jar. Because she likes cookies too, dumb a**
Why same time and days?
With my ex wife…. She suddenly started staying late at work, and then started going into work early. On the weekend she was going to her bosses rodeo that he is part of - she always hated rodeos and thought it was animal abuse. Then she was trying to “go for a sleepover at her friends house”. I called out the behaviour and received the DARVO. She blamed me for being insecure, and then it was that I was controlling etc. Just walk away and live your best life…
They are! I was with one , where is pattern of cheating was the same.Im the type that don’t like having to do spy on people becasue I feel you don to have to do for me why so I do it for you.The only time I can do this is if I’m getting g paid for it.Thats why he got away with a lot.Fast forward into 2023 and he’s has a baby on the way.Six months into the relationship with rebound she got pregnant.
True. The behaviour changes was the first thing I noticed with my ex, also the continual and excess phone use. Smiling at the phone, texting. And when you confront them about it you are met with defensiveness
Cheating males
1. Handsome
2. Rich
3. Not used to beautiful women
4. Truckers
5. Fitness
6. Cops
7. Military
So basically anyone with XY CHROMOSOME.
True about fitness military and good looking
👎🤮
Lol
BS
Infidelity runs in families
Cultural influence can be another factor.
Never Forgive Infidelity - Sam Vaknin podcast
Cheating Triangulation In Sick Relationships ---Sam Vaknin podcast
No, ugly men do that too
If they wouldn’t do it in front of you, if they hide it, if they lie about it, it’s cheating.
12 years married & then the devastating realization he was cheating at work. The trash took itself out and he moved in with the "dump" she is. Im on my healing journey, still not divorced 8 months later because hes a covert Narcissist who is not transparent 😈
I love how Dr. Romani pointed out that ''I love you'' can mean a lot of different things to people.
It took me a really long time for me to tell my boyfriend that I love him. And when I said it I knew exactly what it meant when I said it. My boyfriend was a little hurt at the beginning because I didn't say it back, but eventually he understood why it took me so long because I wanted it to be from a deep place within my heart.
Sometimes it's the best feeling when you never have to say I love you because both people feel it so tremendously and mutually that it is needless to say and saying it almost minimizes the feeling because the words seem so disproportionate to the overwhelming feeling at the degree that the love is felt.
I definitely think ppl need to understand that ppl fall in love at different times. I’m more reserved with that, so I’m not looking to hear it quickly myself. I had an ex have a problem with how I moved, but later understood.
I very rarely tell my husband I love him. I show him by taking care of him, especially now that he is older and has many health issues.
I personally can't stand the L-word because people only say that kind of stuff to manipulate others. If they meant something real then they would say that. I've also noticed that women avoid real discussion and favor ephemeral "feelings" and no accountability for behavior.
@@HateBear-real People even use that word to excuse behavior that is not loving.
I love Dr. Ramani! She is so honest from a scholarly standpoint.
It's very refreshing. 💛
I think my ex narcissist is a serial cheater. In high school he was afraid of girls and never dated. He married a woman he met in a bar shortly after being discharged from the Air Force. But, he cheated on her throughout their marriage. He did the same with me. He flirts constantly, does online hook-ups, etc. If a woman so much as greets him with a friendly "hello" he can somehow turn that into an hour long conversation. Oftentimes I'd be standing there waiting. It was embarrassing, frustrating, and humiliating. I had to cut him loose. You can't live like that.
59:10 Thank you for saying this. I’m a 52 year old Psychotherapist and have been secretly beating myself up for years, for not being able to completely trust again, and seeing the potential of betrayal in everyone. I put it down to having a more realistic boundary about letting someone close to my heart. How sad the younger open hearted, honest, loving me, is now more controlled. It’s comforting to know you also feel this way Dr Ramani.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counsellor, and how do i reach her?
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive.
Hmffff. I'm curious why she left you now 🤔
Pretty sure it’s going to take longer than a month to get over a 5 year relationship….
Five years is a long time with a long time. I was in my relationship for a little over five years. I have been out of that relationship for over a year and a half, I still think about that person everyday, but it wasn't a healthy relationship. I'm sure it's probably even harder for someone who didn't want the relationship to end. But just remember you don't want to try to make someone come back to you that doesn't want that. Take time to heal, find other things that bring happiness to your life, you will meet other people when you least expect it. Trust your instincts and use discernment.
My guy couldnt give me 3 things he even liked about me, much less love about me. I much rather be liked than loved after this narcotic journey.