You are so right. I grew up with a narcissistic mum and sister. The day I went no contact in 2019. I did a test on them . I made up my mind that if they failed the test I would walk away forever. So in a cafe while my sister was talking and telling lies about someone, she looked at me and I said “NO, I Choose not to side with you on this matter” At that moment all hell broke loose as she went in to a rage, shouting, crying, a full on tantrum. I just sat there and said nothing. She ran out the cafe and my mum said. “Why did you upset her like that?” I said “I just chose not to agree with her, I have no control over how she reacts. My mum then went in to her own narcissistic rage and also walked out . My test worked. They were both as I had predicted from my studding ,narcissistic. I went home that day and set myself free from over 40 years of abuse .
Congratulations, sincerely. I have a friend going through the messiest possible divorce his wife can devise b/c he can't be an actor in her play anymore, and she simply doesn't understand that their biggest problem is her totally unrealistic expectations. The resulting meltdowns she's had over the smallest disagreements have been spectacular. You're like a fashion accessory, a handbag, to such a person, wholly subsumed by their needs if you don't fight like hell not to be.
When Andrew said "You know there are poor people in Tottenham. There's a hungry person right now within a few blocks..." and Richard added "Have you noticed that they only love people who are very far away?" I subscribed. Well done, gentlemen.
@@joelhall5124 *block 1* : the area bounded by four streets in a town or suburb. "ours was the ugliest house on the block" *block 2* : the length of one side of a town block, typically as a measure of distance. "he lives a few blocks away from the museum"
@@Tusitala1967 I've actually noticed this becoming common, using US phrases or pronunciation, and assume it's because there's a larger US audience for various UA-camrs. It's still alien language to me, to be honest.
I love that dark triad/tetrad traits and vulnerable narcissism is getting more attention. People can be entitled, exploitative, egocentric and hostile without having a personality disorder. When I did my clinical exam in 2005, our teacher was like "if you have a psychopathic personality in front of you, you run. Don't give them therapy, you only teach them to get better at cunning and fake emotions 😅"
Exactly. My brother is a narcissist and has figure out how to manipulate my parents because it's easy to manipulate them all I have to do is pretend to be a Christian and say my life has changed it's just pathetic at this point and I'm not gonna sit there and play the games my brother does so I stay away from them. Sounds like your teacher is right.
Funny thing is... We can already see is someone a psychopath from brain patterns and DNA. Yet we don't implement these in real life when putting people in position of power. Guess why?
@@mariahconklin4150 You say all you have to do is "pretend to be a Christian" (to please your parents), then that you're not "gonna sit there and play the games", aye? Do you even hear yourself?
They lie, play the victim and come away thinking they outsmarted the therapist if the therapist doesn't dispute that every bad thing that ever happened to them was someone else's fault. If the therapist does call bs even in the most diplomatic way possible they can be attacked verbally. The good, honest therapists will realise they are dealing with a Narcissist fairly soon and either pass them on to someone trained to deal with them or say there's nothing they can do for them. A bad therapist will just nod along with the hot air, getting paid until the Narcissist gets grumpy that all their problems are not being solved overnight and leaves of their own accord.
"I walk around the house arguing with people I knew years ago" OMG this totally made my day! 😂 Madly relieved I am not alone in this! Thank You Andrew, I feel as though I was just awarded a hall pass. 😅
I'm so glad! That's exactly why I say stuff like this, as I am so fed up of all of us having to pretend we're not human, and then we feel shame. We're all ridiculous! Let's celebrate that.
@@andrewgoldheretics Aside from the grand question of what it actually means to be human in the first place; we actually don't 'need' to pretend lately because we're actively being dehumanised by our respective governments globally and it's clearly measurable and observable by all. Your guest's mask slipped briefly to reveal his authoritarian streak but there's no telling if the shame he felt was from 'letting on' or from an awareness he's been feeding too long on his own folly. It could have provided an appropriate opportunity through humility to discuss tyranny of the self were it not for your guests very sudden defensive posture. Some are more ridiculous than others, but it's the 'influencers' and those which we give political authority to which deserve close inspection. Let's not forget some have more responsibility than others to be better, and to do better. That is all. Carry on.
@@CharcoChoc Haha not really, no. If anything it’s entertaining watching her do a poor impression of someone virtuous. You should check it out sometime
I have a narcissistic sibling, and they tick all of the boxes. They truly are overgrown toddlers. It was exhausting until I realized that they will never change and removed myself from their orbit.
Members of Islamic State, the SS, Red Guards, IRA, Rote Armee Fraktion, Antifa, Hamas, Sendero Luminoso, FARC/ELN, SNP, trans ideology extremists, Etc.All the same psychology.
i used to call them 'halo polishers', my mum and sis would get together and every conversation would result in them being perfect and me being a scumbag,
I was a co-dependent who attracted narcissists. It wasn't until my son told me that his father was a narc (my ex) that I began to research narcissism, and what it entails. And I was able to go on my own journey of healing and discovery, as has my son. Now we're both doing better and are wiser for it!
Depends on their underlying personality, I think. Some gravitate toward helping others (for show) or donating (claiming to donate far more than they do). But others will mock those who do. And generally behave in a sociopathic unapologetic way.
I think this is a better match for your voracious curiosity Andrew! You will enjoy this format immensely and that will draw people in….you seem more comfortable as the interviewer……really enjoyed this video, thanks ❤
I watched my ex-husband mask slip and it scared the life out of me. I thought this is when you read a husband “ended” their family and all the neighbours would say “but he was such a lovely person”. I left with my daughter and it was the healthiest thing I’ve ever done. Please know he was eventually diagnosed as a covert narcissist by professionals.
Your comment, is a stereotypical situation of the type of words a narcissist would string together. 1. Narcissist tend to call others narcissists, especially their victims...and then portray themselves as the victim, and their victim as the villain. While their victims tend to not do that, because the victims have been thoroughly mindfckd through gaslighting. And leaving is typically very hard for the victim, and it's usually the narcissist who leaves when the other person's no longer a benefit (and the victim begins to ask for reciprocation, says no, questions hings, etc etc). 2. Female attraction has two main components. Security and arousal. Female arousal is also triggered by dark triad traits (hence why women often fall for "asholes", convicts, drugdealers, scammers, etc). Stereotypical Nice guys lack dark triad traits and female arousal tends to eventually evaporate in their relationships (the female begins exploring options, i.e. going out, on trips, missing time, etc...while becoming more and more resentful toward the nice guy). Also, nice guys attract female narcissists like moths to a flame. In other words, if you are a female, then you're supposed to be attracted to narcissistic traits, in ways that make it not easy to leave. 3. It seems like you think narcissists are typically physically dangerous, i.e. "husband ended their family". But typically they tend to torment people close to them emotionally, gaslighting, not taking accountability or apologizing. (narcissists almost never apologize)...they tend to focus more on targetting you emotionally. Nice guys who've been tormented enough are actually more likely to do that "family ended" type of thing. 4. Something can only be diagnosed a disorder if it's interfering with your ability to live your life comfortably. Narcissists tend to be very functional (outside close relationships)...they often do very well in their careers, are dressed well, very sociable, etc. To the point where for some jobs, e.g. CEOs, wallstreet stock brokers, etc, it's. almost a requirement to be a narcissist. Also, they very rarely willing subject themselves to a test. Someone also has to score above 99 (out of 100) to be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder...which is very rare and not something that would be "covert". This would be an incredibly extroverted, selfish, unempathic, self-centered, materialistic person who feeds on validation (sympathy from others, adoration, etc.)...they'll be severely addicted to socially media, and would rather end relationships than give up that source of validation. They're allergic to judgement (any kind of criticism) and very solipsistic. This is a pretty extreme individual thats very obvious to notice (because they live in their own little world in their head, dettached from reality) 5. Covert narcissists are not really covert. The name is misleading. Compassionate narcissist is a better description. They're the self-righteous, 'holier than thou' type. You'll definitely notice them. They typically run animal shelters, homeless shelters, NGO's, activists groups, etc...and feed of the validation of feeling "morally superior". Benign narcissists are the closest to actually being covert. Most narcissists are fun, pleasant, extroverted people, with great senses of humor, who make great party guests, as long as you dont form close relationships with them(which is going to start sucking in 3 to 6 months....not years)...they're like parasites if they manage to latch on to you....but fun people otherwise.
@@tylerdurden3722 well, I guess the fact he was in the processes of getting rid of me by replacing me with his next supply was happening at the same time may have had something to do with my leaving. However, the fact I found out before he could finish his plan and being confronted (the moment the mask fell) by his docile wife was a bit of a shock for him. I spent 2 years in therapy for PTSD due to his on going harassment and financial threats while I was trying to get a divorce. My daughter, who was physically attack by him, spent the next 6 years in therapy. It took us years not experience panic attacks. So, if I didn’t put this info in my original post then I can understand you coming to your conclusion. In the end, I felt sorry for him as he is a deeply unhappy person.
@tylerdurden3722 I thought that. There is no way that is a comment written by an actual victim its so vague and "I think I'm meant to say this". Plus the "please know" begging strangers to believe the story is a give away. I used to worry that with all the public knowledge now and videos on these people they could learn to "get away with it" better. They can't. No matter how many videos they watch or what they learn about it they STILL have no option to give themselves away. There is an epidemic now of narc females taking children away from fathers and claiming they are abusive or narcs. Some are of course but nobody checks their crap and just believes them
I realized this one year after my narcissist husband left. the first year I was like "everything is his fault and he wants to dump it all over me?", then I was "maybe I was a part of it...?", and then I was like "I let it happen. I let him be the nastier version of himself by not fighting for my boundaries, or just, quitting." and now I am like "the faultiest one in all this mess is the one who sees, hears, knows, and turn a blind eye... like I did with my husband for years, until it became so huge that no one could ignore it anymore." the faultiest one is the enabler, the one who finds excuses for the unforgivable.
The faultiest one is the enabler, who finds excuses for the unforgiveable. I can't agree more, but not always easy to know that's your role in a relationship! Six years after leaving my marriage, I finally see it for what it was! I didn't recognise I had a narçissist marriage until quite recently. It's helpful that I now know I can do some work to deal with my weakness re: being attracted to a series of narcissist men. Pre-conditioned to it by my up-bringing I suspect! An 'empath' inclined to wanting to help the 'poor narcissists of this world's! It's sad really!!! 😮😢
@@MaryannMouritz-ir1oj you found the right reason but you blame the false cause. or maybe you are. I have the same experience, and of course we are caught in the karpman's triangle, but this is the consequence, not the cause. if I let all these happen it's because I needed love and attention. I didn't want to loose that supply from my husband so I found excuses for his wrongdoings. I didn't want to confront him because I was afraid to loose his love. I didn't know he just played me and didn't love me even for a minute. the supposed love I protected didn't exist. I reacted like this because of my narcissist parents: didn't have love while growing up, so I hopped I'd find it in my marriage. I was ready to do anything for that. anything. even enabling the unforgivable. one of my friends (also a narc's victim) told me: as long as you will try to replace your parent's love by someone else's, you'll be a narc's victim. because this need of yours create a vulnerability in your defense mechanism. you must embrace the fact that you will never get that love back. what your parents didn't give you cannot be replaced. it's lost forever. you must embrace it and go on. this helped me a lot, so I thought it can help you too. we have no choice but go on with our wounds and our unfulfilled needs. and if you really want to be happy, your first step is to recognize what you did wrong and why you did it wrong. I am not saying you are guilty of something. I am saying you have to face your flaws the harshest way if you don't want other people to use it against you. it's sad, but it's the world we are living in.
I'm 72, and have always saw the beginning of the internet as the downfall of society. I hate smart phones. And yet, I sit here whatching this UA-cam video on my phone. Oxymoron. Heavy on the moron. 😢
Oh good this is up on UA-cam (prefer just audio via podcast) because now I can express how much I appreciate how vulnerable Richard was at the last third of interview. Thanks Andrew for taking him there. Richard Grannon maintained an enduring tone of honesty thru out. Loved it!
Everyone is “vulnerable” and “traumatised” these days… just picture the English men complaining about all the micro aggressions in their villages caused by the Vikings.. they would have been traumatised I guess, if only they could have tweeted about it then seen their therapists..
Dr Ramani best answers the dilemma of "How to point out a narcissist to other people": "You can't." Sad, but true - they have to work it out for themselves.
You teach people what narcissism is. They then find out for themselves. I tell people that they might marry one or their child might marry one. I tell them that the narcissist will never love them and will abuse them. This motivates them to learn about it to protect themselves and their family.
As a person and a psychologist as well, I can only express my joy hearing this conversation. Make no mistake, Mr Grannon's ideas are subversive and daring. I'm sure he has suffered lots of headwind from people supporting only the dominant ways of thinking in psychology. It's been a long time since I've heard such daring thoughts in the field. Great show!
Learning the red flags is an important life skill. It's all on a spectrum and most are not full blown NPD. Just remember it's not your job to figure out WHY a dog licks it's balls but only to recognize and accept that it does and then develop an appropriate response strategy to this behavior in order to protect yourself. Good luck...
We have so many narcissists in positions of power and influence, that people, from children to adults, are all being taught badly. This is by design in the west, it's all down to the globalist takeover.
That's interesting, because I was raised by clinical psychopaths who used to smile and say, "No," to me all the time and then laugh at me and make pet noises and cooing, like I was a cute baby, as I cried over them breaking promises, or depriving me of food or inclusion, or keeping me from contact with my friends. They worked to get me histrionic, just so they could punish me. They were sadistic narcissists, psychologists, and vile. If what you say is true, this begins to make sense as to why I am so often misunderstood. They set me up. They were trying to make me into themselves, and I'm guessing, hated me for either going along or for not, both. A smiling no, huh? My first instinct is to take that sort of behavior as abject rudeness, though. I think I would prefer never to talk to someone again who behaved that way. I can't actually think of a reason to act that way except as a way of intimating discomfort and distaste. If I smiled and said, "No," to somebody, it would mostly mean I wanted to hurt them, and was trying to do so verbally. I'm thinking this "test" is more about how to provoke misunderstandings. Why else would you feign an emotional response to test other people besides that you lack empathy? Oh, you must be joking. Rude. You should be more clear.
Its a good point and it did take me a back. Why bother with the smile bit...if someone is dramatic enough I don't think you need to add the smile, likely the honest no or boundaries will get a reaction..they are coming from a child like place of protest to such things anyway.
I think you make a very valid and important point, and also agree with your view of this "test". (And sorry to hear you went through that - and wasn't surprised when I read that they were psychologists; as a former counsellor, and therefore having known many mental health professionals, my experience is that the mental health /therapy professions are full of sociopaths). And I find it disappointing that neither Andrew nor Richard have replied to your comment.
@@sibanought Well, I seem to have been feeling particularly peevish at their vid. The snark may have been off-putting. The net still gets under my skin sometimes.
@@talkshitko9234 Yes, I've never been able to stomach Grannon. There's something so very 'off' about him. As a survivor of narcissistic abuse, I'm trying to listen to my gut instincts these days, and my gut says 'no thanks'.
Manufacturing a situation you think will be uncomfortable to others to test your own assumption about someone's personality sounds hello narcissistic to me, but I'm no expert.
I "danced" with several narcissists from my Mother to romantic partners. Most recent ex diagnosed NPD w/psychopathy and schizoaffective disorder. True nightmare! Finally have healed the part of me that allowed these people into my life.
@@lew6598 minimizing contact is good... no contact if necessary! I did get into therapy. But to start I recommend the book Mother Hunger. It helped me so much. There are many books on narcissistic Mothers. You need to learn that she will NEVER change! And your boundaries need to be firm! It's so hard. I hope you find some peace. There is also a book called Psychopath Free that helped a lot in dealing with very toxic people.
@@mycatsnameiskaren8253 I'm sorry 😞 I will never feel quite as safe in this world after experiencing what I did with my ex. To know that there are actual predators out there that get off on breaking someone in such insidious ways. And until you've experienced it nobody can really understand it, they look at you a little crazy when you try to explain it. I held him accountable and he did two years in prison but he recently got released and it has me on edge. I don't think he'll come after me 🙏🏼 but I know they'll be another Victim, and after that, and after that. 🥺
I'm glad you've managed to heal. I'm really struggling with the abuse and alienation the mother of my daughter is using. I love my daughter so much but I can't even see her 😢
My mother was a altruistic narcissist. But when I praised her or told her she was beautiful she took it really badly. Usually with dirty looks and then venom. I couldn't do anything right. Either I was bad to her and a pain in her ever suffering side or I was upsetting her by trying to make her feel good about herself. 'I love you' is a sentence that never happened in our house 🤷🏻♀️
my mum gets very mad at me when I do or say something right , generous or caring. Last time I told her I did'nt want her to go to a retirement home and was considering making accomodations in our house for her and my dad when the time comes , it was time to have this conversation - the next day she told me all the good she thinks of me : liar, selfish, every dictator name in the book , sometimes she calls me Pol pot , sometimes musolini, sometimes H , sometimes staline, I can't even kill a spider . She does'nt allow me to be a good personn, it's been going on since childhood. I'm happy I got over it, never believed her, and became the personn I want to be, I give all the love I have to my family now, it"s okay. But it's still very painfull, I wish it was'nt.
Not just smart and wise, the warmth and circumspection of Richard Grannon is both uplifting and encouraging. Great insights and a great conversation here. I needed this. Thank you for this post.
I have two ex-friends, (i culled them in 2018) one is a "grandiose" narcissist, he says what he likes, and he likes what he says. He had no boundaries, he always goes too far, and he always upsets people, for some reason, everyone gives him a free pass, over and over again. I finally had enough of him when he took the side of the second person, she is a covert narcissist, i ended up in a relationship with her, whilst i was at my most vulnerable. She made me feel completely worthless and miserable in no time at all. She carried on meddling in my affairs, long after we split. She manipulated other people to think certain things, and say certain things, she was like a chess grand master, thinking several moves ahead. It took me about 5 years to recover from all this, and i will never allow someone like this in my life ever again. ❤
Ahhh here we go, the victim olympics… everyone you don’t like is a “narcissist”, just because people like what they look like doesn’t mean you need to get jealous, just means you need grow up and get yourself a backbone!
@@razadaza9651 you know nothing about this , or me. I dislike plenty of people who are not narcissistic. I was just referencing this example as it is apt for the topic of the video. I have a backbone thank you.
@@jonntischnabel I know what makes you “miserable” you already spilled your guts in your victim olympics show.. I think you haven’t really understood a lot of the podcast.. everyone is throwing the word narcissist around these last few years.. listen stop blaming other people and take accountability.. life is hard for everyone, grow a backbone please
Is it just me or is there something suspiciously narcissistic about this comment? Is the phrase “is it me or…..” suspiciously narcissistic? Fck it!! It’s too bloody hard at this time of the morning.
btw calling for genocide is disgusting; but the act of censoring a person from vocalising their terrible ideas comes at the cost of freedom of thought. Slavoj Žižek is a coke fiend and authoritarian globalist who would unequivocally bring back the gulags for 'wrong think' no less than Greta Thunberg. Try Jordan Peterson (and Stephen Hicks' understanding of Kant's philosophical viewpoints on The Enlightenment era) to get a sense of what being an 'individual' in the face of conformity and sociability might mean outside of the raw power dynamics of political hegemony. Nothing worth doing was ever easy after all. Humble regards.
This interview is one of the best I have seen on this channel. It's like this guy was speaking my mind. It's honestly a breath of fresh air to have someone not gaslighting me, to have someone sharing similar views and explanations to what I have experienced, instead of the usual nonsense peddled by these evil narcissistic people. Knowing that others can see these people how I do really does help make me not feel so crazy. I just wish more people could wake up to them.
If someone reacts to disdain; then they are narcissists? The ‘smiling no’ can be interpreted as an act of cruelty towards the receiver. It shows disdain and will trigger people, especially those who were treated with disdain in previous relationships or in childhood. I think it comes down to interpretation by the receiver. If they believe the person is smiling and saying no to be intentionally hurtful than reacting angrily is normal. But, If the 'no' is interpreted as a boundary or limit of the messenger, and the receiver reacts because they don't like boundaries, well…okay, maybe they have narcissistic traits.
Convergence of curated reality has no cardinal point of reference in objective reality. And your individuation has no validity because our environment is controlled with AI and surveillance manipulation. The epigenetic simulation that we live in is fake with staged actors met by biometric analysis, planted into objective reality to aid a Totalitarian rewiring of the human psyche.
And you didn't attack REALITY with the decentralisation of our social and economic equity? You arent using AI as a convergent reality being manipulated into a fake peace where you destroy intelligent survival. L ike the braindeads walking through their own extinction. Post Draconian lockdown and the reset of our society into a Totalitarian coup of humanity. In a saturated environment full of zoned out drivers, exhaust fumes and planted actors. Everywhere you go you see them sabotaging you or trying manipulate you to give them money, buy more, be extorted financially and sit back allowing the lawless one to aid the final corruption.
This is the first Heretic show I listened to. I am really impressed. Gained a lot of insight of things I had not considered before. Really a beneficial use of time to listen to. That is saying a lot for UA-cam 😅
As someone else has commented the smiling no seems excessive and almost manipulative in its own right. I think honest clear boundaries and honest reactions will show a narcissist up anyway, no need for exaggerated tests. Thats my experience anyhow.
I feel like the smiling no test really has to be contextual because just doing it randomly can make ppl seem like they have some kind of problem themselves.
Well said, a test like that could absolutely be really anxiety producing if done wrong. Smile that doesn't reach the eyes as a no is said. The scrutiny of the response. At worst it could come across as chillingly psychopathic depending on how it was done & what was being said no to.
Functional people do not fly into rages and name-calling when confronted with an irrational “out of context” no. Functional people will respond calmly, attempt to explain such as “listen, this is important because xyz/ I can appreciate why you don’t want to xyz, or even a sincere and concerned “Are you okay?”
@@31968cd Sure, but not all dysfunctional people are narcissists. What if you perform that test on someone who, perhaps unbeknownst to you, is having a real bad day or week and their request is a means to relax and cut lose that baggage for a moment? If you don't know the context and they react badly, you assume narcissism and then risk them feeling even worse. You can't just be testing people randomly, I assume most understand that but there'll be those who don't, and they'll probably destroy a relationship or worse, because they lack the common sense or empathy to understand anothers position before testing them. I believe that is something Grannon could do more to assert, you have to have some precedent, a solid reason to test them. But then, what do you do after?
He is very self confident in his views. He's a blowhard though. He talks about Freud all the time for instance. A cocaine using, misogynistic "therapist" from the late 1800's whose ideas were unscientific and largely discredited now. Plus grannon is always taking about the "shadow" when he mentioned Freud. The shadow side is a concept from a contemporary of Freud, called Carl Jung. Don't fall for grannon's narcissistic self aggrandisement. Listen to him if you must, but take everything he says with a large grain of salt. He doesn't know nearly as much as he makes it seem that he does. He's had many UA-cam channels and many "specialisms" but seems to officially shed his old ones and creates a new persona. This is just his latest one. How do you think he knows so much about narcissism.... Maybe it's because he's a narcissisist and thrives on the energy he gets from views on UA-cam 🤣🤦🏻♀️ He'll lap up your adoration!
There is something about the phrase "narcissism expert" that presses all my angry buttons. I always make the mistake of rising to the bate. Then my UA-cam feed gets a rash of "narcissism experts" telling whoever will listen that they are a victim and the other person is a narcissist. The people in the comments are so grateful to hear that they are great and the other person is a narcissist. It is a message that sells well.
this convo makes me wonder, what CAN you do without being seen as a narcissist? I don't really get the social justice ones. Maybe many are, but I see them as people who believe in a cause so much, they have the courage to put their ego aside and go out to try and make change, despite the backlash. I commend the people who speak up, I'm so terrified to be seen or to 'rock the boat'. There are many things I feel are unjust, but don't have the balls to take a stand. Everything you do that requires being seen by an audience and standing out, shouldn't be seen as an example of displaying highly narcissistic behaviour.
Thank you Andrew for having Richard on Heretics - he is brilliant on narcissism. So much he says resonates with me. Many years ago I had the misfortune to have a text book grandiose narcissist as my colleague and neighbour. She ticked all the boxes - entitled, exploitative, low in empathy and very Machiavellian. She was very beautiful and her persona was 'sex goddess' as in 'behold I am the sexiest woman in the world - no man can resist me - I can have any man I want.' And she did. The first time I witnessed her rage at narcissistic injury was when one of her many lovers unceremoniously dumped her on Christmas Day! She always did the dumping as she was hyper promiscuous and quickly bored so this was a total shock to her. I and all my colleagues were having Christmas lunch at her house as she loved to entertain and we were all a bit surprised when she came back into the room and sat on her sofa with a face like thunder. When anybody asked her what was wrong she did not speak but just grunted! She was too enraged to speak - she just sulked like an angry child and quite quickly we all went home because of the horrible atmosphere she had created. She did not love this man - she was sleeping with a couple of others at the same time as him - she was just furious that she had lost her power over him. She also loved to virtue signal by describing herself as a 'life-affirming' Christian, giving sermons on the meaning of love in the local Anglican church - (apparently she threw all her parties as an act of Christian love) - and boasting about having sex with her parish priest who gave her a gold crucifix for her troubles. I did not bother to point out that it is not very difficult for a priest to lay hands on a crucifix - there are usually a few going spare in the sacristy!😄 And I can totally relate to Andrew's frustration at people who are completely fooled by narcissists as a great many otherwise sensible people were completely taken in by this woman.
Quite an enjoyable conversation. I love the many points you two discussed. Your guest is correct about human behavior being driven by incentives, particularly, the incentive to belong. People are finely split in many directions to the benefit of highly specialized interests and this is carried out socially and politically. The consequence is that we forget what we have in common, and as a result, we forget how to converse with our neighbors about our differences.
Brilliant talk. Having come up against two covert narcissists in more recent life, the most frustrating and heartbreaking part of dealing with the wreckage their behaviour causes, is the lost friendships with thise who still unquestionably support them or cosign their actions. Ultimately, it destroys people and families. Not to mention the horrible effects of gaslighting, and having to navigate that sleepless path toward understanding, and hopefully freedom. You can sniff it a mile off after you've been through that a couple of times.
Delicate balance is an art. I also suffered long standing psychological pain. During covid I'd become an activist in the truth movement and in many ways rightly so, but the temptations to project ones pain and inner voids onto any situation is great. But to speak truth about wicked things without attaching one's pains to it, making it into a personal drama, is a noble thing.
@@M-i-k-a-e-lan activist in "the truth movement" ?!!? - I'm guessing that translates as "trying to force wacko conspiracy theories onto the sane people" ?
Noam Chomsky always impresses me with his insistance on defining all terms before a debate. It makes so much sense, how can you argue unless both parties agree that they understand precisely where the other is coming from?
Narcissists are often coddled by their parents. At least that has been my experience. The kind of people who argue with the police after blatantly running a red light, or complain to a boss because they are expected to actually work. Often those kinds of people were able to tantrum their parents into folding to their every demand. They still use these tactics as adults.
So true. My older brother is a narc, he got upset when the police handcuffed him after he was caught with a dealer amount of drugs in his vehicle. Mommy said he can do what ever he wants, so thinks he can. lol
I agree,when children aren’t coddled,their egos shrink(in a healthy way),if they aren’t told no and disciplined (kindly and fairly)their egos remain huge,where they are forever the centre of attention.I think spoiling and some kind of abuse with it from somewhere can create a narcissist.
Curious to know what is the basis of being an "expert on narcissism", and how one becomes "top youtube psychologist". Does Mr Gannon have any academic backround or is he a self-appointed expert?
Narcissism is a new age social construct theory to put evil for good and good for evil. This video has nothing to do with classic psychology. You see how loosely narcissism is thrown around these days? Everything one does or doesn't is tied to "narcissim". It's the bread and butter of these podcaster wanna be "doctors". It's a crafty tool.
Yeah, if somebody says "no" without elaboration with a smile, in many contexts I would be immediately suspicious that this person is trying something. It really depends on context.
Never diagnosed, but my dad probably had NPD. I finally learned how to deal with him in the last five years of his life. I would just stay nice and breezy and say things like “I hear you” never challenged him, never corrected him. Allowed for long periods of silence where I said nothing but stayed connected, as in, keep eye contact, didn’t engage but didn’t shut down either. He didn’t know what to do. My tactics before this were to challenge, confront, show evidence, shame him, ridicule him, argue with him, even worship him and agree with him. None of it worked. Not reliably. But staying positive and telling him nothing kept me sane and him behaving in a less abusive manner. This was after going through the grief of realizing I had been abused, neglected, betrayed and basically not connected with. Very sad. His childhood and his relationship with his mother and the disposition of his father explained his need to break from reality. However, a more charming man you have never met. They are complicated and fascinating and disastrous in equal measures. Good luck out there.
Congratulations, Andrew! Great debut guest and topic! Always a pleasure to listen to your discussion with Richard Grannon. Again, congratulations! ❤(Love the set!)
“There is perhaps no phenomenon which contains so much destructive feeling as 'moral indignation,' which permits envy or hate to be acted out under the guise of virtue.” ― Erich Fromm, Man for Himself: An Inquiry into the Psychology of Ethics
Im actually kind of surprised to see that you guys, this greta is a narc. I was under the impression that she was diagnosed autistic. People constantly mistake autism for PDs. I just found out i have asd 1 last year, and being passionate about my struggles in comment sections is not narcissistic. I have a name for them now, and i really see the difference in ways people treat me now. And damn it, im mad. I deserve to be. This is my way of shouting into the void and hoping to lessen the stigma.
Same here! I have both autism and ADHD. Sometimes people thought I was a bit pretentious but I always say " oh no, I'm much too beautiful to need to be pretentious!" Works every time!!
In NZ a Polynesian Poet called for her sisters to join her with a knife to kill the descent of CAptain Cook. It was platformed in a culture festival by the government this poet. Lovely, not racist, the definition of racism was changed in NZ so calling for the attack of European people is fine. I think people overlook what happens in NZ. The place is insane.
As a New Zealander, I have to agree with your final statement. Blatant racism against white people and blatant misandry have become absolutely rampant here.
Thank The NZ Gov for upholding the Old English Colonial Mandate Devide by Rule, devide by Conquer. By perpetually reinventing it over successive years thru ingrained Gov propaganda. Gaslighting the population into believing what it wants to.
This is such a good interview and Andrew is a great interviewer. Wish good content creators were rewarded as much as the sensationalists. Keep em coming Andrew (the interviews, not the sensationalists lol)
Aw thank you! I think it's about building a channel with a viewer base that thrives on quality. My previous channel thrived more on sensation, so I created this one to be closer to my passion! Hope you keep enjoying.
@@andrewgoldhereticsI like your other channel aswell, because it isn't you who's making it sensational. You always try to look at all sides. It's more the ppl who are watching and commenting who sensationalise, although not all of them thank goodness 🤗
Misophonia is more than just annoyance at chewing sounds. There is a lot of domestic terrorism going on with people making their cars and trucks as loud as possible and the high decibals are actually damaging to human health not only eardrums.
My first car was a Trans Am. It had the stock muffler and was rather quiet outside but loud from the floor. I often considered "upgrading" it for better sound. It makes the driver think he has more power. Glad I never did that as now I've come to hate these idiots with straight pipes, flart cans, hopped-up oil burning diesels. They love to romp on the gas when passing my house, for no reason than to make noise. Tbh, if they cant hear the exhaust as it is, its probably because it exits behind the vehicle. They should route it into the cab, and take a nap sometime.
@@TheJustinJTrans Ams sound amazing. I have PTSD and don’t mind the low rumble of cars like that or Harley’s. Its the freakin Chads in some busted Honda usually that get right up on me and the muffler sounds like someone shooting a gun at me. Uuugh. They actually get girlfriends that way?! 😂
Or having loud music play everywhere you go. Every. Single. Place. Every restaurant, every store, every car, every house, every workplace. And it's never just subtle elevator music. It's obnoxious pop music, and half of it is about sex. I need the reverse of a hearing aid.
The condition Richard mentions is called Misphonia, in which ordinary level sounds sends the sufferer crazy sometimes elliciting physical pain. Autistic people often suffer with this as part of sensory processing issues.
My brother was a narcissist. He lived in a mental bubble where he was never wrong and everyone was out to get him. He was a low level con man, used up everyone around him, got fired from every job he ever had even ran out of churches that would take him in. Had 2 sons (that we know of) he never said a nice thing about them. Was a terrible alcoholic never seeked treatment because he was never the problem. A week ago he was found dead under a pier in Alaska, homeless and broke. When I got the call I want surprised at all.
Love the podcast. I appreciate Richard sharing his story. He has overcome a great deal and it’s an indication of his resilience that he can speak so articulately and confidently considering his childhood trauma.
Richard Grannon is so right - we learn about narcissists from the internet not books or psychologists. It’s disgraceful that the therapy community won’t speak up about these intraspecies predators.
A disproportionate number of psychiatrists, therapists, and others are narcissists. Having an educated public undermines these narcissists' unfair and undue control.
@@bristolcorvid8894 I have a neighbour a few doors done who is a Therapist. Most of the neighbours are fine. He however is incredibly selfish and devious. Causing a real inconvenience and potential threat to life for others. Unbelievable for someone you would think would be caring.
I’m watching Richard quite a long time and I have to say - he is a brilliant man! I just love him. He is absolutely right. It’s so refreshing to hear him talk. And Yes it so frustrating that people can’t see those covert narcisists. Thank you for this conversation!
My father said something horrible to me. I had only known him for a decade at 30 years old. He never raised any of his 4 children but I wanted to try and have a relationship. For the first time, I stood up for myself and said it was really inappropriate. He told me he never saw me as his daughter anyway, hung up the phone, and never called me again. It was then that I knew my hypothesis that he was a narcissist was true.
I've never heard of this guy, Richard Grannon, but enjoyed the interview! I'm in my mid 40's and haven't had a cell phone in well over a decade and struggle to find anyone who can't stay off their phone through dinner, a movie, a walk, or a workout. Haven't been on a date in over ten years where the cell phone wasn't an issue. 🤷
I’m proud to say I’m an original fan of Richard from his tank top days and I always give him out to those in the community while I’m doing community mental health work as a resource
@@noklarok he provides valuable self defense principles based on mastery of physical and psychological defense skills from decades of work study and thought. Competencies in client care are not only obtained through a degree, there are also many licensures which are client contact based. Long response short he has the client hours and success to back what he is saying, and his practices are successful and helping people to care about their own invest interest. So I will. Thanks.
Andrew, I came to your other channel through watchIng A-aron over at Growing Up in Scientology and watched a bunch of your videos. I, like Richard, have a grandiose narrative for my life as well, and believe each one of us has that, but that it gets emotionally beaten out of us by the time we are an adult. I am chomping at the bit to throw my hat in the ring as I, like Richard and you, feel like I have something to add. We can watch this world grind us into dust or we can go for the brassring and embrace the grandiosity of our own Hero's Journey and let it press us into flawless diamonds. I believe that is the objective of this existence. Anyway, if you see this, I adore you and think you are destined to make your mark. The new channel format and focus is fantastic and suits you really well. Bravo on having the brevity to make such a bold move! (I have an addition to making alliterations it seems😅😅😅)
This is the most comprehnsive and relatable explanation I have encountered online. I started looking into this after I saw these traits in family and friends. Reaffirms my decisions in cutting some out. The predictability of the behavioral patterns is considerable. . .
I always thought people who smile when they either say no, or deliver bad news were psychopaths. Because it turns a simple no into a taunt. Anytime you say something but then have an expression opposite of the appropriate matching emotion, to me, that is disturbing.
Thank you for pointing out how obvious Meghan Markle is. I realized in the engagement interview that she was different and begging for attention but I thought it was because she was American. I’m an American, who immigrated to Australia, so I know how Americans can be perceived, and thought that she was going to be in for a rude awakening. Little did I know how many of us were going to be in for a rude awakening. Now I can’t stand to see her face or hear her voice. 😬😱
I didn't like her from the very first time I saw her and heard her. I am an INFJ and can spot dark tirade trait people easily. They just give a bad feeling. Her smiles seem very insincere, often not reaching her eyes. She appears to try to hard. To try to seem too compassionate. Then the interview in Africa. She seemed so fake. The tears, the thank you for asking how I am. All too much and too fake. My mom and I had never talked about her but the day after the wedding my mom said she just didn't like her and I agreed.
@@richardk6659 Perhaps you’ve heard of the “ugly American”? As I’ve said, I’m American and now also Australian and the first time I went overseas in my early 20s, I noticed how much Americans speak, and how many more questions we ask than other people in tours. I was somewhat embarrassed by some of the louder tourists and began to notice that it seemed to be consistently Americans. I found myself curbing my enthusiasm and brashness while I was overseas. In my mid 20s I married and immigrated to Australia and became involved in an American women’s charity. This gave me the opportunity to speak with other Americans and compare notes about how we felt we fit in. Many were also married to Australians. I found that older people didn’t like Americans very much and after I had lived there for a number of years people forgot that I was American, and they would say unfavorable things about Americans and America, while being unguarded, and this gave me insight into how we were viewed. Of course I also had Australian family and they were not hesitant to knock American culture, American politics, the American economy, etc. So when Harry and MM were interviewed for their engagement, I realized how much older she was than the age I was when I immigrated. I noticed how she did not let Harry speak much. She seemed brash and I couldn’t imagine her fitting into a very structured and ancient institution. Many of the Australians I knew early in my time when I moved here were recent immigrants from the UK. Some were first or second generation Australians and much of the language and customs of Australia I believe are quite similar. Knowing what I was like when I began as an immigrant and what I have become, I could not imagine her being able to put her ego aside and learn from those around her. She was 10 years older than I was when I left America and I had a very strong impression that she would not be able to remain in the UK. I didn’t think she could be flexible enough to fit in as well as keep her mouth shut and listen and learn. In my mind, she would be the typical “ugly American“. It was only by sitting back, watching and learning that I ultimately was able to accept my new home, adopted family and make a very happy life for myself and my children. I love Australia and Australians. It was a wonderful decision, and I feel very fortunate that I had the opportunity.
The problem with having emotional dysregulation is that people tells you to become emotionally regulated, but are unwilling or unable to teach you how to do so.
This podcast was a salve on my soul in ways I couldn't articulate even if I was willing to in a public forum. Two such fine minds coming together! Please, Andrew and Richard, let there be more.
I really love this channel. Its really refreshing to see people debating calmly, and nothing is off the table to talk about. Disagreeing isnt equal disrespect.
Wish I knew about the no test before I got married. My wife x not only throws a tantrum but gets violent if I said no. Found that out later on. And she went to therapy a lot. She loved her. She found a therapist who befriended her and they’d buy gifts for each other and it only made her worse
Love ❤ ❤❤ your Heretic channel. You are an excellent interviewer, who knows his stuff and is transparent. I can easily continue to listen even when I disagree. Highest praise for you, for tackling some very difficult subjects, that we are not allowed to address. You are doing it with grace and dignity.
@@Michelle-xm6no it depends what you define as truth. It seems like you've already made up your mind. Therefore, I don't need to cast my pearls to swine. I hope that is enough to answer your asinine question....
@nikdaluzridriguez - I simply asked a question. It is you who made insults in both your comments. Of course no need to answer my question, as you already have.
Richard, sir: As an infant I could see narcissists doing there thing and nobody else could. I'm 70 now and I have become a master of restraint. Sometimes "reality" forces my mouth into dramatic confrontation - that's rare, the ego loves the "rage against the dying of the light" opportunity. Warning: Exposing a narcissist in a single sweep in a crowded place can cause a narcissist to become homicidal and you should expect the unexpected. Or run away. "It's a bad act! This is a bad actor! Wake up!".
I absolutely loved this conversation. Anybody who like me likes Žižek is instantly elevated in my eyes 😂 (and I too met him on several talks, ha ha). But in all seriousness, I will share that video far and wide. This conversation should be heard.
Wonderful guest, I kinda lost track and am working my way through because its one of the best programmes I've seen in a decade or so! Thank you Andrew!
That double sharp inhale, followed by a long breath out, is how i always breathe on a long run, and has been since the age of 13. Its incredibly good at staying relaxed. ❤
Congratulations Andrew and Richard, Boy the opening show was absolutely amazing…. Good luck for all future episodes. Carol. Hugs and kisses to you both. You really bring out the very best of each other. I am definitely a. Fan forever
My mother in law has been diagnosed with BPD and you got the nail on the head with therapy making narcissists worse. She does a lot of therapy and she hasn't gotten any less narcissistic. Rather she has taken what she's learned in therapy and weaponized it against my wife. She uses all the terms she's learned from her therapist and turned them around on her kids, and accuses them of being the abusers. It's sickening.
often a huge overlap though. The few borderlines I've known all seemed to be pretty narcissistic. Like REALLY lol. Although I can see how they could exist alone@@JustinaJayne
Andrew, I have not watched all the interviews you have ever conducted, but of the ones I have watched, this is far and away your best. Both of you were engaged and animated ... as well as funny, which helps . And Richard's impression of philosopher, Zizek is gold (no pun intended 😎)
I really enjoy your style of interviewing- there’s so much humour, authenticity, insight, information & wisdom that comes out of each interview. Thank you :)
I think you do a very good job of asking guests to explain themselves, there are so many times in interviews you ask 'what does that mean', so the guest has to break it down into digestible chunks
This episode with Richard Grannon is huge! Hit that like button, make sure to 'notify' and subscribe...then take a breath - the rest will come.
Hope people come here from my other channel too!
Read the blurb - didn't know RG regraded himself as a narcissist - (only in jest) - but Sam is the self professed NPD + .
@@AndrewGold1yes we do😏🏴
Keep calm and believe your followers will find this channel and vice versa.
@@extradimension7356 what??
You are so right. I grew up with a narcissistic mum and sister. The day I went no contact in 2019. I did a test on them . I made up my mind that if they failed the test I would walk away forever. So in a cafe while my sister was talking and telling lies about someone, she looked at me and I said “NO, I Choose not to side with you on this matter” At that moment all hell broke loose as she went in to a rage, shouting, crying, a full on tantrum. I just sat there and said nothing. She ran out the cafe and my mum said. “Why did you upset her like that?” I said “I just chose not to agree with her, I have no control over how she reacts. My mum then went in to her own narcissistic rage and also walked out . My test worked. They were both as I had predicted from my studding ,narcissistic. I went home that day and set myself free from over 40 years of abuse .
Very good!
Congratulations, sincerely. I have a friend going through the messiest possible divorce his wife can devise b/c he can't be an actor in her play anymore, and she simply doesn't understand that their biggest problem is her totally unrealistic expectations. The resulting meltdowns she's had over the smallest disagreements have been spectacular. You're like a fashion accessory, a handbag, to such a person, wholly subsumed by their needs if you don't fight like hell not to be.
Lol, are you me? I have BPD mother and older sister.
Yes, I had something so similar to your situation, this is why I'm congratulating your decision. All the best.
@@neonwind Thank you x
When Andrew said "You know there are poor people in Tottenham. There's a hungry person right now within a few blocks..." and Richard added "Have you noticed that they only love people who are very far away?" I subscribed. Well done, gentlemen.
What are blocks?
@@joelhall5124 *block 1* : the area bounded by four streets in a town or suburb. "ours was the ugliest house on the block" *block 2* : the length of one side of a town block, typically as a measure of distance. "he lives a few blocks away from the museum"
@@Tusitala1967 yeah, but in London?
@@joelhall5124 Point. Maybe it's just Andrew being a heretic. ;-)
@@Tusitala1967 I've actually noticed this becoming common, using US phrases or pronunciation, and assume it's because there's a larger US audience for various UA-camrs. It's still alien language to me, to be honest.
I called the narcissist hotline the other day. And the guy at the other end said: ''How can you help me today?'
And the people pleaser shakes your hand and says "Hi. How am i?" 😢
💀💀💀💀
Ahahahahahaha!!!!
@@shelleykapp9637 Great reply.
No. 😁
I love that dark triad/tetrad traits and vulnerable narcissism is getting more attention.
People can be entitled, exploitative, egocentric and hostile without having a personality disorder.
When I did my clinical exam in 2005, our teacher was like "if you have a psychopathic personality in front of you, you run. Don't give them therapy, you only teach them to get better at cunning and fake emotions 😅"
Exactly. My brother is a narcissist and has figure out how to manipulate my parents because it's easy to manipulate them all I have to do is pretend to be a Christian and say my life has changed it's just pathetic at this point and I'm not gonna sit there and play the games my brother does so I stay away from them. Sounds like your teacher is right.
Funny thing is... We can already see is someone a psychopath from brain patterns and DNA. Yet we don't implement these in real life when putting people in position of power. Guess why?
@@mariahconklin4150 You say all you have to do is "pretend to be a Christian" (to please your parents), then that you're not "gonna sit there and play the games", aye?
Do you even hear yourself?
@@safeeffective385wickedness Is wickedness it all leads down the same road, hurting others
@@toneyfox6328 Same with pretending to be something that you're not... it's bad/wrong and hurts others as well.
People used to believe narcissists don’t go for therapy. They honestly do and they gaslight and attack their therapist when they do
ARE YOU ONE
RG is !
They lie, play the victim and come away thinking they outsmarted the therapist if the therapist doesn't dispute that every bad thing that ever happened to them was someone else's fault. If the therapist does call bs even in the most diplomatic way possible they can be attacked verbally. The good, honest therapists will realise they are dealing with a Narcissist fairly soon and either pass them on to someone trained to deal with them or say there's nothing they can do for them. A bad therapist will just nod along with the hot air, getting paid until the Narcissist gets grumpy that all their problems are not being solved overnight and leaves of their own accord.
@@jelkel25 what if its matt damon from good will hunting, what will happen then prey tell Jell Kell ?
@@FelixLanzalaco Absolutely nothing as that's a fictional character.
"I walk around the house arguing with people I knew years ago"
OMG this totally made my day! 😂 Madly relieved I am not alone in this! Thank You Andrew, I feel as though I was just awarded a hall pass. 😅
I'm so glad! That's exactly why I say stuff like this, as I am so fed up of all of us having to pretend we're not human, and then we feel shame. We're all ridiculous! Let's celebrate that.
@@andrewgoldheretics Aside from the grand question of what it actually means to be human in the first place; we actually don't 'need' to pretend lately because we're actively being dehumanised by our respective governments globally and it's clearly measurable and observable by all. Your guest's mask slipped briefly to reveal his authoritarian streak but there's no telling if the shame he felt was from 'letting on' or from an awareness he's been feeding too long on his own folly. It could have provided an appropriate opportunity through humility to discuss tyranny of the self were it not for your guests very sudden defensive posture.
Some are more ridiculous than others, but it's the 'influencers' and those which we give political authority to which deserve close inspection.
Let's not forget some have more responsibility than others to be better, and to do better.
That is all. Carry on.
This is normal I think (hope).
Same here.
Oh no
Ghislaine Maxwell gave a whole Ted Talk about “saving our oceans”
That is hilarious!!! Thank you.
Ted talk is for narcissist...and the cultists looking for a cult to follow.
Just in case the plane stopped working…
Did she, wow... was it any good, though?
@@CharcoChoc Haha not really, no. If anything it’s entertaining watching her do a poor impression of someone virtuous. You should check it out sometime
I have a narcissistic sibling, and they tick all of the boxes. They truly are overgrown toddlers. It was exhausting until I realized that they will never change and removed myself from their orbit.
Same here…My sibling’s daughter informs me of how her mom still behaves the same way as she did her entire life. My ex is the same, too.
"Truly, those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."
Who said that?
@@stellaallbright4750I believe Andrew said Voltaire did.
Like racial equality. 'Desegregation' and 'Civil Rights' have been a disaster for the white race.
❤
I came up with the term " Righteous Bullies" to describe people who want to bully, but need the social accolades as well.
Members of Islamic State, the SS, Red Guards, IRA, Rote Armee Fraktion, Antifa, Hamas, Sendero Luminoso, FARC/ELN, SNP, trans ideology extremists, Etc.All the same psychology.
i used to call them 'halo polishers', my mum and sis would get together and every conversation would result in them being perfect and me being a scumbag,
Self-righteous bullies would be more precise.
I prefer to use the word evil. We can make excuses with personality disorders, but at the end of the day, they know what they are doing.
Crybully has seen a lot of use, its a pretty old term.
I was a co-dependent who attracted narcissists. It wasn't until my son told me that his father was a narc (my ex) that I began to research narcissism, and what it entails. And I was able to go on my own journey of healing and discovery, as has my son. Now we're both doing better and are wiser for it!
One of the worst narcissists I know was disciplined for bullying her subordinates and subsequently left her career and retrained as a social worker!
The helping progessions are very attractive to them. Power over people & social credit.
Depends on their underlying personality, I think.
Some gravitate toward helping others (for show) or donating (claiming to donate far more than they do).
But others will mock those who do. And generally behave in a sociopathic unapologetic way.
Social work is an absolute hotbed of angry sociopathic woman
Oh jesus! Thats the funniest thing ive seen in months!
Clergy, nursing, social work, teaching, and, most importantly, psychology!
Heretics was your boss move. Well done Andrew.
Haha love that. I’m enjoying it so far so so much
I totally agree with you @stirlingoscar, haven't missed an episode yet on here 🤗
Yes, I agree, a great move. Enjoying this new format & guests 😊
I think this is a better match for your voracious curiosity Andrew! You will enjoy this format immensely and that will draw people in….you seem more comfortable as the interviewer……really enjoyed this video, thanks ❤
I don't understand why it needed a separate channel though. Why not keep it on the AG channel?
Richard was a big part of keeping me sane during lockdowns. Another great Heretic guest. Really enjoying this series.
I watched my ex-husband mask slip and it scared the life out of me. I thought this is when you read a husband “ended” their family and all the neighbours would say “but he was such a lovely person”. I left with my daughter and it was the healthiest thing I’ve ever done. Please know he was eventually diagnosed as a covert narcissist by professionals.
You saved your daughters life
Your comment, is a stereotypical situation of the type of words a narcissist would string together.
1. Narcissist tend to call others narcissists, especially their victims...and then portray themselves as the victim, and their victim as the villain. While their victims tend to not do that, because the victims have been thoroughly mindfckd through gaslighting.
And leaving is typically very hard for the victim, and it's usually the narcissist who leaves when the other person's no longer a benefit (and the victim begins to ask for reciprocation, says no, questions hings, etc etc).
2. Female attraction has two main components. Security and arousal.
Female arousal is also triggered by dark triad traits (hence why women often fall for "asholes", convicts, drugdealers, scammers, etc).
Stereotypical Nice guys lack dark triad traits and female arousal tends to eventually evaporate in their relationships (the female begins exploring options, i.e. going out, on trips, missing time, etc...while becoming more and more resentful toward the nice guy). Also, nice guys attract female narcissists like moths to a flame.
In other words, if you are a female, then you're supposed to be attracted to narcissistic traits, in ways that make it not easy to leave.
3. It seems like you think narcissists are typically physically dangerous, i.e. "husband ended their family". But typically they tend to torment people close to them emotionally, gaslighting, not taking accountability or apologizing. (narcissists almost never apologize)...they tend to focus more on targetting you emotionally.
Nice guys who've been tormented enough are actually more likely to do that "family ended" type of thing.
4. Something can only be diagnosed a disorder if it's interfering with your ability to live your life comfortably. Narcissists tend to be very functional (outside close relationships)...they often do very well in their careers, are dressed well, very sociable, etc. To the point where for some jobs, e.g. CEOs, wallstreet stock brokers, etc, it's. almost a requirement to be a narcissist.
Also, they very rarely willing subject themselves to a test.
Someone also has to score above 99 (out of 100) to be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder...which is very rare and not something that would be "covert".
This would be an incredibly extroverted, selfish, unempathic, self-centered, materialistic person who feeds on validation (sympathy from others, adoration, etc.)...they'll be severely addicted to socially media, and would rather end relationships than give up that source of validation. They're allergic to judgement (any kind of criticism) and very solipsistic.
This is a pretty extreme individual thats very obvious to notice (because they live in their own little world in their head, dettached from reality)
5. Covert narcissists are not really covert. The name is misleading. Compassionate narcissist is a better description. They're the self-righteous, 'holier than thou' type. You'll definitely notice them.
They typically run animal shelters, homeless shelters, NGO's, activists groups, etc...and feed of the validation of feeling "morally superior".
Benign narcissists are the closest to actually being covert.
Most narcissists are fun, pleasant, extroverted people, with great senses of humor, who make great party guests, as long as you dont form close relationships with them(which is going to start sucking in 3 to 6 months....not years)...they're like parasites if they manage to latch on to you....but fun people otherwise.
@@tylerdurden3722 He was diagnosed by a professional but ofcourse Fight club fan knows best
@@tylerdurden3722 well, I guess the fact he was in the processes of getting rid of me by replacing me with his next supply was happening at the same time may have had something to do with my leaving. However, the fact I found out before he could finish his plan and being confronted (the moment the mask fell) by his docile wife was a bit of a shock for him. I spent 2 years in therapy for PTSD due to his on going harassment and financial threats while I was trying to get a divorce. My daughter, who was physically attack by him, spent the next 6 years in therapy. It took us years not experience panic attacks. So, if I didn’t put this info in my original post then I can understand you coming to your conclusion. In the end, I felt sorry for him as he is a deeply unhappy person.
@tylerdurden3722 I thought that. There is no way that is a comment written by an actual victim its so vague and "I think I'm meant to say this". Plus the "please know" begging strangers to believe the story is a give away. I used to worry that with all the public knowledge now and videos on these people they could learn to "get away with it" better. They can't. No matter how many videos they watch or what they learn about it they STILL have no option to give themselves away. There is an epidemic now of narc females taking children away from fathers and claiming they are abusive or narcs. Some are of course but nobody checks their crap and just believes them
I realized this one year after my narcissist husband left. the first year I was like "everything is his fault and he wants to dump it all over me?", then I was "maybe I was a part of it...?", and then I was like "I let it happen. I let him be the nastier version of himself by not fighting for my boundaries, or just, quitting." and now I am like "the faultiest one in all this mess is the one who sees, hears, knows, and turn a blind eye... like I did with my husband for years, until it became so huge that no one could ignore it anymore." the faultiest one is the enabler, the one who finds excuses for the unforgivable.
Woah that is wise!!
The faultiest one is the enabler, who finds excuses for the unforgiveable. I can't agree more, but not always easy to know that's your role in a relationship! Six years after leaving my marriage, I finally see it for what it was! I didn't recognise I had a narçissist marriage until quite recently. It's helpful that I now know I can do some work to deal with my weakness re: being attracted to a series of narcissist men. Pre-conditioned to it by my up-bringing I suspect! An 'empath' inclined to wanting to help the 'poor narcissists of this world's! It's sad really!!! 😮😢
@@MaryannMouritz-ir1oj you found the right reason but you blame the false cause. or maybe you are.
I have the same experience, and of course we are caught in the karpman's triangle, but this is the consequence, not the cause.
if I let all these happen it's because I needed love and attention. I didn't want to loose that supply from my husband so I found excuses for his wrongdoings. I didn't want to confront him because I was afraid to loose his love.
I didn't know he just played me and didn't love me even for a minute. the supposed love I protected didn't exist.
I reacted like this because of my narcissist parents: didn't have love while growing up, so I hopped I'd find it in my marriage. I was ready to do anything for that. anything. even enabling the unforgivable.
one of my friends (also a narc's victim) told me: as long as you will try to replace your parent's love by someone else's, you'll be a narc's victim. because this need of yours create a vulnerability in your defense mechanism. you must embrace the fact that you will never get that love back. what your parents didn't give you cannot be replaced. it's lost forever. you must embrace it and go on.
this helped me a lot, so I thought it can help you too.
we have no choice but go on with our wounds and our unfulfilled needs. and if you really want to be happy, your first step is to recognize what you did wrong and why you did it wrong. I am not saying you are guilty of something. I am saying you have to face your flaws the harshest way if you don't want other people to use it against you. it's sad, but it's the world we are living in.
I'm 72, and have always saw the beginning of the internet as the downfall of society. I hate smart phones. And yet, I sit here whatching this UA-cam video on my phone. Oxymoron. Heavy on the moron. 😢
I'm sure that it will get worse before it get's better. Birthing pains
I feel your pain 😁
Oh good this is up on UA-cam (prefer just audio via podcast) because now I can express how much I appreciate how vulnerable Richard was at the last third of interview. Thanks Andrew for taking him there. Richard Grannon maintained an enduring tone of honesty thru out. Loved it!
one of my favourite ever interviews, Richard is an absolute superstar
I wish UA-cam had an audio only setting.
Yes hey!@@RachelDavies-wn7ir
@@RachelDavies-wn7irit does, you need to pay for it
Everyone is “vulnerable” and “traumatised” these days… just picture the English men complaining about all the micro aggressions in their villages caused by the Vikings.. they would have been traumatised I guess, if only they could have tweeted about it then seen their therapists..
Dr Ramani best answers the dilemma of "How to point out a narcissist to other people": "You can't." Sad, but true - they have to work it out for themselves.
You teach people what narcissism is. They then find out for themselves. I tell people that they might marry one or their child might marry one. I tell them that the narcissist will never love them and will abuse them. This motivates them to learn about it to protect themselves and their family.
As a person and a psychologist as well, I can only express my joy hearing this conversation. Make no mistake, Mr Grannon's ideas are subversive and daring. I'm sure he has suffered lots of headwind from people supporting only the dominant ways of thinking in psychology.
It's been a long time since I've heard such daring thoughts in the field. Great show!
Learning the red flags is an important life skill. It's all on a spectrum and most are not full blown NPD. Just remember it's not your job to figure out WHY a dog licks it's balls but only to recognize and accept that it does and then develop an appropriate response strategy to this behavior in order to protect yourself. Good luck...
We have so many narcissists in positions of power and influence, that people, from children to adults, are all being taught badly. This is by design in the west, it's all down to the globalist takeover.
Quite. That's why I'm never again going to have a dog. Not even one without b*lls.
Because they can. That’s why
What's the appropriate response behaviour to a dog licking its balls?
@@chesshooligan1282 perhaps a good anti parasite protocol.
That's interesting, because I was raised by clinical psychopaths who used to smile and say, "No," to me all the time and then laugh at me and make pet noises and cooing, like I was a cute baby, as I cried over them breaking promises, or depriving me of food or inclusion, or keeping me from contact with my friends. They worked to get me histrionic, just so they could punish me. They were sadistic narcissists, psychologists, and vile. If what you say is true, this begins to make sense as to why I am so often misunderstood. They set me up. They were trying to make me into themselves, and I'm guessing, hated me for either going along or for not, both.
A smiling no, huh? My first instinct is to take that sort of behavior as abject rudeness, though. I think I would prefer never to talk to someone again who behaved that way. I can't actually think of a reason to act that way except as a way of intimating discomfort and distaste. If I smiled and said, "No," to somebody, it would mostly mean I wanted to hurt them, and was trying to do so verbally.
I'm thinking this "test" is more about how to provoke misunderstandings. Why else would you feign an emotional response to test other people besides that you lack empathy?
Oh, you must be joking. Rude. You should be more clear.
Its a good point and it did take me a back. Why bother with the smile bit...if someone is dramatic enough I don't think you need to add the smile, likely the honest no or boundaries will get a reaction..they are coming from a child like place of protest to such things anyway.
I think you make a very valid and important point, and also agree with your view of this "test".
(And sorry to hear you went through that - and wasn't surprised when I read that they were psychologists; as a former counsellor, and therefore having known many mental health professionals, my experience is that the mental health /therapy professions are full of sociopaths).
And I find it disappointing that neither Andrew nor Richard have replied to your comment.
@@sibanought Well, I seem to have been feeling particularly peevish at their vid. The snark may have been off-putting. The net still gets under my skin sometimes.
I agree.The guy being interviewed comes accriss as passive-aggressive and walks around, triggering everyone by gaslighting them.
@@talkshitko9234 Yes, I've never been able to stomach Grannon. There's something so very 'off' about him. As a survivor of narcissistic abuse, I'm trying to listen to my gut instincts these days, and my gut says 'no thanks'.
Manufacturing a situation you think will be uncomfortable to others to test your own assumption about someone's personality sounds hello narcissistic to me, but I'm no expert.
Another tool Ignorant of what "narcissist " means.
I "danced" with several narcissists from my Mother to romantic partners. Most recent ex diagnosed NPD w/psychopathy and schizoaffective disorder. True nightmare! Finally have healed the part of me that allowed these people into my life.
Me too well described.
@@lew6598 minimizing contact is good... no contact if necessary! I did get into therapy. But to start I recommend the book Mother Hunger. It helped me so much. There are many books on narcissistic Mothers. You need to learn that she will NEVER change! And your boundaries need to be firm! It's so hard. I hope you find some peace. There is also a book called Psychopath Free that helped a lot in dealing with very toxic people.
I've got a twin sister and an ex husband of 13 years. I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy.
@@mycatsnameiskaren8253 I'm sorry 😞 I will never feel quite as safe in this world after experiencing what I did with my ex. To know that there are actual predators out there that get off on breaking someone in such insidious ways. And until you've experienced it nobody can really understand it, they look at you a little crazy when you try to explain it. I held him accountable and he did two years in prison but he recently got released and it has me on edge. I don't think he'll come after me 🙏🏼 but I know they'll be another Victim, and after that, and after that. 🥺
I'm glad you've managed to heal. I'm really struggling with the abuse and alienation the mother of my daughter is using. I love my daughter so much but I can't even see her 😢
Just, wow. Thank you so much for interviewing this guest. What a stimulating discussion. Also, quite frightening.
My mother was a altruistic narcissist. But when I praised her or told her she was beautiful she took it really badly. Usually with dirty looks and then venom. I couldn't do anything right. Either I was bad to her and a pain in her ever suffering side or I was upsetting her by trying to make her feel good about herself. 'I love you' is a sentence that never happened in our house 🤷🏻♀️
my mum gets very mad at me when I do or say something right , generous or caring. Last time I told her I did'nt want her to go to a retirement home and was considering making accomodations in our house for her and my dad when the time comes , it was time to have this conversation - the next day she told me all the good she thinks of me : liar, selfish, every dictator name in the book , sometimes she calls me Pol pot , sometimes musolini, sometimes H , sometimes staline, I can't even kill a spider . She does'nt allow me to be a good personn, it's been going on since childhood. I'm happy I got over it, never believed her, and became the personn I want to be, I give all the love I have to my family now, it"s okay. But it's still very painfull, I wish it was'nt.
My mum went right off when I said she was a strong person 😅. Weird. She prefers victim and wild blaming.
Same as my ex, he would complain that I wasn't complimenting enough, and if I did, which I did sincerely, he would get mad.
Not just smart and wise, the warmth and circumspection of Richard Grannon is both uplifting and encouraging. Great insights and a great conversation here. I needed this. Thank you for this post.
I have two ex-friends, (i culled them in 2018) one is a "grandiose" narcissist, he says what he likes, and he likes what he says. He had no boundaries, he always goes too far, and he always upsets people, for some reason, everyone gives him a free pass, over and over again. I finally had enough of him when he took the side of the second person, she is a covert narcissist, i ended up in a relationship with her, whilst i was at my most vulnerable. She made me feel completely worthless and miserable in no time at all. She carried on meddling in my affairs, long after we split. She manipulated other people to think certain things, and say certain things, she was like a chess grand master, thinking several moves ahead. It took me about 5 years to recover from all this, and i will never allow someone like this in my life ever again. ❤
People give them a pass because they view them as harmless eccentrics.My way is to not give them attention.
Ahhh here we go, the victim olympics… everyone you don’t like is a “narcissist”, just because people like what they look like doesn’t mean you need to get jealous, just means you need grow up and get yourself a backbone!
@@razadaza9651 you know nothing about this , or me. I dislike plenty of people who are not narcissistic. I was just referencing this example as it is apt for the topic of the video. I have a backbone thank you.
@@jonntischnabel I know what makes you “miserable” you already spilled your guts in your victim olympics show.. I think you haven’t really understood a lot of the podcast.. everyone is throwing the word narcissist around these last few years.. listen stop blaming other people and take accountability.. life is hard for everyone, grow a backbone please
Is it just me or is there something suspiciously narcissistic about this comment?
Is the phrase “is it me or…..” suspiciously narcissistic?
Fck it!! It’s too bloody hard at this time of the morning.
Thanks for having me on Andrew!
What an amazing guest, man. We’ll get you back soon if you’re available. Thank you!
I’ve followed you both since the beginnings so this was a real treat
I haven't forgotten your psycopathic and unreasonable behaviour. You are a POS.
btw calling for genocide is disgusting; but the act of censoring a person from vocalising their terrible ideas comes at the cost of freedom of thought. Slavoj Žižek is a coke fiend and authoritarian globalist who would unequivocally bring back the gulags for 'wrong think' no less than Greta Thunberg.
Try Jordan Peterson (and Stephen Hicks' understanding of Kant's philosophical viewpoints on The Enlightenment era) to get a sense of what being an 'individual' in the face of conformity and sociability might mean outside of the raw power dynamics of political hegemony.
Nothing worth doing was ever easy after all. Humble regards.
I appreciate your vulnerability and honesty. I understand more about what is happening in society now.
This interview is one of the best I have seen on this channel. It's like this guy was speaking my mind. It's honestly a breath of fresh air to have someone not gaslighting me, to have someone sharing similar views and explanations to what I have experienced, instead of the usual nonsense peddled by these evil narcissistic people. Knowing that others can see these people how I do really does help make me not feel so crazy. I just wish more people could wake up to them.
If someone reacts to disdain; then they are narcissists?
The ‘smiling no’ can be interpreted as an act of cruelty towards the receiver. It shows disdain and will trigger people, especially those who were treated with disdain in previous relationships or in childhood.
I think it comes down to interpretation by the receiver. If they believe the person is smiling and saying no to be intentionally hurtful than reacting angrily is normal.
But, If the 'no' is interpreted as a boundary or limit of the messenger, and the receiver reacts because they don't like boundaries, well…okay, maybe they have narcissistic traits.
The calmer someone is when in a highly charged discussion drives the emotional person into a screaming banshee.
Convergence of curated reality has no cardinal point of reference in objective reality.
And your individuation has no validity because our environment is controlled with AI and surveillance manipulation.
The epigenetic simulation that we live in is fake with staged actors met by biometric analysis, planted into objective reality to aid a Totalitarian rewiring of the human psyche.
And you didn't attack REALITY with the decentralisation of our social and economic equity?
You arent using AI as a convergent reality being manipulated into a fake peace where you destroy intelligent survival.
L ike the braindeads walking through their own extinction.
Post Draconian lockdown and the reset of our society into a Totalitarian coup of humanity.
In a saturated environment full of zoned out drivers, exhaust fumes and planted actors.
Everywhere you go you see them sabotaging you or trying manipulate you to give them money, buy more, be extorted financially and sit back allowing the lawless one to aid the final corruption.
This is the first Heretic show I listened to. I am really impressed. Gained a lot of insight of things I had not considered before. Really a beneficial use of time to listen to. That is saying a lot for UA-cam 😅
As someone else has commented the smiling no seems excessive and almost manipulative in its own right. I think honest clear boundaries and honest reactions will show a narcissist up anyway, no need for exaggerated tests. Thats my experience anyhow.
I feel like the smiling no test really has to be contextual because just doing it randomly can make ppl seem like they have some kind of problem themselves.
An example is when they say they want to do something, or try to blame you. You just smile and say "no" and watch the reaction.
Well said, a test like that could absolutely be really anxiety producing if done wrong.
Smile that doesn't reach the eyes as a no is said. The scrutiny of the response.
At worst it could come across as chillingly psychopathic depending on how it was done & what was being said no to.
Functional people do not fly into rages and name-calling when confronted with an irrational “out of context” no. Functional people will respond calmly, attempt to explain such as “listen, this is important because xyz/ I can appreciate why you don’t want to xyz, or even a sincere and concerned “Are you okay?”
@@31968cd You're right, except when those functional people are dysfunctional in disguise.
@@31968cd Sure, but not all dysfunctional people are narcissists. What if you perform that test on someone who, perhaps unbeknownst to you, is having a real bad day or week and their request is a means to relax and cut lose that baggage for a moment?
If you don't know the context and they react badly, you assume narcissism and then risk them feeling even worse. You can't just be testing people randomly, I assume most understand that but there'll be those who don't, and they'll probably destroy a relationship or worse, because they lack the common sense or empathy to understand anothers position before testing them. I believe that is something Grannon could do more to assert, you have to have some precedent, a solid reason to test them. But then, what do you do after?
Richard Gannon is fast becoming one of my favorite guests. He speaks sense to me.
He is very self confident in his views.
He's a blowhard though.
He talks about Freud all the time for instance. A cocaine using, misogynistic "therapist" from the late 1800's whose ideas were unscientific and largely discredited now.
Plus grannon is always taking about the "shadow" when he mentioned Freud.
The shadow side is a concept from a contemporary of Freud, called Carl Jung.
Don't fall for grannon's narcissistic self aggrandisement. Listen to him if you must, but take everything he says with a large grain of salt.
He doesn't know nearly as much as he makes it seem that he does.
He's had many UA-cam channels and many "specialisms" but seems to officially shed his old ones and creates a new persona. This is just his latest one.
How do you think he knows so much about narcissism....
Maybe it's because he's a narcissisist and thrives on the energy he gets from views on UA-cam 🤣🤦🏻♀️
He'll lap up your adoration!
There is something about the phrase "narcissism expert" that presses all my angry buttons. I always make the mistake of rising to the bate. Then my UA-cam feed gets a rash of "narcissism experts" telling whoever will listen that they are a victim and the other person is a narcissist. The people in the comments are so grateful to hear that they are great and the other person is a narcissist. It is a message that sells well.
this convo makes me wonder, what CAN you do without being seen as a narcissist? I don't really get the social justice ones. Maybe many are, but I see them as people who believe in a cause so much, they have the courage to put their ego aside and go out to try and make change, despite the backlash. I commend the people who speak up, I'm so terrified to be seen or to 'rock the boat'. There are many things I feel are unjust, but don't have the balls to take a stand. Everything you do that requires being seen by an audience and standing out, shouldn't be seen as an example of displaying highly narcissistic behaviour.
Thank you Andrew for having Richard on Heretics - he is brilliant on narcissism. So much he says resonates with me.
Many years ago I had the misfortune to have a text book grandiose narcissist as my colleague and neighbour.
She ticked all the boxes - entitled, exploitative, low in empathy and very Machiavellian.
She was very beautiful and her persona was 'sex goddess' as in 'behold I am the sexiest woman in the world - no man can resist me - I can have any man I want.' And she did.
The first time I witnessed her rage at narcissistic injury was when one of her many lovers unceremoniously dumped her on Christmas Day!
She always did the dumping as she was hyper promiscuous and quickly bored so this was a total shock to her.
I and all my colleagues were having Christmas lunch at her house as she loved to entertain and we were all a bit surprised when she came back into the room and sat on her sofa with a face like thunder.
When anybody asked her what was wrong she did not speak but just grunted!
She was too enraged to speak - she just sulked like an angry child and quite quickly we all went home because of the horrible atmosphere she had created.
She did not love this man - she was sleeping with a couple of others at the same time as him - she was just furious that she had lost her power over him.
She also loved to virtue signal by describing herself as a 'life-affirming' Christian, giving sermons on the meaning of love in the local Anglican church - (apparently she threw all her parties as an act of Christian love) - and boasting about having sex with her parish priest who gave her a gold crucifix for her troubles.
I did not bother to point out that it is not very difficult for a priest to lay hands on a crucifix - there are usually a few going spare in the sacristy!😄
And I can totally relate to Andrew's frustration at people who are completely fooled by narcissists as a great many otherwise sensible people were completely taken in by this woman.
Ooh these types find older age hard as they lose their power over men and have nothing of value to offer to society…
@@jenelines8471 "nothing of value to provide society hurr durr"... Absolute boomer
Quite an enjoyable conversation. I love the many points you two discussed. Your guest is correct about human behavior being driven by incentives, particularly, the incentive to belong. People are finely split in many directions to the benefit of highly specialized interests and this is carried out socially and politically. The consequence is that we forget what we have in common, and as a result, we forget how to converse with our neighbors about our differences.
Did you notice he didn't answer your question about what narcissism is? He also conflated narcissism with egocentrism, which is not the same thing.
Brilliant talk. Having come up against two covert narcissists in more recent life, the most frustrating and heartbreaking part of dealing with the wreckage their behaviour causes, is the lost friendships with thise who still unquestionably support them or cosign their actions. Ultimately, it destroys people and families. Not to mention the horrible effects of gaslighting, and having to navigate that sleepless path toward understanding, and hopefully freedom. You can sniff it a mile off after you've been through that a couple of times.
Richard Grannon helped me save my life! :)
He is the goat.
Thanks for the great show Andrew
you are welcome - I can't tell you how proud I am of this one, he was brilliant
Me too
Well… a sympathy comment here is it? Listen to Richard carefully now… we don’t want victim olympics here
As a person that has suffered for years with mental health issues I can confirm that activism is very attractive when you are in a slump.
Delicate balance is an art. I also suffered long standing psychological pain. During covid I'd become an activist in the truth movement and in many ways rightly so, but the temptations to project ones pain and inner voids onto any situation is great. But to speak truth about wicked things without attaching one's pains to it, making it into a personal drama, is a noble thing.
@@M-i-k-a-e-lan activist in "the truth movement" ?!!?
- I'm guessing that translates as "trying to force wacko conspiracy theories onto the sane people" ?
Noam Chomsky always impresses me with his insistance on defining all terms before a debate. It makes so much sense, how can you argue unless both parties agree that they understand precisely where the other is coming from?
What a silly idea. So he literally goes through two or three thousand words before he will debate?
I already know all his positions so I wouldn’t need to watch him debate
Chomsjy was a clear narccusust.
Narcissists are often coddled by their parents. At least that has been my experience. The kind of people who argue with the police after blatantly running a red light, or complain to a boss because they are expected to actually work. Often those kinds of people were able to tantrum their parents into folding to their every demand. They still use these tactics as adults.
So true. My older brother is a narc, he got upset when the police handcuffed him after he was caught with a dealer amount of drugs in his vehicle. Mommy said he can do what ever he wants, so thinks he can. lol
I agree,when children aren’t coddled,their egos shrink(in a healthy way),if they aren’t told no and disciplined (kindly and fairly)their egos remain huge,where they are forever the centre of attention.I think spoiling and some kind of abuse with it from somewhere can create a narcissist.
Curious to know what is the basis of being an "expert on narcissism", and how one becomes "top youtube psychologist". Does Mr Gannon have any academic backround or is he a self-appointed expert?
This is so educational! It is like being in a psychology class! Love it!
How about “mental masterbation” or are you too “narcissistic” for that? Who knows?
Narcissism is a new age social construct theory to put evil for good and good for evil. This video has nothing to do with classic psychology. You see how loosely narcissism is thrown around these days? Everything one does or doesn't is tied to "narcissim". It's the bread and butter of these podcaster wanna be "doctors". It's a crafty tool.
Smiling and saying NO is actually a smug "narcissistic" way to deny something. Smiles are not for negatives.
Yeah, if somebody says "no" without elaboration with a smile, in many contexts I would be immediately suspicious that this person is trying something. It really depends on context.
It IS a narcissistic move. That is why it works on narcissists.
A normal person will cringe away.
A narcissist will flip out!
@@TheJustinJinteresting
Ever heard of reverse psychology?
Never diagnosed, but my dad probably had NPD. I finally learned how to deal with him in the last five years of his life. I would just stay nice and breezy and say things like “I hear you” never challenged him, never corrected him. Allowed for long periods of silence where I said nothing but stayed connected, as in, keep eye contact, didn’t engage but didn’t shut down either. He didn’t know what to do. My tactics before this were to challenge, confront, show evidence, shame him, ridicule him, argue with him, even worship him and agree with him. None of it worked. Not reliably. But staying positive and telling him nothing kept me sane and him behaving in a less abusive manner. This was after going through the grief of realizing I had been abused, neglected, betrayed and basically not connected with. Very sad. His childhood and his relationship with his mother and the disposition of his father explained his need to break from reality. However, a more charming man you have never met. They are complicated and fascinating and disastrous in equal measures. Good luck out there.
Greta Thunberg is on the spectrum. Please do not assign a title like that to her. Do NOT make fun of the way she speaks. SHAME ON BOTH OF YOU.
Congratulations, Andrew! Great debut guest and topic! Always a pleasure to listen to your discussion with Richard Grannon. Again, congratulations! ❤(Love the set!)
Great episode! I've been a fan of both of you for awhile now. I loved, "Stop platforming people who are evil!" Amen to that!
“There is perhaps no phenomenon which contains so much destructive feeling as 'moral indignation,' which permits envy or hate to be acted out under the guise of virtue.”
― Erich Fromm, Man for Himself: An Inquiry into the Psychology of Ethics
Im actually kind of surprised to see that you guys, this greta is a narc. I was under the impression that she was diagnosed autistic. People constantly mistake autism for PDs.
I just found out i have asd 1 last year, and being passionate about my struggles in comment sections is not narcissistic. I have a name for them now, and i really see the difference in ways people treat me now. And damn it, im mad. I deserve to be. This is my way of shouting into the void and hoping to lessen the stigma.
Same here! I have both autism and ADHD. Sometimes people thought I was a bit pretentious but I always say " oh no, I'm much too beautiful to need to be pretentious!" Works every time!!
@@Camille_Anderson😅
She is autistic. Strange how people can speculate for 40 min about a disclosed topic already known and easy to look into.
In NZ a Polynesian Poet called for her sisters to join her with a knife to kill the descent of CAptain Cook. It was platformed in a culture festival by the government this poet. Lovely, not racist, the definition of racism was changed in NZ so calling for the attack of European people is fine. I think people overlook what happens in NZ. The place is insane.
As a New Zealander, I have to agree with your final statement. Blatant racism against white people and blatant misandry have become absolutely rampant here.
Thank The NZ Gov for upholding the Old English Colonial Mandate Devide by Rule, devide by Conquer. By perpetually reinventing it over successive years thru ingrained Gov propaganda. Gaslighting the population into believing what it wants to.
This is such a good interview and Andrew is a great interviewer. Wish good content creators were rewarded as much as the sensationalists. Keep em coming Andrew (the interviews, not the sensationalists lol)
Aw thank you! I think it's about building a channel with a viewer base that thrives on quality. My previous channel thrived more on sensation, so I created this one to be closer to my passion! Hope you keep enjoying.
@@andrewgoldhereticsI like your other channel aswell, because it isn't you who's making it sensational. You always try to look at all sides. It's more the ppl who are watching and commenting who sensationalise, although not all of them thank goodness 🤗
There must be a lot about Meghan Markle that I don't know because I'm not sure why a feminist can't marry a prince...
The behavioral Panel did an analysis of the documentary she and Harry made. Its interesting
I shared this video with a friend. He said you have a great voice to listen to and quite like me he thought this interview was pure gold. Great work!
Misophonia is more than just annoyance at chewing sounds. There is a lot of domestic terrorism going on with people making their cars and trucks as loud as possible and the high decibals are actually damaging to human health not only eardrums.
My first car was a Trans Am. It had the stock muffler and was rather quiet outside but loud from the floor. I often considered "upgrading" it for better sound. It makes the driver think he has more power. Glad I never did that as now I've come to hate these idiots with straight pipes, flart cans, hopped-up oil burning diesels.
They love to romp on the gas when passing my house, for no reason than to make noise.
Tbh, if they cant hear the exhaust as it is, its probably because it exits behind the vehicle. They should route it into the cab, and take a nap sometime.
@@TheJustinJ 😁❤️🙏
@@TheJustinJTrans Ams sound amazing. I have PTSD and don’t mind the low rumble of cars like that or Harley’s. Its the freakin Chads in some busted Honda usually that get right up on me and the muffler sounds like someone shooting a gun at me. Uuugh. They actually get girlfriends that way?! 😂
Or having loud music play everywhere you go. Every. Single. Place. Every restaurant, every store, every car, every house, every workplace. And it's never just subtle elevator music. It's obnoxious pop music, and half of it is about sex.
I need the reverse of a hearing aid.
The condition Richard mentions is called Misphonia, in which ordinary level sounds sends the sufferer crazy sometimes elliciting physical pain. Autistic people often suffer with this as part of sensory processing issues.
My brother was a narcissist. He lived in a mental bubble where he was never wrong and everyone was out to get him. He was a low level con man, used up everyone around him, got fired from every job he ever had even ran out of churches that would take him in. Had 2 sons (that we know of) he never said a nice thing about them. Was a terrible alcoholic never seeked treatment because he was never the problem. A week ago he was found dead under a pier in Alaska, homeless and broke. When I got the call I want surprised at all.
No empathy for the bro I see
Love the podcast. I appreciate Richard sharing his story. He has overcome a great deal and it’s an indication of his resilience that he can speak so articulately and confidently considering his childhood trauma.
Richard Grannon is so right - we learn about narcissists from the internet not books or psychologists. It’s disgraceful that the therapy community won’t speak up about these intraspecies predators.
A disproportionate number of psychiatrists, therapists, and others are narcissists.
Having an educated public undermines these narcissists' unfair and undue control.
They are not going to out themselves and derail their gravy train.
@@bristolcorvid8894 I have a neighbour a few doors done who is a Therapist. Most of the neighbours are fine. He however is incredibly selfish and devious. Causing a real inconvenience and potential threat to life for others. Unbelievable for someone you would think would be caring.
They're intraspecies? Can you please elaborate as I'm genuinely trying to understand this phenomenon.
@@rachelcoisnacoillte6023 He means predators who prey upon their own species. Like humans.
I'm so glad you finally had Tommy on! One thing i love about him is his honesty & willingness to talk about his past! He's also very relatable. ❤
I’m watching Richard quite a long time and I have to say - he is a brilliant man! I just love him. He is absolutely right. It’s so refreshing to hear him talk. And Yes it so frustrating that people can’t see those covert narcisists. Thank you for this conversation!
Brilliant yes. I love listening to him.
My father said something horrible to me. I had only known him for a decade at 30 years old. He never raised any of his 4 children but I wanted to try and have a relationship. For the first time, I stood up for myself and said it was really inappropriate. He told me he never saw me as his daughter anyway, hung up the phone, and never called me again. It was then that I knew my hypothesis that he was a narcissist was true.
I've never heard of this guy, Richard Grannon, but enjoyed the interview! I'm in my mid 40's and haven't had a cell phone in well over a decade and struggle to find anyone who can't stay off their phone through dinner, a movie, a walk, or a workout. Haven't been on a date in over ten years where the cell phone wasn't an issue. 🤷
Well there you have it. I don’t mind phones I mind dating apps
I’m proud to say I’m an original fan of Richard from his tank top days and I always give him out to those in the community while I’m doing community mental health work as a resource
“Original”? Hey..?
@@razadaza9651 do you know I guess you’re right I mean I wasn’t there when he was a bouncer I bet he had fans then. 🙃
@@noklarok he provides valuable self defense principles based on mastery of physical and psychological defense skills from decades of work study and thought. Competencies in client care are not only obtained through a degree, there are also many licensures which are client contact based. Long response short he has the client hours and success to back what he is saying, and his practices are successful and helping people to care about their own invest interest. So I will. Thanks.
Andrew, I came to your other channel through watchIng A-aron over at Growing Up in Scientology and watched a bunch of your videos.
I, like Richard, have a grandiose narrative for my life as well, and believe each one of us has that, but that it gets emotionally beaten out of us by the time we are an adult.
I am chomping at the bit to throw my hat in the ring as I, like Richard and you, feel like I have something to add.
We can watch this world grind us into dust or we can go for the brassring and embrace the grandiosity of our own Hero's Journey and let it press us into flawless diamonds.
I believe that is the objective of this existence.
Anyway, if you see this, I adore you and think you are destined to make your mark.
The new channel format and focus is fantastic and suits you really well.
Bravo on having the brevity to make such a bold move!
(I have an addition to making alliterations it seems😅😅😅)
This is the most comprehnsive and relatable explanation I have encountered online. I started looking into this after I saw these traits in family and friends. Reaffirms my decisions in cutting some out. The predictability of the behavioral patterns is considerable. . .
I always thought people who smile when they either say no, or deliver bad news were psychopaths. Because it turns a simple no into a taunt. Anytime you say something but then have an expression opposite of the appropriate matching emotion, to me, that is disturbing.
Wow, another one of my YT faves. Andrew, you've bagged all the best on my list so far. Keep up the great work.
Thank you for pointing out how obvious Meghan Markle is. I realized in the engagement interview that she was different and begging for attention but I thought it was because she was American. I’m an American, who immigrated to Australia, so I know how Americans can be perceived, and thought that she was going to be in for a rude awakening. Little did I know how many of us were going to be in for a rude awakening. Now I can’t stand to see her face or hear her voice. 😬😱
Could you tell me approximately where that moment was in the conversation?
What does being American have anything to do with it ?
Megan Markle? That lady who thinks she's black?
I didn't like her from the very first time I saw her and heard her. I am an INFJ and can spot dark tirade trait people easily. They just give a bad feeling. Her smiles seem very insincere, often not reaching her eyes. She appears to try to hard. To try to seem too compassionate. Then the interview in Africa. She seemed so fake. The tears, the thank you for asking how I am. All too much and too fake. My mom and I had never talked about her but the day after the wedding my mom said she just didn't like her and I agreed.
@@richardk6659 Perhaps you’ve heard of the “ugly American”? As I’ve said, I’m American and now also Australian and the first time I went overseas in my early 20s, I noticed how much Americans speak, and how many more questions we ask than other people in tours. I was somewhat embarrassed by some of the louder tourists and began to notice that it seemed to be consistently Americans. I found myself curbing my enthusiasm and brashness while I was overseas.
In my mid 20s I married and immigrated to Australia and became involved in an American women’s charity. This gave me the opportunity to speak with other Americans and compare notes about how we felt we fit in. Many were also married to Australians. I found that older people didn’t like Americans very much and after I had lived there for a number of years people forgot that I was American, and they would say unfavorable things about Americans and America, while being unguarded, and this gave me insight into how we were viewed. Of course I also had Australian family and they were not hesitant to knock American culture, American politics, the American economy, etc.
So when Harry and MM were interviewed for their engagement, I realized how much older she was than the age I was when I immigrated. I noticed how she did not let Harry speak much. She seemed brash and I couldn’t imagine her fitting into a very structured and ancient institution. Many of the Australians I knew early in my time when I moved here were recent immigrants from the UK. Some were first or second generation Australians and much of the language and customs of Australia I believe are quite similar.
Knowing what I was like when I began as an immigrant and what I have become, I could not imagine her being able to put her ego aside and learn from those around her. She was 10 years older than I was when I left America and I had a very strong impression that she would not be able to remain in the UK. I didn’t think she could be flexible enough to fit in as well as keep her mouth shut and listen and learn. In my mind, she would be the typical “ugly American“. It was only by sitting back, watching and learning that I ultimately was able to accept my new home, adopted family and make a very happy life for myself and my children. I love Australia and Australians. It was a wonderful decision, and I feel very fortunate that I had the opportunity.
The problem with having emotional dysregulation is that people tells you to become emotionally regulated, but are unwilling or unable to teach you how to do so.
"I'm a feminist and I'm doing nice stuff, but actually, you just married a prince."
How did you make this logical leap?
This podcast was a salve on my soul in ways I couldn't articulate even if I was willing to in a public forum. Two such fine minds coming together! Please, Andrew and Richard, let there be more.
Hmm sounds like you didn’t really listen to Richard… what did he say about liking these podcasts?
@@razadaza9651I don't enjoy the taste of medicine or like the feeling of a needle in my arm. Yet it still sooths
I really love this channel. Its really refreshing to see people debating calmly, and nothing is off the table to talk about.
Disagreeing isnt equal disrespect.
is this guy even a psychologist?
I'm such a huge fan of Richard Grannon. Such a great episode
Wish I knew about the no test before I got married. My wife x not only throws a tantrum but gets violent if I said no. Found that out later on.
And she went to therapy a lot. She loved her. She found a therapist who befriended her and they’d buy gifts for each other and it only made her worse
Love ❤ ❤❤ your Heretic channel. You are an excellent interviewer, who knows his stuff and is transparent. I can easily continue to listen even when I disagree. Highest praise for you, for tackling some very difficult subjects, that we are not allowed to address. You are doing it with grace and dignity.
Excellent interview. Listening to sanity is so very refreshing. Thank you Andrew.
Glad you enjoyed it!
You lived how many years and came to see sanity from a so called narcissism guru?
@nildaluridriiguiz - In modern times, most people lack the ability to speak truth. Are you one of those individuals?
@@Michelle-xm6no it depends what you define as truth. It seems like you've already made up your mind. Therefore, I don't need to cast my pearls to swine. I hope that is enough to answer your asinine question....
@nikdaluzridriguez - I simply asked a question. It is you who made insults in both your comments. Of course no need to answer my question, as you already have.
Wow Andrew, what a great conversation. Congrats!
Thanks so much! I put so much into this, and the next six episodes. Hope you’ll enjoy them too.
They are the angriest people I know, honestly it’s scary. These virtue signalers are extremely dangerous
Richard, sir: As an infant I could see narcissists doing there thing and nobody else could. I'm 70 now and I have become a master of restraint. Sometimes "reality" forces my mouth into dramatic confrontation - that's rare, the ego loves the "rage against the dying of the light" opportunity. Warning: Exposing a narcissist in a single sweep in a crowded place can cause a narcissist to become homicidal and you should expect the unexpected. Or run away. "It's a bad act! This is a bad actor! Wake up!".
I absolutely loved this conversation. Anybody who like me likes Žižek is instantly elevated in my eyes 😂 (and I too met him on several talks, ha ha). But in all seriousness, I will share that video far and wide. This conversation should be heard.
In a world full of Kardashians be Andrew Gold and Richard Grannon.
Love that! Thank you
This has been one of the best interviews on UA-cam I’ve been in a while. 👍🏼
Wonderful guest, I kinda lost track and am working my way through because its one of the best programmes I've seen in a decade or so! Thank you Andrew!
That double sharp inhale, followed by a long breath out, is how i always breathe on a long run, and has been since the age of 13. Its incredibly good at staying relaxed. ❤
Congratulations Andrew and Richard, Boy the opening show was absolutely amazing…. Good luck for all future episodes.
Carol. Hugs and kisses to you both. You really bring out the very best of each other. I am definitely a. Fan forever
My mother in law has been diagnosed with BPD and you got the nail on the head with therapy making narcissists worse.
She does a lot of therapy and she hasn't gotten any less narcissistic. Rather she has taken what she's learned in therapy and weaponized it against my wife. She uses all the terms she's learned from her therapist and turned them around on her kids, and accuses them of being the abusers. It's sickening.
Borderline and narcissism are not the same disorder. Can have both at the same time. Same cluster. Not all borderlines are narcs though.
often a huge overlap though. The few borderlines I've known all seemed to be pretty narcissistic. Like REALLY lol. Although I can see how they could exist alone@@JustinaJayne
Love this channel! I’m glad you included a link to it on your other channel. I just subscribed.
Richard educated me about the soul sucking relationship I was in. Great conversation! Thank you.
Soul sucking? I guess you had a gun to your head and was in chains in a basement
Chill out mate. You don’t sound particularly kind right now. It’s Christmas GOOD WILL TO ALL PEEPS 🎄
Andrew, I have not watched all the interviews you have ever conducted, but of the ones I have watched, this is far and away your best. Both of you were engaged and animated ... as well as funny, which helps . And Richard's impression of philosopher, Zizek is gold (no pun intended 😎)
I really enjoy your style of interviewing- there’s so much humour, authenticity, insight, information & wisdom that comes out of each interview.
Thank you :)
Problem with everything being use as narcissism is everyone is using it now to break relationships with people they 'deem' as narcissistic.
I think you do a very good job of asking guests to explain themselves, there are so many times in interviews you ask 'what does that mean', so the guest has to break it down into digestible chunks
Thank you! I’ve always made this a priority - too many presenters are focussed on sounding clever, so I want to make sure everyone can understand.