@@SinderellaScapegoatdepends tho. you cannot keep bothering someone who is truly hurting more than you with smaller problems it’s like going to someone who broke their leg and is under anaesthesia complaining about how they did not reply to your text and you’re hurt
@@mikami9099 It comes down to balance, though, don't you think? Mutual respect and care: one person's pain does not negate another's. In context of this video, the narcissist person or group demands compete imbalance. For those of us addressing our own pain for the first time, mutual respect is a healthy path forward.
@@Infernapeclosecombat I was shamed for having angry feelings about children being murdered in wars. I realised later that my anger guides me to moral understanding and action. The other person is happy to look the other way and avoid all anger. I realised they have no moral core.
Not necessarily. You could just be a grump, inflexible, fixed, ridged... OUTNUMBERED.. NOT saying that you are any of these things. You could be taken serious for silly things by the "types" just described... Millie YOu could also JUST be EXAUHUSTED and around those who just don't care. NO THING makes sense when you are sleep deprived... If you are afraid to go to sleep... for ANY reason nothing will come out of your mouth or mind correctly... eSPECIALLY to agents of Systemic oppression though denial of correct information necessary to make good decisions about one's own life. They NEED to PUSH the buck... I mean make a profit... It's so Petty... It could also be that frequency generator that makes it impossible to read written words out loud, or form cohesive thoughts or to verbalize them... Many reasons...
@@IamStillrich The words in your comment that stand out are, OUTNUMBERED, those, and they. You need to understand that I'm not talking about groups of people irritating me. I am talking about one narcissistic ex spouse. Not they, them or those. But their absence, that one person that made my life hell.
I so totally agree 1000% my girl!! I was with mine for 18 years on and off for the past 5... When I caught him in a lie AGAIN (he stormed out the door with a bag of "some" clothes and 2 of our dogs; up the road he went to mom n dad's... Only a hop skip and jump from where we were living at that time) anywho I recorded it, and he did not know that that was going to be the LAST time he walked out that door! Surprised him LOL! Sorry so long
The guy whomade this video is a narccist, ask prof sam vakhim, 95% of psycholigists get their narrcsistic supply by calling others narccists and feeling powerful by evaluating them
I was dating a covert narcissist who would cycle between love bombing and put downs in one single encounter. He would shift between a story about how he wants to marry me, to how I wasn't attractive enough to want to be with me. I couldn't even process what was happening. It was one of the most confusing and bizarre dating experiences of my life.
Same. 😭 And when he would put me down which made my mood change, suddenly I’m the party pooper and I don’t know how to have good time because I’ve become quite.
So if I may ask you a question(I too have been in a covert malignent Narc situation) Doessent "covert" mean they unleash the meanness on you in private, for no one to see. ? And when in the open world, you would not see the narcness, nor would anyone else.
@@BioHertz I don’t fully understand the meanings of the different types, but that sounds about right. The narc that I was involved with made himself appear to be this great man and so good to me in front of others, (he would sometimes say things in front of his grown kids but maybe because he felt comfortable and most likely they knew he’s a narc) but behind closed doors and especially when he was in a mood is where I got the verbal/emotional abuse
"The truth is, they're one person... and they are an adult. The things that they do when they are mean... that's who that person is." That stood out to me. That's what I need to continue to remind myself.
The lean in as they are in elation is like rejection so the target has to up the game to get them back..similar to the borderlines push pull..or the target may self sabotage their own life to get them back just as she goes back to depletion so there are 2: ppl in the shits fighting..on & on..ty RG .this is one of my fav .David
The confusion is overwhelming. One minute you're the best. Next minute they despise you. No one believes you when you tell them what kind of person they really are.
No one, EVER HEARS. Including my adult son. In describing the manipulative behaviour his stepfather caused, his response was "that's hearsay". WTF is that supposed to mean? He's not here to defend himself. As I soon came to understand, my SON is also a narcissist himself, manipulating ME and supporting HIM!!! I'm surrounded by them. 3 out of 3 siblings, all have no issues. They totally control their worlds, and ours unless you cut off all contact. Until our divorce is final, we have an open email. It gave ME the outlet to use if I needed to. When you ask him a question that sets off the silent treatment, if I need to tell him something, we still share bank accounts and a house together. This is the worst/hardest part, splitting "what's left over" after all his abuse. While he tries to take over the house, since "I abandoned him", leaving for my safety, threatening to label me insane. What's more insane, the police are protecting "one of their own" from another state, no connection, no allegiance. Smdh
That is what messes with our heads even more! Agreed same happens to me but there was quite a few people that worked for my father that knew that he was a jerk, so not everybody’s fool by the BS! And as time goes by the screw up a lot, and I got enough proof of her mind, really is
I don’t think my ex knows what all I have on him, and that I could destroy him with the evidence, but why would I do that he’s living in Texas now with this girl he married supposedly only knew her a few months, but he was cheating on her to sell and the last one and me. 🤦♀️. I don’t want STDs and I sure the hell don’t want him back, so why would I even give a woman a proof? I know that’s horrible to say, but I want them out of my life.
Yes! Diagnosed with major depression for many years, amongst other diagnoses - I just wasn’t okay and nothing helped and I didn’t know why. And then I woke up one day and asked for a divorce, and haven’t been depressed since! Wow! Turns out I was suffering from confusion. The best thing he ever did for me was to call me a narcissist. I had no idea what it all meant, I just thought it was an insult hurled at good-looking, confident, successful people. And I knew he didn’t love himself like that, and he certainly isn’t oozing charisma. Not only skipped love bombing, but never once bought me a birthday, Christmas, Mother’s Day, any occasion gift. I’d forgotten what kind of birthday cake I liked! No one had asked in over ten years. So, he called me, the one riddled with self-loathe and exhausted from nonstop effort and nothing to show but more and worse failure every day, a narcissist. That made no sense, so I looked it up. And it turns out it’s the really icky psychological disorder that destroys people’s wellbeing. Also turns out my mother, all 3 stepdads, and my first husband are all afflicted, too. I have been surrounded by these fuKKing people my entire life! But my point is, it took a few days to clear the confusion bc I’m looking for myself in this info but finding resonance with the “effects of” information. But he doesn’t fit the bill, either - until I said “divorce” and he just Jekyll-Hyded himself into something I never could have imagined. It was wild. I even spent a day or two reading all about emotionally unintelligent men - because that can be fixed, right? Then had UA-cam on auto play in ear buds while I cleaned house, and some video popped up explaining covert narcissism. I started sobbing and laughing uncontrollably. I admit, it was weird, but I was profoundly hurt and sad, and yet overwhelmed with joy (something I had noted was absent in our lives for years). It took months to process it all, but the struggle has been so worthwhile. I’m even grateful for the relationship. Sucks it took so long to learn my lesson, but the rest of my life is MINE. My only question is, HOW do I deal with this overgrown, deluded manbaby for the next 15 years as our children move through their own childhoods? No contact sounds lovely!!! But it’s not an option.
@@Indy__isnt_itI feel you. I’m stuck in a community that hates me and is openly abusive to me, from neighbors to school secretaries, the marriage therapist (also a raging narc), literally every single person I’ve known for the past decade believes that I am an abusive monster who tormented him and tried to make him end his own life and and and… And, he is also not keen on me moving out of the area with my children. He doesn’t want them. He just doesn’t want them too far away, because sometimes he needs them. I hate the “it’s not fair” line of thought, but seriously. It is not fair. I deserve no contact. You deserve no contact. But nobody will listen.
I was married to a covert Narcissists for 5 years and as student psychology . I am amazed at how dynamic the emotion is on discard. The revel is difficult grasp that they never loved or could love you.. so your left mourning a show, figment of fantasy and imagination that for all purposes felt real and was real to you.
And the fact that they can be mean to people they supposedly love as easily as they can breathe. A truly whole and healed person is NEVER mean or cruel to anybody.
It is Vital to not take anything ' personal ' with them, as nobody is inside them in the first place. Narcissists don’t know how to love; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissists value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. Loads of them brag about being a good parent and seek compliments for that only to hide their masks... When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing... They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have close personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain.. .. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection., . And, Moreover, if you think They are the one that 'made' you feel then you're still under their control/spell, you're still wrapped up in their neverending inner delusions/dar-kness, and you learned nothing. Truth is, you were loving YOURSELF the entire time you were interacting with them as they were doing nothing more than mirroring you, as there is nobody inside them in the first place, therefore there was nobody for you to love but yourself (as they themselves are incapable of true empathy/love). Stating that they made you feel is like saying an empty robot made you feel, or an empty soda can made you feel. And in the same way it's completely ridiculous to think a Narc made you feel anything...As they were doing nothing more than mirroring you in the beginning. Based on a lie and you cannot truly feel for lies. They are completely incapable of processing their emotions, they don't know how to. And that is why when you state that you love them they greatly resent it, they turn you into an enemy and play their games. Because inside they ask themselves- " how can you possibly love this ? ' Unless you get over these massive hurdles and understand the bigger picture of Universal spiritual truths in your relationships then you will never be the truly empathic powerful loving spirit being you truly are to love the world/heal the world. .. Much love !..
@@pierrettebrousseau282 A clinical narcissist does NOT have the ability to truly love. They are a void always running to acquire dopamine to try and feel alive. Sad but very harmful personalities.
treasurewhatever yes I just apologized for asking him to pick up my prescription and they didn’t have it filled yet. So I just apologized.... I need to get out and working on it
My ex was so horrible I almost died from the abuse. I’m so glad I made it out alive. Still I feel very detached from reality, everything seems surreal. 😢
Hi. I am in the process of leaving a 5 year relationship where I have been abused daily. I, too, feel like everything is surreal. I Don’t feel grounded anymore. It is terrible.
Derealization and depersonalization are by-products of trauma. If you can, find a trauma therapist (EMDR certified) that can help you reprocess what you’ve been through. I am not just a trauma therapist, I recently left and went NC after being married for 28 years.
I'm still working on feeling again as well. ❤️ Would leave one sick person and try to move forward in strength and learnedness only for the sophistication of the next one to be even more twisted on top of realizing a friend of many years was definitely personality disordered and narcissistic. They attach to the good hearteded or empaths. However you want to term it all. There's some real sadists amongst us I tell ya. I'm happy you made it out alive. It's a feeling no one should ever have to face. I've been working on spiritual warfare and the like to help me regain my original self. Can almost reroute your personality and shatter your core self. Some of these people are straight up possessed. I swear. Their eye changes, etc. I've seen some crazy shit. Who asks, "how do you want to die?", forces one awake, tortures, etc and then forgets most of it the next day? You almost have to be on top of perhaps certain genetic factors making one more predisposed. We give labels, but each narcissist, borderline, etc has their own unique complex traits. The labels help to piece it together.
You literally summed up my entire marriage to a covert narcissist, guilt, confusion, manipulation, feeling like I could have done more (even after spending $80,000 on him because of pity). So glad to be freed from him! Thank you for posting this!
That's the dichotomy. Sometimes he's really immature and vindictive when we argue. Other times really kind. No steady Ness whatsoever. I never know what I'll get.
I’ve said this many times before on UA-cam. But if the narcissist is cold to you, you can be sure the narcissist is hot to someone else. The cold phase, you will feel invisible. You will not feel important anymore. Even if you are in the same room, you will feel that the narcissist doesn't see you. When you are let say at work, the narcissist will no longer check your day. From calling or texting you several times per day to nothing or almost nothing. The biggest sign is when the narcissist's behavior changes dramatically. First you feel visible and really loved. That you have found your soulmate. To not feel visible anymore. Your soulmate feels like a stranger. Another sign is that the narcissist will use their favorite toy a lot more in front of you. and also hide their favorite toy. Which is the smartphone. They will put the phone upside down on the table. Will never leave phone when leaving the room. When someone is calling the narcissist, he will not answer the phone when you are around. Because the narcissist will use the phone a lot more, you start to wonder why the narcissist can't answer your text messages and phone calls. But has no problem to answer others. The communication and sex will be a lot more off. It will be less and less. The sex will almost feel like rape on a dead body. The biggest sign is actually your guts. Always trust it. If you start to feel like the narcissist is cheating on you, trust that. And if the person really is a narcissist, you can be sure you are not the only one. A narcissist needs attention all the time. 24/7. So when you are not with each other, the narcissist will be with someone else. Either in real life or on internet. Always. Additionally I hired a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!
Brilliant. Spot on. "A narcissist needs attention all the time." When you leave them that will drive them crazy if they don't have a replacement for you.
I soooo needed this. Moving out this coming Thursday and I have been going back and forth and feeling guilty. This just confirms everything for me! Pray for me guys ❤
Guys I made it out! Been out for a week and he’s trying to hoover hard. I do have a 2yo with him so I’m being respectful and careful. He doesn’t know where we live. Continue to pray for us. 😊
@@lizh4817 Congratulations!!! I'm so proud of you. Thank you for the update and for the hope that you have given to others (like me 😊) by sharing your journey. Even though we don't know each other, I send my love to you and your little one. Hold on to your courage and steadfastness and never tip your hand, no matter how convincing the hoover tactics. You can do this! I'll continue praying that God protects you and gives you discernment and clarity as you find your feet again. You're brave to have fought for your freedom and God will light your path. Happy Christmas to you and your baby!
@@TARAdubbleyuuI so appreciate you!!! God is truly sending a village and you guys are apart of it 💕 Sending prayers and blessings your way. Merry Christmas to you and yours! 😊 Advice, start to slowly disconnect, stop sharing your day, keep it short and simple. This will help you in the long run because you’re training yourself to be without the person. Plan exit and save! I started planning and saving in July. It took a few months and don’t think too hard. Keep a journal of what the narc does to remind yourself. You got this!!!!
Oh my gosh! This is my life! Being married for 38 years with chaos and confusion, never knowing which personality I will be dealing with from one minute to the next. Wow, this video describes it all!
Great video, spot on. Unfortunately when narcissist is a co-parent, you cannot block him totally, and the worst is that they use parenting issues to cause confusion.
Yes. My ex says to me I am a narcissist and maybe I am narcissistic. But I wouldn’t dare to call her a narcissist without a diagnosis for proof and I wouldn’t dare to instrumentalize, weaponize our child or use him as a means of pressure for getting what I want. Maybe I am a narcissist because I badmouth her (only telling the truth, but nontheless over the years that has become the only way for me to come clear with it). Damn I even became violent and betrayed my own boundaries of behavioral approaches.
So true. End the end, you don't trust your own instincts and perceptions. But, once you finally get away, finally go no contact for real, you will begin to heal.
Kindness and compassion for others is a good thing, in small doses. Just don't allow any one person to build a crutch from it. You will eventually be the one pushing their wheelchair. My husband was a hard worker, but "always" said, "I'll be glad when I can retire, and you can push my wheelchair." Listen to and observe all those repetitive things that your gut tells you "this is wrong!"
Yes!! As petty as it sounds I hate to rename him in my phone as ‘Evil Narc’ to serve as a visual reminder every time he tried to contact me. I also began journaling after every interaction with him to analyse/immortalise his true self in my head. I highly recommend doing these things for anyone struggling to leave and break that cognitive dissonance for good :)
What sucks the most is when someone you care about is a fearful narcissist who accuses u of being a narcissist. I definitely suffer from cognitive disinance. And yes, they pick at small things in your character to make you question your own identity. Its sad when you think you had a good friend or someone who loves you, but you have to stay away. Even if just to stay away from their false accusations.
Dealing with this currently. Very sad and exhausted. Very hurt. She's my daughter...I can't cut all ties. Yet I sure feel like it. She is mentally ill and driving me to that too😢
You explained this in a way that makes so much sense to me. This had been my life for 16 years. My ex husband is this plus addiction (alcohol, hoarding and sexual deviant). I allowed him to bring out the absolute worst in myself. I finally left him 4 months ago.
17 years post divorce I finally realized this was my ex. Plus financial ruin, sex (porn) addiction. Now he's using our adult children to feed his supply. My 2nd husband is even pissed at him for his antics with his bonus children! I pray you get far away from your ex. Be safe ❤
I was asked what it was like to be in a relationship with a covert Narcissist. (Top of the list was pity) You’ll feel pity. Angry at anyone who ever hurt them before. They’ll have lots of these stories to tell you. Then you’ll feel protective. Dismissing any unkind words about them from your friends or family. You’ve found the love of your life. Your soulmate. A person you thought they only wrote about in books or movies. You’ll guard this relationship. You’ll do whatever it takes to keep it together. To make them happy and feeling safe in the fact that you’ll never hurt them… leave them. This is right where they want you. Fighting and guarded against the world. It’s just the two of you. At least to you it is. There’s already been enough triangulation and manipulation to your mind and heart that you’re blinded with loyalty. Not them. Never them. They have backup connections and making new ones to add to the list. Their loyalty is to themselves and what they can get and from who. Your boundaries are down. Your guard isn’t up towards them. You are left defenseless and vulnerable. That’s when it starts. The mean hateful world they’ve complained about now resides in you. You are causing their unhappiness. Their boredom. You are the clinging choking emotions that suffocate their well being. But they “love” you. But you’re always sad and they don’t like that about you. You used to be so different. Easy going and kind. You didn’t used to question where they were or what they meant by that comment. You’re crazy and they can now easily see why others have hurt you. Why did you ruin everything? Why couldn’t you just keep smiling and nodding your head and being agreeable to their every whim? You’ve become a burden. A boring nuisance. What are you even good for? How did THEY get hooked in a relationship with you? And while you’re crying and broken, they’ll be testing out the next ex. They’ll be leading you around by your sobbing nose and make it look like maybe… could be they were wrong about you. Twinkling hope in your sorrowful eyes like diamond stars in a perfect sky of possibilities. There are, of course, so many things you’ll need to change about yourself. You’ve let yourself go and your thoughts are useless. You’re lucky they care about you because nobody else in this world does or will. And then, snap, they’re in another story with someone new. But only new to you. They’ve been grooming this person while you cried your heart out. Begging for it to be like it used to be. But it never was or will be.
That's my 20 year marriage with four kids in a nutshell....been separated for a bit over a year and I feel loads better. But still occasionally struggle with feeling badly for her, still guilty if I made the right choice. She initially proposed divorce to me, had me signed papers and all. Then took it back when she saw I was willing to go along with it. She even went so far as to accuse me of willing leaving when she kicked ME OUT of "her" house. I told she proposed divorce to me and kicked me out, she says that its true but I willingly left.....
Wow, that was well thought, I have lived with one too, my mother.....and you are right. For a kid it is abuse, neglect and emotional confusion and exhaustion. They make you feel like you are nothing, worthless. Nothing about you is ever right or good enough. Even being 'nice' to people could get me in trouble for being 'a goodie two shoes'. Everything had to be about her and her conceited mind. Basically, I had a miserable childhood because of the way she was. I am 53 now, and still haven't gotten over not being loved by her. My father rarely spoke to me and I think it was because of her. Everyone was intimidated by her. One of her favorite things to do was to humiliate him, and me.
When they have power over you, they act like dictators. When they lose that power, they resort to emotional blackmail. It's all an act. They're soulless machines, whose only goal is to control and use you.
That's true. That's what my narcissist aunt tried to do me. She did and does a lot of evil things to me and my family. However, my family especially my parents are too meek to stand for themselves. They were busy trying to keep peace on the surface while sacrificing our own feelings and needs. I got into a huge fight with her few months ago after bottling up all my feelings since I was little. I finally got the gut to speak out my mind; I told her to shut the fuck up, cursed her, shouted at her and letting go all of my negative feelings. When she tried to counter attack me, I said "bye bitch!" and walked away. She hated it so much because she lost control over me and she got no chance to argue back. I still remember how she verbally harrassed me during my grandmother's funeral although I was in complete silence. She was busy creating scenes and shouting, "Why did you call me bitch!!!..." She was also busy badmouthing about me to the other relatives who don't know us well. Perhaps she wanted to act as the victim. Nevertheless, I don't care about her and what others think. I just smirked and looked at her in disguist. She acted very pathetic for a 59 year old bitter and unemployed woman who self claimed to be the smartest among her siblings. Mind you, she got fired from her job in 1980s due to her colleagues' signature campaign. Nobody can get along with her as she always insult other people. She has been brainwashing my older brother who is too forgiving to convince me to say sorry to her. But I strongly refused. I see no point of letting that woman into my life ever again. Since that, I've stopped all sort of communication with that nasty aunt. I'm happier to think of her as a stranger. Although she self claimed my late grandmother's house which happens to be mom's neighbor, I never visit my late grandmother's house anymore. It's simply easier to ignore her and walk away. I hope she'll die in loneliness in that house.
41 years w/a covert narcissist rarely saw him be vulnerable, cry etc. Very cruel, secretive, silent treatment, neglect, betrayal, abandonment, victim, blame, no accountability or responsibility, commitment.
I've never experienced anything like this type of relationship- which led me to keep thinking I was the problem. Also, because I was constantly told I was the problem. This did an unbelievable about of damage to me. No one understands this from the outside except for few experts- my family could not wrap their brains around what was happening behind closed doors.
@Life Hacker 38 years and unfortunately I havnt found one... Brought up by a bunch of overt narcissists then locked into an arranged marrige with a clinically mental person, tried excaping, had grief, threats and mindgames from the religious community for leaving, close 'friends' and people I trusted to be friends betraying me and even helping my abusers, and the religious community got their head together (even raised money, smear campainges, family even helping because how dare I leave the religion, even if all kinds of abuse was going on...) they worked hard to sway authorities against me to the point I was so isolated and broken... and nowhere left to turn for help.. then I met the covert narc, which I thought was 'heaven sent'... at least a loving connection from another human being... but I found out this was all one big 'cosmic joke'. I stay here alone now, contemplating my healing, becoming abit more aware but how the hell am I meant to trust another person, or free myself... and physically unwell from it all, juggling the issues still thrown at me, all the while not trying to let anyone know how broken I really am inside... because people tend to flinch and run a mile if the start to hear what I lived through and survived and I know I have to try holding my tongue and not share if I am to have a chance to connect with people, and also too I know what will happen again if I do show any weakness*..
"The things that they did when they were mean, that's who that person is." The world needs that on posters, bumper stickers, those wacky rubber bracelets, billboards...
@@marlenr8691 Indeed. Often, when you describe this to people, they come back with pat justifications such as "some people just have difficulty expressing themselves" or whatever else they need to say in order to justify or minimize the bad behavior. As soon as someone uses the word "just" when explaining why someone did something abusive, they're minimizing what was done. It's extremely difficult for people to come to grips with the fact that the nice guy/gal side of someone isn't real, and the mean side is the true person.
7 days into no contact and I feel better every day, there are hard moments and I need to fight off the feeling of wanting to reach out, know its like addiction and I wont break. Focusing on taking action that I respect and self care instead. Thanks Richard, your videos were golden in helping me see the light. Thank you for all you give freely.
You're quite off the mark. Yes no contact does make it feel better. But never reach out. That's a very insincere word for "keeping in touch" they keep you around although they've pushed you aside completely and give only what is needed to keep the victim in the situation where they manipulate and gaslight then when I respond he turned the tables into the blame game we went.... Then I was made the villain... And strangely thinking back the first meme he sent me was "Vulnerability, the first thing I look for in you, the last thing I want you to see in me." And that encapsulates the circles of confusion they cause. And he's still playing the game. But this time via cyber tactics.... And I've put all the pieces together and everything coincides with the date an event and some strange activity or a denial of service something put on social media that's defamatory and directly aimed at only something I would know was about me because of the cyber hack into ALL of my data as far back as 2013 if not earlier...... What also stands out is that we'd discuss it and he'd offer his very highly qualified insight as he works with exactly the source of where I've discovered the problem lies... And never not once offer to have a look or fix it for me. And he could see he was turning me into a nervous wreck which gave him the excuse to blame me for being mad. APPARENTLY I'm "A delusional fucktard" which I'm so the opposite. In fact I'm supremely bright and articulate and can very efficiently put my case forward in logic using rational methods of inquiry plus self analysis and give a very good complex and lateral thought processed perspective about the core conceptual elements within the topic together. I'm far more academic in the sense of complex ability to take a concept and grapple with it and extrapolate all aspects. And put a very logical variant of perspective forward. But then the game goes turn tables and point fingers ... You make everything about you I get told. Where I was using a simple example. And then I'd get told I must watch myself...then threats come hard and fast if I intend to try resolve or get to the bottom of something. And I've put all the puzzle pieces together. And it is a very believable account of events coinciding with dates and strange occurrences in my device operations my account safety and very definitely false web pages and playlists and emails and now after all the anger he's spewed when I've asked him and put forth my research, extensive daily research, that he doesn't know whether he should laugh. And we back to the "friendly" with a dose of verbal poinson, and gaslighting. I in fact never have seen this video before as it so states in my activity and I never commented until now. It's the total put on of what he thinks I would have said or perhaps what he would have said but making it look like it came from me. And do believe I'm replying to one such played out move.
Got my daughter to watch this short video and she FINALLY recognized that her boyfriend was a narcissist (though I was telling her). She described the video as "life-changing." Thanks.
Sadly, have been unable to reach my daughter who was raised by Narcissistic Father. It was her choice, but I (mom) was vilified by him as he continued his tude against her (she could never do or say anything or 'else' she just turned 55 and still very unhappy an I perhaps the only one that could answer those questions but she does not speak to me.. Sadly my grandson committed suicide 3 years ago, and I saw it coming since she took on her daddy's disease, grandson could never do anything right and never please his mom and doubt if granddad had anything to do with him either 😓
@@mamas_quilts3573 it is very painful and sad, however, I got away from the abuse and the only times I ever looked back was regarding my daughter. She blames me for every wrong choice she ever made and I was there trying to plant good seeds all the time but she never listened to me :'( I watched another video this evening about family scapegoats and how to keep from being scapegoated (it was mainly directed toward children of narcissistic families .. in my case, I was "it". I am sad though but have had to let it all go since I do not allow anyone to abuse me any longer. Sadly, I tried to be the perfect wife for 10 years and realized I could never succeed in doing anything right. That was 45 years ago and I could never trust anyone since. I am a happy camper and live every day as if it were going to be my last and ENJOY all the Blessings I can and also give :) No more time to waste. I still never lose hope that one day she will grow up. Also carrying around so much hate has really had a very bad effect on her health .. if ONLY she would Wake UP and Let it ALL GO :/ Thanks and Blessings to you
“The only downfall of having a good heart is that you're constantly looking for angels inside of demons. And they wonder why the good know so much pain. ” - R.H. Sin, Tumblr Just saw that quote and it reminded me of the message in this video.
It can certainly seem that way. I think Narcissists usually seek out compassionate and forgiving people or people who have a history of emotional pain. Probably because they will be most likely to feel pity and guilt. The interesting thing to me is this, how much of it is conscious versus subconscious? I would guess it’s more like permanent programming that can’t have the software upgraded.
All I know is I’ve been struggling since I was a kid, and for whatever reason learning and understanding about this stuff is helping me get a better grip. I don’t even care so much about finding the “bad guy” as much as I want to just get myself well and prepared to protect against falling into the confusion
The part about the feeling sorry for them is spot on. I've been with someone who was serverely abused in his early youth and beyond. Every time he did or said something that really hurt, I got very angry with him but after the rage went down I felt sorry for him in such a way that I still haven't thrown him out. That lead to me getting more and more frightened because he is also a classic bully that will threaten you and intimidate.
Quickest way to break the cycle (and also the narcissist) is to get comfortable with being the bad guy. “Yes I’m a mean b*tch and yes, I’m still saying no.” They have absolutely no idea how to handle that. It’s like de-fanging a snake. You can see the helpless confusion in their faces, because nobody ever responded to their guilt trip with calm acceptance and a double down on the offending behavior.
I've started by saying "So what?" in my head, before I engage a response, and now I will be more comfortable not only standing my ground, but *de-fanging the snake* Bless you.
@@jenniferrobs3980 Oh, absolutely. Instant rage. Spinning head like a demon, screaming and frothing at the mouth. But that’s all day, every day, anyway.
My mother would go full on psycho when I did that, and when I defended myself from her PHYSICAL attacks, she'd go and tell everyone *I* was assaulting her. Now, you know the stigma that carries, right? You could be LITERALLY looking at jail time, and police couldn't care less about presumption of innocence in that particular scenario either. She couldn't care less either. These creatures are like rabid animals. They are demons, they are raw manifestations of evil. There's no pacifying them, there's no line they aren't willing to cross.
Hm, yes, but their words are the worst weapons, because they belittle you and criticize in order to hurt and to make you feel guilty. So watch both, actions AND words.
This teaching is excellent! I was in this type of marriage for over 30 years. You are describing clearly the dynamics. You are absolutely right here. I am now divorced, recovering from all this abuse. Sadly enough that I endured this with children in the picture.The tool that helped me was to disengaged any type of arguments, conflicts or confrontations to be able to action toward a separation and divorce. I recommend this teaching to young people dating before they go too far in a relationship that can affect them for the rest of their lives. I wished I knew back in the 1980's. Thank you.
The blocking and unblocking could partly be trauma bonding because the covert narcissist's behaviour toward you, that's mostly dire with a peppering of kindness. Because of that tiny amount of kindness, it somehow keeps you hooked, like an addict that's trying to get clean but keeps relapsing.
Who else has also truly realized just how much narcissism is fully integrated throughout our entire society, because of the cruel and evil abomination of a "system" we have? It's unbelievably nerve wracking and anger provoking, to say the least.
This is the hardest part for an empath/co-dependent to understand. We insist on believing the narcissist is a good person who has some bad traits, when really they are a bad person who is able to feign being nice at times. Once you truly understand that they are being sincere when they mock, ridicule, gaslight, and smear you, they never look the same. Unfortunately, this can take years to see.
@@prometheuspredator7971 Look up Jung shadow theory. I think I left another comment on this video about the theory that narcissism is a form of PTSD in which the sufferer rejects their shadow after the trauma and develops a false ego to compensate. Most trauma victims repress instead of denying the shadow and work it out over time. The narcissists denial and development of a false ego would predictably keep them suspended in the anger phase of post trauma. Richard Grannon recently did a video about this.
100% my story 😢thank you. I escaped 5 days ago from a “very good person”. The state was: started to suggest I have bipolar 2 and borderline disorder at once, started taking antidepressants (that I never needed before), had 3 psychosomatics, (I was absolutely healthy before), and this is not everything. No contact forever 🙏🏻
Wow, after 32 years I finally said I can’t take it anymore but he turned my entire family against me and I have been searching for a way to show them what I’ve been through because even when I told them, they just gave me this. Yeah, you’re crazy and you need help Attitude and look and a couple of them even said that to me so guess what.., I am sending your video to all of them! Thank you and God Bless 💝
Had to call out of work for a week due to a family crisis and my boss didn't like lacking my attention. First day out I get a text asking if I'm upset with her. (I had made it clear I was overwhelmed with much more than work.) She quoted "My warmth is reserved for my nephew and mother at the moment." as "The meanest thing I've ever said." I met her almost 9 years ago as a shit-talking dishwasher. I've said such childishly horrid things, it was almost absolving to see that quoted as the worst... (She has screamed in my face plenty and even came to my house after I tried walking away from a fight.)
I now know with all my being: When someone SHOWS you who they are BELIEVE THEM! Do not make excuses for them, they may temporarily change, to get what they want, but it is ALWAYS temporary.
I JUST put the pieces together this week that my mom is a covert narcissist. Up to this point, all I knew was that she was extremely controlling and that communicating with her was deeply confusing. I always felt upset and bewildered after talking to her without knowing why. I didn't have a name for this weird collection of behaviours and there isn't grandiosity, so I missed it for decades. Figuring this out has been very sad but liberating. I finally have a name and a roadmap.
My sister and I just discovered the term “covert narcissist” a few years back. It describes my mom perfectly. She used to pull this stunt where we as a family would have decided, for example, “let’s go eat at Restaurant A,” and my mom would just keep needling and complaining about how she doesn’t like Restaurant A and how nobody ever listens to her, just needling and needling, until my dad would finally break and say to her, “Okay!! Where do you want to go eat?!” And she would stop talking, wouldn’t say anything, sometimes for hours, so that my dad is frustrated, and kid me was crying because I just wanted to go eat and was now in a room full of emotional extremes. She would then make herself sick from NOT eating, even though we did our best to bring her something she might eat, and we were responsible for making her ill. I get worked up just thinking about it. She had some hard knocks in her youth, but at some point she chose to become a full-time victim. “Crazymaking” is the best term for it.
Had the same thing happen to me but with my father. Wish I had known this 15 years ago but all we can do is try to heal, been no contact for a bit over a week and blocked all calls/texts so that I don't get caught in passive abuse by abusive/gaslighting texts. Amazing how watching these videos is like having someone describing exactly what's happened as if they were there.
Circular arguments! My ex would apologize but we would never resolve the issue so it would get brought up again.. and again.. He would almost always turn things around and veer completely off-topic by bringing up my past (hooking up with others/ex boyfriends, mom being a recovering alcoholic, me posting modelling pictures, having male friends.. ALL before I even knew him) to use against me. Each time I'd bring up the same issue, they'd accuse me of wanting to start an argument when really these issues were just never resolved.
@@Christal101 it's exhausting and sorry is such a simple thing to say. You want to hear it from them more than anything you start to wonder if they never heard it growing up...like why is it so difficult to just say sorry
This stuck with me most too. I broke up with my ex a month and a half ago, but 2 weeks ago they asked to see me for their birthday since I was their best friend and they missed me. I gave in and got back on the rollercoaster. It was good until I quickly realized their patterns were back and they weren't going to change. The day I ended things again (last Tuesday) they told me specific behaviors of mine that they said led to their perfectionism and emotional distance. It's been plaguing my mind ever since. I am so glad I happened upon this video. They always either blamed other people or themselves (in a self-pitying, victimizing sort of way). It could be me or anyone else. I want stability. Never again will I accept less. People show us who they are.
Thank you! Finally I have found you. I have never found anyone who explained covert narcissists so well. I am now convinced I wasn’t going mad after all. This is so true of their character 😊
My comment may be 3 years later, and the bottom of 10,000 comments, but I wanted to thank you because this video is exactly when I needed today. I just hope that you get to read it because today you've earned complete gratitude from this Empath. Thank you
Going through a breakup with a fragile narcissist is SO isolating because most everyone you know mutually sees your partner in such a different light - the one they portray when people are around. Therefore there are hardly people to talk to about it and thus my other long post. Thankful for people who get it!
I just got out a relationship with someone that left me more confused every time we spoke. We never solved anything!! I knew something was wrong!! Crazy making is a nice way to put it!!
Yep, that seems to never get better. I never got answers. And I barely escaped from my own chaos he caused inside me. Congratulations and stay safe and away.
It’s not just a “sob story” it’s people who belittle you and have rage fits then act like everything is fine 20 minutes later. They thrive on putting others down and it’s something you will never understand until you meet one. To normal people who’ve never experienced it it’s hard to describe.
That is true, but a pattern of sob stories and being the victim so many times in their history in social and employment relationships is generally a sign of narcissism or borderline personality. Lightning does not strike five times in the same place.
@@ballooneyjr4294you misunderstand. A sob story is a past negative event. Narcissists have them. Normal people have them. Having a sob story does not prove that person is a narcissist. That is all the comment was about.
I just left a covert narcissist. No contact!! I got away after 3 months Thank God. Since then I have been sleeping 11 hours every night to recover. I was exhausted. I am so done with my pattern of nursing grown up people. No more!! ❤️ put my big girl pants on 😂
This makes my hair hurt. Do we ever truly recover from these, especially if they were long marriages? I just try not to think about it anymore. But sometimes these videos can trigger the memories, even after 25 years have passed.
This really describes my mother. She turns literally everything into self-pity and then throws it at you and makes you responsible for it. If you don't give in, she can get as cold as a stone and say the most horrible things.
Yep, mine too! To a "T"..! Shame my siblings can't see it, and are so trauma bonded and still "fighting" over her like little kids(which she loves and causes..🙄)
@@davinagibson1665 it's an ironic term use.. but I AM with you! (It's the "Terrible Twos" for THOSE PEOPLE.... If I'm allowed to even say so nowadays!)
same here, explains why I always got attracted to those fucked up witches.... but the last one I met was a grandiose narcissist that collapsed to a vulnerable XD and she was not very bright.....from a super lawyer to a drunk tinder hooker trying to make some money at night and trying to find a doctor or businessman that takes her in XD she is 44 and hitting the wall, I feel sorry for her little 9 yearl old daughter...they are living from social support, and are put in hostels or governmental institutes I met them in a hostel in Portugal where I stayed before I started to work and to live in my shared apartment. She gave me her fake CV with which I tried to apply her for jobs but got rejections and even block on one company portal because she faked some of her diploms....these people are very stupid...believing they cannot be caught...
Wow. This clarity is SUCH a relief. Thank you so much. I’ve been stuck in this and worrying so much that I’M the narcissist for being simply unable to meet their needs. I have felt KERAZY.
yep. mine would also use "boundaries" as a weapon. I didn't function the way he wants? well, his boundary is now to go away and stay alone. and if I question that, I'm simply a narcissist who cannot respect other peoples boundaries. it is f**g insane.
Having had been married twice, once to a grandiose narcissist then to a covert narcissist, I realized my empath personality attracted them. I had to learn to get help for myself in order to trust that I will not allow another narcissist to try and destroy me. For years I felt completely insane.
3 in a row: 1) married off at 19 to an abusive cross dressing fetishist who did drugs, cheated and beat me for 10 years. All of my twenties, gone! Left with two kids. 2) thought my suffering was over. Met a Turkish government official who I had amazingly intellectual conversations with, six years In he is hitting me, verbally abusing me, stonewalling me for weeks at a time, etc. Thirties, gone! 3) cry about my horrible misfortune, man claims to be victim of the same, we date and things are wonderful. Move in, he begins to lose his jobs, does drugs, find out he has children he never claimed, trolls craigslist for sex, borrows money and never repays, ignores me for months when I ask him to go to therapy, etc. I'm now 46. I never had a decent partner, ever. I am convinced men are freaking evil and narcissistic by their very nature. I'm in therapy, but I will NEVER date a man again after the crap they have done to me. I still look good and get asked out all the time, but men gross me out, might as well have sex with an actual demon, same thing!
I was in a devastating relationship with a covert narcissist. However, he didn’t have a sob story. He was just very gentle and shy at first to the point of seeming extremely harmless which I loved. He was EXTREMELY charming and chivalrous. Love bombing, sweeping me off my feet as a perfect gentleman. Then as I was obviously in love with him, he started showing his true colors. He’d be crazy about me one day, take me SUPER high and then the next day drop me. He would withdraw his affection completely, to the point of being cold hearted and cruel, then the next be crazy about me again. It was a maddening roller coaster, that would leave me SOOOOO confused and wondering what was wrong with me and why I wasn’t good enough. Perpetually chasing those highs. He is an EXTREMELY private person and wouldn’t go into specifics about his past. It got to the point that I became “trained” that when he was sweet, romantic, gentle, I knew to enjoy it to the max cause the next day he’d be bored with me and discard me. It was 6 years of torture, that left me with baaaaad expectations of men and literary I suffer from PTSD whenever getting involved and in new relationships. Subconsciously doing the dropping before I get discarded. Which is why I have made the decision to stay single until I am able to deprogram all these horrible behaviors. These type of people leave you traumatized and in need for therapy.
Thank you for your story. I also am single. My ability to be in a relationship is completely broken, I can’t trust anyone. It takes years to recover from this-well for me anyway. Take care...💜💟
Phenomenal Woman this is exactly what I experienced from my father and then from my intense covert narc/sociopath only to have a string of these after.... it was exhausting. So much so I also have ptsd... and I now avoid any intimacy or relationships possible. I feel it’s made me the same but I’d never do that to someone so I keep myself single and alone ... so I don’t hurt anyone... but it’s because I was so broken by so many in a long row. That I feel it broke me and my ability to believe in love or that someone will love me or they won’t end up like this. Sad life. I even stopped being able to perform for a while and socially interact. Became agoraphobic even for a while. But it’s the weird sad truth of the damage they do. PTSD is so real... and long term real damage is real. I wish there could be a way to heal to how I was before I met my ex. I was so soft open and loving and believed in it. Now I just don’t. And that isn’t healthy... but since I can’t attract or trust healthy I just stay away.
I grew up with a narc dad then attracted numerous narcs. It was this endless cycle of not good enough just like GOD (good old dad). I finally recognized the PTSD came from my childhood abuse and trying to resolve my dad's loveless attitude toward me. Distant. Cold. Cruel. It sets us up to relive it in our relationships. I studied PTSD in college and since and one therapist told me these wise words I share with you and readers: you never heal.from PTSD .. You learn coping strategies. It's very true. You will always have triggers and flashbacks especially if there was childhood abuse. If you had a normal childhood then you can reprogram yourself after an abusive relationship. It takes a lot of work and cultivating self love again. When you can answer why you let it go on that.long and why you didn't love yourself enough to get out immediately you're on the road back to normal. Good luck. I hope that helps.
Omg thank you!! He had all the narcissistic traits but he would cry and be the victim and be depressed and I couldn't understand how he could be so vulnerable then an hour later be his normal evil narcissistic self! This was so eye-opening, I definitely feel less crazy! 😂
This explanation has given me clarity on the situation i was in, In a relationship with a covert narcissist, I'm pleased i only wasted 4 years, felt like 20' nearly finished me off at one point, crazy, but that explanation has helped me immensely, the penny has finally dropped, i left a month ago" went 100% no contact, its the only way"I'm lucky there's no children involved' i know its early days but ive never felt this much peace and calmness in my life, i would rather take a kicking off 10 Rugby players opposed to the mental torture and abuse i injured from a size 8 fragile lady' i didnt even no what a narcissist was till a couple of months ago, by God i do now " Biggest eye opener of my life, Thankyou so much 😇
My ex was a covert narcissist. I was confused most of my 34 years of marriage. Once I finally left my family felt sorry for him. They were shocked I would leave because he was such a great man.I had to realize I needed to save myself and not feel sorry for him anymore. My family didn't know the real man. After of 2 1/2 years away from him, I am finally happy.
I did 14 years of insane marriage to the passive aggressive covert narcissist. 14 years of sadness, loneliness, confusion, disappointment, reactive abusing (I was the crazy one). Grateful to have left JUne 2017 and finding me since then
I am on year 30... and still not sure but I am definitely miserable. What was the "real man" like? I know I will be seen as the monster if I leave as well. But most of the time I do feel like I'm the bad guy.
@@sondrab2547 22 years here. Feel the same. After I asked for divorce, he's trying to charm me , even offering me to go, take time to "heal" have therapy ,since he convincing me that I'm the problem and something is wrong with me...
I try believe my narc husband has been talking with my narc siblings behind my back. Slot of gaslighting trying to make me crazy. He wanted me to do something unsavory, I refused. And all hell broke lose in my life after that............pure narc revenge and my siblings are in on it.
Just a bunch of sad lonely people making sad lonely people, broken people breaking people so that they don't have to be broken alone, and hating anyone who dares to be or pursue otherwise, they are
I was born to a covert narcissistic mother. I realized a few years ago that she was narcissistic (I'm 61). As a child I kept having dreams of a person appearing with a mask on. When I asked, who are you, the person would say "take off the mask". Unfortunately, there was a mask under every mask I took off. At the age of 58, I realized who was under the mask, my cruel narcissistic mother. Thank you for the explanation of the dynamics. I couldn't go no contact as a child, but I was running away from home and staying with relatives any chance I had. Unfortunately, she damaged me beyond imagination.
It’s crazy how I WOULD NEVER allow anyone to talk to me the way he did. When it came to him though? I would just sit there and take it; ended up apologizing for making him do the things he did. Smh
My covert mom will say, "But that's just the way he is, and he's your brother. Family is everything." Then she'll point out how he's ruined his own life by bullying and abusing everyone, lives alone in a mobile home, etc. trying to guilt me into acting like his abuse is o.k. to make HER feel better. Alternately, she'll insult, belittle, accuse, etc. me or act as if I'm the impulsive or untrustworthy one. She's a skilled covert narcissist who enables my malignant overt narcissist older brother.
The Covert Narcissist is basically dealing with Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde… their behaviour keeps you living on the edge causing you major anxiety and all the time maintaining they’re the normal ones and making you think you’re losing the plot.
I’ve been looking up videos to understand why my head is spinning over my 7 year relationship that I ended and said he had to move out in a month. Things have been exactly as you described. This has been one of the biggest emotional roller coasters I’ve ever been on. Thank you so much for confirming what my intuition has been trying to tell me. I didn’t understand there was a vulnerable type and so now it makes so much sense. This really helps me. Thank you so much for making this video. Life changing for me.
Exactly what it is! I had long years suffered in such relationships- seemed to meet them everywhere🐥- glad to notice earlier now. Glad to get out earlier, less suffering, more self awareness, self esteem. This the most important, acording to my experience. Such a good explanation helps further. Bless You! Thank You so much!!!
bullies who pretend to be victims. for eg. they will present u as the problem cuz they deny their own culpability. what hurts is that they get some people to believe their lies about u - getting others to shun u. 5 year olds do this when they point the finger cuz they do not want to get caught or accept responsibility for their own behaviour. Smear campaign.
How does that happen??? I am this victim to the extreme and destroy any credibility to 99% of anybody. I am this awful abuser and just iout of control. Not even in range of any way
I like to say, they see a nice shiny perfect red apple, it just can't be, there has to be a worm inside. They are not 'there' but just looking for the worm, and that's you!!
some of them seem outright pathological. overly emotional completely just demented in soul. I mean crazy (real) in the head. where can't even control their own impulses and have to put a 'DISPLAY' of their own emotions online. and do thing like talking behind others back. or not truly supporting friend who is difficult situation they should be. I mean most pathlogical maniac you could know. all feelng of dread is past onto others/projeced onto others. no shame or remorse. and talk about you behind back. but believe talk in rumours where don't even see damage happening. been left with bitter aftertaste recently. after seeing them for what they truly are. but seems where innocent always get outed first, instead of actual people with problem.
My mom once called me a loser and a deadbeat....and loves to blame confused and insult my dad like calls my dad stupid and braindead for not understanding why she is so angry at him and then wont actually give dad a reason why ...she gets angry at my dads raised voice my mom is a child inside a vulnerable child as a grownup
This is one of the best yet. I have seen so many videos, but how he explains the psychology of the fragile narcissist. This is exactly my experience and it is so cruel.
I started to realize my ex's fragile narcissism/avoidance because...she essentially told me. The thing is though she thought she was just talking about avoidance but really she didn't understand that the same language is for narcissists as well. And I started seeing it all through her life--avoiding financial issues, friends who didn't seem to all like each other really, unable to show emotions with family, always the victim for EVERYTHING (as in freaking out because her sister was mad about an off hand but basically harmless joke she told). I saw all this and stayed because...I'm formerly avoidant. I was hoping to be a good example but there's just no way. The thing is when you're on top, they're on top. But when you're sinking or being your actual vulnerable self and they will have...nothing. They will not be there for you, not really. They'll literally escape back into relationship spaces or arguments that you already had or already "both" made decisions over. But they will bring them back up as though you both had not talked about those things. I did get that closure, and I got it by calling her the fuck out and BEING KIND. Being way past them and just showing them that there was nothing to even be afraid of by just talking to you--which is what they do, they just stop talking.
My mom is a covert and my dad was a grandiose. You can only imagine the fear and manipulation I lived through as a child all while pretending everything was fantastic to other people.
He got me with a horrific sob story combined with extreme love bombing. I always felt like the red carpet he rolled out for me turned out to be attached to a roller coaster during an earthquake. I was in a constant state of confusion and and being thrown off balance. Thankfully he discarded me rather quickly and I used the experience to self reflect and work on my own codependency issues.
This really is an incredible breakdown of the situations and feelings these individuals put you through. Chills as to the accuracy of this information. Thank you for sharing this!
Thanks so much. Of all the information out there, this finally sheds light on how these covert narcissists remain successful in manipulating compassionate empathetic individuals.
Richard Grannon, I've wondered lately if these folks might be the cause of their victims ending up with Alzheimer's or an autoimmune disease. If the "victim" is never made aware of the "crazy-making," never at some point says WTF like I did and started reading and educating myself, are they cursed if they can't remove themselves or don't even know they need to? I have blocked/distanced myself from folks I don't have to be around, but right now I feel stuck having to help with my 99-year-old covert narcissist mother whose "mind is fine" as far as normal day-to-day functioning is concerned. The covert narcissist is just as she always has been with controlling & manipulating. I'm feeling like any day I'm going to "blow." Either my mind, my heart, or any other function within my body might just shut down or start attacking itself. IS THERE OR HAS ANY STUDY BEEN DONE TO CORRELATE COVERT NARCISSISM AND THE VICTIM'S MENTAL OR PHYSICAL BREAKDOWN???
@@theabeam Extreme stress (emotional, psychological, physiological, social) is one of the main causes of autoimmune and neurodegenerative diseases, (Alzheimer included) and many other metabolic diseases. +From my observations, victims of long-term narcissistic abuse, have many health problems mentioned above, surely more than "normal" population. I really don't know any long term victim of narc abuse without serious health problems.
@@theabeam I 've had serious autoimmune disease diagnosed 20 y now.. Started in my teens, was getting better since I made my own choice in my surgeon and therapy (turned to holistic treatments) changed diet and processed grief from my n mother' s prolonged abuse.. All the people with autoimmune issues I know of had problems at home. The last (and only) good doctor I had, pointed out my disease is purely caused by psychological strain...
I went no contact in March 2022 and have kept no contact. There’s been up and downs and all-arounds emotionally but my life has improved greatly. I bought a hobby farm, my true passion, I have two cows, a donkey, greenhouses and so much more. I don’t miss my old life w those narcs. I do feel haunted at times still by the old painful memories but I’ll take that and working through that over actually living w narcs on a daily basis. Narcs in my opinion are demonic and will destroy you. It’s a blessing to have escaped and an honor to have my new farm life walking daily w Mother Nature and the Divine. Much love and light sent to all good kind loving souls❤
Hi Richard, I’ve just watched your video. My partner fits exactly your description of the fragile narcissist. I went no contact and nearly 5 months later they died in a frenzy of recklessness. I think that was their final attempt to try and make me feel sorry for them and guilty for leaving them. But watching this video has helped me not fall into that trap. Thank you. xx
Thank you! Best description and most helpful to confirm what I was in. And why I'm having such a hard time blocking him and going no contact. It's almost like watching a train wreck and you can't turn away.
Took me a long time to figure that one out. I was stuck cycling back and forth like he mentions in this video. Start to see the real predatory nature of the monster when they willingly ignore you as soon as you stop feeding them. That's the cold reality of their indifference, even as a mother. Finally feel like I have the energy to live my life now. Once I stopped focusing on the details (used to trigger emotional/human response) and observe the pattern it becomes much easier to avoid
Oh yes!!! And when they do finally call they put the responsibility on you for being mad at them for not calling them first; and then when they want to instigate an argument you have left them out of everything and lead a whole other life they know nothing about and you hate them. Well, that is specific for my life dealing with my mom anyway. :)
I kept my mother from visiting by not having tv. If she couldn't watch her soaps, it was the end of the world. I didn't bring tv into my home because I hated how it got more attention than I did as a child. My kids were going to have me and I wasn't going to plan my life around the TV guide.
This is describing my ex. Went through 14 years of misery and after that 18 months therapy to heal. My regret is not leaving earlier, such a waste of precious time. Everyone reading and listening and still with the narc ... get out and go no contact!!!
I struggle with thinking of things as a waste of time though it clearly seems that way , coming up 16 years ... I'm still trying to figure out how I got here ! Building my lovely house in hell , confusion an understatement . Thanks for sharing ✌️🌻
Mine was 16 years. Took me 3-4 years to start to understand what I even went through. I felt "robbed" of those years. That was the only word I was able to come up with. Most people don't understand that.
I have a covert narcissist ex too. I choose to see no time as wasted though. I hate to read about regret and wasted time. I know that you are the amazing woman you are today because of that experience (no matter how hellish). Much love to you and all on our continued journey of being our highest self!
@@cyemw777 that's what I thought too..... Then God showed me something. Were my boys learning how to treat their future wives? Was my daughter truly learning how to be loved by a future husband? No. To both questions. It was for them that I said ENOUGH. You can do it.
Thank you for this Richard. I recently walked away from my ex. I had been with him 6 months and started to see red flags, moods up n down. The classic covert. I was up and down because he didn't fit the narcissistic umbrella as such. But the way you explained fragile and vulnerable completely made sense. It was like a mix of different narcissist sweeties in one bag and I was left drained to the point where I went no contact. I feel so much better and have my peace back. I've had previous narcissist relationships years ago and again learnt the hard way. I stayed single for over 7-8 years after the last one. So when I met this guy late last year, I thought OMG he's so nice and God love him for going through a hard time. I wised up and left. I've been wondering was he or wasn't he, he clearly was playing with me so thank you for putting my mind at rest 💞
I'm walking away after 44 years. Barely making it out alive. I'm on my knees. ADVICE: RUN. Run away and NEVER LOOK BACK.... while you still can... before you are so disabled by it and confused that you are trapped forever. Trust me 🙏
I'm so glad you're choosing YOU now 🔥🙌♥️🌿💕🌞 It's never too late to choose yourself. I can relate. I've just left my husband after knowing him for 10 years. Before him I'd already spent 19 split between two other narcissists. One grandiose, one I can now understand was half grandiose half covert. I did NOT understand until I'm seeing this video just why my fragile covert husband was able to hurt me so successfully. I get it now. I'm SICK to realise I've now spent nearly 30 years in these similar hell's and it cost me material things and so much more, again! But, I hope that you too will not shame yourself for having had such a big heart that you put theirs ahead of your heart and mind. I did it too. But we've made it! We are OUT, and that's HUGE!!! Congratulations friend. This is the beginning of your journey in giving yourself, everything they PRETENDED to give to you. Be well and I am rooting for you. There is no shame here, only learning. 🌞💕🌿🙌🔥😄
My husband (8 years) and I spent the whole weekend planting flowers and vegetables and enjoying each other's company. So nice after a 22 year marriage to a covert, walking on eggshells and just wanting to die.
Going no contact in these situations is hard in the very beginning, but SO freeing and completely worth it! ‘Block him and move on with your life.” 👏 Stop letting these people suck the life and happiness out of you.
I’ve just been trying the no drama thing and it seems to be working for me lol! Just went on a job interview that I enjoyed and I was able then to get out of self it was nice.
The subtext is always: 'My pain is so much worse, my life so much worse than yours. Therefore, your pain is irrelevant.'
I had cancer and I was blamed for being angry and now was told that angry behavior won’t be forgiven or forgottten
I was literally thinking about this!!! None of us are irrelevant,THANK YOU for bringing this to LIGHT 🕯️🕯️🕯️
@@SinderellaScapegoatdepends tho. you cannot keep bothering someone who is truly hurting more than you with smaller problems
it’s like going to someone who broke their leg and is under anaesthesia complaining about how they did not reply to your text and you’re hurt
@@mikami9099 It comes down to balance, though, don't you think? Mutual respect and care: one person's pain does not negate another's. In context of this video, the narcissist person or group demands compete imbalance. For those of us addressing our own pain for the first time, mutual respect is a healthy path forward.
@@Infernapeclosecombat I was shamed for having angry feelings about children being murdered in wars. I realised later that my anger guides me to moral understanding and action. The other person is happy to look the other way and avoid all anger. I realised they have no moral core.
If their absence brings you peace you did not lose them you have won yourself again
So true.
That hit the spot! 🙏
Great quote
Not necessarily. You could just be a grump, inflexible, fixed, ridged... OUTNUMBERED.. NOT saying that you are any of these things. You could be taken serious for silly things by the "types" just described... Millie
YOu could also JUST be EXAUHUSTED and around those who just don't care. NO THING makes sense when you are sleep deprived... If you are afraid to go to sleep... for ANY reason nothing will come out of your mouth or mind correctly... eSPECIALLY to agents of Systemic oppression though denial of correct information necessary to make good decisions about one's own life. They NEED to PUSH the buck... I mean make a profit... It's so Petty...
It could also be that frequency generator that makes it impossible to read written words out loud, or form cohesive thoughts or to verbalize them... Many reasons...
@@IamStillrich The words in your comment that stand out are, OUTNUMBERED, those, and they.
You need to understand that I'm not talking about groups of people irritating me.
I am talking about one narcissistic ex spouse. Not they, them or those. But their absence, that one person that made my life hell.
My mom always said “wherever there is mass confusion, therein lies the devil.”
That is a great saying to remember. Thank you for sharing.
Woa
OMG. Clarifies so much. AWESOME QUOTE-THANK YOU!
Nice
I've been in countries or cities where I couldn't concentrate I was so confused 😕 is that bad energy in the people/city
“The things that they did when they were mean, that’s who that person is.” Felt that! 👍👍👍
I so totally agree 1000% my girl!! I was with mine for 18 years on and off for the past 5... When I caught him in a lie AGAIN (he stormed out the door with a bag of "some" clothes and 2 of our dogs; up the road he went to mom n dad's... Only a hop skip and jump from where we were living at that time) anywho I recorded it, and he did not know that that was going to be the LAST time he walked out that door! Surprised him LOL! Sorry so long
Exactly...Anything OTHER than the nastiness is just merely part of the 🎭/false self.
The get extremely evil! Nasty, like a demon comes out! It’s scary!
Yep
Yes I learnt that my husband wasn't the man I thought he was
My favourite quote that kinda relates to this is “Don’t blame the clown for acting like a clown, ask yourself why you keep going to the circus 🎪 “
The guy whomade this video is a narccist, ask prof sam vakhim, 95% of psycholigists get their narrcsistic supply by calling others narccists and feeling powerful by evaluating them
I like that. I’ll remember it
That’s awesome. Thanks for putting it out there.
Love it. ❤️
It applies
🎯🎯🎯
A narcissist is actually 3 people 1. The False Self 2. The Dark Entity 3. The Hurt Inner Child
Perfectly said.
Well said!
4. The narcissistic demons
Yep!
Misti Roberts they chose to ignore empathy. Just like ignoring morals.
I was dating a covert narcissist who would cycle between love bombing and put downs in one single encounter. He would shift between a story about how he wants to marry me, to how I wasn't attractive enough to want to be with me. I couldn't even process what was happening. It was one of the most confusing and bizarre dating experiences of my life.
Same. 😭 And when he would put me down which made my mood change, suddenly I’m the party pooper and I don’t know how to have good time because I’ve become quite.
So if I may ask you a question(I too have been in a covert malignent Narc situation) Doessent "covert" mean they unleash the meanness on you in private, for no one to see. ? And when in the open world, you would not see the narcness, nor would anyone else.
@@BioHertz I don’t fully understand the meanings of the different types, but that sounds about right. The narc that I was involved with made himself appear to be this great man and so good to me in front of others, (he would sometimes say things in front of his grown kids but maybe because he felt comfortable and most likely they knew he’s a narc) but behind closed doors and especially when he was in a mood is where I got the verbal/emotional abuse
@@amandacampos5319 Yes, it sounds too familiar. Thank you, much love
Rn my covert narc ex is trying to hoover me. I can't take it anymore. He is begging and apologizing but I won't fall for it.
"The truth is, they're one person... and they are an adult. The things that they do when they are mean... that's who that person is."
That stood out to me. That's what I need to continue to remind myself.
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."
Scientific and medical studies over the past 40 years have proven that the narcissist has multiple personalities.
The biggest sign you are with a toxic partner is a feeling of CONFUSION. This video is spot-on.
Yes I completely agree. It's the confusion, it drives you insane
AMEN!
Confusion is the devil's realm, which is time-sensitive.
The lean in as they are in elation is like rejection so the target has to up the game to get them back..similar to the borderlines push pull..or the target may self sabotage their own life to get them back just as she goes back to depletion so there are 2: ppl in the shits fighting..on & on..ty RG .this is one of my fav .David
True
The confusion is overwhelming. One minute you're the best. Next minute they despise you. No one believes you when you tell them what kind of person they really are.
No one, EVER HEARS. Including my adult son. In describing the manipulative behaviour his stepfather caused, his response was "that's hearsay". WTF is that supposed to mean? He's not here to defend himself. As I soon came to understand, my SON is also a narcissist himself, manipulating ME and supporting HIM!!! I'm surrounded by them. 3 out of 3 siblings, all have no issues. They totally control their worlds, and ours unless you cut off all contact. Until our divorce is final, we have an open email. It gave ME the outlet to use if I needed to. When you ask him a question that sets off the silent treatment, if I need to tell him something, we still share bank accounts and a house together. This is the worst/hardest part, splitting "what's left over" after all his abuse. While he tries to take over the house, since "I abandoned him", leaving for my safety, threatening to label me insane. What's more insane, the police are protecting "one of their own" from another state, no connection, no allegiance. Smdh
That is what messes with our heads even more! Agreed same happens to me but there was quite a few people that worked for my father that knew that he was a jerk, so not everybody’s fool by the BS! And as time goes by the screw up a lot, and I got enough proof of her mind, really is
I don’t think my ex knows what all I have on him, and that I could destroy him with the evidence, but why would I do that he’s living in Texas now with this girl he married supposedly only knew her a few months, but he was cheating on her to sell and the last one and me. 🤦♀️. I don’t want STDs and I sure the hell don’t want him back, so why would I even give a woman a proof? I know that’s horrible to say, but I want them out of my life.
Yes! Diagnosed with major depression for many years, amongst other diagnoses - I just wasn’t okay and nothing helped and I didn’t know why. And then I woke up one day and asked for a divorce, and haven’t been depressed since! Wow! Turns out I was suffering from confusion.
The best thing he ever did for me was to call me a narcissist. I had no idea what it all meant, I just thought it was an insult hurled at good-looking, confident, successful people. And I knew he didn’t love himself like that, and he certainly isn’t oozing charisma. Not only skipped love bombing, but never once bought me a birthday, Christmas, Mother’s Day, any occasion gift. I’d forgotten what kind of birthday cake I liked! No one had asked in over ten years. So, he called me, the one riddled with self-loathe and exhausted from nonstop effort and nothing to show but more and worse failure every day, a narcissist. That made no sense, so I looked it up. And it turns out it’s the really icky psychological disorder that destroys people’s wellbeing. Also turns out my mother, all 3 stepdads, and my first husband are all afflicted, too. I have been surrounded by these fuKKing people my entire life! But my point is, it took a few days to clear the confusion bc I’m looking for myself in this info but finding resonance with the “effects of” information. But he doesn’t fit the bill, either - until I said “divorce” and he just Jekyll-Hyded himself into something I never could have imagined. It was wild. I even spent a day or two reading all about emotionally unintelligent men - because that can be fixed, right? Then had UA-cam on auto play in ear buds while I cleaned house, and some video popped up explaining covert narcissism. I started sobbing and laughing uncontrollably. I admit, it was weird, but I was profoundly hurt and sad, and yet overwhelmed with joy (something I had noted was absent in our lives for years). It took months to process it all, but the struggle has been so worthwhile. I’m even grateful for the relationship. Sucks it took so long to learn my lesson, but the rest of my life is MINE.
My only question is, HOW do I deal with this overgrown, deluded manbaby for the next 15 years as our children move through their own childhoods? No contact sounds lovely!!! But it’s not an option.
@@Indy__isnt_itI feel you. I’m stuck in a community that hates me and is openly abusive to me, from neighbors to school secretaries, the marriage therapist (also a raging narc), literally every single person I’ve known for the past decade believes that I am an abusive monster who tormented him and tried to make him end his own life and and and…
And, he is also not keen on me moving out of the area with my children. He doesn’t want them. He just doesn’t want them too far away, because sometimes he needs them. I hate the “it’s not fair” line of thought, but seriously. It is not fair. I deserve no contact. You deserve no contact. But nobody will listen.
I was married to a covert Narcissists for 5 years and as student psychology . I am amazed at how dynamic the emotion is on discard. The revel is difficult grasp that they never loved or could love you.. so your left mourning a show, figment of fantasy and imagination that for all purposes felt real and was real to you.
“The things that they did when they were MEAN - That’s who that person is.” 😞 It’s the most daunting thing I’ve heard and it’s heartbreaking.
And the fact that they can be mean to people they supposedly love as easily as they can breathe. A truly whole and healed person is NEVER mean or cruel to anybody.
It is Vital to not take anything ' personal ' with them, as nobody is inside them in the first place. Narcissists don’t know how to love; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else.
Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissists value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. Loads of them brag about being a good parent and seek compliments for that only to hide their masks...
When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing... They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves.
When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have close personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain..
.. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection., .
And, Moreover, if you think They are the one that 'made' you feel then you're still under their control/spell, you're still wrapped up in their neverending inner delusions/dar-kness, and you learned nothing. Truth is, you were loving YOURSELF the entire time you were interacting with them as they were doing nothing more than mirroring you, as there is nobody inside them in the first place, therefore there was nobody for you to love but yourself (as they themselves are incapable of true empathy/love).
Stating that they made you feel is like saying an empty robot made you feel, or an empty soda can made you feel. And in the same way it's completely ridiculous to think a Narc made you feel anything...As they were doing nothing more than mirroring you in the beginning. Based on a lie and you cannot truly feel for lies.
They are completely incapable of processing their emotions, they don't know how to. And that is why when you state that you love them they greatly resent it, they turn you into an enemy and play their games. Because inside they ask themselves- " how can you possibly love this ? '
Unless you get over these massive hurdles and understand the bigger picture of Universal spiritual truths in your relationships then you will never be the truly empathic powerful loving spirit being you truly are to love the world/heal the world. ..
Much love !..
Omg that just made me feel sick reading this ;(
@@pierrettebrousseau282 A clinical narcissist does NOT have the ability to truly love. They are a void always running to acquire dopamine to try and feel alive. Sad but very harmful personalities.
And that includes your mother..😢
Lol what gets me when you’re dealing with these people is how you end up apologizing for stuff you normally would never apologize for.
treasurewhatever yes I just apologized for asking him to pick up my prescription and they didn’t have it filled yet. So I just apologized.... I need to get out and working on it
@treasurewhatever: I'm sorry I find you attractive 😎
IKR?
Somebody's disease ...your suffering ..
Dr. Les Carter has a video explaining why you shouldn't care .
One thing I learned after a relationship, "let go, if there's confusion".
So simple and true!
Yes, it is indeed that crystal clear!
So simple if it doesn’t make sense its NONSENSE 🗣✍🏻🤬👹
Absolutely yes! Intuition is the key.
@@lovewhitey2027 Well said.
My ex was so horrible I almost died from the abuse. I’m so glad I made it out alive. Still I feel very detached from reality, everything seems surreal. 😢
Hi. I am in the process of leaving a 5 year relationship where I have been abused daily. I, too, feel like everything is surreal. I Don’t feel grounded anymore. It is terrible.
I hear you loud and clear. Thank God we made it out.
Derealization and depersonalization are by-products of trauma. If you can, find a trauma therapist (EMDR certified) that can help you reprocess what you’ve been through. I am not just a trauma therapist, I recently left and went NC after being married for 28 years.
I'm still working on feeling again as well. ❤️ Would leave one sick person and try to move forward in strength and learnedness only for the sophistication of the next one to be even more twisted on top of realizing a friend of many years was definitely personality disordered and narcissistic. They attach to the good hearteded or empaths. However you want to term it all. There's some real sadists amongst us I tell ya.
I'm happy you made it out alive. It's a feeling no one should ever have to face. I've been working on spiritual warfare and the like to help me regain my original self. Can almost reroute your personality and shatter your core self. Some of these people are straight up possessed. I swear. Their eye changes, etc. I've seen some crazy shit. Who asks, "how do you want to die?", forces one awake, tortures, etc and then forgets most of it the next day? You almost have to be on top of perhaps certain genetic factors making one more predisposed. We give labels, but each narcissist, borderline, etc has their own unique complex traits. The labels help to piece it together.
@@louiselafrance5805 hugs to you.
You literally summed up my entire marriage to a covert narcissist, guilt, confusion, manipulation, feeling like I could have done more (even after spending $80,000 on him because of pity). So glad to be freed from him! Thank you for posting this!
"The things that they did when they were mean...That's who that person is." Thank you
Its almost like they stayed up most if the night just thinking of mean things to do
Finally accepting this as truth
That's the dichotomy. Sometimes he's really immature and vindictive when we argue. Other times really kind. No steady Ness whatsoever. I never know what I'll get.
THIS^^ is what I need to remember
Amen
No conversation - unless they want to brag about themselves.
Wow yes
So true. They're so fuckibg boring! Nothing new. No insight. Boring as hell.
All in their head though...delusional
This!!!!
Absolutely. Oh how I know that! They love to brag about themselves. They have to do all the talking and you have less. They brag about lies! 😳😵😲🙄🤔😔😈🙆😣
I’ve said this many times before on UA-cam. But if the narcissist is cold to you, you can be sure the narcissist is hot to someone else. The cold phase, you will feel invisible. You will not feel important anymore. Even if you are in the same room, you will feel that the narcissist doesn't see you. When you are let say at work, the narcissist will no longer check your day. From calling or texting you several times per day to nothing or almost nothing. The biggest sign is when the narcissist's behavior changes dramatically. First you feel visible and really loved. That you have found your soulmate. To not feel visible anymore. Your soulmate feels like a stranger. Another sign is that the narcissist will use their favorite toy a lot more in front of you. and also hide their favorite toy. Which is the smartphone. They will put the phone upside down on the table. Will never leave phone when leaving the room. When someone is calling the narcissist, he will not answer the phone when you are around. Because the narcissist will use the phone a lot more, you start to wonder why the narcissist can't answer your text messages and phone calls. But has no problem to answer others. The communication and sex will be a lot more off. It will be less and less. The sex will almost feel like rape on a dead body. The biggest sign is actually your guts. Always trust it. If you start to feel like the narcissist is cheating on you, trust that. And if the person really is a narcissist, you can be sure you are not the only one. A narcissist needs attention all the time. 24/7. So when you are not with each other, the narcissist will be with someone else. Either in real life or on internet. Always. Additionally I hired a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!
that's not a narc that's a cheating lying demon dog. Glad you got away!
what a weird kind of spam
I feel this
Brilliant. Spot on. "A narcissist needs attention all the time." When you leave them that will drive them crazy if they don't have a replacement for you.
This is chillingly accurate.
I soooo needed this. Moving out this coming Thursday and I have been going back and forth and feeling guilty. This just confirms everything for me! Pray for me guys ❤
I hope it went well! Don't feel guilty, save yourself
I hope you made it out of there successfully! I’m praying for you ♥️
Guys I made it out! Been out for a week and he’s trying to hoover hard. I do have a 2yo with him so I’m being respectful and careful. He doesn’t know where we live. Continue to pray for us. 😊
@@lizh4817 Congratulations!!! I'm so proud of you. Thank you for the update and for the hope that you have given to others (like me 😊) by sharing your journey. Even though we don't know each other, I send my love to you and your little one. Hold on to your courage and steadfastness and never tip your hand, no matter how convincing the hoover tactics. You can do this!
I'll continue praying that God protects you and gives you discernment and clarity as you find your feet again. You're brave to have fought for your freedom and God will light your path. Happy Christmas to you and your baby!
@@TARAdubbleyuuI so appreciate you!!! God is truly sending a village and you guys are apart of it 💕 Sending prayers and blessings your way. Merry Christmas to you and yours! 😊
Advice, start to slowly disconnect, stop sharing your day, keep it short and simple. This will help you in the long run because you’re training yourself to be without the person. Plan exit and save! I started planning and saving in July. It took a few months and don’t think too hard. Keep a journal of what the narc does to remind yourself. You got this!!!!
“the things they did when they were mean... that’s who that person is.” YES
It took me 15 years to figure that out
No that is the hurt inner child asking for your love and so healing
Janneke Gerritsen K. you have fun healing a narc, I have things to do.
@@jannekegerritsen301 Get out of the FOG
Oh my god
They are babies trying to manipulate mommy, still.
Exactly
Except now, you're the mommy--whom they seek to punish for having allowed them to be born!
Think Forurself and probably their mommy’s too...Still.....
And they are always looking for the perfect "mommie" for them, the one they think they never had! That WILL be you, if you allow It!
Right on point
Oh my gosh! This is my life! Being married for 38 years with chaos and confusion, never knowing which personality I will be dealing with from one minute to the next. Wow, this video describes it all!
Waiting for mine to die. Lol😢
Mine did. Thank the heavens.
Great video, spot on. Unfortunately when narcissist is a co-parent, you cannot block him totally, and the worst is that they use parenting issues to cause confusion.
Yes. My ex says to me I am a narcissist and maybe I am narcissistic. But I wouldn’t dare to call her a narcissist without a diagnosis for proof and I wouldn’t dare to instrumentalize, weaponize our child or use him as a means of pressure for getting what I want. Maybe I am a narcissist because I badmouth her (only telling the truth, but nontheless over the years that has become the only way for me to come clear with it). Damn I even became violent and betrayed my own boundaries of behavioral approaches.
Coverts use your compassion against you. Your kindness is seen as a weakness to them
Sick
Until you catch on and refuse to keep doing it.
So true. End the end, you don't trust your own instincts and perceptions. But, once you finally get away, finally go no contact for real, you will begin to heal.
Kindness and compassion for others is a good thing, in small doses. Just don't allow any one person to build a crutch from it. You will eventually be the one pushing their wheelchair. My husband was a hard worker, but "always" said, "I'll be glad when I can retire, and you can push my wheelchair." Listen to and observe all those repetitive things that your gut tells you "this is wrong!"
@@bonnie3232 not if the empath only lives 9 months after forced to marry HER
"The things they did when they were MEAN, that's who they are!" ...I do well to remember this...👍
How do we forget, but yet we do.......
Judge them buy there actions not there words
Elizabeth Harper
Taste their fruit to see if it is good. 😊
Yes!! As petty as it sounds I hate to rename him in my phone as ‘Evil Narc’ to serve as a visual reminder every time he tried to contact me. I also began journaling after every interaction with him to analyse/immortalise his true self in my head. I highly recommend doing these things for anyone struggling to leave and break that cognitive dissonance for good :)
The "good times" were fake remember that they were acting for their benefit.
What sucks the most is when someone you care about is a fearful narcissist who accuses u of being a narcissist. I definitely suffer from cognitive disinance. And yes, they pick at small things in your character to make you question your own identity. Its sad when you think you had a good friend or someone who loves you, but you have to stay away. Even if just to stay away from their false accusations.
Yes exactly they turn it around on you and get their flying monkeys to attack e instead
It especially sucks when it's your own child who is trying to make you look like the bad guy to the rest of the family.
So true
Dealing with this currently. Very sad and exhausted. Very hurt. She's my daughter...I can't cut all ties. Yet I sure feel like it. She is mentally ill and driving me to that too😢
You explained this in a way that makes so much sense to me. This had been my life for 16 years. My ex husband is this plus addiction (alcohol, hoarding and sexual deviant). I allowed him to bring out the absolute worst in myself. I finally left him 4 months ago.
I know this message is older but I hope you are doing well
17 years post divorce I finally realized this was my ex. Plus financial ruin, sex (porn) addiction.
Now he's using our adult children to feed his supply.
My 2nd husband is even pissed at him for his antics with his bonus children!
I pray you get far away from your ex. Be safe ❤
Codependency 💙Our brain seeks out patterns💔
I was asked what it was like to be in a relationship with a covert Narcissist. (Top of the list was pity) You’ll feel pity. Angry at anyone who ever hurt them before. They’ll have lots of these stories to tell you. Then you’ll feel protective. Dismissing any unkind words about them from your friends or family. You’ve found the love of your life. Your soulmate. A person you thought they only wrote about in books or movies. You’ll guard this relationship. You’ll do whatever it takes to keep it together. To make them happy and feeling safe in the fact that you’ll never hurt them… leave them. This is right where they want you. Fighting and guarded against the world. It’s just the two of you. At least to you it is. There’s already been enough triangulation and manipulation to your mind and heart that you’re blinded with loyalty. Not them. Never them. They have backup connections and making new ones to add to the list. Their loyalty is to themselves and what they can get and from who. Your boundaries are down. Your guard isn’t up towards them. You are left defenseless and vulnerable. That’s when it starts. The mean hateful world they’ve complained about now resides in you. You are causing their unhappiness. Their boredom. You are the clinging choking emotions that suffocate their well being. But they “love” you. But you’re always sad and they don’t like that about you. You used to be so different. Easy going and kind. You didn’t used to question where they were or what they meant by that comment. You’re crazy and they can now easily see why others have hurt you. Why did you ruin everything? Why couldn’t you just keep smiling and nodding your head and being agreeable to their every whim? You’ve become a burden. A boring nuisance. What are you even good for? How did THEY get hooked in a relationship with you? And while you’re crying and broken, they’ll be testing out the next ex. They’ll be leading you around by your sobbing nose and make it look like maybe… could be they were wrong about you. Twinkling hope in your sorrowful eyes like diamond stars in a perfect sky of possibilities. There are, of course, so many things you’ll need to change about yourself. You’ve let yourself go and your thoughts are useless. You’re lucky they care about you because nobody else in this world does or will. And then, snap, they’re in another story with someone new. But only new to you. They’ve been grooming this person while you cried your heart out. Begging for it to be like it used to be. But it never was or will be.
That's my 20 year marriage with four kids in a nutshell....been separated for a bit over a year and I feel loads better. But still occasionally struggle with feeling badly for her, still guilty if I made the right choice. She initially proposed divorce to me, had me signed papers and all. Then took it back when she saw I was willing to go along with it. She even went so far as to accuse me of willing leaving when she kicked ME OUT of "her" house. I told she proposed divorce to me and kicked me out, she says that its true but I willingly left.....
Jennie spot on! Well said.
That's exactly it. Very eloquently stated. Thank you. Resonates deeply.
Spot on
Wow, that was well thought, I have lived with one too, my mother.....and you are right. For a kid it is abuse, neglect and emotional confusion and exhaustion. They make you feel like you are nothing, worthless. Nothing about you is ever right or good enough. Even being 'nice' to people could get me in trouble for being 'a goodie two shoes'. Everything had to be about her and her conceited mind. Basically, I had a miserable childhood because of the way she was. I am 53 now, and still haven't gotten over not being loved by her. My father rarely spoke to me and I think it was because of her. Everyone was intimidated by her. One of her favorite things to do was to humiliate him, and me.
When they have power over you, they act like dictators. When they lose that power, they resort to emotional blackmail. It's all an act. They're soulless machines, whose only goal is to control and use you.
That's true. That's what my narcissist aunt tried to do me. She did and does a lot of evil things to me and my family. However, my family especially my parents are too meek to stand for themselves. They were busy trying to keep peace on the surface while sacrificing our own feelings and needs.
I got into a huge fight with her few months ago after bottling up all my feelings since I was little. I finally got the gut to speak out my mind; I told her to shut the fuck up, cursed her, shouted at her and letting go all of my negative feelings. When she tried to counter attack me, I said "bye bitch!" and walked away. She hated it so much because she lost control over me and she got no chance to argue back.
I still remember how she verbally harrassed me during my grandmother's funeral although I was in complete silence. She was busy creating scenes and shouting, "Why did you call me bitch!!!..." She was also busy badmouthing about me to the other relatives who don't know us well. Perhaps she wanted to act as the victim. Nevertheless, I don't care about her and what others think. I just smirked and looked at her in disguist. She acted very pathetic for a 59 year old bitter and unemployed woman who self claimed to be the smartest among her siblings. Mind you, she got fired from her job in 1980s due to her colleagues' signature campaign. Nobody can get along with her as she always insult other people.
She has been brainwashing my older brother who is too forgiving to convince me to say sorry to her. But I strongly refused. I see no point of letting that woman into my life ever again.
Since that, I've stopped all sort of communication with that nasty aunt. I'm happier to think of her as a stranger. Although she self claimed my late grandmother's house which happens to be mom's neighbor, I never visit my late grandmother's house anymore. It's simply easier to ignore her and walk away. I hope she'll die in loneliness in that house.
@@hadotonini1189
👏👏👏👏 I like that
i hear you Dusty, well put.
It is certainly true no matter how painful it is to feel that
Brain stem creatures
41 years w/a covert narcissist rarely saw him be vulnerable, cry etc. Very cruel, secretive, silent treatment, neglect, betrayal, abandonment, victim, blame, no accountability or responsibility, commitment.
I've never experienced anything like this type of relationship- which led me to keep thinking I was the problem. Also, because I was constantly told I was the problem. This did an unbelievable about of damage to me. No one understands this from the outside except for few experts- my family could not wrap their brains around what was happening behind closed doors.
😢❤
I hope your ok, it's happening to me the exact same way.
Ugh it’s so hard to find non toxic people these days. 😢
The worst part is they try to effect the people who are most vulnerable. They too weak to attack established people.
Absolutely... we're all just taking each other down....
@Life Hacker 38 years and unfortunately I havnt found one...
Brought up by a bunch of overt narcissists then locked into an arranged marrige with a clinically mental person, tried excaping, had grief, threats and mindgames from the religious community for leaving, close 'friends' and people I trusted to be friends betraying me and even helping my abusers, and the religious community got their head together (even raised money, smear campainges, family even helping because how dare I leave the religion, even if all kinds of abuse was going on...) they worked hard to sway authorities against me to the point I was so isolated and broken... and nowhere left to turn for help.. then I met the covert narc, which I thought was 'heaven sent'... at least a loving connection from another human being... but I found out this was all one big 'cosmic joke'. I stay here alone now, contemplating my healing, becoming abit more aware but how the hell am I meant to trust another person, or free myself... and physically unwell from it all, juggling the issues still thrown at me, all the while not trying to let anyone know how broken I really am inside... because people tend to flinch and run a mile if the start to hear what I lived through and survived and I know I have to try holding my tongue and not share if I am to have a chance to connect with people, and also too I know what will happen again if I do show any weakness*..
That’s because they are hiding the truth, this types of people are not grounded in reality.
@@leahc8347 how beautifully have you articulated your feelings into words.
"The things that they did when they were mean, that's who that person is."
The world needs that on posters, bumper stickers, those wacky rubber bracelets, billboards...
Cece oh yes... completely different people from the one you thought they were
Well put!
@@marlenr8691 Indeed. Often, when you describe this to people, they come back with pat justifications such as "some people just have difficulty expressing themselves" or whatever else they need to say in order to justify or minimize the bad behavior. As soon as someone uses the word "just" when explaining why someone did something abusive, they're minimizing what was done. It's extremely difficult for people to come to grips with the fact that the nice guy/gal side of someone isn't real, and the mean side is the true person.
Cece. Yesss.. My thoughts exactly! I'm making this my wallpaper!.. 👏
@@maretijewel1470 Haha! Good idea!
This video is gold for someone like myself who has been trying to make sense of the chaos and drama that has happened for years. Thank you so much.
Same!
7 days into no contact and I feel better every day, there are hard moments and I need to fight off the feeling of wanting to reach out, know its like addiction and I wont break. Focusing on taking action that I respect and self care instead. Thanks Richard, your videos were golden in helping me see the light. Thank you for all you give freely.
Same😢
You're quite off the mark. Yes no contact does make it feel better. But never reach out. That's a very insincere word for "keeping in touch" they keep you around although they've pushed you aside completely and give only what is needed to keep the victim in the situation where they manipulate and gaslight then when I respond he turned the tables into the blame game we went.... Then I was made the villain... And strangely thinking back the first meme he sent me was "Vulnerability, the first thing I look for in you, the last thing I want you to see in me." And that encapsulates the circles of confusion they cause. And he's still playing the game. But this time via cyber tactics.... And I've put all the pieces together and everything coincides with the date an event and some strange activity or a denial of service something put on social media that's defamatory and directly aimed at only something I would know was about me because of the cyber hack into ALL of my data as far back as 2013 if not earlier...... What also stands out is that we'd discuss it and he'd offer his very highly qualified insight as he works with exactly the source of where I've discovered the problem lies... And never not once offer to have a look or fix it for me. And he could see he was turning me into a nervous wreck which gave him the excuse to blame me for being mad. APPARENTLY I'm "A delusional fucktard" which I'm so the opposite. In fact I'm supremely bright and articulate and can very efficiently put my case forward in logic using rational methods of inquiry plus self analysis and give a very good complex and lateral thought processed perspective about the core conceptual elements within the topic together. I'm far more academic in the sense of complex ability to take a concept and grapple with it and extrapolate all aspects. And put a very logical variant of perspective forward. But then the game goes turn tables and point fingers ... You make everything about you I get told. Where I was using a simple example. And then I'd get told I must watch myself...then threats come hard and fast if I intend to try resolve or get to the bottom of something. And I've put all the puzzle pieces together. And it is a very believable account of events coinciding with dates and strange occurrences in my device operations my account safety and very definitely false web pages and playlists and emails and now after all the anger he's spewed when I've asked him and put forth my research, extensive daily research, that he doesn't know whether he should laugh. And we back to the "friendly" with a dose of verbal poinson, and gaslighting. I in fact never have seen this video before as it so states in my activity and I never commented until now. It's the total put on of what he thinks I would have said or perhaps what he would have said but making it look like it came from me. And do believe I'm replying to one such played out move.
Got my daughter to watch this short video and she FINALLY recognized that her boyfriend was a narcissist (though I was telling her). She described the video as "life-changing." Thanks.
Sadly, have been unable to reach my daughter who was raised by Narcissistic Father. It was her choice, but I (mom) was vilified by him as he continued his tude against her (she could never do or say anything or 'else' she just turned 55 and still very unhappy an I perhaps the only one that could answer those questions but she does not speak to me.. Sadly my grandson committed suicide 3 years ago, and I saw it coming since she took on her daddy's disease, grandson could never do anything right and never please his mom and doubt if granddad had anything to do with him either 😓
Thanking God for Richard and you(her mum) for helping her!! Her whole life will be better!
@@LindaEckertBallard i can only hope you're wrong... To be the mum and endure this must be so painful...
@@mamas_quilts3573 it is very painful and sad, however, I got away from the abuse and the only times I ever looked back was regarding my daughter. She blames me for every wrong choice she ever made and I was there trying to plant good seeds all the time but she never listened to me :'( I watched another video this evening about family scapegoats and how to keep from being scapegoated (it was mainly directed toward children of narcissistic families .. in my case, I was "it". I am sad though but have had to let it all go since I do not allow anyone to abuse me any longer. Sadly, I tried to be the perfect wife for 10 years and realized I could never succeed in doing anything right. That was 45 years ago and I could never trust anyone since. I am a happy camper and live every day as if it were going to be my last and ENJOY all the Blessings I can and also give :) No more time to waste. I still never lose hope that one day she will grow up. Also carrying around so much hate has really had a very bad effect on her health .. if ONLY she would Wake UP and Let it ALL GO :/ Thanks and Blessings to you
@@LindaEckertBallard I'm so sorry. I feel sick. Sending you much healing & love♥️♥️🌎🌎⚡⚡♾♾
“The only downfall of having a good heart is that you're constantly looking for angels inside of demons. And they wonder why the good know so much pain. ”
- R.H. Sin, Tumblr
Just saw that quote and it reminded me of the message in this video.
It can certainly seem that way. I think Narcissists usually seek out compassionate and forgiving people or people who have a history of emotional pain. Probably because they will be most likely to feel pity and guilt. The interesting thing to me is this, how much of it is conscious versus subconscious? I would guess it’s more like permanent programming that can’t
have the software upgraded.
@@derrickrr5516 They seek for unawear people, naive, vulnerable, in need. But first of all full of ressources.
Sorina Pavel Do you think it’s completely conscious tactics or pure instinctual?
Beautiful quote! 🌟
@@derrickrr5516 It is both.
And they know what they are doing.
All I know is I’ve been struggling since I was a kid, and for whatever reason learning and understanding about this stuff is helping me get a better grip. I don’t even care so much about finding the “bad guy” as much as I want to just get myself well and prepared to protect against falling into the confusion
I’ve Been though this in my recent relationship and I’m preparing myself for the next relationship. I’m not going to repeat it!
The part about the feeling sorry for them is spot on. I've been with someone who was serverely abused in his early youth and beyond. Every time he did or said something that really hurt, I got very angry with him but after the rage went down I felt sorry for him in such a way that I still haven't thrown him out. That lead to me getting more and more frightened because he is also a classic bully that will threaten you and intimidate.
Quickest way to break the cycle (and also the narcissist) is to get comfortable with being the bad guy. “Yes I’m a mean b*tch and yes, I’m still saying no.” They have absolutely no idea how to handle that. It’s like de-fanging a snake. You can see the helpless confusion in their faces, because nobody ever responded to their guilt trip with calm acceptance and a double down on the offending behavior.
I struggle with being the bad guy CONSTANTLY.
I've started by saying "So what?" in my head, before I engage a response, and now I will be more comfortable not only standing my ground, but *de-fanging the snake* Bless you.
Just be aware that it will eventually trigger anger.
@@jenniferrobs3980 Oh, absolutely. Instant rage. Spinning head like a demon, screaming and frothing at the mouth. But that’s all day, every day, anyway.
My mother would go full on psycho when I did that, and when I defended myself from her PHYSICAL attacks, she'd go and tell everyone *I* was assaulting her. Now, you know the stigma that carries, right? You could be LITERALLY looking at jail time, and police couldn't care less about presumption of innocence in that particular scenario either. She couldn't care less either.
These creatures are like rabid animals. They are demons, they are raw manifestations of evil. There's no pacifying them, there's no line they aren't willing to cross.
Covert narcs: look at their ACTIONS (not their words) and you will know who they are.
yes thank you
Totally. 22 years with a brilliant, obstructive, helpless, crazymaking HOBBIT. I am completely flattened.
So true
this. good god. this was driving me crazy, the difference between the words and actions.
Hm, yes, but their words are the worst weapons, because they belittle you and criticize in order to hurt and to make you feel guilty. So watch both, actions AND words.
This teaching is excellent! I was in this type of marriage for over 30 years. You are describing clearly the dynamics. You are absolutely right here.
I am now divorced, recovering from all this abuse. Sadly enough that I endured this with children in the picture.The tool that helped me was to disengaged any type of arguments, conflicts or confrontations to be able to action toward a separation and divorce.
I recommend this teaching to young people dating before they go too far in a relationship that can affect them for the rest of their lives. I wished I knew back in the 1980's.
Thank you.
22 yrs for me. now i see it all. he has heart failure now at 80...i feel like i'm in prison for 'his' life.
The blocking and unblocking could partly be trauma bonding because the covert narcissist's behaviour toward you, that's mostly dire with a peppering of kindness. Because of that tiny amount of kindness, it somehow keeps you hooked, like an addict that's trying to get clean but keeps relapsing.
Who else has also truly realized just how much narcissism is fully integrated throughout our entire society, because of the cruel and evil abomination of a "system" we have? It's unbelievably nerve wracking and anger provoking, to say the least.
I.was just thinking this.
It's not the system , its satan.
@@racerx5379 bingpot! It's sin that stems from Satan.
Its human nature to be narcissist and some people are just more predatory than others nothing to do with the system.
Carefully and systematically created to malign society. That’s how Satan works.
"The things that they did when they were mean, that's who that person is."
From the bottom of my heart thank you. I needed to hear this.
Sadly ,oh how right you are
This is the hardest part for an empath/co-dependent to understand. We insist on believing the narcissist is a good person who has some bad traits, when really they are a bad person who is able to feign being nice at times. Once you truly understand that they are being sincere when they mock, ridicule, gaslight, and smear you, they never look the same. Unfortunately, this can take years to see.
@@amelia583 Very true.
It is true, and this is why they hate themselves so much that they take it out on you. (Hugs)
@@prometheuspredator7971 Look up Jung shadow theory. I think I left another comment on this video about the theory that narcissism is a form of PTSD in which the sufferer rejects their shadow after the trauma and develops a false ego to compensate. Most trauma victims repress instead of denying the shadow and work it out over time. The narcissists denial and development of a false ego would predictably keep them suspended in the anger phase of post trauma. Richard Grannon recently did a video about this.
100% my story 😢thank you. I escaped 5 days ago from a “very good person”. The state was: started to suggest I have bipolar 2 and borderline disorder at once, started taking antidepressants (that I never needed before), had 3 psychosomatics, (I was absolutely healthy before), and this is not everything. No contact forever 🙏🏻
I just left too I turned my location off changed my phone number . He's been emailing me if been ignoring restraining order is on the agenda for today
First time on antidepressants too.
Wow, after 32 years I finally said I can’t take it anymore but he turned my entire family against me and I have been searching for a way to show them what I’ve been through because even when I told them, they just gave me this. Yeah, you’re crazy and you need help Attitude and look and a couple of them even said that to me so guess what.., I am sending your video to all of them! Thank you and God Bless 💝
How did it go??❤
“The things that they did when they were mean, that's who that person is."
This a thousand times. Wheew.
Right? So spot on...
Had to call out of work for a week due to a family crisis and my boss didn't like lacking my attention. First day out I get a text asking if I'm upset with her. (I had made it clear I was overwhelmed with much more than work.)
She quoted "My warmth is reserved for my nephew and mother at the moment." as "The meanest thing I've ever said."
I met her almost 9 years ago as a shit-talking dishwasher. I've said such childishly horrid things, it was almost absolving to see that quoted as the worst... (She has screamed in my face plenty and even came to my house after I tried walking away from a fight.)
I now know with all my being: When someone SHOWS you who they are BELIEVE THEM! Do not make excuses for them, they may temporarily change, to get what they want, but it is ALWAYS temporary.
That is my number one rule.Once the true face is out that person is blocked automatically.
Amen
One of the clearist, simpilist, and to the point explanations.
I JUST put the pieces together this week that my mom is a covert narcissist. Up to this point, all I knew was that she was extremely controlling and that communicating with her was deeply confusing. I always felt upset and bewildered after talking to her without knowing why. I didn't have a name for this weird collection of behaviours and there isn't grandiosity, so I missed it for decades. Figuring this out has been very sad but liberating. I finally have a name and a roadmap.
My sister and I just discovered the term “covert narcissist” a few years back. It describes my mom perfectly.
She used to pull this stunt where we as a family would have decided, for example, “let’s go eat at Restaurant A,” and my mom would just keep needling and complaining about how she doesn’t like Restaurant A and how nobody ever listens to her, just needling and needling, until my dad would finally break and say to her, “Okay!! Where do you want to go eat?!” And she would stop talking, wouldn’t say anything, sometimes for hours, so that my dad is frustrated, and kid me was crying because I just wanted to go eat and was now in a room full of emotional extremes. She would then make herself sick from NOT eating, even though we did our best to bring her something she might eat, and we were responsible for making her ill.
I get worked up just thinking about it. She had some hard knocks in her youth, but at some point she chose to become a full-time victim.
“Crazymaking” is the best term for it.
alexandra, Sad but liberating is how I felt when I learned also.
Hugs🌻 best wishes.
@@DonnaKaySpeaks Wow, crazy azz story. I definitely believe you. Holy crap.
🌸Blessings.
Had the same thing happen to me but with my father. Wish I had known this 15 years ago but all we can do is try to heal, been no contact for a bit over a week and blocked all calls/texts so that I don't get caught in passive abuse by abusive/gaslighting texts.
Amazing how watching these videos is like having someone describing exactly what's happened as if they were there.
If someone cycles through ‘saying sorry’ for the same behaviors repeatedly, they really are not sorry…
Thiiiiiissssss
Circular arguments! My ex would apologize but we would never resolve the issue so it would get brought up again.. and again.. He would almost always turn things around and veer completely off-topic by bringing up my past (hooking up with others/ex boyfriends, mom being a recovering alcoholic, me posting modelling pictures, having male friends.. ALL before I even knew him) to use against me. Each time I'd bring up the same issue, they'd accuse me of wanting to start an argument when really these issues were just never resolved.
Never qn apology
@@Diana5513 wow literally what I went through just recently. You confide in then and they use it against you.
@@Christal101 it's exhausting and sorry is such a simple thing to say. You want to hear it from them more than anything you start to wonder if they never heard it growing up...like why is it so difficult to just say sorry
“The things they do when they’re mean. That’s who that person is.” That gave me chills.
And it's true.
That's their angry ego. It can be healed. But until they do, in the meantime we have to protect ourselves.
This stuck with me most too. I broke up with my ex a month and a half ago, but 2 weeks ago they asked to see me for their birthday since I was their best friend and they missed me. I gave in and got back on the rollercoaster. It was good until I quickly realized their patterns were back and they weren't going to change. The day I ended things again (last Tuesday) they told me specific behaviors of mine that they said led to their perfectionism and emotional distance. It's been plaguing my mind ever since. I am so glad I happened upon this video. They always either blamed other people or themselves (in a self-pitying, victimizing sort of way). It could be me or anyone else. I want stability. Never again will I accept less. People show us who they are.
Same.. hairs standing up!!
Absolutely.
Thank you! Finally I have found you. I have never found anyone who explained covert narcissists so well. I am now convinced I wasn’t going mad after all. This is so true of their character 😊
My comment may be 3 years later, and the bottom of 10,000 comments, but I wanted to thank you because this video is exactly when I needed today. I just hope that you get to read it because today you've earned complete gratitude from this Empath. Thank you
Going through a breakup with a fragile narcissist is SO isolating because most everyone you know mutually sees your partner in such a different light - the one they portray when people are around. Therefore there are hardly people to talk to about it and thus my other long post. Thankful for people who get it!
Totally agree! It's a lonely road because everyone sees them as quiet, humble and they wouldnt be able to wrap their heads around the truth we know.
I u. Derstand they change in fro t of others then treat u badly but so sweet overly to others
It’s horrible, they are con artists.
Taking video might help. Give it a try...😉
@@thenarcxorcist9233 Exactly!! Just ran into some friends who knew him before we met and THEY understand, which is so helpful.
@@tiger-resssparkle2686 Yes!! It's so frustrating!!
I just got out a relationship with someone that left me more confused every time we spoke. We never solved anything!! I knew something was wrong!! Crazy making is a nice way to put it!!
Never resolving even the simplest of problems is a hallmark of the time spent babying them. There cannot be closure w these types !!
mine did it for 37 years. im free now, so happy I cry
Yep, that seems to never get better. I never got answers. And I barely escaped from my own chaos he caused inside me. Congratulations and stay safe and away.
I was in a 12 year marriage like this…surprised I’m still here!
And you stayed because??
Sometimes people just need help... not everyone is a narcissist because they have a "sob story"
Very true..
It’s not just a “sob story” it’s people who belittle you and have rage fits then act like everything is fine 20 minutes later. They thrive on putting others down and it’s something you will never understand until you meet one. To normal people who’ve never experienced it it’s hard to describe.
That is true, but a pattern of sob stories and being the victim so many times in their history in social and employment relationships is generally a sign of narcissism or borderline personality. Lightning does not strike five times in the same place.
@@ballooneyjr4294you misunderstand. A sob story is a past negative event. Narcissists have them. Normal people have them. Having a sob story does not prove that person is a narcissist. That is all the comment was about.
“ The things they did when they were mean, THATS WHO THEY ARE!” Wow!! That makes it simple to diagnose! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!
I just left a covert narcissist. No contact!! I got away after 3 months Thank God. Since then I have been sleeping 11 hours every night to recover. I was exhausted.
I am so done with my pattern of nursing grown up people. No more!! ❤️ put my big girl pants on 😂
Adriana...Good one ! Me too. We need to give them their binky & shove them out the door.
Adriana Aagaard Sommer, you deserve better
The sleep is sooo needed we all go through this period!!
This makes my hair hurt. Do we ever truly recover from these, especially if they were long marriages? I just try not to think about it anymore. But sometimes these videos can trigger the memories, even after 25 years have passed.
It's messed up how much they can wreck your health and how long it takes to recover but I believe most people will if they make themselves a priority.
This really describes my mother. She turns literally everything into self-pity and then throws it at you and makes you responsible for it. If you don't give in, she can get as cold as a stone and say the most horrible things.
Yep, mine too! To a "T"..! Shame my siblings can't see it, and are so trauma bonded and still "fighting" over her like little kids(which she loves and causes..🙄)
@@davinagibson1665 it's an ironic term use.. but I AM with you! (It's the "Terrible Twos" for THOSE PEOPLE.... If I'm allowed to even say so nowadays!)
same here, explains why I always got attracted to those fucked up witches.... but the last one I met was a grandiose narcissist that collapsed to a vulnerable XD
and she was not very bright.....from a super lawyer to a drunk tinder hooker trying to make some money at night and trying to find a doctor or businessman that takes her in XD she is 44 and hitting the wall, I feel sorry for her little 9 yearl old daughter...they are living from social support, and are put in hostels or governmental institutes I met them in a hostel in Portugal where I stayed before I started to work and to live in my shared apartment. She gave me her fake CV with which I tried to apply her for jobs but got rejections and even block on one company portal because she faked some of her diploms....these people are very stupid...believing they cannot be caught...
My mother is the same 🤕🤕
Well you are all cold as stone to the suffering impoverished who you demand bend to your idea of how things should be, so....
Matthew 25
I keep coming back. This was the video that did it for me and got me the hell away
Thank you, Richard!!!
Wow. This clarity is SUCH a relief. Thank you so much. I’ve been stuck in this and worrying so much that I’M the narcissist for being simply unable to meet their needs. I have felt KERAZY.
yep. mine would also use "boundaries" as a weapon. I didn't function the way he wants? well, his boundary is now to go away and stay alone. and if I question that, I'm simply a narcissist who cannot respect other peoples boundaries. it is f**g insane.
Having had been married twice, once to a grandiose narcissist then to a covert narcissist, I realized my empath personality attracted them. I had to learn to get help for myself in order to trust that I will not allow another narcissist to try and destroy me. For years I felt completely insane.
Same. 40 plus years with 2 different narcs. Insane is correct
I did EXACTLY the same thing-driven crazy for 39 years!
I been with him for 35 YEARS AND he think he SLICK, IT IS SHOCKING TO KNOW MY HUSBAND IS A NARCISSIST AND A NASTY PERVERT TOO!
@@cynthiamccloud3342 , I’m SO SORRY. plan quietly and run!
3 in a row:
1) married off at 19 to an abusive cross dressing fetishist who did drugs, cheated and beat me for 10 years. All of my twenties, gone! Left with two kids.
2) thought my suffering was over. Met a Turkish government official who I had amazingly intellectual conversations with, six years In he is hitting me, verbally abusing me, stonewalling me for weeks at a time, etc. Thirties, gone!
3) cry about my horrible misfortune, man claims to be victim of the same, we date and things are wonderful. Move in, he begins to lose his jobs, does drugs, find out he has children he never claimed, trolls craigslist for sex, borrows money and never repays, ignores me for months when I ask him to go to therapy, etc.
I'm now 46. I never had a decent partner, ever. I am convinced men are freaking evil and narcissistic by their very nature. I'm in therapy, but I will NEVER date a man again after the crap they have done to me. I still look good and get asked out all the time, but men gross me out, might as well have sex with an actual demon, same thing!
I was in a devastating relationship with a covert narcissist. However, he didn’t have a sob story. He was just very gentle and shy at first to the point of seeming extremely harmless which I loved. He was EXTREMELY charming and chivalrous. Love bombing, sweeping me off my feet as a perfect gentleman. Then as I was obviously in love with him, he started showing his true colors. He’d be crazy about me one day, take me SUPER high and then the next day drop me. He would withdraw his affection completely, to the point of being cold hearted and cruel, then the next be crazy about me again. It was a maddening roller coaster, that would leave me SOOOOO confused and wondering what was wrong with me and why I wasn’t good enough. Perpetually chasing those highs. He is an EXTREMELY private person and wouldn’t go into specifics about his past. It got to the point that I became “trained” that when he was sweet, romantic, gentle, I knew to enjoy it to the max cause the next day he’d be bored with me and discard me. It was 6 years of torture, that left me with baaaaad expectations of men and literary I suffer from PTSD whenever getting involved and in new relationships. Subconsciously doing the dropping before I get discarded. Which is why I have made the decision to stay single until I am able to deprogram all these horrible behaviors. These type of people leave you traumatized and in need for therapy.
Thank you for your story. I also am single. My ability to be in a relationship is completely broken, I can’t trust anyone. It takes years to recover from this-well for me anyway. Take care...💜💟
Phenomenal Woman this is exactly what I experienced from my father and then from my intense covert narc/sociopath only to have a string of these after.... it was exhausting. So much so I also have ptsd... and I now avoid any intimacy or relationships possible. I feel it’s made me the same but I’d never do that to someone so I keep myself single and alone ... so I don’t hurt anyone... but it’s because I was so broken by so many in a long row. That I feel it broke me and my ability to believe in love or that someone will love me or they won’t end up like this.
Sad life. I even stopped being able to perform for a while and socially interact. Became agoraphobic even for a while. But it’s the weird sad truth of the damage they do. PTSD is so real... and long term real damage is real. I wish there could be a way to heal to how I was before I met my ex. I was so soft open and loving and believed in it. Now I just don’t. And that isn’t healthy... but since I can’t attract or trust healthy I just stay away.
Did you never ask yourself if maybe you were ever at fault? If you didn't this may be a red flag that you have narcissistic tendancies.
Sending you love and healing. You’re on the right path.
I grew up with a narc dad then attracted numerous narcs. It was this endless cycle of not good enough just like GOD (good old dad). I finally recognized the PTSD came from my childhood abuse and trying to resolve my dad's loveless attitude toward me. Distant.
Cold.
Cruel. It sets us up to relive it in our relationships.
I studied PTSD in college and since and one therapist told me these wise words I share with you and readers: you never heal.from PTSD ..
You learn coping strategies.
It's very true. You will always have triggers and flashbacks especially if there was childhood abuse. If you had a normal childhood then you can reprogram yourself after an abusive relationship. It takes a lot of work and cultivating self love again. When you can answer why you let it go on that.long and why you didn't love yourself enough to get out immediately you're on the road back to normal.
Good luck. I hope that helps.
Omg thank you!! He had all the narcissistic traits but he would cry and be the victim and be depressed and I couldn't understand how he could be so vulnerable then an hour later be his normal evil narcissistic self! This was so eye-opening, I definitely feel less crazy! 😂
What an Idiot. A guy crying over nothing? eesh
Sounds like a fearful avoidant to me. Not a narcissist.
This explanation has given me clarity on the situation i was in,
In a relationship with a covert narcissist, I'm pleased i only wasted 4 years, felt like 20' nearly finished me off at one point, crazy, but that explanation has helped me immensely, the penny has finally dropped, i left a month ago" went 100% no contact, its the only way"I'm lucky there's no children involved' i know its early days but ive never felt this much peace and calmness in my life, i would rather take a kicking off 10 Rugby players opposed to the mental torture and abuse i injured from a size 8 fragile lady' i didnt even no what a narcissist was till a couple of months ago, by God i do now " Biggest eye opener of my life,
Thankyou so much 😇
My ex was a covert narcissist. I was confused most of my 34 years of marriage. Once I finally left my family felt sorry for him. They were shocked I would leave because he was such a great man.I had to realize I needed to save myself and not feel sorry for him anymore. My family didn't know the real man. After of 2 1/2 years away from him, I am finally happy.
I feel happy for you. I wish you all the best!
I did 14 years of insane marriage to the passive aggressive covert narcissist. 14 years of sadness, loneliness, confusion, disappointment, reactive abusing (I was the crazy one). Grateful to have left JUne 2017 and finding me since then
I am on year 30... and still not sure but I am definitely miserable. What was the "real man" like? I know I will be seen as the monster if I leave as well. But most of the time I do feel like I'm the bad guy.
@@sondrab2547 22 years here. Feel the same. After I asked for divorce, he's trying to charm me , even offering me to go, take time to "heal" have therapy ,since he convincing me that I'm the problem and something is wrong with me...
I try believe my narc husband has been talking with my narc siblings behind my back. Slot of gaslighting trying to make me crazy. He wanted me to do something unsavory, I refused. And all hell broke lose in my life after that............pure narc revenge and my siblings are in on it.
Ok, now imagine an entire family of these types. That's what I grew up with.
Yeah....I can imagine. I lived my entire life with those creatures in human form. Vulnerable narc mom, malignant sister, pedophile brother.
Me too. It takes some working through and lots of pain....Still trying to sort myself out
Thank you both for not turning into murderous, hateful, race or mass shooting sociopaths. Seriously. Keep up the good self-healing.
Oh my goodness...im so sorry.
Just a bunch of sad lonely people making sad lonely people, broken people breaking people so that they don't have to be broken alone, and hating anyone who dares to be or pursue otherwise, they are
The confusion was so bad I was gaslighting myself.....I still have issues not trusting myself
I was born to a covert narcissistic mother. I realized a few years ago that she was narcissistic (I'm 61). As a child I kept having dreams of a person appearing with a mask on. When I asked, who are you, the person would say "take off the mask". Unfortunately, there was a mask under every mask I took off. At the age of 58, I realized who was under the mask, my cruel narcissistic mother. Thank you for the explanation of the dynamics. I couldn't go no contact as a child, but I was running away from home and staying with relatives any chance I had. Unfortunately, she damaged me beyond imagination.
That’s terrifying, my heart goes out to you and your inner child. You WILL heal and recover one day, I wish you the best
@@Dolphin369 Thank you 💚
Same situation for me. Im 58 yo male. I know exactly what you mean
It’s crazy how I WOULD NEVER allow anyone to talk to me the way he did. When it came to him though? I would just sit there and take it; ended up apologizing for making him do the things he did. Smh
Run run run.... Taking the blame for something you didn't do.... And don't look back put him in your rear view mirror keep it moving..... Be well
Me too. I just took it… I’m so back and forth it’s driving me nuts
This comment right here explains my four year relationship... Rediculous
My covert mom will say, "But that's just the way he is, and he's your brother. Family is everything." Then she'll point out how he's ruined his own life by bullying and abusing everyone, lives alone in a mobile home, etc. trying to guilt me into acting like his abuse is o.k. to make HER feel better. Alternately, she'll insult, belittle, accuse, etc. me or act as if I'm the impulsive or untrustworthy one. She's a skilled covert narcissist who enables my malignant overt narcissist older brother.
Ah ha spot on! Yep!
The Covert Narcissist is basically dealing with Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde… their behaviour keeps you living on the edge causing you major anxiety and all the time maintaining they’re the normal ones and making you think you’re losing the plot.
Bingo!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
that's it
Yup
Spot on!!!
Yes they will cause the ptsd diagnosis
I’ve been looking up videos to understand why my head is spinning over my 7 year relationship that I ended and said he had to move out in a month. Things have been exactly as you described. This has been one of the biggest emotional roller coasters I’ve ever been on. Thank you so much for confirming what my intuition has been trying to tell me. I didn’t understand there was a vulnerable type and so now it makes so much sense. This really helps me. Thank you so much for making this video. Life changing for me.
Exactly what it is! I had long years suffered in such relationships- seemed to meet them everywhere🐥- glad to notice earlier now. Glad to get out earlier, less suffering, more self awareness, self esteem. This the most important, acording to my experience.
Such a good explanation helps further. Bless You! Thank You so much!!!
nailed it! victim mentality .... even when they are doing the victimizing.
bullies who pretend to be victims. for eg. they will present u as the problem cuz they deny their own culpability. what hurts is that they get some people to believe their lies about u - getting others to shun u. 5 year olds do this when they point the finger cuz they do not want to get caught or accept responsibility for their own behaviour. Smear campaign.
How does that happen??? I am this victim to the extreme and destroy any credibility to 99% of anybody. I am this awful abuser and just iout of control. Not even in range of any way
Sadly..so familiar with this..
it's sick!
So true that “they’re leveraging your good nature against you.” It’s a solid gold statement that we all need to remember. Thank you❤️
I like to say, they see a nice shiny perfect red apple, it just can't be, there has to be a worm inside. They are not 'there' but just looking for the worm, and that's you!!
That's really yucky behavior isn't it🤢?Dreadful.The only + side is that it makes it a lot easier for many of us that go no+contact.
some of them seem outright pathological. overly emotional completely just demented in soul. I mean crazy (real) in the head. where can't even control their own impulses and have to put a 'DISPLAY' of their own emotions online. and do thing like talking behind others back. or not truly supporting friend who is difficult situation they should be. I mean most pathlogical maniac you could know. all feelng of dread is past onto others/projeced onto others. no shame or remorse. and talk about you behind back. but believe talk in rumours where don't even see damage happening. been left with bitter aftertaste recently. after seeing them for what they truly are. but seems where innocent always get outed first, instead of actual people with problem.
My mom once called me a loser and a deadbeat....and loves to blame confused and insult my dad like calls my dad stupid and braindead for not understanding why she is so angry at him and then wont actually give dad a reason why ...she gets angry at my dads raised voice my mom is a child inside a vulnerable child as a grownup
I have called it that they weaponize your empathy against you. Worst experience of my life.
This is one of the best yet. I have seen so many videos, but how he explains the psychology of the fragile narcissist. This is exactly my experience and it is so cruel.
I started to realize my ex's fragile narcissism/avoidance because...she essentially told me. The thing is though she thought she was just talking about avoidance but really she didn't understand that the same language is for narcissists as well. And I started seeing it all through her life--avoiding financial issues, friends who didn't seem to all like each other really, unable to show emotions with family, always the victim for EVERYTHING (as in freaking out because her sister was mad about an off hand but basically harmless joke she told).
I saw all this and stayed because...I'm formerly avoidant. I was hoping to be a good example but there's just no way. The thing is when you're on top, they're on top. But when you're sinking or being your actual vulnerable self and they will have...nothing. They will not be there for you, not really. They'll literally escape back into relationship spaces or arguments that you already had or already "both" made decisions over. But they will bring them back up as though you both had not talked about those things.
I did get that closure, and I got it by calling her the fuck out and BEING KIND. Being way past them and just showing them that there was nothing to even be afraid of by just talking to you--which is what they do, they just stop talking.
My mom is a covert and my dad was a grandiose. You can only imagine the fear and manipulation I lived through as a child all while pretending everything was fantastic to other people.
Are you me?
I don't need to imagine. I lived it.
It sucks big time.
*hugs *
apparently it's a common theme for those of us raised by boomers.
Yikes! :(
Same 😔
He got me with a horrific sob story combined with extreme love bombing.
I always felt like the red carpet he rolled out for me turned out to be attached to a roller coaster during an earthquake. I was in a constant state of confusion and and being thrown off balance.
Thankfully he discarded me rather quickly and I used the experience to self reflect and work on my own codependency issues.
@The Mouse That Roared Excellent description!
@@sitascott8446 I second that up bump
most psychologists who evalutate other people are narccists who get narrsitic supply by doing so according to prof sam vahkim
It was more like being strangled and let go strangled again over and over!
I experienced the same thing.
This really is an incredible breakdown of the situations and feelings these individuals put you through. Chills as to the accuracy of this information. Thank you for sharing this!
Thanks so much. Of all the information out there, this finally sheds light on how these covert narcissists remain successful in manipulating compassionate empathetic individuals.
“You feel sorry for them”... I wish I’d known these people existed. Anyway, I’m taking my life back now. And healing the old wounds.
Richard Grannon, I've wondered lately if these folks might be the cause of their victims ending up with Alzheimer's or an autoimmune disease. If the "victim" is never made aware of the "crazy-making," never at some point says WTF like I did and started reading and educating myself, are they cursed if they can't remove themselves or don't even know they need to?
I have blocked/distanced myself from folks I don't have to be around, but right now I feel stuck having to help with my 99-year-old covert narcissist mother whose "mind is fine" as far as normal day-to-day functioning is concerned. The covert narcissist is just as she always has been with controlling & manipulating.
I'm feeling like any day I'm going to "blow." Either my mind, my heart, or any other function within my body might just shut down or start attacking itself.
IS THERE OR HAS ANY STUDY BEEN DONE TO CORRELATE COVERT NARCISSISM AND THE VICTIM'S MENTAL OR PHYSICAL BREAKDOWN???
You feel sorry when they abuse you
@@theabeam Extreme stress (emotional, psychological, physiological, social) is one of the main causes of autoimmune and neurodegenerative diseases, (Alzheimer included) and many other metabolic diseases. +From my observations, victims of long-term narcissistic abuse, have many health problems mentioned above, surely more than "normal" population. I really don't know any long term victim of narc abuse without serious health problems.
@@theabeam I 've had serious autoimmune disease diagnosed 20 y now.. Started in my teens, was getting better since I made my own choice in my surgeon and therapy (turned to holistic treatments) changed diet and processed grief from my n mother' s prolonged abuse.. All the people with autoimmune issues I know of had problems at home. The last (and only) good doctor I had, pointed out my disease is purely caused by psychological strain...
@@theabeam complex post-traumatic stress disorder
I went no contact in March 2022 and have kept no contact. There’s been up and downs and all-arounds emotionally but my life has improved greatly. I bought a hobby farm, my true passion, I have two cows, a donkey, greenhouses and so much more. I don’t miss my old life w those narcs. I do feel haunted at times still by the old painful memories but I’ll take that and working through that over actually living w narcs on a daily basis. Narcs in my opinion are demonic and will destroy you. It’s a blessing to have escaped and an honor to have my new farm life walking daily w Mother Nature and the Divine. Much love and light sent to all good kind loving souls❤
Good for you! I hope your farm continues to prosper!
Hi Richard, I’ve just watched your video. My partner fits exactly your description of the fragile narcissist. I went no contact and nearly 5 months later they died in a frenzy of recklessness. I think that was their final attempt to try and make me feel sorry for them and guilty for leaving them. But watching this video has helped me not fall into that trap. Thank you. xx
Thank you! Best description and most helpful to confirm what I was in. And why I'm having such a hard time blocking him and going no contact. It's almost like watching a train wreck and you can't turn away.
So good. With my Mom: I tell her nothing and say everything is great. I act indifferent/ apathetic, she gets bored and rarely calls.
Took me a long time to figure that one out. I was stuck cycling back and forth like he mentions in this video. Start to see the real predatory nature of the monster when they willingly ignore you as soon as you stop feeding them. That's the cold reality of their indifference, even as a mother. Finally feel like I have the energy to live my life now. Once I stopped focusing on the details (used to trigger emotional/human response) and observe the pattern it becomes much easier to avoid
Me too !
Oh yes!!! And when they do finally call they put the responsibility on you for being mad at them for not calling them first; and then when they want to instigate an argument you have left them out of everything and lead a whole other life they know nothing about and you hate them.
Well, that is specific for my life dealing with my mom anyway. :)
@@l.j.1585 --sometimes it's best to love, forgive, and pray for- someone you love, who has a demon, from a distance -- a VERY calculated distance 🌅
I kept my mother from visiting by not having tv. If she couldn't watch her soaps, it was the end of the world. I didn't bring tv into my home because I hated how it got more attention than I did as a child. My kids were going to have me and I wasn't going to plan my life around the TV guide.
This is describing my ex. Went through 14 years of misery and after that 18 months therapy to heal. My regret is not leaving earlier, such a waste of precious time. Everyone reading and listening and still with the narc ... get out and go no contact!!!
I struggle with thinking of things as a waste of time though it clearly seems that way , coming up 16 years ... I'm still trying to figure out how I got here ! Building my lovely house in hell , confusion an understatement . Thanks for sharing ✌️🌻
Mine was 16 years. Took me 3-4 years to start to understand what I even went through. I felt "robbed" of those years. That was the only word I was able to come up with. Most people don't understand that.
I have a covert narcissist ex too. I choose to see no time as wasted though. I hate to read about regret and wasted time. I know that you are the amazing woman you are today because of that experience (no matter how hellish). Much love to you and all on our continued journey of being our highest self!
I did 14 years too. Happy joyous and free since June 2017. Healing and growth and recovery daily since then
@@cyemw777 that's what I thought too..... Then God showed me something. Were my boys learning how to treat their future wives? Was my daughter truly learning how to be loved by a future husband? No. To both questions. It was for them that I said ENOUGH.
You can do it.
A good, simplified description. Adding the fragile, vulnerable into the picture really helps me understand covert narcissism.
Thank you for this Richard. I recently walked away from my ex. I had been with him 6 months and started to see red flags, moods up n down. The classic covert. I was up and down because he didn't fit the narcissistic umbrella as such. But the way you explained fragile and vulnerable completely made sense. It was like a mix of different narcissist sweeties in one bag and I was left drained to the point where I went no contact. I feel so much better and have my peace back. I've had previous narcissist relationships years ago and again learnt the hard way. I stayed single for over 7-8 years after the last one. So when I met this guy late last year, I thought OMG he's so nice and God love him for going through a hard time. I wised up and left.
I've been wondering was he or wasn't he, he clearly was playing with me so thank you for putting my mind at rest 💞
I'm walking away after 44 years. Barely making it out alive. I'm on my knees. ADVICE: RUN. Run away and NEVER LOOK BACK.... while you still can... before you are so disabled by it and confused that you are trapped forever.
Trust me 🙏
Sending you prayers & peace 💌
:( this made me cry
🙁😢😭😭😭
I'm so glad you're choosing YOU now 🔥🙌♥️🌿💕🌞
It's never too late to choose yourself.
I can relate. I've just left my husband after knowing him for 10 years. Before him I'd already spent 19 split between two other narcissists. One grandiose, one I can now understand was half grandiose half covert.
I did NOT understand until I'm seeing this video just why my fragile covert husband was able to hurt me so successfully. I get it now.
I'm SICK to realise I've now spent nearly 30 years in these similar hell's and it cost me material things and so much more, again! But, I hope that you too will not shame yourself for having had such a big heart that you put theirs ahead of your heart and mind.
I did it too.
But we've made it! We are OUT, and that's HUGE!!! Congratulations friend. This is the beginning of your journey in giving yourself, everything they PRETENDED to give to you. Be well and I am rooting for you. There is no shame here, only learning. 🌞💕🌿🙌🔥😄
It's so easily done Vanessa my longest stint was 14 years and if I hadn't woke up and got out I would have been a shadow by now. Enjoy your freedom x
My husband (8 years) and I spent the whole weekend planting flowers and vegetables and enjoying each other's company.
So nice after a 22 year marriage to a covert, walking on eggshells and just wanting to die.
Janine Parker,You deserve better
Same type of thing here... I'm like wtf?!?
Congratulations on true love. You give me hope🥰
Wow sounds like a dream. So happy for you.
Hands down, the best video on this topic I have seen in my two years of struggling to leave my narcissistic ex. Empowering! Thank you so much!
Wow it is so clear now...after 25yrs of this insanity/confusion. Guilt, blame and rage were his tools. No more - no contact!
Going no contact in these situations is hard in the very beginning, but SO freeing and completely worth it! ‘Block him and move on with your life.” 👏 Stop letting these people suck the life and happiness out of you.
Looking back I’ve always been emerged in so much drama it’s what I crave so knowing this I’m really trying to stay away from it
I’ve just been trying the no drama thing and it seems to be working for me lol! Just went on a job interview that I enjoyed and I was able then to get out of self it was nice.
I would love to get paid by suckers who buy into narccsists telling other people how to deal with so called narcsists lol
prof sam vakhim says 95% of psycohlists are narcscists getting narccistic suppy from the power they feel telling others how people are lol
@@corysmith3447 that wouldn’t surprise me at all, but it doesn’t mean that he’s wrong
The bully/victim narracist. You just explained the context of the book "the sociopath next door". They seek out pity then exploit you. 100% correct.
Over 30+ yrs thank you! Richard! This! Is seriously the best help!