Two years ago I gathered only what fit in my car and a friend’s and I left my Narcissistic relationship of 12 years. I was a shell of my former self, so small, so afraid. I moved back to a part of Mexico where I had lived before. COVID descended and I went into isolation. Listened to a lot of videos on Narcissism. Now I am finally really working on healing. Thank you.
Ahh good for you..Beware of getting low or feeling lost again as this can make you vulnerable to going back to them. I did this and it was textbook addiction to the Narc. I am free again now. Wishing you all the luck.
My story exactly . Left him after 14 years … ten of them married… threw everything in car when he was at work and left . I was a shell of my former vibrant self … that was July 2019. Still working on healing .
@@peacenotes3494 hang in there. There are so many layers of healing that I still need to do. Next week the House we still own together is scheduled to Close. That will sever the last tie. Sadly little tentacles of attachment remain and pop up when I least expect it.
I have codependency. I have been lost and in denial until watching this. When I heard you say "Empty Vessel" it hit me like a ton of bricks. I am almost 64 years old, and my first thought is I am too late, but God immediately planted his words in my heart..."all things are possible for those who believe". I am going to strive to find me, to find the beauty of life from my own eyes before I die. It is my hearts desire. Thank you for the work you are doing and for making it available on the utube platform.
I am literally trying to watch this at 5:17 in the morning after I’ve been up all night as the only person who’s ever cared. He is always slept not given a a thought or care about what he has done. I’m not only exhausted because of the hour but I’m also exhausted by the fact that I have let him do so much.
I'm not really codependent more borderline but I feel codependent with narcs and I would never stigmatize or shame a codependent as long as they are real about it or working on it my problem with codependents that I know is they defend all their actions they are self righteous often holier than thou and passive aggressive and as a borderline I can't handle that
I was in a relationship for 39 years with a covert narcissist. I ended up getting cancer. He had multiple affairs on me and I finally left him. I believe that God is healing me of my Codependency.
Narcissists lie to themselves. They have this idealized version of themselves in their head. But rather than striving to be that person, they need those around them to be their magic mirror on the wall to reflect their idealized version back to them so that they can believe that is who they are. Codependents ARE that mirror. For myself, I have used magical thinking to stay entwined with horrible people, like if I believe hard enough, he will one day BE that person.
Divorcing now after 13 years. He’s a covert narc but I still feel extreme pain and loss. I pray I look back one day and this has led to something better. Praying for all those out there
Please go to therapy. I did not until 7 years divorced and was experiencing severe cptsd. Get help. It will make you get better faster. You deserve this!
Yes to that. Victorious Christian living institute they do zoom counseling, and it’s not that expensive. Pick somebody that understands narcissist and codependency. I’ve just finally woke up and I’ve been married 42 years. So you have your life ahead of you❤
Divorce alone is a major grief and loss, of course you feel extreme pain and loss! It takes time and I recommend therapy for this specific recovery. Generally speaking people won’t understand the depth of the trauma to the human spirit narcissistic abuse causes. What you are feeling is totally normal for this relationship dynamic. 💕
Same situation here. Except I filed for divorce after 15 years and the divorce was final last week. My extreme fear of loss was his favorite tool to get me under control. I never felt save, when things didn't go his way he threatened with divorce and this started 2 months after we got married. I also still feel the loss. It's the "good times" that your brain barley can process, the bond you thought you had, toxic glue...well in the end he discarded and blocked me and his 14 year old daughter as well and even though this is painful as shit and on some days it feels like this pain is killing me literally I do think he did us a favor with this..much love and healing to you and everyone going through this emotional hell!
My main advantage of being a codependent was the fake feeling of "safety" that I gain in pleasing someone. When I didn't fawn when I was a child I was harassed, beaten and insulted but when I fawn I was "love" or in simple term I was treated nicely. Now I know that what I thought was love was in fact control so I associated authenticity as dangerous and codependency abuse as love
The same with me. But how do you heal from this? Is it even possible? I'm so horrified of the thought of being single that I put up with abuse and being a doormat:(
4 years free here! Healing is possible! Life gets so much better, I promise you. Going no contact was the best decision. You are worthy of love, kindness and respect. Melody Beattie's "Codependent No More" was helpful when I was in the depths of healing and pain. The silver lining is self love and healing from our childhood trauma as well.
Being called the mirror of the narcissist really hit home for me. I can see that now. It summons shame, and clarity, at the same time. I WAS putting on my own mask. I gave far too much of myself, in hopes of loving his pain away. I know now, that this is all a lie. A ploy to get supply, but the fact that i was receiving supply MYSELF, makes me so very ashamed. I know it's ok. I know that i will be ok. Thank you Richard, for all of your insight, and having the wit and banter to both captivate and hold my attention. And your remark about memory being shit, is 100% accurate. I was honestly afraid that i may be getting Alzheimer's or something. This brought me relief to know that this is "normal". I wonder.... Do the memories EVER come back? Or do they need to stay where they are???
The woman at 1:25 is absolutely right. Cold showers stop the chatter, the mind that wants to fix things. The cold wakens the body, but also the inner Self. Over time, that self becomes stronger and actions become more and more naturally; true to the self. If you want a break from your overthinking mind, you will have to give this a try.
Hint: you will feel so selfish and narcissistic beginning to assert yourself and you'll worry that you're becoming a narc. It's a balance that you will be able to master.
This is excellent. We codependents absolutely weaponize our misery... our victimhood. It's a manipulation tactic we learned as abused and/or neglected children to get our needs met. It is indeed our responsibility to grow up & embrace our authentic selves, who we are before & beyond our traumas. The risk of rejection is worth the reward of a healthy adult life. Thank you most sincerely for using your experience & insights to help others. You are a blessing.
I have never heard a narcissistic/co decent teaching like this. I’m actually beginning to see it for what it is really for me and my role. Therefore, giving me new insight and hope for me to learn tactics and new behaviors and more to heal and possibly overcome this and ultimately break free from my own prison and lack of growth as an adult
This is terrifying. I was raised under narcissistic rule and that is LITERALLY what I became: A prop master for film and television; A ninja, who doesn't exist. I fit in and under very small spaces and know how to be invisible in a bathroom stall while actors have sex or pretend to do drugs while I move props around for them and make sure no one has a melt down. I burnt out really hard once I realized what I was; a professional narcissist handler. It was very difficult to extract myself and I got extremely physically ill. Now, I can't pass a film set without experiencing somatic PTSD symptoms. I never want to stand in front of, or stare at a monitor, maintaining continuity for sub-par film or television content EVER again.
Nothing like having the job of Meltdown Preventor. Its pure hell, and will destroy your central nervous system and sense of safety in the world. In my case I got chronic fatigue, CPTSD, and cant enjoy festivals, music, even dance. Cant see old shared friends I retraumatize . My heart goes out to you. I hope you can heal.
I deleted one of my comments because it wasn’t clear enough, my point was: I don’t think codependents, real codependents, are predators. And I don’t think we are “benefiting” in some way. My view is that we have a trauma response that exacerbates the need for “be part of” the family, the couple, etc. Deeply inside we still have that child begging “mama/daddy! See me! I am here! Please take me in account! Please stop the neglect! Please stop the abuse! I am lovable! I am ok! I swear!”. One of the many tools for recovery is to understand that the narcissist is NOT your daddy or mom, and that now you don’t have to beg anyone to love you or accept you, and working every day in accepting and loving YOURSELF. You are worth defending, you are worth caring, you are valuable, you have the right to your own feelings, you have the right to your own life, you have the right to detach from everyone and everything that is a disrespect to yourself, and doesn’t add well being to your life.
I hardly call that a benefit. OPs post made it clear that need won't be met til you start accepting yourself. People are so lame and a bunch of them hang in comment sections, ready to spew nonsense to muddy up a perfectly clear, insightful, and helpful comment. 😔
I agree with your comment, well put, but...I also recognise that we get sucked into begging the narcissist to "see me" because we are not yet able to be honest with our needs and understand our deservedness. We are still resorting to the unhealthy ways of trying to obtain love, as Richard described it. We learnt those unhealthy ways early on. Becoming fully conscious and accepting that you are deserving of healthy love is going to get us out of the vicious cycle of participating, allowing and even initiating narcissistic abuse. This is my current learning opportunity which was forced open upon me due to my recent falling for yet another narcissistic person. Tough lesson and opportunity.
And thank you Richard for all the help and insights. I have been struggling to get over the narc discard and joined coda to heal from my codependancy for 2 years now. I am 53 years old and hope to have some hapiness soon....Thank you 🙏💜
@@chilloften It is a 12 step program. So you don't feel alone because we share with others. And we read about the patterns we have. And how we are in denial. That a codependant is an addict and will always choose emotional unavailable partners. And that is destructive for us.
In regards to people with terrible physical pain; my husband has terrible chronic pain and associated illnesses, but has borderline personality disorder with narcissistic traits.
Going solo is so marvelous! There is a great and lasting joy in going solo. It’s the most valuable boundary during the recovery months. I add to my emotional bank account every day in my solo life. I am strengthened and grounded.
I am doing this right now.....replacing fear of the unknown with curiosity, directing my energy to those who truly love and respect me......and loving my time alone and my re-energized enthusiastic laughing self I was born to be. Thank you Richard. 💕
I am in the process of getting out now. I'm going to be out of this hell hole in a couple of months. Away from the monster. And then I am going to do exactly what you just wrote so beautifully. Your words could have been my exact words. Thank you. And good luck to you.
My 2nd "affirmation" from Richard's Fortress work is "My goal is to remain calm, present in the moment, capable of expressing love in a healthy manner".
This is so good! It’s funny when I was describing how it felt to be me after I got away from him and was no longer terrified of him, I told my kids it was like I was frozen or paralyzed and I was no longer living inside my body. I had to give myself permission to come back into my body and then I had to call myself back in adamantly and vigorously! And I have so many weird aches and pains now that I didn’t before this horrifying relationship - my feet and knees are agonizingly painful and I still have to tell myself it’s good to be me and to have this body I live in. I have to tell my spirit “I love you, you have worth, I want you here. This body and this world need you!”
It makes perfect sense to me...you're lecture..pertains to many of my experiences throughout my life journey...I'm 65. I am a survivor of narcissistic relationship....I became invisible in my childhood, and I did the same in my marriages and relationships...he tried to murder me, I managed to escape, and I have been single for 16 years. I am STILL trying to find a balance between my empathic nature and retreating into invisibility to protect myself from negative people...I am also learning about myself, what I don't like which I am discovering is teaching me what I do like...this has been a life-long learning/healing process...I think I will be learning and working on this the rest of my life. Sometimes it is really hard, Safety...I wish...I had to forgive myself and it took me a long time of grieving before I was finally able to...I am learning to like who I am, loving my soul..emphasizes on learning...and self care...I have to daily remind myself that I am the priority even though it is the hardest thing for me because I have spent a lifetime putting others first.
I've admired your work since I found you 2015 and I am truly grateful for having found it. Thank so much for being you, sharing yourself, and your journey with us. It's truly been an honor and I wish you only the best. Take care and thanks again from the center of my being for being a light in a sometimes dark world. Cheers to change!
Dear Richard, you found me 5 years ago and, if this is truly goodbye, I couldn’t let you go without saying a heartfelt Thank You. You saved my life and I will always be eternally grateful. I will miss you dear friend. Take care & God bless x
I liked the part about giving yourself struggles. I get ridiculed for having a farm when there are perfectly good grocery stores within a reasonable distance. But i still milk goats, cows, and raise my own meat and veg. I've done it since I was a kid learning about how my grandparents struggled during war times. I've also raised my sons to this lifestyle, reminding them that when they grow up and move out they can choose to continue or do whatever they want. So far they appreciate the skills.. especially my youngest who is 14 and full of muscles. He became aware of how much girls appreciate all that during camp last summer lol It's just annoying that this lifestyle has produced two healthy young men, but people assume it's terrible because they have responsibility and work ethic. As opposed to vandalizing public property and doing drugs.... lord have mercy..
You mean you don't encourage your kids to glue themselves to screens all day and be parented by social media and gaming and instead get them out in fresh air and nature? God, that does sound terrible! 😉😉 I live in a city and before they closed the local markets used to get my veg from the stalls. I'd stagger home laden with bags of produce. The local kids would ask me what was sticking out the top. I still can't get over how they didn't know what broccoli was.
Being co dependant and giving enables us to feel worthy, needed, wanted, good, loved, accepted, etc basically everything we don’t feel or have for ourselves I attend co dependants anonymous in Glasgow Scotland 🏴
Thank you, Richard for all work you've done. You actually opened my eyes, when I found you few years back. You were one of the first s who started to look at this subject deep enough amd talk about it. It helped me a lot. I am in much better shape than I was 5 years ago. All the best for you!
Wow I've never had it spelled out to me like this before, but I just went to my parents house but now realize why I get so angry everytime I go there. I always have sought my father's praise, my mother always tells me how great I am, yet I reject her words, and I quit everything I was good at twelve years ago to start farming so I could feed them, and have suffered as a servant in poverty trying to attain this assumption of that is what they need, yet the more I farm the less I see them. As a kid they thought I was deft until the age of four when a doctor told them I had been ignoring them in the same way they ignore me. When I went back yesterday for Xmas to visit them, I started a fight, when I tried to show my mother a safer way to cut squash, she got frustrated and went after my father, who then ignored me for the rest of my time there because I caused a problem. Also the cherry on top, my name, is the same name of a kid who bullied my dad as a kid. I've decided to stop caring about my parents, they won't change or meet me in the middle, and I was an accident, that should only remind them of good memories as they fade towards the end, but never should I consider them in my plans of my future again. I have a problem trusting people because of all the narcissists I've let into my life, I also have issue making friends, I know a lot of people yet I'm the only person of the group of 30 somethings in my area that is always single without kids. Which is how my parents are too, neither have friends, since I've known them. If you've read this, it's not just a sob story I'm trying to get likes for, but how I'm piecing together what I'm learning from this ground shattering man, he really bonds all the pieces of damage I have into a complete thought process and I am forever grateful. Thank you
One of the hardest things to face is what really happened and then be OK with working with what you have got. Well it was hard for me, because it was about grieving the loss of how much more I could have been... but even that has to go. I only survive now by being content with today and if it is good, that it will continue, but if it isn't then that too will pass and it is still OK. Not sure if people would think it is healthy or whether I have disassociated in a peculiar way, either way, I am mostly more at peace than I ever have been and I kinda like myself when I am just being me. Unfettered with expectation and rejection, but am still wobbly when in social situations and the aftermath of reflection. Hope you complete your journey to health. Cheers.
I hear you! Good for you. I’d walk away from them too. They’re not healthy for you! Your mother couldn’t accept your help on how to cut a squash. She’s squashing you! I’d walk away ❤❤ much love from Scotland. If ye want to talon zoom etc I’m here.
You are the main reason I am now in university for my bachelor's in Psychology. I am very interested in your theories and beliefs and where you are going with them.
Get out of the cave, respond after taking time to think it through, don’t react. Buy Richard’s book. Amazing lecture! Love this. It’s so describes so much of my life’s experiences. I never understood what was wrong with me when I didn’t know what I wanted to do when I grew up. I never realized it was because my NPD parent chopped away my individuality. Now that I look back I remember everything I expressed interest in as a child was shot down and I was told how unrealistic it was or how it could never make money. So bad… i also relate to having a horrible memory. I also experienced the extreme stress of being put down and yelled at as a child. I reacted by withdrawing into my perfectionism and became a good student involved in school which of course didn’t help with that bad relationship but it helped me in the long run. But since I didn’t know what I wanted to do for a living I lost momentum. I went from one toxic filled job to another. And then from one toxic relationship to another. I’m 50 now and finally understanding why. Long story short… I want to help younger versions of people with similar issues. Now I know something I DO want.
Thank you Richard. Struggling to get past a recent final discard. I know it's not about him. This is so helpful. I've learned that I was conditioned in childhood that the only way I can love myself, is by loving someone else. No more hiding in the cave.
You’re doing life changing work, my friend. I’ve been struggling for a while now on how to balance my desire to help and serve others while also preserving my own sense of self- which had been drowning for many years and only recently started to resurface. I love pleasing people, to a fault and I’ve been aware of many of the advantages you spoke about here… but I still love doing it. I’m way better off today than I was a year ago, but a long ways to go! The CPTSD was fairly easy to overcome after I left an abusive marriage. Then a few months later I found myself sliding back down this mountain I thought I had already climbed. Nope, just a whole new mountain. Lol. Mt. Codependency. So here I am, starting all over again on my healing journey. I can spot and fend off the narcs in my life now with ease (it’s never easy, but for the majority of my life I let them devour me. Cutting them off is easier now that I have the right tools and knowledge) so now I’m my own worst enemy. Lol. I’ve been attracted to narcs my whole life, and still am. I’m starting to wonder if I’m cursed too. It’s a hard thing to change. Intellectually, I despise them. But the magnetic pull between codependents and narcs is no joke. I find myself being drawn to them like a moth to a flame. And them to me. I hope to one day make it stop. Lol
wow you articulated that so beautifully that's me too with guys I've dated I cut them out my life and feel mad at myself for going back because I feel sick for wanting validation from such sick individuals idk why I feel like I need their approval when I know they're beneath me morally I feel so confused its exhausting 😪
As an aside, the "lols" interspersing your (otherwise inspiring) post might also be a sign of trying to please people, or apologising for asserting yourself. I used to do the same.
Came here after seeing your email re the closure of the website. Firstly, totally applaud you for putting yourself first. I feel absolutely honored to have met you back in 2015 at a London seminar with Prof Sam Vaknin. I'm so appreciative for all the work you have done over the years to help support and heal sooo many. I've used many of your tools over the years and honestly the awareness your channels bought to myself and others I know has been invaluable. A multitude of thank you's Richard 🙏🙏🙏
It would be funny to know how many average men these women rejected before omly going for narcissistic men. We all know how ludicrously picky modern women are these days. the amount of loneliness the average guy out there has to suffer, while the narcissists get it all for themselves.
RG… I discovered you in 2015 and you showed me the way. You introduced me to a language to what I dealing with. You helped so many people. I came to a seminar with you and Vaknin. I listened, I learned. I purchased The Discipline and began my reprogramming. I put in the reps and became a black belt. I did many of your programs. My life has changed. I am at peace and so happy. I don’t visit the site as much. Now I give myself occasional “booster shots” by doing your exercises you taught. I love your energy so I follow your other channel. I don’t visit the NPD site anymore as I feel that forward is the best direction. As a community we all grew together. We watched you grow as well. It’s been an incredible journey. It absolutely warms my heart that you are also going forward and leaving this behind. It is definitely time in my humble opinion. Much love and gratitude to you. ❤️
@@marianl3447 I enjoy him and Pierre XO on their UA-cam channel Tentacle Croissant. It’s not about healing from narcissistic abuse. More if a sharing of philosophies about life in general.
@@RowenXDawn Thank you Amy. I remember Richard saying “I only wish I kissed my old self goodbye” after doing one of his own programs about healing the inner critic. I didn’t think to kiss my old self goodbye, but that’s okay. I learned to love my old self as well as my new self. I hold her safely in my heart.
You have shined so much light into the darkness, Richard! You are absolutely brilliant, one of a kind. Find the healing you need and know that WE WILL MISS YOU in this darkness that is closing in. Thank you for your time and attention 🙂🙏 Awaiting you back on some other platform! 🇨🇿🇺🇸
Well, the opinions of people matter because it’s self reflection, but it should matter only from ones you care about and care about you so it can be authentic and constructive. Or if you deal with someone as a means of making a living whether it’s an employer or a client. Not from people who have no meaning or influence in your life.
Much gratitude tp you Richard. You were a sanity life line after the horrific relationship that almost literally killed me then the big C , happened after that . Its hard to believe such people exist and as a mere mortal with emotions that were so repressed of fear and spiritual beliefs i took on created such painful experiences. Ill keep working on me thanks to you 🙏🏽🇦🇺❤️ thankyou. And god bless you .
How did it almost literally kill you tho? I don't understand how someone walking out the door would literally kill you. It's sad and depressing, yes. I was with one for 13 years.
@@daviedood2503 maybe you are ruled by your head and not your heart. When ones heart/emotions are affected yes it can literally kill you, I'm a retired nurse and heard many a story via patients in cardiac unit.
@@raewynurwin4256 this is usually in the elderly who lost their long term spouse. Cortisol is spiking in the bloodstream, and isn't being burned off via exercise or mobility due to depression. That chemical is eating at the heart walls which are already thin due to old age. The body can't replace the cells fast enough due to age as well, thus it begins eating through the 1 of the 4 chambers of the heart. Once this happens, 2 chambers became 1 and it LEAKS into the other. Oxygenated blood is mixing with blood that's not oxygenated. This can cause cardiac arrest fairly quickly. Know as broken heart syndrome. Other than that very rare case. How else does someone leaving LITERALLY kill you though? Once the door opens, they walk out and close it, how do u drop dead unless you just stop taking care of your hygiene, stop cleaning your room, and starve yourself? Other than those possibly happening, how would it LITERALLY kill you. YOURE actively choosing not to eat. That person isn't there any more, so you can't keep blaming THEM. This is learned helplessness where you're doing it to yourself at this point.
For 6 years still angry at the narcissist after watching lots of people's channels I was still angry and stuck and couldn't move on. I just started watching Richard and learn so much that he answered my questions and things I didn't understand. Thank you for helping me with these videos 🙏
Wow 😯 so greatly explained! I just got out of a relationship with a narcissist.. and working on overcoming co-dependency. This video was very helpful! Thank you 🙏🏻
I am so excited to find this video! It’s 2 years old as I am watching it now, but it’s perfect timing. I’ve been hearing that word, ’authentic’, in my heart lately. Really great teaching. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your insight, experience and wisdom. Listening to your lectures and words has been very healing and affirming. This has helped me to reclaim my own approval and stop the victim trauma based approval people pleasing behavior. Onto work and self defense...physical combat training.
Thank you Richie, I love all your work and courses. They helped me a lot. You are the only one who speaks the truth that we Codep.also have our agenda and we also manipulate to get narcisstic supply. Most of the other narcisstic abuse recovery channels don't talk about that. This kept me stuck for a long time and I felt more guilty and ashamed and in denial. For me Codependency is a strategy to survive. I have internalized my mothers emotions to survive. I could not be me because I feared to be abandonned and fear of dying. Now ,that I dig deeper, I am aware that even " my healing process" protects me for being my authentic self. Because the longer it takes, the longer I am save because being myself is danger (subconscious inner child). So weird. I still have so much pain and terrible emotions and I realized that they are not mine but from my mother and my ex narchusband . Because the days when I feel my bounderies energetically, these emotions are not there. Sorry for my bad English but perhaps it can help for some of you. I wish you all the best and I think that we are not the weak victims. I think this role also saved us and it is dangerous for the inner child to let that go. Forza amici;) we say in Italy
What an amazing, honest, painful and clarifying lecture. Thank you for freely sharing this information. How have so many psychologists not grasped this? Why do so many subsribe to the "Get over it" method? If we could get over it, there would be no psychologists!
I’ve was in AA for 25 years and it was all about service service and more service and thinking of others to get out of ourselves. I started to go to alanon re my mums drinking, then opened up to seeing all my shame etc and ended up in ACA which allowed me to safely look at all this codependency, echo stuff. Thanks Richard for pulling it all together and being so authentically beautifully yourself! 💖✨
Richard, with regard to physical illness as a result of narcissistic exposure you have hit the bull's eye: I've had or should I say had CFS for a number of years, which is basically in a nutshell lack of energy, extreme fatigue and pain all over the body. I do believe, however, that the path of healing from psychological abuse you have pointed out aimed at reaching a specific peaceful state of mind, also leads to healing the body. We are indeed body- mind creatures! Thank you for the magnificent lecture!
Yes I too have effects from experience.. Total head to toe skin issue suffering for 2:yrs without support. Researching on my own. I look forward to healing and moving a way from this heaviness.
Hey! Hey! Richard mentions someone's observation that co-dependents are ALLERGIC to their own SELVES! Connect that to having weird physical issues... Has anybody done a count/ analysis of "Almost-Echoes" - ie 'almost' because somehow they're still alive - urm... So. "Almost-Echoes" + AUTOIMMUNE DISEASES!!! OMG! I have THREE now: inflammatory ankylosing spondylitus; hashimotos; and narcolepsy!! Richard! you dance we and you into discovering new moves/steps, that evolve into a synchronicity of fluidity - we create,other sequences of flow/ understanding! Ive been eye-ear balling(?) You, since just before Covert 84 began...You have an indomitable Spirit! You've been unravelling the cloak of invisibility/servility with exponentially increasing focus and eloquence...You ROCK! - the boat...and a mean rivetting dance sequence! Ngiyabonga!!
On the topic of healing the body in general, but especially healing the body of psychological trauma, have you heard of Dr. Joe Dispenza? Look him up perhaps.
And yes, Richard, this is why your work is so vitally important at this place in time!! The Narcissistic Abuse on a Global Scale is truly Mind Altering and damaging us beyond our imaginations. How now, shall we live? Is the question. Turning off Mainstream Media and Living a Self Reliant Life is my answer. I will Survive and teach others to do so, as well. Thank you MUCH LOVE and Respect to you and your mission.
Dear Richard. I truly wish you all the very best moving forward into your future. Your insight and wisdom gleaned from you own experience with both adult & childhood narcissistic/ toxic abuse has helped me in so many many ways, ways that I can not even begin to explain here.....but please know that I am all the better for it.
Thank you Richard for all your hard work and the change that you have brought to so many people's lives, mine included. I have C.P.T.S.D, was brought up by a mother with personality disorder and I was attracted to and engaging in relationships with abusive/narcissistic/psychopath. I didn't realise any of this fully until I came into drug/alcohol/relationship recovery. You have helped me through some really dark times with your videos, I have personally found it hard to talk about and share this stuff especially as alot of people seem to think this is all just in films or flippantly throw the term narcissist/psychopath around. You have also been keeping me sane with some of your other videos, in these strange times....... I wish you all the best for what ever the future brings you Richard and thank you agaln.
I wanted to say THANK YOU for being here For Us and for these several years Helping Us to gain the information We needed and still need to take control of our Lives and begin the traveling to the Who We are truly meant to be and perhaps have felt all along (it's insightful to see now how much I have traveled... Amen that's just so true oh...)
I have been listening to you for awhile now and only now learned that you are Polish. It is so wonderful to hear another Polish soul making this world a better place.🥰
Advantages Of Remaining Codependent: I'm morally blameless I don't have to accept responsibility for my actions or results I can claim ignorance of my actions or results Society rewards victim status I can get sympathy Addictions are more easily forgiven, because reasons No need to do the hard work of gaining genuine admiration No need to achieve anything Failure is a given
This video is one of the most revealing informative videos i have ever watched (and I have seen many!) re co-depedency and its roots. Richard describes in a very meaningful and understandable way what is going on in the mind of a co-dependent. This was absolutely amazing.
Hello Richard. I started watching your videos in 2017 and the amount of wisdom and truth you've released has been an epic revelation to who I am and set me on the journey to finding more of me. The collabs with Prof Sam Vaknin have blown my mind and I understand myself and my toxic role in ALL the relationships in my life as a codependent (not pretty at all) but started me on a path of healing that I know will take a while still but the process is in motion and I can never go back. Im so utterly grateful for your honesty as brutal as it has been at times because thats what I needed. Thank you very much for showing up for us. I wish you intense healing and that you are released into the next phase of your life with balance, calm and loads of energy for whatever may come. Oh....and I'm so excited to read your books, thats going to be a treat.
Thank You Mr. Richard Gannon I appreciate You and The Works for Others that also includes Me. Oh dear I say that part now all the time...it made sense completely once I lived in a world where taking care of self was my only option as I was depleted to put it politely hehee ...yes over and over again yourself must be taken care of first otherwise you're passed out unable to care for anyone but with a breath of fresh air you will be able to help another...I want to say sorry for typing such long maybe not proper or what not, but letting it all go rising above my negative mind message and just putting it on here...if for nobody else then for my knowledge of self as a record for myself
Thank you, so much Richard. I'm a counsellor. And not only have you helped me. I now am able to help others. Now is tIme for you to be kind to yourself Richard. Take care Kay
Richard, I thank you for your service over the years. Your videos were the kickstart for a major turning point in my recovery journey, and I've followed along as you developed this into a career and seen your ups and downs. I truly believe getting involved with Sam Vaknin was damaging to you and re-traumatized you more than you may have looked at. I believe you have been struggling with your own recovery since then. I've been waiting for you to realize you needed to step away from the work you share with all of us and focus on yourself again. I hope you get what you need out of this move, as sad as I am to see it happen. I wish you a wonderful burst of evolution in your own self now you're not thinking of helping others to such a huge degree, and I hope one day you feel that you can come back to this work without the codependent aspect. I know whatever you do, wherever you end up, you will be a success and enrich the lives of everyone you touch. Thank you again, and much love from this internet stranger.
On bloody point. 3 months ago I was diagnosed with both fibromyalgia and CPTSD. I've known something was physically wrong all my life but was told to stop listening to myself so much, so only came across fibromyalgia in 2018 when my state declined to the point where I could not sit up in bed in the morning without crying from pain and needed help to dress up, and had been waiting for a diagnosis since then because it was all in my head. (I have helped myself tremendously since, and done so without pills). The CPTSD part was not much of a surprise either, but I have then realised why I got so sick, both mentally and physically, at the start of my last relationship. Even just before getting together, I felt incredibly lost, personality wise, and said that I felt like a prisoner of my own body, that I couldn't take the actions I wanted, and needed to excavate myself from within. He was the trigger to a piece of insight that I wasn't ready for, and for the first time I felt what was missing inside me. I realised at that time that I had been subconsciously waiting all my life for someone to fill up the space, and that this someone needed to be myself. But I wasn't allowed these time and space, even though I did try to take them after telling him all this. He had seen the fragile state of my boundaries and just barged in - he had heard the faint sound of an echo of himself and thought it was an invitation to love himself through me. From self-doubt, and because of the prospect of love resulting from it, of course, I gave in completely. Within the first month I got so sick and exhausted that I could barely eat anymore, and piled up medical appointments. A year of relationship and an period of suicidal ideations later, I have discovered through hours upon hours of Sam Vaknin's explanation of his model that I most likely have what they insist on calling BPD, and that I have been dealing with the umpteenth narcissist of my life. Funnily enough, the first time he hugged me I felt his incredibly strong energy, and I described it to him as being both radiating incommensurable love and asking for it in equal measure, at the same time as rejecting any love that was given to it and claiming that it didn't need or even want anyone around, because of how much it was afraid. Oh, the things one learns in time... I have just now started to tackle this CPTSD, will begin intensive psychotherapy in a few weeks/months, and will do everything in my power to overcome this echo-codependency. This body needs a person, and thanks to both you Richard and Sam, now that I understand, my locus of control is completely internal, and the pain is finally subsiding for good. It sounds really dark but I feel great when I feel great.
I also have cfs for 28 years I know how you feel but now unravelling and feeling the trauma This is finally healing me and setting me free. Great blessings are sent to you too on your healing journey
This video sounds like me 3 years ago. I broke the mold that was once my mask. Over the last year I learned meditation. I have been doing so much research on narcissism and learning how I was the supply. After breaking free I was now my abuser, now I can spot it from a mile away. I now catch it in myself and have been learning how to rewire my own thinking. Meditation helps so much with self soothing and parenting myself, I am now able to ground myself through triggers and just in general. I work for a very narcissistic company and now understand why it is so addicting. Over the last year I have sorted out the fact that this does give me the supply I require and that if I have to be here to make my money I will use this as my food, but I do not want that behavior in my home life. Meltdowns happen, I am the secure part of this operation. Because I have been on both sides and know how to use manipulation to get the results I want it works usually in my favor to " help" the entitled and to shut down the abuse. Learning how to navigate in a world like this is a skill. However I have also picked up a new trait and that is how to shut down the malignant. It is a reminder of those past abusers growing up. Since my new rewiring I see and can point out who's who and what levels they are at. I now have a bad taste in my mouth. The job I have been doing is no longer serving my new self. I am ready to leave this toxic environment and figuring out a financial plan. Because I am armed with so much knowledge and the tools to embrace, accept, navigate and rewire it is hard to date since most people are insecure and drive their life using insecurities as their fuel. I can see it. Often times I can pick it up in my silence. I am comfortable and secure in what would be an awkward silence... yes mastering awkward silence allows the mask to fall. They have to say something or have noises so divulging information is where they go without realizing it. I am definitely a life chess player when I'm not worried about trying to get a point across. I no longer am thirsty to be heard. I have also been researching body language, personality profiling and even clothing recognition. In doing so I had already determined I did not want a second date by the clothes the man wore. His choice of clothes gave me a huge bell 🔔 so I let it unfold and boom huge look at me, look at me attention sucker. I was right, nevermind the stories and character he chose to share in a mere 3 hours. Before I may have over rationalized his behavior, now these things are deal breakers and powerful indicators of what life could be like with this person. I journal now also like when I was a kid. Oh my God to be able to get it out of my head and on to paper is rewiring, working through my shit is powerful, sad and safe. I have been able to experience a trigger, journal about it in the moment and work through it recognizing physical, mental, emotional patterns and getting to the core of it. That was amazing and hardly ever happens. I now understand why in that particular moment I felt that way, and identify that a trigger is your mind picking up on a pattern you have seen before. Journaling gives me the power to connect the dots unapologetically. Everything is a fact and facing my feelings. I have abandoned, questioned, and rationalized, oh let's not forget suppressed my feelings for so long. In doing this I have stopped that legacy. I now accept that I am feeling, process, name and get to the root of what got me there. It is incredible. Allowing myself to feel is both hard and scary in the beginning. I did alot of crying at first now I process and situate more than cry and when I do cry it is for a much shorter time. Understanding that I am a 3 year old self, wired through my childhood upbringing, and learning to parent myself is mind blowing. Especially since I pride myself in being a damn good parent. Knowing I was being an awful parent to myself pissed me off. Embracing the ability to love myself as much as I love my daughter was new. I am no longer beating up on myself about anything. That took time. I give myself room for error with learning curves. To those going through or thinking about going through the rewiring. You are worth it! You are capable of becoming your best self. Please check out Dr. Ramani ( narcissist dr.) Meditation guides You are enough! Much ❤ and strength to you all!
Ive been searching for months … answers of why i feel so hurt … and this video here just made me realize a lot .. 🙏🏽 finally i can see it from another angle and it just makes a lot of sense .. i am codependent .. i always argued but yess i am… I will find myself back … tank you Richard .. really apreciate your work. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Aha! Codependents experience love horizontally; narcissists experience love vertically. Great revelation! ... Oh yes! I couldn't agree more that as a society we lack leadership. We are in great need of it, along with mentorship, apprenticeship, and healthy and meaningful rites of passage. The value of bequeathing and inheriting morals, knowledge, and wisdom from one generation to the next, has been forgotten or left out of the modern western experience. Protecting and preserving culture and tradition is a legacy we have largely been denied these last few generations. I do believe that the lack of leadership we observe is directly related, but what do you suppose is responsible for the decline? ... Suffering often leads to awakening/liberation. ... Ceremonial magic from Alester Crowley!? What the hell Grannon?
Another experience of mental floss with RG! I now want to absorb everything he has put out. This is the machete to my psychological thicket. Thank you for the leadership.
Even as an independent adventerous person (outdoorsy, ect) I can see where I was supply in that I sought validation and purpose and was too giving to get friends. The love bombing made me feel so special, and sense of inclusion in a group of people who all admired him so much it gave me this huge sense of purpose to support him and be ' the one' who could deal with his ways. I have been in detox over a year and its still hard. It is truly like a drug. The abuse undid my enjoyment of so many things. And all the so called friends werent there for me when I left. It was devastating and eye opening. Like my life was a fascade for a whole decade and everything I did and experienced null and void since I have noone left from that time still with me to even share the memories with. I guess thats another codependent trait. Its crazy.
Facade, yes! Contingent expectations/conditional love we set ourselves up for… so when we start “being” ourselves (normal/healthy) in this (toxic) environment it ends up looking like we are trying to be flexible in a rigid environment. Can’t spread your wings in a box that you and others have agreed is a good place for “you”.
The advantage to being slave like and co dependent is we want to be liked because we want to be accepted. Just like you stated at the beginning of this teaching; co dependents don’t accept themselves, due to the rejection from the past.
I am from Serbia and have a sense that you've culturally targeted this topic for Belgrade seminar. I have so many aha moments during this, and it resonates so much. Also this echo codependency reminds me of the book "The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment". Great book. Thanks Richard
oh, the US is full....full of ''these people''. Mostly the female, after being 'puffed up' by media, school, & gov't ++ single mom's++ materialism [extreme]
Thank you,Richard, for the great session I'm finally really understanding the mechanics of the Narcissistic Beast 🤔 😢 my ex-husband Covert Narcissists No contact
Dear RICHARD.. 21.12.21.. You could not choose a better time. Something new is rising. It was indeed an insane time.. To talk about insane thing.. But for the good.. The sanity of all your followers. Less did it as you do. I am thankful for all you did and still does. Wish you the best on your journey. Take care and have many good moments. 🙏 🤗 🌺
Oh my gosh! Spot own. I thank you so much for transparency, story and revelation. Thank you for teaching us how to heal. The only thing worth having, which is love, is something that must be kept alive. I do believe we can be healed. Wow!
Look you f ing genius and great giver of wisdom!!! Thank you. So much, thank you! I’ve been aware of narcissism and codependency for the last three years, and I’m just really getting to the bottom or the top of all of this because of people like you. I’ve been running in a self sabotaging circle in so many ways in my life. Slowly, but surely not anymore. I’m blown away. Oh yes, and quit vaping. I hear it in your lungs baby.
I love the toxic yin yang analogy! You are fucking amazing Richard! You are streetwise and real and at the same time, intellectual and eloquent and thus it's very easy to relate to what you are saying. I wish you all the best in your future endeavours and looking forward to your book. Thank you for everything you have given us on UA-cam 💕☘️
This is one of the best videos I have seen on codependency. No one is explaining this like Richard. I took notes. Some of the key takeaways: You make yourself invisible. You can't serve the rest of your life, or you will die, never having lived. We are trained to believe when we serve, we are safe. I am only acceptable to myself when I'm a slave. They chop bits off you. We entomb ourselves. One of the audience members said that Richard and Nietzsche were helping her the most. :) Thank you Richard.
Being authentic needs courage and lots of self awareness and shadow work. Your authenticity will have a battle against all your traumas. So need to be strong enough at least stronger then your traumas.
Dear Richard, Sharon here. Thank you so much for all you've done and the time you have put in all this. It's truly amazing and your conference was awesome! I hope you'll be back at some point but I understand. Please know you will be in my thoughts and prayers and I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and regardless of all the insanity going on in our world right now, I do wish you the best New Year ever, after all happiness is an inside job and you seem like a pretty solid guy so God bless you. I feel as though you are a friend.
Whatever we are here for, for whatever particular reason, this is a beautifully put together presentation, from the opening and introduction to the end. Fantastic...
Two years ago I gathered only what fit in my car and a friend’s and I left my Narcissistic relationship of 12 years. I was a shell of my former self, so small, so afraid. I moved back to a part of Mexico where I had lived before. COVID descended and I went into isolation. Listened to a lot of videos on Narcissism. Now I am finally really working on healing. Thank you.
Ahh good for you..Beware of getting low or feeling lost again as this can make you vulnerable to going back to them. I did this and it was textbook addiction to the Narc. I am free again now. Wishing you all the luck.
👍👏👏🙏🙏✌🇳🇿🤗
Great to hear
My story exactly . Left him after 14 years … ten of them married… threw everything in car when he was at work and left . I was a shell of my former vibrant self … that was July 2019. Still working on healing .
@@peacenotes3494 hang in there. There are so many layers of healing that I still need to do. Next week the House we still own together is scheduled to Close. That will sever the last tie. Sadly little tentacles of attachment remain and pop up when I least expect it.
I’m going to be 58 years old. I’m FINALLY getting it!!! I’m a codependent slave. THANK YOU for opening my eyes!!!!!!!!
Believe me you are not on your own ❤
At age 59 I finally went no contact with my mom. Years behind me ‘wasted’ time hoping and praying. Years ahead of me my decision. 👍🏻
So many of us were killed or are daily being killed by these narcissist ...😢 Thank you Rich
I have codependency. I have been lost and in denial until watching this. When I heard you say "Empty Vessel" it hit me like a ton of bricks. I am almost 64 years old, and my first thought is I am too late, but God immediately planted his words in my heart..."all things are possible for those who believe". I am going to strive to find me, to find the beauty of life from my own eyes before I die. It is my hearts desire. Thank you for the work you are doing and for making it available on the utube platform.
You are a beloved child of God, Juanita. There is no proper age to be truly yourself and happy. 🙏♥️🕊️
I'm 52 almost 53 and I need a quest to find myself again and not be codependent on anyone.
Hope you are OK ❤️🩹 I am 65 now & healing!
I am literally trying to watch this at 5:17 in the morning after I’ve been up all night as the only person who’s ever cared. He is always slept not given a a thought or care about what he has done. I’m not only exhausted because of the hour but I’m also exhausted by the fact that I have let him do so much.
I'm not really codependent more borderline but I feel codependent with narcs and I would never stigmatize or shame a codependent as long as they are real about it or working on it my problem with codependents that I know is they defend all their actions they are self righteous often holier than thou and passive aggressive and as a borderline I can't handle that
I was in a relationship for 39 years with a covert narcissist. I ended up getting cancer. He had multiple affairs on me and I finally left him. I believe that God is healing me of my Codependency.
My mother was a narcissist. She definitely took it personally when her children tried to individuate.
Narcissists lie to themselves. They have this idealized version of themselves in their head. But rather than striving to be that person, they need those around them to be their magic mirror on the wall to reflect their idealized version back to them so that they can believe that is who they are. Codependents ARE that mirror. For myself, I have used magical thinking to stay entwined with horrible people, like if I believe hard enough, he will one day BE that person.
Ufff all facts
And he Will never be….I hear you and suffer still after almost 6 month since we separated
Same here.
A very good way of putting it! :)
And that day never came or never comes
I was Echo with my narcissist mother. She was my whole world but it was a hellish world. I had no self-identity. Thank God, I broke the curse.
Divorcing now after 13 years. He’s a covert narc but I still feel extreme pain and loss. I pray I look back one day and this has led to something better.
Praying for all those out there
Please go to therapy. I did not until 7 years divorced and was experiencing severe cptsd. Get help. It will make you get better faster. You deserve this!
It's does led to you being a better you, and wanting better relationships 😊
Yes to that. Victorious Christian living institute they do zoom counseling, and it’s not that expensive. Pick somebody that understands narcissist and codependency. I’ve just finally woke up and I’ve been married 42 years. So you have your life ahead of you❤
Divorce alone is a major grief and loss, of course you feel extreme pain and loss! It takes time and I recommend therapy for this specific recovery. Generally speaking people won’t understand the depth of the trauma to the human spirit narcissistic abuse causes. What you are feeling is totally normal for this relationship dynamic. 💕
Same situation here. Except I filed for divorce after 15 years and the divorce was final last week. My extreme fear of loss was his favorite tool to get me under control. I never felt save, when things didn't go his way he threatened with divorce and this started 2 months after we got married. I also still feel the loss. It's the "good times" that your brain barley can process, the bond you thought you had, toxic glue...well in the end he discarded and blocked me and his 14 year old daughter as well and even though this is painful as shit and on some days it feels like this pain is killing me literally I do think he did us a favor with this..much love and healing to you and everyone going through this emotional hell!
My main advantage of being a codependent was the fake feeling of "safety" that I gain in pleasing someone. When I didn't fawn when I was a child I was harassed, beaten and insulted but when I fawn I was "love" or in simple term I was treated nicely. Now I know that what I thought was love was in fact control so I associated authenticity as dangerous and codependency abuse as love
Do well put and my reasons for people pleasing
The same with me. But how do you heal from this? Is it even possible? I'm so horrified of the thought of being single that I put up with abuse and being a doormat:(
Me too, thx for sharing.❣ I Don't trust anyone anymore.
Same here, you explained that perfectly, i choose to be single and choose me, my peace is priceless
You’re not alone. ❤
4 years free here! Healing is possible! Life gets so much better, I promise you. Going no contact was the best decision. You are worthy of love, kindness and respect. Melody Beattie's "Codependent No More" was helpful when I was in the depths of healing and pain. The silver lining is self love and healing from our childhood trauma as well.
So happy for you! 🥺❤️
Being called the mirror of the narcissist really hit home for me. I can see that now. It summons shame, and clarity, at the same time. I WAS putting on my own mask. I gave far too much of myself, in hopes of loving his pain away. I know now, that this is all a lie. A ploy to get supply, but the fact that i was receiving supply MYSELF, makes me so very ashamed. I know it's ok. I know that i will be ok. Thank you Richard, for all of your insight, and having the wit and banter to both captivate and hold my attention. And your remark about memory being shit, is 100% accurate. I was honestly afraid that i may be getting Alzheimer's or something. This brought me relief to know that this is "normal". I wonder.... Do the memories EVER come back? Or do they need to stay where they are???
The woman at 1:25 is absolutely right. Cold showers stop the chatter, the mind that wants to fix things. The cold wakens the body, but also the inner Self. Over time, that self becomes stronger and actions become more and more naturally; true to the self. If you want a break from your overthinking mind, you will have to give this a try.
I have been thinking abt getting an ice bath tub from Amazon. You say it helps? Thank you!
I friggin’ LOVE Richard Grannon! ♥️
So glad I found him and his content. Just what I needed right now. Thanks Richard !!!
Hint: you will feel so selfish and narcissistic beginning to assert yourself and you'll worry that you're becoming a narc. It's a balance that you will be able to master.
This is excellent. We codependents absolutely weaponize our misery... our victimhood. It's a manipulation tactic we learned as abused and/or neglected children to get our needs met. It is indeed our responsibility to grow up & embrace our authentic selves, who we are before & beyond our traumas. The risk of rejection is worth the reward of a healthy adult life. Thank you most sincerely for using your experience & insights to help others. You are a blessing.
I have never heard a narcissistic/co decent teaching like this. I’m actually beginning to see it for what it is really for me and my role. Therefore, giving me new insight and hope for me to learn tactics and new behaviors and more to heal and possibly overcome this and ultimately break free from my own prison and lack of growth as an adult
This is terrifying. I was raised under narcissistic rule and that is LITERALLY what I became: A prop master for film and television; A ninja, who doesn't exist. I fit in and under very small spaces and know how to be invisible in a bathroom stall while actors have sex or pretend to do drugs while I move props around for them and make sure no one has a melt down. I burnt out really hard once I realized what I was; a professional narcissist handler. It was very difficult to extract myself and I got extremely physically ill. Now, I can't pass a film set without experiencing somatic PTSD symptoms. I never want to stand in front of, or stare at a monitor, maintaining continuity for sub-par film or television content EVER again.
Damn, Amy. That is heavy. I can't imagine that pain and trauma.
Nothing like having the job of Meltdown Preventor. Its pure hell, and will destroy your central nervous system and sense of safety in the world. In my case I got chronic fatigue, CPTSD, and cant enjoy festivals, music, even dance. Cant see old shared friends I retraumatize . My heart goes out to you. I hope you can heal.
🤔 i was a barback.
I feel you.. and sending a lot of love right now yes 💫🌠🌠🌠🏵💫
Woah!!
I deleted one of my comments because it wasn’t clear enough, my point was: I don’t think codependents, real codependents, are predators. And I don’t think we are “benefiting” in some way. My view is that we have a trauma response that exacerbates the need for “be part of” the family, the couple, etc. Deeply inside we still have that child begging “mama/daddy! See me! I am here! Please take me in account! Please stop the neglect! Please stop the abuse! I am lovable! I am ok! I swear!”. One of the many tools for recovery is to understand that the narcissist is NOT your daddy or mom, and that now you don’t have to beg anyone to love you or accept you, and working every day in accepting and loving YOURSELF. You are worth defending, you are worth caring, you are valuable, you have the right to your own feelings, you have the right to your own life, you have the right to detach from everyone and everything that is a disrespect to yourself, and doesn’t add well being to your life.
You are “benefiting” from getting that “need to be a part of” met!…
I hardly call that a benefit. OPs post made it clear that need won't be met til you start accepting yourself. People are so lame and a bunch of them hang in comment sections, ready to spew nonsense to muddy up a perfectly clear, insightful, and helpful comment. 😔
I agree with your comment, well put, but...I also recognise that we get sucked into begging the narcissist to "see me" because we are not yet able to be honest with our needs and understand our deservedness. We are still resorting to the unhealthy ways of trying to obtain love, as Richard described it. We learnt those unhealthy ways early on. Becoming fully conscious and accepting that you are deserving of healthy love is going to get us out of the vicious cycle of participating, allowing and even initiating narcissistic abuse. This is my current learning opportunity which was forced open upon me due to my recent falling for yet another narcissistic person. Tough lesson and opportunity.
And thank you Richard for all the help and insights. I have been struggling to get over the narc discard and joined coda to heal from my codependancy for 2 years now. I am 53 years old and hope to have some hapiness soon....Thank you 🙏💜
Does Coda help? In what way?
@@chilloften It is a 12 step program. So you don't feel alone because we share with others. And we read about the patterns we have. And how we are in denial.
That a codependant is an addict and will always choose emotional unavailable partners. And that is destructive for us.
@@Karlien68 me too
In regards to people with terrible physical pain; my husband has terrible chronic pain and associated illnesses, but has borderline personality disorder with narcissistic traits.
Lots of new ideas & insights.
Thank u Richard - for your dedication & persistence.
Going solo is so marvelous! There is a great and lasting joy in going solo. It’s the most valuable boundary during the recovery months. I add to my emotional bank account every day in my solo life. I am strengthened and grounded.
Break every ties with the narcissist forever.
I am doing this right now.....replacing fear of the unknown with curiosity, directing my energy to those who truly love and respect me......and loving my time alone and my re-energized enthusiastic laughing self I was born to be. Thank you Richard. 💕
Nicely said!
I am in the process of getting out now. I'm going to be out of this hell hole in a couple of months. Away from the monster. And then I am going to do exactly what you just wrote so beautifully. Your words could have been my exact words. Thank you. And good luck to you.
My 2nd "affirmation" from Richard's Fortress work is "My goal is to remain calm, present in the moment, capable of expressing love in a healthy manner".
This is so good! It’s funny when I was describing how it felt to be me after I got away from him and was no longer terrified of him, I told my kids it was like I was frozen or paralyzed and I was no longer living inside my body. I had to give myself permission to come back into my body and then I had to call myself back in adamantly and vigorously! And I have so many weird aches and pains now that I didn’t before this horrifying relationship - my feet and knees are agonizingly painful and I still have to tell myself it’s good to be me and to have this body I live in. I have to tell my spirit “I love you, you have worth, I want you here. This body and this world need you!”
It makes perfect sense to me...you're lecture..pertains to many of my experiences throughout my life journey...I'm 65. I am a survivor of narcissistic relationship....I became invisible in my childhood, and I did the same in my marriages and relationships...he tried to murder me, I managed to escape, and I have been single for 16 years. I am STILL trying to find a balance between my empathic nature and retreating into invisibility to protect myself from negative people...I am also learning about myself, what I don't like which I am discovering is teaching me what I do like...this has been a life-long learning/healing process...I think I will be learning and working on this the rest of my life. Sometimes it is really hard,
Safety...I wish...I had to forgive myself and it took me a long time of grieving before I was finally able to...I am learning to like who I am, loving my soul..emphasizes on learning...and self care...I have to daily remind myself that I am the priority even though it is the hardest thing for me because I have spent a lifetime putting others first.
I've admired your work since I found you 2015 and I am truly grateful for having found it. Thank so much for being you, sharing yourself, and your journey with us. It's truly been an honor and I wish you only the best. Take care and thanks again from the center of my being for being a light in a sometimes dark world. Cheers to change!
@Gina Too cool, I found him back around 2015 as well, and have stuck around as well. Cheers and take care 💚
me too
Hear, hear!
Dear Richard, you found me 5 years ago and, if this is truly goodbye, I couldn’t let you go without saying a heartfelt Thank You. You saved my life and I will always be eternally grateful. I will miss you dear friend. Take care & God bless x
I liked the part about giving yourself struggles. I get ridiculed for having a farm when there are perfectly good grocery stores within a reasonable distance.
But i still milk goats, cows, and raise my own meat and veg. I've done it since I was a kid learning about how my grandparents struggled during war times.
I've also raised my sons to this lifestyle, reminding them that when they grow up and move out they can choose to continue or do whatever they want. So far they appreciate the skills.. especially my youngest who is 14 and full of muscles. He became aware of how much girls appreciate all that during camp last summer lol
It's just annoying that this lifestyle has produced two healthy young men, but people assume it's terrible because they have responsibility and work ethic.
As opposed to vandalizing public property and doing drugs.... lord have mercy..
Well done you are prepared for what’s coming
Wow. You're spot on.
You mean you don't encourage your kids to glue themselves to screens all day and be parented by social media and gaming and instead get them out in fresh air and nature? God, that does sound terrible! 😉😉 I live in a city and before they closed the local markets used to get my veg from the stalls. I'd stagger home laden with bags of produce. The local kids would ask me what was sticking out the top. I still can't get over how they didn't know what broccoli was.
@@excel04 That is why there is so much diabetes, cancer, liver problems and mental illness.... no one can get the eggplants to grow the eggs anymore.
@@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485 is the apocalypse really coming?!? Holy fuck if it’s not I better believe it is because I need to fix my life now
Being co dependant and giving enables us to feel worthy, needed, wanted, good, loved, accepted, etc basically everything we don’t feel or have for ourselves
I attend co dependants anonymous in Glasgow Scotland 🏴
Thank you Richard! You and only you saved my life 4 years ago! I am alive and in a wonderful relationship for almost 4 years! Adore you!
So happy for you❤.
Thank you, Richard for all work you've done. You actually opened my eyes, when I found you few years back. You were one of the first s who started to look at this subject deep enough amd talk about it. It helped me a lot. I am in much better shape than I was 5 years ago. All the best for you!
Yes and can help us articulate what has been going on especially if we discuss this with therapists.
@@Adam-xs3ng Yes very true
Wow I've never had it spelled out to me like this before, but I just went to my parents house but now realize why I get so angry everytime I go there. I always have sought my father's praise, my mother always tells me how great I am, yet I reject her words, and I quit everything I was good at twelve years ago to start farming so I could feed them, and have suffered as a servant in poverty trying to attain this assumption of that is what they need, yet the more I farm the less I see them.
As a kid they thought I was deft until the age of four when a doctor told them I had been ignoring them in the same way they ignore me. When I went back yesterday for Xmas to visit them, I started a fight, when I tried to show my mother a safer way to cut squash, she got frustrated and went after my father, who then ignored me for the rest of my time there because I caused a problem. Also the cherry on top, my name, is the same name of a kid who bullied my dad as a kid.
I've decided to stop caring about my parents, they won't change or meet me in the middle, and I was an accident, that should only remind them of good memories as they fade towards the end, but never should I consider them in my plans of my future again.
I have a problem trusting people because of all the narcissists I've let into my life, I also have issue making friends, I know a lot of people yet I'm the only person of the group of 30 somethings in my area that is always single without kids. Which is how my parents are too, neither have friends, since I've known them.
If you've read this, it's not just a sob story I'm trying to get likes for, but how I'm piecing together what I'm learning from this ground shattering man, he really bonds all the pieces of damage I have into a complete thought process and I am forever grateful. Thank you
One of the hardest things to face is what really happened and then be OK with working with what you have got. Well it was hard for me, because it was about grieving the loss of how much more I could have been... but even that has to go. I only survive now by being content with today and if it is good, that it will continue, but if it isn't then that too will pass and it is still OK. Not sure if people would think it is healthy or whether I have disassociated in a peculiar way, either way, I am mostly more at peace than I ever have been and I kinda like myself when I am just being me. Unfettered with expectation and rejection, but am still wobbly when in social situations and the aftermath of reflection. Hope you complete your journey to health. Cheers.
I hear you! Good for you. I’d walk away from them too. They’re not healthy for you! Your mother couldn’t accept your help on how to cut a squash. She’s squashing you! I’d walk away ❤❤ much love from Scotland. If ye want to talon zoom etc I’m here.
Keep learning and growing and trying new things!
You are the main reason I am now in university for my bachelor's in Psychology. I am very interested in your theories and beliefs and where you are going with them.
Get out of the cave, respond after taking time to think it through, don’t react. Buy Richard’s book. Amazing lecture! Love this. It’s so describes so much of my life’s experiences. I never understood what was wrong with me when I didn’t know what I wanted to do when I grew up. I never realized it was because my NPD parent chopped away my individuality. Now that I look back I remember everything I expressed interest in as a child was shot down and I was told how unrealistic it was or how it could never make money. So bad… i also relate to having a horrible memory. I also experienced the extreme stress of being put down and yelled at as a child. I reacted by withdrawing into my perfectionism and became a good student involved in school which of course didn’t help with that bad relationship but it helped me in the long run. But since I didn’t know what I wanted to do for a living I lost momentum. I went from one toxic filled job to another. And then from one toxic relationship to another. I’m 50 now and finally understanding why. Long story short… I want to help younger versions of people with similar issues. Now I know something I DO want.
This is one of the best interpretations of the narcissistic and codependency. And their shadows.. thanks 🙏
Thank you Richard. Struggling to get past a recent final discard. I know it's not about him. This is so helpful. I've learned that I was conditioned in childhood that the only way I can love myself, is by loving someone else.
No more hiding in the cave.
There is never a final discard , that is why you get stuck in the sick cycle.
You’re doing life changing work, my friend. I’ve been struggling for a while now on how to balance my desire to help and serve others while also preserving my own sense of self- which had been drowning for many years and only recently started to resurface. I love pleasing people, to a fault and I’ve been aware of many of the advantages you spoke about here… but I still love doing it. I’m way better off today than I was a year ago, but a long ways to go! The CPTSD was fairly easy to overcome after I left an abusive marriage. Then a few months later I found myself sliding back down this mountain I thought I had already climbed. Nope, just a whole new mountain. Lol. Mt. Codependency. So here I am, starting all over again on my healing journey. I can spot and fend off the narcs in my life now with ease (it’s never easy, but for the majority of my life I let them devour me. Cutting them off is easier now that I have the right tools and knowledge) so now I’m my own worst enemy. Lol. I’ve been attracted to narcs my whole life, and still am. I’m starting to wonder if I’m cursed too. It’s a hard thing to change. Intellectually, I despise them. But the magnetic pull between codependents and narcs is no joke. I find myself being drawn to them like a moth to a flame. And them to me. I hope to one day make it stop. Lol
wow you articulated that so beautifully that's me too with guys I've dated I cut them out my
life and feel mad at myself for going back because I feel sick for wanting validation from such sick individuals idk why I feel like I need their approval when I know they're beneath me morally I feel so confused its exhausting 😪
As an aside, the "lols" interspersing your (otherwise inspiring) post might also be a sign of trying to please people, or apologising for asserting yourself. I used to do the same.
Came here after seeing your email re the closure of the website. Firstly, totally applaud you for putting yourself first. I feel absolutely honored to have met you back in 2015 at a London seminar with Prof Sam Vaknin. I'm so appreciative for all the work you have done over the years to help support and heal sooo many. I've used many of your tools over the years and honestly the awareness your channels bought to myself and others I know has been invaluable. A multitude of thank you's Richard 🙏🙏🙏
It would be funny to know how many average men these women rejected before omly going for narcissistic men. We all know how ludicrously picky modern women are these days. the amount of loneliness the average guy out there has to suffer, while the narcissists get it all for themselves.
RG… I discovered you in 2015 and you showed me the way. You introduced me to a language to what I dealing with. You helped so many people. I came to a seminar with you and Vaknin. I listened, I learned. I purchased The Discipline and began my reprogramming. I put in the reps and became a black belt. I did many of your programs. My life has changed. I am at peace and so happy. I don’t visit the site as much. Now I give myself occasional “booster shots” by doing your exercises you taught. I love your energy so I follow your other channel. I don’t visit the NPD site anymore as I feel that forward is the best direction. As a community we all grew together. We watched you grow as well. It’s been an incredible journey. It absolutely warms my heart that you are also going forward and leaving this behind. It is definitely time in my humble opinion. Much love and gratitude to you. ❤️
what is the othr channel and how get on it?
This is a great comment, very felt.
@@marianl3447 I enjoy him and Pierre XO on their UA-cam channel Tentacle Croissant. It’s not about healing from narcissistic abuse. More if a sharing of philosophies about life in general.
@@RowenXDawn Thank you Amy. I remember Richard saying “I only wish I kissed my old self goodbye” after doing one of his own programs about healing the inner critic. I didn’t think to kiss my old self goodbye, but that’s okay. I learned to love my old self as well as my new self. I hold her safely in my heart.
You have shined so much light into the darkness, Richard! You are absolutely brilliant, one of a kind. Find the healing you need and know that WE WILL MISS YOU in this darkness that is closing in. Thank you for your time and attention 🙂🙏 Awaiting you back on some other platform! 🇨🇿🇺🇸
Sorry but you misunderstood, the website spartanlifecoach is going to close, not these UA-cam channels.
Something clicked in my head when I said out loud, ' no one's opinion of me matters cause they ain't paying my bills.'
Mine is: The only opinion that matters is the opinion I have of myself.
Exactly! 😘
Well, the opinions of people matter because it’s self reflection, but it should matter only from ones you care about and care about you so it can be authentic and constructive. Or if you deal with someone as a means of making a living whether it’s an employer or a client. Not from people who have no meaning or influence in your life.
Much gratitude tp you Richard. You were a sanity life line after the horrific relationship that almost literally killed me then the big C , happened after that . Its hard to believe such people exist and as a mere mortal with emotions that were so repressed of fear and spiritual beliefs i took on created such painful experiences. Ill keep working on me thanks to you 🙏🏽🇦🇺❤️ thankyou. And god bless you .
How did it almost literally kill you tho? I don't understand how someone walking out the door would literally kill you. It's sad and depressing, yes. I was with one for 13 years.
@@daviedood2503 maybe you are ruled by your head and not your heart. When ones heart/emotions are affected yes it can literally kill you, I'm a retired nurse and heard many a story via patients in cardiac unit.
@@raewynurwin4256 this is usually in the elderly who lost their long term spouse. Cortisol is spiking in the bloodstream, and isn't being burned off via exercise or mobility due to depression. That chemical is eating at the heart walls which are already thin due to old age. The body can't replace the cells fast enough due to age as well, thus it begins eating through the 1 of the 4 chambers of the heart. Once this happens, 2 chambers became 1 and it LEAKS into the other. Oxygenated blood is mixing with blood that's not oxygenated. This can cause cardiac arrest fairly quickly. Know as broken heart syndrome.
Other than that very rare case. How else does someone leaving LITERALLY kill you though? Once the door opens, they walk out and close it, how do u drop dead unless you just stop taking care of your hygiene, stop cleaning your room, and starve yourself?
Other than those possibly happening, how would it LITERALLY kill you. YOURE actively choosing not to eat. That person isn't there any more, so you can't keep blaming THEM. This is learned helplessness where you're doing it to yourself at this point.
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This could be my favourite seminar of the recent batch. Great audience, superb content and Richard on top form.
Many thanks
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For 6 years still angry at the narcissist after watching lots of people's channels I was still angry and stuck and couldn't move on. I just started watching Richard and learn so much that he answered my questions and things I didn't understand. Thank you for helping me with these videos 🙏
Wow 😯 so greatly explained! I just got out of a relationship with a narcissist.. and working on overcoming co-dependency. This video was very helpful! Thank you 🙏🏻
I am so excited to find this video! It’s 2 years old as I am watching it now, but it’s perfect timing. I’ve been hearing that word, ’authentic’, in my heart lately. Really great teaching. Thank you.
Thank you so much for your generosity of putting such a valuable seminar on the internet. God bless you!🙏😊
Thank you for sharing your insight, experience and wisdom. Listening to your lectures and words has been very healing and affirming. This has helped me to reclaim my own approval and stop the victim trauma based approval people pleasing behavior. Onto work and self defense...physical combat training.
Thank you Richie, I love all your work and courses. They helped me a lot. You are the only one who speaks the truth that we Codep.also have our agenda and we also manipulate to get narcisstic supply. Most of the other narcisstic abuse recovery channels don't talk about that. This kept me stuck for a long time and I felt more guilty and ashamed and in denial. For me Codependency is a strategy to survive. I have internalized my mothers emotions to survive. I could not be me because I feared to be abandonned and fear of dying. Now ,that I dig deeper, I am aware that even " my healing process" protects me for being my authentic self. Because the longer it takes, the longer I am save because being myself is danger (subconscious inner child). So weird. I still have so much pain and terrible emotions and I realized that they are not mine but from my mother and my ex narchusband . Because the days when I feel my bounderies energetically, these emotions are not there. Sorry for my bad English but perhaps it can help for some of you. I wish you all the best and I think that we are not the weak victims. I think this role also saved us and it is dangerous for the inner child to let that go. Forza amici;) we say in Italy
You are a great teacher Richard. I know you're doing some different stuff right now but I hope you don't stop teaching, it's a real gift you have
What an amazing, honest, painful and clarifying lecture. Thank you for freely sharing this information. How have so many psychologists not grasped this? Why do so many subsribe to the "Get over it" method? If we could get over it, there would be no psychologists!
You've saved so many souls. Thank you. You're an angel and always will be to me.
I've been following Richard for years! His introspective insight and clarity continues to strengthen. Thank you Richard Grannon♥️
I’ve was in AA for 25 years and it was all about service service and more service and thinking of others to get out of ourselves. I started to go to alanon re my mums drinking, then opened up to seeing all my shame etc and ended up in ACA which allowed me to safely look at all this codependency, echo stuff. Thanks Richard for pulling it all together and being so authentically beautifully yourself! 💖✨
I can't express what your content has meant to me on my journey this last few years. God bless you Richard, wonderful and engaging as always
Richard - you have reached the core of things... Indeed you have❤
Richard, with regard to physical illness as a result of narcissistic exposure you have hit the bull's eye: I've had or should I say had CFS for a number of years, which is basically in a nutshell lack of energy, extreme fatigue and pain all over the body. I do believe, however, that the path of healing from psychological abuse you have pointed out aimed at reaching a specific peaceful state of mind, also leads to healing the body. We are indeed body- mind creatures! Thank you for the magnificent lecture!
Yes I too have effects from experience.. Total head to toe skin issue suffering for 2:yrs without support. Researching on my own. I look forward to healing and moving a way from this heaviness.
Hey! Hey! Richard mentions someone's observation that co-dependents are ALLERGIC to their own SELVES! Connect that to having weird physical issues... Has anybody done a count/ analysis of "Almost-Echoes" - ie 'almost' because somehow they're still alive - urm...
So. "Almost-Echoes" + AUTOIMMUNE DISEASES!!! OMG! I have THREE now: inflammatory ankylosing spondylitus; hashimotos; and narcolepsy!!
Richard! you dance we and you into discovering new moves/steps, that evolve into a synchronicity of fluidity - we create,other sequences of flow/ understanding!
Ive been eye-ear balling(?) You, since just before Covert 84 began...You have an indomitable Spirit! You've been unravelling the cloak of invisibility/servility with exponentially increasing focus and eloquence...You ROCK! - the boat...and a mean rivetting dance sequence! Ngiyabonga!!
On the topic of healing the body in general, but especially healing the body of psychological trauma, have you heard of Dr. Joe Dispenza? Look him up perhaps.
And yes, Richard, this is why your work is so vitally important at this place in time!! The Narcissistic Abuse on a Global Scale is truly Mind Altering and damaging us beyond our imaginations. How now, shall we live? Is the question. Turning off Mainstream Media and Living a Self Reliant Life is my answer. I will Survive and teach others to do so, as well. Thank you MUCH LOVE and Respect to you and your mission.
Dear Richard. I truly wish you all the very best moving forward into your future. Your insight and wisdom gleaned from you own experience with both adult & childhood narcissistic/ toxic abuse has helped me in so many many ways, ways that I can not even begin to explain here.....but please know that I am all the better for it.
Thank you Richard for all your hard work and the change that you have brought to so many people's lives, mine included.
I have C.P.T.S.D, was brought up by a mother with personality disorder and I was attracted to and engaging in relationships with abusive/narcissistic/psychopath. I didn't realise any of this fully until I came into drug/alcohol/relationship recovery.
You have helped me through some really dark times with your videos, I have personally found it hard to talk about and share this stuff especially as alot of people seem to think this is all just in films or flippantly throw the term narcissist/psychopath around.
You have also been keeping me sane with some of your other videos, in these strange times.......
I wish you all the best for what ever the future brings you Richard and thank you agaln.
I wanted to say THANK YOU for being here For Us and for these several years Helping Us to gain the information We needed and still need to take control of our Lives and begin the traveling to the Who We are truly meant to be and perhaps have felt all along (it's insightful to see now how much I have traveled... Amen that's just so true oh...)
I have been listening to you for awhile now and only now learned that you are Polish. It is so wonderful to hear another Polish soul making this world a better place.🥰
Your words hit me hard. I've been so exhausted.
Advantages Of Remaining Codependent:
I'm morally blameless
I don't have to accept responsibility for my actions or results
I can claim ignorance of my actions or results
Society rewards victim status
I can get sympathy
Addictions are more easily forgiven, because reasons
No need to do the hard work of gaining genuine admiration
No need to achieve anything
Failure is a given
I like it a lot:"Failure is a given" No disappointment here. It helped me to be aware of it. ☮
Don't forget to vote Democrat 🤓
Oof. Spot on.
Thank you so much for all your hard work. I genuinely appreciate it. I am forever changed for the better.
This video is one of the most revealing informative videos i have ever watched (and I have seen many!) re co-depedency and its roots. Richard describes in a very meaningful and understandable way what is going on in the mind of a co-dependent. This was absolutely amazing.
Hello Richard. I started watching your videos in 2017 and the amount of wisdom and truth you've released has been an epic revelation to who I am and set me on the journey to finding more of me. The collabs with Prof Sam Vaknin have blown my mind and I understand myself and my toxic role in ALL the relationships in my life as a codependent (not pretty at all) but started me on a path of healing that I know will take a while still but the process is in motion and I can never go back. Im so utterly grateful for your honesty as brutal as it has been at times because thats what I needed. Thank you very much for showing up for us. I wish you intense healing and that you are released into the next phase of your life with balance, calm and loads of energy for whatever may come.
Oh....and I'm so excited to read your books, thats going to be a treat.
Thank You Mr. Richard Gannon I appreciate You and The Works for Others that also includes Me. Oh dear I say that part now all the time...it made sense completely once I lived in a world where taking care of self was my only option as I was depleted to put it politely hehee ...yes over and over again yourself must be taken care of first otherwise you're passed out unable to care for anyone but with a breath of fresh air you will be able to help another...I want to say sorry for typing such long maybe not proper or what not, but letting it all go rising above my negative mind message and just putting it on here...if for nobody else then for my knowledge of self as a record for myself
Thank you, so much Richard. I'm a counsellor. And not only have you helped me. I now am able to help others.
Now is tIme for you to be kind to yourself Richard. Take care Kay
What A Wonderful Resource We Had In Richard.Miles Above Any Therapy I Was in
Richard, I thank you for your service over the years. Your videos were the kickstart for a major turning point in my recovery journey, and I've followed along as you developed this into a career and seen your ups and downs. I truly believe getting involved with Sam Vaknin was damaging to you and re-traumatized you more than you may have looked at. I believe you have been struggling with your own recovery since then. I've been waiting for you to realize you needed to step away from the work you share with all of us and focus on yourself again. I hope you get what you need out of this move, as sad as I am to see it happen.
I wish you a wonderful burst of evolution in your own self now you're not thinking of helping others to such a huge degree, and I hope one day you feel that you can come back to this work without the codependent aspect. I know whatever you do, wherever you end up, you will be a success and enrich the lives of everyone you touch.
Thank you again, and much love from this internet stranger.
Thank you Richard, I have benefited from your knowledge sharing and wish you success in your healing journey.
On bloody point. 3 months ago I was diagnosed with both fibromyalgia and CPTSD. I've known something was physically wrong all my life but was told to stop listening to myself so much, so only came across fibromyalgia in 2018 when my state declined to the point where I could not sit up in bed in the morning without crying from pain and needed help to dress up, and had been waiting for a diagnosis since then because it was all in my head. (I have helped myself tremendously since, and done so without pills).
The CPTSD part was not much of a surprise either, but I have then realised why I got so sick, both mentally and physically, at the start of my last relationship. Even just before getting together, I felt incredibly lost, personality wise, and said that I felt like a prisoner of my own body, that I couldn't take the actions I wanted, and needed to excavate myself from within. He was the trigger to a piece of insight that I wasn't ready for, and for the first time I felt what was missing inside me. I realised at that time that I had been subconsciously waiting all my life for someone to fill up the space, and that this someone needed to be myself.
But I wasn't allowed these time and space, even though I did try to take them after telling him all this. He had seen the fragile state of my boundaries and just barged in - he had heard the faint sound of an echo of himself and thought it was an invitation to love himself through me. From self-doubt, and because of the prospect of love resulting from it, of course, I gave in completely.
Within the first month I got so sick and exhausted that I could barely eat anymore, and piled up medical appointments.
A year of relationship and an period of suicidal ideations later, I have discovered through hours upon hours of Sam Vaknin's explanation of his model that I most likely have what they insist on calling BPD, and that I have been dealing with the umpteenth narcissist of my life.
Funnily enough, the first time he hugged me I felt his incredibly strong energy, and I described it to him as being both radiating incommensurable love and asking for it in equal measure, at the same time as rejecting any love that was given to it and claiming that it didn't need or even want anyone around, because of how much it was afraid.
Oh, the things one learns in time...
I have just now started to tackle this CPTSD, will begin intensive psychotherapy in a few weeks/months, and will do everything in my power to overcome this echo-codependency.
This body needs a person, and thanks to both you Richard and Sam, now that I understand, my locus of control is completely internal, and the pain is finally subsiding for good.
It sounds really dark but I feel great when I feel great.
Your comment reminds me toxic love community (Twinflame )
I also have cfs for 28 years I know how you feel but now unravelling and feeling the trauma This is finally healing me and setting me free. Great blessings are sent to you too on your healing journey
This video sounds like me 3 years ago. I broke the mold that was once my mask. Over the last year I learned meditation. I have been doing so much research on narcissism and learning how I was the supply. After breaking free I was now my abuser, now I can spot it from a mile away. I now catch it in myself and have been learning how to rewire my own thinking. Meditation helps so much with self soothing and parenting myself, I am now able to ground myself through triggers and just in general.
I work for a very narcissistic company and now understand why it is so addicting. Over the last year I have sorted out the fact that this does give me the supply I require and that if I have to be here to make my money I will use this as my food, but I do not want that behavior in my home life. Meltdowns happen, I am the secure part of this operation. Because I have been on both sides and know how to use manipulation to get the results I want it works usually in my favor to " help" the entitled and to shut down the abuse. Learning how to navigate in a world like this is a skill. However I have also picked up a new trait and that is how to shut down the malignant. It is a reminder of those past abusers growing up.
Since my new rewiring I see and can point out who's who and what levels they are at. I now have a bad taste in my mouth. The job I have been doing is no longer serving my new self. I am ready to leave this toxic environment and figuring out a financial plan. Because I am armed with so much knowledge and the tools to embrace, accept, navigate and rewire it is hard to date since most people are insecure and drive their life using insecurities as their fuel. I can see it. Often times I can pick it up in my silence. I am comfortable and secure in what would be an awkward silence... yes mastering awkward silence allows the mask to fall. They have to say something or have noises so divulging information is where they go without realizing it. I am definitely a life chess player when I'm not worried about trying to get a point across. I no longer am thirsty to be heard.
I have also been researching body language, personality profiling and even clothing recognition. In doing so I had already determined I did not want a second date by the clothes the man wore. His choice of clothes gave me a huge bell 🔔 so I let it unfold and boom huge look at me, look at me attention sucker. I was right, nevermind the stories and character he chose to share in a mere 3 hours. Before I may have over rationalized his behavior, now these things are deal breakers and powerful indicators of what life could be like with this person.
I journal now also like when I was a kid. Oh my God to be able to get it out of my head and on to paper is rewiring, working through my shit is powerful, sad and safe. I have been able to experience a trigger, journal about it in the moment and work through it recognizing physical, mental, emotional patterns and getting to the core of it. That was amazing and hardly ever happens. I now understand why in that particular moment I felt that way, and identify that a trigger is your mind picking up on a pattern you have seen before. Journaling gives me the power to connect the dots unapologetically. Everything is a fact and facing my feelings. I have abandoned, questioned, and rationalized, oh let's not forget suppressed my feelings for so long. In doing this I have stopped that legacy. I now accept that I am feeling, process, name and get to the root of what got me there. It is incredible. Allowing myself to feel is both hard and scary in the beginning. I did alot of crying at first now I process and situate more than cry and when I do cry it is for a much shorter time.
Understanding that I am a 3 year old self, wired through my childhood upbringing, and learning to parent myself is mind blowing. Especially since I pride myself in being a damn good parent. Knowing I was being an awful parent to myself pissed me off. Embracing the ability to love myself as much as I love my daughter was new. I am no longer beating up on myself about anything. That took time. I give myself room for error with learning curves.
To those going through or thinking about going through the rewiring. You are worth it! You are capable of becoming your best self.
Please check out
Dr. Ramani ( narcissist dr.)
Meditation guides
You are enough! Much ❤ and strength to you all!
Gee you are prolific 😂
I also follow Dr Ramani 🙂👍♥️
Well said. Thank you!
Ive been searching for months … answers of why i feel so hurt … and this video here just made me realize a lot .. 🙏🏽 finally i can see it from another angle and it just makes a lot of sense .. i am codependent .. i always argued but yess i am… I will find myself back … tank you Richard .. really apreciate your work. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Aha! Codependents experience love horizontally; narcissists experience love vertically. Great revelation!
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Oh yes! I couldn't agree more that as a society we lack leadership. We are in great need of it, along with mentorship, apprenticeship, and healthy and meaningful rites of passage. The value of bequeathing and inheriting morals, knowledge, and wisdom from one generation to the next, has been forgotten or left out of the modern western experience. Protecting and preserving culture and tradition is a legacy we have largely been denied these last few generations. I do believe that the lack of leadership we observe is directly related, but what do you suppose is responsible for the decline?
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Suffering often leads to awakening/liberation.
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Ceremonial magic from Alester Crowley!? What the hell Grannon?
Another experience of mental floss with RG! I now want to absorb everything he has put out. This is the machete to my psychological thicket. Thank you for the leadership.
Even as an independent adventerous person (outdoorsy, ect) I can see where I was supply in that I sought validation and purpose and was too giving to get friends. The love bombing made me feel so special, and sense of inclusion in a group of people who all admired him so much it gave me this huge sense of purpose to support him and be ' the one' who could deal with his ways. I have been in detox over a year and its still hard. It is truly like a drug. The abuse undid my enjoyment of so many things. And all the so called friends werent there for me when I left. It was devastating and eye opening. Like my life was a fascade for a whole decade and everything I did and experienced null and void since I have noone left from that time still with me to even share the memories with. I guess thats another codependent trait. Its crazy.
Facade, yes! Contingent expectations/conditional love we set ourselves up for… so when we start “being” ourselves (normal/healthy) in this (toxic) environment it ends up looking like we are trying to be flexible in a rigid environment. Can’t spread your wings in a box that you and others have agreed is a good place for “you”.
The advantage to being slave like and co dependent is we want to be liked because we want to be accepted. Just like you stated at the beginning of this teaching; co dependents don’t accept themselves, due to the rejection from the past.
I am from Serbia and have a sense that you've culturally targeted this topic for Belgrade seminar. I have so many aha moments during this, and it resonates so much. Also this echo codependency reminds me of the book "The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment". Great book.
Thanks Richard
oh, the US is full....full of ''these people''. Mostly the female, after being 'puffed up' by media, school, & gov't ++ single mom's++ materialism [extreme]
Thank you! Thank you and THANK YOU!
Please have a break and come back to keep sharing your wisdom 🙏😇🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷😎
Richard what a nice , relaxed and clear introduction 🇱🇺🇱🇺🇱🇺 ☯️☯️☯️
Thank you,Richard, for the great session
I'm finally really understanding the mechanics of the Narcissistic Beast 🤔
😢 my ex-husband
Covert Narcissists
No contact
Dear RICHARD.. 21.12.21..
You could not choose a better time. Something new is rising. It was indeed an insane time.. To talk about insane thing.. But for the good.. The sanity of all your followers. Less did it as you do.
I am thankful for all you did and still does. Wish you the best on your journey. Take care and have many good moments.
🙏 🤗 🌺
Oh my gosh! Spot own. I thank you so much for transparency, story and revelation. Thank you for teaching us how to heal. The only thing worth having, which is love, is something that must be kept alive. I do believe we can be healed. Wow!
Thanks Richard - thanks for sharing all this free on yt - all best.
Look you f ing genius and great giver of wisdom!!!
Thank you. So much, thank you!
I’ve been aware of narcissism and codependency for the last three years, and I’m just really getting to the bottom or the top of all of this because of people like you.
I’ve been running in a self sabotaging circle in so many ways in my life. Slowly, but surely not anymore.
I’m blown away.
Oh yes, and quit vaping. I hear it in your lungs baby.
Thanks for all the awesome support via this channel💕
This really helped conceptualize the thoughts that have been going on in my mind. Thank you!
I love the toxic yin yang analogy! You are fucking amazing Richard! You are streetwise and real and
at the same time, intellectual and eloquent and thus it's very easy to relate to what you are saying. I wish you all the best in your future endeavours and looking forward to your book. Thank you for everything you have given us on UA-cam 💕☘️
Thanks for this, Richard! 🙏
Great lecture. Fasenatining and intregaing. Good luck and best wishes to you in your future. I appreciate you Richard👍🙌😃💥❤️
This is one of the best videos I have seen on codependency. No one is explaining this like Richard. I took notes. Some of the key takeaways:
You make yourself invisible. You can't serve the rest of your life, or you will die, never having lived. We are trained to believe when we serve, we are safe. I am only acceptable to myself when I'm a slave. They chop bits off you. We entomb ourselves. One of the audience members said that Richard and Nietzsche were helping her the most. :) Thank you Richard.
Great seminar as always Richard. Discovering and moving towards your own values is key
Richard to know you is to love you.
Thank you for the insight and always for the humor. To laugh at one's self is the greatest of life's treasures.
Thanking Jesus that he made me a true empathetic out of this family 🙏🏽🙌💯🙏🏽💯♌️💣💜💜💜
Being authentic needs courage and lots of self awareness and shadow work. Your authenticity will have a battle against all your traumas. So need to be strong enough at least stronger then your traumas.
Dear Richard, Sharon here. Thank you so much for all you've done and the time you have put in all this. It's truly amazing and your conference was awesome! I hope you'll be back at some point but I understand. Please know you will be in my thoughts and prayers and I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and regardless of all the insanity going on in our world right now, I do wish you the best New Year ever, after all happiness is an inside job and you seem like a pretty solid guy so God bless you. I feel as though you are a friend.
self inquiry meditation has helped me alot with trying to find out my authentic self
Whatever we are here for, for whatever particular reason, this is a beautifully put together presentation, from the opening and introduction to the end. Fantastic...