How Our Stories Influence Our Choices with Natalie Hoffman--Bare Marriage 228
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- Опубліковано 12 бер 2024
- Natalie Hoffman joins us today to talk about her INCREDIBLE memoir All the Scary Little Gods. Natalie escaped an abusive marriage, and now coaches other women in similar situations. In her memoir, she invites us to listen to the story from the point of view of Little Natalie, and using IFS (Internal Family Systems) to see it from all of her parts. And as we understand our stories, we make it so that we won't recreate the problems.
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LINKS WE MENTIONED:
Natalie Hoffman’s book All the Scary Little Gods
amzn.to/3IBQZJq
Natalie’s website Flying Free, and her Flying Free podcast
www.flyingfreenow.com/
The first podcast Natalie did with me-how Christian books made me stay in an abusive marriage
baremarriage.com/2022/09/podc...
Natalie joined us on our podcast about the book Lies Women Believe
baremarriage.com/2024/02/podc...
Richard Schwartz' book on IFS No Bad Parts
amzn.to/48P4r7i
Jenna Riemersma's book on IFS Altogether You
amzn.to/4ackptf
FUTURE EVENTS:
Belleville, ON: St. Thomas Anglican Church in Belleville, Ontario is throwing a party for us to celebrate The Great Sex Rescue and She Deserves Better! March 23, 2:30-4:30 pm. Q&A, crafts with toxic books, and more.
/ events
Natalie's story is soooo similar to mine. Wow. I'm reading her book currently~ and I've cried many times while reading. I have been told by my family countless times: "you're too sensitive", "you haven't let that go yet?" "You're reading way too much into this" "you're making something out of nothing"
On top of the phrase from my dad, "Stop crying or I'll GIVE you something to cry about!"
All these messages made me feel like I was broken, something was wrong with me, and that I was a "bad girl". 😢
I was prepped by our family model to marry a "Christian" abusive narcissist. My family never told me I should leave when I'd gather the courage to share some things, especially the sexual abuse. I was told by my mom, a church leader AND a pastor to: give him more sex, make sure dinner is on the table each night on time and PRAY MORE, READ SCRIPTURE. No one ever gave me an empathetic witness to what I was experiencing.😢
When I met my now husband, my family did NOT welcome him with open arms or kindness. I honestly think they saw a change in me because my husband was my FIRST empathetic witness and they were scared of it!! 😮
If anyone is thinking about reading this book, do it!!!!❤❤❤❤
I'm in trauma therapy now and we are using the IFS modality. It's hard but SO good!!!
Thank you Sheila and Natalie for this incredible discussion! And thank you for writing your books!!!❤
Wow! My experience was almost identical to yours! I was prepped by my family to marry a “ Christian” abusive narcissist too. I’m so sorry that your mom and church leader and pastor told you to just have more sex with your ex husband. Same here. I’m so glad that you are with a husband now that is empathetic with you.
I was also at Urbana 87! I was the one who walked out of the room when the woman (whose name I can’t remember) was speaking on women’s roles in missions… had just read Passion & Purity for the first time and swallowed that koolaid without even adding water… Sheila, we probably saw each other there!
I’m part of Flying Free with Natalie and I’m sooooo thankful for her!! ❤❤❤
Congratulations to your family on your new little one!
Yeppers as the 10th child i was in the way. Only after doing a Bible study on my own, about God knowing me and healing began 😅❤
Woop Woop!! I love these 2 ladies and IFS
This interview is full of so much wisdom and insight. I loved so much what Natalie was sharing about her journey growing up in an emotionally abusive and loving Christian home where only positive emotions were validated and how she has had to become aware of the different parts of her to heal. I think it really sets us up for more abusive relationships. When she and Shiela talked about fallout after she left her abusive marriage I could relate to that so much but was encouraged to hear that her kids are given the option now to make different choices for themselves. We are all messy and have different parts of us and it’s really healing to hear being affirmed.
So true! The toxic positivity that tries to cover abuse must be exposed and discarded. Abuse isn't love and it won't get better until the support of full recognition of all of our feelings. Pain is there to let us know something needs to be attended to and not covered up.
@@luckystoller6171 Well said!
I went to Urbana ‘91…so right behind you!
Keith and I went to that one too!
Thanks very much ladies. I resonate with many parts of this. Finally God said to me your helping is not helpful. Recovering helper/people pleaser 😮😅❤🙏
Great phrase!
Yet another powerful inspiration from brave women simply being honest and vulnerable and telling their own stories.💔❤🩹❤ We of the broken heart, the healing heart and the whole heart stand with you!
I can’t relate to this story at all And I’m super thankful for that:) And I grew up in an amazing amazing amazing. Godly home. And my first marriage ended In permanent divorce. And we didn’t have any children. And I absolutely appreciate the fact that God allows permanent divorce/no reconciliation ever!!! And I’m also super thankful to God always for giving me His Divine Peace/Loving Divine Comfort/absolute permanent closure:) And at the end of April 2024 I will be signing up for great online Christian dating sites :) And I’m super excited about it :)@Sheila Wray Gregoire
You sound like a real leader for a new generation of loving Christian women who can purge the faith of its patriarchal domination of women and children without "throwing the baby out with the bathwater".