12 Surprising Insights from the Marriage Intensive Survey | Natalie Hoffman, Flying Free Podcast

Will your marriage be fixed by an in-person, multi-day, overnight marriage intensive? Is it worth the money, time and effort? Are the claims of these marriage intensives true? 330 people tell us about their marriage intensive experience.
- 03:58 LISTEN TO THE INTRO FIRST
- 12:20 Surprise #12: Some attended because it was a wholesome marriage event, but MOST attended to fix a marriage problem.
- 15:45 Surprise #11: 7 in 10 survey respondents indicated they are now separated or divorced. Another 1 in 10 plan to separate or divorce. Natalie tells her story of going to a marriage intensive that she paid for and attended with her [now ex-] husband.
- 22:35 Surprise #10: Only 24 of the 330 survey participants indicated that they were “married and happy.” And only 4 of those said their marriage intensive was “life-changing” for them.
- 28:50 Surprise #9: Half of the respondents said they attended a marriage intensive that used manipulation tactics. The other half did not mention any type of manipulation. We discuss the 7 most frequently mentioned manipulation tactics. We discuss the 3 worst marriage intensives. #WeekendToRemember
- 36:30 Surprise #8: Roughly 7 in 10 of the people who said they felt “hopeful” on the last day of the program indicated they are divorced or separated now. Even though this survey was too small to definitively measure the effectiveness of each of the top major marriage intensives, we get a hint that many of the success claims may not be true. Further studies using representative samples and more respondents need to be conducted.
- 44:13 Surprise #7: Only 2% of people whose spouse was NOT respectful when deep intimate feelings of fear and insecurity were shared are “married and happy” now. This is why "couples counseling" where there is abuse is considered unethical and possibly even illegal, according to the Gottman Institute.
- 47:28 Surprise #6: About 9 in 10 respondents indicated they would NOT likely recommend the marriage intensive to others, even if they liked some of the training in basic communication skills and problem-solving techniques.
- 51:25 Surprise #5: Those attending the most expensive marriage intensives had higher divorce and/or separation rates than those who paid far less. Some intensives charge $3,000-$12,000 for top experts and licensed counselors, but they still did not fix the marriage.
- 54:05 Surprise #4: People have all kinds of motivations for attending. Some just want a weekend away without the kids or dog.
- 54:25 Surprise #3: Many people mentioned that the topic of abuse was never mentioned or described. And in some intensives, abuse perpetrated in the marriage was not allowed to be discussed. People mentioned feeling unseen, unheard, and their pain and injuries were ignored. The dangers of “vow renewal ceremonies.”
- 57:15 Surprise #2: If a spouse pretended to be respectful for a short time and then went back to their usual negative or indifferent attitudes, there was a very high correlation with divorce or separation.
- 58:30 Surprise #1: Only 4 of the “married and happy” survey respondents gave the credit to the marriage intensive for a major positive change in their marriage.
01:01:00 Who should attend a marriage intensive?
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ABOUT
Gretchen Baskerville is a Christian divorce recovery leader and researcher. Since 1998, she has worked in churches in the Los Angeles area. She helps heartbroken people find strength, courage, and healing. She is a graduate of Wheaton College with a degree in Bible and Christian Education.
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