A Victim Centered Approach to Forgiveness After Trauma
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- Опубліковано 20 бер 2024
- Forgiveness is so often weaponized against victims in the church. But what does the Bible really say about forgiveness, especially when trauma is involved? How can we value our own mental health but also follow Jesus? This is a fascinating and healing conversation with Susannah Griffith, author of Forgiveness After Trauma.
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LINKS MENTIONED:
Susannah Griffith’s book Forgiveness After Trauma
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Susannah Griffith's website:
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I also struggle with how the scriptures are interpreted towards suffering at the hands of a husband or spiritually abusive leader. This is not the Way of Christ for there is no bondage or fear in Him.
What a great interview! As we are still processing the spiritual abuse we experienced in our former mission organization and sending church, hearing this was so cathartic. Yes, our former leader and the whole church community were using forgiveness as a weapon. They were forcing a “reconciliation” with our abuser. So thank you again for giving a platform to Susannah Griffith
What’s funny is I always understood forgiveness to have different definitions according to the circumstance. For example: forgiveness can mean a literal debt-holder relinquishing a debt. “You don’t have to pay me back what you technically owe me.” But in this case, the borrower hasn’t actually harmed the creditor. They both engaged in a mutually consenting and informed contract.
Alternately, in the event that one person caused harm to the other, the victim could relinquish their right to *vengeance* (which was sanctioned in the Torah). There’s a difference between vengeance and justice. A victim may relinquish their right to personal vengeance while the perpetrator still faces societal justice.
And when I think of vengeance, I think of villain origin stories often boiling down to someone who was a victim becoming consumed with the the pursuit of their perception of equal harm to the perpetrator. Again, there’s a big difference between that and seeking justice, let alone establishing (or “restoring”) relationship with the person who caused harm. And heck, when it comes to abuse, what “relationship” is there to restore? That’s a question only the injured party has a right to answer.
Kudos ladies for your courage and compassion in addressing this topic👍🏽
God bless you both 🙏🏽
23:30 The whole language and analysis of power dynamics is something that large parts of the world and the church seem to systematically try to deny, and you're right that it is really important and a thread that runs through all of scripture.
29:41 I wonder if the focus you mention (on the offender) is the same when the offender is the less privileged one?
45:50 where there is no justice, there is no peace.
One thing you don't quite go into (among all the brilliant stuff here) is that sometimes the dynamic of power and demanding "forgiveness" actually in effect is colluding with the abuse. The horrific story about child protective services is an example of that, it ends up turning individual abuse (which is awful) into systematic abuse, which is if possible even worse.
@@tomdg13I don't know if this answers your question but for me, my former husband is less privileged in terms of money, property, education and prestige, as he was before we were married, but the privilege he exerted was a physical one and then a legal one. Now I also have more legal power since we are no longer married but he continues to use his physical and mental advantages against subsequent (and probably) future victims so I still have trouble coming to peace with him. Also, he continues to stalk me, prolonging my fear and pain, so though I've released him the fear I'm still living with and the precautions I must take to protect myself, my home, and those I love make it difficult to relegate him to the past completely. I pray for his healing because it will keep both myself and other people safer but that's as far as I can go. He is a truly evil person with a handsome, charming, manipulative persona (a mask) and I continue to be wary. That's the best I've done so far. I guess you might say he's spiritually less "privileged" but there was never any repentance and he continues to prey on vulnerable people so to release him with love and be completely free--not possible for me.
@@tomdg13 You are so right! "Cheap grace" is what I call the instant forgiveness some religious people are demanding of me and I feel doubly victimized by their demands to forgive the abuser I divorced when I barely escaped with my life while he escaped with my sense of safety and my money.
Thanks, I needed this.
This is such a beautiful approach to healing ❤
I just thought of an analogy:
Reunification is putting water on a cloth that is coated in a hydrophobic layer.
Reconciliation is water being absorbed by the cloth.
When we push a victim to "reconcile" (in reality we are pushing them to reunify) with their abuser, we are pushing water to touch the hydrophobic cloth, not realizing that absorption will not be possible no matter how hard the water tries.
True reconciliation requires the cloth to remove it's hydrophobic layer, which it might not ever do
Wow!! Just wow!! This is powerful. Thanks so much for this.
Forgiveness does not mean there are no consequences. Forgiveness is healing for yourself, but one of many consequences of the abusive relationship is the abuser losing the connection to their abused victim. The “relationship” is dead and no longer.
Thanks very much for sharing your story. Praying for all involved 😅
So..... I'm not actively trying not to forgive, but the hurt and betrayal was so deep that it's just difficult to shrug off the grief and feelings. I'm not sure how to move forward. I tried to fit into a church again, unsuccessfully.
Thank you, book is ordered. I'm looking forward to learning
I think you'll love it!
Does she deal with the passage that says “if you don’t forgive, your Heavenly Father will not forgive you”? Growing up that was basically taught as “you (the victim) will go to hell if you don’t forgive your abuser, rapist, etc”
I don't read it that way. When we pray for our debts to be forgiven "as we forgive our debtors", our suffering pain and damage at the hands of an unrepentant abuser or predator cannot be dismissed by a loving God. And it's still hard for me to accept that a loving God would have allowed such evil to happen in the first place. I struggle with this...
Victim-centered•••not God-centered🚩