The full story of my divorce
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- Опубліковано 22 тра 2022
- 26:09 - the summary
Hey, thank you for allowing me this safe space to feel comfortable sharing the details of my divorce. As mentioned, this is my side of the story - so please take it with a grain of salt. And, though this is the "just" of it, there are so many details I couldn't include in this video. I hope you know that my heart isn't to harp on it, but rather to use my story to help other girls in similar situations make wiser decisions than I did. I love you a whole bunch. NOW let's move on, shall we?!
---WHERE TO FOLLOW ME---
INSTAGRAM: / michel.c.janse
TIKTOK: / michel.c.janse
MY FOOD INSTAGRAM: / lafoodfiles
TWITTER: / michel_c_janse
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BLOG: www.micheljansesmith.com/
MAX THE DOGGO: / max.the.goodest.boy
----FAQ:----
~How tall am I? 5'7
~Where am I from? Boerne, TX
~Where do I live? I spent 2016-2021 in Pasadena CA but have now moved to Austin, TX
~What did I study? Nutrition and Dietetics from ASU!
~How old am I? 24 (born in '97)
~Are you Christian? YES!
~What's your full name? Christiane Michel Janse
~How do you pronounce that? Like... Christy-Anne Mick-Elle Jan-See
~Do you have pets? YES! A rescue pupper named Max :-)
~Favorite Store? Everlane + Madewell
~Favorite Drink? Oat Milk Matcha or Lemonade Kombucha
~Favorite Friends? YOU
FTC: This video is NOT Sponsored. Some links may be affiliate links meaning I make commissions on sales with no extra expense to you. (thanks for supporting me by using my links!) All opinions are my own.
I’m so impressed that you took the first sign of violence so seriously. That is especially difficult for women raised in faith beliefs. There’s nothing in single life as lonely as a bad marriage. You’ll have a wonderful future.
Like my dad said to me all the time “once domestic violence starts… it will only stop when you are dead” (me being females and weaker by nature) First sign of violence…. RUN!
It's the same trauma for ALL women, not just woman of a particular faith...really?
@@luciagonzalez4899 You misunderstood what she wrote. She was refering to the ability to take signs of physical violence serious right away, not about the trauma itself.
@@luciagonzalez4899 I believe what Alison is intending to say here is that people coming from a faith perspective often have pressure to stay in an abusive relationship due to the stigma within their faith community and the challenges it poses to beliefs held about marriage and divorce. It isn't meant to suggest that those who do not come from a faith perspective find it easy to leave abusive situations.
@@lcm433 you have an amazing dad !
Michel- it’s not your fault. Please stop blaming yourself. There’s no excuse for cheating on your marriage or showing violence. He should have ended the relationship properly before moving on. Your marriage was over as soon as he cheated on you and did not even have the consideration to come clean and tell you to your face. You deserve all the love and respect. I’m glad you are learning to vocalize what you want. Love yourself first and the rest will follow. ❤️
All of This!!
Absolutely!
Couldn’t agree more, well said.
The marriage was over before he cheated and I think she knew it too but couldn’t bring herself to accept it.
As a married man, I have to say, you absolutely did the right thing. People nowadays all too often throw away their marriage for frivolous and selfish reasons, however this is not one of them. Nobody deserves to be emotionally alienated, used, lied to, cheated on and physically intimidated. You seem like a genuinely nice lady and I wish you the best.
Are we really at the place where we need someone to say "you sound like a nice lady". And no one should be alienated and disliked as if it refers people as being better then emotional roller coasters maybe water slides
@@scriptorium-in-candelight The problem with people that are emotional rollercoasters is that they often make (emotional) decisions that often shoot themselves in the foot and they don't even realize how they are the source of their own problems all the while blaming the world for it. It's not a question of being better, it's that an emotionally stable provides more reliable insight than someone who doesn't even have the emotional maturity to realize where they are at fault (typically emotional rollercoaster-type people are like this, hence why they are like that in the first place). Not a question of superiority. They're just not reliable sources.
It's been a year since this video was uploaded. I just watched it. In case you haven't realized yet let me say that:
When he didn't care for you while you were sick, he made the call.
When he wasn't with you when you got COVID, he made the call
When he chose his friends and going out with that girl, he made the call
When he engaged more with another girl than his wife, he made the call
When he threw that hammer at you, he made the call
When he said "I don't see the point" during therapy, he made the call.
You have nothing to feel shame for. You stood up for yourself and that's the bravest thing you could have done, especially at your age, and especially when being religious and believing in marriage.
Sheeeeesh! Must have been a really handsome guy to not care about about a pretty girl like that. The world is how it is and here we are.
This is the best comment ❤
I agree
Right ON!!!
Michel, I to, have to applaud you for being a young Christian woman, and you took your marriage vows, most sincerely and sacred life. However, congratulations for being wise enough at your young age to make the move to get out. I related to your story, I married at 19, a young Christian woman, and was determined to not give up on my marriage, but my ex-husband did every single thing you mentioned, and I still would not let go. I’m not only hurt myself by doing what I thought was “right” but I eventually hurt the three children I had because I’ve never had a father that was “present” in their lives. I finally divorced after 26 years of marriage and even then was manipulated by him and tried to help him. I’m now 69 years old and I look back on my life and I wish I would’ve had the courage to do what you did. I’m so proud of you, God has a wonderful plan in store for you and Jordy- of course, you know that! I wish you the very very best in life. ❤
Infidelity and feeling physically unsafe in any situation is no excuse. The truth of the matter is that you are a kind human being who deserves the world and someone who treats you like it.
Good you left a man that not respect you.. .and also agressive....this kind of men better stay far away from them😳
7
If he cheated on you with her. He will eventually cheat on her with someone else.. it is a cycle .. You are stronger than you were over a year ago.. you have so much to look forward to . Thanks for sharing your story
100%.
So true.
Preach!! Or could be vice versa. The girl MAY** have known about Michel, but decide to move forward with cheating too so who knows? But I'm just very happy Michel is out of it and moving on to greener pastures!
This is a nice thing to tell hurting people but this isn't always true actually.
Him getting a hotel while you had Covid isn't okay. Him leaving you afterwards isn't okay. I know this was a year ago, but you deserved so much more! Wanting care and nurturing and RESPECT is not asking too much.
As someone who has survived a narcissistically abusive relationship, I am so, so proud of you. Well done, well done, well done girl - for sharing your story, for finding the words, for learning the vocab, for giving yourself grace and compassion and soft love, for walking away, for holding compassion for his trauma, for still holding him accountable for his behaviour (that doesn't nullify your compassion), for being brave, for choosing you, for prioritising your wellness, for staying strong, for letting the tears flow, for being authentic, for choosing to trust. I am so proud of you. May you always find the new-found words to express your needs and boundaries and advocate for yourself going forward. Sending the biggest, warmest, hug from the UK. There is no shame in your story, there is no fear in love. God bless you. You go girl. God's got him, and God's got you.
❤ um.. do you mind telling me how you realized you were in a narcissistic relationship? 🥺
A narcissist never Owens up to there doing . So no he wasn’t narcissistic. Did he emotionally detached ? Yes he’s guilty of that
Her husband was not a narcissist. Never would a narcissist say "yeah, I respect you and think you should be able to share your side of the story." Rather, it sounds like the husband has CPTSD and simply worked with the tools he was given.
The fact that a men who narcissistically abusive relationship means he gives a shit about you. Similar with families.
@@saharvaronaa narcissist is extremely selfish and will always do whatever is best for him without considering your opinion or feelings. And you will always feel guilty of everything
He took the cowardly route. He strung you along until he made you miserable enough to to leave. No one deserves that. Hope you’re doing okay
And most stay in those relationships especially when children are concerned.
Went through this in my long distance relationship, thank God for discern spirit.
Agree
And you heard sad story from women and belive her even amber heard keep doing it lol
@@shakirghazali2890 judging by your name you live in the middle east and are ok with femicide your opinion is absolutely misogynistic. You will receive your karma...
I can tell you from experience, it is so wonderful to be free from a bad marriage. I was verbally and emotionally abused for 26 years. Here I am 7 years later and 6 years into a relationship with a wonderful, caring and loving man. Enjoy your freedom and then someone will come along who is going to treat you right.
Oh! I just realized you have lupus (I think that’s what you said). My mom had lupus and went into remission two years in and stayed in remission for the last 30 years of her life.
I'm going through a divorce and find it healing and comforting to hear others stories. I'm so sorry about what you went through. I'm glad you got out and can heal.
Praying for you girl. I’m so sorry for your divorce. 🙏🏻❤️
Me too
I start thinking about divorce, and we have baby. Its so hard though.but he push me for it. I want my daughter and him continue communicate cos its their rights. But i know that its will be so hard for me.and i cant imagine how all this can be hard for my baby. I dont want see her in pain. But accept all what is going now i also cant.
@@coriemmett1363 She will benefit from the divorce so nothing healing about it. Men will be fked
Too Vanilla. Too long- suffering. Too much talking and not enough walking out of the front door. Sooner. You'll have to toughen up. Check on yourself; are you attracted to "bad boys". ? Be careful. Don't just give your trust away. They must earn it! There are awful people out there. Women like the one you are describing are bad news but they are highly seductive. Much more than a "good girl" . Take care.
This man lost an incredible woman. You are strong, compassionate, and loyal. Until the very end you gave all you could. As hard as it was, I know it was a major blessing that you got out when you did. You have your whole life ahead of you still. A life a safety and security that he would have never provided. You should be proud of yourself!
@@LouieTzepher watch some of their former videos. He looks totally unenthusiastic like he’s completely miserable to be interacting in the video with her. Even as a outsider looking in you can tell somethings not right. There are definitely 2 sides to a story but why would she lie about this stuff and why would he be okay giving his blessing on her releasing this info if it were untrue? He also has socials and can defend himself if he felt the need.
@@LouieTzepher he gave her permission to put this video out…. So he’s validated what happened.
@@Desert_Dreamin024 Exactly what I would have said! Thank you!
@@Desert_Dreamin024 so if he wasn't happy he didn't really lose anything.
No oh my goodness. Pride is bad even if you do good things you should be humbled. But if you do bad things like an unsuccessful marriage. I'm not saying every thing she did was wrong. But can you do worse than being proud of yourself for making big life mistakes. Consider yourself more responsible than him. Become a better person by learning from your mistakes and taking responsibility. NO GIRL YOU DIDN'T MAKE MISTAKES HE LOST A GREAT WMAN U STRNG BE PROUD DON'T STRIVE TO MAKE BETTER CHOICES!
The hardest part of this for me is how unjust it all feels. I found myself getting angry on your behalf and wanting to correct you for calling yourself out… but I also want to give you the respect you asked for. Dishonesty is one of the worst human traits. It is ugly, hurtful, and just plain wrong. It also makes no sense to me why someone would agree to get married when they’re going turn around and spit on their vows. If this is too much, I’m sorry. I appreciate you sharing your story with virtual strangers, and I truly wish you all the very best. You are a well spoken, beautiful person deserving of love and happiness. I hope that is what lies ahead ❤️❤️
I also felt angry on her behalf. I got angry that she trusted him and did not question his horrendous actions. But then I thought, is it bad to be whole-heartedly trusting toward your partner? I don't think so, it's unfortunate that he chose to abuse that trait of hers though.
This, so much. The unfairness of him napalming our relationship and then leaving me to sort out the mess still smarts all these years later. The feelings of not being enough really hurt. He was of a similar personality and behaved accordingly, never took responsibility and kept saying 'i didn't mean to' like that was a sufficient reason for a grown man in his 30s. He swanned off to his new life whilst I struggled to make sense of my new reality. It's hard, but a better life can be built x
Seeing this person and this story for the 1st time, 1 year after its posting. And fully share the feelings you had when you watched it. I am livid in her behalf. E b en knowing that at this point, she's probably moved much further past this than she had when this was shared. It's amazing how we connect as women over space and time.
He took advantage of your sweet and kind nature. Keep being you because you’re just amazing ❤️❤️
Him even just throwing the hammer in your direction is abuse. Good for you for getting out! ❤
Abuse? More like attempted murder
Agreed, this classifies as an aggressive intimidation tactic. From what I’ve learned reading Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft, it only gets worse.
You are not at fault for:
- Choosing a partner who threatened your physical safety.
- "Allowing" his infidelity.
- Avoiding discussing his abuse (because infidelity and threatening your physical safety is abuse 100%).
None of these are your fault. I know you're trying so hard to be fair and accept your own part, but you don't have to accept fault for his parts.
Agree
THIS 100% !!
Wewwww
Well said and I completely agree
Agreed.
The fact that you continued to check ON HIM and make sure he was doing ok?! He didn’t deserve you. Someone is going to thank god to have a person like you come in their lives one day, you’re an innately good person. Can’t wait to see what’s in store for you!
And he still went and did that shit. Just fucking disgusting
This was me/exes in every relationship until I met my fiancé.
Long term serious relationships with men who refuse to discuss thier feelings, refuse to work on themselves, emotionally or physically abusive, and infidelity.
Breaking that cycle is huge. I'm glad you left. Happy to see you are engaged and happier now.
how did you break the cycle?
@@freenor7953usually it has to do with being open to different people than the ones you are attracted to, because a lot of times that attraction is trauma based, is like our unconscious thinks “oh, look here is a Shiite person that will wrong me in similar ways as I wronged in my childhood in my adult life, maybe I can change them and rewrite the past”. But that never happens. Better go with a good person. And yes, good people can hurt each as well, we are all human, but is different.
Why do so many women choose the jerk? ...one of the great mysteries of the universe LOL.
The fact that you went through all of this , and you still protect and stick up for your ex it shows how amazing you are and how genuine of a person is. Your so much stronger then you think ❤
Please do not blame yourself for someone else’s actions . Just because u didn’t confront the situation doesn’t mean you are responsible for someone else’s actions ❤️
This!!!! It doesn’t matter if she would’ve asked the hard questions or not. He cheated - point blank period. Nothing she did could’ve changed that, it just would’ve moved the divorce along faster.
You're not a failure for being afraid of tough conversations- that's so natural and so many of us do that. It takes strength to rebuild like you have & as someone that's watched your videos as you go through this transition I'm blown away by how much happier and yourself you seem now. Proud of you!
Ditto ✔️
Yes!!!
Absolutely!
Very true!
Strong and independand women lol have problem divorce simple
Story starts @ Jump to 6:00 if you don't need disclaimers and/or trigger warnings
Thanks
I wasted 3 minutes
This whole video is me. It’s like my story from someone else’s mouth, and I’m so thankful you made this video.
I pray better for you both ❤
@@EpicFandomVogue No ...
Also, you mention in your intro that if sharing your story helps just one girl it's worth it- I was struck with the thought that you are that girl that it's helping & you're worth the healing that comes with being open!
Wow! That’s such a great thing to point out! I’m gonna take your words for my own life as well. Thank you for sharing!
What a powerful and beautiful way of looking at the situation! I would have never thought of it that way. Just, wow. 💜
I wasn't married, but my nearly 5 year relationship ended in September and hearing you tell your story made me feel like you were telling mine... your feelings of not being enough and realizing your partner was "too busy" but could make time for everyone else felt like you stole the words from my brain. Thank you for telling your story.
It's my story as well, my relationship also ended last September. He cited being emotionally unavailable after a 2.5 year relationship of making me feel inadequate. I hope you've healed and wish you the best!
This was also like listening to my story being told by someone else. My 2 year relationship ended as well in September by someone so controlling and I never knew how bad till I was out. I remember one evening sitting on the couch next to him and asking if I make him happy, I wasn't yelling, it was a question I thought I would hear a sweet answer. Instead he threw his baseball cap across the coffee table and shook his arms while yelling and screaming at me. He was a pretty big guy so I was afraid. He told me to get out, I started getting all my things and as I got to the door he says, "if you leave, don't ever come back" so stupid me stayed. It finally ended a few months later. It still hurts but I'm learning and healing. I hope everyone finds their true happiness!!!
As a previous divorcee myself, once a partner has decided to be out of the relationship, it is almost impossible to salvage the relationship. His changing opinions are possibly excuses for the demise of your marriage, but maybe he was also hoping for you to end things after failed attempts at couples therapy. In any case, I am happy for you to be in the place you are now. Hopefully, you are on the road to healing and a brighter future either alone or sharing it with another who truly loves you.
My partner has Crohn’s disease. If, and when, he has a severe flair, I wouldn’t tell him he needs to go be with his family. I’ll be right by his side. I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. I’m glad you’re doing better these days ❤
I understand that he was was angry but it’s so sad how one can throw a hammer in the direction of someone they once loved. I’m glad u got away from the situation. I hope u find nothing but peace and happiness in your future ❤️❤️
The other girl was Ari Tata on Twitter. I'm grossed out by her actions as well. She even knew he was married. I'm grossed out. I'm happy she chose to leave the Chaos.
@@carla82287 how do you know who it is?
@@carla82287 it’s a shame how a woman can know a man is married and still choose to have a relationship with him. If he cheated on his wife with you then don’t u think he can do the same with you??? She will get her karma
One person cannot make a marriage successful on their own. It takes two working together. Your prince charming is out there waiting. God bless you!! Listening to your story brought me to tears. You sound so similar to me in my first marriage
I dealt with a lot of manipulation and gaslighting in my marriage.....my husband discarded me after he had stonewalled me for months.... the confusion is real, the hurt and pain is real and it runs deep.
When you are a newlywed, we may have a tendency to not say things we see because of fear. Relationships are not as easily broken as we may think. After 18 years of marriage, I can say that finding my voice is the reason we are still together.
Cool
It sounds like you had a different experience and a relationship that occurred during a different generational time
Some are easily broken. Those are the ones that need to be broken early on before you waste too much time. It's best to speak up early on so you can find out what kind of person you are married to. It's hard to accept that you may be in a marriage that was doomed from the start. Just because you marry someone from church doesn't mean they have the same values. There are people who come to church strictly to find prey. Good people don't see them coming because they don't think that way.
I really think when your ex becomes more mature, he’s going to I realize that you’re the “one who got away.” Your inner strength is so apparent in this video. Wishing you so much peace and happiness going forward. 🙏🏻
Oh yeah 100%. It might take him many years to heal and get healthy tho to see it. Some men can't face themselves and never heal but I hope for his sake he will.
This is unhealthy thinking. This man was bad for her and it doesn't matter what he thinks now or in the future.
This isn’t helpful when abuse is a factor. I
@@tracymeserve5627 Most relationships end for some sort of incredibly unhealthy, immature reason on at least one party’s part… I rarely see anyone who ends a relationship amicably anymore, simply due to difference of life goals that they are both accepting of. From my perspective as a victim of this myself… It was not unhealthy to he able to acknowledge this since it was not my fault and he would most likely realize later. So who’s right and who’s wrong here? You’re right and we aren’t? NOPE!
I'm so scared watching this video realizing I have so many parallels in my marriage. Words cannot tell you how much I appreciate this video and how much bravery is giving me right now.
Wishing you strength and the best of luck ❤️❤️
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻Praying for strength for you.
Don’t worry, life is much better when you do whatever you have to do to take care of yourself. You’re worth it, and doing the brave thing is worth it ❤️ I got myself out of a couple relationships that were bad. The last guy told me he didn’t love me after telling me he loved me for about 5/6 months. I broke up with him, got back together with him & broke up with him again. The whole thing was about 2 years in total. But I’m finally happy & have no regrets :’) I still miss him though, since he has a lot of good traits despite how he could only love me by half.
I fully commend you, Michel, for being so transparent in your experience. Gaslighting is almost impossible to explain! Even as a therapist, many need to hear this.❤
Our 7 my month marriage was easily broken. We had a major issue and he met someone immediately or perhaps before . I'll never know. His values didn't line up with mine. Everything was about his personal pleasure.
My ex husband ( this was his 2nd marriage) had a restraining order placed against him by his 1st wife. I found it online after our divorce ( he was verbally abusive, physically restraining to me). In my mind I STILL tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. Not normal!!
I am one girl that you have helped (are helping)! There are so many parts of your story that I understand and resonate with, and your conviction and commitment to standing up for yourself is empowering me to do the same and also just confirms the kind of situation I was in. Thank you for sharing and continuing to share, you have helped me more than you know!
You are enough! Him cheating on you is on him, not you. He went outside of the marriage, because HE has insecurities NOT you! I am so happy you are out of this!!!! I can’t wait to hear your dating stories ♥️. You truly deserve the best!
No she wasn't, otherwise he would have not been looking for someone else, truth hurts
I wonder how can you guys be sure about this aspect? There are plenty of people in the world for whom would never be enough or whose 'enough' merely doesn't last long enough.
@nomasporfavor you're really out here with zero proof or claims from the guy himself
@@thomasjust2663 Wow you're a cruel person. You're really trying to find a way to justify cheating. Do you not realize that instead of cheating, the guy could of broken up with her and moved on if they felt unfulfilled?
@@thomasjust2663 another idiot bot with nothing else to do but troll.
Oh honey, you have to let go of that guilt. Infidelity is never your fault, rather you felt it or not. Yes, the best thing to do is always talk to our spouse. But it's honestly not your fault. You are so incredibly brave to do this. I'm sending you love and hope for the future!!
I’m
Don't you know that Satan is the author of shame & self reproach. You need to learn to see your God's beloved daughter.
This is as if I was telling my story. You’re not alone ❤ getting a divorce is the best thing that ever happened to me.
I can relate all too well to being gaslit to the point that you start gaslighting yourself, especially when you want to be precise and avoid prematurely blaming others and take full responsibility for your actions. You come across as so articulate and self-aware that I have faith you'll find your way through whatever comes your way. ♥️
You are so brave for this Michel. May this chapter be officially closed
Please don’t beat yourself up for not asking the hard questions. He wouldn’t have been honest anyway. You protected yourself from another level of deceit by not asking. I can’t see that you did anything wrong or made any mistakes in the way you dealt with things. You just picked a bad guy and we’ve all done that! You are a truly amazing person with such a pure heart and wonderful soul. You didn’t deserve this. But if it’s helped you to realise your own power then it was worth it.
You're such a strong person, Michel 🧡 I wish I could hug you right now. I am glad to see that you're doing so much better and you are building an amazing life 🙌🏼
Survivor. Non strong. Why? She could not call out the cheating-the most important. But she can learn.
"like i don't know what to do here and so i finally had to tell him i am going to start listening to what you're actually saying which is not yes you're not saying yes you're not saying no but you're not saying yes and if you need me to be the one to call out the fact that that's not a yes" , thanks for this, brings a lot clarity
Rewatching old videos because I’m missing “Michel Mondays” this week ❤ but I just wanted to say I’m so glad you’re with someone now who seems to put in so much effort with you ❤ planning trips to see you long-distance, taking care of you after your nose job ❤ you deserve the best
If the time felt right for you to share your story now, then it means you’re ready to truly move on to your next chapter 💯
I think these days people don’t discuss what led to the divorce and it’s unhelpful. There are reasons why people get divorced and discussing it might help others not make those mistakes.
Thank you for sharing your story. I was in a similar situation a few years ago with my partner of 10 years and when we separated, it absolutely devastated me. Shook me to my core. I think it does help one another when we talk about these traumas and see that we arent the only ones going through it. Thank you for being so brave and sharing. Time does heal
You are amazing, wise and strong. I’m 30 years into my marriage and I still don’t have to ability to have those conversations.
I will never forget my two year old niece randomly telling me, at Walmart, how daddy hit mommy over and over again while motioning pounding fists and how she told daddy no and to stop hurting mommy. I don’t think she remembers it, but I always will. I will always respect my sister for leaving. Thank you for sharing your story! It isn’t talked about enough.
That's terrible. Glad she left alrdy 💖
What an awful situation for everyone involved including yourself. I hope your niece and sister never go through violence ever again. ***hugs***💐
How awful..💔
Shell likely have ptsd, I did and it affected my whole life for 30 years until someone finally recognized ptsd which allowed me to learn about it and find healthy coping skills. You dont forget something that traumatic and it scars kids, so please get her therapy early if possible
MICHEL this is such a vulnerable story and I cannot even imagine trying to tell a story like this with so many people! I'm not going through this and I pray I never have to but I have spent months praying for your heart and for your healing and I am so so happy to see you healing and the Lord answering that prayer. Thank you so much for sharing! Much love to you and the future!
I just finished going through divorce and its been so hard after being cheated on. Thank you for making this video. Divorce is very lonely.
Currently going through a divorce. I still pray for him daily, that his heart would soften. Very similar things happened in my marriage and I learned that I allowed him to blame me for so many wrong things.. for boundaries being crossed with other women. For reacting when I went through dark times mentally and bad physical health issues but having no support. I still tend to take the blame for the whole marriage. I don’t want to be a victim either. It’s so hard
That’s so sad for such a young girl went through all of that. I’m sorry about your situation I hope and pray the lord God should touch his heart. So sad
@@arnoldwalker627 thank you so much!
Girl you shouldn't be ashamed that those things happened, you should be PROUD of how you handled it. You loved the person he was before all of those things happened and you fought to get that back. You sought help to figure out your own internal struggles and took valuable lessons with you. Most importantly you loved yourself enough to leave and you've continued to heal since then.
“The reason for your divorce isn’t the reason for your divorce but it is” I am watching this As I drive away from my 12 year relationship. And this sentence really hits me hard. My situation is so so so similar to yours. Thank you for posting this today to know I’m not the only one going through this. Day one.
Hugs to you MacKenzie!
Sending you love and strength dear Mackenzie choosing what is best for you is hard but important and so very brave 💖 you're going to be okay. We're here for you.
Mackenzie, you deserve to be happy as well! Hugs!
Thank you all ♥️♥️
Sending prayers ❤️
I’ve been sexually assaulted a few times in my life. Every time, it doesn’t matter how old I was, I think I could have done something better or different. That’s how we are wired. You can’t let yourself think that way. You did the best you could in the moment and you shouldn’t be ashamed of it.
Wow, "a few times," what are the odds?
It takes courage to be this honest and vulnerable. Thank you for showing me what inner strength looks like.
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Yeah right.
@@familyvideosmakingmemories3590 yeah right...zero tolerance for violence.
@@rknrlgrl6146 same.❤️
Thank you for saying that from the perspective of someone that has been in a marriage for a long time. You are 💯 right.
I’m a DV advocate and if abuse if present even just once you need to leave. You can try to work things out with therapy and help but something needs to be addressed or it will build and blow up.
@@nfbconnect I truly believe if someone crosses that line once it will happen again.
Thank you for your work in being an advocate for victims of DV.
Girl, you made the RIGHT decision to get out of that situation. It's hard to be brave, but you are. You can now live your best life.
You were definitely subject to both emotional abuse and gaslighting during your marriage. I’m trying to get out of an emotionally abusive marriage myself and being able to hear your story and know you made the right decision to get out is giving me courage.
A million times thank you x
I'm rooting for you!
What women today call abusive relationship mostly means that her husband is setting boundaries like not going to party/vacation with the girls, not running around like a sl*t etc. If you call that abusive then you will die alone.
Now obviously I dont know you and you COULD be the exception in todays day and age and thats something I cant judge right now. Iam speaking in general ...
@@crusher1980I’d really recommend going online to somewhere like women’s aid or victim support and educating yourself further so you can be supportive and validating to those around you experiencing abuse. Abuse isn’t confined to Hetero marriage, male towards female either. It happens in family relationships as well as females abusing males within the context of romantic relationships.
”What you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight, and what you have whispered in the ear in the inner rooms will be proclaimed from the roofs.“
We need to start talking about what is happening behind closed doors. We need to start protecting the vulnerable and rescuing those being abused.
@@energymaven7537I’ve been 11 months living separately from my abusive ex husband now, we still co parent, and I’m still under financial abuse which I can’t afford to get out of (same as I can’t afford a divorce)
But it’s been a huge change for the better and your support means the world 😊
@@crusher1980ew that’s such a disgusting take
It's so sad to see such genuine people going through so much! :(
As someone who went through a similar thing as a young married lady and got divorced as a result, I 100% validate all of your feelings. To feel like a failure, embarrassed that you couldn’t ask the hard questions, scared for your safety, it is so so so brave of you to share this story. But know that yes, you can take responsibility for your part in it, but you also weren’t given the opportunity to feel comfortable enough to ask hard questions because you felt physically unsafe. I praise God that you are able to be a shining light on the other side of this to show other girls that it is possible to have a happier life. Now that I have remarried a wonderful man, I often just thank God that in my own story that things ended the way that they did because I was able to grow and overcome at a young age and find someone better to share the rest of my life with. I pray over your life, and that you will find a better life partner who gives you all the things you didn’t even know you wanted/needed and who brings you closer to God.
Respectfully - that guy is such a coward and I'm so glad you left. You fought tooth and nail and you deserve someone who gives as much as you do.
I am watching this a year after you posted it and i just wanted to say i am going through a similar situation and this helped me so much. I also married young and this was the video i really needed!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’ve been divorced for almost a year and I still have hard days, like today. I thank God that He led me to this video to bring encouragement to me today.
It’s his loss. And woe to that girl who is putting herself in a compromising situation with a married man. When you win a cheater you lose.
with an immature, abusive, cowardly, self centered and unfaithful man
Crazy how this truth came to light.
As someone who works with domestic violence victims, thank you for being open and honest while also not diminishing the fear you had for your physical safety at one point in the relationship. This is a fear no one should have within their relationships and bringing it to light can help other people so I am very grateful. Domestic violence whether physical or verbal is not okay. Please reach out for help if you need it. ❤
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I appreciate your vulnerability and your willingness to help others. I'm so glad you added that clarifying moment to tge video, bc during the stream of consciousness part, everytime you said, "but it's fine," it was like a knife with my heart for you. 😢 NOTHING that happened to you was "fine". And hopefully you fully see that now. ❤
Hey beautiful girl, you explained everything eloquently. I could picture the whole thing in my head. And thank God you're out of it, even though im sure there'd be things you miss. But girl oh girl, you deserve so much more than you can possibly imagine
This video made me cry because I can relate so much. The anger, the lack of wanting to communicate. The lack of intimacy, physical and emotional. All of it. Unfortunately my partner and I have a child together which makes it so much more complicated, but watching your journey gives me hope that maybe one day I can start a healthier and happier new chapter too ❤️
Itll happen. Ive been a stable relationship now for over 9 years. And we have a child together on top of the 3 i had with my ex. My oldest is graduating in 8 days and im semi nervous as my ex an i will be in the same building.
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
YOU WERE AND ARE ENOUGH. you’re such an amazing person. god has people in our life for a reason, and a timeline with them for a reason too.
My dad was unfaithful to my mom throughout their marriage. My mom is Christian and decided to continue the relationship, and your story sounds so similar to hers. She was pregnant though with my older sister, and he wouldn’t come home some nights. And over 10 years after that my dad was still cheating. I grew up seeing my dad check out women in front of my family without shame. Even flirting.
My mom doesn’t trust my dad, and at times I was scared of my dad. My sister and I both agree they should have divorced, my mom talks about leaving one day, but I don’t think she ever will. It’s been over 30 years now.
I say all this, because I’m glad you’re not in her shoes. You are strong. I’m proud of you. I want you to be happy, and you deserve to be treated well bare minimum, you deserve a lot more than even that.
I'm so sorry you and your family went through that and that your mom is still going through it. It must be really upsetting. **hugs and support**💐
@@outoftheklosset thank you ♥️
Had a father who was similar. His mistresses would call the home phone, leave text messages. I was and I’m still disgusted with him. My mom took so much nonsense from him I pray she has the strength to walk away one day
you are so brave to share this. my heart breaks for you and I can relate so much many of us suffer through these experiences in silence. many of us stay in our marriages to long because that's what we are supposed to do. try harder, make it work. sometimes the hardest but most loving thing you can do for yourself is to walk away
Really proud of you for sharing your story. I do believe that others will benefit from your sharing-thank you. So brave, so honest, so genuine. Thank you.
i just want to say one thing about the hammer thing: up until that physical confrontation, you didn’t know he would be a threat until he threw a hammer at you. had you known he would eventually throw a hammer at you, you wouldn’t have entered the relationship or stayed in it. you’re stuck in a cycle of gas lighting yourself. his behavior is inexcusable. absolutely nothing you did caused his behavior & tbh there’s never a good reason to throw a hammer at someone
To be fair, I doubt he thought he was capable. Remember, two sides to the story. She’s honoring him despite his obvious failure.
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My son very recently left an abusive partner. He has a psych degree and didn’t even realize what was happening until he was away from his partner for a few weeks. When he was telling me some of the details, I pointed out the abuse and he was defending the other person. It took going back and having a physical altercation for him to realize it was actual abuse. It can happen to anyone.
There’s no guarantee that confrontation with your at the time would have done anything but make things worse. You deserve your closure and the opportunity to move forward and a better chance of happiness.
no idea how i landed in this territory, this story is so...educational, a must-watch for all couples, and i m pausing for awhile, I wanna give it the time it deserves.
I’ve been through 2 divorces. My takeaways from the experiences are the following:
- There are no guarantees
- One cannot control what someone else does.
- It’s a miracle that any marriages last and remain happy.
- Great communication and mutual attraction and mutual respect are vital in a loving and lasting marriage.
I’ve remarried for a third time and so far in 10 years my wife and I have been happy together. I never forget that tomorrow is not guaranteed for any of us so living one day at a time and appreciating each day together is a blessing.
I felt extremely pressured into my first marriage and this created a lot of resentment inside of me that surfaced a few years later.
I have so much respect for you. You’re coming out of this heartbreak stronger and better than ever.
I've never seen your videos before, probably because I'm so old. As a mom, and grandmother, I'm extraordinarily impressed by how you handled this incredibly difficult situation, and turned it into a learning experience for not only yourself but others. Thank you for sharing this in such a courageous and caring way. I experienced something like this much later in life, and could never express it like you. You are a gift!
That's exactly what I thought 😂😂😂about myself too.
I have 2 nieces and 3 daughters. I am always finding new ways to teach them about relationships and marriage. I found this video to be one of the best lessons.
Wow, this sounds like what I went through. So scary to know that so many people go through this. But oddly comforting to know I'm not the only one.
Thank you for being so open, vulnerable and honourable. You're very brave. I and am sure many others will find this so insightful. I hope you find true love.
something I learned from a very shitty relationship early in my life is that no one is going to look out for you better than you. thanks for sharing talking so openly helps people and tbh I hope one day to get there too.
Amen!
@@suebotchie4167 Yes, but we need men who can look out for us as good as we do too. Healthy masculine men enjoy their role of provider/protector.
SURVIVED 37 years with a guy who cheated constantly from day one. everyone protected HIM. I raised 3 children to the very best of my ability and they are doing well, it would have been bad for them and since my mom died at age 9, I could not leave them with a hard upbringing because of my choices.
Indeed! Though I realised that, it's still difficult to learn how to do it.
@@user-fe9gm2sc8lwhat does that mean? And why are you trying to convert anyone to your religion? This is entirely disrespectful on this video.
Denial can sometimes be such a comfortable purgatory, and you can’t leave until you’re ready. So don’t have any shame or regret in your brain not processing something you weren’t ready for yet. 💕
I love that first sentence! It is so true!
Quote worthy!
Thank you. Just thank you. I’m going through this now. The waves of emotions are overwhelming. Thank you for sharing your experience as difficult as I know that was for you. You are beautiful and deserve only wonderful things. Thank you again. You give me hope 🖤
I really appreciate you sharing your story in such an open format. I'm sure it was very hard. I was blind to my ex-wife's affairs, and it wasn't until the end that I learned about them. While there was no physical violence, it was not emotionally safe for me, and I normalized the abuse for many years. It wasn't until the divorce was over and I moved on that I could see how bad it really was. My ex suffered from a lot of anxiety that worsened over the marriage, and it wasn't until the last year of marriage that she started to address it, albeit with medication. I certainly own my contributions, and I feel awful for my children.
Obviously didn't watch the video yet since you just posted it, but THANK YOU for your vulnerability and for trusting us all with this part of your story. 💜💜
So proud of you. Putting yourself out there is a scary thing. Sending you love. Now the healing can really begin.
Thank you for being so open and sharing this. You are amazing
I stumbled across your videos very randomly (Everlane clothing lol). You seem like such a kind and genuine person in the few videos I have watched, also drop-dead gorgeous. I'm sorry you had to go through that emotional abuse. Sending love from Texas!
You are not the one who made mistakes and destroyed your marriage, so do not take on the guilt for this. It is 100% on Brooks. He acted like a spoiled little boy who wanted what he wanted - not a man. You are so much better away from him. God has someone planned for you - someone who loves you and is trustworthy.
Respectfully…both sides are always responsible for behaviors and outcomes in a marriage…some partners more than others…but always, there are two sides, and if there is an irresponsible childish aggressor, there is the partner who may not have dealt with that in the most responsible way. ALWAYS
Michel, I don’t know if you know this but your video and honesty are going to help give someone the courage to speak up. Your testimony is going to help someone heal and it’s going to be the biggest blessing to them. Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your life with us. We love you!
Thank you for your courage to speak out. I feel your pain and I hope you will heal completely from this trauma. you deserve so much better!
This sharing is so important for all women to start noticing signs early, and to follow their gut. Thank you!
I feel like your decision to confront your ex's "not yes answers" and essentially ending the marriage via text was very smart in protecting yourself physically. It wasn't a failure, shameful, or anything negative whatsoever. You needed to protect yourself from him and you did so & I hope one day you can see & know that and be proud of yourself. And btw with regards to big feelings and relationship trials... there are no perfect ways to handle them. Unless you're not sharing things that you did (which is perfectly fine) I don't really see how any of your reactions were a fault. Sending you support right now and hope that you never know that fear of being physically hurt again. ***hugs and support***💐
You got out of an unhappy marriage at a young age and you have your whole life ahead of you to find someone to love you as you need. Break ups get you closer to the person you're supposed to be with and this heart break has made you a stronger person for your next relationship. Most important thing in life is to have self love and everything else will fall into place...love yourself first!
O h
Completely agree.
So heartbreaking when relationships fracture. Big love on your recovery journey.
One thing about feeling guilt for giving up on your marriage, this is not the case. He gave up on your marriage the moment he cheated, it doesn’t matter who said the words. You fought and you should never feel guilt for choosing you. Sending love, light and prayers to you ✨
This, absolutely. Marriage vows are a contract to be honored, and when broken at the moment of infidelity cease to exist. It was time to move on a year and a half before you figured it out. Kudos for you for trying, but he was already in violation of your vows.
Yeah but this is what evil does- changes a person making them believe their Life IS rubbish when they have EVERYTHING in front of them.
Cheating is not the end of a marraige---however after wating most of this video maraige ended when HE cheated. He was using her for supply-
Other things to consider:::
if partner is violent - red flag. Evil behind it.
Spiritual warfare
Spells
Black magic
Sex addiction
Temptation
PEACE love light to you
Oh my gosh. Michel, look at you. You've come out of this so much stronger. The way how you talk about with such consideration and reflection is truly remarkable. I'm so happy I stumbled across your channel a while ago and having watched you grow into the woman you are today. I hope you feel loved and happy and confident in who you're becoming ❤️❤️❤️
1 I am so incredibly sorry you had to go through that. 2. you are not a failure in anyway, and your vulnerability is a strength 3. thank you so very very much for sharing your story
I just want to thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for sharing this. I am going through something very very similar your story and I am in a pretty bad place. So listening to your story really enlightened me although I am very sorry you has to go through this.
I pray you're in a better place now, today. I pray you find clarity & courage to make the decision you MUST make without regret or doubt. I send you prayers of support & comfort wrapped in Love!
You have a big heart! Thank you for sharing. This is the beginning of something new and looking forward and by achieving your goals will put you with someone who will bring you up and be that solid partner you so deserve. Working on yourself is the perfect start. Again thank you for sharing something so personal.
I don’t think you should ever feel embarrassed for his actions. We can never predict how our partner will react in a situation. Someone May seem non violent but if put in a situation they may flip a switch. Thank you for sharing. I hope you find true love and are happy.