Want to know HOW THE STORY ENDS? 🎬 Join our waitlist and be the first to know when the full length feature film comes out: tatjana-anders.com/your-reality-film/ If you're struggling to break free from a narcissist, here is a guided daily meditation to help regain your self-belief: ua-cam.com/video/_AzQzMtusEA/v-deo.html 💪 Wow! over 6 million views! 😍 Thank you so much for supporting our film and sharing it with your friends ❤🙏 For everyone who’s been asking me about the Official “Your Reality” Soundtrack Song - the artist asked me to share this link with you: distrokid.com/hyperfollow/echowantshervoiceback/your-reality-original-motion-picture-soundtrack-feat-blu-mo-special-version On another note - here's a video that I hope some of you might find helpful: ua-cam.com/video/JIylmyN4sAc/v-deo.html It's about how to learn to love ourselves ❤, because when we are in an abusive relationship (no matter if it's romantic, family, or platonic) the narcissist often convinces us that we're worthless and no one will ever love us. And if we end up falling into their trap, it takes considerable effort and a few useful techniques to change our mindset. Also, we are currently working on a FEATURE FILM version of Your Reality. If you want to stay up to date with our progress, feel free to sign up to my newsletter here: tatjana-anders.com/your-reality-film/ Also, please like, subscribe and share with anyone who needs to see this film ❤ Here are some useful resources if you feel like the film hit a nerve: www.refuge.org.uk/ - domestic abuse charity lovefraud.com/ - great resources and a forum to get advice from people in similar situation blog.melanietoniaevans.com/ - incredibly insightful blog posts on narcissists and gaslighting "When love is a lie" by Zari Ballard (such a powerful book) * Completely unrelated: if you are a tea lover like me, check out my company www.teapro.co.uk - a loose leaf tea subscription, which takes you on tea discovery journey around the world. 😇 🍵💚
Matthew, not always entirely true. Though, yes, and true for both sexes. Because these kinds of people are master manipulators. Thankfully a lot of people are waking up to their tactics and less people are falling for it. So less of these kinds of men are getting the girl etc. These kinds of people cause tremendous harm.
Red flag number one is the confusion. A good relationship doesn't include confusion. Someone who cares about you won't ever play games with your head and heart like that.
i wish i had someone t talk to about this, i am almost 1million % my man is a very bad very bad narcissist, ive never known someoe could be able 2 control me in the ways tht he does, ive been and still am {no matter what he tells me} a very very independant young women and ive always did everything and i mean absoultly EVERYTHING on my own, never once had to depend on anyone and im a lil spitfire i dont know why i am so scared to deal with this, its so controlling :( can some1 help
Kerrin Lebrasseur so sorry you’re dealing with this. You should find someone like your friend or family to talk to about it in secret. You’ll need help from those who actually love you to be able to leave him, narcissists can be dangerous :( getting away sooner is better than later. You realizing who he is and needing to leave is the first and most important step. I really hope you can get out of this and be happy as yourself ❤️
The way he is talking like he’s reading a script, is actually how it is in real life. After many years you begin to understand that they are putting on an act.
Seasoned divorce lawyer here. Avoid marrying a narcissist at all costs! Vet very carefully before you marry one! The divorce will be brutal, especially if you discard them and cause a narcissistic injury! Stay safe out there!
It's been x5 years trying to finalise my divorce, it's going to court at last on Monday. I am still petrified about the outcome. Good luck everyone else going through this! 💕
Care to elaborate? I've got an abusive wife who puts me down. Just last week the cops had to attend to our home because she lost it at me and started screaming and shouting. Smashing plates all over the apartment! Huge mess. Neighbours were scared and called the cops.
Dr. Ramani said the minute you feel like you have to start recording and saving messages like you're building a case....you're in trouble! And that is so true!!!
Exactly. I ended up putting the voice recorder app on every page on my phone so I could easily access it if needed. When the sh1t POS walked out, and tried to gaslight that as well, i had to make sure any communication was in writing
A narcissist will never admit that they made a mistake. It is always you who is wrong. He pretends to get hurt when you finally stand up for yourself. He is nice to everybody including your friends. He will even make you look bad to your friends. So much manipulation. I thought I was crazy and shallow.
Mine always accuses me of stuff that doesn't even make sense. And that I making the mistakes. And I sit back and think to myself Does she actually believe all this crap???? And omg if I had a nickel for every time she's told me I need to get a reality check I could probably buy a new car. I think the main difference is, I know what she's doing so I just leave when she's doing it and go back when she's not being a complete monster. Lol idk not the greatest way to live but also not the worst.
I love how in the beginning of the film, author included how her own mother calls her selfish. It all starts in the childhood with narcissistic parents
The fact that my gut just immediately reacted when he mentioned that she's late on the first date, made me a little happy to have developed a good intuition by now.
@@Xyznnnnnnnn38 Probably. You always “catch” things once you know about them. It’s like, would you have known about that spider on your ceiling if I didn’t tell you?
I know, right?!? I’m like, oh man red flag! Maybe we need more of these as PSA. How to spot gaslighters. The problem is some are not so obvious. You have to collect data and then over time notice a pattern. But I’m so glad I am better at spotting gaslighting than I was before.
The most painful is how they are so charismatic and sweet to everyone in the world, and at home it's like a completely different person and when you try to speak up about everything, you hesitate so much because deep down you just KNOW nobody would believe you - because they would never allow others to see who he truly is at home
nobody needs to believe you tho, ok maybe your close ones who you really trust but defo not strangers. i had a narc grandma and the only person that believed me was my best friend and no one else would but i couldnt care less so since i turned 16 i stopped saying personal things to strangers or complaining as why would you i only said some things to my best friend but still never complain
True,people still ask me 10 tears after my divorce why i left such a great guy,no mention of the fact I'm still alone but the great guy had my replacment in weeks after 36 years,just shows you how people never look at the bigger picture,they just see the smiling charmer in front off them.
Did anyone else realize that we didn’t know her name or at least he never said it until almost 12 minutes in, but she, along with her friend, said his name at least 15 or more times since the start? That was done extremely well. It’s such a subtle thing, but perfect.
@@wendyvalencia7682 I don’t know anything about your relationship but if this film is reminding you of you and your husbands relationship, I think you should maybe ask yourself a few questions. Again I don’t know your relationship but I wish you the best 😙
I was married to the ultimate gaslighter. I didn't know what I was experiencing as I was young. It was pure HELL. In the end, we were in marriage counceling and we spoke uninterrupted, him first, about our marriage life. The most SATISFYING moment was when I pointed out some of the things he said and he starts gaslighting right there infront of the councilors!! The female councilor said sternly, "You DID say those things. We all heard you." I was so grateful that finally, someone, validated my anguish.... and we divorced shortly there after with no tears shed from me.
Ugh. This must have been very relieving, I literally got goosebumps reading it. I wish someone witnessed what I had been going through as well because people around me always make it out to be like I wasn’t tolerant enough or like I was quick to anger. No one understands the effects of long term gaslighting and manipulation.
More power to you, my father gaslighted my mother more than 30 years. Now, she has separated her way after a lot of struggle, and still, she has many problems that need to be rectified. I can feel you. God bless you.
The part where he even called her friend and was basically trying to establish himself as the "kind and caring" boyfriend despite being the manipulative one...that part really made me choke up.
My ex boyfriend did that to me. Send my gf an email. Making me look like I was out of control. She answered him back. “ Have you talk to her about it ? I have nothing to say to you . Either you tell her about your email or I will “. He was trying to get me to loose my friends . I should have walked then. It took me 3 years .
My ex now dead husband did the same to me when I filed for divorce. He called my best friend and asked her about my temper. She did not fall for it. Her husband told her that she needed to call me. She did.
WOMEN? I’m a man and I think my girlfriend is gaslighting me too: “I didn’t say that” is her favorite phrase, even though I know she did. A lot of MEN have to deal with narcissistic behavior from their partners. (Example : Will Smith from Jada.) .
Why is that bad? He helped buy those coffes and did not say a thing, and when the woman told him that the coffes helped then he answered. I think thats what everyone would have said in this situation.
He’s draining her energy and sucking the life out of her. I love how Mark calls her friend as if he’s concerned about her. See how he does that? Makes himself look like a great guy to everyone in society. Meanwhile, her life begins to fall apart, but not by her own will..he’s put up a facade that has everyone believing she has issues and his life is under control. He has completely robbed her of her potential. She starts failing at work and starts drinking more. This is a psychologically dark place to be. This is right where he wants her in order for him to maintain control.
THIS! This was what my ex-husband did to a tee! Call or talk to people about how I was having "issues." He was very charismatic and we'll spoken in public settings. This vid is too creepy real.😔
The worst part about that scene is not so much how he is viewed by people around her, but how isolated she became. First, her friend thinks she is the problem. But even worse, the woman knows she can’t trust her friend anymore because she might run back to the boyfriend if she says the wrong thing. Her network for help just dwindles down and leaves her without safe people to help get out of the abuse and she ends up feeling more alone and distrustful of her safe people.
The saddest part in one of these situations is sometimes the gaslighter doesn’t even realize what is going on. Hell I’m still questioning my own sanity after my last relationship. Everyone, her and her friends kept telling me I was a crazy gaslighting pos. I actually started to think I was. I’m still not sure what happened. I can’t tell up from down anymore.
The problem is it’s sometimes easier to see narcissism from the outside, when you’re not the one in the so-called relationship. You make excuses for them and blame yourself.
@@tanit7741 I don’t know, maybe. I had a great childhood though, both my parents were very caring. Their relationship with each other wasn’t great though, but they never split up.
Exactly. And the worst thing is that even if they abuse you just can’t leave. It’s like a trauma bond. Right after I was raped he came into my life. And now he’s abusive but I can’t leave and I’m trying to.
It's really telling that I recognized EVERYTHING he was doing: 1) Silent Treatment 2) Pre-planned smear campaign 3) Projection 4) Moving too fast 5) Waiting for a milestone in their relationship(moving in, marriage, pregnancy) to show his true colors. 6) Ignoring her boundaries 7) Negging 8) Devaluing 9) Gaslighting EDIT: take a screenshot of how she looked in the beginning and then at the end. I always tell people in relationships to examine themselves in the mirror: if you look worse than you did before you met them then you’re not being treated properly! Edit: Thank you for the likes, I’m sorry that you all going through this and I’m glad you’re recognizing the signs. I’m proud of all of you! 💕💕
there's also the point where she is confiding in him about losing her projects and instead of empathizing he starts gloating about himself and his success. I don't know what this is called but its very frustrating when people do this. (overshadowing? trying to make her feel less than?)
@@alliewalsh1 I think it’s similar to gaslighting but could be stonewalling or dismissive and redirecting the attention to himself since people like this always have to be the center of attention
@@ServantStatusMinistries yeah I definitely think it’s about redirecting and centering the attention on themselves now that you mention it. It can go the other way too like I know someone who does this even with pain. I used to dislocate my shoulder often and would be in excruciating pain but somehow she had it worse by having a headache?? Just weird belittling shit to make you feel insignificant and make themselves feel powerful I guess.
@@alliewalsh1 I would say what he's doing about dismissing her problem is a character of narcissist probably (cmiiw). And yeah I saw people do that very often liek when you're telling your own problem and they would just go "ah it's not that bad as my problem" then they will start talking about them That's why I don't talk about my problems to people, because neither they won't understand nor they would ever want to listen 🤦🏻♀️ And I know it's not a good thing to just let your feelings bottled up, but I guess for me it's better than try to get sympathy for people who don't even willing to in the First place
@@Yuqideqiko I was thinking this reminded me of the covert style of narcissism. And no it really isn’t good to keep things bottled up! Maybe I can recommend speaking with a therapist as they can be very helpful and are payed to respond to you without talking about themselves. It’s quite relieving. If you can’t afford therapy it’s really important to surround yourself with people who listen as much as they talk
My junkie, narcissistic, BPD, sociopathic (not diagnosis-just options) tried to tell me I’m schizophrenic or, rather, a very nuanced/niche diagnosis, schizotypal. He said he reads a lot so that’s how he knows and was able to guess. I call BS. Never seen him read in my life and the jail/prison libraries have a pretty limited selection. Not on your best day, loser.
I hit rock bottom and was crying because of his treatment one night and his response was “Wow. You need help”. I’ve never gotten over that….the person you love and trust the most can take your vulnerability and hurt and make you feel crazy
same here. I remember my mom trying to get herself a good story to feed on after my first breakup with a boyfriend, even then I refused to give it to her, told her no you weren't interested before and now no thanks.
So that's how a vibrant young, thriving woman becomes this docile, numb victim! No one really knows what happens behind closed door. We only see the end result. We don't see the process. Everyone thinks the guy is the nice one when in fact, he's the abuser. I can definitely relate!
The part where her friend says you're the least selfish person I know is so crucial. Because narcissistic people only target at those kind of people. I was one of those people until I got a bad experience with a narcissistc person. Now I have to force myself to be more selfish and show myself respect that I suppresed for sooo long because of this person. Don't let anyone break you. They are the selfish ones, not you.
This is so true! I think it's very important to understand that narcissists are really good at screening their victims and they always go for the "easy prey" who are usually loving, kind and selfless people that enjoy putting others before themselves. I'm so glad you've regained your self-respect and self-love. I think it's truly the best weapon against narcissists.
This has happened to me too, the narcissists twist all of your good nature to be evil and they try to act like you're a fraud when it reality it's projection from them onto us.
Its crazy because I've been there too. I read somewhere that the narcissist is actually parts of yourself that you repressed for so long and if you don't accept those parts of your ''shadow'' they will manifest in your life as a person until you learn to be both light and shadow. because you can't be just good all the time.
My father was a narcissist. I met my abuser at 15 in high school, and we married before I graduated. This film was my life for 37 years. Praise God that I'm free. I had to move halfway across the country and hide, was granted a divorce, and started my life over. I'm working on healing day by day. This happens in more homes than you'd ever guess.
it also happens way less than people make it out to seem as a lot of people just label others narc for pointing out their bad behaviour and stuff ( not saying you)
His backhanded comment about the risotto being cold. I would’ve left. I’m so sorry for everyone who has gone through similar situations. Sending love to you all
It’s calculated. He lied about the date starting at 7:30 instead of 8 because he was testing her to see if he could get away with these small manipulations. The “cold risotto” was to make her feel guilty and have to make it up to him. My ex used to consistently be anywhere from 10-30 minutes late for dates, and I’d just be sitting alone waiting for him. He never apologized for it. The one time I was late, he made me feel so guilty about it, I apologized like 10,000 times. Looking back, I hate seeing how easily I was manipulated.
My ex was late to everything. At one point, we sat in the car as New Years was counting down so she could adjust her hair/makeup. When we eventually got into the event, the Champaign was done and everyone was moving on to the next club or whatever. She also consistently showed up late to dinner. Even when I lied and told her it was 30min earlier than actually reserved. I was almost always late to my own birthday parties. I get what this clip is trying to convey, but it seems shallow/ignorant when contrasted with my lived experience.
@@karadanvers6136 In my case my sister is the one who gaslight me. Today she said something bad to me and after that she leave home. And then I spent all evening outside of home watching anime and then she saw how my little sister who just came back from hostel was upset due to seeing my sad face ( My intention wasn't to make anyone sad. I just wanted to spent some time alone ). But then my elder sister came to me and starts arguing with me because I made our little sister sad. I told my elder sister that "You hurted my feelings and you didn't give a shitt so why should I care"?? I'm the middle one and my elder sister never loved me or neither cared for me. She always loved and cared about my younger sister and would probably kill me too. So I've recently detected this red flags and now I've decided to completely cutt off all my connections with them.
mine was a roommate. it was 4 of us in the apt, she turned my best friend against me. in the end she saw who she really was, but it was too late for us. damage was done.
@@karadanvers6136 I agree but I'm tired of this same toxic sisterhood cycle over and over again. I used to be a good sister when I didn't speak for myself but now I'm a bad sister because I chose to speak up for myself. My whole family is garbage🗑. It's so toxic to live here.
I’ve had this film saved for nearly two years, knowing it would be relevant to my life. Today is the day I watched it, and today is the day Dr. Ramani’s book It’s Not You arrived at my door. I can’t quite explain what changed for me, or why it happened now, but I can say with certain that YOU are strong enough to see your abuser and to leave.
Narcs aren’t just partners. They’re parents and bosses too. Keep a journal if you suspect you’re being gaslit. Document your interactions with said gaslighter: date, time, what you tell them, and what they say. Documentation is gold when dealing with any gaslighter, (especially an abusive boss should you go to HR or a lawyer) It takes time to leave an abusive situation. Minors with abusive parents have to wait until they’re adults. It can take months to find a new job or new place to live. Keeping a journal helps debunk the gaslighting, which preserves your sanity in the meanwhile.
I used to do that. I just can't anymore. It was a catharsis for me but then I realized I was being buried by spiral notebooks. I have thrown away hundreds of them, not even joking. You can't write it all down - and if you do, you can't possibly keep it all. Then it turns into rumination and that's HORRIBLE on a person.
@@brooke5395 Thank you for the perspective. It shouldn’t be lots of notebooks. It’s more like a ledger instead of a traditional journal. Keep your feelings out of it, best you can. Recording with your iPhone works too.
I couldn't get justice despite my meticulous documentation. My coworkers even thought I needed a lawyer, but they're still rotten they only take slam-dunk cases if you're not paying by the hour.
Sadly for narcs I was one of those 20 year olds who didn't doubt the time we confirmed. "No we said 19h30" "um no." Not sorry . Narcissist family on the other hand is a whole other story.
I used to be in an abusive relationship and now when I date, if a man is too rigid or tries to correct me in a belittling manner no matter how small the statement, or shows the slightest bit of irritation or anger early on, I literally run for the hills. If they’re like that in the beginning it’s only gonna be worse later.
Exactly. I just had to ✂️cut this guy off yesterday. He was so agitated, defensive, and angry! All right before our first date. Not going down that path again....don't ignore the warning signs/red flags everyone!
Same, I had a guy try to correct me on a fact that I knew to be true. Once he googled and realized he was wrong, he backpedaled so fast and apologized but I was immediately turned off by his need to be *right.*
if only every woman had as much caution, sense, self-love and self-respect as you, there would be significantly less domestic and other kinds of relationship abuse in this world.
Maybe you actually did something that warrants criticism. You are not perfect, no one is. If you can't take even the slightest bit of criticism with out getting super defensive then good luck being with anyone that isn't a complete pathetic whipped simp
Right from the beginning she was apologizing and doubting herself. If you ever catch yourself doing that, stop. Trust yourself and check in with yourself. If something feels off it is, that's a good indication that you need to proceed with caution and keep your wits about you. Never explain yourself either. Stand firm.
She came from a home where she was used to being gaslighted by her mother. She makes a comment about how she's not good enough for her early in the video. Gaslighters pick there targets very specially and she was open for this. He then slowly "groomed" her until she was undehis complete control.
Apologies have a place. But I completely agree with you. If you find yourself doubting your intuition or putting yourself down...you gaslighting yourself first. We teach people how to treat us by what we allow. I'm preaching to myself here.
I think this should be taught in school as a mandatory subject. So many of us lose ourselves to gaslighting without even realising it. This is gut wrenching.
This is sooooo in-depth. She literally fell from a woman of substance to a woman of doubt, insecurities, and medicating. He isn’t just a narcissists, he is a narcissistic sociopath.
I was with one so high spectrum I think he is a psychopath he was wayyyy worse than this guy in the films. The harassment and stalking to me and my family was so bad I had a nervous breakdown.
When you finally snap at at narcissist after being poked and put down, they always come back with- “you’re too sensitive, why are you reacting that way, you’re so crazy, we were just having fun, etc blah blah blah. Narcissistic siblings and parents can make you think you’ve really lost your mind.
Along with " Your so -sensitive, selfish, paranoid, such a bitch" while trying to have boundaries or stand up for yourself, as a child so confused about what's you're doing wrong and why.. leads you into those type of relationships and still takes you forever to realize it after being stabbed in the face, and severe injuries and the intimidation and hot cold behavior continues along with breaking into your home and constant harassment with calls, showing up... Really a lot of recovery to do. Run away from these signs and never look back!
Red flag is when your partner starts to speak to your friends and family about you behind your back either criticizing you or even at first trying to make friends of your friends so that they can later twist their perseption of you. Its a betrayal and a no no.
Even telling your children personal things that will cause distance but of course they are just trying to " help" by manipulating your close family and friends. In the end no one will believe you, or help you, according to the narcissist, because they all " know" your crazy!!
@@andrabcool1600 This is me now my husband poisoned my son against me. He told my family horrible lies I don't have anybody in my life .I am disabled and he walked out on me ,if I was healthy I would be able to work and not need a thing from him. After 25 years together this is the last thing I ever thought would happen. My mother and brother are also narcissists so I had to deal with this my whole life.
So, this was probably the most uncomfortable thing I’ve watched this year. Why? Because it is probably happening to thousands, if not millions of people everyday. Very well done and hopefully this raises awareness.
I have been in a relationship just like this for the past 11 years, I'm not the person I once was and realize how miserable, sad and depressed I am, no one knows the real truth, I hope to one day get out for good and be happy not have to watch what I say all the time and have constant anxiety
Little digs, constant critiques. They are miserable people and want you to think you’re the cause of all their problems. Then they get people around you to think you’re the cause of the problems too.
@@vvelvettearss They can’t feel superior unless you are proven deficient. It’s pathological. They feel strong by making you weak. A healthy person can’t sustain balance and perspective with constant assault. This is exactly how militia break down prisoners of war.
@@steviecrow914 yes I'm aware. I was with...lets just call him a jerk, he wasn't as bad as this guy but one time mentioned "but you're shoes..." and some other things and to that kind of criticism i think "fuck you I don't comment on your shoes you don't get to comment on mine" I left him eventually but I guess I have trouble understanding why some humans make this life goal like..seriously are they happy doing this with their time ? I guess they never learnt how to be nice huh In my view no loser has the right to critique anyone else this is why I avoid relationships so I don't have to put up with that shit that here I had a relatively stable life and by letting this person in I've opted for it being a miserable one because a dribbling insecure adult child with nothing better to do has decided to amuse themselves by "trying to put my down " HAHA no wonder my ex got frustrated. it was rough BUT I'm very gunshy and avoidant and I've always kept distance from people's opinions and influence and always will so that helped me maintain things. he never purchased power over me by his criticisms oh he tried I'm sure but "you're psychotic (because I speak up when I need to), "you don't drink THAT much" (I literally almost never touch alcohol NEVER except in times of extreme extreme stress and I hate it anyway and guess who caused the stress hmm?? ) So i gave as good as I got and even now I wouldn't take criticisms from anyone they can go fuck themselves and apply their own advice and stew in their tantrums :D They can only exert as much power as you give them they are just WORDS. But physical is another matter . It comes down to what you said maintaining healthy balance and perspective and not letting yourself be "broken down" the first sign of trying to influence me and I'm on my way out, society will fuck you up let alone insecure overgrown children with an angry 10 yr olds brain But I know people are in impossible situations and really send them my best wishes and prayers and that they find the strength to make themselves leave either physically or gain the mental strength Sorry for the long spiel I guess I had a lot to say haha I find myself happier being mostly a hermit
Lol..I missed the red flags bc I have the attention span of a squirrel..lol. Now I see all of the red flags over two decades later from life experience...an expert if you will.
For everyone who is reading this comment... You cannot let that one person ruin who you are n who you want to be! Do not let that person dictate ur life, ur happiness! You did not work so hard all your life so that the one toxic person could come n ruin it for you! Be happy! Love youself enough! Laugh n take care of yourself! Live your life the best way you could! You are here for a reason! Be the best version of youself! Don't stop loving yourself coz someone else doesn't! Who are they to judge!? Do things that make you happy then only you will be able to spread happiness around you!
It's so subte that you don't realize what's happening until it's too late. I'm financially ruined and dependent on him but I'm making a plan to get out.
It really should be! Help young people learn the signs. This scenario happens at all ages too, imagine how much better it would be if this type of sickness was fought off early.
By the time I left the relationship I was “an alcoholic” and “bipolar” who needed to take their meds. A year later I can go without a drink for weeks and I can stop at one. A year later I am not on meds Bc i don’t even suffer from depression. Gaslighting kills
Thanks so much for sharing! It's so true, they make you out to be "ill" and "crazy", because it makes it easier for them to get away with all their lies. Glad you managed to leave and feel better now! Sending hugs your way!
Similar story here... Now, in a healthy relationship, there are no constant mental breakdowns. For a while I really thought I would end up in a mental institution.
I would LOVE to see a short film about how narcissistic abuse can cause the victim to become more angry, hostile, irritated and lash out at times. It would be even more accurate to show this bc not all victims become quiet and numb. Some victims (personal experience here) will flip bw the depressed, numb and silent victim to a victim full of anger whonlashes out and yells and acts crazy bc of the abuse. Show how the narc uses this to "flip the narrative" and confuse the victim even more and guilt trip the victim. Just a thought. Otherwise, great short
Yep this is super accurate. In my experience I could be very confrontational when he would try to confuse me. Completely out of my character I would lose it, start hitting myself, yelling or sometimes hitting him (he was 6”4 and strong so I had no chance of actually hurting the guy) but then it gave him the perfect evidence to back up his claims that I was the abusive one and that I needed help.
Yes! Then the victim can feel even more crazy because they’re exhibiting abusive behavior that wouldn’t exist if they weren’t being abused in the first place! So that’s why many people see a toxic relationship and say “they’re both toxic, they’re both abusive, they’re both to blame” not necessarily true. Reactive abuse is the correct term.
@@cherrypop4675 Yes exactly! I got told “it takes two to tango” extremely misinformed. It’s been 6 years since I left and I haven’t been remotely violent to myself or anyone else. Whereas I know that his behaviour with the girlfriends he had after me has been just as violent if not more so.
Goodness, I could barely get through the whole 21 mins of this video, for all the "recall" and "flashbacks" I was experiencing while watching. This short film is "SPOT ON". Perfect example of how people are "gaslit" and then begin to lose themselves to their abusers' reality. I was there. And I escaped... thanks to GOD! I remember praying for strength and wisdom and instruction of what to do. I am still so so grateful that no matter WHO DIDN'T BELIELVE that this "good ole guy" I was with was so manipulative (and a covert narcissist)... I HAD TO ESCAPE or lose my own sanity.
Living with an abuser really does feel like you're in a psychological horror film. It's a surreal experience I would never wish on anyone. Please, if someone treats you like this, man or woman, get help and leave at the safest opportunity. It never gets better.
She used to tell me that if I left, she'd kill herself and it would be my fault... Kept me around for a long time with that; till I was too worn out to even feel like a human anymore, then she finally moved to the next victim... Fortunately I learned a lot and have been better than ever; I have actual boundaries now and I stay away from people with that Emotional Plague
God, the way her light is gone and she's just an empty vessel... I remember when I was like that. If the short film continued he would get bored with her because there was nothing left and make her feel like it's her fault that he's leaving her. This video really makes me appreciate where I am in life now and how far I have come from healing from all the abuse.
yes exactly! I have even photographs from the period where I look like an empty vessel just like in this movie. And family and ex boyfriend enjoyed it together making me think something was seriously wrong with me...
@@TatjanaAnders Any tips on how to handle jealously??? Never been in a proper relationship but I would not like It in general I am possessive over most things food money ect my items. I’m not violent or aggressive but how do I get rid of this toxic trait. I don’t like it when certain friends hang out with others (even though I never say anything). If I had a partner I’d be so unhappy and secretly stressed. I know physically controlling and doing stuff like is wrong but doesn’t mean I like it either. Any tips????
@@andrewdodds8908 I think you have to find the root, why I you feel that way. There must be a reason why you are feeling the need to be that possesive, why are you feel instantly "betrayed" if your loved ones have a good time with others. Maybe, you feel like you are not good enough and they will leave you for someone else. I think seeking professional help is always a good option, it can help you understand how you work (subconciously) and why you feel that way. After that, you can work towards a solution and some self-healing because most of us have buried problems and most of the time we are not even aware of that. I wish you all the best and I hope you can find a solution to your problems.
Did you notice how she picked up the glass and put it on the coaster? She was probably previously insulted over not doing so, and now she is just used to being overly careful not to do anything wrong to avoid getting into a fight or upsetting him. I still find myself panicking when I drop food or do something subtly wrong, I have to remind myself the narcissist isn’t here anymore and I am safe. That was such a nice and subtle touch there. This short film is too accurate.
When I came out of my relationship I could hardly remember what I liked to eat, or wear, or watch on television. It took me a while to rediscover myself bit by bit before I stopped just doing everything his way. It took a couple of years to regain my confidence, but now looking back, I was so young and inexperienced, and I was being destroyed bit by bit without realising. I do think that marriage has been traditionally set up, from the moment a bride is “given away” by one man to another and becomes “Mrs Him,” to enable husbands to exercise this coercive control. In my seventieth year, quarter of a century later, I still wake up every morning rejoicing in my freedom even if it’s just to choose coffee over tea!
All of these happened to me. Went out drinking, soon as we got home he'd abuse me for "flirting w his friends", "being a sl*t", when I would be friendly. Then the wine glass thing happened, slashed his own hand when he broke a wine glass and convinced an entire village that I did it when they asked about his bandage. Then the calling me an alcoholic despite the fact that i was drinking just to deal with him. Broke up a week ago, he said I'd never be happy without him. I may be lonely, isolated and idle, but I'm sure as hell happier without him. You got this girls ❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏🙏
For those of us raised to be subservient, people pleasers instead of our parents reaffirming we are valuable, leaves us wide open for this kind of abuse. This was a great short film showing how this beautiful, sweet soul was twisted into the narcissist web of lies & deceit. Every innocent young child should be taught awareness of this type of abuse. 😢
Spot on! Add little boys to the list, we are taught to take care of things we love and can become people pleasers too. Teaching from home, religion and all sorts of places come into play.
@@mistiquefire3462Agreed, Missy! As a 50-yr old Gen Xer dude, I am SO FED UP WITH BOOMERS not taking any accountability and THEM/THEN BLAMESHIFTING when convenient, throwing you UNDER THE BUS, as if you or I are the BAD "guy" or "GIRL"!
1000%. I would feel insane because everything he was accusing me of would be exactly what he was doing. Not just with cheating, but with any of his hurtful or destructive behavior. Or I would tell him something and he would argue how I was wrong and stupid but then someone else would say the EXACT thing I said and he would AGREE. like, verbatim, even. It was such a baffling nightmare.
When they start saying you don't need to work... Run. Then they start to control you financially and believe me, that extends further than you'd ever think, to what you eat, wear, do, etc.
It happened so slowly. 2013. Corpus Christi,Tx. I worked two jobs. I like nice things. ownd car little convertible rear engine. My own apartment. Paid my bills. Lost everything eight months then he beat me up, took him to court and gave him a record. I win.
@@TawakaltAbimbola-cq8es I had a guy acquaintance who once said that when his wife gives birth she would have to quit her job and open a grocery. That it would be the best option for her and i was like wtf.
Every single manipulation tactic all but implies the use of the lying tactic and the gaslighting tactic. I actually dislike it a little calling out gaslighting as a manipulation tactic as it's actually an effect. All manipulation tactics will contribute to it by nature of what manipulation is. Some tactics however certainly take the gaslighting effect to a whole different level. Blatant lies that are so bad they insult your intelligence is one of them. That kind of shit will make you feel like you are in the twilight zone after a while. Here are some of the reasons they do this: To test their control. To feel superior and/or entertainment. This proves to themselves how much control they have over you. In the end, you will give up and you will not leave (trauma bonded). In the process of getting to the giving up stage, you will go through some pretty nasty emotional states ending in massive amounts of cognitive dissonance to swallow all of that. Cognitive dissonance is a trauma defense mechanism where you essentially lie to yourself in various ways so that you can bring back some semblance of equilibrium to the insanity you find yourself unable to escape from. As part of the ‘backing you into an emotional corner’ tactic. This is a tactic where you are manipulated into being emotionally unstable inevitably leading to you losing your shit. This gives the narcissist a big dopamine burst, they feel powerful and superior having so deftly controlled you and manipulated into this emotional state. To finish the little game they play, they make sure to point out how unhinged and unstable you are and suggest that perhaps you need help or medication. Of course, you will internalize all that shame and guilt and the million other raging emotions they have created and swallow all that essentially allowing them to scapegoat their blame and accountability onto you. Bring on some more cognitive dissonance and gaslighting effects. To condition you to expect less respect, and ultimately put up with more abuse. You will tire of the inevitable circular argument trying to convince the narcissist of the blatantly obvious lie and eventually find yourself challenging them less and less as you subconsciously accept the fact that if you do it will just make your life and emotional state more miserable and you will be denied the satisfaction of any kind of ‘win’ even if it is easy to disprove. This is part of the domination process and makes sure all the power in the relationship ends up with them by the end. To turn your mind to mush as the gaslighting effect takes hold more and more over time. This makes you even easier to control. Many times while easy to disprove it requires some kind of concession of some obvious truth that the narcissist can just doggedly refuse to agree with or remember (‘the intentional forgetting’ tactic and the ‘feigned confusion or ignorance’ tactics are often employed for this). So, in fact, it is not so easy to prove when the narcissist refuses to correctly remember what happened 10 min ago or accept sound logic or reasoning. You will just turn blue in the face trying. Of course, in some cases it is indisputable. A phone log or something. My experience is when this kind of stuff happens it wasn’t their intention typically, although sometimes it was. But in these scenarios, you will typically get some sort of angry ‘invalidating’ tactic, with some good old ‘manufactured rage’ and ‘intimidation’ tactics to ‘put you on the defensive’ and get you more susceptible to further manipulation. Maybe something like: “Get over yourself already” followed up by some ‘blame-shifting’ tactics with some good old ‘guilt’ and ‘shame’ tactics, like “Why the hell are you spying on my phone records anyway? What kind of relationship is this? I don’t have any privacy? I don’t know if I can do this anymore! You have major jealousy issues! You need help!” You will walk away as the loser either way. There are resistance tactics that can be used but this is a very difficult tactic to deal with and it is one of their favorites. I won’t get into the counter-tactics here though. The only way to really win in a relationship with a narcissist is to leave them and go no contact. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done Metaspyhub@gmail. com,,
All those people who have experienced gaslighting, silent treatment, future faking along with betrayal.... Stay strong. You've learned what many don't.
When you feel "crazy" and "alone" in a relationship then you are probably being abused. You can escape even if you don't think there's a way out. There's always a way out. It will never get better.
That’s exactly how you feel! You are called crazy, useless, weak and a liar when you try to confront them. I left after two years and never looked back. There is always a way out. Some days I just wish I haven’t waited two years to call it quits
My ex used to do this to me. He would hide my things then tell me my memory was getting bad. Then I would find my things later on. I could write a book on the topic
It can be psychological escape when this is the case, these narcs prey on sensitive or anxious people, and make it feel like they're the problem. Why would someone take up for themselves if they feel like they're at fault? Exactly. I think that is what keeps them in that place...
The day she moves in and jokes “I hope you’re not having second thoughts” (after he scolds her many boxes), the silence is SO loud in his absence of reply. The casual way her plea for comfort and reassurance is just ignored made my heart leap.
@@zionhulbert8489 same then he married someone else without breaking up with me you have no idea when i got to know about it i felt like someone shot me right through my heart--- i was so naive then i got my answer and i felt so satisfied and free..
I’m in shock - my 32 years married and living in abuse played out right before my eyes in this video!!!😮😢 Things I had forgotten about rose to the surface and I see where the slow, insidious abuse gradually grew worse. Wow. Just wow. So spot on. I hope it helps warn away others!!!
To everyone who just stumbled upon this video, watched it, and felt your blood run cold... I have this to say to you: you CAN escape this situation, and you WILL. And one day, you will watch something like this or read something about a narcissist or gaslighter and it will catch your eye, but you won't feel completely paralyzed the way you did before. Paralyzed with anger, fear, confusion, sadness, self-doubt and guilt. It won't consume you anymore. I can promise you this because 5 years ago, I never thought I'd get through or over narcissist abuse. But I did. I've been single over 2.5 years and couldn't be happier with my own company, freedom and independence. But more than anything, my wisdom, courage and STRENGTH. You are going to get through this, I promise you ❤
I think that in this film they were concentrated mainly on the gasthlating problem. We don't know how long they were dating. The people like him knows how to hide their real personality
Facts especially "these days" and I'm a dude agreeing. Be careful out there male or female. Can't trust no damn body off jump, if ever. Bet that. Guns N Roses wasn't fooling around when they said Welcome To The Jungle...
This has been the story of my life for three years since I was married to a narcissistic man. With the help of many kind people, I am now moving forward and healing. I am sending love and care to anyone going through a similar experience. You've got this! ❤
I like how they showed how she perceived the argument to how it really happened. Many times people are stuck in abusive relationships and they think "maybe it's not that bad" or they are stuck in a constant state of shock or disbelief. And the abuser makes them believe they are crazy so they don't know if it really happened the way they remember.
The reason that she can't remember is because she is drinking. She loses some of her memories of the events. In some situations however narcissists will deny and change their stories, which has nothing to do with memory loss due to drinking.
@@nusaibahibraheem8183 she is drinking, but that likely isn’t the only reason she has memory loss or remembers it differently. The alcohol makes it harder to pin down. They convince you so often that you’re broken, that your memory is wrong, that you’re a liar, that it can alter your memories even when you’re sober. Memory isn’t the way a lot of people perceive it. You can block out parts, add in parts that were suggested, and dissociate entirely and have absolutely no idea it’s happening. You’re also more likely to take up the behaviors they repetitively accuse you of, because you believe them so strongly. It’s absolute torture to go through.
This brings back terrible memories. Being accused of flirting when I wasn’t. Then watching him flirt and then cheat on me so I would “know how it feels.” Worst relationship EVER. I was constantly apologizing, second guessing myself and wondering why this relationship left me feeling so empty, hurt and crazy. Thank God (I literally do) that we didn’t get married or have kids and that I had the confidence and support from good friends to get out. After I broke things off he tried to stab me. Be careful!! See the red flags! Get support and get out safely! ASAP.
Dear Michelle. I understand totally. These people ALL have a screw loose and they have an agenda to mind FU ----CK everybody. Worst of all, they are time wasters
I went almost through the se thing. She didn't stab me but she punched me. You had luck to still have friends to support you, I almost had none left when the relationship ended. I had to see a psychiatrist and take pills during the fist month of break. And I could start to understand what I went through only after 2 months and I started healing. Now it's been 9 months and I still have to deal with the anger I have against her. But I went no contact during the whole break-up so hopefully in a year or so I will be completely recovered. Now I think of her as the master of things I should avoid during my life :-)
@@firatbaran8634 - sorry you're going through this, still. it's sticky for a long time, unfortunately. the good thing is, with no-contact, you get to choose who you hang around with and that person doesn't know (hopefully), so you can have your own relationships without their manipulation involved. sometimes you have to dump everyone for a while, and rebuild each relationship again (if you want to), *and* if the old friends can realize what happened and accept that person was just a liar. But it's not your job to convince them. They either do or they don't, in which case, move on to new friends!! Peace to you🙂
Oh, I recognized another warning sign too, right in the first minute: He paid her bills but he doesn't consider it as a matter of course. He expects her to text him. A normal gentleman would rather say: It's ok, don't mention it.
@@jamiemurphy487 It seems as he considers her as a "material girl". He buys her something and she has to behave like his lapdog in return. Later on, he even claims that she doesn't have to work any more because he earns enought...OMG!!! In what century are we right now???
I've caught co-workers doing this to me and I say "No thank you" but they say "we are friends"...it's actually a ploy to find out what they can about you so they can use it at a later date. I can't stand people paying anything for me as it makes me feel indebted to them. A true friend is about loyalty, trustworthiness and trust...0 friends at this point in life and I'm happy with that as I don't have to constantly be on guard for who's going to stab me in the back next. There's also the constant competition going on as if they are trying to prove they are better and throwing things in your face.
@@zippyz4170 This isn’t necessarily true. I offer to buy my friends things all the time, because they are my friends. I am a giver and there’s nothing wrong with that and there’s no strings attached either.
@@spydersmom1 I was just stating from my own experiences at work. People at work aren't my friends...I do my job and then go home. I'm friendly and kind to my co workers but I've learned when it comes to money pay my own way. Maybe its where I live or how I grew up but man there's a lot of maliciousness where I live. I'm a giver but there's too many takers around me. People use the kind people to feel better about themselves...after a period of time they start minimizing you and interrupt you while you speak...its a way of making you feel small as if you are unimportant because they are insecure. Too many life lessons...I'm just passing the information along should anyone else have these experiences and not know whats going on.
A reliable indicator to me whether I’m in the right relationship or not if how I feel about myself when I’m with this person. If I love myself even more when I’m around them and I see myself as a good person, that’s a green flag. If I can’t stop thinking there’s something wrong with me, that’s usually a big red flag. Don’t underestimate your intuition and don’t over analyze your thoughts. “Do I feel good about myself when I’m with this person? Yes -> Great, stay. No? -> Leave, now.”
Yes but the problem is with these kind of abusers, they put you on a pedestal and make you feel better about yourself than you ever have. They're ugly side doesn't start showing until they have you isolated, off balance and Confused and Confused. And you think they're the nicest person in the whole world, and so does your family and friends. So you think the problem is all you and you're messing up a good thing. And the reason why you don't feel good about yourself is because you're messing up such a good thing. And they have you, and everyone else, totally convinced it's something up with you and that you've changed. You're no longer than one they put up on a pedestal because there's something wrong with you. And they are the nicest sweetest guy and they love you so so so so so much. So you believe them. You often don't figure out the truth until you've suffered so badly.
Excellent point Julie. I would add, that not only feeling something wrong with me, but mostly feeling confused without reason. Confusion is that mental intuition red flag. It means we are not in harmony, We are downloading opposite from the environment without realizing it. It cause inner conflict, we are not in flow, meaning harmony, something is corrupting our vibes and harmony. And our body intelligence communicate with us through that confusion.
Ain’t nothing wrong with being single. I love it. I appreciate this peace, self love and growing with in myself. I went through torment for 7 years. But I pray to God to open my eyes and he did. What I saw was when I was sad and down my ex was happy and that woke me up. What I did was leave, change my number. Close my fb all internet connection and never looked back. Also all friends he knew that I knew. 4 years now. I prayed, read scriptures, hear gospel music and did things that I like and love myself. Now if I did it you can do it too. Don’t never let anyone take your joy and peace from you. God bless us all!
Gaslighting doesn’t always include verbal abuse (referencing his comments on her drinking, etc.) or turning family/friends against you. It is often much more subtle.
I agree. My family member is like that and it was a long time I realized, he is narcissistic. He did it much smoother than this guy, for a long time I didn't know why I have less confidence after I've seen him, it took 20 years to figure it out. Sometimes he didn't even say a word just mockingly smiled, e.g. when I told him about how difficult my job is sometimes (I'm a nurse). He used sarcasm a lot and when I told him I don't like it, he told me "because you don't have a sense of humor" or "because you're too sensitive"...And he never hit me or anything, but he was passive aggressive.
Notice how he always ignored her needs and made her do what he wanted her to. He wanted her to go out with him. He wanted her to go to the party. He constantly ignored her boundaries and made her feel selfish if she didn't do what he expected. In the start this will seem innocent. The ending was breathtaking. It confused me for a second til I understood that the entire movie was the Gaslightning. Incredibly made!
My life @Tatjana I was vivacious successful full of energy I Even looked a lot like you it's funny how just in a short time they make us look like we've been through and feel as if we are broken and didn't know it.
I was also gaslighted by my ex during 5 years. The silent treatment used to drive me crazy, I had no idea what I had done wrong, so I started saying sorry for everything just to avoid him being angry at me. And the insults... spot on. When I finally left I can remember thinking my name was "stupid". When youve been gaslighted you have to learn many things all over again.
This is so true. For years I also apologized constantly. I still do from time to time but I've gotten better since that relationship ended. I never used to lookup at anyone's face... I was soused to being so rarely gifted the pleasure of eye contact with my significant other I stopped trying to. I cried myself to sleep so many nights for years staring at someone's back, hoping he would care I was upset and comfort me. There was practically a barrier between us at times bc when he didn't want to be touched, I knew better. But then when he wanted to turn on the charm, the "love bombs" I was caught hook line and sinker. It's such a sad, lonely, exhausting, gut wrenchingly empty existence. I don't wish it on anyone.
@@kashq502 and I don't wish for you to ever experience that again in the future. Being unapologetic is not that bad considering the people like your ex and my ex deserved to be get that. They have to know that we're not weak and we won't be manipulated like that ever again.
Awwww my heart reading this made me kinda teary eye and I bet you ex who's a complete jerk he must be regretting losing such a gorgeous human and girlfriend from his life. And since you wrote that you've got toxic traits from that ex I want to remind you it was NOT your fault that you were in that toxic relationship. I'm so glad that you met your husband I seriously can feel how much he loves you and how much you loves him and I know you both will be an amazing parents. Sending you lots of love and virtual hugs 💗💗✨🌻
I am sorry if this question is too direct, you don‘t have to answer if you don‘t want to I wonder if those who grew up with a narcissistic parent unintentionally picked up some of the tactics when they were little. My ex-boyfriend's father is narcissistic, and so was my ex-boyfriend...and my time with him was terrible. But I also sometimes find myself in understandable situations, like in the film with my current boyfriend and his mother, who, what a coincidence, is also a narcissist. My current boyfriend is very lovely, but sometimes I still doubt if he has some character traits from his mother that he learned when he was little... Do you also have moments where you feel like you act like your mom?
@@szngj7406 Yes I do have. But as a Buddhist, I follow the eightfold path, and practice to be aware of my intentions, thoughts, feelings, actions, speech, etc. At times I feel I have a tendency to do poisonous things: saying hurtful words, blaming others, etc., First, I tell myself not to go against Buddhist values, Second, I take a step back, and tell the person I need a moment to think clearly, Then, I document all of my evil thoughts and reread them again. After taking time to think through, I discover myself and make a plan on how to improve. But the process takes longgg time, a strong understanding of core values, and practice, and not everyone is lucky enough to have understood about this practice. My narcissistic mom also meditates every day, but I feel she is doing that to comfort herself more, because her hurtful actions continue.
You can literally see the light and life being sucked out of her. Every area being effected. I’m a shell of who I used to be. I don’t even want to go out the house. My brain is mental mush. Edit: wow ladies, Im praying for everyone under this comment thread. We can and will recover. Love and light 💖💖💖
You need a little time to process it, and get over the breakup and abuse. See a counselor if you can. You will get over this and be SO happy that your away from them. Life will feel good again, maybe even better than ever! Give yourself time, be patient with yourself.
My relationship ended in July and I'm still picking up the pieces of my life. I even sought professional help to process it all. It's left me voiceless and totally broken.
Me too. The covert/shy narc never really gives up. I'm 38. He's 73! We were & r meant to b dog walking friends. The shame of being abused by an elderly person is debilitating. Already I ve mentioned such a good year ago- ppl just said I could easily overpower him & that I should just hit him. In the meantime I ve learnt all there is & realise he's 100percent a shy narc with an angry side he can't release so he manipulates & makes me anxious & ill monitoring me. I just go along with the friendship now. I feel used, breadcrumbed & trapped. There's NOTHING online about grown adults being sexually abused (it's always a joke but it's not clearly) by pensioners. He makes me feel v guilty for him & literally before I'm even awake he's leaving missed calls. It's embarrassing. I keep trying to guide this bk to friendship and he allows me to kid myself. I ve now no other friends at all & everyone in the village assumes we re together. If I complain I'm crazy or a gold digger. I ve slept til lunch time. I have changed so much. I fear if I do hit him I ll hurt him and he ll parade a bruise around to get me into trouble or to sleep with him. If I ever allow that I'm over. Over. Gross.
This is exactly what it feels like being in a relationship with/ or married to a narcissist! You're dying a little bit inside every day. There's the manipulation, triangulation, and isolation. Then when they ultimately destroy the happy person you used to be, then they discard you.
Or you run away with your pets kids an a weeks worth of dirty laundry because you know everything you need is in there and you can wash it when you get ti your destination
What about when you tell them that they hit you in the face, but they can't remember it and accuse you of "gaslighting"? What do you do then? I don't think they are trying to manipulate me, mind you, they just have actual bad memory.
@@polyphony250 They live in such a fragmented and false reality from gaslighting themselves, and you. It doesnt matter if you can understand or empathize with their "shit memory issues", or gaslighting of themselves. What matters is your safety, dignity and self respect. I am sure under duress they would admit to remembering, they just don't care to or are so adept at gaslighting themselves to live in some false reality and never be help accountable for their actions.
The worst part For me is having 10 years of memories that I can’t say for sure if any of them are true. Not being able to trust your own memory and thoughts and judgments is indescribable. It’s like waking up in the twilight zone and not being able to get out.
Been in a narcissistic relationship for 12 years now. It made me have a mental breakdown bc i didn’t realize that it was a game being played with me. I legit thought that I was just worthless and wasn’t on his level
@@krystalgardiner5591 I'm so sorry the new supply is propped up to make you think that when really in most cases the new supply is a piece of shit trash who knew about you. 15 years for me it's a horror show it takes all your insides apart.💔
Honestly, I was disappointed up until the last scene. They successfully lulled me into the mindset that I was watching the situation from an objective outside perspective, so I thought the film was barely scratching the surface of Gaslighting, and I felt quite alone because I had been hoping to find a story that I could really relate and connect to. But once I saw that final scene and understood that the film is exposing her perspective alone, I saw the entire film differently. They are trying to demonstrate how you end up justifying your partner's behaviour in your mind, how you minimise it, how you end up seeing them as the 'good one' and yourself as the 'bad one', that they are a success in this relationship and you are the failure, and you don't see things for how bad they truly are. Once I reached the final scene, the film finally spoke to me in the way that I had been hoping for when I clicked onto it.
thats very true. its crazy how i would make excuses for them / their actions and always end up feeling as though i was the one falling short.. even when everyone around me was telling me differently, i couldnt see it until the damage had already been done
Whenever I find someone make me feel guilty for lacking knowledge its usually narcissism. You lose the battle when you get offended. Especially with coming late, I just ignore the accusation altogether. I only talk to them if necessary and if you dont get offended or try to get acceptance from them, they can’t really find something to accuse you with.
Powerful portrayal of the severe consequences of living with an abusive narcissist. Alicia got her self worth eroded until there was only a shell left of her. Mark stripped her of all her vitality until she literally looked like a corpse. I love how her friend was supportive and stayed listening to the recording even though it was raw and brutal to cope with. We all deserve a caring friend like that.
This is painful to watch because you can clearly see her emotional turmoil, confusion, and mental decline as the ‘relationship’ progresses. This film captures the essence of narcissistic abuse, extremely well. It’s subtle and devastating.
Yes , she's falling apart with no support system. Drowning in sorrow. And imprisoned by hopelessness. Lmao. Narcissists care for no one but themselves. Don't get mad , Get even. Walk Away!
I see why this film won an award. It nails the slow progression of being pulled into the malignant narcissist's bizarre fantasy world, first as the object of the narcissist's desire and then being seen as an increasingly hostile force working against the narcissist's cancerous ego.
The first moment when he acted low-key disappointed at her for being 30 mins late to their date was an immediate red flag for me. He showed a hostility even then, that can only grow bigger.
yeah thats already bad enough and I'm even wondering if he lied about the timing causing undeserved guilt on the first date, which would be even worse.
Yes. He lied. It's to make her feel like she made the mistake and then make her feel guilty and confused by placing the blame on her but then to "forgive" her for being late. He does it again when he "asks" her to please lay off the drinking tonight at this important party. Knowing full well she doesn't drink too much. Then accusing her the next day of embarrassing him by flirting and throwing herself at every guy there.
The way hes so cold while shes emotionally distressed and looking for her phone. Its chilling. Ive got exes like this. Watch for this, and fucking run as soon as you see it. Going through this is horrific.
When she's explaining her view of the small things that matter, then he repeats back what she says, but applying them as his own original thought. THIS
Yes!!! And especially how he says "I feel the same way' as if maybe he wants to make her feel connected? I don't know if this is true! I do not know so much about this 🙏🏻
I'm 16 and I've never really been in a relationship, and had no idea this could happen. I just realized this is what my dad did to my mom and I feel awfully bad. My brother (taking on my dads personality) does the exact same thing so I'm hoping we can mold him into something better. Thank you for spreading the word
Just send him off. To a boarding school/college. Best option they never see they'd not catch up with these same habits. Imo. I've had a similar story, but in my case my narc ex is also included. So when I see anything off I run without second thoughts. Makes me believe now I have big trust issues.
@@tula__ just wondering though but there are boarding schools that are considered pretty good/atleast ok in reputation but are actually horrible once you live there for year or more and all the superficial facade of ppl fades away it starts with all the bullying, shallowness and even sexual assaults going unnoticed Due to there being no proper child counseling/sex ed etc in school and probably many colleges too to put the kids on right path so only option would be to call the cops which many ppl don't do due to wanting to save the schools reputation and childs future and also staying away from the law that isnt very helpful.. (obv depending on country all that could really change a lot tho since there r countries that offer the bare minimum of it).. So it would be better to send ppl off knowing what kind of kids are in the school because bad social conditioning can be any where and only thing that can save kids from that is giving them good social conditioning strong enough to resist that from parents/siblings loved ones/psychologists and even small things like entertainment..cuz there r kids that have ok social conditioning at home but not strong and well explained enough With difference between good and bad, morals and why its so and its consequences hence the social conditioning from outside of house eg. From school,college other bad ppl outside can end up changing ppl for the worse too.. So regardless of Where the person is sent they really need to be communicated with regularly (tho it gets hard in boarding Schools especially if they are strict for kids and dont let kids talk to their loved ones for long or daily) and also they should have some number of good ppl in their lives to remind them of the differences... Otherwise change in the social conditioning is like a well on a one side and a valley on the other to jump into.. So wherever the place the person really needs to have a will to absorb the good things too... So there really are multiple facets to everyones situations its not really a clear answer always.. Tho at least when they are kids we have an option to take them to a good child psychologist..unlike adults which cant really be taken easily..
Trying to 'mold' or change him probably won't work. They usually just don't get it. Just be aware of the situation and remember not to ignore your gut.
@@tobyfitzpatrick3914 quite true tho it also depends on which stage it is..and sometimes tho in rare cases they do change but its usually via unpredictable life experiences..If its gone past a stage when they get desensitized to guilt,shame n concience it gets harder to help change especially when they get older... Obv tho earlier intervention of good child psychologist might help but thats if you are able to find a good one and the child/sibling etc is willing to cooperate.. Conclusion there isnt always a foolproof option to solve this issue.so protecting ourselves first is a must..
I never forget this one moment. I didn't even plan it, it happened by accident. My boyfriend was sitting next to me, my mom called and we talked and had a discussion. At one point she said that something that happened earlier in the conversation went totally different and convinced me (like always) that I remembered it wrong. I hung up and my boyfriend was looking at me and then he said "she lied. I could hear her earlier. It was exactly like you remember it." This was the moment I finally broke free from the gaslighting I grew up with. It was still difficult but everytime when it happened again I clinged to this memory of this one evening in the kitchen, when my boyfriend heard us and said that I remembered it right. I said to myself that my memory is working, that she is lying. Still it was difficult, that's how strong it is.
Yeah cuz she did that to you since you were kids, she literslly mold you, thats why we always agree, and thats why we think we sre the ones with the issues
I needed this SOUL much thank you. I've questioned myself so many times in the past that I started recording situations and circumstances just to confirm my reality as valid -- because I only have myself. Gaslighting can drive you crazy, especially if you don't have a sound mind or support system outside of your abuse. I too, often tell myself my memory is correct, and that I'm lied to.. I said all this to say, THANK YOU for reminding me of my strength.
I needed that validation. My husband finally witnessed it and defended me. It was a really important moment for me. No one ever believed what I was going through. "Why are you so angry at your mom" "she's doing her best" "You're spoiled". She manipulated the circumstances to make me look like the problem. No accountability.
It took me years all through my 20s to realise I was being highly manipulated like this. Right down to suggesting I needed therapy. As soon as I got out of the relationship and started dating again I was seeing a guy and it all seemed sweet. Until he pulled out the silent treatment after making me feel bad for putting “pressure” on him for not communicating (he didn't text or call for four days - I texted once) As soon as he started ignoring me and I could see it happening again I ended it right there, and held strong as he stressed I was overreacting and went right to the cliche of me being emotional. They are all the same with all the same routines.
So very true. Sadly, the man I'm currently in process of leaving had been gaslighting his own daughter her whole life. Had her thinking she was overly sensitive while strategically, psychologically tearing her down, daily. Then, she moved away. So, he began the whole routine on me. This type of abuse is often so subtle, and they're such master manipulators, that you don't realize what's actually happening until it's so far gone. And, your emotionally drained. Which makes it harder to gather energy & confidence to leave. Kudos to you for recognizing the signs early, the next go round. If I ever date again, I will absolutely heed the warning signs. I'll pay attention to every red flag. But, honestly, just don't even want to date anyone for a very very very long time. lol Peace and Freedom is all I want, at this point. You take care. Stay smart!
They all read the same book and use all the same tricks and games. I don't get how this happens, but I agree that all narcs are the same. It's crazy and so scary.
@Misd Mea Culpa I hear you and u are not alone. The power and control they have is so strong and complex. I know it is hard to get away, especially when u live with them. The trauma bond is the addiction and what holds us back from leaving and the way they broke us down makes it impossible to have the self-esteem to leave. I know exactly what u are going through and the feeling of being all alone, but u are not...there are so many others who support u and hear u. I would suggest starting an escape plan. U know u need to leave, u deserve better and u will find ur peace! 👍🙏
For me, it was the little sneaky things he would say like “your calves are big”, “your nose is big”, “I’m surprised you’re studying for a masters degree because you’re not smart,” “your grandmother is the weirdest person I’ve ever met,” and the things he’d do that I knew were wrong but he would justify them to himself and to everyone around us. He would tell me how I was a loser for the job I had at the time but he literally worked at the same place. He was the son of someone “important” in our community and was able to make others believe he was a great person. It wasn’t as dramatic as is depicted here. Yet, I became a shell of myself over time and severely anorexic. I finally exploded about a month before our wedding by breaking up with him and calling the wedding off. It was so, so painful. I had no idea how to step forward without him. Now, I am married to someone who is such a wonderful person. I overcame anorexia. I am happy and feeling alive and energetic again. If you’re in a situation like this, be your own advocate. Get out. Your life can be beautiful. You’re not what they tell you when their at their worst. You’re strong. You’re amazing. You deserve to live your life in peace.
@@alejandrohernandez-pq4wu I did A LOT. And even went to counseling with him about it. It didn’t stop and he would say it was “a joke”. I stood up for myself by leaving him and moving on.
This. I was so deep in denial I let my abuser back into my life after getting rid of him for a year and a half. I literally couldn't remember how bad it had been, even though my friends were warning me. Within three months between my high stress new job in healthcare and being at home, it was like being on eggshells all the time. My therapist (at the time) told me that I should leave my job... So I did. Stuck at home with my abuser and my mental health just kept getting worse. Then one day I heard him insult my friend the way he spoke to me and when I got mad and stood up for her was when it clicked ("why do I let him speak to me that way") ... It wasn't me that was crazy, it was him. It's been three years since I trespassed him and I still fear everyday he'll turn up on the doorstep like nothing happened and weasel his way back in.
Want to know HOW THE STORY ENDS? 🎬 Join our waitlist and be the first to know when the full length feature film comes out: tatjana-anders.com/your-reality-film/
If you're struggling to break free from a narcissist, here is a guided daily meditation to help regain your self-belief: ua-cam.com/video/_AzQzMtusEA/v-deo.html 💪
Wow! over 6 million views! 😍 Thank you so much for supporting our film and sharing it with your friends ❤🙏
For everyone who’s been asking me about the Official “Your Reality” Soundtrack Song - the artist asked me to share this link with you: distrokid.com/hyperfollow/echowantshervoiceback/your-reality-original-motion-picture-soundtrack-feat-blu-mo-special-version
On another note - here's a video that I hope some of you might find helpful: ua-cam.com/video/JIylmyN4sAc/v-deo.html
It's about how to learn to love ourselves ❤, because when we are in an abusive relationship (no matter if it's romantic, family, or platonic) the narcissist often convinces us that we're worthless and no one will ever love us. And if we end up falling into their trap, it takes considerable effort and a few useful techniques to change our mindset.
Also, we are currently working on a FEATURE FILM version of Your Reality. If you want to stay up to date with our progress, feel free to sign up to my newsletter here: tatjana-anders.com/your-reality-film/
Also, please like, subscribe and share with anyone who needs to see this film ❤
Here are some useful resources if you feel like the film hit a nerve:
www.refuge.org.uk/ - domestic abuse charity
lovefraud.com/ - great resources and a forum to get advice from people in similar situation
blog.melanietoniaevans.com/ - incredibly insightful blog posts on narcissists and gaslighting
"When love is a lie" by Zari Ballard (such a powerful book)
* Completely unrelated: if you are a tea lover like me, check out my company www.teapro.co.uk - a loose leaf tea subscription, which takes you on tea discovery journey around the world. 😇 🍵💚
@Mike Haas totally agree! Thank you for your support Mike :-)
WOW THIS WAS REALLY GOOD I CAN'T IMAGINE GOIN THROUGH THAT.
Very accurate description of the dynamic.
So Great!!
Survivor! This is amazing. Thank you for doing this!!!!
I told my daughter, it starts with backhand compliments. If they give you a compliment and back it up with an insult, RUN.
Good advice.
Good job mama!
These are the kind of guys that get the girl ... These are the kind of guys that windup with Everything ! : (
Matthew, not always entirely true. Though, yes, and true for both sexes. Because these kinds of people are master manipulators. Thankfully a lot of people are waking up to their tactics and less people are falling for it. So less of these kinds of men are getting the girl etc. These kinds of people cause tremendous harm.
Did he do that and I missed it? What did he say?
Red flag number one is the confusion. A good relationship doesn't include confusion. Someone who cares about you won't ever play games with your head and heart like that.
i wish i had someone t talk to about this, i am almost 1million % my man is a very bad very bad narcissist, ive never known someoe could be able 2 control me in the ways tht he does, ive been and still am {no matter what he tells me} a very very independant young women and ive always did everything and i mean absoultly EVERYTHING on my own, never once had to depend on anyone and im a lil spitfire i dont know why i am so scared to deal with this, its so controlling :( can some1 help
Kerrin Lebrasseur so sorry you’re dealing with this. You should find someone like your friend or family to talk to about it in secret. You’ll need help from those who actually love you to be able to leave him, narcissists can be dangerous :( getting away sooner is better than later. You realizing who he is and needing to leave is the first and most important step. I really hope you can get out of this and be happy as yourself ❤️
that is the truest comment i ever heard
@@kerrinlebrasseur3955 I’m so sorry. I’m feeling the same
thank you
Definitely a red flag when they constantly make you believe your memory isn’t good. They want to make you feel like you’re crazy.
Reminds me of girl on a train.
It's even worse when you do actually struggle with your memory...
@@estarriknight absolutely! 😔
So true
OR they never remember. They constantly confuse you with, but I don’t remember that. I don’t remember what I said. I wouldn’t have said that.
The way he is talking like he’s reading a script, is actually how it is in real life. After many years you begin to understand that they are putting on an act.
Seasoned divorce lawyer here. Avoid marrying a narcissist at all costs! Vet very carefully before you marry one! The divorce will be brutal, especially if you discard them and cause a narcissistic injury! Stay safe out there!
How can you tell if somebody is a narcissist before you fall in love?
Now I just supposed to run away at the very first sign?
Too late!!😵🤣
I had to call the cops on my narcisistic abusive husband. Divorce is on the menu I am already worried .
It's been x5 years trying to finalise my divorce, it's going to court at last on Monday. I am still petrified about the outcome. Good luck everyone else going through this! 💕
Care to elaborate? I've got an abusive wife who puts me down. Just last week the cops had to attend to our home because she lost it at me and started screaming and shouting. Smashing plates all over the apartment! Huge mess. Neighbours were scared and called the cops.
Dr. Ramani said the minute you feel like you have to start recording and saving messages like you're building a case....you're in trouble! And that is so true!!!
Exactly. I ended up putting the voice recorder app on every page on my phone so I could easily access it if needed. When the sh1t POS walked out, and tried to gaslight that as well, i had to make sure any communication was in writing
Yes if you start recording it’s time to get out.
I still have recordings that I kept from a 17 year marriage. But God found me, showed where I was and rescued me.
source please...
Wow
Sometimes being In a bad relationship can make you feel even lonlier than when you're single
Absolutely
So true.
🥺🥺🥺🥺😔😔
Omg.... so true!
Not sometimes. At all times.
A narcissist will never admit that they made a mistake. It is always you who is wrong. He pretends to get hurt when you finally stand up for yourself. He is nice to everybody including your friends. He will even make you look bad to your friends. So much manipulation. I thought I was crazy and shallow.
Not good
Mine always accuses me of stuff that doesn't even make sense. And that I making the mistakes.
And I sit back and think to myself
Does she actually believe all this crap???? And omg if I had a nickel for every time she's told me I need to get a reality check I could probably buy a new car.
I think the main difference is, I know what she's doing so I just leave when she's doing it and go back when she's not being a complete monster. Lol idk not the greatest way to live but also not the worst.
I love how in the beginning of the film, author included how her own mother calls her selfish. It all starts in the childhood with narcissistic parents
Yup
Sometimes it takes forever to realize your own parents were narcissistic...until you end up with one as an adult. Terrifying.
This observance is CRITICAL.
@@kateroonie8324 this is so true! I was with a bad one. Never again. Married total opposite.
Yes parents are not gods.
The fact that my gut just immediately reacted when he mentioned that she's late on the first date, made me a little happy to have developed a good intuition by now.
My argumentative ass would’ve been like “um so we said 8” even if I really was wrong.
Yess but is that because we knew what this was about, if it had just been a trailer for a romcom I wonder if we would have ignored it ?
@@Xyznnnnnnnn38 Probably. You always “catch” things once you know about them. It’s like, would you have known about that spider on your ceiling if I didn’t tell you?
I know, right?!? I’m like, oh man red flag! Maybe we need more of these as PSA. How to spot gaslighters. The problem is some are not so obvious. You have to collect data and then over time notice a pattern. But I’m so glad I am better at spotting gaslighting than I was before.
Can I ask why is this a red flag?
The most painful is how they are so charismatic and sweet to everyone in the world, and at home it's like a completely different person and when you try to speak up about everything, you hesitate so much because deep down you just KNOW nobody would believe you - because they would never allow others to see who he truly is at home
Yes!
nobody needs to believe you tho, ok maybe your close ones who you really trust but defo not strangers. i had a narc grandma and the only person that believed me was my best friend and no one else would but i couldnt care less so since i turned 16 i stopped saying personal things to strangers or complaining as why would you i only said some things to my best friend but still never complain
Same thing happens with my mother, she is a narcissist.
True,people still ask me 10 tears after my divorce why i left such a great guy,no mention of the fact I'm still alone but the great guy had my replacment in weeks after 36 years,just shows you how people never look at the bigger picture,they just see the smiling charmer in front off them.
Covert narcissists are the worst! I was with one for 16 years. Nobody get it except the ones who get it. ❤
Did anyone else realize that we didn’t know her name or at least he never said it until almost 12 minutes in, but she, along with her friend, said his name at least 15 or more times since the start? That was done extremely well. It’s such a subtle thing, but perfect.
What is the meaning behind this please
she says her name at 0:58 but u are right
@@marilynm2434is always about him
Her name is Alisha she said her name in the beginning.
@@tasha3939hey Tasha? The comment said HE never said her name. Not that it was never said by anyone. Try reading before spouting ignorance.
The constant little jabs, the backhanded compliments, the niceness followed by coldness. Oh so familiar.
It hits so hard!
My husband has been doing this to me lately & plays it off as he was just joking & makes it seem like I'm the bad person.
So so familiar🙄
Yup a narcissist that is so smooth so hard to detect especially the cheaters kind.
@@wendyvalencia7682 I don’t know anything about your relationship but if this film is reminding you of you and your husbands relationship, I think you should maybe ask yourself a few questions. Again I don’t know your relationship but I wish you the best 😙
I was married to the ultimate gaslighter. I didn't know what I was experiencing as I was young. It was pure HELL. In the end, we were in marriage counceling and we spoke uninterrupted, him first, about our marriage life. The most SATISFYING moment was when I pointed out some of the things he said and he starts gaslighting right there infront of the councilors!! The female councilor said sternly, "You DID say those things. We all heard you." I was so grateful that finally, someone, validated my anguish.... and we divorced shortly there after with no tears shed from me.
Ugh. This must have been very relieving, I literally got goosebumps reading it. I wish someone witnessed what I had been going through as well because people around me always make it out to be like I wasn’t tolerant enough or like I was quick to anger. No one understands the effects of long term gaslighting and manipulation.
❤ congratulations on leaving ladies!!
Atta girl 💕
More power to you, my father gaslighted my mother more than 30 years. Now, she has separated her way after a lot of struggle, and still, she has many problems that need to be rectified. I can feel you. God bless you.
* counsellor
The part where he even called her friend and was basically trying to establish himself as the "kind and caring" boyfriend despite being the manipulative one...that part really made me choke up.
My ex boyfriend did that to me. Send my gf an email. Making me look like I was out of control. She answered him back. “
Have you talk to her about it ? I have nothing to say to you . Either you tell her about your email or I will “. He was trying to get me to loose my friends . I should have walked then. It took me 3 years .
My ex now dead husband did the same to me when I filed for divorce. He called my best friend and asked her about my temper. She did not fall for it. Her husband told her that she needed to call me. She did.
All Relationship R Different
To Each other & Family and Friends 👩❤️💋👨
WOMEN? I’m a man and I think my girlfriend is gaslighting me too: “I didn’t say that” is her favorite phrase, even though I know she did. A lot of MEN have to deal with narcissistic behavior from their partners. (Example : Will Smith from Jada.)
.
Flying monkeys...
When she says her meeting went well and he says “glad I could help.” 😢
Seriously. It ALWAYS has to be about them, unless things are going badly, then it’s YOUR fault.
Hahahahahahaha so same dialougs 😅 as if reminded me my past
Why is that bad? He helped buy those coffes and did not say a thing, and when the woman told him that the coffes helped then he answered. I think thats what everyone would have said in this situation.
Wow really he probably damaged the file
THIS
He’s draining her energy and sucking the life out of her. I love how Mark calls her friend as if he’s concerned about her. See how he does that? Makes himself look like a great guy to everyone in society. Meanwhile, her life begins to fall apart, but not by her own will..he’s put up a facade that has everyone believing she has issues and his life is under control. He has completely robbed her of her potential. She starts failing at work and starts drinking more. This is a psychologically dark place to be. This is right where he wants her in order for him to maintain control.
I better increase my energy because I have low energy due to lack of sleep/anxiety people might think im a narcissist
THIS! This was what my ex-husband did to a tee! Call or talk to people about how I was having "issues." He was very charismatic and we'll spoken in public settings. This vid is too creepy real.😔
The worst part about that scene is not so much how he is viewed by people around her, but how isolated she became. First, her friend thinks she is the problem. But even worse, the woman knows she can’t trust her friend anymore because she might run back to the boyfriend if she says the wrong thing. Her network for help just dwindles down and leaves her without safe people to help get out of the abuse and she ends up feeling more alone and distrustful of her safe people.
So true!
The saddest part in one of these situations is sometimes the gaslighter doesn’t even realize what is going on. Hell I’m still questioning my own sanity after my last relationship. Everyone, her and her friends kept telling me I was a crazy gaslighting pos. I actually started to think I was. I’m still not sure what happened. I can’t tell up from down anymore.
The problem is it’s sometimes easier to see narcissism from the outside, when you’re not the one in the so-called relationship. You make excuses for them and blame yourself.
So true! That’s exactly why made this film!
That’s because your parents made excuses for their negative behavior towards you and then blamed you it’s sick & sad
@@tanit7741 I don’t know, maybe. I had a great childhood though, both my parents were very caring. Their relationship with each other wasn’t great though, but they never split up.
Trauma bonds suck!
Exactly. And the worst thing is that even if they abuse you just can’t leave. It’s like a trauma bond. Right after I was raped he came into my life. And now he’s abusive but I can’t leave and I’m trying to.
It's really telling that I recognized EVERYTHING he was doing:
1) Silent Treatment
2) Pre-planned smear campaign
3) Projection
4) Moving too fast
5) Waiting for a milestone in their relationship(moving in, marriage, pregnancy) to show his true colors.
6) Ignoring her boundaries
7) Negging
8) Devaluing
9) Gaslighting
EDIT: take a screenshot of how she looked in the beginning and then at the end. I always tell people in relationships to examine themselves in the mirror: if you look worse than you did before you met them then you’re not being treated properly!
Edit: Thank you for the likes, I’m sorry that you all going through this and I’m glad you’re recognizing the signs. I’m proud of all of you! 💕💕
there's also the point where she is confiding in him about losing her projects and instead of empathizing he starts gloating about himself and his success. I don't know what this is called but its very frustrating when people do this. (overshadowing? trying to make her feel less than?)
@@alliewalsh1 I think it’s similar to gaslighting but could be stonewalling or dismissive and redirecting the attention to himself since people like this always have to be the center of attention
@@ServantStatusMinistries yeah I definitely think it’s about redirecting and centering the attention on themselves now that you mention it. It can go the other way too like I know someone who does this even with pain. I used to dislocate my shoulder often and would be in excruciating pain but somehow she had it worse by having a headache?? Just weird belittling shit to make you feel insignificant and make themselves feel powerful I guess.
@@alliewalsh1 I would say what he's doing about dismissing her problem is a character of narcissist probably (cmiiw).
And yeah I saw people do that very often liek when you're telling your own problem and they would just go "ah it's not that bad as my problem" then they will start talking about them
That's why I don't talk about my problems to people, because neither they won't understand nor they would ever want to listen 🤦🏻♀️
And I know it's not a good thing to just let your feelings bottled up, but I guess for me it's better than try to get sympathy for people who don't even willing to in the First place
@@Yuqideqiko I was thinking this reminded me of the covert style of narcissism. And no it really isn’t good to keep things bottled up! Maybe I can recommend speaking with a therapist as they can be very helpful and are payed to respond to you without talking about themselves. It’s quite relieving. If you can’t afford therapy it’s really important to surround yourself with people who listen as much as they talk
"You're not well." Sent shivers up my spine, in a very bad way. Insidious.
She's doped up, zombified on those meds..her poor drugged foggy eyes....
My junkie, narcissistic, BPD, sociopathic (not diagnosis-just options) tried to tell me I’m schizophrenic or, rather, a very nuanced/niche diagnosis, schizotypal. He said he reads a lot so that’s how he knows and was able to guess.
I call BS.
Never seen him read in my life and the jail/prison libraries have a pretty limited selection.
Not on your best day, loser.
I hit rock bottom and was crying because of his treatment one night and his response was “Wow. You need help”. I’ve never gotten over that….the person you love and trust the most can take your vulnerability and hurt and make you feel crazy
I’d love to see one about parental gaslighting….cuz that’s a whole different kind of physiological power.
Yes, can you please do a film on that?
same here. I remember my mom trying to get herself a good story to feed on after my first breakup with a boyfriend, even then I refused to give it to her, told her no you weren't interested before and now no thanks.
Going thru parental one now after all these years, it's really screwed my head up
My whole life.
Ohhhhh lordy it is!! 😥 Doctor gaslighting is also a problem
So that's how a vibrant young, thriving woman becomes this docile, numb victim! No one really knows what happens behind closed door. We only see the end result. We don't see the process. Everyone thinks the guy is the nice one when in fact, he's the abuser. I can definitely relate!
It is mad isn’t it... this film is really useful for some of us who are a bit too naive...
They start out wonderful answer to your prayers !! By the time they turn to get control... you just want the other guy back . Not this nasty one
Yes they fool some with their false persona yet look closer and you see the anger and contempt come trough.
They can be real charmers at first. But you don't show up at the guy's place after dark. Bad choice.
It really does happen just like this! 😥
Moral of the story:little things really matters and one should never ignore little signs.
so true!!
YES! 💯
Listen to your gut instincts. Don’t make excuses for them.
Listen and end it when the signs are there it gets worse when you stay longer
And note that this is one of the very things Alicia and Mark talk about at the beginning; the little things.
The part where her friend takes her side but she immediately starts giving excuses for him is too relatable
Mine did the same thing
Mine also did the exact same thing
Yes too relatable for me too
My sister does this all the time. I always ask her why she's making excuses for someone who treats her like trash.
I used to do the same thing
She was explaining his extreme overreaction to her friend, and then moved her glass onto the coaster, knowing he’d flare up if he saw that. Wow.
I noticed that too
That was the introduction to the entire horror.
It's the little things. 😬
i thought she had ocd or some thats why she did that
What are you saying? She wanted him to get upset, slap her and abuse her? So it’s her fault? Is that what you mean?? Wow to you too!
The part where her friend says you're the least selfish person I know is so crucial. Because narcissistic people only target at those kind of people. I was one of those people until I got a bad experience with a narcissistc person. Now I have to force myself to be more selfish and show myself respect that I suppresed for sooo long because of this person. Don't let anyone break you. They are the selfish ones, not you.
This is so true! I think it's very important to understand that narcissists are really good at screening their victims and they always go for the "easy prey" who are usually loving, kind and selfless people that enjoy putting others before themselves.
I'm so glad you've regained your self-respect and self-love. I think it's truly the best weapon against narcissists.
Exactly right on 👑💕💕💕
This has happened to me too, the narcissists twist all of your good nature to be evil and they try to act like you're a fraud when it reality it's projection from them onto us.
It's not selfishness. It's boundaries.
Its crazy because I've been there too. I read somewhere that the narcissist is actually parts of yourself that you repressed for so long and if you don't accept those parts of your ''shadow'' they will manifest in your life as a person until you learn to be both light and shadow. because you can't be just good all the time.
Wow. How fast life can change when you let certain people in your life. What an eye opener.
👍💖💖💖💖💖
My father was a narcissist. I met my abuser at 15 in high school, and we married before I graduated. This film was my life for 37 years. Praise God that I'm free. I had to move halfway across the country and hide, was granted a divorce, and started my life over. I'm working on healing day by day. This happens in more homes than you'd ever guess.
it also happens way less than people make it out to seem as a lot of people just label others narc for pointing out their bad behaviour and stuff ( not saying you)
ohmygosh!! May God continue to be your strength to persevere
***Hugs*** I'm happy you're safe now. xoxo
❤🙏🙏🙏
It’s my story also 😢
His backhanded comment about the risotto being cold. I would’ve left. I’m so sorry for everyone who has gone through similar situations. Sending love to you all
A normal person would've just heated up the food and be quiet about the non problem it is!
Right!! Thank you!!
I think it’s more calculated, a form of degradation to chip away.
It’s calculated. He lied about the date starting at 7:30 instead of 8 because he was testing her to see if he could get away with these small manipulations. The “cold risotto” was to make her feel guilty and have to make it up to him. My ex used to consistently be anywhere from 10-30 minutes late for dates, and I’d just be sitting alone waiting for him. He never apologized for it. The one time I was late, he made me feel so guilty about it, I apologized like 10,000 times. Looking back, I hate seeing how easily I was manipulated.
My ex was late to everything. At one point, we sat in the car as New Years was counting down so she could adjust her hair/makeup. When we eventually got into the event, the Champaign was done and everyone was moving on to the next club or whatever.
She also consistently showed up late to dinner. Even when I lied and told her it was 30min earlier than actually reserved. I was almost always late to my own birthday parties.
I get what this clip is trying to convey, but it seems shallow/ignorant when contrasted with my lived experience.
When he turned her own best friend against her. That was the part that did it for me.
That is real and happens
@@karadanvers6136 In my case my sister is the one who gaslight me. Today she said something bad to me and after that she leave home. And then I spent all evening outside of home watching anime and then she saw how my little sister who just came back from hostel was upset due to seeing my sad face ( My intention wasn't to make anyone sad. I just wanted to spent some time alone ). But then my elder sister came to me and starts arguing with me because I made our little sister sad. I told my elder sister that "You hurted my feelings and you didn't give a shitt so why should I care"??
I'm the middle one and my elder sister never loved me or neither cared for me. She always loved and cared about my younger sister and would probably kill me too.
So I've recently detected this red flags and now I've decided to completely cutt off all my connections with them.
mine was a roommate. it was 4 of us in the apt, she turned my best friend against me. in the end she saw who she really was, but it was too late for us. damage was done.
@@makizenin1840 it’s hard to cut off family but sometimes it’s self preservation.
@@karadanvers6136 I agree but I'm tired of this same toxic sisterhood cycle over and over again.
I used to be a good sister when I didn't speak for myself but now I'm a bad sister because I chose to speak up for myself. My whole family is garbage🗑.
It's so toxic to live here.
I’ve had this film saved for nearly two years, knowing it would be relevant to my life. Today is the day I watched it, and today is the day Dr. Ramani’s book It’s Not You arrived at my door. I can’t quite explain what changed for me, or why it happened now, but I can say with certain that YOU are strong enough to see your abuser and to leave.
You sound like his bot
Narcs aren’t just partners. They’re parents and bosses too. Keep a journal if you suspect you’re being gaslit. Document your interactions with said gaslighter: date, time, what you tell them, and what they say. Documentation is gold when dealing with any gaslighter, (especially an abusive boss should you go to HR or a lawyer) It takes time to leave an abusive situation. Minors with abusive parents have to wait until they’re adults. It can take months to find a new job or new place to live. Keeping a journal helps debunk the gaslighting, which preserves your sanity in the meanwhile.
I used to do that. I just can't anymore. It was a catharsis for me but then I realized I was being buried by spiral notebooks. I have thrown away hundreds of them, not even joking. You can't write it all down - and if you do, you can't possibly keep it all. Then it turns into rumination and that's HORRIBLE on a person.
@@brooke5395 Thank you for the perspective. It shouldn’t be lots of notebooks. It’s more like a ledger instead of a traditional journal. Keep your feelings out of it, best you can.
Recording with your iPhone works too.
I finally retained a lawyer for my work situation. Even though I reached out to HR, they always sided with my boss.
Wow I never thought of documentation for sanity thank you
I couldn't get justice despite my meticulous documentation. My coworkers even thought I needed a lawyer, but they're still rotten they only take slam-dunk cases if you're not paying by the hour.
The first thing he said to her about her lateness made my skin crawl immediately
I forgive you as if he’s Christ lol
Yeah I’d not have accepted a 2nd date after that comment.
Sadly for narcs I was one of those 20 year olds who didn't doubt the time we confirmed. "No we said 19h30" "um no." Not sorry . Narcissist family on the other hand is a whole other story.
Manipulation from day one.
What a dick! Plus he ate without her?!?!
I used to be in an abusive relationship and now when I date, if a man is too rigid or tries to correct me in a belittling manner no matter how small the statement, or shows the slightest bit of irritation or anger early on, I literally run for the hills. If they’re like that in the beginning it’s only gonna be worse later.
Exactly. I just had to ✂️cut this guy off yesterday. He was so agitated, defensive, and angry! All right before our first date. Not going down that path again....don't ignore the warning signs/red flags everyone!
Same, I had a guy try to correct me on a fact that I knew to be true. Once he googled and realized he was wrong, he backpedaled so fast and apologized but I was immediately turned off by his need to be *right.*
if only every woman had as much caution, sense, self-love and self-respect as you, there would be significantly less domestic and other kinds of relationship abuse in this world.
Same
Maybe you actually did something that warrants criticism. You are not perfect, no one is. If you can't take even the slightest bit of criticism with out getting super defensive then good luck being with anyone that isn't a complete pathetic whipped simp
This film triggered me, this is exactly how I feel. Finding myself in such a difficult situation and kind of helpless.
I could barely make it through the film. Sent shivers at the thought of being in it again.
Youre not alone
Leave! Find a good therapist and a goid friend to support you!
How are you doing?
RUN.....
If you can't run, walk away . If you can't walk....crawl.
But whatever you do, don't remain in than situation
Right from the beginning she was apologizing and doubting herself. If you ever catch yourself doing that, stop. Trust yourself and check in with yourself. If something feels off it is, that's a good indication that you need to proceed with caution and keep your wits about you. Never explain yourself either. Stand firm.
She came from a home where she was used to being gaslighted by her mother. She makes a comment about how she's not good enough for her early in the video. Gaslighters pick there targets very specially and she was open for this. He then slowly "groomed" her until she was undehis complete control.
Narcissist abuse is real ua-cam.com/video/gbkNlBNBZA8/v-deo.html
I wish I knew this 3 years ago
I always felt this way even in my young adult years 😭
Apologies have a place. But I completely agree with you. If you find yourself doubting your intuition or putting yourself down...you gaslighting yourself first. We teach people how to treat us by what we allow. I'm preaching to myself here.
I think this should be taught in school as a mandatory subject. So many of us lose ourselves to gaslighting without even realising it. This is gut wrenching.
I agree 100%. This should be thought in schools!
Yess!!
I agree, though there would be some sort of irony with that since most teachers are narcissists themselves.
I agree
Yea definitely many of us don’t realise this till years later 😣
This is sooooo in-depth. She literally fell from a woman of substance to a woman of doubt, insecurities, and medicating. He isn’t just a narcissists, he is a narcissistic sociopath.
and complete CONTROL FREAK and sadist, even to the point of DESTROYING HIS VICTIM. It's FUN for them!
I was with one so high spectrum I think he is a psychopath he was wayyyy worse than this guy in the films. The harassment and stalking to me and my family was so bad I had a nervous breakdown.
😢😢😢🙋🏻♀️
100%. And they don't need to be sociopaths to do that, though. Narcissist traits are utterly dangerous in the long term.
OMG
Many relationships start not abusive and end up abusive. Excellent film well done. Major red flag the put downs
When you finally snap at at narcissist after being poked and put down, they always come back with- “you’re too sensitive, why are you reacting that way, you’re so crazy, we were just having fun, etc blah blah blah. Narcissistic siblings and parents can make you think you’ve really lost your mind.
Don't forget the "You have a problem". I've heard that one enough times.
@Casey Buonaugurio Art or "I dont know why you acting like that" (just hurted my feelings)
Omg yes!
That's what my mother have said to me, when I'll told her to stop it.
Along with " Your so -sensitive, selfish, paranoid, such a bitch" while trying to have boundaries or stand up for yourself, as a child so confused about what's you're doing wrong and why.. leads you into those type of relationships and still takes you forever to realize it after being stabbed in the face, and severe injuries and the intimidation and hot cold behavior continues along with breaking into your home and constant harassment with calls, showing up... Really a lot of recovery to do.
Run away from these signs and never look back!
Red flag is when your partner starts to speak to your friends and family about you behind your back either criticizing you or even at first trying to make friends of your friends so that they can later twist their perseption of you. Its a betrayal and a no no.
Even telling your children personal things that will cause distance but of course they are just trying to " help" by manipulating your close family and friends. In the end no one will believe you, or help you, according to the narcissist, because they all " know" your crazy!!
@@andrabcool1600 This is me now my husband poisoned my son against me. He told my family horrible lies I don't have anybody in my life .I am disabled and he walked out on me ,if I was healthy I would be able to work and not need a thing from him. After 25 years together this is the last thing I ever thought would happen. My mother and brother are also narcissists so I had to deal with this my whole life.
WTF 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂this comment is a red flag
I’ve done this. I talked about him to my friends and family and they perceived him differently. Looks like I was wrong.
@@lunakat7020 Pray through. It's the only way I myself make it, for sure.
So, this was probably the most uncomfortable thing I’ve watched this year. Why? Because it is probably happening to thousands, if not millions of people everyday. Very well done and hopefully this raises awareness.
Thank you Aaron, I really hope it can make a difference 🙏 Thank you for your support
She had a career, imagine to those doesn't have
I wish I would’ve recorded my ex. And left sooner. I see all the red flags now looking back but unfortunately gaslighting is really effective
I have been in a relationship just like this for the past 11 years, I'm not the person I once was and realize how miserable, sad and depressed I am, no one knows the real truth, I hope to one day get out for good and be happy not have to watch what I say all the time and have constant anxiety
Yessss!!
She starts so full of life, seeing her friend etc, then her life ends up revolving around him.
Little digs, constant critiques. They are miserable people and want you to think you’re the cause of all their problems. Then they get people around you to think you’re the cause of the problems too.
True experienced it
why why do they do that? what a pathetic life goal to have
Constant
@@vvelvettearss They can’t feel superior unless you are proven deficient. It’s pathological. They feel strong by making you weak. A healthy person can’t sustain balance and perspective with constant assault. This is exactly how militia break down prisoners of war.
@@steviecrow914 yes I'm aware. I was with...lets just call him a jerk, he wasn't as bad as this guy but one time mentioned "but you're shoes..." and some other things and to that kind of criticism i think "fuck you I don't comment on your shoes you don't get to comment on mine"
I left him eventually but I guess I have trouble understanding why some humans make this life goal like..seriously are they happy doing this with their time ? I guess they never learnt how to be nice huh
In my view no loser has the right to critique anyone else this is why I avoid relationships so I don't have to put up with that shit that here I had a relatively stable life and by letting this person in I've opted for it being a miserable one because a dribbling insecure adult child with nothing better to do has decided to amuse themselves by "trying to put my down " HAHA no wonder my ex got frustrated.
it was rough BUT I'm very gunshy and avoidant and I've always kept distance from people's opinions and influence and always will so that helped me maintain things. he never purchased power over me by his criticisms oh he tried I'm sure but "you're psychotic (because I speak up when I need to), "you don't drink THAT much" (I literally almost never touch alcohol NEVER except in times of extreme extreme stress and I hate it anyway and guess who caused the stress hmm?? )
So i gave as good as I got and even now I wouldn't take criticisms from anyone they can go fuck themselves and apply their own advice and stew in their tantrums :D
They can only exert as much power as you give them they are just WORDS.
But physical is another matter . It comes down to what you said maintaining healthy balance and perspective and not letting yourself be "broken down"
the first sign of trying to influence me and I'm on my way out, society will fuck you up let alone insecure overgrown children with an angry 10 yr olds brain
But I know people are in impossible situations and really send them my best wishes and prayers and that they find the strength to make themselves leave either physically or gain the mental strength
Sorry for the long spiel I guess I had a lot to say haha
I find myself happier being mostly a hermit
"In human psychology it's the little things that make the biggest difference..." Great line for a film about gaslighting.
Right? 😂
great.. little things.. sound like we ADHD are doomed.. 😢
That line was very foretelling to me
Lol..I missed the red flags bc I have the attention span of a squirrel..lol. Now I see all of the red flags over two decades later from life experience...an expert if you will.
He KILLED her light, her soul, and he shine. My shine is gone too, and it is hell trying to get it back. More people should see this short film
Story of my life with a narcissist right now.. 😢 💔
when did we lose who we used to be?
can we get ourselves back again?
i can barely even remember now…
what is was like…
being me…
@@kristineskinner6224 same, i dont remember if i used to laugh ... is so scary once one is damage how your pov of life change
@@kristineskinner6224 Being happy...feeling safe and relaxed around someone.
For everyone who is reading this comment...
You cannot let that one person ruin who you are n who you want to be! Do not let that person dictate ur life, ur happiness! You did not work so hard all your life so that the one toxic person could come n ruin it for you! Be happy! Love youself enough! Laugh n take care of yourself! Live your life the best way you could! You are here for a reason! Be the best version of youself! Don't stop loving yourself coz someone else doesn't! Who are they to judge!? Do things that make you happy then only you will be able to spread happiness around you!
It's so subte that you don't realize what's happening until it's too late. I'm financially ruined and dependent on him but I'm making a plan to get out.
This should be a requirement for junior high/high school students to watch. Male and female. More awareness is important.
Great film.
Thank you Liz!
Yaaaassssss!
It really should be! Help young people learn the signs. This scenario happens at all ages too, imagine how much better it would be if this type of sickness was fought off early.
@@juliahartley-barnes975 totally agree!
I’ve been saying it for years.
By the time I left the relationship I was “an alcoholic” and “bipolar” who needed to take their meds. A year later I can go without a drink for weeks and I can stop at one. A year later I am not on meds Bc i don’t even suffer from depression.
Gaslighting kills
Thanks so much for sharing! It's so true, they make you out to be "ill" and "crazy", because it makes it easier for them to get away with all their lies. Glad you managed to leave and feel better now! Sending hugs your way!
@@TatjanaAnders thank you and honestly this video helped me and I’m sure so many others!
@@JayThe0 I had a similar experience. I'm really happy to hear you are doing well.
🤗💜👏
@@Muchjoy.. I hope you are doing we too, I had no idea I wasn’t alone before this video….
Similar story here... Now, in a healthy relationship, there are no constant mental breakdowns. For a while I really thought I would end up in a mental institution.
I would LOVE to see a short film about how narcissistic abuse can cause the victim to become more angry, hostile, irritated and lash out at times. It would be even more accurate to show this bc not all victims become quiet and numb. Some victims (personal experience here) will flip bw the depressed, numb and silent victim to a victim full of anger whonlashes out and yells and acts crazy bc of the abuse. Show how the narc uses this to "flip the narrative" and confuse the victim even more and guilt trip the victim. Just a thought. Otherwise, great short
Yep this is super accurate. In my experience I could be very confrontational when he would try to confuse me. Completely out of my character I would lose it, start hitting myself, yelling or sometimes hitting him (he was 6”4 and strong so I had no chance of actually hurting the guy) but then it gave him the perfect evidence to back up his claims that I was the abusive one and that I needed help.
omg this comment
This is called reactive abuse :( Look it up.
Yes! Then the victim can feel even more crazy because they’re exhibiting abusive behavior that wouldn’t exist if they weren’t being abused in the first place! So that’s why many people see a toxic relationship and say “they’re both toxic, they’re both abusive, they’re both to blame” not necessarily true. Reactive abuse is the correct term.
@@cherrypop4675 Yes exactly! I got told “it takes two to tango”
extremely misinformed.
It’s been 6 years since I left and I haven’t been remotely violent to myself or anyone else. Whereas I know that his behaviour with the girlfriends he had after me has been just as violent if not more so.
Goodness, I could barely get through the whole 21 mins of this video, for all the "recall" and "flashbacks" I was experiencing while watching. This short film is "SPOT ON". Perfect example of how people are "gaslit" and then begin to lose themselves to their abusers' reality. I was there. And I escaped... thanks to GOD! I remember praying for strength and wisdom and instruction of what to do. I am still so so grateful that no matter WHO DIDN'T BELIELVE that this "good ole guy" I was with was so manipulative (and a covert narcissist)... I HAD TO ESCAPE or lose my own sanity.
Living with an abuser really does feel like you're in a psychological horror film. It's a surreal experience I would never wish on anyone. Please, if someone treats you like this, man or woman, get help and leave at the safest opportunity. It never gets better.
YES 👍 Indeed it does. Xxxx
She used to tell me that if I left, she'd kill herself and it would be my fault... Kept me around for a long time with that; till I was too worn out to even feel like a human anymore, then she finally moved to the next victim... Fortunately I learned a lot and have been better than ever; I have actual boundaries now and I stay away from people with that Emotional Plague
It's only getting worse
Right the four staples in my head says it all.
@@andrewvanoort8539my ex scratched his wrist with a knife when I called him out on his bullshit with receipts. Scariest shit 😮
God, the way her light is gone and she's just an empty vessel... I remember when I was like that. If the short film continued he would get bored with her because there was nothing left and make her feel like it's her fault that he's leaving her.
This video really makes me appreciate where I am in life now and how far I have come from healing from all the abuse.
I'm so glad you managed to leave it behind and are happy! Kudos to you! ❤
yes exactly! I have even photographs from the period where I look like an empty vessel just like in this movie. And family and ex boyfriend enjoyed it together making me think something was seriously wrong with me...
@@TatjanaAnders Any tips on how to handle jealously???
Never been in a proper relationship but I would not like It in general I am possessive over most things food money ect my items.
I’m not violent or aggressive but how do I get rid of this toxic trait. I don’t like it when certain friends hang out with others (even though I never say anything).
If I had a partner I’d be so unhappy and secretly stressed.
I know physically controlling and doing stuff like is wrong but doesn’t mean I like it either.
Any tips????
@@andrewdodds8908 I think you have to find the root, why I you feel that way. There must be a reason why you are feeling the need to be that possesive, why are you feel instantly "betrayed" if your loved ones have a good time with others. Maybe, you feel like you are not good enough and they will leave you for someone else.
I think seeking professional help is always a good option, it can help you understand how you work (subconciously) and why you feel that way. After that, you can work towards a solution and some self-healing because most of us have buried problems and most of the time we are not even aware of that.
I wish you all the best and I hope you can find a solution to your problems.
😢😢I just burst out crying...all too familiar!
The way he let her be frustrated, did not help her in anyway find her phone, or show any care, but made her feel stupid- that was spot on narcissism.
Did you notice how she picked up the glass and put it on the coaster? She was probably previously insulted over not doing so, and now she is just used to being overly careful not to do anything wrong to avoid getting into a fight or upsetting him.
I still find myself panicking when I drop food or do something subtly wrong, I have to remind myself the narcissist isn’t here anymore and I am safe.
That was such a nice and subtle touch there. This short film is too accurate.
YESSSS!!!
Wow, good observation
Or, trying to gain control or something...anxiety, OCD -- all ways to try to gain control when you don't have it.
Ptsd
When I came out of my relationship I could hardly remember what I liked to eat, or wear, or watch on television. It took me a while to rediscover myself bit by bit before I stopped just doing everything his way. It took a couple of years to regain my confidence, but now looking back, I was so young and inexperienced, and I was being destroyed bit by bit without realising. I do think that marriage has been traditionally set up, from the moment a bride is “given away” by one man to another and becomes “Mrs Him,” to enable husbands to exercise this coercive control. In my seventieth year, quarter of a century later, I still wake up every morning rejoicing in my freedom even if it’s just to choose coffee over tea!
All of these happened to me. Went out drinking, soon as we got home he'd abuse me for "flirting w his friends", "being a sl*t", when I would be friendly. Then the wine glass thing happened, slashed his own hand when he broke a wine glass and convinced an entire village that I did it when they asked about his bandage. Then the calling me an alcoholic despite the fact that i was drinking just to deal with him. Broke up a week ago, he said I'd never be happy without him. I may be lonely, isolated and idle, but I'm sure as hell happier without him. You got this girls ❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏🙏
I assure you that you will be happy ❤ I wish you the best through these times
You are a Miracle & i am utterly proud of you 🫶👑😍
For those of us raised to be subservient, people pleasers instead of our parents reaffirming we are valuable, leaves us wide open for this kind of abuse. This was a great short film showing how this beautiful, sweet soul was twisted into the narcissist web of lies & deceit. Every innocent young child should be taught awareness of this type of abuse. 😢
Spot on! Add little boys to the list, we are taught to take care of things we love and can become people pleasers too. Teaching from home, religion and all sorts of places come into play.
Exactly our parents set it up
@@mistiquefire3462 I'm not blaming parents bc it was just a time in society where many kids were expected to work, get married & have babies.
@@mistiquefire3462Agreed, Missy! As a 50-yr old Gen Xer dude, I am SO FED UP WITH BOOMERS not taking any accountability and THEM/THEN BLAMESHIFTING when convenient, throwing you UNDER THE BUS, as if you or I are the BAD "guy" or "GIRL"!
Yes! Being told not to argue, not to be disagreeable… this is where it leads.
Accusations from a narcissist are the closest thing to a confession you’ll ever get.
I'm framing this quote
100%
1000%. I would feel insane because everything he was accusing me of would be exactly what he was doing. Not just with cheating, but with any of his hurtful or destructive behavior. Or I would tell him something and he would argue how I was wrong and stupid but then someone else would say the EXACT thing I said and he would AGREE. like, verbatim, even. It was such a baffling nightmare.
During the time I was planning my escape, my ex accused me of plotting to murder him. Projection can be terrifying when you know what they're doing.
@@yuriinationomg same!!! I hated this so much!
When they start saying you don't need to work... Run. Then they start to control you financially and believe me, that extends further than you'd ever think, to what you eat, wear, do, etc.
It happened so slowly. 2013. Corpus Christi,Tx. I worked two jobs. I like nice things. ownd car little convertible rear engine. My own apartment. Paid my bills. Lost everything eight months then he beat me up, took him to court and gave him a record. I win.
Big red flag,the national anthem 'You can't work, take care of the kids,ur future lays in their hand.Wicked souls.
@@TawakaltAbimbola-cq8es I had a guy acquaintance who once said that when his wife gives birth she would have to quit her job and open a grocery. That it would be the best option for her and i was like wtf.
Exactly !
😢
Every single manipulation tactic all but implies the use of the lying tactic and the gaslighting tactic. I actually dislike it a little calling out gaslighting as a manipulation tactic as it's actually an effect. All manipulation tactics will contribute to it by nature of what manipulation is. Some tactics however certainly take the gaslighting effect to a whole different level. Blatant lies that are so bad they insult your intelligence is one of them. That kind of shit will make you feel like you are in the twilight zone after a while. Here are some of the reasons they do this: To test their control. To feel superior and/or entertainment. This proves to themselves how much control they have over you. In the end, you will give up and you will not leave (trauma bonded). In the process of getting to the giving up stage, you will go through some pretty nasty emotional states ending in massive amounts of cognitive dissonance to swallow all of that. Cognitive dissonance is a trauma defense mechanism where you essentially lie to yourself in various ways so that you can bring back some semblance of equilibrium to the insanity you find yourself unable to escape from. As part of the ‘backing you into an emotional corner’ tactic. This is a tactic where you are manipulated into being emotionally unstable inevitably leading to you losing your shit. This gives the narcissist a big dopamine burst, they feel powerful and superior having so deftly controlled you and manipulated into this emotional state. To finish the little game they play, they make sure to point out how unhinged and unstable you are and suggest that perhaps you need help or medication. Of course, you will internalize all that shame and guilt and the million other raging emotions they have created and swallow all that essentially allowing them to scapegoat their blame and accountability onto you. Bring on some more cognitive dissonance and gaslighting effects. To condition you to expect less respect, and ultimately put up with more abuse. You will tire of the inevitable circular argument trying to convince the narcissist of the blatantly obvious lie and eventually find yourself challenging them less and less as you subconsciously accept the fact that if you do it will just make your life and emotional state more miserable and you will be denied the satisfaction of any kind of ‘win’ even if it is easy to disprove. This is part of the domination process and makes sure all the power in the relationship ends up with them by the end. To turn your mind to mush as the gaslighting effect takes hold more and more over time. This makes you even easier to control. Many times while easy to disprove it requires some kind of concession of some obvious truth that the narcissist can just doggedly refuse to agree with or remember (‘the intentional forgetting’ tactic and the ‘feigned confusion or ignorance’ tactics are often employed for this). So, in fact, it is not so easy to prove when the narcissist refuses to correctly remember what happened 10 min ago or accept sound logic or reasoning. You will just turn blue in the face trying. Of course, in some cases it is indisputable. A phone log or something. My experience is when this kind of stuff happens it wasn’t their intention typically, although sometimes it was. But in these scenarios, you will typically get some sort of angry ‘invalidating’ tactic, with some good old ‘manufactured rage’ and ‘intimidation’ tactics to ‘put you on the defensive’ and get you more susceptible to further manipulation. Maybe something like: “Get over yourself already” followed up by some ‘blame-shifting’ tactics with some good old ‘guilt’ and ‘shame’ tactics, like “Why the hell are you spying on my phone records anyway? What kind of relationship is this? I don’t have any privacy? I don’t know if I can do this anymore! You have major jealousy issues! You need help!” You will walk away as the loser either way. There are resistance tactics that can be used but this is a very difficult tactic to deal with and it is one of their favorites. I won’t get into the counter-tactics here though. The only way to really win in a relationship with a narcissist is to leave them and go no contact. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done Metaspyhub@gmail. com,,
Wow you nailed it🎉
All those people who have experienced gaslighting, silent treatment, future faking along with betrayal.... Stay strong. You've learned what many don't.
Future faking! So true.
Thank you x
That Part!
Thank you
I'm not sure if I learned through that
When you feel "crazy" and "alone" in a relationship then you are probably being abused. You can escape even if you don't think there's a way out. There's always a way out. It will never get better.
That’s exactly how you feel! You are called crazy, useless, weak and a liar when you try to confront them. I left after two years and never looked back. There is always a way out. Some days I just wish I haven’t waited two years to call it quits
My ex used to do this to me. He would hide my things then tell me my memory was getting bad. Then I would find my things later on. I could write a book on the topic
Wow! Thats exactly how it feels 😔
It can be psychological escape when this is the case, these narcs prey on sensitive or anxious people, and make it feel like they're the problem. Why would someone take up for themselves if they feel like they're at fault? Exactly. I think that is what keeps them in that place...
This how alot often get away with it
The day she moves in and jokes “I hope you’re not having second thoughts” (after he scolds her many boxes), the silence is SO loud in his absence of reply. The casual way her plea for comfort and reassurance is just ignored made my heart leap.
Yep
Yes I noticed this too! My ex would do it to me
@@zionhulbert8489 same then he married someone else without breaking up with me you have no idea when i got to know about it i felt like someone shot me right through my heart--- i was so naive then i got my answer and i felt so satisfied and free..
@@Elif_sh I'm so sorry you went through that, & congratulations on your freedom 🤍 it is the most amazing feeling after living a toxic life with a narc
okay i think people are definitely over exaggerating… he did not scold her the dude was just joking around with her
I’m in shock - my 32 years married and living in abuse played out right before my eyes in this video!!!😮😢 Things I had forgotten about rose to the surface and I see where the slow, insidious abuse gradually grew worse. Wow. Just wow.
So spot on. I hope it helps warn away others!!!
To everyone who just stumbled upon this video, watched it, and felt your blood run cold... I have this to say to you: you CAN escape this situation, and you WILL. And one day, you will watch something like this or read something about a narcissist or gaslighter and it will catch your eye, but you won't feel completely paralyzed the way you did before. Paralyzed with anger, fear, confusion, sadness, self-doubt and guilt. It won't consume you anymore. I can promise you this because 5 years ago, I never thought I'd get through or over narcissist abuse. But I did. I've been single over 2.5 years and couldn't be happier with my own company, freedom and independence. But more than anything, my wisdom, courage and STRENGTH. You are going to get through this, I promise you ❤
Or men it works both ways
Thank you for this
♥️
Awesome comment erin thank you
@@christinawilson2677 💞
It needs to be taught at school because some children never see a normal functional relationship in their lives , so there is no comparison
Omg! Yes it should be though in school! 💯
Ain't that the sad truth.
Going to someone’s house for a first date is insane
In today's world!?! That's just Asking for trouble!!
I think that in this film they were concentrated mainly on the gasthlating problem. We don't know how long they were dating. The people like him knows how to hide their real personality
@@klaudiazabczynska5442 the film obviously portrayed it as a first date
@@klaudiazabczynska5442 we do know as it was clear it was the first date.
Facts especially "these days" and I'm a dude agreeing. Be careful out there male or female. Can't trust no damn body off jump, if ever. Bet that. Guns N Roses wasn't fooling around when they said Welcome To The Jungle...
This has been the story of my life for three years since I was married to a narcissistic man. With the help of many kind people, I am now moving forward and healing. I am sending love and care to anyone going through a similar experience. You've got this! ❤
I like how they showed how she perceived the argument to how it really happened. Many times people are stuck in abusive relationships and they think "maybe it's not that bad" or they are stuck in a constant state of shock or disbelief. And the abuser makes them believe they are crazy so they don't know if it really happened the way they remember.
Well said!
Abuse needs to be a part of family discussions first, then high school classrooms. Many adults have no clue. I didn’t!
Yeah psychological abuse is no joke , terrible rut to be in .
The reason that she can't remember is because she is drinking. She loses some of her memories of the events. In some situations however narcissists will deny and change their stories, which has nothing to do with memory loss due to drinking.
@@nusaibahibraheem8183 she is drinking, but that likely isn’t the only reason she has memory loss or remembers it differently.
The alcohol makes it harder to pin down. They convince you so often that you’re broken, that your memory is wrong, that you’re a liar, that it can alter your memories even when you’re sober. Memory isn’t the way a lot of people perceive it. You can block out parts, add in parts that were suggested, and dissociate entirely and have absolutely no idea it’s happening. You’re also more likely to take up the behaviors they repetitively accuse you of, because you believe them so strongly.
It’s absolute torture to go through.
This brings back terrible memories. Being accused of flirting when I wasn’t. Then watching him flirt and then cheat on me so I would “know how it feels.” Worst relationship EVER. I was constantly apologizing, second guessing myself and wondering why this relationship left me feeling so empty, hurt and crazy. Thank God (I literally do) that we didn’t get married or have kids and that I had the confidence and support from good friends to get out. After I broke things off he tried to stab me. Be careful!! See the red flags! Get support and get out safely! ASAP.
Sorry, he did that to you.
Dear Michelle. I understand totally. These people ALL have a screw loose and they have an agenda to mind FU ----CK everybody. Worst of all, they are time wasters
I can relate .. sorry for what you've been through
I went almost through the se thing. She didn't stab me but she punched me. You had luck to still have friends to support you, I almost had none left when the relationship ended. I had to see a psychiatrist and take pills during the fist month of break. And I could start to understand what I went through only after 2 months and I started healing. Now it's been 9 months and I still have to deal with the anger I have against her. But I went no contact during the whole break-up so hopefully in a year or so I will be completely recovered. Now I think of her as the master of things I should avoid during my life :-)
@@firatbaran8634 - sorry you're going through this, still. it's sticky for a long time, unfortunately. the good thing is, with no-contact, you get to choose who you hang around with and that person doesn't know (hopefully), so you can have your own relationships without their manipulation involved. sometimes you have to dump everyone for a while, and rebuild each relationship again (if you want to), *and* if the old friends can realize what happened and accept that person was just a liar. But it's not your job to convince them. They either do or they don't, in which case, move on to new friends!! Peace to you🙂
Oh, I recognized another warning sign too, right in the first minute: He paid her bills but he doesn't consider it as a matter of course. He expects her to text him. A normal gentleman would rather say: It's ok, don't mention it.
That’s so true! I never thought about that before!
@@jamiemurphy487 It seems as he considers her as a "material girl". He buys her something and she has to behave like his lapdog in return. Later on, he even claims that she doesn't have to work any more because he earns enought...OMG!!! In what century are we right now???
I've caught co-workers doing this to me and I say "No thank you" but they say "we are friends"...it's actually a ploy to find out what they can about you so they can use it at a later date. I can't stand people paying anything for me as it makes me feel indebted to them. A true friend is about loyalty, trustworthiness and trust...0 friends at this point in life and I'm happy with that as I don't have to constantly be on guard for who's going to stab me in the back next. There's also the constant competition going on as if they are trying to prove they are better and throwing things in your face.
@@zippyz4170 This isn’t necessarily true. I offer to buy my friends things all the time, because they are my friends. I am a giver and there’s nothing wrong with that and there’s no strings attached either.
@@spydersmom1 I was just stating from my own experiences at work. People at work aren't my friends...I do my job and then go home. I'm friendly and kind to my co workers but I've learned when it comes to money pay my own way. Maybe its where I live or how I grew up but man there's a lot of maliciousness where I live. I'm a giver but there's too many takers around me. People use the kind people to feel better about themselves...after a period of time they start minimizing you and interrupt you while you speak...its a way of making you feel small as if you are unimportant because they are insecure.
Too many life lessons...I'm just passing the information along should anyone else have these experiences and not know whats going on.
I’m glad I took voice recordings so I can listen back and remember that it really was that bad every time I question myself
A reliable indicator to me whether I’m in the right relationship or not if how I feel about myself when I’m with this person. If I love myself even more when I’m around them and I see myself as a good person, that’s a green flag. If I can’t stop thinking there’s something wrong with me, that’s usually a big red flag. Don’t underestimate your intuition and don’t over analyze your thoughts.
“Do I feel good about myself when I’m with this person? Yes -> Great, stay. No? -> Leave, now.”
Yes but the problem is with these kind of abusers, they put you on a pedestal and make you feel better about yourself than you ever have. They're ugly side doesn't start showing until they have you isolated, off balance and Confused and Confused. And you think they're the nicest person in the whole world, and so does your family and friends. So you think the problem is all you and you're messing up a good thing. And the reason why you don't feel good about yourself is because you're messing up such a good thing. And they have you, and everyone else, totally convinced it's something up with you and that you've changed. You're no longer than one they put up on a pedestal because there's something wrong with you. And they are the nicest sweetest guy and they love you so so so so so much. So you believe them. You often don't figure out the truth until you've suffered so badly.
Basically how I felt with the last two men I tried to date (and I use dating liberally because neither made an actual effort to)
My date of two months gave me a few compliments at the beginning and then the insults began.
Excellent point Julie. I would add, that not only feeling something wrong with me, but mostly feeling confused without reason. Confusion is that mental intuition red flag. It means we are not in harmony, We are downloading opposite from the environment without realizing it. It cause inner conflict, we are not in flow, meaning harmony, something is corrupting our vibes and harmony. And our body intelligence communicate with us through that confusion.
Right!!1 And if they are bringing out the worst in you, TIME TO GO!
Better to be single I tell you. Free, peaceful and happy
It can feel that way sometimes. However there are good, supportive men out there - it's just important to be able to spot and avoid the gaslighters.
Truly is
@@malgorzatawojtys9846 I’m afraid you might be right
Ain’t nothing wrong with being single. I love it. I appreciate this peace, self love and growing with in myself. I went through torment for 7 years. But I pray to God to open my eyes and he did. What I saw was when I was sad and down my ex was happy and that woke me up. What I did was leave, change my number. Close my fb all internet connection and never looked back. Also all friends he knew that I knew. 4 years now. I prayed, read scriptures, hear gospel music and did things that I like and love myself. Now if I did it you can do it too. Don’t never let anyone take your joy and peace from you. God bless us all!
@@mommabear7144 ❤
It’s not just partners! Parents, bosses, politicians and government, news, etc. Stand up for yourself, you have inherent worth!
How do you stand up against a boss without losing your job? And how do you stand up against parents if you need a place to live?
Also, add therapists and counselors to the list.
Even friends...... Or people you thought were your friends 😭
Parents and authority is what cripples me
Parents too
I wish there was a part two showing how hard it is to escape a narcissist. Many need to know what to prepare for & realize you can’t help them.
Gaslighting doesn’t always include verbal abuse (referencing his comments on her drinking, etc.) or turning family/friends against you. It is often much more subtle.
could you use an example of subtle manipulation? i really need to be able to detect it because i’m having doubts with a significant other
@@ripnora if you feel so then it might be otherwise you won't be doubting on it.
Watch the Opera scene in Star Wars Episode 3 with Palpatine and Anakin Skywalker and you'll see subtle gas lighting cloaked as caring behaviour
I agree. My family member is like that and it was a long time I realized, he is narcissistic. He did it much smoother than this guy, for a long time I didn't know why I have less confidence after I've seen him, it took 20 years to figure it out. Sometimes he didn't even say a word just mockingly smiled, e.g. when I told him about how difficult my job is sometimes (I'm a nurse). He used sarcasm a lot and when I told him I don't like it, he told me "because you don't have a sense of humor" or "because you're too sensitive"...And he never hit me or anything, but he was passive aggressive.
@@ripnora Trust your guts! ❤
Notice how he always ignored her needs and made her do what he wanted her to. He wanted her to go out with him. He wanted her to go to the party. He constantly ignored her boundaries and made her feel selfish if she didn't do what he expected. In the start this will seem innocent. The ending was breathtaking. It confused me for a second til I understood that the entire movie was the Gaslightning. Incredibly made!
Thank you!
😥😥😥
My life @Tatjana I was vivacious successful full of energy I Even looked a lot like you it's funny how just in a short time they make us look like we've been through and feel as if we are broken and didn't know it.
28 years later still experiencing This I guess I'm a glutton for punishment
@@unomeecjso sorry to hear that! Are you still in the relationship or did you manage to get out?
I was also gaslighted by my ex during 5 years. The silent treatment used to drive me crazy, I had no idea what I had done wrong, so I started saying sorry for everything just to avoid him being angry at me. And the insults... spot on. When I finally left I can remember thinking my name was "stupid". When youve been gaslighted you have to learn many things all over again.
This is so true. For years I also apologized constantly. I still do from time to time but I've gotten better since that relationship ended. I never used to lookup at anyone's face... I was soused to being so rarely gifted the pleasure of eye contact with my significant other I stopped trying to. I cried myself to sleep so many nights for years staring at someone's back, hoping he would care I was upset and comfort me. There was practically a barrier between us at times bc when he didn't want to be touched, I knew better. But then when he wanted to turn on the charm, the "love bombs" I was caught hook line and sinker. It's such a sad, lonely, exhausting, gut wrenchingly empty existence. I don't wish it on anyone.
@@kashq502 and I don't wish for you to ever experience that again in the future. Being unapologetic is not that bad considering the people like your ex and my ex deserved to be get that. They have to know that we're not weak and we won't be manipulated like that ever again.
Same here we got this !!
@@estefania1858 Hey YOU DESERVE ALL THE LOVE SO HAPPY FOR YOU 🥺💗
Awwww my heart reading this made me kinda teary eye and I bet you ex who's a complete jerk he must be regretting losing such a gorgeous human and girlfriend from his life. And since you wrote that you've got toxic traits from that ex I want to remind you it was NOT your fault that you were in that toxic relationship. I'm so glad that you met your husband I seriously can feel how much he loves you and how much you loves him and I know you both will be an amazing parents. Sending you lots of love and virtual hugs 💗💗✨🌻
Growing up with a narcisstic mother was a good pill for me. Now when I see those kind of people who remind me of my mom, I run.
same
I am sorry if this question is too direct, you don‘t have to answer if you don‘t want to
I wonder if those who grew up with a narcissistic parent unintentionally picked up some of the tactics when they were little.
My ex-boyfriend's father is narcissistic, and so was my ex-boyfriend...and my time with him was terrible.
But I also sometimes find myself in understandable situations, like in the film with my current boyfriend and his mother, who, what a coincidence, is also a narcissist.
My current boyfriend is very lovely, but sometimes I still doubt if he has some character traits from his mother that he learned when he was little...
Do you also have moments where you feel like you act like your mom?
@@szngj7406 Yes I do have. But as a Buddhist, I follow the eightfold path, and practice to be aware of my intentions, thoughts, feelings, actions, speech, etc.
At times I feel I have a tendency to do poisonous things: saying hurtful words, blaming others, etc., First, I tell myself not to go against Buddhist values, Second, I take a step back, and tell the person I need a moment to think clearly, Then, I document all of my evil thoughts and reread them again. After taking time to think through, I discover myself and make a plan on how to improve.
But the process takes longgg time, a strong understanding of core values, and practice, and not everyone is lucky enough to have understood about this practice.
My narcissistic mom also meditates every day, but I feel she is doing that to comfort herself more, because her hurtful actions continue.
@@huyenthunguyen3652 thanks a lot for answering ❤️
I‘m super proud of you that you take these actions to be aware of that 🫶🏼
Her first mistake was meeting him at his place for a first date. You can't allow a stranger to have complete control over you and your surroundings.
Omg these are words everyone needs to hear!
Mine forced me to live with his parents. He had people ganging up on me when we fought. I felt so alone.
@@briannalee1998 Thank you. I hope so, too.
@@ashlieprussey5426 Wow! I wish you well and hope you got out of that situation.
First problem was that he invited her there for the first date. He wanted to control the situation and the surroundings.
You can literally see the light and life being sucked out of her. Every area being effected. I’m a shell of who I used to be. I don’t even want to go out the house. My brain is mental mush.
Edit: wow ladies, Im praying for everyone under this comment thread. We can and will recover. Love and light 💖💖💖
You need a little time to process it, and get over the breakup and abuse. See a counselor if you can. You will get over this and be SO happy that your away from them. Life will feel good again, maybe even better than ever! Give yourself time, be patient with yourself.
My relationship ended in July and I'm still picking up the pieces of my life. I even sought professional help to process it all. It's left me voiceless and totally broken.
Me too. The covert/shy narc never really gives up. I'm 38. He's 73! We were & r meant to b dog walking friends. The shame of being abused by an elderly person is debilitating. Already I ve mentioned such a good year ago- ppl just said I could easily overpower him & that I should just hit him. In the meantime I ve learnt all there is & realise he's 100percent a shy narc with an angry side he can't release so he manipulates & makes me anxious & ill monitoring me. I just go along with the friendship now. I feel used, breadcrumbed & trapped. There's NOTHING online about grown adults being sexually abused (it's always a joke but it's not clearly) by pensioners. He makes me feel v guilty for him & literally before I'm even awake he's leaving missed calls. It's embarrassing. I keep trying to guide this bk to friendship and he allows me to kid myself. I ve now no other friends at all & everyone in the village assumes we re together. If I complain I'm crazy or a gold digger. I ve slept til lunch time. I have changed so much. I fear if I do hit him I ll hurt him and he ll parade a bruise around to get me into trouble or to sleep with him. If I ever allow that I'm over. Over. Gross.
@@donna6368 hey Donna. Greetings from Dingwall-Scotland ❤️
Pray read scriptures and hear gospel music. God will help you. But you have to leave and never look back. Praying for you!
This is exactly what it feels like being in a relationship with/ or married to a narcissist! You're dying a little bit inside every day. There's the manipulation, triangulation, and isolation. Then when they ultimately destroy the happy person you used to be, then they discard you.
Very true😔😣
Or you run away with your pets kids an a weeks worth of dirty laundry because you know everything you need is in there and you can wash it when you get ti your destination
You Said it as it is -God bless you and may you recover from the damage
because I was so weak I didn’t believe half of my own truth. it took me years to recover. Now my children are in my old shoes..
@@yvonnefacteau4329 Agreed 👍
Painfully familiar. Word for word. Wishing for everyone whos reading this to find healing and trust for themselves again 🙏🏼
When they tell you they remember something you did, but you never done it. RUN
It is the most bone chilling experience
The point is you question your memory.
My Mother everyday....😮
What about when you tell them that they hit you in the face, but they can't remember it and accuse you of "gaslighting"? What do you do then? I don't think they are trying to manipulate me, mind you, they just have actual bad memory.
@@polyphony250 They live in such a fragmented and false reality from gaslighting themselves, and you. It doesnt matter if you can understand or empathize with their "shit memory issues", or gaslighting of themselves. What matters is your safety, dignity and self respect. I am sure under duress they would admit to remembering, they just don't care to or are so adept at gaslighting themselves to live in some false reality and never be help accountable for their actions.
The worst part For me is having 10 years of memories that I can’t say for sure if any of them are true. Not being able to trust your own memory and thoughts and judgments is indescribable. It’s like waking up in the twilight zone and not being able to get out.
Sounds horrendous! Hope you managed to put it behind you! 🙏
This comment 💔
Been in a narcissistic relationship for 12 years now. It made me have a mental breakdown bc i didn’t realize that it was a game being played with me. I legit thought that I was just worthless and wasn’t on his level
@@krystalgardiner5591 I'm so sorry the new supply is propped up to make you think that when really in most cases the new supply is a piece of shit trash who knew about you. 15 years for me it's a horror show it takes all your insides apart.💔
Yup
Honestly, I was disappointed up until the last scene. They successfully lulled me into the mindset that I was watching the situation from an objective outside perspective, so I thought the film was barely scratching the surface of Gaslighting, and I felt quite alone because I had been hoping to find a story that I could really relate and connect to. But once I saw that final scene and understood that the film is exposing her perspective alone, I saw the entire film differently. They are trying to demonstrate how you end up justifying your partner's behaviour in your mind, how you minimise it, how you end up seeing them as the 'good one' and yourself as the 'bad one', that they are a success in this relationship and you are the failure, and you don't see things for how bad they truly are. Once I reached the final scene, the film finally spoke to me in the way that I had been hoping for when I clicked onto it.
Very true
thats very true. its crazy how i would make excuses for them / their actions and always end up feeling as though i was the one falling short.. even when everyone around me was telling me differently, i couldnt see it until the damage had already been done
Moving words
Whenever I find someone make me feel guilty for lacking knowledge its usually narcissism. You lose the battle when you get offended. Especially with coming late, I just ignore the accusation altogether. I only talk to them if necessary and if you dont get offended or try to get acceptance from them, they can’t really find something to accuse you with.
I had the same experience watching this. The last scene pulled it all together.
Powerful portrayal of the severe consequences of living with an abusive narcissist. Alicia got her self worth eroded until there was only a shell left of her. Mark stripped her of all her vitality until she literally looked like a corpse. I love how her friend was supportive and stayed listening to the recording even though it was raw and brutal to cope with. We all deserve a caring friend like that.
This is painful to watch because you can clearly see her emotional turmoil, confusion, and mental decline as the ‘relationship’ progresses. This film captures the essence of narcissistic abuse, extremely well. It’s subtle and devastating.
Subtle and devastating good words
10 years later still recovering
Once you give up your financial security, You're doomed. If. Man treats you like his child instead of his partner, He's out of control.
Yes , she's falling apart with no support system. Drowning in sorrow. And imprisoned by hopelessness. Lmao. Narcissists care for no one but themselves. Don't get mad , Get even. Walk Away!
I see why this film won an award. It nails the slow progression of being pulled into the malignant narcissist's bizarre fantasy world, first as the object of the narcissist's desire and then being seen as an increasingly hostile force working against the narcissist's cancerous ego.
Yep.. been there!!!! Got out 2 weeks ago!!!!
It's a wild experience.
well said 🤍
@@wandmayeslupik6302 same!! Got out 2 years ago thank u
Very, very well said!
The first moment when he acted low-key disappointed at her for being 30 mins late to their date was an immediate red flag for me. He showed a hostility even then, that can only grow bigger.
yeah thats already bad enough and I'm even wondering if he lied about the timing causing undeserved guilt on the first date, which would be even worse.
Yes. He lied. It's to make her feel like she made the mistake and then make her feel guilty and confused by placing the blame on her but then to "forgive" her for being late. He does it again when he "asks" her to please lay off the drinking tonight at this important party. Knowing full well she doesn't drink too much. Then accusing her the next day of embarrassing him by flirting and throwing herself at every guy there.
I never would’ve gone to his apt. That’s a huge red flag for me, for a first date. I’d rather be in public.
@@philipyeung7229 duh.
What does low key mean?
The way hes so cold while shes emotionally distressed and looking for her phone. Its chilling. Ive got exes like this. Watch for this, and fucking run as soon as you see it. Going through this is horrific.
And he probably hid the phone from her. He likes seeing her confused
When she's explaining her view of the small things that matter, then he repeats back what she says, but applying them as his own original thought. THIS
Oh my gosh... stop....you nailed it!!!!!THIS IS A TRUE STATEMENT!!!
This is called mirroring😢
Tim Gordon, Carmel - this is the mild version of you
Yes!!! And especially how he says "I feel the same way' as if maybe he wants to make her feel connected? I don't know if this is true! I do not know so much about this 🙏🏻
My heart dropped. I fucking knew I noticed this in my relationship.
I'm 16 and I've never really been in a relationship, and had no idea this could happen. I just realized this is what my dad did to my mom and I feel awfully bad. My brother (taking on my dads personality) does the exact same thing so I'm hoping we can mold him into something better. Thank you for spreading the word
Just send him off. To a boarding school/college. Best option they never see they'd not catch up with these same habits. Imo. I've had a similar story, but in my case my narc ex is also included. So when I see anything off I run without second thoughts. Makes me believe now I have big trust issues.
@@tula__ just wondering though but there are boarding schools that are considered pretty good/atleast ok in reputation but
are actually horrible once you live there for year or more and all the superficial facade of ppl fades away it starts with all the bullying, shallowness and even sexual assaults going unnoticed
Due to there being no proper child counseling/sex ed etc in school and probably many colleges too to put the kids on right path so only option would be to call the cops which many ppl don't do due to wanting to save the schools reputation and childs future and also staying away from the law that isnt very helpful..
(obv depending on country all that could really change a lot tho since there r countries that offer the bare minimum of it)..
So it would be better to send ppl off knowing what kind of kids are in the school because bad social conditioning
can be any where and only thing that can save kids from that is giving them good social conditioning strong enough to
resist that from parents/siblings loved ones/psychologists and even small things like entertainment..cuz there r kids that have ok social conditioning at home but not strong and well explained enough
With difference between good and bad, morals and why its so and its consequences hence the social conditioning from outside of house eg. From school,college other bad ppl outside can end up changing ppl for the worse too..
So regardless of Where the person is sent they really need to be communicated with regularly (tho it gets hard in boarding
Schools especially if they are strict for kids and dont let kids talk to their loved ones for long or daily) and also they should have some number of good ppl in their lives to remind them of the differences...
Otherwise change in the social conditioning is like a well on a one side and a valley on the other to jump into.. So wherever the place the person really needs to have a will to absorb the good things too...
So there really are multiple facets to everyones situations its not really a clear answer always..
Tho at least when they are kids we have an option to take them to a good child psychologist..unlike adults which cant really be taken easily..
Trying to 'mold' or change him probably won't work. They usually just don't get it. Just be aware of the situation and remember not to ignore your gut.
@@tobyfitzpatrick3914 quite true tho it also depends on which stage it is..and sometimes tho in rare cases they do
change but its usually via unpredictable life experiences..If its gone past a stage when they get desensitized to guilt,shame n concience it gets harder to help change especially when they get older...
Obv tho earlier intervention of good child psychologist might help but thats if you are able to find a good one and the child/sibling etc is willing to cooperate..
Conclusion there isnt always a foolproof option to solve this issue.so protecting ourselves first is a must..
There are some really bad people out there.
I never forget this one moment. I didn't even plan it, it happened by accident. My boyfriend was sitting next to me, my mom called and we talked and had a discussion. At one point she said that something that happened earlier in the conversation went totally different and convinced me (like always) that I remembered it wrong. I hung up and my boyfriend was looking at me and then he said "she lied. I could hear her earlier. It was exactly like you remember it." This was the moment I finally broke free from the gaslighting I grew up with. It was still difficult but everytime when it happened again I clinged to this memory of this one evening in the kitchen, when my boyfriend heard us and said that I remembered it right. I said to myself that my memory is working, that she is lying. Still it was difficult, that's how strong it is.
Yeah cuz she did that to you since you were kids, she literslly mold you, thats why we always agree, and thats why we think we sre the ones with the issues
I needed this SOUL much thank you. I've questioned myself so many times in the past that I started recording situations and circumstances just to confirm my reality as valid -- because I only have myself. Gaslighting can drive you crazy, especially if you don't have a sound mind or support system outside of your abuse. I too, often tell myself my memory is correct, and that I'm lied to.. I said all this to say, THANK YOU for reminding me of my strength.
I needed that validation. My husband finally witnessed it and defended me. It was a really important moment for me. No one ever believed what I was going through. "Why are you so angry at your mom" "she's doing her best" "You're spoiled". She manipulated the circumstances to make me look like the problem. No accountability.
Been there. I still doubt my perceptions at times and it all goes back to the head games mom played.
This make me cry because I hated my experience with it. I had to go to my local PD sadly.
Theres a word for this.
Its called - Crazing-Making
It took me years all through my 20s to realise I was being highly manipulated like this. Right down to suggesting I needed therapy. As soon as I got out of the relationship and started dating again I was seeing a guy and it all seemed sweet. Until he pulled out the silent treatment after making me feel bad for putting “pressure” on him for not communicating (he didn't text or call for four days - I texted once) As soon as he started ignoring me and I could see it happening again I ended it right there, and held strong as he stressed I was overreacting and went right to the cliche of me being emotional. They are all the same with all the same routines.
So very true. Sadly, the man I'm currently in process of leaving had been gaslighting his own daughter her whole life. Had her thinking she was overly sensitive while strategically, psychologically tearing her down, daily. Then, she moved away. So, he began the whole routine on me. This type of abuse is often so subtle, and they're such master manipulators, that you don't realize what's actually happening until it's so far gone. And, your emotionally drained. Which makes it harder to gather energy & confidence to leave. Kudos to you for recognizing the signs early, the next go round. If I ever date again, I will absolutely heed the warning signs. I'll pay attention to every red flag. But, honestly, just don't even want to date anyone for a very very very long time. lol Peace and Freedom is all I want, at this point. You take care. Stay smart!
Take care of yourself first. If you see red flags stop the relationship right there.
They all read the same book and use all the same tricks and games. I don't get how this happens, but I agree that all narcs are the same. It's crazy and so scary.
When they go ghost for days block them and never go back
@Misd Mea Culpa I hear you and u are not alone. The power and control they have is so strong and complex. I know it is hard to get away, especially when u live with them. The trauma bond is the addiction and what holds us back from leaving and the way they broke us down makes it impossible to have the self-esteem to leave. I know exactly what u are going through and the feeling of being all alone, but u are not...there are so many others who support u and hear u. I would suggest starting an escape plan. U know u need to leave, u deserve better and u will find ur peace! 👍🙏
For me, it was the little sneaky things he would say like “your calves are big”, “your nose is big”, “I’m surprised you’re studying for a masters degree because you’re not smart,” “your grandmother is the weirdest person I’ve ever met,” and the things he’d do that I knew were wrong but he would justify them to himself and to everyone around us. He would tell me how I was a loser for the job I had at the time but he literally worked at the same place. He was the son of someone “important” in our community and was able to make others believe he was a great person. It wasn’t as dramatic as is depicted here. Yet, I became a shell of myself over time and severely anorexic. I finally exploded about a month before our wedding by breaking up with him and calling the wedding off. It was so, so painful. I had no idea how to step forward without him. Now, I am married to someone who is such a wonderful person. I overcame anorexia. I am happy and feeling alive and energetic again. If you’re in a situation like this, be your own advocate. Get out. Your life can be beautiful. You’re not what they tell you when their at their worst. You’re strong. You’re amazing. You deserve to live your life in peace.
i hope ur ok
but like why would she let that man doubt herself. sounds like she was already insecure and should’ve spoke up and communicated her feelings…
@@alejandrohernandez-pq4wu I did A LOT. And even went to counseling with him about it. It didn’t stop and he would say it was “a joke”. I stood up for myself by leaving him and moving on.
"that outfit is "forgiving"
@@junemarieweaver974 oh i was talking about the actor not you
scariest part is, when you're experiencing it you have no idea, this is phenomenal
This. I was so deep in denial I let my abuser back into my life after getting rid of him for a year and a half. I literally couldn't remember how bad it had been, even though my friends were warning me. Within three months between my high stress new job in healthcare and being at home, it was like being on eggshells all the time. My therapist (at the time) told me that I should leave my job... So I did. Stuck at home with my abuser and my mental health just kept getting worse. Then one day I heard him insult my friend the way he spoke to me and when I got mad and stood up for her was when it clicked ("why do I let him speak to me that way") ... It wasn't me that was crazy, it was him. It's been three years since I trespassed him and I still fear everyday he'll turn up on the doorstep like nothing happened and weasel his way back in.
Its not some voodoo curse, of course you’ll know if you look for the signs.
I realized after 16 years of marriage.