It's good that you're educating therapy patients who don't know what they're supposed to do, but I expect therapists to guide us when we're rambling or going around in circles
they.... they do guide you? why would you assume they don't? this video was about what people ASSUME therapy is, and ironically here you are assuming something again!
Years and years ago I'd just complain about my problems in therapy, inadvertently I think I was also self sabotaging and just not doing the work because I was afraid of healing because all I knew was being a wreck. Now I'm really putting effort into my healing and while it can be a little frustrating at times how slow it can take or when I slip up I just give myself some self compassion and keep marching forward.
I'm at this point now and I thought it would actually be much more intellectually stimulating than it is. I literally told my therapist yesterday "(why does) this feels like school"
Sometimes we forget that the issues we come to therapy for have a function and are there for a reason, usually a protective one. And sometimes people need the space to complain and feel their feelings with someone who can validate them in a safe way before we are ready to let them go and try to find different ways to moving forward. I think most of the time we get caught up in "removing" something, but therapy is more about adding new, more functional ways on top of the ones that got us stuck.
@@DrakePitts they do now, he just didn't link the video. check some of his other shorts above the title on the gray box. it's been rolled out for like 2 months now
They do! Just wasn't used here. I don't see many people use it either, on other channels, I think because they probably thing there's more engagement benefit to a user having to look through their channel to find it, possibly clicking and watching other stuff, etc.
I had a blast in therapy. My therapist wouldn't just ask me about my feelings, but more so about what was happening in my life and how I was handling it. If it wasn't good ("good" being handling it how I myself consciously wanted to handle it), we'd try to find out, what was hindering me and how I could change that. He also helped me gain new perspectives on things, which was really eye opening. We meditated every time for around ten minutes and I got homework. He was super supportive and I'll be eternally grateful for the things I learned in those sessions. Dude got me out of a deep depression and helped me cope woth my ADHD somewhat, even if he wasn't an expert.
@@tusharsolanki8564 Aside from the meditation, not at all, really. My meds do enough in that regard. But they didn't do dog shit, as long as I was neck deep in my depression and of the opinion, that trying is futile anyway. My meds just made me anxious back then. In Germany adult ADHD is still really underrepresented and hardly any adult therapist knows their way around it (at least in my area). Mine said as much, but he took his time to understand the topic as best he could and to help me change my perspective. I'm lucky the meds help me so much, but I still plan to hire a coach to get some long term things on track.
@@makaylabrooks I really was lucky! Although, I did talk to a dozen therapists before I found this one. He was the first I felt really understood and supported by and who himself thought he could actually help me.
I think it's important to note that for the most part, it's up to the therapist to not make it just a venting session & steer their client in the right direction. I say "for the most part" because the client themselves has to be willing to put in the work to get better, but the therapist is getting paid to tell you what that work actually is, not just to sit there and lend an ear.
Therapist here. You are absolutely right! I cannot tell you how many people ive talked to say there therapist just let them talk and felt that therapy didn't go anywhere. Talking about problems are supposed to help generate insight. The other part of therapy is doing something about those problems.
I had one experience that was the opposite. I understand where my therapist was coming from but she only told me to do Things differently which i knew already. I had problems with the how. Was in freeze-modus too long and rarely had motivations. I stuck with her for a while cause i thought maybe the switch would be activated when someone tells me to do stuff but it did not work. I think, some of us need to learn a better understanding of ourselves
I plateaued in therapy because I’d come in ask what I was supposed to do there and never get an answer. After a many sessions I felt that to continue talking was meaningless. We weren’t scratching even the surface of anything important. And therapists could not explain what I was supposed to be doing there other than talking at them.
I felt the same way Granted I only had one therapist, people told me I should find a better one, but I really felt like they should be the one directing how it went and leading me to a place of discovery and figuring things out I that couldn’t on my own or if I were venting to a friend
The first session should be a discussion about what specific issues you wish to address, what you expect to get out of therapy after a given period (6 to 10 weeks initially is standard), what your therapist is able to do to facilitate that and if you are comfortable with eachother. Then you can start addressing one issue in the second session to get you started. Questions, reflecting back what you say, what the therapist observes - you tell me you're fine with that yet you clench your fist and shift in your seat, for example - or even how that makes them feel - shocked, sad, glad and why. You're not discussing their feelings so much as getting feedback from their reactions. Trauma and its related behaviours are a normal response to an abnormal situation. An independent response of that situation isn't normal, its appalling can help to put your normal response into perspective. As an abuse survivor here, the skeletons didn't belong in my closet, so I had to mentally kick them out and send them where they did belong. The final session should be review of how much progress you have made and where you want to go from here. A return to therapy in future isn't out of the question. A break for changes to settle in as your new normal and/or rest after the emotional energy drain deep work can take is often advisable. Someone making good progress but with immediate issues presenting may be best advised to continue with another review date pencilled in. It's clear when a client doesn't want to do the necessary work and also when ending current therapy will allow better progress in life.
Therapy make me feeling way worse and sick.most people have never seen therapy but they find it okay suggesting other seek therapy. After many many years of therapy I learned that everyone has different way to cope their issues
A lot of people who trauma dump want to have a proper conversation about their problems, but shy away from those deep conversations or feel like there’s no one they can have that conversation with. Instead, you get it popping up in casual conversation.
Omg wish more people knew this. I lost a lot of friends because they had emotional venting on repeat several times a day. Whenever I opened their messages or was going to have a conversation with them I already knew what the topics were gonna be. Funny thing, as Dr. K mentioned the topics were always the same but the advice/encouragement our friend group (me included) gave, lost its power after a while so we had to constantly change our ways to tackle the same problem. As you can imagine, after a while our enthusiasm quieted down and it just got silent as we couldn’t bear talking about it anymore. Eventually they lost most connections in the friend group. I feel bad that these people needed help but couldn’t/didn't afford it but we honestly did the best we could.
I also went through this and debated in my head a lot of times whether I should continue being friends with them and help them with their problem. However, the same thing kept happening over and over, he'd vent at me until it was the only conversation we ever had with each other. It was difficult for me to decide to leave him because I consider him special to me, but talking to him burnt me out and also affected my mental health. I kept thinking if there was anything I could've done better for him, and it was sad that I had lost my friend.
Please don't blame yourself. If you have regrets talk about it with a mature good person or with a mental health specialist. I wish you to fully heal. Search out for good friends, even if it's hard don't give up, you deserve it. ❤️ Have a good life
I feel you. Some of my friends’ repeated venting left no room for others to share their experiences, which eventually bred some resentment. Attempts to address the issue weren’t enough. When others started opening up about their problems, my friends who needed to vent frequently often ended up turning the conversation back on themselves, because their initial matters were never resolved. A lot of us had to distance ourselves for our own mental health, especially after one implied that they had it harder than everyone else and thus needed to vent more and that everyone else who didn’t vent as hard must have it easier. This person wasn’t even aware of what some of the rest of the group was going through. I did find success with some friends, though; they eventually broke out of their rumination cycles.
@@AlwayzAnonymous I'm sorry you had to go through this, I know how it makes you feel, hearing someone say "your life must be easier". I'm so glad that you're on good terms with some of them, that's heartwarming. Thinking of my experience, I'll never know but wish they'll change for the better. If not, "let people that don't want to safe themselves live in their misery. " I think most of us experienced it firsthand and know. Have a good day, hope you meet healthy and valuable people and circumstances!
This is the main reason why I don't talk to anyone. I can't make real friendships because I just vent to everyone I talk to, so I distance myself instead.
My issues with therapy is how difficult it is to find someone who knows what they’re doing without it being an arm of a leg or without going through like 10
You are so right! Therapists have no clue what they are talking about and they often time just blame the patients for not listening to them. The problem is that every therapist would say therapy is you come here to learn about yourself and they don’t give advice but they get upset not taking their advices
Most if not all would know what they are doing. The problem is finding the right fit. Do you got to therapist that is trained CBT but not DBT when it's DBT you need and CBT is something you tried over and over again. Just an example.
@@chrismaxwell1624 Yea, I won't lie I don't know much about therapy. Putting all that information together was hard for me. I'm still looking of course, but all my emails and calls are left on read or heard. So far I've emailed about 10-15 therapist. I fear I might be doing something wrong.
Some people don't have any emotional support. They don't have friends or family to talk through their traumatic experiences. Having an outside source can help allot. Never be ashamed to talk or write difficult experiences down. There's time for processing, and there's time for healing. Talking, can help process what happened, to therefore give way to a kind of acceptance, which leads to healing. If a person tell you that you are trauma dumping, then that person is not your friend and has judged you. People get stuck in a trauma loop because they feel unheard.
I did a lot of trauma dumping to my therapists and my friends. Guess what helped me change my behaviour: Somebody consistently and honestly taking me serious and helping me through the shit I talked about. It was that, not stopping talking about what bothered me. That is what therapy should do in my opinion.
Okay Dr. K i gotta admit i think this is the first time i've been tilted at a video of yours because of the cliffhanger..... i need toknow the correct alternative after being told the incorrect one
His older shorts were all like that. The title has a question in it, and in the video dr. K explains the question, maybe brings up an example, until the video ends without answering it!
@@g3orgie764 pick something you're stuck with. Maybe you feel like you suck. Explore why you think you suck. Note down anything you know rationally to be true, but don't believe/feel. Consider options that you think would make you think you suck less. Ask your therapist how much sense it all makes, if you've considered everything, if there's a flaw in your reasoning, if your self-assessment is valid. It's a bit like learning a skill with a tutor who's already an expert in it. You need to figure it out on your own in your own way to really absorb the skill, but the tutor exists to help you explore an idea and to get you unstuck when you reach a roadblock.
Imagine you keep complaining that your room is messy but you dont take the Action to clean it. Nothing changes. Now imagine the same Szenario but you are alone with noone to Talk to and you notice maggots on your wall. You can feel like a victim and cry cause u cant Talk about it or you actually feel thankful that you cannot tolerate this for yourself and you get up and clean your shit. Everyone is different and for some people it can be beneficial to not being able to Talk about something instead of Acting on the Problem.
Anna Lembke says, “Empathy without accountability is a short sighted attempt to relieve suffering.” My parents' likely difficult choice to NOT save me from suffering the consequences of the mistakes I made was essential to the learning experience. Just repeating the same stuff over and over is not going to help you
A friend of mine is hitting rock bottom. For years and years he's been venting, which was a good thing because at first he never even told anyone what was bothering him. However he never really took anything that was said back to him seriously and basically moved through life with an attitude of: it'll get better if I ignore it. L I talked to him the other day and I asked him a lot of questions and he said it was therapeutic for him. Yeah, because I basically was like: what would my own therapist ask me. Now mind, I'm not trying to play therapist for him, but it was really interesting how much further you get with someone if you pose questions instead of just laying it out for them. I've seen it in many Dr. K interviews as well, asking the right questions can make a huge difference within a session.
Telling people what they do wrong rarely helps them. I think a good therapists asks good questions, so the person gets some sort of epiphany. When you get to conclusions yourself its much more valuable than someone telling them theirs. We have to walk different paths. "Friends" who believe their friends need fixing are no friends btw
This is why i always get mad at my therapists. I get to this point and ask them where do we go from here, what can you actually do for me and they just kinda give me this blank stare like they never got to this point in the conversation before before they go on to tell me that they cant do anything for me.
I literally had a friend like this. She would listen to me and my advice and then do nothing about it because stepping out of the comfort zone and victim mentality was harder for her than staying in misery. Those first steps in the right direction are almost never comfortable. But you need to make a choice at some point, and no choice is also a choice.
I’ve been going to the same therapist for like a year and I don’t think it’s done literally anything for me, in fact I don’t even really know what I’m looking for in a good therapist
I never trauma dump because as a kid whenever i’d talk about my problems my dad would lock me in my room until I said I felt better and sometimes i’d be in there for like 7 hours. It was really traumatizing.
This is like something you will do in the first few sessions, as you are throwing out your thoughts. But after that, it's yours and the therapy task to figure out why you think like that and what are the real problems that got you where you are. Then you start trying to find ways to get around these problems to solve them. If one way doesn't work, we try another, until we get to the one that helps you the most. Most importantly, you have to develop a way in which, if you fall back, you will get back up again, so you can keep moving foward.
I’ve been in therapy since I was ~7-8 and am 21 years old now. A lot of they practiced with me was CBT which plays a large role in how I handle my problems now. In therapy when I talk about a problem I also share what I’m on track with regarding the situation as much as what I’m struggling with so I can get constructive feedback on how to better regulate myself, especially with what’s out of my control. I actually now struggle with friends like you described because I propose solutions or different viewpoints and it’s like hitting a brick wall. I’ve resorted to just listening now. If you’re not open to different perspectives or helpful tips/advice then get used to hearing “that’s too bad” because no one else is going to fix your life for you. The change starts with you.
Ya totally. My therapist knows my crap now. He has a good sense of my issues lol so now we're working on carving new neural pathways for my cognitive distortions. I said I've been working on responding rather than reacting for 4 years, and he reminded me that I've been reacting for at least 15 years, so it takes practice to respond. Great session today.
I actually just talked in therapy, but it really was about the short times my therapist talked that put perspective into things. I never taught my childhood was traumatic aside from a moment or two in school, but some of my favorite quotes that helped me a lot to categories and work with my emotions/issues were "you know if siblings fight its mutual and they get along again afterwards. He just generally hit and cursed you without provocation. You know, i dont think the difference between your parents abusing you and them not doing anything effectiv to stop you stepbrother from doing so makes a lot of difference for your development" and "wow, that pretty manipulative, i generally think your stepmother sounds very manipulative, although she may not realize it. Shes not dragging to or blackmailing you into going blood donating with the rest of the family, but she still forces you to go on an emotional level. Thats almost assault" But honestly sometimes I still miss therapy. I dont really have friends that i could talk with about my grievances, because im by far the most stable of them and im afraid to hurt them. I just wanna talk about how much my unrequited love hurts and how i wish someone would finally give me a hug and make me feel safe and protected just for a minute so i can relax for the second, but the ppl that i manage to befriend are always those groups that i end up being the mom-friend in, i don't even know why the others just dont want me in their friendgroup... (ps: i usually don't trauma dump ppl and am pretty "normal" outside of the protection of my own room. Most are actually pretty surprised when i let slip later on that my childhood was crap)
I wish I had realized that during my time fighting depression in senior year. Made a lot of mistakes, but I'm moving forward. I'm all the better now for it as a college freshman. Man did I blow some of my relationships out of the water though just by sucking so badly. Not that the depression itself was all to blame, there plenty of external factors. But like I said, I've been getting through it. It still haunts me, but I honestly feel like I'm on my way now to living my best life.
There is so much compound trauma that my therapist couldn’t remember what my traumas were so I had to keep reminding them what happened so that they can understand why I had symptoms, and it was re-traumatizing. On multiple occasions, I requested that the therapist keep track and keep it organized, yet no improvement. Some therapists are not responsible and they don’t actually care, it’s just a job for them. I also record my sessions and I caught the therapist gaslighting me about things. They changed their tone once I played the recorded sessions to back to them. This made me realize that even the professionals are simply flawed human imposters, pretending to have their sh*t together. Always record for safety and accountability. This Dr seems to be really good though and he brings hope for humanity ❤
During a really bad part of my life I would dump the same crap over and over and over on my mom. Sad part is that while it got eventually much better due to my life getting better, I still didn't address that venting organically if it makes sense. God bless my mom, I love her very much
In some therapy sessions I really didn't have a very present problem that I had to bring up, so I dabbed here and there in what had had my emotional attention the last couple of weeks, and I went to town in revisiting my outlook, my reflection, my decisions or nondecisitions, and it was obvious to me that I honed my skills to deal with myself and my problems by practicing on smaller stuff. That way, when I some days had a lot of weight on my shoulders it would sort of all fall into place ready to be examined and approached because I had created the room and the routine when just talking about minor stuff. I learned that everything is connected and you can professionalize your mental cleaning the way you would a skill or a job.
When I’ve gone to therapy my expectation was I tell you, a trained professional third party, my scenario and I hopefully work with you to receive a wise perspective that I didn’t have myself to recontextualize my situation and help me break out. That’s why I would just typically go like two times for rare situations. If I received what I hoped for then success and move on. That person would then be good to revisit if I had a future consultation need. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t continue or seek them for the future. I figured I was doing therapy “wrong” but I had goals and so I structured it this way.
I just wish I could ask people stuff like "you want to play Mario kart?" And then we could play Mario Kart and have a good time or something. Ect I have a lot of interesting hobbies but idk nobody really gives me any room to talk about them. I talk about fun things and my hobbies and I either get mocked or ignored. Idk what to do.
Actually making a plan on how to get better at socializing or decatastrofication exercises actually helped a lot lol. Therapy it's about making plans to move forward, it will involve knowing where the stuggle comes from but it's not the point I think
I really like the mix of cbt/dbt I do with my counselor. On the whole its about learning about psychodynamics and skill building (from coping to "how do I clean my kitchen). And some days I just need guidance processing. But mostly it's learning and building skills.
I talk about my problems, my therapist has her input, I work real hard, then I fix them & go back to her with my results. She knows most everything about my life because our problems come from our whole life, not just part of it. She's awesome ❤❤
Really, most of therapy for me is dumping my thoughts and my therapist prodding on where I think the problem could lay and what I want to do a about it. Literally, the first thing she often asks is either a list of the positives that happened to me or what the goal to the session was. The amount of actual thinking can be exhausting, but the sessions can be fun. Even when it isn't, it's good to find where the baseline is and where to build on.
Over the years ive been to several different therapists. They did nothing. They just stared at me while i talked and cried. No feedback, no questions, nothing. One kept looking at her watch. You dont even get a full hour, and if you did what can you accomplish in 1 hour every 2 weeks?
Interesting. The one and only therapist I have been to gave me "exercises" to combat my negative thinking. She also challenged me on the way I viewed certain situations. She was great
@@neveragain733 this is basically what I realized. 1 hour in my opinion is not enough to get through an issue or open up about it and then actually process it. By the time you get to open up the session is over and then you have to come back in a week and remember what you were talking about but by that time something else might’ve happened so the process starts all over. I did it for a couple years and it got tiring even though I did get a lot worked through.
Many things that affect people phycologically are caused or related to problems you can't fix by just going to therapy. In that case, it's more about finding the problem, and perhaps a way to fix it. But then there are some things that are just bottled up, and cause damage because of that. And if they're talked about, could at least be alevaited. Someone actually listening to you, can be so great at times. And, i wonder, why is therapy, seemingly more needed now than in the past?
I feel like I've plateaued after therapy, that I might need to go back. I'm emotionally needy for sure. I'm still terrified that I'll stay this way. Anything and everything takes so much effort.
@@Pinwheelsystem is it? I've run into so much trouble. I'm a fearful person I find, from all of my past tribulations. I have trouble pursuing things like jobs and skills. I'm usually dismissed or criticized for my sensitivity, especially because I'm a man. I often feel like I could be doing something greater but I lack the motivation to do so. My brain is always racing, among other things. This just doesn't feel sustainable.
Emotions are the symptom. You have to fix the cause. Some people either don't know how or want to fix the cause. I have been studying Stoicism, which inspired psychotherapies such as CBT. Stoicism sometimes spurts out truths that some find hard to swallow. Sometimes things suck and you can't do anything about it. Stoicism tells you to ignore what you cannot control.
You go to therapy because life is hard/depression/you were traumatized/your parents were unskilled/you're anxious or stuck and you need new coping techniques often coupled with clarity about what happened so far. The goals are growth, getting coping tools and insight from a mental health professional, dropping baggage/chaos, getting unstuck, being kinder to yourself and finding contentment in spite of everything.
I also think there's misconceptions about how the curative power of awareness works. Awareness is important and so is reflection, but while you can notices new paths and consider solutions, you can neither stumble upon a ready one (like lootbox) nor think one into a existence without an ounce of action (like godlike Shaggy from the meme who can think things into life, but he's the exception that confirms the rule).
I don't think people should interpret this as that you shouldn't talk about your problems. It's about not getting stuck in talking about your problems, and do so within limits.
I had a person like this in my life. I let them go because it was affecting my mental health. 10 years of repeat trauma dump. I should have let go sooner.
Trauma and our shadows are usually like a kind of scratch on a record that keeps replaying the same track. They're literally stuck spinning on the same broken track on repeat. I found that taking psilocybin mushrooms a few times actually really helped me be able to nudge myself off the same repeating broken track and finally get the needle to the next track. Though it's definitely found new scratches and skips to get stuck on. So, friends, dont think that you might not have a LOT of these "bumps" ahead of one that was just "solved." Just remember you got it, take it a bit at a time and remember, you're here alive and still making it every day despite it all. Facing things is scary and painful but you absolutely are strong enough. Your desire to have to dive into may not be. But you will definitely survive. :)
I quit therapy when the therapist kept wanting to talk about crap when I kept wanting to find solutions. I just felt that if I wanted to vent and *itch about stuff I could do that with anyone. It’s why I’ve quit therapy before, and why I sought a cognitive therapist to try and deal with helping situations.
Seens I started therapy. It probably different for alot of people, but for me ive notices that its not just talking about my problèmes and solution for it but more si keeping myself realistic in what I want to achieve and how to achieve it in a realistic way
There is a phrase that the titular, and iconic, animator, Zach Hadel, likes to say: "Shut up and do it." This is said within the context of creative works of art (stop talking about your novel you wanna write and juts write it already), but I think it can be applied to mental health as well. Don't announce to the world your plan for self improvement; shut up and do it! Don't get caught up in a loop of self loathing: shut up and do something about whats bothering you! Once you have results you are proud of; then by all means share this exciting news with your loved ones! One should never suffer in silence; however one should recognize that talking about a thing, and doing a thing, are two separate things. Words are nice, they are comforting, but action is what will bring change in your life. Love this channel
As someone who’s been clinically depressed for reasonable reason, I truly believe that some people genuinely should end it. I’ve been through hell personally and I’m sure people have been and are going through worse. I also believe in assisted suicide. These people are usually unemployed and at a stage where they can’t hold a job, the government needs to keep those people alive because it’s proven to be good for the economy. These reason I say they should end it, because the pain they are going through and mental suffering is sometimes unimaginable. You don’t know what that person is feeling on a daily basis. I was a walking reckoning of destruction. Looking back at it I really wish I ended it at my lowest points, I would’ve avoided many dark days ahead of then. I’m good now, not through therapy but studying the brain, and emotions and how everything works. I ate healthier, exercised, set goals. Every decision I made was for my greater good. I put in the work. Therapy was a joke the few times I tried it. I believe therapy is a placebo, people go to therapy BECAUSE they want to get better. Once someone makes that choice and genuinely wants to get better, they will.
Talking it out may be the answer, but it's not as simple as just talking. That's why being a therapist is a whole profession and not just "talk at me and i won't tell anyone your secrets"
Ik some people who keep venting the same thing every time, sometimes i wish i were a ghost or something so i could eat whatever they're spouting and turn it into energy 🙃
The way that people abuse the whole emotional animal thing is proof of what you are saying. The other day, I went to the grocery store (Walmart in Spokane) and there was a homeless guy with a pitbull on a rope. I didn't notice him until I walked by and he lunged at me. I reported it to staff and they said he would just say it was a support animal and there was nothing they could do. So stupid. I was afraid some little kid would get attacked. I guess you are just supposed to let that happen these days.
I thought this was common knowledge to be completely honest, talking about your problems will definitely help in the short to maybe even long term. But, there needs to be healing and/or change within your lifestyle, brain or whatever it is to actually activate what your Therapist is trying to do for you. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN CHANGE YOURSELF
(FACTS OVA FEELINGS). What someone is looking for and needing if they want eu to do therapy of any kind is not that the doing of the therapy itself it's the hoped for positive by-product that might be the result of eu doing therapy this is what they usually don't feel like they will get unless eu go to Therapy Therapy is simply a perceived means to the end of eu meeting a need of theirs r doing something that will feel like an improvement for them
Yeah, but I wish my therapist had asked about my feelings in the first place. That's really the whole reason I went. I wanted somebody to listen to me and they couldn't even do that. But one of them wanted to talk about "anxiety" lol. Like I just randomly had anxiety and decided to have that because I felt like it. Pretty disappointing. Guess I'm cured
And this is why I'm always cautious around venting. I do it often enough, but even then, I restrict it in the right measure to keep that internal pressure high. Let's face it, therapy as expected for the average person is just paying to vent.
People are on denial that venting is not a long term solution. They think if the pain went away for this moment means that it will never come back. But they don't even notice that they keep coming back with the same pain over and over again
Now I'm worried whether the people around me are getting annoyed of hearing me having the same problems over and over again. I usually don't share my problems unless directly asked but still I wonder if it's annoying.
I share because I think that's what they expect & then they'll give me strategies or resources or routines to help me out of those problems but I just want to shake them sometimes because only one therapist ever has. It's like, I'm paying to learn stuff I don't know, for help I can't give myself, HELP ME
Starting some in a month or so to go along with the meds. Don't want to be on Wellbutrin and buspar forever...even though I actually don't mind the wellbutrian side effects😈
This how I look at therapy. I look at through the same lense that I physical therapy is. I got in see the physical therapist. I talk to the them about my pain. The things I can't do. Then they examine and give corrective exercises. In mental health therapy I've been in this the same. I got in I talk about my pain, the things I stuggle or can't even do. They give me homework, excercises to do that we will discuss next session. Now if I don't do either of these it's just wasting my time and money, the therapist is fine as you are paying. I see people do that this. Complain about their back pain yet they've been to the therapist but don't do the corrective exercises. Get how do work on negative thoughts but refused to do the work. Why? I sought help with psychologist. I gave the pain points and what I wanted too. She examined me, I was not assertive, people pleasing. She gave exercises to do be less people pleasing and be more assertive. It took practice and doing the work. I got better at communicating my needs and asking what they need of me. Changed my life because it got me where I wanted to go. I had to do that work they just showed me how.
If a clinician thinks it’s “endless venting”, thinks their client is just endlessly venting they’ve failed in their role as a helping professional. There is no parallel to so called “trauma dumping” (what a pejorative term to use) between friends. Psychotherapy is with a professional - ‘professional’ being the keyword and with every sense of the word and what it implies. Bad therapy comes from the clinician not the client. If a client feels they need to, are compelled to “endlessly vent”, they ought to just do so. It’s then what the clinician does, responds, receives it that’s the rubber meeting the road.
I eventually realized that I have a voice in my head that’s like, “if you do this unhealthy activity that makes you feel good, and do it enough times, eventually you’ll get sick of it, and not have a bad habit of doing it anymore.” Idk what that voice is or where it comes from, but I think it’s a liar.
Talking about your crap and doing something about your crap are two different things.
There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path - Morpheus
Trauma isn't crap
A lot of people would benefit better using a life coach instead of a therapist
And vice versa...
@Panda.1204 There is a wide range of things being called coaching, and a wide range of things being called psychotherapy.
It's good that you're educating therapy patients who don't know what they're supposed to do, but I expect therapists to guide us when we're rambling or going around in circles
Exactly. Otherwise what are they for?
True. Why should I pay so much money if you aren't gonna intervene and guide me?
😢. Exactly
they.... they do guide you?
why would you assume they don't?
this video was about what people ASSUME therapy is, and ironically here you are assuming something again!
@@arn3107 Not always. There are a lot of bad therapists out there.
Years and years ago I'd just complain about my problems in therapy, inadvertently I think I was also self sabotaging and just not doing the work because I was afraid of healing because all I knew was being a wreck. Now I'm really putting effort into my healing and while it can be a little frustrating at times how slow it can take or when I slip up I just give myself some self compassion and keep marching forward.
❤
I'm at this point now and I thought it would actually be much more intellectually stimulating than it is. I literally told my therapist yesterday "(why does) this feels like school"
Sometimes we forget that the issues we come to therapy for have a function and are there for a reason, usually a protective one. And sometimes people need the space to complain and feel their feelings with someone who can validate them in a safe way before we are ready to let them go and try to find different ways to moving forward.
I think most of the time we get caught up in "removing" something, but therapy is more about adding new, more functional ways on top of the ones that got us stuck.
Thanks for explaining he in this video gave no explanation
Appreciate you treating yourself with compassion!
with the number of people asking for the full video, it's clear youtube needs to support linking to the video from the short in an official way
cool idea no clue why they didn’t think of that hmmmmmm
@@Socsob I have no idea what you're getting at here. Use your words if you have something to say.
@@DrakePitts they do now, he just didn't link the video. check some of his other shorts above the title on the gray box. it's been rolled out for like 2 months now
They do! Just wasn't used here. I don't see many people use it either, on other channels, I think because they probably thing there's more engagement benefit to a user having to look through their channel to find it, possibly clicking and watching other stuff, etc.
Im sure the Ad revenue they generate from people searching and getting click baited into another topic is far more important to them than links.
I had a blast in therapy. My therapist wouldn't just ask me about my feelings, but more so about what was happening in my life and how I was handling it. If it wasn't good ("good" being handling it how I myself consciously wanted to handle it), we'd try to find out, what was hindering me and how I could change that. He also helped me gain new perspectives on things, which was really eye opening. We meditated every time for around ten minutes and I got homework.
He was super supportive and I'll be eternally grateful for the things I learned in those sessions. Dude got me out of a deep depression and helped me cope woth my ADHD somewhat, even if he wasn't an expert.
@@julyol119 now that sounds like a really good therapist. I wish I had one like yours.
@@julyol119 that’s amazing! You got really lucky with your therapist! So happy for you 🥰🥰🥰
How he help you with ADHD
@@tusharsolanki8564 Aside from the meditation, not at all, really. My meds do enough in that regard. But they didn't do dog shit, as long as I was neck deep in my depression and of the opinion, that trying is futile anyway. My meds just made me anxious back then.
In Germany adult ADHD is still really underrepresented and hardly any adult therapist knows their way around it (at least in my area).
Mine said as much, but he took his time to understand the topic as best he could and to help me change my perspective.
I'm lucky the meds help me so much, but I still plan to hire a coach to get some long term things on track.
@@makaylabrooks I really was lucky! Although, I did talk to a dozen therapists before I found this one. He was the first I felt really understood and supported by and who himself thought he could actually help me.
I think it's important to note that for the most part, it's up to the therapist to not make it just a venting session & steer their client in the right direction. I say "for the most part" because the client themselves has to be willing to put in the work to get better, but the therapist is getting paid to tell you what that work actually is, not just to sit there and lend an ear.
Therapist here. You are absolutely right! I cannot tell you how many people ive talked to say there therapist just let them talk and felt that therapy didn't go anywhere. Talking about problems are supposed to help generate insight. The other part of therapy is doing something about those problems.
I had one experience that was the opposite. I understand where my therapist was coming from but she only told me to do Things differently which i knew already. I had problems with the how. Was in freeze-modus too long and rarely had motivations. I stuck with her for a while cause i thought maybe the switch would be activated when someone tells me to do stuff but it did not work.
I think, some of us need to learn a better understanding of ourselves
I plateaued in therapy because I’d come in ask what I was supposed to do there and never get an answer. After a many sessions I felt that to continue talking was meaningless. We weren’t scratching even the surface of anything important. And therapists could not explain what I was supposed to be doing there other than talking at them.
I felt the same way
Granted I only had one therapist, people told me I should find a better one, but I really felt like they should be the one directing how it went and leading me to a place of discovery and figuring things out I that couldn’t on my own or if I were venting to a friend
Me too, 😢 I great video would be how to evaluate and pick a new therapist who is outcomes based
The first session should be a discussion about what specific issues you wish to address, what you expect to get out of therapy after a given period (6 to 10 weeks initially is standard), what your therapist is able to do to facilitate that and if you are comfortable with eachother. Then you can start addressing one issue in the second session to get you started. Questions, reflecting back what you say, what the therapist observes - you tell me you're fine with that yet you clench your fist and shift in your seat, for example - or even how that makes them feel - shocked, sad, glad and why. You're not discussing their feelings so much as getting feedback from their reactions. Trauma and its related behaviours are a normal response to an abnormal situation. An independent response of that situation isn't normal, its appalling can help to put your normal response into perspective. As an abuse survivor here, the skeletons didn't belong in my closet, so I had to mentally kick them out and send them where they did belong. The final session should be review of how much progress you have made and where you want to go from here. A return to therapy in future isn't out of the question. A break for changes to settle in as your new normal and/or rest after the emotional energy drain deep work can take is often advisable. Someone making good progress but with immediate issues presenting may be best advised to continue with another review date pencilled in. It's clear when a client doesn't want to do the necessary work and also when ending current therapy will allow better progress in life.
Therapy make me feeling way worse and sick.most people have never seen therapy but they find it okay suggesting other seek therapy. After many many years of therapy I learned that everyone has different way to cope their issues
A lot of people who trauma dump want to have a proper conversation about their problems, but shy away from those deep conversations or feel like there’s no one they can have that conversation with. Instead, you get it popping up in casual conversation.
Thats true. I do it wayyy too much. But only online.
Omg wish more people knew this. I lost a lot of friends because they had emotional venting on repeat several times a day. Whenever I opened their messages or was going to have a conversation with them I already knew what the topics were gonna be. Funny thing, as Dr. K mentioned the topics were always the same but the advice/encouragement our friend group (me included) gave, lost its power after a while so we had to constantly change our ways to tackle the same problem. As you can imagine, after a while our enthusiasm quieted down and it just got silent as we couldn’t bear talking about it anymore. Eventually they lost most connections in the friend group. I feel bad that these people needed help but couldn’t/didn't afford it but we honestly did the best we could.
I also went through this and debated in my head a lot of times whether I should continue being friends with them and help them with their problem. However, the same thing kept happening over and over, he'd vent at me until it was the only conversation we ever had with each other. It was difficult for me to decide to leave him because I consider him special to me, but talking to him burnt me out and also affected my mental health. I kept thinking if there was anything I could've done better for him, and it was sad that I had lost my friend.
Please don't blame yourself. If you have regrets talk about it with a mature good person or with a mental health specialist.
I wish you to fully heal. Search out for good friends, even if it's hard don't give up, you deserve it. ❤️
Have a good life
I feel you. Some of my friends’ repeated venting left no room for others to share their experiences, which eventually bred some resentment. Attempts to address the issue weren’t enough. When others started opening up about their problems, my friends who needed to vent frequently often ended up turning the conversation back on themselves, because their initial matters were never resolved. A lot of us had to distance ourselves for our own mental health, especially after one implied that they had it harder than everyone else and thus needed to vent more and that everyone else who didn’t vent as hard must have it easier. This person wasn’t even aware of what some of the rest of the group was going through. I did find success with some friends, though; they eventually broke out of their rumination cycles.
@@AlwayzAnonymous I'm sorry you had to go through this, I know how it makes you feel, hearing someone say "your life must be easier". I'm so glad that you're on good terms with some of them, that's heartwarming. Thinking of my experience, I'll never know but wish they'll change for the better. If not, "let people that don't want to safe themselves live in their misery. " I think most of us experienced it firsthand and know.
Have a good day, hope you meet healthy and valuable people and circumstances!
This is the main reason why I don't talk to anyone.
I can't make real friendships because I just vent to everyone I talk to, so I distance myself instead.
My issues with therapy is how difficult it is to find someone who knows what they’re doing without it being an arm of a leg or without going through like 10
Yrssssss! That’s my main issue with it. So I don’t even consider it anymore
You are so right! Therapists have no clue what they are talking about and they often time just blame the patients for not listening to them. The problem is that every therapist would say therapy is you come here to learn about yourself and they don’t give advice but they get upset not taking their advices
Most if not all would know what they are doing. The problem is finding the right fit. Do you got to therapist that is trained CBT but not DBT when it's DBT you need and CBT is something you tried over and over again. Just an example.
@@chrismaxwell1624 Yea, I won't lie I don't know much about therapy. Putting all that information together was hard for me. I'm still looking of course, but all my emails and calls are left on read or heard. So far I've emailed about 10-15 therapist. I fear I might be doing something wrong.
Some people don't have any emotional support. They don't have friends or family to talk through their traumatic experiences. Having an outside source can help allot. Never be ashamed to talk or write difficult experiences down. There's time for processing, and there's time for healing. Talking, can help process what happened, to therefore give way to a kind of acceptance, which leads to healing.
If a person tell you that you are trauma dumping, then that person is not your friend and has judged you. People get stuck in a trauma loop because they feel unheard.
I did a lot of trauma dumping to my therapists and my friends. Guess what helped me change my behaviour: Somebody consistently and honestly taking me serious and helping me through the shit I talked about. It was that, not stopping talking about what bothered me. That is what therapy should do in my opinion.
Okay Dr. K i gotta admit i think this is the first time i've been tilted at a video of yours because of the cliffhanger..... i need toknow the correct alternative after being told the incorrect one
His older shorts were all like that. The title has a question in it, and in the video dr. K explains the question, maybe brings up an example, until the video ends without answering it!
@@tbqhwyf but then he uploads the full video one day, right?
Please tell us what happens next Dr K! I'm hitting a bit of a plateau so it'd be great to know what else I can do.
@@g3orgie764 pick something you're stuck with. Maybe you feel like you suck. Explore why you think you suck. Note down anything you know rationally to be true, but don't believe/feel. Consider options that you think would make you think you suck less. Ask your therapist how much sense it all makes, if you've considered everything, if there's a flaw in your reasoning, if your self-assessment is valid.
It's a bit like learning a skill with a tutor who's already an expert in it. You need to figure it out on your own in your own way to really absorb the skill, but the tutor exists to help you explore an idea and to get you unstuck when you reach a roadblock.
Imagine you keep complaining that your room is messy but you dont take the Action to clean it. Nothing changes.
Now imagine the same Szenario but you are alone with noone to Talk to and you notice maggots on your wall.
You can feel like a victim and cry cause u cant Talk about it or you actually feel thankful that you cannot tolerate this for yourself and you get up and clean your shit.
Everyone is different and for some people it can be beneficial to not being able to Talk about something instead of Acting on the Problem.
Anna Lembke says, “Empathy without accountability is a short sighted attempt to relieve suffering.” My parents' likely difficult choice to NOT save me from suffering the consequences of the mistakes I made was essential to the learning experience. Just repeating the same stuff over and over is not going to help you
A friend of mine is hitting rock bottom. For years and years he's been venting, which was a good thing because at first he never even told anyone what was bothering him. However he never really took anything that was said back to him seriously and basically moved through life with an attitude of: it'll get better if I ignore it. L I talked to him the other day and I asked him a lot of questions and he said it was therapeutic for him. Yeah, because I basically was like: what would my own therapist ask me. Now mind, I'm not trying to play therapist for him, but it was really interesting how much further you get with someone if you pose questions instead of just laying it out for them. I've seen it in many Dr. K interviews as well, asking the right questions can make a huge difference within a session.
Telling people what they do wrong rarely helps them. I think a good therapists asks good questions, so the person gets some sort of epiphany.
When you get to conclusions yourself its much more valuable than someone telling them theirs. We have to walk different paths.
"Friends" who believe their friends need fixing are no friends btw
This is why i always get mad at my therapists. I get to this point and ask them where do we go from here, what can you actually do for me and they just kinda give me this blank stare like they never got to this point in the conversation before before they go on to tell me that they cant do anything for me.
I literally had a friend like this. She would listen to me and my advice and then do nothing about it because stepping out of the comfort zone and victim mentality was harder for her than staying in misery. Those first steps in the right direction are almost never comfortable. But you need to make a choice at some point, and no choice is also a choice.
The only therapist that will actually tell you that coming back to them over and over isn’t going to fix your problem
I’ve been going to the same therapist for like a year and I don’t think it’s done literally anything for me, in fact I don’t even really know what I’m looking for in a good therapist
I never trauma dump because as a kid whenever i’d talk about my problems my dad would lock me in my room until I said I felt better and sometimes i’d be in there for like 7 hours. It was really traumatizing.
dude finna bout to get sent back to the closet
@@TaylorRealGames😭😭😭😭😭😭
It is horror level stuff. I hope you are feeling better now
Well written joke 😭😭😭
Holy fork 😲
This is like something you will do in the first few sessions, as you are throwing out your thoughts. But after that, it's yours and the therapy task to figure out why you think like that and what are the real problems that got you where you are. Then you start trying to find ways to get around these problems to solve them. If one way doesn't work, we try another, until we get to the one that helps you the most.
Most importantly, you have to develop a way in which, if you fall back, you will get back up again, so you can keep moving foward.
I’ve been in therapy since I was ~7-8 and am 21 years old now. A lot of they practiced with me was CBT which plays a large role in how I handle my problems now. In therapy when I talk about a problem I also share what I’m on track with regarding the situation as much as what I’m struggling with so I can get constructive feedback on how to better regulate myself, especially with what’s out of my control. I actually now struggle with friends like you described because I propose solutions or different viewpoints and it’s like hitting a brick wall. I’ve resorted to just listening now. If you’re not open to different perspectives or helpful tips/advice then get used to hearing “that’s too bad” because no one else is going to fix your life for you. The change starts with you.
Ya totally. My therapist knows my crap now. He has a good sense of my issues lol so now we're working on carving new neural pathways for my cognitive distortions. I said I've been working on responding rather than reacting for 4 years, and he reminded me that I've been reacting for at least 15 years, so it takes practice to respond. Great session today.
Where is the full video, I need to see the part where he talks about the solution
Huh, it's usually there
I actually just talked in therapy, but it really was about the short times my therapist talked that put perspective into things. I never taught my childhood was traumatic aside from a moment or two in school, but some of my favorite quotes that helped me a lot to categories and work with my emotions/issues were "you know if siblings fight its mutual and they get along again afterwards. He just generally hit and cursed you without provocation. You know, i dont think the difference between your parents abusing you and them not doing anything effectiv to stop you stepbrother from doing so makes a lot of difference for your development" and "wow, that pretty manipulative, i generally think your stepmother sounds very manipulative, although she may not realize it. Shes not dragging to or blackmailing you into going blood donating with the rest of the family, but she still forces you to go on an emotional level. Thats almost assault"
But honestly sometimes I still miss therapy. I dont really have friends that i could talk with about my grievances, because im by far the most stable of them and im afraid to hurt them. I just wanna talk about how much my unrequited love hurts and how i wish someone would finally give me a hug and make me feel safe and protected just for a minute so i can relax for the second, but the ppl that i manage to befriend are always those groups that i end up being the mom-friend in, i don't even know why the others just dont want me in their friendgroup...
(ps: i usually don't trauma dump ppl and am pretty "normal" outside of the protection of my own room. Most are actually pretty surprised when i let slip later on that my childhood was crap)
I wish I had realized that during my time fighting depression in senior year. Made a lot of mistakes, but I'm moving forward. I'm all the better now for it as a college freshman. Man did I blow some of my relationships out of the water though just by sucking so badly. Not that the depression itself was all to blame, there plenty of external factors. But like I said, I've been getting through it. It still haunts me, but I honestly feel like I'm on my way now to living my best life.
Good counselors help you set priorities and solve the problems
There is so much compound trauma that my therapist couldn’t remember what my traumas were so I had to keep reminding them what happened so that they can understand why I had symptoms, and it was re-traumatizing. On multiple occasions, I requested that the therapist keep track and keep it organized, yet no improvement. Some therapists are not responsible and they don’t actually care, it’s just a job for them. I also record my sessions and I caught the therapist gaslighting me about things. They changed their tone once I played the recorded sessions to back to them. This made me realize that even the professionals are simply flawed human imposters, pretending to have their sh*t together. Always record for safety and accountability.
This Dr seems to be really good though and he brings hope for humanity ❤
During a really bad part of my life I would dump the same crap over and over and over on my mom. Sad part is that while it got eventually much better due to my life getting better, I still didn't address that venting organically if it makes sense. God bless my mom, I love her very much
Link to full video, please
What’s the full video????
Original/full length video length, please
I used to go but it never got anywhere, now I just cope or solve my problems .
In some therapy sessions I really didn't have a very present problem that I had to bring up, so I dabbed here and there in what had had my emotional attention the last couple of weeks, and I went to town in revisiting my outlook, my reflection, my decisions or nondecisitions, and it was obvious to me that I honed my skills to deal with myself and my problems by practicing on smaller stuff. That way, when I some days had a lot of weight on my shoulders it would sort of all fall into place ready to be examined and approached because I had created the room and the routine when just talking about minor stuff. I learned that everything is connected and you can professionalize your mental cleaning the way you would a skill or a job.
So interesting thinking of it as mental hygiene, I'd include meditation as a detailing of some sorts lol
One thing I learned is yes sharing it helps but you can only get practical help if you share in an honest practical way
When I’ve gone to therapy my expectation was I tell you, a trained professional third party, my scenario and I hopefully work with you to receive a wise perspective that I didn’t have myself to recontextualize my situation and help me break out. That’s why I would just typically go like two times for rare situations. If I received what I hoped for then success and move on. That person would then be good to revisit if I had a future consultation need. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t continue or seek them for the future. I figured I was doing therapy “wrong” but I had goals and so I structured it this way.
Yeah i be saying the same problems over and over. I noticed it just makes you feel more stuck or annoying gotta do something gotta keep living
I just wish I could ask people stuff like "you want to play Mario kart?" And then we could play Mario Kart and have a good time or something.
Ect
I have a lot of interesting hobbies but idk nobody really gives me any room to talk about them.
I talk about fun things and my hobbies and I either get mocked or ignored.
Idk what to do.
Just had my second therapy session last week so I feel this is perfect timing 😂
Actually making a plan on how to get better at socializing or decatastrofication exercises actually helped a lot lol. Therapy it's about making plans to move forward, it will involve knowing where the stuggle comes from but it's not the point I think
"Madness is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results"
I really like the mix of cbt/dbt I do with my counselor.
On the whole its about learning about psychodynamics and skill building (from coping to "how do I clean my kitchen).
And some days I just need guidance processing.
But mostly it's learning and building skills.
For me it does, after talking for while my minds get clear, i feel validated and I start acting. But I need the mindfulness first.
So then what is it supposed to be like in therapy?
I talk about my problems, my therapist has her input, I work real hard, then I fix them & go back to her with my results. She knows most everything about my life because our problems come from our whole life, not just part of it. She's awesome ❤❤
Really, most of therapy for me is dumping my thoughts and my therapist prodding on where I think the problem could lay and what I want to do a about it. Literally, the first thing she often asks is either a list of the positives that happened to me or what the goal to the session was. The amount of actual thinking can be exhausting, but the sessions can be fun. Even when it isn't, it's good to find where the baseline is and where to build on.
Over the years ive been to several different therapists. They did nothing. They just stared at me while i talked and cried. No feedback, no questions, nothing.
One kept looking at her watch. You dont even get a full hour, and if you did what can you accomplish in 1 hour every 2 weeks?
Interesting.
The one and only therapist I have been to gave me "exercises" to combat my negative thinking. She also challenged me on the way I viewed certain situations. She was great
@@neveragain733 this is basically what I realized. 1 hour in my opinion is not enough to get through an issue or open up about it and then actually process it. By the time you get to open up the session is over and then you have to come back in a week and remember what you were talking about but by that time something else might’ve happened so the process starts all over. I did it for a couple years and it got tiring even though I did get a lot worked through.
Full video please!!
Well it sure helped me to trauma dump but I was learning what had happened so I could see the patterns of what I needed to change
Many things that affect people phycologically are caused or related to problems you can't fix by just going to therapy. In that case, it's more about finding the problem, and perhaps a way to fix it.
But then there are some things that are just bottled up, and cause damage because of that. And if they're talked about, could at least be alevaited. Someone actually listening to you, can be so great at times.
And, i wonder, why is therapy, seemingly more needed now than in the past?
I feel like I've plateaued after therapy, that I might need to go back. I'm emotionally needy for sure.
I'm still terrified that I'll stay this way. Anything and everything takes so much effort.
It's ok to be like this.
@@Pinwheelsystem is it?
I've run into so much trouble.
I'm a fearful person I find, from all of my past tribulations. I have trouble pursuing things like jobs and skills. I'm usually dismissed or criticized for my sensitivity, especially because I'm a man. I often feel like I could be doing something greater but I lack the motivation to do so. My brain is always racing, among other things.
This just doesn't feel sustainable.
My biggest issue is that i hate when they sugarcoat everything which isnt bad when its a child but to me its annoying
Going through this right now! It’s so frustrating. I don’t know how to get better.
Emotions are the symptom. You have to fix the cause. Some people either don't know how or want to fix the cause. I have been studying Stoicism, which inspired psychotherapies such as CBT. Stoicism sometimes spurts out truths that some find hard to swallow. Sometimes things suck and you can't do anything about it. Stoicism tells you to ignore what you cannot control.
You go to therapy because life is hard/depression/you were traumatized/your parents were unskilled/you're anxious or stuck and you need new coping techniques often coupled with clarity about what happened so far. The goals are growth, getting coping tools and insight from a mental health professional, dropping baggage/chaos, getting unstuck, being kinder to yourself and finding contentment in spite of everything.
Is to find the solution,not to go around the same feelings and pity...
Don't life in the problem,but solution/s❤
Therapy is a business. It's a role that should be filled by wise people within a community.
I also think there's misconceptions about how the curative power of awareness works. Awareness is important and so is reflection, but while you can notices new paths and consider solutions, you can neither stumble upon a ready one (like lootbox) nor think one into a existence without an ounce of action (like godlike Shaggy from the meme who can think things into life, but he's the exception that confirms the rule).
This is so true dr K
I have traumadumped in the past and I was (and still am on some level) emotionally needy. This has not gotten me far in my recovery.
Is it possible that we are all emotionally needy because we live in a world where we barely have any friends or family anymore?
I don't think people should interpret this as that you shouldn't talk about your problems. It's about not getting stuck in talking about your problems, and do so within limits.
I had a person like this in my life. I let them go because it was affecting my mental health. 10 years of repeat trauma dump. I should have let go sooner.
The irony of me listening to this on a loop 😂
Trauma and our shadows are usually like a kind of scratch on a record that keeps replaying the same track.
They're literally stuck spinning on the same broken track on repeat. I found that taking psilocybin mushrooms a few times actually really helped me be able to nudge myself off the same repeating broken track and finally get the needle to the next track. Though it's definitely found new scratches and skips to get stuck on. So, friends, dont think that you might not have a LOT of these "bumps" ahead of one that was just "solved." Just remember you got it, take it a bit at a time and remember, you're here alive and still making it every day despite it all. Facing things is scary and painful but you absolutely are strong enough. Your desire to have to dive into may not be. But you will definitely survive. :)
I quit therapy when the therapist kept wanting to talk about crap when I kept wanting to find solutions. I just felt that if I wanted to vent and *itch about stuff I could do that with anyone. It’s why I’ve quit therapy before, and why I sought a cognitive therapist to try and deal with helping situations.
That's right. A discourse is a mean to attain the solution to resolve what bothers
I’ve yet to find a therapist that is useful to me and can do more than I can do for myself for free.
Seens I started therapy. It probably different for alot of people, but for me ive notices that its not just talking about my problèmes and solution for it but more si keeping myself realistic in what I want to achieve and how to achieve it in a realistic way
There is a phrase that the titular, and iconic, animator, Zach Hadel, likes to say: "Shut up and do it."
This is said within the context of creative works of art (stop talking about your novel you wanna write and juts write it already), but I think it can be applied to mental health as well.
Don't announce to the world your plan for self improvement; shut up and do it!
Don't get caught up in a loop of self loathing: shut up and do something about whats bothering you!
Once you have results you are proud of; then by all means share this exciting news with your loved ones!
One should never suffer in silence; however one should recognize that talking about a thing, and doing a thing, are two separate things.
Words are nice, they are comforting, but action is what will bring change in your life.
Love this channel
Is this video out already? I’m having a hard time finding it
As someone who’s been clinically depressed for reasonable reason, I truly believe that some people genuinely should end it.
I’ve been through hell personally and I’m sure people have been and are going through worse. I also believe in assisted suicide. These people are usually unemployed and at a stage where they can’t hold a job, the government needs to keep those people alive because it’s proven to be good for the economy.
These reason I say they should end it, because the pain they are going through and mental suffering is sometimes unimaginable. You don’t know what that person is feeling on a daily basis. I was a walking reckoning of destruction. Looking back at it I really wish I ended it at my lowest points, I would’ve avoided many dark days ahead of then. I’m good now, not through therapy but studying the brain, and emotions and how everything works. I ate healthier, exercised, set goals. Every decision I made was for my greater good. I put in the work. Therapy was a joke the few times I tried it. I believe therapy is a placebo, people go to therapy BECAUSE they want to get better. Once someone makes that choice and genuinely wants to get better, they will.
Can someone please link the full video?
What is the conplete video?
That's like tripping onto the front porch and thinking you've moved in.
Talking it out may be the answer, but it's not as simple as just talking. That's why being a therapist is a whole profession and not just "talk at me and i won't tell anyone your secrets"
Ik some people who keep venting the same thing every time, sometimes i wish i were a ghost or something so i could eat whatever they're spouting and turn it into energy 🙃
The way that people abuse the whole emotional animal thing is proof of what you are saying. The other day, I went to the grocery store (Walmart in Spokane) and there was a homeless guy with a pitbull on a rope. I didn't notice him until I walked by and he lunged at me. I reported it to staff and they said he would just say it was a support animal and there was nothing they could do. So stupid. I was afraid some little kid would get attacked. I guess you are just supposed to let that happen these days.
I thought this was common knowledge to be completely honest, talking about your problems will definitely help in the short to maybe even long term.
But, there needs to be healing and/or change within your lifestyle, brain or whatever it is to actually activate what your Therapist is trying to do for you.
YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN CHANGE YOURSELF
(FACTS OVA FEELINGS). What someone is looking for and needing if they want eu to do therapy of any kind is not that the doing of the therapy itself it's the hoped for positive by-product that might be the result of eu doing therapy this is what they usually don't feel like they will get unless eu go to Therapy Therapy is simply a perceived means to the end of eu meeting a need of theirs r doing something that will feel like an improvement for them
Yeah, but I wish my therapist had asked about my feelings in the first place. That's really the whole reason I went. I wanted somebody to listen to me and they couldn't even do that. But one of them wanted to talk about "anxiety" lol. Like I just randomly had anxiety and decided to have that because I felt like it. Pretty disappointing. Guess I'm cured
From which video is this from?
I just think it's disappointing that therapists aren't a bit better at guiding that process. Like... that's the most important thing you do, right?
Where are can I watch this full video
That's the fault of the therapist for not pointing that out, not the patient.
And this is why I'm always cautious around venting. I do it often enough, but even then, I restrict it in the right measure to keep that internal pressure high. Let's face it, therapy as expected for the average person is just paying to vent.
Can you add the full video, please?
People are on denial that venting is not a long term solution.
They think if the pain went away for this moment means that it will never come back.
But they don't even notice that they keep coming back with the same pain over and over again
Now I'm worried whether the people around me are getting annoyed of hearing me having the same problems over and over again. I usually don't share my problems unless directly asked but still I wonder if it's annoying.
I share because I think that's what they expect & then they'll give me strategies or resources or routines to help me out of those problems but I just want to shake them sometimes because only one therapist ever has. It's like, I'm paying to learn stuff I don't know, for help I can't give myself, HELP ME
Man, I feel you.
If they can't help you why you even going in the first place?
Some counsellors actually also think that’s what it’s about
How can I see the full video?
Starting some in a month or so to go along with the meds. Don't want to be on Wellbutrin and buspar forever...even though I actually don't mind the wellbutrian side effects😈
This how I look at therapy. I look at through the same lense that I physical therapy is. I got in see the physical therapist. I talk to the them about my pain. The things I can't do. Then they examine and give corrective exercises.
In mental health therapy I've been in this the same. I got in I talk about my pain, the things I stuggle or can't even do. They give me homework, excercises to do that we will discuss next session.
Now if I don't do either of these it's just wasting my time and money, the therapist is fine as you are paying. I see people do that this. Complain about their back pain yet they've been to the therapist but don't do the corrective exercises. Get how do work on negative thoughts but refused to do the work. Why?
I sought help with psychologist. I gave the pain points and what I wanted too. She examined me, I was not assertive, people pleasing. She gave exercises to do be less people pleasing and be more assertive. It took practice and doing the work. I got better at communicating my needs and asking what they need of me. Changed my life because it got me where I wanted to go. I had to do that work they just showed me how.
I think I'm at least a third of a lightyear away from plateauing in therapy. Honestly, sounds kinda nice. Having a session with nothing to work on.
where is the complete video?
Aww link to full version please
Therapy is actively working on your problems through different approaches: one of which is taking not the other way around.
Therapy isn't just talking about it, it's also working through all those feelings. Which unfortunately means living in those feelings for a bit
If a clinician thinks it’s “endless venting”, thinks their client is just endlessly venting they’ve failed in their role as a helping professional. There is no parallel to so called “trauma dumping” (what a pejorative term to use) between friends. Psychotherapy is with a professional - ‘professional’ being the keyword and with every sense of the word and what it implies.
Bad therapy comes from the clinician not the client.
If a client feels they need to, are compelled to “endlessly vent”, they ought to just do so. It’s then what the clinician does, responds, receives it that’s the rubber meeting the road.
Therapy sucks when the therapist doesn't guide and only sits and listens. I don't need indiscriminate validation, I need help.
I eventually realized that I have a voice in my head that’s like, “if you do this unhealthy activity that makes you feel good, and do it enough times, eventually you’ll get sick of it, and not have a bad habit of doing it anymore.” Idk what that voice is or where it comes from, but I think it’s a liar.