Download the PDF of my memoir "From Felony to Fitness to Free" for FREE: dougbopst.com/FREE/ UA-cam: ua-cam.com/channels/1xly1FdiIE2s8c5wUr2dgw.html Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/2kXk7ZbTzv4Lnf8lxLnnTn?si=940850e429184327 Apple: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-adversity-advantage/id1496406333
😰💔👶💵💔👶💵😰👶💔 *Help 😮us* *Wake up 😮 Americans* *CPS" is Destroying* *low-income* families* ust to keep themselves in a job.. 😢👶💵💔👶😢💵* *Please look 🥺* Another system that destroys the families especially lower income* *The Corrupt Business of* *Children Protective Services* By former Georgia *Senator Nancy Schaefer* Plus her talking to Inforwars Alex Jones Follow The🕊️💵🕊️😮 5.21.2022 Peace 🕊️🙏🕊️ Now why isn't CPS ever looked into..?!?!?! 9.12.2023 11.3.2023 *HELP* 😮. 1.22.2024..
my parents broke all these rules and i just managed to survive with enough of my own money and not having killed myself in 7th grade. now that they can see i am not outwardly suicidal they have even less tried to fix their own issues and i am worried that i will bear their burden that i have noticed since middle school properly analyzed was gaslighted out of believing then and am relearning right now was totally correct. what the fuck am i supposed to do? why am i cursed with this life?
When my real dad died in Vietnam I would see my mom fall to a deep depression and cry all the time and I would console her. I was my moms psychiatrist and put my close and play on music and sing and dance for her like a little clown. She would smile and sing along with me. I lost her to brain cancer and I took care of her untill the end. I love and miss her and when I die I cant wait to reconnect with both of them. I was an only child and always played alone and care for ppl. I love life and have alot of care for others and feel my best when I make someone not feel alone. Thank you Dr.and I will take this and share it with others.
When I was younger (71 now) I believed the only acceptable answer was suicide. I couldn’t come up with any reason not to stop living. I suffered from panic attacks around people and had no clue why. I thought it was payment for a karmic debt. I don’t believe in that now. Luckily I am pretty happy today. One of the reasons is understanding it is me only in this life, and I taught myself to be self sustaining when I fully realized it is only me always and especially on my death bed.
Either axiom of great teachers bring out the great in students and you can't bullshit a bullshitter both apply to him in the most respectable intention. He's awesome.😊
to hear him admit to having suicidal thoughts is both surprising and refreshing, and so helpful. For those of us who have been made to believe we are weird for not being like our parents or siblings, for those of us good, smart , creative people who have ended up sabotaging relationships, getting into dangerous relationships, underperforming academically, living materially mediocre lives, feeling alien, alone, lonely,... this helps
I’ve never had long lasting romantic relationships for common reasons. I learned being alone is by far the best for me. It’s a great opportunity and the benefits should not be underestimated. Eat when you’re hungry. Sleep when you’re tired. Fully feel all feelings and allow them and even coax them out. We are not supposed to be happy all the time. We are never going to suffer emotionally for the last time until we die. It’s ok to cry or scream in rage. Allow it and it passes.
For me it was fear of rejection... Been in therapy for years and only recently uncovered this. Everything we've covered recently points back to fear of rejection, and it is crushing!
I wished my brother in law could have listened to your precious teachings in order to change his mind and not taking his life🙏😢Thank you for all your excellent work❤️
Exactly, from the first moment. Even inside our mother we already are agitated because, if lucky, your dad is banging her. But this is nothing to what is waiting then, and to what is waiting now.
As someone who suffers with extreme severe anxiety I can totally relate to her. I would stop eating for days at a time as a punishment. I worry a lot about my life, everyone around me and pleasing everyone. It's absolutely crippling, so glad she got the help she needed, lovely young lady it's so sad that society has 1 in 3 people suffering mental health issues. I hope everyone seeks help
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about how mushrooms and psychedelics treats anxiety, but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, doctor Greg mushroom I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
After having raised my children and having divorced a long time ago, the empty nest syndrom has broken my heart. Despite being happy in my job as a high school teacher, there's an emptyness that I can't overcome. My memories of childhood leads to believe that being abandoned has been my fear along my whole life. At this age 56 everything is so clear when I look back: anxiety, depression and obsessed with pleasing everyone.
having an empty nest shows that you were a good mother, you did not let your fear of abandonment ruin your children's futures which is an option other mothers take to cling to their children. 56 is not too old to find new friends, hobbies or even a new partner.
I’m in the same boat! My only kid moved thousands of miles away and I haven’t been the same. I don’t know where the time went but I want it back so badly
Many of us are anxious because we can't afford rent, are housing insecure and don't earn enough money. What makes it even worse, is that all of this suffering and inequality is orchestrated by greed and indifference. How can one not feel unhappy and hopeless?
Because you are the only person who can possibly care enough about you to change that for you. The system is the system. The world is fucked. Its up to you if you want to be a victim or not. Start a side hustle. Business.... don't know how. Sit online and research it. Use the internet to help your situation. Not numb you. You've taken all this information and just gone.... nahhhh nah can't be these things. I'll repeat. The world is fucked. You need to look after YOU. Stop looking at all those in the same position as yourself. Start looking at those who pushed through and made it out. Stop expecting the world will just give everybody abundance. Most people are doing nothing beyond where you are at. This is much less competition to then deal with if you wish to elevate your situation. I feel ya. I was you 3 years ago. Accept the world is fucked. Enjoy your blip of existence we are lucky to have. Get on with it. All the best.
So true ! And it’s so sad ! I have seen families living in their cars with small children and babies ! I say find a church ⛪️ a local pd who can redirect you to the shelters abb nv d find county programs that show you how to get financial support and assistance 🎉 there is a lot of money for the indigent ❤and help you rehabilitate to get back on your own 😂🎉❤ keep smiling 🙂
Gabor Maté saved me from actually falling into misery. I was tilted by many losses I had to face last year and he helped me cultivating self-comprehension and self-compassion.
I had several tremendous losses in 2022/23 myself and they almost accumulated to a point of me vanishing. I started completely over again. Everything. Best wishes to you. ❤
Can you share what your approach was and how you proceeded because I've been hollowed out by grief and constant problems, I don't get what the point is of this empty life.
There are many professionals who do not know how to treat, and can do a lot of damage. Every day I think more, that those who have gone through difficult life situations, are the ones who can best help others. I think that people who have not been through it cannot put themselves in the place, and do not know how to deal with trauma.
When he said talk to your 7 years old self I just started crying . I haven't slept for days . I have depression / insomnia / anxiety . I have so many traumas from childhood , and most of all I am a 30 years ild and I have no job . And I can't afford therapy . I stay up at night till 6 am and I am at thr level my heart started to hurt . Panic attacks every night and day . I exercised . I meditated . I turned to gid . Nothing works for me . Each time at night I just wonder , with all these things that are happening to me , am I gonna be alive tomorrow or am I gonna be dead . If only life is not this hard .
Take medication I have generalized anxiety disorder and I sometimes take sleeping pills and benzo. Sometimes they are necessary. Better to take a pill than not sleep at all.
Take one day one hour at a time. Live in present. Find higher power. We are not in complete control of our liives. Life is hard and unfair. You have to deal with the hand given to you and make the best of it. Things cut nothing remains the same. Miracles happen. Read about Santa lives Go to Catholic church and stare at the cross & alter & pray. God loves you. Jesus saves.
I live in an indigenous community in the Andes where the natural family environment Dr. Mate speaks of as if it were lost long ago still exists. I know because I live here and I see it every day. I wish Dr. Mate could spend time here and learn that his ideal family model is still alive and now available to modern people from other cultures who think it is dead.
I lived in Peru for 5 years, and travelled to the Andes many times, I was looking for something all those times, something that I felt was beyond ayahuasca retreats.. which kept eluding me but gave me that strange feeling of being on the right track.. I developed a cultural design project later on, I called it oriandina, I use traditional andean fabrics quite a lot.. my trauma and self worth issues keep blocking my progress but who knows.. I am still here trying and missing Peru.. un abrazo a la distancia
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporees I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
3:40 Therapies mentioned: Somatic experiencing (Dr Peter Levine), Sensorimotor psychotherapy (Pat Ogden), EMDR (works for some people), Internal Family Systems (Dr Richard Schwartz), Compassionate Inquiry (Dr. Gabor Maté), Dr Laurence Heller
Very good advise! Especially the phone part. It's appealing how many parents use phones as a babysitter for their children so they don't have to put up with maybe annoying behaviour. And so many parents prioritise their phone over their child.
I very, very, very much needed this today. It's been really fascinating to me that over the past few days, the videos I've needed to listen to have been coming into my stream for some reason, guided I'm sure. I've been struggling intensely, ready to check out. I went through intensive therapy (DBT, CBT) about 8 yrs ago...I thought I was 'fixed' and then as it seems to go, I feel like I take 3 steps back again, ultimately. I'm diagnosed with ComplexPTSD/Borderline Personality Disorder....it's been very difficult lately. I have been experiencing flashbacks, intense emotions, alone, lost, stuck, angry, overwhelmed, defective, a mess. I always feel so incredibly soothed and comforted when I hear Dr. Mate'.....it soothes me deep in my Soul. I needed to hear this today, and I'm grateful to be here listening. Thank you.
Great video! If you feel lost in life, you might feel unmotivated and uninterested in your hobbies. You might feel “like life is meaningless.” You might no longer recognize yourself. Creating healthy ways to manage intense emotions can help you cope better, and avoid risk of suicide. Some of the things you can do are: Acknowledge and accept how you’re feeling, Take compassionate care of yourself, Keep engaging in activities that make you feel good, Attend inspirational events, Seek out help from a therapist. Thank you for the inspiring video Doug and Dr. Gabor!🙌❤👍
@@robynhope219 Robyn, Gabor Maté is a Hungarian-Canadian licensed therapist-physician and author. He is internationally recognised for his expertise in addiction, trauma. Dr. Gabor is a well-respected clinician and is listed as a doctor in many sites.👋
@@robynhope219 a licence proofs that we rembered what has been put in our heads. Knowledge is using our heads with or without licence. Wisdom is knowing where knowledge is useles when there is no Understanding and Compassion used. For those 2 skills , no licence requiered only a loving heart. 😊
Healthy human connections, and connections to a higher purpose, spiritual with Holy Spirit at it's best 😊 I also had to walk away from a relationship and friendships that were bringing me down, they were narcissistic people who have not awakened to their brokenness. Daily Bible reading, a good church and a part time job that are supportive. I have found contentment in this, I am in my early 40s.
Gabor Mate is beyond words brilliant. What he said about believing the world is against you because you experienced it - spot on. If you have ptsd please read and listen to him.
Great video, A month ago, my five-year relationship came to an end. I really can't stop thinking about the love of my life, who made the decision to leave me. I've done everything in my power to win him back, but it's all in vain, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I genuinely miss him and just can't stop thinking about him, even though I've tried my hardest to stop thinking about him. I'm not sure why I'm saying this here.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
Far out, i spent decades learning and practicing philosophy and psychology to deal with anxiety. Then randomly one day i said I give up, i surrender to God. I instantly cried like a baby, only stopping to randomly laugh between crying for like 20 minutes. No more anxiety. Miraculous. Wow, this God stuff is legit.
It’s unbelievable how screen is the only tool we have in our family to get our kids to eat and for us to have a bit of a breather. This requires some major changes in our own lives and address our own traumas. I’ve sensed for a long time that the more time our kids spend on the screen, the more they behave erratically in real life but I can’t convince my wife who says we have no other option.
I had to listen to this a few times. There is so much healing in every word Dr.says. it is very difficult to find a good specialist in all medical departments. One needs $$$$. I went to the public library where I found some helpful work books❤
My mother. Selfish horrible narcissist. Like I don't want her to die, but I do look forward to the day that it's done, and I can finally have relief from her drama, and Indifference that's caused so much trauma
I just discovered this guy yesterday and can’t believe how interesting and compassionate his insights are. I’m looking forward to learning more about his work.
I think this taught me a lot about how the language we use can hinder us from actually finding a solution to move forward in stead of perpetually victimizing and shaming ourselves. Objectively asking “why this is?” would allow a person to look outside of their suffering and have the presence of mind to actually analyze emotions and allow you to regain control over your life. When you’ve been raised in a volatile environment you tend to dwell on things and feel like you don’t have the ability to move forward because it is hard to express why things trigger you or even what triggers you until it happens and you don’t have to tools to process your emotions or regulate your thoughts. Great video! ❤
My autism makes me Victim at age 32 of the same thing at age 6. It’s called: everything I want, is to much. Think it kinda explains why i got triggered when people told me I’m in a victim mindset because they did not know I had autism and it just never stops. And I was already punishing myself thinking I was not trying hard enough.
Same here, i still somewhat cant get to terms with accepting myself in that i just cant preform or that i get exhausted so easily. So much shame and limitations in being this way, and its just hard to accept.
Wow! I told my neighbor today that I can't get out of my own way! I've never heard anyone else say that. That is exactly how I feel. I'm 65 and have had depression and anxiety since elementary school. I feel like at my age I should be able to handle this. I try to give myself a break, not beat myself up. Going through my boyfriend having stage 3 pancreatic cancer right now. He was diagnosed a year ago and he's just finished radiation after going through chemo. Omg chemo brain. He didn't ask for this but its taken its toll on an already fragile relationship.
you are still free to choose your response, if you cant thats why its a trigger. but thats why hes talking about ammunition. you are (in most cases, as an adult) not dependant on the other persons intet.
@@LaymensLamenthow do you get over all of your triggers? Won’t some have many more than others. Wouldn’t it depend on the amount of trauma you’ve gone through? Feels like it would only be a choice after you have dealt with the trigger. Do you mean your verbal response or physical? I thought it was not possible to completely get rid of the trauma we have over certain things. We can just acknowledge and accept some of it and not let it control our lives.
@@Antonoconone trigger at a time. It doesn’t have to be overnight. Something that helps is learning about how to use Internal Family Systems (IFS). Lots about that on UA-cam.
Thats not true though is it? The point is that in every case you got triggered. Something happened within you. Another person would say "oh that stupid guy again will talk negatively about me whatever" and brush it off and move on with their day not caring about it. Yet youre getting triggered. That means something about you. Happening inside of you. I wish you well and to overcome your issues
I need to get back on the path to GOD. Everything I fall away I get miserably depressed and angry. Everything I get close I feel fine and strong again. It's so exhausting
This past year I first heard Gabor and felt comfortabke as finally I heard 'the wisdom' I knew. Apart from a few insightful, real people, labelled misfits, I was alone in a society that encoragea denial and afraid of facing truths of life experience. I now feel comfortable with having boundaries as it frees me from conditioning ways in life and reviewing life places me at centre and I emotional pain/events created by myself and others trying to right emotional pain in early life without awareness of 'motivation/reason' . Gabor's wisdom brings compassion for others and self. At this time I am aware I need work on self love....and so it will grow❤
I would go to therapy with someone with this knowledge. Years of therapy proved fruitless. I'm stuck in my room ignoring responsibilities. I live in Southwest Ohio if anyone can recommend good help.
I live in Australia so can't quite recommend anyone in Ohio 😛 however just wanting to acknowledge I know what you mean. I would love to have therapy with someone who really understands trauma etc. Gabor has some really good books you could look into reading. Borrow from a library? Books can be expensive for me. I too have found therapists I've been too simplistic and don't quite get it. Best wishes to you. 🙏
Have a look at he Crappy Childhood Fairy (Anna Runkle) here on UA-cam. She really understands the effects of childhood trauma (if that's the kind of trauma you're talking about - I'd say a lot of her insights could also be useful for other kinds). She has some free stuff, simple tools to manage the effects of trauma on your nervous system day by day and moment to moment, some online courses you can do to learn how to manage the effects of trauma in various areas of your life and loads of videos. She has helped a lot of people. After decades of therapy, I really wish someone had told me all this stuff when I started out. Maybe it wasn't properly understood then. I hope this or something else will be useful to you. You deserve a better quality of life Warm wishes❤
Try to embrace responsibility with open arms and I mean about you and your life. For example : I'll make my bed today, I'll clean a part of my house, I'll go somewhere even when I don't or it feels like I can't. At least try again and again. Running away from responsibilities is going to create more instability on the long run. And you don't want to spiral into a deeper darkness, believe me. I wish you the best! 🙏🏻
The so-called medical professionals will get you so banged up on meds, you'll never get to the bottom of anything. Personally I will never let them prescribe me anything but I have seen it with close friends and it's devastating.
I need all the doctors he spoke of and him and a few others on staff for myself. My X wife dis not understand when I told her, the professionals need professionals.. Never ever give up. I know I love u
Those first three years... I hear it still, so often, how one parent accuses the more attentive parent of "spoiling" their child, a baby, it truly breaks my heart how deeply ingrained this is, so far drifted off the natural instincts, see how a mother ape will always attent to her babies cries. ✌️
Many thanks, wonderful interview!!! This is exactly how I feel today. I am 58, a mother of 19 daughters. I am a psychologist, CBT therapist, I found that it was not enough, I added body-centered therapy. I work with children and adults. I am thankful for people like you both thank you again.
I’m on my way to becoming a Somatic Experiencing practitioner and to hear Gabor Mate validating this training feels so good! I’m honored to help others heal their deep wounds.
I hope you touch many lives & help them heal, & still find a way to be accessible 🙏🏽 I was excited I finally was able to locate a couple somatic practitioners in my area only to find they are $200-300 per session & don’t take insurance. I would pay that if I could but 2 kids & bills, I just don’t have it so back to trying to figure it out on my own
@@Violet_Moone13 Thank you, Violet! That is indeed a lot of money and financial strain is no joke. It is a bummer that most of us Somatic Experiencing practitioners are unable to take insurance. One of my classmates is a therapist from Kaiser. I could check in with her and see if she knows of an SEP that can take insurance and works online. I'll get back to you. I want you to be able to find the best support and not feel financially stressed.
❤ I’m in the same boat, and too many people have no support for this type of pain. There’ll always be hope for reconnection; but meanwhile we need to manage our expectations and find joy in our lives separate and apart from that part of our lives - we all deserve to live and be happy. ❤
I think I I live in a depressed state. I was sexually physically and mentally abused from age 4. Now at 59, my best friend Booger, my 14yr old cat.., his kidneys are failing and here I go tearing up. He’s kept me alive because I won’t leave him. I don’t feel like I have anything to look forward to. I’m borderline split personality so I don’t do well with people. I have no family to speak of and no friends, just Booger. I’ve been asking for help for months and nobody seems to know what to do with me.
@Deniz-mh9de how did it work for you? Can I get them online from this Dr. Pores person? Was it a one time thing or did you have to do multiple sessions? I’m afraid of pharmaceuticals anymore.
Be careful if you buy stuff online especially instagram, there’s a lot of scammers on there. I know a reputable website if you’re interested in microdosing. Although with all you’ve been though, it might be more beneficial for you to do an ayahuasca ceremony. Just a couple of sessions have changed people’s lives. It’s on my to do list!
Through my healing journey, there have been 2 people that have been the most profound teachers that have been deeply helpful to me, in addition to my clinical therapies. Eckhart Tolle, and Dr. Gabor Mate'. I know that if not for their guidance, wisdom. gentleness and teachings, I would not still be here today.
My mum was very neglectful, but she was also an escapist, she would bury herself in a magazine or a book, you would ask Her something and she would never take her eyes off the book or look at you, you knew dam well she was t listening it was bloody annoying! She still does it today! It is the same as your parent on their phone I guess and the child not feeling like what they have to say is important and what you say is not acknowledged or validated. It was like I wasn’t there. Her books were more important than I was. That pretty shitty really. Parents give your kids your full attention, social media is definitely not more important than your child and their need to feel like they are being heard! They are with us for such a short time ! Make every second count! (Empty nesters lol)
Gabe - I was healed dramatically and sustained this healing when my therapist taught me Focusing by Gendlen. There’s his brief book on it by the same name and I truly hope this technique should be added to the effective and simple ones. I can no longer be triggered beyond the initial thought - which has changed the shape and course of my life over 8 years.
@@chetan9533 yes. I did a version specifically for trauma. One time with a therapist and to this day on my own. It’s so simple and effective that the few I have taught it to also get results. As long as you stay committed to not having the trauma trapped in your experience - this works. In fact it is how “well adjusted” people innately self regulate. Sit in a quiet room - give yourself 10 minutes. Settle for a few seconds. Close your eyes. Ask your BODY “what would it feel like in my/thus body if I was at peace (or happy or in bliss)right now?” Use the word that you like best. Then sit there and ignore every answer that comes up in the mind. Also ignore (not repress) thoughts as they come and just gently go back to the question. When you feel a shift then ask yourself “how can I feel like this all the time?” Naturally you will need to be clean and sober during the exercise BUT the “high” I got from this was far more potent, desirable, lovely than any opiate or upper I’d ever taken before abusing them. Once you do it this way for a bit you can actually summon the bliss on command.
Thank you so much Dr Gabor for these pearls of wisdom. So refreshing and comforting during some 'dark nights'. Your work is a Blessing to us all who look for peace within.
I wanted to be helped iam not going to give up . Thank you dr you have help me more than mental health doctor that are just putting me on more medication no more pills
Dr Gabor, i have & do watch you on UA-cam & probably like so many others I feel you are 'speaking' to me & so understanding. Each time is like a therapy session. You are amazing so knowledgeable & you are relatable because you've lived so much of it. I have recommended you to so many people. 🤗
11:57 - Such brilliant wisdom. He makes a lot of excellent points. I love this man. Don't forget he spent 12 years living in the roughest neighbourhood of Vancouver helping homeless addicts as well. He has such patience and such deep compassion for his fellow human beings.
The weight of empathy and compassion from Dr.Gabor Mate's talk strikes me every time I listen... I'm a sensitive person, an animator, struggling with on and off depression since high school, and then bipolar disorder since my early 20s. The world has always been an extremely anxiety provoking place in my eyes. Out of pain and desperation, I sought ways to harm or even kill myself up until a few months ago when I became pregnant. At the same time I KNEW exactly how much I wanted to live, I wanted to live relatively peacefully. I want life. I don't want to kill myself - that was my last resort planned in face of unresolvable suffering. Dr.Mate's talk made me feel heard.
I'm so sorry for what you've gone through, but I am so thrilled to hear that you are holding tightly onto this desire to live. Have you ever thought of doing genetic testing to see what might be affecting your glutamate and gabba levels? Some people can produce gabba, but they have now discovered if they receptors aren't functioning properly they will still have all the symptoms such as bipolar, etc. there is an amazing company in Ephrata Pennsylvania called tree of life and they do genetic testing and help you on how to support your genetic variants that might be part of the cause. I love Emily with that company to do consulting with.
Thank you so much, Dr. Mate, for your profound wisdom! I wish I knew all this when I was pregnant with my son (9y.) and then during the period until he reached 3years (at least)! He's an ADHD boy, and I'm wondering whether I still can help him heal now... I do my best but I see he's on "his way" and sometimes it's difficult to invite him see things differently.... thank you ❤
Gabor is one of the few that establish a clear link between spiritual life and material life. He's a physician who talks like a enlightened monk showing a high level of consciousness and presence. 8B THANKS!
It’s hard to find … long wait lists in Canada We need trauma informed therapists Actually I’d like to be one … already have a health science degree … and I studied this stuff for myself .. cause it’s not out there in the Canadian healthcare system
"I wonder why this is happening." I wrote that down on a sticky note and put it on my bathroom mirror so I remember it as often as possible. The alternative question -- the unhealthy and unhelpful one -- has been part of my response to so many things in my life and moreso more recently. I'm going to use the helpful question to try and learn from the challenges and stresses and breakdowns that come along. thank you so much.
i got rejected today after my second date. it triggered all those "maybe i'm weak and not wanted" delusional beliefs and didn't let me study for my exam. this vidoe is gold. with the compassionate curiosity, i now am studying and feel relieved, like in seconds my overall mood changed in the middle of the video!
Dr, Gabor Mate is an extraordinary human being and a wonderul doctor/therapist. I can agree to everything he stated and I can understand him and his content clearly. I wished I would have come acress him 50yrs. ago, now it`s too late. In this life I can`t excape depression and anxiety anymore, maybe in my next.
I couldn't agree more with Dr. Mate when he advised parents to take care of their emotional states so as to not transmit them to their children in view that kids at an early age, emotionally speaking, are like sponges and also very sensible and therefore will easily discern the mental and emotional state of their parents and make them their own. I couldn't relate more this since I have firsthand experience with it. No wonder that when I was 11, after noticing that my father was overloaded at work, overly preoccupied, stressed, and dissatisfied with how things went that I went through my first bout of, say, depression. And how could I forget the time when he was having health issues and was blaming them to how he was treated at work. That year, at the age of 14, I ended up developing an eating disorder that, thanks to God, I was able to overcome at a relatively early stage. (I was starving myself while overexercising).
The worst is when you’ve thought you vetted a therapist for having experience and skills with working with trauma and then they re-traumatize you because SURPRISE, they are not skilled and well knowledgeable about working with traumatized individuals.🤬😢
Keep holding on to God. No matter what may be trying to keep you down, keep looking up to God. He will always be your hand in helping you get back up. We serve God who can do all things. Romans 8:31 tells us, “What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” this means that no man, woman, boy or girl is a threat to the purpose God placed on the inside of you. This means that the Only way you experience defeat is when you surrender. In moments of worry and anxiety, we are called to bring our concerns before God in prayer. Instead of allowing anxiety to consume us, we can find peace and comfort in knowing that the Almighty God is attentive to our needs for He cares for us deeply. In the storms of life, God is our only hope. His faithfulness and His goodness are present Even during the darkest storm. We have a lot of growing up to do. we should continue to grow in our relationship with God, and there is no point where we can say we've "had enough" Jesus tells his followers not to worry about food, drink, clothing, or tomorrow, and instead to seek first God's kingdom and righteousness and He will give us everything we need. Give thanks and be appreciative of the small and big things that God is doing in your life. Doing that means that you are looking for God throughout your day. You’re looking for God in your situation. You’re looking for God in your struggles and your pains, and keeping your focus on God instead of focusing on all the bad that’s going on. It’s what God wants you to do. He wants you to keep your eyes on Him. for the Lord will give you understanding in everything. The reason why Jesus tells us not to be anxious is because the Father cares for us. He has your back and will help you through anything, all you have to do is Repent and have Faith. The Bible teaches that God's sovereignty is an essential aspect of who He is, that He has supreme authority and absolute power over all things. There is nothing that God is not in control of. Everything that happens, God either causes to happen or He allows it to happen. However, Everything God does is done in love. There is always some reason for it, and for those who love God and are called according to His purpose, He will work everything out for good. Ultimately, the enemies we face, are not people or objects. It is not our body, It is not physical enemy. we know we don't want to die because dying bodies always end up fighting to survive. Our battle is indeed spiritual, In each of those cases, we can choose to fight the wrong battles, or we can rest knowing God is fighting for us. We fight this war by daily putting on the whole armor of God, always praying, standing firm in the Word of God, and staying alert. We need to live each day guided by an eternal perspective. So rest in knowing that when you keep holding on, you will see that in your weakness, God will be your Strength. John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."
So simple, yet so profound. .response to triggers! Imagine a world where we could respond without the pain, rage and defense! I believe it's possible. On my healing journey. I'm hard on myself as well because my alcoholic mom criticized me. I thought something wrongvwith me. My alcoholic husband triggers me. Thats a 60 year old voice!THANK YOU, DR. GABOR MATE!❤️☺️
As a certified DBT clinician, practicing for almost 20 years, I can confirm that it is a model based on trauma recovery. It combines understanding trauma and helping the person learn new ways to respond to the trauma-based reactions. Many of my clients come to me for DBT because they have spent years (sometimes decades) engaging in therapy that only processes traumatic history. My clients can confirm only talking about trauma history does not lead to recovery. DBT provides a path to moving forward.
DBT is amazing and also a living argument for why mentally ill people should take part in treating mental illness:) (the woman who “invented” DBT had BPD) No one understands what it’s like to have a mental illness better than the people who have it:)
Download the PDF of my memoir "From Felony to Fitness to Free" for FREE: dougbopst.com/FREE/
UA-cam: ua-cam.com/channels/1xly1FdiIE2s8c5wUr2dgw.html
Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/2kXk7ZbTzv4Lnf8lxLnnTn?si=940850e429184327
Apple: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-adversity-advantage/id1496406333
😰💔👶💵💔👶💵😰👶💔
*Help 😮us*
*Wake up 😮 Americans*
*CPS" is Destroying*
*low-income* families*
ust to keep themselves in a job..
😢👶💵💔👶😢💵*
*Please look 🥺*
Another system that destroys the families especially lower income*
*The Corrupt Business of*
*Children Protective Services*
By former Georgia
*Senator Nancy Schaefer*
Plus her talking to
Inforwars Alex Jones
Follow The🕊️💵🕊️😮
5.21.2022
Peace 🕊️🙏🕊️
Now why isn't CPS ever looked into..?!?!?!
9.12.2023
11.3.2023
*HELP* 😮.
1.22.2024..
Why the micro edits? Untrustworthy channel.
my parents broke all these rules and i just managed to survive with enough of my own money and not having killed myself in 7th grade. now that they can see i am not outwardly suicidal they have even less tried to fix their own issues and i am worried that i will bear their burden that i have noticed since middle school properly analyzed was gaslighted out of believing then and am relearning right now was totally correct. what the fuck am i supposed to do? why am i cursed with this life?
😅😅
When my real dad died in Vietnam I would see my mom fall to a deep depression and cry all the time and I would console her. I was my moms psychiatrist and put my close and play on music and sing and dance for her like a little clown. She would smile and sing along with me. I lost her to brain cancer and I took care of her untill the end. I love and miss her and when I die I cant wait to reconnect with both of them. I was an only child and always played alone and care for ppl. I love life and have alot of care for others and feel my best when I make someone not feel alone. Thank you Dr.and I will take this and share it with others.
So beautiful- you sound like an incredible soul. thanks for sharing!
🌹
😘
Sounds very similiar to my daughter, an only child who has an alcoholic father. So happy to hear you have a good life, so does my daughter! ❤ ❤
You are such a lovely person! ❤
When I was younger (71 now) I believed the only acceptable answer was suicide.
I couldn’t come up with any reason not to stop living. I suffered from panic attacks around people and had no clue why. I thought it was payment for a karmic debt. I don’t believe in that now.
Luckily I am pretty happy today. One of the reasons is understanding it is me only in this life, and I taught myself to be self sustaining when I fully realized it is only me always and especially on my death bed.
I think it’s karmic- I must’ve been a real bastard before - 55 now. How did you find that level of self sufficiency and connection?
Hi Dear,
Can you share how you got rid of your panic attacks.
Thanks Luis
@@americasariesson1862I’m wondering the same.
Dr. Mate just drips compassion , even the tone of his voice is compassionate
I'm working on mine too with Mindfulness and metta meditation. Your mental state has a big influence on the tone of your voice
Eww
You don't know him... he is acting!
Yes! I love him; and his sons
@@SueE17 and his sons… what???
A person who teaches about something because they experience it themselves I think that is real teaching … thanks
I agree, the best mental health practitioner I have ever come across suffered with bipolar himself.
Yes indeed - I´ve found somebody who went almost through same kind of bs in personal life.
Either axiom of great teachers bring out the great in students and you can't bullshit a bullshitter both apply to him in the most respectable intention. He's awesome.😊
That’s what I do cus I need answers
So I share
to hear him admit to having suicidal thoughts is both surprising and refreshing, and so helpful. For those of us who have been made to believe we are weird for not being like our parents or siblings, for those of us good, smart , creative people who have ended up sabotaging relationships, getting into dangerous relationships, underperforming academically, living materially mediocre lives, feeling alien, alone, lonely,... this helps
You've said it perfectly and beautifully, these are exactly my feelings too. This helps me too, as well as your comment. Thank you. 💗
I think that almost everyone has had thoughts of suicide, if only fleeting ones. I may be wrong.
...🙏🏻❤️
That's me 😮
I didn‘t find the issue with S.I. surprising at all. but he didn‘t end up dwelling only there. which came out good for many people, in his case.
Deep down I think fear of abandonment is root of all my anxiety
Same here but for some reason I push people away . 😢😮
I’ve never had long lasting romantic relationships for common reasons.
I learned being alone is by far the best for me.
It’s a great opportunity and the benefits should not be underestimated.
Eat when you’re hungry.
Sleep when you’re tired.
Fully feel all feelings and allow them and even coax them out.
We are not supposed to be happy all the time.
We are never going to suffer emotionally for the last time until we die.
It’s ok to cry or scream in rage.
Allow it and it passes.
@@briserenityexample?
For me it was fear of rejection... Been in therapy for years and only recently uncovered this. Everything we've covered recently points back to fear of rejection, and it is crushing!
Ask yourself why
I wished my brother in law could have listened to your precious teachings in order to change his mind and not taking his life🙏😢Thank you for all your excellent work❤️
Instead of trying to get rid of your suffering and your emotional pain, get interested in it. Instead of pushing it away, bring it closer.
Truth❤
He’s a good guy, compassionate. I wish he was my therapist
Me too !!
We weren't born mad but driven mad😢
Niceeeee
Modern Society demands so much from us. It's 100% unrealistic.
😪💔💔💔
True true true
Exactly, from the first moment. Even inside our mother we already are agitated because, if lucky, your dad is banging her. But this is nothing to what is waiting then, and to what is waiting now.
Dr. Gabor is one of the most brilliant and compassionate people ever.
As someone who suffers with extreme severe anxiety I can totally relate to her. I would stop eating for days at a time as a punishment. I worry a lot about my life, everyone around me and pleasing everyone. It's absolutely crippling, so glad she got the help she needed, lovely young lady it's so sad that society has 1 in 3 people suffering mental health issues. I hope everyone seeks help
People need to realise that people with anxiety disorders have oversensitised nerves, it's not a simple case of manning up and getting over it.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about how mushrooms and psychedelics treats anxiety, but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, doctor Greg mushroom I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
Please, how do I reach doctor Greg?
Is he on the internet?
After having raised my children and having divorced a long time ago, the empty nest syndrom has broken my heart. Despite being happy in my job as a high school teacher, there's an emptyness that I can't overcome. My memories of childhood leads to believe that being abandoned has been my fear along my whole life. At this age 56 everything is so clear when I look back: anxiety, depression and obsessed with pleasing everyone.
having an empty nest shows that you were a good mother, you did not let your fear of abandonment ruin your children's futures which is an option other mothers take to cling to their children. 56 is not too old to find new friends, hobbies or even a new partner.
I’m in the same boat! My only kid moved thousands of miles away and I haven’t been the same. I don’t know where the time went but I want it back so badly
❤
You shouldn’t have divorced
Omg me too x I’m 56 and have empty nest x
You gotta love this man’s transparency.
Many of us are anxious because we can't afford rent, are housing insecure and don't earn enough money. What makes it even worse, is that all of this suffering and inequality is orchestrated by greed and indifference. How can one not feel unhappy and hopeless?
Because you are the only person who can possibly care enough about you to change that for you.
The system is the system. The world is fucked.
Its up to you if you want to be a victim or not.
Start a side hustle. Business.... don't know how. Sit online and research it.
Use the internet to help your situation. Not numb you.
You've taken all this information and just gone.... nahhhh nah can't be these things.
I'll repeat.
The world is fucked.
You need to look after YOU.
Stop looking at all those in the same position as yourself. Start looking at those who pushed through and made it out.
Stop expecting the world will just give everybody abundance.
Most people are doing nothing beyond where you are at.
This is much less competition to then deal with if you wish to elevate your situation.
I feel ya. I was you 3 years ago.
Accept the world is fucked.
Enjoy your blip of existence we are lucky to have.
Get on with it.
All the best.
I don’t know. I have a similar issue and it manifested in my body … help lel
Real
So true ! And it’s so sad ! I have seen families living in their cars with small children and babies ! I say find a church ⛪️ a local pd who can redirect you to the shelters abb nv d find county programs that show you how to get financial support and assistance 🎉 there is a lot of money for the indigent ❤and help you rehabilitate to get back on your own 😂🎉❤ keep smiling 🙂
But this video talks about childhood trauma. Even rich people are affected by it..
Dr. Gabor is such a blessing to society. I appreciate his views and writings so much. Thank you so much for asking about parenting.
Your welcome
I agree.
Gabor Maté saved me from actually falling into misery. I was tilted by many losses I had to face last year and he helped me cultivating self-comprehension and self-compassion.
'pecora nera della famiglia' wishing you pink dreams and blue skies...
I had several tremendous losses in 2022/23 myself and they almost accumulated to a point of me vanishing. I started completely over again. Everything.
Best wishes to you. ❤
❤
Can you share what your approach was and how you proceeded because I've been hollowed out by grief and constant problems, I don't get what the point is of this empty life.
There are many professionals who do not know how to treat, and can do a lot of damage. Every day I think more, that those who have gone through difficult life situations, are the ones who can best help others. I think that people who have not been through it cannot put themselves in the place, and do not know how to deal with trauma.
This.
After just coming home from a 4 night wild camping trip with my two young boys I felt proud to hear this. Very true false values of a toxic culture.
"Live your life that you can live with."
That sounds so grammatically stupid
Dr.Mate’s calm, connected, compassionate voice and thoughts are healing on its own.
When he said talk to your 7 years old self I just started crying . I haven't slept for days . I have depression / insomnia / anxiety . I have so many traumas from childhood , and most of all I am a 30 years ild and I have no job . And I can't afford therapy . I stay up at night till 6 am and I am at thr level my heart started to hurt . Panic attacks every night and day . I exercised . I meditated . I turned to gid . Nothing works for me . Each time at night I just wonder , with all these things that are happening to me , am I gonna be alive tomorrow or am I gonna be dead . If only life is not this hard .
Take medication
I have generalized anxiety disorder and I sometimes take sleeping pills and benzo.
Sometimes they are necessary.
Better to take a pill than not sleep at all.
@@ArraselAgreed. Try an ssri. I tried Lexapro and it changed my life. Time to heal now. But this took a weight off of my shoulder to help me focus.
Take one day one hour at a time. Live in present. Find higher power. We are not in complete control of our liives. Life is hard and unfair. You have to deal with the hand given to you and make the best of it. Things cut nothing remains the same. Miracles happen. Read about Santa lives Go to Catholic church and stare at the cross & alter & pray. God loves you. Jesus saves.
Hear you there mate . I'm same as you . Deeply feel for you. Hang in there 🙏 x
Accept what happened did....not your fault....but continuing or changing is your choice.
I live in an indigenous community in the Andes where the natural family environment Dr. Mate speaks of as if it were lost long ago still exists. I know because I live here and I see it every day. I wish Dr. Mate could spend time here and learn that his ideal family model is still alive and now available to modern people from other cultures who think it is dead.
...❤
Great idea and thanks for sharing.
Your lucky to have that❤
I lived in Peru for 5 years, and travelled to the Andes many times, I was looking for something all those times, something that I felt was beyond ayahuasca retreats.. which kept eluding me but gave me that strange feeling of being on the right track.. I developed a cultural design project later on, I called it oriandina, I use traditional andean fabrics quite a lot.. my trauma and self worth issues keep blocking my progress but who knows.. I am still here trying and missing Peru.. un abrazo a la distancia
He's talking about the west 🙄 this family structure is extinct in the west, obviously it still exists in less developed nations
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporees I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
Anxiety happens when you think you have to figure out everything all at once.
Breathe. You're strong. You got this Take it day by
day.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporees
This is so valid, trauma informed practioners are still rare. So grateful for Gabor, makes me feel less isolated ❤
I most certainly have enough of these childhood triggers
😢
3:40 Therapies mentioned: Somatic experiencing (Dr Peter Levine), Sensorimotor psychotherapy (Pat Ogden), EMDR (works for some people), Internal Family Systems (Dr Richard Schwartz), Compassionate Inquiry (Dr. Gabor Maté), Dr Laurence Heller
This is helpful. Thank you!
Very good advise! Especially the phone part. It's appealing how many parents use phones as a babysitter for their children so they don't have to put up with maybe annoying behaviour. And so many parents prioritise their phone over their child.
love the voice in your head being labelled "your stupid friend" such a great way to put it
I very, very, very much needed this today. It's been really fascinating to me that over the past few days, the videos I've needed to listen to have been coming into my stream for some reason, guided I'm sure. I've been struggling intensely, ready to check out. I went through intensive therapy (DBT, CBT) about 8 yrs ago...I thought I was 'fixed' and then as it seems to go, I feel like I take 3 steps back again, ultimately. I'm diagnosed with ComplexPTSD/Borderline Personality Disorder....it's been very difficult lately. I have been experiencing flashbacks, intense emotions, alone, lost, stuck, angry, overwhelmed, defective, a mess. I always feel so incredibly soothed and comforted when I hear Dr. Mate'.....it soothes me deep in my Soul. I needed to hear this today, and I'm grateful to be here listening. Thank you.
Currently reading “The body keeps the score”. Check it out. Best.
I'll be your friend
Great video! If you feel lost in life, you might feel unmotivated and uninterested in your hobbies. You might feel “like life is meaningless.” You might no longer recognize yourself. Creating healthy ways to manage intense emotions can help you cope better, and avoid risk of suicide. Some of the things you can do are: Acknowledge and accept how you’re feeling, Take compassionate care of yourself, Keep engaging in activities that make you feel good, Attend inspirational events, Seek out help from a therapist. Thank you for the inspiring video Doug and Dr. Gabor!🙌❤👍
He is not a licensed doctor. Just a shrewd and self interested businessman...selling books and selling himself.
Forget to mention: visit dr bessel van der kolk, worlds best trauma expert.
@@robynhope219 Robyn, Gabor Maté is a Hungarian-Canadian licensed therapist-physician and author. He is internationally recognised for his expertise in addiction, trauma. Dr. Gabor is a well-respected clinician and is listed as a doctor in many sites.👋
@@robynhope219 a licence proofs that we rembered what has been put in our heads. Knowledge is using our heads with or without licence. Wisdom is knowing where knowledge is useles when there is no Understanding and Compassion used. For those 2 skills , no licence requiered only a loving heart. 😊
@@EugenieMacGillavry not convinced he has a loving ❤️
Healthy human connections, and connections to a higher purpose, spiritual with Holy Spirit at it's best 😊
I also had to walk away from a relationship and friendships that were bringing me down, they were narcissistic people who have not awakened to their brokenness.
Daily Bible reading, a good church and a part time job that are supportive. I have found contentment in this, I am in my early 40s.
Amen to that. The word of God is the way to truth, freedom and peace +
Structure and community us healing 🙏
Gabor Mate is beyond words brilliant. What he said about believing the world is against you because you experienced it - spot on. If you have ptsd please read and listen to him.
Two extremely human gentlemen right here. It's ok to feel and not hide it.
No its not okay to show weakness, be a man.
Great video, A month ago, my five-year relationship came to an end. I really can't stop thinking about the love of my life, who made the decision to leave me. I've done everything in my power to win him back, but it's all in vain, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I genuinely miss him and just can't stop thinking about him, even though I've tried my hardest to stop thinking about him. I'm not sure why I'm saying this here.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counsellor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
Far out, i spent decades learning and practicing philosophy and psychology to deal with anxiety. Then randomly one day i said I give up, i surrender to God. I instantly cried like a baby, only stopping to randomly laugh between crying for like 20 minutes. No more anxiety. Miraculous. Wow, this God stuff is legit.
Amen!!!
Pumpy bums
That's unfortunate that you found comfort in such an abhorrent entity as god.
You mean, you had catharsis
Mind over matter, your mind did that, well done
I imagined a world without me. Thanks for sharing everything that you do
It’s unbelievable how screen is the only tool we have in our family to get our kids to eat and for us to have a bit of a breather. This requires some major changes in our own lives and address our own traumas. I’ve sensed for a long time that the more time our kids spend on the screen, the more they behave erratically in real life but I can’t convince my wife who says we have no other option.
I had to listen to this a few times. There is so much healing in every word Dr.says. it is very difficult to find a good specialist in all medical departments. One needs $$$$. I went to the public library where I found some helpful work books❤
Gabor Maté as always you soothe my heart and make me feel relieved 🥺
Yes, narcissists will drain your soul.
only if you are unaware, if you are fully aware, they have no power.
@@tedwilson1477 obviously.
@@tnt01 not for the unaware, which is a lot of people.
I never felt safe in my childhood home, only recently found that my mother was a malignant narcissist. Healing slowly now at 70.
My mother. Selfish horrible narcissist. Like I don't want her to die, but I do look forward to the day that it's done, and I can finally have relief from her drama, and Indifference that's caused so much trauma
I just discovered this guy yesterday and can’t believe how interesting and compassionate his insights are. I’m looking forward to learning more about his work.
I think this taught me a lot about how the language we use can hinder us from actually finding a solution to move forward in stead of perpetually victimizing and shaming ourselves. Objectively asking “why this is?” would allow a person to look outside of their suffering and have the presence of mind to actually analyze emotions and allow you to regain control over your life. When you’ve been raised in a volatile environment you tend to dwell on things and feel like you don’t have the ability to move forward because it is hard to express why things trigger you or even what triggers you until it happens and you don’t have to tools to process your emotions or regulate your thoughts. Great video! ❤
My autism makes me
Victim at age 32 of the same thing at age 6. It’s called: everything I want, is to much. Think it kinda explains why i got triggered when people told me I’m in a victim mindset because they did not know I had autism and it just never stops. And I was already punishing myself thinking I was not trying hard enough.
...🙏🏻❤️
Same here, i still somewhat cant get to terms with accepting myself in that i just cant preform or that i get exhausted so easily. So much shame and limitations in being this way, and its just hard to accept.
Dr. Gabor Maté is a gem!
Wow! I told my neighbor today that I can't get out of my own way! I've never heard anyone else say that. That is exactly how I feel. I'm 65 and have had depression and anxiety since elementary school. I feel like at my age I should be able to handle this. I try to give myself a break, not beat myself up. Going through my boyfriend having stage 3 pancreatic cancer right now. He was diagnosed a year ago and he's just finished radiation after going through chemo. Omg chemo brain. He didn't ask for this but its taken its toll on an already fragile relationship.
That's a hard place to be, I hope you find respite 🙏
Learning from being triggered only works if the person who triggers you is mentally healthy and does not mean to hurt you
you are still free to choose your response, if you cant thats why its a trigger. but thats why hes talking about ammunition. you are (in most cases, as an adult) not dependant on the other persons intet.
@@LaymensLamenti really hope people take the time to read your response and not just agree with the other comment. it’s spot on.
@@LaymensLamenthow do you get over all of your triggers? Won’t some have many more than others. Wouldn’t it depend on the amount of trauma you’ve gone through? Feels like it would only be a choice after you have dealt with the trigger. Do you mean your verbal response or physical? I thought it was not possible to completely get rid of the trauma we have over certain things. We can just acknowledge and accept some of it and not let it control our lives.
@@Antonoconone trigger at a time. It doesn’t have to be overnight. Something that helps is learning about how to use Internal Family Systems (IFS). Lots about that on UA-cam.
Thats not true though is it? The point is that in every case you got triggered. Something happened within you.
Another person would say "oh that stupid guy again will talk negatively about me whatever" and brush it off and move on with their day not caring about it.
Yet youre getting triggered. That means something about you. Happening inside of you.
I wish you well and to overcome your issues
The rifle analogy is genius. Never thought of it that way.
I need to get back on the path to GOD. Everything I fall away I get miserably depressed and angry. Everything I get close I feel fine and strong again. It's so exhausting
Love Gabor ❤ always has the best advice that I can directly relate to, and he has such a calming presence about him
I cried when i heard the way he explained the very first question.
Lower your expectations in life and be happy at the moment
I like to say myself: "Lower your expectations to a more realistic way and live a happy life".
I like when he mentions that triggers are learning experiences; Times to find yourself. That’s good.
This past year I first heard Gabor and felt comfortabke as finally I heard 'the wisdom' I knew. Apart from a few insightful, real people, labelled misfits, I was alone in a society that encoragea denial and afraid of facing truths of life experience. I now feel comfortable with having boundaries as it frees me from conditioning ways in life and reviewing life places me at centre and I emotional pain/events created by myself and others trying to right emotional pain in early life without awareness of 'motivation/reason' . Gabor's wisdom brings compassion for others and self. At this time I am aware I need work on self love....and so it will grow❤
I would go to therapy with someone with this knowledge. Years of therapy proved fruitless. I'm stuck in my room ignoring responsibilities. I live in Southwest Ohio if anyone can recommend good help.
I live in Australia so can't quite recommend anyone in Ohio 😛 however just wanting to acknowledge I know what you mean. I would love to have therapy with someone who really understands trauma etc. Gabor has some really good books you could look into reading. Borrow from a library? Books can be expensive for me. I too have found therapists I've been too simplistic and don't quite get it. Best wishes to you. 🙏
Try to stay positive and perhaps this video could be a step forward for you .
Have a look at he Crappy Childhood Fairy (Anna Runkle) here on UA-cam. She really understands the effects of childhood trauma (if that's the kind of trauma you're talking about - I'd say a lot of her insights could also be useful for other kinds). She has some free stuff, simple tools to manage the effects of trauma on your nervous system day by day and moment to moment, some online courses you can do to learn how to manage the effects of trauma in various areas of your life and loads of videos. She has helped a lot of people. After decades of therapy, I really wish someone had told me all this stuff when I started out. Maybe it wasn't properly understood then.
I hope this or something else will be useful to you. You deserve a better quality of life
Warm wishes❤
Try to find someone trained in providing EMDR as this is a trauma informed and focused therapy
Try to embrace responsibility with open arms and I mean about you and your life. For example : I'll make my bed today, I'll clean a part of my house, I'll go somewhere even when I don't or it feels like I can't. At least try again and again. Running away from responsibilities is going to create more instability on the long run. And you don't want to spiral into a deeper darkness, believe me. I wish you the best! 🙏🏻
The so-called medical professionals will get you so banged up on meds, you'll never get to the bottom of anything. Personally I will never let them prescribe me anything but I have seen it with close friends and it's devastating.
I need all the doctors he spoke of and him and a few others on staff for myself.
My X wife dis not understand when I told her, the professionals need professionals..
Never ever give up.
I know I love u
it s so true, that base of anxiety is the trauma! i honestly do not understand while treatment does not start from addressing the trauma!
Wonderful talk, wonderful man - great depth in bringing to the surface the benefit of looking into trauma deeply. Thank you
Since discovering Dr. Gabor Maté. He has had a massive impression of how I see myself and others.
Those first three years...
I hear it still, so often, how one parent accuses the more attentive parent of "spoiling" their child, a baby, it truly breaks my heart how deeply ingrained this is, so far drifted off the natural instincts, see how a mother ape will always attent to her babies cries.
✌️
Many thanks, wonderful interview!!! This is exactly how I feel today. I am 58, a mother of 19 daughters. I am a psychologist, CBT therapist, I found that it was not enough, I added body-centered therapy. I work with children and adults.
I am thankful for people like you both thank you again.
Yay! I am normal! Just those words help!❤
I’m on my way to becoming a Somatic Experiencing practitioner and to hear Gabor Mate validating this training feels so good! I’m honored to help others heal their deep wounds.
I hope you touch many lives & help them heal, & still find a way to be accessible 🙏🏽 I was excited I finally was able to locate a couple somatic practitioners in my area only to find they are $200-300 per session & don’t take insurance. I would pay that if I could but 2 kids & bills, I just don’t have it so back to trying to figure it out on my own
@@Violet_Moone13 Thank you, Violet! That is indeed a lot of money and financial strain is no joke. It is a bummer that most of us Somatic Experiencing practitioners are unable to take insurance. One of my classmates is a therapist from Kaiser. I could check in with her and see if she knows of an SEP that can take insurance and works online. I'll get back to you. I want you to be able to find the best support and not feel financially stressed.
Hi! New here. Just found this wonderful man. I'm afraid I'm too late. My kids are adults now and don't speak to us. We are broken 💔
❤ I’m in the same boat, and too many people have no support for this type of pain. There’ll always be hope for reconnection; but meanwhile we need to manage our expectations and find joy in our lives separate and apart from that part of our lives - we all deserve to live and be happy. ❤
@@gingersnaps4194 beautifully said! ❤️ Agree 💯
@@rachelsmith709Maybe you or your partner were possibly abusive towards them?
I think I I live in a depressed state. I was sexually physically and mentally abused from age 4. Now at 59, my best friend Booger, my 14yr old cat.., his kidneys are failing and here I go tearing up. He’s kept me alive because I won’t leave him. I don’t feel like I have anything to look forward to. I’m borderline split personality so I don’t do well with people. I have no family to speak of and no friends, just Booger. I’ve been asking for help for months and nobody seems to know what to do with me.
@Deniz-mh9de how did it work for you? Can I get them online from this Dr. Pores person? Was it a one time thing or did you have to do multiple sessions? I’m afraid of pharmaceuticals anymore.
@Deniz-mh9de thanks for the info. I’m not giving up.
Damn I'm dealing with this
I'm dependent on it but not fully addicted got mine too from him
All thanks to dr.pores ❤️
Be careful if you buy stuff online especially instagram, there’s a lot of scammers on there. I know a reputable website if you’re interested in microdosing. Although with all you’ve been though, it might be more beneficial for you to do an ayahuasca ceremony. Just a couple of sessions have changed people’s lives. It’s on my to do list!
Through my healing journey, there have been 2 people that have been the most profound teachers that have been deeply helpful to me, in addition to my clinical therapies. Eckhart Tolle, and Dr. Gabor Mate'. I know that if not for their guidance, wisdom. gentleness and teachings, I would not still be here today.
The Power of Now is at my bedside
My mum was very neglectful, but she was also an escapist, she would bury herself in a magazine or a book, you would ask
Her something and she would never take her eyes off the book or look at you, you knew dam well she was t listening it was bloody annoying! She still does it today! It is the same as your parent on their phone I guess and the child not feeling like what they have to say is important and what you say is not acknowledged or validated. It was like I wasn’t there. Her books were more important than I was. That pretty shitty really. Parents give your kids your full attention, social media is definitely not more important than your child and their need to feel like they are being heard! They are with us for such a short time ! Make every second count! (Empty nesters lol)
This 15 mins talk is life-changing to me. Thank you so much.
Such a profoundly wonderful and insightful man. Thank you, Gabor.
Gabe - I was healed dramatically and sustained this healing when my therapist taught me Focusing by Gendlen.
There’s his brief book on it by the same name and I truly hope this technique should be added to the effective and simple ones.
I can no longer be triggered beyond the initial thought - which has changed the shape and course of my life over 8 years.
Can you please share the technique that worked for you? I looked online but there are different explanations with slight differences
@@chetan9533 yes.
I did a version specifically for trauma. One time with a therapist and to this day on my own. It’s so simple and effective that the few I have taught it to also get results. As long as you stay committed to not having the trauma trapped in your experience - this works. In fact it is how “well adjusted” people innately self regulate.
Sit in a quiet room - give yourself 10 minutes. Settle for a few seconds. Close your eyes.
Ask your BODY “what would it feel like in my/thus body if I was at peace (or happy or in bliss)right now?” Use the word that you like best.
Then sit there and ignore every answer that comes up in the mind. Also ignore (not repress) thoughts as they come and just gently go back to the question.
When you feel a shift then ask yourself “how can I feel like this all the time?”
Naturally you will need to be clean and sober during the exercise BUT the “high” I got from this was far more potent, desirable, lovely than any opiate or upper I’d ever taken before abusing them.
Once you do it this way for a bit you can actually summon the bliss on command.
can u please share the technique ?
Thank you so much Dr Gabor for these pearls of wisdom. So refreshing and comforting during some 'dark nights'. Your work is a Blessing to us all who look for peace within.
I wanted to be helped iam not going to give up . Thank you dr you have help me more than mental health doctor that are just putting me on more medication no more pills
Unconditional love and acceptance.❤
Dr Gabor, i have & do watch you on UA-cam & probably like so many others I feel you are 'speaking' to me & so understanding. Each time is like a therapy session. You are amazing so knowledgeable & you are relatable because you've lived so much of it. I have recommended you to so many people. 🤗
Mate is a treasure for this world!
5:22 - great response - thank you for the perspective 👍🏻'I wonder why this is coming up?'
11:57 - Such brilliant wisdom. He makes a lot of excellent points. I love this man. Don't forget he spent 12 years living in the roughest neighbourhood of Vancouver helping homeless addicts as well. He has such patience and such deep compassion for his fellow human beings.
Love his honesty.. and that’s How we heal.. lol..
The weight of empathy and compassion from Dr.Gabor Mate's talk strikes me every time I listen... I'm a sensitive person, an animator, struggling with on and off depression since high school, and then bipolar disorder since my early 20s. The world has always been an extremely anxiety provoking place in my eyes. Out of pain and desperation, I sought ways to harm or even kill myself up until a few months ago when I became pregnant. At the same time I KNEW exactly how much I wanted to live, I wanted to live relatively peacefully. I want life. I don't want to kill myself - that was my last resort planned in face of unresolvable suffering. Dr.Mate's talk made me feel heard.
I'm so sorry for what you've gone through, but I am so thrilled to hear that you are holding tightly onto this desire to live. Have you ever thought of doing genetic testing to see what might be affecting your glutamate and gabba levels? Some people can produce gabba, but they have now discovered if they receptors aren't functioning properly they will still have all the symptoms such as bipolar, etc. there is an amazing company in Ephrata Pennsylvania called tree of life and they do genetic testing and help you on how to support your genetic variants that might be part of the cause. I love Emily with that company to do consulting with.
Thank you so much, Dr. Mate, for your profound wisdom! I wish I knew all this when I was pregnant with my son (9y.) and then during the period until he reached 3years (at least)! He's an ADHD boy, and I'm wondering whether I still can help him heal now... I do my best but I see he's on "his way" and sometimes it's difficult to invite him see things differently.... thank you ❤
Gabor is one of the few that establish a clear link between spiritual life and material life.
He's a physician who talks like a enlightened monk showing a high level of consciousness and presence.
8B THANKS!
EMDR worked immediately for me. Highly recommend this
Thank you for sharing this i will look into this ❤
Thank you 🙏
What is that?
It’s hard to find … long wait lists in Canada
We need trauma informed therapists
Actually I’d like to be one … already have a health science degree … and I studied this stuff for myself .. cause it’s not out there in the Canadian healthcare system
Does emdr work for childhood trauma..
"I wonder why this is happening." I wrote that down on a sticky note and put it on my bathroom mirror so I remember it as often as possible. The alternative question -- the unhealthy and unhelpful one -- has been part of my response to so many things in my life and moreso more recently. I'm going to use the helpful question to try and learn from the challenges and stresses and breakdowns that come along. thank you so much.
Madd respect for this old guy
Not very respectful to call him an old guy
That Gabor guy is very smart and wise. Plenty words of wisdom coming out of his mouth. Excellent. Thank you for this video.
Thank you for very interesting comments and discussion
I love his honesty
Feel the love and share the light 🫶🙏
i got rejected today after my second date. it triggered all those "maybe i'm weak and not wanted" delusional beliefs and didn't let me study for my exam. this vidoe is gold. with the compassionate curiosity, i now am studying and feel relieved, like in seconds my overall mood changed in the middle of the video!
Dr, Gabor Mate is an extraordinary human being and a wonderul doctor/therapist. I can agree to everything he stated and I can understand him and his content clearly.
I wished I would have come acress him 50yrs. ago, now it`s too late. In this life I can`t excape depression and anxiety anymore, maybe in my next.
Have hope ❤
No it’s never too late, until you tell yourself! You can still learn, little by little to act on his good advice. Good luck!
I have multiple sclerosis and doctor mate has helped me fight for my life I’m so grateful
I love Dr Mate ❤for ever 🙏❤️I am from Transilvania and I am watching him from long time ☺️✌️
I couldn't agree more with Dr. Mate when he advised parents to take care of their emotional states so as to not transmit them to their children in view that kids at an early age, emotionally speaking, are like sponges and also very sensible and therefore will easily discern the mental and emotional state of their parents and make them their own. I couldn't relate more this since I have firsthand experience with it. No wonder that when I was 11, after noticing that my father was overloaded at work, overly preoccupied, stressed, and dissatisfied with how things went that I went through my first bout of, say, depression. And how could I forget the time when he was having health issues and was blaming them to how he was treated at work. That year, at the age of 14, I ended up developing an eating disorder that, thanks to God, I was able to overcome at a relatively early stage. (I was starving myself while overexercising).
The worst is when you’ve thought you vetted a therapist for having experience and skills with working with trauma and then they re-traumatize you because SURPRISE, they are not skilled and well knowledgeable about working with traumatized individuals.🤬😢
Keep holding on to God. No matter what may be trying to keep you down, keep looking up to God. He will always be your hand in helping you get back up. We serve God who can do all things. Romans 8:31 tells us, “What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” this means that no man, woman, boy or girl is a threat to the purpose God placed on the inside of you. This means that the Only way you experience defeat is when you surrender. In moments of worry and anxiety, we are called to bring our concerns before God in prayer. Instead of allowing anxiety to consume us, we can find peace and comfort in knowing that the Almighty God is attentive to our needs for He cares for us deeply. In the storms of life, God is our only hope. His faithfulness and His goodness are present Even during the darkest storm. We have a lot of growing up to do. we should continue to grow in our relationship with God, and there is no point where we can say we've "had enough" Jesus tells his followers not to worry about food, drink, clothing, or tomorrow, and instead to seek first God's kingdom and righteousness and He will give us everything we need. Give thanks and be appreciative of the small and big things that God is doing in your life. Doing that means that you are looking for God throughout your day. You’re looking for God in your situation. You’re looking for God in your struggles and your pains, and keeping your focus on God instead of focusing on all the bad that’s going on. It’s what God wants you to do. He wants you to keep your eyes on Him. for the Lord will give you understanding in everything. The reason why Jesus tells us not to be anxious is because the Father cares for us. He has your back and will help you through anything, all you have to do is Repent and have Faith. The Bible teaches that God's sovereignty is an essential aspect of who He is, that He has supreme authority and absolute power over all things. There is nothing that God is not in control of. Everything that happens, God either causes to happen or He allows it to happen. However, Everything God does is done in love. There is always some reason for it, and for those who love God and are called according to His purpose, He will work everything out for good. Ultimately, the enemies we face, are not people or objects. It is not our body, It is not physical enemy. we know we don't want to die because dying bodies always end up fighting to survive. Our battle is indeed spiritual, In each of those cases, we can choose to fight the wrong battles, or we can rest knowing God is fighting for us. We fight this war by daily putting on the whole armor of God, always praying, standing firm in the Word of God, and staying alert. We need to live each day guided by an eternal perspective. So rest in knowing that when you keep holding on, you will see that in your weakness, God will be your Strength.
John 14:27
"Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."
This is when we use COMMON SENSE or follow our gut. If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.
So simple, yet so profound. .response to triggers! Imagine a world where we could respond without the pain, rage and defense! I believe it's possible. On my healing journey. I'm hard on myself as well because my alcoholic mom criticized me. I thought something wrongvwith me. My alcoholic husband triggers me. Thats a 60 year old voice!THANK YOU, DR. GABOR MATE!❤️☺️
Thank you Dr Gabor
This is so very helpful. I am crying listening to it.
As a certified DBT clinician, practicing for almost 20 years, I can confirm that it is a model based on trauma recovery. It combines understanding trauma and helping the person learn new ways to respond to the trauma-based reactions. Many of my clients come to me for DBT because they have spent years (sometimes decades) engaging in therapy that only processes traumatic history. My clients can confirm only talking about trauma history does not lead to recovery. DBT provides a path to moving forward.
In order to move forward you need to understand and make sense of your own history.
DBT is amazing and also a living argument for why mentally ill people should take part in treating mental illness:) (the woman who “invented” DBT had BPD)
No one understands what it’s like to have a mental illness better than the people who have it:)