@@thesaddestdude3575 I know I am a stranger and you're under no obligation to do this, but instead of saying that try stopping for one year and actively look for a partner in that timeframe, if you think a year is a long time, it's not when you can find someone to spend the rest of your life with. If you actually stop and still find no one, then bust ahead. But give yourself a chance
The most painful part of this addiction is that you can feel yourself not enjoying the things you loved once and it feels like you are dying from within. I wish good luck to all my brothers and sisters and hope we can finally make it after countless relapses . Love y'all ❤
Oh absolutely, i actually think the worst part is how it causes you constantly seek out more depraved content so that you can satisfy that addictive itch. Normal porn stops working and you end up a hollow shell that feels nothing but shame and guilt. It eats away at your consciousness until you either numb yourself or you start recognizing that you need to stop. I've been in both camps and i honestly wish i had been born asexual so that i would never have ended up in this situation.
I used to get pre-nut clarity at one point I'd get into starting some porn and I'd suddenly be like "hang on a second, is this actually the best way to spend my time right now? Is this really what I want to do with my energy and my day?"
Not porn but this is how I feel about social media, it's not enjoyment at all anymore it's very much the opposite where I'm annoyed most of the time by people's behaviour and angry because of the news. Yet I'm addicted??
Summery : - Restriction • The goal of restriction is to maximise the barrier to entry in order to discourage pom usage outside of an alloted window of time - Regulation Methods • Alternate nostril breathing • Meditation & Exercise • We want to regulate emotion without resorting to porn. - Triggers • Understand and identify • Mentally prepare to deal with them • Anticipate your emotional reaction - Analyze your weak point • Go for walk 15 to 30 minutes in that particular time - Working on dormant emotions • Try journal - Find a Community - Do something you can be proud of - Excercise and Diet • 1 hour 3 times a week , Minimum 20 minutes 3 times a week excercise. • lots of leafy green vegetables and whole grain and healthy proteins. - Dual diagnosis • See mental health professional if you are feeling adhd or other things. - A simple Technique • keep patience - Urge Surfing • do nothing for 1 to 2 minutes while Urges
@@drbased2097 well I stop jacking it and so what? This doesn't fix or affect any other stuff. Not jacking it won't make a girlfriend appear or make people hug you, so still no oxytocin for you. So, uhh, what's the point?
@@OveRaDaMaNt you are looking at it way too short term. Being addicted to porn, as stated in the video if you watched it, hijacks every part of your brain and when you quit the brain will slowly heal. You won’t feel the positive effects right away and it won’t be linear
I’m 4 days clean after a decade of near daily use. I’m not going to lie, even just hearing you speak on the topic of porn was causing urges to surface. The “riding the urge” at the end was particularly rough. But, I appreciate you taking the time and effort to speak on this topic that so many others deem too taboo. I hope anyone else struggling with their own battle who is reading this knows that you’re not in this fight alone. We are all just trying to make our lives better in this very weird world.
If I could give you some advice (I'm almost a month clean after attempting for years), it is to kinda forget that you watch these types of content. I know they are really helpful but you kinda fall in self categorizing as a "masturbator who wants to stop" and you're not For me, reading and learning new stuff is what helped me the most these 25 days, and also using way WAY less social media (from 4-5 hours a day to maybe 45 minutes) and using a porn and reels/shorts blocker
Quitting for me decreased my social anxiety significantly. Like with everyone, men, women, I experience results and am more friendly and open, getting better looks from people. I had no idea this would happen but it really did
This happened to me too just by getting older even though I didn't stop corn. Human psyche takes a lot of time to develop, propably at least 30 years. Not saying watching corn is a good thing, though.
everytime i go a while without pornography use, I can feel myself just more able to socialise with my colleagues and other people. one relapse and I'm shying away from everyone. it's embarrassing
I completely understand what he is referring to about building up negative emotions. I’ve been a functional addict for the majority of my life (12-28), and the second there is some quiet and time for introspection I want to blow my brains out because I am drenched in a wave of all of my greatest mistakes and fears.
A really awesome thing is to feel the feelings and if possible detach from the story about it (a type of meditation which is great because u find out how the "emotions" are ultimately a bunch of feelings in the body plus some thoughts/ stories about your life which you can decide to learn from and move on or throw out as BS/ wrong conclusions entirely)
I'm definitely not as bad as you are but I can relate. I'm not addicted to anything in particular but I'm basically addicted to distracting myself. Whenever I'm not able to deal with something complex going on that I need to think intently about I get the urge do play video games or jerk it or anything to take my mind off of what is presently affecting me.
If You haven't already, then check out Meditation to Remove Negative Emotions video - after 2.5 months I feel way clearer and it's easier to forgive myself.
@ I do that same thing. I always have some sort of external stimuli coming in to distract my self- podcast, UA-cam videos, movies. I literally fall asleep to it.
@ thank you! I certainly have some work I need to start doing soon. For a brief period of incarceration many years ago I meditated almost every day, and my ability to manage my emotions of discomfort and unease was greatly enhanced. I need to pick it back up.
Can we acknowledge the insane quality of this video for a second? I don't have pornography addiction but experiences with other kinds of addictions and this is probably the most amazing step by step guide on the topic, that you can make. It cuts right to the action, it's really condensed and has a bunch of actionable steps, that you can actually follow. It goes in on some of the most important aspects to an addiction and it's still very specific. If I had a porn addiction, I'd want to watch exactly this video to begin with.
Remember - the best time to solve your problems was yesterday, but the next best time is now. Don't beat yourself over past mistakes - focus on the future to overcome your addictions. Another classic banger by Dr. K - well done!
It’s funny to see Dr.K not sit still for the sit still part of the video. I really appreciate taking the time to make you more relatable and making the challenge easier
I actually stopped carrying headphones while I am commuting and in general I don't multitask. I find it very good for realligning to the beauty we have around us.
yep. music is one of the biggest distractors in the modern day. as long as you get some time to your mind everyday, music is fine of course. but if you can't get through any quiet moment of your life without music, you have an issue.
honestly sometimes putting a nit of music on while I'm in bed just gives me the motivation to get up immediately and get ready. music isn't bad. it's only bad if you are using it, like anything, as a distraction from your emotions.
This is literally the best quit porn guide ever made. I can't overstate enough for anyone addictive to porn to highly watch this video, preferably 3 times a week at least. I've been addicted for over 20 years. My life got ripped apart by this addiction. Attempted suicide on several occasions and lost many loved ones due to this addiction and much worse. I hope everyone can free themselves from this addiction. We are not our addiction. We are loved. Tysm for this video ❤
Omg I don’t have a porn addiction, so I usually skip these kinds of vids when they drop, but I watched because I do have some other addictive behaviors and I thought there might be some applicable takeaways, and I’m SO glad I clicked! That last two minutes was so, like, cleansing for me! I don’t remember the last time I felt so regulated emotionally. Thank you! You really need to do that for a broader addiction/bad habit video because I think it could be helpful to so many more people.
@@laurenditmar2776 yeah it's also pretty common for people to have multiple addictions too. Addictive personalities can easily get hooked into anything addictive really.
'to do something you are proud of' could also be finding something you can share with someone else - finding pride in an activity can be hard if you are tripping all over the place at the start.
i have made the mistake of thinking leaving everyone will let me focus on my goals but this wasnt the case for me.... now i realize having friends or commiunty is important.
Really, really thankful that Dr. K has the guts to put himself out there and discuss real ways to deal with this topic that so many of us are struggling with. I hope everyone struggling here finds success. I've been waiting for content like this for years. His discussion is multi-modal which really improves upon the quality of the conversations I've seen online over the last decade. There are entire hoards of people who have approached this issue with big hearts over the years but with unfortunately only simple and limited approaches.
I really hate comments like - I stopped watching porn for 2 months and it didn't change anything in my life. Seeing such comments on Reddit or 9gag under no nut november, etc. I can see only 3 options for this: 1. The person wasn't actually that addicted, and doing it from time to time. 2. They just swapped one addiction to another, instead of watching porn, they simply started playing video games more, or using some drugs. 3. They lied, perhaps not only to us, but to themselves. The way to accept their addiction as something they need and it's ok. Why do I hate it? It makes other people who think about getting out of this addiction to start questioning if it actually is a problem. Yes, it is. If quitting porn does not change your life, it was just one of the factors, you still have more to fix.
To be real, some people just cope well with their addiction. I know alcoholics that are drunk every evening, but still hold their jobs and families somehow.
@@cherubin7th Not enough info to actually understand the situation. Drinking alcohol regularly harms us significantly and it is already proven. Holding jobs and families can mean little, as many partners stays in marriages just because of kids, or are afraid of changes. Their life is not good in any way, they just don't know it can look differently. I also know alcoholics and the way they live I would call a nightmare and for them it's completely normal. It's really amazing how easily a human gets used to their circumstances.
Here's a 4th option: they didnt notice the positive changes. I'm sure im not alone in finding more subtle changes such as an increased ability to focus and take on tasks i would otherwise find difficult, and increased confidence and ability to socialize. These arent things i would have noticed if i didn't reflect on it.
I'm 24 and i have been rejected a lot and haven't been loved by any girl. My sex drive is off the roof and i use porn as a tool to get it off and it literally fucking feels like a "job" now. I feel like i'm not addicted and i don't "goon" for it but it helps me stay focused more. Its just the crushing reality that i feel like i have wasted all my young years not being able to spend time intimately while ALMOST all of my friends and people i know gets some sort of it very easily. I don't have self-esteem issues, on the contrary i'm usually the one whos under the spotlight at most of the social environments and people like me. It just makes me feel valueless and i crave it. Every time people i'm chatting with talks about these stuff, i feel like i'm going to have a panic attack but i can't leave the conversation abruptly. This has been turned into literal torment for me. I feel so useless as a man that i'm considering bad things... I don't know how to solve it, i don't know where to get help, psychiatrist seem to not give a shit and i'm lost...
You're okay, you just expressed yourself here in the comments and that was pretty brave, even if it's anonymous. You certainly have not "wasted" your time and you're still young! Still figuring things out. Instead of focusing on what you don't have and haven't had and can't do, turn it around. Look at the simple accomplishment of your self esteem, most people don't even have that. You could definitely benefit from talk therapy, journaling to get those feelings out (leaving the convo before the panic attacking and yanking it are your avoidance techniques), meditate. You can't seem to sit still and there's something you're not facing. You deserve to be loved and have love and a healthy relationship in your life, it's not just about sex, it's about the connection with another person. It won't take long and you'll get there. Listen to this video on repeat if you have too. I'm rooting for you! ❤
journaling and other "meditative" bs doesn't work btw and i'm saying that from a woman's perspective, it just feels like cope. what i can recommend tho is to find what's truly important to you in life, this could be something as shallow as having good physique or grades or even kda in whatever game. i think socialisation issues past 20 are near imposssible to solve bc your brain evolves different thinking patterns that unsettles ppl. ik this is such a buzzkill but it's trvke
@@angelphetamine This is a very interesting response that i've never gotten before. I do have many accomplishments, i'm not a "unsuccesful person" but i just haven't had luck finding the right people in my lifetime. Almost all the old friends are gone, new people are assholes and i get left out because i don't want to become like them. And yes you are right, after a certain age, socialisation becomes almost impossible. Everybody just wants to use you. I yearn for old friendships.
@@annieway35 Everything and everyone around me makes me feel the exact opposite way. Only people who are telling me that i deserve to be loved are those on the internet or those who can relate.
@@EthernalOynuyor u might be successful but either: >your major or whatever occupation doesn't fulfill you >you are "good" based off of others' perception of you >you are at a low point and think a relationship would cure it immediately (it probably won't and it would add up and extra responsibility and source of stress) i'm 100% sure it's one of these. and if it's the 3rd, it will pass. if you are still worried that you'll end up alone, aiming for someone under your league might build experience in talking to women and make you at least appear sociable to those that interest you. ik this is somewhat of a machiavellian method, but it will help you build resilience.
I will admit I have an addiction. Acting upon it makes me physically feel terrible, then the next morning I have a "brain fog" that lasts for awhile. Keeping a notepad and writing in it before bed and after I wake up has resulted in my longest streak of not acting upon the impulse.
I was the guy who didn't just jerk off. I kept watching porn afterwards. If I was alone there was porn on. I haven't watched any for 3 days now and it is honestly the most difficult thing I've ever done. I will auto pilot pull my phone out and start looking up porn and it feels so automatic that I don't realize I'm doing it. Also I have been so emotional these last 3 days. I can't stop crying. Everything is making me cry. Music, movies, books. I can't get anything done because it makes me cry. I know it's only day 3 but I already find myself catching up with friends I let go by the wayside, I'm cleaning my house, I'm doing laundry. I didn't realize how bad it had infected my life until I stopped. Now I'm terrified because I don't want to fall back into a porn hole but the compulsion to go back is so strong I can't even describe it. I have to walk around with a device in my pocket that has access to porn.
I know what you're going through, it was pretty rough for me in the beginning as well. If you have a friend that you can trust, there are apps for your phone that will block those websites and the only way to remove it would be for your friend to verify it.
The Porn Industry doesn't like this video - 1000% Good job man, you are incredible man, who has this gift from the universe to explain stuff in such simple and understandable way. Sometimes I wonder - how is it possible someone to has such passion to help other human beings. Is it some kind of meta evolution, where some brains see that we might extinct as a specie and make everything possible to save us. Or is it some kind of collective brain force that allows us to help each other. I don't know but thank you for doing this for the whole humanity. This video should be translated/dubbed in all languages, so the whole world can see it. ♥🙏
Idk how Dr. Ks timing is always so freaking godly. Been a long time fan of HGG and last week I finally admitted to my therapist that I’ve been addicted for over 5. Years…. The shame it bright was enough for me to fucken start doing something about it . Starting reading the easy peasy method , then the freedom method, but with this drop! I know it’ll seal the deal!
I thought the title was "How to quit watching porn FOR 35 minutes" and thought "damn people are SERIOUSLY addicted if they can't even go an hour without it"
i think yours is the 1st honest definition of porn addition i've ever seen. Normally its loosely defined as "ever" to 'x times a month" with greater than 1 being an addict & from research usually funded by christian groups & also how porn has evolved from some online videos to online communities of onlyfans performers with huge social outreach. for me porn is "keeping me in the game" otherwise my sex drive is in the dumpster when im single. also... 1> reminds me what is out there, 2> stops my mind thinking of previous partners. my worst addictions ive ever had to deal with was the mobile phone, social media & eating rubbish food. mobile phone apps with alerts were the worst sucking me in each time. eating - i cant do just one biscuit - its always the whole packet. so i make a bucket of salad for the week packed full of veg to meal / snack on during the week so i dont relapse.. . my last problem is youtube. youtube is the hardest. its literally fentonyl for adhd'ers. any subject any time for hours.
If you make a new gmail account, you can set youtube settings to never remember your history and never recommend you anything on the homepage. That way you'll only ever get recommendations if you're watching a video. But you'll have to search for a video first. Personally I found it helped cut down my time on UA-cam a lot. I'd open the homepage, nothing would be there, and I'd just as quickly end up closing it again.
+1 for the comment above me. I think you can even do it with an existing gmail account. You just have to delete your entire watching history, disable it, and then UA-cam will not provide you recommendations and also disable shorts (except for in the subscription tab). It's a lifesaver. And also never enable notifications!!!
@mrrolandlawrence I use an extension called Unhook on chrome that allows me control every aspect of youtube. I have my home feed, recommendations, end screen cards on videos, Shorts section and a lot more stuff disabled. It makes it so much easier. No sensory input, no urges. Has worked great for me over the last year.
One recommendation I can make is to use the "Unhook" extension. It can hide recommendations, so you at least don't get tempted externally as much. But yeah, I have seriously considered putting UA-cam on our DNS block list at home.
@@lipnoodle117I mean... YT algorithm is so atrocious nowadays, compared to what it was in ~2018 Very rarely I get recommended good new videos anymore, 90% of it is just "oh, you watched a video on topic X? here's a ton of other videos loosely associated with topic X"
That last segment where I was just staring at you was actually an experience. I noticed that despite this being a recorded video, I had trouble with maintaining eye contact with you. Then I managed to maintain it but had to do deep breaths and kinda just felt like I was doing something intense and sweaty despite just staring at you. Towards the end of just staring at you I began feeling sad, but it wasn’t the usual supressed sadness, it was pure, it actually kinda felt good. Felt like sharing this despite not usually commenting on vids.
I am in crisis counseling and there are many people who come with this issue. Your explanation gave a lot of clarity about how to talk to them so thanks a lot Dr. k.
I’ve struggled with PA for more than half my life. The most progress I’ve made is since I’ve watched your videos dr.k I’ll admit my PA isn’t as aggressive as others but it’s still managed to affect other parts of my life even a little bit despite my desperate attempts to stop it. I hope none of you give up the fight or think it’s hopeless or you’re too far gone. And if you do I hope it’s only as a momentary pause.
copy pasting this comment cos PA sucks and this has really helped me: frame it differently. don't try to "quit" watching porn. tell yourself you don't watch porn, you don't really want to watch porn, and you don't really like watching porn. and don't fall into the trap of nofappers, where they think that quitting porn means quitting masturbation. masturbate with no audiovisual stimuli. close your eyes. just you, your mind and your body. honestly after a while the experience becomes so much more intense than masturbating while watching porn, AND it comes with no drawbacks. no ED, less issues with confidence and anxiety. and you won't even desire to do it that often. maybe once every 2-3 days
Oh and it's also awful if you have a high sex drive. PA is something i've probably struggled with since i was at least 10 or 11. I feel awful for all the stuff i've seen, i genuinely think that it fucked me up mentally. I was exposed to so many horrible fetishes and extreme nsfw content and it's made me miserable.
@@Foogi9000 Just remember you were exposed to adult content as a child with a child brain. It's hard to grow out of or seperate yourself from it BUT you aren't inherently bad or fucked up. You went through fucked up stuff or saw it. YOU aren't your PA it's a by-product of seeing things you couldn't understand yet. I'm rooting for you!
11:07 Now i undertand why i struggle to concentrate in studies after i have been using my phone the entire morning. Gotta start studying first thing in the morning.
That information on dopamine being a finite resource and behavioral reinforcement is so useful, for any kind of addiction. For me it's screen time in all forms, and it usually starts with UA-cam and twitter when I wake up. Gonna cut that shit out pronto, thanks doc
You will make it through, of this there is no doubt. Be kind to yourself during this time, but also afterward. You may not perform as well in your daily tasks as you feel you aught to have; there’s no shame in that. You will conduct yourself as best you can in every moment and that’s all anyone can reasonably ask of you
I would never in a million years suggest something along the lines of Sudafed 12hr from the local rite aid to get through painful periods when one cannot access their prescribed medication.
32:35 is actually such a great idea, I think it really should be a part of other upcoming videos, and maybe even a tradition for videos regarding addictions therapy. It felt good at the end btw
The wild thing about porn addiction is that 1 in 3 of people watch porn at work. Yes, seriously. If you work in an office that has 20 people, at least 5 of them watch porn at work and you don't even realize it 💀.
I want to be honest to ya'll strangers right now. I had issues with alcohol that now seem nonexistant, I had issues with Marijuana which now also are non existent, I also had issues with caffeine, which are now very controlled. This particular issue, Dr. K is talking about, has been the one that has come back most often, and seems to be the hardest thing I've tried to overcome. I'm excited to see what he has to say.
Hey awesome video! Only thing is I would have loved if you replaced the word “diet” with “nutrition” where possible. “diet” is a triggering word for me because of past disordered eating. But I was happy to see you were really just encouraging eating more nutritious foods
My journey 👇 10/06/2024 I started 11/06/2024 I failed (1 day)[1st try] * 12/06/2024 I started 25/06/2024 I failed( 13 days completed)[2] * 26/06/2024 I started 15/07/2024 I failed(19 days completed)[3] * 16/07/2024 I started 11/08/2024 i failed(25 days completed)[4] 12/08/2024 i failed 13/08/2024 i failed 14/08/2024 i failed * 15/08/2024 i started 02/09/2024 I failed (18 day completed)[5] 03/09/2024 I failed 04/09/2024 I failed 05/09/2024 I failed 06/09/2024 I failed 07/09/2024 i failed * 08/09/2024 i Started 20/09/2024 I failed (12 days completed)[6] 21/09/2024 I failed 22/09/2024 I failed * 23/09/2024 I started 26/09/2024 I failed (3 days completed)[7] 27/09/2024 I failed * 28/09/2024 I started 21/10/2024 I failed (23 days completed)[8] * 22/10/2024 I started 23/10/2024 I failed(1 day completed)[9] 24/10/2024 I failed 25/10/2024 I failed 26/10/2024 I failed 27/10/2024 I failed 28/10/2024 I failed * 29/10/2024 I started 02/11/2024 I failed (4 days completed)[10] 03/11/2024 I failed 04/11/2024 I failed * 05/11/2024 I started 09/11/2024 I failed( 6 days completed)[11] * 10/11/2024 I started 19/11/2024 I failed ( 9 days completed)[12] * 20/11/2024 I started 21/11/2024 I failed( 1 day completed)[13] * 22/11/2024 I started 25/11/2024 I failed (3 days completed)[14] * 26/11/2024 I started 27/11/2024 I failed (1 day completed)[15] 28/11/2024 I failed * 29/11/2024 I started Please like this comment and let me remember about my comment
Hey, Dr. K. Thanks for all of the videos about this subject, I’ve been addicted since I was about 8 years old and I’m 20 now. For the last 4ish years I’ve been doing all the things I could find with research and I still was trapped in the cycle of 5-6 days, relapse for 2 or 3, then 5-6 days. After so much time of this pattern and how my experience seemed different from others, where I wouldn’t get triggered at all and still relapse like clockwork, I went to therapy again to try and work on it. I found out that I wasn’t actually drawn to the porn. I was running away from some feelings that I had. I would be in a constant start of dissociation from my body and whenever I would start to come out of that I would go to porn. I figured out that I actually experience gender dysphoria and that’s why I ran to porn so often. Since I’ve started tackling that in therapy all of the techniques I’ve built up over the years actually work now! I’m currently on my 2nd two week streak and I’m hoping to make it to a month! And after years of thinking two weeks is a pipe dream this has brought me so much hope!
Learning about the science behind it actually makes it feel like it's better and easier to understand - and because it's easier to understand, it feels more feasible to give it a try with in daily life
Having an add in that 1min of silence is devious. Thanks UA-cam constantly breaking my concentration but also giving me the platform to access tools I need
There’s also something do with freedom vs restriction going on imo. So many people have suppressed feelings of being controlled and restricted, and pornography, being a kind of open expression of something which is considered taboo, somehow satisfies the need for freedom.
As a porn addict myself, I sincerely appreciate this video. I’m gonna make a start of a trend to come back to this video and add to this comment for each day I’ve stayed away. This is huge challenge for me personally, but everyone has gotta start somewhere. Day 0. I hope this video inspires someone to join the mission as well!
Dayum, first of all, thanks im not addicted to porn ive learned. 2nd: give this guy a medal. There are so many connections to other addictions e.g. cannabis or alcohol here, that this would be truly help!
the trick is not trying to "fully solve" the problem. nothing will ever be fully solved. it's just to keep mitigating the problem until it doesn't become the beast it is now.
This is a genius strategy. I think suntzu once said " the best way to defeat your enemy is to become him" gooning to videos telling you how to stop is truly revolutionary
Even tho i thought that masturbation etc. isn't a problem for me, Dr. K showed me what emotional regulation is in real life. This human is the savior of my generation. Literally everything he says gives me a new perspective on life. Thanks for all this.
Well, opioids don't only affect the Mu-opioid receptor. There are many more (f.e. the Kappa-opioid receptor). In general, the neuroscience in this video is very, very simplified.
Doc K, you pair spiritual understanding with scientific explanation so well. You give hope to others who do not identify with anything spiritual, to remedy and understand their problems.
I'd be super interested in a video about emotional regulation. I'm late diagnosed with ADHD and I find that dysregulation is a major feature for me and effects numerous aspects of my life from socializing to my career. Having a break down like this for how to better regulate would be super helpful.
I fighted for around 10 years overcoming it and failed every time, without realizing it, but it stopped every time when I hooked up with someone. Be aware, doing it is no fun at all and shame is your umbrella feeling deep down. Quit now and try it again to quit this urge. I took Coaching to overcome it and has helped me to feel a connection to people again.
Around a month ago, the topic around porn is brought up with me and my girlfriend. I promised to stop watching porn and to tell her if I fail and watch it again. 2 days ago, I confessed everything and told her that I've failed to stop it and I've watched 7 times and that I lust for other girls. It made her feel really hurt. I don't want to lose her, I almost did when I confessed. I want to change and stop watching porn and lust for others. I lied to her a lot before finally confessing and I regret that I lied. I never want to do that again.
Could you help me understand two things? 1. What is porn addiction, how do i know if i have it 2. Why would i want to get rid of porn addiction? It seems that horny lonely people would suffer from lack of sex without porn and as dr. K explains, we are built to have sex?
porn addiction is artificial sex or better defined as the people who perfrom lustful acts to gain views and this is catogorised as porn , you know if are addicted to such stuff if you are extremly hormy and develop kinky stuff overtime and cannot resisit anything , you should quit it to be a better human or to achieve mental stability
@@Alpha_Rigel_Cassiopeia i always loved kinky stuff and never liked the regular porn. indeed i find it hard to resist it but why would quitting it make me a better human or achieve mental stability? i am already very stable mentally and most people call me a very good human already. so i dont really find your points valid
If you can't stop watching pornography all the time and it's making your life difficult, that's when you have a problem. People can get addicted to sex too, but it's less frequent.
I have had a serious porn addiction since i was 10, and am now 23. There were times where i was able to abstain from usage, but i always fell back. Even when i have had sexual partners, the desire never went away. A few weeks ago i cut my abusive and manipulative parents out of my life. I woke up the next morning and my desire to watch porn and smoke weed disappeared. It really was a tool of emotional regulation for me, and i couldnt see that until i was on the other side. I thought that the patterns of behavior doctor K described did not apply to me, but I was very wrong. I wish you all the best in your journeys
Seconded, I have an internal monolgue and im super curious about that as well. I'll ask in the topics section on circles for you if you don't have the hg membership.
6:00 Most of our senses send their information through the thalamus, but smell skips the thalamus and goes directly to parts of the brain responsible for emotions and memory.
Dr. K, can you please elaborate a bit more on restricting your usage to specific times of the day (21:15)? In your video "Why You Shouldn't Resist Watching Pr*n," you explained restricting use to specific times of the day to make it easier to resist outside those windows, but what do you do when the window arrives? If you experience a craving during the scheduled time, should you first try to overcome the craving before allowing yourself to engage in usage? For example, if you experience a burst of anxiety (like from failing a class) that sends your emotions spiralling during the scheduled time, should you first try to overcome the craving by regulating your emotions and urge surfing before you give yourself the option to use pornography? Or should you give in immediately and use it because it's during your scheduled time? Does the allocated time mean that if you were to resist your craving and fail, it's okay as long as it occurred during the allocated time? Is the allocated time just a window where you are allowed to fail?
It's more about what happens outside of the allocated time. As long as you are productive outside that time, your brain will reinforce that productive you and will make you less likely to seek relief through porn when you are already fulfilled. That's why you shouldn't do it in the morning because it'll fuck you for the whole day.
tldr; yes if you allocate 1200 to 1300 and 1900 to 2000, you should only done the deed at that designated time, otherwise don't even when the urge really strong if you don't feel any urge at the allocated time, you can choose to still do it or not, but if you must be ready if the urge come outside the time. easier said than done, but I've done it, failed many times for the first 50 days but I can do it after that
My understanding is that the idea is to have a time where this is okay, because if you fight 24/7, you will get tired and lose. There isn't much point in the scheduled time, if you don't allow yourself to use it. It would be pretty much the same as not using this strategy at all.
During the time window, do not fight. Outside the time window, do not lose. The goal is to always win. Never fight a battle where you lose. Over time, reduce the time window.
this video was enlightening. there are a few groups of people who would say that if one has to achieve many things in life or get a girlfriend, you have to quit watching porn. when you put that statement bluntly it would never make sense. but now that i know that pornography addiciton is connected to so many channels of our brain, it all makes sense. if you slowly improve on the dopaministic urge, you will start to show enthusiasm in doing other purpose driven activities which makes people notice you. and then if you improve on the social connections part, you get to network with people, or find new friends and possibly a romantic relationship that way. working on each individual aspect and improving oneself would actually make you more attractive among your peers, so they want to spend more time with you either as a friend or a romantic partner. gah damn. it all makes sense.
There is porn, and there is addiction as a predilection. Porn addiction is the adjunction of the two. It is the usage of porn to satisfy addiction. I do not think, as is commonly held, that porn is addictive in the causative sense. The relationship to the stimulus is important. If you relate to porn for fulfillment, you may have some danger of addiction. If you relate to porn for novelty or exploration, I think this is less the case. I have consumed porn since I was 15 (38 now), and I have been in many successful relationships, including being married now. If you remove the antecedent, the idea that porn is replacing something you don't have with the antecedent that porn is adding something (such as introspective exploration of taboo, etc), it is a completely different relationship. As such I do not think porn, or drugs, are inherently addictive. If you don't have addictive neurological predilection, or an environment that promotes escapism of some kind, you will typically not be subject to "addiction" per se. This is not advocacy for porn consumption by any means. If you have any addiction you owe it to yourself to try to break the bonds that hold you there. This is simply a (probably futile) attempt to introduce nuance to the conversation.
The neverending novelty of porn and its escalation to extremes producing greater spikes in dopamine is exactly one of the drivers of porn addiction. It facilitates novelty seeking through endless new objectified women and rewards it intensely. But more importantly, I'm immensely disappointed by the fact that no one, NOT ONE person here cares about the issues around porn beyond it breaking their dicks and their ability to have sex. The worst part about porn is how horrifically unethical it is, how the industry is rotten to the core and profits from rape, coercion and sexual exploitation daily. THAT should be at the forefront of any attempt to educate people on quitting porn. Absolutely depressing.
@@pumpkins0 It sounds like you are talking about one are of the entire sex working industry. Pornographic material isn't all produced by the porn industry, in fact at this point, most of it isn't. Additionally pornographic material doesn't only showcase women. I am gay. I rarely watch porn involving women, so I think perhaps there is blind side to you. Porn, pornography, and sex work are not unethical per se. Unethical behavior is unethical, but I believe you throw the baby out with the bathwater. Denying something because of its proximity to something seedy or unsavory seems to me like a misunderstanding of things. That being said, your position is much like an ethical vegan. I disagree with your consequential reasoning, but respect your choice to act in a way you think best expresses your ethics.
I also got the add right when he started urge surfing. Do you think that was part of the test? To just sit through the 2 minute ad? The way he is smiling right at the beginning makes me thing that he just thought of his devious plan to place an ad there and couldn't keep in the excitement.
Hey, I'm gonna take a plunge here and admit to something that blew me away. During your exercise, of self control (mind you), the two minutes or so spent silently sitting there, I mindfully noted a pornographic craving. I paused the video, felt chills run down my body, as I understood why I just had that craving. I decided to type this out, to share directly with you Dr. K, that as this is my first introduction to the pornography addiction topic, I feel like you made some insanely powerful progress with the 250k or so of us who have watched this already, and it wasn't even my intention for watching your content for today. Okay, going to restart the two minutes now, as I failed miserably to type this out.
Striving for real happiness naturally phases out addictions. If you aim for happiness and become a really really happy healthy person, you don't like the feeling of addictions anymore and they naturally and effortlessly go away because you feel how gross they make you feel. The same with unwanted personality traits like negative thinking and procrastination
i'm not going to watch this bc it will trigger my experiences with the effects of other people's usage. if that means i'm being reactive avoidant and not doing my part by withholding engagement - so be it. i want to thank you for talking about it though, it is sorely needed ❤
I have been browsing through your videos recently and i quite loved this one. I’ve been struggling with gaming end screen addictions over the past years but now i’m trying to restrain myself. These dopamine concepts helped me understand some mechanisms i have been using all this time to shut my emotions down and i’ll try to cover those weaknesses. I’ll stick to your channel since i’m preparing for psychiatry residency so i can see some of mental health views, suscribed 👍🏾
I have seks, I have a partner, and yet I feel the need to do it every night just to fall asleep. It’s something I rely on to avoid being alone in the dark with my thoughts. This habit numbs me and helps me sleep without having to regulate my emotions or confront my thoughts. I’ve realized that I only resort to it when it’s completely quiet and I have nothing to keep me occupied. I think the real solution is learning to face my thoughts instead of running away from them for the entire day
![Lp. Сердце Вселенной #60 РОЖДЕНИЕ ЛОЛОЛОШКИ [Финал] • Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YoR0pAV9FVQ/mqdefault.jpg)
I hope anyone who has porn addiction can beat it
Word choice is questionable should be to quit addiction or control to the point where it is not a problem
This is a deliberate attack. Well played.
@@williamspirralafton3143 i watch it once or twice a week and haven't had any problems
@@williamspirralafton3143 idk if I should r/whoosh you or if you are on some next level sarcasm here
As long as we just come together…
Wow. That part about dopamine reinforcing the activity AND limiting my ability to extract it from a different source changed my perspective completely
Same. I'm now like wtf - nicotine - wtf weed- wtf porn - wtf video games - wtf gambling --
yeah me too
Could anyone provide timestamps? Thanks!
But for alot of men its the closest we will ever be to intimacy. I know i never will so for me using it or not changes nothing.
@@thesaddestdude3575 I know I am a stranger and you're under no obligation to do this, but instead of saying that try stopping for one year and actively look for a partner in that timeframe, if you think a year is a long time, it's not when you can find someone to spend the rest of your life with. If you actually stop and still find no one, then bust ahead.
But give yourself a chance
The most painful part of this addiction is that you can feel yourself not enjoying the things you loved once and it feels like you are dying from within. I wish good luck to all my brothers and sisters and hope we can finally make it after countless relapses . Love y'all ❤
Oh absolutely, i actually think the worst part is how it causes you constantly seek out more depraved content so that you can satisfy that addictive itch. Normal porn stops working and you end up a hollow shell that feels nothing but shame and guilt. It eats away at your consciousness until you either numb yourself or you start recognizing that you need to stop. I've been in both camps and i honestly wish i had been born asexual so that i would never have ended up in this situation.
I used to get pre-nut clarity at one point
I'd get into starting some porn and I'd suddenly be like "hang on a second, is this actually the best way to spend my time right now? Is this really what I want to do with my energy and my day?"
Yes!
Not porn but this is how I feel about social media, it's not enjoyment at all anymore it's very much the opposite where I'm annoyed most of the time by people's behaviour and angry because of the news. Yet I'm addicted??
@TheArcher101 yeah that's the rational mind still fighting.
Summery :
- Restriction
• The goal of restriction is to maximise the barrier to entry in order to discourage pom usage outside of an alloted window of time
- Regulation Methods
• Alternate nostril breathing
• Meditation & Exercise
• We want to regulate emotion without resorting to porn.
- Triggers
• Understand and identify
• Mentally prepare to deal with them
• Anticipate your emotional reaction
- Analyze your weak point
• Go for walk 15 to 30 minutes in that particular time
- Working on dormant emotions
• Try journal
- Find a Community
- Do something you can be proud of
- Excercise and Diet
• 1 hour 3 times a week , Minimum 20 minutes 3 times a week excercise.
• lots of leafy green vegetables and whole grain and healthy proteins.
- Dual diagnosis
• See mental health professional if you are feeling adhd or other things.
- A simple Technique
• keep patience
- Urge Surfing
• do nothing for 1 to 2 minutes while Urges
It's kinda unclear what the benefits of any of this are.
@@OveRaDaMaNt how is it not clear?
@@drbased2097 well I stop jacking it and so what? This doesn't fix or affect any other stuff. Not jacking it won't make a girlfriend appear or make people hug you, so still no oxytocin for you. So, uhh, what's the point?
@@OveRaDaMaNt find other ways to gain that oxytocin that aren't that, google is your friend m8
@@OveRaDaMaNt you are looking at it way too short term. Being addicted to porn, as stated in the video if you watched it, hijacks every part of your brain and when you quit the brain will slowly heal. You won’t feel the positive effects right away and it won’t be linear
I’m 4 days clean after a decade of near daily use. I’m not going to lie, even just hearing you speak on the topic of porn was causing urges to surface. The “riding the urge” at the end was particularly rough. But, I appreciate you taking the time and effort to speak on this topic that so many others deem too taboo. I hope anyone else struggling with their own battle who is reading this knows that you’re not in this fight alone. We are all just trying to make our lives better in this very weird world.
Go, you bud. May I join?
Daily use can be normal and healthy. Unless you're addicted, there's no need to be "clean".
@@synchronium24 wish i could lie to myself the way you do, life would be simpler
@@synchronium24 No amount of Supernormal stimuli is normal or healthy. Its literally in the name 😂
If I could give you some advice (I'm almost a month clean after attempting for years), it is to kinda forget that you watch these types of content. I know they are really helpful but you kinda fall in self categorizing as a "masturbator who wants to stop" and you're not
For me, reading and learning new stuff is what helped me the most these 25 days, and also using way WAY less social media (from 4-5 hours a day to maybe 45 minutes) and using a porn and reels/shorts blocker
Quitting for me decreased my social anxiety significantly. Like with everyone, men, women, I experience results and am more friendly and open, getting better looks from people. I had no idea this would happen but it really did
yep it's real. possibly not for everyone, but avoiding it helps me tremendously as well.
this is the one thing ive heard about porn addiction that actually inspire me to get it under control
This happened to me too just by getting older even though I didn't stop corn. Human psyche takes a lot of time to develop, propably at least 30 years. Not saying watching corn is a good thing, though.
everytime i go a while without pornography use, I can feel myself just more able to socialise with my colleagues and other people. one relapse and I'm shying away from everyone. it's embarrassing
I completely understand what he is referring to about building up negative emotions. I’ve been a functional addict for the majority of my life (12-28), and the second there is some quiet and time for introspection I want to blow my brains out because I am drenched in a wave of all of my greatest mistakes and fears.
A really awesome thing is to feel the feelings and if possible detach from the story about it (a type of meditation which is great because u find out how the "emotions" are ultimately a bunch of feelings in the body plus some thoughts/ stories about your life which you can decide to learn from and move on or throw out as BS/ wrong conclusions entirely)
I'm definitely not as bad as you are but I can relate. I'm not addicted to anything in particular but I'm basically addicted to distracting myself. Whenever I'm not able to deal with something complex going on that I need to think intently about I get the urge do play video games or jerk it or anything to take my mind off of what is presently affecting me.
If You haven't already, then check out Meditation to Remove Negative Emotions video - after 2.5 months I feel way clearer and it's easier to forgive myself.
@ I do that same thing. I always have some sort of external stimuli coming in to distract my self- podcast, UA-cam videos, movies. I literally fall asleep to it.
@ thank you! I certainly have some work I need to start doing soon. For a brief period of incarceration many years ago I meditated almost every day, and my ability to manage my emotions of discomfort and unease was greatly enhanced. I need to pick it back up.
This is what the opposite of clickbait is. Literally what the title is lol
wouldn’t the opposite be pleasedontclickbait ?
Click repellent @@gottabepablo
100th like!
@@gottabepablo that's just meta clickbait
Umm.. actually! 35:53 is 36 minutes because 53 is much closer to 60 rather than 0. So it is a clickbait
Loved the Dr. K eye contact simulator
Eye contact compilation
¿¿
Same, funnily enough I got an ad right when we started the urge surfing practice 😂 I couldn't resist the urge to skip ad, so got to practice some more
@@derandidamn Christmas perfume adverts
Now do 10h of it
Can we acknowledge the insane quality of this video for a second? I don't have pornography addiction but experiences with other kinds of addictions and this is probably the most amazing step by step guide on the topic, that you can make. It cuts right to the action, it's really condensed and has a bunch of actionable steps, that you can actually follow. It goes in on some of the most important aspects to an addiction and it's still very specific. If I had a porn addiction, I'd want to watch exactly this video to begin with.
@@ヴィリハンケ Never saw anyone in my life without this addiction I wonder what other addiction you have. Hope you overcome it!
Funny, I have never seen anyone in my life with this addiction...
Who's gonna tell you with that attitude, someone my friend was dating had this, hope he finds this video and wants to do something about it.
Remember - the best time to solve your problems was yesterday, but the next best time is now. Don't beat yourself over past mistakes - focus on the future to overcome your addictions. Another classic banger by Dr. K - well done!
and the next next one is tomorrow
It’s funny to see Dr.K not sit still for the sit still part of the video. I really appreciate taking the time to make you more relatable and making the challenge easier
Driving from work without music or podcast and so on, really makes me feel more clean in the head.
i usually do this at the start of my day and it helps me plan what am going to do for that day
I actually stopped carrying headphones while I am commuting and in general I don't multitask. I find it very good for realligning to the beauty we have around us.
@@tinidor08saame i generally am oversensitive to stimulus in the morning so i prefer to go no music/podcast in my morning commutes
yep. music is one of the biggest distractors in the modern day. as long as you get some time to your mind everyday, music is fine of course. but if you can't get through any quiet moment of your life without music, you have an issue.
honestly sometimes putting a nit of music on while I'm in bed just gives me the motivation to get up immediately and get ready. music isn't bad. it's only bad if you are using it, like anything, as a distraction from your emotions.
Not clicking the Thumbs Up button during those 60 seconds was brutal
This is literally the best quit porn guide ever made. I can't overstate enough for anyone addictive to porn to highly watch this video, preferably 3 times a week at least. I've been addicted for over 20 years. My life got ripped apart by this addiction. Attempted suicide on several occasions and lost many loved ones due to this addiction and much worse. I hope everyone can free themselves from this addiction. We are not our addiction. We are loved. Tysm for this video ❤
@@SparkyX3X update ?
Omg I don’t have a porn addiction, so I usually skip these kinds of vids when they drop, but I watched because I do have some other addictive behaviors and I thought there might be some applicable takeaways, and I’m SO glad I clicked! That last two minutes was so, like, cleansing for me! I don’t remember the last time I felt so regulated emotionally. Thank you! You really need to do that for a broader addiction/bad habit video because I think it could be helpful to so many more people.
Same, I got sucked into the Marijuana video and took away so much. I was immediately intrigued when this popped up.
He has done this for addiction in general, check out "Dr.K 's deep dive into addiction"
@@laurenditmar2776 yeah it's also pretty common for people to have multiple addictions too. Addictive personalities can easily get hooked into anything addictive really.
@@laurenditmar2776 "Im watching it for a friend"
He has a deep dive on addictions in the "Live" chapter of the channel.
It only takes five minutes for me doc.
then you can call it a minor issue i think😅
Less than a minute for me 💀
@@rubyciide5542 💀
Rookie numbers, I last a second. Don't even get to the porn
I don't even get through the ad pal
'to do something you are proud of' could also be finding something you can share with someone else - finding pride in an activity can be hard if you are tripping all over the place at the start.
i have made the mistake of thinking leaving everyone will let me focus on my goals but this wasnt the case for me.... now i realize having friends or commiunty is important.
Really, really thankful that Dr. K has the guts to put himself out there and discuss real ways to deal with this topic that so many of us are struggling with. I hope everyone struggling here finds success. I've been waiting for content like this for years. His discussion is multi-modal which really improves upon the quality of the conversations I've seen online over the last decade. There are entire hoards of people who have approached this issue with big hearts over the years but with unfortunately only simple and limited approaches.
I really hate comments like - I stopped watching porn for 2 months and it didn't change anything in my life. Seeing such comments on Reddit or 9gag under no nut november, etc.
I can see only 3 options for this:
1. The person wasn't actually that addicted, and doing it from time to time.
2. They just swapped one addiction to another, instead of watching porn, they simply started playing video games more, or using some drugs.
3. They lied, perhaps not only to us, but to themselves. The way to accept their addiction as something they need and it's ok.
Why do I hate it? It makes other people who think about getting out of this addiction to start questioning if it actually is a problem. Yes, it is. If quitting porn does not change your life, it was just one of the factors, you still have more to fix.
The porn quiting part really makes me question myself, to be completely honest. But I swear, I'm not addicted
To be real, some people just cope well with their addiction. I know alcoholics that are drunk every evening, but still hold their jobs and families somehow.
@@cherubin7th how is that possible 🙀
@@cherubin7th Not enough info to actually understand the situation. Drinking alcohol regularly harms us significantly and it is already proven. Holding jobs and families can mean little, as many partners stays in marriages just because of kids, or are afraid of changes. Their life is not good in any way, they just don't know it can look differently. I also know alcoholics and the way they live I would call a nightmare and for them it's completely normal. It's really amazing how easily a human gets used to their circumstances.
Here's a 4th option: they didnt notice the positive changes.
I'm sure im not alone in finding more subtle changes such as an increased ability to focus and take on tasks i would otherwise find difficult, and increased confidence and ability to socialize. These arent things i would have noticed if i didn't reflect on it.
I'm 24 and i have been rejected a lot and haven't been loved by any girl. My sex drive is off the roof and i use porn as a tool to get it off and it literally fucking feels like a "job" now. I feel like i'm not addicted and i don't "goon" for it but it helps me stay focused more. Its just the crushing reality that i feel like i have wasted all my young years not being able to spend time intimately while ALMOST all of my friends and people i know gets some sort of it very easily. I don't have self-esteem issues, on the contrary i'm usually the one whos under the spotlight at most of the social environments and people like me. It just makes me feel valueless and i crave it. Every time people i'm chatting with talks about these stuff, i feel like i'm going to have a panic attack but i can't leave the conversation abruptly. This has been turned into literal torment for me. I feel so useless as a man that i'm considering bad things... I don't know how to solve it, i don't know where to get help, psychiatrist seem to not give a shit and i'm lost...
You're okay, you just expressed yourself here in the comments and that was pretty brave, even if it's anonymous. You certainly have not "wasted" your time and you're still young! Still figuring things out. Instead of focusing on what you don't have and haven't had and can't do, turn it around. Look at the simple accomplishment of your self esteem, most people don't even have that. You could definitely benefit from talk therapy, journaling to get those feelings out (leaving the convo before the panic attacking and yanking it are your avoidance techniques), meditate. You can't seem to sit still and there's something you're not facing. You deserve to be loved and have love and a healthy relationship in your life, it's not just about sex, it's about the connection with another person. It won't take long and you'll get there. Listen to this video on repeat if you have too. I'm rooting for you! ❤
journaling and other "meditative" bs doesn't work btw and i'm saying that from a woman's perspective, it just feels like cope. what i can recommend tho is to find what's truly important to you in life, this could be something as shallow as having good physique or grades or even kda in whatever game. i think socialisation issues past 20 are near imposssible to solve bc your brain evolves different thinking patterns that unsettles ppl. ik this is such a buzzkill but it's trvke
@@angelphetamine This is a very interesting response that i've never gotten before. I do have many accomplishments, i'm not a "unsuccesful person" but i just haven't had luck finding the right people in my lifetime. Almost all the old friends are gone, new people are assholes and i get left out because i don't want to become like them. And yes you are right, after a certain age, socialisation becomes almost impossible. Everybody just wants to use you. I yearn for old friendships.
@@annieway35 Everything and everyone around me makes me feel the exact opposite way. Only people who are telling me that i deserve to be loved are those on the internet or those who can relate.
@@EthernalOynuyor u might be successful but either:
>your major or whatever occupation doesn't fulfill you
>you are "good" based off of others' perception of you
>you are at a low point and think a relationship would cure it immediately (it probably won't and it would add up and extra responsibility and source of stress)
i'm 100% sure it's one of these. and if it's the 3rd, it will pass. if you are still worried that you'll end up alone, aiming for someone under your league might build experience in talking to women and make you at least appear sociable to those that interest you. ik this is somewhat of a machiavellian method, but it will help you build resilience.
Dr. K is such a legend. Thank you for everything you're doing
I will admit I have an addiction.
Acting upon it makes me physically feel terrible, then the next morning I have a "brain fog" that lasts for awhile.
Keeping a notepad and writing in it before bed and after I wake up has resulted in my longest streak of not acting upon the impulse.
I was the guy who didn't just jerk off. I kept watching porn afterwards. If I was alone there was porn on. I haven't watched any for 3 days now and it is honestly the most difficult thing I've ever done. I will auto pilot pull my phone out and start looking up porn and it feels so automatic that I don't realize I'm doing it.
Also I have been so emotional these last 3 days. I can't stop crying. Everything is making me cry. Music, movies, books. I can't get anything done because it makes me cry.
I know it's only day 3 but I already find myself catching up with friends I let go by the wayside, I'm cleaning my house, I'm doing laundry. I didn't realize how bad it had infected my life until I stopped.
Now I'm terrified because I don't want to fall back into a porn hole but the compulsion to go back is so strong I can't even describe it. I have to walk around with a device in my pocket that has access to porn.
I know what you're going through, it was pretty rough for me in the beginning as well. If you have a friend that you can trust, there are apps for your phone that will block those websites and the only way to remove it would be for your friend to verify it.
Reminder to stay strong. You've got this!
The Porn Industry doesn't like this video - 1000%
Good job man, you are incredible man, who has this gift from the universe to explain stuff in such simple and understandable way.
Sometimes I wonder - how is it possible someone to has such passion to help other human beings. Is it some kind of meta evolution, where some brains see that we might extinct as a specie and make everything possible to save us. Or is it some kind of collective brain force that allows us to help each other. I don't know but thank you for doing this for the whole humanity.
This video should be translated/dubbed in all languages, so the whole world can see it. ♥🙏
This was so helpful. Porn addict since 16. I’m 30 now. I have tried quitting 1000 times. It’s destroyed my life, vigor, confidence, and self respect
Idk how Dr. Ks timing is always so freaking godly. Been a long time fan of HGG and last week I finally admitted to my therapist that I’ve been addicted for over 5. Years…. The shame it bright was enough for me to fucken start doing something about it . Starting reading the easy peasy method , then the freedom method, but with this drop! I know it’ll seal the deal!
Happy for you, man! I started talking to my therapist about it like 3 weeks ago. That alone changed so much, I believe.
I will overcome this porn addiction and have a life with meaning
I thought the title was "How to quit watching porn FOR 35 minutes" and thought "damn people are SERIOUSLY addicted if they can't even go an hour without it"
It can still be both; hell has a basement
Lmao man idk why but this really got me
@@lukehardin9 It's very much not my own original quote, but I'm glad it resonated with you! Take care
i think yours is the 1st honest definition of porn addition i've ever seen. Normally its loosely defined as "ever" to 'x times a month" with greater than 1 being an addict & from research usually funded by christian groups & also how porn has evolved from some online videos to online communities of onlyfans performers with huge social outreach.
for me porn is "keeping me in the game" otherwise my sex drive is in the dumpster when im single. also... 1> reminds me what is out there, 2> stops my mind thinking of previous partners.
my worst addictions ive ever had to deal with was the mobile phone, social media & eating rubbish food. mobile phone apps with alerts were the worst sucking me in each time. eating - i cant do just one biscuit - its always the whole packet. so i make a bucket of salad for the week packed full of veg to meal / snack on during the week so i dont relapse.. . my last problem is youtube. youtube is the hardest. its literally fentonyl for adhd'ers. any subject any time for hours.
If you make a new gmail account, you can set youtube settings to never remember your history and never recommend you anything on the homepage. That way you'll only ever get recommendations if you're watching a video. But you'll have to search for a video first. Personally I found it helped cut down my time on UA-cam a lot. I'd open the homepage, nothing would be there, and I'd just as quickly end up closing it again.
+1 for the comment above me. I think you can even do it with an existing gmail account. You just have to delete your entire watching history, disable it, and then UA-cam will not provide you recommendations and also disable shorts (except for in the subscription tab). It's a lifesaver. And also never enable notifications!!!
@mrrolandlawrence I use an extension called Unhook on chrome that allows me control every aspect of youtube. I have my home feed, recommendations, end screen cards on videos, Shorts section and a lot more stuff disabled. It makes it so much easier. No sensory input, no urges. Has worked great for me over the last year.
One recommendation I can make is to use the "Unhook" extension. It can hide recommendations, so you at least don't get tempted externally as much.
But yeah, I have seriously considered putting UA-cam on our DNS block list at home.
@@lipnoodle117I mean... YT algorithm is so atrocious nowadays, compared to what it was in ~2018
Very rarely I get recommended good new videos anymore, 90% of it is just "oh, you watched a video on topic X? here's a ton of other videos loosely associated with topic X"
That last segment where I was just staring at you was actually an experience. I noticed that despite this being a recorded video, I had trouble with maintaining eye contact with you. Then I managed to maintain it but had to do deep breaths and kinda just felt like I was doing something intense and sweaty despite just staring at you. Towards the end of just staring at you I began feeling sad, but it wasn’t the usual supressed sadness, it was pure, it actually kinda felt good. Felt like sharing this despite not usually commenting on vids.
i felt like i was gonna cry until he started speaking in between
I am in crisis counseling and there are many people who come with this issue. Your explanation gave a lot of clarity about how to talk to them so thanks a lot Dr. k.
Thank you for this Video
I’ve struggled with PA for more than half my life. The most progress I’ve made is since I’ve watched your videos dr.k I’ll admit my PA isn’t as aggressive as others but it’s still managed to affect other parts of my life even a little bit despite my desperate attempts to stop it. I hope none of you give up the fight or think it’s hopeless or you’re too far gone. And if you do I hope it’s only as a momentary pause.
copy pasting this comment cos PA sucks and this has really helped me:
frame it differently.
don't try to "quit" watching porn. tell yourself you don't watch porn, you don't really want to watch porn, and you don't really like watching porn.
and don't fall into the trap of nofappers, where they think that quitting porn means quitting masturbation. masturbate with no audiovisual stimuli. close your eyes. just you, your mind and your body.
honestly after a while the experience becomes so much more intense than masturbating while watching porn, AND it comes with no drawbacks. no ED, less issues with confidence and anxiety. and you won't even desire to do it that often. maybe once every 2-3 days
Oh and it's also awful if you have a high sex drive. PA is something i've probably struggled with since i was at least 10 or 11. I feel awful for all the stuff i've seen, i genuinely think that it fucked me up mentally. I was exposed to so many horrible fetishes and extreme nsfw content and it's made me miserable.
@@Foogi9000 Just remember you were exposed to adult content as a child with a child brain. It's hard to grow out of or seperate yourself from it BUT you aren't inherently bad or fucked up. You went through fucked up stuff or saw it. YOU aren't your PA it's a by-product of seeing things you couldn't understand yet. I'm rooting for you!
11:07 Now i undertand why i struggle to concentrate in studies after i have been using my phone the entire morning. Gotta start studying first thing in the morning.
That information on dopamine being a finite resource and behavioral reinforcement is so useful, for any kind of addiction. For me it's screen time in all forms, and it usually starts with UA-cam and twitter when I wake up. Gonna cut that shit out pronto, thanks doc
I’m about to run out of Aderall tomorrow for 18 days yall. Wish me luck it’ll be my first withdrawal 🍀 😕😕
Good luck, mate. Stay strong! 🫡
Good luck friend! It's okay to feel slower or down. I recommend mindfulness to help a bit. You got this
Go for it dude! It’ll probably take a bit to get used to it but you’ll do great!
You will make it through, of this there is no doubt. Be kind to yourself during this time, but also afterward. You may not perform as well in your daily tasks as you feel you aught to have; there’s no shame in that. You will conduct yourself as best you can in every moment and that’s all anyone can reasonably ask of you
I would never in a million years suggest something along the lines of Sudafed 12hr from the local rite aid to get through painful periods when one cannot access their prescribed medication.
32:35 is actually such a great idea, I think it really should be a part of other upcoming videos, and maybe even a tradition for videos regarding addictions therapy. It felt good at the end btw
Can we get a 10hours version of "patience training" video, that 2 minutes was a piece of cake, upvote so he sees
Yeah 10 hours would be a worthy challenge
The wild thing about porn addiction is that 1 in 3 of people watch porn at work. Yes, seriously. If you work in an office that has 20 people, at least 5 of them watch porn at work and you don't even realize it 💀.
the fact that an ad came up after dr K said to do nothing was just painful
I have a spark of believe that it was made on purpose and we were meant to tank this ad.
I want to be honest to ya'll strangers right now. I had issues with alcohol that now seem nonexistant, I had issues with Marijuana which now also are non existent, I also had issues with caffeine, which are now very controlled. This particular issue, Dr. K is talking about, has been the one that has come back most often, and seems to be the hardest thing I've tried to overcome. I'm excited to see what he has to say.
32:45 "Learn to master yourself" - I see what you did there
Vata moment.
bated
Hey awesome video! Only thing is I would have loved if you replaced the word “diet” with “nutrition” where possible. “diet” is a triggering word for me because of past disordered eating. But I was happy to see you were really just encouraging eating more nutritious foods
Diet diet diet
My journey 👇
10/06/2024 I started
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29/11/2024 I started
Please like this comment and let me remember about my comment
Hey, Dr. K. Thanks for all of the videos about this subject, I’ve been addicted since I was about 8 years old and I’m 20 now. For the last 4ish years I’ve been doing all the things I could find with research and I still was trapped in the cycle of 5-6 days, relapse for 2 or 3, then 5-6 days. After so much time of this pattern and how my experience seemed different from others, where I wouldn’t get triggered at all and still relapse like clockwork, I went to therapy again to try and work on it. I found out that I wasn’t actually drawn to the porn. I was running away from some feelings that I had.
I would be in a constant start of dissociation from my body and whenever I would start to come out of that I would go to porn. I figured out that I actually experience gender dysphoria and that’s why I ran to porn so often. Since I’ve started tackling that in therapy all of the techniques I’ve built up over the years actually work now! I’m currently on my 2nd two week streak and I’m hoping to make it to a month! And after years of thinking two weeks is a pipe dream this has brought me so much hope!
watching each video of Dr K is like micro learning how to become concious and the best version of yourself thankyou for that Doc !
Learning about the science behind it actually makes it feel like it's better and easier to understand - and because it's easier to understand, it feels more feasible to give it a try with in daily life
Having an add in that 1min of silence is devious. Thanks UA-cam constantly breaking my concentration but also giving me the platform to access tools I need
There’s also something do with freedom vs restriction going on imo. So many people have suppressed feelings of being controlled and restricted, and pornography, being a kind of open expression of something which is considered taboo, somehow satisfies the need for freedom.
You're a modern day hero for how informative, insightful and easy to follow your videos are Dr. K, GG.
Better days will come young person do not worry
This is one of the best videos I’ve ever seen on this topic. So clearly laid out and easy to understand . This Dr should get a metal.
Thank you so much, Dr. K. you’re truly skilled, and truly a gem. You’ve found your calling and you’re helping thousands upon thousands of people
Dr. K is out here saving people from demolishing their wee wee's. This man is a national treasure.
35:27 If you are already subscribed...?
@@crystalfire6677 "GGs to y'all"
@@crystalfire6677 my ears!!!!!
@@ilothom lol sorry
My ll😂
UA-cam running an ad during the Urge surfing practice really is diabolical
how am i supposed to quit when such a sexy man is talking about it
true
Be normal challenge
As a porn addict myself, I sincerely appreciate this video. I’m gonna make a start of a trend to come back to this video and add to this comment for each day I’ve stayed away. This is huge challenge for me personally, but everyone has gotta start somewhere. Day 0. I hope this video inspires someone to join the mission as well!
Day 1: surprisingly difficult. I did notice one of my triggers is the ending of work and return home.
Day 0: failed already but not stopping, taking a 60 sec purse to think before acting next
Day 1: school work was enough to keep my mind off the temptation
Day 0: previous failed attempts with school final exam stress. Need to master myself more
dr.k is inside me at this point
no not like that like omnipresence like god is inside you 😭
🧐
Cease
huh
You wild af lmao
Dayum, first of all, thanks im not addicted to porn ive learned. 2nd: give this guy a medal. There are so many connections to other addictions e.g. cannabis or alcohol here, that this would be truly help!
If only the problem could be fully solved in 35 minutes
There's no better time then to start now :3
One day or day one
it can, there is no rules to life, everything is based on you. hard and easy are just sounds.
the trick is not trying to "fully solve" the problem. nothing will ever be fully solved. it's just to keep mitigating the problem until it doesn't become the beast it is now.
Ive been struggling with this lately, thank you.
Just gooned to this thanks!
This is a genius strategy. I think suntzu once said " the best way to defeat your enemy is to become him" gooning to videos telling you how to stop is truly revolutionary
Too many sweats
LMAO
did you do it at the part where he stares at your soul?
hell yeah brother keep at it
Even tho i thought that masturbation etc. isn't a problem for me, Dr. K showed me what emotional regulation is in real life.
This human is the savior of my generation.
Literally everything he says gives me a new perspective on life. Thanks for all this.
What an honor to be here this early. Topic unrelated of course.
Are you saying you came early to a video about porn addiction?
I am quitting this addiction and if you guys comment then I will reminded to keep going until I quit
Im stopping too!! Going for the last 30 days of the year and beyond
@@scourge5572 we got this bro
@scourge5572 I am with u bro let's do this
Well, opioids don't only affect the Mu-opioid receptor. There are many more (f.e. the Kappa-opioid receptor). In general, the neuroscience in this video is very, very simplified.
Doc K, you pair spiritual understanding with scientific explanation so well. You give hope to others who do not identify with anything spiritual, to remedy and understand their problems.
can we have a 1 hour video of dr k just staring at the camera
I'd be super interested in a video about emotional regulation. I'm late diagnosed with ADHD and I find that dysregulation is a major feature for me and effects numerous aspects of my life from socializing to my career. Having a break down like this for how to better regulate would be super helpful.
This stuff should literally be in schools. Real shame it isn't.
I fighted for around 10 years overcoming it and failed every time, without realizing it, but it stopped every time when I hooked up with someone. Be aware, doing it is no fun at all and shame is your umbrella feeling deep down. Quit now and try it again to quit this urge. I took Coaching to overcome it and has helped me to feel a connection to people again.
this video made me realize that i actually dont have a p0rn addiction
people just throw the term around at anything these days. its almost never addiction
@@cnut7383 but it IS an unhealthy and destructive behaviour. we all owe it to ourselves to not use it
Try to stop. If you can't quit you're addicted.
Go one month without it
Maybe the wording is "I dont only have...", because I probably feel the same
Around a month ago, the topic around porn is brought up with me and my girlfriend. I promised to stop watching porn and to tell her if I fail and watch it again. 2 days ago, I confessed everything and told her that I've failed to stop it and I've watched 7 times and that I lust for other girls. It made her feel really hurt. I don't want to lose her, I almost did when I confessed. I want to change and stop watching porn and lust for others. I lied to her a lot before finally confessing and I regret that I lied. I never want to do that again.
33:00 I was shown a 30 minutes ad 😂
@@ahmadjamalmughal47 I was on the ad about the healthy dog. It was kind of funny. I’m pretty sure that was 60 seconds.
Okay that is awesome! I've been addicted (and trying to quit) for 6 years, I will totally come back to this video every time the urges comes back.
Could you help me understand two things?
1. What is porn addiction, how do i know if i have it
2. Why would i want to get rid of porn addiction? It seems that horny lonely people would suffer from lack of sex without porn and as dr. K explains, we are built to have sex?
porn addiction is artificial sex or better defined as the people who perfrom lustful acts to gain views and this is catogorised as porn , you know if are addicted to such stuff if you are extremly hormy and develop kinky stuff overtime and cannot resisit anything , you should quit it to be a better human or to achieve mental stability
@@Alpha_Rigel_Cassiopeia i always loved kinky stuff and never liked the regular porn. indeed i find it hard to resist it but why would quitting it make me a better human or achieve mental stability? i am already very stable mentally and most people call me a very good human already. so i dont really find your points valid
@stephanieherman2861 dk dude. Just to feel great again or something.
If you can't stop watching pornography all the time and it's making your life difficult, that's when you have a problem.
People can get addicted to sex too, but it's less frequent.
@matiasgarciacasas558 why the sex addiction is less frequent?
I have had a serious porn addiction since i was 10, and am now 23. There were times where i was able to abstain from usage, but i always fell back. Even when i have had sexual partners, the desire never went away. A few weeks ago i cut my abusive and manipulative parents out of my life. I woke up the next morning and my desire to watch porn and smoke weed disappeared. It really was a tool of emotional regulation for me, and i couldnt see that until i was on the other side. I thought that the patterns of behavior doctor K described did not apply to me, but I was very wrong. I wish you all the best in your journeys
Dr K please make a video on internal monologue. It's annoying & apparently some people don't have it!
Seconded, I have an internal monolgue and im super curious about that as well. I'll ask in the topics section on circles for you if you don't have the hg membership.
Please do, my therapist is trying his best to help me with it but sometimes i confuse that voice with identity and it keeps me stuck bad.@jdatin770
That'd be great! Please do so :)
I talk to myself too hell even have rants or just collect my thoughts as well. you're definitely not alone there
This video made me realize im not as addicted as a thought. I still plan to follow these steps though. Thanks Dr. K!
18:15 Dr K. with the Tate impression LOL. Never change Dr. K
💲💲💲💲💲💲💲
6:00 Most of our senses send their information through the thalamus, but smell skips the thalamus and goes directly to parts of the brain responsible for emotions and memory.
Dr. K, can you please elaborate a bit more on restricting your usage to specific times of the day (21:15)? In your video "Why You Shouldn't Resist Watching Pr*n," you explained restricting use to specific times of the day to make it easier to resist outside those windows, but what do you do when the window arrives?
If you experience a craving during the scheduled time, should you first try to overcome the craving before allowing yourself to engage in usage? For example, if you experience a burst of anxiety (like from failing a class) that sends your emotions spiralling during the scheduled time, should you first try to overcome the craving by regulating your emotions and urge surfing before you give yourself the option to use pornography? Or should you give in immediately and use it because it's during your scheduled time?
Does the allocated time mean that if you were to resist your craving and fail, it's okay as long as it occurred during the allocated time? Is the allocated time just a window where you are allowed to fail?
It's more about what happens outside of the allocated time. As long as you are productive outside that time, your brain will reinforce that productive you and will make you less likely to seek relief through porn when you are already fulfilled. That's why you shouldn't do it in the morning because it'll fuck you for the whole day.
tldr; yes
if you allocate 1200 to 1300 and 1900 to 2000, you should only done the deed at that designated time, otherwise don't even when the urge really strong
if you don't feel any urge at the allocated time, you can choose to still do it or not, but if you must be ready if the urge come outside the time.
easier said than done, but I've done it, failed many times for the first 50 days but I can do it after that
My understanding is that the idea is to have a time where this is okay, because if you fight 24/7, you will get tired and lose. There isn't much point in the scheduled time, if you don't allow yourself to use it. It would be pretty much the same as not using this strategy at all.
@ so it’s a time where you are allowed to use rather than a time where you are allowed to fight and fail?
During the time window, do not fight.
Outside the time window, do not lose.
The goal is to always win. Never fight a battle where you lose.
Over time, reduce the time window.
this video was enlightening. there are a few groups of people who would say that if one has to achieve many things in life or get a girlfriend, you have to quit watching porn. when you put that statement bluntly it would never make sense.
but now that i know that pornography addiciton is connected to so many channels of our brain, it all makes sense. if you slowly improve on the dopaministic urge, you will start to show enthusiasm in doing other purpose driven activities which makes people notice you. and then if you improve on the social connections part, you get to network with people, or find new friends and possibly a romantic relationship that way. working on each individual aspect and improving oneself would actually make you more attractive among your peers, so they want to spend more time with you either as a friend or a romantic partner. gah damn. it all makes sense.
There is porn, and there is addiction as a predilection. Porn addiction is the adjunction of the two. It is the usage of porn to satisfy addiction. I do not think, as is commonly held, that porn is addictive in the causative sense. The relationship to the stimulus is important. If you relate to porn for fulfillment, you may have some danger of addiction. If you relate to porn for novelty or exploration, I think this is less the case. I have consumed porn since I was 15 (38 now), and I have been in many successful relationships, including being married now. If you remove the antecedent, the idea that porn is replacing something you don't have with the antecedent that porn is adding something (such as introspective exploration of taboo, etc), it is a completely different relationship. As such I do not think porn, or drugs, are inherently addictive. If you don't have addictive neurological predilection, or an environment that promotes escapism of some kind, you will typically not be subject to "addiction" per se. This is not advocacy for porn consumption by any means. If you have any addiction you owe it to yourself to try to break the bonds that hold you there. This is simply a (probably futile) attempt to introduce nuance to the conversation.
The neverending novelty of porn and its escalation to extremes producing greater spikes in dopamine is exactly one of the drivers of porn addiction. It facilitates novelty seeking through endless new objectified women and rewards it intensely. But more importantly, I'm immensely disappointed by the fact that no one, NOT ONE person here cares about the issues around porn beyond it breaking their dicks and their ability to have sex. The worst part about porn is how horrifically unethical it is, how the industry is rotten to the core and profits from rape, coercion and sexual exploitation daily. THAT should be at the forefront of any attempt to educate people on quitting porn. Absolutely depressing.
@@pumpkins0 It sounds like you are talking about one are of the entire sex working industry. Pornographic material isn't all produced by the porn industry, in fact at this point, most of it isn't. Additionally pornographic material doesn't only showcase women. I am gay. I rarely watch porn involving women, so I think perhaps there is blind side to you. Porn, pornography, and sex work are not unethical per se. Unethical behavior is unethical, but I believe you throw the baby out with the bathwater. Denying something because of its proximity to something seedy or unsavory seems to me like a misunderstanding of things.
That being said, your position is much like an ethical vegan. I disagree with your consequential reasoning, but respect your choice to act in a way you think best expresses your ethics.
Fun fact : Who would have thought that watching Dr.K for 60 sec is way more addictive than watching porn.
I've quitted for 2 months now
and my thing was suppressed emotions especially anger.
This isnt a video to just watch once. Very packed with information
There's no way, an ad popped up right at 32:57
Forreal 😂😂😂
I also got the add right when he started urge surfing.
Do you think that was part of the test? To just sit through the 2 minute ad?
The way he is smiling right at the beginning makes me thing that he just thought of his devious plan to place an ad there and couldn't keep in the excitement.
Same 😭😭😭
Hey, I'm gonna take a plunge here and admit to something that blew me away. During your exercise, of self control (mind you), the two minutes or so spent silently sitting there, I mindfully noted a pornographic craving. I paused the video, felt chills run down my body, as I understood why I just had that craving. I decided to type this out, to share directly with you Dr. K, that as this is my first introduction to the pornography addiction topic, I feel like you made some insanely powerful progress with the 250k or so of us who have watched this already, and it wasn't even my intention for watching your content for today. Okay, going to restart the two minutes now, as I failed miserably to type this out.
Dr. K is a madlad for dropping this over halfway through No Nut November
dr. K is a genius! fun to watch and learn every time.
Striving for real happiness naturally phases out addictions. If you aim for happiness and become a really really happy healthy person, you don't like the feeling of addictions anymore and they naturally and effortlessly go away because you feel how gross they make you feel. The same with unwanted personality traits like negative thinking and procrastination
How, practically, does someone become a happy person?
@ you buy a pet mouse. Their whiskers will make you smile and therefor achieve enlightenment
i'm not going to watch this bc it will trigger my experiences with the effects of other people's usage. if that means i'm being reactive avoidant and not doing my part by withholding engagement - so be it. i want to thank you for talking about it though, it is sorely needed ❤
I have been browsing through your videos recently and i quite loved this one. I’ve been struggling with gaming end screen addictions over the past years but now i’m trying to restrain myself. These dopamine concepts helped me understand some mechanisms i have been using all this time to shut my emotions down and i’ll try to cover those weaknesses. I’ll stick to your channel since i’m preparing for psychiatry residency so i can see some of mental health views, suscribed 👍🏾
I have seks, I have a partner, and yet I feel the need to do it every night just to fall asleep. It’s something I rely on to avoid being alone in the dark with my thoughts. This habit numbs me and helps me sleep without having to regulate my emotions or confront my thoughts. I’ve realized that I only resort to it when it’s completely quiet and I have nothing to keep me occupied. I think the real solution is learning to face my thoughts instead of running away from them for the entire day
5:05 Dr K is a sperm cell confirmed.
I like how you tricked us into giving you more listening time, and without saying a thing. Slick.