If something doesn't feel right to you, it's not for you. Know your worth, live authentically and don't bend your standards for those who seek only to exploit you. Stay Sharp and Stay Healthy!!
@BaraSchmidt Love this!! Thank you! Giving them them the benefit of the doubt will always lead you into the dark with these people. "When someone shows you who they are, believe them- the first time."- Maya Angelou
I relate - Dr C’s videos are my weekly dose of feeling understood. Helps me not need to mention the past to others, but rather, chat with Team Healthy members who understand and also want to share and hear. ❤ Peace and courage to all of us!
Your opening remarks were very helpful. There are many ways to be a source of peace and kindness. Thank you for bolstering belief in all the options we have (especially on this difficult morning, Nov. 6).
My favorite line: “go get yourself a popsicle”. It now runs like a ticker tape (now I’m dating myself!) in my head whenever the narcissist is passively aggressively insulting me. I no longer internalize it, I just think “I’m gonna get myself a popsicle”.
I just want my story to encourage victims of parental alienation. When my youngest was 16 her dad successfully alienated her to the point that she ran away. For the first week I knew she was safe but didn't know where she was. She never did come back home and was against me for about 2 years. But as she matured, she began to see that she was wrong. She finally apologized when she was about 20 and asked how she could make up for the lost time. She said she would feel like a failure if she actually moved back home but I felt like just visiting and hanging out wouldn't completely make up for the time because we would do those things anyway had she never run away. So what was our solution? Sleepovers and Gilmore Girls. She invites me for a sleepover every few months (my seniors apartment is too small) and we binge watch Gilmore Girls and pig out. We now have a stronger relationship than ever before. So take heart. They do eventually realize that you aren't the monster you were portrayed as.
My daughter was a bit mean, selfish and disrespectful (unfairly) from about age 14 to mid twenties. Then she gradually became more mature and also realised I was an extremely nice mum, so she really appreciates me and is so much kinder. I always used to say: "I don't deserve this disrespect" to ramp her down, but I also listened to a lot of blunt feedback and worked on what I could improve about myself. It's really hard for mothers to ramp back the mothering and it's good for the young person to develop good independence skills and self boundaries etc. So I put up with a lot of the snappiness as I saw it as pushing away a strong mother figure in order to establish independence.
Thank you for sharing!! Currently concerned my kids’ dad is trying to turn them against me, but just trusting that I stay being my healthy self and loving them
Love the “show-off” story! One of my little girls was frustrated with her older sister who was teasing her, and she tried to think of a worst insult. “You … you … Naughty … BOY!!” 💕
My empathy has made the mistake of accepting their projections and I never put boundaries down to show my friendliness. I felt like an adult looking after a friend.
I try to be a kind person, not perfect… I felt that I have learned to gray/yellow rock my narcissistic mother. So I was feeling okay. Then I learned today that she was talking about me to family. How do I go back quickly and not let her ruin/bother my day. I really appreciate your channel!!
Thank you Dr. C about the issue about "Pessimism" I was always Optimistic. My Mother wasn't, and she let me know that not everyone could be trusted. I took no note because I assumed my experience would be different. Her years of wisdom through her experience I thought that time had a time stamp because of our age differences and different generational experiences. However, some things don't change and people who think they are progressive, really have become more progressive in manipulation, greed, and hunger for power and attention. Think social media 🤨🤩🥰🧐🥱😥🤐🤬After my experience with my N-person, my vision about people's intentions have helped me to find the balance. It is good to see the value of pessimism and another form of boundary to think before acting and assuming. Some people are who they are.
Dr. C, will you address those of us raised by narcissistic parents who only affirmed us if we demonstrated traits of narcissism ourselves, yet never felt comfortable treating other people that way?
Absolutely again! Occult leaders have these types of skills just as an extreme analogy. And in answer to that question is such as my story. Not only do I and their father have 5 adult children, 8 grandkids, dynamics now instilled so deep that it is painful for the alienated parent now grandparent. He owns a business and has control financially. Even when my mother was dying she was going to ask my ex husband to be the executor of her WILL and that doesn't include his already involvement in her finances when her husband died. I cried with frustration. Mom how could you think of it as you would be cursing me financially and under his control for years of more of the abuse by a very bitter malignant/glorifying narcissist. So sometimes like in my story the abuse and legal battles can last for decades.
Ah! I knew my boundaries were meant to be. When I had to go no contact the narc said “wow, you can hold a grudge”. I said (my gut said) and my response was “it isn’t a grudge; it is self care and done purposely.” I never got a response back.
I appreciate what you said first about boundaries. What type of boundaries are you trying to set. I try not to be treated like I was as a woman in my marriage and obviously the diagnosed Narcissist father has taught in our family dynamics. Description of Boundaries has been I get "Bated, Falsely Accused and then blocked or of some tactic as such then told as I'm being silenced im not respecting boundaries. When actually I'm being disrespected cause their father would never be treated like that. To me boundaries is exactly what you described. The ability to be treated with dignity, civility, appreciation, compassion, and that in which I have the same rights within the family dynamics that anyone else has. Thank you.
Hi Dr C! 😁🙌🕊️ Such a great topic .. in my experience I didn't realize how much Christian arrogance I operated in! In other words, I wasn't trusting God to change ME, I was entirely focused on MY prayers to change the narc! Anyway .. I honestly didn't realize how much I made it about ME making some kind of breakthrough with the narc. I know now, pride hides!! Big time .. what's helped me is remember to take people at face value and not their potential! Take people in slowly, observe their character and THEN proceed with caution!! Always remembering that statement: A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still. My healing journey is truly about trusting that still voice within and following peace 🙏🕊️🕊️ I absolutely judge the fruit coming off of someones life, and I'm not in denial anymore!! I don't waste even a second trying to change their mind and or behavior. I just know now, that is indeed God protecting me because I was made for more! I love when you remind us to seek peace and be of service .. stay kind hearted and be the salt of the earth and shine our beautiful lights! Remembering that the blind can't see!!! Just live right in front of them, establishing godly boundaries and enjoy this life that God has given you ... like you always say ... peace!! Follow peace. 🕊️🕊️🕊️
Thank-you, Dr. Carter. As I listened to the question and your answer explaining a trauma bond, after 40 years in a marriage, one of the most difficult things for me to process has been the trauma bond. We haven't lived together in 17 months and divorced for four months and the trauma bond is still something I struggle with. There is no way I would rekindle the relationship because I remind myself how emotionally and physically ill I became in the relationship. Before making him leave, I kept hoping he would stop abusing me. Nothing worked. I had to end the relationship. Whenever I mistake the trauma bond for a loving, caring connection, I remind myself what he did. I am slowly feeling better, but not so much because I'm healing. It's because of the time that has gone by in not being in the relationship anymore. What an emotional struggle it is to break the trauma bond and I suspect this bond will never completely go away.
@@SurvivingNarcissismThank-you, Dr. Carter, I appreciate you pulling for me so much. Your podcasts and kind words of support help keep me going. I have already signed up for two more podcasts that you will be having available soon.
This was pure gold DR Le's, Thank you so much for this a good genuine man helps women at shelters, I have up most respect for you :-) Thank you for mentioning About hiding in anonymity, And how they reveal who they are, No accountability, And the manipulation influencing, Describes these two perfectly, I see through the facade and them with false self image of goodness :-) Peace, love and respect to you , Gu's and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory praise smiles to the most high :-) fist pump :-)
It can be difficult to be strong or not take it personally when someone hurls insults at you. I've never had anyone but the nex speak to me like that. You feel deflated. Where do they get off thinking they can talk to you like that?
I missed the live. I was privileged to go with my eldest son to buy his 1st car. He valued MY opinion. This was a huge reward in my eyes for the amount of stuff we've dealt with ❤
I was in a narcissistic marriage that ended after 45 years due to my husband's death. I didn't even know about narcissism until my oldest son told me he though his dad was a narc. Now my younger son is here to "take care" of me, which he has done, but he has turned out to also be a narcissist. I love my son, but do not think I deserve to have this treatment for the rest of my life. I don't want to hurt his feelings, as I am partly responsible for his upbringing, and I have admitted my shortcomings and apologized. He uses this to gaslight me. He has no other place to go. He's 45 and a grown man. I just wish he would have something else to do besides try to gaslight me every day. How does one deal with a grown child who has had a hard life, due to his father's NDP, and not hurt him in the process?
Dr. C, at the end of this video, you talk about spirituality. People will sometimes use biblical verses to suit themselves, only having read one or two verses that suit their situation and support their belief. I was raised in the church, (Lutheran) but didn't like church as a kid, and even made fun of it. My poor dear mother tried to teach me why I should read the bible and take it seriously. On her last day of living, (at 104 years old, I didn't realize she would die that night.) she said to me, "Please think about it. Religion has been my strength all my life. I don't want to push my beliefs on you, but I want the best for you, and that includes spiritual comfort. It's not just a verse here and there. It's the whole book."
People who have read the complete Bible have discovered that it's a fascinating historical book covering over 6000 years of multiple events with proof being found by archaeological discoveries. Reading it is like having a front row seat to the greatest story ever told.
To the father with parental alienation, I am so sorry sir. Do not let another's worse convince you of giving up on your best. First step of leadership is setting the example, so keep modeling health, growth, and correcting your mistakes. Make your actions speak, know your/you're love
“Benevolent narcissist” = oxymoron. Their apparent “kindness” or “generosity” has strings attached (you may owe them for life - “You can’t do that when I did X for you!”) or it may have been just to impress you or someone else - they can boast about it or play “poor me, after all I did for them, they won’t do (something that goes against your conscience)” It can also give a “generous” gift to a favoured child, and nothing or a tiny one to the less favoured child, to hurt them. Always manipulative, so not generous or kind, after all.
My notes, with time stamps: 0:49 I'm hoping that each one of us, as we look at the whole thing about national politics, state politics, etc., we can individualize our our own efforts to be a better citizen. By that I mean don't just say "I'm going to vote." Yes, that's good but look for things that you can do to make your little small corner of the world a better place. 3:26 Q: "How can you stop doing what they want, by pleasing the narcissist, when you've done it for so long?" Dr. C: The answer to 'how to' is you quit doing it. Really the question is do you have the resolve to make yourself act differently when that narcissist cannot be pleased? Is there a time when you said "Enough is enough. I've experienced your condescension. It's time for a new course of action, if not on your part, then on mine." When people ask 'how to', the implication is "I know that if I start acting differently and if I don't playing the enabler, I'm going to get a whole lot of push back and that doesn't seem appealing to me." Do you have the resolve to take your own healthy initiative and then when they predictably blow back are you gonna say "Please don't say ugly things about me." or are you going to crawl under the bed and hide or are you going to argue and say "If you think I'm bad, look at you."? (MY NOTE: I try to discuss things, but it's like 100 tons of effort for 1 ounce of result, or often a negative result.) There are all sorts of options like that and none of them work. Do I have the resolve to say "I've decided to have different priorities." And when they say "I don't like that. You're supposed to start pleasing me again," then your response is "I'm aware of what you think." You don't have to explain yourself because they don't want to hear your explanation anyway. (MY NOTE: THIS IS SO HELPFUL!) 7:40 Q: "My ex-wife told my daughter that I had an affair when we were married and that I abused her. None of this is remotely true. We divorced when she was a teenager and she talked often about how impossible her mother was, mean closed-minded etc. Now they're like two peas in a pod. The brainwashing is complete and I'm the odd man out. Is there any way I can convince my daughter of the truth? She's now in her late 20s and knows better." Dr. C: One of the most awkward and uncomfortable moments as a therapist would come when I would let somebody know "There may not be a good answer for you." 12:49 Q: "What do you do when the other person crosses your boundaries?" Dr. C: You put up boundaries and the narcissist just keeps coming back and says "I don't like that and I'm not going to cooperate with you." Whose attention are you trying to get? Who are you putting up those boundaries for? Sounds to me like you're trying to put the put up the boundaries specifically for that narcissist. "I hope that narcissist walks away thinking 'I guess things are going to have to be different now.'" If that's the goal that you have, good luck. Narcissists tend to have a very high level of defensiveness, they have very low levels of empathy, and they operate with alternate reality. So if you set up boundaries to try to make all that stuff go away, you can't get inside that person's head. Now it's a whole different ball game if you say "I'm not necessarily setting up the boundaries for that person. Yes, I know the person is involved. But I'm setting up the boundaries because I'm trying to communicate something to me. That's a whole different story. (MY NOTE: SO HELPFUL!) Whether the narcissist agrees with me or not, I agree that I deserve to be my own free person. I'm going to live consistent with who I am. Boundaries is not just telling someone no. Or boundaries is not just saying something so that they will coordinate better with you. Boundaries is you saying "I now have a well-conceived definition of who I am and I'm so convinced or pleased with my own definition of who I am that I'm going to stick with it." If they walk away and they're mad at you, it's like "good thing I set my boundaries because I don't want to be that kind of a person. They're going to continue to be what they are. I'm not setting boundaries so that they change. I'm setting boundaries so that I can be more honest and true and consistent with who I am." 16:47 Q: "How do you deal with a narcissist who calls you a narcissist?" Dr. C: When the narcissist comes along and calls you a mean and nasty name, it's like "Oh okay." Consider the source. And maybe go get yourself a popsicle. 21:14 Q: "Is there any such thing as a benevolent narcissist? Or who has all qualities but recruits victims as cult leaders do? That person leads with kindness, generosity and compassion until the targeted victim is ensnared?" Dr. C: Benevolent means giving and kind and helpful. Narcissism means selfish and controlling and condescending. The 'benevolent' narcissist is phony. They're not really benevolent, they're manipulative. "I'll just pretend to be your friend and then when I come against you later on with that full-blown narcissism, you're not going to know what to do." It's a form of gaslighting. "I want you to feel confused. When you protest, then I can come back and say 'look at all the nice things I've done for you.'" They want to prove that they're beyond reproach, when in fact it's merely a guise. 24:25 "Why is it so hard to let the narcissist go even after the abuse?" Dr. C: What this person is implying is "I'm still inside the trauma bond." Sometimes one of the most difficult things to do is to make room for the fact that that abuser is so broken that that they cannot be consistent. Perhaps you have experienced some sort of goodness from that person, you've had some sort of positive expectation there and you're having to remind yourself that it wasn't enough because they were so overtaken by their dark side. 28:02 Q: "I almost married a woman I thought was friendly and funny and insightful. Then I learned that she had a long list of ex-friends who had "wronged" her. At first I would express sympathy but then she started complaining about how I didn't measure up. The criticism hit a crescendo, so I walked. How can someone so nice end up being so messed up?" Dr. C: They didn't end up being messed up, they were already messed up before you showed up. The niceness is part of their messed up ingredient; in other words, they're consistently inconsistent. "I'm going to be so good to you and so kind and so helpful." It's almost too good to be true, and if that individual is strongly narcissistic, it probably is. These individuals don't just search for affirmation, they search for idealization. Narcissism, and it's it's kind of strange to say, but it can be built upon a foundation of idealism, which is a nice way of saying it's not reality based. I'd like to say that when you get married you don't have arguments and you agree on every single detail and you have the same interest and you have the same interpretations and then when you speak to one another about differences it all goes real smoothly. It doesn't and so healthy relationships don't have this idealized version of how perfect it's going to be. Sometimes people can give the appearance of having insight and they can have what we call dark empathy, where they pretend to be empathetic. The insight is little more than surface. They don't really have insight into the fullness of their own insecurity and their own pathology. So ultimately whenever things begin to fall apart, they look for someone to blame. (MY NOTE: Not someone to work things out with, but just to blame.) This person, when it came time for that that fullness to be revealed, it's like "No, I can't deal with that. I have to have you perfect and you better not say anything negative about me." Anybody who's a chronic victim has a lot of mixed messages that they give you. 32:42 Q: "What can I expect with an aging covert narcissistic father who lives alone and he continues his miserable behaviors, declines and fights offers of help, and is now socially isolated. No one in the family speaks to him except myself (his daughter) and one longtime friend. He can take care of himself, but going forward I worry about his safety." Dr. C: As much as you want to take your elderly father's life to a good and peaceful close, sometimes they won't let you. Stay functional. 37:38 Q: "Can you talk about narcissistic drivers on the road? It makes me feel frustrated when drivers seem to feel entitled to the road? They seem to say 'Get out of my way,' even if it puts you in danger." Dr. C: The narcissist already has a high need for control, but the deal about being in a car that person has anonymity. "I have no accountability to you and you don't even know my name." 40:28 Q: "Could you speak regarding church people who manipulate bible verses to prove your lack of faith as the cause of any mental illness?" Dr. C: There are individuals whose primary goal in their religious approach to life is to control people and to judge people. Is that what religiosity and spirituality is about? "I'm not saying. God is saying it." No, it's you. There are individuals who hijack the concept of God and spirituality and they turn it into an excuse for them to play out their narcissism. Healthy spirituality is the anti- narcissistic way of life - love, kindness, appreciation for nature, appreciation for differentness. It's not a rigid, unbending adherence to rules and laws and regulations.
Cheers again, yep let's stay away from politics shall we. Wako Texas heck glad you could help. I hope everyone is healthy and happy, Oh yeah had a fair bit of bullying gone on, but honestly let em come, I'm tougher, harder and will just say fugg it.
Funny how you use road rage as example. In my Justice Program I read a required Book called "CIVILITY." Since I first started following you I have thought about that Book. Your example of Road Rage is used in the Book. On the description of religiosity is again a great description and answer and thank you once again. Agree 👍💯
My ex wife has successfully alienated my teen son from me, and doesn’t care. Not only, she has replaced me with her boyfriend as male role in his life. I feel angry that she has robbed me of my son. But there is no solution to parental alienation, especially if driven by malignant narcissism. The damage is real, is done and is irreversible. Any talks with my son would only aim to undo what’s done. All I can really do is keep the door open, letting him know that I love him, and continue to be the man I want to be. My son is smart and someday he will see the truth.
I was happy to hear about Grandpa Carter making you and your siblings a sand box. I only remember hearing that he was mean. It was a good reminder of people being mixed bag.
As a grandfather he could be pleasant at times. When I was older he'd play dominoes with us. He had 3 sons and they were each intimidated by him. That's the chameleon effect.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Dr. Carter, I’m from the Christian south. I know you are too, so maybe you understand. I was raised in church and faith is a big part of my life. I was always taught that everyone is redeemable. I hear it every day in the music, preaching programs etc. I understand the need for boundaries, no contact, loving from a distance; and I understand that some people will never change.This has improved my life greatly. At the same time, I’m reconciling how I feel about people with these traits, how society tells me to feel about them and how my faith tells me to feel about them. I understand more that they’re in pain. I don’t want them near me, but I want to move on with understanding, free of disdain. The faith thing is coming up more for me. Looking at them as irredeemable is conflicting with my faith. That’s something I’m dealing with. I wanted to share for context.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Please accept my apology if I’m being a nuisance. I respect you as a person and as a valuable resource, and I don’t want to abuse your time or this space. I realized I’m working this out in your comment section. I apologize and will not tag the channel next time (sometimes a comment section is the best option we have). I feel the need to conclude this as a human experience, please forgive me. I am trying to get to a place of true empathy and compassion for people and belief in their redemption, according to my faith, while living (and practicing) Team Healthy. I am coming to terms with it all. It is messy and difficult. I know you'd say continue learning, practicing, accept my feelings and be patient (I’m working on it daily). I have started to look for the good to escape my feelings of disdain AND to escape the darkness of the world. It is like the world is under a dark cloud. Sometimes it feels like disdain and judgment have been romanticized. Faith is a life raft. So, I'm just a person with issues working things out. Again, I apologize. Thank you for providing this space.
Is there any such 24 hour shelter in Baltimore? Mount Washington vicinity? My daughter in law and the little one have reached the end but she’s afraid to make reports about the worsening psycopathic episodes….. my son is getting worse and I fear for her and my granddaughter. Each time she calls my heart stops….
Hey Dr. C. I hope you can touch on my question. My Niece is cooking for Thanksgiving. There’s an open invitation in the family text. I have not spoke to my 2 Sister in over a year. They are toxic and have Narc tendencies. Trying to soften my heart but probably won’t go. What is your take on not being the scapegoat in a narcissistic, dysfunctional and selfish family?
He'll, peace and harmony, don't match pitch ugly, just go, no wars, wear a mask, your heart will thank you, I don't know, I'm sorry, our Doctor says we or stand up red blood folks, go team healthy
I have a similar situation but it is a baby shower. Two of my adult sons influenced by Narc ex-husband do not keep in contact with me outside a family function. My sister in law is hosting a shower for her daughter in law, and she has let me know that she is very sensitive to my circumstance. She has invited my two sons and their families to the shower, after all, it is a family event. She recommended I bring a friend (by the way not related to the event) so that I would have someone to talk to and would be comfortable with. I said thank you for being so considerate about my feelings. Now here's the thing... ask yourself: "Why would you go?" If you have no disagreements with your niece, "Could you go for her reason?" (She thought to invite you with no malice but sincere motives) "Can you take on the 3 attributes that Dr. C expresses 'Dignity- Respect-Civility' ?" because Narcissism is everywhere work etc. and somehow we can learn to deal with it. I am not telling what to do by no means. I am still figuring this out myself. However, I am leaning on going. I can make an appearance and when I am ready to go, I will go, without a friend to make me comfortable. I have "Me, Myself and I" and they are good enough for me.
@roxannetaitano1490 Thank you so much for taking the time to give me questions to think about. I now have women in my life that treat me better than my sisters ever would and I would not subject them to going somewhere where there may be hostile energy and we are sitting in the corner watching Everybody drink among other things and act a fool. I don't drink or do other things neither do my friends. My sister is such a punk she can't come to me and say I don't know why I disconnected from you and I was so mad she will never say that so she has my niece as a go-between. Last but not least I wasn't personally invited it's just an open invitation to whoever wants to come and the more I think about it the more I probably will not. I can go to a friend's house for Thanksgiving or I can cook my own food and be at peace❤❤
Last night while watching elections my Daughter kept referring to Dad and Hayden. Hayden being my 8 yr old grandson. Almost as though they enjoy to keep reminding me of Dads self importance. While I get treated as I do. Left to go sleep in my cold car with my dog. As I'm now a senior woman with nothing left and living in my car. My mother has three titles to three homes completely paid for. Three beautiful homes. I was here her only child. Read the book about Elizabeth Ward Packard during the women's suffrage movement titles THE WOMAN THEY COULDN'T SILENCE. When good women such as her were committed to insane asylum by husbands who wanted the kids and her endowment. When they had no rights as women. Mark Twain famous quote was "history rhymes."
I agree. The gaslighting is very destructive. An important element in developing "resolve", I think, is first learning that the narcissist is an emotionally/psychologically sick person and you are not the one who is primarily at fault in the relationship. You are a person of worth who deserves to be treated fairly.
OK, I'm full of questions today, Dr. C. How do you grey rock someone when they aren't actually saying anything, but are glaring at you like they are disappointed or offended or having some negative emotion regarding you? I can grey rock words, generally, but facial expressions hit me like a ton of bricks.
Dr. C, the 'pessimism' you talk about in the example of your wife and you sometimes having different ideas, is that basically realism, or a lack of idealism? Or do you mean something else?
If something doesn't feel right to you, it's not for you. Know your worth, live authentically and don't bend your standards for those who seek only to exploit you. Stay Sharp and Stay Healthy!!
@@BaraSchmidt Love this. You have given me something to think about when it comes to family and the Holidays. Thanks
@@BaraSchmidt Trust your gut 👍
@BaraSchmidt Love this!! Thank you! Giving them them the benefit of the doubt will always lead you into the dark with these people. "When someone shows you who they are, believe them- the first time."- Maya Angelou
Really needed your comforting presence today. Thanks for what you do.
You are so welcome
I relate - Dr C’s videos are my weekly dose of feeling understood. Helps me not need to mention the past to others, but rather, chat with Team Healthy members who understand and also want to share and hear. ❤ Peace and courage to all of us!
Thank you for being the best Dr. a traumatized gal could have! ❤
You are quite welcome. Best wishes to you.
Your opening remarks were very helpful. There are many ways to be a source of peace and kindness. Thank you for bolstering belief in all the options we have (especially on this difficult morning, Nov. 6).
Thank you. The sun will still come up each morning.
My favorite line: “go get yourself a popsicle”. It now runs like a ticker tape (now I’m dating myself!) in my head whenever the narcissist is passively aggressively insulting me. I no longer internalize it, I just think “I’m gonna get myself a popsicle”.
That made me smile!
Joined better health my therapist is wonderful. 😌😌
So pleased it's working out. Tell your therapist I said thank you for treating you well!!!!
I just want my story to encourage victims of parental alienation.
When my youngest was 16 her dad successfully alienated her to the point that she ran away. For the first week I knew she was safe but didn't know where she was. She never did come back home and was against me for about 2 years. But as she matured, she began to see that she was wrong.
She finally apologized when she was about 20 and asked how she could make up for the lost time. She said she would feel like a failure if she actually moved back home but I felt like just visiting and hanging out wouldn't completely make up for the time because we would do those things anyway had she never run away.
So what was our solution? Sleepovers and Gilmore Girls. She invites me for a sleepover every few months (my seniors apartment is too small) and we binge watch Gilmore Girls and pig out. We now have a stronger relationship than ever before.
So take heart. They do eventually realize that you aren't the monster you were portrayed as.
Thanks so much for sharing this. It genuinely helps.
@SurvivingNarcissism Happy to help people
My daughter was a bit mean, selfish and disrespectful (unfairly) from about age 14 to mid twenties. Then she gradually became more mature and also realised I was an extremely nice mum, so she really appreciates me and is so much kinder.
I always used to say: "I don't deserve this disrespect" to ramp her down, but I also listened to a lot of blunt feedback and worked on what I could improve about myself.
It's really hard for mothers to ramp back the mothering and it's good for the young person to develop good independence skills and self boundaries etc.
So I put up with a lot of the snappiness as I saw it as pushing away a strong mother figure in order to establish independence.
I pray so, so many people I lived turned against me, makes me sad for them. Thank you!❤
Thank you for sharing!! Currently concerned my kids’ dad is trying to turn them against me, but just trusting that I stay being my healthy self and loving them
The trauma bond is something I struggle with. Trying to not carry the shame of those that abuse is such a weight.
I feel for you julie i hope you one day heal
Thank you for all you do. ❤️ 😊😮❤😊😮❤
I pray that I don't have to stay in another psychiatric ward as a patient. That is reminder enough to be nice always.
That was beautifully put over the elections.
@@ChristianaBonelliSmith-mo1ox I agree 👍
Agree. I packed up toiletries and clothes for the Women’s Shelter and felt better. Now looking for a place that needs me on Thanksgiving.
@@Tahoejt That's a lovely thing to do 💜
Thank you for addressing Parental Alienation.
Love the “show-off” story! One of my little girls was frustrated with her older sister who was teasing her, and she tried to think of a worst insult. “You … you … Naughty … BOY!!” 💕
That's funny. I had a friend years ago whose daughter was brought to tears because her sister called her a Young Lady.
Just say 'No' November. Have resolve to just stop appeasing.
@@Summer_Harvest I agree 👍 💯
My empathy has made the mistake of accepting their projections and I never put boundaries down to show my friendliness. I felt like an adult looking after a friend.
You are the most intelligent person I ever heard speak!
You are humble and smart! That is rare! thank you for everything! /Sweden
I try to be a kind person, not perfect… I felt that I have learned to gray/yellow rock my narcissistic mother. So I was feeling okay. Then I learned today that she was talking about me to family. How do I go back quickly and not let her ruin/bother my day. I really appreciate your channel!!
Thank you for your invaluable help and support dr Carter ❤ God bless you ❤
You are very welcome, Izabela.
@ thank you 🙏
Thank you Dr. C about the issue about "Pessimism" I was always Optimistic. My Mother wasn't, and she let me know that not everyone could be trusted. I took no note because I assumed my experience would be different. Her years of wisdom through her experience I thought that time had a time stamp because of our age differences and different generational experiences. However, some things don't change and people who think they are progressive, really have become more progressive in manipulation, greed, and hunger for power and attention. Think social media 🤨🤩🥰🧐🥱😥🤐🤬After my experience with my N-person, my vision about people's intentions have helped me to find the balance. It is good to see the value of pessimism and another form of boundary to think before acting and assuming. Some people are who they are.
Thank you Dr Carter
Dr. C, will you address those of us raised by narcissistic parents who only affirmed us if we demonstrated traits of narcissism ourselves, yet never felt comfortable treating other people that way?
Good question. Hopefully I can get to it next week.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Looking forward to it!
Yikes! I'm grateful I missed that one.
Missed the end of the live stream, oops. Anyway, just to say thank you for all the information and knowledge you share here re Narcissists.
They think everyone is too sensitive while at the same time constantly complain about everyone and everything little thing.
@@atomisum6445 Yep!
Absolutely again! Occult leaders have these types of skills just as an extreme analogy. And in answer to that question is such as my story. Not only do I and their father have 5 adult children, 8 grandkids, dynamics now instilled so deep that it is painful for the alienated parent now grandparent. He owns a business and has control financially. Even when my mother was dying she was going to ask my ex husband to be the executor of her WILL and that doesn't include his already involvement in her finances when her husband died. I cried with frustration. Mom how could you think of it as you would be cursing me financially and under his control for years of more of the abuse by a very bitter malignant/glorifying narcissist. So sometimes like in my story the abuse and legal battles can last for decades.
Thanks a bunch for insight. Pls talk more about trauma bond & inability to leave a spouse who “can’t” control their angry outbursts 😢
Ah! I knew my boundaries were meant to be. When I had to go no contact the narc said “wow, you can hold a grudge”. I said (my gut said) and my response was “it isn’t a grudge; it is self care and done purposely.” I never got a response back.
I appreciate what you said first about boundaries. What type of boundaries are you trying to set. I try not to be treated like I was as a woman in my marriage and obviously the diagnosed Narcissist father has taught in our family dynamics. Description of Boundaries has been I get "Bated, Falsely Accused and then blocked or of some tactic as such then told as I'm being silenced im not respecting boundaries. When actually I'm being disrespected cause their father would never be treated like that. To me boundaries is exactly what you described. The ability to be treated with dignity, civility, appreciation, compassion, and that in which I have the same rights within the family dynamics that anyone else has. Thank you.
Hi Dr C! 😁🙌🕊️ Such a great topic .. in my experience I didn't realize how much Christian arrogance I operated in! In other words, I wasn't trusting God to change ME, I was entirely focused on MY prayers to change the narc! Anyway .. I honestly didn't realize how much I made it about ME making some kind of breakthrough with the narc. I know now, pride hides!! Big time .. what's helped me is remember to take people at face value and not their potential! Take people in slowly, observe their character and THEN proceed with caution!! Always remembering that statement: A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still. My healing journey is truly about trusting that still voice within and following peace 🙏🕊️🕊️ I absolutely judge the fruit coming off of someones life, and I'm not in denial anymore!! I don't waste even a second trying to change their mind and or behavior. I just know now, that is indeed God protecting me because I was made for more! I love when you remind us to seek peace and be of service .. stay kind hearted and be the salt of the earth and shine our beautiful lights! Remembering that the blind can't see!!! Just live right in front of them, establishing godly boundaries and enjoy this life that God has given you ... like you always say ... peace!! Follow peace. 🕊️🕊️🕊️
Such good insight, Julie!
Thank-you, Dr. Carter. As I listened to the question and your answer explaining a trauma bond, after 40 years in a marriage, one of the most difficult things for me to process has been the trauma bond. We haven't lived together in 17 months and divorced for four months and the trauma bond is still something I struggle with. There is no way I would rekindle the relationship because I remind myself how emotionally and physically ill I became in the relationship. Before making him leave, I kept hoping he would stop abusing me. Nothing worked. I had to end the relationship. Whenever I mistake the trauma bond for a loving, caring connection, I remind myself what he did. I am slowly feeling better, but not so much because I'm healing. It's because of the time that has gone by in not being in the relationship anymore. What an emotional struggle it is to break the trauma bond and I suspect this bond will never completely go away.
I hope you know I'm pulling for you, Jackie.
Congratulations on being so courageous. Be patient. I'm sure the healing will come. Have you been listening to Dr. C' videos for long?
@Rachel-mz8ko Thank-you so much. I started listening about three months ago. I don't know where I would be without him.
@@SurvivingNarcissismThank-you, Dr. Carter, I appreciate you pulling for me so much. Your podcasts and kind words of support help keep me going. I have already signed up for two more podcasts that you will be having available soon.
@@JackieFerrell-f6o I've been listening for about 18 months. His videos have been life-changing for me also.
This was pure gold DR Le's, Thank you so much for this a good genuine man helps women at shelters, I have up most respect for you :-) Thank you for mentioning About hiding in anonymity, And how they reveal who they are, No accountability, And the manipulation influencing, Describes these two perfectly, I see through the facade and them with false self image of goodness :-) Peace, love and respect to you , Gu's and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory praise smiles to the most high :-) fist pump :-)
It can be difficult to be strong or not take it personally when someone hurls insults at you. I've never had anyone but the nex speak to me like that. You feel deflated. Where do they get off thinking they can talk to you like that?
Indeed ❤️🩹
I'm realizing while I'm busy "not taking it personal" that I'm not happy anymore. Life is too short for the heartache
I missed the live. I was privileged to go with my eldest son to buy his 1st car. He valued MY opinion. This was a huge reward in my eyes for the amount of stuff we've dealt with ❤
I listened to the live later. At 30min Dr.C described my recent ex to a T.
Glad you had that experience, Amanda!!
Thank you so much.
I was in a narcissistic marriage that ended after 45 years due to my husband's death. I didn't even know about narcissism until my oldest son told me he though his dad was a narc. Now my younger son is here to "take care" of me, which he has done, but he has turned out to also be a narcissist. I love my son, but do not think I deserve to have this treatment for the rest of my life. I don't want to hurt his feelings, as I am partly responsible for his upbringing, and I have admitted my shortcomings and apologized. He uses this to gaslight me. He has no other place to go. He's 45 and a grown man. I just wish he would have something else to do besides try to gaslight me every day. How does one deal with a grown child who has had a hard life, due to his father's NDP, and not hurt him in the process?
Dr. C, at the end of this video, you talk about spirituality. People will sometimes use biblical verses to suit themselves, only having read one or two verses that suit their situation and support their belief. I was raised in the church, (Lutheran) but didn't like church as a kid, and even made fun of it. My poor dear mother tried to teach me why I should read the bible and take it seriously. On her last day of living, (at 104 years old, I didn't realize she would die that night.) she said to me, "Please think about it. Religion has been my strength all my life. I don't want to push my beliefs on you, but I want the best for you, and that includes spiritual comfort. It's not just a verse here and there. It's the whole book."
People who have read the complete Bible have discovered that it's a fascinating historical book covering over 6000 years of multiple events with proof being found by archaeological discoveries. Reading it is like having a front row seat to the greatest story ever told.
Relationship with God comes through surrender to Jesus Christ as one’s Savior and Lord. He sets captives free! 🦋 John 3:16🕊️
Thanks Dr. C. another great video.
Glad you enjoyed it
To the father with parental alienation, I am so sorry sir. Do not let another's worse convince you of giving up on your best. First step of leadership is setting the example, so keep modeling health, growth, and correcting your mistakes. Make your actions speak, know your/you're love
Well stated!
“Benevolent narcissist” = oxymoron. Their apparent “kindness” or “generosity” has strings attached (you may owe them for life - “You can’t do that when I did X for you!”) or it may have been just to impress you or someone else - they can boast about it or play “poor me, after all I did for them, they won’t do (something that goes against your conscience)”
It can also give a “generous” gift to a favoured child, and nothing or a tiny one to the less favoured child, to hurt them.
Always manipulative, so not generous or kind, after all.
Send that cool weather east!
My notes, with time stamps:
0:49 I'm hoping that each one of us, as we look at the whole thing about national politics, state politics, etc., we can individualize our our own efforts to be a better citizen. By that I mean don't just say "I'm going to vote." Yes, that's good but look for things that you can do to make your little small corner of the world a better place.
3:26 Q: "How can you stop doing what they want, by pleasing the narcissist, when you've done it for so long?" Dr. C: The answer to 'how to' is you quit doing it. Really the question is do you have the resolve to make yourself act differently when that narcissist cannot be pleased? Is there a time when you said "Enough is enough. I've experienced your condescension. It's time for a new course of action, if not on your part, then on mine." When people ask 'how to', the implication is "I know that if I start acting differently and if I don't playing the enabler, I'm going to get a whole lot of push back and that doesn't seem appealing to me." Do you have the resolve to take your own healthy initiative and then when they predictably blow back are you gonna say "Please don't say ugly things about me." or are you going to crawl under the bed and hide or are you going to argue and say "If you think I'm bad, look at you."? (MY NOTE: I try to discuss things, but it's like 100 tons of effort for 1 ounce of result, or often a negative result.) There are all sorts of options like that and none of them work. Do I have the resolve to say "I've decided to have different priorities." And when they say "I don't like that. You're supposed to start pleasing me again," then your response is "I'm aware of what you think." You don't have to explain yourself because they don't want to hear your explanation anyway. (MY NOTE: THIS IS SO HELPFUL!)
7:40 Q: "My ex-wife told my daughter that I had an affair when we were married and that I abused her. None of this is remotely true. We divorced when she was a teenager and she talked often about how impossible her mother was, mean closed-minded etc. Now they're like two peas in a pod. The brainwashing is complete and I'm the odd man out. Is there any way I can convince my daughter of the truth? She's now in her late 20s and knows better." Dr. C: One of the most awkward and uncomfortable moments as a therapist would come when I would let somebody know "There may not be a good answer for you."
12:49 Q: "What do you do when the other person crosses your boundaries?" Dr. C: You put up boundaries and the narcissist just keeps coming back and says "I don't like that and I'm not going to cooperate with you." Whose attention are you trying to get? Who are you putting up those boundaries for? Sounds to me like you're trying to put the put up the boundaries specifically for that narcissist. "I hope that narcissist walks away thinking 'I guess things are going to have to be different now.'" If that's the goal that you have, good luck. Narcissists tend to have a very high level of defensiveness, they have very low levels of empathy, and they operate with alternate reality. So if you set up boundaries to try to make all that stuff go away, you can't get inside that person's head. Now it's a whole different ball game if you say "I'm not necessarily setting up the boundaries for that person. Yes, I know the person is involved. But I'm setting up the boundaries because I'm trying to communicate something to me. That's a whole different story. (MY NOTE: SO HELPFUL!) Whether the narcissist agrees with me or not, I agree that I deserve to be my own free person. I'm going to live consistent with who I am. Boundaries is not just telling someone no. Or boundaries is not just saying something so that they will coordinate better with you. Boundaries is you saying "I now have a well-conceived definition of who I am and I'm so convinced or pleased with my own definition of who I am that I'm going to stick with it." If they walk away and they're mad at you, it's like "good thing I set my boundaries because I don't want to be that kind of a person. They're going to continue to be what they are. I'm not setting boundaries so that they change. I'm setting boundaries so that I can be more honest and true and consistent with who I am."
16:47 Q: "How do you deal with a narcissist who calls you a narcissist?" Dr. C: When the narcissist comes along and calls you a mean and nasty name, it's like "Oh okay." Consider the source. And maybe go get yourself a popsicle.
21:14 Q: "Is there any such thing as a benevolent narcissist? Or who has all qualities but recruits victims as cult leaders do? That person leads with kindness, generosity and compassion until the targeted victim is ensnared?" Dr. C: Benevolent means giving and kind and helpful. Narcissism means selfish and controlling and condescending. The 'benevolent' narcissist is phony. They're not really benevolent, they're manipulative. "I'll just pretend to be your friend and then when I come against you later on with that full-blown narcissism, you're not going to know what to do." It's a form of gaslighting. "I want you to feel confused. When you protest, then I can come back and say 'look at all the nice things I've done for you.'" They want to prove that they're beyond reproach, when in fact it's merely a guise.
24:25 "Why is it so hard to let the narcissist go even after the abuse?" Dr. C: What this person is implying is "I'm still inside the trauma bond." Sometimes one of the most difficult things to do is to make room for the fact that that abuser is so broken that that they cannot be consistent. Perhaps you have experienced some sort of goodness from that person, you've had some sort of positive expectation there and you're having to remind yourself that it wasn't enough because they were so overtaken by their dark side.
28:02 Q: "I almost married a woman I thought was friendly and funny and insightful. Then I learned that she had a long list of ex-friends who had "wronged" her. At first I would express sympathy but then she started complaining about how I didn't measure up. The criticism hit a crescendo, so I walked. How can someone so nice end up being so messed up?" Dr. C: They didn't end up being messed up, they were already messed up before you showed up. The niceness is part of their messed up ingredient; in other words, they're consistently inconsistent. "I'm going to be so good to you and so kind and so helpful." It's almost too good to be true, and if that individual is strongly narcissistic, it probably is. These individuals don't just search for affirmation, they search for idealization. Narcissism, and it's it's kind of strange to say, but it can be built upon a foundation of idealism, which is a nice way of saying it's not reality based. I'd like to say that when you get married you don't have arguments and you agree on every single detail and you have the same interest and you have the same interpretations and then when you speak to one another about differences it all goes real smoothly. It doesn't and so healthy relationships don't have this idealized version of how perfect it's going to be. Sometimes people can give the appearance of having insight and they can have what we call dark empathy, where they pretend to be empathetic. The insight is little more than surface. They don't really have insight into the fullness of their own insecurity and their own pathology. So ultimately whenever things begin to fall apart, they look for someone to blame. (MY NOTE: Not someone to work things out with, but just to blame.) This person, when it came time for that that fullness to be revealed, it's like "No, I can't deal with that. I have to have you perfect and you better not say anything negative about me." Anybody who's a chronic victim has a lot of mixed messages that they give you.
32:42 Q: "What can I expect with an aging covert narcissistic father who lives alone and he continues his miserable behaviors, declines and fights offers of help, and is now socially isolated. No one in the family speaks to him except myself (his daughter) and one longtime friend. He can take care of himself, but going forward I worry about his safety." Dr. C: As much as you want to take your elderly father's life to a good and peaceful close, sometimes they won't let you. Stay functional.
37:38 Q: "Can you talk about narcissistic drivers on the road? It makes me feel frustrated when drivers seem to feel entitled to the road? They seem to say 'Get out of my way,' even if it puts you in danger." Dr. C: The narcissist already has a high need for control, but the deal about being in a car that person has anonymity. "I have no accountability to you and you don't even know my name."
40:28 Q: "Could you speak regarding church people who manipulate bible verses to prove your lack of faith as the cause of any mental illness?" Dr. C: There are individuals whose primary goal in their religious approach to life is to control people and to judge people. Is that what religiosity and spirituality is about? "I'm not saying. God is saying it." No, it's you. There are individuals who hijack the concept of God and spirituality and they turn it into an excuse for them to play out their narcissism. Healthy spirituality is the anti- narcissistic way of life - love, kindness, appreciation for nature, appreciation for differentness. It's not a rigid, unbending adherence to rules and laws and regulations.
Cheers again, yep let's stay away from politics shall we. Wako Texas heck glad you could help. I hope everyone is healthy and happy, Oh yeah had a fair bit of bullying gone on, but honestly let em come, I'm tougher, harder and will just say fugg it.
Funny how you use road rage as example. In my Justice Program I read a required Book called "CIVILITY." Since I first started following you I have thought about that Book. Your example of Road Rage is used in the Book. On the description of religiosity is again a great description and answer and thank you once again. Agree 👍💯
My ex wife has successfully alienated my teen son from me, and doesn’t care. Not only, she has replaced me with her boyfriend as male role in his life. I feel angry that she has robbed me of my son. But there is no solution to parental alienation, especially if driven by malignant narcissism. The damage is real, is done and is irreversible. Any talks with my son would only aim to undo what’s done.
All I can really do is keep the door open, letting him know that I love him, and continue to be the man I want to be. My son is smart and someday he will see the truth.
I got my big time T shirt, my community rules, bam
Was it Women’s Genesis Shelter? I live here in Dallas and would like to get involved. I always donate my clothes to their thrift store..
Yes it was. I would cook breakfast with a few other people every second Saturday of the month.
I was happy to hear about Grandpa Carter making you and your siblings a sand box. I only remember hearing that he was mean. It was a good reminder of people being mixed bag.
As a grandfather he could be pleasant at times. When I was older he'd play dominoes with us. He had 3 sons and they were each intimidated by him. That's the chameleon effect.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Dr. Carter, I’m from the Christian south. I know you are too, so maybe you understand. I was raised in church and faith is a big part of my life. I was always taught that everyone is redeemable. I hear it every day in the music, preaching programs etc.
I understand the need for boundaries, no contact, loving from a distance; and I understand that some people will never change.This has improved my life greatly.
At the same time, I’m reconciling how I feel about people with these traits, how society tells me to feel about them and how my faith tells me to feel about them. I understand more that they’re in pain. I don’t want them near me, but I want to move on with understanding, free of disdain. The faith thing is coming up more for me. Looking at them as irredeemable is conflicting with my faith. That’s something I’m dealing with. I wanted to share for context.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Please accept my apology if I’m being a nuisance. I respect you as a person and as a valuable resource, and I don’t want to abuse your time or this space. I realized I’m working this out in your comment section. I apologize and will not tag the channel next time (sometimes a comment section is the best option we have). I feel the need to conclude this as a human experience, please forgive me. I am trying to get to a place of true empathy and compassion for people and belief in their redemption, according to my faith, while living (and practicing) Team Healthy. I am coming to terms with it all. It is messy and difficult. I know you'd say continue learning, practicing, accept my feelings and be patient (I’m working on it daily). I have started to look for the good to escape my feelings of disdain AND to escape the darkness of the world. It is like the world is under a dark cloud. Sometimes it feels like disdain and judgment have been romanticized. Faith is a life raft. So, I'm just a person with issues working things out. Again, I apologize. Thank you for providing this space.
Is there any such 24 hour shelter in Baltimore? Mount Washington vicinity? My daughter in law and the little one have reached the end but she’s afraid to make reports about the worsening psycopathic episodes….. my son is getting worse and I fear for her and my granddaughter. Each time she calls my heart stops….
Hey Dr. C. I hope you can touch on my question. My Niece is cooking for Thanksgiving. There’s an open invitation in the family text. I have not spoke to my 2 Sister in over a year. They are toxic and have Narc tendencies. Trying to soften my heart but probably won’t go. What is your take on not being the scapegoat in a narcissistic, dysfunctional and selfish family?
He'll, peace and harmony, don't match pitch ugly, just go, no wars, wear a mask, your heart will thank you, I don't know, I'm sorry, our Doctor says we or stand up red blood folks, go team healthy
I have a similar situation but it is a baby shower. Two of my adult sons influenced by Narc ex-husband do not keep in contact with me outside a family function. My sister in law is hosting a shower for her daughter in law, and she has let me know that she is very sensitive to my circumstance. She has invited my two sons and their families to the shower, after all, it is a family event. She recommended I bring a friend (by the way not related to the event) so that I would have someone to talk to and would be comfortable with. I said thank you for being so considerate about my feelings. Now here's the thing... ask yourself: "Why would you go?" If you have no disagreements with your niece, "Could you go for her reason?" (She thought to invite you with no malice but sincere motives) "Can you take on the 3 attributes that Dr. C expresses 'Dignity- Respect-Civility' ?" because Narcissism is everywhere work etc. and somehow we can learn to deal with it.
I am not telling what to do by no means. I am still figuring this out myself. However, I am leaning on going. I can make an appearance and when I am ready to go, I will go, without a friend to make me comfortable. I have "Me, Myself and I" and they are good enough for me.
@roxannetaitano1490 Thank you so much for taking the time to give me questions to think about. I now have women in my life that treat me better than my sisters ever would and I would not subject them to going somewhere where there may be hostile energy and we are sitting in the corner watching Everybody drink among other things and act a fool. I don't drink or do other things neither do my friends. My sister is such a punk she can't come to me and say I don't know why I disconnected from you and I was so mad she will never say that so she has my niece as a go-between. Last but not least I wasn't personally invited it's just an open invitation to whoever wants to come and the more I think about it the more I probably will not. I can go to a friend's house for Thanksgiving or I can cook my own food and be at peace❤❤
@@Odetta-c3y That's the beauty of reclaiming you and doing what's best for you! Good for you! 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹
@roxannetaitano1490 Thank you so much. Go Team Healthy❤
Last night while watching elections my Daughter kept referring to Dad and Hayden. Hayden being my 8 yr old grandson. Almost as though they enjoy to keep reminding me of Dads self importance. While I get treated as I do. Left to go sleep in my cold car with my dog. As I'm now a senior woman with nothing left and living in my car. My mother has three titles to three homes completely paid for. Three beautiful homes. I was here her only child. Read the book about Elizabeth Ward Packard during the women's suffrage movement titles THE WOMAN THEY COULDN'T SILENCE. When good women such as her were committed to insane asylum by husbands who wanted the kids and her endowment. When they had no rights as women. Mark Twain famous quote was "history rhymes."
How long have you been homeless?
43ish in Mid NY
I called my partner that and his response was you learned a new word. I think he might look it up.😂😂
Dr. C, why do narcissists have psychological laziness?
Is it not the narcicist who most usually feels attacked? How can you tell whose who?
Drank the kool aid!!! Oh yeah!!! That was funny but very true!!!
26:10 is where I’m at 😢
At sometime could you please do a video on the smear campaign at a distance (a few states).
Re convincing...the narcs of the world certainly can do it. I think thats the worst ppart of their abuse.
I agree. The gaslighting is very destructive. An important element in developing "resolve", I think, is first learning that the narcissist is an emotionally/psychologically sick person and you are not the one who is primarily at fault in the relationship. You are a person of worth who deserves to be treated fairly.
They deliberately do things to get me going and then says I started it SMH😢
💛🧡🤎💛🧡🤎
OK, I'm full of questions today, Dr. C. How do you grey rock someone when they aren't actually saying anything, but are glaring at you like they are disappointed or offended or having some negative emotion regarding you? I can grey rock words, generally, but facial expressions hit me like a ton of bricks.
Listen to:
Man in the mirror
By:
Michael Jackson.
Great song, Fred!
@fred.k9875 I love that song and its words. Thanks Fred 💛
Dr. C, the 'pessimism' you talk about in the example of your wife and you sometimes having different ideas, is that basically realism, or a lack of idealism? Or do you mean something else?
You got it right. It is an admission that no one is ideal, so let's factor that in.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you! Living in the real world is so much easier, isn't it?
When I found my resolve to stop appeasing a narc? What a poo 💩 show! It showed so much! Stop and see but be prepared for some major push back.
fwiw- thank you 😊
👍👍👍👍👍
A terrible flaw!! 😮😮
Thanks so much! Lots of laughs in this one😂🤣really insightful and nurturing. Grateful as always. 🌺🐾🪷🍃✨💛
Glad you enjoyed it
You can celebrate 🎉 that’s not gloating 😊
That's true.
Trump