A sadistic pleasure hurting others. Garden variety narcissists move to new targets if they don't get anything, but malignants plan on how to make you "pay". "The last stop on the train to sociopathy. -Dr Ramani"
Not just confined to parents or partners, the malignant narcissists exist in any possible social dynamic: workplace, friendships, family members, acquaintances, roommates, neighbors, etc, etc. etc.!
That's because they have very low self esteem and incredibly fragile egos, so are often "people pleasers" in public... which also serves to garner loads of the external validation and praise that they require.
Wow, a prison chaplain, a forensic psychologist and a psychotherapist - a father and his sons doing a power of good in our troubled world! Thank you Dr C, may God bless your family.
1. The driver for power is extreme 2. Higher "expertise" in distorting your reality 3. Paranoid traits are much more pronounced 4. Many sadistic tendencies 5. Extreme sense of entitlement/superiority 6. Higher levels of aggression/vindictiveness 7. Extreme superficial relationships 8. Trauma bonds are very likely and extremely difficult to break 1. This type has to be in control to gain power and they will certainly isolate you from your inner circle to get "total" control over you. 2. You will constantly second-guess yourself in their presence and feel like you are going insane. 3. They are extremly suspicious of the motives of others so that they see threats everywhere. 4. They like to cause others harm and take pleasure in watching them suffer. 5. They believe they are exceptionally unique and can only be understood by other “special” people. They also require constant admiration. 6. Because the paranoid traits are much more pronounced and because of their extreme feeling of grandiosity, they rage more often and more intense. 7. Relationships can feel extreme intense but are very unhealthy because their attachment style is pathological. 8. Because of the complexe emotional manipulations like intermittend reinforcement (extreme highs and lows), exploitation of attachment needs and the isolation of the victims these trauma bonds are very difficult to break.
I'm finding that out the last few days I'm feeling humility as they think I played all my cards. Little does this person know what's coming. I'm a free bird being away from the toxic soup. 😮😮😊😊
Having the court force you to entrust your precious children with someone you are afraid of, is incapable of empathy, is capable of horrific cruelty...that is worse than the abuse I endured by him. 😢😢😢
No revenge on my part is necessary. Their judgement comes from sin. Let Go and Let God handle these people. Live your best life ever in no contact and confidence that All will be taken care of on Time. Wait upon God folks. Thanks Dr.C You know that you know!❤ Hugs for Gus!!!
With my malignant narcissist ex-boyfriend, it was his way or the highway-24 hours a day, 7 days a week. He didn’t care at all about my thoughts or opinions. He thrived on violating my boundaries and putting me down. The level of controlling behavior I experienced was unlike anything I had ever encountered before. He didn’t want me getting my nails done, dressing nicely, listening to the music I liked, or eating certain foods like spinach dip. Even ordering a large sandwich instead of a small one was a problem, and God forbid I didn’t finish every single bite. I started questioning what I could possibly do to please him because it felt like everything I did was unacceptable. I was constantly being scolded, no matter how trivial the issue. He would lay his hands on me when angry and had a habit of destroying objects, like smashing computer mice. He even built his desk out of concrete to avoid breaking it during his fits of rage. Malignant narcissists also hold grudges like no one else. They obsessively look for reasons to be offended, even by minor things, so they can blow them out of proportion later and make you out to be deranged or the devil. They are habitual liars, constantly projecting their own guilt onto others. They accuse everyone around them of doing the very things they’re guilty of. Their extreme paranoia makes them assume that everyone is out to get them-and perhaps they’re right, considering how many people they’ve wronged in their lives. There’s a chilling coldness and downright evil in their dark souls. If you even suspect you’re dealing with a narcissist, run. Malignant narcissists are, without question, the worst kind. They will abuse you emotionally, verbally, physically, and financially, and they feel no remorse because they lack a conscience entirely. My biggest regret is overlooking the glaring red flags and giving my ex chance after chance, hoping he could be a better man. I kept searching for good in him, but the truth was, it was never there to begin with.
@@beautyintradition8027 this sounds exactly like my pos x too smh… hugs and I’m glad we’re both out of that bs… they’re truly demons taking up a human body Also, my father even wanted to do the unthinkable my x if he came back to CO… my dad was also the one who ultimately got him to leave back to UT to his pos family… I’m glad he didn’t do anything to my nex as my dad passed away and my dad at least died happy as he knew I married the right person
This was my father 100%. He fed on fear and pain. He was relentless and seemed to feel no remorse. I was not prepared for how much relief I felt the day I heard he had died. I’m glad you are making people aware that these people exist, how casual and entitled they are about the abuse they engage in.
@@yukio_saito seriously. They sit there cooking up evil schemes to use on people. The person in my life has been obsessed with true crime so I know they have a lifetime of “taking notes” ugh. I try to rise above and not be scared. But I’m scared. For the whole family.
I have a coworker like this. She immediately felt threatened by my success and ran a smear campaign against me, coaching my colleagues to undermine me as well. I’m not sure how to handle the situation and hope that in time, truth will be revealed. It’s incredible how much influence someone like this can have over others. I am truly grateful for the advice that videos from Dr. C offers. ❤
Married to a malignant narc who is a pastor for over 4 decades. People love him; however he really doesn't "connect" with people on a deeper level. It looks like he has a lot of relationships, but definitely a loner mindset. Definitely drawn to dominance and power...being "in charge." Anger - definitely - displayed in private, not in public. Or stuffs anger (thus, many physical issues). Definitely caring about image management. As to whether it is their nature or part of their personal background, a Scripture verse comes to mind: Jeremiah 13:23 - "Can the leopard [change] his spots?" It is part of who they are. Definitely out of touch regarding impact of childhood - does not want to look at it. Dr. C, THANK YOU so much for your videos! I have learned so much and been encouraged as I gain knowledge and understand the truth about these types of individuals.
@@kimmykay-qs9vk The proverbial wolf in sheep's clothing.. Doctor Carter told us during a video with the author George k Simon ,he wrote a book called "The wolf in sheep's clothing....it's a great read
Every narcissist has the potential eventually to become malignant. They get worse over time. Every narcissist is dangerous. You have no way to predict the dangers they present unless they choose and receive treatment. Very intensive treatment. It can cost your life. Run for the hills.
Wow.... I just realized that I have been married for 12 years to a malignant narcissist that is a Marine with PTSD on top of that !!! I am much stronger than I ever tought, thank God for His love and blessings and support in this journey because I couldn't ever had the strength to carry on... no wonder why lately I'm feeling this way... drained and not even not loved or appreciated... I feel hated and used... and slavery it was not part of my life plans... lol
@@SurvivingNarcissismBonnie Henry must have stolen this and put he special touch on it. She definitely didn't come up with it herself. The woman has narcissist written all over her in a pen dipped in her own wine. 😖
My biological brother is a Covert Malignant Narcissist he tried to destroy his first wife and with his second wife he found his match. It is best to stay away from these people and let God handle
I have tried to stay away from the narcissistic community, blogs, etc. since embarking on my healing journey 5 years ago, but the title of this one caught my attention. I was with a woman who I believe qualifies for this title, and she was the most extreme example of hatefulness that I have come across in another human being. Very sad, for her. Interestingly, she continues to stalk and harass me online, even though it was her own actions that brought the relationshit to an end. Hateful to the point of destroying something good in her life, while trying to destroy me. To anyone who is in a situation with someone like this, and trying to figure it out and make it better, do yourself a favor. Make your exit. You are worth it.
I didn't know this information either for years because it wasn't taught. I'm just glad I know it know so I can make better decisions and live a better life.
My ex is a dark tetrad. It's malignant narcissism, sadism, psychopathy and Machiavellianism all wrapped in one evil package. I would not be surprised if there were bodies buried somewhere. In a rare bout of honesty when I asked him why was he like this, he told me it was all he had ever known. I truly think he was born that way. My sister was born the way she is....
This is familiar to me. Literally and figurarively. I know this type very well. I married it. Twice. The sum and substance of these experiences taught me that there is only room for one individual in these types of relationships - THEM! Everyone and everything else is just fodder for their narcissistic cannon of doom! Malignants? Just say "No!" And, as always, Stay Healthy!
My first husband, 28 years, was a overt narcissist and now after 10 years with my present husband realize that this one is a covert narcissist, the sneeky kind! I feel like I have wasted many years of my life 😢 These videos have helped me tremendously, thank you Dr. Carter for all your videos!
I was a Jehovah's Witness. The leadership is ALL NARCISSISTIC. It is very scary 😨. So many who left the DOOMSDAY CULT have taken their own lives. You can never leave that institution without being penalized. Very extremist type of culture.
Was raised by, abused by and am now estranged from such an individual. I see a lot of the traits in myself unfortunately. Am working to improve and heal.
Looking Forward To This Video After Months And Years Of Horrific Emotional And Psychological Abuse The Narcissit Treated Me With Cruelty And Disrespect With Every Interaction.After Becoming Severly Sick With Stomach Issues This Was My Body Letting Me Know How Evil 😈 And Sadistic They Are .I Currently Have 2 Months Of No Contact. One Day At A Time.
I too have experienced 42 years of abuse. I blame him for making me look old beyond my years and my poor health. Two months ago I moved to my daughter’s home. I’m loving it even though I still have contact with him. Thanksgiving dinner will be an experience. Lord give me strength!
Their discard phase has a sadism that has a pleasure of making you the loser. Life is not about fairness but about coping with the balance of the situations. They believe their damage is unfair and project it with a warped sense of justice.
Thank you, Dr. Carter, for sharing this video and information. This is exactly the type of narcissist I have been dealing with for 45 plus years. It has been very difficult for me, but this year was the year I said I have had enough, and I am not willing to tolerate this any longer. I have been watching your videos since last April 2024, and you have been tremendous help to me in putting the pieces of the puzzle of 45 plus years together. Thank you so much! I appreciate you, Gus and all of your information and advice in dealing with this subject. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your Family!
Spot on. Forced interactions are another common proclivity. If you can't get away keep the coffee intake low. It just makes you more reactive and puts you on an emotional roller coaster. Knowing what they are lessens the impact tremendously. That's why videos like these are so important. The blow you don't expect lands the hardest.
Father Chad Ripperger is an experienced exorcist that has teachings on UA-cam about many different subjects. He speaks of breaking the bondage of generational sins within families. I know one family that has a real line of fornication. Even if the family thinks fornication is OK, the one person who repents and wants to break that bondage for herself/himself may do so. The generational family bondage can be any sin: stealing, divorce, gambling, envy, alcoholism, lying, etc. The key is do you discern one particular sin that runs in your family through the generations?
It truly is a shame and a pity the mental institutions that would keep people, in many cases for the duration on their lives if necessary, were shut down so long ago. These people should be in there.
I believe this describes my mother to a T. She was always too faced and nice to the outside world and mean to our family at home. I have been no contact with her for a few years now and it was the best decision I ever made. She is deeply flawed and I don’t have any faith she will change.
My stepdaughter has certain patterns in her character/behavior that fit toxicity and one thing that’s starting to pop up is seeing her get pleasure out of others peoples bad moments or getting hurt. She is still only 14 and almost 4 years with a therapist :(
Thank you Dr. C. You are right on point about these sinister sadistic type of narcissists. They are the worst of the bunch and the other types of narcissists are in way over their heads to deal with them as I believe they are not only a malignant narcissist, but in all honesty a "Psychopath."
Thank-you, Dr. Carter. What is most disturbing and troubling is that they know right from wrong, yet they ignore their conscience to go ahead and do what they want because they don't care how their behavior affects others. I also noticed how caring my ex-husband appears to be, yet I can't forget his vindictive and cruel side that he says he can't remember. I still don't understand that he selectively doesn't remember the numerous episodes of his dark cruelty.
My husband says the same thing that he can't remember his bad behavior. I thought that perhaps when they're in a rage that they can have a type of blackout like an alcoholic. Someone on Team Healthy said they are lying, which makes more sense. They absolutely know right from wrong! This video for me was very difficult to watch and gave me anxiety. It is my husband to a T. 😢🙏🙏🙏😟
I was never afraid of my Narcs. My old Narc(93) full of will power, gave me an insight into his psychy when i saw his angry, distorted face shouting something 'funny 'at his friend, playing pool in the club. It shocked me. I can control him (or is it the other way round🤔). when he is in my presence. Well, I learnt so much now. I searched (took me a long time) for your video with your brother, Dr Lee Carter, 4 years ago. It impressed me at the time. The Narcissism and the Sociopatic Mind. Just wandering, thinking, and learning. Thank you my dear Dr Carter for being there and never giving up.
Thank YOU for writing about that video! I found it very fast, probably because you "informed' the algorithm. Dr Les and Dr Lee on this specific topic is simply GREAT. Much needed in my case too. Very helpful
My last bf is a malignant narcissist. While I’ve had exposure to many narcs, that one really darkened the way I view the world now. I didn’t recognize the constant smirk on his face for what it was. I thought he was socially awkward and just didn’t know how to apologise for bad behaviors. I took a lot of time gently explaining how healthy individuals behave. Anytime he would approach me for a hug or general intimacy he would physically harm me with that stupid smirk on his face the whole time. I remember speaking to my therapist and pondering that he must not know his own strength. My therapist thought he was autistic. It angered me when he’d say that because the bf openly expressed his sick, twisted beliefs to me so I knew his words and actions were a choice. When he began blaming me for physically hurting me is when it fully clicked in my head. And I realized it was a smirk on his face, not an uncomfortableness with himself not knowing how to apologise. He enjoyed hurting me! WTF. It took many months on my end to keep a distance from him so he couldn’t harm me while also appearing normal but boring, thus no supply for him. Eventually he made the decision to move out (obviously while being a giant manchild) and I was beyond thrilled. I knew I would be safe if he thought he was discarding me and it worked. I knew my life was in danger and slowly implementing a strategy for him to leave on his own was mentally exhausting but it had to be done, especially while he had amassed a large collection of guns in just one year. I know I wouldn’t be here today if I had allowed him to stay. One odd behavior he had was forcing an agenda that he would never have done otherwise. If he wanted to do something involving me or my property nothing was going to stop him, no matter how stupid, dangerous, or illegal it was, all because I’d disagree with him. Once he bought hundreds of dollars of illegal fireworks and was trying to decide where to light them. My home was in a quiet neighborhood and I said no. Quickly he decided we’d go to a canyon rim in the desert and he’d light them there. That’s highly illegal and could easily start a fire. He would never do something like that but because he was trying to assert his authority over me all logical reasoning ceased to exist. I managed that situation by taking him over to my friends house where, with the happiness of a 5 year old, he lit every firework off in a few minutes in broad daylight. The next year I rented a yurt in the forest so no firework ideas could even happen. Another time I had adopted a 12 pound dog and he immediately insisted we go to his parents house to show his mom. He didn’t like his mom so I knew this was something else. This was a show of dominance and had nothing to do with his mom but rather forcing me to go or he’d take the dog without my consent. They had two pit bulls that had killed other animals before. Recognizing he would take the dog regardless, and only because I said no, I went and held the dog out of reach the whole time so she would be safe. They didn’t get her but she bit one in the face when he got too close. I only stayed 10 minutes. Those are just two examples. I don’t think that would fall under the “weaponized incompetence” category. I wonder what that behavior is called and the reasoning behind it, other than asserting dominance. Malignant narcs are pure evil, there is no goodness inside of them.
I cannot image how nerve racking this must have been for you, constantly gently trying to steer away from foolish actions. As a kid, we had one such adult around, who "loved playing with children". As a kid, he would always shake your hand with too much force (so it hurt) & refuse to release it. Or throw the ball, so you could not reach it (he could aim perfectly well, not accidental). Or offer you a toy, and then refuse to release it, so you had a tug-of-war starting. Many more similar examples... All the time. A lot of adults were fooled "he was so nice to children", so as a kid you couldnt really say much. The smirk was plastered on his face all the time while he did this + staring you point blank in the eye in a very forceful way. I just tried to stay clear as much as possible whenever he was around. How sick and twisted must you be as an adult to get your domination kicks from secretly domineering random small children ?
That’s repulsive. What a sick person. I think one of the things that angers me the most is when these evil individuals prey on people who are innocent and vulnerable, like children, the elderly, animals, etc. Just thinking about that makes my blood boil. I wish they’d all move to Mars so we never have to be exposed to their ugly smirks and entitled attitudes.
So glad you managed to have him discard you and leave. My ex has some similarities. I went to therapy for years trying to figure out what was going on. Like you, one said he was autistic. Another said he had avoidant attachment. They gave me the worst advice as a result, adding to the gaslighting. My ex also collected lots of guns.
I watched a Malignant Narcissist who was defiant to one specific rule (not leaving cigarette filters on the ground in the yard) target and harass my landlord/housemate/friend three years ago. After the tenant was removed from the house, rules over the years started to increase, most of which were irrelevant to preventing the situation again and directed towards me. Then things got weird last year. Her micromanaging and controlling behavior got out of control. Petty rules, double standards, retaliation when refusing to be brainwashed, bullied, and controlled. When I ignored her she targeted other tenants. A lot of her retaliation was isolated and covert so only that person would experience or notice it. Signs of a covert narcissist. It’s possible that I triggered narcissistic injury by ignoring petty rules that were of no consequence; specifically, not turning fish tank lights on when I fed them while she was on vacation and it escalated from there. She harassed three men for a year about not locking doors during the day while we were home in a safe and quiet neighborhood. When I refused to comply, she auto locked the back door early this year and days ago had an automated auto lock installed on the front door. While I had suspected and confirmed she had PTSD from a different situation when the tenant was in the house, it’s clear that she either has Complex PTSD and is projecting her own unresolved issues onto her tenants or was a covert lingering in the deep waters when I moved in. Her micromanaging elicits “defiant” behavior and since she sees things on a superficial level and fails to see the big picture, she impulsively reacts and when it backfires she goes into damage control mode. She has also recreated situations directed at me that we went through three years ago when I helped her try to document and deal with the tenant. She has taken advantage of other tenants not knowing about our history and somehow I went from a friend/tenant whom she bragged about to others to being talked to and treated like the person she hates most. I can move out, but this is about principle and her behavior is not ok.
Every word you just spoke described my 40-year-old daughter. It took me into the last couple years to walk away completely. When she started blackmailing me with a triplets is when it did it for me. I drove back into therapy short-term and knew that I had to stop hoping. It was the hope of her getting better and our relationship improving that was toxic. As soon as I was able to give that up for the first time in 50 years I am feeling the joy come back. It's hard and heartbreaking but holy cow I'm happier.
My dad. He's got worse and worse over the years, due to the constant pandering and pampering from enabling family members. It's a truly cult-like atmosphere. I agree that it appears to be at least partly genetic. That makes me worry about my own kids having children in case the pattern should re-emerge...
10:50 Very Strong message. defend yourself behaviorally fully. Verbally minimally. Silence speaks louder. But remember they'll mimic your silence back on you. Be on guard. They don't forget to take revenge. I was born in a Malignant Narc Family. 8 Malignant narcs out of 11. Suffered every narc trait since childhood. I stone walled them. Thanks God i am born a Leo { Lion}. Dragon in Chinese . and Crocodile in Indian Horoscope. I never succumbed .Always fought back and F_____ them all up. They missing me. I work for an Int. Airline. I made them my Flt. Beneficiaries. They thought The Airline gave it to them and that's it. They didn't know i could remove them myself .
I had a conflict with a school principal who was like this. He intimidated most of the staff with his behavior. He's been forced to move on after I sent an anonymous letter to the district superintendent. I was surprised he stayed in for so long. There had to be other complaints as well, I couldn't have been the only one. The new principal seems to be the polar opposite.
I fled yesterday, pouring rain. Drove for a long time. Today I feel hollow, numb, what now. He poked me in my injured back, then said he never touched me. He has a horrible temper. He is called spock now I know why.
@ thank you holding my faith, God made it possible for myself and dog to leave. Thankful my daughter said I could come to there house. I feel not right emotionally, mentally. Like I am floating in limbo. Maybe this is normal. I don't know. I am a bit disabled. But I feel free like an animal that has been let out of a cage and observing the area. Very cautious , One step at a time
The one I met was extremely malignant, had 3/4 women at the same time, tried to steal from me and it was beyond cruel. He even promise to kill me and cut me in pieces. His level of sadism was scary. Stay safe out there. Hint: he was from Uzbekistan and lives in Miami. Be safe!
Dr C, I have all the "spoilers" 😁 [ _well, nothing to laugh at all, indeed_ 😔 ] because I have your webinar Decoding Darkness, here with me. Still, even if now it's a very clear situation, all new videos you do on this topic are a very important support for me. Thank you so much 💚
@SurvivingNarcissism Great, dr C 🙂 Much appreciated and very crucial for all people like me dealing with complex trauma... Meaning we need ongoing reminders and simple frames, daily work, to stay focused on the basics, beyond the fog and the confusion. Different approaches, different methods (mind-body & viceversa) plus repeated healthy & easy messages are helping me a lot.
@@sv-yh3mq Deb Dana (a great developer of Stephen Porges polyvagal theory) has a specific term for that: glimmers. Meaning, wounded people can find _glimmers_ in different ways and places. Glimmers supporting our healing
Sounds like my older sister. My mom is a run-of-the-mill narc but boy, did she & my dad foster a malignant narc with my sis! Very judgemental, taking everything personally, vengeful, hard, cold, and of course, she is a dominant figure at work as a district manager for AAA. I sure feel sorry for her employees! Sharon wouldn't be Sharon if she couldn't order ppl around & discipline them, fire them.
This was pure gold DR Le's, Thank you so much for this, You're a great bloke, I have experience with this, Peace, love and respect to you, Gus and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory power praise and smiles to the most high :-) :-) :-)
Interesting to hear your views on narcissists from the perspectives of your chaplain father and forensic psychologist brother, Dr Carter. I am sure it's true that some people are bad. But if you look into the backgrounds of people in prison, most have had a horrific upbringing. Also there are many miscarriages of justice not only in America but everywhere. Where the death penalty exists, these miscarriages are irreversible. This is also evil, and narcissistic.
I still have such a hard time believing they feel nothing for what they do. That is the hardest thing for me to accept. But their behavior doesn't lead to any other conclusion that I can see. Even after everything I have been through, I could never really think "I am going to make you pay" to almost anyone. I just want the pain to end and have the situation over. It is just sad to me when I get down to it. I don't want to see them happy after being hurt so much but I don't want to see them hurt. I just want to not deal with it anymore. They just scare me at this point. They can really do a number on you and you are just stunned when it is over. I really don't want to be involved with people who intentionally cause pain anymore. Nowhere. I want nothing to do with this behavior. And they end up flipping it. It is Diabolically Cruel and I want nothing to do with it anymore. I just want away.
I remember a girl in Church daycare - her parents and siblings were nice, kind - from a toddler, she was the devil. When her parents spanked her, she laughed- actually laughed in their face. It was unnerving.
Responding to @dakoderii: I wholeheartedly agree w/you! Their (the covert ones) work and impact is so insidious, that you become an isolated victim (while THEY pretend to be victim--and try making you the villain thru smear campaigns/triangularing/etc.). That's b/c of your fear of not being BELIEVED (--which, in fact, you probably WON'T be, b/c they're so publically, GOOD). Then too, there's the embarrassment & humiliation of having been entangled w/such a one--esp. if in it for a long time! (People wonder WHY/HOW you COULD'VE stayed in THAT for so long???--something that YOU too, may have questioned--and are finally [hopefully], finding some answers for!) Since others don't see or know (nor question--just assume stuff) about "that side" of them or what they DO (as they portray themselves as an "angel of light"), none are the wiser about them. Only you (their victim) and God really KNOW the TRUTH about them! May GOD help ALL victims, WHOMEVER they be--waay MORE than you know about!
@@GarnettHairston-nf9byexactly what I am going through. My goal then should be to stop caring about trying to convince the others of my truth, since that is what is driving me crazy (never mind the anxiety I have re his vindictiveness)! Thank you!
My father at times has shown these traits and characteristics. His whole face would change, his eyes seemed black. His father beat him and wouldn't buy him gifts though he did the other kids. He also beat his 2 other brothers but not his sister. Him and his sister narcs the 2 brothers both became very mentally ill and died young from all the stress. My father passed the stress outward and onward but bought stuff so feels good about himself.
Thank you for guiding us and rooting for us Dr C. It means a lot to me. A core ongoing question for me, as a survivor of years of ongoing gaslighting and cruelty used as a control mechanism, is how can I learn to remember I'm a good enough person, in a more steady way? I've been working on this core issue for years with wise, kind support. I've made progress but I still sometimes slip (emotionally) on the banana peels of mean peoples' lies about who I am. Thank you for considering my question. Happy Thanksgiving to you and Gus!
My dad had a malapropism for pessimist: pestimists. I used to laugh at him, but when I got older, he had a point; narcissistic pessimists are pests at best.
Is it possible for a malignant narcissist to be aware of their own scars, especially those from their development years, and instead of seeing them as opportunities to heal and be better people, they turn them around to justify and assert their need for control and dominance?
Yup. My brother did it. He's well aware of how angry he is with our parents but instead of becoming a better person, he chose contempt. He cannot escape his contempt, does nothing with it and thinks he's been wronged and is entitled to all at the expense of others. He has 0 empathy and 0 emotional intelligence. He doesn't apologize or take any true responsibility for anything. A sad sad individual. Thank God I'm done. He's dead to me.
My son is this way. Tirning his hatefullness on 8 yr old son but treats daughter differently. Im not sure what to do next? He will isolate them even more where I cant monitor the situation.
Angry, pessimistic, can't connect, hides things, proud to talk about people who he claims are his friends, nasty quite regularly... yup! I like to classify these types as bullies, babies and incredibly immature. No Thank you.
My problem with the idea of the 'narcissism is on a scale' is that many things narcissists do aren't on a scale. Normal people don't wake up one morning and think 'You know what? Today I'm going to make one of my children the golden child who can do nothing wrong and the other child the black sheep who can do nothing right. That's what narcissist do and that type of behavior isn't on a scale.
I wonder if narcissists have that much self awareness or insight. I think they just wake up feeling mean and out of control and they do what they do trying to be in control.
"They take pride in being fearless and cold-hearted." And, yes, she was like this as a child. I've heard the stories; some even from her own mouth. about how belligerent she was and how she hated her brother. There are childhood pictures of her scowling at him. My poor grandmother, in desperation, once tied her to a tree. This is THE ONE characteristic that I can admit to her having. But, somehow I'm struggling to "see" her as a narcissist. (Is it still possible to think there may have been SOME good there? She didn't kill us.)
I made one mad appearantly... They put me on a list for target individuals ... In 2010..... But im still thriving decpite the gangstalking every day ... Ingnore them they thrive on reactions!!!
Do malignant Narcissists get meaner when 1: they also use hard alcohol and Medical Marijuana, and 2: with age entering late 50’s and up. This has been my experience with a sibling, more violent threatening talk to those that don’t kowtow to him.
Substance abuse does nothing but intensify their narcissism, which was already there. Then as they age, they become increasingly committed to it as a deeply entrenched pattern.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank You Dr. C. that makes sense. I've since gone, "No Contact." Your channel has saved me so much hurt and grief. Again Thank You.
Thank you again dr C for all the helpful perspectives you give us. For you and all Team Healthy... Also for anyone observing this group of narcissists. Following the possible trail of "nature", I have been asking this question (on my own, by myself) for some time. Topic Malignant Narcissists - Sociop and so on. > From a physiological point of view, are there any studies with the purpose of demonstrating other types of insensitivity (in addition to the emotional insensitivity)? Meaning, in my case, over the years, as a normal daughter toward her parents, I have (softly and gently) told my mother several times to ask the family doctor for a visit or a check-up on the physical thermoregulatory centers ( > I don't know the medical term in English). This is a fact, visible by anyone, but she always minimizes the situation, my mother is insensitive to the cold temperatures... and here in northern Italy we often have freezing cold, in autumn - winter - spring. She has always replied (with a good amount of contempt towards others) that, in her life, she had to work hard and learn to deal with the cold. (in reality she has always worked in well-heated professional environments. That's to say, in the few years of job outside her home, she has never worked facing cold weather. This was just another of her lies). Instead, she has always made the whole family suffer from cold in the house, both us children and her enabler husband who also shivers from the cold (not only out of fear) because in her mind the abnormal and weak ones are all the other people. The point is, are there scientific data about this physical condition in malignant narcissists and sociopath? By the way, in the summer she needs a lot of air conditioning, of course.
I had years' long legal battles with one such. I simply could not persuade my lawyers that the narc would never ever show insight, commonsense and responsibility. He was far too determined to take me down with him. The lawyers, thousands of dollars later, had to concede he was quite insane. Explanations such as yours would have been so useful...
I am dealing with this now. It almost embarrasses me that I need to explain the nature of the malignant narcissist I am dealing with to the lawyers and accountants. They are dealing with reason, facts and logic, however my brother is interested in psychological warfare, and happy to destroy himself financially in order to harm me… :(
@@elcee7800 Maybe. To me, it's stronger and, honestly, more insulting. It was an appropriate term when it first started, but today, because of social media, anyone who draws attention to themselves are labeled narcissistic. But it goes way beyond drawing attention to oneself. Ego-mania is what drives them. They are sick bastards, with a sick agenda. The focus should be on that.
@@meow2u22 Narcissist sounds almost innocent. Because of social media a lot of people are exhibiting narcissistic traits today. It's not uncommon to hear "Yeah, she's a bit narcissistic". Nobody however is going to say, "Yeah, she's a bit egomaniacal". True narcs are egomaniacs and that's why I thought it would be good to call them that.
I do believe some of them are inherit it from parents or grandparents. It is impossible that a 4 members of a family all of them behave the exact same way as one of the grandparents was. So I have been told.
![Lp. Сердце Вселенной #60 РОЖДЕНИЕ ЛОЛОЛОШКИ [Финал] • Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YoR0pAV9FVQ/mqdefault.jpg)
A sadistic pleasure hurting others. Garden variety narcissists move to new targets if they don't get anything, but malignants plan on how to make you "pay". "The last stop on the train to sociopathy. -Dr Ramani"
Perfectly said💯👍👊
Yes they have sociopathy traits… such as being Sadistic and cruel behavior
From what I gathered and experienced they are already a full blown sociopaths. Such a fine line between being evil and less evil.
Yeah. I hurt people and I cry for days. They hurt people and they get their jollies out of it
Well said... ☝️
Make no mistake: whether a parent or partner, malignant narcissists are out to destroy YOU
Not just confined to parents or partners, the malignant narcissists exist in any possible social dynamic: workplace, friendships, family members, acquaintances, roommates, neighbors, etc, etc. etc.!
@rich3578 You got that right !
Malignant destroy their victim's faster than covert narcs in my experience unfortunately 😮😢
They are dangerous and cold. But they appear to other people as angels, helpful, friendly... Thanks Dr C. and Gus.
Yes !!!! This is so true
Amen and I thank Dr. C as well:)
Well, the Devil masquerades as an angel of light...
The devil 😈
That's because they have very low self esteem and incredibly fragile egos, so are often "people pleasers" in public... which also serves to garner loads of the external validation and praise that they require.
Narcissists don't know other narcissists are narcisstic, they call them "friends" ...
The best revenge is to be unlike the narcissist!
Exactly! That is what I am doing and I don't guilt myself at all if I appear unbecoming in the past because I don't practice this abusive behavior!
YES!!! 🙌🙌🙌🙌♥️✨
It's actually to be totally free of them. Never have anymore contact--so they can't use & abuse you.
There's that extra sadistic meanness!
with a “dead giveaway “ smirk on their faces.
@matilda1505 I hate the smirk!
Me too-
@@amandaliverpool3374 Meanness is a word that comes up often that I forgot. Thank you for reminding me.
Yes.
Wow, a prison chaplain, a forensic psychologist and a psychotherapist - a father and his sons doing a power of good in our troubled world! Thank you Dr C, may God bless your family.
1. The driver for power is extreme
2. Higher "expertise" in distorting your reality
3. Paranoid traits are much more pronounced
4. Many sadistic tendencies
5. Extreme sense of entitlement/superiority
6. Higher levels of aggression/vindictiveness
7. Extreme superficial relationships
8. Trauma bonds are very likely and extremely difficult to break
1. This type has to be in control to gain power and they will certainly isolate you from your inner circle to get "total" control over you.
2. You will constantly second-guess yourself in their presence and feel like you are going insane.
3. They are extremly suspicious of the motives of others so that they see threats everywhere.
4. They like to cause others harm and take pleasure in watching them suffer.
5. They believe they are exceptionally unique and can only be understood by other “special” people. They also require constant admiration.
6. Because the paranoid traits are much more pronounced and because of their extreme feeling of grandiosity, they rage more often and more intense.
7. Relationships can feel extreme intense but are very unhealthy because their attachment style is pathological.
8. Because of the complexe emotional manipulations like intermittend reinforcement (extreme highs and lows),
exploitation of attachment needs and the isolation of the victims these trauma bonds are very difficult to break.
@@roxymovie3938 ...nailed it again Roxie 👍🏻
Yes. The trauma bonds. Gave me fibromyalgia.
Trauma bonds also persist after death
@caroleminke6116 ...they do indeed & are insidious !
@@roxymovie3938 You know your narcs unfortunately 😢
As difficult as living with a narcissist is, divorcing one is 100 times worse.
I'm finding that out the last few days I'm feeling humility as they think I played all my cards. Little does this person know what's coming. I'm a free bird being away from the toxic soup. 😮😮😊😊
@@matilda1505 You know it!!!!
Having the court force you to entrust your precious children with someone you are afraid of, is incapable of empathy, is capable of horrific cruelty...that is worse than the abuse I endured by him. 😢😢😢
So what do you do in this case??? They are willing to go to those scary extremes that are unthinkable
@@aurorapurcell946 I wish I had an answer. All I got is “fingers crossed “.
No revenge on my part is necessary. Their judgement comes from sin. Let Go and Let God handle these people. Live your best life ever in no contact and confidence that All will be taken care of on Time. Wait upon God folks. Thanks Dr.C
You know that you know!❤ Hugs for Gus!!!
Gus sits up, has a bit of a think, decides a snooze is a better bet.
It seems like a lifetime of recovery for the scapegoat/target of the malignant narrsist. Much comfort 💔🥀
Fasting is how you do it, maybe the only way. When you do eat, eat healthy.
You got to build up slowly overtime. First intermittently then prolonged water fasts.
It is a lifetime and you never recover really
Definitely the most painful relationship a person can experience
@@TurinTurumba Painfull anything and above anything else…
Explosive rage when frustrated. Volcanic.
With my malignant narcissist ex-boyfriend, it was his way or the highway-24 hours a day, 7 days a week. He didn’t care at all about my thoughts or opinions. He thrived on violating my boundaries and putting me down. The level of controlling behavior I experienced was unlike anything I had ever encountered before.
He didn’t want me getting my nails done, dressing nicely, listening to the music I liked, or eating certain foods like spinach dip. Even ordering a large sandwich instead of a small one was a problem, and God forbid I didn’t finish every single bite. I started questioning what I could possibly do to please him because it felt like everything I did was unacceptable. I was constantly being scolded, no matter how trivial the issue.
He would lay his hands on me when angry and had a habit of destroying objects, like smashing computer mice. He even built his desk out of concrete to avoid breaking it during his fits of rage. Malignant narcissists also hold grudges like no one else. They obsessively look for reasons to be offended, even by minor things, so they can blow them out of proportion later and make you out to be deranged or the devil.
They are habitual liars, constantly projecting their own guilt onto others. They accuse everyone around them of doing the very things they’re guilty of. Their extreme paranoia makes them assume that everyone is out to get them-and perhaps they’re right, considering how many people they’ve wronged in their lives. There’s a chilling coldness and downright evil in their dark souls.
If you even suspect you’re dealing with a narcissist, run. Malignant narcissists are, without question, the worst kind. They will abuse you emotionally, verbally, physically, and financially, and they feel no remorse because they lack a conscience entirely.
My biggest regret is overlooking the glaring red flags and giving my ex chance after chance, hoping he could be a better man. I kept searching for good in him, but the truth was, it was never there to begin with.
Big hugs 🩵
100%
This describes the worst you could find. It's unbelievable.. but true.
VERY well said. All of it!
@@beautyintradition8027 this sounds exactly like my pos x too smh… hugs and I’m glad we’re both out of that bs… they’re truly demons taking up a human body
Also, my father even wanted to do the unthinkable my x if he came back to CO… my dad was also the one who ultimately got him to leave back to UT to his pos family… I’m glad he didn’t do anything to my nex as my dad passed away and my dad at least died happy as he knew I married the right person
This was my father 100%. He fed on fear and pain. He was relentless and seemed to feel no remorse. I was not prepared for how much relief I felt the day I heard he had died. I’m glad you are making people aware that these people exist, how casual and entitled they are about the abuse they engage in.
They are more active-aggressive than passive-aggressive. 😰
@@yukio_saito Indeed!
@@yukio_saito We call that "Aggressive-Aggressive". 😂
@@BobTheSchipperke 👍
@@yukio_saito seriously. They sit there cooking up evil schemes to use on people. The person in my life has been obsessed with true crime so I know they have a lifetime of “taking notes” ugh. I try to rise above and not be scared. But I’m scared. For the whole family.
I have a coworker like this. She immediately felt threatened by my success and ran a smear campaign against me, coaching my colleagues to undermine me as well. I’m not sure how to handle the situation and hope that in time, truth will be revealed. It’s incredible how much influence someone like this can have over others. I am truly grateful for the advice that videos from Dr. C offers. ❤
Married to a malignant narc who is a pastor for over 4 decades. People love him; however he really doesn't "connect" with people on a deeper level. It looks like he has a lot of relationships, but definitely a loner mindset. Definitely drawn to dominance and power...being "in charge." Anger - definitely - displayed in private, not in public. Or stuffs anger (thus, many physical issues). Definitely caring about image management. As to whether it is their nature or part of their personal background, a Scripture verse comes to mind: Jeremiah 13:23 - "Can the leopard [change] his spots?" It is part of who they are.
Definitely out of touch regarding impact of childhood - does not want to look at it. Dr. C, THANK YOU so much for your videos! I have learned so much and been encouraged as I gain knowledge and understand the truth about these types of individuals.
Thank you too
@@kimmykay-qs9vk The proverbial wolf in sheep's clothing.. Doctor Carter told us during a video with the author George k Simon ,he wrote a book called "The wolf in sheep's clothing....it's a great read
Every narcissist has the potential eventually to become malignant. They get worse over time. Every narcissist is dangerous. You have no way to predict the dangers they present unless they choose and receive treatment. Very intensive treatment. It can cost your life. Run for the hills.
Wow.... I just realized that I have been married for 12 years to a malignant narcissist that is a Marine with PTSD on top of that !!! I am much stronger than I ever tought, thank God for His love and blessings and support in this journey because I couldn't ever had the strength to carry on... no wonder why lately I'm feeling this way... drained and not even not loved or appreciated... I feel hated and used... and slavery it was not part of my life plans... lol
Sending hugs your way you are a precious person and deserve better 💗 💕 💛 😊
Stay kind, stay calm, stay vigilant.
- Dr.Les Carter
I’ll second that
@@SurvivingNarcissismBonnie Henry must have stolen this and put he special touch on it. She definitely didn't come up with it herself. The woman has narcissist written all over her in a pen dipped in her own wine. 😖
My biological brother is a Covert Malignant Narcissist he tried to destroy his first wife and with his second wife he found his match. It is best to stay away from these people and let God handle
Can’t wait for this one. I’m going to guess , “endless contempt.”
They are vicious
I have tried to stay away from the narcissistic community, blogs, etc. since embarking on my healing journey 5 years ago, but the title of this one caught my attention. I was with a woman who I believe qualifies for this title, and she was the most extreme example of hatefulness that I have come across in another human being. Very sad, for her. Interestingly, she continues to stalk and harass me online, even though it was her own actions that brought the relationshit to an end. Hateful to the point of destroying something good in her life, while trying to destroy me.
To anyone who is in a situation with someone like this, and trying to figure it out and make it better, do yourself a favor. Make your exit. You are worth it.
For decades I blamed myself for not being strong enough to be bothered by their behaviour, now I blame myself for not knowing.
Give yourself credit for your lightbulb moments. Congratulate yourself for growing.
I didn't know this information either for years because it wasn't taught. I'm just glad I know it know so I can make better decisions and live a better life.
@@matilda1505 It's not your fault 💕
A common symptom of life with a narcissist 🙏
It's complicated
My ex is a dark tetrad. It's malignant narcissism, sadism, psychopathy and Machiavellianism all wrapped in one evil package. I would not be surprised if there were bodies buried somewhere.
In a rare bout of honesty when I asked him why was he like this, he told me it was all he had ever known.
I truly think he was born that way. My sister was born the way she is....
This is familiar to me. Literally and figurarively. I know this type very well. I married it. Twice. The sum and substance of these experiences taught me that there is only room for one individual in these types of relationships - THEM! Everyone and everything else is just fodder for their narcissistic cannon of doom! Malignants? Just say "No!" And, as always, Stay Healthy!
My first husband, 28 years, was a overt narcissist and now after 10 years with my present husband realize that this one is a covert narcissist, the sneeky kind! I feel like I have wasted many years of my life 😢 These videos have helped me tremendously, thank you Dr. Carter for all your videos!
I was a Jehovah's Witness. The leadership is ALL NARCISSISTIC. It is very scary 😨. So many who left the DOOMSDAY CULT have taken their own lives. You can never leave that institution without being penalized. Very extremist type of culture.
Was raised by, abused by and am now estranged from such an individual. I see a lot of the traits in myself unfortunately. Am working to improve and heal.
Looking Forward To This Video After Months And Years Of Horrific Emotional And Psychological Abuse The Narcissit Treated Me With Cruelty And Disrespect With Every Interaction.After Becoming Severly Sick With Stomach Issues This Was My Body Letting Me Know How Evil 😈 And Sadistic They Are .I Currently Have 2 Months Of No Contact. One Day At A Time.
Stay Strong...
Seemingly Impossible,but embrace every little moment of joy that you can
It will appear,your joy that is
@ Thank You 🙏
I too have experienced 42 years of abuse. I blame him for making me look old beyond my years and my poor health. Two months ago I moved to my daughter’s home. I’m loving it even though I still have contact with him. Thanksgiving dinner will be an experience. Lord give me strength!
@ Thank You So Very Much For Sharing I Completely Understand
Their discard phase has a sadism that has a pleasure of making you the loser.
Life is not about fairness but about coping with the balance of the situations. They believe their damage is unfair and project it with a warped sense of justice.
@@rossanderson5243 it's interesting watching THEM be discarded by others.
Thank you, Dr. Carter, for sharing this video and information. This is exactly the type of narcissist I have been dealing with for 45 plus years. It has been very difficult for me, but this year was the year I said I have had enough, and I am not willing to tolerate this any longer. I have been watching your videos since last April 2024, and you have been tremendous help to me in putting the pieces of the puzzle of 45 plus years together. Thank you so much! I appreciate you, Gus and all of your information and advice in dealing with this subject. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your Family!
Spot on. Forced interactions are another common proclivity. If you can't get away keep the coffee intake low. It just makes you more reactive and puts you on an emotional roller coaster. Knowing what they are lessens the impact tremendously. That's why videos like these are so important. The blow you don't expect lands the hardest.
in my family, it absolutely goes from generation to generation.
😢❤🫂
Father Chad Ripperger is an experienced exorcist that has teachings on UA-cam about many different subjects. He speaks of breaking the bondage of generational sins within families. I know one family that has a real line of fornication. Even if the family thinks fornication is OK, the one person who repents and wants to break that bondage for herself/himself may do so. The generational family bondage can be any sin: stealing, divorce, gambling, envy, alcoholism, lying, etc. The key is do you discern one particular sin that runs in your family through the generations?
It truly is a shame and a pity the mental institutions that would keep people, in many cases for the duration on their lives if necessary, were shut down so long ago. These people should be in there.
I believe this describes my mother to a T. She was always too faced and nice to the outside world and mean to our family at home. I have been no contact with her for a few years now and it was the best decision I ever made. She is deeply flawed and I don’t have any faith she will change.
My stepdaughter has certain patterns in her character/behavior that fit toxicity and one thing that’s starting to pop up is seeing her get pleasure out of others peoples bad moments or getting hurt. She is still only 14 and almost 4 years with a therapist :(
Thank you Dr. C. You are right on point about these sinister sadistic type of narcissists. They are the worst of the bunch and the other types of narcissists are in way over their heads to deal with them as I believe they are not only a malignant narcissist, but in all honesty a "Psychopath."
Thank-you, Dr. Carter. What is most disturbing and troubling is that they know right from wrong, yet they ignore their conscience to go ahead and do what they want because they don't care how their behavior affects others. I also noticed how caring my ex-husband appears to be, yet I can't forget his vindictive and cruel side that he says he can't remember. I still don't understand that he selectively doesn't remember the numerous episodes of his dark cruelty.
My husband says the same thing that he can't remember his bad behavior. I thought that perhaps when they're in a rage that they can have a type of blackout like an alcoholic. Someone on Team Healthy said they are lying, which makes more sense. They absolutely know right from wrong! This video for me was very difficult to watch and gave me anxiety. It is my husband to a T. 😢🙏🙏🙏😟
@MarianneCatherine I don't know if they are lying or if their "dark side" takes over. It's hard to know for sure because you can't trust them.
I was never afraid of my Narcs. My old Narc(93) full of will power, gave me an insight into his psychy when i saw his angry, distorted face shouting something 'funny 'at his friend, playing pool in the club. It shocked me. I can control him (or is it the other way round🤔). when he is in my presence. Well, I learnt so much now.
I searched (took me a long time) for your video with your brother, Dr Lee Carter, 4 years ago. It impressed me at the time.
The Narcissism and the Sociopatic Mind.
Just wandering, thinking, and learning.
Thank you my dear Dr Carter for being there and never giving up.
Thank YOU for writing about that video!
I found it very fast,
probably because you "informed' the algorithm.
Dr Les and Dr Lee on this specific topic is simply
GREAT. Much needed in my case too. Very helpful
I'm watching that video right now
My last bf is a malignant narcissist. While I’ve had exposure to many narcs, that one really darkened the way I view the world now. I didn’t recognize the constant smirk on his face for what it was. I thought he was socially awkward and just didn’t know how to apologise for bad behaviors. I took a lot of time gently explaining how healthy individuals behave. Anytime he would approach me for a hug or general intimacy he would physically harm me with that stupid smirk on his face the whole time. I remember speaking to my therapist and pondering that he must not know his own strength. My therapist thought he was autistic. It angered me when he’d say that because the bf openly expressed his sick, twisted beliefs to me so I knew his words and actions were a choice. When he began blaming me for physically hurting me is when it fully clicked in my head. And I realized it was a smirk on his face, not an uncomfortableness with himself not knowing how to apologise. He enjoyed hurting me! WTF. It took many months on my end to keep a distance from him so he couldn’t harm me while also appearing normal but boring, thus no supply for him. Eventually he made the decision to move out (obviously while being a giant manchild) and I was beyond thrilled. I knew I would be safe if he thought he was discarding me and it worked. I knew my life was in danger and slowly implementing a strategy for him to leave on his own was mentally exhausting but it had to be done, especially while he had amassed a large collection of guns in just one year. I know I wouldn’t be here today if I had allowed him to stay.
One odd behavior he had was forcing an agenda that he would never have done otherwise. If he wanted to do something involving me or my property nothing was going to stop him, no matter how stupid, dangerous, or illegal it was, all because I’d disagree with him. Once he bought hundreds of dollars of illegal fireworks and was trying to decide where to light them. My home was in a quiet neighborhood and I said no. Quickly he decided we’d go to a canyon rim in the desert and he’d light them there. That’s highly illegal and could easily start a fire. He would never do something like that but because he was trying to assert his authority over me all logical reasoning ceased to exist. I managed that situation by taking him over to my friends house where, with the happiness of a 5 year old, he lit every firework off in a few minutes in broad daylight. The next year I rented a yurt in the forest so no firework ideas could even happen. Another time I had adopted a 12 pound dog and he immediately insisted we go to his parents house to show his mom. He didn’t like his mom so I knew this was something else. This was a show of dominance and had nothing to do with his mom but rather forcing me to go or he’d take the dog without my consent. They had two pit bulls that had killed other animals before. Recognizing he would take the dog regardless, and only because I said no, I went and held the dog out of reach the whole time so she would be safe. They didn’t get her but she bit one in the face when he got too close. I only stayed 10 minutes. Those are just two examples. I don’t think that would fall under the “weaponized incompetence” category. I wonder what that behavior is called and the reasoning behind it, other than asserting dominance.
Malignant narcs are pure evil, there is no goodness inside of them.
I cannot image how nerve racking this must have been for you, constantly gently trying to steer away from foolish actions.
As a kid, we had one such adult around, who "loved playing with children". As a kid, he would always shake your hand with too much force (so it hurt) & refuse to release it. Or throw the ball, so you could not reach it (he could aim perfectly well, not accidental). Or offer you a toy, and then refuse to release it, so you had a tug-of-war starting. Many more similar examples... All the time. A lot of adults were fooled "he was so nice to children", so as a kid you couldnt really say much. The smirk was plastered on his face all the time while he did this + staring you point blank in the eye in a very forceful way. I just tried to stay clear as much as possible whenever he was around. How sick and twisted must you be as an adult to get your domination kicks from secretly domineering random small children ?
That’s repulsive. What a sick person. I think one of the things that angers me the most is when these evil individuals prey on people who are innocent and vulnerable, like children, the elderly, animals, etc. Just thinking about that makes my blood boil. I wish they’d all move to Mars so we never have to be exposed to their ugly smirks and entitled attitudes.
So glad you managed to have him discard you and leave. My ex has some similarities. I went to therapy for years trying to figure out what was going on. Like you, one said he was autistic. Another said he had avoidant attachment. They gave me the worst advice as a result, adding to the gaslighting. My ex also collected lots of guns.
@@catimonster 😄 i am liking that plan !
... launching the Mars Rocket right now 🚀
👍
I watched a Malignant Narcissist who was defiant to one specific rule (not leaving cigarette filters on the ground in the yard) target and harass my landlord/housemate/friend three years ago. After the tenant was removed from the house, rules over the years started to increase, most of which were irrelevant to preventing the situation again and directed towards me. Then things got weird last year. Her micromanaging and controlling behavior got out of control. Petty rules, double standards, retaliation when refusing to be brainwashed, bullied, and controlled. When I ignored her she targeted other tenants. A lot of her retaliation was isolated and covert so only that person would experience or notice it. Signs of a covert narcissist.
It’s possible that I triggered narcissistic injury by ignoring petty rules that were of no consequence; specifically, not turning fish tank lights on when I fed them while she was on vacation and it escalated from there. She harassed three men for a year about not locking doors during the day while we were home in a safe and quiet neighborhood. When I refused to comply, she auto locked the back door early this year and days ago had an automated auto lock installed on the front door.
While I had suspected and confirmed she had PTSD from a different situation when the tenant was in the house, it’s clear that she either has Complex PTSD and is projecting her own unresolved issues onto her tenants or was a covert lingering in the deep waters when I moved in. Her micromanaging elicits “defiant” behavior and since she sees things on a superficial level and fails to see the big picture, she impulsively reacts and when it backfires she goes into damage control mode. She has also recreated situations directed at me that we went through three years ago when I helped her try to document and deal with the tenant. She has taken advantage of other tenants not knowing about our history and somehow I went from a friend/tenant whom she bragged about to others to being talked to and treated like the person she hates most. I can move out, but this is about principle and her behavior is not ok.
"A dark theme" or being "very pessimistic" is the truth of the matter, and I love how you never mince words and just say it like it is, Dr. C. 🙏💝
Every word you just spoke described my 40-year-old daughter. It took me into the last couple years to walk away completely. When she started blackmailing me with a triplets is when it did it for me. I drove back into therapy short-term and knew that I had to stop hoping. It was the hope of her getting better and our relationship improving that was toxic. As soon as I was able to give that up for the first time in 50 years I am feeling the joy come back. It's hard and heartbreaking but holy cow I'm happier.
Thanks for sharing this. I wish the best for you.
Thank you. Perfect and timely reminder; the “hellidays” are upon us (them), but I ... will be safely and serenely established elsewhere.
My narcissist is like a malignant Cancer!
Why do you claim him as yours then ?
On point 🎯 .
I still have a toxic mother and sister malignant narcissists. I am being more careful around them till I go no contact with them.
You know what they are.
Good thing I wasn’t wrong and I was correct all along since a year ago
My dad. He's got worse and worse over the years, due to the constant pandering and pampering from enabling family members. It's a truly cult-like atmosphere. I agree that it appears to be at least partly genetic. That makes me worry about my own kids having children in case the pattern should re-emerge...
10:50 Very Strong message. defend yourself behaviorally fully. Verbally minimally. Silence speaks louder.
But remember they'll mimic your silence back on you. Be on guard. They don't forget to take revenge.
I was born in a Malignant Narc Family. 8 Malignant narcs out of 11. Suffered every narc trait since childhood.
I stone walled them. Thanks God i am born a Leo { Lion}. Dragon in Chinese . and Crocodile in Indian Horoscope.
I never succumbed .Always fought back and F_____ them all up. They missing me.
I work for an Int. Airline. I made them my Flt. Beneficiaries. They thought The Airline gave it to them and that's it.
They didn't know i could remove them myself .
My ex- M.N. tried to project his meanness onto our 1st son mis-representing him to other relatives.
Hello, Gus! Keep taking care of the Carter family!
I had a conflict with a school principal who was like this. He intimidated most of the staff with his behavior. He's been forced to move on after I sent an anonymous letter to the district superintendent. I was surprised he stayed in for so long. There had to be other complaints as well, I couldn't have been the only one. The new principal seems to be the polar opposite.
Bring your brother on to explain when “narcissists” lack capacity to
stand trial. The false personhood can blind courts.
Narcissists are notorious for deceiving the courts with their convincing lies.
Yes, also the consummate pessimist. A very difficult trait to deal with when coming from a parent.
I fled yesterday, pouring rain. Drove for a long time. Today I feel hollow, numb, what now. He poked me in my injured back, then said he never touched me. He has a horrible temper. He is called spock now I know why.
You deserve so much better.
@@AngelEyes-xm7el God help you 🙏 Please take care ❤️🫂
@ thank you holding my faith, God made it possible for myself and dog to leave. Thankful my daughter said I could come to there house. I feel not right emotionally, mentally. Like I am floating in limbo. Maybe this is normal. I don't know. I am a bit disabled. But I feel free like an animal that has been let out of a cage and observing the area. Very cautious , One step at a time
@AngelEyes-xm7el It's early days and things are raw. The healing starts here ✨️ 🙏💕 Give yourself time and a huge pat on the back 🥰
@@AngelEyes-xm7el you're in shock. Nothing's going to feel OK/ real for a while.
The one I met was extremely malignant, had 3/4 women at the same time, tried to steal from me and it was beyond cruel. He even promise to kill me and cut me in pieces. His level of sadism was scary. Stay safe out there. Hint: he was from Uzbekistan and lives in Miami. Be safe!
Always wise advice Dr. C. Thank you so much.
..." and LOOK FOR THE EXIT"! 🤣🤣🤣
Brilliant.
[Adult child of narcissistic mom]
Dr C, I have all the "spoilers" 😁
[ _well, nothing to laugh at all, indeed_ 😔 ]
because I have your
webinar Decoding Darkness, here with me.
Still, even if now it's a very clear situation,
all new videos you do on this topic are a very important support
for me.
Thank you so much 💚
This will definitely be an abbreviated version!!!
@SurvivingNarcissism
Great, dr C 🙂
Much appreciated
and very crucial for all people like me dealing with complex trauma...
Meaning we need ongoing reminders and simple frames, daily work, to stay focused on the basics, beyond the fog and the confusion.
Different approaches, different methods (mind-body & viceversa)
plus repeated healthy & easy messages are helping me a lot.
I don’t comment often, but I’m so grateful I found your channel. ❤
@@lishmahlishmah- I agree Dr. C is very helpful, and in a way that can quell some anxieties, and fear- avoidances.
@@sv-yh3mq
Deb Dana (a great developer of Stephen Porges polyvagal theory) has a specific term for that:
glimmers. Meaning, wounded people can find _glimmers_ in different ways and places.
Glimmers supporting our healing
Thoughts and prayers from germany 🙏 😇
Clear description of a lot of law enforcement nowadays.
Sounds like my older sister. My mom is a run-of-the-mill narc but boy, did she & my dad foster a malignant narc with my sis!
Very judgemental, taking everything personally, vengeful, hard, cold, and of course, she is a dominant figure at work as a district manager for AAA.
I sure feel sorry for her employees!
Sharon wouldn't be Sharon if she couldn't order ppl around & discipline them, fire them.
This was pure gold DR Le's, Thank you so much for this, You're a great bloke, I have experience with this, Peace, love and respect to you, Gus and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory power praise and smiles to the most high :-) :-) :-)
Interesting to hear your views on narcissists from the perspectives of your chaplain father and forensic psychologist brother, Dr Carter.
I am sure it's true that some people are bad. But if you look into the backgrounds of people in prison, most have had a horrific upbringing.
Also there are many miscarriages of justice not only in America but everywhere. Where the death penalty exists, these miscarriages are irreversible. This is also evil, and narcissistic.
I still have such a hard time believing they feel nothing for what they do. That is the hardest thing for me to accept. But their behavior doesn't lead to any other conclusion that I can see. Even after everything I have been through, I could never really think "I am going to make you pay" to almost anyone. I just want the pain to end and have the situation over. It is just sad to me when I get down to it. I don't want to see them happy after being hurt so much but I don't want to see them hurt. I just want to not deal with it anymore. They just scare me at this point. They can really do a number on you and you are just stunned when it is over. I really don't want to be involved with people who intentionally cause pain anymore. Nowhere. I want nothing to do with this behavior. And they end up flipping it. It is Diabolically Cruel and I want nothing to do with it anymore. I just want away.
You are a very wise man . Thank you for sharing all your knowledge. ❤
Right on for me. Funny how you hear what you need to hear when you hear it. Thank you Les.
I remember a girl in Church daycare - her parents and siblings were nice, kind - from a toddler, she was the devil. When her parents spanked her, she laughed- actually laughed in their face. It was unnerving.
Is it the intense desire to do as their father does? Kill , steal, and destroy while masquerading as an angel of light.
Responding to @dakoderii: I wholeheartedly agree w/you! Their (the covert ones) work and impact is so insidious, that you become an isolated victim (while THEY pretend to be victim--and try making you the villain thru smear campaigns/triangularing/etc.). That's b/c of your fear of not being BELIEVED (--which, in fact, you probably WON'T be, b/c they're so publically, GOOD). Then too, there's the embarrassment & humiliation of having been entangled w/such a one--esp. if in it for a long time! (People wonder WHY/HOW you COULD'VE stayed in THAT for so long???--something that YOU too, may have questioned--and are finally [hopefully], finding some answers for!) Since others don't see or know (nor question--just assume stuff) about "that side" of them or what they DO (as they portray themselves as an "angel of light"), none are the wiser about them. Only you (their victim) and God really KNOW the TRUTH about them! May GOD help ALL victims, WHOMEVER they be--waay MORE than you know about!
@@GarnettHairston-nf9by..sounds like you know very well how these creatures play their game . 🫂 Sorry that any of us have to know that kind of evil .
@@GarnettHairston-nf9byexactly what I am going through. My goal then should be to stop caring about trying to convince the others of my truth, since that is what is driving me crazy (never mind the anxiety I have re his vindictiveness)! Thank you!
And Lie, Lie, Lie!!!
@dakoderii4221 Straight from Jesus' mouth John 8:44 is the perfect verse about the evil ones. 🙏🙏🙏
Thankyou gratefully for this video Doctor Carter .🐶and Gus
X
What happens when a narcissist marries a narcissist?
Two rams butting heads.
Aww Gus!! Hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving!
My father at times has shown these traits and characteristics. His whole face would change, his eyes seemed black. His father beat him and wouldn't buy him gifts though he did the other kids. He also beat his 2 other brothers but not his sister. Him and his sister narcs the 2 brothers both became very mentally ill and died young from all the stress. My father passed the stress outward and onward but bought stuff so feels good about himself.
Thank you for guiding us and rooting for us Dr C. It means a lot to me. A core ongoing question for me, as a survivor of years of ongoing gaslighting and cruelty used as a control mechanism, is how can I learn to remember I'm a good enough person, in a more steady way? I've been working on this core issue for years with wise, kind support. I've made progress but I still sometimes slip (emotionally) on the banana peels of mean peoples' lies about who I am. Thank you for considering my question. Happy Thanksgiving to you and Gus!
Thanks again! So true!😊
Thank You! Dr C
My dad had a malapropism for pessimist: pestimists. I used to laugh at him, but when I got older, he had a point; narcissistic pessimists are pests at best.
For the record 🙂- admin staff and technical team ; btw: thank you 😊 ; again; thank you o
Doctor Les Carter, Ph.D.; btw: thank you 😊; again; thank you 😊
👍🌼🍀💚🌿🌼☘️🍀🌴🌳🌲🌳🌴🍏🥝🥝🌼🌿
They're meaner, if that were possible.
Is it possible for a malignant narcissist to be aware of their own scars, especially those from their development years, and instead of seeing them as opportunities to heal and be better people, they turn them around to justify and assert their need for control and dominance?
Yup. My brother did it. He's well aware of how angry he is with our parents but instead of becoming a better person, he chose contempt. He cannot escape his contempt, does nothing with it and thinks he's been wronged and is entitled to all at the expense of others. He has 0 empathy and 0 emotional intelligence. He doesn't apologize or take any true responsibility for anything. A sad sad individual. Thank God I'm done. He's dead to me.
@@Pier77Tampa Yes
My son is this way. Tirning his hatefullness on 8 yr old son but treats daughter differently. Im not sure what to do next? He will isolate them even more where I cant monitor the situation.
Angry, pessimistic, can't connect, hides things, proud to talk about people who he claims are his friends, nasty quite regularly... yup! I like to classify these types as bullies, babies and incredibly immature. No Thank you.
Thank you
My problem with the idea of the 'narcissism is on a scale' is that many things narcissists do aren't on a scale. Normal people don't wake up one morning and think 'You know what? Today I'm going to make one of my children the golden child who can do nothing wrong and the other child the black sheep who can do nothing right. That's what narcissist do and that type of behavior isn't on a scale.
Normal for them.
I wonder if narcissists have that much self awareness or insight. I think they just wake up feeling mean and out of control and they do what they do trying to be in control.
@@pamelamoore6239 All narcissists seem to operate on the same playbook.
The devil does walk amongst us and this is who they are
"They take pride in being fearless and cold-hearted." And, yes, she was like this as a child. I've heard the stories; some even from her own mouth. about how belligerent she was and how she hated her brother. There are childhood pictures of her scowling at him. My poor grandmother, in desperation, once tied her to a tree. This is THE ONE characteristic that I can admit to her having. But, somehow I'm struggling to "see" her as a narcissist. (Is it still possible to think there may have been SOME good there? She didn't kill us.)
The "Malignant " Variety of Narcissism is Cruelty Based
OUCH! EVERYDAY?
I made one mad appearantly... They put me on a list for target individuals ... In 2010..... But im still thriving decpite the gangstalking every day ... Ingnore them they thrive on reactions!!!
Do malignant Narcissists get meaner when 1: they also use hard alcohol and Medical Marijuana, and 2: with age entering late 50’s and up. This has been my experience with a sibling, more violent threatening talk to those that don’t kowtow to him.
Substance abuse does nothing but intensify their narcissism, which was already there. Then as they age, they become increasingly committed to it as a deeply entrenched pattern.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank You Dr. C. that makes sense. I've since gone, "No Contact." Your channel has saved me so much hurt and grief. Again Thank You.
Thank you again dr C for all the helpful perspectives you give us.
For you and all Team Healthy... Also for anyone observing this group of narcissists.
Following the possible trail of "nature", I have been asking this question (on my own, by myself) for some time.
Topic Malignant Narcissists - Sociop and so on. > From a physiological point of view, are there any studies with the purpose of demonstrating other types of insensitivity (in addition to the emotional insensitivity)?
Meaning,
in my case, over the years, as a normal daughter toward her parents, I have (softly and gently) told my mother several times to ask the family doctor for a visit or a check-up on the physical thermoregulatory centers ( > I don't know the medical term in English).
This is a fact, visible by anyone, but she always minimizes the situation, my mother is insensitive to the cold temperatures... and here in northern Italy we often have freezing cold, in autumn - winter - spring.
She has always replied (with a good amount of contempt towards others) that, in her life, she had to work hard and learn to deal with the cold.
(in reality she has always worked in well-heated professional environments. That's to say, in the few years of job outside her home, she has never worked facing cold weather. This was just another of her lies).
Instead, she has always made the whole family suffer from cold in the house, both us children and her enabler husband who also shivers from the cold (not only out of fear) because in her mind the abnormal and weak ones are all the other people.
The point is,
are there scientific data about this physical condition in malignant narcissists and sociopath?
By the way, in the summer she needs a lot of air conditioning, of course.
@lishmahlishmah The silver lining is that Team Healthy has comfort in each other ❤️
I had years' long legal battles with one such. I simply could not persuade my lawyers that the narc would never ever show insight, commonsense and responsibility. He was far too determined to take me down with him. The lawyers, thousands of dollars later, had to concede he was quite insane. Explanations such as yours would have been so useful...
I am dealing with this now. It almost embarrasses me that I need to explain the nature of the malignant narcissist I am dealing with to the lawyers and accountants. They are dealing with reason, facts and logic, however my brother is interested in psychological warfare, and happy to destroy himself financially in order to harm me… :(
@@sorayamoghadam620 Oh, you poor thing. It's worse when they are family too. Good luck, and sending you a virtual hug.
@@vickyaldridge6778 thank you :)
TY
I thought my ex was a covert narc, but everything you say about malignant narcs fits.
I wish they'd stop calling them narcissists, instead they should be called ego-maniacs.
Semantics.
@@elcee7800 Maybe. To me, it's stronger and, honestly, more insulting. It was an appropriate term when it first started, but today, because of social media, anyone who draws attention to themselves are labeled narcissistic. But it goes way beyond drawing attention to oneself. Ego-mania is what drives them. They are sick bastards, with a sick agenda. The focus should be on that.
Psychologists call them narcissists. In lay terms, they're egomaniacs or drink with power.
@@meow2u22 Narcissist sounds almost innocent. Because of social media a lot of people are exhibiting narcissistic traits today. It's not uncommon to hear "Yeah, she's a bit narcissistic". Nobody however is going to say, "Yeah, she's a bit egomaniacal". True narcs are egomaniacs and that's why I thought it would be good to call them that.
They are demonic.
I thought it was me. But no, it was them. I was in the middle of two narcissists. They got a long surprisingly well.
What do their brain scans looks like? Would it show abnormalities?
@@sarahwalters7701 That's a very good thought! 🤫😊👍
Hello Dr C!
Could you please go throu the different between a malignant narcissist and a psychopath.
/Nina ❤
It's just like cats - they have a personality from the beginning, too!
They have no soul.
I do believe some of them are inherit it from parents or grandparents. It is impossible that a 4 members of a family all of them behave the exact same way as one of the grandparents was. So I have been told.