Leaving my narcissistic husband has saved my life, but caused him to go whole hog danger to me. He will never stop trying to destroy me and end my life because I divorced him. With 4 children under 18, an at-home mom with no child support and no employment, I still filed. My joy and safety are my solace.
He considered my filing for divorce a betrayal to him, although he bankrupted us twice, had us living unsafely in a dump, and was actively gaslighting and hurting me and our 4 children.
I'm proud of you. People think that the abuse stops when you leave. I often feel that it gets worse. They will forever be enraged that you left them and your life is better because of it. I feel like us just breathing infuriates them.
Anything done to a narc will be treated by them as exponentially worse than anything they’ve done to you. And nobody can hold a grudge longer than a narc
Are you the Mary that someone was planting seeds of doubt in others' ears? I remember a video, I think, a few months ago. I can relate, and it's one of the things that makes navigating these relationships and dynamics hard.
I've temporarily betrayed a narcissist to escape the relationship with minimal collateral damage. And no, I don't feel bad at all. It's like feeling bad for defending yourself from an attacker. If the narcissist isn't dealing in good faith, you have the right to protect yourself until you can leave the abuser
Yes! By nature these people are attacking you, truly. Whether it’s directly physical or not. It’s psychological warfare and (I’m speaking directly to myself here) we don’t need to feel guilty for trying to escape and survive.
I tried to end the relationship "normally", and was faced with threats and a mountain of guilt-tripping. In the end I also had to escape in secret, leaving half of my belongings behind. There really is no reasoning with these people!
He told everyone we know that I “ broke his heart” ( in spite of his devaluing process) hearing that shocked me and made me feel so terrible for years while he raged on until it finally occurred to me that if I broke anything it wasn’t his heart it was his PRIDE. And that was one of the first steps out of the mental quagmire
My ex felt that my leaving him was a form of betrayal. Interestingly, although he said that he didn't want the divorce, I felt in my gut that if I went back, he'd punish me. His upset wasn't about me; it was about him.
My narcissitic sister is at the end of the road on cancer treatments. She lives in another state. We are the two remaining members of my immediate family. I have been extremely supportive during her treatments. I have called to check on her, sent encouraging cards, sent gift cards and goodies. I decided after her second narcissitic rage a few years ago (When she was visiting) that I can never have her under my roof again. I was the scapegoat in the family. My parents died years ago. Their behavior then (and my whole life) sent me into self destructive tail spins when they died. I can see that my sister is trying to hoover me in so that she can stay with me (and take out her anger) during her remaining time. This will not happen. As Dr. R has said "There is no virtue in being an emotional punching bag for another person." I am sure that without Dr. R I would be heading into my third tail spin. I would appreciate any prayers. (PS: I have one friend who I can speak frankly with).
I know. It's too bad we can't just give them a time out in the corner but it's much more difficult than that. They are blind to themself because they are digging up any crap they can find on you so they can elevate themself(in their mind only). Total idiots 😮
A narcissist is the kind of friend that will help you hide a dead body. But if you betray a narcissist, just remember they know how to hide a dead body.
When I was friends with my NPD friend , I couldn't understand why she didn't invite me to special events in the family. Now I know she didn't want to share the attention they would give her. And there were a lot of special events I was not invited to attend!!!!
You don't have to betray them, deliberately at least, they can just see it as a betrayal and they hold that grudge forever, they never forgive, I've been through it first hand. Even a minor slight can trigger it actually, and they'll hold onto it forever, the amount of anger and hate in them is surprising, and yet, they make excuses for their own behaviour and feel justified if they do it to you.
Dr. R. I am amazed each time I watch your videos. Always 100% correct. I have been on both sides of this situation and you really are correct..thanks 😮
I benefit from all of your content (I found you too late but since finding you I have accessed healing and affirmation that I never knew was possible) but this video is bomb 🥰
I made a plan to leave and he never saw it coming. Feeling guilty for learning their game and saving you and your kids..nope! That's not a betrayal, that's survival.
And you better believe the one shitty thing you do will always and forever be brought up every time they do something shitty to excuse their behaviour. It’s such a waste of time trying to “move on.”
In my upbringing, I had to walk on eggshells and basically have no opinion to avoid inciting rage in my narcissist mother. She would go off the deep end and resort to drastic threats if I said something she didn't like
I really really really wish this video was longer and I wish it was more in-depth. Honestly in some situations with my most biggest betrayals to a narcissist it actually got me out of the relationship because I got the discard after the person found out and honestly I probably dodged a bullet and it was probably a blessing in disguise and I totally know it doesn’t excuse my betrayals no matter how small or big they are and I take full responsibility and accountability for them and myself it’s definitely not easy doing that.
That’s what I am thinking .. if I share my betrayal that may be my only way to get out. I am hoping he will then finally hate me and leave me. I can’t afford to be the one to leave. I have been holding on to telling him for 3 years. But I am separated just not divorced
You can betray a narc without the I tension or knowledge that you're doing so. I married into a narc family. Apparently there were a lot of unspoken rules regarding social interactions that I wasn't aware of. I was breaking them all of the time and the nex would let me know about it later.
Wow Wow Wow Oh my goodness this is absolutely brilliant thank you so much for this it’s like your literally speaking to my core soul and it’s giving me chills and I’m literally crying right now in a good way. In my past I have betrayed many of my ex’s who in my opinion are narcissists and my betrayals were in many different forms like small mid and big huge betrayals and I am definitely not proud of it at all and I definitely accept responsibility and accountability for my betrayals within myself and I try to give myself grace and forgiveness within myself and I try to do better in my future relationships and it’s definitely not easy at all especially giving myself grace and forgiveness within myself for my betrayals with narcissistic people it’s so difficult and especially when your empathetic its double hard and difficult and I am trying and I try to do better in my future relationships with others. 💜
I strayed after 5 years in an utterly sexless, non physical relationship. The withholding of all physical affection brought me to despair. Not even a kiss. When I confessed my infidelity/betrayal, that's when I saw who he really was. I wish to hear more stories of husbands depriving their wives of physical contact to destroy their confidence. Anyone else go through the same thing?
The first year after our intimate relationship ended was incredibly difficult for me. But over time, I realized that, perhaps unintentionally, he had actually done me a huge favor. My perspective on our relationship became clearer, and I finally saw him for who he truly is. I stopped loving and desiring him. Now, I don’t share personal things anymore; we only have superficial conversations, and I don’t think he’s even noticed. Looking back, I wonder why I didn’t see things clearly sooner. Now, I’m planning my escape.
Such a good video. I think the reason why I'm in the isolated boat from family that I'm in is because of a "big" unrepairable betrayal from 18 years old in high school. My dad found my yearbook in my bedroom in their house, while I was in college in North Carolina. Clearly, I guess I didn't think it was a big deal because I left the yearbook there. But it had all my friends signing it calling my dad "the fag", (which is what we / I called my dad in senior year of high school) my mom the "fag-ette" because she was married to him. My sister the b-word. Pretty brutal stuff I guess. Not ever proud of it. But my older sis is a narcissist too I think. I was not happy with her treatment of me over the years as a kid who was always suffering in numerous ways. Longer story as to why I was name-calling on my family like that with my new friends in my new high school and why I hated my dad and the family so much. But the point is, my yearbook went missing from my room for maybe a decade or two, as I wanted to get rid of it. I recently had found it in my bedroom maybe during covid or 2020. Immediately threw it in the garbage. Actually, in 2019, I realize, had gone to therapy with my parents, once in my life. I brought up the yearbook. I was wiling to talk about it and hold myself accountable, again. My dad said, he didn't know what I was talking about. End of discussion. I let it go. And then I find my yearbook magically appear in 2020. Nothing was accomplished in therapy, obviously. But I got rid of the yearbook after it re-appeared. Well, that yearbook and betrayal ruined my life I guess. But like Dr Ramani said, it's impossible to not betray at some point. This is just such valuable information for me to have, and to reconsile something for myself. I have felt really terrible about it and had actually genuinely apologized when my dad found it and called me in 2002, I cried on the phone to him when he found it. From right then, I even returned home to live with them, I entered a massive massive 2 year suicidal depression, and 11 years overall depression. But my apology did absolutely nothing. Now, I have no family to speak to safely.
When it happened to my mom she told me she hated me no more needed me and went no contact It took me a few months to believe it was the begining of my freedom
I am glad to end my miserable relationship with this insulting, retarted, annoying manipulating narcissistic player. Thank you Dr. Ramani. 💯🙏🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥😎
Ooh, can’t wait to watch this. 🍿 I’m curious to see how it aligns w/my experience w/a former neighbor & “friend” (who I knew before we moved here), who went scorched-earth on me after she felt I had betrayed her. I sang the Hallelujah Chorus years later when I found out she was moving away from us. 🎉😂
For optics…That’s key in moving through narcissistic entanglements - it’s all about how they look to others. No matter how much we endure constant betrayal at the hands of the narcissist, no matter how deeply affected WE are or how many years we’ve put up with their betrayal of us, along with all their targeted abuse - ultimately if you reach out for help & THAT PERSON or entity decides to communicate the extent of your hurt to the narcissist - that is the ultimate narcissistic injury to them because if anyone’s s%#^ don’t stink it’s theirs. There’s never an off-ramp to resolving conflict with this personality type because it’s not in their best interest to do so. It would reduce their supply & the entertainment of making us sweat by turning off their show.
I emotionally cheated on my narcissist. It ended our relationship. Thank the gods, it made me free. And I am so much better for it. There is freedom after a narcissist relationship.
A narcissist will feel betrayed because you’re doing something that doesn’t center them. Even reading a book can send them into a rage. They’ll judge your choice to read, the book itself, etc. to get you focused on them and not on your endeavor. The narcissist only has power when you pay attention to them. Your attention is currency to them. Don’t waste it on them, find you something else to do. Pick up a shift from work, go to a library, a park, anything. But try to genuinely keep yourself busy and away from them and you’ll be okay for the most part. If they’re violent you may need to take extra steps and practice self defense.
It's kinda like you took the words from what I've said a few times. There is no point where you can say okay, you did this, and I did that, but can we figure out a way to get whatever needs situated and move forward and forward? It doesn't always mean together, but things need situated so people can move on, and it will never happen. They won't allow it. They don't want compromise. They want power and control, of not just their lives but yours and whoever else's.
My spouse, leaving for work a few days ago, says to my daughter and myself 'Don't do anything I wouldn't do'. That hit! That twinkle of mischief in their eyes was something to witness. The look of realization on my face registered. They understand each other, these two are alike and know it. The next day as he leaves he says, 'Be good!'.
Beginning to find my joy after getting away from my narcissistic family. There is a new narcissist in my life who I can’t get rid of, who is the epitome of all narcissistic abuse. I refuse to let him steal my joy.
This is 💯 my older brother and his wife. They do horrific things to us, yet if we ever do any little innocent thing like have a different opinion that they don’t like they are super vindictive and punish us. They are never held accountable and lie about what they did. I am shamed blamed and scapegoated. It’s messed up. Sadly a lot of my family is blind to and enables them, so I feel alone in it sometimes. They expect me to just hang out with them like nothing happened. I can’t do it anymore. So reaching out to safe supports and keeping my healthy boundaries. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Escaping their Epic Rages can be terrifying in the moment but Safety First Always, let them Rage publicly , Let them Expose their True Colors when they fly off the handle in a Self Entitled Rage and Get All the Practical, Financial, Legal, Psychological, Emotional Help and Support Possible withIn Reason WhenEver, WhereEver Possible and NEVER NEVER NEVER let your Guard down !
I've lost sentimental items: antique/treasured family heirlooms, journals, family photos, jewelry from deceased relatives, broken items - lots- art/jewelry making supplies/tools, clothing. I'm left w/ a nearly emptied closet or oil-stained shirts, jeans, etc., 4-ish pairs of underwear, trying to set a boundary was a VERY BAD IDEA? Having hope and trying again after losing things with insanely sentimental value and importance - even worse. Being human - isn't allowed. Talking to my s/o - in a house with paper thin-(ER) walls/floors than I realized - and her daughter as my landlord. I lose and still losing. They own and manage to sell their narrative. No one comes to you for your story or insight. They don't care. (I rent a room in a "private" home, with "shared" living space). It's all theirs.
Went total NC with a malignant narc father and highly enmeshed multigenerational toxic family system who all rose and fell through the world of business. It was sad to watch the flying monkeys and attempts at love bombing. They have no idea what to do, they have no power. They just cry into the ether and receive no response. Sad shit, but it sure is a hell of a lot better than the other option. Thank you Dr. Ramani, you saved my life, almost 3 years NC because of your saving grace.
Two wrongs don't make a right. Let's all be sure to take accountability for our actions lest we become the very people we label "other". This is why the world needs Christ. He breaks every chain and calls us to elevate above our natural responses of vengeance, bitterness, anger, and calls us instead to forgiveness, grace, mercy, restoration, and reconciliation.
The level and degree of the "betrayal" and of the narcissism among an array of other factors determines the response. This can go terribly wrong very quickly.
My ex used to do exactly what you're explaining 3:30. Her feelings = facts. So when she tried to get me locked up under legitimately a falsehood. She was physically abusive, and her story was such a terrible lie. My testimony vs. hers. She ended up with DV charges, assault, destruction of property + more.
Hey Ramani, it's been a while. You always cover the full gamut of a subject - and it's great! So is it a betrayal, or a "Full Wake-up to REALITY?" Truly, "two cannot walk together unless they're in agreement." I'm up to about 5-min. now, Ramani. All I can say is you make things. . . "Make SENSE." And BTW - The Blame Game never works.
Oh, my stomach is still churning since I listened to a podcast about a dude that killed his 3 kids so wife doesn't have them; don't give them bad news when your kids are with them😢
Punished for the rest of your life, yes yes 😭. After years are feeling unwanted and unloved I went and found attention elsewhere, which I never lied and actually left my husband or tried, only to fall for his lies and going back only to be beat and put down. Now I've been married about 20 years and the cycle never ends, he never stops trying to cheat and gives others the words I desperately need to hear, and all I get is him saying how I did this to him and he hasn't hurt me enough, I get no love no emotion all I get is hate, and if I cry he says I have issues, like duh of course I do, I'm lonely and unloved. He won't be all about my feelings he only turns it back on me and what I did to him, understand he cheated multiple times before I ever left and found someone, but we can't talk about that. I don't look at what I did as cheating, I left the relationship, but got suckered back in. I need someone to talk to because the void ive fallen into is getting hard to manage, the depression is consuming
Does the narcissist treat the new supply better because my narcissist was extremely physically abusive, emotional and psychological abuse with it so would he do that to the new supply? I feel like he only would to me.
No they treat everyone differently but never in a good way . That may be what it seems like or maybe it’s live bombing for now .. eventually the real character of a person will come out . However if you have weak boundaries you may be more susceptible to abuse / narcissism . Just my opinion !
@@Maneater222-g3jinteresting my x narc hooked up to a woman who was able to support him with material goods. You bet your bitty bottom.. he didn’t physically abuse her! I’m talking physical not mental.
Yes I have betrayed a narcissist before. One was exactly what was described. Btw I always came clean. Back in my heavy drinking days. The narc was trying to invite me to parties after my betrayal which I declined. Would show up at places where I was dancing. Then I went to watch him get an award. He had tons of females adoring him except me. I took the exit door. Did I feel bad about it ? Of course I did. Shortly after I quit my drinking and quit dating new dudes. I am well aware of my issues. I have some intense hateful feelings towards my psychopathic father. But I did have the sense to quit hurting others. Narcissist don’t care and never come clean. I could give an ear full. The heat of the moment z
Betray them......oh dear us do that!!!!.... Lord help me not cause me to be in the path of these demonic 👿 entities, that they really seem as the victim. Power Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150🙏🙌
Simple example of do what I say ,not what I do.... And your treatment will be the same as the rest for a long time. In thier mind thier better than you ,better at anything better then you have done. You start to feel like the life's being drained from your life.. God bless everyone
My betrayal to my ex was responding to the message of his new girlfriend. I “only made the situation worse and caused her more hurt than necessary”. I was “mean to him and he always thought I was a nice girl. Blah Blah Blah. Gaslighting. Blame shifting for cheating. Blah Blah Blah.” The truth hurts a narcissist!!!
I think this video missed the mark slightly. The way the ‘non-narcissist’ is being framed and, at times, defended and sympathised with by default (sometimes even with entirely unrelated relationship issues), is exactly the kind of rhetoric narcissists use themselves. “It was okay for me to hurt you because you are so much worse, just look at the scorecard I have kept!” The truth is that kind, accountable people own up to their wrongdoings without making excuses. We all have flaws, but the type to coldly question whether the betrayed person even truly feels *hurt* (NPD, narcissistic tendencies, or neither) is exactly the one that usually proves themselves to be deeply narcissistic, at least in my experience. Please be mindful of how many deeply narcissistic people with no self-awareness are watching this content and weaponising it against their victims
It’s like the narcissist thinks of any minor pushback or disagreeing with them as this huge betrayal that a mentally fit person would not. They definitely turn on the theatrics and twist words to make them seem like such a victim. However, when they’ve done something incredibly wrong/huge betrayal to the victim, they’ll say the victim is overreacting and it’s “not like that.” It’s always different rules for the narcissist.
I'm not the narcissist but I'm the one left out of family events that 2 of my narcissistic sisters planned, including my dad's 90th birthday party. I found out from my aunt's invitation to it. I'm surprised my sisters told me about my dad's pending death a few days before he died, which I thought he was still at another sister. Lots of secrets kept from me, the youngest sister.
When my narcissistic mom catches me and sister whispering about her crazy ass behavior to save our sanity...and yet SHE is forever complaining about her own children to her own children.
Yeah!!! A video about me!!! The betrayer of a narcissist after I had enough. I’m not perfect. But I can put a narcissist in the mud with the best of them.
If you’ve had samadhi like I have you’re all heart. Your ego doesn’t get a blow from betrayal. Your heart breaks. Why? Because you’re not in relationships with your ego any longer. You’re in the relationship because you deeply love them. The more spiritual a person is the less they bring ego into it and the more they bring all heart. And yes hearts can break. When Christ was betrayed it wasn’t his ego that experienced pain. He knew what was going on yet he loved and his heart ached as well. Dr Ramani stop with assuming peoples ego are bruised. That only happens if you don’t love.
Thier smiling in your face saying love words then wait for it , its going to be hard to get any rest for a while, they will keep you busy find you extra work to do even go through anything you"ve been working on so you have to redo that as well as the extra, your always tired and stressed out. God bless your heart
If I officially complain to the authorities about my narc therapist who abused me.. she will see that as a betrayal, right? I spoke to many authorities and they all said to do it. If she does something just ring the police. Am I strong enough? She nearly made me kill myself.
What if I want to tell my narcissistic separated husband about my “betrayal “ because I want him to be upset with me and never talk to me again. He is so not wanting or willing to divorce I feel it is my only hope for him to hate me. I can’t afford attorneys we have nothing to argue about only our home. I just want him to sign the papers and leave me alone. I feel telling him will be the only way . I don’t care if he rages etc I’m SO use to it!!! Im not scared of him anymore I actually want him to know . Ugh help!
You have too understand that if you were in a bad position of an unjust deal there are no betrayal. Will be a illusion of betrayal if you still believe in lies and accept all the bull shit. Just you believing in a fart. Its a sign of perfection when a person that notes his bad spot in a psychopathic system of abuse put all that bullshit in conscious discourse and decide with a crystal free will to break up ties. You have to understand that the capacity to put all this evil things and nastyness in discourse is not a common trait. If a non psychopathic person do some karma payback or something that serves like a specular justice, in a cosmological sense he is justified.
They can betray you, but how dare you betray them.
Leaving my narcissistic husband has saved my life, but caused him to go whole hog danger to me. He will never stop trying to destroy me and end my life because I divorced him. With 4 children under 18, an at-home mom with no child support and no employment, I still filed. My joy and safety are my solace.
He considered my filing for divorce a betrayal to him, although he bankrupted us twice, had us living unsafely in a dump, and was actively gaslighting and hurting me and our 4 children.
I'm proud of you. People think that the abuse stops when you leave. I often feel that it gets worse. They will forever be enraged that you left them and your life is better because of it. I feel like us just breathing infuriates them.
Congrats for getting out
Been there. Stay strong. Something will happen in the narc's life and he/she will have other irons in the fire.
Praying for you. 🙏
I wish I had your courage, as I feel trapped.
I didn't cheat in the relationship. He did. But me moving on was a punishable offense.
Anything done to a narc will be treated by them as exponentially worse than anything they’ve done to you. And nobody can hold a grudge longer than a narc
Are you the Mary that someone was planting seeds of doubt in others' ears? I remember a video, I think, a few months ago. I can relate, and it's one of the things that makes navigating these relationships and dynamics hard.
💯 percent
When it comes to a narcissist everything is betrayal🤷♀️
I've temporarily betrayed a narcissist to escape the relationship with minimal collateral damage. And no, I don't feel bad at all. It's like feeling bad for defending yourself from an attacker. If the narcissist isn't dealing in good faith, you have the right to protect yourself until you can leave the abuser
Yes! By nature these people are attacking you, truly. Whether it’s directly physical or not. It’s psychological warfare and (I’m speaking directly to myself here) we don’t need to feel guilty for trying to escape and survive.
I tried to end the relationship "normally", and was faced with threats and a mountain of guilt-tripping. In the end I also had to escape in secret, leaving half of my belongings behind. There really is no reasoning with these people!
He told everyone we know that I “ broke his heart” ( in spite of his devaluing process) hearing that shocked me and made me feel so terrible for years while he raged on until it finally occurred to me that if I broke anything it wasn’t his heart it was his PRIDE. And that was one of the first steps out of the mental quagmire
And they'll never admit they are in the wrong for their vindictiveness! They justify it all "because you..."
My ex felt that my leaving him was a form of betrayal. Interestingly, although he said that he didn't want the divorce, I felt in my gut that if I went back, he'd punish me. His upset wasn't about me; it was about him.
💯 percent yes.
My narcissitic sister is at the end of the road on cancer treatments. She lives in another state. We are the two remaining members of my immediate family. I have been extremely supportive during her treatments. I have called to check on her, sent encouraging cards, sent gift cards and goodies. I decided after her second narcissitic rage a few years ago (When she was visiting) that I can never have her under my roof again. I was the scapegoat in the family. My parents died years ago. Their behavior then (and my whole life) sent me into self destructive tail spins when they died. I can see that my sister is trying to hoover me in so that she can stay with me (and take out her anger) during her remaining time. This will not happen. As Dr. R has said "There is no virtue in being an emotional punching bag for another person." I am sure that without Dr. R I would be heading into my third tail spin. I would appreciate any prayers. (PS: I have one friend who I can speak frankly with).
Sending you my prayers. Stay strong in your self-advocacy. Ignore all the manipulations. You owe her nothing whatsoever.
I have a similar experience and I support you in standing firm!!
"Epic level of victimhood" well said
I like to try to remember that the maturity of the Narcissist is that of a child.
👍
I know. It's too bad we can't just give them a time out in the corner but it's much more difficult than that. They are blind to themself because they are digging up any crap they can find on you so they can elevate themself(in their mind only). Total idiots 😮
Bless your heart ❤.
A nasty child.
A narcissist is the kind of friend that will help you hide a dead body. But if you betray a narcissist, just remember they know how to hide a dead body.
Perfect illustration
If they are helping you, they aren’t doing it to help you. They are doing it to have blackmail on you.
I have now become vindictive towards my narc husband using him for my gain...not proud of it. I just recognize it.
🤣🤣🤣
They will enlist you in hiding a body, and then frame you for the murder.
If eye for an eye, everyone will be blind. 🧐 Just walk away...thanks Doc!
if things don't go their way, to them, it's a betrayal no matter what.
Even if it went their way, any little part of it that falls short is against you.
Thank you for this one. This often has made me feel like the narcissist...
When I was friends with my NPD friend , I couldn't understand why she didn't invite me to special events in the family. Now I know she didn't want to share the attention they would give her. And there were a lot of special events I was not invited to attend!!!!
You don't have to betray them, deliberately at least, they can just see it as a betrayal and they hold that grudge forever, they never forgive, I've been through it first hand. Even a minor slight can trigger it actually, and they'll hold onto it forever, the amount of anger and hate in them is surprising, and yet, they make excuses for their own behaviour and feel justified if they do it to you.
Dr. R. I am amazed each time I watch your videos. Always 100% correct. I have been on both sides of this situation and you really are correct..thanks 😮
I "betrayed" my narcissistic mother a few times and oooh boy has she made me suffer for it 😬
If you can exit quietly.. do it 🙈
I benefit from all of your content (I found you too late but since finding you I have accessed healing and affirmation that I never knew was possible) but this video is bomb 🥰
I made a plan to leave and he never saw it coming. Feeling guilty for learning their game and saving you and your kids..nope! That's not a betrayal, that's survival.
And you better believe the one shitty thing you do will always and forever be brought up every time they do something shitty to excuse their behaviour. It’s such a waste of time trying to “move on.”
Any disagreement with mother was answered with "You Betrayed ME!"
I've been struggling with how much empathy, or leeway, to give the narcissist in my life. I care about them and want to protect myself
In my upbringing, I had to walk on eggshells and basically have no opinion to avoid inciting rage in my narcissist mother. She would go off the deep end and resort to drastic threats if I said something she didn't like
I really really really wish this video was longer and I wish it was more in-depth. Honestly in some situations with my most biggest betrayals to a narcissist it actually got me out of the relationship because I got the discard after the person found out and honestly I probably dodged a bullet and it was probably a blessing in disguise and I totally know it doesn’t excuse my betrayals no matter how small or big they are and I take full responsibility and accountability for them and myself it’s definitely not easy doing that.
That’s what I am thinking .. if I share my betrayal that may be my only way to get out. I am hoping he will then finally hate me and leave me. I can’t afford to be the one to leave. I have been holding on to telling him for 3 years. But I am separated just not divorced
You can betray a narc without the I tension or knowledge that you're doing so.
I married into a narc family. Apparently there were a lot of unspoken rules regarding social interactions that I wasn't aware of. I was breaking them all of the time and the nex would let me know about it later.
Same
Wow Wow Wow Oh my goodness this is absolutely brilliant thank you so much for this it’s like your literally speaking to my core soul and it’s giving me chills and I’m literally crying right now in a good way. In my past I have betrayed many of my ex’s who in my opinion are narcissists and my betrayals were in many different forms like small mid and big huge betrayals and I am definitely not proud of it at all and I definitely accept responsibility and accountability for my betrayals within myself and I try to give myself grace and forgiveness within myself and I try to do better in my future relationships and it’s definitely not easy at all especially giving myself grace and forgiveness within myself for my betrayals with narcissistic people it’s so difficult and especially when your empathetic its double hard and difficult and I am trying and I try to do better in my future relationships with others. 💜
I strayed after 5 years in an utterly sexless, non physical relationship. The withholding of all physical affection brought me to despair. Not even a kiss. When I confessed my infidelity/betrayal, that's when I saw who he really was. I wish to hear more stories of husbands depriving their wives of physical contact to destroy their confidence. Anyone else go through the same thing?
The first year after our intimate relationship ended was incredibly difficult for me. But over time, I realized that, perhaps unintentionally, he had actually done me a huge favor. My perspective on our relationship became clearer, and I finally saw him for who he truly is. I stopped loving and desiring him. Now, I don’t share personal things anymore; we only have superficial conversations, and I don’t think he’s even noticed. Looking back, I wonder why I didn’t see things clearly sooner. Now, I’m planning my escape.
Thank you Dr.Ramani ❤️
Such a good video. I think the reason why I'm in the isolated boat from family that I'm in is because of a "big" unrepairable betrayal from 18 years old in high school. My dad found my yearbook in my bedroom in their house, while I was in college in North Carolina. Clearly, I guess I didn't think it was a big deal because I left the yearbook there. But it had all my friends signing it calling my dad "the fag", (which is what we / I called my dad in senior year of high school) my mom the "fag-ette" because she was married to him. My sister the b-word. Pretty brutal stuff I guess. Not ever proud of it. But my older sis is a narcissist too I think. I was not happy with her treatment of me over the years as a kid who was always suffering in numerous ways. Longer story as to why I was name-calling on my family like that with my new friends in my new high school and why I hated my dad and the family so much. But the point is, my yearbook went missing from my room for maybe a decade or two, as I wanted to get rid of it. I recently had found it in my bedroom maybe during covid or 2020. Immediately threw it in the garbage. Actually, in 2019, I realize, had gone to therapy with my parents, once in my life. I brought up the yearbook. I was wiling to talk about it and hold myself accountable, again. My dad said, he didn't know what I was talking about. End of discussion. I let it go. And then I find my yearbook magically appear in 2020. Nothing was accomplished in therapy, obviously. But I got rid of the yearbook after it re-appeared. Well, that yearbook and betrayal ruined my life I guess. But like Dr Ramani said, it's impossible to not betray at some point. This is just such valuable information for me to have, and to reconsile something for myself. I have felt really terrible about it and had actually genuinely apologized when my dad found it and called me in 2002, I cried on the phone to him when he found it. From right then, I even returned home to live with them, I entered a massive massive 2 year suicidal depression, and 11 years overall depression. But my apology did absolutely nothing. Now, I have no family to speak to safely.
When it happened to my mom she told me she hated me no more needed me and went no contact It took me a few months to believe it was the begining of my freedom
Loved the content ❤
I am glad to end my miserable relationship with this insulting, retarted, annoying manipulating narcissistic player. Thank you Dr. Ramani. 💯🙏🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥😎
Ooh, can’t wait to watch this. 🍿 I’m curious to see how it aligns w/my experience w/a former neighbor & “friend” (who I knew before we moved here), who went scorched-earth on me after she felt I had betrayed her.
I sang the Hallelujah Chorus years later when I found out she was moving away from us. 🎉😂
Thank you, I could never find this online but you describe everything I experienced in betraying a narcissist
For optics…That’s key in moving through narcissistic entanglements - it’s all about how they look to others.
No matter how much we endure constant betrayal at the hands of the narcissist, no matter how deeply affected WE are or how many years we’ve put up with their betrayal of us, along with all their targeted abuse - ultimately if you reach out for help & THAT PERSON or entity decides to communicate the extent of your hurt to the narcissist - that is the ultimate narcissistic injury to them because if anyone’s s%#^ don’t stink it’s theirs. There’s never an off-ramp to resolving conflict with this personality type because it’s not in their best interest to do so. It would reduce their supply & the entertainment of making us sweat by turning off their show.
Thank you for this. I have beat myself up for years over this.
Awesome, thank you... Could you do a video on the connection between narcissism and cowardice? Thank you so much!!!👍❤❤❤
I emotionally cheated on my narcissist. It ended our relationship. Thank the gods, it made me free. And I am so much better for it. There is freedom after a narcissist relationship.
A narcissist will feel betrayed because you’re doing something that doesn’t center them. Even reading a book can send them into a rage. They’ll judge your choice to read, the book itself, etc. to get you focused on them and not on your endeavor. The narcissist only has power when you pay attention to them. Your attention is currency to them. Don’t waste it on them, find you something else to do. Pick up a shift from work, go to a library, a park, anything. But try to genuinely keep yourself busy and away from them and you’ll be okay for the most part. If they’re violent you may need to take extra steps and practice self defense.
Thank you D Ramani
It's kinda like you took the words from what I've said a few times. There is no point where you can say okay, you did this, and I did that, but can we figure out a way to get whatever needs situated and move forward and forward? It doesn't always mean together, but things need situated so people can move on, and it will never happen. They won't allow it.
They don't want compromise. They want power and control, of not just their lives but yours and whoever else's.
My spouse, leaving for work a few days ago, says to my daughter and myself 'Don't do anything I wouldn't do'. That hit!
That twinkle of mischief in their eyes was something to witness. The look of realization on my face registered. They understand each other, these two are alike and know it.
The next day as he leaves he says, 'Be good!'.
Very knowledgeable thank you
I chose my future husband over my narcissistic father when pushed in that corner by my father. 🤷
I stayed trauma bonded to my narc father till his death
It's refreshing to see you in such a good mood.
Beginning to find my joy after getting away from my narcissistic family. There is a new narcissist in my life who I can’t get rid of, who is the epitome of all narcissistic abuse. I refuse to let him steal my joy.
This is 💯 my older brother and his wife. They do horrific things to us, yet if we ever do any little innocent thing like have a different opinion that they don’t like they are super vindictive and punish us. They are never held accountable and lie about what they did. I am shamed blamed and scapegoated. It’s messed up. Sadly a lot of my family is blind to and enables them, so I feel alone in it sometimes. They expect me to just hang out with them like nothing happened. I can’t do it anymore. So reaching out to safe supports and keeping my healthy boundaries. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Escaping their Epic Rages can be terrifying in the moment but Safety First Always, let them Rage publicly , Let them Expose their True Colors when they fly off the handle in a Self Entitled Rage and Get All the Practical, Financial, Legal, Psychological, Emotional Help and Support Possible withIn Reason WhenEver, WhereEver Possible and NEVER NEVER NEVER let your Guard down !
Right! you’re supposed to be loyal to them till the end
I've lost sentimental items: antique/treasured family heirlooms, journals, family photos, jewelry from deceased relatives, broken items - lots- art/jewelry making supplies/tools, clothing. I'm left w/ a nearly emptied closet or oil-stained shirts, jeans, etc., 4-ish pairs of underwear, trying to set a boundary was a VERY BAD IDEA? Having hope and trying again after losing things with insanely sentimental value and importance - even worse. Being human - isn't allowed. Talking to my s/o - in a house with paper thin-(ER) walls/floors than I realized - and her daughter as my landlord. I lose and still losing. They own and manage to sell their narrative. No one comes to you for your story or insight. They don't care. (I rent a room in a "private" home, with "shared" living space). It's all theirs.
Went total NC with a malignant narc father and highly enmeshed multigenerational toxic family system who all rose and fell through the world of business. It was sad to watch the flying monkeys and attempts at love bombing. They have no idea what to do, they have no power. They just cry into the ether and receive no response. Sad shit, but it sure is a hell of a lot better than the other option. Thank you Dr. Ramani, you saved my life, almost 3 years NC because of your saving grace.
Two wrongs don't make a right. Let's all be sure to take accountability for our actions lest we become the very people we label "other". This is why the world needs Christ. He breaks every chain and calls us to elevate above our natural responses of vengeance, bitterness, anger, and calls us instead to forgiveness, grace, mercy, restoration, and reconciliation.
-narc
The level and degree of the "betrayal" and of the narcissism among an array of other factors determines the response. This can go terribly wrong very quickly.
Yes a 1000 times. This is my story
My ex used to do exactly what you're explaining 3:30.
Her feelings = facts. So when she tried to get me locked up under legitimately a falsehood. She was physically abusive, and her story was such a terrible lie. My testimony vs. hers.
She ended up with DV charges, assault, destruction of property + more.
❤❤❤ I love your content is helping me a lot
Hey Ramani, it's been a while. You always cover the full gamut of a subject - and it's great! So is it a betrayal, or a "Full Wake-up to REALITY?" Truly, "two cannot walk together unless they're in agreement." I'm up to about 5-min. now, Ramani. All I can say is you make things. . . "Make SENSE." And BTW - The Blame Game never works.
I appreciate your message. Its a eye opener
Oh, my stomach is still churning since I listened to a podcast about a dude that killed his 3 kids so wife doesn't have them; don't give them bad news when your kids are with them😢
Thank-you again ❤
Punished for the rest of your life, yes yes 😭. After years are feeling unwanted and unloved I went and found attention elsewhere, which I never lied and actually left my husband or tried, only to fall for his lies and going back only to be beat and put down. Now I've been married about 20 years and the cycle never ends, he never stops trying to cheat and gives others the words I desperately need to hear, and all I get is him saying how I did this to him and he hasn't hurt me enough, I get no love no emotion all I get is hate, and if I cry he says I have issues, like duh of course I do, I'm lonely and unloved. He won't be all about my feelings he only turns it back on me and what I did to him, understand he cheated multiple times before I ever left and found someone, but we can't talk about that. I don't look at what I did as cheating, I left the relationship, but got suckered back in. I need someone to talk to because the void ive fallen into is getting hard to manage, the depression is consuming
Bless your heart ❤.
So are you supposed to tell a narc (in the most gentle way) they aren’t invited to something? That’s a joke! 😂
i needed to hear this.
Does the narcissist treat the new supply better because my narcissist was extremely physically abusive, emotional and psychological abuse with it so would he do that to the new supply? I feel like he only would to me.
No they treat everyone differently but never in a good way . That may be what it seems like or maybe it’s live bombing for now .. eventually the real character of a person will come out . However if you have weak boundaries you may be more susceptible to abuse / narcissism . Just my opinion !
@@Maneater222-g3jinteresting my x narc hooked up to a woman who was able to support him with material goods. You bet your bitty bottom.. he didn’t physically abuse her! I’m talking physical not mental.
Yes I have betrayed a narcissist before. One was exactly what was described. Btw I always came clean. Back in my heavy drinking days. The narc was trying to invite me to parties after my betrayal which I declined. Would show up at places where I was dancing. Then I went to watch him get an award. He had tons of females adoring him except me. I took the exit door. Did I feel bad about it ? Of course I did. Shortly after I quit my drinking and quit dating new dudes. I am well aware of my issues. I have some intense hateful feelings towards my psychopathic father. But I did have the sense to quit hurting others. Narcissist don’t care and never come clean. I could give an ear full. The heat of the moment z
❤ thank you 🙏
Betray them......oh dear us do that!!!!.... Lord help me not cause me to be in the path of these demonic 👿 entities, that they really seem as the victim. Power Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150🙏🙌
Simple example of do what I say ,not what I do.... And your treatment will be the same as the rest for a long time. In thier mind thier better than you ,better at anything better then you have done. You start to feel like the life's being drained from your life.. God bless everyone
My betrayal to my ex was responding to the message of his new girlfriend. I “only made the situation worse and caused her more hurt than necessary”. I was “mean to him and he always thought I was a nice girl. Blah Blah Blah. Gaslighting. Blame shifting for cheating. Blah Blah Blah.” The truth hurts a narcissist!!!
Come on !
what kind of a non-narcissist person cheat on their partner ?
the act itself is selfish by definition.
you know i'm right...
I think this video missed the mark slightly. The way the ‘non-narcissist’ is being framed and, at times, defended and sympathised with by default (sometimes even with entirely unrelated relationship issues), is exactly the kind of rhetoric narcissists use themselves. “It was okay for me to hurt you because you are so much worse, just look at the scorecard I have kept!” The truth is that kind, accountable people own up to their wrongdoings without making excuses. We all have flaws, but the type to coldly question whether the betrayed person even truly feels *hurt* (NPD, narcissistic tendencies, or neither) is exactly the one that usually proves themselves to be deeply narcissistic, at least in my experience. Please be mindful of how many deeply narcissistic people with no self-awareness are watching this content and weaponising it against their victims
It’s like the narcissist thinks of any minor pushback or disagreeing with them as this huge betrayal that a mentally fit person would not. They definitely turn on the theatrics and twist words to make them seem like such a victim. However, when they’ve done something incredibly wrong/huge betrayal to the victim, they’ll say the victim is overreacting and it’s “not like that.” It’s always different rules for the narcissist.
⚠️ toxic cycle ⚠️
1. Plan your escape
2. Maintain your integrity
3. Keep it moving
My husband said that me finally leaving and divorcing him was the ultimate betrayal because i was breaking our wedding vows
Thanks for this
I'm not the narcissist but I'm the one left out of family events that 2 of my narcissistic sisters planned, including my dad's 90th birthday party. I found out from my aunt's invitation to it. I'm surprised my sisters told me about my dad's pending death a few days before he died, which I thought he was still at another sister. Lots of secrets kept from me, the youngest sister.
I would never betray anybody, not even a narcissist.
How does an ego injury feel different to the feeling of emotional hurt?
Yes I cheated on the NP and it wasn’t ok, but the NP put me through hell for the past 4 years because of it.
When my narcissistic mom catches me and sister whispering about her crazy ass behavior to save our sanity...and yet SHE is forever complaining about her own children to her own children.
Yeah!!! A video about me!!! The betrayer of a narcissist after I had enough. I’m not perfect. But I can put a narcissist in the mud with the best of them.
He'll call it betrayal, but I "betrayed" him for exposing to his wife for attempting to cheat.
I’ve always wondered.
If you’ve had samadhi like I have you’re all heart. Your ego doesn’t get a blow from betrayal. Your heart breaks. Why? Because you’re not in relationships with your ego any longer. You’re in the relationship because you deeply love them. The more spiritual a person is the less they bring ego into it and the more they bring all heart. And yes hearts can break. When Christ was betrayed it wasn’t his ego that experienced pain. He knew what was going on yet he loved and his heart ached as well. Dr Ramani stop with assuming peoples ego are bruised. That only happens if you don’t love.
Prometheus is my No.1 Hero!
Thier smiling in your face saying love words then wait for it , its going to be hard to get any rest for a while, they will keep you busy find you extra work to do even go through anything you"ve been working on so you have to redo that as well as the extra, your always tired and stressed out. God bless your heart
Is it ok to share my experience I had with narcissistic coworker to another coworker in hopes to warn them or help them avoid the same experience?
Oh yes get very angry 😡
❤️
If I officially complain to the authorities about my narc therapist who abused me.. she will see that as a betrayal, right?
I spoke to many authorities and they all said to do it. If she does something just ring the police.
Am I strong enough? She nearly made me kill myself.
What if I want to tell my narcissistic separated husband about my “betrayal “ because I want him to be upset with me and never talk to me again. He is so not wanting or willing to divorce I feel it is my only hope for him to hate me. I can’t afford attorneys we have nothing to argue about only our home. I just want him to sign the papers and leave me alone. I feel telling him will be the only way . I don’t care if he rages etc I’m SO use to it!!! Im not scared of him anymore I actually want him to know . Ugh help!
Don’t admit anything to him. It’s extremely dangerous.
You have too understand that if you were in a bad position of an unjust deal there are no betrayal. Will be a illusion of betrayal if you still believe in lies and accept all the bull shit. Just you believing in a fart. Its a sign of perfection when a person that notes his bad spot in a psychopathic system of abuse put all that bullshit in conscious discourse and decide with a crystal free will to break up ties. You have to understand that the capacity to put all this evil things and nastyness in discourse is not a common trait. If a non psychopathic person do some karma payback or something that serves like a specular justice, in a cosmological sense he is justified.
4th, 7 November 2024
What is this supposed to mean? That u were 4th to watch? Are we in kindergarten?
@@Happy_crab630😅😂🤣🤣🤣🙋💐😊💙
4 more years of toxicity- betrayal on every level*
If I get invited places I ask Ray my daughters dad to take my daughter if not I don’t bother
What could we expect *if* and when MAGA eventually realizes trump has never not betrayed them?
I’m sorry a lot of this just looks like bs lol