An HFY Story : The Bipeds | 2454 ~ Deathworld,War and Humans

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  • @Bilskirnir3124
    @Bilskirnir3124 4 місяці тому +167

    Don't. Touch. The. Boats. We take that personal.

    • @pheonixblue01
      @pheonixblue01 4 місяці тому +5

      Japan has anime voices for you to hear.

    • @williamcastro3017
      @williamcastro3017 4 місяці тому +3

      Try to surrender,o or die. 🥵

    • @sodkumagarasdod
      @sodkumagarasdod 4 місяці тому +8

      Habitual Linecrosser ? 😅

    • @Bilskirnir3124
      @Bilskirnir3124 4 місяці тому +5

      @@sodkumagarasdod Indeed. Did you hear it with his Japanese accent?

    • @sodkumagarasdod
      @sodkumagarasdod 4 місяці тому +5

      @@Bilskirnir3124 of course i did. 😁

  • @DragonJohn
    @DragonJohn 4 місяці тому +98

    “Nitrogen started replacing helium”
    I’ll bet there were more than a few giggles among the infiltration team

    • @Netherdan
      @Netherdan 4 місяці тому +7

      Some might have even started imitating Minions

    • @JRRodriguez-nu7po
      @JRRodriguez-nu7po 4 місяці тому +6

      It is even easier to breathe helium/oxygen than nitrogen/oxygen. Perhaps it was done to make more difficult for the non humans.

    • @davethompson3326
      @davethompson3326 3 місяці тому +4

      Chip and Dale briefings intensify

    • @DragonJohn
      @DragonJohn 3 місяці тому +2

      @@davethompson3326 I hope there was at least one argument XD

  • @EricTheKei
    @EricTheKei 4 місяці тому +29

    "And it was then that we all learned to fear the wrath of those who sailed under the banner of the Flying Squirrel."

  • @merlinathrawes746
    @merlinathrawes746 4 місяці тому +72

    A standard seize and investigate, something that STARTS with disabling a strange ship rather than making attempts to communicate, is a HELL of a way to make first contact and not a very smart way at that. You're absolutely bound to run into someone that not only doesn't appreciate being shot at, but will shoot back and likely bring friends to the party.

    • @whyjnot420
      @whyjnot420 4 місяці тому +2

      And, in this particular setting your second sentence will have already happened a bunch of times. Since it basically says they got away with it for so long because they were so strong. That doesn't happen when everyone just rolls over.
      Do something enough times and it becomes the rule. Even when it is in actuality a statistical probability. (Sometimes that is even right. Think about some of thermodynamics which boil down to statistics and averages and whatnot, but you can't get around them.)
      Enforce that "rule" long enough and it becomes the norm. When something is the norm, you need more than "this thing that has never happened, might happen" to challenge it.
      So then I would say that the real issue here is that there is no intermediate challenge shown to occur. That is to say; If the "rule" has always held true, why then is there any meaningful controversary about it in the first place aside from "well it is aggressive"?
      Something, anything should have been shown to have happened for it to be even questionable. But no, the story goes from hunky dory to you done f**ed up without anything inbetween and suffers for it. Due to this "rule" always holding true without anything of substance challenging it. A narrative of "I don't understand" would have worked better than "We should have known it was coming".
      edit: btw, were I one of the aliens arguing in favor of the policy, whenever given the "its aggressive" argument I would respond with "no, its assertive"

    • @Commandelicious
      @Commandelicious 2 дні тому

      Remember Babylon 5, Minbari protocol on first contact is energizing the weapons.
      People are stupid.

  • @luzifershadres
    @luzifershadres 4 місяці тому +53

    General: "Sir, isnt it short sighted to expel other species from our border like that?"
    High Command: "Not this shit again. As if anyone could do anything against us."
    -Later-
    General: "Uhmm sir? There is a group of battleships holding our biggest military base outside the core hostage."
    High command: Suprised pikachu face

  • @Darkinu2
    @Darkinu2 4 місяці тому +15

    A classic.
    Standard Seize and Capture Procedure?
    Yeah, it was only a matter of time before someone took offence to having their home invaded.
    The Captain had better be apologetic as all hell.

  • @JosephWiess
    @JosephWiess 4 місяці тому +29

    "Sir, what should we do?"
    As a Terran, I would suggest opening hailing frequencies and begging forgiveness, above all, don't open fire, don't attack.
    We might feel merciful. It's doubtful, but there's always a chance.
    There needs to be more of this story.

    • @Furzkampfbomber
      @Furzkampfbomber 4 місяці тому +6

      Kinda reminds me of a story about a huge strip of space where, because of some strange cosmic phenomenon, every species within its confines turned utterly mad and subsequently against itself to the point of its extinction. Except for us humans, who were unaffected by this phenomenon since 'we were all a little bit mad right from the start' (which arguably is totally true, if you ask me).
      Anyway, when the first humans turned up in 'normal' space, this not only scared all the aliens crapless, it also made them immediately attack us out of fear, sheer arrogance and because they were 'seemingly not accustomed with the concept of warning shots'. Meaning, they attacked, a human ship fired a warning shot in return, which was only seen as 'too stupid to aim' by the aliens and encouraged them to go all in. In the end, humankind ripped everyone a new one, but decided to let it slip and go back to its own business in the end - and from this point on had a field day playing the strange and utterly mad weirdos everyone was expecting and so terribly afraid of.

    • @kevincaruthers5412
      @kevincaruthers5412 4 місяці тому +2

      @@Furzkampfbomber Would love to read that story. If you remember the name, I would be appreciative. :)

    • @Furzkampfbomber
      @Furzkampfbomber 4 місяці тому +4

      @@kevincaruthers5412 Dang, I'm sorry, I can not find this story anymore despite going so far and searching my entire watch history for certain key words.
      Tell you what, I'm going to bookmark this and in case I will ever remember what this story was named or stumble upon it again, I come back and inform you. Not at least, to be honest, because this is buggering my own autistic brain immensely right now. :D

    • @kevincaruthers5412
      @kevincaruthers5412 4 місяці тому +3

      @@Furzkampfbomber Thank you for the effort!
      I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

    • @Furzkampfbomber
      @Furzkampfbomber 4 місяці тому +3

      @@kevincaruthers5412 No problem, I just hope that one day I will find this darn story again! And have a great weekend too!

  • @achimdemus-holzhaeuser1233
    @achimdemus-holzhaeuser1233 4 місяці тому +4

    Descrioption of the Classified Symbol :
    An upright cylinder with two circles at one end.

  • @MyrdinAnnoth
    @MyrdinAnnoth 4 місяці тому +5

    Love how the Humans in this story are essentially Xenomorphs

  • @-MeatsOfEvil-
    @-MeatsOfEvil- 4 місяці тому +5

    Xeno: Seize and investigate, what could go wrong?
    Hooomans: War paint comes out, boss music begins to play.

    • @MarrockV
      @MarrockV Місяць тому

      Human Commander: "Siri, play The Only Thing They Fear Is You by Mick Gordon."

  • @robertfraser7943
    @robertfraser7943 4 місяці тому +14

    Those aliens forgot a saying that the Terran alliance bluntly reminded them of " there's always a bigger fish."

  • @Wastelandman7000
    @Wastelandman7000 4 місяці тому +16

    A bit of advice to the General. Have all personnel who can escape on the warships go and surrender. You might still be able to make peace and clear up the misunderstanding. Or at least temper the Terrans wrath by making it clear what happened was a combination of bad policy and a bungled first contact and apologize profusely.
    It might work. Better option in the long run to trying to fight the crazy war apes.

    • @madkow007
      @madkow007 4 місяці тому

      HA...lol crazy war apes. Pretty much covers it

  • @markschneider8815
    @markschneider8815 4 місяці тому +11

    Yeah, thought that "seize and investigate" policy was a really bad idea right from the start. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
    "W
    Surrender, General."

    • @involuntaryanalysis
      @involuntaryanalysis 3 місяці тому

      Congratulations, tell them what they've won.
      A lifetime supply of species-wide existential dread, and ALL the post-traumatic stress.

  • @patrickmoore5317
    @patrickmoore5317 4 місяці тому +15

    Got to love with the "proportional response".

  • @Chokah
    @Chokah 4 місяці тому +9

    I'm kind of surprised the end didn't involved their comms being hacked and the last sentence being "One chance. EXPLAIN YOURSELVES"

    • @Cl0ckcl0ck
      @Cl0ckcl0ck 4 місяці тому +3

      No need. The Terran Federation had the database from the ship for a while so knew the Federation 'seize and investigate' protocol.

    • @vladyvhv9579
      @vladyvhv9579 4 місяці тому +4

      Even better, "You have 5 minutes to evacuate before we open fire."

  • @mackenziedrake
    @mackenziedrake 4 місяці тому +49

    Yeah, somebody done fucked up. Many thanks!

  • @TheJMPD
    @TheJMPD 4 місяці тому +50

    The general should immediately broadcast their surrender, and request a parlay to explain and discuss options.
    Any other response, would be folly.

    • @yomogami4561
      @yomogami4561 4 місяці тому +9

      that's what i was thinking

    • @merlinathrawes746
      @merlinathrawes746 4 місяці тому +7

      A little hard to broadcast a surrender when all your comms are being jammed.

    • @yomogami4561
      @yomogami4561 4 місяці тому

      @@merlinathrawes746 shutting down weapons and shields are usually accepted but we are talking aliens

    • @mlogan2k2
      @mlogan2k2 4 місяці тому +12

      @@merlinathrawes746 Power down all shields and weapons, and pray to whatever gods you worship that they notice and get the message.

    • @silverbird425
      @silverbird425 4 місяці тому +3

      @@mlogan2k2 I don't think the Terrans have come to parley.

  • @Shadow.Dragon
    @Shadow.Dragon 4 місяці тому +21

    Great story; Excellent narration! That ending reminded me of "The Last Starfighter" "Commander, what do we do...? We Die!" LOL!!!

    • @stinkyfungus
      @stinkyfungus 4 місяці тому +3

      It doesn't hit right unless you have an automatic monacle with an unusually loud motor for such an advanced race... that rotates over you eye for dramatic effect before delivering the "we die" line.

  • @LegendStormcrow
    @LegendStormcrow 4 місяці тому +37

    Don't. Touch. Our. Boats.

  • @Avigorus
    @Avigorus 4 місяці тому +5

    First thought that comes through my head is that whoever programmed that classified symbol lock was an idiot, the system should've automatically transmitted the entire data package where the symbol was seen to the high command the instant it was detected due to the perceived threat level...

  • @SoManyDogs
    @SoManyDogs 4 місяці тому +4

    So…basically….they brought Zenomorphs onto their ship….then handed them advanced technology. That’s…not going to end well.

  • @Psalmster023
    @Psalmster023 4 місяці тому +8

    They were full of lawyers schooled in Federation Law…

    • @TrueFork
      @TrueFork 4 місяці тому +5

      oh dear the federation will go bankrupt

    • @williamcastro3017
      @williamcastro3017 4 місяці тому +5

      One word “RUN”! I am running, Run faster!

    • @reginaldbull4922
      @reginaldbull4922 2 місяці тому

      😂 made my day ❤

  • @Furzkampfbomber
    @Furzkampfbomber 4 місяці тому +2

    19:36 I appreciate how even the scrolling text seems to skip a beat, just like the alien's hearts, when the Terran Alliance shows up.
    For the allmighty literate rodent! For the algorithm!

  • @AlgorithmicChaos
    @AlgorithmicChaos 4 місяці тому +3

    On the topic of what to do: Surrender has historically worked better than the alternatives a lot of the time (though not everywhere and not always)

  • @Dragonbear13-k2r
    @Dragonbear13-k2r 4 місяці тому +6

    That was a scary story very well told. Good job, Squirrel. Bad business that “ seize and investigate.” FAFO.

  • @KouuToriProductions
    @KouuToriProductions 4 місяці тому +2

    DON'T. TOUCH. THE BOATS.
    - Anime Bad Guy

  • @mattbrown5511
    @mattbrown5511 4 місяці тому +4

    I have heard this story before, but this well done. Thank you for putting life into the story.

  • @SergioMollari
    @SergioMollari 3 місяці тому +1

    And from the nearest of the 12 ships, we received the following message: "Stand and deliver. Your lupins or your life".

  • @Maeshalanadae
    @Maeshalanadae 4 місяці тому +2

    I feel like this is a play of the start of the Barbary Wars.

  • @deussalt4479
    @deussalt4479 4 місяці тому +2

    FarmWhich delivering another fantastic short as usual ❤❤❤
    For the Agro-rythm!

  • @Kualinar
    @Kualinar 4 місяці тому +2

    The general didn't know, but, we absolutely know : Brown pants time ! Followed with blood splatter everywhere.

  • @silverbird425
    @silverbird425 4 місяці тому +2

    OI! No Letter of Marque! A pirate! A whole nation of pirates! Ohhhhh yeahhhh!

  • @proberts34
    @proberts34 4 місяці тому +9

    Wow. Talk about a First Contact gone wrong.
    I'd like to know what happens when the 12 ships arrive.
    Thanks for narrating and posting this very interesting story. My compliments to the author.

    • @silverbird425
      @silverbird425 4 місяці тому +6

      Mmmm I thinks its fair to say that 12 proper warships vs a fleet and fleet base will be messy for both sides, but if a scout ship can KO a flag battleship, the helium suckers are going to lose.

    • @TrueFork
      @TrueFork 4 місяці тому +5

      some casualties on first contact can probably be expected due to misunderstandings, the Terrans in the first ship were no doubt pissed but their higher ups will probably realize that the wise course of action would be to try diplomacy first. With the data they retrieved they should know about the controversial procedure so they likely have a strong case for demanding various reparations and concessions without having to start a war.

    • @vladyvhv9579
      @vladyvhv9579 4 місяці тому +2

      Just go watch The Fat Electrician's video about the US's "Proportional" response to that time Iran almost sunk one of our ships.

  • @mfree80286
    @mfree80286 4 місяці тому +2

    "Sir, what do we do?"
    Jesus.... just feckin' APOLOGIZE already!

  • @craigshuman5023
    @craigshuman5023 4 місяці тому +7

    I really enjoyed this one. If this story continues it can go two directions BUT both directions are interesting possibilities. I hope the story continues.

  • @kevincaruthers5412
    @kevincaruthers5412 4 місяці тому +2

    An excellent story.
    Thank you for sharing it.

  • @JamesSavik
    @JamesSavik 4 місяці тому +10

    Rock on Sir Squirrels!

  • @allenmorgan1007
    @allenmorgan1007 4 місяці тому +2

    For the Algorithm, for the Author(s), for the Holographic Voice!

  • @kevincaruthers5412
    @kevincaruthers5412 4 місяці тому +4

    Play stupid games: win stupid prizes.
    Or in other words
    FAFO

  • @E-N-A-R-D-L-A-V
    @E-N-A-R-D-L-A-V 3 місяці тому

    I've read this one before. It's one of my favorite stories. Glad to hear it being told by my favorite story teller!

  • @uCruz_
    @uCruz_ 4 місяці тому +2

    Oh man, it ends like that? Now I just want more.

  • @merlinathrawes746
    @merlinathrawes746 4 місяці тому +3

    Given that all data on "Federation" members, worlds and non-aligned species was included in that data dump, I wonder how many other fleets of 12 went to different targets.

    • @madkow007
      @madkow007 4 місяці тому +3

      My guess is after going over the data, 12 is all they need for the whole federation lol

  • @Shinzann2007
    @Shinzann2007 4 місяці тому +10

    Was this one of those remasters? I swear I've heard you tell this tale before. Not complaining, love listening to you tell these tales. Just wondering. :)

  • @MidnightSmoke
    @MidnightSmoke 4 місяці тому +10

    Here is a like and comment for the story, for entertaining me, to help your channel grow, to appease the great and powerful UA-cam algorithm demons, and get you the recognition you deserve.

  • @RealArcalian
    @RealArcalian 4 місяці тому +1

    Greetings, Mentlegent!
    For the Rhyhtm that is Algo
    Oh yeah, I remember NetNarrator doing this one a while back

  • @yomogami4561
    @yomogami4561 4 місяці тому +1

    good story and enjoyed the narration
    thanks

  • @JimbobpafcYT
    @JimbobpafcYT 4 місяці тому +4

    One of my all time favourite Hfy stories 👏🏻💪🏻

  • @dennisallen4726
    @dennisallen4726 4 місяці тому +1

    As always great story

  • @RiversJ
    @RiversJ 4 місяці тому +1

    Fantastic story and narration once again! Thanks to both the author and Agro.

  • @einyv
    @einyv 4 місяці тому +2

    Oh man, I hope this story continues

  • @techristopher8077
    @techristopher8077 2 дні тому

    Marvelous job and a very allegorical story

  • @rexmann1984
    @rexmann1984 4 місяці тому +2

    Hope you're doing good buddy. I bought The Nature of Predators book. Whenever I read it, your voice is the one I hear in my head.😅

    • @rexmann1984
      @rexmann1984 4 місяці тому +1

      However, as for this story Net Narrator did better with it. Sometimes I feel like the right narrator for the right story can make or break it

  • @Cadiangrunt99
    @Cadiangrunt99 2 місяці тому

    LOVE TO SEE Argo do this one.

  • @kurtismiller9544
    @kurtismiller9544 4 місяці тому +2

    For DA SKWERL and his Nest

  • @jeremycaufield8605
    @jeremycaufield8605 4 місяці тому +5

    Don't tread on me.

  • @kimberlycorliss9616
    @kimberlycorliss9616 4 місяці тому +2

    Good story!

  • @Jakes3130
    @Jakes3130 4 місяці тому +1

    Thanks brother keep it up

  • @davethompson3326
    @davethompson3326 3 місяці тому

    Spifflemonk would have handled that contact more effectively.

  • @TheLastRhapsody
    @TheLastRhapsody 4 місяці тому

    What you do is you open every single channel and maybe start waving some flags broadcasting the most sincere and heartfelt apology you can manage with all the power your generators can muster.

  • @HeliumNitrogenTantalumIodine
    @HeliumNitrogenTantalumIodine 4 місяці тому

    Ask politely, "May we be of assistance with anything?"

  • @SubZole
    @SubZole 4 місяці тому +1

    They are still lucky that the symbol wasn't a red cross XD

    • @madkow007
      @madkow007 4 місяці тому +1

      Was my thought at first, that would not go well at all

  • @DanSmith-x2p
    @DanSmith-x2p 4 місяці тому

    Good stuff

  • @davethompson3326
    @davethompson3326 3 місяці тому

    Well, that was a breathtakingly arrogant and bolloxed First Contact. I wonder why it went badly?😸

  • @olebloom1641
    @olebloom1641 4 місяці тому +3

    Definition of FAFO.

  • @nigelsmith7366
    @nigelsmith7366 4 місяці тому

    Squirrel time

  • @oldbutnotdead1
    @oldbutnotdead1 4 місяці тому

    Algorithm. Good story!

  • @CaptainShield
    @CaptainShield 4 місяці тому

    MORE please!

  • @t.p.3456
    @t.p.3456 4 місяці тому

    For the algorithm 👽👾🤖🌌🛰🚀🛸🌠

  • @johnhall1161
    @johnhall1161 4 місяці тому

    How is your recovery going from your sinus surgery going? Your voice sounds great

  • @spacedwarfbrewing2385
    @spacedwarfbrewing2385 4 місяці тому

    Glory to Terra.

    • @TrueFork
      @TrueFork 4 місяці тому

      no step on snek

  • @GR3YD3ATH
    @GR3YD3ATH 4 місяці тому

    yeah, going to have to ask you to signal that surrender and hope for the best... move along.

  • @davidvincent5701
    @davidvincent5701 4 місяці тому

    Hope the author has a part two coming out.

  • @merlinwizard1000
    @merlinwizard1000 4 місяці тому +3

    2nd, 12 July 2024

    • @TheJMPD
      @TheJMPD 4 місяці тому

      Ooo, how nice for you!
      That achievement will take you far...

  • @asandrewsilvaw
    @asandrewsilvaw 4 місяці тому

    For the algorithm

  • @ianmccallen2702
    @ianmccallen2702 4 місяці тому

    I would love a followup of this story

  • @shinzed2500
    @shinzed2500 4 місяці тому

    Was that symbol a great big X by any chance? Possibly with the word COM underneath it?

  • @Tiewaz
    @Tiewaz 4 місяці тому +4

    Honestly, if you know you were in the wrong, or at least the probably stronger people probably ready to pummel you thinks you were regardless of your own opinions, and you know they spoke at least one of your known languages, you hail on all frequencies and request to speak. And apologize. While we don't like our boats being touched, I think they would understand enough it was a different culture and give them ONE shot to give a reason NOT to react with a "proportional" response.

    • @chrissouthgate4554
      @chrissouthgate4554 4 місяці тому +1

      On the other hand - War of Jenkins Ear!

    • @sharibigay4712
      @sharibigay4712 4 місяці тому +2

      That was my thought, at least give it a try.

  • @williamcastro3017
    @williamcastro3017 4 місяці тому

    Could this be the beginning of “There Will Be Stitches”? Background story?

  • @Michael_Brock
    @Michael_Brock 4 місяці тому

    Xeno FAFO, for the algorithm.

  • @TheRealInscrutable
    @TheRealInscrutable 4 місяці тому

    200K

  • @roberthodson8645
    @roberthodson8645 4 місяці тому

    💪😁👍

  • @demonwalker01
    @demonwalker01 4 місяці тому

    Part3?

  • @melkiorwiseman5234
    @melkiorwiseman5234 4 місяці тому

    My advice:
    Apologise humbly and beg for mercy.
    It's your only chance.
    If that doesn't work, then you may as well try praying to whatever gods you believe in.

    • @goldengryphon
      @goldengryphon 4 місяці тому

      Praying should be part of it no matter what. Your gods, our gods, random gods, ...

  • @gordonhardwick9552
    @gordonhardwick9552 4 місяці тому

    Comment

  • @frankmoore3598
    @frankmoore3598 4 місяці тому

    Surrender

  • @matssmaling7552
    @matssmaling7552 Місяць тому

    Is it just me or were there some nop references in this story?

  • @michaellewis3226
    @michaellewis3226 4 місяці тому

    Catch and release isn't a very good first contact protocol. Better to try to talk first.

  • @NCVluminati
    @NCVluminati 4 місяці тому

    H

  • @Jutte777
    @Jutte777 4 місяці тому

    FAFO...

  • @barelyasurvivor1257
    @barelyasurvivor1257 4 місяці тому

    What could go wrong?
    All we were doing was seizing any and all unknown ships and reverse engineering the tech and then letting them go.
    I mean they were weaker than us in the Federation right?

  • @HeilTec
    @HeilTec 4 місяці тому +1

    👍
    Seize and investigate regarded hostile.

  • @maxxcarver5502
    @maxxcarver5502 4 місяці тому +1

    this. is. how. you. Find Out!

  • @071badboi
    @071badboi 4 місяці тому

    Great story