Yes and the problem is with them that if you fall for their hoover their dysfunctional fixed cycle of idealization, devalue and discard will start all over again. Once you are out stay out.🕊
I’ve realized how much abuse I have endure through my life, from parents, fake friends, attempted rape, domestic abuse, emotional and sexual abuse. How I am not on drugs is a testament to my strength. Only God can do this. My last ex tried so hard to break me and kill my self esteem before he left. But I know, he will realize one day that HE is also damaged. I will accept no more abuse from ANYONE EVER AGAIN!
Girl I’m surprised that you don’t have waaaayyyyy more followings. Your work is SPOT ON. As a survivor of narc abuse, everything you say is true. True to the word. Please continue making content. It helps those who are still struggling and those who have got out to continue to stay in no contact indefinitely. I’ve been gone since 2021 and I still have my moments of weakness and your videos empower me to continue holding the torch!
Well, there came the day to choose do I hurt him or continue hurt myself. At once I chose to hurt someone else and it set me free. I did not actually hurt him, but stopped protecting his feelings at the cost of myself. I set myself first, not some sick individual as always has been the way my life goes.
I watch a lot of narcissist channels in my recovery, a lot of "experts" and "famous" psychologists. Your videos are so straightforward, concise, says everything in a cohesive and succinct way. No baiting. Keep making your videos and sharing your light!
This was phenomenal. You put into words exactly what I went through. I got Phoenix level healing. I rose from the ashes a new being. My best self. I didn’t even know I was lacking so much before the narcissist. I thought I was a pretty good person because I was so overly nice and caring more than most. Being nice without boundaries and standards is not the answer.
Im stronger than ever after I figured out that I was abused by a sick narcissist. I stepped out and didn’t look back! Thank GOD for people like you that help us to get stronger every day more and more!
I loved him unconditionally and now I can't stand the sight of him. I'm a super empath and even though I knew what he was doing I still stuck by him. He ended the relationship. That's when I told him he was a narcissist. When he ends a relationship he tells everyone his supply stole from him, cheated on him and he even bought them a car. Funny how I'm the one still paying for that car.
They always project the very things they're guilty of, the victim has no way to prove it but I guess it doesn't really matter. What matters is getting away, healing and hopefully never giving yourself to the wrong person again. 🙏❤️
You did not love him, you were loving yourself (mirrored). My friend, Never take anything personal when it comes to them, as there is nobody inside them in the first place. They can’t afford to spare the energy to learn anything about love, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissists value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. Loads of them brag about being a good parent and seek compliments for that only to hide their masks. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have close personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection.
You are the first person who has spoken with accurate resonating echos of what I experienced in a 20 year marriage unknowingly to a clinically diagnosed FULL Spectrum Cluster B and then some. Pure emotional, mental, verbal, physical, and financial abuse, manipulation, and destruction. After 2 years of isolation losing everything with exception to one child out of 4 children, yet I am still thankful as I healed and rebuilt myself from nothing alone, living in peace, without that demon hidden behind a well constructed mask with no self and no soul. No therapy or help just read, read, read and educate myself on that which I never knew existed. Thank you 🙏 for posting this video and your contribution to this subject matter. They are sick people.
So so true, I'm speechless. The last time we talked before 100% no contact, I asked him if he had any idea how much I loved him. I had learned so much that I COULD have helped him but he was/is on a very different journey, destined to repeat every single poor life choice. We had been married for 30 yrs but the mask finally slipped and he had to return to his toxic family, narcissist mother, so much enmeshment and lack of individuation. The funny thing is that I almost felt like his therapist half the time. After discarding me because he cheated and found a "soulmate" that was the answer to all his problems (didn't last long as she was a violent histrionic) I told him he really could have appreciated what he already HAD--someone who loved him unconditionally, but he has free will, and so do I. He wanted to be "friends" because he said no one talked to him like I did, but I said NO. When I told him that I would never communicate with him again and that he needed serious help, I meant what I said. I will love him forever but I have too much self respect to enter that toxic situation again. Great video.
Oh my God...!! He used say I am carrying my childhood trauma whereas it was him who was neglected as a child....!! I am discovering new things through these videos everyday...!! Oh my God...!! Thank you so much... 🙏🙏
I'm so grateful for knowing the NARCISSIST exsisted upon this earth, and was used to open my eyes .my awaking 1 1/2 years now has shown me my worth to Me n God
I'm healing and learning. I love her unconditionally and love her for who she is. Her decisions? Painful and irreversible. I lost myself for a while but no more. The pain has been my change agent.
You did not love her, you were loving yourself (mirrored). My friend, Never take anything personal when it comes to them, as there is nobody inside them in the first place. They can’t afford to spare the energy to learn anything about love, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissists value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. Loads of them brag about being a good parent and seek compliments for that only to hide their masks. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have close personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection.
I definitely loved my husband unconditionally and I never hid that. 30 years of bursts of high level reciprocated love and then sudden derision cycle was exhausting, but I always stayed steady, occasionally angry. Then one day 6 months ago I found myself saying to him "I woke up", I didn't even know what I meant or what had changed in me. It was definitely in me, he was the same and so my change really confused him. I told him to leave and he reluctantly accepted a trial separation and as it went on I realised I was never having him back. All he says is "but I wanted to grow old together", that's the height of his insight. No he's fighting to get me back. No chance, because I know it would only start again.
I recognize that I am on the right path in the healing journey. I walked away 8 months ago and now see things in a whole new perspective. This video reinforces this.
First time commenting on one of these channels. After 30 years (including several years apart during breaks, discards) of marriage, 4 children and a successful 20 year business that I allowed to fail, I have been punted again. This time my adult children rallied to my side and educated me on covert narcissism and informed me of the abuse they endured from their mother. This was shocking for me as I always believed her one saving grace was that she was a great mother. I worked to much. I’ve been no contact for 45 days now and suffered rumination and the trauma bond. After learning about narcissism on UA-cam for a few weeks now things didn’t get much better UNTIL I watched this video. Thank you, your a beautiful and strong influence that I needed. Don’t quit, and I won’t either. Gonna buy your book, can’t wait. I use self talk post-it’s where I can see them stating “Don’t worry, It’s just the Trauma Bond”. That helps me remember your words and your message. My son and I have started a new Plumbing Business and things are moving fast, I live with his young family and support my daughters that followed me there. It’s the complete opposite of past times I’ve been discarded when I was alone and she had everyone with her. I guess things couldn’t have worked out better except that I truly do love my ex. Best wishes to all.
I'm loving your channel, Doniellle. This video resonates with me a lot. It's a shame that they surround themselves with enables that are usually like them to help make themselves seem normal. Once they get out of that circle and are around healthy individuals they continue to get rejected. They can't introspect. They seem to want love, but at the same time they try to destroy the one person who offers it.
You are speaking truth. unbelievable I knew nothing about narcissist or even been aware of the word or traits. I know them now. After I figured my wife almost ex-wife out the smear campaign was shown which ain’t sure had started way before hand. Yes they surround themselves with alike people her nieces and niece’s mom I’m sure are the same. Only the thing is her brother has an idea but is afraid to call her out but is a pastor.. hmm go figure. I see it now for what it was all for what a 6k ring well hope it keeps her cool in the burning sulfur.. I would of fought through it with and for her once I became fully aware as I am now. 4 months out .. Thank you for this video I actually was going to stop listening to info on narcissism but the video popped up and I’m glad i tuned in. Helps in my journey to full recovery and healing.. Appreciate it… Thank you God for wisdom… ok have to add your spot on with the jealous word I’m kept trying to tell her I wasn’t jealous and couldn’t fingers out how to get it through to her all i could say was what’s to be jealous of but know I know what it was just like you said it was disappointment. It would of been a good thing especially at our age. Growth and change is important and It wasn’t happening.. Again thank you for the video….🙏🏾🙏🏾
Wow, wow, wow!!! I am blown away, at the accuracy you have, yes the pain the narcissist put me through awaken me and I saw how I chose to heal rather than react vengeful. The pain was a gift to make me chose self love over being treated cruelly. I eventually saw how I had given up my power to be in relationship with him. I accepted him, I cared for him and he never believed it. He chose someone else and it crushed me, worst pain I have had was walking away. I can't go back...thank you for confirmation. ❤ ...
Amen, it takes looking at ourselves and I am finding out why I allow myself to not see my own pain, and now that I am seeing my parts I played in my relationship and where I need to heal.
Wow this hits home my wife devalued me when I wasn’t well and I needed an operation she told me she wanted a divorce 2 weeks before my operation and said we can remain friends I laughed at her and said you’ve broke my heart I ain’t gonna be friends with you !! I’ve went no contact it’s been 9 weeks and I’m feeling better just making sense of what’s happened to me I had no idea what a narcissist was and now I do knowledge is power people I loved my wife so much I loved our little family and it hurts knowing that she just mirrored me and I was just in love with myself I’m fighting for joint custody of our child
Exactly ! You did not love her, you were loving yourself (mirrored). Never take anything personal when it comes to them, as there is nobody inside them in the first place. They can’t afford to spare the energy to learn anything about love, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissists value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. Loads of them brag about being a good parent and seek compliments for that only to hide their masks. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have close personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection.
I started looking into npd from a spiritual perspective and came upon information on jezebel type spirits which made me feel even more sry for her and also learned alot about me enabling her by being passive for too long. Oh and the lust, phew... Got some strongholds to pull down
I beg to differ only slightly. I think that the reason the other people in their lives aren't able to notice and clock their dysfunction is the same reason we didn't see it until we were ready. I think to a large degree that the other people simply haven't reached that point yet, and maybe never will.
Those people often aren’t around them anywhere near as often as we have been. When you’re not around people 24/7 or don’t live with them, you’re not going to truly know the person.
@@rockybalboa4593I agree. Not around them nearly as much or in a romantic sense. I wasn’t really motivated to learn about personality disorders or trauma bonding or anything of the sort until I experienced it romantically… only then did I realize a guy within my friend group operates by all the same principles
That could be part of it. But I honestly believe that these narcs (especially coverts) use entirely different personas when interacting with their other supplies. It’s creepy as hell to think about but I’m almost certain that’s what they do
@@GenXMusicManthat makes total sense actually… especially if they’re doing the mirroring thing. The girl I was dating would TELL me she was a certain way, and she would mostly be that way around me but her history and all the stories she’d tell me about her and her friends weren’t congruent
I loved a narcissist unconditionally and they now know it....but their promises and future faking was not real...even if it was real the results of their abusive behavior would have been devastating to any relationship. Now they recognize what theyre missing after Im gone and have no choice but to chase in another person what they threw away in me...a miserable existence of hunting what you destroy
Hi, my ex GF kept in contact with a lot of her ex’s. She told me that one of them wanted to marry her so I needed to hurry up and propose if I wanted to be with her. I later found out that she had cheated on her ex husband with this same guy. I asked her to cut off contact with him but found out months later that she hadn’t. She would pick fights and then give me the silent treatment and not answer her phone for a day or so. I guess I’m asking if anyone can tell me if this rings a bell for what they have experienced.
Another great episode. I went through the incredibly painful discard and went on to do massive amounts of internal work in order to heal. I'm so much stronger now, with real boundaries. I know what this looks like now, can spot a narc without even talking to them. Whats shocking is how prevalent narcissism is now; they're everywhere. I have a feeling 'life coach' is a cover for narccisists. 'I know whats best for you. You need to be just like me.'
I reconnected with my Narcissistic person after 29 years, he was my high school crush and he took my virginity so there was always a Soul Tie, then he trauma Bonded me when we reconnected. So I know I have alot of hard work to do to heal from this. I'm in love with him. But I need to love myself. I also have father wounds which explains alot. But Thank you for this content super resourceful.
I have become more stronger after I have recognised what was happening with me ..!! It's becoming more and more clearer after I have started watching these videos...!!
It's so sad to learn that because of how much I cared for my old friend I've known since 1st grade, and how badly I was treated and then discarded, that I finally learned about narcissism and began healing. She hoovered me over the holidays 5 years later but she got nothing back from me. She apologized profusely, but she hardly scratched the surface of what she actually did to me in the discard. I'll never forget my gut instinct going off like a bright red flashing alarm, shocking my body so noticeably as she went in for the final hug. I'll never forget it on my death bed, and because I was so gaslit and trauma bonded, I ignored my body's very strong gut instinct shocking me. I swear, that gut instinct I felt had me feeling her inner turmoil, jealousy and hatred for me in that moment. Even then, trauma bonded as I was, I knew something was not right, but I brushed it aside so ignorantly. That gut instinct is a superpower and it will never be ignored again. It was meant to be that I ignored that gut instinct, or I might have been friends with her again, never having gotten the knowledge. Thanks goodness there's a silver lining.
I love what you said. And I think you are absolutely right. And I am one of the few people that love him unconditionally. I have no expectation of him. I'm quite sure he could not meet any expectations that I might have. Because the only person you can expect from is yourself. Also in saying that it's he's not responsible for my happiness. What he does or chooses to do has nothing to do with my happiness. I make myself happy.
I have been listening to so many channels. Learn a lot in the last eight months. My experience was nearly 40 years ago, last five years. I was the one that walked away. I married my late husband, Never really looked back to the previous relationship. I have been alone for 2 years now. Got a time to look back and realise that the trauma is still around. Somehow I was lead to this narcissistic abuse. After listening to you for 5 minutes I know that you are the one who can take me to another level. Thank you for your wisdom.
I told him several times I know who you are. I told him I loved him just the way he is. But now that I'm healing I can't go back. Yes, I see a therapist. I have all my life..I come from an abusive childhood. My therapist said he's surprised I made it out alive. He never told me that everyone is better than me. He just knows I know and he can't handle that. I'm an awakened Empath. I'm a Heyoka Empath. Indigo Child. When we started to get closer that's when his mask slipped. Those 🚩 flags were going off. I always told him how much I love him and care about him but I can't do that anymore. I have to walk away because it's what God wants for me. I'm a believer. Great video!
You're a smart girl 😊 Glad you stuck around! You're doing good in the world and I'm enjoying you're success 🙂 One day I'd like to share my story with you personally...until then...bless you!!!
My husband is a Narc and I just realized this after he filed for a divorce after 19 years. He spent our savings, all of it and now blaming me for not making enough money for us. He works for me by the way but I had to reduce his payment after I realized he spent all his money and was asking for more!!
I’m Amazed That Somehow I was led Here- To Hear This Video that has explained my life for the last ten years! It’s been An Interesting Journey and now the work I’ve put in the past has led to a beautiful life! And, He’ll I’ve Earned It! I’m Here and….. Hearing Outloud
Donielle you have such a fundamental understanding, the years of research have really enlightened you. The fact that you choose to share it is so sweet. If there's anyway we could speak, please let me know. I'm in a custody battle and a war for my 8yr old little girl's soul. I want to understand what I'm up against, not for any egotistical need. I just want to move on with life, and give my daughter a chance to deal with and heal her inevitable trauma. Please can we speak?
I can't even begin to explain how much I relate to what you've said here in this video because I've thought all those exact things and recall so many conversations we've had and what he said to me about his internal thoughts, searching and trying to find me in someone else, saying I'm everything he's ever wanted and still does, also, you really love me for me despite all my flaws and so so soooooo much more. I love him so much and always will, I never want to hurt him. I don't understand why people would want to hurt that person if they truly know that the only reason they are the way they are is because they've been so hurt in their childhood by the ones that were supposed to love them the most. I never ever want to be another person to do that to them. But like you said, "You've done too much" I have to protect myself now. ....omg I could go on for so long about everything you've said in this video. It's honestly so crazy how accurately I relate to this video and all our conversations throughout almost 6 yrs. Thank you so much!!❤ saddens me so much for him and my certain family memebers but am so grateful also for the growth and awakening and inner healing it all has led me to. ❤
I feel like my relationship with the narcissist was like a furnace. I was molten gold, being shaped and molded. I came out pristine and polished, although it’s the most traumatic and painful experience of my life, I’m grateful I was able to walk away.
They never idealized you more than the first time. Others don’t see the narc because the narc doesn’t treat them the same way. It can be toxic, but an intimate partner gets specially bad treatment.
I wish things were Different, who knows maybe He'll Realize & Heal because I actually still Love Him & We Have A Son that Deserves Us to Be Better for Him & Each Other...
This is great and helped with healing. Imagine somebody loved you so much that they would spend hours watching videos and reading articles to learn about your condition. The ex moved on after a couple of weeks after 7 years and took my dog shes already moved in with the new guy but tried to keep it a secret, shes acted pure evil through out breakup and is out for revenge. I wonder if she will have regrets one day.its been 1 month NC and she is posting pictures with him at places we used to go with our dog. Shes already done the smear campaign and her family and friends must know its not normal behaviour. Its her 4th relationship now and the pattern continues leaving a trail of destruction. I do hope she gets help but im glad im out of it now , i feel awake too it all now.
This is exactly happening to me right now.. Im the only one who's see through that no one else. Now the narc realise it. Way to much for me to share here but it is what it is. Thanks for your wisdom.
1 and done, got out before the discard, first narc and last! What you said about them coming at you hard, that doesn't always happen, me and the narc dude got along very well, he almost never said anything mean to me, he seemed to fight with his baby momma alot which is why I think he didn't try and do it to me and we only seemed to get closer as time went on. I didn't tell him I knew he was a narc per say but I just keep saying to him I know and he said what do you mean and I said you don't want to know what I mean, he knows I know something not sure if he knows what though, I did Love he very very deeply
This is totally what im going through, had a father who was/is still narcissistic, couldnt even get ahold of me on my birthday. I live an hour away...but im used to that, but now im seeing the narcissism in my mother who left my dad but yet sticks up foe him and doe not support me! Always takes his side this has been my fight all my life! Then i met the narcissist and hung with him as a "friend" because he didn want me in any other position, like eationship status and he would always get mad at me for saying we are in a relationship or thinkibg we were, which was complete bullshit because he told me right from the start no relationship, think im an idiot no, he made it very clear but yet would go do the things i wanted from him with others.. but yet i was good enough for being in the friend zone and nothibg more and literally kicjed me to the curb, out his door, and slammed it on me standing up foe another chick who was my friend and i worked foe her too, and found out they had hung out a couple times, i then said see you later, and went no contact as well as him blocking me. So this does fit the bill doesnt it! Couldnt be closer!
True. I assumed they were professionals. I gave them respect unearned. They lost that. Yes these so called rare personality disorders are swarming around me. I have an MA in Psychology. They are not rare I have a nest of them. My MA never mentioned Narcissists Guess they still thought they were rare. They multiplied
Yes and the problem is with them that if you fall for their hoover their dysfunctional fixed cycle of idealization, devalue and discard will start all over again. Once you are out stay out.🕊
I’ve realized how much abuse I have endure through my life, from parents, fake friends, attempted rape, domestic abuse, emotional and sexual abuse. How I am not on drugs is a testament to my strength. Only God can do this. My last ex tried so hard to break me and kill my self esteem before he left. But I know, he will realize one day that HE is also damaged.
I will accept no more abuse from ANYONE EVER AGAIN!
Girl I’m surprised that you don’t have waaaayyyyy more followings. Your work is SPOT ON. As a survivor of narc abuse, everything you say is true. True to the word. Please continue making content. It helps those who are still struggling and those who have got out to continue to stay in no contact indefinitely. I’ve been gone since 2021 and I still have my moments of weakness and your videos empower me to continue holding the torch!
She is so right
Same here, spot on!!
Hi, have you had any Hoover's since 2021?
Yes so amazing ❤️
I just found out about her an hour ago and I immediately subscribed.
It’s so sad because I really loved him and would never have hurt him.😢❤ I have to love myself more now.
Well, there came the day to choose do I hurt him or continue hurt myself. At once I chose to hurt someone else and it set me free. I did not actually hurt him, but stopped protecting his feelings at the cost of myself. I set myself first, not some sick individual as always has been the way my life goes.
The only one to love unconditionally is yourself.
now this sounds narcissistic too! 😂
@@melittaanca8993 No it does not. It sounds healthy. Narcissist does not love anyone, not even himself.
@@kirsikka3752 defination of a narcissist: 'having or showing an excessive interest in or admiration of oneself and one's physical appearance. 😊😇😎
@@melittaanca8993 That surely does not mean LOVE.
@@kirsikka3752 of course it does! in fact, that is the core of it all! bless! 🥂
I watch a lot of narcissist channels in my recovery, a lot of "experts" and "famous" psychologists. Your videos are so straightforward, concise, says everything in a cohesive and succinct way. No baiting. Keep making your videos and sharing your light!
This was phenomenal. You put into words exactly what I went through. I got Phoenix level healing. I rose from the ashes a new being. My best self. I didn’t even know I was lacking so much before the narcissist. I thought I was a pretty good person because I was so overly nice and caring more than most. Being nice without boundaries and standards is not the answer.
You had boundaries and standards. The narcs strips away
Im stronger than ever after I figured out that I was abused by a sick narcissist. I stepped out and didn’t look back! Thank GOD for people like you that help us to get stronger every day more and more!
I know that's right!! "I love you; I wish you the best, but you've just done too much". This is all so true!!
I loved him unconditionally and now I can't stand the sight of him.
I'm a super empath and even though I knew what he was doing I still stuck by him. He ended the relationship. That's when I told him he was a narcissist.
When he ends a relationship he tells everyone his supply stole from him, cheated on him and he even bought them a car. Funny how I'm the one still paying for that car.
They always project the very things they're guilty of, the victim has no way to prove it but I guess it doesn't really matter. What matters is getting away, healing and hopefully never giving yourself to the wrong person again. 🙏❤️
You did not love him, you were loving yourself (mirrored). My friend, Never take anything personal when it comes to them, as there is nobody inside them in the first place. They can’t afford to spare the energy to learn anything about love, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else.
Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissists value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. Loads of them brag about being a good parent and seek compliments for that only to hide their masks. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing.
They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves.
When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have close personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection.
You are the first person who has spoken with accurate resonating echos of what I experienced in a 20 year marriage unknowingly to a clinically diagnosed FULL Spectrum Cluster B and then some.
Pure emotional, mental, verbal, physical, and financial abuse, manipulation, and destruction.
After 2 years of isolation losing everything with exception to one child out of 4 children, yet I am still thankful as I healed and rebuilt myself from nothing alone, living in peace, without that demon hidden behind a well constructed mask with no self and no soul. No therapy or help just read, read, read and educate myself on that which I never knew existed.
Thank you 🙏 for posting this video and your contribution to this subject matter. They are sick people.
So so true, I'm speechless. The last time we talked before 100% no contact, I asked him if he had any idea how much I loved him. I had learned so much that I COULD have helped him but he was/is on a very different journey, destined to repeat every single poor life choice. We had been married for 30 yrs but the mask finally slipped and he had to return to his toxic family, narcissist mother, so much enmeshment and lack of individuation. The funny thing is that I almost felt like his therapist half the time. After discarding me because he cheated and found a "soulmate" that was the answer to all his problems (didn't last long as she was a violent histrionic) I told him he really could have appreciated what he already HAD--someone who loved him unconditionally, but he has free will, and so do I. He wanted to be "friends" because he said no one talked to him like I did, but I said NO. When I told him that I would never communicate with him again and that he needed serious help, I meant what I said. I will love him forever but I have too much self respect to enter that toxic situation again. Great video.
Not today Satan.👹🛑
Dear friend you're very special don't give your love to a person who hurt so many!!
Oh my God...!!
He used say I am carrying my childhood trauma whereas it was him who was neglected as a child....!! I am discovering new things through these videos everyday...!! Oh my God...!!
Thank you so much... 🙏🙏
They will never appreciate us. But we never should assume or want itnfron them.
A narcissist can never change. Take away his false self. And really There is nobody there. How can u heal if there is nobody to heal?
I'm so grateful for knowing the NARCISSIST exsisted upon this earth, and was used to open my eyes .my awaking 1 1/2 years now has shown me my worth to Me n God
The moment my ex narc discovered I knew , she flipped out had an narc injury, loss her speech and tried to attack me.
I'm healing and learning. I love her unconditionally and love her for who she is. Her decisions? Painful and irreversible. I lost myself for a while but no more. The pain has been my change agent.
You did not love her, you were loving yourself (mirrored). My friend, Never take anything personal when it comes to them, as there is nobody inside them in the first place. They can’t afford to spare the energy to learn anything about love, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else.
Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissists value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. Loads of them brag about being a good parent and seek compliments for that only to hide their masks. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing.
They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves.
When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have close personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection.
I definitely loved my husband unconditionally and I never hid that. 30 years of bursts of high level reciprocated love and then sudden derision cycle was exhausting, but I always stayed steady, occasionally angry. Then one day 6 months ago I found myself saying to him "I woke up", I didn't even know what I meant or what had changed in me. It was definitely in me, he was the same and so my change really confused him. I told him to leave and he reluctantly accepted a trial separation and as it went on I realised I was never having him back. All he says is "but I wanted to grow old together", that's the height of his insight. No he's fighting to get me back. No chance, because I know it would only start again.
I recognize that I am on the right path in the healing journey.
I walked away 8 months ago and now see things in a whole new perspective.
This video reinforces this.
First time commenting on one of these channels.
After 30 years (including several years apart during breaks, discards) of marriage, 4 children and a successful 20 year business that I allowed to fail, I have been punted again. This time my adult children rallied to my side and educated me on covert narcissism and informed me of the abuse they endured from their mother.
This was shocking for me as I always believed her one saving grace was that she was a great mother. I worked to much.
I’ve been no contact for 45 days now and suffered rumination and the trauma bond.
After learning about narcissism on UA-cam for a few weeks now things didn’t get much better UNTIL I watched this video. Thank you, your a beautiful and strong influence that I needed. Don’t quit, and I won’t either. Gonna buy your book, can’t wait.
I use self talk post-it’s where I can see them stating “Don’t worry, It’s just the Trauma Bond”.
That helps me remember your words and your message.
My son and I have started a new Plumbing Business and things are moving fast, I live with his young family and support my daughters that followed me there. It’s the complete opposite of past times I’ve been discarded when I was alone and she had everyone with her.
I guess things couldn’t have worked out better except that I truly do love my ex.
Best wishes to all.
I just divorced a narc of 8 years and this video is spot on!!!
OMG this is some of the most deep and significant information out there. I just want to wholeheartedly thank you for the clarification. 🙏 ❤
Your explanation is outstanding.....❤❤❤
Who would want them after all that?!?! Holy smoke!
I'm loving your channel, Doniellle. This video resonates with me a lot. It's a shame that they surround themselves with enables that are usually like them to help make themselves seem normal. Once they get out of that circle and are around healthy individuals they continue to get rejected. They can't introspect. They seem to want love, but at the same time they try to destroy the one person who offers it.
You are speaking truth. unbelievable I knew nothing about narcissist or even been aware of the word or traits. I know them now. After I figured my wife almost ex-wife out the smear campaign was shown which ain’t sure had started way before hand. Yes they surround themselves with alike people her nieces and niece’s mom I’m sure are the same. Only the thing is her brother has an idea but is afraid to call her out but is a pastor.. hmm go figure. I see it now for what it was all for what a 6k ring well hope it keeps her cool in the burning sulfur.. I would of fought through it with and for her once I became fully aware as I am now. 4 months out .. Thank you for this video I actually was going to stop listening to info on narcissism but the video popped up and I’m glad i tuned in. Helps in my journey to full recovery and healing.. Appreciate it… Thank you God
for wisdom… ok have to add your spot on with the jealous word I’m kept trying to tell her I wasn’t jealous and couldn’t fingers out how to get it through to her all i could say was what’s to be jealous of but know I know what it was just like you said it was disappointment. It would of been a good thing especially at our age. Growth and change is important and It wasn’t happening.. Again thank you for the video….🙏🏾🙏🏾
Triangulation amongst community narcissists is one of the most insidious things to survive.
Wow, wow, wow!!! I am blown away, at the accuracy you have, yes the pain the narcissist put me through awaken me and I saw how I chose to heal rather than react vengeful. The pain was a gift to make me chose self love over being treated cruelly. I eventually saw how I had given up my power to be in relationship with him. I accepted him, I cared for him and he never believed it. He chose someone else and it crushed me, worst pain I have had was walking away. I can't go back...thank you for confirmation. ❤
...
Amen, it takes looking at ourselves and I am finding out why I allow myself to not see my own pain, and now that I am seeing my parts I played in my relationship and where I need to heal.
You are absolutely amazingggggg loved everything you said and everything happenend exactly like this to the T
Wow this hits home my wife devalued me when I wasn’t well and I needed an operation she told me she wanted a divorce 2 weeks before my operation and said we can remain friends I laughed at her and said you’ve broke my heart I ain’t gonna be friends with you !! I’ve went no contact it’s been 9 weeks and I’m feeling better just making sense of what’s happened to me I had no idea what a narcissist was and now I do knowledge is power people I loved my wife so much I loved our little family and it hurts knowing that she just mirrored me and I was just in love with myself I’m fighting for joint custody of our child
Exactly ! You did not love her, you were loving yourself (mirrored). Never take anything personal when it comes to them, as there is nobody inside them in the first place. They can’t afford to spare the energy to learn anything about love, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else.
Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissists value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. Loads of them brag about being a good parent and seek compliments for that only to hide their masks. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing.
They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves.
When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have close personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection.
I started looking into npd from a spiritual perspective and came upon information on jezebel type spirits which made me feel even more sry for her and also learned alot about me enabling her by being passive for too long. Oh and the lust, phew... Got some strongholds to pull down
Best video Ive watched on the subject. I left her 10 months ago. Everything you said its true. She didnt need to trauma bond me. I loved her.
My narcissist wanted me to fuel his sexual and financial appetite. I noticed early on, it was a vibe..always trust your intuition.
I beg to differ only slightly. I think that the reason the other people in their lives aren't able to notice and clock their dysfunction is the same reason we didn't see it until we were ready. I think to a large degree that the other people simply haven't reached that point yet, and maybe never will.
Those people often aren’t around them anywhere near as often as we have been. When you’re not around people 24/7 or don’t live with them, you’re not going to truly know the person.
@@rockybalboa4593I agree. Not around them nearly as much or in a romantic sense. I wasn’t really motivated to learn about personality disorders or trauma bonding or anything of the sort until I experienced it romantically… only then did I realize a guy within my friend group operates by all the same principles
That could be part of it. But I honestly believe that these narcs (especially coverts) use entirely different personas when interacting with their other supplies. It’s creepy as hell to think about but I’m almost certain that’s what they do
@@GenXMusicManthat makes total sense actually… especially if they’re doing the mirroring thing. The girl I was dating would TELL me she was a certain way, and she would mostly be that way around me but her history and all the stories she’d tell me about her and her friends weren’t congruent
I loved a narcissist unconditionally and they now know it....but their promises and future faking was not real...even if it was real the results of their abusive behavior would have been devastating to any relationship.
Now they recognize what theyre missing after Im gone and have no choice but to chase in another person what they threw away in me...a miserable existence of hunting what you destroy
Hi, my ex GF kept in contact with a lot of her ex’s. She told me that one of them wanted to marry her so I needed to hurry up and propose if I wanted to be with her. I later found out that she had cheated on her ex husband with this same guy. I asked her to cut off contact with him but found out months later that she hadn’t. She would pick fights and then give me the silent treatment and not answer her phone for a day or so. I guess I’m asking if anyone can tell me if this rings a bell for what they have experienced.
It's called gas lighting ghosting ignoring in denial people choose what they do.
Another great episode. I went through the incredibly painful discard and went on to do massive amounts of internal work in order to heal. I'm so much stronger now, with real boundaries. I know what this looks like now, can spot a narc without even talking to them.
Whats shocking is how prevalent narcissism is now; they're everywhere. I have a feeling 'life coach' is a cover for narccisists. 'I know whats best for you. You need to be just like me.'
I reconnected with my Narcissistic person after 29 years, he was my high school crush and he took my virginity so there was always a Soul Tie, then he trauma Bonded me when we reconnected. So I know I have alot of hard work to do to heal from this. I'm in love with him. But I need to love myself. I also have father wounds which explains alot. But Thank you for this content super resourceful.
I have become more stronger after I have recognised what was happening with me ..!! It's becoming more and more clearer after I have started watching these videos...!!
It's so sad to learn that because of how much I cared for my old friend I've known since 1st grade, and how badly I was treated and then discarded, that I finally learned about narcissism and began healing. She hoovered me over the holidays 5 years later but she got nothing back from me. She apologized profusely, but she hardly scratched the surface of what she actually did to me in the discard. I'll never forget my gut instinct going off like a bright red flashing alarm, shocking my body so noticeably as she went in for the final hug. I'll never forget it on my death bed, and because I was so gaslit and trauma bonded, I ignored my body's very strong gut instinct shocking me. I swear, that gut instinct I felt had me feeling her inner turmoil, jealousy and hatred for me in that moment. Even then, trauma bonded as I was, I knew something was not right, but I brushed it aside so ignorantly. That gut instinct is a superpower and it will never be ignored again. It was meant to be that I ignored that gut instinct, or I might have been friends with her again, never having gotten the knowledge. Thanks goodness there's a silver lining.
You’re right on!! Thank you for your insight and video! 100 percent on point!
I love what you said. And I think you are absolutely right. And I am one of the few people that love him unconditionally. I have no expectation of him. I'm quite sure he could not meet any expectations that I might have. Because the only person you can expect from is yourself. Also in saying that it's he's not responsible for my happiness. What he does or chooses to do has nothing to do with my happiness. I make myself happy.
I have been listening to so many channels. Learn a lot in the last eight months. My experience was nearly 40 years ago, last five years. I was the one that walked away. I married my late husband, Never really looked back to the previous relationship. I have been alone for 2 years now. Got a time to look back and realise that the trauma is still around. Somehow I was lead to this narcissistic abuse. After listening to you for 5 minutes I know that you are the one who can take me to another level. Thank you for your wisdom.
I told him several times I know who you are. I told him I loved him just the way he is. But now that I'm healing I can't go back. Yes, I see a therapist. I have all my life..I come from an abusive childhood. My therapist said he's surprised I made it out alive. He never told me that everyone is better than me. He just knows I know and he can't handle that. I'm an awakened Empath. I'm a Heyoka Empath. Indigo Child. When we started to get closer that's when his mask slipped. Those 🚩 flags were going off. I always told him how much I love him and care about him but I can't do that anymore. I have to walk away because it's what God wants for me. I'm a believer. Great video!
Being idealized by a demon is such an odd concept for me. Btw, love your content
Wow you're amazing thank you for your work I need this right now to keep me strong and awakened
You're a smart girl 😊
Glad you stuck around!
You're doing good in the world and I'm enjoying you're success 🙂
One day I'd like to share my story with you personally...until then...bless you!!!
This is the ultimate closure to every narc survivor 🔥
I stayed loyal 43 yrs. Told him you have had a good run. Time to grow up. Divorce final sept 15. I am healing!
Just wait...your subscribers are about to grow, I am telling you because you are on point
Wow this is amazing thanks for your contribution you really get it . I need more of this
My husband is a Narc and I just realized this after he filed for a divorce after 19 years. He spent our savings, all of it and now blaming me for not making enough money for us. He works for me by the way but I had to reduce his payment after I realized he spent all his money and was asking for more!!
well said.
I even told him we can get through this. We can heal. I told him exactly what he is. I righteously humiliated him.
Love the way you breakdown things‼️😎🫶🏽😂🫣
Thank you so very much..... God bless you.
What a fantastic perspective! It gives me not only solace but great motivation. It’s made me a better person. Healing is a great opportunity.
I’m Amazed That Somehow I was led Here- To Hear This Video that has explained my life for the last ten years!
It’s been An Interesting Journey and now the work I’ve put in the past has led to a beautiful life!
And, He’ll I’ve Earned It!
I’m Here and….. Hearing Outloud
❤
Donielle you have such a fundamental understanding, the years of research have really enlightened you. The fact that you choose to share it is so sweet. If there's anyway we could speak, please let me know. I'm in a custody battle and a war for my 8yr old little girl's soul. I want to understand what I'm up against, not for any egotistical need. I just want to move on with life, and give my daughter a chance to deal with and heal her inevitable trauma. Please can we speak?
omg i did the same wished them well and left in silence never to return, she didnt even wish me well so cold. didnt know it would damage them!
Amazing, I experienced exactly this ❤
I can't even begin to explain how much I relate to what you've said here in this video because I've thought all those exact things and recall so many conversations we've had and what he said to me about his internal thoughts, searching and trying to find me in someone else, saying I'm everything he's ever wanted and still does, also, you really love me for me despite all my flaws and so so soooooo much more. I love him so much and always will, I never want to hurt him. I don't understand why people would want to hurt that person if they truly know that the only reason they are the way they are is because they've been so hurt in their childhood by the ones that were supposed to love them the most. I never ever want to be another person to do that to them. But like you said, "You've done too much" I have to protect myself now. ....omg I could go on for so long about everything you've said in this video. It's honestly so crazy how accurately I relate to this video and all our conversations throughout almost 6 yrs. Thank you so much!!❤ saddens me so much for him and my certain family memebers but am so grateful also for the growth and awakening and inner healing it all has led me to. ❤
Soooooooo spot on!!! 👏👏👏
Your videos are awesome; thank you for sharing. ❤
I feel like my relationship with the narcissist was like a furnace. I was molten gold, being shaped and molded. I came out pristine and polished, although it’s the most traumatic and painful experience of my life, I’m grateful I was able to walk away.
Wow, you’re freaking GREAT!
Sweet 🧁 Sweet 🧁 sister blessings to you
Boy that really really describes me to a tee...wow wow wow
They never idealized you more than the first time. Others don’t see the narc because the narc doesn’t treat them the same way. It can be toxic, but an intimate partner gets specially bad treatment.
I wish things were Different, who knows maybe He'll Realize & Heal because I actually still Love Him & We Have A Son that Deserves Us to Be Better for Him & Each Other...
GROWTH TAKES HONESTY NOT EXCUSES
Everyone tells me that I am sick, because I keep searching facts and precess.
I will definitely order your books. Your videos are very informative. Also encouraging me to be informed and help myself.
Love ur videos
This is great and helped with healing. Imagine somebody loved you so much that they would spend hours watching videos and reading articles to learn about your condition. The ex moved on after a couple of weeks after 7 years and took my dog shes already moved in with the new guy but tried to keep it a secret, shes acted pure evil through out breakup and is out for revenge. I wonder if she will have regrets one day.its been 1 month NC and she is posting pictures with him at places we used to go with our dog. Shes already done the smear campaign and her family and friends must know its not normal behaviour. Its her 4th relationship now and the pattern continues leaving a trail of destruction. I do hope she gets help but im glad im out of it now , i feel awake too it all now.
I've never subscribed to a channel so quick... Great video!
This has to be the best channel on narcissist behavior, love your content
This is exactly happening to me right now.. Im the only one who's see through that no one else. Now the narc realise it. Way to much for me to share here but it is what it is. Thanks for your wisdom.
This was phenomenal! I really needed to hear this! Thank you ❤😊
1 and done, got out before the discard, first narc and last! What you said about them coming at you hard, that doesn't always happen, me and the narc dude got along very well, he almost never said anything mean to me, he seemed to fight with his baby momma alot which is why I think he didn't try and do it to me and we only seemed to get closer as time went on. I didn't tell him I knew he was a narc per say but I just keep saying to him I know and he said what do you mean and I said you don't want to know what I mean, he knows I know something not sure if he knows what though, I did Love he very very deeply
Thank you,it was great to hear that❤
You are amazing ❤
My God,u explained this word for word what I went threw,how I've healed and what I've always felt,thank u so much ,
thank you
True that...!!
Narcissist survivor here.
You spoke my relationship step by step! Great info... Thank you!
The first minute already had me in chills
This is totally what im going through, had a father who was/is still narcissistic, couldnt even get ahold of me on my birthday. I live an hour away...but im used to that, but now im seeing the narcissism in my mother who left my dad but yet sticks up foe him and doe not support me! Always takes his side this has been my fight all my life! Then i met the narcissist and hung with him as a "friend" because he didn want me in any other position, like eationship status and he would always get mad at me for saying we are in a relationship or thinkibg we were, which was complete bullshit because he told me right from the start no relationship, think im an idiot no, he made it very clear but yet would go do the things i wanted from him with others.. but yet i was good enough for being in the friend zone and nothibg more and literally kicjed me to the curb, out his door, and slammed it on me standing up foe another chick who was my friend and i worked foe her too, and found out they had hung out a couple times, i then said see you later, and went no contact as well as him blocking me. So this does fit the bill doesnt it! Couldnt be closer!
Been two months and it's been a very very long,hard and bumpy road!! But I'm not giving up
You are absolutely correct correct...❤❤❤❤❤❤
Thank you so much.
Great video!!😊
You must do the hard work this is your life
Blessed you my beautiful sister
True. I assumed they were professionals. I gave them respect unearned. They lost that. Yes these so called rare personality disorders are swarming around me. I have an MA in Psychology. They are not rare I have a nest of them. My MA never mentioned Narcissists Guess they still thought they were rare. They multiplied
It's a shame He Didn't Realize I Actually Loved Him, smh
Your good , thanks for all did and do....yall buy her book...keep going you can catch up to the other female Dr. Ramni 🐏