I need help my name is Corey and I am scared for my life I have already called the cops once on my wife and I am stuck trying to figure out how to leave safely and secretly but I fear leaving my 3 and 2 year old with her she is unstable and very dangerous it's getting worse she chases me in the streets dispatch recommended her getting in the car and heading home while officers were on way and it didn't even faze her she continued I need help I am a 31 year old man I have never been so scared in my life we have our firearm carries and I have had to hide hers and disarm it totally because I don't know what she would do I fear for mine and my kids lives I need help please help me please I have involved my mother after 7 years and she recommended me to you for help I need to get away from this woman and keep my kids safe
Do you have products that offer an affiliate program? I have a comprehensive program regarding divorcing a narcissist and identifying one. Most of the courts and even the attorneys and guard see an end liebn's. Don't understand or identify a narcissist. But I think you're formation is helpful and might be Hel. Go to others so i'd like to include your product in my program for purchase.
My narcissist filed for divorce in a fit of anger and then was even more angry that I didn't contest it. I didn't hire a lawyer or even show up to court, that's how little I cared at that point. Sent his lawyer and the court a letter saying that I didn't contest it and accepted the terms of our separation agreement as the final agreement and was done. Court date comes and goes and he calls me, screaming mad that I didn't even show up. LOL he was still screaming when I hung up the phone.
Wow. what if the terms left u with nothing? That took guts. He threatened to divorce me also but he talks more then he acts. He said DO an ad in paper. I need a real solid divorce. You were strong. That's great!
Totally! One thing I have learnt is, NEVER trust a Narc. Only expect them to do the worst. Don’t count on fair play in a divorce. I’m seeing the ugliest side of my Narc during the negotiation period now. Thanks to all your tips and guidance, Ms Zung, I’m aware of what I’m up against🙏🏼
Please if you have any ideas on what I can do about this an appeal when there is a signature involved ....Please I had asked Advise to another lawyers and they say they can't help .
My husband keeps telling everyone that I’m the one that doesn’t want to divorce him and not signing the papers when in reality it’s HIM. He’s made the divorce impossible because I’m ‘the only person he’ll ever love and wants to be married to.’ He got another girl pregnant and keeps telling her and his mom that’s it’s ME the one that doesn’t want to divorce him. So sick
Yupp classic gaslighting is the worst. I started a 50/50 business with this guy 20 years my senior. Eventually the business ran out of money and he had no money either. I decided to inject $10,000+ of my own money to start new profitable projects. After we profited, he refused to reimburse me for the costs, nor pay off the debts we owed. Instead, he spent all our profits on whatever he wanted. I wanted out. He refused to buy me out or give me anything. Instead, he seized all our assets and locked me out of my own accounts. Now he’s telling everyone his delusions that I was the one stealing from the store not him. He says if I bring this to court he will try to destroy me. Stalk/harass and sabotage any new ventures I start. Talk about a psychopath.
I walked away from 12 years. Hardest thing I ever done. While trying to get my things he changed the locks. He then through my stuff in the garage. Then had the nerve to ask me for 1/2 the morgage. He has been talking about me. And tells people I tried to come back. He then filed for a divorce before I did. Crazy
Best advice I was given by a friend when we had to go to court and mediate, don't talk to or look at him. I think he started coming unglued and just couldn't shut up, finally revealing his true self. My lawyer had to deal with him at the courthouse because he was so smart he didn't need one. So glad they got to see the real him and the divorce was granted that day. Up until that day, everything had gone his way and I was feeling defeated. Keeping my composure and holding my head up while not acknowledging him at court helped me get through it.
❤🎉❤ MAGNIFICENT GRATITUDE BEAUTIFUL SOUL, I WILL FOLLOW UR BEAUTIFUL ADVICE, IT WILL ALSO DRIVE MINE CRAZY, MINE HASN'T BEEN SERVED PAPERWORK YET BUT VERY SOON 🎉❤🎉 GLAD UR FREE❤
Totally, I am nine years out from my divorce and I read something recently that you know you’ve healed when you don’t feel the need to defend your story anymore. I’m so proud of myself I had written you a long response detailing everything that i had gone through in my nasty divorce with a narcissist... and I just deleted it ! you’re welcome🤣🙌💕 A good lawyer is worth their weight in gold. my lawyer helped me hold onto my children And my house I would be lost without them. And she helped me to fight one of the biggest bullies I have ever known in my lifetime and that is something I am so proud of to this day! I never wanted to be a divorced woman . But there was no staying anymore. And because I fought him hard he eventually left us alone.
@@BrotherToby85 i hear you with the flying monkeys. Is so difficult but unfortunately I have dealt with narcissists in my previous relationship and my current relationship/husband of 5 years with a total of 10 years together. The twisting of things and smear campaign is ridiculous. I lost friends with the previous ex and I chose to cut certain people from my circle this time around who have been believing his lies. When I stopped replying to his texts and not answering phone calls it made the smearing much worse and my father in law is a narcissist as well so it doesn’t help that my in laws have smear campaigned me for 10 years already
@@rachaelarcher5407 wow smh.. I'm sorry to hear that. I believe the best thing to do is remember your "why's" as to why you have cut them off, why you chose to move forward, why you chose peace and so on. These past 5 months have been great for me!
@@BrotherToby85 each day is easier by the minute. I have god on my side through it all and am so thankful for his grace. However he has gone as far as to drive by the place I’m living at late at night to see if my car is there or by my friends home. It’s disturbing to say the least but I’m not letting it stop me from living my life
I think that is a big concern and issue for most of us !! We have to search, research and, consult with the Attorney/Attorneys!! It is very time consuming but, is a must!!
Many lawyers claim the understand it, but I have found few that do. The court system rarely gets it. They are simply not psychologically sophisticated. Ms. Zung gets it.
I made sure I consulted with every good lawyer in town before I left; had divested myself of all joint assists (except the ho8se , which reverted from tenant in entirety to tenants common). Then I divorced in Virginia and he couldn’t afford an attorney and never showed up at court (probably those 2 drunk driving incidents in less than 6 month) Was very hard to get him served, hired private server who sent sexy blond to side door that he answered, served. Divorce automatically granted without cause in va. The lord had other plans for me. I am in serv8ce to my nation and my god.
He is schizophrenic I even tried to get an annulment for non disclose of a material fact after our first s0n died at 6.5 weeks (yeah lost my son vision and profession all in 30 days, took years to get all my degrees before I could leave)
Totally! You described my divorce exactly the way it happened! I feel so validated watching your videos - thank you! I was one of the lucky ones - all the suggestions you made I'd done. It took four long years, but I'm on the other side and not looking back.
Just came back to thank you. It's been literally your advice preparing me properly for divorce. Due to this I collected hard evidence for _everything_ when preparing and really needed some I wouldn't have thought to be relevant otherwise. Divorce is almost done, currently it looks like they effed themself by committing perjury several times. (They never learn.) Don't get me wrong, people, I don't wish them any bad but this way everything they threw in to attack me bounced back on them. Seems like karma actually _is_ a thing.
Totally he even told me once “I can be your best friend if you stay with me, but if you leave me I will be your worst enemy” and he did it. When I decide to leave him he kick me out of home and took all our money..
Been there, absolutely did that.. & can totally relate! Were together since H.S. for 26 yrs on/off, & married.. 17 of. Have 1 teenage son. It is THE hardest thing I've ever EVER had to go through & could even imagine. Still is, tbh.. since for me, even tho we've been total NC from him, for over a year now, he STILL tries to destroy, smear, impact, ruin holidays, etc etc.. any way possible & via anyone he can think of. Even had a complete stranger reach out to my family, pretending to be health insurance rep... looking for info on my son (trying to obtain our location!) It is US that has to change, they never will. Try to do any/everything possible so that you never need a thing from him. Not a signature, not documentation, not $... not to even speak to him. Having that all prepared is KEY imho. That, & a support group you can trust who he cannot manipulate or use against you. ~ ((HUGS)) Here's wishing you strength, clarity, freedom & happiness!!!!!!! Having a plan b, c, d & more than enough things you don't even think you'll need = key. People who are trustWORTHY in your corner, & above all..... money he cannot get to! Without that, everything becomes a lot harder & some things, seemingly impossible. Trust, I know all too well. (ex cleared all our accounts, closed 401k, cancel sons health ins, even hid the cars... just to try & get me to come back/control/win, whatever. Didn't work BUT.... it's been nearly impossible, esp disabled, traumatized, sick, alone, in constant fight/flight/fawn. Hard to think about future plans, wants, needs, anything really.... when all you can focus on is trying to get through each day. Doing nothing, only having access to online, no one to talk to..... completely alone, just trying to survive!) Even manipulated what little family/friends he hadn't already isolated us away from.... to not believing or helping us. People w/ the means & then some, who know I've always done the right thing, always been independent/responsible one, never asked for a thing... family who, simply.... can't be bothered) Little by little, day by day w/ what was on our backs & fit in a backpack.. my son & I rent a room, 1 room.. have a laptop, tablet & prepaid burner phone between us. We have to (w/ back issues, etc) walk to local grocery 2 blks away, pray for ok weather, only get absolute necessities. On disability only.. saving for place, furniture, car, clothes etc. is taking a while. Never ever saw this as my life.. Not for me, def not for my son who, deserves to LIVE. To finish HS, go on w/ his life. Not be stuck in a room all day online, reading or gaming.. w/ his MOM who sleeps in a chair so he can have the bed. The word sacrifice, phew... we know it all too well. Makeup, hair, things that fit, anything/everything... sucks. Oh & he RAN to file for divorce right away. Still don't know how he got it put through OR that quickly; little I looked up, said there was a 2 yr waiting period if not going in on it together. All I know, is that it's a done deal, NO child support, NO alimony/maintenance, NO division of anything. Oh & plus, now.. since accts got cleared/closed, I moved but have purposely not updated address, changed anything OR had any need to file taxes (didn't make enough last 2 yrs+)... guess who didn't get any of this 'stimulus' thing either? Yup. Isolation, lockdown, tightening budget (what budget?!) ... social distancing... Sadly, we've had that down pat already & not by choice. Shouldn't have to look over our shoulder or worry, but... people don't change. Can't file restraining order either, since... he hasn't technically DONE anything physical + then I'd have to find a way to GET to court, to file... AND would be required to tell him WHERE we are, that he is ordered to stay away from. Better off this way, with him just not knowing at all... much safer imho. Who'd a thunk we'd ever have to even THINK this way??? Surely not how I envisioned mid-life, that's for sure!!!!!!! Let's hope for all of us, this ENDS soon.... That we can move on & START to actually heal, move forward.... be truly free & happy!!!!!!!!! Only once out of survival mode, can one even think about what's to come. Being foggy, mentally, physically, emotionally EXHAUSTED... Def. suffering w/ a lot of CPTSD I'm sure.... makes it even harder to make ANY decisions or to prioritize, be logical, etc. Please plan & get out safely, when you can. I'd still rather.... than be back w/ him!!!!!! ~ Stay safe & be well.
Awesome suggestions for strategy. I would add to this list is to eliminate contact with the narcissist so the narcissist can't work you over with terror tactics and have all communication in writing, either via email or through the lawyer. This will give you great peace of mind and enable you to think clearly through the divorce process. It's a suggestion that lawyers should make to their clients in these types of cases. If a client shows up in a lawyer's office showing signs of fear, it means the narcissist has been working the client over already and a big red flag that the client's spouse is a narcissist.
So I have just started this process and you are Totally 100% correct. Four weeks in to this process and already my soon to be ex is emailing my employer, coworkers and the local news papers with lies. I had to file a decimation suit to get her to stop. She filed for a protection order filled with lies to the point I had to subpoena videos from a local store to disprove the lies and spend lots of money on additional hearings. I’m not looking forward to the future drama. Your video helped !! Thanks for the video!
I love it when you tell people to documentation because once you do attend the court many years later even. Nobody can’t take away what they had done wrong correct again. Yes, pick your correct attorney because you can’t count on your ex’s for anything.
Indeed! I used to purposely find an excuse to not answer the phone, ESP at the end. Knowing he wouldn't have ANY patience waiting for a call back even.... he'd either call again & leave voice mail, or better yet.... leave voice mail, then immediately follow with some long, drawn out text. Now, instead of a convo that he'd later claim didn't take place (or that I'd have to try & record, etc) it was all right there, in writing... His OWN writing! Grey rock worked wonders. Made him more angry most times but kept me from reacting emotionally. Agreed, can never give them benefit of doubt, ever. Trusting in history, patterns & actions, above all... Helps prevent us being fooled by mere words alone. By the dense fog of their bs, twisting lies or manipulation, & being played by their absolute fkery. ~ Stay safe & be well. :)
Beyond totally. On prove up day, he changed the date for cub allocated support to shorten it by 5 years, leaving the youngest child without provision. We caught it and the judge mopped up the floor with him. It was so bad for him, he was crying during the prove up. He was so busted. It was glorious.
What if you have no money for a lawyer? My husband has literally taken complete control over our bank account. I don’t even have a debit card now, or access to our account. I honestly don’t even know if we still bank at the same bank anymore. I have no idea what’s going on with our finances. I have been struggling severely with mental health and panic attacks and I honestly don’t even have the strength in me to find out because I can’t handle it anymore even if I know he won’t be honest. And confronting him will just cause a blow out in front of my two beautiful children. Who don’t deserve this. . This is an absolute nightmare.
Same situation , quit procrastinating,.go to bank,find out, then contact shelter,or salvation army,they will help and protect you and the kids. I did the middle of the night, leaving thing to
I am terrified of the divorce process with my Narc husband. I am retired & we live on his business income. We are not rich by any means. I supported him the first half of our marraige. Now he is. But it is COVID crazy out there. No places to live, etc.
I’m pretty much in the same boat, I’ve not filed but I threatened, it was the start of covid, and hen he threatened me with taking everything away and I got scared, I lied and said I would stay, now he’s totally changed and kissing my butt, I’m afraid to make a move, but I’m miserable
TOTALLY I have to say that she is bang on. I am going through a divorce and pretty much all of this has happened .. and of course it all started nicely, until she realized she wouldn't get everything she wanted. Then she went off the rails. And because she is also BPD, she ended up with criminal charges which helped me quite a bit .
TOTALLY!! My husband is a true narcissist. He aksed me or a divorce after being married 18 1/2 years because he found another woman. He took everything from me literally. He even went into my closet and took back shirts he gave me years ago. This divorce we are going through could be simple however he is making me feel like everything is my fault. Literally his whole court complaint was all about me. He belives he walks on water. I am in the fight for my life. More importantly, our children's lives. He doesn't care who he is hurting.
Yes you are in the fight of your life, and they will lie and gaslight you the whole time. You are also right about documenting everything (the facts only), as it will eventually reveal the gap between their words and their actions. It is also helpful to insist that all communication be in writing.
Totally!!!! going through this now but God blessed me with the perfect lawyer for vs veterans (nothing against veterans just different rules) and narcissists. Attorney Sharon Jackson. Yay! I didn’t even realize what I was dealing with. Blessed so far.
TOTALLY!! You are an answer to prayer! Thank you for the life saving links...trying for 2.5 years to be free of narcissist. I had no idea he would stonewall, move goal posts- on to 2nd mediation in 14 months, on Valentine's Day.
Abso-freakin-TOTALLY!!!!!!!!! I have been aware of what Im dealing with from a Clinical standpoint for about 5 years. I have heard many stories from others and then I have my own. Even still , it amazes me that everyone who understands this, from all over the world , says the same things about how they behave. By the way , I bought your book , and can't wait to get into it. I also beefed up my documentation efforts as I'm divorcing right now , and something very amazing happened as a result. The narcissist got caught in a lie today at a court hearing as her testimony went against what she had written and she impeached herself. Case dismissed. Now onto the big hearing in a few months. Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Academy of Narcissism is what most of us survivors may think of them being students of. There are so many things they have in common. Do not react! Stay cool. Good luck!
I have all of your material and I truly appreciate you. Mediation is finally June 9th after almost a year. Narcs delay tactics. Financial abuse. Bleeding me dry.
Very good information. It's hard right now but knowing I'm not alone in dealing with an ex who's a narcissist makes me feel supported somehow. He's doing virtually every tactic outlined its crazy! I'm ready to find the best approach to dealing with his false sense of reality and moving on in a positive direction in my life. Thanks for posting this video!
I have tried so many times to leave my husband, and I keep getting tripped up by his behaviors making me feel inadequate and helpless. Plus, I just get WEARY!
Love your self and kids, first,leave ,B4 they become narcissistic themselves from the trauma,from watching it unfold before their eyes every day,it doesn't get better, I lived in it ,and lied,,made light of it,to myself,for32, years, finally grew some and left
Sure wished I had this information in January when I was totally blindsided by my husband of 13yrs and a 9yo son, telling me in a COOL CALM AND EXTREMELY COLLECTED THAT HE WANTED A DIVORCE!!! Everything she’s saying is exactly what he pulled and after 13yrs I HAD NO CLUE he was so sadistic and a narcissist!!!
Rebecca Zung I’m hooked on your channel advice and just wished I could have gotten this wonderful education before this past January!! But amen I’m still learning, big time!! Still getting blindsided by this jerk off!! Ty for ALLLLL that you post!!!
If he just told you about the divorce you are still in the middle of it unless you trusted him and signed a settlement before you had all the information. Good luck! Rebecca has two awesome books you should read. Never agree to anything unless you consult your attorney and get a good one!
@@lucawilliam876 anybody that’s dealing with a narcissist needs someone to talk to and guide them. They’re a different breed and they’re scary they’re so extremely calculated
Totally! 100% how you outlined it. My divorce from a 26 year marriage was in DV court with a 4 day trial Ordered by the Judge. Initial quote by my attorney $4000 and 6 months but by the time it ended, it took 3 1/2 years and cost $62K!!
I am going now through the fight of my life, so difficult, so draining emotionally. They don't care about anyone besides themselves. These videos have been great tools to keep on fighting. ❤
You're right on. I wish I would have set money aside for this. I have lost literally everything. My job, our home, our kids, then the vehicle. To make things worse I lost my integrity and got myself in 3 pending charges. I have never been this low. But thanks for the info. Atleast now I have some hope of actually surviving this divorce. It's time for me to make a plan and stick firmly to it. Thanks for the advice.
Dear heart ❤️ you have yourself! And your sanity to make yourself a better life. 41 years of narcissistic abuse, physical and mental here and finally free now 8 months. He took all the checking and savings, all the tools 🛠 he could fit in his car and even coins and belongings from my childhood. I do have the house but it needs lots of repairs.
I'm now watching your videos to help me. I didn't think I'd be here. It's breaking my heart to realize I'm dealing with a covert narc I've lost my entire family because they believe him over me and the smear campaign. Because he can't seem to get under my skin with smears and being close to my family he is instead messing around with maintenance and trying to negotiate out of what we originally agreed upon. I suggested mediation to my lawyer like you recommended. I just want my divorce and this to be over he keeps delaying things and costing me money and stress it's a nightmare. He wanted out the marriage to cheat and be alone but he's not making it easy and playing the victim now.
@@lucawilliam876 wow I wrote this 8 month ago! Well Luca, let me tell you now that some time has passed I am in a much better place, I'm over him and I've spent a lot of time watching UA-cam videos on managing my codependency and having a therapist helps. And certainly people to talk to, which I found on reddit there's a community of people who understand us. I also have not flinched anymore with any of his threats or attempts to upset me and in doing that he's stopped making things difficult. I decided that he can keep my family and friends, he actually helped me now know who are my actual friends and family and it exposured people who actually quietly resented and disliked me. I also decided that he messed me around with maintenance because he knows I rely on his money, so I started studying, I'm working towards a career in programming and UX design, I'm working and studying and single parenting and leveling up my life! Honestly I'm now so grateful he did what he did because I'm living my full potential and have good people coming into my life. The effects of the emotional abuse is slowly loosened and I'm recognizing that I'm a very strong and capable person. Far from the weak woman he turned me into. If you need to talk though I'm here...it is hard to move on without having a safe space to talk things out. And the community on UA-cam and reddit are here too. There's a whole world of kind people who understand what we're going through. You are not alone..
Totally. Im 7 years post divorce & 4 years post court action where his 10 page petition determined to take custody of our kids was denied. He tried to starve me out. Half of nothing is nothing.
Love your content, Rebecca. I know divorce is your specialty, hoping you'd consider expanding to narc fathers who turn against their adult children when the other parent (who kept the narc in line) dies. He's completely gone against mom's wishes and stolen essentially everything. Thank you for all you do!
@@RebeccaZungEsq Terrific! Looking forward to it! I've told friends and family about you - you've educated us all so much. I'm determined to learn the ways of the narc as to never fall victim again. Much light and strength to you, as well. Thank you for being a strong voice for us and showing us the way.
Been married 17 years with 4 children. I’ve pulled the “blinders” off over the last 2 years. I feel like I’ll never get away. He is a soul/spirit sucker. My family/friends tell me to get out, but it’s not that easy. 😕
Was told I was going to lose everything I had. I filed when I should have waited to have extra money. He has an attorney who used to be the DA for our county. I feel lost.
This is like the sad 28 years that is my life story 🥺 I m in divorce process.. but nothing done! I want to leave I m so tired but I don’t know if I can .. I have a 15 years old daughter who wants to come with me 🙏🏻
I am so glad that God told me to find out if there was such a narcissistic lawyer and soon to be ex-husband. And then you showed up. I am so happy to have found you because your knowledge is so helpful. I will get all the resources that you are providing. God bless you. Thank you. have to go into the lions den and face them.
Totally. Your totally right. I keep everything including expenses. It made a huge difference in what they where demanding to what they agreed to accept after seeing what I had in , e-mails , texts , expenses, bank statements you name it. Plus I guidances of God.
My husband of 23 years. Kicked me out in covid He tried to get me imprisoned And mentally institutionalised He wanted me out because he wants to be with new women etc etc like midlife crisis I have to live with him separately in the same house After going court to come back. As his plan did not quite work. This started in April he is now about to put in divorce He tournaments me. Psychology I am biding my time He sends me notes and offers me food and then cold towards me too loud music I am traumatised by it all and scared of the next battle divorce financial settlement He was ruthless with me But I'm standing my ground as I am sick of bullies
I am educating myself with your information Rebecca. I am leaving my husband after 38 years. It is the scariest thing after all these years. But my mind is made up and I am currently speaking to my lawyer. I sometimes feel that I have adopted some of the behavior patterns but then it is as if my mind and body "self right" it because it is not my personality. Thank you so much for the insight and information.
Me too. I’ve been trying to get the courage up for three years now. Oddly enough at the same time I had made up in my mind that I was going to start a divorce strategy she oscillating between civility in full-blown narcissistic abuse there is no more nice wife at all.
Bought her book and see nothing about my case and I’m 2 months out and it’s all sunshine and roses about how we should value ourselves and I have done that self work. I need legal strategies.
How do you manage when they constantly use the law against you? Example, my narcissistic husband (didn't know he was at the time) was physically abusive towards me, he immediately snatched the house phone from me as well as my cell phone, locked it in his car, went next door to the neighbors and told them I hit him and used their phone to call the police and apply for an injunction against me. He then game me back my phone and I was able to cal te cops back. Because he called and lied to them that I was violent against him, I had to leave our home in the middle of the night with our then toddler son. It was horrible. I was confused as to why the cops believed his story over what truly occurred. He was physically abusive to me!
What happens when the judge doesn’t hold him accountable for anything.? Been going through divorce for 3 years and you wouldn’t believe all that has happened… to the point that friends are telling me to contact the media bc it is this outrageous!
I'm learning alot from your videos and the facebook group. Trying to get everything lined up and worked out to be prepared for separation. I had a suspicion that my spouse might be a narc but tried looking past it. I've gotten tired and then started doing research. Now i'm learning and working getting everything in order. Thank you for your videos and insight.
I’m fully convinced the ONLY reason this divorce is going smooth ish is because he cares more about not going into debt than me or our son. I really feel like that’s the only reason he’s cooperated with me - but emotionally and conversation wise it’s been really difficult and very confusing. I’m doing my best to keep all communication in written (text or email etc) and keeping my boundaries firm. It’s been really eye opening to see him spiral 🌀 so much with me not being his main supply anymore. I’m counting a mostly smooth filing process as lucky to me and moving forward.
Totally!!! This is spot on! I have been going through this for over a year and everything you say would happen has happened!! It should have been very easy our kids are no longer a custody issue. All we had to do was as you say, do things by the law and be done! Even better he’s constantly asking me do you wanna divorce or what? don’t you wanna get this over with? My question relates to how they get away with this in that they obviously have a lawyer willing to go along with it. I can understand why my to be ex would try to do some of this stuff but his lawyer is the one who put it in writing. Why????
TOTALLY! I believe my narc is the dark triad and he planned to go to a mountain yoga retreat with me instead of my daughter’s graduation. 400 miles away. I’m just realizing now what he was thinking.
I wish I had someone like you to council me. No one understood. He did every trick you’ve mentioned. Classic. Textbook. CEO covert. 27 years of marriage. He’s got the big family house and my son (golden child) Me and my daughters are about to be homeless. My attorney was lax. :(
This is my situation. Worried I will lose my son (golden child) who is an adult, forever. We are living in the same house with my son. We are are the pre-trail stage. Feeling like what was the purpose of trying to get away if I lost my son.
Sorta feeling like I should’ve just turned a blind eye to all the affairs and just keep the family together. But the kids knew. They were the ones that told me and that would be a poor example for my girls.
I explained to my attorney at least 900,000,000. Times I had Traumatic Brain Injury. I have severe psychological issues from his abuse. I sent her every letter from my doctors proving it. I explained the best way to communicate with me so I understood. That never happened. I lost control over my own divorce. Her assistant wasted no time to disrespect me, yelled at me, was patronized. I sent documented proof of what he was up to. All ignored. My attorney wouldn’t talk to me unless there was another person with me. She didn’t tell me about an important court date because I wasn’t with a third party. I missed the court date. I lost my support. I never get money that was mine in an escrow account. She filed a petition to be released as counsel. The pleading she sent me was to an address I hadn’t lived since October of last year. I told her he had hacked into my electronic devices and send me things to me in mail. That didn’t happen. I confronted her after I missed the court date and she told me I was mentally unstable. No I had TBI. I was getting anger because she was focusing on me while my soon to be ex was ruining me financially. I finally exploded. Being angry when your attorney is not doing her job. She failed to adjust to working with me as I asked. She left me without support with non of MY money. I was left with $1,600.00. My church paid my rent. The professionally upset needed to take responsibility of ruining my life. She left me where no attorney would take me on as a client. She was working for me but became a flying monkey for him. As a narc survivor I know that justice isn’t going to happen but not this way. Research. Research. Research your attorney. Be precise at what you want. My narc is a financial abuser. I was looking for another attorney for a month. I can’t afford another attorney now. I’m asking for a pro bono attorney. I know that while I don’t have an attorney he’s going to get worse. Make sure your attorney has lots of experience with narcs. Make sure your attorney is not just an attorney is also an advocate willing to be aggressive to hold him accountable for even a toe out of line. Make sure your attorney regularly keeps in contact with you. I know him and he abused me more than the attorney. It is a necessity that your attorney knows what games he plays and keeps using that information you give to your attorney to better represent you. Not all attorneys are knowledgable so stay on internet groups who can give you tips on to better handle things. If your attorney starts disrespecting you that’s a bad sign. Hiring an attorney is a financial transaction and you’re paying for their legal knowledge. They know the laws and procedures. You are still being victimized. Listening to your attorney’s legal advise and really listen. As a victim of narc abuse our goal is justice, that’s not going to happen. Work with your attorney with short and precise goals. Your attorney can do best when there isn’t a list of demands but an exit plan to end things. Support is a necessity. It keeps me calm. It keeps me in perspective. My support keeps me feeling strong and sets me into battle. They are also going to be character witnesses not flying monkeys. I feel stronger, safer, blessed, and grateful for my friends. My narc will do anything and everything to pull me off track. Stay focused. Have tunnel vision to just end this and move on. I have a lot of differently disabilities and looking for a job. I would much rather do that than beg for money. Focus on being divorced. This is what I have learned. It’s my story. If this helps anyone, great. If not please ignore this and find something that works for you. You know your situation better than anyone. It may not workout the way you planned but that’s life. Reminder; there is a case coming to the Supreme Court next session. The matter is allowing abusers and stalkers to still get a gun regardless. If you don’t want this to happen work with your state government to pass legislation now on this. If your state has this law than it can over ride what the Supreme Court decides.
I can go months without responding to my husbands bad, narcitistic behaviour and when I eventually do respond, he records me on his phone which is now deterting me from divorcing him because I know he will use this against me.
I record my husband. I have no idea if he records me. I try very hard not to respond the way he wants me too. He has threatened calling the cops and the state on me bc he said I was having a mental breakdown one time. Luckily I recorded that. He was the one screaming at me. I couldn’t even get a word in.
Totally! My first husband cheated, left me on the street, no house, no car, and left me with nothing. He took my son away from me and for every little thing he uses his lawyers, he lied in court and put my son against me. He made me seen as a crazy, irresponsible religious person. He had planned this evil for years. And told a friend of mine his plans...later I remarried, he became " aquaintance" with my soon to be ex husband...he got in our relationship and wont stop calling us and harrassed us, we split. I had a baby and he acted even worse. The story doesn' t end...to be honest with you, I believe that God sent my daughter for me not to go crazy... both husbands were a poor choice of mine...I had zero emotional education. Now I do. The second always tells me that if I divorce him, that he will take my daughter away from me. That is the reason why I dont fully proceed.
TOTALLY!! I am trying to get a divorce but the courts are closed due to covid-19.. Any suggestions?? Anyone Please I really need the help!! I would greatly appreciate any suggestions!! Thank you!!
Yep she scares the life out of me. I just need to follow through now which is going to be devastating and costly but i need to be happy. Reality will hit very soon and that helps our healing.
He has done all this and more put all my stuff in the trash let all my cat's die he has the house the all the money the car's and he keeps putting off court hearing
I am currently going thru the divorce now, she suddenly locked me out of the house. When I tried to get in, she pulled a gun on me. She got a restraining order on me. I had no money, no food, no place to go. Fortunately a family member has stepped up and helped me big time. A cousin on my mother's side. From what I have listened to you say , I believe that I am an empath. We have been married since 1985.
Want to know more about what to do before you divorce a narcissist? Join me on my free masterclass. Sign up right here>>> www.rebeccazung.com/live
I can't wait to support you there!
When you ask a narcissist to leave. they will use everything they can in their bag of tricks. Even file false charges with the corrupt system.
I need help my name is Corey and I am scared for my life I have already called the cops once on my wife and I am stuck trying to figure out how to leave safely and secretly but I fear leaving my 3 and 2 year old with her she is unstable and very dangerous it's getting worse she chases me in the streets dispatch recommended her getting in the car and heading home while officers were on way and it didn't even faze her she continued I need help I am a 31 year old man I have never been so scared in my life we have our firearm carries and I have had to hide hers and disarm it totally because I don't know what she would do I fear for mine and my kids lives I need help please help me please I have involved my mother after 7 years and she recommended me to you for help I need to get away from this woman and keep my kids safe
Totally ✝️🙏❤️😘
Do you have products that offer an affiliate program? I have a comprehensive program regarding divorcing a narcissist and identifying one. Most of the courts and even the attorneys and guard see an end liebn's. Don't understand or identify a narcissist. But I think you're formation is helpful and might be Hel. Go to others so i'd like to include your product in my program for purchase.
My narcissist filed for divorce in a fit of anger and then was even more angry that I didn't contest it. I didn't hire a lawyer or even show up to court, that's how little I cared at that point. Sent his lawyer and the court a letter saying that I didn't contest it and accepted the terms of our separation agreement as the final agreement and was done. Court date comes and goes and he calls me, screaming mad that I didn't even show up. LOL he was still screaming when I hung up the phone.
good work girl.
That's the best story I've ever heard.
Wow. what if the terms left u with nothing? That took guts. He threatened to divorce me also but he talks more then he acts. He said DO an ad in paper. I need a real solid divorce. You were strong. That's great!
@@lesterandangiewright9591I honestly think sometimes the peace of mind you gain outweighs what you may be left with
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Totally! One thing I have learnt is, NEVER trust a Narc. Only expect them to do the worst. Don’t count on fair play in a divorce. I’m seeing the ugliest side of my Narc during the negotiation period now. Thanks to all your tips and guidance, Ms Zung, I’m aware of what I’m up against🙏🏼
@AllsWell L 👏🏼👏🏼❤️🙏🏻
Wow, you just nailed it. Dealing with the worst one ever. They kill your soul. Worst life ever. It’s so scary to the core.
Absolutely!! Facts
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Same! Second time around!!!
Please if you have any ideas on what I can do about this an appeal when there is a signature involved ....Please I had asked Advise to another lawyers and they say they can't help .
Mine refuses to leave; divorce is moving slowly. And he’s sneaking around/recording in the kitchen. Zero doubt. This is the easy part.
My husband keeps telling everyone that I’m the one that doesn’t want to divorce him and not signing the papers when in reality it’s HIM. He’s made the divorce impossible because I’m ‘the only person he’ll ever love and wants to be married to.’ He got another girl pregnant and keeps telling her and his mom that’s it’s ME the one that doesn’t want to divorce him. So sick
Omg. I...feel your pain. How is everything going now?
Yupp classic gaslighting is the worst. I started a 50/50 business with this guy 20 years my senior. Eventually the business ran out of money and he had no money either. I decided to inject $10,000+ of my own money to start new profitable projects. After we profited, he refused to reimburse me for the costs, nor pay off the debts we owed. Instead, he spent all our profits on whatever he wanted. I wanted out. He refused to buy me out or give me anything. Instead, he seized all our assets and locked me out of my own accounts. Now he’s telling everyone his delusions that I was the one stealing from the store not him. He says if I bring this to court he will try to destroy me. Stalk/harass and sabotage any new ventures I start. Talk about a psychopath.
Ha my wife did that
Same with me 😅. Next time it's going to be war. I will file charges on her.
I walked away from 12 years. Hardest thing I ever done. While trying to get my things he changed the locks. He then through my stuff in the garage. Then had the nerve to ask me for 1/2 the morgage. He has been talking about me. And tells people I tried to come back. He then filed for a divorce before I did. Crazy
Best advice I was given by a friend when we had to go to court and mediate, don't talk to or look at him. I think he started coming unglued and just couldn't shut up, finally revealing his true self. My lawyer had to deal with him at the courthouse because he was so smart he didn't need one. So glad they got to see the real him and the divorce was granted that day. Up until that day, everything had gone his way and I was feeling defeated. Keeping my composure and holding my head up while not acknowledging him at court helped me get through it.
❤🎉❤ MAGNIFICENT GRATITUDE BEAUTIFUL SOUL, I WILL FOLLOW UR BEAUTIFUL ADVICE, IT WILL ALSO DRIVE MINE CRAZY, MINE HASN'T BEEN SERVED PAPERWORK YET BUT VERY SOON 🎉❤🎉 GLAD UR FREE❤
Totally, I am nine years out from my divorce and I read something recently that you know you’ve healed when you don’t feel the need to defend your story anymore. I’m so proud of myself I had written you a long response detailing everything that i had gone through in my nasty divorce with a narcissist... and I just deleted it ! you’re welcome🤣🙌💕 A good lawyer is worth their weight in gold. my lawyer helped me hold onto my children And my house I would be lost without them. And she helped me to fight one of the biggest bullies I have ever known in my lifetime and that is something I am so proud of to this day! I never wanted to be a divorced woman . But there was no staying anymore. And because I fought him hard he eventually left us alone.
Good rolls reversed though
“You’re value is what you can do for them “ can totally relate !! I lived it myself for 7 long years
Me too!! Going through a separation right now with a narcissistic person and her flying monkey(s).
I’ve lived it for 25
@@BrotherToby85 i hear you with the flying monkeys. Is so difficult but unfortunately I have dealt with narcissists in my previous relationship and my current relationship/husband of 5 years with a total of 10 years together. The twisting of things and smear campaign is ridiculous. I lost friends with the previous ex and I chose to cut certain people from my circle this time around who have been believing his lies. When I stopped replying to his texts and not answering phone calls it made the smearing much worse and my father in law is a narcissist as well so it doesn’t help that my in laws have smear campaigned me for 10 years already
@@rachaelarcher5407 wow smh.. I'm sorry to hear that. I believe the best thing to do is remember your "why's" as to why you have cut them off, why you chose to move forward, why you chose peace and so on. These past 5 months have been great for me!
@@BrotherToby85 each day is easier by the minute. I have god on my side through it all and am so thankful for his grace. However he has gone as far as to drive by the place I’m living at late at night to see if my car is there or by my friends home. It’s disturbing to say the least but I’m not letting it stop me from living my life
TOTALLY. It’s amazing how accurate you are. My problem is finding a lawyer that understands this dynamic.
That's my problem. Not all attorney know how they work
I think that is a big concern and issue for most of us !!
We have to search, research and, consult with the Attorney/Attorneys!!
It is very time consuming but, is a must!!
Many lawyers claim the understand it, but I have found few that do. The court system rarely gets it. They are simply not psychologically sophisticated. Ms. Zung gets it.
I'm learning everything I can, and I'm going to save money before i leave and file for divorce. These videos are so much help.
Hope you get out!! I want to so bad
I made sure I consulted with every good lawyer in town before I left; had divested myself of all joint assists (except the ho8se , which reverted from tenant in entirety to tenants common). Then I divorced in Virginia and he couldn’t afford an attorney and never showed up at court (probably those 2 drunk driving incidents in less than 6 month) Was very hard to get him served, hired private server who sent sexy blond to side door that he answered, served. Divorce automatically granted without cause in va. The lord had other plans for me. I am in serv8ce to my nation and my god.
He is schizophrenic I even tried to get an annulment for non disclose of a material fact after our first s0n died at 6.5 weeks (yeah lost my son vision and profession all in 30 days, took years to get all my degrees before I could leave)
@@vgwinva5669 OMG
Separated. Divorce came into the picture yesterday. Totally!
I’m going through this right now and it’s amazing how accurate you are in describing the narcissist.
Totally! You described my divorce exactly the way it happened! I feel so validated watching your videos - thank you! I was one of the lucky ones - all the suggestions you made I'd done. It took four long years, but I'm on the other side and not looking back.
Hi i Was a victim of this and am looking towards getting over it but i can't...i want someone to talk to...
The law favours the bully... you are so correct, the judge has to have the final say.
Just came back to thank you. It's been literally your advice preparing me properly for divorce. Due to this I collected hard evidence for _everything_ when preparing and really needed some I wouldn't have thought to be relevant otherwise.
Divorce is almost done, currently it looks like they effed themself by committing perjury several times. (They never learn.)
Don't get me wrong, people, I don't wish them any bad but this way everything they threw in to attack me bounced back on them. Seems like karma actually _is_ a thing.
Totally he even told me once “I can be your best friend if you stay with me, but if you leave me I will be your worst enemy” and he did it. When I decide to leave him he kick me out of home and took all our money..
Totally! Sometimes I feel my attorney falls for his "poor me, I'm a victim" talk 😔
I left before I was ready too. After I returned, things have just deteriorated more. Thank you for sharing.
Been there, absolutely did that.. & can totally relate! Were together since H.S. for 26 yrs on/off, & married.. 17 of. Have 1 teenage son. It is THE hardest thing I've ever EVER had to go through & could even imagine. Still is, tbh.. since for me, even tho we've been total NC from him, for over a year now, he STILL tries to destroy, smear, impact, ruin holidays, etc etc.. any way possible & via anyone he can think of. Even had a complete stranger reach out to my family, pretending to be health insurance rep... looking for info on my son (trying to obtain our location!) It is US that has to change, they never will. Try to do any/everything possible so that you never need a thing from him. Not a signature, not documentation, not $... not to even speak to him. Having that all prepared is KEY imho. That, & a support group you can trust who he cannot manipulate or use against you. ~ ((HUGS)) Here's wishing you strength, clarity, freedom & happiness!!!!!!! Having a plan b, c, d & more than enough things you don't even think you'll need = key. People who are trustWORTHY in your corner, & above all..... money he cannot get to! Without that, everything becomes a lot harder & some things, seemingly impossible. Trust, I know all too well. (ex cleared all our accounts, closed 401k, cancel sons health ins, even hid the cars... just to try & get me to come back/control/win, whatever. Didn't work BUT.... it's been nearly impossible, esp disabled, traumatized, sick, alone, in constant fight/flight/fawn. Hard to think about future plans, wants, needs, anything really.... when all you can focus on is trying to get through each day. Doing nothing, only having access to online, no one to talk to..... completely alone, just trying to survive!) Even manipulated what little family/friends he hadn't already isolated us away from.... to not believing or helping us. People w/ the means & then some, who know I've always done the right thing, always been independent/responsible one, never asked for a thing... family who, simply.... can't be bothered) Little by little, day by day w/ what was on our backs & fit in a backpack.. my son & I rent a room, 1 room.. have a laptop, tablet & prepaid burner phone between us. We have to (w/ back issues, etc) walk to local grocery 2 blks away, pray for ok weather, only get absolute necessities. On disability only.. saving for place, furniture, car, clothes etc. is taking a while. Never ever saw this as my life.. Not for me, def not for my son who, deserves to LIVE. To finish HS, go on w/ his life. Not be stuck in a room all day online, reading or gaming.. w/ his MOM who sleeps in a chair so he can have the bed. The word sacrifice, phew... we know it all too well. Makeup, hair, things that fit, anything/everything... sucks. Oh & he RAN to file for divorce right away. Still don't know how he got it put through OR that quickly; little I looked up, said there was a 2 yr waiting period if not going in on it together. All I know, is that it's a done deal, NO child support, NO alimony/maintenance, NO division of anything. Oh & plus, now.. since accts got cleared/closed, I moved but have purposely not updated address, changed anything OR had any need to file taxes (didn't make enough last 2 yrs+)... guess who didn't get any of this 'stimulus' thing either? Yup. Isolation, lockdown, tightening budget (what budget?!) ... social distancing... Sadly, we've had that down pat already & not by choice. Shouldn't have to look over our shoulder or worry, but... people don't change. Can't file restraining order either, since... he hasn't technically DONE anything physical + then I'd have to find a way to GET to court, to file... AND would be required to tell him WHERE we are, that he is ordered to stay away from. Better off this way, with him just not knowing at all... much safer imho. Who'd a thunk we'd ever have to even THINK this way??? Surely not how I envisioned mid-life, that's for sure!!!!!!! Let's hope for all of us, this ENDS soon.... That we can move on & START to actually heal, move forward.... be truly free & happy!!!!!!!!! Only once out of survival mode, can one even think about what's to come. Being foggy, mentally, physically, emotionally EXHAUSTED... Def. suffering w/ a lot of CPTSD I'm sure.... makes it even harder to make ANY decisions or to prioritize, be logical, etc. Please plan & get out safely, when you can. I'd still rather.... than be back w/ him!!!!!! ~ Stay safe & be well.
I wish I had watch your video 12 years ago, what you said is “exactly “what happen to me.
Same
Awesome suggestions for strategy. I would add to this list is to eliminate contact with the narcissist so the narcissist can't work you over with terror tactics and have all communication in writing, either via email or through the lawyer. This will give you great peace of mind and enable you to think clearly through the divorce process. It's a suggestion that lawyers should make to their clients in these types of cases. If a client shows up in a lawyer's office showing signs of fear, it means the narcissist has been working the client over already and a big red flag that the client's spouse is a narcissist.
You're my new hero! My ex has exemplified these exact traits but I was too afraid to acknowledge during the marriage. All of your words are helpful.
Hi i was a victim of this and am looking towards getting over it but i can't..i want someone to talk to...
Totally,!!!!!Didn't think for one moment I would be in this place at this time of my life. Thank you for your advice. You are a true blessing 🙏
Very helpful. I’m going through divorce now and I can’t believe how cruel and selfish he is. Ladies, be prepared for the battle!
So I have just started this process and you are Totally 100% correct. Four weeks in to this process and already my soon to be ex is emailing my employer, coworkers and the local news papers with lies. I had to file a decimation suit to get her to stop. She filed for a protection order filled with lies to the point I had to subpoena videos from a local store to disprove the lies and spend lots of money on additional hearings. I’m not looking forward to the future drama. Your video helped !! Thanks for the video!
Oops “defamation”
And filing court orders and fighting with them only further helps to feed their ego....
I love it when you tell people to documentation because once you do attend the court many years later even. Nobody can’t take away what they had done wrong correct again. Yes, pick your correct attorney because you can’t count on your ex’s for anything.
Indeed! I used to purposely find an excuse to not answer the phone, ESP at the end. Knowing he wouldn't have ANY patience waiting for a call back even.... he'd either call again & leave voice mail, or better yet.... leave voice mail, then immediately follow with some long, drawn out text. Now, instead of a convo that he'd later claim didn't take place (or that I'd have to try & record, etc) it was all right there, in writing... His OWN writing! Grey rock worked wonders. Made him more angry most times but kept me from reacting emotionally. Agreed, can never give them benefit of doubt, ever. Trusting in history, patterns & actions, above all... Helps prevent us being fooled by mere words alone. By the dense fog of their bs, twisting lies or manipulation, & being played by their absolute fkery. ~ Stay safe & be well. :)
Amen
Beyond totally. On prove up day, he changed the date for cub allocated support to shorten it by 5 years, leaving the youngest child without provision. We caught it and the judge mopped up the floor with him. It was so bad for him, he was crying during the prove up. He was so busted. It was glorious.
What if you have no money for a lawyer? My husband has literally taken complete control over our bank account. I don’t even have a debit card now, or access to our account. I honestly don’t even know if we still bank at the same bank anymore. I have no idea what’s going on with our finances. I have been struggling severely with mental health and panic attacks and I honestly don’t even have the strength in me to find out because I can’t handle it anymore even if I know he won’t be honest. And confronting him will just cause a blow out in front of my two beautiful children. Who don’t deserve this. . This is an absolute nightmare.
Same situation , quit procrastinating,.go to bank,find out, then contact shelter,or salvation army,they will help and protect you and the kids. I did the middle of the night, leaving thing to
It's happening now! I'm so grateful for your message tonight! I feel stronger and renewed in strength!
I am terrified of the divorce process with my Narc husband. I am retired & we live on his business income. We are not rich by any means. I supported him the first half of our marraige. Now he is. But it is COVID crazy out there. No places to live, etc.
I’m pretty much in the same boat, I’ve not filed but I threatened, it was the start of covid, and hen he threatened me with taking everything away and I got scared, I lied and said I would stay, now he’s totally changed and kissing my butt, I’m afraid to make a move, but I’m miserable
Hi..i was a victim of this and am looking towards getting over it but i can't i want someone to talk to....
Dealing with this now!! It’s the worst thing I’ve dealt with!!!!
TOTALLY I have to say that she is bang on. I am going through a divorce and pretty much all of this has happened .. and of course it all started nicely, until she realized she wouldn't get everything she wanted. Then she went off the rails. And because she is also BPD, she ended up with criminal charges which helped me quite a bit .
TOTALLY!! My husband is a true narcissist. He aksed me or a divorce after being married 18 1/2 years because he found another woman. He took everything from me literally. He even went into my closet and took back shirts he gave me years ago. This divorce we are going through could be simple however he is making me feel like everything is my fault. Literally his whole court complaint was all about me. He belives he walks on water. I am in the fight for my life. More importantly, our children's lives. He doesn't care who he is hurting.
Stay strong lady, he can take everything away, but don’t let him steal one more second of your peace.
Yes you are in the fight of your life, and they will lie and gaslight you the whole time. You are also right about documenting everything (the facts only), as it will eventually reveal the gap between their words and their actions. It is also helpful to insist that all communication be in writing.
Yes, I am dealing with a narcissist and he is doing everything that you explained in this video. Thank you for making this video, its a great help!
Totally!!!! going through this now but God blessed me with the perfect lawyer for vs veterans (nothing against veterans just different rules) and narcissists. Attorney Sharon Jackson. Yay! I didn’t even realize what I was dealing with. Blessed so far.
TOTALLY!! You are an answer to prayer! Thank you for the life saving links...trying for 2.5 years to be free of narcissist. I had no idea he would stonewall, move goal posts- on to
2nd mediation in 14 months, on Valentine's Day.
Abso-freakin-TOTALLY!!!!!!!!!
I have been aware of what Im dealing with from a Clinical standpoint for about 5 years. I have heard many stories from others and then I have my own. Even still , it amazes me that everyone who understands this, from all over the world , says the same things about how they behave. By the way , I bought your book , and can't wait to get into it. I also beefed up my documentation efforts as I'm divorcing right now , and something very amazing happened as a result. The narcissist got caught in a lie today at a court hearing as her testimony went against what she had written and she impeached herself. Case dismissed. Now onto the big hearing in a few months. Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@@RebeccaZungEsq 👍
The Academy of Narcissism is what most of us survivors may think of them being students of. There are so many things they have in common. Do not react! Stay cool. Good luck!
I am narc free and so grateful for your channel because it taught me so much about narcissistic people
I have all of your material and I truly appreciate you. Mediation is finally June 9th after almost a year. Narcs delay tactics. Financial abuse. Bleeding me dry.
Hi..i was a victim of this and am looking towards getting over it but i can't i want someone to talk to....
Very good information. It's hard right now but knowing I'm not alone in dealing with an ex who's a narcissist makes me feel supported somehow. He's doing virtually every tactic outlined its crazy! I'm ready to find the best approach to dealing with his false sense of reality and moving on in a positive direction in my life. Thanks for posting this video!
I have tried so many times to leave my husband, and I keep getting tripped up by his behaviors making me feel inadequate and helpless. Plus, I just get WEARY!
Totally. I really feel trapped and I love my kids so much. I’m stuck 😞
Love your self and kids, first,leave ,B4 they become narcissistic themselves from the trauma,from watching it unfold before their eyes every day,it doesn't get better, I lived in it ,and lied,,made light of it,to myself,for32, years, finally grew some and left
Sure wished I had this information in January when I was totally blindsided by my husband of 13yrs and a 9yo son, telling me in a COOL CALM AND EXTREMELY COLLECTED THAT HE WANTED A DIVORCE!!! Everything she’s saying is exactly what he pulled and after 13yrs I HAD NO CLUE he was so sadistic and a narcissist!!!
Rebecca Zung I’m hooked on your channel advice and just wished I could have gotten this wonderful education before this past January!! But amen I’m still learning, big time!! Still getting blindsided by this jerk off!! Ty for ALLLLL that you post!!!
If he just told you about the divorce you are still in the middle of it unless you trusted him and signed a settlement before you had all the information. Good luck! Rebecca has two awesome books you should read. Never agree to anything unless you consult your attorney and get a good one!
Hi i was a victim of this and am looking towards getting over it but i can't i want someone to talk to...
@@lucawilliam876 anybody that’s dealing with a narcissist needs someone to talk to and guide them. They’re a different breed and they’re scary they’re so extremely calculated
@@beverlyrembold8516 What you said is just the truth there i could like to talk more about it with you but we can't text each other private here
Totally! 100% how you outlined it.
My divorce from a 26 year marriage was in DV court with a 4 day trial Ordered by the Judge. Initial quote by my attorney $4000 and 6 months but by the time it ended, it took 3 1/2 years and cost $62K!!
Empath being divorced by a Covert Narc I So Appreciate You💕
I am going now through the fight of my life, so difficult, so draining emotionally. They don't care about anyone besides themselves.
These videos have been great tools to keep on fighting. ❤
Great advice! If the lawyer doesn't understand what narcissism is, you need to find someone else.
Totally. Something else they will do and you might of touched on it in this video is-They will mitigate an agreement and then do the exact opposite.
You're right on. I wish I would have set money aside for this. I have lost literally everything. My job, our home, our kids, then the vehicle. To make things worse I lost my integrity and got myself in 3 pending charges. I have never been this low. But thanks for the info. Atleast now I have some hope of actually surviving this divorce. It's time for me to make a plan and stick firmly to it. Thanks for the advice.
I'm praying for you. I'm sorry you are going through that
Dear heart ❤️ you have yourself! And your sanity to make yourself a better life. 41 years of narcissistic abuse, physical and mental here and finally free now 8 months. He took all the checking and savings, all the tools 🛠 he could fit in his car and even coins and belongings from my childhood. I do have the house but it needs lots of repairs.
TOTALLY !!!
3 years AFTER divorce granted, STILL have yet to settle property division, or even get MY CLOTHES !!!
I'm now watching your videos to help me. I didn't think I'd be here. It's breaking my heart to realize I'm dealing with a covert narc I've lost my entire family because they believe him over me and the smear campaign. Because he can't seem to get under my skin with smears and being close to my family he is instead messing around with maintenance and trying to negotiate out of what we originally agreed upon. I suggested mediation to my lawyer like you recommended. I just want my divorce and this to be over he keeps delaying things and costing me money and stress it's a nightmare. He wanted out the marriage to cheat and be alone but he's not making it easy and playing the victim now.
Hi..i was a victim of this and am looking towards getting over it but i can't i want someone to talk to....
@@lucawilliam876 wow I wrote this 8 month ago! Well Luca, let me tell you now that some time has passed I am in a much better place, I'm over him and I've spent a lot of time watching UA-cam videos on managing my codependency and having a therapist helps. And certainly people to talk to, which I found on reddit there's a community of people who understand us. I also have not flinched anymore with any of his threats or attempts to upset me and in doing that he's stopped making things difficult. I decided that he can keep my family and friends, he actually helped me now know who are my actual friends and family and it exposured people who actually quietly resented and disliked me. I also decided that he messed me around with maintenance because he knows I rely on his money, so I started studying, I'm working towards a career in programming and UX design, I'm working and studying and single parenting and leveling up my life!
Honestly I'm now so grateful he did what he did because I'm living my full potential and have good people coming into my life. The effects of the emotional abuse is slowly loosened and I'm recognizing that I'm a very strong and capable person. Far from the weak woman he turned me into.
If you need to talk though I'm here...it is hard to move on without having a safe space to talk things out. And the community on UA-cam and reddit are here too. There's a whole world of kind people who understand what we're going through. You are not alone..
@@melssf7451 that's good can we talk more about this on Google chat?
If i may ask do you like chatting on google chat?
Totally. Im 7 years post divorce & 4 years post court action where his 10 page petition determined to take custody of our kids was denied. He tried to starve me out. Half of nothing is nothing.
So sorry! Stay strong! There is Karma for everyone!
Love your content, Rebecca. I know divorce is your specialty, hoping you'd consider expanding to narc fathers who turn against their adult children when the other parent (who kept the narc in line) dies. He's completely gone against mom's wishes and stolen essentially everything. Thank you for all you do!
@@RebeccaZungEsq Terrific! Looking forward to it! I've told friends and family about you - you've educated us all so much. I'm determined to learn the ways of the narc as to never fall victim again. Much light and strength to you, as well. Thank you for being a strong voice for us and showing us the way.
Excellent info for anyone divorcing a narcissist! Plan and prepare and the plan and prepare some more...
Been married 17 years with 4 children. I’ve pulled the “blinders” off over the last 2 years. I feel like I’ll never get away. He is a soul/spirit sucker. My family/friends tell me to get out, but it’s not that easy. 😕
Same thing here except it’s my wife. I’m trapped
Was told I was going to lose everything I had. I filed when I should have waited to have extra money. He has an attorney who used to be the DA for our county.
I feel lost.
This is like the sad 28 years that is my life story 🥺 I m in divorce process.. but nothing done! I want to leave I m so tired but I don’t know if I can .. I have a 15 years old daughter who wants to come with me 🙏🏻
I am so glad that God told me to find out if there was such a narcissistic lawyer and soon to be ex-husband. And then you showed up. I am so happy to have found you because your knowledge is so helpful. I will get all the resources that you are providing. God bless you. Thank you.
have to go into the lions den and face them.
Totally... I just want you to know you have definitely stepped into your calling. You help so many people every single day including myself.
i know of a man who can help you divorce like he helped me divorce my husband without delay
+1 213-5 8 7-4 4 53
Message him on WhatsApp for help
Totally!
Hi..i was a victim of this and am looking towards getting over it but i can't i want someone to talk to....
Totally. Your totally right. I keep everything including expenses. It made a huge difference in what they where demanding to what they agreed to accept after seeing what I had in , e-mails , texts , expenses, bank statements you name it. Plus I guidances of God.
You are so so right. I went thru everything you said. TOTALLY, TOTALLY, TOTALLY
My husband of 23 years.
Kicked me out in covid
He tried to get me imprisoned
And mentally institutionalised
He wanted me out because he wants to be with new women etc etc like midlife crisis
I have to live with him separately in the same house
After going court to come back. As his plan did not quite work. This started in April he is now about to put in divorce
He tournaments me. Psychology
I am biding my time
He sends me notes and offers me food and then cold towards me too loud music
I am traumatised by it all and scared of the next battle divorce financial settlement
He was ruthless with me
But I'm standing my ground as I am sick of bullies
I am educating myself with your information Rebecca. I am leaving my husband after 38 years. It is the scariest thing after all these years. But my mind is made up and I am currently speaking to my lawyer. I sometimes feel that I have adopted some of the behavior patterns but then it is as if my mind and body "self right" it because it is not my personality. Thank you so much for the insight and information.
i know of a man who can help you divorce like he helped me divorce my husband without delay
+1 213-5 8 7-4 4 53
Message him on WhatsApp for help.
Hi..i was a victim of this and am looking towards getting over it but i can't i want someone to talk to....
She was in the fit of anger when all this started. She has put my job in danger and I now have a 90 mile each way drive to work.
Totally , I'm going through a devorse rn and the things I'm dealing with her is unreal , I'd love to make videos one day after
I can understand you. Be strong. Those people are devils have no soul no empathy 0 empathy
You are not alone and don't feel guilty for anything
@@СагдианаСагдиана-ш6з thank you for this encouragement! It wasn’t for me but it spoke to me!
Totally!!! And we are only separated at this point!!!!!!!
That’s so scary! I’m afraid of getting divorce from my narc husband.
Same. How are u doing?
Me too! I know it will be ugly
Me too. I’ve been trying to get the courage up for three years now. Oddly enough at the same time I had made up in my mind that I was going to start a divorce strategy she oscillating between civility in full-blown narcissistic abuse there is no more nice wife at all.
I have family that has a abusive Narc spouse. It is so incredibly hard to get out of the relationship.
Bought her book and see nothing about my case and I’m 2 months out and it’s all sunshine and roses about how we should value ourselves and I have done that self work. I need legal strategies.
It’s truly sad and it’s destroying me and has been for two years and about lost everything
Haha.. lol. I should not watch your videos before bed. It gets me all worked up, then I can't sleep for a while.. lmaoo 🤪
It feels so crippling to even think about this.
How do you manage when they constantly use the law against you?
Example, my narcissistic husband (didn't know he was at the time) was physically abusive towards me, he immediately snatched the house phone from me as well as my cell phone, locked it in his car, went next door to the neighbors and told them I hit him and used their phone to call the police and apply for an injunction against me. He then game me back my phone and I was able to cal te cops back. Because he called and lied to them that I was violent against him, I had to leave our home in the middle of the night with our then toddler son. It was horrible. I was confused as to why the cops believed his story over what truly occurred. He was physically abusive to me!
Same thing happened to me
What happens when the judge doesn’t hold him accountable for anything.? Been going through divorce for 3 years and you wouldn’t believe all that has happened… to the point that friends are telling me to contact the media bc it is this outrageous!
Totally! Have had to go through 2nd Motion to Compel several times for financial information.
Refused to share financial facts - TOTALLY. She's been dragging it out as long as she can!!
I'm learning alot from your videos and the facebook group. Trying to get everything lined up and worked out to be prepared for separation. I had a suspicion that my spouse might be a narc but tried looking past it. I've gotten tired and then started doing research. Now i'm learning and working getting everything in order. Thank you for your videos and insight.
How is everything?
I’m fully convinced the ONLY reason this divorce is going smooth ish is because he cares more about not going into debt than me or our son. I really feel like that’s the only reason he’s cooperated with me - but emotionally and conversation wise it’s been really difficult and very confusing. I’m doing my best to keep all communication in written (text or email etc) and keeping my boundaries firm. It’s been really eye opening to see him spiral 🌀 so much with me not being his main supply anymore. I’m counting a mostly smooth filing process as lucky to me and moving forward.
Totally. Thank you Rebecca. I needed these video three years ago. Still super useful.
Totally!!! This is spot on! I have been going through this for over a year and everything you say would happen has happened!! It should have been very easy our kids are no longer a custody issue. All we had to do was as you say, do things by the law and be done! Even better he’s constantly asking me do you wanna divorce or what? don’t you wanna get this over with? My question relates to how they get away with this in that they obviously have a lawyer willing to go along with it. I can understand why my to be ex would try to do some of this stuff but his lawyer is the one who put it in writing. Why????
You nailed them exactly.
Going thru a divorce with a narc now I need advice
thank you
The upload was magnificent
TOTALLY! I believe my narc is the dark triad and he planned to go to a mountain yoga retreat with me instead of my daughter’s graduation. 400 miles away. I’m just realizing now what he was thinking.
I wish I had someone like you to council me. No one understood. He did every trick you’ve mentioned. Classic. Textbook. CEO covert. 27 years of marriage.
He’s got the big family house and my son (golden child) Me and my daughters are about to be homeless. My attorney was lax. :(
This is my situation. Worried I will lose my son (golden child) who is an adult, forever. We are living in the same house with my son. We are are the pre-trail stage. Feeling like what was the purpose of trying to get away if I lost my son.
Hi..i was a victim of this and am looking towards getting over it but i can't i want someone to talk to....
Sorta feeling like I should’ve just turned a blind eye to all the affairs and just keep the family together. But the kids knew. They were the ones that told me and that would be a poor example for my girls.
@@mariaannesi2322 yea i think that Could be poor example For girls
I explained to my attorney at least 900,000,000. Times I had Traumatic Brain Injury. I have severe psychological issues from his abuse. I sent her every letter from my doctors proving it. I explained the best way to communicate with me so I understood. That never happened. I lost control over my own divorce. Her assistant wasted no time to disrespect me, yelled at me, was patronized. I sent documented proof of what he was up to. All ignored. My attorney wouldn’t talk to me unless there was another person with me. She didn’t tell me about an important court date because I wasn’t with a third party. I missed the court date. I lost my support. I never get money that was mine in an escrow account. She filed a petition to be released as counsel. The pleading she sent me was to an address I hadn’t lived since October of last year. I told her he had hacked into my electronic devices and send me things to me in mail. That didn’t happen. I confronted her after I missed the court date and she told me I was mentally unstable. No I had TBI. I was getting anger because she was focusing on me while my soon to be ex was ruining me financially. I finally exploded. Being angry when your attorney is not doing her job. She failed to adjust to working with me as I asked. She left me without support with non of MY money. I was left with $1,600.00. My church paid my rent. The professionally upset needed to take responsibility of ruining my life. She left me where no attorney would take me on as a client. She was working for me but became a flying monkey for him. As a narc survivor I know that justice isn’t going to happen but not this way. Research. Research. Research your attorney. Be precise at what you want. My narc is a financial abuser. I was looking for another attorney for a month. I can’t afford another attorney now. I’m asking for a pro bono attorney. I know that while I don’t have an attorney he’s going to get worse. Make sure your attorney has lots of experience with narcs. Make sure your attorney is not just an attorney is also an advocate willing to be aggressive to hold him accountable for even a toe out of line. Make sure your attorney regularly keeps in contact with you. I know him and he abused me more than the attorney. It is a necessity that your attorney knows what games he plays and keeps using that information you give to your attorney to better represent you. Not all attorneys are knowledgable so stay on internet groups who can give you tips on to better handle things. If your attorney starts disrespecting you that’s a bad sign. Hiring an attorney is a financial transaction and you’re paying for their legal knowledge. They know the laws and procedures. You are still being victimized. Listening to your attorney’s legal advise and really listen. As a victim of narc abuse our goal is justice, that’s not going to happen. Work with your attorney with short and precise goals. Your attorney can do best when there isn’t a list of demands but an exit plan to end things. Support is a necessity. It keeps me calm. It keeps me in perspective. My support keeps me feeling strong and sets me into battle. They are also going to be character witnesses not flying monkeys. I feel stronger, safer, blessed, and grateful for my friends. My narc will do anything and everything to pull me off track. Stay focused. Have tunnel vision to just end this and move on. I have a lot of differently disabilities and looking for a job. I would much rather do that than beg for money. Focus on being divorced. This is what I have learned. It’s my story. If this helps anyone, great. If not please ignore this and find something that works for you. You know your situation better than anyone. It may not workout the way you planned but that’s life. Reminder; there is a case coming to the Supreme Court next session. The matter is allowing abusers and stalkers to still get a gun regardless. If you don’t want this to happen work with your state government to pass legislation now on this. If your state has this law than it can over ride what the Supreme Court decides.
TOTALLY ! She's giving me hell. Such a hard watch.
I can go months without responding to my husbands bad, narcitistic behaviour and when I eventually do respond, he records me on his phone which is now deterting me from divorcing him because I know he will use this against me.
I record my husband. I have no idea if he records me. I try very hard not to respond the way he wants me too. He has threatened calling the cops and the state on me bc he said I was having a mental breakdown one time. Luckily I recorded that. He was the one screaming at me. I couldn’t even get a word in.
@@Shan9901 it's the only way to prove his behaviour. It's good you manage to keep your dignity and remain calm. X
Totally...they don’t play fair at all.. can’t wait for it to be over !!!
Totally nailed it.
Totally!
My first husband cheated, left me on the street, no house, no car, and left me with nothing. He took my son away from me and for every little thing he uses his lawyers, he lied in court and put my son against me. He made me seen as a crazy, irresponsible religious person. He had planned this evil for years. And told a friend of mine his plans...later I remarried, he became " aquaintance" with my soon to be ex husband...he got in our relationship and wont stop calling us and harrassed us, we split. I had a baby and he acted even worse. The story doesn' t end...to be honest with you, I believe that God sent my daughter for me not to go crazy... both husbands were a poor choice of mine...I had zero emotional education. Now I do. The second always tells me that if I divorce him, that he will take my daughter away from me. That is the reason why I dont fully proceed.
TOTALLY!! I am trying to get a divorce but the courts are closed due to covid-19.. Any suggestions?? Anyone Please I really need the help!! I would greatly appreciate any suggestions!! Thank you!!
@@RebeccaZungEsq Thank you so much!!
Yep she scares the life out of me. I just need to follow through now which is going to be devastating and costly but i need to be happy.
Reality will hit very soon and that helps our healing.
Oh my god good stuff here. please all listen to her..
Totally 100% and he filed a motion (fraudulently) 30 days after the JOD
Still waiting 4 months for him to provide bank statements
Rebecca Zung 🙏♥️ thank you!!
Mine is providing screenshots of balances instead of statements.
I haven't been through this but I have family and friends who have. Your video helps me better understand what they endured and why.
He has done all this and more put all my stuff in the trash let all my cat's die he has the house the all the money the car's and he keeps putting off court hearing
Totally dealing with a Narcissist
Totally🙋🏻♀️
I am currently going thru the divorce now, she suddenly locked me out of the house. When I tried to get in, she pulled a gun on me. She got a restraining order on me.
I had no money, no food, no place to go. Fortunately a family member has stepped up and helped me big time. A cousin on my mother's side.
From what I have listened to you say , I believe that I am an empath. We have been married since 1985.
Run fast and far
Diddo