A lot of men think saying that means they are being honest and mature but really a mature man wouldn't get involved if he knows he's not the right man.
Basically put, leave his butt alone. Go ahead, cry, get mad about it for a minute. After awhile, there will be a real man who will appreciate and want a relationship with you.
THIS. You literally just read my whole “situationship.” I was sitting here racking my brain, crying, coming up with excuses as to why he would “act” like he wanted me, I give him what I thought we both wanted... and then he hits me with the “I’m not ready for a relationship.” Fym bro? But, I get it now. I damn sure played myself. I thank God for you tho, for shedding this light bc us women are always trying to over-interpret and find some good in a situation so bad.
wow girl! i just got out of that! jan 19th lol. and afterwards i keep seeing dude on campus events and he says hi but i ignore him. Like my last txt to him was so BLUNT idk how he still has it in him to speak to me lmfao. he needs to rly stop before i embarrass his ass in public.
Look how many women on here were just able to admit that they have made this mistake and took it like a champ. This how you know when criticism is constructive.
If he says he doesn't want a relationship, then he doesn't. If he wanted one, then why would he take the risk of you leaving by saying that he doesn't. The truth is that he will be fine whether you stay or leave. My two cents.
Tara Butler That's fine with me.. He left and I moved on to someone else and he came back again for more but I told him that I was over him and he finally stayed gone for good. Peace to that douche bag ✌
@@vanaphill2454 No ma'am. If a man is deceptive enough to act like he cares about you to get what he wants, that is not a friend. I wouldn't trust anybody who would do such a thing. That "ok, let's be friends instead" means that he can still have access to you. Don't even give him the satisfaction. Cut him off ASAP!
I spoke to a male friend yesterday. He said that men just don't want to be alone. So I asked, if that is true, then why avoid commitment? Commitment will cure loneliness. My take is that men just don't want to go without sex yet don't want the responsibilities of a relationship. In the meantime, these men go around damaging women that other men end up dealing with. These players will end up with women some other man screwed over. They can't be mad at that when they have caused so many damaged women themselves.
that's one of the reasons why I'm not intimate with a dude until we are in an actual relationship....I'm not gonna confuse myself or let u confuse me cuz u wanna put me in some gray area of the Relationship zone, but get to sex me, and every once and awhile "act" like we together and have me looking silly....it's too late in the day for all that....
I so agree! I just had to exit out of something like this! I feel so free from it. It was so muddled and so many gray areas. Im 40. I should know better.
T. Monet it's ok. don't be hard on yourself, we all have to learn from our lessons no matter what age. Everyone's experiences is different. now you know & keep a mental note of it so it won't get repeated.
I learned to live by this revised motto: Actions & words have to agree with each other. If you do what you say, and say what you do, we have no problems. 🤗
"LOYALTY sold separately"!!!!!! OMG... i REALLY needed to hear this. Dude says he does not want a relationship but all his affectionate language and actions say the opposite. from always trying to come to my house to be a handyman even to telling me he loves me. somehow when i have free time he always wants to be the one occupying it. NO MORE!!i'm no longer selective in my hearing.
Truth! Only we as woman can protect ourselves from situations like that. Thank you for the reality check. We need to stop wasting our time and giving away too much of ourselves and our love/affection to men who aren't giving any kind of loyalty in exchange. If we want committed relationships, we have to put our feet down and stop settling for less.
London Rawls right?! I remember once a guy stood me up and I didn’t hear from him for hours to then have him message me on fb telling me how sorry he was and that he lost his phone and I was understanding but I look back now and think “so you couldn’t come and get me like you said you would bc you lost your phone?” Lmaoo.. but he was able to go hang out with his best friends house who was a girl who he claimed to not like like that but really liked him but swore up and down that he really liked me.. I let that bastard go a long time ago, he came back to try and string me alone again but I was done.
He said he just came out of a disastrous relationship and that he just wanted to be friends. Ok... I listened. So why is he hitting me up asking me to come to his crib to cuddle. Nope! We're not doing it. Every conversation is a sexual innuendo. Nope... He just got served his walking papers.
Tia Thompson I agree. They want to cuddle but dont want a relationship. Nope, not doing it. and when more women start taking this approach more men will refuse to stop treating women like this.
If a man says he doesn’t want a relationship, believe him. Don’t try and hope that maybe he’ll change his mind, maybe you can be just the woman that makes him see the light, etc., etc., etc. If he says he doesn’t want a relationship and you do, just get up out of it and go on. Next!
I was with this guy for 2 yrs, waiting on just the relationship part, only because he just got divorced prior. So he told me ALL the time, "we are working on our friendship" which I respected, come to find out, we were all at a big bbg event in town, and when his female friends were around he treated me cold, as if I wasn't a friend at all. He outwardly flirted shamelessly in front of me like he dared me to speak on it...😧 I feel like such a fool. But I been watching your videos, and it's really refreshing that there are real men out there that will spit truth and not play.
The cold hard facts ouch! Once again another helpful gut wrenching reality check. Acknowledging this truth thou, did set me free. No one deserves to be treated like a tool, or a toy just because of a hopeful heart. If all a person can see is the use of you, instead of gift of you then cut them off, heal, and then be blessed. Self worth is much more precious than dealing with a wanton simpleton.
Where were you back in 2004-2009 when I needed you?!?!😁 I could've used the advice back then, but I learned the hard way. You are 100% correct on everything you said.👏👏👏
Exactly only what you allow will continue and I am not any one's door mat I am the type of woman that likes to hold hands in public I don't have time for someone that doesn't know what he wants you can't have your cake and eat it too Smh I am a Capricorn so I am piece of work lol I don't just give my heart or body because I take love serious and I am loyal but if I feel like something ain't ✌I am out I love myself God bless you Derrick love your post 💯💯💯💯😍😍😍😍😇😇👍👍👍👍😀😀😀😀😀😱🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
so true, been there, im was so stupid about this guy i really liked and he didn't want to a relationship. he gave me all tha signals, but i wasnt listening.
What does it mean when he says he doesn't want a relationship but then gets all upset with you when you fall back and don't give him all your attention.
It Means He's Been FOS from the beginning just to take the time You gave into getting to know and he wanted the benefits but not the actual title/current updated status
He expected you to "prove" to him you are a good woman to entice him into a relationship. Since that didn't work he is upset. So he will either tell you he had change of heart or walk away. Do yourself a favor and let him walk.
I love him I really liked this guy and he told me he didn't want a relationship but acted like he did. I had the mistake of chasing him when he was out there doing dirt and hitting on girls. I did everything derrick said and he did everything Derrick said too. He said you ain't my girl then when I got with a guy exclusively he apologised and said he was ready. No way, my shit is done.
glad I ran across your videos at a time like this....I'm going through it hard and everything your saying makes so much sense....thanks for sharing...this helps💋
I'm obsessed with watching your videos. You really let us women know how a man thinks and how to interpret it in a way we can understand it. I applaud you, and I appreciate you. Thank you for your videos. It helps out more than you know. 😊🙌
On fire again today Derrick! Thank you for decoding what is a man really saying. I wish you were my brother I would hit you up all the time for advice.
This is so true. Selective hearing, I suffered from that recently. I heard what I wanted to hear and ignored all the red flags and my intuition... Now I am healing but still hurting from the damage of a 57 year old fuckboy... the only good thing is he never got what he wanted in the first place and I walked away, hurt but knowing my value.
Lol how come Derrick comes out with a video, he ends up with 3 or more thumbs down? Its like the fuck boys have subscribed to his video channel just to dislike his videos
I agree. I am sick of females and im guiltt of doing this in my past, playing house to a guy so quickly. And alot of times these men not even looking for a relationship. I learned my lesson with that shit. I dont entertain men that just "want to have a good time". waste of my damn time. If he is not looking for anything serious, then I dont want him around me
This is so hard to hear, and so true. It is especially difficult when I was with someone who was head over heels for me. He lavished me with all his attention and love. I was taking my time but felt overwhelmed and backed off. When I decided Ok, I'll go for it!!! He started cooling off. Eventually telling me he doesn't love me the way I love him. It was brutal. I guess my early reservations were right . . . But it drove me insane. I felt broken hearted and dumped from someone who was initially chasing me down SO HARD!
true but grimy as shit. funny thing is when you turn the scenario around, and it goes for either man or a woman, the other person that was doing in the first place can't take it
I thank God for this video. I honestly just go out of this situation and it hasn't even been a good 24 hours so I'm glad to see this😇💕 it lets me know I've made the right decision 😇
If it's just getting started before intimacy then I'd say get away from him and look elsewhere. If he's already involved with her he's pulling back and break up is inevitable. What is this word relationship? I've had those before. No commitment. Whatever goes. Just break up if you see something better. I'll pass. If he doesn't want one he won't have one. Someone else will.
A lot of men think saying that means they are being honest and mature but really a mature man wouldn't get involved if he knows he's not the right man.
@ Erica Beck. Exactly! or they say it so they can throw it in your face if you start to develop deeper feelings.
Erica Beck if that isn't the truth! Goodness! Smh
Erica Beck you betta say that now you talkin right pastor lol
Giiiiiiiiirl! 👌🏾What is so hard about leaving good women alone if you're not ready?! Stop being selfish!
kelley briana🌹 yes...that saying "leave another man's future wife alone." 👍
Basically put, leave his butt alone. Go ahead, cry, get mad about it for a minute. After awhile, there will be a real man who will appreciate and want a relationship with you.
Misty Martin Cry? Why are you crying when he told you from the beginning he didn’t want a relationship?
Socially_Ambidextrous idk lol
THIS. You literally just read my whole “situationship.” I was sitting here racking my brain, crying, coming up with excuses as to why he would “act” like he wanted me, I give him what I thought we both wanted... and then he hits me with the “I’m not ready for a relationship.” Fym bro? But, I get it now. I damn sure played myself. I thank God for you tho, for shedding this light bc us women are always trying to over-interpret and find some good in a situation so bad.
wow girl! i just got out of that! jan 19th lol. and afterwards i keep seeing dude on campus events and he says hi but i ignore him. Like my last txt to him was so BLUNT idk how he still has it in him to speak to me lmfao. he needs to rly stop before i embarrass his ass in public.
A M 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽Listen to pastor RC. Blake’s
amen
Kemi Adorin' 😂😂😂👏🏽
Mixed signals are a deal breaker! Be clear about her or be gone.
Vana Phill MY MOTTO IN ANY RELATIONSHIP & LIFE 👌🏼
Look how many women on here were just able to admit that they have made this mistake and took it like a champ. This how you know when criticism is constructive.
He wants relationship benefits without claiming you. He wants access but not commitment. His loyalty is to himself first.
If he says he doesn't want a relationship, then he doesn't. If he wanted one, then why would he take the risk of you leaving by saying that he doesn't. The truth is that he will be fine whether you stay or leave. My two cents.
Truth
Tara Butler fine then he can leave✌ my deuces are always ready
Tara Butler That's fine with me.. He left and I moved on to someone else and he came back again for more but I told him that I was over him and he finally stayed gone for good. Peace to that douche bag ✌
Tara Butler right on.
Faeries_Xylia 923 If you had taken him back he would’ve played you like a fiddle good for you. God bless.👊🏽
yes to selective hearing. hear him when he says he didn't want a relationship
Then tell him, good, we can just be friends with no benefits.
Vana Phill Baiii!!! lol
@@vanaphill2454 No ma'am. If a man is deceptive enough to act like he cares about you to get what he wants, that is not a friend. I wouldn't trust anybody who would do such a thing. That "ok, let's be friends instead" means that he can still have access to you. Don't even give him the satisfaction. Cut him off ASAP!
@@iwantcrystals YES!!!
I spoke to a male friend yesterday. He said that men just don't want to be alone. So I asked, if that is true, then why avoid commitment? Commitment will cure loneliness. My take is that men just don't want to go without sex yet don't want the responsibilities of a relationship. In the meantime, these men go around damaging women that other men end up dealing with. These players will end up with women some other man screwed over. They can't be mad at that when they have caused so many damaged women themselves.
Spot on analysis!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽
Say it🙌💯👍👍👏👏
So true and in the end these play playas just end up playing themselves in the end.
When I say this video came RIGHT 👏🏾 ON 👏🏾 TIME 👏🏾 🙌🏾
Keiosha Alieon yes!!
EXACTLY..💯♥
LOL! You too?
im right here with you. needed this
Omggg Keiosha Alieon you and me both smh!!
Intimacy ALWAYS blurs the lines. To quote Dr. Maya Angelou when someone shows you who they are, believe them!
that's one of the reasons why I'm not intimate with a dude until we are in an actual relationship....I'm not gonna confuse myself or let u confuse me cuz u wanna put me in some gray area of the Relationship zone, but get to sex me, and every once and awhile "act" like we together and have me looking silly....it's too late in the day for all that....
I so agree! I just had to exit out of something like this! I feel so free from it. It was so muddled and so many gray areas. Im 40. I should know better.
T. Monet it's ok. don't be hard on yourself, we all have to learn from our lessons no matter what age. Everyone's experiences is different. now you know & keep a mental note of it so it won't get repeated.
T. Monet z
Listen, listen, listen Ladies. Rewind this over & over. This young man is giving out GOOD Advice! Don't let your FEELINGS override you.
I learned to live by this revised motto: Actions & words have to agree with each other. If you do what you say, and say what you do, we have no problems. 🤗
"LOYALTY sold separately"!!!!!! OMG... i REALLY needed to hear this. Dude says he does not want a relationship but all his affectionate language and actions say the opposite. from always trying to come to my house to be a handyman even to telling me he loves me. somehow when i have free time he always wants to be the one occupying it. NO MORE!!i'm no longer selective in my hearing.
Begonia S Praise Derrick chile good for u!
Truth! Only we as woman can protect ourselves from situations like that. Thank you for the reality check. We need to stop wasting our time and giving away too much of ourselves and our love/affection to men who aren't giving any kind of loyalty in exchange. If we want committed relationships, we have to put our feet down and stop settling for less.
sweetsarah226 amen
sweetsarah226 Yes indeed. Ladies it’s time to level up.
I needed this!! He says, I'm his wife but he doesn't want a relationship! I just realized how dumb that sounded!
London Rawls right?! I remember once a guy stood me up and I didn’t hear from him for hours to then have him message me on fb telling me how sorry he was and that he lost his phone and I was understanding but I look back now and think “so you couldn’t come and get me like you said you would bc you lost your phone?” Lmaoo.. but he was able to go hang out with his best friends house who was a girl who he claimed to not like like that but really liked him but swore up and down that he really liked me.. I let that bastard go a long time ago, he came back to try and string me alone again but I was done.
Faeries_Xylia 923 8. They always circle back around just to try to finish you off. Stay strong.
Lolololol
He said he just came out of a disastrous relationship and that he just wanted to be friends. Ok... I listened. So why is he hitting me up asking me to come to his crib to cuddle. Nope! We're not doing it. Every conversation is a sexual innuendo. Nope... He just got served his walking papers.
Tia Thompson I agree. They want to cuddle but dont want a relationship. Nope, not doing it. and when more women start taking this approach more men will refuse to stop treating women like this.
Tia Thompson 👊🏽💯👍🏽👌🏾. Yessss.. So proud of you. It’s about time we let these men know. GAME OVER!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@Nekole1 Yep but there’s always someone who will do it..
I'm glad you addressed this. The video is a little late for me because I caught onto the game eventually but I know a lot of ladies need to hear this.
Those men don't want relationships, they just want the perks. Actions need to match words. Deal breaker.
they be playing mind games a lot but it is up to u ladies to say game is over
daric nd. The mind games are real out here in these streets.
Yup, take your exit.
If he says he doesn’t want s relationship, believe him.
Derrick is spitting the truth. Ladies be patient with yourselves. Don't get discouraged. Weed out what doesn't belong and keep moving. No Exceptions!
If a man says he doesn’t want a relationship, believe him. Don’t try and hope that maybe he’ll change his mind, maybe you can be just the woman that makes him see the light, etc., etc., etc. If he says he doesn’t want a relationship and you do, just get up out of it and go on. Next!
I was with this guy for 2 yrs, waiting on just the relationship part, only because he just got divorced prior. So he told me ALL the time, "we are working on our friendship" which I respected, come to find out, we were all at a big bbg event in town, and when his female friends were around he treated me cold, as if I wasn't a friend at all. He outwardly flirted shamelessly in front of me like he dared me to speak on it...😧 I feel like such a fool. But I been watching your videos, and it's really refreshing that there are real men out there that will spit truth and not play.
The cold hard facts ouch! Once again another helpful gut wrenching reality check. Acknowledging this truth thou, did set me free. No one deserves to be treated like a tool, or a toy just because of a hopeful heart. If all a person can see is the use of you, instead of gift of you then cut them off, heal, and then be blessed. Self worth is much more precious than dealing with a wanton simpleton.
Sadly I fell for that trap, thank goodness it was just a few months and not years! #LessonLearned!
MissQueenBee85. Girl you were one of the bless ones.
Where were you back in 2004-2009 when I needed you?!?!😁 I could've used the advice back then, but I learned the hard way. You are 100% correct on everything you said.👏👏👏
Exactly only what you allow will continue and I am not any one's door mat I am the type of woman that likes to hold hands in public I don't have time for someone that doesn't know what he wants you can't have your cake and eat it too Smh I am a Capricorn so I am piece of work lol I don't just give my heart or body because I take love serious and I am loyal but if I feel like something ain't ✌I am out I love myself God bless you Derrick love your post 💯💯💯💯😍😍😍😍😇😇👍👍👍👍😀😀😀😀😀😱🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
This video hit me like a ton of bricks, and overall, it was not an easy pill to swallow 😂
Facts
Word! Feeling like a giant dummy . . Girls plz don't give yourself away w/o a commitment, it only leads to shame and heartbreak . . .
so true, been there, im was so stupid about this guy i really liked and he didn't want to a relationship. he gave me all tha signals, but i wasnt listening.
NEVER EVER share a man!!!..ITS NOT WORTH IT✌
What does it mean when he says he doesn't want a relationship but then gets all upset with you when you fall back and don't give him all your attention.
It Means He's Been FOS from the beginning just to take the time You gave into getting to know and he wanted the benefits but not the actual title/current updated status
Charles Henderson what does FOS mean?
Full Of Shit
He expected you to "prove" to him you are a good woman to entice him into a relationship. Since that didn't work he is upset. So he will either tell you he had change of heart or walk away. Do yourself a favor and let him walk.
Raqkie Tuh!!!! He aint shit!!! He ain't nothing special to get proof of anything. He just wants some ass.
I couldn't take this 😩 straight no chaser.
NO chaser! 😒😒
His videos chin check you every time!! Loyalty sold separately say dat!!!
🤦🏽♀️ I totally fell for this with a guy recently. Now I gotta go heal 😢
Not sure how old this is but it's new to me... boy is he on key!! Loyalty sold separately.... DEEP 👌
The TRUTH hurts but it heals & it helps!
I love him I really liked this guy and he told me he didn't want a relationship but acted like he did. I had the mistake of chasing him when he was out there doing dirt and hitting on girls. I did everything derrick said and he did everything Derrick said too. He said you ain't my girl then when I got with a guy exclusively he apologised and said he was ready. No way, my shit is done.
glad I ran across your videos at a time like this....I'm going through it hard and everything your saying makes so much sense....thanks for sharing...this helps💋
Selective hearing...da truth! Thank you Sir!
I'm obsessed with watching your videos. You really let us women know how a man thinks and how to interpret it in a way we can understand it. I applaud you, and I appreciate you. Thank you for your videos. It helps out more than you know. 😊🙌
On fire again today Derrick! Thank you for decoding what is a man really saying. I wish you were my brother I would hit you up all the time for advice.
If a guy sends mix signals. Send him a wave 👋 byyyyye. Know your worth. 💕💕💕
Dam had to watch twice bc your so spot on.... Love and blessings brother
Just got out a situation and it was so hard caused I loved it him but my self respect ✊ was everything too me so I left !!!
This is so true. Selective hearing, I suffered from that recently. I heard what I wanted to hear and ignored all the red flags and my intuition... Now I am healing but still hurting from the damage of a 57 year old fuckboy... the only good thing is he never got what he wanted in the first place and I walked away, hurt but knowing my value.
"Selective hearing" they don't want to believe.
Damn the truth hurts 😭 it was so damn true it was disturbing to watch lol
so true.... you rock like always thanks again....
Lol how come Derrick comes out with a video, he ends up with 3 or more thumbs down? Its like the fuck boys have subscribed to his video channel just to dislike his videos
They don't want him giving up the code lol
well where are these real men at? it's time...
Oufff May God bless you for your words n your work! Very Good content. I needed to hear it !!!!
I love this man.. So amazing and helpful along with powerful!!!👌💓
I agree. I am sick of females and im guiltt of doing this in my past, playing house to a guy so quickly. And alot of times these men not even looking for a relationship. I learned my lesson with that shit. I dont entertain men that just "want to have a good time". waste of my damn time. If he is not looking for anything serious, then I dont want him around me
Leyah McMillan Even when they want something "serious" see the signs.
This is so hard to hear, and so true. It is especially difficult when I was with someone who was head over heels for me. He lavished me with all his attention and love. I was taking my time but felt overwhelmed and backed off. When I decided Ok, I'll go for it!!! He started cooling off. Eventually telling me he doesn't love me the way I love him. It was brutal. I guess my early reservations were right . . . But it drove me insane. I felt broken hearted and dumped from someone who was initially chasing me down SO HARD!
Straight n to the point!! As akways!! Thank you, Mr jaxn
Oh gosh!! Thanks for this video. Has made me realise I’m not making a mistake by ignoring a guy who behaves like this. Time to forget and move on!!
Wow!!!! I needed to hear that. Thanks!
true but grimy as shit. funny thing is when you turn the scenario around, and it goes for either man or a woman, the other person that was doing in the first place can't take it
Miamivicepastels83 you right about that smh!! Soo true!!
I got it now you already talked here thank you it helps our women very much
Needed to hear that Derrick, thanks!
This was hard to listen to but I really needed it. Thanks!
this right here!!!!!!!! definitely right on time and right on point!
I just found his videos and I like this man! He tell us how it is! Oh Lord! I need one of those in my life! 👏
You taught me something new today. Thank You Love
man you are on it. lesson learned
Word 👊!! Drops mic🎤
There actually is a solution called #TheWait 🙅🏾💍
Or at least wait until he's your damn bf.
Welll damn!!!!! And that is the gospel.
Real talk 💯
Damn Derrick, this video right here is on point and what I needed to hear.
loyalty sold seperately....I LOVE it!!!! so true about the al ah cart thing also
I NEEDED THIS!!!!! YOU'RE AWESOME!
Tfs 💯 you've helped me right on time dealing with a friend with benefits for a month
I thank God for this video. I honestly just go out of this situation and it hasn't even been a good 24 hours so I'm glad to see this😇💕 it lets me know I've made the right decision 😇
I find they always want a relationship but don’t act like they do 🤦🏻♀️ frustrating!!
Exactly ladies listen to what he doesn't say.
Straight to the point
Your videos hit so close to home!!!!!!
Great work
You betta preach!
thank YOU for this!!!!
I needed to hear this again
i like your realness other videos be too sensitive and corny ..u right on point and tell it how it is☺
Facts 💯 this was deep and very much something every woman needs to here 🙄
Lmao!!! Best line that sums all this up for a woman confused by guys like this, *You've got selective hearing!!* 👌🏼
This is just so real
Word man 💪💪
This video is heat!!! Damn it yo
If it's just getting started before intimacy then I'd say get away from him and look elsewhere. If he's already involved with her he's pulling back and break up is inevitable.
What is this word relationship? I've had those before. No commitment. Whatever goes. Just break up if you see something better. I'll pass. If he doesn't want one he won't have one. Someone else will.
Okay then, "selected hearing"...got it
“Loyalty sold separately” BROOO FR
Sure wish I ran across these videos months ago. I do not have a male figure in my life, therefore I find your advice very helpful.
Great advice
Damn I needed this.
You said that !!!
Wow! You are on it!
great guy gives the best advice
you just hit the nail right on it's head with this one..... man treating the girl like property.
Truth!!!!!