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HE ACTS LIKE HE LIKES YOU BUT SAYS “HE’S NOT READY”
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- Опубліковано 26 кві 2021
- I had a lady reach out to me and ask the question, "why do men hold onto women when they know they aren't ready for a relationship?" She also said that we prefer to keep you engaged enough for you not to move on, but also not be too close to require anything from them. In other words, men like to breadcrumb women.
This is a great question, because this absolutely happens to alot of women. As a matter of fact, I kinda did this to my wife at one point. Not in the spirit of wanting to string her along though. It was because, I didn't feel that I was in the proper space to give her what she deserved. You see, I always viewed her as a woman that you didn't play games with and I felt that I would've fell short had I dove head first into a serious relationship with her prematurely. This lead me to say those famous word... "I gotta work on myself."
How many women have heard that? I'm willing to bet that most have heard this phrase by the time they were twenty five years old. Some men that said it were just being honest about where they were and some were just running game, because they wanted to keep you around without having to commit. But the bottom line is that a whole bunch of women have heard this and most probably did not respond the right way.
Question: How should a woman respond when a man says this to them?
Answer: They should respond by disappearing and living their lives.
I know it could be hard to do this if you've been dealing with a man for a long period of time, but the reality of the situation is your man is basically trying to tell you that he doesn't want to be in the relationship. You may not have done anything wrong. As a matter of fact you could be the best woman he's ever had, but that still doesn't change the fact that he isn't ready for you or he just doesn't really want you. Either way you're not going to get what you deserve from that man. He's not going to make you happy if you stick around and try to hold on to the relationship. As a matter of fact, you're probably going to end up hating him or resenting him, because you decided to settle for less than.
Completely leaving him alone is the only way to handle this situation in a manner that keeps you from being hurt worse. When a man tells you that "he needs to work on himself", you should never wait on him to do so. You should support him working on himself, because all men should do so before they get into serious relationships, but there is no guarantee that it will pay off for you if you wait. By the time he finds himself, he might not even like your "type" anymore. How would you feel if that happened?
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Can you please talk about long distance dating/relationships? This topic is perfect. Great content
IF someone treats you like an OPTION then QUICKLY OPT OUT !
Finding out later that you were just an option is the worst feeling!!
Finding out you were just an option is the worst feeling!!
🤣🤣🤣🤣😂 I met one of these types, he said he wasn't ready for a relationship but he loves me, so we should just go with the flow🤣🤣🤣 I friendzoned him( we became good friends too) then he got upset when I popped up with a dude who was ready... He said I should have waited 😂😂😂 even tried to convince me to leave my guy for him, said he was "ready" now. 🤣🤣 Poor thing
Well done girl!
Orrr he says let’s just “relax” whenever I communicate my expectations smhh and that I’m rushing 🙄
Ok. Next question you need to answer is WHY ARE SO MANY MEN UNPREPARED IN THE FIRST PLACE?!
Oooh yesss chile
$3x
We’re taught we’re not needing for women to live a happy life. We lowkey internalize that shit like if you don’t need me then what’s the point yk
@@kboyflights0318 That’s the first time I’ve heard a guy say that. Usually I hear (from other men) that it’s because you still feel like you have things to do. Whether it be life to live (women, traveling) or you want to make sure you’re actually in a position to provide for a family.
Thats a million dollar question!!!! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Never suffer through a relationship where you don't get your needs met while you "wait" for a person to be the person you need them to be for you. Be available to receive the person that you don't have to wait for
Men will do what you allow them to do, for as long as you let them. They will keep it up until you leave. That situation will only end when you end it. Facts. Believe me. Don't waste your time. Don't let nobody waste your time. Please ladies. Don't do it.
I had a guy tell me he wasn't ready for me and turned around and ended up in another relationship. Hes cheating in that current relationship. I came to realized he definitely knew he wasn't ready and saved me . We have been friends for years. I was hurt to find him in a relationship after telling me that but I later concluded he didn't want to mess up our friendship and had more respect for me then to get with me while he's in such a broken space mentally. Ive realized guys will get with females just to have someone regardless of seeing a future with them. This was a very helpful message. Thank you!
Congratulations to you both 👏 👏 🥂🥂.
That’s why me and wife didn’t go all the way before. I knew she was special and I DID NOT want to mess that up... Thank you 🙏🏽
@@TheShumakeWay I know she's amazing. I can't wait for her to eventually grace us with her presence, in her own time of course. Thanks again!
@@TheShumakeWayfirst video of yours I’ve seen, where can I find the videos you referenced of your story? Would love to see it!
@@TheShumakeWaythat’s how guys should be, realizing a woman’s worth the first time around!! Not when you leave her
“You should be with somebody that can give you what you want right now” ! Thank you for this video.
Yes dream on.
Laughs.
You know what makes me wondering ?
That none has stopped that Shumake Simp from saying all these nonsenses to you all and everything you want to hear but you see this does NOT exist in the real world.
And if it does, it's certainly not for you all,the vast vast majority of nowadays women at least.
Laughs.
KS the only reliable source.
Yes..great to hear a man be straight with it .
We need to stop dragging men through the mud for not being ready. Like yes, get you a new one but accept that your current one is not ready and don't take it personal
men are not the only ones who may not be " ready".
Yes!
The problem is not they ain't ready the problem is when they ask you to wait for them😂
They should stop bothering us in the first place, stop trying to get to know me only for you to say you not ready...go to a club for hook ups or something
Unless I'm in a restaurant or with one of my children, I wait for no one. Guys want you to wait on them to grow up, etc. and don't wait for a woman EVER.
Your response to him saying he’s not ready should be to toss him in the friend zone, minimize contact and start dating other men. No man can hold you when you decide it’s time to move around.
“i slid in and picked up the fumble” as soon as he said that i knew he was gone say “this one mine right here” 🤣🤣🤣 its like the cassie and diddy situation. your spouse is waiting on you. dont block your own blessing 👌
I thought he said 'Phone book' 😄
Same reason why I ended my 3 year relationship.
30 years old both of us...he did know not if he wanted to plan our future together.
It has been 3 months ago..after the break this confirms I did the right thing.
You did the right thing honey ! I did the same when I was 30. For women time is so delicate, don’t let anyone waste it!
@@British_Cocoa Yes !!even though it was hard I knew it was the right thing to do ...I cannot be with someone who could not make of his mind ...specially of is about me.
@@MA-yc7pz I salute you 🙌🏾
You did the right thing
He’s buying time. Enjoy all the perks until he’s ready to take off.
✨✨✨CONGRATULATIONS MR. MARRIED MAN✨✨✨!!! I WISH YOU TWO A LONG, PEACEFUL, AND PROSPEROUS MARRIAGE FILLED WITH RESPECT, HONOR, FRIENDSHIP, AND FOREVER LOVE!!!
Thank you 🙏🏽
Agreed. I didnt know you were married, but Im glad to know youre loved and protected by family and a wife. Youre a precious soul.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Nope, not waiting for any men at all. Seen to many women do that and ended up with the short end of the stick.
Its ok. Like they say Mans Rejection is Gods Protection. U already covered🎯
Love the smile when he said "this one right here, is my wife."
Some men and women assume just because you're with them you never had any other prospects suitors and will wait on them for years. I'm done doing that. Yes, I put myself on blast. It was definitely a hard learning lesson. Be wise. L💖VE & HARMONY
True...if a man wants to work on himself he will do it even when you ain't there....people miss some real good chances waiting for someone to change...and funny thing they jump onto someone else and change a whole lot for the new somebody....keep it moving...change is a choice...
Exactly, Shumake!! If the person is not at least in the midst of getting himself/herself together and presenting the progress - let it go!! Many times the person make promises with no intensions on marrying. I had a friend that had 3 kids while waiting for a marriage proposal! They were together about 19 Yrs. and he never married her. After she died, he married another women 2 years later. Women, especially, please do not waste your vibrant years waiting.
Time waits for no man, so why should you 🤔....just a thought.
What?! You got married! That was fast! 😃 Congratulations!!! God bless your union, give you and your wife marital bliss in Jesus Christ name.
What's worse is the ones who say nothing. I wonder if they even realize they're not pulling their 50% of the relationship. Then when you end it, they're surprised. I had one of those. He came back later and wanted me to move in with him. Too late.
I’m goin through this same situation as we speak me and this guy we started talking a month ago and he said he was looking for a relationship and now he says he likes me but he not ready for a relationship he doesn’t want to rush into anything I can’t wait around but still texting me every day good morning etc
😂😂😂 You cracked me up when u said this one here's mine. That's Right. Claim you wife. Didn't even realise you guys got married already. I just blinked. So proud of you. 🙂
This is correct , I just went through this I actually finessed that fool , came back around out of nowhere it was the principal saying he wanted to be friends right now and downplayed the whole thing like he didn’t like me like that and expected me to wait , he legit played with my intelligence but I pulled a you on him & cut him off cold turkey cause don’t play wit me 🤨 🙅🏾♀️
Just got out of a relationship with my ex who was not ready to move to the next level. I told him that I deserve more. He did not want me to leave but he also was not ready. I had to go. It's hard but I know it will be alright.
Great response. Sound advice. Too many women waste their time with men who are not willing/can't commit.
Congrats on getting married! You have restored hope that there are still good men left.
This guy said he picked up the fumble 😭🤦🏾♀️ I knew he was gonna start trolling after he said that
I removed myself from the equation.
This guy is so frustrating. We are long distance. When we do see each other he tells me he’s crazy about me and said distance doesn’t matter. But then when we are apart he doesn’t pursue. He just sends morning text. The last time I took myself out of the equation I found a man and got in a relationship. This guy got so mad at me he blocked me on social media.
Long story short, that relationship ended and this guy and I started talking again. He again put on the charm and told me he missed me and I mean everything to him. We planned a weekend for him to come out and he canceled a week before. He says he is just being cautious because of what I did before. Omg!
He doesn’t want a relationship but wants me on a string.
No more! I’m done!
Great advice!! Thank you!!
By the time he/she finds themselves...he/she may not be their ""type"...both have to accept the possible scenario if honesty is involved...
🤣🤣This one mine right here homie!!🤣🤣My nikka!!!🤣
Gotta let it be known lol
@@TheShumakeWay 😆 That's that warning!! Like aight now! I hear you cool dude but I din told you this here belongs to me. I ain't gon tell ya again!🤣🤣
That’s good you actually worked on yourself when you realized you can’t give what she deserved but the thing is the guy knew that but chose another girl over me 😞
Lol “ it’s alright brother your wife out there.. she’ll reveal herself to ya.. but this one is mine “ 😂😂 that’s really tough tho. Hope he finds her!
Congratulations on your marriage! 🎉🎈🎊🎉 I forgot to say it on your other video when you FIRST announced it. We love to see it‼️🤵🏾👰🏾💍💒
I asked a girl to wait on me and ion think that was the right thing to do. I honestly haven’t been with other females and HAVE been putting in work. Really transforming my mentality and my life but I still think it was selfish of me to ask that of her and I regret it and all the fall out that came after it. My lil cousin had a similar situation happen and I told him to let her go fr and don’t try to hold on to it cuz it’ll do more harm than good speaking from personal experience. I feel like me going through that has helped him and may help others I can give that advice to in the future but it cost me and I hate that but that’s how life goes
definitely just learned this lesson the hard way. guys will take as much from you as you let them while they sacrifice nothing. i think it's telling that this happened before i turn 30. leaving these guys behind for good. thank you for this video and congrats on your marriage. i hope you and your wife are together forever.
You are too wise for your age. Please continue to reach out to the world and stay bless 🇨🇦
Fiancé to Wife now. I have missed a few videos, but congratulations on your marriage!!
Aww that is so sweet, Shumake! There's still time for the 10 carat ring, friend! Maybe that's what you can do for the 5 year anniversary upgrade : ) Thank you for being a good guy and for giving us a glimmer of hope, I've never been pessimistic but it is discouraging hearing about how scattered and lost men are.
Title spoke to me 💀💙🙏
This is the right length and to the point I actually enjoyed listening to your experience.
This video came at the right time and I know what I need to do. Thank you for your words of wisdom; this brought me to tears.
Yup a dude told me give 6 months to make up my mind but wait for me and lets keep the same couple dinamic I said no and he got mad at me
I wish people were honest like this, not holding for years for nothing
Guy: wait on me, baby. I’m working on me.
Woman: Chewing bubblegum 🙄😙 💅🏽 💭 NEXT
I cracked up when you said you didn’t know how much a 10 ct diamond ring cost! This was a great video, thank you for sharing your journey!
Thank you to the woman that ask me hat question and thank you for answering the question.
Require things for yourself and from others. There's no such thing as no requirements, even for friendships.
Congratulations on your marriage. Many blessings 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙏🏿
You have a valid point, but if he can't give me what I want right now, but have the potential too, and me for him as well, and we have building something together with a solid plan, I will go without the material.
awww you the REAL MVP CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU BOTH!!! the steps of a good man are ordered by the lord! ❤️
Sometime a person is for you and they are still undeveloped let that person s o w their oats because that person is yours 10% under develop is m e a n t for you but the timing isn't right on God's timing he will bring It full circle the other 90% if you love something set it free if it youri it will come back to you it was yours if it doesn't it never was your season is coming from God
I HOPE PEOPLE CAUGHT WHAT YOU JUST THREW
Your honesty is refreshing.
What if we still talk as friends? I met this guy who is not ready but he was very honest, kind and we had really good vibes
I needed this word! Because my friend wasn’t ready and how he left was strange, but God has showed me and told me who he is, and things he’s said and done has revealed he knows who I am too. We’ve separated a few times and not because we were into it or anything, but things he’s dealing with. He’s never asked me to wait on him but when we’ve seen each other or talked here and there he’s told me he’s loved me and he didn’t say that when we were hanging out every day but he never told me to wait. Best advice ever! ❤
What a waste of my time. He said he’s not ready, even after proposing to me. He’s made not changes so I’m done. His loss, but I now heal after this mind fuck.
Yess👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽!! I hope one day you right a book😁.
Congratulations to you and your wife
This is a great topic, see it's really good to wait on any one because who you meet is not really them see in the beginning everybody nice, they trying to impress you but don't ever judge anything before the time, time is going to truly show you who that person really is, but it never will never be a guarantee cause people change like a drop of a dime , you can take that to the bank
If you knew she was your wife years prior, how were you comfortable with her being with other men? Did you ever feel jealous or sad? How did you know it would actually work out for you to? Lastly, what if it didn't work out, what would you have done considering that you felt she was the one...... I'm literally going through this right now with 2 different guys! I was in love with one of them, things ended... I moved on, ending up loving (but not in love, yet) with a new guy... I recently told the new guy we should be just friends because he wasn't ready for more, he said he exhausted himself in his last relationship and was depleted but I was genuinely the best woman he's known and he loved being with/around me because I pour into him... But now the old guy that I was in love with is back and it seems like he's ready! He said he knew what it would take for him to be a good man to me back then but he wasn't ready at the time!! Both of these men have been very honest with me this whole time. I love the old guy, but I also still love the new guy because I've never had such a strong connection mentally, spiritually and emotionally to a man in a romantic way before!! Prior to meeting the new guy, I just knewwwww the old guy was my husband. Now, with such a deeper connection with the new guy, I question if the old guy actually is... Once you've been exposed to something deeper it's hard for that to NOT become the standard. It's always timing for me!!
Trust your gut! If you like the new guy....stick with him. If the old guy knows you have moved on...he may try to win you back as a competition. Sometimes its not always because they have changed. But if you get stuck, just pray about it! Ask to be lead to the right person. Good luck!
Men are in control of commitment, as soon as a man want to marry a women, he will do whatever (legally, don't deal with men who) see if she accept his commitment. Men tend to figure it out a lot faster if its a risk of another quality man show up.
Congratulations on your union 🎩 👰🏾 🎉🎉🎊🍾🥂
I'm really happy for you guys.❤
Thank you. This is so helpful. Much appreciated!🙏
I love your energy as you talk about your wife. It’s beautiful and I am very much looking forward to talk about and being talked about my other half that way too. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us! Blessings!
I love this. God bless you both congratulations.
Congrats on the Nuptials.
Love how u love her... adorable. Hang tough w her. Prayers to u and your bride.
Thank you for the clarity 🙏🏾❤️ it’s crazy how I just stumbled past this video but i needed to hear this
I’m glad you got something from my video. Thank you for checking it out 🙏🏽
Speak abt sometimes I think some of us give away too fast, then the spouse not willing to do certain stuff for you it’s frustrating,plz reply, I love your level of channel.
you are so right !
what you say is true because the existence of each person, the progress you make in terms of improvement depends on your motivation; modelling your own expectations on those of a third person cannot lead anyone to this stage of its life.
You right !
Asking someone to wait for you is really selfish because trying to improve yourself does not devalue you...it just shows that you are ready to push the button further... And for that, it just means that you're an amazing person with a very strong personality !!
Respect broh ! Keep doing what you do !
Congratulations on y’all marriage!
Real talk. I like it.
Listen I appreciate your honesty and respect you being open and straightforward. It gives me confirmation for some decisions I most recently made and it also assures me to keep moving forward in the way God is directing me. I humbly appreciate hearing what you are saying and I am grateful that it's coming from a man standing in your truth. God bless. Keep doing what you are doing it is important, needed and helpful.
We have a 5 month old son and we been together for 1 1/2 year but hes not ready for marriage im going to leave im not waiting anymore
You have to respect the honesty in this video. It’s rare 👏👏👏👏
Real talk bro 💯
Thanks for your honesty. I am sure many needed to hear this.
It's giving a young Big Daddy Kane....
Wait? WAIT?!! ( in Soulja boy voice) Umm. No.
🤣🤣🤣
Appreciate this!!!
CONGRATULATIONS and all the best 👌🏾
Truth as always. Keep going brother
The Shumaker Way, I recommend that you do live streams sometimes. Thank you and God bless you and your family.
Thank you for this
I love your advice thankyou for your video, YES you said it if he says hes workin on himself he should show you he is actually doing just that and making progress. Otherwise its makes you think you are holding on for nothing
Congratulations on your marriage!
I got trauma.....just dont sit and talk in ur car. Lolllllll.
Thank you 😊👏
Great advice!
Thank you for this video. Awesome, true talk.
Congrats on your marriage🥂🥂
Don't get mad get Glad! Showing my age with that opening quote but...Lmao 🤣🤣🤣 Keep working on yourself your woman out there... but this here is mine! Yaaaaas! From a former hooper.... hand down man down! I'm taking the shot bro! This is a great video as usual no cap. Spitting knowledge... good looking out for the sistas Bro! Be Blessed Prayers and Love
Great video!
Very true
Well said
Thank you very much.
I really look forward to what you have to say and how insightful your comments are. I have a question for you: how do you feel about separated individuals dating? For example, what if they're separated for over 10 years and haven't gotten a divorce for whatever reason. What are your thoughts on that?