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A Man Will ONLY Say "Not Ready for a Relationship" When...
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- Опубліковано 23 сер 2019
- briannox.com/ for more tips and in-depth videos.
amzn.to/2Fnf2xD to find my books on Amazon.com
If He's Not Ready For a Relationship, Say This...
When a man says “I need some time”, you can hand him a watch. When he says “I’m not ready for a serious relationship”, you should believe him. When he says “I’m not sure”, instead of being uncertain about where this is going, this should give you absolute certainty that it’s not going anywhere. You always deserve better than to be in a relationship with a confused or immature guy.
And you KNOW this… until it happens to you. Until you have feelings for someone. That’s when we’re blind and when we may decide to hang on to someone. The question is: “what is the right thing to do? How should you respond? Because you may be afraid to burn any bridges. Should you wait this out and give it a bit more time?” Well, as we’ll see, when a man says any of these, it’s actually GOOD news. Watch the video to find out why.
If he isn’t ready, he don’t want you!!!!!
That’s realty!
So why did he mOve across from me and have been wanring to meet but only once a month the past year? Not saying youre wrong, I just dont get it. :/
@@Vixinaful because your allowing him to treat you as a once a month after thought.
If he was decent he would be honest. He will continue to deceive you with false promises. He is not going to do what your hoping for. Throw the dead fish back and go find someone you pick.
@@Vixinaful he is a user... run away as fast as you can. You deserve so much better.
@@donnalangley117 Well he never did give me any promises, he told me he "didnt demand anything from me" and after some pressure he admitted he had a Friends with benefits in mind so yeah, he was after using me but I keep thinking maybe that was bc I said I was scared of relationships (bad experiences)..it wasnt, was it?
@@Vixinaful please run from him. He is terrible. He has very naraccistic traits. Find someone who is going to value, spending time with you, getting to know what you like or dislike, what you care about. Share what you want with your life. Dreams of travel, or dreams of becoming a attorney, or engineer or a doctor, or a teacher. What do you want. It hurts to see you being so mentally abused by such a jerk. Walk away fast, find someone who cares who values you as you are. You sound like a really nice lady, and you deserve to be loved and cared for. You are worthy of love and being loved.
This guy is not up to par. If you were my friend, sister or daughter. I would tell you the same thing. You deserve so much more than this stinky guy is selling. Don't lower your values to accommodate him, make him come up to your values..Don't settle.
‘Ending it doesn’t burn any bridges because there is no bridge’ THAT
Kerri Be... correct the Narc burned all the bridges behind her when she left.
So basically I've been doing this wrong all along ❤
I saw the scorched earth where she made tracks getting her disrespectful but gone. Few days she wanted to come back home.
She did flips and will now in a heartbeat.
No no no the divorce is done and I will stay in honor at all costs or bust. We were toxic and Im already a much better man.i cant help her gonna be all about me now like she said for years. She was throwing her actions at me Im to blame
😲💕🙂😏
True
“You deserve someone who doesn’t EVER doubt your awesomeness”.
Yeah for sure 😘 Appreciation for who you are and your ability to grow but also recognition that there is no such thing as perfection.
Sometimes the guy doesn't doubt the person's awesomeness sometimes they just doubt themselves I speak from experience
Well thank you.. I always thought perhaps I don't deserve Love.. 😢
@@themanicman8458 me too
Fr, this line got me to subscribe... This man is so good.
Run don't walk away !! when a guy says this. He's literally telling you he's keeping his options open and will waste your time.
I wish I had known this before we broke it off
Not true we have other things in life going on
When he says that he means he doesnt want this WITH YOU... LEAVE him. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.
Ew Ted talk, they promoted pedophilia
Angela omg really?? Which episode
Exactly that same man may meet someone next month n marry her a few months later
@@angelaknoxthey don't, read this blog.ted.com/tedx-talk-under-review/
@@thirteenwolfies they don't blog.ted.com/tedx-talk-under-review/
Something ALL men have in common is if they want YOU they will let you know. They will want a serious relationship with you. They are not ready for a relationship is code for I like you, I enjoy your company, the sex is great but you are not the one. And there is nothing you can do to make yourself the one. I spent years being the "perfect girlfriend" waiting for him to "get ready". It's hard when they are so nice to you but you have to let go and move on. And don't try and be his friend. It will only suck you back in. You have to break all the ties. Block him from your phone and move on.
This is so very true...
Can we become friends?
@@alexianp Sure 😁😁😁😁
I just did it
Wow. Stop assuming you know how every guy feels because you watched one UA-cam video. Sometimes 'I'm not ready' really does mean we aren't ready.
When a man says he's not ready,Believe him.......
Curtistine Miller : believe him AND don’t waste your time and energy trying to change his mind. Don’t give him relationship benefits without a relationship.
@Sociopath Blog what in earth ist wrong with you? What did she so to you that gives you a reason to insult her?
But how can u believe tht wen he shows he's ready for someone else and making efforts to make himself appealing after being 57yrs old
@@lowislanelove3064 it simply means he doesn't want a relationship with you. Hard pill to swallow :(
Agree! I was stuck with a guy for like seven years! I was stupid... wish I knew better.
I'd much rather be in my own company than poorly accompanied :)
very hard to let go
Well put well put
I went through this just last week. Was seeing a guy for just under 2 months, and I thought things were going amazingly. We had great chemistry and were very open about our feelings towards each other. It seemed by all accounts, we were on the same page about the direction we were heading when he suddenly got distant and told me he's been feeling very overwhelmed with work and his personal life and isn't ready for a relationship right now. I was devastated as this truly seemed to come out of left field. As much as I wanted to tell him off, I thanked him for the amazing time we had together and left it there. It's been a week, and it takes every fiber of my being to not reach out and tell him I miss him, but I know that will only drive him further away. Videos like these are exactly what I need right now ❤️
He will come back, that is if he has not already done that.
Hi Sam , well same happened to me few weeks ago.I told him to go back to his ex-wife as they have children together and that life is short and we are no getting any younger” Then he messaged saying he was not going back to his ex and would like to be friends 😅I accepted. After that day he started messaging me every day 😂and invited me out and kissed me. I asked him what was going on he said he was scared to be hurt again.
Put yourself first and show him you don’t mind to lose him.There plenty of men out there waiting for an amazing woman like . You are beautiful and deserve the best. 🙏🙏Pray for the right one.
This is classic avoidant attachment behavior. Look into attachment theory. He is probably fearful avoidant. The attachment system clicks in about 1 - 1 1/2 months into a dating phase. This is when you can see what kind of attachment the person you are dating is. Sounds to me he was "activated" for a 1 1/2 month then "deactivated" when his attachment went into trauma mode. Terms you could learn about....
There are four types of attachments (basically computer programs we all run on). You might be anxious as they are attracted to avoidants subconsciously, but the way you handled it sounds more like a secure attachment. It is possible he is dismissive avoidant, but the way he told you his feelings is not typical of dismissive. But is for fearful avoidant. This is a classic pattern they do. A month activated, a month deactivated. So forth. Until the connection is too strong/close and their system can't handle it anymore and they "ghost" you.
They will often say things like "I am overwhelmed" or "I can't do a relationship or I don't want a commitment, I am not ready for a relationship" or "I need to be alone" "I am too stressed" and its often attributed to work... this is because their nervous system technically can't handle being with another person to regulate itself, the avoidant system doesn't co-regulate. It will get too chaotic for a fearful avoidant and they need to be alone to auto-regulate their systems to rebalance best they can --- for a dismissive avoidant the closeness triggers all kinds of wounds and they shut down/get distant/cold , same as the fearful avoidant system. But the system isn't chaotic (up and down) like the FA, it is more just shut down.
The dismissive will go months without wanting connection again where the fearful avoidant will likely want connection after a 2-4 weeks.
That is until their trauma is healed which takes work. So the nervous system sends all kinds of "pushing the person away" messages to their brain. Because love/closeness/strong feelings/bonding all trigger the trauma response because attachment and trauma are stored in the same part of the brain.
This makes the avoidant very anxious. And usually he/she doesn't know why -- only to push the person away.
But if you are an anxious attachment and that's why you were attracted, unknowingly, then you have trauma work to do too.
These avoidant attachments become very common with 35 years old and up in the dating pool. Because secure attachment are busy finding someone and getting out. Avoidant usually always get back into the dating pool. And don't commit.
They often look like "situationships" "textationships" "long distance relationships with hardly meeting up" dating that becomes FWB, or something "open". To only end suddenly usually.
FYI even if someone was married it doesn't mean they don't have these problems. Look for --- getting distant, cold. Saying things like "overwhelmed" "need to be alone" and shutting down emotionally and detaching. Checking Out of a relationship. Inconsistent texting after a month of dating, spontaneously showing back up just to leave again later. Going MIA without texting or seeing each other for a week or more.
@@amiblackwelder you're a genius
You can't force it. He may come back if he likes you, which is doubtful.
I know better than to even ask a woman out until I heal.
I wouldn't even want to ruin a woman's life because I know that the four decade relationship I'm coming off of has left me damaged and I don't wish to foul myself with casual sex either.
So when I am ready to look for a good woman I will know I can be the man she needs.
Best wishes to all on your journey
You got that right !
Awesome
Bravo!! At least u are honest with urself 1st 😊
Wow👌
Cudos to you being fair and kind to yourself, and an upstanding, responsible, decent guy overall. All the best to you in your future.
*HE IS NOT INTO YOU! GIRL, RUN! YOU ARE THE REBOUND GIRL, UNTIL HE FINDS THAT PERFECT MATCH!* #FACTS #STOPWASTINGYOURTIME #TICKTOCK
Andre Marais Then he can take his time, heal, do everything he needs to do, and then come for me! No need to drag a women through this! 👌
@@andremarais2706 yes your words resonate and gave me food for thought. I also strongly believe that the one meant for you will cross your path one way or the other.
10000% facts lmao
@@andremarais2706 I came across such a case where he made it clear on day 1 that he just wanted sex and nothing else. I sincerely asked him why not go to a prostitute then? XD I think his ego got really bruised cause he took a 180° turn, said I wasnt open minded and it actually could evolve into a relationship later on.. I decided to play along and agreed to "believe" him out of a personal curiosity about this sort of mindset..
There was not much other than a hungry ego if you ask me. The people around thought he's just ridiculously stupid and close minded himself but I still disagree. Too much ego can look stupid as do cheap tricks but this removes responsibility from the person. It's hard to distinguish sometimes between "narc", "emotionally immature", "really stupid" or whatever. It's easier to "determine the tree from its fruits" and just avoid said "fruits" as they are "poisonous" regardless what their exact kind is. I wish you quick recovery, to quickly forget and forgive and find the right girl for you- a true angel of compassion, love and loyalty and be the same to her. Stay strong.
@@andremarais2706 I'd love to hear your opinion about why men sometimes don't want to be friends? I would send you a private message but I don't know how to lol
“So instead, make it go nowhere FAST” 😂😂😂
😄😂
Or just stop investing so much of your time into dating. Just let things be. If someone doesn’t want to be with you, move on. Stop making dating a career. It’s not serious. You are enough.
Love heals Everything 💯💯💯
I'm going to remember that! 'Dating is not a career, you are enough.' Thank you! 🙏🏻❤️👍
Nicole awesome ! Wish you the best
@@worthwhilediscussion except Ebola.
I think many people are like this but they still get approached by bad types of ppl. I know it has happened enough times to me.
I'm almost in my 30s and I'm starting to feel like I should do something and meet more guys because I've never been in a real, loving relationship.
Somehow my only 2 boyfriends that I ever had, dated me for my looks and my success in sports. Especially the success part. Without that, theyd be dating any other pretty girl with a better "image". Sad but true. Dunno if I'll ever be in a decent truly loving, sincere and genuine relationship at this point..
My relationship with a lover died a slow death after 10 months of his being confused and ambivalent. He couldn't deal with my feelings for him and I realized he wasn't going to be my person. I told him I wasn't going to be his friend after being lovers. No way. I told him he would never see or hear from me again. I'm recovering now from a broken heart. I'll get through this but it won't be easy.
Yes you will. In time. Take your time. I said exactly the same thing to an ex of 12 years. He thought i was insane for not wanting of his friend. Be strong.
You will Hun. Every day is further and further away from it. You got this 🌺
You will and eventually will meet the right person.....I know coz Ive been there.
@Elham M glad to hear that. I just went through this and I didn't fall for the friend zone after dating for almost 2yrs
So sorry honey but that’s because you deserve much much better, it”ll be worth the wait!!! 🥰
My ex said this to me after dating me for a YEAR! He followed it up with, "I was uncertain about you but wasn't man enough to tell you." Good riddance to him!
Marie Munzar try 3 years
Try 6
This happened to me. We talked about marriage and children and he broke up with me because he wasn't ready and didn't want to be in a relationship. The next couple days he was already on tinder.
Try 12 years and a child 😔
Outrageous
Yes exactly, no ready for a relationship but ready to take girls to bed. What they saying in other words is " I'm a player just want to use you" 🙄
So don't have sex until he gives you signs that we wants something more with you🤷🏾♂️
Leonard Johnson lmao that’s too much rationale for them to handle 😂😂😂
My boyfriend says this to me 3 days ago and we live together and he has 2 females me and another and because I dont agree with his 3 summ etc and I am at his house taking care of his kids it's sad
@@lingardtiktok5260 Because you allowing it, don't say it's sad take your life back and stop being available to be used. This jerk doesn't deserve you.
He wants multiple woman but not ready for relationship am like who does that he go in my phone and take pics of every phone call I have call me obbess when am not I really need to get away from him and his drama life the day he told me he's not ready for a relationship I feel great also he doesnt want me to work only to keep his kids
He said he doesn't want a relationship & I dumped him and he keeps coming back trying to get me to agree to a situationship. I told him to leave me alone and stop contacting me.
You go girl! You got this! ❤️
Exact same situation ! As long as I refuse to provide sex, he keeps coming back and texting me, it has been a freaking year and a half !!!!!
Don't you dare let your guard down, if he is unable to commit to you, he is not worthy of your time or your affection, stay strong !!!
What should i do? if a guy who’s interested in me but he’s waiting on God to see if im the one or not. He’s a very Christian man with morals and values but the waiting game truly sucks :/
@@melanie.vallejo Are u on the same page spiritually, do u have the same values? If not, even if u’ll marry him ... he’ll keep God as no 1 and always guide his life according to God, Bible and that could be hard for u to understand if u are not on the same journey and not have Jesus as the center of ur life !
I might be wrong, but the fact that u are asking this question here and u seem impatient, it gives me the hint that u are not equally yoked with him ( spiritually).
God bless you!
This is why I learned to only go into something if I can trust myself to walk away when my values and needs and wants are compromised. You should always love yourself more.
He said it to me. I left immediately. I didnt fight. I said ok smiled packed my stuff and left.
How classy...... it’s his loss!😘
That’s the way to do it. In the beginning - match his efforts. Invest NOTHING else.
He is not ready to have a relationship now with you, but do not worry he is ready for another one soon enough!
Sad but true.
Its always a good idea to be very intolerant to ambivalence early on the relationship
Alex Cruz Nooooooooooo🤦 If he's ambivalent, he's not for you just leave his ass alone.
Yup he is "working" on himself 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣....I showed him the door and said bon voyage monsieur 👋
Never laughed this hard 🤣🤣
Riiiiight. Work on yo'self without me boo! 👋
I wish I understood this some months ago instead of being the person that said "yea sure take your time" and waited like a dumb ass until he got in another relationship. At least I've learnt my lesson and it will never happen again
Never allow a confused man with this behavior to be close to you. No need to prove anything.He doesn't like you. Let him go. You dont need half jinglers!
The pain is blindingly awful. I can't believe I had the strength to walk away, but I'm proud I did. Hard when you lovvvvveeee them. 💔
😭😭😭😭😭same here.......i need to be strong
@@patlisadecielo527 💓
Yes but lord it feels so powerful!
It does a year later and I found 💗😍 a special someone.
@@whatrtheodds omg how long did it take u to get over it? its been a week and i keep hoping hell reach out...
Men love to waste a young woman’s time...
I think they test and sometimes don't care or search. Everyone need to prove carefully for him/herself what's worth
We teach people how to treat us. A man can only waste a woman's time if she allows him to do so.
@@darladawn1111 I see no problem with that. Why hurry to much and why not wasting the time a bit? Most important is that you feel good, if not or values or you are hurt than go.. it's just that simple.
@@jimjohnson394 you mean that all the shit with no sex before marriage and true love waits and things like that or waiting as long as possible.. long dating marathons.. are the way? If it's really like this.. omg.. I think than I give up with it. I need my sex sorry and I am tired of waiting and have never enough even in relationship.
@@jimjohnson394 - not all men share your perspective. Thank goodness. There are a lot of men who want a committed relationship with a woman they connect with on a deeper level, someone with whom they can share life experiences, make years of memories and grow old with. A person who is emotionally and mentally balanced will seek out a balanced relationship. The rest will continue to lack self awareness and keep finding themselves in the same pattern of unhealthy, unsatisfying "relationships". Such as the kind of men you described.
This is exactly where I am today. Goddammit it hurts! It's not always this simple, Brian.
It hurts so fucking much especially after 3 months of connecting with someone and investing your time.
@Di Rene’ exactly!
@@Ana8888flafi and then they’re mad when women go around using guys for free dinners.... smh. These guys think they run shit
I feel you girl, some men are so f*cked up!!
@@Ana8888flafi
Try TWO YEARS
I wish I had seen this video in 2019
This is my favorite video! Took me some learning but I finally figured this out. Don't ever be afraid and don't ever second guess yourself after pulling the plug on a guy that disqualifies himself by saying he's not open for love or not ready for a relationship. It sucks that you connected with someone who ends being like that, but you are still lucky he showed his true colors. Don't waste time. Call a spade a spade. Frogs don't turn into princes and seemingly prince charmings might turn into frogs after you kiss them. Whatever and however and whenever you get the clue he's a frog; RUN BABY RUN!! And don't take it personal. It's not about your worth!
yes absolutely it took me 2 years to figure it out bon voyage!
I don't want to run away, yet.
Great comment! Loved it
Sometimes they come back begging to be taken back because they realize what they lost and they can never get anyone better than you.
Haha and if they do then their mindset in life is very flawed . Everyone in life is replaceable . No matter how awesome you think you are
They won't come back, they will replace you quickly and never look back.
You don't want to feel like they settled for you. You should be their dream girl.
Nah, their ego is too high for that. Even at the cost of a good relationship with a good, commited person!
I had this happen to me last month. It hurt like hell, but I maintained my composure and have since moved on. To your listeners... this advice is spot on, but that doesn’t mean that hearing these words won’t hurt. They will, but you’ll heal and you will be able to move on. It just takes time.
Deb not everything is narcissism. Sheesh!
Happened to me also. He'd kept me in a loop for nearly year. One month after making the statement he's with a woman. I was an option along with many others.
@@angelahaines9515
I’m sorry, you deserve better than him!
I went through something similar
🤗
What if he wants to call and keep a communication ?
I'm sure it does takes time. I don't ever plan on letting my guard down again. I'm sorry just don't trust anyone. Smh 😞
REAL men, who is not ready wouldn't need to say i am not ready because they wouldn't even start any form of relationship with any woman anyway!
Um no. Sometimes we're just looking for friendship with the opposite gender.
@@Algernon7 Friendship is different than relationship! tHEN THEY SHOULD BE HONEST AND SAY IIT FROM DAY ONE!!
🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾👌🏾
True. But users...
That’s not true. Often we need to date around and figure out what works for us and doesn’t.
Sometimes don’t they just need time though? I reconnected with an old friend recently who did just get out of a relationship that ended quite wildly. He has wounds and our connection just added to the intensity of his inner world. I care about him so I want him to go think of himself , heal himself and then if we get together some time down the line great! And if we don’t then it’s not meant to be.
I’d urge a lot of people to act from a place of love and understanding and not get wrapped up in any ego stories. Just because he needs time it doesn’t mean he isn’t worth it. Men are as emotional and sensitive as women x
Thank you for providing this concept. Very useful to consider from a different angle of why a man may not be into you.
Honestly, no. They are keeping you as a placeholder until something better comes and if it doesn’t they will come crawling back.
It depends how they treat you! If they respectfully are honest and communicate that they need to heal then you can have respect for them. Unfortunately many men use sex for attention and validation and will be hot and cold which is our sign to move on. I can be understanding if they are aware but being manipulative is immature and not worth even a friendship unless they apologize and take serious action to make up for it.
This happened to me after 5 months of dating exclusively. No red flags, no disagreements, no nothing. So it really felt like I was hit by a bus when he said he wasn't ready for a relationship. It's still very raw at the moment and I have thought about what I would do if he changed his mind and came back. In the midst of my hurt, my self-respect will never tolerate me giving somebody's son the opportunity to tell me that he doesn't want to be with me more than once!
💔😔
This comment broke my heart for you. 😢
Brian is so right..I made the mistake and i faked i didn't want a serious relationship either because i Liked him sooo much..I didn't have even the slightest attention from his side..He returned to his ex and he never told me, i found out by myself..
GIRLS: the truth is that if he REALLY likes you there is no question if he wants to be in a relationship with you or not. You will feel like it before you even make it official..
4:40 "Interest level ALWAYS cuts through everything".... I felt that!
It does, but it still doesn't mean he is mentally or emotionally ready. I was with someone who insisted he was ready but his behaviour and actions indicated otherwise
Just went through this. We were only dating about 7/8 weeks but He was being hot and cold and I started to feel confused and his effort fell off, so I said “ I enjoy spending time with you but before this goes any further I want to make sure we’re on the same page. At this moment what is it that your looking for?” He said he don’t know. ( scared etc) I told him “ It’s ok, take your time, when you decide what you want let me know and if I’m not seeing someone by then maybe we can try again” ... Mic drop 🎤 I am a little disappointed because he’s a great guy and I do like him. But I know it’s not fair to stick around. Will he come back? Who knows, but willing to walk away is better than devaluing yourself.
Did he ever come back?
I'm also wondering. Did he ever come back?
I would not add that you'll be available for this guy when ready.
gentle, calm and direct. love it.
You were SO smart. I wish I had done this the moment he went from hot to hot and cold. I could have saved myself 6 months of wasted time and my dignity
I needed to hear this. It is very, very hard for me to let go of him. I will keep coming back to this video, so that it gives me strength to follow through with my decision to stop this "situationship." I'm waking up, I'm starting to grow in self-confidence and to realize my self-worth and power. I won't let my feelings dictate my actions. I deserve better than this. I deserve a man who would do ANYTHING to be with me, because of how special I am, because he literally cannot upgrade after me. I don't want to be caught up with guys who get to have what they want from me while I don't. I'm taking back my power ✊
Hey how are u now???
I ended dating this type of guy 3 weeks ago. 5 months of dating, at times he would make me feel like his gf, being sweet and affectionate. Inviting me to travel with him. But kept saying no until I am in a committed relationship. I have asked him twice "what are we" and he says "we are getting to know each other. And that he is the type who doesn't take things too fast." I was so confused those 5 months. Finally I am out of it. I felt that he was just stringing me along. Thanks Brian! This affirms I made the right decision!
This happened to me. I am so happy I cut it off. ✂️. When they know you are the one. They know.
Lol Jessica😂. I am all the way down in South Africa. I think there's something in the water. They do and say the same here.
If you did not have physical intimacies, 5 months is a reasonable time to get to know each other. You must have given in that fast.
@@modeltesoro714 : No, I did not. I was careful to keep that boundary. I didn't lose anything.
@@philisiweradebe4063 how long were you guys dating?
I love this, "not relationship material and he disqualified himself"..
Dodging a bullet and love your videos, awesome advice 👏.
Thank you
He used this phrase on me and after I gathered my thoughts (he asked me, so what is your response) and I did exactly what you suggested, just cut it off politely. I showed 100% dignity and remained calm and actually the power dynamic changed on the spot. He literally started pursuing me and tried to prolong the meeting by various means, but I kept the reins in my hands and politely cut it short lol. Astonishment was visible on his face lol. I felt like a queen after that. And I really liked the guy, I thought we had loads of chemistry. But preserving myself and my dignity is precious to me.
Cheers to you sis❤
lmao this made me cry. i’ve used every single one of those excuses & it suuuucks cause he’s the only guy i’ve liked in FOREVER. but you’re right i need to end it
Angela Greene I’m dealing with this now. I know he doesn’t want me but I like him so much it’s hard
Merri Tarrant I’m still dealing with it. thought i was gonna be able to cut him off and i can’t do it, i literally can’t do it
Then why end it?
sus v think its best for my mental health but idk
The guy I was talking to said this, but we continued contact for months. We’re not dating. He told me he thought it could go somewhere, but wasn’t at a point yet in his life where he felt like he could be a good boyfriend. We kept hanging out for months, and now we’re together. He truly just wanted time for us to get to know each other deeper.
We’re now**
But often when they say that they avoid hanging out to get to know each other except for sex
Gosh, I hope this is the case for myself. My bf is needing to take some time. I overeacted. Afraid I wrecked our future together.
2 of My relationships that lasted 3 years started out like that. “I’m not ready for a gf” Turned into “don’t want to live without You😢” 😂
This gives me hope… I HONESTLY feel like he wants a a future, but wants it to be HIS decision. He quit his job to change careers last year and it took him months to pass exam and is finally about to start new job. I have thought we’ll just relax and get myself busy and if we are meant to be, it’ll happen. He’s told me repeatedly he knows we will end up together and I am “the one” I feel the same way
Sorry haha just could relate a bit
I just found out after dating my boyfriend for 18 months that “I don’t know what I want”. I told him that while I appreciated his honesty, it was simply no longer adequate, that if he didn’t know if he wanted me after 18 months, he plain didn’t want me, and I was leaving to find a man who was 100% into me. I was living in some delusion that we were on the same page with our feelings. I’m basically devastated. It is incredibly painful. However, I feel strong and proud and relieved that I found out now and don’t have to waste any more time. Im not planning on looking back.
Good for you! Onwards and upwards!
Now, make sure you live by your creed. Match your actions to your speech. Be safe!
Don't look back! He wasted your time.
What did u do? How are you now
The best thing to do is keep your options open n keep dating other people untill he commits u. Otherwise just dun have any expectation then u'll nvr get hurt
His first point is so true. I had asked a guy multiple times what we were and what he thought about a relationship. We pushed it on for months until I confronted him and he finally admitted he wasn't ready. There were multiple signs from his actions before he told me up front. I ignored them out of infatuation.
I needed to watch this so I won’t get in touch with him after months of silence after telling him I couldn’t be his FWB when he said he ain’t ready for commitment.
He said let's be friends with benefit cuz i'm not ready for relationship...
And I said: what the hell? Are you crazy? Bye..😂🤚
Im proud of my selft..🥰😇
Thats all they want.. 😩
F*ck them...
Yes that's what they want until they get married to some third person.... No need to run behind such guys.... Better say Good bye n move on.
@@Dulles-jt6sr well they want to F..k them,that s all they want 😂
People want different things there's nothing wrong with that. As long as they are honest.
A lot of men send mixed signals in these cases!!! They say I am not ready for a relationship while they continue to pursue 🙄
Yeah of course they want / need / miss connection and affection, but hey, we’ve all learned actions speak louder than words.
Not ready for a relationship but still act like it.
Can’t they just not be honest and act so, aka being distant and cold just having FWB and act so?!?
When a man now says I am not ready for a relationship I run for the hills, knowing he still will pursue and ‘use me for the goodies’ to fill his void.
Bye boy, come back when you are ready 🙄
if he's not ready, he's not ready. Life isn't a lifetime movie.
Truth!!
Exactly
I honestly feel like if a man jumps into a relationship really fast that’s scary, he’s probably desperate. A man with his head on right is going to vet you before he just calls you his gf, especially if he’s going to be investing in you.
They're all like that! Not that I'm gonna waste my time on them, but there are none left who don't say these things.
So true
They string you along as long as the sex is free.
@@beforgiven9055 No, even in strict Christian circles where people are celibate till marriage. Still the same.
@@gcooper642 So, there, you get the eunuchs who want to be mothered? You know that they're getting SOMETHING out of maintaining the status quo while resisting greater commitment-- it has to be some need that is getting met.
I am so happy to watch this video after I ended things with a guy yesterday after 3 months of dating. I really liked him and he was great in bed but he just told me he has a lot going on in his life and is not ready for a relationship... It is true he has a lot going on but if you really want to be with someone you will find a way. I made a right decision.
Exactly the same situation!!!
Coming across this video, and glad I did. Dated a guy for three months, then we took it to the next level and entered a serious relationship. Four months later, he told me he realized he wasn’t ready for a serious, committed relationship. From dating to a month ago, we were in pure bliss, then suddenly he became distant and he realized he wanted his “freedom” of doing whatever he wants (e.g., no plans at all) and planning even just short events dreaded him. His anxieties escalated.
He told me though, that his feelings for me never changed - he still likes me, we have this connection he felt so strongly for - but he refuses to try one more time and fix things (e.g., scheduling etc) because he said it’s gonna come back. He said it would be unhealthy in the long run and it would hurt me less if he ends now than when we try once more.
I know I dodged a bullet, but I cannot deny that I really like him so much; our emotional connection was something I never thought I could experience with a man I just met some months before. I was clear from the start of what I want and thought he is too because we entered a serious relationship. I am devastated, as I truly cared for him (and he said he does too and he told me not to doubt his feelings), but given the fact that I know that if I were that important to him (as what he said), he wouldn’t let me go.
Any update on this?
Let me guess he's in his 30s. It's the only generation that has produced men without 🏐s
He did everything but refused marriage after one year of passionate loving and committed relationship. To the point it broke us off and after 2 months he is walking hand on hand with another. If it was true love, he would have fought for us and would not walk away. I know it now and my gut about his hesitation proved to be right. It hurts but it's better to know the truth earlier than later.
@Xaris Xeros you got it exactly!👏
Why marry after only 1 year? That's way to soon! It takes at least 2-3 years to truly understand each other.
@@Aritase i think that is relative. Plus I didn't say we would marry after 1 year. I just meant he refused the idea of it in general once it came up after 1 year of relationship.
@@emave8694 Depending on which country you live in, I understand why men don't want to get married. The laws of splitting up after a potentially failed marriage, often greatly favors the woman, and at the same time can potentially ruin a man. I'm also on the fence of ever wanting to get married because of this.
Of course, I don't know your ex, or your relationship, so I can't talk on his/your behind. Just sharing the observation I did.
@@Aritase No, this is not our case at all. The bond was just not strong enough from his side, as it showed later anyways. That was my point of the comment, as related to the video.
Men will also say this when they are also still in a relationship
Omg wut??? That's crazy
My story: I told him from the beginning that I was open for love and I wanted a relationship. He lied to me for 5 months. We had a great time, we met each other’s friends, we saw each other at least 4 times a week and would spend all the weekends together . Once I brought up the conversation and he told me after 5 months that he was not ready for a relationship and wanted to explore and figure his life out. I left and he texted me the next day feeling bad, and to see if he could come over, we reconciled that week and he even asked me to go watch him play, I didn’t go, I was too hurt still for that kinda of support. So two weeks later I went to travel with friends for the weekend and on Monday he was like, comer over I can cook you dinner . When I got there there were 2 dirty glasses of wine on the sink, I confronted him and he didn’t even think that he was doing anything wrong, after all we didn’t have a relationship. We did have a relationship, but not the title, in the end he admitted he messed up and I left furious and I never want to see him again! Moral of the story: women are not stupid, we are not going to stay with a guy that says clear to our faces that they do t want a relationship, but they play with our emotions, lying and manipulating you, keeping us on an invisible leash. He was my biggest disappointment!
Sadly... 99% of men area disappointment......
I'm doing my best to heal that part of me that just wants to be chosen. These wounded men will play games to feed their ego and its best to listen to our intuition so be glad you made the right choice!
YES YES YES
Ladies, this man speaks great wisdom. I was in this situation last year with a guy I really cared about. We were great friends, and I thought we could have a future together. After many months of him not making a move, he finally said this very thing to me. I chose to wait; I shouldn't have. It led to tremendous heartache and frustration. If a guy does not verbally indicate that he is interested in you as more than a friend, then move on with your life. That doesn't mean you should avoid friendship, but it is much more difficult to let go of feelings if you continue to stay friends in the same way which encourages your feelings (ex. flirting over text). Be a decent person, but don't let him walk over you. I wish I had believed in this kind of advice that Brian shared sooner, because it is so, so true. Never, ever settle for less than someone who truly adores you and who you don't have to make constant excuses for. I really believe the wait will be worth it. :)
I agree
Totally agree
A LOT of men are not honest!
@Carolann Cannuli-Denton Stupid comment
Your comment is very stupid without clarification as to what you mean .I understand more than you know. You are a baiter.
Yea. Ok.
It's not just men. A lot of PEOPLE (men and women) are not honest. Let's not put all the blame on one side.
A lot of men are, women just dont listen
Just went through this. I was feeling bad for going cold but proud of myself for not accepting less
I am amazed at how soothing your voice is. Bless you for having this amazing natural gift
That's a technique he uses to lull you simpletons into trusting what he says.
I told a guy I wasn't ready for a relationship and the reasons why and he pursued me even more and told me to keep him in mind when I was ready!!! First of all, he was too clingy even after I told him I didnt want a relationship! Second, he gave me a glimpse of what a relationship would be like with him! And he wouldn't be in the running for me even considering him for a relationship!!! So I guess my "I'm not ready for a relationship " meant Not with him!🤷♀️
Thank you, I really needed to hear this. If you stay with him it'll go nowhere slow, so ditch him and make it go nowhere fast🤣 love it x
So helpful!!
Was on the second makeout session (yes, that's right, not even "date") and he said he isn't into relationships, just flings...
I rushed back home.
Found this vid and thanking my stars for cutting my losses!
Your lucky day!
This is so hard to hear... but much needed :(
I coursed through relationships in my 20's that way. However, as time went on, I got less picky due to (less choices?maybe? ) I now STAY AWAY FROM RELATIONSHIPS AS FAR AS POSSIBLE! I ABSOLUTELY love ❤️ being Single in my 60's. I'm now much happier. I can't believe all the men that still come on to me... But I'm just casual with them. 😊✌
Thank you ... I needed to hear this... Dated exclusively 10 months consistently and asked about where I stood in his life and that was his response so I broke it off and its very difficult but im going to be ok its been one month and no more contact and this morning I almost txted him that I missed him ...😳 and apparently hes not fighting for me soooo im done.
Don't text him; I made this mistake and I regret it now
Be strong, he did not deserve to text him, when i texted later i regret it, because nothing will be change.
Do not, I repeat, do not ever text him. Don't look back. And move on with your life.
He wasn’t over his ex. I liked him so it sucked, but I didn’t wait for him even though he wanted me to! Now my standards are higher and if he tried to come back I probably wouldn’t even be interested anymore 😂
After months of asking him how he felt about me, his answer was always: I'm not ready for a relationship. He called ME, every other day. We talked for hours! Laughing, person stories shared, for months.
Whyyyyyy?
If it makes you feel better I’m going through that. I chose to say “I’m sorry. I need to walk away”. It hurts oh boy it hurts but you need to value yourself. And if when you are high value they will come for you. They will do what they can to be with you. Don’t ask why but ask what can you do to attract the man you want.
Because they get all the benefits of being in a relationship ship while being in a situations hip. I have learned the hard way to be upfront from the beginning a out what you want to weed out the ones who are not ready earlier.
The most on point thing I ever heard 💯 Now I feel thankful for this guy who just didn't ghost me and really talked to me in person to say he's not ready to be in a serious relationship. I mean, it hurts of course bec I really liked him, but in a way, I feel like I'm still lucky. Thank you Brian for your insights!
You’re still giving him too much power. I feel it... You are exporting your energy. You don’t have to be that grateful to someone who flat out rejects you. Don’t be lucky. Invest in your boundaries. Be SAFE.
SO true! If a man says " I'm not ready for a serious relationship' take him at his word. He is actually being decent-- which is hard to see if you have dated for awhile and have fallen in love with them. But it really is a very merciful move on his part. Some men are very selfish and will string you along, giving false hope enough to keep you hanging-- they figure they are not looking for anyone serious and you are better than no one to spend time with. So for a man to say I'm not ready, and not interested in anything seriously, take it for the blessing in disguise it is, be grateful and walk away. Someone else is out there waiting for you- and if that guy doesn't cut you loose, you could miss the real guy who is the guy for you.
This was the best explanation of this I've heard so far. It included all possibilities of why a man would push you away...not just the usual he doesn't like you, which makes the woman feel like there is something wrong with her. The explanation here also includes the possibility that the woman cld be awesome but the man is not sure he can live up that...and even the slim possibility he's secretly in love with her lol. This was very helpful & tastefully done!
Never looked at it that way!
I agree with this. He is inadequate and knows it. This is why he says this. Moving along...
It's good you did this video because I no longer stick around for the explanation after I hear "I'm not ready for a relationship." I have no time for avoidant attachment styles in my life anymore.
I just wish that I didn’t invest so much feeling into relationships, it’s easier said than done just can’t understand some people sometimes. But you just have to remember to love yourself because at the end of the day that’s who you’re gonna be stuck with 😂
Don't tell him you will be or actually be "over here waiting" either. Move on. It's one thing if he comes after you when he is ready but don't be waiting around. You may be free and you may not.
If he’s not ready, why do you want him? 🤪
What if I am not ready too what is so wrong to need time? A serious relationship with future needs time to prove..
Fuck you got me.😒🙃😂
When he told he is not ready.
I feel broke it hurts me a lot until now💔
I ligit cried at this because it’s so true... I think it’s time to move on 💔
the guy i was seeing for the past 2 months, the actions all proved relationship material,
didnt pressure me, made effort to come see me, and i him, chemistry is real, communicated soo much to me, which was weird bc at first he did say he only was looking for something casual, then the things he did and said pointed to being bf, but then out of nowhere today he reiterated that point of not looking for anything serious
😵
Leave quickly!
Look at his ACTIONS, not his words.
Love bombing
Oh it was easy, he was so much in love. He asked me to be his girlfriend on the third date, when he also introduced me with his colleagues, and with friends on the 4th date. We were together all weekends and holidays, and he seemed involved in my life, and 6 years later nothing had changed, meeting on weekends, no future, breaking it up still hurts so much, its been months, i still cry myself to sleep.
6 years?
Perpetual girlfriend..how awful!
6 years it's too much. 2 years max!
Thank you for the advise. This is exactly what I needed to hear. This guy keeps dragging his feet and won't progress any further than we are at and sometimes takes five steps back and it takes awhile for him to get to the place we were before. I literally can't take this anymore. He's clearly not wanting anything more. It is good to get out now before things become too deep for me.
Wish I would have come across this 3 months ago. 😞
Jess Milstead it is never late sweetheart...
Girls! Always remember "Action speaks louder than words!"
And thank you so much for Brain's video. Learnt a lot!
The last time I saw my bf was November. He kept telling me that his family (parents, siblings)is going through alot and hes helping them. He told me that he was going to fix it and make time to see one another. It's now almost the end of January..I've tried to be patient ..he said there was no one else.. yet continuously doesn't communicate or anything. I told him he was a coward and being a d****. I've been nothing but here for him and supportive. He got upset and said," I'm a cowardice, d****. Move on." I'm heart broken because he is not the same guy who said he loved me etc.. He said there is not interested in seeing anyone else, and barely has time for me .. I'm a heartbroken mess.
If it's been long distance for a while now and he hasn't been caring to communicate with you he either has been talking to someone else or he has already moved on and won't tell you. I'm sorry.
💔 Always watch a man’s actions. Do not go by what he is saying. His actions will tell you. His words alone won’t nourish you. I hope your heart is healing.
This is the most accurate truth-filled video I’ve ever seen. Thank you. It’s simple but straight to the point.
Brian thank you for explaining that so beautifully and respectfully. You have removed the whole idea that the woman is not good enough for that man, hence the rejection. This is the impression most women get when they are rejected. You have given women the respect they deserve. I can't thank you enough. God bless you 🌷
EVERY WOMAN needs to see this video!!!! Omg us women are always trying to analyze why guys act this way haha and we waste SO much time and energy...and for what? - NOTHING. Thank you for this video. It is exactly what I needed to hear.
My reaction was: if you’ve figured out what you want you can come back to me, I’m hoping for you I’m still single by then but chances are I’m happy with someone else. Bye..
Better off in one's own company than poorly accompanied...
I sent this video to my adult daughter who because of her unfortunate inexperience went through this and it was very hard on her.
I wish I knew this earlier... this is the last time I have low self esteem. Next time he sees me, he will regret it. I won't worry about him anymore.
I've been alone for a long long time.
It's difficult to be in a relationship now, my romantic emotions are frozen, blocked.
You can count on me though, as a friend or confident, but not as a lover.
I'm not that kind of man anymore.
Find someone else for that.
Are you still happily single now? I'm wondering if my so is too stuck in how his children's mother treated him to trust I won't be treating him the same
Guys are confusing but then again I respect their honesty, cause thank you for saving me time 🙏🏽😂
“He will fight for you like he never fought before” is that true? I feel like many guys also go for acceptance
Oh, my! I did this a while ago, he's been visiting our house, calling and texting me how my day was for 5 months now but he never say his feelings personally to me.
So I assumed that it will just lead to a friendship and i want to end our communication. He admitted he was wrong and needs more time. Well, I said I will wait but no more communication until then. At first he didn't agree but he accepted eventually. I was actually in doubt of my decision but as i watched this video, I realized I did great! Thank you!
He asked me if we were in a relationship or still dating , I said let's see how this develops and if good yes we can stay together , he kept being consistent for another month than slowly drifted away.... (distance relationship, not that far but anyway..) and I really liked him. Clear like daylight he wasn't that interested deep down.
4:09 “and blah blah blah” had me laughing. Next time some guy decides to use flaky words, all I’m going to hear is “and blah blah blah”!
In my opinion. Friends with benifits are long flimsy bridges. That you don't burn them beforehand. Then they might just collapse from the weight or crumble on one side
Right between the eyes Ouch that hurt!
Thank you. Finally a man giving me the TRUTH.
😔❤️❤️🙏
When he gets all the husband benefits without having to walk you down the aisle.
Why do women not get this?
Amen!
Well he gets these benefits but he can loose them if he doesnt want to commit, right?
I'm watching these kind of videos and this applies to me only I'm the one who's not ready. I like him, but I don't know if I'm ready.
You can't just drop someone because they're not ready. As someone who's been on the both sides, things are more complicated than that. I'm glad he's patient and understanding.
We're both kinda stringing each other along. I guess we're perfect for each other 😂
No, you are right, and what you are doing is being careful with your heart, which is just exactly what you should be doing. I respectfully disagree with Brian and others about dumping people for not committing to us after we have given them our intimate selves. I know from experience that this wound of amputation never heals. We have established what is essentially a lifelong bond by becoming lovers. The problem is not that they won’t commit after we have let the horse out of the barn, the problem is that we let the horse out to begin with. Our parents were right after all, and we need to stop giving ourselves sexually without commitment or the equivalent of marriage, hoping that by giving free samples we will get them to buy. If they don’t know upfront, free samples will never convince them and will more likely lead to heartbreak and breakup. Also we need to care about one another and not just dump people for not being capable of being our eternal loves. The key is to prevent hurt and anger, not just keep getting in too deep and having to commit multiple amputations throughout our lives.
I think that’s what the guy I like is doing. He’s not like these other guys who say they aren’t ready and find someone else, he’s been saying the same thing (to me and my friend when she liked him) for 4 years. We dated once awhile back and a toxic friend of mine harassed us and wouldn’t let us take things at our own pace. He pushed backed a little after that, I guess the only thing I’m worried is if he ever lost interest but nothing about us has changed, and if he has then I am not meant to be with him anyway
Brian Nox cleared up so many things for me. He's so helpful and now I know what to do with a man who tells me this.
This just happened to me. So I put a stop to it all. I’m glad it was the right decision and I needed to hear these words. Now.. will I be able to sleep tonight and carry time till I’m back to feeling ok.